#I *mostly* have now fixed that though

[flickerintwilights]

on the road to hell

#hadestown #art #my art #tag ramble as promised: #firstly #i’ve been thinking about redoing this as digital art #(like - mostly the same but cleaner and with some of the details fixed) and probably will if i have time #because i like this composition a lot #but! for now i am oddly happy with how this turned out despite being traditional art/watercolor (no undo button. sobs.) #and it Is a noteworthy day for hadestown with lola tung and lillias white departing #(this is Not meant to celebrate them specifically - i used the obc as reference not them - i just think it’s a nice day symbolically) #so i thought i’d put this out. whatever. yknow. #oh a second thing i will say is that this was a great excuse to check out the slime tutorials on youtube #i spent like 9 or something hours on this :/ so. plenty of time to have things on in the background while i was working. we love slime #thirdly! two things i feel like are worth mentioning rq for Symbolism: #wait for me reprise (intro) originally having wedding procession imagery (from anaïs mitchell in working on a song) #is what first made me desperately want to put the flower/petals on the edges (it still fucking haunts me) #though it was a solid composition choice in general i think #and i mean. clearly the carnation should be prominent. it’s the carnation. from hadestown. #i don’t think the wedding procession reference comes across the way it turned out but that was the first thought #NEXT ouroboros. the snake devouring its own tail (i legitimately forgot that this was why i first drew the rattlesnake that way but #fundamentally i really did just want its tail and head to point to each other lmao)

[orcelito]

Done with the funeral 👍

It was rough at first, & there were a few Strange moments (like seeing my ex step family for the first time in like 8 years), but... in the end, it was actually kind of nice? I cried 3 times total, two during the service, but Thankfully not during when I spoke.

Which. That was actually not that bad. I ended up just reading what I wrote last night/this morning, which is usually not my presentation style, but I didn't have time to practice it lol.

I made people cry, though. Several people shared that with me. One person told me that I should be a writer, and I was like "Well, Good News about That!" I hadn't thought about the fact that my experience with writing would make a good eulogy, but apparently it did!

We played Linkin Park's Shadow of the Day at the end, since Linkin Park is something we grew up listening to because of him. And I'm just always gonna have that memory of it, now.

Yeah.

#speculation nation #there was a Lot of people. so much of my dad's work union showed up. like some 75 people or so. idk #i wasnt entirely sure bc i was just Not looking up lol. but the 100 person room was pretty full #i have never hugged so many random strangers in my life. #it was sweet though. my father was well loved. #it was a rough time starting out but. it was a good experience in the end #understanding why people do this now. it doesnt fix the fact that he's dead. but it feels... healing i guess #like a step in the right direction. a step towards healing. #need to text my ex step sis. she said she wants to get back in contact. #they... *were* family for 7 very formative years of my life. so maybe. maybe. i could talk to them again. #my family definitely has been dwindling. i need to cling to what i have. #anyways. yeah. things are mostly just melancholy now. and i can finally rest tonight.

[discordiansamba]

You popping back up on tumblr reminded me how much I loved Cosmic Dust. I'm going to go read it again for like, the fifth time.

Aw, thanks! And what a coincidence, I just reread it myself! Not to like brag, but I think I really popped off with that castle invasion arc. That was a lot of fun to revisit.

#asks #cosmic dust #although I did cringe at some of the tense shifting in two of the chapters. oops #I *mostly* have now fixed that though #the champion was such an asshole but I actually kind of loved writing him #and rereading the comments pre: the shiro reveal where everyone was so excited to see shiro #and I was always like. are you sure >:3 #that was fun. a lot of fun

[foxgirlmoth]

So my life is feeling like its on an upward swing since this is my final semester for my associates, I'm starting a new job real soon and also possibly have a really nice remote job if I hear back from a few places I recently applied to.

And it always terrifies me when good stuff starts happening.

Change is really hard for me especially when it feels like its all at once. With better pay comes the opportunity to leave my parent's house finally and move in with a girl who has lovingly stolen my heart. With my school behind me I can find better jobs even!

But at the same time, its just. So scary for me. What if I can't keep up my part of rent. What if my chronic pain or ADHD or other disabilities put a strain on someone I love to my core, and I end up making things worse because I get extremely emotional and will scream (at myself mostly) and panic during these high stress times (especially if money is involved)

I've had a 'safety net' of family members who barely tolerate the fake me I present myself as, and I know my mental health is going to be so much better when I'm not around them, but at the same time I need so much help sometimes. Family just happens to help in terms of shelter and food. It also doesn't help that the one other time I moved out it ended so so poorly that I'm still working through that trauma.

Hurting the love of my life in any way fucking terrifies me. I want nothing but the best for her always always always. I just know I can't always be at my best, its impossible to be. I will break at some point and probably scream and cry about how things aren't going nearly to plan and I'm so weak so often I don't know if I can pull myself together fast enough to not hurt myself or her with my untrue words.

#I used to have (What I'm pretty sure now were autism) meltdowns so bad when I was younger. #I was always told I was selfish and that I can't expect to have x thing or y thing fixed #And I would scream and slam my hands against my legs and the ground #Its never been pretty #I just learned to cry before it gets to that point now and I just sob so fucking much #But if it feels like my life is over? I just. I just can't. I'll still scream and cry and pulp my legs bruised and hands bleeding #And showing my wife all of me includes all of these things I hate. This could happen if I move in with her #I haven't had a meltdown in a while from what I remember #It was probably right after I moved back in with my parents. And was pretty much coerced into an environment I felt extremely unsafe in. #tw self harm #jic cause I have mentioned beating myself #I haven't been close to a meltdown around my love at all tbh so maybe I'm scared for no reason. I mostly just cry because #Thats what happens when any emotion runs high #<- Girl who is currently crying typing all thid #also I hope no one reads hurting her as physically. I've never thrown a punch in my life. Well. I guess except at myself #Huh thats the first time I've thought of it that way. That sucks #I just know that 1. Being loud in general would not be nice to either of us. and 2. I can be a bitch! I can say some rancid shit! #And that would! Be fucking bad and hurt! And I so desperately don't want that #And I know accidentally hurting someone is something you need to expect when you're in a close relationship with someone #It still fucking sucks though #AUGH I just needed to type this all out I'n feeling better already. I'm just a scared girl so often. #I want to live more and more each day so I know I'll make it. Even if I do it scared. I guess I hope you see this honey #Since this is stuff I should be talking about with you #Getting my thoughts sorted though before talking is good though. The reason I type this on fucking tumblr is because it helps me think #Also being vulnerable and letting friends and mutuals and the like see all this is a chance for me to better myself I suppose #This has been a runa rant #runa diary #I have a habit of overthinking. Methinks #Honestly my current safety net of family has been pretty fucking bad #The one time I earned a little bit more money than I needed for bills I was basically stripped of a lot of it paying my folks rent

[dnangelic]

what is the truth. schrodinger's normal abnormal boy

#i was going to write a meta but i deleted it all bc i got embarrassed and can't put woRDS TOGETHER IN A SMART/CLEAR WAY #RHGHHH #its in my brain though i swear #its just abt daisuke's juvenile sense of confusion #hes young. hes a lil lost! he goes along with his family's phantom thievery but he doesn't necessarily completely enjoy it #it's complicated. he truly genuinely from the bottom of his heart loves art. but he doesn't necessarily like the stealing aspect #and he'd never ever steal anything deeply precious to anyone. he refuses to hurt anyone's feelings #but also- he's a little out of touch with things too sometimes. he keeps convincing himself he's 'mostly' or 'sorta' or 'pretty much' norma #when hes NEARLY DIED PLENTY OF TIMES thanks to his training #nobody normal comes home to electric doorknobs pitfalls alligators rabid dogs and lasers #his whole family is literally a family of criminals! he has live artworks w bonkers powers in his basement! #his own weird pet rabbit can FLY AND TALK #ud think turning into dark he'd be like 'well this might as well just happen' but in a way dark rlly was the last straw for daisuke #and like. there's nothing normal about any of this oagbdkgfk ESP IN A MODERN AGE!!! #but daisuke a) is a little willfully ignorant of it and b) genuinely ignorant of anything outside of it. bc again. hes a kid! #he doesn't have a lot of friends! he's a loser! #satoshi bringing up the tamers' cycles too. dark and daiki both agreeing that even if things seem fine now #that in the future the niwa and hikari would fight again. the niwa would cause the hikari pain #over and over. daisuke can't stand it. everyone keeps trying to tell him that his life and future is fixed #but if it's not one he agrees with or wants for himself then he's going to reject it #and that goes double for people like satoshi who have to reject krad. their sorrow and pain #bc it doesn't actually produce any beneficial outcome. its just senseless #*･ﾟ⊰ 𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒. ⊱ ✦ › OUT.

[hylianengineer]

I think my Fridays might be cursed. For the last two weeks, I have gone to work and something ridiculous has happened. Forgot to eat lunch. Sudden new and exciting project but with a bunch of work needing done in a very short period of time. IC computer cannot find its hard drive. Got asked to look at IC data and it's BAD. Water filter thinks its UV lamp needs replaced, despite not actually HAVING a UV lamp.

#hylian rambles #hylian does science #can i have one peaceful week please? #fortunately the computer was rebooted and is now fine. #the water filter problem is weird but doesn't impede my access to ultrapure water so it's mostly fine. #ic data needs rerun though and i do not have time for this i have to do the work for the new project #oh and the gc baseline is wacky too. hopefully it just needs some more stabilization time. if that doesn't fix it I'll scream.

[running-in-the-dark]

over the past few days I've switched from watching lots of cleaning videos (which was good because they made me want to clean - though that effect is still there for now) to sewing videos (which is very very bad because now I want to sew more and get a sewing machine that actually works right (I got mine used for like 50€ and it's very basic and a lot of things just keep breaking/not working (which is probably at least in part because I don't know enough about using it correctly)))

#I'm not good at sewing #I don't know what I'm doing at all #but it's sooo much fun (until my stupid sewing machine breaks and I have to spend the rest of the day figuring that out) #I really want to learn how to make clothes and stuff but I won't even try with this sewing machine #now to be clear it's an alright sewing machine and it mostly works fine if you just want to sew a straight line on thin non-stretchy #fabric and never change the yarn. #*thread (I keep mixing those up because they're the same word in German so it's very confusing) #but anything even slightly more complicated or anything with thicker fabric does not work. I've tried so many needles and settings and #solutions I found online #and it just never works consistently #I'm not spending money to get it fixed professionally. no matter how little it would cost it's not worth it #unfortunately I've already found a beginner computer sewing machine and it's expensive (though much less expensive than I would have #thought) and I don't know if I'll be able to get it anytime soon but I really want it 😔😔😔 #but ugh the thought of not having to thread the needle anymore and not putting the bobbin in in the front and fixing all the problems that #come with that is sooo nice #oh yeah my machine also refuses to work with thicker/stronger thread. I've figured out that it does work most of the time if it's just the #bobbin thread. #but like. I don't want to spend hours learning how to fix this stupid machine all the time! I want to learn how to use it to sew! #so yeah this isn't going to work long term. #ugh my dad's ex (the most awful person I've ever met) was a trained seamstress. damn I should have made her teach me 😔 then she would've #been good for something at least instead of just giving me a bunch of additional trauma 🙃 #(but yay at least it seems like I finally don't associate sewing with her and feel terrified just thinking about it anymore!) #personal

[iinmysights]

i need to take my cat to the vet but i have so much anxiety about being in one and they open on mondayyy maybe i can make my mom take her in instead 😭

#Ravage.txt #dl #ally’s throwing up a lot :( and i think she’s lost a bit of weight i’m really concerned #she is OLD man like almost 20yo kind of old but i really felt like she had another good two years in her hhh i really hope they say it’s #something minor that a diet change or or short round of meds will fix and it’s not like. something i’d have to put her down for #she’s mostly just puking up liquid with a hairball once in a while but mostly liquid or the food she just ate so idk what’s up #it’s highkey scaring me though i have just over a month before classes start again and i can’t sit for over 2hr in one room if i have to put #her down now man i won’t be nearly recovered enough by then. i mean if it does happen i’ll absolutely tell my prof and say that i might need #to step away into the hallway or the cafe across the building and try to calm down before entering class again but i really really don’t #want it to come to that #anyway . gotta go feed everyone now the tomcat just came in to say it’s past dinner time

[headofhelios]

when i was a kid the idea of like surprise birthday parties was so like. idk i wanted it and it never happened but now its actually like. gonna happen to me but at a really really bad time when i am going to be very stressed and whatever the surprise thing is will probably make it worse so its like. hmm. early birthday gift of being nauseous with anxiety a month in advance

#my brother had good intentions telling me but also like. i have been tearing up all night and when i tried to explain my reservations to him #i just felt stupid so its. mm. this sucks #its also weird bc like. guuuhhgg i had a weird Thing a while ago that was apparently really bad i guess #so it feels like. idk. my mother trying to 'fix' that with this. so i feel like i cant say no to it #(especially bc she doesnt know i kinda know about it) #but its also like. well. when it happens i might really really freak out badly and that would ruin things for everyone. right. #kind of feel like im stuck between a rock and a hard place here bc like i WANT to talk to my mother abt this but also again she doesnt know #that i know and i dont want her to be disappointed that my brother said something to me. even though i dont know what the surprise is #just that there is one planned #also in recent years ive realized i get i suppose anxious when people get me gifts i havent Asked for #so surprises like this arent really my thing anymore. i think when i was a kid i mostly wanted one bc in tv shows theres always a lot #of people there for it and i was a lonely child. #anyway i realize this is something of a stupid thing to complain about #in my defense i feel like a lot of things that should be 'about me' #(however self centered that sounds. it makes me wince to say trust me.) #are made to be more about other people namely my immediate family. #so like my gender isnt about me its about how my mother feels about it. and my birthday isnt about me its about other people celebrating it #again ik ik its a stupid complaint. just saying that because of that *points up* which ive been feeling for nearly 10 years now #its all a bit of a tender bruise. emotionally speaking. for me. #personal

[arthur-r]

finished the silence of the girls. crying for a combination of the book and the rest of life

#i started keeping track of how many times i cried today after it had happened twice #not counting book-related i cried seven times #and if you count crying at this book i cried ten times total #i dont know what all it’s been. a lot of things. the stupid national debt was one of them. i’m on my period #i cried about the national debt and how my friends don’t love me and how someone important was absent from school and how no one is serious #and how my dad couldn’t help me and how my mom is on an airplane and how i can’t fix anything for my sister until it’s too late #and maybe i cried eight times because i know too that i cried at the idea of my teacher calling home and my dad taking away the door #and how even though i would do anything for that not to happen again i still couldn’t make myself submit what i had #(it’s okay now. the teacher says it would be a shit AP essay but fine for this class. so i’ll be okay) #i also skipped two meals today. part cause i had a stomachache but mostly because i had the excuse of saying i had a stomachache #i dont know if i would have been able to eat anything but i do know it was on purpose that i didn’t try #but hey. everything is supposed to be fine. i’m going on a date (kind of maybe) next week. my band is doing my stupid trans period song #the play i co-wrote will be performed on stage next weekend. i’m sleeping in a real bed this week #but everything feels a little hollow and fake. and somehow i have enough tears to last me to the end of the day

[jaythelay]

The trailer really didn't sell me on the Illumination Mario movie. As someone totally uknowledgable of Chris Pratt I feel there is a bit of an air of overblowing, but the sentiment is strongly true and thus understandably has that air.

We do not respect voice actors, consumer or industry. I wouldn't have gone to see the movie no matter who voiced Mario because that trailer was so copy-paste and story wise looks like it won't be about the cast of the Mario universe but mostly whoever is the most marketable. That and mario's design makes me sad. No strong feelings towards it, truly, but it makes me sad to finally see The corporate design of Mario for what feels like the first time.

Yes, Mario has always been corporate, but you at least saw a happy character who can show cartoonish but well crafted emotions. The artists behind it knew what they were doing. This is just the design I'd expect from the most corporate movie company out there.

Really, what the trailer and decisions behind voice actors showed me is we still haven't evolved past Uwe Boll video game movie standards and mentalities. No no, Mario isn't marketable enough, we need celebrities, and Minion Penguins.

Not one fucking soul wanted to see a Mario Movie for Jack god damn Black or whoever Chris Pratt is. They do not sell Mario, the obvious truth is it only pushed people away, not enough to matter of course, but it's just blatantly corporate and shows the rest of the mentality going on behind the work of the film. Why would anyone expect anything more than they've shown? Honestly?

No one wanted this movie. They wanted a Mario Brothers Movie. Not another corporate copy-paste with a Mario skin and generic casting that does nothing but push Voice Actors out of the industry for marketable line readers. At the very least share that ridiculous spotlight and money with people who's actual talent and experience is exactly what your industry is predicated upon.

Truth is, almost no one needed any lines what so ever. Mario does not need to speak. But no corporate ass animation studio has the balls to make something artistic and probably kind've difficult. The absolute bottom line is this: The fact every character that never spoke more than a sentence before, in the decades they have existed, now does because they can sell Chris Pratt and Jack Black. Not Mario.

Mario the character is Mario because of his design and voice work. When you can't even get past the corporate mentality that Mario needed some celebrity to sell him, you've shown you aren't making a Mario Movie. Just another money grab.

Look, it isn't out yet, I'm sure it will be a solid 6.8/10, but honestly, why bother at that point? What hole is it filling, what creative energy will it inspire in others, what about this will make people go "Oh yeah if you're a fan of Mario, you gotta see the Movie."

What I saw was "Oh, they played it unbelievably safe and not even correctly, again."

It's not just a lack of respect towards Voice Actors, it's lack of respect to the IP and universe, the character designers, he looks like a Gmod workshop model of Wreck It Ralph reskinned to Mario.

Feel however you want, the fact they're making the movie so corporately lazily is artistically frustrating to people educated on the topic. I'm not that invested nor have been, just annoyed that creativity is stifled by the creativeless. Seriously you can swap the names in this rant around with pretty much any Video Game Movie and it's just as accurate. We have not progressed since Uwe Boll mentalities. We just make them look prettier, just like gaming.

Incredible.

#mario movie #and now that I have done a rant on this I can move on knowing I have put words to my abstract feelings #thanks for coming #go away #truly though the movie itself is irrelevant to the wider discussion at hand right now #it's mostly just about Chris Pratt and voice acting #which is great because voice actors need the signal boost #but misses the wider problem #the problem isn't celebrity voice actors #you can't fix the problem that caused that problem by resolving the problem caused by the problem #it's corporate mentalities and creators being stifled from their abilities #i assure you most creators of these copy paste films are doing it for the check by the time the first dipshit move is pulled

[noxtivagus]

wahh just need to get this just THIS done then i can play. gbf. n ffxiv. for a while. hopefully

#🌙.rambles #gbf i miss it so much i want to read old bonds (i missed the first time it ran) n #seeing siete on my tl i love him he's so cool bro #seox tho seox my beloved 🥺🫶🏼 n then #I MISS GBF YEAH #n ffxiv.. hdklafsjdfklsjdfkl #n final fantasy in general n them fe3h but just fire emblem in general too #n nier. i need to play nier #top 3 game series i think in no specific order r final fantasy/granblue fantasy/fire emblem/drakenier #that's not 3 but i can't pick . ff is def at the top bcs i'm familiar w like. nearly all the games. #fe is mostly 3h still :c i love the series a lot though. rlly want to get into it a lot more but it's yh one of my favs already #gbf i haven't been playing as actively but <3 really special to me too #drakenier i haven't even finished a single game but. yeah. Yeah #actually wait. add kingdom hearts actually ^^ BCS THAT'S MY CHILDHOOD 🥹 <3 #still though there's so much i don't know about ff n gbf n fe n drakenier n kh #ah. arknights is there too. i know for sure. yes. so that's like.. no specific order top 6 now? T_T #i rlly need to stop rambling though i just want to get this done . #i have no energy for this essay n script . #i want to fix my tabs n spotify playlists. i want to make more playlists. help

[malkaviian]

for some reason i am thinking that, if my ocs had a fandom, chase would be the character who mostly gets "i can fix him" type of x reader fanfics

#i get the appeal of wanting to fix the guy who thinks hes unfixable and a lost cause but i think its kinda funny too #he doesnt make a single effort to change due to his non-existent self-esteem. not even for the people whom he values the most #so finnley in the past and caspian in the present. he just tries to minimize the effects his actions have on them (specially caspian) #because when it comes to himself and his own well-being; he legit doesnt care a single bit. #tbf he would probably be dead by now if he didnt clung to finnley (and lowkey dalila) in the past and now to caspian ngl. #not even by suicide; although thats a possibility. he just probably picked a fight with the wrong person (or people) and got overpowered #or even getting a std that; if not treated; could be fatal. you can guess he isnt going to the doctor before it is too late #well shit got too dark and way too swayed from the point. going back to the point; i doubt he would try to change #regardless of how much he loves the reader; as i said he would try to make his actions affect them as less as possible though #and only if he truly loves them; which ig is the point of the fic lol. so; a 'i can fix him' type of fic would be at least a little bit ooc #but hey; i cant judge people getting ooc when being self-indulgent lmao im also guilty of that (mostly when it comes to fhs) #anyway thats it thats the post #oc talk

[mini-uzzy]

.

#one of the most heartbreaking thing i heard while i was in the pharmacist summit was this very quirky girl #who said she had such a huge passion for pharmacy and helping people #then later when she worked here in community pharmacy it shattered her and everything she hoped for #she isn't giving up even though retail has made her cry many times #i believe it's mostly people who think they're gods if they speak to a person behind a counter... #i think that mindset can be fixed but society is just /that/... and it takes an extraordinary human brain to have patience in them... #hope she's out now... haha fuck that company really 💀💀 #wyn talks :)

[asperia-sparrow]

I knew I had a backlog...but I didn't know it was so dire.

I haven't posted much of what I've drawn over the last few years, partially due to drawing less, partially due to the bulk of my drawings being water pad notes.

Since I want to work on and post some newer things too, I'll be working on that for a bit.

With a few exceptions for some more complete works, I'll attempt to post all the sketches together by fandom (or lack thereof) or theme.

Edit: 12/14 In the middle of scanning the scanner app has decided to stop scanning (I already restarted my phone last night over it), though I got the worst out of the way. Since I have a better light set up than previously, most of this won't need a scanner anyway.

...

...

...

4/6/24 .....I'm SO sorry! The old habit of doing a bunch of things at once and then hitting a break point where I end up not completing something, pushing it into a mental box in a corner struck again and I've been trying to remember to look back over things and decide if some of it's even worth posting...

#Latee speaks #I thought I had saved some time having some old scans on my tablet #lol nope #they're mostly horrible #it wasn't a completely waste to move them though #not right now though-- I've been working on this most the night and it's almost 5am #to pin #oops spaced out and didn't post;;; #maybe fix a few old scans too... #4/6/24 might rearrange some #mostly shower doodles afakr so most aren't going to be posted

[poyopaan]

pov: i’m still bitter

#miskipz draws #my sona #vent art #mostly just frustrated #not gonna keep trying to fix something that doesn’t want to be fixed though #i deserve better and i have better now