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dulcesiabits · 4 months

Text

you arrive like a dream.

summary: you are fourteen years old when bachira breaks your heart, and you run halfway across the world to avoid him. so how are you supposed to react when the universe, against all your express wishes, brings the two of you back together again?

notes: 14k words, fic, author's notes, childhood friends, childhood heartbreak, messy relationships, really kind of a study of how people fall apart and then get back together

“I want to take a break from us.”

It’s the first thing your boyfriend says to you, barely waiting for the waitress to set down your order and clear away your laminated menus before speaking.

Instead of responding, you take a long sip of your milkshake, whipped cream sinking into a chocolate sea, your mouth flooding with sweetness. You regard the boy across from you thoughtfully, the one you’ve been dating for six months ever since he confessed to you during a school dance. He’s not the only boy you’ve ever dated in America, but he’s the one you’ve dated the longest.

Most American boys seem to regard you with a mixture of curiosity and fascination as an exchange student from Japan. The kinder ones try not to treat you any differently than they would from your other classmates, but the worse ones will make constant jokes about hentai and mock your faint accent.

By this point, though, you’ve learned to tune out the insults and the passive aggressive comments. You’ve always been good at dealing with other people, knowing how to read the mood and adjusting your behavior accordingly. Your teachers often praised you for being so well-behaved and conscientious.

The meaner boys treat you like a zoo animal precisely because they want to see your reaction, so it’s better not to give them the reaction that they want. Otherwise, the second they sense hurt, they’ll sink their teeth in and never let go. Of course, they don’t seem to realize that in the same way they observe you, you can observe them right back.

As for your boyfriend, Thomas? Well. He does his best. Or at least you think he does his best. No one mocks you to his face when he’s around, and he valiantly tells people to “knock it off” whenever he thinks you feel uncomfortable. He’s sweet, if a little obtuse, and you like him well enough. You wouldn’t date him if you didn’t. But his confession had been so out of the blue, and you had no real reason to accept him– just like you didn’t have any real reason to reject him.

In short, your relationship started on an ambivalent whim. He’s not the sort of person you can share your thoughts with, but it’s not as if you’re looking for a lifelong companionship. He’s mild, and nice to be around, which is just what you need after everything that happened to you in Japan. He’s just like the whipped cream slowly disappearing into your milkshake in that aspect.

Your boyfriend calls your name. “Hey, are you okay? Do you want me… to explain?” Thomas says softly.

You’ve been staring into space for too long, and your milkshake is half-empty. You smile at him. “No, it’s fine. A break, right? I understand.”

“I don’t want this to be permanent. It doesn’t have to be,” Thomas says, running a hand through his shorn blond hair. “It’s just soccer season is kicking up again, and I won’t have a lot of time to spend with you. I didn’t want you to feel abandoned, or anything. And I want to focus on practice. So…” He looks at you like a kicked puppy, as if you’re the one breaking up with him, and not the other way around. “We can date again once the season is over.”

“Okay,” you say, dragging your straw through your softening milkshake. “Let’s see what happens at the end of the season.”

Thomas perks up. “Great! Do you want anything else to eat? It’s my treat.”

“No, it’s fine.”

“Are you sure?” Thomas says.

Milkshakes are no remedies for break-ups, but you bite your tongue. “Yes. I’m sure.”

Thomas flags down the waitress, a freckled and red-haired girl who lets her stare linger a little too long. Not that you can blame her; he is cute. But Thomas, good old oblivious Thomas, only smiles innocently in return.

Maybe you should get jealous. Pull some American teen movie line and say that “he’s your man” and put her in her place, or something equally dramatic like that. But he’s not really “your man” anymore, is he? Besides, staring is free, and, as you often hear, this is a free country.

By the time the two of you are out of the diner, Thomas is pulling you into a hug. You limply wrap one arm around his back. “See you later,” he whispers. “You can still call me if anything happens, okay?”

Should you remind him of the international fees that it would take for him to call you Japan? “Okay.”

You’re still standing outside the diner when Thomas waves at you through the windows of his car and pulls away from the curb. Maybe you should have asked for a ride, but getting a ride with your now-ex is a little weird. The weather is clear and the sunshine warm, so it’s a mild enough spring day for you to walk back. You’d prefer the walk, anyways, compared to the awkward silence in Thomas’s stifling truck.

Halfway down the pavement, your phone starts buzzing in your pocket. You pull it out: it’s your mom. There’s a seventeen hour time difference between California and Japan, and the international fees of a phone call are exorbitant, but your mom has never cared much about finances. “Money is there for you to spend it,” she always claims. Easy enough for her to say when she runs an investment firm that rakes in enough yen for her to send you abroad.

“Hello, Okaa-san,” you say when you open your phone.

“Hello,” she coos. “Good morning! Ah, wait. It’s afternoon for you, right?”

“It’s afternoon, and you’re a day ahead of me,” you confirm.

“Oho! I forgot! So you’re talking to a time traveler right now,” she says.

“Seems so. Have any news from the future?”

“You’re going on spring break next week, right?” She doesn’t wait for you to respond before barreling on. “Why don’t you fly home to Japan for the holidays?” your mom says. “I’m already booking the tickets.”

“Why’d you even ask if you were going to do it for me?”

“Just because you always tell me you hate it when I do things without telling you. So I’m alerting you in advance,” she chirps.

You sigh. “Okay. Send me the ticket details when you’re done.”

You can imagine your mom’s grin over the phone. “Perfect! By the way, I ran into Yu-san a little while ago. We talked about how much you used to love her art lessons! Do you remember how you used to beg to spend extra time at Yu-san’s studio?”

You stop in the middle of the sidewalk, the sunshine suddenly searing your neck. You fight to keep your voice steady. “Yeah. I do. Why?”

“Well, then we started talking about Meguru-kun. You always bugged me about when he could come over and play. You were such a mild-mannered child, but as soon as you saw Meguru-kun, you would just get so wild. I’d never seen you have so much fun. I swear, it was so cute.”

“Okaa-san,” you say faintly, but she continues on.

“Since it’s been so long since you were back in Japan, Yu-san and I thought it would be nice if the two of you could see each other again, so we arranged a little meeting for the four of us. Won’t it be nice to catch up with your childhood friend over dinner? There’s no need to thank me.”

There really isn’t. You gape like an open-mouthed fish after your mom’s triumphant little speech, thoughts scattering like bubbles on the surface of a pond.

“Does Meguru know that you’ve done this?” you say. It’s the only question that manages to escape. His first name feels like ash in your mouth. When did you last use it?

“Yu-san told him right away. I think she said he was excited to see you!”

“That’s… great,” you say. “I have to go now, Okaa-san. I have something to do. I’ll see you when I fly back.”

“Okay. Love you!”

With a cheerful blip, your mom ends the call and you sink to your knees, digging the palms of your hands into your eyes. Shit. This is going to be the worst possible way to spend your spring break. Thomas is one thing, but Bachira? No way. There is absolutely no way in hell you can face him again.

You might have gotten along back in Japan, running around Chiba together as children, but it’s been years since then. Maybe if you were two regular childhood friends, you would jump with joy at the opportunity to see him. If you didn’t have the particular history you did, this would have been a pleasant surprise. But you two don’t have that sort of relationship anymore, and the thought of Bachira makes old wounds flare to life.

You can’t blame your mom for not knowing, not really. You’ve mentioned your American boyfriends here and there, but you tend to keep a tight lid on your love life, as you’ve always been her pristine, studious child. You try not to make it a habit to keep secrets from your mom.

In fact, the only secret you’ve ever kept from her is that Bachira Meguru broke your heart when you were fourteen years old.

–

You have always wanted to be the perfect child for your mom.

Ever since you could remember, your afternoons and weekends were full of different lessons, from piano to dance, and English to math tutoring. Your mom cooed with excitement at all your new hobbies, demanding you show her every time you learned a new musical piece or math equation. You charged headfirst into whatever skill you could learn to mold yourself into a well-rounded adult, so no one could find a way to look down on your mom. All of her business associates patted you on the head and spoke indulgently at you. As if you couldn’t sense the way they viewed you as an extension of your mom, and a way to judge her.

Art lessons, however, were when your life took a sudden, unexpected turn.

You remembered this: you were eight, and it was a cool spring day during your very first lesson, and Bachira-san had given you free reign of the canvas, handing you a palette and a brush. Her lessons always took place in her studio, the door open to let in the breeze, sunlight sinking into stacks of piled canvas and painting supplies placed haphazardly on every free surface.

You stared up at Bachira-san with a frown, looking uncertainly in her smiling face. “What am I supposed to do with this?” you asked.

“Whatever you want,” she replied, ruffling the top of your head. You gave a squeak of protest.

“But what do you want?” you persisted.

“I want you to do whatever you want,” Bachira-san said with a grin. “Why don’t I give you some space to paint? I’ll come back in a little bit, ‘kay?”

And so Bachira-san had left you in front of a canvas, your frown growing as you dipped a brush into the green paint. Incomprehensible. The adults in your life always had such clear expectations for you, and Bachira-san’s instructions feel like she just handed you a blank map and told you to chart unexplored territory.

You dragged a tentative, watery streak of green on the bright white canvas, but it looked ugly and intrusive. You’d marred the pristine surface already.

Something brushed your foot. You looked down to see a football rolling across the wooden floor of the studio, and not a second later, the small head of a child peeking around the corner of the door.

“Kaa-san! I’m back– eh? Who are you?”

The boy approached you curiously. There was a bandage on his face, and streaks of dirt running down his legs and striping his cheeks.

“Who are you?” you demanded, brandishing your brush like a sword. “I’m having an art lesson right now.”

Undeterred, the boy tilted his head like a giant chipmunk. “Art lesson? This is where Kaa-san works.”

“Huh…” Your teacher must be his mom, and he must be her son, you deduced.

Seemingly losing interest, the boy ran after the football, which had lodged in the corner. With a few swift kicks, the boy skilfully bounced it up on his knee, his elbow, and his head. It was just like the seals you saw once at the aquarium, who could perform the same tricks for a few fish as incentive.

“Hey! Can you play football?” the boy said suddenly, turning back to you with the ball balanced precariously on his head.

“Football? I can’t play. I have to study art.”

“But that’s boring… Wait!” The boy brightened as he lurched towards you, wrestling the brush from your grasp. You watched in horror as the boy slashed the brush across the canvas, dipping randomly into the paint, creating an incomprehensible mess of lines and paint splatters. “Done! Now you can play with me.”

You shoved him, as hard as you could, and the boy toppled to the floor, his football bouncing sadly into a pile of canvas. “What are you doing? You– you ruined it!”

“I helped you,” the boy protested. He leaped up into the air, regarding you quizzically. “Kaa-san paints like that all the time.”

“Bachira-san– Bachira-san is a real artist! You can’t just– argh!” You stumbled at him, annoyed, tiny fists swinging, but the boy only dodged out of the way.

A grin splitted his face. “Are we playing now? Yay!”

You don’t know how long this chase lasted. All you knew was that you wanted to wipe that unbearably happy look from his face after he ruined your lesson, because how on earth could you explain this to Bachira-san? But the boy only danced around, laughing as you tried to lunge at him, always just one step away from you.

You weren’t unathletic, but the boy had stamina on another level, because while you sweated and panted, hands on your knees, he only skipped in circles around you. “Hey,” the boy said. “Are you done already? Come on. Let’s play some more.”

How annoying! How super, super annoying! You gave a great yell as you jumped at him, and, startled, the boy couldn’t move away fast in enough time. The two of you crashed onto the floor, rolling and tumbling. You pulled at his hair and the boy grabbed at your cheeks.

“I’m back! Are you done with– Meguru? Kiddo?”

The two of you froze as Bachira-san stepped into the studio, a plate of cookies in her hand. The two of you watched her with big silent eyes as she surveyed the room. And, for the first time, you realized that you had knocked over some of her paint tubes and canvas, and the two of you were covered in streaks of paint and dust from the floor.

You sprang up as Bachira-san moved closer to the canvas you were supposed to paint on– the one her son had ruined. Your hands were clammy as you lowered your head, like a criminal readying for their punishment.

“Hey, nice artwork, kiddo,” Bachira-san said, breaking into a smile. “Very avante-garde.”

“He… he was the one who did it,” you mumbled, face heating up with shame, pointing at the boy– Meuguru– who was still on the floor.

He stuck out his tongue. “I only helped!”

“Well, the both of you did a great job,” Bachira-san said.

“Really…?” you mumbled, looking down at your black shoes, now scraped and scuffed from your scuffle across the floor.

“Yes, really! Why don’t the two of you have some snacks?”

The three of you munched on cookies for the rest of the lesson as Bachira-san explained the color palette and different forms of art to you. Meguru gifted you the very last cookie with a beaming expression on his face as if you hadn’t tried to tear his hair out, and you thanked him quietly.

During your next lesson, Meguru was waiting by the entrance of the studio. When he saw you, a goofy smile stole across his face, and he bounded towards you like a puppy.

“Here!” He thrust some flowers into your face. They were small and white, with five different petals. You took them gingerly.

“What are these for?” you asked.

“For you! So we can be friends! I had a lot of fun with you last time, but you didn’t look really happy. Kaa-san said I have to be aware of other people’s feelings, so this is a ‘let’s be friends’ flower!”

“You want to be friends with me?” you mumbled.

“Yup! No take backs,” Meguru added. “We’re friends for life now, okay?”

“Are you sure?” you said. “Yesterday I was rude to you.”

“Were you?” Meguru tilted his head. “Does that matter?”

“I was. I’m sorry,” you said.

“We’re friends! So it’s okay. Hey, this time, you’ll play football with me, right?”

He grabbed your hand, and you carefully wrapped your fingers around his. For some reason, there was a strange fluttering in your chest. Why did holding Meguru’s hand feel a little different from holding your mom’s, or your friend’s hand at school?

But all you know is this: ever since you took Meguru’s hand that day, you don’t think you’ve ever really let go.

–

You haven’t stepped foot in Japan for three years.

There’s always been an excuse not to: you were busy with studying. You had clubs and other activities. It would be too much of a hassle, and really, you wanted to enjoy every minute abroad you could get.

Your mom bought your excuses easily, so you never had to tell her the real reason you stayed away, the same reason you even bothered to study abroad in the first place: you didn’t want to be in the same country as Bachira Meguru.

But when your plane descends and jolts to a stop, when you pass through customs and scramble to find your luggage at the baggage claim, when you take that first wobbly step into the spring sunshine, squinting into the sky as you raise your hand to shield your eyes, you have no more excuses left. It’s like the universe won’t let you run away, because why the hell does Golden Week fall during the same week during your American spring break? Bachira is on break, same as you, so you can’t even use the excuse that he’s in school to avoid him. It’s a coincidence, or the universe is laughing at you for thinking you could get away so easily.

You pause to scroll through your phone; there’s a few messages from your mom, and an email from Thomas. You hover over the message with your thumb, before swiping away. You told him to email you if he needed you, since it’s not like he had Line or Whatsapp, but you didn’t think he’d actually go through with it.

Everyone is speaking in rushed Japanese around you. It’s a sea of people with black hair and black eyes and luggage and appointments and harried expressions, hurrying in every direction. This is home. America has never felt more far away.

You wander to the edge of the curb, phone still held loosely to your ear as a car pulls up. Your mom rolls down the side window, scarf around her throat and a grin wide on her face. “Hello, hello. Look who’s decided to show up on our side of the globe again.”

“It’s not like I had much of a choice,” you acknowledge.

The driver steps out to put your luggage in the trunk, and your mom rests her arm against the window. “How was your flight?”

“It was fine,” you say. “It’s not that far from California to Japan.”

“Perfect! So I assume you’ll be ready for dinner in a few hours?”

“Dinner?”

“Well, there’s this wonderful seafood restaurant I wanted to take Yu-san to, and Meguru-kun is free, so we planned our little get-together for today.” Your mom winks, but you feel as if someone pushed you off the airplane without a parachute. Actually, you’d have preferred that to whatever torture this is.

“Okaa-san, I can’t,” you protest, taking a step back. “I just got back. I’m tired. I–”

“Nonsense! It’s just some dinner. Aren’t you excited to see Meguru-kun?”

You force a queasy smile. “But I need to get ready. I want to shower and–”

“Then we can stop by home before we go to dinner. It’s not as if we’re going right now. Come, come. Hop in the car. The sooner we get back, the more time you’ll have to freshen up.”

The next few hours pass by in a weightless blur. You turn the water as hot as it can go and stand under the thundering steam until your fingers turn pruny. You pick out a tasteful outfit, decide you’re trying too hard, and settle for something casual, but then it feels like you’re not trying hard enough. This goes back and forth for half an hour until you throw on the first thing you picked out of your closet.

It almost feels like you’re getting ready for a date, and the thought makes you want to laugh hysterically.

When you’re done, you flop onto your bed and stare up at the ceiling. You haven’t been in this room for years, and there’s no dust, but it feels like a graveyard, a testament to a different time. There are faded patches of discolored paint on the wall where you once hung up photos of you and Bachira, and empty spots on your shelves where the plastic toys he won for you at summer fairs had once stood. You forgot where you put those old trinkets. They’re either shoved in a box in the back of your closet, or buried in a garbage heap.

Your mom calls your name. “Time to go! Are you ready?”

You’re not. You never will be, but you descend down the stairs and get into the car. You still feel weightless. Dread is the only thing propelling you forward, and it grows heavier with each passing step, weighing you down with its leaden mass.

The restaurant is all polished glass and cool blue tones, so you feel like you’re standing underwater when you step inside. The tablecloths are pressed, the menus so new and shiny you think you could cut yourself on their edges. You’re scurried off to a corner table, next to a painting of the ocean, layered with many painful shades of blue, the frothy white waves so textured you could lick it off like cream.

You order something. You’re not sure what, but the waiter is smiling at your choice.

“Yu-san is running a bit late,” your mom says, with her bright red lipstick which always looks elegant on her and never tacky. You feel childish, all of a sudden, trying to play at being a composed adult, next to her and her genuine enthusiasm for old family friends.

You hope Bachira and his mom never get here. Because of a traffic jam, perhaps. Or a sudden freak accident that cuts off their path, so they have to stay home. Or maybe they’ll just forget, and you can call the whole thing a wash.

“Ah, there she is! Yu-san! Meguru-kun!” Your mom waves wildly, her arm springing back and forth.

Against your will, you turn, biting the inside of your cheek hard. They’re both in street clothes, which sends a dull jolt of surprise through you, but then again, your old teacher has never been one for formalities. You focus hard on her instead of the boy next to her, never taking your eyes off her once as they both settle at the table. Your mom hugs Bachira-san, and they both giggle like schoolgirls. There’s paint on Bachira-san’s sleeves, faint splatters of red and blue and purple. Her hair is in a bun, pulled low.

She reaches out for you, and you melt into her embrace. She smells like paint, like salt water, with an artificial floral scent from her shampoo. “It’s been so long! You’ve gotten so much bigger. Have you been keeping up with your art?”

“I still sketch sometimes,” you say. “But I’ve been busy.”

Bachira-san laughs, a charming sound like windchimes. “Ah, so my lessons weren’t totally wasted! I’d love to see what you’ve been sketching. America has been nice to you, I see.”

You’ve chewed your cheek for too long. The sharp copper of blood fills your mouth like new pennies, and you manage to work your lips into the shape of a smile. “It’s been fun studying abroad.”

And then Bachira calls your name, and you feel like you’re fourteen again, getting your heart broken for the first time. “Hey, hey!” he says cheerfully. “Long time no see!”

You fight to maintain your smile. You can’t look him directly in the eye, so you look somewhere over his shoulder. Has his hair gotten longer? It looks like his mom had tried to tame his bangs with clips. “Hi. It has been a long time.” There. You even sound like you’re happy to see him.

Bachira and his mom order. She and your mom are drinking glasses of red wine, absorbed in their own world, so it’s just you and Bachira. He’s tearing his napkin into little pieces, a miniature blizzard that only grows in intensity with each ticking second. You’re both silent. Is he feeling just as nervous as you? Or are you the only one idiotically aware of the tension? Maybe he doesn’t even notice at all.

“Meguru-kun is on his school’s soccer team?” your mom asks suddenly, forcing the two of you to look at her. “That’s amazing! I heard you want to go to nationals.”

“Yup yup!” Bachira says. “It’s fun to play with everyone.”

“That’s great!” Your mom nudges you with her elbow. “This one over here is juggling a ton of different clubs in America, too. A math team, and a science one, and an art club on top of it, I think.”

Bachira is looking at you now. You stare hard at your glass of water, avoiding his eyes. The silence grows, stretching between the two of you, taut as a wire. Your mom looks back and forth between the two of you, a wrinkle forming between her eyebrows.

You stand. “Okaa-san, I think I need a bit of a break. I’m still dizzy from my flight,” you say politely, flawlessly. You smile at Bachira-san and your mom, and throw a fuzzy look in Bachira’s direction.

“Are you? I shouldn’t have pushed you so hard. Do you–”

“I just need some air,” you say, still smiling as you back away from the table. “Don’t worry. I’ll be back.”

You flee before anyone can respond, pushing through the doors and into the dizzying sunlight. It’s a coward’s move, but so what? You’ve never pretended to be strong. Your go-to is to put on a smile and smooth over any situation. It’s better not to rock the boat. It’s better to just keep everyone happy– but you can’t do that now. You can’t do this, not now, not in front of Bachira Meguru.

You look up and down the streets, disoriented as you stumble to a stop. Where are you? The restaurant is at the end of the block, and you’ve somehow paced down the entire length of the street in your desire to escape. This is a high-end area with exclusive fashion stores and exorbitant restaurants, and their polished facades only make you feel smaller and uglier.

You sigh. Maybe it would be better to go home, to leave now before you worry anyone further. You would just ascribe all blame to your plane flight, and no one would be any wiser.

Just as you make up your mind, you see a figure blurring down the street, dashing at an impossibly high speed– a blur of yellow, no, a boy, running straight towards you– alarmed, you try to move to the side, but then he screeches to a stop right in front of you.

It’s Bachira. Shit shit shit— But then he abruptly spins around until all you can see is his back and the way his hair sticks up at the ends, perpetually untamable.

“What are you doing?” you say, irritated. Is this another one of his childish pranks?

“You don’t want to see me, right?” he says, more quietly than you thought he was capable of.

“I–”

“This way, you won’t have to look at me. Is that okay?”

“So?” you say. “What you do has nothing to do with me.”

“Let’s talk.”

“I don’t want to,” you say petulantly. You flush; why does Bachira bring out your inner child? “There’s nothing for us to say,” you add more coldly.

“I miss you.” The world, in its perpetual motion, freezes for just an instant at his words. Planets stop their revolutions. The tectonic plates pause. Everything slows down, to this single moment in time and space.

You can only manage to faintly say, “So what?” The world resumes spinning again.

“I want to talk to you again,” he says.

“I don’t care,” you say again.

“I’ll bug you if you don’t come see me again,” he says. “I’ll blow up your phone. I’m gonna send you a ton of mail. I’ll even go to your house and–”

“Stop!” you snap. “You sound like a stalker. Bachira, you know things can’t move backwards, right? We can only go forward. And I don’t want to act buddy buddy with you again.”

“One chance. Pleaseeee. Come on. If you talk with me just once, I won’t bother you again! I promise! Otherwise I’m going to call you! Every! Single! Day!”

You sigh. With the way Bachira is, you have no doubt that he would make good on his threat, no matter how childish or ridiculous he sounds right now. Just once. You could talk to him just once. Besides, this way, you could get rid of all your lingering feelings, and it’d be the same relief of a loose, bothersome baby tooth finally falling out of your mouth.

“Fine. I’ll see you just once. But!” you add, raising your voice before he can throw his hands up in the air in joy. “I decide when and where we will meet.”

“Yay!” Bachira whoops, waving his arms. “Let’s go back, then!”

“Go back where?”

“To the restaurant, duh. The food arrived. I was supposed to tell you that, actually. Oops!”

It would be so easy to just go home right now. But… you glance at the back of Bachira’s hair again. He’s grown taller. And despite his antsy movements, shifting back and forth on his feet, he still hasn’t turned back to look at you once, keeping his ridiculous promise.

“Fine. Lead the way,” you say grudgingly. Your steps feel light as you stare at Bachira, following him all the while, but he still doesn’t look back at you.

At the table, your mom smiles at you. “Feeling better?”

“A little,” you respond. The next time you look at Bachira, you finally meet him in the eye, and his smile lights up his face, just like it did when you were little, the sun rising to sweep the world in light and color.

–

Art lessons with Bachira-san quickly became your favorite thing in the world.

Maybe it was because she never demanded unerring perfection from you, nor did she treat you like a little doll. She delighted in every advancement you made with art, no matter how messy or imperfect. She treated you like you already had things worth saying, and listened to you babble about anything on your mind.

But as much as you loved those things, what you most loved about art lessons with Bachira-san was her son, Meguru.

At some point in the afternoon, he would inadvertently drag you away from your canvas for an adventure through the neighborhood. Bachira-san never seemed to care, and would even encourage you to leave your pastels behind and pick up a stick to be a sword, as long as you had finished drawing at least one thing that you liked.

So, in those perfect sunny afternoons, you would poke at bugs, digging worms out of the dirt and following ants back to their nest and lifting up rocks to watch rollie pollies curl up. You would climb trees, always trying to outrace each other and get to the tallest branch. You would pretend to be pirates and adventurers, clamoring up and down the slides on the park, searching for treasure.

Mostly, though, Bachira wanted to play football.

“You gotta kick it like this! And that!” he cheered, dribbling the ball back and forth between his feet in lithe, swift steps.

“Huh?” you said, trying to keep up with his movements. You always did well during your elementary school’s sports meet, but Meguru was on another level.

“No, no! More like this!” Meguru said, and kicked the ball high in the air, only to catch it with his knee.

“I’ll try,” you said.

“Yay! Then let’s play a few games, okay?”

And you played, not because you particularly loved football, like Meguru did, but because you liked it when he smiled. You and Meguru. Meguru and you. Why would you need anything else? The boundaries of your world began and ended with his hand in yours.

Bachira-san would let him sit in on your lessons on slow days, too, even though he would invariably end up doodling on your canvas instead of his.

“Use your own paper, Meguru!” you retorted as Meguru scribbled a lumpy shadow onto the corner of your sketchpad. “This one is mine!”

“Eh? But we’re friends! So I can draw on yours!”

And then the two of you bickered playfully until you ended up doodling all over each other’s works, which Bachira-san then dubbed a “collaborative masterpiece,” and hung up the pictures side by side on a corkboard in her studio. It made your heart flutter to see the papers fluttering like friends.

Other times, Meguru would wander off in the middle of your lesson after drawing to his heart’s content, grabbing the football that was perpetually by his side.

“I’m done,” Meguru said, throwing down his colored pencil. There was a strange red creation on his page, some machine with a thousand different blue and green buttons and square windows. It had dragon wings and a boat’s rudder, and soared through scribbled stars and over choppy turquoise waves.

“What is that?” you asked him.

“A car that can fly across the ocean,” Meguru explained. “I’m gonna drive it up to pick up all my favorite football players, and there’s gonna be a stadium in it, and we’re all gonna play football together!”

“Can I come, too?”

“Duh! You can sit in the pilot seat with me. That’s why I made it so big,” he said, before dribbling his football out the studio door.

Even if he wandered off, Meguru would always rejoin the two of you on time for lunch. He had some sort of sixth sense for the moment Bachira-san started passing out snacks, peeking his head (sometimes with twigs or dirt scattered in his hair) around the studio door, cheerfully announcing, “I’m home!”

“Welcome back, Meguru! You’re just in time for a snack,” Bachira-san said, sweeping her hands at the row of pudding cups on the table. You were sitting quietly in a chair, posture straight, methodically scooping out every last bit of pudding with your spoon.

“Pudding! It’s pudding time,” Meguru exclaimed cheerfully at the sight of the snacks, running up to the table to snatch up several cups and a spoon in his chubby hands.

“Meguru! Leave some for your friend!” Bachira-san scolded lightly, and Meguru would come running right back to you.

“Here,” he said, dropping a cup in front of you.

Meguru could never sit still, so your eyes were inevitably drawn to him as he danced around the room, running from corner to corner and shoving pudding into his mouth so fast his cheeks puffed out like a small animal’s. Whenever he caught your eye he would stick out his tongue, and you would stick out your tongue in return. When there was only one pudding cup left on the table, you reached for it, before turning to Meguru.

“Have this,” you said, handing him the pudding cup, which Meguru had been eying with a wide open mouth and sparkling eyes.

“Yay! Thanks!” he said. “Let’s share it!”

“I saved it for you, though.”

Meguru shook his head as he unpeeled the cap, revealing inch by tantalizing inch of the shiny, golden treat. “Well, I want you to have some, too.”

There was no better pudding in the world than the spoonfuls you had that day, Meguru graciously proffering the very last bite for you to eat. The memory of that sweetness resounded through your dreams.

Even your mom had gotten used to your chattering about Meguru. He was your favorite topic, and nothing was ever quite as important or interesting as him. As soon as your mom’s car pulled up to the curb at the end of your lessons, you would clamber inside, your artwork for the day clutched tightly in your hands, and a new story about Meguru on your lips.

“Okaa-san, Okaa-san,” you said brightly. “Guess what Meguru did today?”

“Let me guess,” your mom said playfully as the driver pulled away from the curb. “The two of you played together?”

“Yup! This time, we pretended to be monkeys living in the trees! And then we got into a monkey war! And we threw a bunch of sticks at each other, and Bachira-san let us eat bananas for a snack! And we kept trying to peel them like monkeys, too.”

“How exciting! I didn’t realize I was taking a monkey home with me today,” your mom replied. “Are you having fun with your art lessons?”

“I’m having a lot of fun, Okaa-san. I’m learning a lot!” You squirmed in your seat. “Oh! But you have to hear about what Meguru did!”

You didn’t know if your mom ever got tired of you chattering on and on about Meguru. If she did, she never let it show, and she watched you with gentle eyes the whole time you talked.

“You act differently around Meguru-kun,” she said.

“Is that bad?” you asked anxiously, suddenly alert.

She smiled. “No, not at all. Everyone has different sides to them. But I’m glad you’re good friends with him. You talk about him all the time.”

You fiddled with your fingers, feeling strangely pleased and shy all at once. Meguru always stirred unknown emotions in you. “I just like him a lot!”

“Enough to marry him?” your mom teased.

Your face brightened at her words; you hadn’t even realized that was an option. But it was such a great idea. If you married Meguru, then the two of you could be together forever. It just made a lot of sense; who else in the world would you rather spend your entire life with? No one else could compare to your best friend. If you lived in the same house, then you could have sleepovers everyday, and never be separated. “I do!”

Your mom laughed. “Does he want to marry you, though? You can’t decide that on your own!”

“He will if I ask him,” you explained. “He doesn’t say no to me.”

Your mom laughed even harder at that, tears springing to the corner of her eyes. “So he’ll do whatever you say? That sounds very sweet of him.”

However, one memory from this period of time stood out to you, clearer than the rest. You would dream about it, taking it down from a shelf to blow off the dust and stare into its depths.

It was a hot spring day, about a year after you had started art lessons, and Meguru stumbled into the studio with bruises on his face and scrapes on his knees. He had been gone for most of the afternoon, which had disappointed you slightly, but you knew you would see him again. However, you never imagined it would be like this.

“Meguru!” You ran to him, watercolor brush dropping to the paint splattered floor, stopping to grab his shoulders in concern. “Are you okay? Do I need to get Bachira-san?”

Meguru shook his head, wiping his nose with the back of his hand. “No.”

“What happened?” you asked urgently. “You’re hurt!”

Ushering him to a seat, you ran to the sink and grabbed a towel, running it under a gush of cold water, before returning and dabbing at Meguru’s wounds as gently as you could. Blood came away in thin streaks like paint.

“Hey…” Meguru began quietly, in a small voice. He didn’t sound like the cheerful boy you knew, the one who was never phased and bounced off from every mistake and accident with a bright smile. It reminded you a little of how, when you were driving home after lessons, you would peek back at Meguru. His figure looked a little lonely outlined against the sunset, as he bounced a soccer ball quietly to himself.

“What is it?” You ran back to the sink, where you opened the cabinet underneath it to fish out some bandaids.

“We’re friends, right?” Meguru asked.

“Huh? Where’s this coming from? Of course we are. What else would I be?”

Meguru looked down at his knees as you slapped a bandaid on his skinned knees without a complaint.

“So you don’t think I’m weird, right?” he said, and his lips quivered with each word. “You’re not gonna leave me?”

“You’re not weird,” you said firmly. It occurred to you, then, that Meguru never talked about anyone in his life outside of you and Bachira-san. You hadn’t seen him with any other kids your age, either. Maybe you were his whole world, in the same way he was yours. “You’re my best friend, and I would never leave you. If you’re worried about it, then we could get married.”

“Married?” Meguru peeked at you from under the fringe of his bangs.

“So we can be together forever,” you explained.

Meguru smiled, just a little, a wobbly uplifting of his mouth. “Okay! Pinky-promise me, then! We’re gonna get married.”

You lifted up your hand and, with all the clumsy reverence of a child, locked pinkies with Meguru. You shook once, twice, and then let go, as if this was a ceremony as solemn as a real wedding.

“What happened, though, Meguru? Are you sure it’s okay if I don’t get Bachira-san?”

Meguru shook his head. “It doesn’t matter anymore. Because we have each other, right?”

You beamed at him, sunshine spilling in your chest, a golden glow. “Right. We’ll always have each other!”

–

Over the next few days, Bachira’s promise hangs over you like a darkening cloud, slowly threatening rain.

It’s not like you forgot what you told him. You would contact him, eventually. But there was a time and place for everything, and this required more delicate care than anything you’ve undertaken so far. Besides, when you look at your phone screen, you feel a flush of embarrassment. You’ve never been able to bring yourself to block Bachira’s contact, and you still know his number by heart.

When you first moved to America, a small, foolish part of you thought that he would contact you eventually. He would come running back to you, unable to stand the distance any longer. In your most unbearable, romantic daydreams, he would fly over to California and beg you to go home to Japan with him. But the weeks passed, and you entertained desperate thoughts each time you saw the lack of notifications on your phone screen.

You should message him first. No, you should call him. Or call Bachira-san instead, and learn more about Bachira through her. Or you could show up at one of his football games, and Bachira would be overcome by emotion and throw his arms around you and everything would be repaired, as easy as that.

But your dreams were nothing compared to the overwhelming silence of reality. No, it was better to find a way to bury the memory of Bachira, and find someone else. There were so many people in the world, and maybe you had been too distracted to realize that, out there, there was someone more perfect and wonderful for you. That’s how you found yourself dating Thomas, accepting his confession without a second thought.

You’re reminded of that time as your fingers hover over Bachira’s icon now, sitting cross-legged on your bed. Keep it simple. A short message.

Are you free to meet up today? I think we should go to the park near your house.

Not even a few seconds later, your phone dings.

yes!!!!!!! heading over now :3

Now? You aren’t even ready! Is your outfit good? What about your appearance? Your hands flutter nervously. You could be over at the park in a matter of minutes if you took the car, but… Wait. Why are you worrying over this sort of thing again? Why do you still care so much about his opinion? Knowing Bachira, it’d all be the same to him whenever you showed up in a trash bag or a thousand dollar suit. He’s never been one to care much for appearances.

Your phone buzzes again, and you whip it up to your face. It’s not a message from Bachira, but an email from Thomas. Your heart lunches as you open it to read a simple message asking about your trip, and if you’ve been well.

You’ve forgotten entirely about him. Instead, you’ve been thinking only of Bachira. Sure, you’re technically not dating Thomas right now, but why does it still make you feel so guilty?

You made a note to yourself to message Thomas back later. You can only handle one thing at a time right now, and Bachira is the major agenda on your list. It only takes a few minutes for you to make your way to the park, agonizingly short and slow at the same time, as if time is warping around you.

Bachira is sitting on one of the swings, twisting the metal chains in spirals and letting go slowly, so he twists in dizzying loops. The air is soft, perfumed with the scent of newly flowering trees, white petals falling like pale rain.

You pause just outside the entrance. He hasn’t noticed you yet. When did Bachira grow taller? He’s always had a round face, but puberty has melted the last of his baby fat away. His hair, at least, is as messy as ever, strands curling in every direction away from his face, his wild bangs held in check by a few clips clinging to remain on.

The worst part is that you know him still, that you will always know him. That you would recognize him even under a different name or if you had been struck blind and deaf. You would know him by your touch alone, by scent, by taste. The very space Bachira occupies is left changed by his presence, and you could chase his lingering trails for the rest of your life.

“Bachira,” you greet, walking slowly to where he’s still twisting in circles. You grab the chains, jerking him to a sudden stop, and he tilts his head up to look at you as he sways back and forth on the swings, your shadow falling across his face.

“Hey, hey, hey! You’re here!”

You nod. Your voice has fled in Bachira’s presence, and all you can do is drink him in.

“I missed you,” Bachira says.

“We met a few days ago.”

“That’s not what I meant,” he says. “I meant I missed you the whole time you were gone from Japan! I thought of you the whole time.”

You finally manage to unstick your voice. “Why didn’t you text me?”

“Because you told me not to. You were so mad at me. I didn’t want to make you madder.”

“Did you think I hated you?” you say.

“You didn’t?” he says quietly.

“I…” you begin, then clear your throat. “I could never hate you.”

Bachira kicks at the ground. “Then why didn’t you text me?” he says, echoing your question.

“I was mad, Bachira. I…”

“You said we were best friends.”

You blink. Once, twice. “I did. I didn’t lie to you.”

“Then are we still best friends?”

“I…” You duck your head so he can’t see your face. “It’s been so long. And…” You can’t forget what happened in middle school. You can’t return to the way your relationship used to be, when you were children, and the world was simple, and uncomplicated. Why did he look at you like the two of you could? “It’s different now.”

“I always thought you were my best friend,” he says plaintively. “That’s never changed.”

“Then in middle school, why did you…” You chew the tender flesh of your cheek.

When you were in America, you had fantasized about what you would say to him, how you would redo your argument and say the right words to strike home. You had thought about running into him again, and how the perfect speech would flow from your mouth, conveying all your feelings, mending whatever had broken all those years ago. In angrier times, you thought about hitting right where it hurt, your words like a sword, and you, the perfect, righteous victim. Now, though? Now your sentences come in bits and pieces, awkward and stilted, breaking under his gaze.

“Why did you do that to me, Bachira?” you continue quietly. “Do you think we can go back to the way we were before, just like that?”

A buzz emanates from your pocket. Grateful for the distraction, you drop your grip from the swings. There are imprints of the chain links on your palm as you swipe open your new notification.

“Is it your mom?” Bachira asks.

You squint at the bright email on your phone. “No. It’s from my boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend?” There’s a strange quaver in Bachira’s voice.

“My boyfriend. In America,” you add. “He plays football, too, and he drives me to places.” You feel mean then, your heart shriveling into something small and petty. You hadn’t intended to lie about Thomas, who was just your ex, but the lie feels good as you drink in Bachira’s lost gaze, eyes wide and shimmering with unspoken emotions.

“I’m qualified to make nationals for football,” Bachira says, that odd tone still in his voice.

“So is my boyfriend,” you add. The football season in America had just started, but Bachira didn’t need to know that.

“Cars are overrated. I just walk everywhere. It helps me become a better player,” Bachira adds.

“I should probably go so I can respond to him,” you say, waving your phone, ambling slowly towards the park entrance. Bachira’s gaze never leaves your phone.

Bachira kicks hard at the ground, shoes digging into the angry dirt. “So you like him, then? You like him a lot?”

“Bachira.” Your gaze bores into him. A breeze, sweet with the scent of flowers, ruffles his hair. “The way we are now, I don’t think you have the right to question me.”

He flinches, spinning the swing into motion, as if he can fly far from your words. But he’s only going back and forth in one direction, legs kicking at the sky.

You watch him for a while longer. All the anger drains out of you then. What is it that you came back here for, anyways? What are you looking for? What do you want? If growing up is going to be so painful, then maybe Bachira is right. You should have remained the way you once were, just the two of you.

–

By pulling some strings and begging your mom, you were able to get into the same public middle school as Meguru. The plan initially had been to send you to a fancy prep school overseas for both middle and high school, but you rebelled and pleaded, threatening to run away and to ruin the family reputation.

“I’ve never seen you cry so hard,” your mom teased. “From the way you were acting, I might as well have been torturing you. I didn’t realize you hated the idea of studying abroad so much.”

Your face burned at her words. “I’m sorry, Okaa-san.”

“Don’t be. It was cute. You hardly ever act like that, so it was nice to see.” She slid a sly smile at you. “But I wonder… is there a particular reason you wanted to go to this middle school?”

You shook your head vehemently. “No! Not at all!”

“Really? Not even for a certain little cute friend of yours?” your mom continues.

“Okaa-san!” you protested, and she threw up her hands in surrender.

When you started middle school with Meguru in the spring, though, it hadn’t been like what you expected. For starters, there was always a sea of people around you, pushing Meguru away like he was a piece of kelp set adrift on the tide. You knew how to make friends; how to smile just so, or to reply in the right lulls in the conversation to keep it going. But Meguru was always in a corner by himself. Even when you invited him over, your classmates would smile awkwardly at his nonchalant comments, or find reasons to drift away.

“He’s weird,” one of your classmates confided in you, one hand cupped around her mouth. “He talks to himself sometimes, and he never pays attention in class. He’s not a bad guy, but… he should try to fit in more.”

She looked expectantly at you, as if offering you a gift. You backed away from her instead, your own smile strained. “I see. But I like Meguru the way he is. He’s not doing anything wrong, and I don’t see why he has to change.”

Regardless of how the other students treated Meguru, though, you were determined not to let it affect you.

You were the only one to greet him in the hallways, and to sit by him during lunch. In the warm weather, the two of you would sit side by side in a secluded corner of the classroom, or try to find a place to sit outside under the shade of some trees. You walked home with him (because he preferred to dribble his football on the way, instead of taking a ride in your car), and walked to school with him, asking the driver to drop you off in front of his house. You dragged Meguru to study with you, somehow pulling him through each exam by the skin of his teeth, because you refused to imagine a situation in which the two of you wouldn’t be in a class together. Your classmates started joking that if they wanted to find you, all they had to do was call Meguru’s name, and you would pop up expectantly.

It was shaping up to be a good three years of middle school. You would graduate on time at this rate, and go to high school together. The only issue, though, was something that took place during the start of your third year of middle school. A classmate of yours had asked you to meet him after school, surrounded by two of his friends who grinned and elbowed him as he rubbed his neck, refusing to look you in the eye.

You didn’t think much of it at the time. When you showed up at the classroom, he turned to you with a sudden desperation, face red, and bowed.

“Please go out with me!” he said. “I’ve had a crush on you for the past two years!”

“Huh?” You gripped the straps of your bag tighter. “You… you like me?”

He bowed even more deeply at your confused tone. “Is it no good? Do you not feel anything for me?”

“I’m flattered, but I don’t like you in that way. I’m sorry,” you said gently.

The boy groaned. “I knew it. It’s because of Bachira, right? The two of you are always together. I don’t stand a chance against him.”

“Because of Meguru?” you repeated.

The boy nodded. “You like each other, right? It’s obvious. Man, I shouldn’t have tried to get in between that.”

You couldn’t find the words to deny him or to fix the misunderstanding, even after the two of you parted. You and Meguru? Of course you liked him. He was your best friend.

But you couldn’t let go of that boy’s words. You mulled over them, again and again. Like clothes that no longer fit quite right, your relationship with Meguru had changed shape before you had noticed. Somehow, that boy was the first to notice.

You always waited for Meguru to finish soccer practice, no matter how late it ran. Sometimes you had student council duties, or you would just sit cross-legged and work on your homework as he ran around the field. You’d done this for all three years of middle school, and the entire team knew you by name. The coach would jokingly ask if you were okay if you ever missed a day of practice, calling you an honorary member of the team.

Today was no different, and you made your way to the soccer field to wait for him. Without fail, when Meguru finished, the first thing he did was whip his head around, looking for you. As soon as he did, he made a beeline straight to you, without a care in the world.

He threw his arms around you from behind, causing the two of you to tumble into the grass. You shrieked, and he laughed, and you were a tangled pile of clinging limbs and grass stains.

It’s what he did. It’s what he was like. So why did your heart burst like a thousand butterflies into flight, reacting to his touch? He’s always been touchy. Your classmate was getting in your head.

“There you are!” Meguru said, looping his arms around your neck, heedless of who was watching, even if the team was used to his antics. “Let’s go home now!”

When he nuzzled his head into your shoulder, you couldn’t move, skin hot wherever he touched you.

“Okay, let’s go home, Meguru,” you said softly.

As soon as you went home, you sprinted past your mom to leap onto your bed and hug your pillow. You liked Meguru. You liked him so much, and it was so obvious now. It was the most natural stage for your relationship to progress to. Maybe you had always liked him, and you just didn’t have the words for it until now. Meguru had always been the most special person in the world to you, and that idea had simply taken on a new shade of meaning.

He had promised to be with you forever, hadn’t he? And Meguru would never break a promise to you.

You were careful not to let Meguru know your feelings over the following months. It would be embarrassing if he discovered them so soon, especially when it had taken you so long to realize them. But everyday after you went home, you would list all the things he had done that day, like touching your hand and hugging you, and calling your name three different times during history class. Everything about him felt so much more special now.

You liked him. You liked him so much. And you had to do something about it before graduation. As the months dripped by like water falling from a melting icicle, you planned when to make your move: on the most romantic day of the year.

During Valentine’s Day, you splayed your bandaged fingers across your desk in anticipation, your gift wrapped neatly in your backpack.

It had taken you all week to make the chocolates, which you had painstakingly molded into chocolate hearts. Since it was the first Valentine’s in which you were giving someone chocolate, you had delicately filled each heart with different fruit flavored jams– strawberry, orange, and even pineapple, Meguru’s favorite. The chocolates were nestled in a bag of pink cellophane and white tissue paper, with a red ribbon neatly tied in a bow on top. You had refused help from everyone, even the chef and your mom, because it was more special if you did it by yourself.

You hadn’t been able to stop bouncing in your seat all morning, nervous energy thrumming through you as the teacher’s history lecture went in one ear and out the other. The chocolates burned like a secret in your school bag, and you couldn’t resist fiddling with the zipper, constantly sliding it down to make sure the gift was still there.

When lunch finally rolled around, like an anxious puppy, you jumped out of your seat and headed straight to Meguru, who was sleeping, his head buried in his arms and doodles scattered across his notebooks like stars.

“Meguru,” you said, shaking his shoulder. “Meguru, wake up. Class is over.”

“Uh?” Meguru blinked one slow, sleepy eye at you, before stretching. “It is?”

“Yes. I have something to show you,” you emphasized. “It’s a surprise.”

“What is it?” He sat up, staring at you expectantly.

You glanced around the classroom; only a few people were still in their seats, eating homemade lunches and chatting with their friends, heads bent over magazines or phones. Reaching in your bag, you fumbled for the chocolates, hands trembling as you presented them to Meguru.

“Chocolate? Wow, thanks!” His eyes lit up as he reached for the bag, untying it and shaking a few of the hearts into his hand. He popped them in his mouth, his lips curling up in bliss. “These are so good!”

“I made them myself,” you explained shyly. “It took a while, but… I wanted to do something special for you, Meguru.”

He stuffed another chocolate into his mouth. “Thanks! You’re the best friend ever!”

Your face twitched at his choice of words, but you still plowed on. “Well… These aren’t just any chocolates, you know? Do you remember what day it is?”

“Uh…”

“It’s Valentine’s,” you supplied impatiently. “So, um…”

“These are friendship chocolates?” Meguru asked, his cheeks puffing out like a chipmunk.

“No.” Your hands were clammy now. It was just Meguru. Meguru, who you’ve known forever. Meguru, who promised to be by your side. Meguru, who understood you more than anyone else in the world. Why were you so afraid? He’d never hurt you.

“Can I share these with my mom?” Meguru continued innocently. “I think she’d love ‘em, too.”

“No!” Meguru stared at you, and your cheeks burned. “Sorry. I can make some for Bachira-san later. But these are special, Meguru. They’re… they’re not friendship chocolates.”

A sudden hush descended over the classroom. You were on a stage, a bright, hot spotlight beaming down on you and making your neck sweat. This wasn’t anything like what you read about how confessions went in shoujo manga. Meguru’s clueless eyes burned into you, and it was like he didn’t understand the script you were trying to read for him.

Meguru ate another heart, gnashing it beneath his teeth. “Eh? What other kind of chocolate can they be?”

You forced the words out. “They’re… they’re romantic. I’m confessing to you. I like you, Meguru.”

Your breathing was shallow, and your heart beat like a frightened animal. You couldn’t look at him anymore, and the heaviness of your words dropped like stones onto the floor.

“Oh. Um… I’m sorry.” The awkwardness in Meguru’s voice was too much. You backed away from his desk, tears burning at the corner of your eyes. When you looked up, you could see your classmates, feigning disinterest as they purposefully avoided your gaze.

You burst out of the classroom, ignoring the sound of Meguru’s chair screeching back as he yelled after you, “Wait!”

You were fast, but Meguru was faster. You skidded down the steps wildly, taking several at a time, and you were half down the landing when Meguru caught up to you. He called your name at the top of the stairs, but you refused to look back– and then, he landed in front of you, breathing heavily, shirt sleeves rolled up. He had jumped down an entire flight of stairs to catch up to you.

Meguru called your name. “Wait! Wait, wait.”

You turned your head away, but you could still sense Meguru in front of you. Your childhood friend. Your best friend. You had drawn hearts around his name in the back of your notebook this morning.

“What is it?” you said softly. Maybe you were wrong. Maybe Meguru had just been surprised, and now he would confess his feelings.

It was a joke, right?” he said uncertainly. “You were joking. It was a weird joke, but–”

“I wasn’t joking!” you yelled, shoving him backwards with a wild strength that surprised you. You haven’t been this mad at him since you first met.

Meguru stumbled back a few steps, watching you with wide eyes. It was an expression you hadn’t seen on him before: confused, lost, and afraid. Shouldn’t you be the one making that face?

“Okay. Um. It’s just weird if our relationship changes like that. You and me? That’s kinda weird,” he said again. “We’re friends! I don’t want to be anything else.”

You dug your nails into the meat of your palm until the pain was all you could think about. “I don’t want to be friends.”

“Huh?” Now Meguru looked even more afraid.

“I like you, Meguru,” you said, a broken sob in your voice. “I can’t just be friends with you. I…”

Meguru stepped closer to you. There was a starburst of hope in your chest, before it was dashed by Meguru dropping your Valentine’s Day chocolate in your hands. You curled your fingers over the hearts, crushing them in your palm.

“I don’t want to do this,” Meguru mumbled. “I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear anything, okay?”

“You’re a coward,” you said furiously, pushing all your hurt into your voice. You weren’t sad. You weren’t going to cry. Not especially in front of him. “I– I don’t want to see you again. Don’t talk to me. You liar! You said you would always be by my side!”

When you looked down the stairs, you could see a few of your fellow students, awkwardly hovering near the bottom of the landing. They averted their gazes when they met your eyes, but your whole body felt hot with rage and embarrassment. How many people had seen and heard the two of you? By tomorrow, everyone in school would probably be gossiping about how you were rejected by Meguru.

You ran. You ran, and this time, Meguru didn’t stop you as you jumped down the stairs. Somehow, you made your way home. You started listlessly at your phone, but there was no message from Meguru. You had been the one to tell him not to contact you, but… you threw your phone onto your bed.

Stupid Meguru. Stupid you. It had never occurred to you that Meguru might not feel the same way as you. You had been so arrogant, so certain that he liked you, and now you had embarrassed yourself in front of the whole school.

Did he forget? He promised to marry you. But that had been on a childish whim of his, no doubt, something he had long forgotten. You buried your head in your arms, and cried until you could drown the entirety of Chiba in your tears.

When your mom came home that night, a frown was brewing on her face, but the sight of your puffy eyes and hoarse voice stopped her lecture.

“What happened?” she asked you. “The school called me. You skipped classes.”

You shook your head. “I want to study abroad for high school.”

“What? Are you sure? You were so excited to go to school with Meguru-kun. The process would be–”

“I don’t care,” you said. His name stung your heart. “I want to go to America, Okaa-san. Please.”

She peered at you closely, then sighed. “Okay. Okay, let’s talk about this later. But if you really want to, then it’s not too late to make it happen.”

For the rest of your time until graduation, you avoided Meguru. You didn’t text him. When you saw him in the halls, you turned around and went a different way. You stuck closely to your other friends, and went home right away whenever you didn’t have any extracurriculars. You no longer visited the football field after school.

No one was cruel enough to talk about your confession to your face, but you could feel the glances, hear the whispers, until everyone lost interest and moved on to the next piece of gossip.

A part of you expected Meguru to come running to you, but he quietly kept out of your way. Maybe he was avoiding you, just as much as you were avoiding him. What an odd thought; Meguru had always been the first to whine when you had to leave to visit your grandparents for the summer. He was the one who always threw his arms around you. Maybe your relationship hadn’t meant that much to him after all.

When it came time for you to move to America, you and Meguru graduated middle school without talking to each other at all.

–

For some reason, you can’t bring yourself to talk to Thomas about Bachira.

In fact, you haven’t told any of your American friends about Bachira. You spent the first year in California trying to forget him, blindly agreeing to go on dates with any boys who showed interest in you. But their love for you was never greater than your own lack of it. Thomas is only the most recent one and you follow his lead, not out of loyalty, but convenience.

You keep your thoughts held tight to your chest, precious secrets that you refuse to let spill out of your grasp. With everyone in your life, sometimes even your mom, you have always put up a front. The only person you didn’t do that with was with Bachira.

Bachira is an open wound, one that grows bigger with every year, overwhelming you with its enormity and the way pressing on it still makes you ache. Your friends would laugh if you told them you were hanging on to a boy for so long, nursing this pain like your own child. They wouldn’t understand, and you would look pathetic in their eyes. There are no words in English or Japanese to describe what he means to you. His hold on you is as eternal as the way the flowers bloom during the spring, and the world revolves on its axis.

The rest of spring break passes in a flash. You hardly run into Bachira anymore, and your mom doesn’t force any more meetings. You email Thomas, who responds with boyish enthusiasm even at your dry answers.

The night before your morning flight, you rush up and down the stairs, sorting your various toiletries and stuffing clothes into your suitcase.

“All ready?” your mom asks you, nursing a mug of tea at the counter, watching you bustle.

“Yes, Okaa-san,” you say obediently. She holds open her arms, and you stop by for a hug, her arms enveloping you. She runs a hand in circles along your back, humming to herself.

“You’re such a good child,” she says affectionately. “Come visit me again soon. I’ll be lonely without you.”

“Okay.”

“And…” She pulls back to peer into your eyes. “You’re a little too good to me. You should try to be more wild. Rebel, so I can throw up my hands in exasperation at you and complain to all my friends.”

“I’ll try, so you have something to talk about with your coworkers,” you say, and she pinches your nose.

“Don’t try. Just do it,” she scolds. “I’ll always forgive you for any silly mistakes you make.”

“Okay, Okaa-san,” you say. “If I break a law, I’ll let you know in advance to prepare my bail.”

She smiles sadly. “You’re so old now. I wish you wouldn’t get hurt in life, but I can’t fix everything for you.”

“The world isn’t that nice,” you agree.

“You haven’t talked to Meguru-kun recently,” she says gently. “Did something happen?”

You stiffen, your face shuttering closed. “We’re okay. We’re just busy.”

She stirs the tea in her mug. “Okay. I won’t push you any further. Your life is yours to live. But I’ll always be here for you, if you need me.”

She leans in to kiss you on the forehead, and you want to cry. From the way she hesitates, you know she wants to say something else, but she simply lets you go.

How long has your mom suspected that your relationship with Bachira isn’t as pleasant as you pretend it is? You rub your forehead as you rush upstairs, dumping the last of your items into your suitcase. You sit on top of it to force it closed as you start zipping up the side, when your phone buzzes.

Bachira? No, it’s Thomas. The header of the email causes you to drop your phone in surprise.

About our relationship…

You pick up your phone, skimming the email.

Can we get back together? You read. I miss you.

How fickle. He was the one who broke up with you, and now he wants to get back together right away as soon as it’s convenient. That might not be a bad idea, though. A relationship where you knew what was expected from you, a simple transaction, would be easy.

Your phone buzzes again; it’s an incoming call. You stare at the caller ID for a few seconds, your surprised face reflected in the screen, before you answer, pressing the phone close to your ear.

“Hello?”

“Hi,” Bachira says. “I’m outside.”

“What?”

“I’m outside your door,” he repeats. “Can you come outside? If not, I’ll come in.”

“Why are you here?” You stand, heart pounding.

“Kaa-san told me you were leaving tomorrow,” Bachira says. “So I wanted to stop by.”

“Bachira…”

“Just for a little bit,” he persists. “That’s all you need to do.”

You sigh. “All right, fine. But only for a few minutes, okay?”

You hang up, pulling on a light jacket before you’re flying down the stairs, trading your house slippers for flip flops, and burst into the cool night air. The sun is setting, painting the sky in vibrant swatches of peaches and reds. There’s a cool breeze, sweet with the scent of new growth.

Bachira is leaning outside your family gate, a football tucked under his arm.

“What is it?” you ask him tersely, shoving your hands in your jacket pockets.

“You’re going back to America?” he says.

“Yeah. Tomorrow.”

“When will you come back?”

“I don’t know. Maybe I’ll go to university there,” you reply. You had planned to come back for summer break to see your mom, but he didn’t need to know that.

“Okay.” Bachira looks at the ground. “What about your boyfriend?”

“Why do you want to know about him?”

“Do you like him?”

“I… Sure,” you say, but it sounds weak, even to your own ears. “We’re on break right now because he’s busy with football season, but we’re thinking about getting back together,” you add more strongly, and Bachira kicks at the ground.

“He sounds like a jerk. Why’d he break up with you if he just wants to get back together whenever he wants?”

“At least he’s clear with his intentions,” you say sharply. “And he doesn’t run away.”

Bachira flinches, but it doesn’t make you feel as good as it should have. “... Shouldn’t…” he mumbles.

“What?” You tilt your head to catch his words.

“You shouldn’t get with him again,” Bachira says, still kicking at the ground like he would dribble his football.

“Why not?” You laugh, short and bitter. “How is that your business, Bachira? It’s not like you’re my boyfriend. We’re not even— we’re not even friends anymore.”

No response. What did you expect?

“I’m tired of this, okay?” you say softly. “All this stupid back and forth. We keep going in circles. If all we’re going to do is hurt each other, then let’s just end this here.”

Bachirs looks up at you finally, his gaze full of so much desperation and uncertainty. His chin trembles as he says, “I’m sorry.”

“What?”

“I’m sorry,” he repeats, more serious than you’ve ever heard him. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I rejected your confession. I’m sorry I didn’t call you.”

Bachira might as well have stabbed you. “Do you think that’s going to fix things? You’re sorry? Now? After all this time? What’s that going to fucking fix?” you say, your voice rising with each word you spit out.

“You didn’t call me, either,” Bachira says quietly. You flinch at the raw hurt in his voice, his overwhelming sadness. “You’re the one who just left without a word. You’re the one who ignored me. You were my only friend. You were my best friend.”

You chew your lip hard. Were. Not are. “I couldn’t face you anymore,” you say.

“I thought our friendship was stronger than that,” he says.

“I guess it wasn’t.”

“Do you really not want to be friends anymore?”

“What do you think? You want us to go back to how we were before and pretend nothing happened? It’s too late. Everything has changed. There’s no going back,” you spit. “You broke my heart. I… I loved you.”

“Then why did you just leave so easily? If you loved me?” Bachira asks. “You ran away and didn’t even try.”

“I could ask you the same,” you snap. “Just tell me it’s over. Okay? Reject me for good.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not? It was so easy for you before.”

“Because I love you,” Bachira says desperately.

It’s the world’s cruelest joke. Bachira reaches an uncertain hand towards you, and you jerk back, tears rolling down your face and blurring your vision. He can’t touch you. If he does, you’ll break apart. “Don’t lie,” you say. “You’re the worst.”

“I’m not lying. I didn’t want to admit it before,” he says. “When you told me you liked me, I was scared by how I felt.”

“Stop it.”

“I didn’t want to lose you,” he says. “Things were changing so fast. You were my only friend, and if you liked me, then we couldn’t ever go back to being just friends.”

“So you’re doing this to me now?” you say. The tears are still falling, and you hug yourself. You feel so weak and so young, all your surety stripped away. “You think you can do this to me?”

I’m sorry,” he says.

“You lost me either way,” you snap, “when you broke my heart like that.”

“I know. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you how I felt, and I’m sorry I pushed you away.”

You give a strangled laugh. “Really?”

“You don’t have to like me,” he says. “You can be as mad as you want. If you gotta go to America, that’s fine. If you– wanna be with someone else, too, if you don’t love me, that’s okay. We don’t even have to be friends, if you hate me. Just– can I please– can I love you? Is that okay? I don’t want to lose you again.”

“You’re so mean, Meguru,” you whisper. You can’t go forward until you confront him. You can’t go back because it’s impossible. Your fate has always been twisted by the boy in front of you.

You grab the front of his shirt, twisting the fabric in your hands savagely, as you press your lips against his. It’s a short kiss, salty with the taste of your tears, and Bachira is too surprised to kiss you back.

“Eh?” Bachira asks dazedly.

“You piss me off,” you say.

“Uh?”

You take a deep breath. “I’m sorry, Meguru. I’m sorry I left you alone and that I ran away from you and that I gave up so easily. I was scared, okay? But… I never hated you. Ever.”

“You called me Meguru,” Meguru breathes. And then he throws his arms around your neck.

“You’re so clingy,” you complain, hesitantly wrapping your arms around his back. You’ve missed his warmth, familiar and pleasant and gentle. “Didn’t you hear what I said?”

“Sort of!”

“Pay attention!”

“Okay. Well, let’s start over from the beginning, then,” he says. “We can do it again this time, and do it better.” He pulls back from you, clearing his throat. “Hi, I’m Bachira Meguru! It’s nice to meet you,” he says goofily, sticking out his hand.

“Hi.” You take his hand, giving it one shake, introducing your name. “Let’s… let’s be friends.”

“We can’t date?” Meguru asks, pouting, and you frown at him.

“No. Not now,” you acknowledge. “I have to talk to Thomas properly about how I feel. And I’m going back to America tomorrow. And there’s so much that I have to sort through—”

Meguru leans in and kisses you mid-sentence, a quick, butterfly of a kiss that steals all the words from you. “We’ll be friends for now. And if you want, then we can try dating. And even marriage.”

“Married?” you sputter. “Who said anything about marriage?”

“You did,” he says nonchalantly.

“From when we were kids,” you point out.

“Eh? Does that matter? We promised, so we have to follow through on it.”

“Don’t tell me you were going to propose to me.”

“In the future,” he says. “We can’t get married before we’re adults.”

“Meguru,” you say slowly. “Were you seriously planning on proposing to me? Before even asking my opinion?”

“What’s wrong with that? I thought you liked romantic stuff. Isn’t that romantic?”

You grit your teeth. You move to grab his shoulders, but Meguru dodges your grasp and slides backwards. You lunge at him again, but he dances out of your way.

“Come back here, Bachira Meguru,” you yell. “Do you have any common sense?”

“Who needs that?” he says cheerfully.

It feels like your first meeting as kids, so long ago. No one else in the world can quite make you feel this way, for better or for worse. Frustrated, you chase after Meguru as he weaves out of your grasp and hops down the length of the sidewalk. This goes on for a little bit, and just when you’ve run out of steam, Meguru spins around. Before you can move, he leaps at you and gathers you into a hug, his arms around your waist.

“Meguru, cut it out,” you say, annoyed, but you don’t move out of his grasp.

“Hmm…” he says. “I’ve decided! I’ll come visit you in America!”

“What?”

Meguru nods to himself, satisfied. “It’ll be fun! I’ve never been out of the country before! Hey, do you think I could fit in your suitcase?”

“Obviously not!”

You take a deep gulp of the spring air, sweet in your mouth, the flowering trees sending a blessing of pink petals over you. You and Meguru. Meguru and you. It’s just like when the two of you were little, only you’re starting over this time. Nothing would ever be the same again, but what new things could you build instead? What sort of people would you be now?

You hold out your hand to Meguru. He takes it easily, interlacing your fingers like he’s always belonged there. With his touch, an endless world of possibilities unfolds before you. This time, the two of you will explore it together.

#liya writes #blue lock #bachira meguru #bachira meguru x reader #blue lock x reader #blue lock imagines #bllk #blue lock bachira #bllk x reader #bllk bachira #bachira x reader #meguru bachira #meguru bachira x reader

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augustinewrites · 10 months

Text

“let me take you to dinner tonight.”

you look up from the handful of tulips you’re binding with twine to meet reo’s expectant gaze.

“no.”

“come on,” he grins, taking the bouquet and placing it with the others. “we eat together all the time. in fact, we’ve already shared one morning coffee and one afternoon picnic. that’s basically two dates.”

“you mean the morning you brought me an overpriced coffee and the afternoon you almost fought a pigeon over french fries in front of my flowers?”

he doesn’t seem to see anything wrong with your statement, nodding fervently. “yeah. we’ve covered morning and afternoon. the next natural course of action is to have dinner together.”

he must read the hesitation in your expression, placing a hand over yours. electricity zips through your veins, but you don’t pull away.

“hey, no pressure. no expectations,” he tells you softly. “just think of it as dinner between friends.”

“can i at least think about it?”

“of course.” he checks his watch. “you have about ten hours to decide because i kind of already made a reservation.”

of course he did. because for all of your banter, he knows you could never say no to him.

“okay, fine, i’ll go out with you. but only because you’re cute when you beg.” you decide, rolling your eyes when he does a quick fist pump.

“i am cute, thank you. and i know i said to think of it as dinner between friends, but if at any point you feel the overwhelming urge to kiss me, you have my complete consent.”

“go to work, reo,” you laugh, gently pushing his shoulder.

“i’ll text you the details!”

_____

reo isn’t sure why he’s so nervous. he’s always been great at first dates– better than average, some might say. but something’s different this time around. maybe it’s the restaurant’s lighting, or maybe it’s the fact that it’s his first date with you.

he’d come a little early and ordered a bottle of wine, knee bouncing under the table as he scrolled through his phone in an attempt to chase his nerves away.

thankfully it’s not long before he spots the hostess leading you to the table (a few more minutes and he certainly would have spiraled). he’s quick to stand, walking around the table to greet you.

“hi,” he says, handing you a bouquet of roses before pulling your seat out for you.

“these are beautiful, thank you,” you say, reo beaming as you gingerly hug the blooms to your chest.

once you’re both seated, he sneaks a glance at you before opening his menu. you look a little nervous, restlessly shifting in your chair and shifting your gaze around the room.

“i’m sorry,” you blurt, curling in on yourself as if you’re embarrassed. “this place is– i probably should have googled it first. i’m so underdressed, i feel like everyone’s looking at me...”

“of course they’re all looking at you. you’re the prettiest person in the room.”

(and, oh man, the way you look at him when he says that…it was like being bathed in soft sunshine. he could sit there and bask in it all day.)

but you lift your menu to hide your bashful expression and reo reaches across the table to pour you a bottle of wine, just to give himself something to do with his hands.

“everything’s so expensive,” you murmur.

the restaurant he’d chosen was one he was familiar with, customary for business meetings. he supposed it was on the higher end of the price range, but it only added to his ability to impress.

money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy you a nice dinner and a pretty good bottle of wine.

“i asked you out, i’m paying.”

“we can just split it–”

“it’s fine,” he waves off. “but if you insist, you can just cover the next one.”

you look up from your menu, amused. “we just sat down and you’re already asking me on a second date?”

he meets your gaze, grinning. “can you blame me?”

_____

despite the initial shock you’d received upon entering the restaurant, you slowly feel yourself begun to loosen up. maybe it’s the wine, or maybe it’s the fact that reo is…admittedly a really good date.

(not just because he’s nice to look at, in a nice shirt with the two topmost buttons undone and trousers that hug his rear perfectly)

as the night wears on, you tell him a bit about yourself. about the things you like to do in your free time, your pet at home, how you ended up running a flower stall in the concrete jungle of downtown tokyo. he listens intently when you talk, asking questions here and there to convey his interest.

though he mostly keeps the conversation focused on you, he tells you about himself too. he talks about the recreational league he plays with on the weekends and the roommate that’s been his best friend since high school. he even talks about the charity gala he’s going to next weekend, representing his family’s business (it’s legit, you can google it! he laughs).

you actually know of the gala he’s talking about. it’s an annual fundraiser, and the order they’d put in at the flower shop you used to work at was one of the most expensive you’d ever seen.

he insists on ordering dessert, the two of you sharing a piece of cheesecake as the night draws to a close. but before it does, you have to ask,

“why did you ask me out?”

he looks at you, seeming genuinely confused by your question. “what do you mean?”

you set your fork down, shrugging. “i’m not really your…type.”

“i have a type?”

“influencers, ceo’s daughters, models…” you say, to list a few.

“you did google me when i was in the bathroom,” he laughs. he doesn’t seem offended, just amused.

you did google him, which is how you know he’s had a string of high profile relationships - and eventual breakups.

“your last date,” you remember. “why didn’t you see her again?”

he takes another bite of the cheesecake, chewing thoughtfully before answering, “nothing was wrong with her. she just weren’t right for me.”

“but i am?”

he pauses, then answers confidently, “i think you might be, yeah.”

“is this the part where you tell me that we’re soulmates?” you tease, nudging the tip of his shoe with yours under the table. you’re trying to maintain a cool composure, but your heart is doing somersaults in your chest.

“no, because i’m a businessman,” he answers, nudging you back. “i believe in free will. when i see an opportunity, i just go for it. i’m not going wait for the universe to decide when i’ll get to be with my one true love.”

“so you believe in the human experience. subjective and objective choices. what about fate?”

“isn’t fate just a result of everyone’s choices? something inevitable, unavoidable.”

“description’s a little on the nose, don’t you think?” you counter. “think of it this way, i chose to set up my stall outside the restaurant, but it was fate that you were heading into it that night, which led to me being in this moment with you.”

“one could argue that was just coincidence,” he points out.

“you could. but maybe it was serendipity.”

“now you’re just making up words,” he laughs, prompting you to throw your napkin at him.

then he leans his elbows on the table, interlocking his fingers and resting his chin atop them. “to put it simply— i am here right now. it wasn’t some inevitable thing because i chose to be here. with you.”

influencers, ceo’s daughters, models. he could be with anyone else in japan, but he chose to be here with you. at the beginning of the night, you weren’t really sure what to expect from him, judging from your brief encounters at your flower stall. you’d known he was decently charming, sure, but tonight you’re getting the full picture.

and the way he looks at you now…it was like you hung the moon and stars.

“i like when you say it like that,” you admit, feeling heat bloom across your cheeks.

“the philosophy course i took in university is paying off then.”

you’re about to do something completely stupid like kiss him when you realize just how quiet it is in the restaurant. you’d been so distracted, so enamoured with the man in front of you that everything else had blurred into the background.

you lean back to look around. it’s completely empty, save for the waitstaff and hostess.

“did we stay past closing?” you frown, wondering how you’d lost track of time.

“it’s fine,” he assures you, reaching across the table to place a hand over yours. “i told you i made a reservation.”

“for the entire restaurant?!”

again, he doesn’t seem to see anything wrong with your statement. “what did you think i meant?”

#blue lock x reader #bllk x reader #reo x reader #reo mikage x reader #blue lock fluff #it's the flower shop au

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127tyong · 2 months

Text

Earthquake

Pairing: Boss Johnny X Personal Assistant Reader

Genre: Smut, Breeding Kink, Marriage out of convivence

Warnings:

Word Count: 1.5 k

“Johnny! You’re here!” You smiled as Johnny walked into you two’s personal office, arriving an hour after you.

You were hired as Johnny’s personal assistant a few months ago, and had a decently close work relationship with him. Your application was desperate, saying you would do anything to work with him, and anything he wanted.

“Hi hun.” Johnny always talked to you sweetly, despite his reputation of being a cold businessman. “I have to have lunch with my family today, but that should be fine, yes?”

“Yes.” You immediately said, knowing his entire schedule off the top of your head.

“Perfect.” Johnny sat down at his desk and turned it on. “Is my coffee ready?”

You stood up, getting his coffee for him, then putting it on his desk.

“Thanks.” Johnny mumbled to you.

“Hey, I have a question.” You waited for Johnny to nod at you. “What’s the lunch for? Sorry if that’s a personal question, but you never go back to see your family.”

“They said they wanted to talk. Probably something stupid.” Johnny smiled up at you in between sips of coffee before setting the cup down. “Don’t you worry your pretty little head about it. I’ll come back with some pasta for you, it’s supposed to be some of the best Italian food around.”

“I cannot deal with that bitch’s stupidity.” Johnny huffed, loosening his tie and slamming the to-go box on his desk. You stood in the corner of the room, next to the door, holding a clipboard with his to-do list.

“Mr. Suh, if I may-” You started to speak, silenced by Johnny raising his hand.

“Cancel my other plans for today. I need a fucking break.”

“...Yes, sir.” You quickly went to your desk, across the room and made a few calls.

“My fucking father thinks he can tell me who to marry…” Johnny mumbled, laying on the couch, pinching his nose bridge.

“Sir.” You stood up, understanding the issue. You always knew Johnny’s dad was rough, to say the least. A controlling, self centered man. “Would you like to do something fun with me?”

“Fun?” Johnny scoffed, as if that was the last thing he wanted. “Just… sit next to me.”

You pulled your rolling chair across the room next to him.

“My dad wants me to marry another conglomerate heir. But the problem is… She’s only 14.”

You audibly gasped. “What?”

“I know. I’m pushing 30 dating a girl less than half my age…” Johnny groaned. “I can see the headlines now. Billionaire marries a child. Johnny Suh goes on a date with the heir of a major tech company, a 14 year old. I can only imagine what would happen.”

“Oh, Johnny…” You rubbed his shoulder.

“This is his way of threatening me. Telling me that if I don’t get married soon he’s going to make me do… This.” Johnny sat up.

“Why can’t you marry someone else then? I can make a list of potential prospects for you-” You stood up, but Johnny grabbed your wrist, forcing you back.

“Marry me.” He looks in your eyes, desperately. “At least for a year. Please, I need you to. I can’t let my reputation get ruined like this. You’re the perfect woman for this, you’re intelligent and know how to handle potential issues.”

Johnny’s reputation was everything to him. A stoic businessman, even if in the office he was nothing but kind. His reputation was how he got his way, and you knew it. He always gets told “yes” no matter the situation…

“Johnny…” You looked back at him, trying to comprehend the question.

“You’ll be a millionaire. I’ll give you anything you want and more, just please… Marry me.”

And that’s how you ended up marrying one of the richest men in all of Korea.

Instead of the headlines reading “Billionaire marries child” the headlines read “Billionaire marries his personal assistant, love story shocking the country”.

And he kept all his promises. He bought you a penthouse apartment in Seoul, and a house in your hometown. He bought you any car you asked for, and he took care of your family.

There was no romance in your marriage, but you found Johnny to be an amazing husband. He was very likable, and you two spent a lot of time together, just hanging out. He was great with cooking and cleaning, and never asked you to do anything, but still took you on “dates” wherever you wanted. But the one thing you noticed was he never crossed the line. You slept in the same bed, per his request, but still had separate blankets. You shared a bathroom, but he asked you to shower at night, since he showered in the morning. And he never, ever, asked about your love life. You knew that was his way of telling you that you could date other men, and that he would see other women.

The only problem in this set up was his family. His mother was a gossiping, evil witch that talked bad about everyone, especially you, but his dad was a whole other issue. And every time you saw either of them, they asked if you were pregnant yet.

“I’m home!” Johnny walked into the penthouse as you were inside, cooking dinner. “Smells good.”

“Hey Johnny.” You served the meal. “Food’s ready.”

“Hey… I have to talk to you about something.” Johnny sat at the dining room table, his face cold.

“Yeah?” You placed the bowl in front of him, and sat next to him.

“I need to have a kid with you.” He looked up at you and read your shocked expression. “I’m so sorry, I know I was the one who said you’d never have to do this but I-”

“I understand, it’s just kinda… out of nowhere.” You sighed. “Give me a minute.”

You went up to the bathroom and got in the shower, not knowing how to feel.

When you stepped out of the bathroom in a towel, Johnny was waiting for you in the bedroom. “You don’t have to do this.” He stood in front of you.

“I know.”

Johnny’ s lips crashed onto yours, his hands gripping your wet hair. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry…” He picked you up and tossed you on the bed, your towel falling off. “You have no fucking idea how long I’ve been waiting for this.”

“Johnny, wait, what do you mean-” His lips pressed against yours again, his tongue licking your bottom lip and asking for permission to come in. You opened your lips slightly, and his tongue slid in, searching your mouth for your tongue, the tips of your tongue meeting.

You pulled away from the kiss after a few seconds. “Johnny…”

“I think I love you. You’re all I ever think about…” Johnny kissed your neck, licking it in areas that slightly tickled but still made you moan.

“Johnny…” You moaned out, and his large hands pressed against your thighs, massaging it. “Slow down…”

“I’m sorry…” He breathed into your neck. “But I’ve already been waiting for several months.”

His mouth went to your breast, sucking your nipples until they hardened. “God, you’re just so beautiful.”

“Johnny…” You moaned out. You wrapped your hands into his hair and he laid on your chest. “Stick it in.”

“Okay…” He quickly took off his pants, already hard without you ever even touching him.

He stuck it all in at once, shocking you. “Fuck!” You squealed, trying to catch your breath. “Johnny, you can’t do that next time…”

“So you’re already planning the next time?” He began to slowly thrust, allowing you to regain your composure but his impatience still getting the better of him.

“You’re way too fucking big, Johnny.” You tried to relax, but he was still filling you up. “You can’t just shove your dick into a girl, you’re gonna break the next girl you fuck.”

Johnny leaned down, his face near yours. “I told you I love you, and you think I’m fucking other girls? God, I thought you were smart. I’ve liked you ever since you became my assistant. You’re capable, beautiful, and amazing to be around… I wanna make you happy.”

You wrapped your arms around his neck. “Give me a baby. I wanna have a kid with you.”

“Oh, I’ll fucking put a baby inside you…” Johnny mumbled into your neck. “Just keep squeezing down on my dick the way you are right now and I might just cum in around ten seconds.”

“Please Johnny! Please, please, please…” Your voice kept him going on, begging him.

“I wish I fucked you on our wedding night, fuck, you’re so perfect…” And with that, you felt the warmth of Johnny’s cum shooting inside you.

“Johnny…” You croaked out.

Johnny laid on top of you, his dick slipping out of you, causing the cum to drip out of you. “I’ll change the sheets later.” He sighed.

“How are you feeling?” “I still love you, if that’s what you were wondering.” “Good.”

#nct fanfic #nct smut #nct x reader #nct 127 smut #johnny smut

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carlgrimesenthusiast · 9 months

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saviour! reader x carl where he’s got a huge crush on her and thinks she’s soooo hot so when the two find themselves alone, and she makes a suggestive comment towards him, he begs her to have sex with him

we’re supposed to hate each other…

warnings: swearing, smut.

a/n: i decided to make this into an actual fic instead of just short couple of paragraphs. plus i haven’t written a fic in a long time! i also wrote in capitalisation and didn’t make the writing smaller, thought i would try it out.

also, i made reader negans daughter so it would fit to the title, but everything else is the same!

You heard someone knocking on the door from the other side of the door. “Come in.” You yelled, rolling your eyes. Someone always had to interrupt whilst you were reading a book.

“Alright, pumpkin. Get up, we’re going to Alexandria.” Your father said, after opening the door. You love going to Alexandria, mostly because of a special someone always being there whilst your father went off taking supplies from everyone. You and Carl were supposed to hate each other, at least that’s what you thought.

Whenever you saw Carl, you get butterflies in your stomach but your ignored them. Even if you were supposedly dating, would it really work out? Your fathers hate each other and even thought hate is a strong word, they really do hate each other. You wouldn’t blame Rick, Carls dad, you knew what kind of person your dad was but that didn’t change the fact that you still love him.

“Fine.” You abruptly sat up, removing the blankets off of you and leaving the marked up book onto the bed side table. “When are we leaving?” You questioned, taking your jacket and putting it on.

“Now, all the trucks are outside all ready.” Your father said, waiting for you to hurry up.

“Well, I’m ready so let’s go.” Negan nodded before turning around, opening the door wider and letting you leave first before closing the door and locking it.

You made your way outside, walking past all the workers and taking quick glances at them. You felt bad for them but weren’t they being kept safe? It shouldn’t be that bad, it’s way better then being left outside with all those walkers lurking around. If I were them, I’d prefer to be kept inside, fed and being able to sleep all safely, well mostly safe…

You boarded the car with you dad, not being bothered to buckle your seatbelt because who else would be driving on the road apart from the Saviours? You and Negan made small talk, a large quantity of it being what we would take when we get there and if your dad was going to stir up even more hatred.

You arrived outside the gate of Alexandria, you waited for the Alexandrians to open the gate before all the vehicles made their way inside.

You jumped out the car happily, you loved being here. You honestly wish you were here instead of the Sanctuary. The houses and the trees and the bright sun, everything about it here was beautiful. You were brought out of your thoughts when a certain someone made their way towards you.

“Hey, Y/n, haven’t seen you in ages.” Carl said, hands in his pockets whilst he looked down at you with his eyes squinted from the sun.

“I saw you like last week…” You had an obvious look on his face, did he miss me or something? You smiled at the thought of Carl missing you.

“What you smiling about?” Carl questioned, your smile immediately dropped.

“Nothing.” You folded your arms across your chest, “now, show me something that I might be interested in.” Last week when you came to Alexandria, you met up with Carl again and you told him that next time you’re here, he should show you all the things he found for you that you could be interested in having.

“Alright, I’ll lead the way. It’s in my bedroom, by the way.” Carl nodded before leading the way, you were both stopped by someones voice.

“Darling, where you going?” Your fathers voice boomed out, you turned around to see your dad standing there with the Saviours carrying supplies back to the trucks.

“I’m going with Carl, he’s offering me things he thinks I might like.” You shouted, loud enough for Negan to hear since he was quite far.

“Alright, be back in 10 minutes!” He shouted back, you nodded and held your thumb up to show that you will be back.

“I’ve got some things that you will definitely like to have, hopefully.” Carl whispered the last part to himself, thinking that you couldn’t hear him, but you did.

Carl opened the door to his house and let you enter, you were shocked. Your face didn’t display it but your mind was thinking otherwise. The furniture, the carpet, the lights, the living room. Everything about it is so homely, exactly like it was before the world went to shit.

“Everything’s in my room, come on.” Carl shut the door behind him and led the way upstairs. He opened the door to his bedroom, there was one poster in his room and a ton of shit on his bed. That’s what he was offering, a ton of comics that you wondered where he found them, video games, books, a paint set…in prestige condition as well. You seriously needed to know where Carl found this stuff.

“I want the comics.” You said before making your way to the comics, picking it up from his bed and flicking through it.

“That’s my second favourite.” Carl pointed out, closing the door behind him and walking to stand beside you.

“Oh, well, then I’m taking it.” You smiled, “it’s so hot in here.” You fanned your face before taking your jacket off and placing it on the chair that was in Carls bedroom.

“Be careful, there’s some weird scenes in that one. That’s why it’s my favourite.” Carl joked, you chuckled slightly.

“So what, like sexual stuff?” You asked, he nodded. “Let’s recreate them.” You joked as well. Carl stayed quiet, not knowing how to react. His mind went to other places…he couldn’t help but think about you and him recreating those scenes… “Carl?” You nudged him, bringing him out of his thoughts.

“Yeah?” He breathed out, a very obvious rose pink blush spread across his face. “Do you really want to recreate those?” Carl blushed.

“Do you?” You looked at him, he breathed in before nodding.

“I mean, we only have like 5 minutes left…maybe another time.” You glanced down at your watch.

“No!” Carl startled you, your eyes widening at the sudden burst. “I mean, 5 minutes is enough.”

“Are you sure? What if my dad comes barging in the room and sees us?” You feared.

“He won’t, we can be quick.” You looked at Carl unsure, you felt your panties starting to stick to you. “Unless you totally want to, I’m not forcing you. In fact, let’s just forget about what I said. You wanted the comics, here you can have them.” Carl reassured you, he didn’t want to force you to do anything you didn’t like.

You found it cute how he was talking so fast, almost like he was nervous. The thought of Carl missing you and being nervous about you made you wet.

“Alright, let’s go back outside. I bet your dads waitin-“ You cut Carl off by grabbing his face and smashing his lips against yours. He held his hands over yours, you let go off his lips with a deep breath.

“You said we’ll be quick, right!?” You were already removing your shirt, Carl kissed you again before taking taking his own shirt off revealing his body to you. You gasped, running your hands along his body, feeling his light muscles coming out.

You laid Carl down onto the bed, sitting on his lap. He unclasped your bra from behind for you and took id off. He stared at your boob, mouth agape. “Can I?” He looked up at you, needy.

“Of course.” That’s all you needed to hear before his lips wrapped around your nipples. “Fuck.” You breathed under your breathe, tugging onto Carls hair.

Carl let go with a ‘pop’, you stood back up removing your jeans along with your panties whilst Carl did the same, removing his boxers. You straddled Carl again, wrapping your arms around his neck. You pulled him in, your lips made its way to his neck.

“Please, please.” Carl begged, you probably only had about 2 minutes left so you had to be quick.

Carl slowly felt your pussy, “Shit.” he was harder then ever now, he needed you wrapped around him so badly. He slowly aligned himself with your seeping hole. He slowly thrusted into you, letting you get used to the feeling.

“Carl.” You moaned, his arms wrapped around your waist, bringing you closer and kissing your neck. You whimpered, feeling Carl sucking on your neck.

“Fuck, next time I see you, I’m gonna take it nice and slow with you. Treat you real nicely.” He groaned, you rolled your hips in sync with Carls thrust.

You felt yourself coming close, “Shit baby, you feel so good.” Carl praised, his praises brought you closer. You bit your lip to suppress your moans.

“Fuck.” You held onto Carl so tightly as you came, Carl kept going to help you through your orgasm. You felt Carl release inside of you.

After you were out of the haze, you began to get redress. You retouched yourself, fixing your hair making sure it looked like it did before, fixing your clothing and soothing your hand over it to fix the creases. “I’m sorry this wasn’t quite the best ever, but I promise you when you come back I will treat you even better.” Carl held your hands within his, kissing each knuckle.

“This was the best carl.” You reassured him, “i’ll see you later.” You giggled, you gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before you and Carl made your way outside.

“There you are kid, I was getting worried.” Your dad said, folding his arms and a relieved look on his face.

“Sorry.” You giggled, you got into the car with your dad. Before leaving, you waved at Carl smiling so much.

“Did Carl not have anything good?” Negan asked.

“Nope” You popped the ‘p’.

“Why’re you smiling so much? Never seen you smile this much before.”

“No reason.” You looked back outside the window, he didn’t need to know the reason why you were.

a/n: i got lazy at the end :(( i’m sorry about that, i hope you enjoyed nonetheless! this is the longest fic i have ever written, my hands are very tired… also i just realised the title doesn’t really go with the plot but oh well… hope u enjoyed though!!!

thank you anon for the request!!!

(not proofread)

#carl grimes #carl grimes x reader #the walking dead #smut #carl grimes x you #carl grimes fluff #carl grimes smut #carl grimes angst #carl x you #carl grimes fic #negan smith #twd carl #carl twd #twd #twd fluff #carl grimes twd #carl grimes fanfiction #carl grimes fanfic #carl grimes x y/n

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feelbokkie · 1 month

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💙Blue💙

☀️Feelbokkie M.list ☀️

Blue: Calm, Responsible, Sadness

genre: angst, hurt/comfort

pov: 2nd person

description: jisung feels guilty about having to cancel your date because of an anxiety attack.

pairing: jisung x reader

warnings: swearing, slight depiction of an anxiety attack

word count: 817

🖍️Crayon Box M.list🖍️

“I’m sorry,” Jisung quietly mumbles. You almost didn’t hear him over the movie. You almost thought it was a voice actor in the background. Hell, if Jisung didn’t squeeze your arm, and turn further into your side as he said it, you would have thought he was asleep.

“You don’t have anything to be sorry about, Hanji.” You reassure him, gently stroking his hair with your free hand.

The two of you are sitting on Jisung’s bed, watching a show that both of you have seen a million times before. Something that neither of you have to really pay attention to. It's on for noise more than watching.

The two of you were supposed to go on a date. Jisung just came back from traveling the world, touring, and working on nonstop promotions. When he told you that he had an entire date planned at an amusement park, you were a little bit worried. It would have been fine if he had planned it a few weeks, maybe even a month after he got home. But he said that the two of you would go the day after he came home. You know your boyfriend well and you've been watching him from the sidelines of fan videos and whatever content the company put out. You've seen him slowly but surely being worn down mentally over the past few months. You didn't want him to overexert himself knowing how he can get anxious in crowded places and social situations.

Still, he insisted that you two meet up at his dorm and then head out together. When you got to his dorm, you could already tell that something was off about him. He was quieter than normal and not quite as excited to see you as you thought he would be after not seeing you for months. His eyes had a faraway stare like he was looking past you and you know he could barely hear you. You tried to convince him to stay home, but still, he kept trying to go out. The two of you made it as far as the bus stop before you felt him starting to shake beside you. You eventually put your foot down and dragged him back home.

"Yeah, but you were excited to go to Lotte World." He whispers.

"It's okay, we can go another time. Lotte World will still be there." You lay your hand on his lap, palm up, so he can take it.

"God," He groans, throwing his head back. "I fuck everything up. I just wanted to spend time with you and I can't even do that."

"Hey," you grab the remote and pause the show before turning your body towards him. "don't talk about my boyfriend like that."

"You should get a new boyfriend. One you don't have to take care of all the time."

You press your lips into a fine line as you study his face. His dark brown eyes are puffy and glassy as they stare deep into your eyes. The tip of his nose is also red. You know he's been silently crying for a little bit, probably stressing over the date. You've been wordlessly wiping his tears away for him or handing him tissues. The sight of him breaks your heart knowing how bad he feels about the sudden change of plans.

"I don't want a new boyfriend. I'm perfectly happy with the one I have now. And couples are supposed to take care of each other. It's 50/50."

"More like 90/10," He mumbles to himself.

"Hanji--"

Jisung lets out a frustrated groan. "I don't know why I feel like this."

"Jisung,"

"It's literally my job to go out and do these things and I can't even take you out on a freaking date? Pathetic,"

"Han Jisung,"

You cup Jisung’s face and force him to look at you. Really look at you. His head is heavy in your hands as he seems to just relax into your touch. Your thumbs gently stroke his cheeks, something he’s done for you more times than you can count to calm you down. Somehow, it’s slowly working for him. You can't help but push your thumbs into the soft skin of his cheeks.

"Stop playing with my cheeks like they're stress balls," He whines, chuckling a bit.

"It's de-stressing you a bit, you even cracked a small smile." You press a soft kiss into his forehead. "Hanji, you don't have to apologize for today okay? We can always go to the amusement park. I like spending quiet moments like this with you anyways. I'm just glad you're feeling a little better."

"Well, then tomorrow--"

"Let's just focus on today's date."

—

Buy me a coffee?

—

Permanent Taglist (closed)

Red means that it wouldn't let me tag you (either at all or properly)

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#feelbokkie writes #stray kids #skz #han #han jisung #han imagine #han reaction #han reactions #han imagines #han jisung imagine #han jisung imagines #han jisung reaction #han x reader #reader x han #reader x han jisung #han jisung x reader #crayon box

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fogwitchoftheevermore · 2 months

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@mcyt-aro-week day 3: solidarity / hobbies

It's a quiet day in Pixandria, all things considered, which is nice and rare these days. That is, until Pix hears the telltale sounds of rockets and someone skidding to a halt in the sand outside his storage room.

Pix closes the chest he was rummaging through with a sigh and walks outside to figure out which of his friends has appeared on his metaphorical front lawn. As he pokes his head out the door, he catches a flash of bright green- Jimmy, then, so this will probably be a relatively normal conversation, all things considered.

"Jimmy, hey, what's up?"

Jimmy turns around, frowning, and pulls his codboy hat lower than it's supposed to go so it covers his eyes- bad day, then.

Jimmy sighs, "Pix, can I talk to you about something?"

"Sure, sure, come on in," Pix ushers the man into the top area of the storage room and leans against one of the walls. "What's going on?"

Jimmy buries is head in his hands even further somehow and groans for a second before he starts talking. Very bad day, then.

"Well, I just left Rivendell cause Scott invited me to some sort of alliance meeting, except it wasn't really an alliance meeting, it was a date, and it was really clearly a date cause he had this tunnel of love thing going on and a picnic and it was really nice but I don't- I wasn't prepared and I don't know if I even like him- or anyone- like that but I didn't know how to tell him that in the middle of a date, so I pretended that I didn't know it was one, except it was so obviously a date so now he either thinks I'm even more of an idiot than he already did or that I was, I don't know, playing hard to get or something? I don't know how people think about these things, I just-"

Jimmy, who had been pacing and gesturing wildly the whole time he spoke, stops short, digs his palms into his eyes, and shouts a bit before stopping and looking up at Pix desperately.

"Help?"

Pix nods slowly. "Yeah, ok, that's... that's bad. So, first things first, the thing about not being sure if you like him, or anyone like that?"

Jimmy takes a deep breath and shakes out his hands a bit. "Yeah, I don't know, I think I've had like, one crush ever? And I don't even really know if that was a crush? And I like Scott, I do, even though he's kind of a jerk sometimes, but I don't think it's like that? I'm not sure."

"Ok, well, do you want to be in a relationship with Scott?"

Jimmy pauses, visibly considering. "I... have no idea."

"Ok, so, first step is, despite what you might think, not figuring that part out, because that's going to take forever. First step is getting on the same page with Scott.”

“Does it have to be? Can’t I just figure out what my deal is and then everything is fine forever?”

Pix chuckles. “If only it were that easy.”

“It’s just-!” Jimmy walks over to where Pix is leaning and joins him for about two seconds before sliding down the wall to sit on the floor. “I don’t know. I don’t know how any of this is supposed to feel, I don’t know how I’m meant to know if I like someone like that or not if I want to be in a relationship with them or what and I don’t know how everyone seems to have it so figured out!”

“I mean, I don’t think everyone else does, to be totally honest. But even if they do, well, it probably felt a lot more like… something for them.” Pix joins Jimmy on the floor, staring straight ahead as he tries to think. “Because in my experience, sometimes it feels like nothing because it is nothing, but sometimes it feels like nothing because it’s something but not with this person, but other times it feels like something even when it’s nothing-“ Pix has no idea what he’s talking about, at this point. He’s not equipped for these things, and he says as much. “Why did you come to me for this, I’m not-? Your sister’s married to your best friend, I feel like they’re much better equipped to answer the question of ‘How do you know when you want to be in a relationship with someone?’”

“I mean, probably,” Jimmy says, finally letting his codboy hat go enough that Pix can see his eyes again. “But, well… you’re you. We’re us, y’know?”

Pix does know. He knows that Lizzie is Jimmy’s sister, but Pix was the first person to see Jimmy without the Codfather head on. He knows that Joel is Jimmy’s best friend, but Pix is the one he asked to build the cod statue in his base. He knows that he’s Jimmy’s… something, and this is what they do. And that, however unfortunately, he probably is the best person to ask about this type of thing, even if he doesn’t feel like he knows what he’s talking about half the time.

Pix reaches out and puts his arm around Jimmy’s shoulders, and Jimmy instinctively moves to lay his head on Pix’s shoulder. Well, they’ll figure it out eventually.

#mcyt aro week #jimmy solidarity #pixlriffs #empires smp #i’m not tagging this as shipping but you can if you want #they’re a qpr it’s whatever you want it to be #though i will say that the crush jimmy mentions IS pix #like they’re a qpr but they don’t really call it that and jimmy did think he had a crush on pix for a bit cause he has no idea what a crush #is quote unquote supposed to be #also scott doesn’t know it but he’s also aromantic #but he’s So far from realizing that #my writing

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kjhbsies · 2 months

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Fool For You

HELP PALESTINE • donation links • ways to help • why you should not buy/support TLOU2 remaster

PART I : PART II.

Rockstar Ellie Williams x fem!reader

Synopsis: Ellie wants to prove herself that she's a better one for you, but finds herself entangled in a web of circumstances as she was forced to fake-date a charismatic rising pop star. As Ellie navigates herself through the challenges of making appearances for the public eye, you become distant, fueled by doubts about Ellie's sincerity. the conflict deepens when Abby unexpectedly reappears, adding a layer of tension and fear that further strains Ellie's connection with the you.

wordcount: 6,473

"Who’s this?” Ellie asked coldly while taking a side glance at Abby, who was smiling amusedly as she could recognize the rockstar in front of her. She can take a hint that Ellie is getting furious because of her, and that thought makes her want to do some things that will probably annoy her.

“Abby Anderson,” she said while smiling, offering a hand to her. “I listen to your songs.”

Ellie ignored her, and she instead looked at you. “I’m sorry I was so late, there’s some emergency that happened in the group so I went here instead.”

You stared at Ellie, whose eyes were pleading with you right now. Yes, you were annoyed at her for standing you up at your supposed public date. Who wouldn’t, right? Sitting there at the park for minutes, trying to amuse yourself with things in there, while looking sad is pathetic. Humiliating, even. If Abby wasn’t there to accompany you for the rest of the night, you probably would be waiting for Ellie forever. I guess these kinds of things, such as meeting up with her or even having the chance to talk to her, will make you do everything that can deem you crazy.

But hey, it’s Ellie. Who wouldn’t do that for her?

But the question is… will Ellie do that for you?

Yes, she did go to lengths to correct her past mistakes, and to apologize profusely and sincerely. You can see that with her actions, and especially words because that’s what she’s good at her. Every word that comes through her mind and mouth is poetic, maybe that’s what makes her magnetic. But you can’t be sure of her intentions. Everyone loves Ellie, and she can get everyone she wants. And that’s what scares you. Because you think you are not enough for her. You’re just a simple college girl, her fan girl, there’s nothing crazy about you that would make her crawl to you. You don’t even know why she’s still wooing you.

Maybe Cat was right. You need to test what Ellie’s intentions are. And you can’t fall in love in the process. Not yet.

“It’s fine. You’re here now. And Abby was there to amuse me.” You smiled assuringly.

“Right.” Ellie almost rolled her eyes when you mentioned Abby’s name. The rockstar craned her neck to look at her, “Thanks for bringing her home, you can go now that I’m here.”

Your brows knitted and you looked at Ellie. “Hey, that’s kinda mean.” You whispered. But Ellie acted as if she didn’t hear you.

Abby acted nonchalantly. Instead, she smiled widely. “No worries, bro. I had an enjoyable night, tonight. But…” Abby clicked her tongue. “…The next time you ditch her, you should be nervous because I might steal you from her.” She then laughed jokingly.

Your eyes turned wide. And Ellie’s face reddened in annoyance. The rockstar’s jaw clenched and her grip on the bouquet and the tub of ice cream hardened.

Abby smiled at you before heading back to her car, but you and Ellie remained still until the car got away.

Ellie inhaled, “I don’t like your friend.”

“She’s joking.” You looked at her, and she met your gaze with a serious one.

“Well, she’s not funny.”

“Okay, valid.” You nodded. “We should go to my house. That ice cream is going to melt.” You begin walking inside the building, and Ellie starts tailing you.

“Next time she says something like that, I’m gonna crack her skull open,” Ellie commented.

You immediately shook your head. “No, you wouldn’t.” You went inside the elevator.

“Yes, I will, babe. Yes, I will.” Ellie said, staring right at your eyes.

Yup, she will.

You and Ellie are sitting in the kitchen bar area while slowly eating the ice cream in front of you two. You can tell that Ellie’s mind is going elsewhere, as she is unusually quiet and is already staring at nowhere right now. Since both of you are sitting side by side, you can tell how her leg is moving up and down – a sign that she’s uncomfortable.

“Are you okay?” You asked, and Ellie almost jumped as you pulled her out of the trance.

“Uh, yeah, yeah, sorry. I was kinda spacing out.” She said before smiling.

Your eyes lightly narrowed as you studied her, and Ellie immediately looked away. “What happened earlier?”

Ellie didn’t answer for a few minutes, and that made you want to question her more as your suspicions rose that it wasn’t pleasant. With the way she behaves, you can tell that it isn’t great, and that makes you slightly nervous.

“Some issue just broke up, it was kinda hard to explain but, yeah,” Ellie said in a low voice, almost like a whisper.

“…Okay. If you can’t say it right now, it’s fine. I don’t want to push it.” But you do want to. However, you’re afraid that this might make Ellie annoyed. If she isn’t ready, then who are you to force her? Besides, it isn’t your business and you aren’t involved in it.

The truth is, the reason why Ellie is extremely quiet and why she is so late at your supposed date, is because she and Jesse, their manager, got into an argument.

A new rising popstar, Jenny, is one of the netizen’s favorite musicians besides the Serenade Apocalypse. In three months, she has started to gain so much attention from the fans. However, some people have started to create multiple fan accounts of Jenny and Ellie that were practically shipping and wanting them to date. It has now become a new huge thing that gives Jenny and the Serenade Apocalypse a new wave of popularity that it reached Jenny’s management.

Her manager insisted to Jesse that they should engage in fake dating just to get more publicity. The pop star immediately agreed to this arrangement, saying that this was just a good idea. However, Jesse knew that Ellie wouldn’t comply, because of you. But the proposal got him thinking about how he could make the rockstar agree. Because, admit it or not, those fans are giving them fame. And fame is what keeps the band going.

Ellie doesn’t know how to say it to you because she doesn’t want to do it. Never. But everyone, including the rest of the band, agreed for her to do it, well, except Alex. Jesse said that it would be easy — both Jenny and Ellie would go on a public date where paparazzi are around, talk for an hour or so, go into cafes, have a drink, and maybe have a little makeout scene in the car while the windows are down, or a collab in a concert or gigs, some modeling shoots for luxurious brands, and then it’ll be done.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea, on behalf of y/n,” Alex commented before drinking her beer. “I mean, the band is going well on its own and Ellie doesn’t need Jenny because everything is going well for us.”

The rest nodded thoughtfully.

“That’s right, but there are brands and sponsorships that will offer us millions of dollars if we agree to collaborate with Jenny,” Jesse said. “I know you’re right but the fame you have right now will double or even triple if Ellie agrees to do it.”

“Why me?!” Ellie asked angrily. “You know I’m not interested in that right now, man. I already have someone. Don’t make me fuck this up.”

“Just explain it to her, I’m sure she will understand,” Jesse answered.

“That’s not easy, dude. I won’t do it.”

“Well, I know you won’t do it, but either way, you don’t have a choice. You can’t change my mind here, Ellie. You and Jenny will have a fake relationship for a month. I’m sorry but it’s happening.” He said before leaving the office.

And right now, Ellie doesn’t know how to explain it to you. She’s scared that you might run away from her. It’s her worst nightmare. She doesn’t want to lose you.

“Hey, you ever heard of Jenny?” Cat asked as the two of you were walking around campus. She’s been looking at her phone the whole time, immersed in what she’s reading.

“Oh, the popstar?” You asked. She nodded. “Yeah, she’s getting shipped with Ellie right now.”

“I know. It’s crazy that there are even some fan theories that they’re dating.” Cat said before the two of you sat on a bench under a tree. After a few minutes of scrolling, Cat gasped loudly. “What the fuck?! They were seen together in a cafe an hour ago?!” She exclaimed.

Your brows knitted. “What? That can’t be real.” You said, trying to be calm because there was no way that Ellie would do that. She can’t do that to you.

Right?

Your heartbeat tripled when Cat showed you her phone. “I don’t know, it doesn’t seem fake. It’s taken by a paparazzi. Look. “Rising pop star queen, Jenny, was spotted having a fancy brunch with the rockstar Ellie Williams.” Cat read the headline. She then scrolled down, revealing a couple of pictures of Jenny and Ellie, sitting in one of the cafeterias in New York.

Jenny is smiling and laughing at those pictures while holding her small cup of coffee. Radiating as usual with her cute clothes, perfect hair, and gorgeous makeup. On the other hand, Ellie is in front of her, wearing her black varsity jacket and baggy pants. She isn’t smiling, but you can’t tell from the pictures because her eyes are covered with her dark sunglasses.

You can physically feel your heart crack at the moment. It is real. That thing can’t be photoshopped and it is Ellie. The same Ellie in your apartment last night. “Oh my god, y/n…” Cat looked at you with sadness in her eyes.

You gulped, trying to keep tears at bay. “So that’s why she was quiet last night…” You said. “Well, can’t really blame her. Jenny is pretty. But I just hoped that she told me earlier.”

Well, Ellie isn’t even yours to begin with. She was just your friend, nothing more. But you still can’t help but feel a pang of betrayal in your heart. It’s an ugly feeling because Ellie didn’t promise you a single thing. She was just kind to you. You aren’t her girlfriend so why are you feeling like your whole world collapsed?

After you’ve heard the news, you couldn’t help but stay in your apartment, sitting on the couch, while a cozy blanket is wrapped around your body. Dina and Cat are extremely quiet, not knowing what to say or do after the news broke out.

It was all over the internet, and every time you opened up your phone, it was all you could see on the screen. Your notifications popped out, reminding you that everything that was happening was real. Ellie is dating Jenny. She might be. Of course, this wasn’t supposed to shock you. I mean, Ellie was known for dating pretty famous girls in the past. Her flings are filled with models, singers, actresses, and such, you might be foolish to think that you are her type because, to be real, Ellie is out of your league.

You shouldn’t have hoped that there was even a small chance that she would date you.

How can you be so gullible?

Dina placed the hot chocolate on the coffee table in front of you. “I know what you’re thinking, and no, y/n, you shouldn’t dwell on that.” She sat beside you, wearing her comfy pajama set while sipping her tea.

You gulped, your eyes were sore and red and puffy from crying for over an hour, or even more. After hearing the issue from Cat, you and she decided to go back to your apartment, and you have been silent ever since. Cat doesn’t know how to comfort you as she admits that she is bad at it. All she can think about is how many ways that could make Ellie Williams suffer at your hands. Honestly, she has been listing it on her mind even from the start, but her annoyance with the rock star has skyrocketed after this. She hated seeing her friend cry over anything, and Cat has been known as very protective, especially with her loved ones. Seeing you in this state breaks her heart because you deserved better.

Ellie’s last text was from last night, saying that she was already at home. After that, there are no updates from her. You don’t want to seem needy by flooding her messages, asking where she’s at, who is with her right now, or if the rumors are even true. You couldn’t look desperate. If you begged for her, then your dignity will be lost. And that’s the last thing that you have. So. no, you won’t bother picking up your phone.

“Look, you two should talk it out,” Dina said.

“What’s there to talk? Ellie is dating Jenny, which is very clear from the pictures. What’s more to say other than her being a dick?” Cat answered frustratingly.

You shut your eyes. “She’s not.” You sighed. “Ellie doesn’t owe me any explanations because we aren’t dating, okay? She can be with any girl she wants, and it shouldn’t hurt me because she’s not mine. Ellie shouldn’t be blamed for my emotions.”

“Not dating? But she was just here last night. Look, the bouquet is still fresh. No friend buys flowers and a tub of ice cream in the middle of the night.” Cat said.

“Right,” Dina nodded.

“And you two have been on private dates so many times.”

“It meant nothing. You two are my friends and we always go out!” You reasoned.

“But it was different with Ellie. Because admit it or not, she has been extremely romantic with you.”

“Guys, it’s fine.” You said. “You know me, I am always like this when Ellie has dating rumors.”

“This time it’s different, y/n,” Dina said. “Because deep inside, you thought you finally had a chance with her.”

You just looked away silently.

“Gosh, I’m so stupid.” You put your hands in your face, as you cried onto it. The two immediately wrapped their arms around you, enveloping you in a warm, comforting hug. “This is so fucking pathetic. I fucking thought…” You sobbed. “I’m so humiliating.”

“It’s not.” Dina immediately answered.

“Give her hell,” Cat said, making you pull away from the hug as you stared at her with bloodshot eyes.

“What?”

“Give. Her. Hell.” She said firmly.

Oh, Ellie Williams, you are so done.

“Are we done?” Ellie asked once they stepped inside the limousine. She looked outside the tinted windows, scanning the people flocking around the car, trying to make their way as near as possible to get so many pictures of you and the pop star beside you.

Ellie was so guilty for doing this, and even more when she kept thinking that you would find out what she had been doing right now before she could even explain herself. She chickened out last night, not wanting to ruin your whole day or week. But after she left your apartment, Ellie wanted to come back, knock on your door, and beg on her knees just for you not to get mad at her because she knows she has no choice but to oblige.

The moment Ellie woke up, Jesse was the first person she saw. He has been sitting at one of the barstools in her penthouse’s kitchen, sipping her self-made coffee. Your irritation grew so that you wanted to punch his face.

“I confiscated your phone.” He said, waving the thing in front of her. Ellie immediately walked at him, eyes fueling with anger as she tried to snatch it away from him. But Jesse was quick to put it in his pockets and move away from Ellie. “I will give it back once you’ve done your task.”

Ellie wanted to rip him limb by limb. She was now seething with anger. “What am I?! A kid?!”

Jesse sighed. “Ellie, this won’t take long. You can text your girlfriend once you’ve followed my directions.”

Which is why she was here, sitting inside the small space with Jenny who’s been looking at herself in the pocket mirror she’s holding on to as soon as they got in. Ellie’s hands are itching to text and call you right now, wanting to explain everything. That this was all a fake thing. Nothing is real, and you are still the girl in her mind.

And that’s if you will still talk to her.

The thought of you leaving Ellie haunted her mind, and it never failed to make her whole body freeze in nervousness. Fuck it.

Jesse gave Ellie her phone. She immediately checked it, but then got disappointed that you didn’t even say something to her. Ellie gulped, something inside her mind told her that you probably knew. You weren’t dumb, and news flies too fast.

“You know,” Jenny looked at her and she glanced back. “You seemed uninterested in me. Am I making you bored?” She asked. Ellie rolled her eyes. “Look, I just got pulled into this situation that I never wanted in the first place.”

“Wow. I can’t believe it.” Jenny scoffed. “So many guys and girls wanted me, okay? Why are you acting as if I’m making you miserable?!” Her tone is getting higher.

“It’s because I am!” Ellie said back, frustratingly.

Jenny’s jaw clenched but she didn’t say anything. Ellie wanted to thank the universe for making her shut up. She couldn’t stand her presence. Jesse and Jenny’s manager exchanged awkward glances before sighing. The tension in the air is thick, and everybody went silent. Ellie’s eyes shut tightly. She immediately recites a long apology for you at the whole ride home.

The next morning, you receive a text from Ellie, asking you where you are. It is a breezy afternoon and your classes were done for the day. Your energy is still low, and you can’t even focus, your head is full of thoughts about Ellie and Jenny.

You knew that you two should talk it out as it is the best thing to resolve an issue. Communication is very important, but you couldn’t even afford to have the courage to ask her about it. Because at some point, Ellie doesn’t owe you any explanations. Like what you’ve said, she could take whoever she wants, and it should be none of your business. Just because you two became close, doesn’t mean that you are romantically involved with each other.

Ellie, on the other hand, knows where you are. She is already outside of your campus, waiting on her heavily tinted car. The huge bouquet she bought, with a box of flowers is now sitting on the back of her car. She knows your schedule, and Ellie thought that at any moment right now, you could be walking right out of the main gate.

She has been practicing what to say in front of you. She wanted to explain, not wanting to leave you hanging. Ellie is serious about pursuing you, however, she couldn’t ask you about it. She’s afraid that you might be thinking that everything is going so fast, She doesn’t want to scare you, which is why she’s taking things slow.

While you were walking near the gate, Abby briskly walked to catch up to you. “Hey, how are you?” She asked, “I heard about-”

You immediately rolled your eyes. And Abby stopped talking before she held up both her hands in the air – it’s as if she’s surrendering. You two laughed at her actions. “I just want to sleep all week.” You said.

“That’s such an impossible wish.” She joked. “But, seriously, if you wanted to talk about things, what’s bothering you, then you should call me.”

The two of you reached the gate and you two stopped. “I don’t have your number, Abby.” You said while smiling.

“Ah, here.” Abby offered you her phone. “Put your number here so I can call you instead.”

You immediately obliged. Unbeknownst to you, Ellie saw your interactions, and the similar annoyance she felt when she first saw you and Abby tripled. Her hands balled into a fist, it was so tight that her veins started showing up. She wanted to slam Abby’s head into the steering wheel as she saw her smiling and laughing with you. She wanted to pull out her eyes for even looking at you to flirt with you.

You saw Ellie’s familiar car. The same one that she uses to take you out on a date. The one where paparazzi couldn’t trace. Your heart started breathing too fast before you looked away at it, knowing that Ellie was probably looking at you through the tinted windows.

You bid goodbye to Abby who immediately went on the other side of the road. You sighed, wanting your heart to calm down as you were walking to the car. Bitterness started to flood through your veins as you realized that Ellie just got into a public date with someone else yesterday, while she’s now trying to hide her identity every time she goes out with you.

You opened the passenger seat and you were immediately welcomed by Ellie’s pissed face.

“What?” You asked.

“She still wouldn’t leave you alone?”

Your brows knitted together as you quickly realized that she was talking about Abby. “We’re friends.”

Ellie rolled her eyes. “I know she has other intentions.”

“Oh really?” You too are now getting annoyed at her. “So I can’t talk with Abby but you can go out with someone else on a date?” Your voice is laced with bitterness and you immediately regret it.

Ellie looked at you, the small pain in your tone almost made her want to throw up. “It’s not a date…” She said softly.

“I don’t know, it seems like it is.” You looked outside the window, not wanting to look at her face.

Something inside you starts building up. Sadness flowed in your thoughts, mixed with annoyance and bitterness about everything. Your eyes started to tear, and you looked away even more.

“Y/n. It’s all fake.” Ellie said, and your heart almost leaped. You took every force in your body not to look at her. “I went home to explain everything to you, and I’m telling you right now that everything isn’t true. My manager forced me to do this.”

You gulped, wiping the tears that escaped from your eyes before you dared to look at her. “Then why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was still contemplating last night because I- I got scared.” Ellie sighed.

“Of what?”

“Of losing you.” She answered quickly.

You stared at her. “Why would you lose me?”

Ellie’s mouth moved but she couldn’t utter a single word. “I don’t know…” She said softly before caressing your cheek. “Don’t wanna hurt you.”

Here it goes again.

You don’t know whether to feel happy or sad with what Ellie is doing right now. Of course, the familiar thump in your heart never goes unnoticed by you. It was all you can hear right now. Ellie is still the woman in your dreams, it won’t change. Never will. You knew that being with her almost every day would wreck you in the end. You knew that once Ellie was within your sight, you wouldn’t be able to stop your feelings. You knew that once Ellie spoke, you would obey everything that she said. You love her so much that you’re afraid that the grip she has on you will eventually be the end of you.

You contemplated asking her about what she truly felt. But you need answers, or else you won’t take it anymore. You should save yourself first.

“What are we doing, Ellie?”

“Wha- what?” She asked, taken aback.

“You should stop doing those,” You said, mentioning the bouquet at the back of her car, “Sweet things. It’s confusing.”

“What’s confusing about that?” Ellie questioned.

You were now growing impatient. “You should only do that to the person you love, Ellie. Do you feel that about me?”

“I do!” She exclaimed.

“Then say it.” You demanded,

Ellie grew silent. She stared at you, breathing heavily. The thought of finally confessing to someone about what you truly felt seriously, without an ounce of alcohol in your veins, or a little bit of drugs, scared Ellie. This is getting too real to the point that her feelings scare her. She isn’t used to it, everything she does with you is new to her. It’s like she’s trying to find the right path in the darkness, where no one but her is guiding her, and she isn’t used to that. She’s afraid of making mistakes and hurting you.

This should be easy to say. Just do it. Just fucking-

When a couple of minutes had passed, you nodded. Her silence gave you the answers.

“Y/n-” Ellie called your name when she realized that you were scrambling to get out of the car. She immediately locked the doors, not wanting you to go. She tried her best to get a good grip on you but you were quick to pry her hands away. Ellie backed out, slowly getting her energy drained from her body.

You were getting away from her.

“I should go-”

“No, please.” She shut her eyes tightly. “Y/n, I-”

“It’s fine, Ellie.” You tried to smile. “It’s not your fault. It’s mine.”

“Don’t go.” She said, catching your hand tightly. She looked at you with those green bloodshot eyes, pleading with you. But you shook your head. You’re afraid that the more you spend time with her, the more you won’t get out of the cage you’re in.

Ellie couldn’t do anything but to let you go. When you finally did get out of the car and ran away, she couldn’t stop the tears that fell from her freckled cheek. Ellie rested her head on the steering wheel, contemplating if she should go run with you. But again, she couldn’t because she shouldn’t be seen with anyone else.

So the whole time, all Ellie could do was to cry, and blame herself for being such an asshole.

A month has passed, and you still haven’t seen Ellie since.

It wasn’t such an easy thing to do, especially when Ellie has been persistent in wanting to talk to you. But you still wouldn’t budge, you made up your mind that you wouldn’t want to waste your energy on her. With the examinations week going, you’re mind is too preoccupied to even entertain her. So instead, you decided to bury yourself with books and reviewers.

That night you left Ellie’s car, she knocked on your apartment door, wanting to explain everything to you. But you never bothered to leave your room. You couldn’t. Your energy was drained from crying the whole day. This is why Cat was the one who answered the door, immediately making Ellie go away.

But that didn’t end. Every day, Ellie wouldn’t stop stalking you. She would flood your inbox with her texts and calls that you had to block it. But Ellie’s efforts would always go to waste since you’ve somehow managed to dodge her.

She tried waiting outside your campus in her car, but you’re smart enough to spot it even from a distance. So you would immediately go the other way, walking fast enough to catch up with the bus. And Ellie couldn’t even do a damn thing. She couldn’t even hop out of the car and chase after you. Ellie also tried going up to your apartment, particularly on those days that she knew Cat wasn’t around to yell at her. However, you weren’t there. And Dina wouldn’t tell her where you are no matter how much she tried.

On days when Ellie was out with Jenny to do publicity stunts, she would constantly send you different flowers with a box of chocolates and a note where she explained that everything wasn’t real and that she really wanted to talk to you about what happened at the car but you wouldn’t just let her. So instead, she’s sending out those letters because you’ve blocked her in everything.

Best believe that Cat was living her dream of seeing Ellie in her poor state. Dina was too soft-hearted to even leave her alone with the rock star because she was always trying her best not to spill anything about you when Ellie was almost crying in front of her. She just couldn’t handle the two of you being in a situation like this.

But you, no one knows how hard it is for you to ignore her and act like as if nothing has happened. It’s like you’re on a constant battle with yourself every single day. One part of you wanted to stop this madness and just talk to her, settle everything for everyone’s peace of mind. But the second part of you wanted to just let this pass away for the mean time. Let Ellie rethink her decisions before she comes up to you, and just leave you hanging again. You wanted yourself to calm down and not get devoured of your emotions before talking to her. So that is what you’re doing right now.

Cat groaned as the four of you were at the cafeteria. You and Abby are sitting side by side. She offered to carry the huge textbooks you’re holding and wouldn’t say no as an answer. So, you wanted to buy her something in exchange.

“What?” You asked, drinking the sparkling water you’re holding.

“Jenny and Ellie will be having their collab duet at the bar here.” Cat showed you her phone with the said headline.

Your heart ached once more but you still somehow faked it in front of them. The grip on your bottle tightened. “So?” You asked, acting nonchalantly.

“You should go,” Cat said and everyone looked at her skeptically.

“Are you going insane, Catherine?” Dina butted in.

Cat reached onto her jacket’s pocket while rolling her eyes. She then tossed the two tickets in front of you. You and Abby took it.

“VIP front row tickets.” Abby read the paper.

“What’s this for?” You questioned, brows were knitting together. “I thought you hated Ellie.”

“I still do, pretty girl. But hear me out, you two should go on a date. I specifically got the front row one because that is where Ellie would see you two together, okay? You should go out and make her realize that you are so much more than that Jenny girl.”

Your eyes dropped on the tickets once again.

You found Cat’s explanation absolutely absurd and childish. If this will make Ellie annoyed, then what more will it do for you? Seeing the two up close at the stage, acting as if they were in love with each other will make you dizzy in jealousy.

“Cool. I’m in.” Abby said, smiling widely.

Your neck snapped up at her. “What?”

She shrugged. “I never forgot what I said when I first met her, and I hope she didn’t. Because I’m serious about that. I will actually steal you from her if she isn’t too careful.” Abby winked at you.

You then looked at Dina. “Dee, you think that this is a good idea, too?”

Dina then opened her mouth, trying to say something but then she just nodded. “They’re right. Ellie is already annoyed at Abby so bringing her in one of their gigs will actually make her realize what’s right in front of her.”

You gulped and looked away.

“Fine.” You answered and everyone snickered.

To say that Ellie was incredibly annoyed tonight was just an understatement because its more than that. No words could describe how much she wanted to bang her head at the concrete wall before this show started. She couldn’t even handle Jenny’s presence for even a minute, and then their managers decided to make the two collab in a gig. That sounds like a pure hell for her.

But then she has no choice. Ellie knew that this bar was near your university, and she was hoping that you wouldn’t go in there. Yes, she wanted to talk to you, she wanted to explain that she was afraid of admitting it to herself, and with you, that she does like you. More than you’ve ever known. She wanted to kiss you, wanted to make up with you and worship the ground you walk on. Ellie never knew the purpose of her life until she met her. You’ve opened up her eyes to so many things, and you showed her that she has a heart that can love.

She sighed, strumming her guitar as the music started. Jenny is beside her, making flirty glances to stir the public but Ellie couldn’t pretend to even like her. Not when the song she wrote for you was the one playing.

The two of them started singing. Ellie was avoiding Jenny’s gazes at the stage by looking at the crowd, examining everyone who seemed to be indulged in their performance.

A couple of minutes passed and Ellie saw a familiar figure amid the crowd. Her posture straightened while following you as you made your way to the swarm of people. Her ringed fingers gripped the base of her guitar tightly while the other one was strumming it.

Ellie couldn’t move her eyes away from you. She wanted to jump off the stage and catch you in her arms at the moment. It’s like someone has cast a spell that made her this crazy in love for you. Ellie forgot about her partner on the stage and just was shocked when Jenny touched her tattooed arm.

And then reality has seeped in.

She was with Jenny, and you weren’t alone at the bar.

You’re with Abby.

Oh god, you’re with her.

Ellie’s gaze darkened as she stared at the two of you, sitting at one of the front row seats at the bar. Perfectly in line with her vision. The bar was dim, and the light that was on was the blinding neon flashing lights. But she could see how Abby was gripping your waist, pulling you closer to her body as she leaned in and whispered something to you. Ellie figured out that it was funny because of the way you laughed.

Ellie wanted to smash the guitar at the floor, slowly getting red from so much annoyance. Her gaze never left yours, watching every move of you two.

The performance was painfully slow, and those two hours, Ellie spent glaring in your direction. Something inside you stirred, knowing that she was annoyed. You couldn’t believe that Ellie was acting jealous, especially when Abby was close to you. At first, you thought Cat’s plan wasn’t going to work, not believing that there was an absolute chance that Ellie would get jealous of someone near you. However, it was proved wrong when Abby and you noticed how many death glares she threw at the two of you.

And Abby was enjoying every little bit of it.

When it was done, Ellie never wasted a single second before she angrily made her way backstage. She immediately took a swig of the bottle of whiskey, drowning her anger in it. She couldn’t believe it. She wanted to slam her fist at the wall, shout at something, and then repeat. She fucked this up. And she should face the consequences of it.

You sighed, watching Ellie leave the stage. You wanted to run after her, the universe knew how much you wanted to. However, you can’t. Not when Jenny was around. Not in front of her.

“She’s mad.” Abby pointed out.

You looked at Jenny who was still at the stage, talking to her fans. But you can feel the awkwardness of it when the band members were slowly getting out, following Ellie. Leaving her alone to deal with them.

“I feel bad.” You said, sadly.

“You should talk to her, then.”

You stared at Abby for a minute before nodding, seriously considering it.

Your phone lit up. It was Alex telling you that Ellie was at the limousine if you still wanted to talk to her. You quickly bid goodbye to Abby who assures you that she will be fine in here. You thank her before you spotted the car that Alex was talking about.

You opened the door, and Ellie couldn’t contain her surprise at the sight of you. However, it was short-lived as her annoyance started to get her way in her.

“Where’s your date?” She asked bitterly.

You shook your head. “There. I left her.”

Ellie’s brows knitted. “Why would you do that? She might get hurt if she finds out that you’re here with me.” She said sarcastically.

“Ellie, we’re friends. Nothing more.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you wouldn’t talk to me because you’re finally with her.” She slurred.

“I wouldn’t talk to you because I don’t want the two of us to become overcome with our emotions. Which is what is happening right now.”

Ellie silently looked at you. Her green eyes were watering as she tried to glare at you. You, however, stared at her with much sadness.

“I just missed you.” She croaked. “And I do like you, y/n. The moment you hopped out of the car that day, I wanted to run after you. Kneel in front of you and tell you how much I wanted you the moment I laid my eyes on you.” She breathed. “You’re the only one I wanted, okay?”

“Ellie…”

“Please, just.” She shut her eyes tightly, tears flowing down her cheeks. Ellie was even surprised that loving can make her feel such things. It was ugly, but it reminded her how much she cared for you. “If you don’t like me anymore, I’ll stop. Just say it.”

Instead of answering her, you immediately grabbed her cheeks with both of your hands, enveloping her in a warm kiss. You leaned into her, and Ellie didn’t waste a time to grab your hips, making you straddle her in her seat. You attempt to pull away from the kiss, but Ellie desperately catches your lips once again, pulling you into a deep heated makeout. Both of your tongues swirled against each other, and Ellie’s grip on your waist tightened.

“I love you, Ellie. I don’t want to leave you, okay?” You said after you pulled out from the kiss.

Ellie smiled. “I won’t leave, baby. And I do love you more than ever. So please, kiss me once again because I am starving.”

And who are you to say no, right?

taglist: @bready101 @liasxeatt @ivying @elliesaturnsoftdrink

#ellie williams fanfic #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams x reader angst #ellie williams #ellie williams x reader

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tinkerbelle05 · 11 months

Text

We are Done

Characters: 1610!Miles Morales x black!fem!reader

Genre: angst

Warnings: Miles being a shitty bf & lying

Summary: Miles has been hiding things from you and after he leaves during your date, you have had enough.

Notes: first time writing Miles, might be a bit occ. Some cussing too.

You were sitting in your and Miles' favorite diner for over 20 minutes on a sunny Saturday afternoon. It was somewhat filled, mostly with teens on dates, like you are supposed to be. You try to drink some water and play a mindless game on your phone to distract yourself from the irritation you are feeling. But those do not help.

You had a whole date planned for you and Miles to catch up. Lunch at the diner, next catch a movie, and then go to an arcade. And Miles promised he would be here and instead, you were staring at an empty booth across from you.

When things were, it was so good. Miles is kind, funny, and he's everything to you. You two have been through a lot together in the last year and came out stronger. But when things were bad, they were downright terrible. He is constantly late to most of the dates you planned and you are trying to be understanding. School is hard and he is under pressure but you don't know how long you can keep giving your hopes up like this. You are reaching a breaking point.

You hear his voice before you see him. You hear him apologize for bumping into someone and watch as he hastily sits down. He looks frazzled; curls sticking out a bit, eyes darting around, and heavy breathing.

“I’m glad you could make it,” you say in a collected voice but your face says what you are feeling from his pained expression. He knows he's in deep shit. Good.

You have many, many things to say to this boy right now. Most are cussing him out and yelling at him, all is deeply inappropriate to say in a public space. So you leave. You exit the store without saying a word to him because it will get ugly if you do. You just need a cool down and things will hopefully be fine.

But of course, he follows after you with yellings of “Wait” and “Slow down a bit", and all they do is make you walk faster.

Maybe in the past, you would've stopped walking and waited for him. Listen to the pre-planned excuses he would have for why he’s so late and listen to his lies of doing better. Of being better. You don’t want to hear it, you won’t listen to it. Not this time.

Somehow Miles catches up to you and holds you to stop. He pulls you into an alleyway away from the public.

“Hey, hey, I’m so-“, he starts off.

“Don’t, Miles. Just stop talking.” You scowl up at him.

And he does. You look at him to see him looking at you with those brown eyes you love. They're deep and rich, you feel like you can fall in them forever. It looks like he’d gotten a fresh new haircut too.

“Why were you late, Miles?” You asked, calmly.

“Uh, well you see the train wasn’t working, you know how they are on the weekend,” he tells you and avoids looking at you. You couldn’t help the scoff you give him and breaks loose of his grip.

“You're lying,” you tell him and your voice becomes louder with every word. “You’re always late and you just keep lying to me, Miles! Is there someone else?” But at this question, your voice is quiet and on the cusp of breaking.

“What!” He asks, eyes wide and taking some steps back. “There is no-. Why would you even ask that?!”

“Because you keep lying, Miles. Lie, lie that’s all you seem to be doing these days. And you have the nerve to ask me that?” You rant at him and walk away.

“Woah, woah.” He grabs you by the arm again and turns you around. “I know I’ve been…distant lately and I’m sorry. But there is no one, I swear. I will-”

“Do better. I will be better.” you finished for him. “That's what you always say and you never deliver. So, not only are you lying about where you are, but you're also lying about doing and being better. I can't do this right now, Miles, I can't.” When you move to go home you notice that his hand's grip on your arm isn't as tight anymore, and when you look up to see his face, his eyes are distracted and he looks spaced out.

Tears are starting to swell up in your eyes, “Are you even listening to me, Miles?!”

"Yes, of course, I am," he answers but his eyes aren't even on you.

He looks at you and at the street, obviously torn between something. But he so clearly wants to leave. You ripped your arm from his loose grip and glared up at him.

“I don’t know what’s going on with you Miles, but if you leave me right now, we are done. I’m done, do you understand?”

He starts to walk closer to you, and for a moment your heart feels a bit light but the moment is gone as quickly as it came. He was hesitating, stuck in between movements.

You give a teary laugh and start to walk away. Feeling like a fool, “Goodbye, Miles. Don’t come looking for me after this and lose my number. You clearly have made your choice.”

See ya in the next one guys 👋🏿

Taglist & Masterlist & Reqs Info

Taglist: @justbeethings, @butterfi

My Reqs are open!!

#miles morales #miles morales x y/n #miles morales x you #miles morales x reader #miles morales x female reader #miles morales x fem!reader #miles morales x f!reader #spiderman across the spiderverse #miles x reader

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hotvinimon · 4 months

Text

You are his, right ?

Yandere gym bro x reader

Plot : Inviting casper for a sleepover

Author’s note : The images are not mine. I don not support this kind of behaviour and highly condemn these activities. This kind of behaviour is not tolerated in actual life. Reader is portrayed as pick me girl who is asking for it.

Warnings : MDNI. The images are not mine. Credits to the owner

Join my taglist - Here

Hangouts with Casper were now a part of your daily routines. From your friends to coworkers to neighborhood gossip aunties and even your baker, everyone came to know about Casper. Anywhere you went, Casper appeared suddenly and even matching your outfit. What a coincident right ?

This is what soulmate is, isn’t it ? You are his soulmate right ?

“Hey Caz, I think we should head back it’s getting dark.” you suggested. “ I guess you are right “ Casper smiles silently cursing all the powers who are working to keep you from him.

“Here you go sweetie” Casper drops you at your home in his car. “Cas, I was wondering if you could stay for a while, I have something to show you.” you asked. Casper frowns and acts like having a deep thought. “hmmm… recent studies say that a man should never say no to his cute girl, so of course I would love to stay for ever a while.“ you laughed at his silly joke.

You didn’t corrected him. It means you are his. You are his, right ?? All his.

“YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO CLOSE YOUR EYES DAMMIT” you shrieked. “My eyes are closed” Casper laughs. You pout and whine. “Fine Fine here. “ Casper closes his eyes as you settle something in his hands. He opens his eyes and found an I-Pad??? “Are you giving me this I-Pad back ?? Do you not like it sweetie ?? Should I give you something else for our 100 days anniversary ???

Yes. you and Casper celebrated your 100 days of friendship relationship. On which he took you out for dinner date and surprised shocks you by giving you everything that you had set an eye on for past 100 days.

“ Cas.. I can’t take this. This is too much “ you relented. “ This isn’t too much. further, I even lost the receipts, I can’t even return them. Wouldn’t it go waste now ?? Do you not like the gifts ?? Do you want me to buy something else for you ?? do you not like me anymore ?? Are you going to leave me ??? “ And you could do nothing but accept them when you saw fat tears rolling down the man baby’s flushed cheeks, not noticing the smirk he had while you hugged and soothed him. It took you all night to make him believe that you are not going anywhere.

Like, you could even do that until he is alive.

“No Caz~. I’m not giving you the I-pad back. I really liked it. “ you blurted out quickly to not hurt the boy’s feelings again.

“I want you to open the I-Pad and see what I have made.” you smiled. Casper let out the breath that he had held for so long. He opens the screen and almost faints when he sees a cute doodle of him and you clicking a selfie followed by other doodles that you had made from your recent pictures. “ I know this is stupid and-” “this is not stupid. This is so good. Can you send me those ???” Casper cuts you of and begs you for the pictures, which you send him immediately.

After an hour

“I think I should leave, it’s quite dark” the male suggested. You looked out the window to witness the light. “ Are you dumb Cas??? It’s so dark and foggy out, you should stay here for ever tonight. “ It’s alright. I don’t want to cause any problems" Casper suggests silently begging universe to make him stay. “ Well, if you don’t know, I would like to tell you that recent studies say that a man should never say no to his cute girl.” you quoted in a heavy voice (imitating Cas), to which you both laughed and Casper got to stay.

“ How about we order a takeout and pick a movie ??” Casper recommended. “ I would really appreciate that, but I think we should change to something more comfy. How about you take a bath first. I have some oversized clothes that might fit you” you suggested. “I like the sound of that” Casper replies.

You hand Casper a pair of your oversized sweats and a shirt ( with acted more like a compression shirt ). Casper enters your bathroom and the smell of your cologne fills his senses and faints him one more time. His breath becomes heavy, mind started melting and legs started shaking. Suddenly his eyes fell to the laundry basket which was tucked in corner only for him to see. He hopes you don’t mind some of your things panties being stolen.

After all you are his, right ?

“How about iron man ???”

“Horror”

“Spider-Man ???”

“Horror”

“Twilight ??”

“Horror.. Casss…… Please… I can handle it” you pout and cross your hand tightly on your chest. Which may or may not have lifted your assets, showing of something pointy through your silky nightwear. And Casper couldn’t argue further. Who was he to say no to your tight hugs during the movie ?? Who was he to say no to you when you asked to sleep with him because you were afraid ?? Who was he to say no when you cuddled him and rested your head in the crook of his neck in the sleep ?? Who was he to say no when you stuffed his face in your chest and traced his back in sleep ?? Who was he to say no when your thigh accidently brushed his bulge in sleep ??

You were really testing him. Weren’t you ??

Tag List - @daytej, @keepghostly

Requests are open.

Join my taglist - Here or let me know in the comments ;)

#yandere boy #yandere male #yandere x reader #yandere imagines #yandere x you #yandere community #yandere oc #male yandere #tw yandere #yandere gym bro #yandere fic #yandere imagine #yandere stories #yandere x darling

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justmeinadaze · 1 year

Text

I'm in Control Part 3 (Steddie X Reader)

A/N: Im such a whore for these 2 <3

Warnings: Steddie relationship and all that that implies ( I regret nothing) Daddy Steve and Sir Eddie (I'm drooling) , Reader does get harassed but our boys save the day <3

Word Count: 3041

“The convention is Saturday in Vegas. Eddie and Steve, you guys will be with Y/N here and she can show you the ropes. Y/N, I’m bringing some of the other ladies as well. Later on, you and I are going to go scouting for some talent, ok? Nothing new.”

You nod as you smile. “You boys won’t get much sleep depending on when you wrap on Friday.”

“Eh, we’re kind of used to it by now.” Steve grins at you as he sighs. “Just grateful to be a part of all this.”

“Speaking of not getting much sleep…”, TJ spins around in his chair. “Your date with Malcolm? Yay? Nay? Wedding bells?”

“Calm down. It was one date.”, you giggle as you collect some things from your desk and stand.

“Oh, come on. We’re all grownups here. Was the sex at least mind-blowing?”

You look at your boss before glancing over at your clients. Their eyes were full of hope, waiting on pins and needles for your answer. You lightly swat at TJ’s arm as you exit the office.

“Wouldn’t you like to know.”

################

“Mmmm… I don’t morning well.”, Eddie climbed into the backseat and immediately rested his head against the window, folding his arms as he closed his eyes.

You scooted towards the middle as Steve squished in beside you. Leaning over the backseat, you grab a blanket you brought and tenderly throw it over you and Eddie’s legs.

His eyes briefly open as he looks down before turning to smile at you. “Thank you, Sweetheart.”

“Alright lady and gentlemen, hopefully we won’t hit too much traffic. Y/N, I’m sorry, honey. I have everything piled in the front seat and trunk. Are you ok back there?”

“Yeah, TJ. I’m fine.”

Once you guys were on the road, Eddie was completely knocked out.

“Wow. It didn’t take him long, did it?”

“He really doesn’t do mornings. Being a porn star, musician, and all-around nerd, his active hours are usually after 8pm.”, Steve chuckles.

“Nerd?”

“Oh, yeah. Mr. Munson here is a huge fan of D & D and most things fantasy.”

That makes you genuinely smile. “What about you? Are you a nerd to?”

“No ma’am. I was definitely a jock guy in high school. I mean… I liked Star Wars. That was fun.”

“Star Wars is good. I’m kind of more of a Star Trek girl though.” His eyebrows knit together in confusion. “You’ve never watched Star Trek?”

“I don’t know what that is.”, Steve laughs at your shocked expression. “What else do you like?”

“I love music and dancing. Um, I don’t really know to be honest. I grew up in a small, tightly wound community. Their definition of fun was vastly different. Everything I got into didn’t start till I moved out here except…”

“Except…porn?”, he asks.

“I remember once, when I was a kid, my brother got caught with a porno magazine under his bed. My mom flipped out and called our church pastor. We rushed him down so he could be “cleansed of his sins”. It just never made sense to me. Sex is supposed to be beautiful and fun. How can it be so bad?”

“You’re a fascinating woman, Y/N.” Your eyes lock on his as you both grin.

Halfway into the trip, you found your eyes getting extremely heavy. Your head lazily fell on Steve’s shoulder as you drifted off to sleep.

#############

“I can’t believe you’ve never been to one of these conventions before.”, you smile at the boys as you finish setting up the booth for your agency.

“Technically, I have been to a convention but it wasn’t like this.” Eddie quickly rose from the chair he was sitting in and gestured for one of the actresses who had just come back from freshening up to take the seat.

“Oh? Was it one of those nerdy conventions Steve was telling me you were into?”

The metal head playfully squints at his friend. “Traitor.”

“Hey, you fell asleep. We filled the time with conversation on the ride up here. Stay awake next time and then maybe you can participate.”, Steve grins.

You reach over and pat Eddie’s shoulder. “It’s ok. I like that you’re a bit of a geek. I’ll finally have someone to talk nerdy with.”

“Y/N!”

“TJ!”

“Look at all my beautiful people. I love it. Are you ready to come find some talent?” His smile widens when you nod, grabbing your clipboard. “Everyone else, stay here and look gorgeous. Gentlemen, if you could keep an eye on these ladies. We’ve never had a problem before but people can be a bit to…grabby.”

You and your boss walk the floor for hours, finding a few people he would like to sign. While TJ was talking to the stars, you were mingling with the managers. Managers brought talent to agency for a finder’s fee so you knew you guys would have a higher chance of getting more signs if they brought their stars to you.

When you two make your way back to your area, everyone seems to be having a good time. The girls were talking to some fans while Eddie and Steve were mingling with other male porn stars needing advice.

“My family has no idea I do this but I’m glad I’m able to send my mom money every week to help the bills.”, the young man hangs his head.

“Do you do it just for the money?”, Eddie’s voice is full of compassion as he speaks.

“Not really. I like… I like the job. I find it exciting.”

“Well, then you have nothing to be ashamed of, man. As long as you enjoy it then fuck everyone else.”

The boy giggles at him. “Do your parents know what you do?”

“Pfft, my dad would actually have to care first.”, Steve rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, mine can’t even watch porn where he is.” Eddie’s smile falls a bit before he continues. “But my uncle knows and he doesn’t really care. He told me the same thing I told you.”

“Hey, baby.” You extend your arms out to the boy talking to the guys.

His eyes light up when he notices you, wrapping his arms around your waist as he lifts you off your feet. “Y/N! I was hoping I’d see you.”

“TJ would kill me if I didn’t come with him to these things.”

“She’s right I would.” Your boss smiles at the young man. “Y/N, take the guys and grab some lunch. I’ll wait here with the other ladies and we’ll go when you get back.”

“Ok.” You tenderly cup the boy’s face as you grin up at him. “Remember. You are amazing.”

##############

“How do you know that kid we were talking to? Or do you just know everyone?”, Steve stabs his fork into the Styrofoam container in front of him.

“I’ve known Avery since he first got here a couple of years ago.”, you cover your mouth as you talk. “He was wondering around the convention with these wide dough eyes. He looked so terrified. I showed him around and answered his questions. He’s a good kid.”

When you looked up from your food you noticed they were both smiling at you. “What?”

“Nothing. You’re just really sweet. It’s adorable.”, Eddie’s grin widens before he puts the beer bottle in front of him to his lips.

“Like I said, this industry has a way and a reputation. I want everyone to be comfortable.”

Your phone on the table comes to life as it vibrates next your plate. You glance over at the it before pushing end. You know when you look back at them, they had read the name on the screen.

I’m in control.

“So your date with Malcolm went well, huh? You never told us how that ended.”, Steve leaned back in his chair as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“You’re right, I didn’t.”

“Must have ended rather well if he’s calling her phone while she’s out of town.”, Eddie closed his container, moving it to the side and out of his way.

“To be fair, Mr. Munson, that’s none of your business. What I do with my private time is none of my client’s concerns.”

“She’s absolutely right, Steve.” You rolled your eyes at his sarcasm. “Now, I’m going to ask a question and please tell me if I’m crossing a client/ agent boundary here, Princess. Do you usually let clients finger you while you watch your other client get head?”

Eddie leaned back in his chair, smiling in triumph as your jaw clenched in frustration.

“What I do with my private time away from you both has nothing to do with either of you and you have no right to be upset. I can fuck whoever I want especially since you’re allowed to get your shitty blow job and both of you are allowed to kiss on anyone you please.”

Steve turns to Eddie delivering a joking glare. “Traitor.”

“What did I do?”

“You told her I hated the way that girl sucked my dick.”

“Was I wrong?”

“Missing the point!”, their heads turn back to you as you shout at them. “It’s not fair.” You abruptly stand from your chair and start to leave them before stopping yourself, charging back toward the table. “What the fuck am I even saying? Fuck whoever you want. I don’t care. We,” you gesture between the three of you. “We are nothing except client and agent. This is a business relationship.”

Steve’s smile grows as he turns to Eddie who smiles back. “I notice she keeps preaching the client agent thing but has yet to answer your question.”

I’m in control AND I’m fucking angry.

“You know what, Daddy.” You watch with contempt as he straightens up at the name. “I’ll answer his fucking question. No, Sir. I don’t usually let things like that happen. I fucked up but that’s ok because that’s the last time that it will. Especially since I found a man who can satisfy my needs way better than I’m sure either of you can.”

Eddie watches your rant with amused eyes as Steve’s slowly start to fill with annoyance. You lean against the table on your palms, alternating your gaze between their own. “Oh, boys and trust me. Malcolm can sat-is-fy.” You overdramatically roll your eyes to the back of your head as you bite your lip. “I’ve never cum so hard in my life.”

##############

“TJ, today was exhausting. Can’t we just relax?”, Eddie asks with a sigh as he pulls the Metallica shirt over his head.

“Tomorrow, guys. I promise. This is a big party that the host of the convention throws on that Saturday and a lot of important eyes will be there. Speaking of,” he looks them both up and down, “are you sure you don’t want to change?”

Steve and Eddie had changed out of their tight, revealing wardrobe they were wearing that day into more loose fitting, comfortable clothes. A small knock on the door gets your bosses attention. “That’ll be Y/N.”

The guys listen to you and him exchange some words before he leads you further into the room. “See, gentlemen. This is how you should look.”

Their jaws dropped when they saw you in your little black spaghetti strap dress that cut off just above your knees. Your hair was pulled back in a neat ponytail and the heels that you had on made you a couple of inches taller.

Eddie was the first to regain his composure. “I don’t think a dress like that would fit me.”

You smile as your eyes flick to Steve’s waiting for him to say something. He casually exhaled before leaning back on his elbows from his place on the bed. “Well, definitely fitting for a party full of porn stars.”

Your head tilted to the side. “I sent a picture of it to Malcolm and he said I looked gorgeous.”

“And he was right.” TJ grinned as he threw on his jacket. “Ugh, fine! Come on then.”

###########

The bass in the ballroom of the hotel room beats loudly against the walls. You survey your surroundings from your spot at the bar as you take a sip from your glass.

“Hey there, sexy.”

Not even hiding your disgust, you cringe as you turn to see the man addressing you. You recognized him from other films. He was a popular choice to star in most roles due to his conventional good looks but his personality was absolute garbage and you hated talking to him every time you had to.

“Hey Jack.”

“You’re here alone again? I will never understand how someone like you comes to these things without a date.”

“Maybe that’s because I can have fun without having someone attached to me.”

He chuckles as he chugs back the drink that was handed to him. “I think it’s because you have a crush on me.”

You scoff as you leave the bar trying to distance yourself from him. To your dismay, he follows you. “Come on, Y/N. I’m single. You’re single. It doesn’t even have to mean anything if you don’t want it to.”

“You’re disgusting.” You shove him away, power walking in the opposite direction hoping to find your 6’3 muscle bound boss.

Jack grips your wrist and tugs you against the wall, pressing his entire body into you. “You play this game with me all the time, Y/N. I know you want me. Everyone does.”

“Trust me, Jack. I don’t. Now get off me.”

A wicked smile crosses his face as he leans down to try and kiss you. You kick his shin and move around him bumping straight into Eddie. Steve comes from the side and pushes Jack against the wall, holding him by his collar.

“When someone says no, the answer is no. If you ever touch her again, my friend here and I will make you regret it. Do you understand me?”

“Hey. I was just—”

“I said do you understand me?!”

“Yes! Jesus Christ.”

“Good. Now get out of my sight.”, he lets him go, tossing him away.

“Are you okay?”, Eddie asks as his eyes scan you over.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Thank you.” They both smile as the he adjusts the strap that had slid down on your dress.

“I’m sorry, Y/N but we’re tired. I don’t care what TJ says.” Steve sighs as he grabs Eddie’s arm. “We’ll see you tomorrow.”

You hug your arms as they disappear suddenly feeling extremely cold and alone.

I’m in control.

“Hey!” Your heels smack against the tile as you run after them. “Hey, um, do you guys want to, um, order a pizza or something? I don’t know about you but I’m starving.

They glance at each other before turning to you.

“We could eat.”

##########################

You cover your mouth full of pizza as you laugh at a story the boys had just told. “Eddie, I had no idea you could play the guitar. I mean Steve mentioned you were a musician but he didn’t say what you played.”

“Oh yeah, Sweetheart. When we get back home, I’ll show you.” Eddie strums his fingers over invisible strings.

“What about you?”, you point at Steve.

“God no. I don’t even know popular music let alone how to play it. You?”

“I’m not that cool, unfortunately.”

“I think you’re pretty cool.” Eddie grins at you before your phone vibrates.

“Hey TJ.”

“Where the hell are you? And where are my stars?”

“I am upstairs getting ready for bed. As for Steve and Eddie, I have no idea where they are.”

“You’re their agent, Y/N.”

“It’s a party! Jesus. I’m sure they both found some pretty girls and are having fun. Do the same!” You chuckle as you hang up your phone and throw it against the sofa chair near the window. “What?! Why are you staring at me again?”

“Sheesh, calm down.” Steve grins as he holds up his hands. “You just always find ways to surprise us. That’s all.”

“Why do you talk like that? Like you’re one person?”

He turns to Eddie. “Are you not surprised?”

“I’m very surprised she didn’t play her agent card and rat us out.”

You tilt your head and turn away from them as you whisper loud enough for them to hear. “They aren’t answering the question…Yeah I noticed that.” You raise your eyebrows at them. “See? It’s fucking annoying, isn’t it?”

“You spend enough time with someone you get to know them pretty well. Remember, we told we grew up together, spent time together in and after high school, and now we work together in a business that requires you to be vulnerable.”

“That’s ironic.”, you respond to Steve with only mild sarcasm. When they both look at you with confusion, you explain. “Since I’ve met you, I think the only time you’ve been vulnerable is on the drive up here. If you were being more open you would have told me you how you felt about me and Malcolm from the start instead of throwing your little tantrums.”

“Oh, you’re one to talk, Miss I’m-the-agent.”, Eddie sits up on the bed giving you more attention. “If you weren’t attracted or didn’t at least feel something for us, you would have told me to fuck off at that party just like you did with that douchebag downstairs.”

“Did you fuck him?” Steve gruff tone froze you both.

“Who Jack? God no—”

“No. Malcolm. Did you fuck him?” You and the man stare each other down, waiting for the other to concede.

“It doesn’t matt—” Steve’s arm shot out, reaching for your throat before pulling your lips to his. There was a tenderness behind it that you weren’t prepared for but desperately wanted more of.

His mouth hovered over yours as he pulled away. Your throat moved under his grasp as you swallowed. “Did. You. Fuck. Him?”

“No.”, you breathed out.

“No what?”

I’m in control. I’m in control. I want him to kiss me again. No! Shit. I’m in control. His lips tasted so good. I wonder what Eddie tastes like. No! I’m in control. I’m—

“No, Daddy.”

###########

@gracieluvthemoon @e-munson666 @luna-munson83

@lunatictardis @corrodedcorpses @munsonology

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veniaz · 2 months

Note

hi hii love ur writing btw

could you write a fix where bakugo sees his crush in form fitting clothes for the first time ( coz they wear baggy all the time) and is like gahdayum

ly <3

tysm for the request!! sorry this took so long hope i did alright <3 probably ooc also not proofread oops

fragile by laufey

“if you keep staring at them, they’re going to get freaked out.”

and katsuki has never been more offended in his life, “i’m not freaking them out… and i’m not staring at them”

“okay and the sky is red.”

“you’re so difficult, i’m leaving” and with pride he walks away from (in his words, a major inconvenience) kirishima.

seeing you in such tight clothing… wasn’t like anything you were used to. honestly, it drove him a little crazy.

crazy enough to make him talk to you.

what was he supposed to do?? you’re standing there, all pretty in his presence and he was just supposed to let it happen?

“hey y/n” he approaches you.

“oh, hey bakugo!” you’re so…. so cheerful. so positive. he wonders how someone can act this way all the time. and truthful, it’s kind of infectious. there’s no way he can just be in your presence without a little smile on his face.

he doesn’t know what to do next. he almost stutters over his words and it’s impossible to hide the blush that’s creeping up on his face.

“is everything okay? you don’t look so well.” tilting your head at him, checking out his facial features.

you never noticed how much he flutters his lashes or how his hair looks like he styled it but clearly all he does is brush it a little.

“hm? yeah, i’m fine.” he is absolutely not fine.

“are you sure? you can tell me if you don’t feel good” you let out a light laugh. god, how kind you are. always checking up on others.

but he just cant take his eyes off of you.

“bakugo? are you liste-”

“you look really nice.” katsuki blurts out. before he realizes what he said, it’s too late.

both of your cheeks turn red. it was a very unexpected comment. him? complimenting someone? complimenting you? you couldn’t believe it. his eyes move away from your face and dart everywhere except your eyes.

“t-thank you!” and yet you managed to keep your composure.

he’s speechless. he can’t believe what he just did. he’s supposed to be cool! he can’t fold immediately when he sees you.

at an attempt to keep his character he shrugs and looks down at his feet “how’s your training going?” great. what a way to switch the topic.

“it’s going alright, been improving a lot. you know, i’ve been meaning to ask you but i was wondering if you would train with me? i need someone like you to help me keep up.”

katsukis head immediately darts up.

and you’re just grinning directly at him…. how pretty

“yeah, i guess i could help you.” if you ask him how many times he almost stuttered over his words, he’d probably blast you away.

“great! then it’s a date.”

— ♡

is this too rushed and poor LOLZ sorry

#katsuki bakugo x reader #veniaz #katsuki bakugo fluff #katsuki bakugo x you #my hero academia x reader #katsuki bakugo #bakugo katsuki #mha #my hero academia

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the-iceni-bitch · 5 months

Text

𝐂𝐚𝐧 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐎𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐖𝐢𝐧𝐝?

Relationship: Ransom Drysdale x Jake Jensen (Gem and Blondie, NLLYL: Before)

Words: ~3.3k

Summary: Ransom doesn’t want to go, but he can’t stay.

Warnings: explicit language, brief mention of m/m sex, ANGST!!!! Angst, angst, angst, angst, angst, homophobia, implied use of the f-slur, dysfunctional family, so much self-hatred. 18+ ONLY (due to the AU)

A/N: You may have been expecting more Kinktober, but apparently it’s Angst-mas. Listen, all of us knew this was coming but that doesn’t make it hurt less. Just remember they both end up where they need to be and that I am so sorry for doing this to all of you 😭

I am no longer doing taglists so if you want to stay up to date on my fics follow my sideblog @the-iceni-library and turn on notifications.

Ransom took another uncomfortable sip of beer and looked around at all of Jake’s family as he sat next to his boyfriend. It was weird, he was so used to dysfunction and drama that being around so many people who actually seemed happy to be related to each other made his skin crawl. He didn’t know how he was supposed to interact with these people. Even though Jake was sitting right next to him and holding his hand, he felt alone.

That didn’t stop him from smiling like he knew he should be. His thoughts may have been filled with anxiety but his WASP upbringing meant he could put on a good face no matter what. When Jake squeezed his hand he squeezed it back, beaming at his boyfriend even as he wondered at how he could possibly be a part of this man’s life when he was so colossally fucked up. He felt like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop in relation to him being a terrible person, and he hated it.

“Hey,” Jake’s smile dropped a little when he looked at Ransom’s face, his eyes full of concern which only made Ransom want to throw up. “Are you okay? I know Sam Adams is kind of basic beer, I can run to the store if you want something different.”

“No, I’m fine.” Ransom lied, smiling even wider to hopefully cover for the tightness in his throat. “Everything is great, your family is wonderful.”

Jake was about to say something else, he could tell, but fortunately Jake’s sister chose that moment to stand up with her husband. Her grin was huge and she was bouncing on her toes, and even with his anxiety Ransom couldn’t stop a chuckle when Jake started bouncing too. It took a few minutes for everything to die down and then she was finally able to get out the words she had apparently been holding back all night.

“We’re pregnant!!”

The uproar of pure joy was deafening, and it only got more intense when the sonogram was revealed. Every member of the Jensen clan started hugging each other, some of them even cried. Jake was one of the criers, running to his sister and dragging Ransom behind him until he wrapped her in an enormous bear hug.

Ransom felt a little better now that all the attention wasn’t on him as the boyfriend they’d never met before. Or at least he felt better until he heard the word “uncle” directed at him.

“What?” His mouth was suddenly very dry and his smile felt more forced than ever.

“You’re gonna be ‘Uncle Ransom’. Isn’t that exciting?” Jake’s sister beamed at him until Jake poked her in the arm, shaking her head but still keeping that jubilant smile on her face. “Or… you know, sorry. Mom!!”

The rest of the afternoon was a blur for Ransom. A happy, noisy, gut wrenching blur. He didn’t think he’d actually finished the beer he had been holding, and he was vaguely aware of people moving around him but nothing else registered. All he could think about was how fucking serious things were. Up to a certain point he had already been aware, but that was just with him and Jake. Jake’s entire apparently fantastic family had never entered his mind until that day, and he could not figure out how he was supposed to fit in with all of them. Especially as an uncle. The only uncle he’d known was Walt, and he was just awful. He couldn’t be around kids. He probably shouldn’t even be a part of any sort of functional family.

Before he knew it he and Jake were home. He hated the way his boyfriend was looking at him, like he wanted to stay so happy about his sister’s news but also could tell that Ransom was lost in his fucked up emotions. So he managed to put on a placating smile, ignoring the ache in his stomach and his racing pulse when he told Jake how happy he was about him getting to be a fun uncle. His freakout was saved for when he managed to get in the shower after Jake got ready for bed, sitting on the bottom of the tub and breathing painfully while the hot water washed over him and he tried not to feel like such an utter bastard. All night he obsessed about how he didn’t deserve the man he was sharing his bed with, and how much easier things would be if he could bring himself to either talk to Jake or just leave.

It was like that for the next two weeks. Ransom’s cheeks hurt from all the fake smiling and acting cheerful each night when he went to bed. The only time he seemed able to relax was when he and Jake were having sex, and even then he felt like he was being an asshole for trying to distract himself with his boyfriend’s body, so he tried not to do it unless Jake was adamant about it. He knew Jake could tell something was wrong, and as much as he loved the man for knowing that asking would just make Ransom more stubborn, he almost wished the blond would just do it. Maybe if he finally broke down things could get better.

But he didn’t really want to break down. Ransom knew himself, he wasn’t a man who thrived on deep and meaningful conversations. He couldn’t believe how grateful he was when he got an invitation to some boring party for Linda’s real estate firm. A year and a half without a word from his mother or anyone else in his family and all of a sudden he was invited to some fancy soirée out of the blue. Yeah, he hated his family, but he hated what he was feeling around Jake right now even more. He even considered just telling Jake he was going and then drinking himself to oblivion in some random hotel, but he did miss Harlan, and if the old man was going to be there, hopefully Ransom could get his grandfather to talk some sense into him.

“You’re sure you don’t want me to go, Gem?” Jake looked so earnest and sweet while he helped Ransom with his tie and it made him feel like the slimiest douche in the world. “I’m pretty charming. You could introduce me as your ‘roommate’.”

“I’m sure, Jake.” Ransom couldn’t even bring himself to call Jake by his nickname, he hated himself. “Trust me, aside from the food and the open bar, it’s going to suck massively.”

“Okay.” Jake leaned up to peck Ransom on the lips and he couldn’t stop himself from pulling the blond closer for just a moment. “Call me if you need a ride.”

Ransom promised he would, kissing Jake deeply for some unknown reason and looking into his eyes before saying goodbye. It felt painful and he couldn’t figure out why, like it was somehow more permanent and he wasn’t going to be home in just a few hours.

The hotel was sufficiently swanky for what he knew his mother’s expectations would be. He was even more glad that he hadn’t let Jake tag along, handing the valet the keys to that ancient jeep would have been especially awkward. There were so many blue bloods packed into the ballroom that Ransom could practically smell the old money, and he wasn’t impressed. While he was scowling and trying to get his bearings his mother found him, immediately making a stress headache begin behind his left eye.

“Hello Ransom.” God, he’d forgotten how fake the woman was. That smile was showing far too many teeth. “Thank you so much for coming. How have you been?”

“You’re really going to act like you care, mother?” Ransom let her embrace him since he didn’t feel like making a scene, but he hated every second of it. “Where’s Harlan?”

“Your grandfather wasn’t feeling his best so he’s resting at home.” Linda refused to let go of his arm when he stepped back. “But I’m very glad you’re here. There’s someone I want you to meet. This is Sloane Hargreaves.”

Linda gestured to a young woman who looked like every social climber’s wet dream, with eerily straight and white teeth and not a single blonde hair on her head out of place. She was attractive, but her eyes were sharp and cunning, like she was constantly assessing how she could maneuver a situation to her advantage. Everything about her presence put Ransom on edge, especially when she shook his hand and she let out a laugh that was just shy of shrill.

“Yeah, nice to meet you.” Ransom had to yank his hand away from her. Pretty or not she was freaking him out. “If Harlan isn’t I’m going to head home, Linda. There’s no reason for me to be here.”

“Nonsense. It’s not like you have someone to go home to.” Oh, he did not like the way Linda’s eyes glittered when she said that. “Be a gentleman and escort this lonely young lady for the night. What could it hurt?”

Aside from his patience he couldn’t come up with anything, so he just shrugged and let the bourgeois waif wind her arm through his. The way she was clinging to him didn’t help him relax at all, nor did the constant inane chatter. That combined with the cloud of Chanel No. 5 that hovered around her made his headache even worse. All he wanted was to go drink and forget about his fucked up family and the boyfriend to whom he was scared to commit.

He didn’t even know how long it had been before Sloane finally left him alone to go to the ladies room, but it was far too long. Ransom was on the far side of the room from the exit, but he still tried to make a break for it, cursing to himself under his breath when his mother intercepted him with that same, phony smile on her face.

“Now now, why are you rushing off so soon?” Linda sank her claws into his arm and steered him towards a secluded table. “I haven’t talked to you in so long and you’re already leaving.”

“Who’s fault is that?” He took the scotch she handed him and downed it in one gulp. “Why did you even bother inviting me here?”

“What, I can’t miss my son?” Linda scoffed when he just scowled at her, tapping her manicured nails against the tabletop with irritation. “Fine. Your grandfather has been talking about missing you quite a bit and is adamant about letting you back into the family. He’s gotten the idea in his head that you must have made something of yourself if you haven’t come back begging on your knees by now.”

“What’s the catch?” Ransom snorted when she tried to look coy. “C’mon, Linda. There’s no way you’d be thinking of letting me back in if there wasn’t something in it for you.”

“You’re too goddamn smart for your own good.” She muttered under her breath and shook her head before addressing him again. “I know, Ransom.”

“You know?” Ransom chuckled a few times before freezing when he saw the smug look on her face. “What do you know?”

“I know about your… god, I can’t even call it a job.” Linda sneered when Ransom seemed to shrink in on himself, leaning forward as she went in for the kill. “Not just a sex worker, but a sex worker for fa…”

“Stop.” If he had to hear that word come out of her mouth he would start crying, and he didn’t want to give her the satisfaction. “Just stop.”

“You have your disgusting job, your piece of shit apartment, and that little boy toy you’ve been fooling around with.” She tutted when Ransom buried his face in his hands and groaned. “It’s ridiculous and uncouth. I’ll not have you parading your vulgar plaything around in front of the family or our friends.”

“They're not my friends, mother.” He felt like he was going to be sick. “He’s not a toy, I love him.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, no you don’t.” Linda sipped on her wine while she watched her son crumble in front of her without an ounce of sympathy. “You love money and being a damn pain in the ass, and as much fun as you might have introducing that fruit to society, I won’t have it. Break it off.”

“No.” Ransom shook his head and barely kept his feet as he tried to hold back a panic attack. “I don’t want to come back if I have to leave him.”

“Oh really?” She cocked her head as she gazed at him with those predatory eyes. “You come back and date that pretty, sweet blonde girl who was hanging on your arm all night and I’ll pay for everything.” When she saw Ransom go completely still she knew she had him. “I have a house all ready for you just a half an hour from Harlan’s, that gorgeous vintage BMW you always wanted, and you’ll get to be part of an important family again. All the parties, all the events, and status. Tell me you don’t want it.”

Ransom felt like the bottom just dropped out of his world. He couldn’t do this. He was a bastard but not that big of a bastard. But he was a bastard. He was dysfunctional and repressed. He was in love with Jake but he was terrified of what that meant. He didn’t know how he could possibly fit into that man’s life and make him as happy as he deserved, because Ransom knew that he didn’t deserve the happiness that Jake did. It could be better if he let him find his own way now, before he had the chance to hurt him even worse. Ransom should only be around assholes, he always knew it, the fact that he was considering this just confirmed it.

By the time he climbed into a cab to go back to the apartment he was drunk. Miserable and drunk. The pool of self pity he was wallowing in was so deep he couldn’t see the bottom. He couldn’t even find his keys, he had to have Jake buzz him up.

“Hi gem, how was it?” Jake turned around on the couch to greet him and his face immediately fell. “Oh Ransom…”

“I can’t… I can’t do this.” Ransom couldn’t bring himself to look at Jake, leaning against the wall and sinking to the floor as he buried his face in his hands. “I’m sorry.”

“Oh baby, no.” Jake jumped over the back of the couch and went to sit in front of Ransom on the floor. “Don’t apologize, you never have to apologize to me. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Me, I’m what’s wrong.” Ransom was choking on his words but was determined to not look like the terrified little boy he felt like. “I’m too fucked up for this. I’m too fucked up for you. I can’t give you what you want.”

“All I want is you, Ransom.” Jake reached out to him and flinched when Ransom recoiled. “Just you, that’s it.”

“No it isn’t. How the fuck could it be?” Ransom could hear the pain in Jake’s voice but couldn’t stop now. “You want the family outings and to be ‘uncle Jake’ and domestic bliss. I can’t do that shit, Jake. I can hardly be in the same room as kids, much less have any of my own.”

“Ran…” Jake saw the tears falling from Ransom’s eyes and he lost it, sobbing and gripping Ransom’s hand in spite of the man trying to pull away. “As long as we fucking talk to each other we can make it. You don’t have to do this. I know you feel like you fucking do because yes, your family is that fucked up, but you don’t. I’m here for you, for whatever you need. I love you.”

“I…” Ransom wanted to tell him he didn’t love him, but that was such a fucking lie it got caught in his throat. “I have to go, Jake. I need to leave. I should be back with my family.”

“I can be your family, Ransom.” Jake couldn’t stop himself from pulling Ransom close and wrapping his arms around him. “My family can be your family. You deserve to be loved, to have a family that cares about you. I promise Ransom, you deserve the world. Please believe me.”

“I… I can’t.” Ransom finally crumbled and wept as he embraced Jake in turn. “I’m sorry, I just can’t. I want to, but I can’t. Jake, I have to go back.”

“Ransom,” both of them were a mess but that didn’t stop Jake from kissing Ransom like he was his last breath of air. “I love you so much, goddamn it. I am not going to make you stay, but you should, you can. God, please fucking stay.”

Ransom kissed him back. It was desperate, full of longing and pain. He wished the world would end before the kiss would, but then he had to breathe and reality came crashing around him. His eyes met Jake’s again and he saw the last glimmer of hope die, and he hated himself for killing it.

“I love you, Jake Jensen.” Ransom kissed Jake’s forehead and rose to his feet, staggering towards the door so he could spend the night somewhere else where he wouldn’t have to see the suffering on the face of the man he loved. “But I don’t deserve you. You’ll find someone better, I know you will.”

“Ransom, fuck, just wait.” Jake ran after him and grabbed his wrist to turn him back around. “I’m not stopping you, and I’m not going to tell you that this isn’t the most painful thing anyone has ever put me through, but I’m not going to fucking hate you. You can try all you want, but I love you, I’ll always fucking love you, and all I want is for you to be happy. If it can’t be with me, it should be with someone amazing. Don’t let your family fuck you up any worse, okay?”

“Goddamn it, don’t be such a fucking grownup, Jake.” Ransom had to stop himself from kissing the man again, wrenching himself out of Jake’s grip and running a hand through his hair. “You can keep all my shit. You should forget my number. Goodbye.”

As soon as the door closed behind him he felt his heart freeze over, the sound of Jake’s muffled sobs washing over him as he called himself a cab and went down the stairs. He managed to keep it together for the next week, his face stony and his jaw clenched as he let his mother get him set up in the new house. He even went on a date with the daughter of the upper crust family Linda foisted on him, and Christ was she boring.

It wasn’t until he was moved in, the furniture still wrapped in plastic and a few boxes left to unpack, before he let himself grieve who he’d lost and what he had done to the man he loved, collapsing on the floor and sobbing violently as the moon rose through the trees surrounding his new home. Jake was wrong, he was an absolute and total bastard who deserved nothing but unending pain for the rest of his life. So he let himself feel it, determined to never let go of the anguish that he had brought on himself.

#natalie writes #no love like your love: before #jake jensen #ransom drysdale #gem and blondie #jake jensen x ransom drysdale #ransom drysdale x jake jensen #m/m fanfic #angst #chris evans characters #eighteen plus

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jackharloww · 1 year

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Jack has been really stressed at work lately, so you plant a picnic date for the both of you in your backyard

“Neelam, I’m not mad; I just don’t get why they changed the date again,” Jack spoke on the phone with Neelam, who apparently just told him that an interview got pushed forward. You could clearly tell he was frustrated. He was walking around the house, his eyebrows slightly furrowed.

“This is not the first time it happens. We had to change a lot of things for this shit” his face was starting to get red; you could tell how much this bothered him. The first time they changed the date, he had to cancel a dinner with someone important, and he also had to move an important photo shoot, and now they want to change it again.

While you were sitting in the kitchen, trying to work on your laptop, Jack was distracting you. You knew how much this bothered him; he hated when he had to cancel, and things didn’t work out the way they should.

“There’s not much to talk about,” he sighed into the phone, running his hand through his hair.

“Okay fine, I’ll come. Yeah, see you; bye” you heard him say, ending the call. He walked over to you and let out a big sigh.

“Come here, babe,” you said and opened your arms. He bent down and burrowed his head in your neck, inhaling deeply.

“I need to go to the office to go over my schedule,” he let out a big huff. You played with his hair, trying to get him to calm down.

“Okay, baby, do you want me to come with you?” You asked

“It’s okay; I won’t be that long, hopefully” he shook his head and stood up straight.

“I love you,” he said and bent down to kiss you.

“I Love you too” you gave him another deep kiss before he went to get dressed. After just a few minutes, he was out of the house.

An hour passed, and you finished your work and got up to do some cleaning. You checked your phone and saw that Jack had texted you.

Jacky boy ❤️ - This took longer than I thought. I’ll let you know when I’m on my way.

Poor baby, you thought. This was supposed to be his free day; your plan was to chill and do nothing all day. You went outside to the backyard and got a perfect idea. You wanted to do something cozy for Jack.

You went to the store nearby and bought everything one could need for a picnic before going home and setting everything up. You put a blanket on the grass in your backyard and a picnic basket with Jack’s favorite snacks. And now you only had to wait for him to come home. Just 10 minutes after you heard your phone go off, an incoming FaceTime call.

”Hey babe, I’m on my way home now. Do you need anything?” Jack said as soon as you answered.

”No thank you, just come home,” You said with a big smile

”Why are you so giddy?” He asked as a smile formed on his face

”Just come home,” You said with a giggle

”Alright alright, see you soon babe,” He said and blew you a kiss.

After 15 minutes you heard the front door open and quickly ran up to greet Jack.

”Miss me that much?” He smugly said as he reached down and kissed you, putting a hand around your waist and the other on your ass. You nodded eagerly and deepened the kiss.

”Come, I have a surprise for you,” you said and held his hand. ”I would hold my hands over your eyes but you’re a giant so you need to close them,” you told him making him laugh at your comment. He closed his eyes and walked behind you as you dragged him.

”What kind of surprise?” He asked feeling impatient

”You’ll see. No peeking” was your only answer as you continued to drag him to the backyard

You were now standing in front of the picnic and you let go of Jack’s hand.

”Taddaaaaaa” you said and motioned your hands to the setup. You looked at Jack who looked at the picnic and then at you, with the biggest smile ever.

”You did this for me?” He asked gently

”You’ve been so stressed lately, you need this,” You said smiling at him. He looked at you with a lot of admiration in his eyes before he pulled you in for a big hug.

”You are so thoughtful, thank you,” he mumbled and kissed your head before you both sat down and began snacking away.

Jack laid his head on your lap as you played with his curls. You were both laying there talking about anything and everything, a perfect way of spending the rest of the day.

#jack harlow #jack harlow x reader #jack harlow fluff #jack harlow concepts #jack harlow x y/n #picnic #jack fic #jackharlow #jack x reader #jack harlow imagine #jackman thomas harlow #jack harlow story #harlow #jack harlow stories #blurb #fanfic

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imsadstuff · 1 year

Text

Loving You Is Red - A Jeon Jungkook Fic, voice memo's that were never sent

Synopsis: Jeon Jungkook's name was unheard on the Formula 1 paddock till he got a chance to drive a Mercedes car as a reserve driver. His 2020 starts looking brighter as he signs with Ferrari and meets you, his team mates little sister. So many cliched tropes, strangers to friends to lovers, slow burn, dating brother's best friend, and most importantly Jeon Jungkook looks smoking hot in a Ferrari! Genre: Angst, lots of it, happy ending Word Count: 3.5kAuthor's Note: So, this is a little extra instalment based on something my boyfriend did. He told me about the voice notes he left for me during our break up. he wanted to call and tell me a million things, but instead he'd leave a voice memo in his phone, pretending like they got to me. made me sob like a baby. so, this is a version of that for loving you is red, different voice notes Jungkook records for OC over the five years they're apart... I highly recommend you read the fic to have a better understanding of this. You can find the fic here

please don't be a ghost reader, likes, comments, reblogs, show your appreciation (given you like it 🫣)

Day after Abu Dhabi Race 2020

Jungkook was hungover and tired, the night had been kind of a blur after he won the race. He still couldn’t believe he was the 2020 F1 world champion, he still couldn’t believe you weren’t in the bed beside him, he still couldn’t believe he let you go.

Jungkook was drinking to feel numb, but the morning came and the emotions were starting to eat him up. His hand hovers over your number, Jungkook wants to apologise and wants you back, but he fights the urge as he locks his phone and throws it on the bed as he walks into the washroom.

Walking back with his towel low on his hips, he picks up his phone again, opening the voice recorder app instead. He needs to let out all the intense emotions he’s feeling.

“Hey, just got done crying in the shower. I feel so overwhelmed and anxious, so much is happening all at once. I can’t believe yesterday really happened” he sighs as the app continues recording as he sits down on the bed.

“I’m supposed to go out and celebrate my amazing season but I feel sick just thinking about yesterday. I feel so guilty, I don’t deserve this win” tears are staining his cheeks again, he takes a few deep breaths to compose himself.

“We weren’t supposed to end this way ___…” your name feels heavy in Jungkook’s heart as he presses stop on the recording. Flopping back in bed, he allows himself to cry a little more, processing everything is just too much right now.

1st January 2021

“It’s been a month and a half since I last saw you, feels like forever” Jungkook struggles to stand still as he records another voice memo. Jungkook’s friends invited him out, hoping to distract him and celebrate the new years, but you were still on his mind.

“The new year started fifteen minutes ago, so my resolution for this year is to get over you, I’m going to get a tattoo to symbolise that too” he promises as he gulps down the whiskey, taking a good look at himself in the mirror. All he sees is a shitty, depressed version of himself and he doesn’t like it one bit.

“I have to start getting over you, I can’t keep feeling broken like this” his voice cracks as he struggles to keep the tears away, he’s been crying a lot more than usual lately.

“I hate myself some more just imagining you being miserable like this. I hope you’ve realised that you’re better off without me, that you deserve someone who prioritises you” he whispers the last part as he lets the tears win once again.

“Happy new year ___, I know this year can’t top the magic that was 2020, but I’ll try. I have to unless all this pain was for nothing” he chuckles dryly as he stops recording. It takes him a few minutes to compose himself, but he does, he’s getting shockingly good at pretending like he’s fine.

Race 2 2021

Jungkook’s frustrated as he shuts the door to his hotel room, it’s the second race of the season and the car is absolutely not supporting him. He can feel the anger simmer inside him as he struggles to fall asleep, he’s been struggling with this for a while now.

“I wish you were here right now. Bad day’s didn’t feel as bad with you” he says as he stares at the ceiling as his phone records beside him.

“You’d probably help me realise that the issues are out of my control, that I need to be a little patient. You’d run your fingers through my hair, in an attempt to calm me down” his hand rakes through his hair as the memory of you doing the same flashes in his mind.

“But most importantly, you’d put on the office because that’s your cure for everything” an actual giggle escapes his lips as he turns off the recording and opens the netflix app.

That night, he falls asleep as Michael Scott does something childish.

Race 7 2021

“Phillip was on call with you while we were out for a photo shoot and I heard your voice for the first time in months” Jungkook sighs as he takes a seat on the kitchen counter, something you’d usually do.

“I was starting to feel better and then I heard your voice” he says as he eats straight from the pan.

“You were talking about the weather in Oxford, adjusting in your new apartment, your voice sounded the same. Soft as always” he stares into his empty, dark apartment as he wonders what your new apartment looks like.

“And all I’ve been thinking since then is how quickly one can go from knowing each intimate detail of someone’s life to being an absolute stranger to them. How life keeps moving on, even when your heart can’t” he’s starting to lose his appetite the more he thinks about it.

“But I’m glad you’re moving on, You deserve to” Jungkook chuckles as he says that, he means that, he truly does.

“In other news, my year has been an absolute shit show so far, Seven races in and no wins for me yet. Maybe I am just a one hit wonder like the press has been calling me” Jungkook doesn’t find any of this funny, it’s eating him up and the problems just keep piling on.

“I need to stop talking into the recording app and go out and talk to actual people” he thinks out loud as he jumps off the counter, packing away the leftovers.

Summer Break 2021

It’s early in the morning as Jungkook walks closer to the water, the Ibiza wind hitting him in the face and waking him up. He’s been vacationing for all of last week, he has been laughing, hanging out with friends, having a good time, he’s truly been feeling a lot better.

Laying on the beach, he soaks in the morning sunlight, taking a few deep breaths before he starts talking.

“Today would've been our one year anniversary” he sighs as he flops back into the sand, just wanting to lay down for a while. There’s silence for a while as the sentence feels heavy in his heart, just the waves crashing and his heart thumping.

“We wouldn’t be in Ibiza, we’d be closer to the mountains, somewhere cold and cozy” there’s a faint smile on his face as he imagines an alternate universe, where the two of you are still together.

“You would have given me some amazing, handmade gift, like a cute photo book that journals our first year together. I would’ve gotten you some jewellery, probably that bracelet you were eying in Brazil” he remembers the exact bracelet he’s talking about, it’s kind of pathetic that he does.

“But in this shitty version of the universe, you’re probably enjoying your time at university and I get to go to some other club tonight and make small talk with a woman I’m not even remotely interested in” Jungkook is bitter and angry thinking about what could have been.

“This was for the best, right?” he asks himself as he picks up his phone, saving this voice note with today’s date.

Race 17 2021

“Phillip took me out to dinner because he’s worried about me, he thinks the car issues and lack of winning is starting to get to me” he sighs as he pours himself another drink.

“It is starting to get to me, I’m so scared and anxious about my future it keeps me up at night. Of course it’s already starting to get to me given the panic attack I had during the last strategy meeting” Jungkook looks back at the difficult few months, it’s truly been challenging.

“He told me about going through something similar last year, and to not let the disappointment and temporary failure swallow me” Jungkook sighs for what feels like the millionth time tonight as he downs his drink in one go.

“Phillip told me to talk to him or anyone about my fears, verbalising my fears to someone I trust might help me. Phillip said that he told you the same after your accident, how the fear of a dwindling future paralysed you” hearing your name at dinner was not something he expected, every few months he’d start to forget about you and one thing and the rush of memories come back to him.

“You’re the only one I can think of when it comes to talking about my fears,” Jungkook says as he slides down the sofa and sits on the floor.

“I wish I could call you ___” he shuts his eyes tight as your name rolls off his tongue. His phone keeps recording as he switches on the tv to dissociate for a while.

Race 22 2021

“So, I didn’t win the championship. Wasn’t even in the top three but that’s the least of my concerns right now” there’s actual joy in Jungkook’s voice as he tussles around in his hotel bed, balancing his phone in his other hand.

“I just got to the episode when Jim interrupts Pam’s talking head to ask her out, and WOW!! The way the biggest smile appears on her face, and how her eyes light up, jesus fucking christ!” he squeals as he sits up in his bed, he might be a little too invested.

"Jim giving up on a promotion for love, peak of romance” Jungkook can’t help but smile, as he thinks back to the scene he’s seen multiple times now.

“After the crapfest of the year I’ve had, I wish I had the willpower to fight Ferrari last year. I can’t believe it’s been a year since we broke up” having spent all these important momentous dates with you, Jungkook can’t help but think back to them a year later.

“Sometimes I can’t believe just how easily you complied with me breaking us up, how you didn’t fight for us, at all” there’s bitterness in his heart about this, he knows it’s irrational but it’s there.

“Something you said sits heavy in my heart, ‘between the two of us, I’m the only one who’s had to give up on a dream without having a say in it’ and that’s just not true anymore” Jungkook remembers every word you said that evening exactly, he just can’t seem to forget them, or you.

“You may have given up on your dream of figure skating, but I gave up on my dream of a future with you”

Phillip’s Birthday 2022

“I haven’t done this in a while,” Jungkook speaks into his phone as he watches the night sky from the balcony. It had been five months since he had recorded a voice memo instead of calling you, he was starting to forget you.

“I knew I was going to see you today, but, um, I still wasn’t prepared to see you” Jungkook left the party early, he’d had enough of you and your very charming, british boyfriend.

“Christian and you look like you stepped out a romcom, with the perfect met cute story” he laughs genuinely as he thinks back at your chatty boyfriend, so different from you.

“I’m kinda glad seeing how well you’re doing. University, perfect relationship, I really am glad” he repeats in attempts to comfort himself. Taking a good look in the mirror, he has the urge to tug off the sweater he hasn’t worn in ages. The sweater he wore just so you’d notice.

That night, he finally packs up all the things he associated with you, the sweaters, perfumes, diary, books you left around his apartment, you’ve moved on, so should he.

Amsterdam 2023

Jungkook rewatches Phillip’s instagram story for the tenth time today, and there’s a smile on his face everytime he does. It’s a video with a caption that reads, ‘Birthday girl returns to the rink’. A ten second clip of you skating on ice with the biggest smile on your face brings him an amount of joy he hasn’t felt in years.

As you twirl on ice, your hands come into focus and Jungkook notices the ring on your index finger. On the previous watches he might have been a little too distracted by the smile on your face to notice you wearing the birthday gift he gave you. He knows you don’t wear it all the time anymore,because it was missing on Phillip’s birthday less than a year ago.

“Happy 23rd ___” Jungkook talks into his phone as he takes in the prettiest sunset in Amsterdam.

“Today is the first time I’m recording a voice memo when I’m not feeling bitter and depressed” he chuckles out loud and shuts his eyes as the smile on his lips only grows.

“I spent your birthday exploring a vintage bookstore, I was celebrating you in spirit I guess” Jungkook was happy with how he spent his day, going through books for hours.

“I went out for lunch and just stumbled upon this place, it was a happy coincidence. I cancelled my plans for the day and spent it doing something you would love. And for the first time in a while, I thoroughly enjoyed doing something that wasn’t racing” all Jungkook had been doing the last year was work, work related activities and training, he had completely given up on his hobbies.

“You would love this place” Jungkook says wistfully as he looks at a bag full of books he just bought.

Race 2 2024

Jungkook looked at the discarded boxes in his new apartment, and he finally moved to a bigger and better place. The movers had unpacked and arranged everything for him, this place feels foreign and unfamiliar. Jungkook opens a few drawers and shelves before he finds the plates, the only set of plates he owns.

Jungkook presses the record button to record a voice memo, something he hasn’t done in the last six months.

“So, I moved to a bigger, better place. I can afford a ridiculously expensive apartment in Monaco because I’m a two time F1 world champion now!” he says with excitement as he eats the takeout food from the plates you bought him.

“But I still haven’t bought plates, the ones you bought are beautiful, with the blue specks of colours. My favourite colour, apparently” Jungkook says as he takes another bite of the mediocre chinese food.

“And the passcode to this place is still the same as my last one, mostly because I don’t want to remember a new set of numbers. Definitely not because I’m hoping for you to surprise me by breaking into my place” he laughs loudly as he thinks back to the time you let yourself in while he was live streaming, Jungkook really thought someone was breaking in and entering.

“I have a stupid logic for why I won last year's championship, other than the obvious skills and amazing car. I started wearing the chain you gave me, your good luck charm might be my good luck charm too” he smiles widely as his hands go up to touch the chain.

“If it really is a good luck charm, I’ll win this year too” Jungkook has high spirits for 2023, he has high spirits about his personal life too. He turns off the recording when a call notification from Ava pops on his phone.

Race 22 Abu Dhabi 2024

Jungkook is dazed and frustrated as he walks back to his hotel room instead of going back to the club, abandoning his girlfriend but he could care less right now. He hadn’t seen you in over two years, and a three minute conversation has left him feeling empty the same way it did four years ago.

Your voice is ringing in his head as he flops back in bed, how frustrated and bothered you were.

“I hate how broken you looked, how broken you sounded” he whispers another voice memo as he shuts his eyes.

“I didn’t just move on like we never happened, it still shocks me how just six months of us being together bothered me for two years. I DIDN’T MOVE ON FOR TWO FUCKING YEARS ___!” he shouts with frustration, wishing he had said this to you.

“I’VE MOVED ON” Jungkook shouts some more to convince himself.

There are some frustrated huffs until he stops recording, his mind is all over the place and your wide, tear filled eyes haunt him.

December 2024

“So, I broke up with Ava a week after I saw you,” Jungkook says, still sitting in his car. Something clicked after seeing you, he knew all this time that he didn’t really love Ava. You asking him if you did just made him realise that.

“I was using Ava as a distraction and I hate myself for it” he sighs, not really wanting to go back to his empty apartment.

“How can I not love Ava, she’s quite literally perfect for me but I can’t imagine a future with her, at all. Am I damaged? Not capable of loving someone again?” he wonders out loud, his frustration and disappointment growing as he thinks about the mess he is some more.

“Seeing you just reminded me of what loving someone felt like…I couldn’t even be completely honest and open with Ava” he whispers shamelessly.

“You told me about your very destructive tendencies in a relationship, how you cheated on Christian because you couldn’t bring yourself to break up with him, and it just made me realise I was doing the same to Ava” Jungkook talks to himself, he’s been doing a lot of this lately.

“I was hanging onto Ava because I desperately didn’t want to be by myself, I didn’t want to be alone. I hate being alone” he confesses and his eyes are getting a little misty as he thinks about his situation some more.

That night Jungkook comes very close to actually calling you, he wants some warmth and comfort but he knows he doesn’t deserve any of that, especially from you.

Phillip and Maya’s wedding 2025

“I should have made some lame excuse about being busy or something, why do I do this to myself” Jungkook whines as he struggles with his tie, how does he not know how to tie a tie as a twenty five year old. He’s been pacing around in the hotel room, worried about ruining his chance of seeing you.

“I’m just going to apologise and shut this chapter, I need a fresh start and that can’t happen until I apologise to you and this is my only chance to because I need to be done with you” he frustratingly takes the tie off, wondering if he can rock the open button, casual look.

“I’m just worried that you’re not going to want to see me and then this whole evening is going to be awkward” he says as he looks for a turtleneck, open shirt is just too casual.

“Is there a delusional idiot in me that thinks that tonight is going to lead to something more? Yes, but you could bring another charming date and shatter my unrealistic expectations” Jungkook is very frightened for a man who drives at 300 kmph every other weekend without any fear.

“I’m just going to ask for your help, this is nothing more than an ex asking another ex to help tie their tie” he chuckles dryly as he downs his drink, needing some liquid courage before he faces you.

Summer Break 2025

“All I want to do is relax and eat tons of amazing food for the next week,” Jungkook says into his phone as he closes the door to his car.

“Then that’s what we’re going to do, but can you at least tell me where we’re going?” your voice booms on speaker and Jungkook smiles shyly, knowing the suspense is tormenting you. It has been a few weeks since Phillip’s wedding, and since the night he realised something, it’s always been you. It will always be you.

“Pack warm, that’s all I’m going to say right now” he giggles as you grumble on the other side.

“Kook, all my winter clothes are packed up, can you come over and help me get those boxes” you say and he laughs sarcastically.

“Is this just a ploy to get me to come over, if yes you have very bad game ___” he says and you’re the one laughing this time.

“You’re replaceable by a ladder Jeon, don’t get to cocky-” you’re interrupted by your apartment bell ringing.

“Too bad, I’m already here” he says as he’s still on call, you’re a little too elated as you swing the door open.

“Hey-” he’s shut up by your warm lips tugging on his as your arms come around him. Jungkook loses his balance for just a second before he holds you close and deepens the kiss. Jungkook doesn’t have to leave voice memos on his phone anymore, he doesn’t have to pretend to leave you messages. He’s glad he gets to call you, he’s glad he gets to hold you, he’s glad he’s given a second chance with you.

Another Author's Note: Still working on an epilogue for this, comment under to be added to the taglist if you still aren't on it!!

Tag List: @blancflms @nadzzzblog @kookiewhtaee @jksoftiitii @oiseul @elisaaru @coralmusicblaze @tearyjjeonn @moonchild1 @jungkooksseuphoria @cookysstuff @ohyeahjk @bobakkoo @whoa-jo @kooromiwrld @littlelandalp @marvelover3000 (the last one didn't ask to be added to the taglist but i'm adding them anyway :))

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sacredbbl · 2 months

Text

Fraternity Fever

Jake X Reader

Chapter 4

CW: Cussing, Oral both receiving, Marijuana, Alcohol, sexual intercourse, intoxication, fingering , sex

Y/N POV

As he dropped your hand, your heart dropped as well. You knew that you shouldn’t have invested yourself into him so quickly. You felt the tears welling up in your eyes. Careful to not show your emotions, you had to get yourself away from him.

“I have to go to the psychology building, I will talk to you later,” you struggle to say while turning away.

He stopped you, “Do you want me to walk you there?”

You shook your head no and quickly left him in the middle of campus. You made sure he could not see the feelings overwhelming you.

You finally got to the psychology building and made your way into the bathroom, looking at yourself in the mirror for a moment before allowing the tears to finally flow. How could I have been so stupid? You knew his reputation, you knew what he was like, you knew exactly what he was like, so why had you trusted him? Why had you assumed that you would have been different?

Pulling yourself together, you ran your hands through your hair, gently wiping your eyes before finally making your way to class. As you sat, doing your absolute best to push him from your mind, your phone vibrated. You didn’t check it - you knew what it would be.

Jakey: Hey

Jakey: Everything okay? Kinda dashed off there..

You decided not to respond, hoping that it would hurt him somewhere near as much as he had hurt you. You continued to feel your phone vibrating, granting you looks from others in the class. You lifted it from your pocket, finally opening it.

Jakey: Can we talk?

Jakey: Don’t ignore me

Jakey: If you don’t reply I’m just going to come over there.

You sighed softly, before replying to him.

You: I’m fine. You don’t have to come over.

Almost immediately, he responded.

Jakey: Josh wants you to come over tonight. Not a party. Just a get together.

You: I have plans already, sorry.

Jakey: I know that’s a lie, he already asked Jayden and she said that both of you were completely free tonight. I’ll see you there.

You pushed your phone back into your pocket. Fucking Jayden. How were you supposed to speak to him like you weren’t affected by this? You didn’t want him to see you as upset as you were.

You didn’t want to go, but knew that you had to. Maybe you’d try to be the bigger person, show him that you didn’t care. Then again, that didn’t work out so well last time.

Jake POV

You sighed as she finally replied to you - why were you acting like this? You knew exactly how you felt about her. You wanted her more than you’d wanted anything before, you just wanted her to be happy. So why were you hurting her? Sure, you didn’t want people to know that you were together, you weren’t ready for her to be exposed to those kinds of rumours - the same as every other girl you had tried to date - but surely it was okay if Danny and Sam knew? They were your brothers, after all.

You couldn’t figure it out, deciding to leave the classes early and head home. Sitting into your Jeep, you found yourself at home in no time. It was quiet - only Josh was there, setting up for tonight. It was only going to be you, the boys, Jayden, and Y/N - a little get together that Josh had put together, no doubt to have you and Y/N get closer.

“So.. how’d it go?” he asked, not looking up from his phone.

“How did what go?” you replied, furrowing your eyebrows at him. Of course they told him.

“Your little adventure last night? I heard she was here again this morning.”

You were silent for a moment, before nodding. “Yeah, she was.”

He hummed, pursing his lips, “Is she coming tonight?”

“I hope so.”

He raised his eyebrows once you spoke, locking his phone, and plopping it onto the couch.

“You two… doing okay?”

You huffed, sitting down on the couch beside him, leaning your head against the back of the couch. “Josh, you know we aren’t a thing.”

“That’s not what Sammy told me this morning.” You didn’t reply to him, simply closing your eyes.

“Talk to me, tell me what’s going on. Please,” he pleaded, his voice quiet.

“I don’t know what’s going on. That’s the fucking problem. One minute I feel like I love her more than anything on this earth, and then the next I just shut down. I don’t know what to do Josh, I don’t want to hurt her, but I don’t know if I can open myself back up again. I don’t know if I’m ready.”

He nodded his head once again, clearly thankful that you were finally talking to him about it. He always did have a way of getting under your skin, revealing any secrets that you had.

He spoke slowly, considering his words carefully as he did so. “I think you need to talk to her. You need to tell her about what happened. You need to be honest with her. It’s not fair to be so hot and cold with her. She deserves the truth, at least. Let her decide where to go from there.”

You didn’t want to admit it, but you knew that he was right - you had to tell her. You could only hope that she would understand.

You thanked him, he was right, as always. Making your way up the stairs, you found yourself in the bedroom, pulling that same book from the bookshelf. Opening it up, you flipped to the page that held the polaroid - you hadn’t looked at it in years. The night that she had left, you had thrown it into a random book, almost afraid of what it would make you feel.

You tossed the picture onto your desk, sighing to yourself, before beginning to get ready for tonight. By the time that the doorbell rang, you had showered and dressed, ready for the conversation that had to happen.

Y/N POV

The breeze kissed your skin as you stood outside of the door, waiting for it to be answered. You were going to talk to him tonight, tell him how hurt he made you feel. You had decided that he had to make a decision. He couldn’t keep treating you like this and expecting you to stick around. You had had enough of that in the past few years, and you weren’t going to do it again. Regardless of how hard it would be to give him up, if you needed to, you would.

As the door was opened, you were greeted by Josh - always with that same look in his eyes, always like he knew something that you didn’t. Making your way inside, you sat yourself next to Sam on the couch as he scrolled through the streaming services, trying to find something as background noise. You found yourself looking at him, more closely than usual - his lip was bruised, and he seemed to be sporting a black eye.

He lands on The Wolf of Wall Street, this wasn't a surprise of course this was their favorite movie. He turned to you, noticing your eyes tracing his face. “What?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at you.

“What in the name of god happened to you?” you replied, tilting your head to one side.

“Oh, That. Remember the cops last night? Ended up getting in a fight with one of them, got taken in, Jake had to come get me.”

You paused after he spoke. “Jake had to come get me.” He hadn’t forgotten about you. He hadn’t left you waiting there just so that you’d suffer. He had gone to help his brother.

You felt your heart soften ever so slightly, nodding your head. “That was nice of him.”

Speak of the devil. There he was, walking down the stairs and into the living room. He sat next to you, sandwiching you between him and Sam. You didn’t look up at him, simply choosing to focus on the movie as it began to play. It wasn’t until he placed a hand on your knee that you turned, finally catching his eyes. He seemed nervous, like something was about to happen, you hated that look.

“Can we talk later, please?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Why? You want to confuse me again?” you replied, staring at him.

“No, no, I’ll explain everything later, okay? I just need you to trust me right now.”

“Oh NOW we talk about trust? Is that it?” you retorted, before standing up once more, making your way over to Josh, and plopping yourself down beside him.

You could feel Jake’s eyes on you as you sat, clearly hurt. Good. You made the usual small talk with Josh, asking how the pledges were doing, whether they had anything else lined up for the future, and whether he was going to run for president again. Every time you spoke, you could see him in your peripheral vision, keeping a close eye on you. You were sure it wasn’t jealousy. He knew that it wasn’t Josh that you wanted. It was him.

Time seemed to fly by and before you knew it, the credits of the movie were running. You saw him look at you, nodding towards the door. You sighed, not ready for whatever conversation was about to happen, but standing up nonetheless to make your way into the hall after him.

Jake POV

She followed you throughout the house, up the stairs and into your bedroom. You beckoned her to go on the balcony and grabbed a pre-roll from the back of your drawer. You thought this would ease the tension between you two. Finally you made your way to the balcony and sat on one of the old chairs. Placing the blunt in between your lips, you hold the lighter to the end while shielding the orange end from the wind. Taking a large hit, you place it between your thumb and index finger and pass it towards her. She reluctantly took it, sitting on one of the chairs opposite you.

“So..” she whispered, her eyes pinned to the ground.

“So,” you replied, unsure of exactly where to start.

You left the balcony for a moment, retrieving the polaroid from your desk. Spinning it between your fingers, you made your way back out to the balcony, the cold air hitting you.

Silently, you passed her the photo, allowing her to take a moment to look at it.

“Who is it?” she asked, turning the photo at different angles as she spoke.

“That’s someone that I used to know. We met back in freshman year, Ashlee,” you could already feel a weight coming off of your shoulders as you spoke, taking the joint from her. As you took a pull, you leaned back, crossing your legs before continuing.

“We dated for almost the entirety of the year. I loved her. I, uh, I thought she loved me.”

Her face could have broken your heart, her eyebrows low, clearly not expecting what you were saying. “During the summer, I brought her home with me. We were only young, I took her to all of my favorite places, I showed her every part of me. She was my everything. I woke up one morning, and she wasn’t in the room. Knocked on Josh’s door, he didn’t answer me. Sam’s door was open, and there they were. I didn’t know what to say. I just slammed the door and left.”

You could feel your eyes begin to water slightly, running the back of your hand against your cheeks to hide it. You didn’t want to seem weak in front of her.

“Apparently everyone knew what they were doing. Not even Josh told me. Everyone fucking knew how much I loved her. They thought I would not believe them until I saw them with my own two eyes.” A soft sigh left your lips as you continued, remembering back to the way that Josh had spoken to you after you found out, how sympathetic he had been. You could have killed Sam, honestly, you still could.

“I kicked her out. She tried to apologize, tried to tell me that it meant nothing, tried to tell me that it was just a mistake. I didn’t care. She had been fucking my brother and everyone fucking knew.” You continued to try to hold back the tears, to no avail, wiping your nose on your sleeve.

“I kept that photo hidden for years, and didn't know what to do with it. All I wanted was to forget her, forget how she made me feel, forget how it felt to be in love.”

Looking up at her once more, you touched the polaroid to the tip of the blunt, allowing it to smoke up. Dropping it onto the floor, you watched it, shriveling up and sending smoke into the air. Free at last.

Y/N POV

Jake looked at you with tears in his eyes. You didn’t know what to think. One day he hates you and now he’s opening up to you. The polaroid sat burning in between you two as you remained silent for a moment.

“Jake, that's awful. I am so sorry,” you spoke. As you touched his cheek, wiping away his tears with your thumb. Now face to face you looked into his big brown eyes. Your hands now cupping his face. You pull yourself closer to softly kiss his lips. As you pull away you see him softly smile.

“Is this why you have been acting so weird towards me? You're afraid?” you question.

“I don’t think I was acting weird,” he chuckled, his eyes soft. “But yeah, if I’m honest. I’m afraid. I’m afraid to fall for someone else and have them leave again. I’m afraid of being betrayed by someone that I thought was my forever. That’s why I was so annoyed yesterday, seeing you with Sam. I thought it was all happening again, I thought he had taken you from me. And yeah, I know, you’re not mine. You’ve never been mine, but… you know what I’m trying to say?” he replied, shrugging his shoulders slightly.

“Yeah, I know what you’re trying to say. I know what it feels like to love someone and have them leave. I suppose I didn’t tell you why I transferred here in the first place?” you replied. You truly hadn’t expected to be having this conversation tonight, you had assumed it would be the usual - you ignore him, he ignores you, you wake up in the same bed.

“I transferred here right after my whole life exploded basically,” you begin. “It all happened at once, like one bad thing, then another after another. First my father - well I wouldn’t consider him a father anymore.” You paused and composed yourself. “He was around when I was younger but became more distant. I loved that man but he didn’t love me. After my parents divorced, he disappeared. Last year I found out that he has a whole other family and a daughter the same age as me. I tried to contact him, but he wants nothing to do with me. Then in August, my mother ran away with a random man she met the week before at a bar.”

You didn’t cry. You didn’t feel like wasting your tears on the two fucked up people who brought you into this world. You had almost become numb to the trauma your parents had left you with. “I guess everyone I love leaves me.”

You looked at Jake sternly.

“Jake, for my own well being please make a choice. I cannot go through you changing your mind on me. Choose me or not but I cannot keep on playing this game with you.” His soft smile turns into a frown. You have clearly hurt him. You stand up to go back down stairs, then you feel his hand grab your wrist turning you to face him.

Jake POV

You couldn’t let her leave. Not again. You stood up from your chair, before taking a deep breath.

“That’s why I brought you up here tonight, that’s why we’re having this conversation. I’m done with this. I’m done with being afraid. It’s always been you. Ever since you came into this room and cried your heart out. Ever since you vomited all over my fucking floor.” you took a moment to chuckle, remembering the annoyance that you had felt.

“Ever since I had to leave you that morning, afraid that I’d have to face my own feelings. It's you. I won’t live in fear anymore. I want to learn how to be myself again. I NEED to learn how to be myself again, and I want you to be there for it,” you spoke, looking directly into her eyes. Her face seemed to soften as you spoke before leading you inside and sitting you onto the couch. “I can’t live like this forever - always afraid that any little fight will make everything fall apart. I want to be able to take care of you, like I did that night, and not have to hide it. I want to be the face that you wake up to in the morning, and I want my bed to be the one that you climb into at the end of the night. I want to scream it to the world, that you’re mine, mine and only mine. I know I’ve been a dick - everyone told me, Josh pointed it out, God even fucking Sam pointed it out. I just didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to get attached again, because I know how it ends. I thought I knew how it ends..

But I don’t feel that way with you. No matter what I said to you, no matter how horrible I was to you, degrading you in front of everyone, and yet here you are. You always came back to me. I wish that I could say that it didn’t make me happy every time that you did - every time that we’d start again. I want to start again, for real this time. I want to make a real go at it.”

“I need you to be serious,” she began, her hand resting on your knee. “I need to know that you mean it, and that tomorrow morning you’re not going to turn into someone I don’t know again. You need to say it, and you need to mean it. Because you’ll only get one chance.”

You found yourself nodding, not noticing the tear that slid down your cheek. “I’m serious. I want to be with you, I need to be with you. I can’t think of anything else besides you, what you’re doing, who you’re talking to, whether or not you’re safe. I felt terrible leaving you behind last night, I just had to-”

“You had to get Sam,” she cut you off quickly. “I know. He told me. I’m sorry I was pissed off at you about it, I didn’t know. I thought you just left, that you weren’t coming back. It brought all those feelings back up. Then in the morning it was nice, it felt like you were truly comfortable. And then you saw them and everything changed again, I can’t keep doing this, I won’t keep doing this,” her voice was quiet, her eyes falling to the couch.

You lifted her chin to look at you, holding her jaw between your index and your thumb. “You don’t have to. I’m here, and I’m here for good.” You placed a soft kiss on her lips, a smile finally finding its way onto them. Your hands find their way to her waist inviting her to straddle over your lap. The kiss gets more furious and desperate almost as if you needed each other to survive.

Breaking the kiss, you start to kiss her neck leaving purple marks, hands find her shirt pulling it over her head exposing her bare chest. Kissing a trail from her neck down to her chest, her fingers undo your belt. Her hand starts stroking your already hard dick. You can’t help but let a moan escape your lips.

You quickly pull her skirt above her hips and before inserting yourself inside her, you whisper in her ear, “No panties Y/N? You're my slut aren't you?” She nods as you thrust yourself into her.

She is already soaked around you. A moan leaves her lips as you grab her hips.

“Fuck Y/N, you feel so good,” you hiss into her ear while pushing your hips into her. She rides you while your tongues fight for dominance.

“Jake please…” she begs as you thrust into her sweet spot. Your eyes squeeze shut.

“Fuck I’m cumm-” you moan as you feel your body tense up underneath her. Your back arching like the string of a bow until you release into her. She gets off of you and you both clean yourselves up.

Y/N POV

As you clean yourself up you can’t help but look over to Jake. He looked even hotter sweaty. He ran his fingers through his long wavy hair. God, he’s gorgeous. As soon as he noticed your eyes on him, he opened the door and summoned you outside of the bedroom. You both went down the stairs and saw the group now watching Super Bad. You sat on the couch with Jake by your side. His hand made its way to your thigh, squeezing it slightly so you knew that he was there with you. Suddenly, you felt all of their eyes on you and Jake.

Sam and Danny made eye contact with each other. Danny seemingly tells Sam to not say it with his eyes. They both chuckled while holding their thoughts in. Josh finally breaks the awkward silence in the room.

“Hey Jake, so what happened up there?” Out of the corner of your eye you catch Sam catching his laughter. Shit. Did they hear you? Do they know you guys just hooked up? You feel your face getting redder by the second.

“Josh, I just took your advice, that's all,” Jake replies with a chuckle while moving his hand up your thigh. You feel Jayden’s eyes on you as she pulls out her phone. A moment later you feel your phone vibrate. You pull it out of your skirt waistband and check the message that Jayden just sent you.

Jay: Dude, was his dick good?

You: What? We didn’t fuck.

Jay: BS, we heard you. It sounded pretty good. All the practice must have made him a sex god? Would you agree?

You: Fine. Yes his dick was good.

Jay: Well I’m happy for you but please don’t be as loud next time. I don’t know if I could save you from Danny and Sam’s jokes.

You: Yes ma'am

You place your phone back into your waistband and turn your attention back to the group. They are talking about what they should get for dinner. You haven’t realized how hungry you were until you heard them talk about it. Sam and Danny just want to go to the dinning hall since they don't need to pay for it. Suddenly, you hear Sam’s voice.

“Damn Jake you are hungry! Don’t we feed you enough?” Sam chuckles.

Danny joins in, “Y/N did you get attacked by a vampire up there?”

Josh shoots daggers at them with his eyes and Jake whispers in your ear, “Don’t listen to them, they are just jealous, they couldn’t pull any girl.”

Suddenly you both are getting up to go to dinner with the rest of the group.

#danny gvf #greta van fleet #gvf #jake gvf #josh gvf #sam gvf #gvf fanfiction #jake kiszka #gvf smut #sam kiszka gvf

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