#I am so ambivalent about this

[fortunatelyenchantingtaco]

There is so much angst potential in the way that Gojo is also Tsumiki’s guardian I feel like it’s making people uncomfortable and they happily ignore if. But like idk. Like i am so insane about this. That Gojo would go and sneak some time for Suguru if not for the fact that he cares about two kids now, one of which isn’t a sorcerer. What would he do if Suguru kills Tsumiki? As a dumb show of how weak and insignificant she is? Gojo would not forgive that and he cant face the reality that Suguru would be ready to kill someone rhat close to him. But it is, thats what Suguru lives for

Idk i feel like we cant ignore how actually fucked up Suguru is. Like genocidal. Like he taught his daughters how to kill and they are legitimately the most fucked up kids in the series, actively enjoying strangling non shamans. Like there is so much shit there is just want to ignore canon entirely but also GOD just imagine Gojo and his desire to show him the kids he’s taking care of but he cant because then Tsumiki would be in danger

#jjk #gojo satoru #jujutsu kaisen #geto suguru #satosugu #tsumiki fushiguro #i am actually so insane about tsumiki #her potential in the story is so fucking wasted #like honestly i cant handle it #she could have been a big plot point about the way gojo views non sorcerers #how he grows and cares about her #how now he’s no longer ambivalent about suguru killing them #SHE COULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH MORE #jjk analysis

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

questioning sexuality is so exhausting

#(edit: sorry for the rant in the tags and i just. i want someone to talk to me) #i keep on doing it for no apparent reason #someone was talking about lust yesterday and i realised today that. #even tho id thought i don't experience it. i possibly do. but exclusively towards women. #i hate it here! #for a multitude of reasons i will never have a relationship with a woman but! i may be incapable of having a relationship with a man! #at some point in the last few months i have abruptly pivoted from definitely wanting marriage and kids to being ambivalent on marriage #and not wanting kids. that's such an outlier in my life that it might just be a mental health thing tho idk #but at the same time i. want to be loved. #i don't know what i want anymore and im tired of questioning myself #i definitely overthink it but idk how to stop it #and i hate hate hate how the moral obsessions have bee lately #this isn't entirely related but it kind of is #like Am i a terrible morally bankrupt person for having certain thoughts or is it just religious ocd go brrrr?? am i overthinking it? #i don't know. i don't know! #for a while labelling myself as arospec ace kinda calmed that down but. i don't know #i do't want to be attracted to women. i don't want to have to look away so often. i don't want any of that. #but i don't know how to stop it. #i don't even know if i'm attracted to men at all. #this is a cry for help and encouragement and prayers no matter what your views on these matters are #queer stuff tag #i nearly fessed up to my friend yesterday about same sex attraction and i might've except that it would have probably outed me as #the person who anonymously sent in a question several months ago about the side b movement to a church thing #ive only told one person at church about any of that sort of stuff and it was very vaguely worded #also see: this friend is the mother of the boy i?? i don't even know how i feel about him #i increasingly think it wasn't romantic at all. but i don't know #i would love any encouragement you got. anything at all. #i don't know how much this stuff is affected by the fact that i consider myself unloveable and think it highly unlikely any boy will ever #care for me #now im rambling. sorry

[noswordinourlake]

Pastels your War God 💙

#can lang jue #love between fairy and devil #lbfad #changheng #clj fanart #lbfad fanart #changheng was another character that i was initial sort of ambivalent about and then ended up being #very sobbing on the floor towards mostly bc he has SO many feelings and is making SO many Bad Life Decisions about them #caught a crush one time and backflipped off a cliff about it. relatable #anyway i am back! got COVID and it made my arthritis The Worst but hopefully I'm back in business now #my art

[nostalgia-tblr]

...actually it's kind of effed up that the early MCU cared so little about women that Loki has no bio mother (and nobody ever even asks the question). yes, yes, i see the daddy issues, i am very invested in how this specific male character has daddy issues (lying, btw), but like. they literally just forgot mothers exist???

#single-sex jotuns are fandom's attempt to fix this (i think?) #but they also mean none of us ever has to write a woman into the story which i am... more ambivalent about #(some of us may have multiple unfinished fics with his mum in but we appear to be the weirdo outliers on the issue?) #it's okay though frigga's only characteristic is Being Loki's Mum so um... *awkward uncertain thumbs-up gesture* #(i personally think Frigga's the xenophobic parent but i do think that partly out of spite & so she has SOMETHING else to her) #now of course the MCU is VERY pro-woman and would likely fix this by giving him an extra Odin but - LOOK!! - she's a woman Odin! #mcu tag i guess #god forbid a... a what are those things called again? was it wombats? well GOD FORBID A WOMBAT right guys??

[brittlebutch]

Desperately trying to make sense of Alex's motivations in Season Two and you know, I do eventually have to wonder if maybe Alex wasn't actually lying in the majority of those tapes.

Like, we tend to assume that Alex's motivations have been a consistent throughline since the college years, but do we actually know that that's the case? Do we know for sure that Alex was acting in deliberate, calculated ways in 2006; or could it be that he's telling the Truth on those olds tapes when he says he's blacking out and can't remember what's happening to anyone? After all, if we're assuming that Season 2 Alex's motivations are the exact same as his motives in Season 3, then it doesn't make any sense at all that he spend months working with Jay to try to find Amy; Season 3 Alex would have attempted to kill Jay like, on sight just to get things over with as quickly as possible and contain the spread of contamination as best as he could.

But, maybe, if Alex really had been separated from Amy after the events of the 04-04-10 tape, and if he really doesn't know where she is, then maybe that could make things start to make more sense. Maybe he really had been watching Jay's channel, and seeing Jay start going through the same things he went through in college without things devolving into violence and disappearances, and wondered if things maybe could play out differently this time. Maybe he really did send that tape to Jay to ask him for help, maybe he really was just trying to find Amy.

But then, instead of actually being helpful, Jay makes it extremely clear that he's a lot more interested in stalking Alex than he is in finding Amy. Alex asked for help, and instead there's a bunch of masked dudes on Jay's heels that keep attacking him, Jay is breaking into his house, stealing his things, leading the Operator right to him all over again, keeps trying to get other people (namely: Jessica -- if Alex is being honest when he says that his call reassuring her that Amy had been found was an effort to make Sure she stayed away from everything that was happening) involved; and instead of anything getting better, instead of anyone finding Amy, things are just getting worse all over again.

It's not until after the incident at the tunnel that things seem to start rapidly devolving. Rather than a calculated attempt to finally follow through with his need to curb the spread of contamination, this is very clearly an outburst of rage and terror. Alex's "I told you not to follow me" line in conjunction with Jay speculating that Alex didn't know who that guy was, to me, pretty firmly seems to speak to Alex having mistaken that stranger for Jay. From his point of view, Alex knows that Jay and totheark know where he live, have broken in before, he suspects that Jay stole a key to make it easier to get into his house, and he's been followed on the daily for months -- Alex is sitting at the tunnel because he doesn't know where else he can go without being constantly surveilled, hunted, and assaulted. And instead of getting a moment by himself to breathe, Jay followed him out there all over again (it feels like Alex looks directly at the camera in Jay's footage of him from this day; he knew for a fact that Jay was there), and then to make matters worse now 'Jay' won't even keep his distance anymore.

So Alex lashes out. And it's not until afterwards that he looks down and finally recognizes that this wasn't Jay -- it was someone completely innocent. Things have finally reached the low point he was at in college all over again; maybe even worse this time. If Alex doesn't remember attacking anyone in college, but he was at least partially conscious of it this time, then things have reached an entirely new rock bottom, they've reached an absolute point of no return.

He has no idea what happened to Amy, and he's spent months trying to find her with no hint of where she could be; he doesn't know where Jay actually is or what additional trouble he could be causing at this point; he does know that now innocent people are getting caught in the crossfire (in regards to the stranger in the tunnel, and also Jessica now that Jay has her phone number, and the untold number of people Jay got involved when he started posting videos to the Marble Hornets channel); things are spiraling out of control and there's no one left to ask for help. The situation isn't getting better, it's getting worse; things aren't getting easier to handle, they're just getting more out of hand; the negative impact is spreading and who knows how much further it can still go?

So, Alex decides to go scorched earth. He disfigures the body with the rock either to hide evidence or to make sure the guy would actually stay dead and not just get back up to start his own cycle of contamination in a few years. He tries to give Jay one last chance to back off, and Jay instead admits he's been talking to Jessica, acts obstinate and lies about not having Alex's spare key, and then breaks into Alex's house a second time (minimum). If Alex doesn't stop him now, who will? Alex met with Jay planning to kill the others, and then himself, so he could put a stop to this once and for all and keep things from getting any worse than they already were.

Maybe it makes a lot more sense if, rather than being a strangely incomprehensible detour on what should have been a straight path, the events of Season Two were the breaking point that put Alex on that path to begin with.

#N posts stuff #idk!!! I've been thinking a lot lately about the tendency to take Characters at Face Value; when they tell us things we tend to #automatically believe them despite what evidence we might have to the contrary. & like when it comes to deciphering what #went down during the college film project it's mostly totheark that posits that Alex was Definitely Lying and Definitely Acting on Purpose #(even Jay is largely ambivalent - wondering which way it leans and basically saying it could go either way) #but. do we KNOW that they know that? Do we Know that they're Right when they claim that? Or are they just Assuming based off #of their own rage and animosity towards Alex due to what happened? Do we Know for Sure that Alex Was Lying in s1? #i don't know if we do!! And so without Knowing that for sure; how can we speak to Alex's motivations in season one OR season two? #now TO BE CLEAR: I am not saying this in an attempt to claim that Alex is somehow completely innocent of all guilt and that like. #Jay is the 'Real Antagonist' of the series - not at all my intention. this is just More of my usual 'look. Everyone in this series is #all kinds of Morally Grey; no recurring character in this series is free of guilt they ALL have unique fatal flaws & trends towards #antagonism that makes things worse and dooms them all' shtick - a la 'everyone Thinks they're doing the Right Thing but No One Is' #BUT i Am wondering if this Does help to like. clear up some of the ambiguity/uncertainty of Season Two - and even Season One - and #lets the series as a whole read a little bit clearer? idk i know that Jay does Claim to think that Alex was bullshitting him #the whole time & was Actually planning on tying up loose ends the whole time but AGAIN it doesn't make Sense he'd wait so long #idk - Am i making sense? does any of this track? i'm trying to figure it out; i am open to comments on the subject to help #i haven't rewatched season 3 yet today and so maybe there's stuff in there that contradicts this whole theory lmao but i'm taking a break #and just posting this anyway; we'll see what happens lol #marble hornets #mh lb

[pherre]

they did go in a noticeably more serious direction both with the writing and the acting in the blackbeard/izzy scenes and i just hope they'll do the same for stede and ed

#its a romcom so it doesnt have to be that serious but i would like a serious moment between the two before it goes all romcom silly #i am ambivalent about izzy but con o'neil acted his heart out #and taika gave a good performance too #omfd spoilers #our flag means death

[sayheykid]

i genuinely don't think a story's worldbuilding and lore has ever drawn me in the way that check please did. it's been years and i still think about it every day. the characters and plot were always superb but i think what has stuck with me the most is the depth of the settings and how everything feels so lived in and tangible. everyone wants to make a fake world and town and university but no one else has EVER done it that well

#like the college setting especially is so delicious to me #there isn't a day that goes by that i don't think about the campus map and the building names and the haus and the stop and shops #ugh i need hardcore analysis injected into my damn veins #also this could be it's own post. but #the generations of players and how every fan has different people that really speak to them #like i'm not a huge kent/tater or dex/nursey fan and honestly am pretty ambivalent to jack/bitty #(don't take this the wrong way) #but i LOVE ransom and holster and shitty and lardo #and even some of the other characters like bully and tango though i admit the later years don't hit as hard for me as the first couple #i just love that everyone finds something to go batshit over #the attention to detail was just so so incredible and still for SURE holds up #no matter what aspect #i was never super directly involved in the fandom but when i think back on formative pieces of media for me as a person and as a writer #i don't think that there are many things that compare #if you've read my writing i don't think it's hard to see the correlation at all #also if you want to talk check please analysis (or can rec me others' analysis!!!) i'd be forever grateful #otherwise i'm just going to keep marinating forever #omgcp #check please #omg check please

[breadvidence]

Modern AU woes. Intending to murder Javert was the most fun Enjolras had at the barricade and I'm just gonna take that away from him and his pals.

#liveblogging from the writing trenches #this is tongue in cheek #please do not explain Enjolras and killing to me #he obeys necessity he judges himself he condemns himself etc. #I may be lame enough on Amis that I always ask “who the fuck is Bossuet?” #but I am not so lame I dodged the profound ambivalence about killing

[britneyshakespeare]

Man is saying weird things to me again

#help mom he's oversharing about drinking scotch every evening #that's very on brand for Man #tales from diana #i literally did Nothing to reach out to him i don't know what he wants #i was just thinking in the shower literally not even half an hour ago about how you know it's strange #he used to always have this way of talking to me like he was trying to impress me which is just kinda silly honestly #like i was a 20-21-year-old in awe of him and he was a retired male model eight years older than me w more life experience #and some rather exotic and interesting experiences at that #i think he somewhat envies that i seem (at least to him) like a self-possessed 'intellectual' #thats how he talks to me at least. it's funny tho #not that im not. like. smart. i think the both of us know i'm better-read than he'll be in 3 lifetimes #and i'm not quite self-possessed but i certainly don't have the open-wounded insecurity he does #while also being rather more confident than most ppl in some areas (and it's not ALL unearned) #he's got much more ambition than i do though. more ambition than i'll have in 10 lifetimes #and he seems to do everything with a motivation of external validation and approval. #so i think he has a chip on his shoulder. poor little Man #the two of us could not be more opposite. but i don't really strive to be like him in the ways he strives to be like me #he chases this dream of what he thinks the perfect man is and it's quite inhuman so of course he falls short. #i on the other hand am if anything much TOO accepting of my own faults and shortcomings. ahem #these are all things i will never say to Man. he's too silly to hear it #besides. im rather sure he likes me (? in some way) and i am these days just very ambivalent to him #i can't NOT say i find him attractive bc i do but he's just. sooooo not the one lol #he's a fascinating creature all flaws aside but i never find myself studying him at my own volition #Man just comes outta the woods sometimes to tell me about his travels or women or whiskey. he's odd #he's very eccentric but between the two of us i think i'm the better eccentric. no wonder he visits me sometimes #but he brings gifts and prayers like he's coming to a devotional shrine or something. i'm like sir this is not a temple #he'll never be normal but he is so strange in the ways i'm too good for. if i do say so myself #(and that's saying something bc i'm not too good for ANYTHING)

[kvetchs]

johnny carson || the beach boys

#am i a day late for the beach boys love you's anniversary? yes. will that stop me from uploading this in its honor? no <3 #anyways idk why i love this track so much i am completely ambivalent about johnny carson. and didn't he not like this song? lmao #but like.. .. .it's(nice)to(have)you(on)the(show)tonight!!!i've seen(your)act(in)vegas out of sight!!! #the beach boys #the beach boys love you (1977) #uploaded tracks... #music

[wellnoe]

i do kind of care about teen cyclops the most out of any of the teen time-displaced o5 one bc i thought he had some good moments and two bc like. the stuff going on surrounding adult terrorist cyclops and everyone’s distrust of him is wildly compelling actually. to me.

#otherwise i am mostly ambivalent i think. a lot of the stuff was not very interesting or worthwhile to me personally based on #what i am interested in regards to their dynamics. and such. #so anyway the point is idk that teen scott talking to corsair is as interesting to me as adult scott talking to corsair #unless adult scott's feelings on teen scott having that whole relationship are brought in in some way?? #i truly have no idea what was going on in this era of comics ok i just never really caught up or read them comprehensively #i just have some singular stories and vague impressions based off those floating in my head #extremely ignorant about that whole scene #w.me

[fishareglorious]

opened my art account on twt to post art and scrolled a little bit through my dash and saw someone I haven't seen in a long while. Then I realized that I had them blocked in the account i use normally. whoops.

#random #me #im gonna be a little mean about them in the tags but. they're a big account that gets into fights a lot that just get utterly tiring after #watching them argue with the same set of people the nth time. i do think its just the burder of a popular account with people leaning on ba #faith arguments over one thing or another and the account bites back which just fans the flames and cycle repeats #i think it boiled over into a big controversy where someone threatened (?) to dox them a year ago. doxing is shit behavior of course and #thankfully nothing of harm came to them #all in all it is mainly petty internet and fandom drama. but they've kinda left a bad taste in my mouth when it comes to a certain ship #am pretty ambivalent on #oh well this was just a ramble #its been a year since i even saw a post of theirs so they might have gotten better with that stuff

[yennefer]

i'm nearing the end of the trials of empire and i'm LOSING MY MIND. i've been rooting for vonvalt this entire time, even if (like helena) it made me uncomfortable the lengths he was willing to go to stop claver. but JESUS CHRIST, what he did to senator jansen was next fucking level!!!

#this book is so so good #the plot is engaging on its own but the character work is amazing #helena and vonvolt especially #vonvolt is an anti-hero/morally grey character done right #you ultimately agree with him but you're also APPALLED at his actions #he is literally if 'the ends justify the means' was a person #i don't think i've ever been so ambivalent about a character before in my life #man i'm so glad i read this series i am going CRAZY 😭 #empire of the wolf #the trials of empire #the trials of empire spoilers #book tag #makilah.txt

[dredshirtroberts]

oh shit y'all.

i've done gotten invested in Gurren Lagann. we're like 19 episodes deep in this paint and i have been emotionally compromised by the silly mechs.

believe in the me.

#that believes in you #i was gonna say pray for me but that makes me actively uncomfortable so don't do that #but i figured the believe in me thing was fitting #gurren lagann #i don't know how deep this rabbit hole will go for me - but i have a drill so let's find out i GUESS #y'all i did not anticipate this being what happened to me in my 30s i thought i'd found all the anime i was going to be emotionally attache #to in my teens and HERE WE ARE I MISSED ONE I GUESS #i'm having a blast don't let my silly complaints fool you i like to be dramatically angry about things that delight me sometimes #the THEMES the MOTIFS the STORY IT'S TELLING #UGH #SO GOOD #i don't want to hear criticism about it because it's BEAUTIFUL and I LOVE IT #we're watching kill la kill when we get done with gurren lagann and i am SO EXCITED about that trigger knows my weaknesses #and it's goofy faces and tiddies while dealing with really deep subject matter in a ridiculous way #also apparently mechs? wasn't anticipating that one at all i am ambivalent about mechs in general #but BOY HOWDY DID I CRY WHEN DAI-GURREN HAD TO EXPLODE ITS SWORD OFF #anyway... where was i #oh yeah so anyway in case you haven't guessed yet this taking over my brain slowly but surely and i'm sure there will be at least one #attempt at fic in the future for me we'll see how it goes #in the meantime... #oh yeah fun fact #i fucking thought gurren lagann the mech was from gundam and so when i started recognizing it i went THAT'S WHERE IT'S FROM?? but in my hea #because i didn't actually watch gundam i was ambivalent about mechs as stated earlier but of the gundams that one was my favorite #AND IT'S NOT EVEN A GUNDAM I FEEL SLIGHTLY LIED TO BUT IN A GOOD WAY SOMEHOW??? #anyway we're having a super normal one over here don't mind me

[thisgodwontforgiveyou]

i dont really know if they know that they made a complete mockery of their movie or not which is not a unique experience but what is weird is how that matters so little for this movie

#i was expecting to grapple with an immense hurdle of artistic intent at the end but the way they chose to #ruin the movie was so like. i mean ruin is even a strong word #it was such a perfectly ambivalent strange waste of every element at play from any possible perspective #that i dont even know ho much it matters bc it was like all build up to something that didnt happen #but the something that didnt happen could have been 2000 different things ranging from better than scream 4 to worst dogshit imaginable #and they chose to do literally 0 of the 2000 things and instead like. literally just gank their own antagonists and end the movie on nothin #the last spoken line by a named hcaracter being 'im gonna hold your hand all the way there' is so funny its gonna make me sick #like that is the most torn up i am about artistic intent because like. that had to be a joke #but if its a joke its literally like. completely nonsense #and if its not a joke the people who wrote this literally cant speak english as their native language

[one-winged-dreams]

Context on @live-one-winged-reaction

WHY IS HE HERE!!?! WHY IS HE HERE!???! WHY IS HE HERE!?!??

#I AM SO AMBIVALENT ABOUT THISSSSS #LIKE ONE ONE HAND #BUT ON THE OTHER #FUCK #vague rebirth spoilers #sort of #i guess