#I get legitimately so disappointed when someone I know gets a doodle
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saw a post criticizing lore rekindled a while back, and one of the points made was "it's unfair to rachel that someone else can profit off and make money off her work"
do you profit off lore rekindled??? i don't remember if you ever said that you were monetizing lore rekindled, so i'm unsure where this piece of information came from
I literally do NOT profit off Rekindled in any way shape or form, it's a Tumblr comic that's free to read, zero subscriptions, paywalls, or ads.
I did just recently open a Patreon and apply my Twitch channel to become affiliate, but 1. my Patreon doesn't have any paid members yet , 2. my Patreon won't be offering rewards that limit the reading experience of Rekindled (it's gonna be like random doodles n junk), and 3. I haven't even streamed since I applied for Affiliate and people are watching the streams for art and lo-fi, not for any sort of exclusive reading experiences that wouldn't also be accessible on Tumblr (you just get to watch me slowly work on Rekindled while playing FF XIV LMAOO) All of these restrictions I have in place is to prevent exactly what folks assume or accuse me - profiting off Rachel's IP. At the end of the day I just wanna create an AU fanfic project, even if it's created out of disappointment for what could have been.
I *do* spend a few hundred a month though for my assistant. So I'm working on Rekindled completely at a loss, out of my own pocket. So in that regard, even if I were to monetize any part of Rekindled... it wouldn't be for my own profitable gain, I'd maybe be able to cover some of my assistant fees 🤣 (but that's just hypothetical food for thought, because as I said above, I don't want to monetize Rekindled because of the potentially legal and ethical issues in doing so. Making money is also just not why I'm making Rekindled because it's something I wanna just do for fun! Money complicates things, turns shit into a job :'0) And let's be real, in that hypothetical scenario, I don't think any money I could generate on my free to read Tumblr project would come anywhere close to threatening Rachel's bottom line 🤣
And this isn't to throw anyone under the bus but when people get suspicious of Rekindled profiting off LO, I can't help but think of the actual fans of LO selling handmade LO merch on Etsy and LO-style adoptables and other arts and crafts dedicated to their favorite comic. And I'm not gonna judge them for that, more power to 'em if people wanna buy their cool stuff (and some of it is really REALLY cool, like I wanna buy their stuff too LOL), I just think it's ironic that people separate the two because... I'm not a diehard fan? Or because Rekindled has gotten popular here. Beats me. All that "popularity" is still just a niche remake of a niche comic in a niche medium. It's not Spiderman Lotus levels of big 🤣 but I know it probably feels that big to people who are engaged with this fandom and spend a lot of time in it.
There's an opposite side of being a yes man that perpetuates similar behavior on the other side - when you come up with reasons to rag on someone just for the sake of it because you can't rationalize them NOT being the all 100% pulp of evil LMAO (and I see people do this even to Rachel and it's not fair imo, like people who use the Lolita thing as a way to accuse Rachel of being a legitimate pedophile? Like no, I don't think we should be normalizing serious accusations like that. I think she's just misinformed in a lot of ways at worst and suffering from dark romantasy porn brainrot at best LOL).
Like, as an example, I've also seen people claim stuff like I'm in the fan spaces telling people not to read LO and to read LR instead? Which like... why would I do that, LR isn't for the fans anyways and I don't gain anything by being a dick in their space 🤣 If my own readers are doing that, that's out of my hands (but respectfully don't do this please!!! there's a reason I don't use the standard LO hashtags and only stick to the anti ones!!!!) but again (and this is a big assumption so take with grains of salt) I think people just like to claim these things because they feel it's just naturally the right thing to do when someone who has opinions they don't like actually puts them into action. Because now they can't say shit like "well if you think you're so much smarter than Rachel why don't YOU write the story!" and "you don't know what it's like to manage a comic!" so they grapple onto whatever other argument they can even if it's misconstrued or entirely pulled out of thin air and not backed up with any legitimate evidence.
Their perspectives make sense to them. My perspective makes sense to me. I don't blame people for being suspicious when they see someone like me pour this much time and effort and money into a project like Rekindled, they assume it HAS to do with something they can rationalize from their own point of view, like wanting to "steal" Rachel's work or profit off it or take it for myself out of "jealousy".
Sorry to disappoint y'all with a boring answer, but I'm just someone who was once a huge fan of LO and couldn't let it go. I'm just someone who's way too hyperfixated, with a lot of passion for making comics and experience to match. I'd still be making it even if I didn't have an assistant. I'd still be making it even if I was stuck working with nothing but paper and pencil. Because I love making it and I love what it means to me, and I love that it makes other people feel the same way I do about it.
And that's really all I have to say on that.
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On the Edge of a Ramp
Pairing: Sean x Fem! reader
Description: Sean is beaten on the skatepark by this new girl in town and, when he sees himself paired up with her for a school paper, they quickly grow to each other between sharp responses and pettiness.
Warning: swearings.
Word count: 3,426
A/N: This is such a vanilla enemies to lovers 😅🙈 I just can’t see Sean as someone who would hold a grudge against someone so intensely or even for so long. Have fun!
Requested by anonymous: can you make a sean diaz x reader enemies to lovers?
It wasn’t that Sean hated Y/N, or even disliked her. He just��� wasn’t amused by her. Of course he had a reason for it, even if it wasn’t the most justified one: she was his rival at the skatepark. He always thought it was a childish, foolish reason to not like her, but it was what it was, and that fact that he didn’t want to feel that way wasn’t strong enough.
Lyla would always, but always bug him about it, to a whole new level that he thought it wasn’t possible for Lyla to be more annoying than his little brother Daniel.
The first day that she went to the skatepark, Lyla went back home with him.
“How was the skatepark?” Asked both Daniel and Sean’s father, Esteban. Unfortunately, Sean wasn’t fast enough on the answer.
“Sean’s got a new girlfriend,” Lyla teased as she rushed Daniel’s hair.
“What?!” Daniel screamed, but Esteban had only a small smile on his face.
“You?” He asked. “A new girlfriend?” If Sean doesn’t knew his father he’d say the old man was sounding a little ironic.
“No way this butthead got a girlfriend!” Daniel exclaimed.
“Daniel. Language,” it was all Esteban said to the little Diaz, who mumbled an excuse that he didn’t really mean.
“Lyla’s just messing around, this girl actually sucks,” Sean threw his backpack and skateboard on the corner and went to sit heavily on the couch, sighing. He missed the look that both Lyla and Esteban exchanged.
“Care to join us for dinner, Lyla?” Esteban asked.
“What’s on the menu?”
“Tonight is pizza night,” Sean said from the couch.
“Then I’ll stay,” the girl stated, sitting next to Sean. “How’s your knee?” She asked in a low tone.
“It’s fine, it was just a scratch. It didn’t even bleed.”
“That girl kicked the hell out of your butt.”
“Thanks for the reminder, it wasn’t like I already forgot that.”
“So…”
“So what?” Sean never got angry at Lyla before, but she was testing his nerves.
“Whatcha gonna do about it?”
“I planned on just sit on the couch and eat some pizza.”
“No payback?”
“No payback.”
But of course this wasn’t true. Sean did want some payback, he just had no idea of what it could be.
*
Apparently, everyone at school knew about what happened the previous day at the skatepark. “How come is everyone gossiping about it? It’s not even a big deal,” Sean complained between teeth.
“Well, it wasn’t a big deal to you,” Lyla said, air quoting. “But to everyone, this sounds like the new girl, who no one knows a thing about, just kicked your ass.”
Sean clicked his tongue in annoyance. “High school sucks, dude.”
“Do you know what really sucks?” Lyla asked. She had that glimmer in her eyes that Sean knew pretty well, but he’d always fall for the bait.
“What?”
“Having a whining bestie. See ya!” Lyla took off as the ringbell shouted.
“Saved by the bell…” Sean muttered to himself as he opened his locker and got his book for the right class.
*
Sean sneaked away at the end of school so he wouldn’t bump into Lyla or any of his peers - it was a difficult task, to sneak away from Lyla, but Sean assumed that she was too busy being all over the new girl, just like everyone else was.
He knew Lyla thought she was cool, even if she insisted on saying the opposite: “I think you’re cooler.” Yeah, right, the boy thought to himself.
Sean intended on practicing in the garage, since his father wasn’t working on anything in there and Daniel was going to his friend’s house to play some new game. He wasn’t going to give up just because some new girl basically shamed him at the park, and he still wasn’t sure what to do to give her a comeback, but one thing he was certain: he had to get better with his board.
He was easily defeated on what they bet, and sure enough that girl would defeat anyone from his school, but a boy could hope, right?
*
One week had passed smoothly by. Sean kept training away from curious eyes; Lyla and the rest of the school seemed to forget about his loss - except Daniel, who kept bugging him about who the girl was -, and the school was still all over the new girl. Sean didn’t bother to remember her name, until the unexpected happened.
“Diaz, you’ll pair up with the new student, Y/L/N.”
Sean thought that being hit by his worst nightmare would make him scream but, instead, he only melted on his chair, slowly sliding down and hitting his forehead on his desk, completely defeated like a pancake that went wrong.
“C’mon, don’t make a scene out of it,” he heard a girl say in front of him. Once he straightened himself, he saw it was Y/N. He would make Lyla pay for not making this class with him. “The teacher’s taking us to the library,” she said, looking as she expected him to get up as it was some sort of command.
As a defiance, Sean looked her straight in the eyes and counted until sixty. Just to be petty. He noticed she didn’t look away.
“Okay. Let’s go,” he said after a full minute, grabbing his backpack and his book. Sean was never one for being challenging - he was actually pretty chill -, so this act of him took all of his courage and now he felt trembling on his legs. He was so sure that, if he continued to act like that, she’d probably ended up hating him.
Good, he found himself thinking. I don’t need her to like me.
“I like the end tables,” she said after you two entered the library.
“Whatever,” Sean answered, even though he sat at the table that she picked. What a great way to show some dominance, Diaz, he complained to himself, opening his book on what he thought was the right page and, fist on his cheek, started reading.
Or at least he tried to.
Sean couldn’t focus on the fact that he was paired up with her in this school paper, of all people. He couldn’t stop wondering if people were going to gossip all over again.
“I wanted to say that your book is upside down, it’d be funnier, but it’s only on the wrong page. Actually, on the wrong topic,” she said, sounding like a know it all. Sean felt his cheeks heating up and looked for the right topic, peeking at her book. After a few tries, he found it.
“On the wrong topic,” he mocked her and her coast accent.
“I can hear you, you know?”
“I was hoping so.”
“You really do sound like a loser.”
And that was it for Sean. He closed his book, shutting it with more strength than necessary, took his things and stormed out of the library. “Who does she think she is?” He complained out loud in the empty corridors. As he went to his locker, he thanked the whole universe that he brought his skateboard to school today. It was easy to sneak out, even though it wasn’t his last class of the day.
Sean let his skateboard guide him, but of course he ended up being in nowhere less than the skatepark. He trained and trained; sliding, carving, flipping, anything easy that he could improve to be faster, more agile.
But it wasn’t enough, not until he knew the same tricks as Y/N did, or even more, and way better.
But why was he dwelling on such things? Just because he lost a stupid bet? To an unknown person? Of course that now she wasn’t that unknown anymore, but still, it shouldn’t matter. It would matter and really hurt his ego if she was a better artist than him, which would make him be legitimately disappointed with himself.
It actually bugged him a little that he couldn’t stop thinking about her.
“I knew you’d be here,” Lyla said behind him. “But I thought you’d be, you know, doodling and stuff,” she threw her arm around his shoulder, squeezing it. “Let it go, man. No one even remembers what happened anymore.”
Sean pouted, looking sideways.
“No pouting at your best friend - only drawing me! C’mon, draw me like one of your french girls.”
Lyla took her own skateboard and, flipping, started skating around the park. Sean sat on his board and started doodling Lyla as she tried to noseslide. More people filled the park, but Sean kept his eyes on his best friend, not losing sight of her. He doodled Lyla on various positions now - be sliding, flipping or failing to grind. He even got the luck to draw her falling.
“Not your best work, Diaz!” She shouted as she realized what he was drawing.
Spending time with Lyla did really lift up his mood, and he hugged her as they parted ways.
Opening the front door of his house, Sean already knew what was coming his way. His father wasn’t looking so amicable.
“You got anything to say, mijo?” Esteban had his arms crossed in front of his chest and a serious look on his face.
Sean only sighed. “No. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left school, but I was just…”
“What? What were you just that made you leave school when you shouldn’t?”
“I was angry, okay?” Sean dropped his backpack and skateboard, crossing his arms too. “Y/N just pissed the shit out of me…”
“Language, boy.”
“And I can’t stand her, okay? She said that I sound like a loser, which I probably do, but who is she to say these things? It fucking sucks that I have to do this damn paper with her…”
“Tone it down, Sean,” his father warned.
“Sorry,” he muttered. “I just don’t like her. I don’t want to do this paper with her. She thinks she’s so… much better than me, I don’t know, just because she won the bet at the park.”
“Weren’t those things supposed to be fun? Bet at the skatepark, do some tricks with that thing that you carry around,” Esteban gestured to the skateboard. “It’s all part of the fun, mijo. Don’t be a sore loser.”
“I’m not a sore loser. It was shameful to lose for a girl that no one knew, and next thing I knew she’s this new student, and everyone kept talking about it more. And she was standing there, receiving all the glory for just a stupid bet. Like if she was the queen of the world.”
Esteban patted Sean on the back and hugged his son.
“You know what you’re going to do? You’re gonna forget all about that, finish this paper with this girl, and move on. The Diaz don’t hold a grudge against anyone. Just sound like you don’t care and you’ll be fine, mijo.”
“I’ll try,” Sean sighed. “She’s terrible, y’know?”
“You already told me, I know,” Esteban smiled, a smile that Sean still couldn’t quite tell what it meant. “Go to your room and do your homework. And do not, in any circumstances, repeat what happened today.”
*
Sean didn’t want to speak with Y/N, but someone had to take the first step so they could finish their paper.
But of course that, as always, he got behind of himself and Y/N was the one to take the first step.
“What you think of trying to finish the paper after school? At the library?” She was standing in front of his locker. Was she waiting there for him? And if so, for how long?
“Excuse me,” he only said, in front of her.
“The paper, Diaz. Did you already forget?”
“I meant the locker, you’re blocking the way,” Sean tried to sound neutral, but he was a bit sharp.
“Oh.”
He noticed that she sounded ashamed, but she stepped aside. He opened his locker, grabbed his books and, without looking at her, he said: “Sure, library after class. See ya there,” and left.
Once again Sean felt trembling on his legs, like if that attitude consumed everything that made him who he was and contradicted it. He had to sound like he didn’t care, but was that the right attitude? How could he be chill and careless at the same time? You got this, Diaz, he kept thinking to himself. Soon enough she won’t be able to get you on your nerves anymore.
*
Y/N was sitting in front of him, and he dared to say that she simply looked… weird. Like if she was holding a fart that she knew she couldn’t release, like Daniel did in the dinner table.
“Are you okay?” Sean asked, and immediately regretted. He didn’t care if she was okay or not, or at least he wanted to look like he didn’t care.
“I’m fine,” she answered way too quickly.
Sean wanted to say that she looked all things but fine. Instead, he found himself doing the unpredictable.
“Your book’s on the wrong topic,” he said as he looked down at his own book, just peeking at her at the top of his eyelids.
He saw her expression turning alarmed as she looked down at her book, then she looked confused, brows furrowing.
“Gotcha,” Sean said with a smirk before she could say or protest anything.
“Touché,” she said, looking rather shy, which was an unexpected trait for her. “I guess I deserved that.”
“Yeah, you did.”
“We’re even?”
Sean didn’t respond, not because he wanted to be petty - again -, but only because he didn’t know the answer. Were they even? He did want to forget all of that stupid rivalry, but he didn’t feel like they’d turn out to be good friends. She was too sassy, too loud, too…
Sean looked away as a stripe of sunlight came through the window, enlightening a lock of her hair.
“I guess this is a no.”
Was the hint of disappointment that crossed her words? Sean couldn’t say. Minutes have passed in silence before any of them said anything.
“Have you done your part?” Sean asked in a careful tone.
“Not yet,” she murmured.
“Lemme know when you finish,” Sean said and pulled his sketchbook from his backpack.
He started doodling carelessly, being wrapped up in his own bubble when he started working on his sketchbook. Everything around him turned off - he couldn’t hear what people spoke, only a sound here and there, if he wanted to really pay some attention. It was just him and his journal, his go-to pal.
“You’re really good at this.”
The sudden voice startled Sean, making his hand go all the way through the page, making an ugly scribble. “Damnit,” he cursed, to no one in particular.
“Shit, I’m so sorry,” Y/N said. “You’re gonna hate me more now, won’t you?”
“What?” Sean blinked, processing her words. “Hate you? I don’t hate you,” he tried to erase the scribble without erasing much of the drawing itself.
“I thought you did, because, you know… I was such a show off at the park the other day, and because of what I said yesterday. Now I fucked up your drawing. I just don’t know when to shut the fuck up.”
“You really don’t,” Sean said, alien to his surroundings and to Y/N herself. It came to him that he probably hurt her with his comment, and even though she did hurt him yesterday, he didn’t want to hurt her back. His father wouldn’t approve of this. “But it doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing…” he stuttered on his own words.
“I see what you’re doing, there’s no need. Thanks anyway.”
“It just sucks, you know?” Sean spat, not caring for the fact that he told himself he would never bring that subject up. “Being picked up at school because of some random person at the skatepark. And then you were here, being all show off, and people started making fun, just because I lost at something that I know I’m not really good at. I’m not serious about skateboarding. I just wanna hangout with my friends and have some fun. You also didn’t help at all to keep the situation light.”
Sean’s face was buried in his sketchbook as he brushed up some lines. He realized the wolf in his drawing wore the same shorts that Y/N did when she was skating. He erased them and drew something new.
“I’m sorry,” he heard her saying. “I wanted to say that the whole day, but it’s not an easy thing for me.”
“Apologizing?”
She only nodded.
“Okay, but under only one condition,” Sean said, still not looking at her.
“Whatever you want,” she seemed eager. Sean bit his lips before saying.
“You gotta teach me that trick. That’s really awesome, and I can’t pull it off by myself.”
She smiled, and Sean would never, in a thousand years, imagine that such a smile would get him strucked. The sunlight in her hair was long gone, but she still looked bright.
“Diaz, you have the honor to be my first pupil,” she said, all smiles and brightness. Something in his stomach twisted.
*
It was the middle of the week, so the skatepark wasn’t packed with people going back and forth on their boards, which was a good thing for Sean, he supposed - he’d hate it if any of his peers saw him learning anything like that in public.
Y/N was trying to teach him an underflip, but Sean wasn’t concentrating enough.
She’s so close, he kept thinking.
“Dude, are you listening to me?” She complained. Sean only nodded. “Okay, then at least get your feet right. Here,” she pointed with her right foot. Sean stepped there. “And here,” he also stepped there. “Remember to keep your feet out of the way so your board has room to flip. Got it?”
“Got it.”
“Try again.”
Sean tried, once again, unsuccessfully. “I keep landing primo, this sucks,” he complained.
“It’s fine, I landed a lot like that in the beginning. It’s all part of the process.”
“I don’t think I’ll get it today.”
“Keep your hopes up, Diaz.”
“You think I’m kicking the board up from below right?”
“You’re doing everything right, you just need to practice more, especially your landing. You can practice landing with one foot, if that’s the problem.”
“I think I rather take a break.”
“Or that works too.”
The two of them sat on the edge of the ramp. Sean noticed that her pinkie was far too close to his own - just a few millimeters and they’d be touching. He took a deep breath and looked away.
“Washington has this weird air, but I like it here.”
“How was California?”
“Sunny and warm,” she smiled at him, and Sean felt again that same pinch. “Hey, I’m sorry I was such an asshole.”
“I already forgave you, cut it out.”
“I mean it,” then she grabbed his hand, and the world stopped, and all Sean could see was Y/N.
“You’re forgiven, you know that,” his voice didn’t sound his own voice at all. His voice was hoarse.
She was gazing at him, and if eyes could burn, Sean would’ve already turned into a pile of ashes. He decided it was okay for him to get closer to her, his knee touching hers. The tip of her index finger drew circles on his palm.
“This is weird, isn’t it?” She asked, looking down at her own feet.
It was supposed to be weird, Sean thought, but it wasn’t, not really. He only nodded negatively and mumbled a no. Y/N intertwined her fingers with his and they sat together like this on the edge of the ramp, looking down at all the people skating, jumping and sliding around.
“This is kinda unpredicted.”
“All the unpredicted things have happened the moment you showed up,” Sean said, sounding confident.
“Is it now?” She giggled, and the sound of her giggles made Sean want to look at her, the sun resting on her face, and he wondered if it was warm, or how soft her skin would be.
Sean kept taking in all of her facial features until she broke the moment. “Don’t ruin it, Diaz.”
“Of course not,” he said, cupping her chin with his thumb and index finger, pulling her face up so she could look at him. “I won’t ruin it unless you tell me to.”
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Hey I love your art style! Never been able to draw comic-like stuff that looks good myself. Honestly I'm not that good at drawing with any style at all. Know it's just a matter of practice, but I never seem to be able to force myself to draw stuff when I have time to do so... I'm just super lazy and a disappointment to even myself (I've been like "I wanna draw fanart of this book called The Left Hand of Darkness" for several days and haven't gotten around to even trying to design the characters)
Thanks so much, anon! I’m super happy that you like my style - developing it has been an uphill struggle for the past, oh, 15 years, haha, so I really appreciate it.
One thing to know is that sometimes we all go through periods of motivation or lack thereof. I have legitimately gone more than a year without drawing - more than once. Like, I’ve probably spent probably 3+ years not drawing. At all. And while I wish I hadn’t done that because think where I’d be with three more years of experience under my belt, I also don’t regret it… because sometimes, you gotta be like that. It’s a vicious cocktail of lack of motivation, laziness, depression, fear of rejection, fear of never getting any better, jealousy over other artists’ skill, and straight up disappointment in yourself. I get that so hard.
One thing that’s really helped me is making art a habit. A writing prof once told me that I’d be a better writer if I wrote for at least 30 minutes a day, if I made it a habit. And he was right. That advice applies to any skill. If you spend time getting yourself into the appropriate headspace each day, that skill WILL develop. One thing to remember about this is that not everything you do will be good. Some of it will suck. But you’re putting in the time and the effort, and so even if your work for the day sucks, if you keep at it, it’ll suck less. What’s more, getting into the HABIT will be hugely beneficial. Even if you just draw a dumb doodle each day, it’ll help.
Unfortunately, I don’t have any grand secrets to share about finding the motivation, because it’s a years-long, never-ending battle to fight that. Developing a habit helps, but it’s hard to do that, not gonna lie. Sometimes, having a good friend or family member play cheerleader really helps. Someone you can always count on to be positive. That CAN help, but it won’t always. You CAN get there! I believe in you! And remember to forgive yourself for the days you can’t bring yourself to do it! You’ve got to get through those days, too. Try, but forgive yourself when you can’t manage it!
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Art by Twin Doodles
Ao3
FF.net
In which the Volpina is optimistic, Queen Bee looks at the big picture, and sometimes you just gotta roll with it.
When it came to being rescued and swept off her feet, Chloe was an expert.
At the top of the list of course, was Ladybug. Absolutely nobody rescued her like Ladybug did. The strength, the safety, the certainty that everything was going to be all right the moment she was swept up in those strong red and black arms; Ladybug could rescue the world’s most rabid dog, and it would become completely docile the moment she picked it up.
Next on the list was Serge, though it had been years since he had actually carried Chloe anywhere. When she was a kid, Serge was always the one to pick her up and carry her home when she stayed late at the Agreste mansion. Actually, Aunt Sophia was always the one who picked her up, but it was always to hug her goodnight and give her back to Serge. She couldn’t count the number of times she had fallen asleep with her cheek on his shoulder.
Chat Noir had never been particularly high on the list. Knowing who he was now elevated him a little bit, but when he carried her to safety, it was just to get her to safety; there was no charm or elegance to it. If ladybug was a lavish limousine, and Serge was a long used family car, then Chat Noir was a taxi. He got you where you needed to be, but the ride was a bit uncomfortable, and it smelled a little like old cheese.
Volpina however….
“You know, I think that little midair flip at the end might have been a bit unnecessary,” Queen Bee commented as they landed on the rooftop garden of the bakery.
Volpina was a motorcycle. She was wild, exciting, a little scary, and (Queen Bee had to admit,) sexy. There was a fire in her eyes as she ran that made Queen Bee cling to her for dear life. Volpina was going somewhere, and Queen Bee was only along for the ride. Every time they leapt over a gap, Volpina looked down. Not out of fear, but as if she were daring gravity to just try to pull them down to earth. She seemed ready to take on the world if she had to, and have the time of her life doing it. Needless to say, the short trip had taken Queen Bee’s breath away in more ways than one.
She might even have replaced Serge to the number two spot on the list, if Queen Bee wasn’t still a bit hurt and angry with her from earlier.
“Sorry,” Volpina said, smiling and looking only slightly ashamed. “It’s just, moving like that feels so great! Ladybug’s always telling me to take it slow and do things safely, but a superhero’s supposed to have flair, isn’t she?”
Queen Bee rolled her eyes.
“You and Plagg would get along great.”
“Plagg?”
“Chat Noir’s Kwami,” Queen Bee replied quickly, looking around at the roof. “This is… quaint.”
“Yeah, it’s not bad,” Volpina said, missing the subtle sting in Queen Bee’s choice of words. “Hard to imagine there’s an evil Akuma just three stories below. Maybe we got it wrong?”
Volpina looked at her optimistically. Before Queen Bee could do more than raise an eyebrow, there was a loud clattering of bells as the door to the bakery below them was thrown open. They both peeked over the edge and saw a line of gibbering macaroons run out of the bakery and head towards the park.
“So, is constantly putting your foot in your mouth another superpower, or does it just come naturally to you?” Queen Bee asked, watching the freshly baked minions go.
Volpina groaned and grabbed at her face again. Queen Bee smirked in satisfaction before looking over at the park thoughtfully.
“Still, that explains why there always seems to be more of them. The Akuma must be turning them out by the dozen.” She turned back to Volpina. “So, what’s the plan?”
Volpina grumbled and walked over to the trapdoor leading inside.
“We get in, we get the Akuma, and get out,” she said sourly.
She was about to open the trapdoor when Queen Bee grabbed her wrist.
“And we do it very carefully, remember?” she asked.
Volpina looked up at her. Queen Bee looked nervous, but she was trying to hide it. Volpina sighed and then smiled reassuringly, and put her hand over Queen Bee’s.
“Right. Don’t worry, I’m sure this’ll be a piece of cake.”
Queen Bee made a face.
“That is not at all reassuring today.”
Volpina gave her a helpless little shrug, and pulled open the trap door.
As the two of them descended into Marinette’s room, Queen Bee felt her skin crawl. She imagined most people would have the same reaction walking into her penthouse. If there was one person in Paris she hated, and felt completely justified in hating, it was… well it was probably Hawkmoth now that she thought about it. But if there was a second person in Paris she hated and felt completely justified in hating, it was Marinette Dupan-Chang.
Her hatred only grew as she got a good look at the bedroom they were sneaking into. The room was comprised of mainly three things: sewing supplies, pictures of Marinette’s friends and family (several of them just of Adrien,) and the color pink. It was everywhere. The walls were pink, the sofa was pink, the carpet was pink, the air even smelled pink somehow, no doubt due to a flowery pink air freshener hidden in a pink corner somewhere. Queen Bee had to pause on the stairs and spend a few seconds just scowling at the room.
It worked. Though she would never admit it, the slightly varying shades of pink and other colors used sparingly about the room just made it work. Marinette knew how to use a theme, and Queen Bee hated it. It wasn’t right that someone like Marinette had legitimate talent. But then again, her own father was one of the most successful men she knew, next to Uncle Gabriel maybe. It seemed the blacker your heart the more likely you were to succeed in life.
Life sucked.
“Are you okay?”
She blinked and realized she had been lingering in her angry thoughts too long. Volpina was already on the bottom floor of the three tiered room, and was looking up at her with her head slightly cocked to one side. Queen Bee shook her head and continued down too.
“Yeah, I just… Pink’s not my color.”
Not her best lie, but Volpina just pursed her lips and looked around the room.
“Yeah… she’s sure got a thing for it, doesn’t she? Never did get the appeal of it myself. I was always more of a fall colors kind of girl.”
“Pity you shot me down earlier,” Queen Bee said, strolling past her. “Else I’d say how much I’d love to see you in nothing but flesh tones.”
Volpina focused her attention on a nearby sewing machine and bit her lower lip, fighting a smile and trying to keep down a light blush. Queen Bee paused for a moment at the second trap door before turning around to look back at Volpina with a puzzled expression.
“Am I doing that right? Like, I know you’re not interested, but the flirting… Am I doing that right?”
Volpina looked at her blankly. Queen Bee took it as a bad sign, while in reality Volpina’s mind had simply been completely overridden by a single word.
‘Cute.’
“It’s just, I never flirted with a girl before today,” Queen Bee explained, beginning to play with her fingers. “I’ve never honestly flirted with anyone, really. I mean, I know how to flirt of course! But not with someone I actually like. Not that I like you! I mean, I do, but I know that you don’t like me, so I’m not going to, you know… I just, you seem to know how to do it, so if you could give me some pointers or something, that would be… nice.”
She trailed off, still playing with her hands and looking at every part of the room that wasn’t occupied by her partner. Volpina meanwhile was fighting a small war with herself as she resisted the urge to squeal and scoop the nervous girl up so she could start cuddling her again.
After a few deep breaths, and reminding herself that she had already messed up and hurt Queen Bee once already, she decided she could be trusted within arm’s reach of her partner again, and purposefully strode past Queen Bee and over to the second trap door leading down into the main house.
“You’d probably come on a little too strong with a line like that,” she said, pointedly not looking at Queen Bee.
“But, that was still pretty smooth. For a rookie,” she added, looking over her shoulder and giving Queen Bee a small smirk.
Queen Bee beamed at the praise. She did a little arm pump and whispered “yes!” to herself. Volpina could feel her resolve slipping away by the nanosecond, so she quickly looked back down at the trap door and cleared her throat.
“Okay, Dating for Lesbian’s 101 is over for now. Time to focus on the mission.”
“Right,” Queen Bee agreed and gave her a quick salute.
Volpina said a quick prayer to beg the powers that be to give her strength, and the two headed down into the rest of the house.
Truth be told, both of them had half expected the downstairs to have become some impossibly large maze made out of gingerbread or something. Instead, they found a perfectly normal house. Queen Bee guarded the stairs while Volpina did a quick check of the second floor for any clue or hint of the Akuma. She returned giving Queen Bee a disappointed shrug.
They continued down the stairs to the small hallway connecting the house to the bakery, as well as the small side door to the street. From inside the store, they could hear the sounds of a man’s voice talking enthusiastically to himself. Volpina put a hand on the doorknob and looked meaningfully at Queen Bee, putting a finger to her own lips. Queen Bee nodded, and quietly as possible, they pushed open the door.
However, the door had been installed by a complete moron, (most likely the owners, Queen Bee guessed,) because it opened out into the bakery, and away from the interior. Queen Bee was certain that violated at least two safety regulations, as well as plain common sense in design. She cursed silently to herself for leaving her purse back in the nurse’s office, as her hand mirror would have been perfect for peeking around the stupidly designed door. Instead, in order to get a look at anything other than a brick wall, they had to open the door conspicuously wide, and poke their heads around it. They kept low to the ground, trying to preserve what little stealth they could, meaning Queen Bee had to practically lay across Volpina’s back to get a look.
Which led Queen Bee to decide that maybe who ever put in the door wasn’t so stupid after all.
Queen Bee was unable to truly enjoy herself however, partially because pressing her body into someone she knew wasn’t interested was still awkward, (even if they did smell fantastic,) but mostly because of the strange sight that awaited them on the other side of the door.
The store itself was just as it had always been. Fresh bread and pastries lined the shelves, light poured in cheerily from the large windows, the smells of warm baguettes and light fluffy croissants filled the air. The actual baking area however had undergone quite a makeover. Any electric lights inside had been turned off, and several black candles had been lit about the room. The wooden table Tom used to roll out his dough had been converted into a cross between a 17th century alchemical laboratory, and the set of a cooking show.
A cloaked figure stood chanting at the table. In one hand he held a plane looking wooden rolling pin, while in the other he held a large book wrought in a heavy iron frame and lock, making it look like the grimoire of some ancient wizard. The figure himself was large and bulky, and stood behind the table in profile to them. The heavy hood of his dark robes hid his face in shadow, and fortunately also kept them from his peripheral vision. He also wore a small white chefs hat on top of his hood, and a white cotton apron around his waist, which clashed almost comedically with the rest of his dark and mysterious appearance.
“I think we found our Akuma,” Volpina whispered in Queen Bee’s ear.
“Either that, or the Grim Reaper is getting ready for a bake sale,” she whispered back.
They continued to watch as the figure waved the rolling pin over a mixing bowl and chanted phrases like, “One and one fourth cups of dry active yeast, two teaspoons of sugar, a pinch of salt!” then bursting out into a maniacal cackle.
After about two or three of these laugh breaks, the figure finished reading his “incantation,” and the contents of the bowl glowed and swirled up into the air. The bits of various baking components manifested into half a dozen giant croissant soldiers, which stood still and lifeless in front of the cloaked figure. He pointed his rolling pin at them.
“Go my creations! Go see that that detestable taster remains where he is! And make sure Ladybug and Chat Noir are ready to taste my ultimate revenge as well!”
The croissants flew into a frenzy and charged out the door. Well, most of them did; one of the little monsters managed to trip and impale itself on its own spatula on its’ way out. It lay on the ground, completely motionless with the spatula sticking through it as its fellows ran around it and out the door. The last croissant paused next to its fallen comrade, and regarded the spatula for a moment before ripping it out. It held its newly acquired weapon in the air and screamed with delight before following the rest of its troops out the door, wildly swinging both of its weapons in berserk joy as it went.
The girls watched as the hole punched in the fallen croissant began to mend, and a few seconds later the evil edible jerked back to life and leapt to its feet. It looked around for its stolen weapon before running out the door, gibbering furiously and shaking its fist.
“Did you see that?” Volpina whispered again. “That thing was down for the count! They must be weak to their own weapons.”
“Maybe,” Queen Bee whispered back uncertainly. “But remember the ones in the park? They didn’t get up until all of their pieces were in place, remember? I think that the spatula kept it from healing all the way, and that’s why it couldn’t get up. Like those old Christmas lights, the ones where if one bulb died then the whole string went out?”
“This is magical warfare, not party decorations,” Volpina snapped back. “I bet it’s the weapons. It’s more poetic that way.”
“And I say it just has to impale them,” Queen Bee snapped back.
Before they could begin to argue like an old married couple, and likely blow their cover, the front door to the bakery opened with a sad ringing of its abused bell.
“Honey, I’m back! You would not believe the lines at the…”
The door closed behind Sabine Cheng as she stood stalk still at the front of her bakery, holding several large grocery bags. Before her was the recognizable bulk of her husband, standing behind a strange mess of beakers, tubes, and open containers of sugar, looking like he was ready to go to a Halloween party. Off to her left, were the unrecognizable masked faces of two strange girls peeking out from behind the door to her house. All three of them seemed just as surprised to see her as she was to see them.
After blinking at the strange scene taking place in her bakery, Sabine simply gave a little shrug and carried on. She walked around the table of culinary alchemy and handed the grocery bags to her Akumatized husband and began digging around in them.
“I got you another bottle of maraschino cherries since you said you were low. Oh, and mixed berries were on sale so I got a few boxes of those. I figured even if you didn’t need them we could always have some with breakfast this week.”
“Excellent,” her husband cackled as she set the ingredients down on the table for him. “These are just what I needed! Soon, my revenge will be complete! That fool Dude Fury will rue the day he crossed THE NECROBA-Oh wait, um… you didn’t happen to pick up some more marshmallow fluff too, did you?”
Sabine held up a jar of it.
“Perfect! Now my revenge will be complete! And that fool Dude Fury will rue the day he crossed THE NECROBAKER!” Tom through back his cloaked head and cackled evilly, still carrying his wife’s grocery bags.
“That’s nice dear,” Sabine said, taking the groceries back. “I’m just going to go upstairs and put this away before the ice cream melts. Have fun enacting your revenge.”
“Thanks Honeybunch!”
The Nekrobaker kissed his wife on the cheek and went back to his evil work. Sabine turned around just in time to see a pair of orange ears and black antennae disappear behind the door. She walked over to it and pulled the door open the rest of the way with her foot. She stepped inside to see the two masked strangers huddled up next to the stairs, looking awkwardly from her to each other.
“Hello girls,” Sabine said after closing the door behind her. “Could one of you please tell me what is going on?”
After introducing themselves as Paris’s newest superhero team, the two of them followed Sabine upstairs and Volpina recapped everything that had happened, as well as what she suspected had happened to turn Tom into and Akuma. As she finished, Sabine went over to the window and looked over at the park swarming with her husband’s handy work.
“That no good scoundrel,” Sabine cursed. “Who does he think he is? Trying to bully money out of people like that; it’s just down right rotten! I’ll tell you one thing for sure, I’m certainly never watching his show again.”
“I doubt that cockroach will even have a show after this,” Volpina said, wickedly. “Once it gets out that he’s been blackmailing the places he reviews, I doubt he’ll be able to get a job on an infomercial.”
“Of course, that’ll also put bad press on anyone he did give a good review too,” Queen Bee interrupted. “If those network affiliates have any brains at all, they’re going to try to twist this around to say that the restaurants offered the bribes to him, and try to sue. Sure, you’ll save the little places like this that couldn’t pay, but what about the ones like Le Grand Paris? If this gets out, Le Grand Paris will get sued for bribery, Chef Cesaire will be made into a scapegoat, and she’ll be fired and blacklisted from every restaurant in Europe, along with every other owner of an establishment that appeared on that show.”
Volpina gaped at Queen Bee as she finished her grim “big picture” analyses of the situation.
“But… No! No, My mo- I mean, Chef Cesaire doesn’t own Le Grand, the Mayor does! He’s the one who will get burned when it comes out that he paid a bribe. Oh, this is going to be perfect.”
Volpina smiled and rubbed her hands together while Queen Bee sighed.
“You said the money to pay Dude Fury’s bribe came out of the Head Chef’s pay, remember? The Mayor didn’t just do that to slight her, he did that so any paper trail for the bribe could be traced back to her. His lawyer’s probably already have an iron clad case written up to peg her for any scandal that pops up. They’re very good at shifting the blame like that.”
Volpina stared at her with her mouth agape, while Queen Bee looked pointedly out the window.
“You girls certainly seem well informed,” Sabine said, looking from one to the other.
They both flinched.
“Uhm, well, er, gotta keep up on current events, you know,” Volpina said crossing her arms and trying to lean casually against the kitchen counter.
“A superhero has to look at the grand scheme of things,” Queen Bee said easily, pretending to admire her nails, despite the fact that she was wearing gloves.
Sabine smiled at them.
“Well, don’t forget, you two have lady luck on your side. Ladybug luck, in fact. As long as you two do the right thing I’m sure it’ll all work out. Although it certainly doesn’t hurt to be prepared…”
Sabine put a finger to her lips and thought for a moment before nodding to herself and heading for the bedroom.
“I’m going to make a few phone calls, could you girls go downstairs and take care of my wayward husband? That cookbook he was holding has been passed down for generations. Just tear it apart and I’m sure you’ll find one of those butterfly things. Oh, and don’t be afraid to be a little ruff with him if you need to,” she added with a mischievous twinkle in her eye. “Tom used to be quite the rugby player in high school, and anyway he could use the exercise. Have fun!”
And with that, she closed the door to her bedroom and left the two new superheroes staring after her.
“This family is weird, right? It’s not just me?” Queen Bee asked, turning to Volpina.
Volpina just held up her hand and made a little “maybe” gesture.
Back at the bottom of the stairs, Volpina went over her plan with Queen Bee.
“Alright, I’m gonna rush in there and smash up his little laboratory so he can’t make any more of his minions. Then, while he’s distracted with that, I’ll grab the book away from him and run back here. We beat feet upstairs, run back across the rooftops to Ladybug, I throw it down to her, she de-evilizes the Akuma, and mission accomplished!”
“And then Dude Fury causes no end of problems for either the bakery, or La Grand Paris,” Queen Bee deadpanned. “And that’s if your plan doesn’t go catastrophically wrong in any one of a thousand ways I can think of off the top of my head.”
Volpina groaned and ground her teeth.
“Well it’s not like I’m hearing any great plans from you!”
“You didn’t ask. You just started declaring you were going to go in and start smashing stuff and that that would somehow fix everything.”
Volpina glared at her, while Queen Bee crossed her arms and stared back coolly. Volpina’s glare began to falter, and she forced herself to look down at the floor instead, her hands squeezed into trembling fists. Queen Bee sighed and uncrossed her arms. Fighting with her partner wasn’t going to help the situation, and she knew it.
“Look I’m… I’m sorry. I can tell you’re really invested in this for some reason, but your letting your emotions do the thinking, and it’s going to get you or someone else hurt. Or worse, caught and get your miraculous stolen! I don’t want to lose my partner on my first day. I mean, who’d help me find a girlfriend?”
Queen Bee nudged her playfully and forced herself to let out a hollow laugh. Volpina sighed and looked at her, her expression now more ashamed then angry. She turned her head and looked back at the door, pursing her lips at it in thought. After a minute she turned back to Queen Bee.
“So, what do you think we should do?”
Queen Bee frowned and gave the door a distasteful look.
“Personally, I think we should just get out of here and get Ladybug and Chat Noir.”
Volpina shook her head.
“I already told you, we can’t let Ladybug know.”
“That’s if she hasn’t figured it out already,” Queen Bee lamented. She sighed and continued. “But, if you insist we have to do this by ourselves, then fine. I think we should try your illusions again. If we can get him out of there, and out in the open, I think we have a much better chance of snagging that book and getting away without him seeing us.”
Volpina thought for a moment and nodded.
“Alright, I think I might be able to make it look like the bakery caught on fire behind him. That should flush him out. But I’ll need to get another look at that room first.”
Queen Bee gave her a thumbs up, and Volpina nodded with a smile. She went over to the door again while Queen Bee hung back; less faces meant less chance of being seen. Volpina cracked open the door and poked her head around. From inside the room came the sound of rushing winds, and the voice of the Nekrobaker screaming over it.
“Rise my ultimate creation! Rise! Rise my Antibug Devil! Rise and crush my enemies like ground nutmeg beneath your-“
Volpina withdrew her head quickly and snapped the door shut. She stood perfectly still for several seconds before turning around to face Queen Bee.
“…So plan C, right?”
Authors Notes:
Regarding the bakery: Yes the door really does open like that in the show. I don’t know why, but it does. It took me forever to work out what the floor plan of Marinette’s house looked like, but near as I can figure it goes bakery on the first floor, house on the second floor, then Marinette’s room, and Marinette’s garden on the roof. I almost ignored the strange design of the door, but making them poke their heads around made it much easier for them to be caught by Sabine.
Originally, I did write it so the house became a giant medieval dungeon that Queen Bee and Volpina had to navigate through, but for reasons that will become clearer in the next chapter, that idea was just too problematic to use now. I also originally wrote Sabine out of the story completely; either by having her locked in one of the dungeons of the transformed house, or just had her out getting groceries the entire time, but then I got the idea of her coming home to find everything gone nuts, and found the idea of her just rolling with it too funny to pass up.
Regarding the Nekrobaker: I had a devil of a time coming up with a suitable name and identity for this first Akuma. The original name I had suggested was Doughmanator, but I just couldn’t make that name work with the concept and scene I had planned.
Regarding feedback: Thank you all so much for your continued comments, reviews, and kudos! They really make this story so much more rewarding to right. I’m doing my best to keep to the weekly upload schedule, and your feedback is what motivates me to stay as consistent as I have been.
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[Review] DEVIL’S GATE Will Have You Questioning Everyone
When watching a new film like Devil’s Gate, there are several different ways in one can approach it. One is to approach the movie without any preconceived notions or prior knowledge of the plot. Another is to watch the movie with an open mind. Why try to figure out where a movie is going and ruin all the fun? Such is the case here.
Devil’s Gate does a good job at the very beginning of the movie with a fantastic hook. It’s easy to watch and think you know exactly where the movie is going, but you’d be dead wrong.
Our journey begins like so many other horror movies do. But it’s a tried-and-true method that works well and that’s what makes it so good. Random stranger is driving a really nice sports car down a deserted country road. Why is he there? What is he doing? Who cares! Battery dead? Hard to believe but it happened! Luckily for him there’s an old decrepit farmhouse in his rear-view mirror. score!
Channeling his inner Texas Chain Saw Massacre character, ignoring the no trespassing sign, and the boarded-up windows, he decides to cross that threshold and walk right on in. While he’s smart enough not to walk right through the front door, it doesn’t stop him from wandering around. Doing so he comes across the basement window with bars across it, and spies a man inside yelling to himself. Time to go!
Unfortunately for him it’s not going to be so easy. Someone has booby trapped the front yard, and he’s about to meet a bear trap. Someone’s coming? Problem. Let’s get that bear trap off our foot and get out of here. Unfortunately for our random stranger, he’s about to meet an untimely demise when he steps on another booby trap. One that’s not so nice as it comes up out of the ground and impales him.
Cut to the Devil’s Gate Airport, where we first meet our heroine surly FBI Special Agent Daria Francis (Amanda Schull). Charged with finding a missing mother and son, Agent Francis is teamed with Deputy ‘Colt’ Salter (Shawn Ashmore). Off to her obligatory meeting with the town Sheriff Gruenwell (Jonathan Frakes), we soon find out that the missing mother and son are Maria and Jonah Pritchard (Bridget Regan and Spencer Drever), family of Jackson Pritchard (Milo Ventimiglia), who we saw earlier in the movie ranting in his basement. With the sheriff’s admonition to leave Jackson alone because “he’s a good guy”, Agent Francis sets off to interview Maria’s sister in the hopes of finding a lead. While Maria’s sister proves lately unfruitful, she does find some information in Jonah’s little nook where he sleeps. She gets her first lead when she finds Jonah’s journal, a book full of doodlings of hieroglyphic style art which means little to her, and pictures of his angry father which make him a prime suspect.
Left with a choice to head back to town or eschew the sheriff’s advice to stay away, Agent Francis decides to go to the Pritchard farm to investigate Jackson herself.
While some may say that Devil’s Gate is slow to develop, it paces itself in a very good manner. It’s almost very much like a song that moves into movements. The first half of the movie which I’ve slightly detailed introduces us to the characters and to some degree and lets us know why they tick. While some people might prefer knowing from the get-go exactly what’s going to happen, I think it builds up suspense which is integral to the story. And once it’s built up the characters as much as we need, it shifts into another gear and the real story can begin.
As I said before, one of the things that can make Devil’s Gate work is coming into it cold. Unfortunately, if you have a general synopsis of the movie in hand, nothing might come as a surprise to you. If you have no previous knowledge of the film, there are many moments that come as a complete surprise. And as for the main character, Jackson, you’re left to wonder just what his motivation is. With the movie beginning the way it does, you’re left to wonder whether he is just a sadistic man who enjoys booby-trapping his yard, or is there some legitimate reason to his madness.
One pleasant surprise was how symbolism plays a huge part in Devil’s Gate. While at the beginning the title may seem to refer to the town itself, it goes much deeper than that. It works on many different levels that by the end of the movie will gives you many “Aha!” moments. Religious iconography also plays a large part in the film. Many films made present it in an overbearing way, but Devil’s Gate presents it in a way that truly lends itself to the story in a meaningful way. And not in a way that you expected it to which makes it that much better.
Lastly, the gore factor in the film deserves up a brief look. Unfortunately, the argument can be made that many movies, especially independent ones, use gore and violence as a crutch. Thankfully this is not the case with Devil’s Gate. In actuality there is very little bloodshed in this film. So if you come here looking for it, unfortunately you’ll be disappointed. While some films, such as Hatchet, build a story around the gore, Devil’s Gate does a good job of supplementing what is already a decent story with gore that is appropriately placed. It actually supplements the story, and when it does appear, it’s very cool and realistic looking.
All in all, Devil’s Gate is a fairly decent movie. While the plot is slow to develop in some spots, it does eventually get you to where it wants you to be. The actors do a fairly decent job in their roles, and definitely leave you with feelings for the characters. While ultimately you may leave the film saying that you should have seen that coming, it’s still worth a view.
3 / 4
Devil’s Gate landed earlier this month via IFC Midnight, and is available now on VOD.
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be ready and be brave (keyleth and the mountain goats)
i’m doing a set of meta pieces where i take a critical role character and pick five mountain goats songs that i think they would like and that i associate with them, and then writing meta posts of varying middle lengths about them in my college!au. you can read the longer explanation on the project here, and here’s the mountain goats wikipedia page if you’re unfamiliar. this is also a decent quick primer on them. i’ll link my favorite version of each song i use so you can listen along.
without further ado, this is the first part, which belongs to keyleth.
i. be ready and be brave
keyleth listens to the mountain goats for a long time before she really gets the mountain goats.
of their group, percy in particular listens to them a bunch, and they spend a lot of time together, just the two of them, so that’s where she hears them the most. the animal shelter she volunteers at is over near victor’s, so she catches a ride with him pretty often, when he’s got afternoon or evening shifts, and they usually take his truck (he likes driving more than she does and is more likely to need his vehicle while working than she is and also quite frankly he just doesn’t fit into her car very well).
(when she’d bought the little green vw bug years ago, there was no way she could have possibly predicted that she would someday go off to college and befriend a bunch of giants. grog and the de rolos like to swap exaggerated horror stories about trying to fit themselves inside the tiny car without dislocating anything. pike and scanlan laugh at them about it a lot.)
percy defaults to the mountain goats most of the time when they’re driving, and keyleth doesn’t mind them, so she doesn’t complain. she thinks they’re fine pretty much from the beginning, especially once she’s gotten used to jd’s voice, to the songs that percy plays most often, but none of them ever particularly reach out to her, not until magpie.
it’s spring, some day in that last little lull of the semester before finals kick into full gear, warm enough that they’ve got the windows rolled down, and the song catches her right from the beginning as percy pulls up to a stop sign. there are a lot of different kinds of mountain goats songs, but this one is gentle, reaches out and touches some bit of her that still feels lost and vulnerable in emon, away from home and her father and the familiarity of the greenhouse, tugs and pulls at it, opens up some hidden, scared part of her in a way that makes her breath catch for just a moment before it shakes its way out of her chest.
(try hard to do your best. be ready and be brave.)
percy doesn’t say anything when she skips back to listen to it again.
ii. i will get lonely/and gasp for air
the second time this happens they’re in the library.
it’s that stage of finals where she’s legitimately wondering if giving up and going off to just live in a forest a long ways away is the better option, and percy’s sharing his headphones with her because she forgot hers, which is something she does a lot. the stuff he listens to while they’re working is more varied than when they’re driving, because percy doesn’t have to worry about distracting himself from the road and can skip around and choose new stuff whenever he wants, so get lonely catches her even more off-guard than magpie had.
it’s the same thing though, the gentle sound of jd’s voice on i will get lonely/and gasp for air reaching in and tugging at something in her chest, something hidden there from everyone else and from herself. the song sounds lonely, sounds how lonely feels, and keyleth is very familiar with it all. not so much these days, but there are still moments of it, cold, sharp pinpricks of it when everyone gets busy and they don’t see each other for a few days, little stinging bits of hurt reaching back to a time when she was so often lonely that she can only really understand the entirety of it now, removed from it a bit by time and place. the song pulls at the edges of this place inside her, both old and new, her breath catching to the rhythm of the string part at the chorus.
and then percy leans into her just a bit, his shoulder pressed warmly against hers and one eyebrow raised in question. the song ends, and percy’s still there, not saying anything but there. she nods, and he leans into her a little more for just a second before going back to his own notes, connected to her by his earbuds.
iii. the sun’ll come out tomorrow
when she finds this song, she is not expecting it to be one she already knows, because of course everyone knows tomorrow, and at this stage in her knowledge of the mountain goats it is not a song she would have ever imagined they might cover.
everyone knows tomorrow, but not this tomorrow, not this soft and gentle thing that john darnielle makes it. the original is bright and hopeful and just on the edge of triumphant, and this is those things too but something different also, all those things pulled down, tight and close, a tiny little ember of something, smaller and softer but still bright, still burning.
(keyleth can’t get over the volume of the piano in comparison to jd’s vocals.)
if magpie and get lonely had pulled things apart in her, tugged at hidden bits of her in a startling and sort of frightening way but also a good way, a way that had exposed them to light and air, had allowed her to learn the shape of them within her and the space they occupy there, then tomorrow puts something back together, smooths out rough edges and unjumbles things she hadn’t even noticed.
she wants to share it with someone, because it seems like the kind of song you should give to someone else once you’ve found it. keyleth thinks vex might appreciate it, in those moments where she’s less brash and sure of herself than usual, but in the end it’s pike who she shares it with first, because she thinks that pike will understand, understand it in the very specific way that keyleth needs someone else to understand it.
pike’s quiet for a little while after they listen to it, and keyleth is sure she’s made a mistake, that pike actually doesn’t understand, is about to say something nice just because pike is usually nice, especially if she thinks she’s disappointing you, but then she just puts a hand on hers and says ‘oh.’
it’s exactly the reaction keyleth needed.
iv. i’m gonna make it through this year if it kills me
there is a momentum to this year that always gets caught up in keyleth’s bones.
most of her favorites in the mountain goats discography are the gentler, softer songs, because those are the ones she needs most often, to pull at the ragged edges of things and to smooth them back into place. but there are also days she just needs to shout i’m gonna make it through this year if it kills me.
there are those days when she thinks it might, maybe not literally, but days where life leaves her feeling jagged and incomplete and like she has no fucking idea what she’s doing. and those are the days when she needs to sing very, very, very loudly that she is going to make it through this, that it (it being at that moment the entirety of the cold and unfeeling universe) should do it’s worst and prepare for disappointment, because at the end of it all she was going to still be there, shouting along until her chest aches with the joy of it, of that defiance and that spite and that brightness.
the momentum of it all gets her every time.
v. you can’t tell me what my spirit tells me isn’t true
keyleth doesn’t have any tattoos. it’s not that she has any problem with them, or even that she doesn’t want any, it’s just that… it seems like an important decision to her. the others tease her sometimes, about how seriously she takes the whole process, but she won’t be rushed.
she has a notebook where she keeps all her ideas. she’s had it for years, adding new things in whenever something inspires her. vax and vex are fond of half-stealing it, adding their own doodles in the margins and starring the ideas that are their favorites. there’s an entire page where she let grog design some for her, big, bright shapes that morph into vines and flowers when you look at them for long enough. percy has a page of his own too, his drawings more traditional and measured than grog’s, and her favorite is a sunflower that takes up most of one corner, realistic enough that she swears it moves sometimes, turning towards the sun.
the page dedicated to the mountain goats had mostly happened on accident. she’d written down one line she’d liked (be ready and be brave) and then another (i’m gonna make it through this year if it kills me) and then once she’d really started listening to them there’d been a bit of a deluge and now there’s a page full of them (i have no fear of anyone, i am young and wild and free. you were brave, you are splendid, and we will never be alone in this world. we held on to hope of better days coming, and when we did, we were right. no matter what they say, it’s gonna be okay. and look about, all the stars are coming out.) most of them are written as tightly as possible, in every inch of available space, because there’s a lot of them and keyleth assumes there will always be more.
there’s one, though, that’s bigger than the others, written in the top margin of the page so she would have enough room. she doesn’t think it will be the first one she gets, because there’s percy’s sunflower and grog’s vines and kerrek, well, kerr had done this amazing sketch one day, when she’d been curled up in his and grog’s little studio space on campus, wondering what the fuck she was doing with her life and trying to escape from everything for a little bit, i have passed through fire, curling and dark and perfect.
but she thinks someday, maybe, a few tattoos down the road, it would be right, that it’s something she’d like to have with her always.
(i don’t have to be afraid. i don’t want to be afraid. you can’t tell me what my spirit tells me isn’t true.)
(she honestly wishes there was someway to tattoo the horn part. it feels important somehow, to the whole thing.)
#keyleth#keyleth of the air ashari#critical role#critrole#vox machina#the machina goats#listen i'm just as surprised as anyone that keyleth's is the first part done#but her list came together incredibly quickly and i had ideas for what to write for eachsong#so this is where we are#i so infrequently deal with keyleth by herself that i literally haven't ever figured out a tag for her#the obvious one to go with is#passed through fire#disaster asshole family
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Daily Doodle 130/365 - May 10, 2017
Being an adult is hard
Lately has been getting stressful for me, especially today as I thought of some deep stuff.. anyways, onto the day
I slept very well, can’t say I will tonight since it’s 2am and tomorrow I have class, but.. oh well, I play a tired character, it’ll count as method acting since I’ll be legitimately tired. STILL, I woke up to a text from grandma, I had to take her to the city, so I did after a nice omelette that made me reconsider using oil when frying my eggs, I used non-stick canned spray, and even though it’s not the most expired thing I found in the kitchen, it’s still usable. The oldest thing I had found expired in 2014 and was steak sauce.. that non-stick can expired in 2013..
Okay, I took grandma to the city for her to pay some bills and buy some cloths, then we stopped at a Taco Bell where I tried the Meximelt. I said I was gonna try it soon, but not THIS soon. It was great, though it’s kinda obvious the employees on the island don’t know how to make it like it appears in the menu yet since it’s so new, either way, it was delicious~ I also met someone from elementary there, turns out she works there.. wow
Okay, when I got home, I was very busy and stressed. Mostly chatting but also heavily worrying about stuff.. I’m not supposed to be affected by finals, but that lingering fear is still there from my last finals, which was 3 months ago.. which was when I finished university (Recap, I’m taking an acting class as a guinea pig)
But that fear is also there cuz I gotta rush and help one of my friends to finish a project for one of the animation classes, it shouldn’t be my job, but I wanted to do the favor, I’ll hopefully finish during the weekend since I know this stuff.
But at the same time I was stressing over the lingering fear of disappointing someone I’m doing an art trade with, I will finish it but if I’m asked for updates on progress, I feel like I’m not being responsible enough..
Then there’s also commissions, I owe a few and already have the money which I need to use soon.. but I might need more but all this is together and the stress is pretty heavy
I decided to get up and tell mom that I was stressed and a bit overwork, but then she reminded me that I might need to start finding a job too.. so that adds up, but a lot worse.. I know a job is necessary, work is a word I tend to follow.. somewhat loosely but..
I am terrified of retail.. it’s the only thing I can think about right now if I try “looking for a job”.. life’s moving really fast, I seem to get a lot of achievements quickly, but everything else comes just as fast
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A Review of Frank Rolfe’s Billboard University Bootcamp
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been intrigued by the idea of making money from billboards.
Whether it’s from owning that land and earning lease revenue from a billboard company (the passive approach) or constructing the billboards myself and renting out ad space to advertisers (the active approach), it always struck me as an opportunity that’s probably very profitable, but also rather mysterious.
It’s hard to find good information about how the business works.
There aren’t many books, courses, blogs, videos, or podcasts out there that really, truly explain how to do it.
Aside from the random scraps of information I’ve been able to pick up when talking with professionals in the outdoor advertising industry, it’s been really hard to find an authoritative source of information that actually explains everything from start-to-finish.
Introducing Frank Rolfe
Not long ago, Jaren Barnes and I decided we needed to learn more. After a bit of digging, we discovered a guy named Frank Rolfe who has spent many years in the billboard business AND put together a course about it, called The Ultimate Outdoor Billboard Boot Camp.
We reached out to Frank’s people and asked if we could take a closer look at his course and put together a review for the REtipster audience.
That’s exactly what I did, that that’s what I’m about to show you in this video…
youtube
Note: If you sign up for the course through this affiliate link, I have some exclusive bonus content to give you as well, but you can only get it if you use this affiliate link! All you need to do is forward a copy of your invoice to [email protected] and I’ll respond to you with a download link for this pdf.
Get the Course Here!
As you can see, the course really is jam-packed with LOTS of information. By far, the most and best information I’ve found on the subject.
Here’s a quick overview of everything it comes with:
Video Modules (15 videos): I prefer to learn by video, so this was what I chose to focus on as I went through the course. Each video ranges in length from 30 – 90 minutes, and there are 15 modules in total. (Note: I found it very easy to get through all the videos playing at 2x speed, so the videos can fly by pretty quickly).
Billboard Boot Camp Manual (157 pages): This pdf contains a lot of the exhibits, pictures, templates, and other examples that Frank reviews in the video modules. You’ll want to follow along in this pdf as Frank goes through each video.
Outdoor Billboard Home Study Course (309 pages): This is like a written version of all the video modules with a lot of additional information, visual aids, and supplemental examples included. I thought it was pretty well put together.
Audio Files: These are basically a series of teleseminars where Frank covers a lot of the stuff he talks about in the videos. There are also a few “bonus” audio files that supplement Frank’s book You’ll probably pick up a few new insights from this, but I think you’ll get most of what you need from the video modules.
What I liked about it
In my opinion, it was a fascinating course. I was hungry for this information, and the material didn’t disappoint.
There’s nothing fancy about the production quality of the videos (he’s just standing in front of a whiteboard and drawing the occasional doodles to illustrate his points), but the content is all there.
Within the first 3 videos, Frank clarified, explained and demystified an insane amount of information about how this business actually works, what kinds of properties and locations do and don’t work well for billboards, what it takes to find locations, how to negotiate with property owners and put deals together, and a lot more.
Photo by Ruize Li
The course also comes with a couple of GIANT pdf files… one of which has several of Frank’s contract templates and marketing material, the other of which is a written version of all the content he covers in the video modules.
I appreciated the emphasis he put on the documentation, including his actual leases and templates that he spent years refining perfecting. In Module 3 alone, he goes line-by-line through his standard lease and explains why every word is important. He crafted this document with his attorney and from what I can see, it really does seem like a masterpiece.
As I learned from this course, there are a lot of things about the billboard business that 99% of people don’t understand. Everything from state and federal government compliance to zoning laws to sign types, sizes, height limitations, sign placement, and a lot more – there is A TON to know about running this kind of business, and a course like this can save a person years of trial and error.
When I got to the end of this course, I legitimately felt empowered to pursue this kind of business.
What I didn’t like about it
As I mentioned in the video above, my initial hope was that this course would teach me how to do a passive version of this business (finding and buying properties that were ideal for billboards, and simply leasing them out to a billboard company like Lamar or Clear Channel to generate passive income).
However, I realized pretty quickly that’s not what the course is teaching. It’s explaining the ACTIVE part of the business (finding properties and leasing the ground from the owner, building and owning the sign, finding advertisers, etc). In other words, it’s pretty much the opposite of what I actually wanted to do.
Photo by Joshua Hoehne
That being said… it also taught me that what I wanted to do probably isn’t nearly as feasible as I thought. Mainly because the property owner typically earns either a flat monthly lease about, a small percentage of ad revenue or a mix of both – and in each scenario, the revenue is a nice icing on the cake, but it’s not that much money (i.e. – not enough to justify owning an entire property solely for the purpose of holding a billboard). There might be a unique situation where this can work, but it would be a pretty rare scenario.
So, it’s not so much a problem with the course as it is a problem with reality. If anything, the course did me a favor by helping me realize this “passive” approach probably isn’t something I should be spending my time on.
It also seemed a little rudimentary, how the content was delivered through a Google Drive folder. Maybe it’s because I’ve created courses myself and I’m a perfectionist… but I would’ve used some kind of content delivery platform for this, so it felt more official and easy to navigate.
Who Is This Course For?
I think this course is for someone who has the following characteristics:
Isn’t afraid of sales, shaking hands and talking to people on the phone.
Is okay with spending plenty of time in their car, scouting out locations within a 3 – 5 hour radius from where they live.
Has the mental capacity to research and organize information to determine state and city compliance.
Is good at communicating with contractors, advertisers, property owners, and zoning and planning officials.
Has the risk tolerance to deal with the minimal liability that comes with owning billboard structures.
I don’t think this course is for someone who has these characteristics:
Hates talking on the phone and working in a sales role.
Only has a few hours a week to put toward a billboard business.
Doesn’t enjoy negotiating deals with property owners and advertisers.
Prefers passive income and doesn’t want to create another job in their life.
Wants to run a “virtual” business that can be done remotely, and entirely from a computer.
Make no mistake, the business model discussed in this course does require salesmanship, a fair amount of time (potentially a lot of time, especially when getting started), and good ongoing communication between a lot of different parties. If you’re looking for some new streams of passive income to build with a few hours per week, I don’t think this is the business for you.
Remember, the idea here isn’t to simply own the land that the billboard is located on, the idea is to own the billboards themselves, find the property owners who are willing to lease their land to you, and keep advertisers lined up for each billboard (in Module 10, Frank even gets into the details of how to design billboards, which is WAY more in-depth than I thought this business would be). All in all, there’s a lot of money-making potential AND a lot of work to keep this kind of business running.
This could be the perfect opportunity for some folks, but it’s important to know what kind of work you enjoy, what you have time for, and what you excel at. Not everybody excels at the things required in this kind of billboard business, so it’s not the first thing I’d suggest to everyone.
The Bonus
As I mentioned in the video above, if you decide to pursue this course and sign up through our affiliate link (yes, we earn a small commission from this, at no additional cost to you), I put together an extra, FREE bonus for you.
This is only available to those who sign up for the course through our link.
This is a 3-page pdf with a detailed checklist of what should be investigated if you’re looking for a property for the purpose of housing a billboard.
Get the Course Here!
I actually made this for myself, because my goal was to find and buy properties alongside high-traffic roads, specifically for the purpose of housing billboards. I needed a quick reference guide so I could make sure I wasn’t wasting time talking to the wrong property owners or investing in the wrong properties.
Disclaimer: This guide is not an iron-clad guarantee that you’ll always find the right properties, it’s just meant to point you in the right direction. You’ll still have to do some homework and find out what is allowed in your area. This just points out what homework you need to do.
If you think this would be helpful, it’s yours for the taking.
After you’ve bought the course through this link, just forward a copy of your invoice to [email protected] and I’ll respond to you with a download link for the checklist.
The post A Review of Frank Rolfe’s Billboard University Bootcamp appeared first on REtipster.
from Real Estate Tips https://retipster.com/frank-rolfe-billboard-boot-camp-review/
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Chapter 31: One Reason Why
Seth
It had finally happened. After all this time, I’d seen Tabitha in front of a whiteboard. Etchings and scribbles made in marker pen covered the entire surface, some words in foreign languages that I couldn’t understand, other space filled with glyphs, runes, and whatever else you would call some really weird drawings that are used for language. Her hair was slightly unkempt again, not unlike she’d been when we met her at the start of all this, but every time she turned around to look at us, her eyes were wild, mind solely focused on the one issue that had not only been plaguing her, but all of us, since it had become prevalent.
“Okay, so nobody has any ideas? You’re just gonna leave me working this out myself?” Tabitha asked, shaking me from my almost-dozed state as I had watched her work. Giving a quick glance around, everyone else had been in the same state of uncertainty and near-asleep-ness as I had. Aki had her head resting against Amy’s shoulder, and while I couldn’t see the catgirl’s eyes, I was pretty sure they would have been almost closed. Amy herself was chewing on the end of a pencil, which can’t have tasted good, as it was one of those ones with an eraser on the end of it. And Eddie, that voice that seemed to enjoy sharing my body, had gone quiet for the first time since he’d started to speak to me.
“I mean, we have ideas, but… don’t you think this is stuff we shouldn’t be working on? He’s kind of our friend, after all. If he didn’t want to tell us, and neither did Rose, isn’t it kind of dickish to do all this?” Amy replied, the end of the pencil now out of her mouth and tapping against the knuckles of her other hand, no rhythm or reason behind it. While I agreed with the fundamental points of what she was saying, the curiosity of what exactly it was that had caused the two of them to split up was burning as furiously as it had been the first time CG had told me about it all those years ago. It was a mystery neither of us had been able to solve, and now more than ever, working it out may have helped him.
“On the contrary, if we can narrow down the fault that Rose sees in CG, maybe he can get rid of it and win her back.” Tabitha said, grinning like a madman. The looks on our faces must’ve given off that she had said the wrong thing, since she rubbed at her eyes for a minute before rephrasing. “He’s our friend. Even if he doesn’t get back together with her, knowing something that people dislike about him is important to him.” While it was a little better, it was still painfully obvious that Tabitha’s main focus had shifted from finding Uchen to solving this mystery using whatever science-y methods she could.
“Where is CG, anyway? I’ve not seen him since the stairwell…” Aki said, looking around the room as best as she could without moving from Amy’s shoulder.
“He’s on the roof.” I said casually, before realising what the implications of my words were. “Getting some air.” I added, and the shock on everyone else’s faces quickly disappeared.
“Okay, we’re getting nowhere with this casual conversation.” Tabitha said, bringing all the attention back to her. “What do we know about Rose, and what do we know about CG?” It was a question posed to the rest of the group, but silence hung in the air as both Amy and I wondered if the other was going to be the first one to speak.
“Well let’s see. CG…” Amy tapped her mouth with the pencil, and I had to admit, it was doing wonders at making her look like a legitimate scientist instead of someone hypothesising over what amounted to not much in the grand scheme of things. “He likes anime, and he likes sword-fighting.”
“He liked Rose.” I added, almost a mumble from between my fingers.
“Had his whole cool persona he held up sorta shattered by showing emotion.” Amy pointed to me with the pencil after I had finished speaking, so I felt I had to continue.
“While I honestly didn’t know much about Rose, apparently she’d had a crush on him for years before she said anything.” I remembered when CG had first told me about Rose, and how excited he had been. It must have been a real confidence boost.
“All this just says that Rose definitely likes him more than just a friend, but for some reason can’t be with him, which we already knew.” Tabitha sighed, clearing off the whiteboard as she talked. “Anyone know any more intimate details about the two? Does CG have a crooked penis?” I coughed loudly on my spit.
“Jesus, that took a turn.” I said, between deep, rasping breaths.
“With Rose, I’m not sure that would have mattered. She had a habit of not really caring about the negatives. Like a negative magnet.” Amy had sat up straight now, so Aki was no longer leaning against her, instead just lounging slightly in her chair, disappointed.
“That’s a pretty positive outlook to have.” Tabitha said, doodling on the whiteboard.
“I’d make a joke about their relationship being charged, but we’re kind of already pushing it with the magnet jokes.” I said, cracking a small smile for the first time since we had found out about CG.
“Freakin’ magnets, how do they work?” Aki said, joining in on the fun with a joke that she shouldn’t have even known, even as she managed to butcher the actual quote at the same time. It seemed to be the final tipping point for us, setting everyone off into gigglefits of laughter. I knew CG was going to be okay, he had before after all. Why worry so much about something that would ultimately not matter? Even if we had all come to that same conclusion that it didn’t matter that much, it definitely started to matter again when CG walked into the room.
Cool Guy
Now, I’m not the smartest guy in the world, but when you see a whiteboard with your name on it, next to a doodle of a flower that conveniently shares the same name as your ex-girlfriend, it doesn’t take much effort to figure out what’s going on. Nonetheless, I decided to give them an out, hoping their answer would be clever enough that the situation would give me a little bit of a chuckle.
“What’s going on in here?” I asked, glancing between everyone. The laughter had died down very quickly as I’d entered, and I could tell from the expressions that they felt bad. I stood awkwardly in the doorway for a few moments, waiting for any of them to give me an answer, before someone finally spoke up.
“Surprise birthday party planning?” Seth said, holding his hands up as he did so. I almost felt bad for how bad the lie was, but I didn’t have to, since the cringe that crossed his face after he had said it gave away how much he hated saying it.
“We were trying to work out why Rose left.” Tabitha admitted, only confirming what I had assumed. I didn’t blame them, as much as I disliked having the reminder. I would have stayed on the roof longer, but it had gotten too cold up there.
“I know it’s not you guys, she liked you a lot.” I said, wheeling a chair over and sitting on it so the back of it was in front of me. The rest of the group seemed shocked at me speaking, but surely they must have known that I was trying to work it out too. “Plus, it was the same issue as it was years ago. We have to figure out what stayed consistent in my life from back then to now.”
“Sorry, can we just address what you’re doing with that chair?” Seth said, but nobody listened as Tabitha began to write on the board.
“The clothing style? Shades? Personality?” Aki offered, with Tabitha scribing every possibility as it was said. “Do you wear a cologne?” I shook my head at the last one.
“My scent is all-natural Cool Guy.” I replied, blasting a fingergun at her. “That, and I just bathe.” I added, which only served to remind me that it had been a very long time since I’d been home. I missed showering in my own shower, where I’d finally found the perfect temperature.
“I think we can rule out personality. Rose’s personality definitely mirrored CG’s, even if it was a little less… intense.” Tabitha said, turning to look at me as she paused.
“The clothes are a definite yes for her. She made me wear them the first time we ever did…” I let everyone else finish the sentence in their head, and when they had, Tabitha slowly crossed off the clothes as an option. “As for my sunglasses, she was the first person I took them off for outside of my family, so I think she didn’t mind them.” It definitely felt like we were just guessing, but then, we didn’t have much to go off.
“So, it’s not the way you’re dressed.” Amy said in a monotone voice. “And it’s not us, so it’s something you wouldn’t think to bring up.” Everyone fell silent as we tried to think of what I wouldn’t bring up, or even know about.
“I’ve got it!” Aki almost-yelled, startling me slightly, but bringing all attention to her. “The reason is…” The pause for effect was killing me, but I knew hurrying her would get us nowhere. “…completely pointless.” She finished, getting a groan from everyone else in the room. “Oh, come on, think about it. What are we gonna solve talking about this stuff? If it’s a fundamental part of him and he chooses to change it for her, are we really gonna be happy to let him do that?” While I definitely wanted Rose back, I had to admit, she had a point. Would I even wanna change a huge part of myself for her?
“If it’s what makes him happy…” Seth said, but he was clearly unconvinced.
“I just think all we’re doing here is dwelling on the past instead of focusing on asking the real, important questions in the present.” Aki said, spinning in her chair to face me. “How are you doing?” She asked, and I tried to come up with an answer that was funny, to break the tension. Nothing came. I then decided to go for a false happiness, to try and act tough. Nothing came then either. The words didn’t feel right, almost like an act.
“I don’t know.” I finally responded, and with that, the words started to pour. “It was only one day, after all, but it still stings. Especially seeing you four and how happy you all are with each other. I just feel kind of shitty for not being happy to be with you guys.” Aki wheeled over, putting her hand on my shoulder as she reached me.
“Dude, just let us know if we can do something to help.” Seth had walked over to my other side, and I had a feeling this was going to be another group hug situation. “Eddie offers to come inside your body because he has a habit of making people happier.” He added, and I smiled slightly.
“There’s a joke I could make there.” I said, which caused him to chuckle a little. Shaking myself off slightly, I stood up, walking over to the whiteboard and erasing the flower. Even though I knew it was corny, I instead began to doodle the rest of the group, making sure to include every detail I could for each of them. Amy and Aki holding hands, Seth holding a gun, and Tabitha holding onto her sanity while she deals with us. Finally finishing with myself, I took a step back, planting myself firmly in the middle of the group that had formed behind me. Smiling, I awaited their praise.
“Where’s my tail?”
“Why am I holding a sex toy?”
“Why is my head so big?”
Everyone’s a critic.
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