#I hate to put a word to his specific illness because you always get people like 'this isnt what i think this is like so pls die'

[ja3yun]

i can't move on from please be real because it has me thinking about what kind of boyfriend jay would actually be irl

luckily for you anon, i think about it constantly and have a notesapp doc dedicated to it so let me share

warnings: mentions of insecurity, kisses

wc: 600

jay would call you baby/babe and honey, like they are his go to petnames for you and they slip from his lips so casually that he barely calls you by your name anymore

jay would have a playlist with all the songs you've recommended him and play them when he's just doing his tasks because they remind him of you

jay compliments you on almost everything you do, even if you do it badly, he is so encouraging for you to try new things.

he is the type to never tell you what to wear when you go out but if he knows you might end up somewhat insecure or uncomfortable with stares, he always gives you his jacket

and even if you're insecure about your body in general, jay would try his best to make sure you have a good relationship with food, he doesn't want you to be overwhelmed by standards or calories so he would constantly work with you to have the best mindset

when he goes shopping, jay will pick up your favourite snacks without having to be asked because "you'll eat them at some point"

jay takes your hand randomly when you're out, like of course he will hold your hand when you're walking but even when you're out with friends and yapping, he would intertwine his fingers with yours because it just feels right

because jay loves to cook, he would make you food you want to try and on special occasions he'll bake you sweet treats - even if he fails when trying to make them into heart shapes

jay would buy you things but i think it would be sentimental things that you can cherish because he bought them with you in mind; jewellery and handmade gifts are his favourite to get you because they'd be specific to you

he alternates between being the big spoon and little spoon, he doesn't mind either way, just whatever is comfortable for you

jay also loves laying his head on your lap or vice versa, talking about your mundane job or whatever is on your mind, he'll play with your hair as you speak, smiling at your anecdotes and silly accents you somehow bring out when impersonating your boss/co-worker/classmate (he is also heavily invested in the drama and gets angry with you)

if someone cracks a joke at your expense, he'll get defensive, calling the person out even if you're not there because he hates it when people speak about you in an ill manor, even jokingly

you would have couple piercings with him, ones that he would get matching earrings for

jay loves you unconditionally but he will vocalise when he is upset with you and talk it out, he would bottle up some feelings but not the ones that involve your relationship because he wouldn't want to put a strain on your relationship - communication is key to him

he would dry your hair if you were too tired, putting it on the lowest setting so he could spend more time taking care of you but he says it’s just so he can hear you

jay would smother you in kisses and take any opportunity to steal a smooch - in bed, when you’re cooking, when you’re distracted by the tv, each time he would kiss you and bring the attention back to him

jay is the type of boyfriend who would smile during kisses, especially when you're gripping his shirt and pulling him as close to you as possible, he loves to feel wanted and needed

he doesn’t tell you he loves you all the time because he doesn’t want the words to lose their meaning, so instead he shows it by being there for you and doing actions that prove to you that he will love you for the rest of time

#aj answers #you didnt ask for this i'm sorry #but i am very passionate about bf jay #i think about him a LOT #jay #jay enhypen #enhypen #jongseong #enhypen fluff

[slocumjoe]

hey uhhh i went thru ur oc post history and u said gus set himself on fire?? pls context

I love this character because whenever someone asks about him I always have to take a deep breath and get comfortable and suck a breath in through my teeth. I treat him so poorly

More Gus lore, because that specific event is actually tied to the very first event that would fuck him up forever, so I can't really talk about it without going in depth.

This is explaining the core tenent of Augustijn's story, which is guilt and its dangers. Basically, where that constant guilt came from, and how it...turned out for him...

It turns out okay. Just...takes 200+ years, an apocalypse, a divorce, and his son dying! 🥳Yay🥳

Tw; Religious trauma, child abuse, suicide, drug use, cannibalism, mental illnesses, and yet another suicide attempt.

So, some background, Gus's mom, Emma, was a fanatic catholic and generally Bat Shit about religion. As you might imagine, this is the Direct Source of both Gus' questionable worldviews, traumas, and his biological inclination to uuuhhh bad Head Times.

Emma was raised mildly religious, but she...took to it too hard? Her family was not the cause of her obsession, Gus's grandparents and uncles/aunts over there actually cut her off at one point, because she was starting to worry them but reaching out led to her lashing out. So, they just...backed off. Emma herself was a simple, homebody woman, who wanted to be at home raising her kids, and tending her garden. She would have been this way even without the religious thing.

But Emma and her side of the family were prone to addiction, see? And religion became her point of fixation and obsession. This could have still been okay, if not for the church she went into. A catholic church in the Hague that was known by all for being kind of fucking out there, even by other hardcore Catholics. This was one she went into, and even her grandchild 240+ years later would feel the ripple of this decision.

Emma goes into church and gets gnarly ideas about how life works. Its a woman's duty to have kids and raise them, to be good to her husband and her house, to listen and obey her men. Sin is inevitable and everyone does it, only those that admit and accept punishment can get another chance at Paradise. God knows every action you take and he does not care for the context, he only cares about the action. There is no "well, but" under the Lord.

Emma has mental illness, some kind of depression and anxiety, so this Big Brother Watching And Judging fucked her up. Especially since her church, in particular, was physically abusive if you did not confess to anything during confession. They thought if you had nothing to confess, you were lying.

At this point, she's met and engaged to Theodore Reinier, a rich heir to a European manufacturing company. He's pretty, a gentleman, and best of all, rich, so she can have as big and luxurious a garden as she wants. She likes him. She does not love him. She's in her twenties and unmarried with no kids, and her poor family needs to be taken care of. So she marries him. Theodore is smart enough to see this for what it is, and kind enough to allow it. He lets his wife do her own thing and treats her as a friend, rather than a lover. She hates this, she wants to be a wife (she doesnt). She wants kids, he gives her one. Augustijn. This birth goes rough, and she's told no more children.

Theodore makes one rule; August goes to a different church, or he does not go at all. Theo really didn't like Emma's church and he certainly wasn't exposing his kid to that shit.

Emma pretends to agree and takes Gus to That Church. Theo doesn't attend, so he doesn't know this is happening until much later. Gus gets all the same nasty shit Emma does. Theo learns of this when he sees Gus covered in bruises from confession beatings. This puts a huge rift between him and Emma, and he pulls all the strings he can to have her church shut down.

Emma grows to resent and hate Theo and Augustijn for not being the perfect husband and child she deserves as a good, God fearing house wife. Augustijn is left to his nannies, Emma hides away in her private garden, fuming. Theodore tries to bond with his son, but Emma's poisoned that well.

Emma tells Augustijn about demons, to fear them. She specifically tells him about church grims, demons that hunt around churches in the form of a dog to drag sinners to hell. She says this as she's admiring her new obsidian dog statues for her garden.

Eventually, Emma goes yellow wallpaper and loses her mind, and is sent to therapy and put on medications. Augustijn loathes his father for his mother's state. Theodore just wants his friend and son okay. But Emma, as she's out in town, coming back from therapy, she stops at a friend's house while the friend isn't there, and hooks up with the woman's husband. Friend's husband was stern, strict with his wife, God fearing, and generally an obnoxious 50s ideal shithead husband. Everything Emma wanted. This wasn't out of nowhere, it was brewing in the background. She knew both of them from her old church.

Emma goes home, and finally having a reason for the guilt that's always plagued her, elects to acknowledge her sin. She drowns herself in the pond of her garden, stared down by three dark, ruby-eyed dogs, overseeing her passage into the afterlife. Her young son comes into the garden to meet his mother, after she's been gone all day, only to find her in a red pool. He looks up into the eyes of the dogs. He remembers nothing of this incident, blocking it out and having been too young to understand.

Years pass, and Augustijn turns to drugs as well, though his come from the darkest parts of the Hague, rather than a doctor. He turns to sex, to crime, to anything he thinks will either corrupt him so much he doesn't care, or will finally make his guilt feel justified. He wears his mother's cross necklace through it all, and sees her beloved dog with every sin.

Augustijn goes to America for college, to Harvard, studying to become a pastor himself. (This is maybe the most terrifying part of him, the fact that he almost got it). But he doesn't feel satisfied with it, has a moment of clarity and realizes he isn't fit to preach anything. The grim certainly doesn't think so. He instead follows his only friend, Isadora, into the military. The US government allowing their soldiers to do chems means his failed drug tests don't matter.

Augustijn becomes a sniper. He has always hurt people, excelled in it, but taking life frightens him, because he knows he has no right to decide who lives or dies, not like this. But he's in China, and he's told to kill. He does, and he's very good at it. His teammates marvel at just how scrappy and determined he is, like a weed, a mold.

The Biandukou Pass Incident occurs. He eats his entire team, trapped in a Chinese mountain range during a blizzard.

Delirious from almost two months of surviving on nothing but psycho and human flesh, Augustijn is let loose back into Boston, honorably discharged. His lingering hallucinations from his Daytripper addiction, mixed with psycho withdrawal, trauma, guilt, shame, the fear of God—everything culminates. He looks up and sees the figure that has haunted him since that one, awful day; the church grim, staring expectantly.

His mother drowned herself, so he thought it fitting if he set himself ablaze.

#ss; alter #I hate to put a word to his specific illness because you always get people like 'this isnt what i think this is like so pls die' #but i imagine he'd be diagnosed with hppd #hallucinogen persisting perception disorder. basically lingering effects of hallucinogenics after use #the point of emma is that she did not ever see past the shit #Augustijn gradually learns how to reject his guilt and view himself objectively #and comes to see how he was hurt and how he hurt others. and accepts that he has a right to feel hurt but an obligation to be better #emma doesnt. she never would have even if she survived her attempt #its like. you only feel guilt because its a concept put into you #and emma taught him guilt. always feel dirty and shameful. #but. she didnt feel guilty. not really. she was confident in all of her actions and never once hesistated #she thought it was guilt just because she knew how it would look to other people. thats not guilt thats awareness. #she wasnt guilty she feared repercussions. #meanwhile her son grew up always ashamed and horrified at himself and was desperate for any kind of comeuppance #not to make it okay because he knew it wouldn't. but because he deserved it #accountability and justice are also big concepts in gus' character. the idea that someone becoming better and earnestly doing it #is better and more worthwhile than them suffering for their actions. this comes up with the Institute and Isadora #anyway if any of you come at me bitching about portaying a woman as abusive im biting #'joe no one does fhat' they literally do. its happened to me before. yall say you support womens wrongs until theyre abusive moms #anyway. fun fact; being beaten during confessions is why gus cant admit when hes done wrong for like 30 years. its a trauma/trigger #gus really is just. 'how do i process what happened to me without losing my mind' #and he lost his mind. but he does everything he can to find it again. because he doesnt want to feel this way anymore

[denniisa]

from the very first season,  we are shown that dennis cares a  lot  about his physical appearance.  a lot of fans argue that this is his vanity and narcissism,  but i truly think that it is in a eating disorder.  as someone with an eating disorder,  i see a lot of my food habits and behaviors in dennis words/actions.  at the very end of this you will find a list of multiple episodes with direct quotes from the show showing this behavior.  this meta is going to go under a read more because i will be talking in detail about eating disorder behavior, also it just got really long and kind of away from me. please keep this in mind when you read this !!

dennis often worries about his appearance,  asking for validation from others to tell him that he looks good or he is in shape.  there are also often times when dennis critiques someone else's physical appearance,  commenting about how fat they’ve gotten or how out of shape they are.  i think that this is him projecting his own insecurities onto others.

the show does go into great detail about dennis eating habits,  and i’m going to list a few of them here:

restricting his food intake

fasting for a day, or multiple days at a time

exercising multiple times a day

not eating gluten, sugar, or dairy

concerned about calorie contents in food

over eating during periods when he feels anxious

purging when he feels like he has eaten something toxic

drinking hard liquor instead of beer because it contains a lot of "empty calories"

becoming physically ill when he ingests something that has a higher calorie count than he is used to

dennis also worries a lot about his physical appearance. in the show he dyes his hair and puts on makeup to make sure that he is always looking his best. he is frequently worried about other peoples perception of him.

i do think that his eating disorder behavior partially comes from his need to be seen as desirable and attractive, but i do think some of it also comes from his desperate need for control over something. dennis is often controlling others and manipulating things behind the scenes, and ends up going into rage filled rants when things do not go as planned. he has specific systems for everything, and he hates when things feel out of control.

i think ultimately dennis really struggles with the idea of being good enough. i think he tries very hard to appear 'attractive' because he feels like that is what he needs to do. when he was younger, he was clearly his mothers favorite sibling. barbara has admitted that in the show and it is not just speculation. she put an insane amount of pressure on dennis from a very young age to be the very best he can be. i believe this is also part of the reason why dennis often manipulates his personality and puts on a different 'mask' depending on the situation.

i'm not sure exactly what eating disorder he has, i'm feeling like if he were every to get a diagnosis he would probably be diagnosed with something like ednos ( eating disorder not otherwise specified ). dennis shows symptoms of anorexia, bulimia, and orthorexia.

alright, now into the quotes to back up my claims about dennis' eating disorder. there are multiple instances in canon that dennis shows the symptoms of his eating disorder.  i have probably missed a few of these,  but under the cut you can find some quotes from various episodes that really stood out to me. i think these moments really show dennis' eating disorder and the symptoms of it.

the gang exploits a miracle,  s2e7: 

dennis: does my face look fat to you ?? dee: yeah dennis: no no don’t screw with me here seriously … it’s just the tv right ?? dee: no it’s been looking fat den: hey matty matthew mara (cricket): hey dennis how are you ?? dennis: i’ve been better,  i’ve been better.  let me ask you a question man. um … i know it’s been years since we’ve seen each other but does my face look fat to you ?? cricket: well we’ve all put on a few since high school dennis: of course, of course,  but i don’t look fat right ?? cricket: uhm no.  dennis,  a few moments later: check it out though,  why did you pause before you said no earlier? cricket: i’m sorry ?? dennis: well earlier when i asked you if my face looked fat you kind of paused  cricket: i’m … not sure.  dennis: hello ( gestures towards himself,  sucking in his cheeks ) dee: what is wrong with you ?? dennis: ugh well i’ve been fasting for three days so i probably look good. dee: you haven’t eaten anything for three days ?? dennis: and i feel great ( said slurred,  looks woozy ) frank: why the hell are you fasting dennis: well i thought i would get into the spirit of the religious aspect that we got going- dee: it’s ‘cus we said his face looks fat dennis: it is not i … p-people have been fasting for thousands of years- dee: face looks fat dennis: -for heath and religious purposes.  moses- dee: fat face dee then continues to talk over dennis while saying over and over again that he looks fat,  that his face is fat, ect.  frank: lets find some coffee sober him up dennis stares off into the distance for a few seconds, not responding frank: did you hear me ?? dennis: hm ?? frank: dennis … i think you really gotta eat.  dennis: no i just spaced out for a second … what’s up ?? dee: whoa,  you are not lookin' good, huh ?? dennis: truth,  truth. face fat ?? dee: no, you idiot.  your face is fine.  i just got mad that you called mine blotchy. dennis: oh.  why-why-why ... dee: what ?? dennis: why you do that ?? dee: oh, um, because you're a bad person. a few moments later dennis ends up passing passing out due to the fact that he hasn’t eaten in several days. 

the gang gets whacked pt 2,  s3e13

frank: you leave everything to me.  all you have to do is sit there,  relax,  have yourself a drink,  and just keep lookin’ handsome. dennis: okay i like that arrangement get me a beer frank!  frank: oh,  no beer.  too many calories.  it’s all about keeping this body fit.  i’ll get ya a nice vodka tonic.  dennis: well that doesn’t have much calories so i think that’s a smart drink.

sweet dee has a heart attack,  s3e10

dennis and dee are at the gym,  discussing what type of physique they want to achieve by working out dennis: i don’t wanna get too bulky.  i wanna stay nice and lean and tight.  i want that jesus on the cross look. dee: i see what you’re saying. dennis: jesus had the right idea,  no pain no gain.

the nightman cometh,  s4e13

charlie: dennis, what are you doing ?? dennis,  eating baby sized snickers bars: i'm eating because I'm very uncomfortable.

mac and dennis break up,  s5e9

now i’m not exactly sure if this counts as  disordered eating  but it very well could be,  either disordered talk/beliefs.  i can see this being more related to dennis’ autism and desiere for structure,  but i do think it is related to dennis needing some control over his food. dennis: oh do me a favor.  peel this apple for me please ??  dee: no !!  no,  i’m not going to peel an apple for you. dennis: but mac always does it for me. dee: why does mac peel your apples for you ??  dennis: he doesn’t like for me to eat the apples with the skin on it.  he says the skins are loaded with toxins they argue for a bit more,  and then dennis shouts about how he is not “allowed” to eat apples with the skin on them.

the gang gets a new member,  s6e8

dennis orders salads for himself,  mac,  schmitty,  and frank for lunch.  when schmitty comments that he would prefer linguini,  dennis says  “linguini is too heavy for lunch”.  

frank’s pretty woman,  s7e1

mac: this is getting ridiculous dude.  we’re getting older we’re not going to look older. dennis: no i am going to look twenty forever,  mac.  because the older i get the more vigilant i become.  alright,  i don’t eat lunch anymore for instance.  yeah !!  and on odd days i don’t eat breakfast. mac: that sounds miserable. dennis: no dude,  it’s not miserable.  well,  yeah it is a little bit.  but it has to be man !!  no pain no gain !!  i am also constantly in motion.  like right now ??  dude,  i am doing leg lifts that are imperceptable to the human eye.  call ‘em hummingbirds.  and although i seem relaxed,  i’m actually incredibly tense at all times.  a few moments later a doctor goes over mac and dennis’ medical test results doctor: well i see severe dehydration here,  multiple vitamin deficiencies,  anemia,  low blood pressure. dennis: mac,  i don’t want you to fret okay i’m gonna get you on my exercise program,  i’m gonna get you fit as a fiddle. doctor: no these … these are your results mister reynolds.  a few moments later,  dennis almost passes out and says he hasn’t eaten anything all day.

the high school reunion pt. 2: the gangs revenge,  s7e13 

dennis: yeah i’m wearing a little bit of makeup,  who doesn’t- tim murphy’s wife: and a girdle  dennis: yeah i wanted to seem thin for the occasion,  that’s not weird.

mac day,  s9e5

dennis,  while eating chips:  carbs wise this is gonna set me back but i don’t even give a shit.

dennis takes a mental health day, s16e8

dennis is trying to order a tea for himself but the employee at the boba tea shop informs him that he cannot order tea without boba. dennis: you know, so, I'll take the tea without the covert diabetes delivery mechanism, please.

#eating disorder // #ed // #ed behavior // #alcohol // #ask to tag. #introspection. #headcanon. #OKAY IM FINALLY DONE

[reallifemarvbruh]

NEW INTRO !!

hello and welcome.

this is my official new intro because the other one was waayy outdated.

people call me by a couple different things, those things being Zebruh, Travis, and Gamzee.

my pronouns are he/they and im a t4t trans dude.

THIS ACCOUNT IS AGELESS

if you have a problem with that then please see your way out. i post mainly dead dove content and nsfw concepts.

if youve made it this far then we can get into the good shit.

i am a fanfic writer and role player, specifically into dead dove and angsty porn although i do like fluff and normal shit.

i have been writing and role playing since i can remember and am pretty good at it.

im always open to role play or make new friends.

toxic yaoi<3

FANDOM

i am always online and am into fandom related spaces.

i enjoy

homestuck

hiveswap

sally face

warrior cats

boyfriend to death

your boyfriend

and many more.

this account is mostly homestuck and hiveswap with some other stuff mixed in.

i have been into fandoms ever since i can remember and it is literally what my life revolves around i love fandoms so much omg…

they give me life and help me through everything

I AM A ZEBRUH APOLOGIST

i love zebruh more then anything he totally didnt do anything wrong at all he deserves all the love and respect in the world no matter what. for sure.

i am a HUGE marvbruh shipper if you couldnt tell already, i will defend them until the day that i die.

if you dont like that then why are you here?

they are literally my babies and they are in love i dont want to hear a WORD about it.

marvus hypes up his loser boyfriend alright deal with it.

i am on a sinking ship and i am the captain.

WHAT ABOUT >>ME<<?

i am a freak beyond understanding. i am something otherworldly.

im a scenemo kid, i have black hair with side bangs and purple/blue raccoon tails.

i love music of all different kinds, mostly music thats about darker topics such as stalking, suicide, necro, cannibalism, age gaps, etc.

im also a rollercoaster enthusiast.

i have two cats that probably hate me but pretend to love me.

i have an awesome group of friends and THE BEST BOYFRIEND IN THE WORLD.

pray for him he puts up with my shit.

his blog is @dirtymaidpanties go give him love.

we’ve been together for four years and hes probably so tired of me posting and promoting him LOL i dont blame him im crazy.

i have a discord but youll have to beg on your hands and knees for it.

im a huge history and music nerd. i can talk about it for hours.

i have a myriad of mental health disorders.

i am hypersexual and have a porn addiction.

i love all fucked up characters.

bro, gamzee, cronus, it doesnt matter i love them all equally.

im also a furry.

and i cosplay.

!!!I HAVE NO DNI!!!

you can interact if youre anti, proship, or whatever else. our lives are too short to judge solely based off of one thing alone. if i dont like you ill just block you its that easy. plus dnis are dumb.

if you wanna yell at me for that i dont really care.

you guys are so judgmental its fucking crazy holy shit.

if you wanna make fun of me and be a bitch i wont block you though. that shit makes me horny i have a kink for that.

anyways bye kitties remember to support your local marvbruh fan.

pictures ehehee

i am literally zebruh guys i can confirm that marvus loves me very very very much hes my boyfriend

(he just doesnt know it yet)

#homestuck #hiveswap #hiveswap friendsim #gamzee makara #zebruh codakk #marvus xoloto #marvbruh #zebruh x marvus #introduction #intro post

[nerves-nebula]

"the actors don't like the ship it makes them uncomfortable!" yeah that does not and never has mattered. they're actors. they act as characters. they are not the characters themselves, they do not have a say in how you think of or portray the characters they act as. this is not real person fanfiction. Alex is just a homophobic creep.

anyway after talking to my friend i've decided to just tell you guys. the series i hate is The Mandela Catalogue. it's so shit. absolute garbage. Plays into every ableist trope in the book.

If you try to analyze the way characters are coded to be scary or creepy or "inhuman" it's 99% of the time just them being disabled or neurodivergent or some other marginalized identity.

the fascist undertones of the series are incredibly evident, from the stranger-danger propaganda being given at face value with no commentary on how fucked up it is to just say it's reasonable for you to shoot someone you think is an alternate/looks weird (are white people not aware of all the poc and disabled people who get shot and attacked cuz their existence is seen as threatening?)

the public announcement shit is literally fear mongering except it's in universe proven to be correct because the universe alex has created is an inherently fascist one where innocent white Christians and their innocent white children are under attack from Real Demons (where have i heard that one before)

the THINK principles are akin to a cults guideline. how is the scary thing here that there are weird looking people out there that will Say Scary Shit to you (the idea of an Unknowable Truth as it's alluded to in tmc is bullshit and one of the dumbest Monster powers I've ever heard of) instead of the fact that society is gonna collapse because this shit will make people paranoid as hell, and start shooting their neighbors. But no, that would make it a GOOD series with something INTERESTING to say.

OH and the fact that the enemies in the series are somehow supposed to Look Just Like You (they could be anyone!!) but also look biologically impossible (so many of the alternates + The intruder just look like disabled or disfigured people put through a scary filter)

and hey, while we're here, can we think of any other examples of tropes in media in which all of these apply to The Enemy?

looks very similar to REAL humans, so much so that they could fool you into thinking they ARE one! and yet are also somehow inherently biologically different in a way you are capable of figuring out just by looking at them.

has dark beady eyes and a hooked/big/prominent nose (thinking of the intruder specifically here)

Kidnaps your children for their own nefarious means (blood libel)

Kidnaps/corrupts your children by controlling the media/technology/TV screens.

Desire world domination/is part of some big conspiracy stretching far into the past

Guilty for the death (or in this instance possibly the replacement of) Jesus Christ

depicted as literal demons

Hint! it's antisemitism! it's always fucking antisemitism!!! Coming from a man who's main source of inspiration is his Christianity & mental health issues (though he doesn't seem to mind demonizing the symptoms of mental illnesses he hasn't had personal experience with) i'm not surprised! Though I am disappointed, because he supposedly wants to be a writer, and he doesn't seem very aware of any of the tropes he's propagating. like c'mon man, i thought you liked literature.

I could make another list exactly like that one but for ableism, but if i committed that hard then we'd be here all day.

Alex has even started using words like Degenerate/Degeneration in promotional material too (which if you know anything about fascist rhetoric is a bad sign) not to mention his weird behavior around queer headcanons/shipping and his tendency to mock people who read queer subtext into his work.

The only good things that come from the mandela catalogue are from the fandom but even the fandom can't stop talking about how SUBVERSIVE and UNIQUE it is when it's literally just regurgitated reactionary talking points. The fandom also loves reinforcing Alex's weird ass "no gay shipping" mandate.

like, he clearly doesn't mind the inclusion of romances. Adam had a girlfriend. what he says he minds is "sexualization" which just so happens to include every instance of two male characters looking at each other or holding hands (because being gay is inherently sexual to him, which is homophobic btw. not a "boundary")

i could write essays about how every little single aspect of this series is, thematically speaking, dogshit garbage which appeals to the majority and barely admits the rest of us exist (which i wouldnt even care about so much if people didn't act like this series was at all unique or subversive)

I've talked for fucking hours about how every time i think it can't get any worse it somehow does. i've barely touched on the ableism here, haven't even mentioned the racism OR how all the female characters are defined by their relations to the male characters.

ALL THIS. ALL THIS!!! And all you see about it is praise praise PRAISE. but guys. it's just BAD.

side note: if this post makes you feel the need to tell me why it's actually good: don't! i really dont care if you like it, good for you i guess. as far as i'm concerned the fans of it are the best part of the whole damn series (to be clear the fandom has its own problem but even then. it's generally fine) but it is NOT good source material.

#nnstuff #hateful webseries

[vermwerm]

very normal queenkaard headcanons 2/2

Subservient: prepared to obey others unquestioningly Less important; subordinate He has suspicious knowledge of chemicals He likes cats, and cats like him He strictly calls those off brand spiders (aka daddy long legs) “harvestmen” and refuses to use their more commonly known nameHe likes the number 34 for no particular reason He writes 7s like i do, weirdly He gives very “stick to the question” answers, a lot of people have constantly given him the “i dont care” when he adds extra information about a topic after answering someones question. He would smell vanilla extract and chug it The first few times Queen complimented him, Rou took it as a joke and awkwardly laughed it off bcuz he genuinely believed (technically believes) he didnt deserve such a thing from someone so superior to him If he had sugar tolerance he would love apple pie with vanilla ice cream He constantly has nightmares about when he almost entirely turned to stone He likes to ice skate, and he wears very specific figure skate shoes or whatever Rou, to try and desperately find purpose, makes it so that he can just be used and discarded at Darkners/Lightners leisure, Que tries to get him out of this habit, but occasionally(read: a lot of the time) he slips back into this habit of just being this useless object thats only there for a minimal amount of things He loves candles, his favorite scents are pumpkin and linen Hes very bad at typing, bcuz he has long nails Oh right i forgot to add on this list, that he has long nails, theyre naturally black :) He can wink but in the unsettling way He hates the words failure and mistake, theyve been used so often to refer to him he hates the way it comes out of peoples mouth He ironically likes the word error, not when referring to him but he likes the way its said and spelled Ok but what if he purred?? Is that too cringe? Well too bad i already have too many headcanons He uses mint flavored toothpaste cuz hes boring Im gonna slap a “you tried” star sticker on his big ass fucking forehead Rou would either have a very flowy silk gown or steal queens clothes to go to bed, no inbetweens Why do i imagine this senario where swatch gets all up in rous face but bcuz king is a fucking dickhead he has a flight or fight response and punches swatch He is very starved for positive affection… so when Que complimented him for the first time he put it off and saw it as a joke yes, but he started wanting to hang out with her more because of said compliments (also he had the biggest crush on her, like he still has the feelings too, but theyre just dating now yippee!!) Yeah he has mommy issues He immediately got tired of the “trans-parent” joke, in general he just doesnt like puns (skill issue) He always gets really happy when Queen compliments him He had this short period of time dating Queen where he would kind of just exist as a yesman to everything Him and lancer both would like the rainbow slug (if you know you know) He can draw, if you peaked in his sketchbook itd be entirely bugs and a lot of Queens He loves iridescent fabric and when he finally decides to sew he likes using the fabric he has to make outfits that fit the iridescent clothing he already has (i hate this wording what the fuck) He kind of likes, sea salt and vinegar, chips He hates the fat on meat and has to spit it out or else he will lose his appetite He sometimes just soaks in a bathtub for too long, i also imagine his weird slime skin is sponge like. Ok maybe ill remove the sponge aspect that was a joke brought on by the question of if he could mold Child rou gives “mom i frew up” vibes His voice claim is the vocaloid voicebank Kevin, a good song is UNCANNY by GHOST/Ghost and Pals :) He probably calls spoiled milk “vintage milk” Rou probably did that bobbin lacing thing, but he dropped that hobby in his 20s

Que

Queen is very warm at all times,very huggable She can cook and is very good at it She loves mistranslated shirts, and has set out to get as many as she can I do maybe fully believe that she would half ironically half unironically call Rouxls “babygirl” Queen has. Good posture Yeah she does his makeup She gives Rou, forehead kisses, or just in general a lot of positive affection She makes the best food, ever She paints Rous nails sometimes She very much constantly compliments Rou My biggest flex is unintentionally predicting AI art /hj; i think that Que cant properly create art and can only really copy or take parts of other peoples art and mash it into one, she can also perfectly replicate art. She draws like a printer too She very easily gets tricked by optical illusions I feel like she would say “holy fuck, holy fucking fuck, that body of yours is absurd” to Rou at least twice

#queen deltarune #rouxls kaard #deltarune #deltarune headcanons #aueue #queenkaard

[pacifymebby]

Does anybody have any tips when you feeling anxious?? ❤️

Sorry to hear that you are feeling anxious my lovely, sending you a big hug.

I am a girlie who gets anxious all the time about different things in different ways so I'll try to give you different coping strategies!!

If you feel anxiety really physically some quick tips are

🐇 breathing exercises, take yourself somewhere quiet, get as close to the floor as you can (I lie on my back if I can) and close your eyes, breath in to the count of four, hold for seven and then out for eight. I count on my fingers for an extra level of grounding and do this until my bones/chest ache less or feel less tight. Usually the first couple of breaths give you this sinking into the ground feeling which can be quite nice.

🌸 go somewhere with some space and literally shake or jump it out, sometimes anxiety manifests itself as a deep physical tension in your muscles and an extreme restlessness at the same time. Having a big old shake/wiggle/jump can really really help. They say exercise can help to regulate anxiety but honestly you don't have to go to the gym or a big long run, 30 seconds of wiggling and loosening up will do it for you.

🐇 in the same vibes my boyfriend really likes to go and scream somewhere, I cannot do this I hate loud noise and I hate making loud noises lol but it works for him he likes to do a big John Lennon esque scream from time to time.

🌸 if you can find someone who will give you a big tight hug let them squeeze the anxiety out of you, if you can't weighted blankets and that sort of thing do the trick too.

🐇 change something to do with one of your senses, you could listen to music, use aromatherapy (or go and sniff one of the spices in your cupboard for s bit whatever) chew gum or peppercorns (they give this as advice for if you're too stoned but the principle is the same!) Anything that has a strong sensory experience attached to it will work to ground you in the moment and settle your body. This is why ice baths and also saunas can help with anxiety, or why taking yourself from a dark room into a light one or the opposite way around can really bring you out of a negative mindset.

🌸 None of the above are going to cure anxiety but they help to ground you and soothe the physical anxiety sensations.

Now

🪽 you can either do these by writing in a journal or talking to a friend but,

🌸 how do you feel? Is it physical (sick/shakey/exhausted/overstimulated/numb) is it more in your head (racing thoughts? Circling/spiraling/repeated thoughts?) Can you pin point things you're anxious about or that are making you feel insecure in some way?

🪽 so you write all of that down, you write down the reasons you feel that way or you just scribble whatever and write random words that come to mind or pictures if you can't pinpoint or put it into words.

🌸 If there's specific things overwhelming you or that you're anxious about ask yourself what about those things is making you anxious? (Do you think you're going to embarrass yourself, do you think people won't like you etc..)

🪽 now this bit sounds silly and ill try to give you an example to make it make some sense but you have to then write the "realistic" outcome, not necessarily an overwhelmingly positive one, just mundane, what do you know logically is more likely to happen

🌸 for example I did this with a friend last week, I was anxious about going to an open mic on my own and was going to stay home instead because

- I was worried no one would talk to me, that the people who know me would ignore me in favour of their better friends, that people would judge me for being there on my own

- realistically however and drawing from past experiences I could reason with myself that a) other people go on their own all the time and no one judges them, I don't judge them etc, b) people always say hello to me when I'm on my own, I know people I can say hi to and talk to etc c) those people aren't going to suddenly ignore me when they never have before.

- then I went and everything was fine people invited me to sit with them I even made new friends. So when I got home I completed stage three of this by reflecting on my anxieties and comparing them to what actually happened.

🪽 its a very long term strategy but I find that it really helps me in certain situations that feel big and scary.

🌸 if I'm overwhelmed in life and that's giving me a more vague anxiety, impending but vague doom anxiety as I like to call it, I try and write a list of all the things I've been ignoring, bills to pay, chores, the ailments that need seeing to, people o need to text back, dishes to be done, books I wanted to read etc... I make a big long list and then I make a plan for the ones that are multi step and I just try and cross each thing off one by one starting with the smallest or the most important tasks first, if a bill needs paying in the next few days for example then that gets done straight away. With each thing you get done you feel better and more capable of doing the rest.

🪽 connect with nature somehow, literally touch grass, press your hand to a tree trunk, stare up into tree branches, breathe in outside air, pet a dog or cat or horse whatever. Go stand in the sea/ a river if you're near one...

🌸 a warm drink and breath the steam in?

🪽 a big big thing I think is talking to people, open up to someone you trust even if all they can do is offer distraction or a hug or a smile.

🌸 really though I find that whereas depression and heartbreak and panic attacks and things like that require a lot of distraction techniques the best way to deal with anxiety is to face it head on, address the things making you feel that way and take action, even the smallest step towards fixing a problem can help.

🪽 if it's something like hangover anxiety or anxiety from having socialised too much or something this is a bit different and then I'd say you should try the physical approaches or distraction techniques like reading a book or listening to music or video gaming or something better.

🌸 something I would say about that though is like, don't just read, read AND listen to music, video game with the sound up, watch a movie and crochet or do something with your hands that requires concentration... Engage more than one of the senses to keep your brain from circling. In this instance games like Tetris and snake or guitar hero/Arcaea are all very effective.

If anyone sees this and wants to offer their own thoughts reblog with them and I'll reblog them back into my tl for anon xxx

#look at me giving advice

[jadevine]

Unreal Unearth reactions!

While I got stuck on "First Time" for a few hours, I am baffled at how people seem to think the album's "too bluesy." This dude has ALWAYS done at least one folk/blues song per album. Are people just mad because he's not doing more "IRISH BOG MAN" songs?

I made the naive decision to look at some reviews of Unreal Unearth, which lasted until I read a review where the person said it's a weak album where he now sounds "normal/pop" and "defanged" except for two songs.

You know what this sounds like to me as an artist? Like he's playing with styles. If I really had to lock down a "theme" to the album, I find it more pop-standard or wartime-music than anything else, and his melodies and octave-stretching are never going to be "regular music."

Behind the cut for length.

--

-De Selby Part 1 - lovely way to start the album, but it might be too quiet for some. This is the kind of song I'd put on when I need to decompress and potentially fall asleep, which is a really good compliment from my high-strung and insomniac ass.

Gonna look up the posts from fans about what the Irish verses say, but I will talk about Shared Colonization Issues in Butchered Tongue. Lovely song, but I think its placement was off as one of the quietest tracks. I would have put this and "De Selby Part 2" with Butchered Tongue and made another song the first track, so people get warmed up.

--

-De Selby Part 2 - most definitely a callback to his soul sound, but with the bass and electric bits, it starts to feel more like motown or funk. Very dark and almost grungy bass, and I like it. This is a song that people would ask to use for a movie's climax, or for a big-money episode of a TV show--a season-finale, a long-awaited fight, or even the end of the show.

--

-First Time - my immediate favorite. GET READY FOR AN ESSAY, LOL. So I think Andrew's voice is perfect for big-band/swing and it feels like a follow-up to "Someone New" on his debut album. Andrew has the high notes, the low notes, and the flexibility to pull off jazz melodies, so this is just a really nice song for him to do some big vocal/melody stretches. If anyone knows the cover-band Postmodern Jukebox where they cover songs in old-time styles, covering "First Time" would be redundant unless they specifically rework it in the least jazzy style, BUT!!! I think PMJ would do a fantastic collaboration if they just get all their musicians and singers to back up Hozier!

In true Hozier style, this song is adorable and yet the lyrics talk about severe depression, with how the singer used to hate hearing people say his name and his actual soul was miserable.

Remember once I told you about How before I heard it from your mouth My name would always hit my ears as such an awful sound And the soul, if that's what you'd call it Uneasy ally of the body, it felt nameless as a river Undiscovered underground

And the first time that you kissed me I drank dry the River Lethe The Liffey would have been softer on my stomach all the same But you spoke some quick new music That went so far to soothe this soul As it was and ever shall be, unearth without a name

When you take it literally, this gives me a lot of Filipino Spirituality Feelings. Our souls are said to wander when we 1) sleep, 2) get the shit scared out of us WHILE we sleep (such as a nightmare), 3) go hiking in the wilderness and our soul gets distracted and forgets to catch up, and 4) are possibly ill/stressed in general, because I thinnnnnnk some people believe certain illnesses are a sign of poor spiritual health. Do not take my word, though.

Normally we can just call our souls back because souls LIKE staying near their bodies--but like children, you gotta keep an eye on them. If your soul is too far away or if they stay out too long, they risk getting lost and/or kidnapped by a witch.

That's usually when your local folk-healer, relative-who-deals-with-the-spirits, or a GOOD witch has to do a reverse-exorcism/gang interrogation. I say "gang interrogation" because a lot of times, people start magically injuring you with special items, and that would actually be hurting THE WITCH wherever they are, which forces them to stop and give your soul back.

So Filipino Hozier's soul has been wandering beneath the earth, in the aquifers and caves and deep rivers, and he can't get it to come back. His family would be calling their relative-who-deals-with-the-spirits because "hey Tito/Tita, we think Kuya Hozier's soul got kidnapped! He's always miserable, and we don't know why!" until Significant Other arrives and the song gets Much, Much Happier.

"First Time" is a fucking adorable bop. It's peppy and I want to frolic on the beach! The chorus is also PRIME "misaimed wedding playlist" bait for people who don't listen to the rest of the lyrics.

Some part of me must have died The first time that you called me, "Baby" And some part of me came alive The first time that you called me, "Baby."

Like FUCK, this chorus is lovely. So pleasant and full of sunshine. But the rest of the song is bittersweet because uh, the couple has clearly broken up at the end. The singer does understand that this is life and you just gotta take the good with the bad.

I love Andrew's vocalizing from earlier albums, so I'm surprised he barely did any in a song that clearly harkens to jazz. But the melody roams a lot, so he might have thought scat-singing was too much for now. If he does this live, I am begging Future-Hozier to cut loose and improvise between the verses.

--

-Butchered Tongue - Another great song, but for the least-fun reasons. Time for severe mood-whiplash, as TV Tropes says. FILIPINO COLONIZATION FEELINGS AHOY.

This song is devastating, as a Filipino-American who enjoys languages but cannot speak her family's language (Tagalog) much better than a five-year-old.

Many people have the mistaken belief that Tagalog is "half/mostly Spanish," but IT MOST CERTAINLY IS NOT. Back in the 1500s, the only people who were guaranteed to know Spanish on the islands were the Spanish-born/descended nobles, their servants, and the monasteries, and that was like the top 10% of society if not less. The closest we got was the Chavacano creole, and it still used a lot of Austronesian grammar and reduplication.

I also used to think Tagalog was half-Spanish, but that lasted right up until I tried to watch "Like Water For Chocolate" without the English subtitles, lmao. I'm pretty sure I only understand as much Spanish as I do because I live in California, which used to be Mexico. Sure, Tagalog borrowed some basic Spanish words like basura, caballo, and kumusta, but we still have native equivalents like "taponan," "kuda," or "magandang araw/gabi." The bulk of our language is still firmly Austronesian and when I was growing up, I usually heard people call Tagalog "ugly" or "weird."

So we didn't learn much Spanish, but guess which colonizer DID impose their language on us so they could "civilize" us for the modern world? AMERICA, THAT'S WHO!

My parents didn't teach me Tagalog when I was young because they didn't want me to grow up with an accent, and this is a problem as a struggling writer. Here I am, trying to incorporate Filipino mythology and language into my work--but while I understand Tagalog and I know how to read words/names, I can't actually SPEAK IT in a conversation unless it's really basic, and I still sound like a five-year-old. I have to rely on online Tagalog translators for a lot, and I'm never really sure if the grammar is right, or if the words are actually Bisayan or Ilokano because the dictionary I used is operating with the "Filipino language" that isn't properly Tagalog, but a mishmash of drastically different languages.

Some Filipinos from the homeland mock the diaspora for not being able to speak our languages well, and they usually say we're "not really Filipino" or "not Filipino enough." I have gotten a couple of comments wondering why I bother to learn baybayin, if I barely know what I'm actually WRITING in it.

As a Filipino-American, the impression that I get from Butchered Tongue is, "The language barrier forced on you by colonizers has swept you away from your ancestors/family like a great wave. You yearn to go back home and speak your family's language, but the damage is done; there is no one left to teach you, or nobody who WANTS to teach you. Is there really a place you can call 'home' if neither your colonizers nor your people accept you as theirs?"

People often feel that their voice changes when they switch languages, and I wonder what I'd sound like if I could speak GOOD Tagalog. But instead I stumble around with my childish speaking abilities trapped behind decent reading skills and baybayin, and sometimes it feels like I got my tongue cut off.

If you asked me to speak Tagalog right now, you will hear the gears turning in my head, and I'm always worried that I'll butcher it. If I think too hard, I will panic and forget the words for basic body parts, or how to count to ten properly.

A+ song about Ireland's colonization. If this was the only good song in this album, Unreal Unearth would be worth it. You did it again, you fucking giant Irishman.

#unreal unearth #hozier #filipino american #colonization #butchered tongue

[xherry7816]

not 2 brag but ive offically reach 100 likes YIPPIE !!!!

anyways i thought abt the thiefKAI au (gosh i hate KAI so mcuh hes always in my head) and i tried 2 make like drawing 4 it.

so basically if this was a long au i think itd start, yk, at the start so at the time KAIs just starting out but like gaining traction from society or whatever

so these are what i had in mind for like his og look, i gave him this fat hood bc A, i cant draw hoods and B, i think he looks silly (in a good way) erm and his shirt reached to just under the crotch. gosh erm i didnt like saying that, can i say upper middle thigh reigion ?? uhhh yeah. OH and the question is raised oh yeab sure its makes sense he could have become a thief because he needs food and supplies for him and NYA but why is he becoming some big scale infamous theif ?? thank you fot asking and well my answer is GARMADON (aaaahh!!) or some other large scale villain hiring KAI to steal all this expensive important stuff to yk exchange for money. the villain gets to progress with thier evil scheme and KAI, who is yk oblivious, gets money from it - win win situation.

i was thinking about giving well known better off more successful theifKAI to be wearing an oni mask, yk the full coverage and cool power boost (specifically the mask of hatred because it turns u all lava-y and how the color ourple is associated with royaltly and therefore the wealth and expense KAI loathed for in childhood which i think would be a nice way 2 tie it all together) but idk if that made him too OPish if yk what i mean but then again its not like hes in awarw of the other two masks, not that he'd go on a quest for them unless he knew they were valuable so maybe i will give him the mask.

and o my dear friends you may wonder AA WHAT ABOUT NYA ??? FEAR NOT compadre for i have a plan for him HOHO. so obviously NYA isnt oblivious to her brother's job shenanigans but hes kept enough of it away from her that she doesnt have enough of the pieces to put it all together so basically he has no idea whats goinf on with her brother. however NYA does manage to grow up somewhat comfortably and she manages to secure his place quite high in BORG.INC, aha saying INC kinda makes it sound evil. in this way she gets acquainted with PIXAL, ZANE and JAY who are during this time all ninja bc yk BORG stuff. btw we are moving this all into an au where the world turns out somehwat the same even without KAI just so i dont have to imagine the whole word differently bc thatd be hard and id make plenty of inconsistencies. ANYWYAS theyre all friends which is cool however NYA has a secret identity, ull never guess it,,,, SAMURAI X whoo !!!! SAMURAIX is a solo vigilante that not only stops crime but sometimes teams up with the NINJA (whos identies are secret) to fight bigger gangs.

everyone gets acquainted during one of KAIs heists where hes tryna steal, idk a golden weapon because theyv all been dug up and put on display in old rich peoples homes. i feel KAI is more on the stealth side of things but once he engages into battle he likes to be a little eccentric but cornered hes awfully angsty. this is indeed still and elemental master au! however KAI and NYA have not yet realised they can will the elements.

ill stop drawing KAI now i need 2 draw the other members, its literally been months since ive drawn LLOYD and ive never drawn PIXAL,,, someone please take this au i want 2 see something be done witj it TT

#ninjago #kai ninjago #lego ninjago #nya ninjago #ninjago au #ninjago lloyd #zane ninjago #jay ninjago #ninjago fanfiction #pixal ninjago #ninjago fanart

[angelcloves]

I'm not saying that Caleb is a saint or anything, but laying all of Philip's later actions at his feet because he "left his little brother behind" is uh, yeah…

Not a good take. I don't normally like to assume this of people, but it sounds pretty victim blame-y to me. Sorry, Anon.

Philip had the right to be upset that Caleb "left him".

(Although my personal way of looking at it is comparing it to what Luz did at the start of TOH. She was tired of her life. It was seemingly going downhill, in a direction that she very much did not want it to take. So when an opportunity to "escape" and run around a PG13 fantasy land instead appeared, of course she took it. Luz loves her mom, she never intended to permanently stay in the BI's. But circumstances prevented her from returning to the human world in a timely matter. I truly think something similar is what happened with Caleb when he went to the BI's)

Philip had the right to be dearly worried for Caleb's safety given that his big brother was last seen in the company of a witch and Philip had been raised to fear and hate witches for what they can do.

I'll make the argument that Philip even had the right to give Caleb a piece of his mind when he saw him in (presumed) domestic bliss with Evelyn.

(I think anybody would if they spent ages terrified for a family members' safety, only to find them happy as a clam with their "captors" later on!)

Philip did not have the right to murder his own brother. Full stop. Nothing Caleb did justified Philip stealing his own life from him. Nothing could ever justify something as drastic as that!

We don't know the specifics of what exactly went down. We don't know if Philip tried to murder Evelyn first or if he was the one who started the fire blazing in the background during the Wittebane Brothers final fight.

But we do know that Philip was cursed prior to finding his brother and Evelyn again. Given what we know regarding the nature of his curse...

Yeah, I don't think Horse Boy was living a good little "Christian" life in the BI's even before he murdered his own brother.

Philip's distressing childhood only justifies so much. Yes, he was raised to hunt witches. But when given the opportunity to live amongst them, when shown that they aren't monsters, they're just people, honestly not all that different from him and his brother...

He still choose to harm them.

Philip made his own choices in the end, full stop. He had countless opportunities to not fall back on his childhood teachings, but he always did. Even at the very end of his life, he went out insisting that witches were inherently evil and human were always good. He sealed his own fate in the end, Caleb had nothing to do with that.

YOU GET IT. ill admit my word choice in the initial answer wasnt ideal but caleb didnt run away thinking 'fuck my idiot brother cant stand that guy' he ran away because he was most likely MISERABLE in gravesfield and had the opportunity to be loved and appreciated for who he was and was able to unlearn everything that his society forced onto him. i feel like i have to say this all the time but caleb was just some guy. and he made an impulsive decision that he wasnt able to reverse. he wasnt evil for wanting to live a fulfilling life in a place that loved him. philip chose to let himself stay mad for centuries and saw treachery where there was none. you cannot in good faith put the blame on caleb when all he did was take his chance to live and have it get yanked away from him entirely too soon

[monstertsunami]

okay i cannot for the life of me remember the names of the pafl people (i am. bad at names. as evidenced by me not having one) so gimmie the pafl ship you've got Brainworms about right now. not in the sense of love or hate, but the one that just has a specific rant locked n loaded for and which leaves you awake at night.

HI HIII IDC THAT YOU DONT KNOW THEIR NAMES IM JUST SO HAPPY THAT YOURE SENDING ME AN ASK ABT MY FIXATION DESPITE KNOWING NOTHING ABOUT IT <333<3333<3

temnova/olya would be way too obvious for this SO instead im gonna ramble abt sergei/olya my favorite ever (so-called) m/f ship<3<3

forgive me in advance for fumbling my analysis bc words do not come to me well n settling with the second-best word choice always ends up skewing the meaning.. i am also not good at organizing my thoughts at all lol :p

sergolya (made up the ship name myself bc idk if theres a widley used one oops) is a canon ship and thats why its GOOOD. bc pafl is like. REALISTIC and not in the annoying nihilistic grimdark way but just in the way that the characters feel so natural with how they interact with each other and the world and how they react to situations and how situations effect them... its just. real as fuck. absolutely insane skill on ferry's part. but this is REALLY GOOD for every pafl relationship, romantic or not, because they're complex.

sergei and olya have a flawed relationship! theres a lack of communication, sergei being sergei, olya being olya, etc. but its still so so obvious that they love each other DEEPLY! maybe olya's blinded by her insecurities and maybe sergei doesnt externalize it in an obvious way, but when you look even an inch deep into their motivations throughout the entire story, especially when they make poor decisions, its just intertwined with their love for each other.

now where sergolya REALLY gets developed is in The Mill, which specifically touches on olya's insecurities and sergei's overbearing-ness. yes this is why its my favorite pafl song :3

olya appears stoic and logical, she never looks affected by anything, she is taking a fucking prison sentence with stride. but shes still a very emotional person at heart, shown by her affection towards anya, some random kid that keeps following her home, and her getting so attatched to a mutant that she puts herself at risk to keep him safe. all very illogical, emotion driven actions that you wouldnt expect from her based on her external disposition. olya is not as untouchable as she lets off, and she is especially deeply affected by nikita's view of her. (even before kolya's death he was an asshole. fucking misogynist) she cant help but take nikita's harsh words to heart, and that effects her and sergei's relationship. she's terribly afraid of opening up to him in fear that he will leave her the same as nikita left nadya, and has trouble internalizing and accepting the love he expresses to her. she desperately wants to ask for some reassurance, some promise that he wouldnt one day just decide that shes too much of a burden, that shes not worth it anymore, and abandon her. she DESPERATELY wants him to love her, but she just cant accept that he already does love her for herself.

"ill draw a circle in the sand / drive myself around the bend / in a desperate attempt to hold onto your battered hand"

now this is where the dramatic irony comes in. because seeing his internal monologue in the mill, the same song where olya was lamenting about all that, it is very very obvious that he cares so deeply for olya. now sergei has his issue with being overbearing and overprotective when it comes to those he loves, sheltering sanya to the point where she acts out and befriends yura. its his primary flaw, but god if it isnt the most prominent indicator of sergei's attachment to a person. once you know that about him and how he expresses those types of emotions, he practically wears his heart on his sleeve. he wants what he thinks is best for her and sanya and he really DOES care so so much about them both but he doesnt stop to think and its so. oh my god i just love them both so much u dont understand.

"now my only hope is that one day youll understand / ill wrap the chain round my heart and her hammering neck / and save whats left / though i know that someday this weight will come to break my back"

just the way that sergei and olya have such similar problems that manifest in different ways to affect their relationship. olya masks her emotions bc of experiences with misogyny and shes trying to be a Strong Woman and.. sergei masks his bc the environment he grew up in (& his own experiences and traumas) fostering toxic masculinity(???) and poor coping mechanisms. and so its this ouroboros of poor comminication because sergei doesnt know how to show olya he loves her and he doesnt even know thst she needs that because she wont TELL him and then SHE goes on to think that sergeis percieved indifference is his lack of affection and CONTINUES not telling him out of fear of rejection. i. UGH. these two are destroying my mind

thanks for reading if u got this far. have my favorite official sergolya doodles

(i could write an extra essay on my thoughts abt these doodles specifically as well but ill spare you<3)

#:3 #sorry this took 4 ever to answer i had to find time to sit down and write this all #BUT I AM SOO HAPPY THAT UR INDULGING ME IN MY WEIRD INTERESTS THAT U KNOW NOTHING ABT #SQUEE #sergei #olya #boss makes a dollar i make a dime thats why i answer asks on company time #pafl #schziobabble #long enough to go in my talk tag

[ofmermaidstories]

really appreciate the effort that u put into making reader as gender neutral as you can- and how u don’t add descriptions to how reader looks. i cant tell you how many times i’ve had to stop reading an x reader fic that mentioned reader having blue or green eyes, blonde hair, etc. (or when they describe reader as being paper thin). like yeah some people do have those features but NOT everyone…and the ppl who don’t have green eyes and blonde hair (etc) features wanna be included in x reader fics too u know? anyway. yeah. thanks. <3 love your writing btw!!!! 😅

LOL, hi! i will continue to try my (very human) best with the neutrality. 🌷 it’s the charm of the x Reader niche! neutrality with personal descriptors—because you’re trying to cater for as much of the audience as you can, within whatever role you’re giving the Reader in your fic! whether that’s assigning them as a trope like a Pro Hero, or a Childhood Friend, or giving them a specific background that’s important (and informing) to their identity and thus their experience of the world at large—like a POC, or being plus-sized, or living with a disability. Going through a illness, or a life-changing event—idk, i think these are all types of specificities that add more nuance and fun to a piece without dictating a Reader’s shoe-size.

because!! this is the thing!!! specificities are fun—but they’re fun when they’re insertable. humans are at once emphatic and selfish, LOL; we can imagine losing our entire town in a war, or our mother in a tragic building collapse, or being marginalised in a way that we might not otherwise be—but mention we go through all that and that we have piercing amethyst (non-Quirked) eyes at the same time? eh… LOL.

i consider x Reader fics to be their own genre, with their own genre-rules. second-person pov, scant personal descriptions, etc etc. and because i find it fun, i give myself extra rules (it’s fun to me!!!!! reeee!!!!!!!)—like, for instance, there are certain words i either won’t use to describe our Reader or our Reader’s actions, or will use sparingly, depending on the context: like pretty. giggle. delicate. curvy. jeans!!! (i personally think they can be indicative of a size range, depending on how Reader is wearing them, but maybe that’s me projecting bc i hate jeans and i wish they had never been invented <3) just stuff like that! stuff that makes me pause and go, hmm, okay, what kind of person/image is this suggesting to me? using second-person POV to write in gives you so much like, room to play with, when it comes to describing how someone might view themselves/be viewed by others. especially with a romance, where all we want is to be seen! it’s a great opportunity to be like, okay, maybe i don’t want to be seen for how prettily i can giggle—maybe i want to be seen for how easily i laugh with other people.

however,,,, (and this is a big however) i (me, merms) do think that i (again, me, merms) can say this stuff simply because writing with those aforementioned rules makes writing these x Reader fics in general more fun for me (merms). and it’s fun for me because i’ve had my amethyst-eyed, white-haired character days. when i’m not working on fics, i’m busy chipping away at my original fiction, third person, where we have green-eyed skinny blonds and curvy girls with long wavy dark hair like—any and all need for description i have, i get it out in other ways LOL. which means i can afford to approach x Reader fics as a different type of challenge. i would never begrudge (the often younger) writers who are here because it’s fun, and want to write about a Y/N who has amethyst eyes and white hair. Y/N has always, always been their own character—the specificities we give them (or don’t) has always just been in service of making it easier to project onto them. an adventure is an adventure, and at the end of the day it doesn’t matter the cloak we’re wearing for it—as long as we get to the end of it safely. 🌷💕📖

#ofmermaidstories-asks #oof sorry anon ur ask kind of unleashed some thoughts i didn’t mean to use it as a jumping off pad LOL #thank-u for the thought-provoking ask tho 💕 #call me by y/n: in defense of the self-insert

[andro-dino]

(shakign) kyoya

yk I totally thought I did him the first time around but I didn’t

anyways KYOYAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! MY OG FAV!!!!!!!!!! He was my favorite in second grade bro I’ve always been mentally ill abt him. He was my favorite for a while before Zeo beat him out but he is still my 2nd fav <3 (I’m sure he would hate to hear that lmao)

I will say, I think Kyoya was the best character of fusion but afterwards, his writing went downhill imma be real with you. Masters he felt a little one dimensional at times (though I do love him and wild fang) but then fury,,,,, I wanted to punch him the whole time FURY COMPLETELY MASSACRED HIM I STAND BY THAT. HE WAS WAY MORE OF AN ASSHOLE THAT WHOLE SEASON THAN HE HAD ANY RIGHT BEING AND IT MAKES ME SO UPSET. ESPECIALLY BECAUSE THERE WAS LIKE,,, VERY LITTLE REACTION FROM OTHER CHARACTERS AND ARGRGRGGGRGR IT WAS SO FRUSTRATING. I wanted Nile to go apeshit on him so badly you have no idea. He deserved to.

Ok I just needed to get that out of my system NOW TO WHAT I ACTUALLY LIKE ABOUT HIM

First of all, his development in Fusion was just chefs kiss. SO GOOD. I think about it constantly. I cant even put it into words but like. Seeing him at the start of fusion, then to be manipulated by doji and seeing him hit rock bottom, lashing out at everyone was just,,,, hrrrnendnrn. His early development especially tied in with benkei was so good because like, even though he was still a bad guy, we see that he wasn’t like, horrible. Like in Benkeis flashback to when they first met, Kyoya isn’t completely one sided at the start. He’s a strong, determined character, and he has a great respect for the people who earn it and I love that. But after doji, seeing the way he completely breaks and goes off the walls, and specifically how he abandons and hurts benkei is so heartbreaking. I feel like you can tell where his character is at any given moment based on how he treats benkei and that really peaks there. His development though, his realization that he is worthy of forgiveness after everything and is allowed to be friends with others and build those friendly bonds is just so good. He’s such a passionate person and even though he still is snappy and standoffish, he still has that softness that he’s willing to show. He really does just feel like an angsty teen most of the time. He wants to be aggressive and hate everything and everyone but his genuine passion and care for others comes out too much for him to be able to fully put that front on. I love how much characters help him and how he helps them in turn. He’s flawed and aggressive but at his core, hes an extremely passionate and honorable person and many of the other characters can see that. I’ve been mentioning this a lot lately, but I specifically love his dynamic with Tsubasa in fusion and battle bladers specifically. It frustrates him to see someone like Tsubasa not put his whole heart into beyblade and goddammit he tells him that straight up. He ignites that passion in Tsubasa and clearly enjoys seeing it and oh my goshshshhsbdndbdbcnfjd I love them so much

AND THATS ONLY TALKING ABOUT FUSION. I don’t have as much to say about him in masters because as I said, I think his character started falling a little flat here, but he still shined a lot. I think this more than ever showed how passionate he truly is and that really comes forward when he puts his all into everything, especially his eventual fight with Gingka. Him coming back at the end was really nice and I forever appreciate that one line he has about the incompetence of adults lmao.

And of course, the real star of the show here for me, HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH NILE. MY GOD I AM SO ILL ABOUT THEM. They’re bond is immediately built on a strong mutual respect for each other and honestly it is incredible how instantly they click. With so many other characters, there was at least a little bit of animosity at first between them, but besides a brief moment where he thinks Nile is going to run away from battles, they get along INSTANTLY. Nile matches Kyoya’s energy so perfectly and they just go together so well. I also love how much pride Kyoya holds in Nile. Like, when Nile battles Masamune, Kyoya absolutely lights up. He’s so riled up to see someone who he knows is incredible and strong really get to put that on display and every time in that battle it cuts back to him, he just has the biggest, proudest smile and I think that’s just beautiful. I love how well these two mesh together and that is why it gets especially frustrating in fury when Kyoya says he doesn’t work with anyone and blah blah blah RIGHT IN FRONT OF NILE AND NILE DOESNT EVEN SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IT. I just want more of them dude they’re so good together.

#mfb #kyoya tategami #thank you so much for asking about him reyes I needed to get this out #also I’m realizing that I talked a fair amount about every character I ship him with except Hyoma so I’ve gotta give him a little justice #they’re dynamic is so silly to me #there’s so much passive aggression and animosity towards each other from both of them at first #and I feel like Kyoya ESPECIALLY wanted to hate Hyoma even after everything was explained #but he just couldn’t #he was forced to like Hyoma eventually and by god he wishes he didn’t #they are so funny I just love them so much #they are in love whether Kyoya likes it or not

[not-poignant]

hi pia! you recommended a while ago to an anon to try finding an international therapist for telehealth appointments but uh.... how does one go about doing that lol. please share any advice or websites or what have you?

Tbh this is such a huge subject, because like, there are very generalised websites for online therapy (like Betterhelp etc.) but I don't know what mental illness/es you have, what modalities you need or respond to, and for the best possible help you're going to need to research based on the illness/es you know (or think) you have and what methods might help you the most, and then go from there.

There are very sort of generic sites if you just want to talk to someone in general, and you can literally just search 'online therapy' for that. But if you actually want to find a specific therapist that's better suited to your needs, you will actually need to cater your searches to your specific issues. My friend who is doing telehealth with someone in Romania (and my friend is in Australia) didn't do a generic search, they looked for someone specifically suited to their combination of issues, who offered help and assistance in specific ways that suited them (i.e. fandom familiar - so that didn't need to be explained, queer, and so on).

Sometimes it comes about through word of mouth, such as asking on Discord/s or via circles of online friends if they know of any good therapists for specific things offering telehealth. But a lot of the time it's information gathering on your own circumstances first (i.e. what do you need / want in a therapist?) and then going from there.

If you have absolutely no idea what you need/want from a therapist, have no idea what your issues are, or what would help you. You could start off with a more general service first, like BetterHelp or TalkSpace, but most of the therapists through there don't get paid very well, so you don't always get very good service (but hey, sometimes you do, and it might be enough for what you need!)

Also, if I Google websites for online therapy, 90% of those results are Australia specific. I don't know what country you're in. But I do know how oversaturated and expensive Australian therapists are right now, so I'd be wary of recommending those sites to you, lol. Unfortunately there's some things where you either need to go to more general sites which can be quite easily found by searching things like 'online therapy' on Google, or you'll need to dive down and spend some time thinking about your diagnoses, what sort of assistance you want or hope for, and start to look from there.

As someone who has had to go through the process to find two local mental healthcare specialists recently, it still took hours of research online to find them (especially the psychiatrist - which also took several months, with a few hours put aside each time, because I was knocked back quite a bit due to the complexity of my case).

But your mental health deserves hours of your time and care, so it's worth putting that in and starting to get a collection of sites and information that might be useful.

Once you know your mental illness/es and the modalities you like or don't like (for example: knowing you love dialectical behaviour therapy, but hate EMDR), you can then search for lists of therapists in different countries. Almost every country does have centralised lists or databases of psychotherapists, psychologists, mental health social workers and more. Some even have databases based on specific modalities (like for example, there are databases in Australia of people accredited to offer trauma yoga, or intuitive eating support, or expressive therapies).

But as you can probably tell from my answer, it's can be complex! But if you want something simple - you can always go to the more general spaces until you find something that suits you better.

#asks and answers #personal #dodgy advice #i've spent like hours looking for therapists on behalf of other people #when i know their country #their illnesses #their specific needs re: modalities #it's time you deserve to give yourself while learning about this #there is sadly no general database of 'online therapists from all around the world' #even though there are online therapy organisations #and thousands of therapists that work online

[paimonial-rage]

i've never used ff.net before, but i get that feeling of people interacting with your fic from ages ago. i used to write on wattpad and i occasionally get emails of activity. boggles my mind.

i love Sharing A Drink They Call Loneliness. the title itself is already chef's kiss. i mentioned in my tags that reader is a great foil for zhongli. teaching him that a life forgotten is not a life wasted is so interesting, especially for someone who lived for thousands of years and has mentioned concerns of stories being lost to time. there is an ounce of truth in it for a human: just because they are forgotten it didn't mean they didn't live their life wastefully.

kind of jealous at people who can just "hear" characters in their head. i have a lot of difficulty with that but maybe i haven't put enough effort? i can vouch that your dialogue is entertaining, kekek. is there a specific reason why you can't write kaeya?

you're right about vilifying people who have hurt you. life is never that simple as much as we want it to be. not that oversimplification is bad, but oversimplification without acknowledgment of complexities is just wishful thinking--to me. i think that's also the area of mental illness people can't romanticise, so it's rarely talked about even though such mental states and its effects are very real.

you briefly mentioned writing a thoma x reader exploring this theme and i am so down bad for it. i AGREE. i've shared this with my friends but thoma is very lucky he found himself in a loving family. his sense of loyalty can go so wrong in bad hands, and i don't think the kamisatos are that innocent either. i mean, hyv probably want to portray them as such, but fanfiction is transformative work for a reason, haha.

omg 4 goals... i wish you all the best with yae's fic. it's definitely a double-edge sword not having a clear picture of what you're going to write. may 2023 be a year we finish a portion of our wips, haha. -- @milkstore

It just boggles me. Why are people reading fics from so long ago? Are they that deprived of cringe content??? I don’t have any works on Wattpad though… which probably is a good thing. There’s a lesser chance of them being found on a dying site… :’)

And despite whatever I say, Sharing a Drink They Call Loneliness is actually my favorite fic. I love having convos like that with my friends. You’re completely right about reader being a foil. Whenever I see Zhongli, I always felt that like… he needs a friend, one that only knows him as Zhongli, and one that can give a different frank point of view. I’m excited to write the companion piece to that one, But It’s Better Than Drinking Alone. But I’m still trying to work out everything in my head. It takes place after his second character quest.

While I can hear character’s voices in my head, I’m definitely not the best at figuring out how they’ll even respond in the first place. If I know how they’ll respond, I can figure out how they’ll word their response. For Kaeya, I NEVER know how he’ll respond to things. So reading your Kaeya fics, it’s just so fascinating. You write him in a way that has me like, “I WOULD HAVE NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT!!!!” It’s so in character. I love it!

And you’re completely right about the oversimplifying without addressing the complexities. With mental illness too, it’s easy for people to whine about how much it affects them, but it’s rare people look at the effect their mental illness(es) have on others. Or at look at it objectively and not in the eyes of “oh I hate myself so much I’m a burden :’((((((“

For that Thoma story I want to write, you’re completely right. I don’t think the Kamisatos are as innocent as they make them out to be. I feel Ayaka is aware of everything, but Ayato… Have you ever read his line about preferring dogs? I’m sure all of his servants and the Shuumatsuban are extremely loyal, but I can’t help but wonder what it would be like to be raised like that. Children naturally want praise and they’ll try their best to achieve it. So to devote their life so loyally only to be treated as nothing better than a dog in the end. And then on top of that for such a favored position of housekeeper and close confidant to be given to a foreigner? I imagine it’d break a person.

And thank you for the best wishes!!! Not having a clear view is killing me. I may write it and then put in a deleted scene…… Idk…. orz DO YOUR BEST TOO.

Answering two asks in this haha

I know right??? People that can write a full story with only a few words… It’s a power that I do not possess. Especially one that has a very satisfying ending and achieves the right level of emotional impact. Even though you deleted your Kaveh fic, I really loved the way you illustrated the reader’s mental state. You didn’t state it clearly, but painted the scene clearly of anxiety-induced stagnancy and how it gets worse the more you stay stagnant.

I really need to do research on romance tho haha. Like… When I first started writing that Zhongli fic, people sent messages wanting there to be romance and I remember sitting there like… “I didn’t write this with romance in mind….” Honestly I have a hard time seeing him pursue a romance with a mortal, let alone any romance in the first place. As of right now, I still am not sure how I want it to end or if I’m capable of having it have a more intimate end. I’ll have to just see where it takes me. orz

And thank you for the offer for beta reading! I actually will take you up on that. I just need to find the time to message you. I swear I have a discord but I always forget to hop on it. I know I said I’d message you a while back, but I still plan on doing it!!!! I just have to get over the fear of sending a message and being like, “Hello, sorry my wips are a tangled mess…. :’))))” I’m just shy lol orz

You mentioned love triangles in your reply to my ask and like… Harems and love triangles are on the same level for me. I will respect your right to torture yourself with harems. LOL I’ve actually lowkey seen a harem irl for myself and like… In love triangles and harems, the person everyone falls in love with are always clueless, but like… THAT JUST AIN’T REALISTIC IRL. Those people know exactly what they’re doing. They just like the attention too much to give it up.

…

That being said… That being said……….. When I see those things happening irl, I don’t really care. I can interact with all of those people just fine. They’re all usually very fun people. But somehow when it is in written format, my brain just explodes and I just, “AAUUUGHGHGHGHGH”

#anon #ask #this took so long aaaaaa #also i forgot to mention that i saw the same tweet and was like #'oh thank god i'm not the only one' #i heard that in the other translations he's not as harsh though so like....... #hopefully someone posts the differences eventually so i can get a more accurate opinion

[sterlingarcher]

I love seeing your posts about like bandom history and just discussion and reflection from a more mature adult's angle, it's really relatable to me at 29. And while I have not involved in bandom before late 2015, I have studied a lot myself, and Panic! and Brendon were my first faves and still high up there. It really disappoints me how brutal antis are as I have figured them out to a T, treating minor errors as hate-crimes from Brendon but not anyone else. Are we not all human?

i havent checked my messages in so long so im not 100% certain when this was sent but this was a really nice thing to stumble upon today 😭😭😭 it makes me feel good to know that there are people out there who can sort of ~smell what im stepping in~ so to speak and that when i talk about this stuff its not always falling on deaf ears. ive always rejected the term “anti” because it feels so immature to say, but honestly what other word is there to even describe most of these people? haters? bullies? assholes? they dont have any actual critical thought behind why they came to hate brendon, they just know it became the cool and popular thing to hate him and “blame him” for shit and they couldnt bear the thought of not following the crowd and fitting in. youd be hard pressed to find me anyone whos life has been documented and scrutinized for as long as and as harshly as brendons since they were a teenager who HASNT stumbled or fucked up or put their foot in their mouth at some point. its wildly hypocritical because these people act very pure and righteous, and like theyve never done or said anything wrong or questionable or problematic in their lives which is just…. quite literally patently untrue for every person on earth. to assert moral and ethical superiority over a person like brendon is to be horrendously disingenuous, and it grossly highlights the efficacy of social media fandom war smear campaigns, lack of proper journalism, and the terrifying degeneration of peoples ability to engage in critical thought and perform unbiased fact-based research. these people act like brendon singlehandedly committed genocide or some shit, and honestly i find these people spend far more time thinking and talking about him than we as fans do. like he quite literally lives in these peoples heads rent free, and these are the same people who call us pathetic for still enjoying him and his music after all these years and not dropping off and following the crowd of sheeple like they did. like these people have the nerve to behave like 13 year old lunch-room bullies and then turn around and call people cringe and pathetic for *checks notes* … enjoying someone and their art and music. like honey the call is coming from inside the house. they love to use the classics like “jeez its just a joke” or “its not that deep…” when the reality is that if it was truly not that deep they wouldnt spend so much time obsessing over him and talking about him more than his fucking fans do. they quite literally troll his and panics tags and quote retweet and reblog almost everything they see with a shitty snide remark that they truly think is soooo clever and original (🙄) like its their fucking 6 figure paid career path. they constantly poke the bear, go swinging at a hornets nest with lead pipes, and then they get confused and pissed when they get bit and stung. like literally dude what did you expect? you come into a space specifically to cause trouble and piss people off and then act like the victim when you actually accomplish that??? call people cringe and fail and annoying and strange when they get emotional over something they clearly care deeply about??? as though if the tables werent turned these people wouldnt immediately start screaming crying throwing up and playing the victim. honestly though at the very end of the day i truly believe these proudly self-proclaimed “haters” are more miserable than ill ever be no matter how bad my life circumstances get. because ultimately i only spend a few hours, maybe a day or two at most being pissed that these bullies and mean-girls exist and love to invade our spaces for shits and giggles. but they apparently spend entire days, weeks, months… YEARS of their lives being bitter and vile and mean for the sake of maybe 10 likes on twitter and 5 minutes of internet validation. what a sad fucking existence. i prefer to be someone who enjoys things and engages with and consumes things that make me happy and joyful thank you :) anyway sorry for the ramble! if you read all of it i appreciate and love you for it!! 💕