#I hung out with my friend this evening

[thefaearealwaysamongyou]

All hail my kickass cat shaped rock shelf

(And yes the bottles are zoisite and kunzite (and yes it's 100% a sailor moon reference))

#I hung out with my friend this evening #I went to a cool antique shop that sells rocks and other cool stuff #and then I got bubble tea #and then we finished watching scott pilgrim takes off #rocks #minerals #sea shells #pyrite #zoisite #kunzite #rock carved animals #glass animals #gravel rocks #(they have meaning to me) #coal #dried coral #I'm not entirely sure what my green and blue rock is but it's pretty #trinkets

[ell1th3gh0st]

But I love my friends, they make me feel alive again [Laugh / Cry - Bears In Trees]

But I love my friends / They make me feel alive again / Or at least they remind me / That I'm not even dead [Reverberate - Bears In Trees]

inspiration in the tags, thank you bears in trees i love you <3

fun fact: i, like previously, sketched this on my phone very quickly, but this time I actually knew what I was doing!!

#so i hung out with some friends i havent seen in a good while and it made me feel so #fulfilled? in a way i havent felt in so long? i got home and was so happy that i got to be with them and that theyre my friends #idk man i just love them so much theyre the coolest and kindest people i know #anyway if any of my friends are reading this (though I doubt you are) i love you <3333 so much <3 #bears in trees #thank u for making such lovely music & helping me get out of my creative block <3 #it makes me feel melancholy #art #comics #anyway anyway thank u friends for reminding me that im not even dead<3

[drinkingdeadpeopletea]

Title: "flash-frozen in the driver's seat" Fandom: Midst (Podcast) Categories: G, Gen, No Archive Warnings Apply, Complete Word Count: 3613 Characters: Phineas Thatch, Tzila Guthrie

“Why do you have that?” Tzila asks. Phineas opens his eyes. She’s pointing at his abacus with the back of her pen. He looks down at it and frowns. “It’s my abacus.” “I know what an abacus is,” says Tzila, rolling her eyes. “Why do you have Caenum? Didn’t being a soldier and solving mysteries or whatever get you a ton of Valor?” Phineas and Tzila have a conversation in the quiet halls of the Lazaretto.

(hi everyone it's ME again! back with another midst missing scene i couldn't stop thinking about.)

#midst #midst podcast #my writing #i like phineas so much and i think his season 2 pre-moth headspace is. well. it's terrible in a way that i find compelling #and i think tzila's 'you were pretending to be my friend!' in 2.15 implies that they'd hung out more than we see in canon #AND i think tzila's relationship with the trust is potentially SUPER interesting #in that way that when you're twelve you're very sure you know what's right but it's often so influenced by what your parents/ #people you look up to tell you about what's right. but on the other hand! she misses the highest light! she grew up there! #also i do love miscommunication plots. i think all the things tzila and phineas and lark are not #saying to each other and not understanding about each other in season two are super fun to write dialogue around #so anyway here's this hope you like it <3 #also i really included SO many Proper Nouns in this summary without even noticing it asljsldkjflksj #yeah yeah we all know what valor and caenum and abacus and lazaretto mean

[eyesopentv]

hey tumblrinas let me tell you about my current grievances in the tags <3

#miles thots #my ‘best friend’ stopped talking to me a few months ago and i kept trying to hang out with her for a while but eventually i gave i #*up bc it felt very one sided #and like. i told her a while ago that i was feeling very left out bc she’d been hanging out with a few other people and not me at all for #months #and she told me she wanted to hang out with ‘adult friends’ and that i was her ‘autistic bestie’ which like. i was almost 20 at the time #and more recently she still calls me her best friend but we haven’t hung out or even talked #and i found out earlier this week that her baby shower is tomorrow and i’m not invited #and i’m Really Hurt #and i keep wondering if i did something wrong or if she’s mad at me or something #and i want to talk to her about it but every time someone brings up something serious with her she goes #‘i cant do this right now i’m pregnant’ #so. anyways.

[ickypuppi3]

so i was thinking about billy having a phone in his room

and then i started thinking about how billy constantly has the illusion of choice & how he has a completely false sense of how much control he has over his own life because-

he has his car

he has a job in season three

he has a phone in his room

and i just feel like all of that goes to show how much control neil has over him

because sure he could up and leave

sure he could call someone

but he won’t

and neil clearly knows he won’t

for whatever reason - whether it’s because billy doesn’t consider neil abusive or he’s that scared of him or he’s that scared of making his own decisions or whatever else - he just won’t

and while people could read it as a ‘he just trusts his son’ thing, i really don’t think it’s that - i mean we’ve seen how neil acts with billy & what his opinion of him is - i just think it’s all about how much control neil knows he has over billy

and that’s extra sad because it’s like it’s all there for billy - his own life etc - but it’s something he still can’t have, it’s just out of reach, you know?

#billy hargrove #neil hargrove #cw abuse #also #this sounds so mean #but he didn’t have a whole bunch of friends from what we saw #he hung out with tommy #but like no one gave a fuck in s3 #so who was he calling #who was he actually ever using the phone to talk to #anyway #it’s so confusing to be in a situation like that #like what i said in the post #and it makes you feel like it’s your fault #and i just can really see that with billy yk #obviously there’s the money factor too #even with his job did neil take it did billy get to keep it etc #but yeah #i hope this makes sense i’m tired and ill #but it’s been in my head and i needed to get it out #character analysis

[lostt4nk]

being ( possibly ) schizophrenic and a horror fan sucks so fucking bad dude

analog horrors are one of my major interests and i recently watched the boiled one phenomenon and for the first time in awhile i was actually Disturbed by something and everything was fine until it got to be really late at night... i usually go to bed between 10-11 and i was up until 12-1 two nights in a row because i so scared to turn off my lights or go into my bathroom to shower because i was convinced that ugly red bitch was gonna GET ME!!!!!!!!!!! i haven't been so paralyzed by fear in such a long time and i wonder why it even happened in the first place... but it definitely confirmed that i need counseling or medication or something.

#mental illness #psychosis #schizophrenia #schizoaffective #schizospec #schizoid #schizotypal #schizo spectrum #schizoposting #paranoia #morricane #i forgot how life affecting it can be for me when i have an episode #i literally refuse to turn my lights out or leave my room or go into small confined spaces like my bathroom even with the door open #and it sucks so fucking bad because all i can do is just sit there frozen in terror until it passes #its been like three days and im starting to feel better but i can still feel the residual terror #luckily my best friend of like 4 plus years was still awake and i called her and we talked for a bit and it helped a lot #but as soon as we hung up the air felt so oppressive again... nasty

[isan0rt]

Oh boy look at the time. -checks a reoccurring calendar notification that says 'cry in the club about Xehanort and his abandonment complex'-

#i don't know why this occurs i just periodically get sad about Xehanort again #not a sentence i thought I'd ever write if you asked me a few years ago but like this has been my life for the last year and a half #just periodically getting deeply sad about Xehanort #the sad du jour is about Xehanort aggressively clinging to how being the Child of Destiny means he's totally not unwanted #even if his mom did give him up and his dream friends aren't even really his friends #and maybe his real friends will also reject him if he's insufficiently dogmatic about light and darkness #surely it doesn't matter he's the Child of Destiny he's not UNWANTED perish the thought #and anyway he totally doesn't care even if he IS unwanted. Totally. Totally not hung up on what Baldr said at all. #IT'S FINE. I'M FINE. I'M SO NORMAL ABOUT IT. #khml needs to come out so i stop chewing glass about this [it will probably also make me chew glass]

[astral-catastrophe]

I don’t cry often but dear god. I’m crying over her.

#We were friends for five years you dumb bitch. #The fall fr started over Halloween costumes bc she said we could match then when we were actually shopping #She prioritized her boyfriend over me but not even in a way we still could have matched #And she said I was unreasonable for being upset #But I finally had friends who would have done it #Then EVERYONE FUCKING FLAKED #and crush still tried but things wouldn’t have been shipped in time #Then this girl had the audacity to say everything she did when we argued #One of the girls who she claims is her best friend recently got home from a half year in the mental hospital #And they have had a total of two outings or hangouts #Then her other friend. Who she really only hung out with during her fight with cancer and not after that #But she would see me regularly #Until a month before we argued #And now I’m crying because I thought she was good #But looking back #And looking from an outsiders perspective #She’s horrivle #I know she doesn’t know my account here but gods I wish she did #L if you’re reading this. You’re a bitch. You’re a terrible friend. So unless you’re willing to change and be honest and better. #Dont talk to me. Don’t message me. Don’t come to see me at lunch or ask me to hang out. #Because I’m unwilling to work on a relationship where I’ll always be second to her boyfriend. #Sure. I have crush. But that doesn’t mean I prioritize her over my best friend. I hold them equally. #But you don’t and you never did. #L if you see this #know I’ve cried too many times over you #And I don’t think I could stop myself from arguing if I ever actually talk to you again

[linguenuvolose]

It’s almost impressive that me and my boyfriend didn’t meet earlier because first he joined a band where the guitarist is a guy who I went on a scout camp with 10 years ago and now yesterday I found out that the one girl I’ve been a bit more friendly with at salsa class was active in the same student union as him back when he studied here a few years back.

#once an American said to me/my friend group ‘well Stockholm is a small city so we’ll probably run into each other again’ #and I remember thinking noo it’s not small just because it’s not American city size #but now I’m like maybe he was on to something #also the one Swede I sometimes hung out with in Venice was also active in this union #and I remember she was like oh if you want to come some time to a party I can put you on the guest list #then we kinda lost contact so I never went #BUT if I had it would’ve been the year my boyfriend was also active there #imagine if we would’ve met then #not even to start a relationship because I was too traumatised at that point :)) but even just being at the same place #anyway yeah maybe this is a small city #snicksnack

[silenthillbunni]

📓🕯️🐇🖤pt.2

#only 30 tags lol i ran out... so furthermore #we only get one life. im gonna try as much as i can to enjoy the little moments. nd to not give up on myself nd my life #i will die one day anyway. why rush it. i'll enjoy as many books and as many walks and songs and tv shows as possible #if i get a loan nd have more money i wanna bleach my hair nd dye my hair green #and later this year i think i might change my name #it was the name i wanted to change to from the beginning. but i was in such a bad headspace i just picked eden at random #i do kinda like it now nd im attached to it but i more feel like this other name actually is me. my birth name nd my current name dont feel #really right. so maybe. i havent decided yet. like i rlly dont know. im also attached to this name for some other reason. like it's who i am #to a person i rlly like and if i change... will i be anything to them? i cant put it into words but that makes me hesitate #but it's unhealthy to stay attached to someone i cant truly have even if i want to. so i mean. idk im just weird abt it #but i do kinda wanna change my name (to embla. my mom wanted to give me that name but my dad was like nooo >.<) i am not 100% sure tho so #when i've been getting used to going to school nd working out at the gym. nd after my surgery nd i have more energy #i will try to face my avpd and try apps for making friends. there r two apps where u can find new girl friends!! maybe i can try that #also like i've never tried apps but i think maaaaaybe i can use bumble to try to find friends and women to date. potentially. idk..... #rn it's hard for me to think in those terms bc. i mean i am hung up on someone!!!! i cant evwn imagine dating or being intimate w anyone els #sometimes i feel like.. they're the only person i've ever felt like it'd even be possible. who i'd event want to do that w #not only physically but emotionally. so ig it's even harder to let go bc im so scared i will never feel like that w anyone else #but i rlly need to try to make the most of whatever life i have. the world will collapse soon anyway #that makes me even more sad that i cant be w who i wanna be w nd do what i wanna do but #all pain will all be completely descimated eventually. it's not forever bc life isnt forever #i've just never felt this before. like i want smth to be real so bad but if it happened once surely it can happen again? right? #i wont spend my life alone without intimacy and love and comfort nd support nd understanding right???? :o hope not #im still so sad nd exhausted rn. nothing in my life is working nd theres no repreive nd no help #it gets sooo hard to endure everything sometimes when everything just keeps piling up and gets so heavy it feels like im drowning #nd atm i dont feel like i have any anchor. nothing that keeps me grounded nd im just floating away nd im constantly being overwhelmed by my #feelings nd emotions. im like a stupid little kid who dont understand how to handle what im feeling. or make rational decisions #i feel so ... stupid and useless. i dont know what im doing. i have no idea. i have no compass. its so scary

[nebulouscoffee]

... well it's that time of the year already. If anyone's got a Star Trek ask I'd love a distraction <3

#was really hoping the new year could be a reset ugh #but this last week Alone has been so tragic #this lovely man who used to be the watchman at my school died #he wasn't even that old #he's been around as long as I can remember... he used to remember all our names & chat with all our parents & grandparents & now he's gone #just out of the blue #& then this girl I literally played with as a kid just randomly got this massive brain bleed out of nowhere #she's YOUNG like she's only a handful of years older than me she's literally still in her 20s I think. she has a newborn baby #now she's in critical care and we don't even know if she'll make it. she's my mum's best friend's daughter we literally hung out #idk this is messing me up a bit... like #it's insane how anything can just happen it's insane how little time we have it's insane #cw death #(I don't have many followers but if anyone wants me to start tagging these vent posts anything else pls do say so lol) #(I honestly thought I'd made the last of them) #(but unfortunately people I know just! keep! dying! & I can't really complain like this anywhere else. sorry)

[whimsycore]

I think what people don’t understand about having a narc parent is how isolated you are and how they make you feel on the daily. I had major oral surgery today and I woke up in a dark house tonight.

She literally raised me with the belief that she’s terrified of a completely dark house. And because of that I would make sure a light was turned on for her. Whether she was inside the house yet or not. This woman left one light on and it’s where she was today before she left.

The entitlement and inconsideration is part of daily living with her. But I’m supposed to stay with her because she’s scared to be alone. I’m supposed to not want anything for myself. I’m supposed to not DO for myself because she doesn’t. Imagine your entire life they make you a caretaker and they complain every minute of every day about you to someone so you can’t even trust other adults in your life. And you can’t count on your parent either because they let you down often but expect the world from you.

#like and sometimes other adults will ???? at the them for the way your parent treats you but then they bombard them with how ‘bad you are’ #this woman never celebrated Mother’s Day but literally told her friends she was hurt me and my sister gave her nothing like she didn’t raise #Us for 20 years telling us that and birthdays were haram #she coincidentally went out to buy jewelry on her birthday and would always do something for her birthday #and completely ignore all three of her kids. she even ignores one of her kids deaths. she ignores the day every year #it’s not even just how inconsiderate she is it’s the fact she ALSO had a single parent in the 60s who #literally provided for her in ways only white woman at the time got pampered #it’s the fact she reminisces about celebrating Christmas with her family and still is focused on Christianity #it’s her deep fear of everything that gave me CLINICAL anxiety #and I’m overreacting #when you have CPTSD from your parent they also think all you are and all your worth belongs to them #she also would cry to me when I was at college because she was alone #but when I needed her she hung up on me because ‘it was too much’ but didn’t forget to tell her friends abt it :3