#I literally have too many drawing ideas borne from this fic it isn’t even funny

[thewiglesswonder]

Everybody go read @monkeymindscream ‘s fic right now

#I literally have too many drawing ideas borne from this fic it isn’t even funny #my art #the owl house #toh #emperor belos #philip wittebane #william wittebane

[gallickingun]

who i am today will love {whoever you are tomorrow} || s.k.

SUMMARY: Sugawara Koushi has managed to get you to fall in love with him once. He will not let a simple case of transient global amnesia keep him from sweeping you off of your feet time and time again, until he has you enraptured once more.

PAIRING: Sugawara Koushi x Fem!Reader RATINGS: T+ WARNINGS: angst. literally just all angst. a little fluff here and there. but mostly angst. some language, a little bit of relationship struggle, but nothing too intense! WORD COUNT: 6k+

AUTHOR’S NOTE: I’m not very happy with this, but this is my post for the Haikyuu Headquarters SFW collab centered around the prompt Amnesia! Please check out all of the other rad fics HERE! I haven’t written a full length fic for Sugawara yet, but apparently my first one is going to be Angst City. I hope you all enjoy 💔

Sugawara knew from the moment he saw you that you were going to be the puzzle he was trying to put together for the rest of his days.

He would spend moment after moment trying to piece together the parts of you that created this wonderful masterpiece, the prettiest picture he could never have even imagined would grace his life. He is careful with your sharp edges, the pieces of you that have been forged by years of difficult situations you have had to claw yourself out of.

There were pieces of you that fit into place easily, of course. The softest sides of you which you bared to him from the day you met him. Your smile, the color of your eyes, the way your cheeks lift when you grin. He knows these parts by heart, has run his fingertips over them countless times, until he has memorized the exact curve of them, until he can put them into place without looking.

You are like hieroglyphs from a long-lost language, something incomprehensible if only because you are so cryptically enticing, hiding pieces of yourself for him to discover throughout the years that you develop your friendship and eventual love.

There are days where Sugawara could spend every waking moment between the blinks of his pale lashes purely studying you, irises narrowed as he watches the way your body moves, the way your hands tense at your sides. He notices the quirk of your lips and the curl of your toes when you get anxious, how you gnaw on the inside of your cheek, and how your forehead wrinkles. At times, he breaks himself away from his study long enough to press a warm, gentle kiss to the crinkled skin of your forehead, coaxing you from the prison of your mind, begging you to relax under his ministration. You will reach out, fisting the fabric of his shirt as timidly as you can within your knuckles, and he feels your skin go lax.

When he pulls away to gaze down into the beautiful shade of your irises, Sugawara feels safe, like there is a nestled home tucked away in your pupils that he can retreat to when life becomes too much, too overwhelming. His heart patters within his chest and he knows that if you were to peel his shirt away, you’d find a bruise in the shape of the organ outlined in bright purple and blue on his porcelain skin, like a small galaxy of pain that represents the intensity of his love for you.

Koushi’s hands reach for you in the dead of night, his head resting on your shoulder so he can breathe in your familiarity, and the closeness of you settles in on him as a weighted blanket would. Your presence alone calms him, and the feel of your skin beneath the pads of his fingers only adds to the reverie. His fingerprints dance underneath the thin fabric of his tee shirt that is clad on your body, your body second nature to his touch, and he can map out your ribs and hips with ease. He kisses your shoulder and his eyelashes flutter shut, the awareness of your proximity making him feel safe.

Every day is a new day to find a new piece of your beautiful puzzle, Sugawara thinks as he drifts off into the realm of unconsciousness. And he cannot wait to wake up to discover the next, most unique piece in the morning.

Only, when his eyes peel back as the sun rises the next morning, his perfect puzzle has been ruined, torn apart and left for scraps, and now there is a piece missing.

“Wh-Who are you?” Your voice is a stutter, eyes bright and wild, feral in the worst way. You cower away from him, holding yourself together as though you might shatter if you breath a moment longer, “Why are you in my bed?”

Sugawara laughs at first, if only because he cannot believe that this is something more than a prank at best. He reaches for you, fingertips barely grazing the hem of your shirt sleeve as you skitter away from him. Your body falters as you fall from the bed, and the last thing he sees before you plummet to the floor is the way your irises are engulfed by your pupils until your orbs look inked out with darkness, a void quality to them that makes his heart wrench within his chest.

“Love, c’mon,” Sugawara crawls across the mattress so he can get a look at you, still clinging desperately to the idea that this is a sick joke that you are playing on him – where are the hidden cameras? What will Daichi and Asahi think of this when you send them the video?

Your jawline is trembling, your teeth clenched together so tightly that the muscles are quivering, and you shake your head, “I-I don’t know you, wh-who are you?”

Koushi clambers from the bed to stand near you, arms crossed over his chest as he looks down where you are still a mess of limbs on the floor, a blanket you found discarded beside the bed wrapped around your partially bare body. He shakes his head, his chin wobbling as reality sets in, “Sweetheart, this isn’t funny. Cut the crap. What’s going on?”

When you shout, voice in a frenzy because you do not recognize the man loitering over you like a thundercloud, Sugawara feels lightning strike his heart and shatter it into a thousand pieces. Shards of emotion lodge into his chest as you speak next, “Please d-don’t hurt me!”

He was unaware to the tears building up behind his lids until he feels the wetness of a saltine droplet drip down his cheek, collecting on his jaw before dripping onto the floor. Sugawara’s hands shudder and he reaches down for you, “I think we need to take you to the hospital.”

“I-I’m not going anywhere with you,” you are biting in your tone, a resonance to the fiery personality you have shown him all your natural born life.

You have known him since you were a child, infatuated with him since you were teenagers, encapsulated in love with him once you turned twenty-two, and now you have been married for three wonderful years.

And yet, the frightened look in your eyes, the tears that make your irises glassy, tells him that there may be no coming back from this, that he cannot rely on the years before this very moment to build back what seems to have broken. Sugawara’s hands shake and you can tell, but that does not keep your breath from shuddering in your lungs, busting open your teeth as you release the pent-up oxygen.

“Please, love,” Sugawara’s voice is broken, each syllable grating against his esophagus as he forces them through his throat, but you cannot notice past your own panic, “let’s just get in the car, okay?”

Your body warms at the sound of the pet name, but you cannot place the fondness he has for you with the devoid space in your heart, although there is a quiet voice in the back of your mind telling you that he cares for you, and you for him. Even still, you have been birthed into this place as a confused creature, someone who does not know their purpose or intentions, and the only thing on your one-track mind is to find some answers to the intimidating list of questions percolating in your subconscious.

You know that he will not rest until you listen, and so the fight or flight response in your mind begins to flare until you tame it, stoking the fire down to embers as you rise to your feet. You grit your teeth and shake your head, signaling your defiance, but stumble towards the car nonetheless. You are not sure just how you knew where to go, like a blueprint has been embedded within your mind, but somehow you find your way despite the confusion clouding your thoughts like a raging storm.

Usually, Sugawara would reach across the console and buckle you into the front seat. Only now, as you shy away from his hand that reaches for your elbow, flinching when he gets too close, he realizes that so many of his second-nature tasks will have to be stubbed to a halt until you remember that you are a piece of his heart. He recoils from you, drawing his wrist back against his ribs, as if capturing himself, “It’s okay. I won’t do anything you don’t want me to do.”

You should hear the sincerity in his voice, but everything is a lie to you, even his kindness. Your body trembles as you pull the belt across your body, securing it into the latch with a gentle sound. Sugawara watches you closely, trying urgently not to seem like he is hovering over you, but the mission to keep you safe is still rooted firmly in his spine and he will not waver from it, even as you sit before him unknowing to all of the times he has done this very simple action for you.

There is this insatiable desire that sits in Sugawara’s gut, bubbling beneath the surface like a grotesque acid, tumultuous enough that he is steadily reminded of it’s presence, of it’s hungering need to keep you safe and happy, to keep you reliant on him. In the smallest of ways, such as holding your hand as you climb into the car, or buckling your belt for you, it makes him feel important, necessary. He has spent too much of his life feeling like he has been sidelined to warrant other’s have their moment to shine, and you allow him to stand center stage every day, even if the platform is only your heart.

It makes you feel special and it makes him feel strong, like a protective alpha animal. Your generous reliance on him allows his pride to swell, to balloon until his chest is held high and his chin is tilted upward. It may seem silly from the outside, but the way his torso sinks into a concave position as you shy away from him creates a void cavity in his chest that Sugawara is sure nothing else will ever fill.

He has never seen you resemble a frightened animal before, like you were too afraid he would throw you into a cage given your pensive stare and shaking limbs. Sugawara could not hunt you even if he wanted to, and the idea that you believe this is his intent makes a fresh wave of tears well up behind his lids, the heat of it all giving his face a dark flush, easy to see against his pale skin.

As you close your door, Sugawara thinks of how Daichi would handle this. He stalks from one side of the car to the other, the gears of his mind turning so loudly that he startles. A thick gulp rakes against his throat, making his neck bob as he imagines the advice Sawamura might give him in a time like this.

Daichi would not falter, would not crumble. No, the captain would not have tears in his eyes and fear in his heart, rather he would bolster his shoulders and steady his feet, holding his chin high as he did whatever needed to be done to ensure that you were taken care of. And so, Sugawara tightens the chains around his heart that have your name engraved upon them, guaranteeing the organ will not float away or sink down until there is a hole in the floor of the car.

Your newfound independence mocks him, even as you take charge in the hospital and tell the front desk nurse exactly how you are feeling. How can you be so articulate when you are so far gone from the woman he knew just the night prior? Have you truly turned into someone else? Will you ever love him the same as before?

Doubt digs into the base of his shoulders and rips his dark crows wings free. The appendages stand slaughtered at the ground, his eyes unable to waver as the doctor takes a pacing step back and forth at your bedside while he reads your charts. The part of Koushi that longs to keep you safe mocks him as his wings lay crumpled beneath his amber irises, pupils dilating to try and focus on the metaphor that has manifested in front of him in his delirious state.

He reaches out and his fingertips scrape linoleum where he expects to find wings, and he realizes that he truly is a clipped little thing, fallen to the ground with nowhere to go, no way to fly.

“It is a rare form of amnesia,” the doctor’s words reverberate in his mind relentlessly once they are spoken aloud for the first time, “she has forgotten everything prior to approximately fourteen hours ago.”

And oh, Sugawara has never wished more to be able to fly.

You are surprised as ever when he looks up at you, broken irises seeking you for answers, “Would you like to go home with me? Or I can always drop you off at your mother’s.”

The room goes quiet, and Sugawara swears he could hear a feather drift to the floor.

Your voice is trembling when you answer, “I want to go home…with you.”

It would seem the glittering diamond on your left hand, in tandem with the records the hospital has found regarding you and Sugawara Koushi, has given you some semblance of relief. At least enough to be willing to ride in the car with him again, to find solace in the home you two have built.

You toy with the ring as Sugawara looks at you with his jaw unhinged slightly, just enough for you to see the pink muscle of his tongue twitching on the bed of his mouth. You giggle, the first time he’s heard you laugh since this whole escapade began, and your eyes crinkle at the sides just how he remembered, “Well, the house is half mine, is it not?”

Sugawara cracks a smile and stands to his feet, shoulders creaking as he feels his barely-there wings begin to molt into something new. Not the same, no he will never be the same, not after this, but possibly still a semblance of the old thing, a reminder that maybe life can return to what it once was.

And so, he walks you to the car, hand hovering at the base of your spine, but not touching; he does not want to push away the small amount of progress that has been made in such a short amount of time. He treats you like a glass box, opening the door and shadowing you as you climb into the front seat. You feel the ghost of his fingertips, a heat along your spine, and you do not flinch, not this time.

“I’ll order dinner,” he says when the door has shut behind the both of you. “Do you want from that dumpling place you li-”

The words reverberate in the small space of your living room, a recollection of what once was casual between the two of you that is now something far-off and forgotten. You swallow thickly, your throat bobbing as you look away from him so you don’t have to face the fallen expression on his face when he realizes that he will have to rework his entire existence around your new condition.

Your heart freezes, clogging up your lungs and making it harder to breathe. Sugawara shrugs off his jacket and slips on his house shoes, forcing himself to move toward you, “There is this dumpling place I think you’ll like. Want to try it for dinner? I doubt either of us feel like cooking.”

Licking your lips, you turn to find him quite close to you, his hands hovering by his side. You wonder if he aches to touch you, if his fingers burn with the desire to reach forward and brush your hair away from your face. You take a short breath, collecting yourself before glancing up into his amber irises, warmth seeping from them directly into your bones through what feels like osmosis.

“Y-Yeah,” your voice catches in your throat once you take him all in. “That sounds, um, that sounds nice.”

Your body screams at you to either run away or hold him closer, and you’re not sure which part to listen to. You grit your teeth to bring yourself some clarity in the form of pain, but it only serves to make your head dizzier.

Sugawara Koushi is handsome, borderline pretty, and you are enraptured by the sight of him. You can feel the warmth radiating from his body, and the irrational side of your brain wants to succumb to the heat, to be engulfed by the flames. Instead, you tuck your arms around your midsection and pray for patience, “I’m going to go take a shower, Sugawara. If that’s okay?”

He winces at the sound of his formal name coming through your teeth, turning his head so he doesn’t show you the dismay that tugs on his features. He chuckles, but the sound is forced, “Of course, the bathroom is, uh, just through the bedroom and on the right. Towels are in the closet on the left.”

“Th-Thank you,” you nod your head, stepping past him to walk toward the bedroom. Out of what must be pure instinct, you reach forward and rest your hands on his hips to guide him away from your path.

Simultaneously, you both breathe in sharply, the oxygen piercing your lungs like a dagger.

Your eyes meet amber and for a half-second, you are overwhelmed at his closeness. You breathe in the scent of his cologne and shampoo and it brings you back to some place that was previously tucked far away in your mind. You wrap your fingers around his shirt, if only to push him away.

Before Sugawara can ask you what is going on, you have blown past him towards the bedroom, the door closed and locked behind you.

You press your back into the door, relishing in the coolness of the surface, praying that it will help to bring your mind back down to this realm from where it is floating somewhere between this universe and the next. You cannot make sense of any one stream of consciousness, begging every thread of yourself to return to the nucleus so you might take a moment to collect all of your thoughts and press them back into your head.

Clambering forward on your knees, you start the bath water, flipping the level to turn on the shower. Your body is so disconnected from your brain that you almost step into the tub fully clothed, but seeing your sock clad foot makes you pause before you soak your clothes. You swallow your inhibitions, trying to keep the tears locked behind your lids, and step out of your undergarments.

You have barely stepped underneath the steaming water before you break down into sobs and tears. You crumble to the bottom of the tub, your arms around your knees, your head tucked beneath your biceps, and you release every pent-up moment from the day in the form of salty tears dripping down your cheeks to mix with the streams of clean water from the showerhead above.

“Is this my life now?” you whimper to no one in particular, your voice muffled by your forearm. You sniffle and rub at your face, although it doesn’t much matter, given the water running down it in rivulets to hide your tears. You look at your palms, stretching your fingers in front of your face, curious if you’ve always looked like this, or if there was something different from when you woke up this morning.

The knowledge that you have no knowledge of who you were before this morning makes a fresh wave of nausea and tears roll through your body, making your spine shudder as you cry into your own cocoon of a body. A sob tears through your shoulders, and you feel like your eyes might fall out of your skull, they’re throbbing so intensely. You press the heels of your hands into your sockets until you see a full galaxy of inky planets and stars behind your lids. The pain was what you were hoping would bring you back to the present, merely multiplies the devastating hole in your chest.

This is not the first time you find yourself curled up in the bottom of the shower, your head leant against the tile wall as the water runs from searing to freezing while you contemplate your entire life existence.

Of course, Sugawara has been nothing but accommodating during this strange period of time. He has moved his items to the spare bedroom, even though most nights he favors the couch, given he finds it tough to fall asleep on his own. You have woken in the middle of the night to terrible dreams only to find the television playing a show that is trying to sell a rare set of jewelry or a stellar non-stick frying pan.

There is one night, a few months after your first visit to the hospital, when you gather enough confidence to carefully step into the living room and turn off the television. Sugawara stirs at the sudden change in light, his eyes barely cracking open, irises hardly peeking from behind his lids, but he is still able to spot you from where you are stood in front of him. He sits up as best he can, forcing his stiff body to straighten when he makes limited eye contact with you.

“H-Hey,” his voice is gruff, as if it were stuck in his throat, and you can’t help the flush of embarrassment that makes your cheeks burn at the sound. “What are you doing awake?”

You run your palm along the back of your neck, rubbing at your vertebrae anxiously, unable to keep your gaze narrowed in on him when he’s making you feel this way. Your toes curl in on one another and your socks find friction against the carpet, “Just another nightmare.”

Sugawara is at full attention now, the warmth in his irises tripling at your small voice and nervous posture. He sits so he is facing you, his palms on his knees, fingertips itching at the hem of his shorts to keep himself from reaching out to take you by the hands. He licks his lips and looks upward to try and make eye contact with you to no avail, your pretty orbs still hidden from him as you look away, “You’ve been having a lot of those lately, haven’t you?”

There is a beat of silence that passes between you before he adds, “I’ve been hearing your screams.”

This is all that it takes to crumble what little resolve is left cementing your heart together. You crumble to your knees, your hands covering your face so you do not bare your pitiful, glassy eyes to him. Sugawara is quick to react, catching you before your knees can find the carpet, pulling you close to cushion your fall. You do not care that you cannot remember what his hold felt like before you lost your memories, all that matters is how safe you feel now.

He is like an anchor to your flighty soul, keeping you bound tightly to this earthly plane instead of allowing you to float away to whatever universe your subconscious has been visiting since the day your whole world was rearranged. You cling to his shirt, your fists bunching up the fabric of his tee when you lean in closer until your temple is pressed to his neck.

“It’s okay, honey,” Sugawara’s voice is warm, like honey, and you wonder if it might seep into the cracks of your broken soul and seal you back together, “I’m right here, it’s okay.”

For a moment, you pretend that this is what you are used to. You allow your mind to believe that this is your normal, that this has how things have always been. And, in some sadistic, twisted way, you might be right. Maybe before you forgot what he smelled like and how he kissed, this was how he held you – firm and secure, sturdy as a rock and kind as a beam of sunshine. Your heart hammers in your ribs and you can’t stop the tears from flowing, from the feel of both of your hearts breaking in the small space between your bodies.

You wonder if his chest feels as tight as yours, as if your ribs are the only thing keeping your hearts from bursting directly out of your skin. The beating is loud, thunderous in your ears as you cry into his shoulder, staining his shirt dark with your tears. You sob and snot and cough, but never once does he judge you or push you away. All you hear is the gentle hush of his voice in your ear, reminding you that he is here, reminding you that everything will eventually be okay.

And for a split second, you believe him.

And without inhibition, you allow your heart to speak, your throat but a conduit for the emotions bubbling within your belly like lava.

“I don’t want to be alone anymore,” you admit, your chest splitting open as the lava sprays through your teeth, burning your mouth to ash, but somehow you still speak, “please, Koushi, I-I think- I think I need you.”

When you look up at him, the absolute adoration reflected back to you in shades of tawny brown, dark and light swirling within his irises until it is overwhelming you like a storm cloud. You suck in a deep breath and dive back in, tucking your head underneath his chin and wrapping your arms around his shoulders until you are conjoined, unsure of where he ends and you begin as you become a mess of limbs on the sofa.

“I’m right here,” he repeats in a whisper against the crown of your head, holding you around the waist and beneath the thighs as he stands with you still in his arms. You latch onto him tighter, curled around him like a frightened animal, and your place against his neck makes it so you cannot see the way his lips stretch into a smile.

This has been what he has craved for the past few months – a genuine closeness that you chose; you choosing him. Sugawara cradles your body as tightly as he can without hurting you, walking towards your bedroom with careful steps. Your toes curl as he settles back against the mattress, slowly guiding your body down with him so you are both laid out horizontally on the bed, your knees dug tightly into his sides and your fingertips still clutching his shoulders relentlessly.

Sugawara runs his fingers through your hair, ruffling your tresses in a soothing manner as his chest begins to rumble with a melody. Your whole body buzzes as his lips maneuver in the tendrils of your hair surrounding your face, mouth pressing warm kisses to your scalp as the humming grows louder, more confident. Tears are flowing silently down your cheeks, staining your skin and his shirt, but neither of you seem to care, rather paying attention to the way you soak one another in like you have been a person starved for water and this is your first sip after days without drink.

It takes you a few minutes, but his humming in tandem with the ministrations of his hands soothes your mind into a dreamlike state. You release your grip on his shirt, smoothing the wrinkles in the fabric, if only to give yourself something else to pay attention to other than his searching eyes. Sugawara allows you a moment of exploration before his index finger is crooked underneath your chin, tilting your jaw upward so he can look you directly in the eyes.

“Stop being so hard on yourself,” he murmurs, voice kind despite the circumstances, “you’re still learning, adjusting. It won’t happen overnight.”

“And if it never happens?” Your tone is curt, words biting. You grit your teeth together and the creaking of your molars makes your bones shudder. A wobbling chin gives way to another bout of tears, but you do not falter this time, rather looking him in the eyes than succumbing to the exhausting heave of another sob, “What if I’m never the same? What if I can’t- what if you don’t love this person?”

Sugawara’s hand drifts from your chin to your cheek, his thumb brushing along the apple of your face, swooping downward to trace your jaw. A gentle smile tugs on the corners of his mouth and you want to scold him for laughing at your pain, but the faraway look in his eyes suggests that he is thinking of another time, possibly one much more simple in nature where you were sitting on his lap just like this, but there was a stream of knowledge, of combined thought, that flowed between the two of you. You knew one another, backwards and forwards and inside out, but now there is a barrier built, one that has kept him from teaching you who you are and from you allowing him to take the chance to do such a thing.

He is kind, something you suspect he has always been, when his mouth unhinges to let his words out of their cage, “Better or worse, angel. And if this is the worst life has to throw at us, then so be it.”

There is a hesitancy in his gaze, but he leans forward to brush a kiss against your cheek despite it, “I would rather go through this with you than be in a picture-perfect situation with anyone else.”

The sight of him in tandem with the brutal, raw honesty of his beautiful words overwhelms you, like a wave crashing along the shore, suffocating the sand. You want to be the beach, to be greeted with his kissing crest each time he chooses to seek you out despite the call to the sea, and it is that thought alone that ignites your need to seek purchase with your fingers in his hair, pulling him closer. Sugawara’s eyes go wide, if only because he does not want you to do this out of desperation or obligation, but out of choice and choice alone.

You can tell that he wants to say something, but before you lose your nerve and before he says something that will make the both of you overanalyze, you have crashed your mouth to his in a bruising kiss.

His fingers are hesitant to clutch at your sides, but once he realizes that you are not going to pull away, a familiar desperation sinks into his movements and he has you caught by the waist to anchor you to him. Your thumbs press into the pulse points on either side of his neck, like you were checking to make sure his heart is still beating. Sugawara’s breath stutters and he tilts his head so your chins bump to tear you apart, “Honey, I-”

“Kou,” your voice is quiet, seeking out solace in his silence.

Your tone is exploratory, and the sound of his given name shortened in the way you have said it a dozen times makes his head spin, but you sound awkward when you say it, as if you were taking it for a test drive and it’s not the car you were comfortable driving. You swallow and try again, “K-Kou, I want you to stay here tonight, with me.”

The edges of his thumbs slip beneath the hem of your shirt, and for the first time since he pushed his lids back earlier to take you in, he realizes that you’re clad in one of his old college tees. It was one of your favorites, a staple in your sleeping collection, a comforting item you sought out when you were distressed beyond measure. He wonders if your subconscious held on to this thought, and brought you this tattered, worn piece of clothing to give you some semblance of healing in your despondent time of need.

“As you wish,” Sugawara whispers against the bow of your lips, your mouths brushing with every syllable. He smiles, a gentle pecking kiss nestled on the corner of your cheek before he speaks again, “Now, we both need to rest.”

His words are accented by his body curling around you, turned to the side so he can wrap you up in the quilt that has been strewn across the bed in your haste of sleep. Your body is encased in warmth, a mixture of his natural body heat and the cocoon the blanket creates. The two of you tuck into one another as if you were built to be together, your pieces perfectly slotting into the spaces his body creates.

Silence stretches for what feels like hours, nothing but the sound of your beating hearts and quiet breaths to fill the air. You run your thumb along the stretch of his collarbone, gnawing on your lower lip as you work up the courage to speak.

“Go ahead,” his voice is gravelly with the desire to succumb to sleep, muffled from his position of being tucked into you, lips in your hair. “What’s on your mind?”

“I don’t want to be a burden,” you whisper in fear, unable to recognize even your own voice. You swallow, the heat of tears welling up behind your lids already overwhelming enough without the stumble of your words to accent your anxiety, “And I’m scared I can’t be who you want me to be.”

Sugawara surprises you with a chuckle breathed into your hair, a light, lilting sound making his throat hum, “Oh, angel. You’re my everything, how could you ever be a burden to me?”

“I-I dunno,” you can feel yourself starting to panic, the darkness closing in on you until it’s choking you from the inside out, “Wh-What if I don’t laugh the way I used to? O-Or what if, uh, what if I don’t like the same foods? What if-”

You are hushed by the warmth of his mouth on yours, stealing your frightened, nonsensical words straight from your throat as you gasp against his teeth. A firm palm tilts your head upward, fingertips grazing the curve of your jaw and neck, soothing you with a simple touch. He massages his digits into your shoulder as he pulls away, watching carefully as you chase after him for another display of affection, as if you were searching for even more reassurance.

“Hush now, love,” he settles back into you, circling you in his arms and tucking your head beneath his chin. Your knee presses between his thighs and you find your hands nudging underneath his shirt, seeking out the skin-on-skin contact. Sugawara litters kisses in your hair, almost like he were planting a garden of affection, begging it to grow as he encourages it with kiss after kiss.

You are on the precipice of sleep, your body worn down from your anxious efforts of before, when you hear his next words mumbled into the skin of your neck, barely audible even in the utter silence of your bedroom. The few syllables make your heart press stiffly against your ribcage, begging to be let free, like a caged dove sitting pretty within the confines of your chest.

“And to think,” he whispers, “I get to fall in love with you all over again, every time. How exciting, right?”

You want to laugh, to indulge him in his monologue, but your body is heavy, weighed down from the tears and the pressure of all the time before this that you can remember. Finally, you feel like you are floating, the only thing keeping you tethered to this dimension is the cuff of his arms around your waist, circling you and holding you tight, piecing back together every broken part of your soul.

Sugawara’s breath tickles your ear, and you swear you hear him snore. And you might be making up the last few words that he breathes before he is overwhelmed by unconsciousness-

“I can’t wait to fall in love with whoever you are tomorrow.”

But you pray to whoever is listening that it’s the truth.

-

a/n: wow i wrote most of this while delirious and drinking yoohoo so please don’t come for me if it doesn’t make sense. 

my original plot idea was to have reader have continuous amnesia where she forgets her memories every few years, and sugawara always manages to get her to fall in love with him every single time, but that fic would have been upwards of 20k and i didn’t allot myself enough time to write it, which i’m upset about. maybe i’ll do an extension of this fic sometime, but i just feel like it won’t be as impactful. u g h. alas, here we are. i hope that you enjoyed it! i plan to write more sugawara in the future. and thanks again to the hqhq for putting on this collab! the nsfw one is next -- i have daddy daichi for that one! 💕

#sugawara koushi #sugawara x reader #sugawara koushi x reader #sugawara x you #sugawara x y/n #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x you #haikyuu x y/n #hq x you #hq x reader #hq x y/n #morgan writes hq #my writing #haikyuucreations

[artificialqueens]

Take Me To Church (Crygi) - Metaluna

Summary: 

Crystal had always thought she wasn’t one for dating. And then Gigi moved to town and turned Crystal’s life upside down. For her entire life, she was told homosexuality is wrong… But what if it’s not?

A songfic based on Hozier’s Take Me to Church

A/N: Hi, everyone! This is just a song fic I came up with the other night, and it came so easily to me. I think it’s because I went through the same struggles (granted I didn’t have a Gigi in my life). Because of this, HUGE tw for internalized homophobia brought on by the church. If you’ve been through it, it can be tough to read, so just be warned

As always, thank you to the absolute icon @junosjukebox for beta reading and cheering me on 

Crystal never thought she would fall in love, or even have romantic feelings for anyone. Plenty of boys from school and from youth group tried to get to know her better. She’d been asked on plenty of dates, all of which she was conveniently too busy to go on.

And then she met Gigi.

Gigi moved to town the summer before Crystal’s senior year. Her family began attending Crystal’s church, and there was something about Gigi’s magnetic personality that Crystal found herself drawn to. It wasn’t just her personality. Gigi was gorgeous, anyone with eyes could see that. Her fiery hair and piercing eyes could draw just about anyone in. 

Crystal told herself she just thought Gigi was a really interesting person, even though she knew that wasn’t the complete truth. 

“Hi,” Gigi said shyly after  one Sunday service. “I’m Gigi. I don’t think I’ve had a chance to actually introduce myself, I’m sorry.”

“No worries! I’m Crystal. It’s nice to officially meet you, Gigi.”

“You, too.”

“Are you going to be going to Central this next year?” Crystal asked, even though she already knew the answer. There was only one high school in the immediate area. 

Gigi nodded. “I’m nervous. We moved from California for Dad’s job, and I know literally no one.”

“Except me.”

“Except you.”

“Don’t be nervous. Have you been around town very much yet?”

“Not really. I’ve been helping my mom unpack and haven’t had time for much else,” Gigi admitted.

“What if I showed you around?” Crystal surprised herself at her sudden boldness. “Are you doing anything later today?”

“I was going to set up my room, but that can wait,” Gigi smiled. 

“Do you want to meet in the church parking lot at four?”

“That sounds great.”

My lover’s got humor She’s the giggle at a funeral Knows everybody’s disapproval I should’ve worshiped her sooner

Something that Crystal hadn’t accounted for was that there was absolutely nothing to do in her tiny town. As she rode her bike to the church, she was having a hard time deciding where to take Gigi, before ultimately deciding on the elementary school’s playground. 

“Where are we going?” Gigi asked as she walked up to Crystal. 

“Don’t laugh until you give it a chance, but I was thinking maybe we could go to the playground.”

Gigi’s face immediately lit up. “I’m absolutely down.” 

The elementary school wasn’t far from the church. Crystal pushed her bike along as she walked next to Gigi. 

“You said you were from California?”

Gigi nodded. “I spent my entire life there.”

“Wow, I’m sure Missouri is boring for you, then.”

“I don’t know. I kind of like it. The city was a little crazy. This is a lot more peaceful.”

“That’s a funny way to say boring,” Crystal joked. 

“I mean it! In California everything feels like it moves so fast. At least where I’m from it does, and here people seem to be a lot more relaxed. It’s nice.”

“I’ll take your word for it. I’ve never been out of the state.”

“You’re kidding,” Gigi said incredulously. 

Crystal shook her head. “Nope.”

They arrived at the playground, and Gigi ran immediately for the swings. Crystal took the swing next to Gigi as she swung with her eyes shut. 

Without saying anything, Gigi jumped from the swing and climbed up the jungle gym. Gigi’s energy was contagious as Crystal followed suit. 

Once they both sat on the upper level of the jungle gym, Gigi asked, “Are you dating anyone?”

Crystal blushed. “I’ve never had a boyfriend. What about you?”

“Well. I haven’t had a boyfriend…” Gigi trailed off, looking at Crystal hoping she’d understood.

“Are you… gay?” Crystal whispered the last word. 

Gigi shrugged. “Maybe? Maybe I’m bi. I’m not sure… Is there something wrong with that?”

“No!” Crystal accidentally shouted. “I mean, no there isn’t. I’ve just never met someone who was…”

“Gay?”

“Yeah. Do your parents know?”

Gigi sighed and nodded her head.  “When they found out they sent me to a therapist. Right after, they felt terrible and apologized. Things were… rocky between us for a while, but our relationship is getting back to how it was. I am so lucky. They could have kicked me out. But they didn’t.”

As far as Crystal was concerned, being gay was a sin. It was what the pastor said on Sundays. It’s what her parents told her. Homosexuality was unnatural, an abomination, the bible said so. But, if being gay was so wrong, that would mean there was something wrong with Gigi. In Crystal’s eyes, there was nothing wrong with the girl. Just the opposite.

There was a silence as Crystal took in Gigi’s appearance. She was beautiful, the most beautiful girl Crystal had ever seen. There was something about Gigi that made her stomach flutter. It was like how her friends described how they felt about their boyfriends. 

Immediately, she tried to push the feelings down. Crystal wasn’t gay. Her mother called her a late bloomer who just hadn’t met the right boy yet. 

But, all Crystal could do was stare at Gigi’s lips.

“Do you think you’re gay?” 

“No!” Crystal shouted again. 

Gigi raised an eyebrow and smirked. “Then why are you looking at me like that?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“You look like you want to kiss me right now.”

“I do not!” Crystal shifted nervously, unable to look at Gigi.

“Look me in the eyes and say ‘I don’t want to kiss you, Gigi’ and I’ll leave it alone,” Gigi said as she crossed her arms and leaned against the wall of the jungle gym. 

Crystal tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I…”

“That’s what I thought.” 

Gigi leaned forward as she gently touched her lips to Crystal’s. She pulled away and looked into Crystal’s dark eyes. They kissed again, but this time Crystal initiated it as Gigi tangled her hands through Crystal’s wild mane.  

Suddenly, Crystal pulled away. “I have to go.”

“Crystal, wait!” 

Crystal didn’t turn around as she sped off on her bike. 

If the heavens ever did speak She’s the last true mouthpiece

“Honey? Are you okay?” Crystal’s mom called as she ran up the stairs.

“I’m fine!”

Crystal shut her door and locked it as she knelt beside her bed.

“God, I am so, so sorry. Please forgive me. I have no idea what came over me. I sinned, and I know I sinned. I don’t know why I kissed Gigi. Homosexuality is wrong, and I know it is. Please, please forgive me. Please give me the strength to not feel these feelings towards her. I don’t want to be an abomination. I don’t want to go to Hell. Take these impure feelings away, I’m begging you, please.” Tears were streaming down Crystal’s face as they stained her glasses. 

Every Sunday’s getting more bleak A fresh poison each week “We were born sick”, you heard them say it My church offers no absolutes

The Sunday after she kissed Gigi, Crystal sat in the pew trying to take in the pastor’s every word, rather than looking at Gigi, who was sitting in the pew behind her. Crystal could feel Gigi’s eyes on her, it was as though her eyes were piercing a hole through the back of her skull. But, Crystal refused to look behind her. 

“As Leviticus 18:20 reminds us, one shall not lay with a man as he lays with a woman. This is considered to be an abomination for many reasons. First and foremost, homosexuality is unnatural…”

As much as Crystal wanted to pay attention to the pastor, her thoughts began to wander.

But what about a woman kissing another woman?

For the rest of the service, Crystal couldn’t focus on a single word. The kiss was replaying through her mind on repeat, and Crystal didn’t care to change it. Some small part of Crystal wanted to do it again, and as much as she tried to wash the impure thought away, she couldn’t. 

“Crystal! Wait!” Gigi called as Crystal tried to sneak out of the church unnoticed. 

“What do you want?”

“Can we go talk?”

Crystal bit her lip. As much as she wanted to never speak to Gigi again, she couldn’t help it.

“Where? Not here. No one can hear us talk about the… events.”

“Of course not. We can go to my house, it’s not that far away.”

Crystal could only manage to nod in agreement. 

She tells me, “Worship in the bedroom” The only Heaven I’ll be sent to Is when I’m alone with you I was born sick, but I love it Command me to be well

Before Gigi could even shut the door, Crystal started crying. 

“Crystal, what’s wrong?” Gigi asked, wiping away a tear.

Crystal pulled away. “I’m not gay.”

“Okay. I never said you were. But you wanted that kiss just as much as I did.”

“Be quiet!” Crystal hissed. “No one can know we kissed.”

“Okay, we didn’t kiss,” Gigi said as she sat on her bed and patted the spot next to her.

Crystal wanted nothing more in that moment to run straight out of Gigi’s front door and to never come back. But, something came over her, because after she initially sat down, Crystal edged closer to Gigi until their thighs were touching. Gigi rubbed up and down Crystal’s thigh before grabbing it firmly, which caused Crystal to gasp and close her eyes. Once she opened them, they sat looking in each other’s eyes before their lips met once more. 

The kiss felt even better than the first time. Gigi pulled Crystal closer as she began to run her hands up and down Crystal’s chest. 

“Is this okay?” Gigi whispered.

Crystal nodded. “Yes.”

“Tell me if you want me to stop.”

Crystal didn’t want Gigi to stop. While their lips moved in perfect rhythm together, Gigi tugged at the bottom of Crystal’s blouse.  Crystal knew it was Gigi’s way of asking for permission, so she nodded, not breaking the kiss as she began to experiment with tentatively playing with Gigi’s breasts. It was immediately clear to Crystal that Gigi wasn’t wearing a bra.

She didn’t have time to think about that fact because Gigi began unbuttoning Crystal’s blouse. 

Once more Gigi pulled away. “Okay?”

“Yes.”

Before she knew it, Crystal was left in her bra and skirt. Crystal felt the same courage she felt when she asked Gigi to hang out the previous week as she slipped her hand under Gigi’s dress, which caused Gigi to shiver involuntarily. It was immediately clear that the girl wasn’t wearing a bra. 

Gigi pulled down the straps of her dress as she let the flowy fabric fall on her lap. Crystal gasped as she took in Gigi’s bare chest. In that moment, Crystal swore she’d never seen a more beautiful sight in her entire life. 

Gently, Gigi guided Crystal’s hand as Crystal’s finger’s tenderly grazed Gigi’s nipple. 

Exhaling sharply, as Crystal traced Gigi’s nipple she said, “You’re a natural.”

Skillfully, Gigi used one hand to unclip Crystal’s bra as she asked “Are you still okay?”

“I’m more than okay. I want this.”

“Are you sure?”

Crystal nodded. “Positive.”

Take me to church I’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies I’ll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife Offer me that deathless death Good God, let me give you my life

“Oh my God, Gigi!” Crystal moaned.

Everything about the way Gigi treated Crystal was gentle. The way she thrusted her fingers in and out of Crystal’s heat while rubbing her thumb on her clit was no exception. 

“You are so beautiful,” Gigi whispered.

Suddenly, Crystal felt a new sensation, much more intense than before. She looked down at Gigi who ran her tongue down Crystal’s slit before focusing on her throbbing clit. The sensation was almost too much for Crystal. With one last moan, a wave of euphoria washed over her. The noise was like a sweet hymn to Gigi’s ears. 

Once Crystal rode out her orgasm, Gigi kissed Crystal, much more forcefully than the times before. Crystal followed suit as she returned with the same force. There was something about the kiss that excited Crystal. It felt urgent, as the moment could be ripped away at any time, which is not something she wanted.

Crystal never realized sinning could feel so sweet. 

“Oh my god,” Gigi exhaled as she pulled away. 

“We sure are bringing God into this a lot,” Crystal mused. 

“We are, aren’t we?”

Crystal bit her lip as she thought aloud.  “I don’t understand something. If being gay is an abomination, then why is what we just did so beautiful? This morning, the pastor said that it was unnatural, but nothing has felt so natural in my entire life.”

Gigi pulled Crystal into a much softer kiss. “Maybe God’s wrong.”

There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin In the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene Only then I am human Only then I am clean

“Maybe,” Crystal whispered.

Amen

#rpdr fanfiction #crystal methyd #gigi goode #crygi #lesbian au #hurt/comfort #smut #metaluna #tw homophobia #tw internalized homophobia #tw religious themes #submission

[himbowelsh]

You can totally ignore this if you want but I could I request some sad headcanons about the guys. Like how they deal with ptsd or insecurities or traumatic childhood incidents.

Richard Winters

dick isn’t emotionally open in general.  he keeps things in.  that’s how he was raised, how he’s grown up, and the only way he really knows how to cope with things.  talking about his feelings...  is uncomfortable.

that said, he processes them well.  dick doesn’t let negative emotions fester.  he finds releases for them, either through doing things he enjoys or spending time around his loved ones.  he’s not the sort of person to linger on things.

will definitely overwork himself when his mind is in a troubled place.   being productive helps him so much.  focusing on things he can control, things that need to get done...  sure, he’s going to bed at 3am, but it’s not because he’s upset, it’s because he was working.

doesn’t...  like being alone when things are on his mind.  it’s too easy to get sucked in, for those loud thoughts to drown everything else out.  being around other people...  not sharing, but just not being alone...  it helps.

Lewis Nixon

*summon the folger’s theme song*  the best part of waking up...  is an obscene amount of high-shelf liquor in your cup!!

hey, it’s nine o’clock...  in the morning.

literally.  nix is of the opinion that if you can’t drink the bad thoughts away, then they’re not worth thinking at all.  the thing is, his brain summons them anyways, because brains are awful like that.

he’s got a lot of trauma!!  so much trauma!!  his childhood was miserable, his family’s the worst, he feels like a disappointment and has no desire to try to prove himself to parents whose love was questionable from the day he was born...

lots of insecurities too.  can you tell?

he won’t talk about any of it unless he’s really, really drunk, with someone he counts among his closest friends.  then sometimes the negativity just rushes out.  he can’t help it, and it gets ugly.

otherwise, he broods, he holds it all in, and he drinks.  would he benefit from therapy?  yes, absolutely, but alcoholism tastes so much better.

Carwood Lipton

this is a healthy man right here

he copes with things.  lip has interests, outlets he can channel his frustrations into, and the ability to rationalize things internally and get them off his chest.  most things don’t weigh on him for long, because he’s got those sweet coping skills.

this isn’t even angsty.  he doesn’t have a lot of emotional angst.  he works through things, mostly by processing them on his own  ---  but if something’s really weighing on him, lip will turn to his most trusted person  (his mother gives great advice)  for an outlet.

Ron Speirs

heh heh.  ohhhh boy.

he’s...  he’s speirs, okay.  he’s not gonna open up and talk about what’s bothering him, because that’s his business, and no one else needs to know.

ron...  gets impulsive.  reckless.  places less regard on his own life.  he’ll do obscenely risky things because he’s kind of an adrenaline junkie; that burst of danger actually helps him cope with what’s bothering him.  at least, it gives him a good reason to keep going.

he retreats into himself when it comes to anything emotional.   broods a little, but if anyone asks what’s on his mind, he won’t say a word. 

“well, we’re all on a steady march towards death anyways, does anything really matter?  no.  i’m already dead so nothing has any consequences.  yeet.”

jesus christ, get this man some therapy.

Harry Welsh

talks it out.  literally, he’s just... gonna share things.  he’ll literally just do that.

harry sometimes can be an oversharer, but he never really learned to put a filter on his emotions.  it helps that he’s sort of the “water off a duck’s back” type of person; he doesn’t take a lot of things personally, so when he does need to rant about something, it’s usually big.  he turns to his loved ones, because he trusts them, and usually they can help.

but it is kind of weird for guys like nixon and winters, whose life mottos are “i’ll keep all of my emotions right here and then someday i’ll die”, to hear harry be like  “I’M UPSET TODAY AND HERE’S WHY”.  like...  he really doesn’t care who knows what’s going on in his soul, huh?  he’s really able to open up like that.

(harry is the most emotionally healthy man here, good for him)

Buck Compton

it’s called impostor syndrome, and buck has it.

he’s a confident guy, but under the surface, has insecurity in spades  ---  he feels like he has a lot to live up to, and doesn’t believe he’s doing everything well enough.  he’s supposed to be exceptional, and that’s a heavy burden to bear.  there’ll be a part of him that’s always going to feel like he’s not good enough.

like...  he seriously doesn’t know quite where to begin when processing negative emotions, because he feels like he should be able to deal with them himself.  his first instinct isn’t to talk it out, or seek out positive outlets; he keeps it all inside because he feels he can handle it.

don’t get me wrong, buck handles things well  ---  he’s resilient.   but every so often, the emotions just get so overwhelming, and boil up like a toxic spill inside of him; it can get overwhelming.  

Eugene Roe

conceal don’t feel buddy

look, gene...  never acquired coping skills growing up.  it wasn’t anyone’s first priority, and he had too many sisters monopolizing his mother’s time.  as a kid, gene had genuine anger issues, and would get into trouble often, because he just...  didn’t know how to deal with what he was feeling.

his grandmother was the one who stepped in and taught him how to pray.  that’s the closest thing gene has to comfort; he is quietly devout, and turns to god in his darkest moments when desperate for some guidance.  if he can’t talk to anyone else about what he’s feeling  ---  and he usually prefers not to  ---  he can speak freely to god.

but god can’t help him shoulder his burdens.  genuinely, gene just needs to learn to open up and share. keeping everything bottled up...  is not good for him.

George Luz

laugh the pain away, until you no longer can.

people assume george luz processes his emotions in a healthy way.  these people are incorrect.  his “fake it til you make it approach” isn’t the worst, but 9/10 therapists would not recommend.   (the 10th is luz, doing his best impression of a therapist.)

he laughs things off. it’s easier than to do that than to let people in.  george hates burdening others with his feelings.  he’s got a natural talent for keeping peoples’ spirits up, so bringing them down with him is...  a frightening idea.  it feels like failure.

for the most part, george is good at keeping things in and processing them internally.  if something’s really bothering him, people close can tell  ---  he hardly smiles, and his jokes aren’t as funny as they are dark  ---  but he’s usually able to recover without any help.  he’s good at dealing with things on his own.

he tries not to drink too much, because if he gets really really drunk, he loses his grip.  then it can all come spilling out, in a big messy wave of feelings, and he’d prefer to avoid that at all costs.

oh gosh, there’s this amazing fic that actually centers around babe and roe dealing with their problems, but there’s this one scene with luz, and it breaks me

Joe Toye

in a word?  not well.

joe dealing with things...  is not a pretty picture.  he prefers to not deal with things, to be honest, because it’s easier to pretend all the emotional shit doesn’t exist and just push it down until he can’t feel it anymore.  sometimes it even works.

truth is, joe has a lot of insecurities, and really struggles to deal with them.  they plague him]...  and while he can channel some of it into anger  (there’s a reason my modern!toye takes up kickboxing)  a lot of it just gets sent straight to depression central.

it’s not something he talks about easily, either.   he wasn’t raised in an environment that encouraged men talking about their feelings; joe comes from a tough irish family where everyone, especially the men, are supposed to keep a stern face and power through.  he’s only able to opens up to a few trusted people   (malarkey, maybe guarnere, maybe luz).  when the emotions reach a boiling point...  they don’t have anywhere to go.  they feel like they’re going to consume him.

he’s contemplated some dark things before, and it’s not something he’s proud of.

Bill Guarnere

what the hell is this man even made of???

bill takes all his negative emotions and converts them into fuel.    every tear his body forces him to shed adds an extra year to his life.

he’s incredibly resilient, and can power through pretty much anything.  losing his leg didn’t take him out for long; sure, it was a blow, but he bounced back from it as strong as ever.  losing his brother was agonizing  (worse than the leg, honestly)  and it made bill furious  ---  but that fury kept him going, and kept him alive.   he reacts to grief by turning it into anger, and once that anger dulls it’s just raw energy keeping him moving.

bill copes by being around people.  honestly  ---  just put him in a room with his best friends and his problems gradually fade out.   it’s not like he bares his soul to them; he just needs to be around friends, enjoying life. their presence helps him work through things better than any therapist.

(peak extrovert energy omg)

Babe Heffron

just like bill, babe also recovers by being around his favorite people.

he draws energy from them; it’s like he’s low on cash, so he asks his buddies for a few dollars, but in this case it’s emotional stability.  babe just copes better around other people.

left alone with his own thoughts...  things can get messy.

this man doesn’t do well with being alone in general  ---  he feels isolated, almost forgotten, and will seek out the nearest person just to chase those dark feelings away.  when babe’s struggling with something, he also struggles with how to deal with it.   the emotions are like a pot bubbling over inside of him, and he’s fighting to make sense of them all.  he can’t do that alone.

he has to express himself to someone.  ideally someone he trusts, but it might just end up being whoever’s available, or whoever’s nearby.  his dark emotions are very potent, and very painful; it takes a while for him to be free of them completely, but having someone else help make sense of them  (or just offer reassurance)  helps.

he’s a crier.  he’s not proud of it, but when babe’s really at his brink, he cries.  it’s an ugly sight.

Shifty Powers

just freaking...  goes off into the wilderness.

no, literally.  shifty needs some quiet time.  when he’s struggling, he’ll take his gun, take his car, and vanish for a while.   (that sounds...  worse than it is.  shifty’s not the kind of person to consider hurting himself.)    he just disappears into the woods.   

the longest he’s ever been gone was two whole days...  but he always returns with a clear head, willing to talk things out.

Joe Liebgott

he just...  straight up doesn’t, man.  he doesn’t deal with shit.  he pushes it aside, forces it back  ---  it’s not exactly repression, because the Bad Stuff is always there on the outskirts of his mind at all times, lieb just actively chooses not to deal with it.

(he’ll pick any fight except the ones in his own head.)

you’ve got to understand, he’s had his share of trauma.  he didn’t have an easy go of it before the war, and definitely not during.  liebgott collects emotional baggage like baseball cards, and at this point he’s got a full set.

if he can run from the emotions, he will.  this leads him to self-isolate, cutting himself off from the people who might be able to help; he doesn’t want to share all the negative emotions, because he doesn’t know how.  at his worst, he also tends to lash out, and...  other people don’t have to deal with that, okay?

joe will put off dealing with things for as long as possible, and never truly deal with them at all.

David Kenyon Webster

writing is literally his therapy.  putting his emotions down on paper helps.  formulating them into words is like a release, and having them laid out in front of him, where he can analyze it all lets him look at the problem objectively.  webster writes just to get things out...  sometimes because he can’t bear to hold it all inside any longer.

he also loves sailing, partly because of how freeing it is to be out on the open water.  he’s completely in control of his boat, and can go anywhere, anywhere in the world  ---  if he wanted, he could leave everything behind.  the notion is tantalizing.

webster really isn’t open about his negative feelings with others.  when it’s something personal...  it takes a lot for him to open up, and he’d have to trust that person implicitly.  a part of him feels that baring his emotions is just an invitation to be mocked, so he’s hesitant.

at least he processes them.  he’s not tormented by things, because he’s got his releases  ---  writing, and sailing.  if the mind is a prison, they set him free.

Donald Malarkey

catch malarkey right there in that kickboxing class with joe toye

look.  don feels things deeply, and takes things personally.  he can’t help it.  he doesn’t let go of things; if he’s been hurt badly, it’s an open wound on his soul forever, and it never heals.

he’s never a wreck.  like, he’s perfectly able to function, and has a unique ability to power through even in the darkest moments...  but those shadows are always there, and they weigh on him.  they smother him.   he can never really escape.

tends to avoid the topics which hurt him; when they come up, he can get testy  ---  or worse, teary!!  ---   and that’s not something he wants to burden anyone else with.     his greatest hurts are very private things to him, and he doesn’t want the people he cares about affected by them.

Skip Muck

skip channels his bad feelings into energy, and that energy needs to find its way out.

he’ll play guitar and sing along really aggressively.  he’ll deep-clean the entire house.  he’ll run just to feel the burn in his lungs, the ache in his limbs, until he’s too worn out to feel anything but exhaustion.

honestly, he gets a little manic when something’s bothering him.   he needs to chill.

skip is...  more willing than most to talk things out, so long as he has someone he trusts.   it’s not too hard for him to open up, he just needs to be able to open up to the right people.  his sister is a frequent confidant, as are malarkey and penkala.   skip doesn’t like many people seeing the darker side of him, but being able to talk about his feelings helps immensely.

Ralph Spina

genuinely... doesn’t have any baggage.

no childhood trauma.  no agonizing breakup story or betrayals.  no emotional damage whatsoever.  and when something is bothering him, his instinct is to just talk it out, and then it’s done. this man sleeps like a baby.

it’s freaky.

#eat up that sweet sweet emotional trauma #band of brothers #headcanons #tw depression #tw self-harm

[tornrose24]

I don’t know why, but I came up with a Little Mermaid/Merfolk inspired AU for Captain Underpants. Yes, you just read that correctly.

...Even though I ALREADY did that for a Moana fan fic, though this one would have actual merfolk and no one loses their voice this time. And I don’t really want to make another one of those fics anytime soon and whenever I do a fan fic, its usually on fan fiction.net and they either tend to be a hit or they don’t, but this idea was too great to keep to myself. AND IT SOMEHOW WORKS AND I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT LIKE THE IDIOT I AM! Why did I grow to love CU THIS much?! As per tradition, I like to twist things so that the sources and stories can be able to blend together. Though I’d like to imagine this AU is modern enough to incoporate a kingdom on the surface with a seaside carnival/boardwalk with a turn of the 20th century to 1930’s influence, but it still has the classical fairytale elements while being able to get away with something that might come from CU, like robots or something steampunk inspired if I needed to. This is not the complete story, but this is what I’d like to imagine could happen.

  So both George and Harold are young merboys (and yes, Harold gets to be half dolphin. I don’t know what kind of creature George would be half of but I’m tempted to say half orca, unless someone can come up with a better recommendation) living in an undersea kingdom that’s not far from a kingdom by the shore on the surface. Their parents work in the castle, where they’ve lived for as long as they can remember. Its not as fun as it sounds though because there aren’t too many children in the kingdom, they don’t exactly get along that well with the king, and they have to keep their favorite hobbies a secret because... well…

Both the worlds above and below used to be in perfect harmony and supported each other in their own ways (whether they were aware of it or not) but around the time the boys were born, the king suddenly forbade any contact with the above world and any hint of it within the undersea kingdom would be met with punishment. The king–who of course would be Krupp in this AU (and whose part great white shark and has the infamous sharp teeth as a permanent part of his physical appearance instead of as a visual gag. What ELSE would he be?)–is pretty much like how he is in the books/movie and isn’t that well liked by everyone because of how strict and harsh he can be, not to mention how he’s against any forms of creativity. And of course he isn’t fond of children and he’s especially not that fond of these two merboys so seem so eager to retaliate against him with any acts of rebellion imaginable (from pranks to rearranging signs to say vulgar things). Yet he is also the most powerful being in the kingdom and his connections to the sea is strong enough that his anger can cause literal storms. Both Harold and George have heard rumors that the king wasn’t always like this–yes he did take things seriously, he didn’t have a great temper, and he didn’t have a great upbringing, but once upon a time he was a lot nicer and was said to be as curious about the world above like the others. But then one day the king suddenly became cold hearted and seemed to regard the world above as a horrible place and any form of creativity or fun to be awful and a complete waste of time. No one knows why he’s like this or even if he was secretly like this to begin with, but there is a rumor that there was a strange human scientist who used to visit the kingdom that might have done something to the king before he was exiled. Some swear that something happened and that Krupp’s ability to be compassionate and optimistic was suppressed or that he actually had his heart removed from his body and that it was contained in some sort of vessel that’s near impossible to find. Both the boys find it pretty amusing as well as disturbing, but it doesn’t change their opinion about Krupp. Despite everything, the boys love to escape the castle and go to a secret grotto (like the tree house) that’s somewhere above the water and looks like a large rock on the outside. It is also where the sun can peer though the gaps and holes to provide light, so they both love to come up with stories and draw to their heart’s content, away from judging or wrathful eyes as they enjoy the warmth of the sun.They also find odd trinkets from the surface world that they hide in the grotto that would otherwise be confiscated and they wonder what it would be like to explore this above world that the king hates so much because, from what they’ve seen, it actually seems pretty awesome and a lot more fun compared to their kingdom.

One day the boys find out that the merfolk used to go up on surface and turned themselves into humans so that they could explore the surface world, though that too is forbidden and can invoke an even more horrible punishment. Both decide that this would be the ultimate act of rebellion against the king, plus they would get an adventure out of it. I think George would be the one who is more eager to go to the surface world and be human, but Harold is more reluctant because he REALLY likes being part dolphin and he doesn’t want to leave his family like his dad left them. But George would reassure them and say that their parents might plead to the king to go easy on them if they stay up above long enough. That or finally snap and nag him about it until he gives in. After some careful searching throughout the kingdom and eventually the forbidden chambers of the castle, they finally acquire the means to turn human in the form of magical armbands or pendants and the ones they select just happen to match (like friendship bracelets because I think that would be cute as all heck). But the downside is that they made one huge distraction in the form of a prank in the attempt to get what they needed (lets just say a LOT of squid ink was involved) and they remember that the king said he would separate them forever if they ever did something on that large on the scale ever again. So the boys both agree to use this as a chance to run (err, swim?) away from home and stay on the surface world as humans and as far away from Krupp as possible for awhile. In the pandemonium they left behind, no one notices when they escape and head to the surface. And of course, in true CU fashion, security was too stupid to realize that a couple of kids tricked them and no one realizes that someone broke into the forbidden chambers for quite sometime.

When both George and Harold truly see the surface world for the first time its a lot to take in, but they both are overjoyed at what they see and they decide that the trouble they went through was worth it all. They value their hides, but they both don’t want their families to suffer so they decide to stay up on the surface world for a week at most. In the mean time they learn to adapt to being human pretty quickly, though its still an awkward process and both boys can’t shake off the feeling of how weird it feels to have legs instead of tails. That and they would need to ‘barrow’ some clothes because they are pretty sure humans wear them for a reason. Soon they are found by a boy and girl around their age who happen to be the adopted children of the king of the surface world. Both of them are child versions of the future wife of George and the future husband of Harold in this AU (and yes, these characters DO exist in the books and I think their confirmed names were Lisa and Billy), but for now they quickly befriend these strange boys who act like everything they see is completely new and they are excited about it all. They offer the two to stay in the castle and both George and Harold love it because everything is so opposite here compared to the world below–everyone loves kids, the king is a nice guy, and not only is there a lot of art and books at the castle, but creativity is actively encouraged in this kingdom. Even the school the prince and princess go to looks so much better than their old one! The boys feel like they can truly be themselves and they can get along with all these humans who fully support them and not only are they all impressed with their talents, but they offer access to anything in the library or in the court artist’s studio to help the two develop and thrive. Meanwhile the boys bond with their new friends. The prince is very studious and quiet, but he enjoys Harold and George’s shared sense of humor. The princess tries to act older than her age, but she finds their sense of humor just as funny and she’s able to break down her walls around the two, though maybe not as fast as her brother. It’s so much that its overwhelming. Could any of this be true? The boys want to stay up here forever, but they know deep down that they can’t and should they return home then everything must be kept a secret and any chance of going up ever again could be denied to them. Plus they still have moments of homesickness where they miss their families.

One of the humans the boys befriend is Edith, who works at the castle as one of the royal cooks. At first they are creeped out by her, due to her habit of popping out of nowhere at random and she comes across as rough and intimidating at first but they warm up to her after seeing that she’s actually gentle and sweet. She’s practically like an aunt towards the prince and princess and her cooking is pretty awesome too. Yes she’s a bit introverted, but she adores children, grows rather fond of George and Harold, and finds some of their antics pretty amusing.

Then one day Edith tells the boys that the kingdom by the sea is her birthplace and she never wanted to leave, but ten years ago she was forced to go to another town in order to complete her apprenticeship and develop her talents before she could find work and be able to support herself. Around that time though, there was a strange man she befriended who was like the boys–he too saw everything around him as if it were new and wonderful. She had no idea where he came from (and he didn’t seem to open to talking about himself), though their friendship got to a point where she began to develop feelings towards him and found herself falling in love, but since being social wasn’t her strong point she had no idea how to tell him and it was getting difficult to talk with him because of that. He seemed to eventually get that way too, but she had no idea if it was because he wanted to get away from her or if–dare she believe it–he felt the same way towards her as she did towards him. 

One day, Edith told the man that she had to leave the kingdom and she tried her best to say that maybe they could try to visit each other or maybe she could just write to him if it was easier, but he seemed so upset for some reason and the next day he just vanished without saying a word to her. To this day Edith deeply regrets that she was unable to summon the courage to confess her true feelings to him before it was too late. “And I try not to think about him, but I’ve never felt same way towards anyone else like I did towards him.” She sighs in regret. “I still have a picture of us in that photo book I got, up above my bed. I don’t know why and maybe I should, but I can’t bring myself to just up and throw it away.” And she’s about to show them, but then she’s called away to take care of something and leaves the boys in her room. The boys aren’t that into romance but Harold is curious as to who this person was that stole and then broke Edith’s heart. So as he goes for the photo book, George says, “Why bother? It sounds like this jerk wasn’t worth her time to begin with,” and he begins to leave when he hears a gasp and turns around to see Harold staring at one of the pages in complete shock and looks pale white. “What, what is it?” George asks but Harold can’t bring himself to say anything, so George takes a look and when he sees what Harold sees, he has a similar reaction. They both recognize the man in the photo with Edith as they stand by the ocean. She’s ten years younger and trying to keep her (then much longer) hair out of her face as the wind blows into it while she’s giving the camera a small smile. The man that the boys recognize is also ten years younger in the image, yet he’s also clearly human and giving the camera an embarrassed grin that reveals a set of perfectly normal looking teeth. And he’s looking at Edith like she’s the whole world and in his eyes is a warmth and adoration neither of the boys had even seen from him in their entire lives. Its almost like he’s a completely different person than the one who seems to hate them so much. “Krupp?” George barely lets out as he feels the urge to collapse to the ground in a daze. “Is he... happy?!” Harold barely squeaks. “Like good happy and not scary happy?! I didn’t think that was physically possible!” Their king once came to the world above and even fell in love with a human? It seems too impossible to be a thing and yet the proof is right in front of their faces! If he hated the surface world so much, then why did something from it make him that happy?! It didn’t make any sense! Yet the boys later worry if Edith somehow connects to why Krupp hates the surface world.

So sometime later there’s a big festival out on the peer/boardwalk (there ALWAYS has to be a big event on the final day in any Little Mermaid inspired AU *laughs*) and the boys had agreed to go back home afterwards, but they are still conflicted about leaving their friends behind and they want to tell Edith the truth about her old crush, but they don’t know how. They want to explain to their friends as to why they must leave and tell the king of the surface kingdom why the ocean has had frequent storms in the last decade (which translates to ‘our king has a really bad temper that can affect the ocean on his REALLY bad days’) and why its not so easy to fish out there like it used to be, but they don’t know what could happen if they tell the truth. Around this time, both Harold’s mom and George’s parents have pleaded to Krupp to let them find their children and to please soften the punishment because they want their sons back. They can take the punishment themselves if they must, but they don’t want to lose their boys forever. It takes awhile to get through to him and, as predicted, they finally get angry and can’t put up with him anymore as they swear they will go out themselves if they have to, punishment and orders be damned because they’ve now lost any respect they have left to him. Krupp is still angry but a small something buried deep down within him comes forth and he finally has the whole kingdom to look for the troublesome boys, though he’s eager to have a few choice words with them the next time he has to see their faces. Then one of the merfolk find the boys out on the surface world as humans and hanging out with human children during the festival, but they make the not so bright decision to tell this to Krupp instead of the boys’ parents. This of course angers him to the point that its terrifying to behold (like, get the heck out of the area and the surrounding area around THAT area as fast as you can). His perfect order and control has nearly been completely shattered thanks to those two boys and he decides that after all that’s happened and how much trouble those two have been, he’s going up there to punish the boys himself. Everyone doesn’t know whether to be afraid for the boys or to be amazed that Krupp is actually going up to the surface after he was against it for so long.

Without any warning, a storm happens upon the ocean and the shoreline–thunder, dark clouds, stormy weathers and stormy seas, the whole sheebang–and everyone is scrambling to safety and to evacuate the area as fast as possible and get off the rides and out of the boats at the festival. Unfortunately this sudden and violent storm will go down as one of the worst storms within the last ten years, and no one is aware of this just yet. Both George and Harold have a bad feeling they know exactly why the storm is occurring and realize they need to leave, but then they see that both the prince and the princess are trapped on the docks when a part of it gets destroyed in the chaos. The two are ok, but the gap is too wide for them to make the jump, so the boys take a risk and hurry to their aid. All the while those who work at the castle are trying to locate the children, but especially Edith because she doesn’t want to keep losing those who are so close to her heart. The boys finally reach the royal siblings and they are both able to leap the gap since there’s some crates that are angled and stacked just right for them to get across, but there’s no way back and the waters are already too dangerous for humans to swim through. Even the best human swimmer could be swept out into the ocean or be pulled in until they drown. Both George and Harold agree they need to turn back in order to help their new friends and they tell them to hold on as tightly as they can to them. In turn  the boys hold onto them, ready to jump into the water and swim as fast as possible. “Get ready to take a breath on the count of three,” George warns the princess and prince. “And hold on tight!” Harold warns. “One,” “Two,” George gulps as he braces himself as Harold opens his mouth, ready to say three when- “Oh boys,” The all too familiar voice growls in a low (almost sing like) tone that shakes George and Harold to their core. The anger that is barely contained in the voice sounds like could explode out at any moment and its more terrifying than a mere outburst of yelling. Slowly they turn around to face the very last person they ever wanted to encounter and it’s not a pretty sight. Their king who has control over the seas, is causing this storm, and has somehow found the two, is right behind them as he crawls up the docks and hoists himself up before the water raises him up to the point that he towers over them and barring his teeth in fury while looking like the scariest sea creature you could possibly imagine while a need to outright murder something is glinting in his narrow and rage filled eyes. Both boys are terrified as the prince and princess can only watch in horror at the monster before them, not realizing who he actually is. “So you thought it would be really funny to break my number one rule, turn yourselves into humans, and interact with the world above?” Krupp growls as he takes in the boys’ appearances and then notices the terrified human children they quickly try to shield. For one second this causes something to flash in his eyes as if this reminds him of something before his guard goes back up and he continues. “I set that rule up for a reason. I’ve had to put up with you two for far longer than I needed to and now you think its funny that you decided to pull this stunt off, make your parents worry, and force me to go after you?!” “Wait did you seriously just break your own rule?!” George realizes and both boys laugh despite themselves, which only gets Krupp more angry and a little embarrassed. “SHUT UP! YOU THINK I WANT TO BE UP HERE?!” He yells. “Humans don’t understand order or respect it! They get your hopes up, toy with your feelings, and give you pain! They create things that’ll only get destroyed by time! Neither world can be the same or co-exist like nothing bad could happen, so why do you insist on trying to be any part of one you don’t belong in?!” Its Harold who finally snaps and stands up to Krupp before George does. “And you would know because you did the same thing too?!” He demands and continues despite the increasing anger of the king. “Why are you so against it when you once liked it yourself? Why do you like making everyone so miserable?! What happened to make you into such a bitter, pathetic old-” “I DON’T HAVE TO ANSWER YOUR IDIOTIC QUESTIONS, YOU BOTH ARE COMING WITH ME AND I SWEAR YOU’LL WISH YOU’VE NEVER–!” “LEAVE THEM ALONE OR I’LL SHOOT, YOU MONSTER!” All eyes turn to see Edith on the other side of the gap, and even though the storm is getting worse, she is out on the docks with a harpoon gun aimed at the creature who she thinks is threatening the children. She’s terrified, yet none of the children have have seen her looking so brave or so determined. The strange monster-man hybrid threatening the children is almost intimidated, but also very annoyed and about ready to snap at the stupid human woman, but then he takes a closer look at her. In a split second, Krupp loses his anger and looks at Edith as if she were a ghost while it takes her a few seconds to see that–to her complete shock–she actually recognizes who he is, despite some pretty noteworthy physical changes. In the moment he sees her, Krupp is taken back to one of the few times he could recall ever being truly happy with the last person he felt any genuine affection towards and when he could still see the world with optimistic eyes. Back to a time before he realized that the world seemed to be out to give him constant grief no matter what he did and he had to sacrifice happiness for duty. Back before he was told that the girl he lost his heart to would never love him if he took her away from her world or if she learned the truth that she would be running away in fear. Back before he decided that if the world was going to keep being awful to him, then there was no point in feeling love or being optimistic anymore, so he had the human scientist cut out almost all his ability to feel those emotions and locked them away in a vessel so that he would never feel the pains of heartbreak or despair if things ever went horribly wrong ever again. Back before he made it so that he wouldn’t have to be reminded of the young woman or the surface world for what they had done to him ever again and to be able to have complete control over something that was within his power. Yet it looks like all that was to be denied to him as he watches the harpoon gun slip out of Edith’s trembling hands and into the water. The confusion and pain in those deep blue eyes (eyes he once wanted to get lost in forever and to caress the lovely face they belonged to) as she finally sees him for what he actually is and what he has become, which causes him to feel the pain he wanted so much to avoid and, for the first time in so long, he finds himself filled with overwhelming shame and regret. “Benjamin?” Edith half asks, half realizes in a lost sounding voice as she just stares at the person she never got the chance to confess her love to all those years ago.

Annnnnnd cliffhanger because I haven’t thought out everything yet. But yeah, that would be how it plays out.

So... I know I didn’t have a spot for CU himself in this AU, but if you want, then yeah it could be like when Ariel’s voice taken away, where all of Krupp’s good emotions were cut out and they took on the form of CU, who might also possess Krupp’s physical heart (sort of like a ‘Pirates of the Caribbean: dead men’s chest’ or ‘Howl’s Moving Castle’ thing), but he’s contained in a vessel like Ursula’s shell. Like maybe a certain important red ring. And I think it would be fitting that the boys are able to find the vessel at some point, whether it be hidden away or was taken by someone who has a grudge against both kingdoms. CU doesn’t have an actual body though, so he would be more like a spirit or something akin to the genie from Aladdin, but the catch is that only children who are genuinely good of heart and character can see him, which is partly why it was so hard to find the vessel within those ten years. The boys would be a little taken aback by almost how much CU looks like Krupp (if you want him to also have the shark teeth, they would be more rounded and less sharp looking) and yet how different he is in personality. CU would become immediately fond of the boys after they freed him, but he has no clue who or what he is. All he knows is that he doesn’t feel complete and he needs to be somewhere important, but has no clue where. He feels a pull towards the ocean but every time he tries to get in, it seems to force him out. (And also just to be more depressing, seeing Edith makes CU very happy for reasons he can’t understand. A lot of things give him joy and make him excited like he’s a child, but this one person invokes a feeling of strong adoration. But she can’t see or hear him and it also makes him sad for a reason he’s not so sure of.) CU promises that he will look out for the boys and protect them when they absolutely need him the most until he remembers what he needs to do and in the meantime he treats them as if he were like his own children or younger brothers (even if he acts like a child himself at times). And as much as the boys appreciate it, they start to wonder if MAYBE that infamous rumor is true because why is there someone who looks so much like the king that they hate and yet so opposite in personality that there’s almost no way he could have any connection to him? And if so, then who would want to do that to the king in the first place without trying to stop him or convince him out of it?

Any way, I don’t really want to be writing another multi-chapter Little Mermaid/Merfolk inspired AU fan fic again any time soon, but I’m open to answering questions about this AU I came up with.

#captain underpants #mermaid inspired au #I don't know what exactly to call it though #george beard #harold hutchins #mr. krupp #edith the lunch lady #weirdest thing for an au considering the source material #george and harold's future spouses are in this as children #seriously why did I come up with this?

[pigeonacademic]

pipermccloud So far, i've made other alien species for the gems to interact with; some they've fought, some they're neutral with, others they've aided (or been aided by) and some they've opened trade with

thegemnants that's cool! i think it's really neat for the gems to actually be involved in intergalatic affairs with other species. considering how much of the universe they must've combed through, it would make sense for them to have at least met ONE species as powerful as them.

pipermccloud Yep! Could also be a reason why they need a lot of planets and why they had to quickly churn out half-baked gems for the war

pipermccloud Because resources were low by fighting an even bigger war

thegemnants in my fic, red diamond once commit genocide against an entire species which the gems were allied with, and because of that, the gems were ex communicated from the Union... which is one of the reasons why red diamond is so awful and yeah, if there were other aliens, it would make sense why the gems need more resources

pipermccloud The Union? I haven't heard much of REd Diamond Are you going to make a post on it? I need to go downstairs to check on my sisters real quick

thegemnants The Union is just a generic term I'm using to refer to the alignment between the other aliens :P and i do think you've seen red diamond, i'm probably going to draw some more intimidating pix of her

pipermccloud ! ^-^ I've seen her before, and she does look like she'll crush you if you so much aas look at her funny

thegemnants yep! because she did that horrible atrocity to the alien species, gemkinds reputation tarnished. but it doesn't end there, because red diamond was also exiled from the gempire as a whole. not just because she commit that genocide, but because of how she did it-- forcing fusion with the other 4 Diamonds.

pipermccloud BIG YIPES

thegemnants So, Red Diamond was cast out, and took her Court with her, vanishing to create her own empire. And she was gone for millions of years before returning, stronger than ever. There's more to it than that, but yeeeeah, that's red diamond's story :'D

pipermccloud DAMN SHE'S HORRIFYING Suggested nickname for her: The Red Death

thegemnants absolutely! :D Sometimes I wanna call her Blood Diamond, which is an actual term! but, you knooooow gems dont have blood :'D

pipermccloud Pfffft! True So, how is her empire like? I bet she was real rough on them now that she was on her ow n

thegemnants it's a dystopian hellscape where gems are shattered for showing the slightest bit of disrespect or noncomfority. yellow wishes she had the heart to be this intense. the only gems free from red diamond's wrath are her pearl and her zirconia, because they've been so brainwashed that they would never even THINK of doing something that would upset their diamond.

pipermccloud sent a GIF

holy cow- So, she's a dictator basically, a warmonger?

thegemnants HellllLLLL YEAH!

thegemnants and the thing is, she and her court live entirely on ships she leaves nothing left of the planets she harvests Gems from

pipermccloud OOH o-o She makes them go ka-boom. Out of not wanting to leave a trace, leave any resources for the others or just because of sadism?

thegemnants mostly just wanting to be undetectable now, what if i told you, that in my fic, there's someone worse than red diamond :'D

pipermccloud Okay, how can anyone other than Space Satan herself be more terrifying- I'm curious how o_o

thegemnants So, you may be wondering this, not just in fic sense but just in SU canon general.

thegemnants Where did the Diamonds come from? Well, a long time ago, a burst of magic born of the gap between universe brought life to a planet of carbon. Not of carbon-based minerals or carbon-based organisms, but purely of the element Carbon. "I want friends, I want friends," she cried, this living Carbon.

pipermccloud O-O

thegemnants So, from her body, she created 5 children: the Diamonds. Red, Pink, Blue, Yellow, and White. "But it's not enough" So, after a while, Carbon sent her children out to make "more friends" Thus, the first Gem Colony was created "But it's not enough, it will never be enough"

thegemnants So, the Diamonds continued to spread out, taking planet after planet, creating Gem after Gem

pipermccloud O_O

thegemnants However, after a supernova, the Diamonds were seperated from Carbon. Even though she no longer had her grasp on them, the Diamonds were still terrified of what would happen if they didn't please her. So they kept grabbing planets and making Gems.

pipermccloud holy cow

thegemnants But then, guess what? When Red Diamond was banished, she went to the other side of the universe

pipermccloud what

thegemnants AND GUESS WHO SHE FOUND AND BROUGHT BACK TO HOMEWORLD

pipermccloud CARBON

thegemnants AND GUESS WHAT CARBON DID WHEN SHE GOT TO HOMEWORLD TO PUNISH THE CHILDREN WHO WERE SO CRUEL TO HER SISTER AND SO RUDE TO HAVE NEVER LOOKED FOR HER

thegemnants SHE TOOK A BIG BITE OUT OF IT AND ABSORBED BILLIONS OF GEMS INTO HER BODY and when i say absorbed, i mean they are digesting forever inside of her while being completely concious and part of a hivemind so yeah, carbon is the "final boss" of the fic

pipermccloud I cannot find a gif for the life of me to express how horrific that is So, Cluster but over 90000 holy shit

thegemnants Yep! And that's the entire reason why Yellow wants the Cluster. What better to take out a planet-sized monster than a planet-sized monster?

thegemnants It probably would've only served as a distraction, though.

pipermccloud How many gems know of Carbon's existence? For the newer ones, is she regarded as a myth?

pipermccloud Also, what does Carbon look like?

thegemnants oooh, carbon being a scary myth that agates used to scare new recruits is actually a really good idea!

pipermccloud :D

thegemnants originally i was gonna go with a 'just diamonds know', but very, VERY old gems probably know, too and carbon is like a giant, black planet, slightly larger than earth, with a face a fucked-up nightmare face and she reflects no light have you heard of hellstar remina? that's what i'm envisioning carbon to look like, but all dark and stuff

pipermccloud I haven't actually, but holy-cow, imagine her eclipsing Homeworld..a dark shadow falls across the gempire, and wait-does it have TEETH AND EYES-

heres a picture of remina from hellstar remina basically something like this mixed with the face of an elderly woman

pipermccloud !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pipermccloud sent a GIF

You got an eye for nightmare fuel

thegemnants awww thank you ;w;

pipermccloud She's VERY terrifying, both in personality AND appearance Red Diamond is practically Mother Thersa compared to her, isn't she?

thegemnants pretty much! :'D even red is terrified of her at first red wanted to pull a "mommy, my siblings were mean to me! aren't you going to punish them?" but when carbon took that nice, juicy bite out of homeworld she immediately went to "WTF MOM THIS ISNT WHAT I MEANT!"

pipermccloud Classic mom, always misunderstanding and doing things her own way-

pipermccloud Is it likely she'll take a bite out of her own kids too?

thegemnants they'd have to do something reeeeeally bad for that to happen, so while possible, not likely not that it's much of a solace, considering she'll still breath down your neck and cause constant anxiety with her moon-sized eyes staring down at you

pipermccloud eugg I feel so sorry for all the Diamonds even Red And this also just gave me an idea for art! How many Diamonds did Carbon have again-

thegemnants 5, but she could probably make more if she wanted. she just chooses not to :D

pipermccloud "Okay, five's enough for me, this bunch is getting out of hand."

thegemnants not to mention, since she literally turns parts of her body into the diamonds, it would probably hurt a lot huhuhu

pipermccloud Ooh, planet-version of labor pain I'm going out on a limb here and guessing she likes Red better than the others? thegemnants Well, in her eyes, Red DID come and find her, even if it wasn't actually intended. So, she probably liked Red the best. Speaking of RD's dystopian style gempire, how much does it differ from Homeworld?

thegemnants i guess it's just really... tight. homeworld as we see it in the show seems pretty bland and generic as far as alien empires go, but in my fic, i want it to be like a mirror of earth where some things are similar but the things that are different are so vastly different that its hard to wrap your head around it. (not saying that my version is better, im just not a fan of the way this show is handling its mythology)

thegemnants Whereas Red Diamond is just a complete warrior culture where none of the members have any free time at all (except for RD's Pearl and Zirconia)They're always training, training, training, working, working, working. Ship builders and engineers and mechanics have to be constantly on their toes, since the Court lives solely on ships Soldiers have to be constantly sparring one another until exhaustion cycles into movation Sapphires have to novelize any and all visions Mages have to work on spells, Tourmalines have to work on maps, Agates have to constantly supervise, etc etc etc There is literally no room for anything else

Architect wise, how do the ships look inside and out?

thegemnants big enough to be cities, but inside, it's mostly just angular and grey monotonousness. but the gems in RD's court are just so used to it that they can tell the slightest differences in these highly-similar locations to find their way around and yes, shattering always is a fear sans those higher-up, who are the only ones allowed to show any sign of slack Do they have a uniform or is it a variety, as long as it allows them to function?

thegemnants it's all uniform per gem race, although, i suppose somewhat thankfully, red diamond does like to get fancy with it thegemnants I feel like she'd prefer to stay sedentary unless she has a reason to move. Although I also think she has a room where she goes when she's upset where she just fucking beats up statues to get her stress out.  @ufolotus

#please keep tis safe #omputer is ating te gufuk up and i ant een type a lot of letters i ae to opy and paste and i may need to get a new one but i migt not be abe