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royallyprincesslilly · 3 years

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Title: Crown For Two {2}

Henry Cavill AU x OFC Xari Thornton AU

Warning: Plot, Mild Cursing, Cheesy Christmas Themes

Words: 4.2k

Summary: Xari Thornton is a travel photographer with a blog and social media that garners some heavy-duty traffic. People tune in to see where she is and what she’s doing there, all in hopes of either living vicariously through her or to plan their next vacation.

Her slogan; “Traveling the path to the most off-beaten places, so you don’t have to.”

Her next stop on her four destination travel itinerary of “Places You May Never Have Heard Of” is Sandvell, a small European country. When her plane makes an impromptu stop due to bad weather, she has no idea where she is. It feels like she’s stepped inside of a snow globe and back in time in a modern way. It leaves her fascinated.

This bad weather forces her to stay at an Inn, The Beaux, for the night. Rather than letting the hours tick by in her room, she explores and meets the friendly locals. While taking photographs, one local in particular captures her lens with eyes as blue as the ocean and a jaw that was chiseled from stone. They strike up conversation during their time drinking at one of the local bars, Ickles. Once they separate, she gets herself into a harrowing situation.

As soon as she awakens, she realizes she’s not in some fever dream, but a palace and the owner of the palace is none other than the local she met before with the piercing blue eyes, His Royal Highness Henry Wellington Leopold Danglishton, First of his name, Crown Prince of Brexendor.

Note: All right, all right people, the ride begins. I really, really hope you enjoy this. As a note, it’s going to be fast-paced a bit, and I am gonna overload you with pictures because why the hell not, it’s a Christmas Fic. 😁 Feel free to come by and tell me what you guys think.

As always, thank you all for reading, I appreciate each and every one of you.

If you enjoyed this, please, LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG!!! ❤️❤️

***Loosely Edited/Proofread***

***Interactive***

***Picture Heavy***

Previous Chapters: {1} |

Chapter Two

You were running around in a whiteout snowstorm. There was no way to see in front or back of you. Your hands were your eyes, and even they were doing a pretty lousy job. A strong gust of find flew you to the right, then to the left before it hurled you forward. It sent you so hard to the ground your entire body shook from the fall. It was the most challenging feat to get back to your feet, and when you did, another gust of wind sent you into a pole.

As you gripped it, you held on for dear life and prayed that somehow you’d made it through this. As you held on, you recognized that none of this felt real. It felt strange. The pain you were in was real, beginning with the throbbing in your head, the burning of your muscles throughout your body, and even the tightness all through your entire being.

When your hands gave out, you began falling to the snow-covered ground. Before you made contact with the ground, a pair of strong arms caught you and pulled you into their body. As soon as they did, you felt like the storm around you disappeared. The howling wind slowed, the blinding snow stilled, and the bone-chilling cold turned to instant warmth. Once you’d adjusted, you looked up; your eyes trailed over a strong, defined jawline, smooth skin, and piercing blue eyes.

You recognized this man. Although you were watching his lips move, you didn’t hear anything. No words, only the sound of white noise. Your fingers touched his lips, then slowly traced his cheek and down his jaw, but you felt as if you weren’t touching anything at all. That was when his voice came into focus.

“I will protect you. I will keep you safe.”

He looked as if he meant it, looked like no matter what, come what may, he would keep his word. Suddenly a strong blast of wind began pulling you from him, but he held on tightly to you. Even when the wind picked up, he wouldn’t let go. Thanks to the heavily falling snow that fell over your clasped hands, after a few moments, you felt your grip slipping. Panic filled you but looking at him; he looked as calm as ever.

“I will always find you.”

With that, the wind took you away, pulling you into a dark abyss. That was when you screamed, jumping up while flailing your arms and legs. It took almost a minute to realize your surroundings were no longer snowed out and dark. Slowly you calmed yourself, then dropped back onto the bed. Once you’d caught your breath, the sight above you had your eyes bugging. With your arms pressed to the bed on either side of you, your jaw dropped.

Above you was a white ceiling with embossed and engraved drawings etched into it with an enormous golden chandelier dangling in the center. You nudged your head back slightly to take in the golden decorative border that ran around the canopy of the bed. That was when the headboard caught your eyes. Cream tuffets that were embellished with gold-framed the Brocard design of the cream and deep turquoise headboard. Slowly you sat up, and the intricacies of the posts of the bed came into view. It looked like someone had hand-carved and painted the golden designs onto it. You wondered how long it had taken and just how much this cost.

The more your eyes took in as you scanned the room, the wider they got. Turquois, cream, and gold seemed to be the theme of the room, and it was all done so exquisitely well that you couldn’t help but marvel at the beauty around you.

“Oh my god.”

Looking to your right, you examined the comfortable looking settee and the large vase and the decorative plant and flower mixture it held.

“Where the hell am I?”

There was no way this was the inn. The last you remembered, there was nothing but wood there. You slid to the edge of the extra-large king-sized bed and placed your feet on what you expected to be cold marble, but it was warm. Heated floors, you thought to yourself.

You stood, but sudden dizziness had you dropping right back to the bed, clutching your head.

“Ouch!’

Feeling pain, your alarms went off. You didn’t know what had happened, where you were, or why you were in pain. You could hear footsteps approaching the door, and your panic rose exponentially. You quickly scanned the room looking for anything you could use as a weapon, worried you were held in some creepy eastern European rich man who wanted you to participate in round four of the human centipede experiment.

Seeing nothing in your nearby vicinity, you zeroed in on a large vase across the room on a cream and gold dresser. Gathering whatever strength you had, you staggered toward the dresser, damn near crashing into it. As you gripped the edge of the dresser, hoping to stabilize yourself, it was then you realized that what you wore was not yours. It was some dainty nightgown that looked like it could have belonged to Mari Antoinette.

The footsteps got louder, and you grabbed the vase. It was a lot heavier than you’d anticipated, and you had to half sit on the dresser even to hold it. As soon as the door opened, there stood a middle-aged woman in a blue skirt suit with a white scarf around her neck that was tied in the posh way the rich usually did them. Not giving her an opportunity to make a move, you flung the vase at her with all your might. As it collided with a chair not too far from you, it shattered with such loudness it started you and the middle-aged woman.

“Dear me!”

With that, she slammed the French doors shut. You heard her heeled footsteps scurrying away. Though you didn’t feel any stronger, you decided not to wait around for someone else to come back. You staggered across the room to the doors that were just slammed, making sure to avoid the shattered pottery on the floor. You hadn’t missed all the pieces because you felt the sharp stab of a shard enter your foot bottom.

“Fuck!”

You hopped, then collided with the door. Your dizziness returning tenfold. Taking a few seconds for the room to stop spinning, you then bent to access your foot. Being on one only made your balance worse. You quickly pulled the shard from your foot and ignored the gush of blood that came from the wound. It would take hours for any bleeding from the foot to be life-threatening. You needed to get the hell out of there.

Flinging open the French doors, you walked out into an opulent sitting area with several dark blue and white chairs decorated around the room and a roaring fire against a wall.

“What the fuck!”

Ignoring the equally beautiful room as the one you’d just left, you staggered toward the door of that room. Once you flung that open, you entered into a large hallway with a long corridor. The walls were impressively decorated with plenty of photographs and paintings, and the ceiling above you had more of that embossed and engraved design. It was then you continued walking at a much faster pace. You could have been going toward danger for all you knew.

“Ma’am!”

You looked behind you and saw the same woman from before, but now she had two men that were dressed in suits, and the three of them were dashing toward you. In true survival of the fittest instincts, you took off running as well. If someone was chasing you, you ran. You didn’t stand there or ask questions, especially as a black woman. Turning the corner, you continued to run on shaky legs and with blurry vision without knowing where you were going. Glancing back, the three were still chasing you and shouting for you to stop, but you didn’t.

When you turned around, you ran smack dab into someone carrying a trey. As you collided with them, the trey went one direction and the individual another, still you didn’t stop. Thanks to the collision, your dizziness had returned, slowing your steps, making them sloppy, shakier, and zig-zagged. You knew you were seconds from blacking out, but you pushed yourself more.

“Stop, miss, stop!”

Everything sounded muffled. Suddenly you heard a louder sound break through the muffled and mumbles mess. You looked back, and the three pursuers had stopped. When you turned back, you ran into a hard body, but you didn’t fall. They held you firmly. You peered into familiar eyes, eyes that were filled with concern and alarm. His mouth was moving, but you heard no words. With his eyes seared into your memory, you passed out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

-Henry-

Every five minutes or so, his phone rang or sent off a notification. Every five or so minutes, he pressed silent on every one of them. This has been going on for the last two hours. He’d sat in the sitting area first as the doctors accessed her and tended to her wound. For that hour, he was able to do some work. Though his mind was somewhat occupied, he had to put on the façade, he was his usual self.

After the first hour, he’d moved to the bedroom suite to sit beside the bed. The doctor reported that you were suffering from delirium, a common diagnosis for someone who’d suffered a concussion. His orders were for as much rest as possible in a low-stress environment. When Dr. Alfonzi emphasized a low stressful environment, he’d wanted to roll his eyes. What was more stress-free than where you were right now?

Now alone having answered over fifty emails and messages, he’d found himself with a sliver of downtime. Heaven knew how long that would last. His eyes drifted to your still form in the bed. You were securely tucked underneath the covers. You looked peaceful as if you hadn’t been through possibly the most harrowing experience of your life. The only outward evidence of that experience was a patch on your forehead that concealed the nasty gash he knew was there.

Slowly he scanned your face, taking in your beautiful and exotic features. The shape of your eyes, the flare of your nose, how well defined your lips were, and how supple your skin appeared to be. His fingers itched to touch your cheek again as he had in the bar. At the thought of the bar, your first meeting, he drifted back to the memories and fondly smiled, remembering your friendly banter, the ease of the conversation, and all the relaxation he felt with you. It was rare for him to even begin to let his guard down to let anyone in, but with you, for those two or three hours, he was tempted to as he’d never been before. he even told you a few things he wouldn’t have told anyone else.

Sighing, he pulled his eyes away, but his head quickly went to the debacle in the halls of the palace. He hadn’t expected to see you when he turned the corner, but he wasn’t disappointed. To be truthful, he’d thought about you on and off during all his morning meetings. The plan was if he had time in the evening, he’d check on you. When you passed out into his arms, the nightgown you wore captured his attention. He would have questioned who the hell put you in it, but the sight of peeks of your skin underneath the flimsy material held his attention instead.

As he carried you back to your room, he had to work extra hard not to look down and skim your body or the darkened areolas he’d glimpsed. When he slipped you back into the bed before the help placed the covers over you, he saw a peek of your backside that sent his hips thrusting forward quickly. The memory of it had him changing his position in the settee before getting up altogether to pace your room. He’d chosen it without giving it much thought. It was the first one he found. Now he felt you probably could do with a different one.

Your moans startled him, bringing him out of his thoughts. As he approached the bed, you turned your head from side to side as your moans became more and more audible. It didn’t take long for him to wonder if your carnal moans sounded like this or if they were different. He shook his head while mentally chastising himself for the thoughts, then focused back on you.

When your eyes opened, he did his best not to appear intimidating. It was a common comment among the feedback that was sporadically collected from the citizens. Your eyes focused on him after quickly scanning your surroundings. When you realized he was there, you quickly shot up and hurried back to the headboard. He noticed the covers remained across your lap, leaving your upper half exposed to his eager eyes. Groaning, he closed his eyes.

“Calm down,” he said as he motioned to the covers.

He waited a few moments, hoping you’d understood what he meant. When he opened his eyes, you held the covers over your chest but also held the lamp that was on the bedside table in your left hand. Raising his hands into the air, he took a step back.

“Let us not do something brash, Y/N.”

Confusion flickered across your features, and for a split second, you lowered the lamp but rose it again.

“How do you know my name?”

Raising his eyebrows, he thought of how to breach the topic. “We met in the bar. Do you remember?”

You scrunched your face, looking away to your right. He wondered if you were also suffering from memory loss.

“You sat beside me and arrogantly tried the Mistletoe Bomb that you could not even finish and had me finish it instead.”

“It was disgusting. Wait, I do remember.”

He nodded but kept his hands in the air, hoping the action gave you peace of mind.

“Good. What else do you remember?”

You bit your bottom lip then stared at the sheets on the bed. You remained silent for about a minute, then you spoke.

“We—talked. Then—we almost—did we--,” you stuttered then shook your head. “Then I left. It was cold, a lot colder, and the snow was heavy. I could barely see, it was next to impossible, and the wind it took me everywhere. Then—I don’t—I don’t know.”

You looked at him again with even more confusion in your eyes then before.

“Yes,” he began before he cleared his throat. “I am afraid the wind must have blown you into the street right before my car came along. It seems we accidentally hit you.”

You looked as if you were trying to remember, but you sighed and lowered the lamp to the bed rather than back to the side table.

“I am awfully sorry, Y/N. My driver did not see you until it was too late. He swerved, but we still collided with you due to the drift over the snow. When I got to you, you were unconscious, so I brought you here to receive medical care.”

Your eyes shot up to him then.

“Medical care? Am I in the hospital? This doesn’t look like any hospital I’ve ever been in.”

He cleared his throat, lowered his hands, then rubbed the back of his neck. He knew that bringing you here would make it next to impossible to keep the truth of his full identity hidden.

“That is because you are not in the hospital.”

“Then—where am I? have you dragged me somewhere and locked me up for your sick perverse pleasure?” As you said the words, you rose the lamp again, ready to throw it at him.

Again, he rose his hands. He knew you didn’t know that the lamp wouldn’t do anything if he really were a threat.

“Perverse pleasure? Are you implying that I would find pleasure in you?” He leaned against one of the posts as he smirked.

You rolled your eyes and kissed your teeth.

“Of course you would. I know I’m a dime piece.”

Understanding the terminology, he couldn’t help but laugh. “I agree.”

You didn’t speak right away, you stared at him, and he wanted to know what you were thinking so badly. This was the third time he’d seen this look, and it ticked at his curiosity to know you more. He cleared his throat and straightened himself.

“I assure you, I have not whisked you off to hold you captive for any pleasure than your health and safety.”

You took him in for a few moments but kept the lamp raised.

“Where am I?”

“My home.”

Your eyebrows rose as you looked around the room. No doubt, taking in all the luxury around the room. He knew the question was coming.

“Home? What kind of—where the hell--,” you began before you were interrupted by a knock at the door.

He sighed, then spoke. “A moment, please. Come.”

“Your highness,” Audrina began as she gave a brief curtsy. “The physician brought the medication for the patient.”

She approached, holding a tray that held a lone bottle. Once she was close, he took the bottle, thanking her.

“Hold the fuck up.”

Audrina paused with her eyes wide open, taking you in. Pinching his lips, he tried to stifle the laugh that was ready to escape.

“Good word, such language.”

Snorting, he released a chuckle.

“Me? You just said, highness. What is that? Why did she call you that?”

You gasped loudly with your eyes the size of saucers. “Oh my god. Are you—are you--.”

“That is all, Audrina, thank you.”

She nodded, gave another curtsy, and walked from the room. Once the doors were closed, he approached the bed slowly and cautiously. He didn’t want a lamp to the face.

“I was not entirely forthcoming with you the night in the bar,” he began.

“You lied about who you are?”

“No, not completely. My name is Henry. I evaded telling you what I did for a living. Goodness, I guess I will just come out with it then. I am Henry, but I am also—Prince of Brexendor.”

Your face was stuck in a mixture of shock and horror. Now more than ever, he wanted to know what you were thinking. A minute ticked by, then two, and each minute that passed, your expression became more and more pronounced.

“A—you’re a—p-prince?”

There was another knock at the door to increase his frustrations. He didn’t respond right away, he watched you, waiting for you to speak, but another knock came before your words did.

“Your highness?”

He sighed then told them to enter; in walked Dr. Alfonzi . He bowed, then approached the bed.

“How is our patient?”

Their eyes trained on you, but you didn’t speak. Dr. Alfonzi looked at him, unsure of what to say.

“Your highness, unfortunately, I am going to have to ask you to step out so I can talk with the patient.”

He nodded. “Of course. Will it be all right if I came by in an hour or two?”

You didn’t respond for quite a while, but you slowly nodded as he began to turn. Dr. Alfonzi bowed again as he passed him and walked out of the room. Once he entered the sitting area, McArthur stood and bowed his head.

“Your highness, is the lady well?”

“We go. We have to make it across town to the magistrate,” he said instead of answering his question.

Once he was in the car, he went over the documents in prep for the meeting he knew would take everything out of him. Every time he encountered Prime Minister Lancaster, the exchange always left him agitated and in need of a drink and solitude. There was something about the man that went past his defiance and terseness that rubbed him the wrong way.

“Your highness. I hope you extended my apologies to the lady for hitting her with the car,” McArthur inquired.

“Does it matter? When you saw us in the bar, you made it clear you thought I should not have allowed her to stay. Had a change of heart?”

“As your driver, protector, and friend, I was simply looking out for your best interest, sir. Outsiders have proven themselves as untrustworthy in the past.”

He nodded as he remembered the incident he was referring to, then cleared his throat. “I did not get to apologize for you, but I made sure she understood it was an accident.”

He stared out the window at the falling snow and his country. That still didn’t feel natural to say. Yes, it was his country of birth, but everyone wanted him to now look at it as belonging to him. he wasn’t ready yet. It still felt too soon. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t realize when McArthur pulled up to the Magistrate buildings. After taking a few deep breaths in an effort to steel himself, he walked out, ready for yet another contentious meeting.

As he passed his constituents, they bowed or curtsied, showing their respect for the crown and him. He nodded his head to each of them, an equal show of respect. A monarchy was nothing without the people it governs. It was the first lesson his father had taught him.

“Your Highness,” Prime Minster Lancaster addressed once he was a few steps away.

He watched the older man bow deeply. When Lancaster rose, he saluted him as the respected soldier he was, as well as Crown Prince. He took the man before him in not in any rush to give him the approval to lower his salute. Sometimes he liked to remind the man he was in charge and not the other way around.

“At ease, Prime Minister.”

Lancaster clenched his jaw and stood to his side, granting him access to the conference room. He listened to the quiet council of Alton, his royal advisor, as he gave notes about the meeting as everyone filed into the room. Once they stood before their seats, waiting for him to sit first, he did just that. Finally seated, he banged the gavel against its golden holder.

“Let us begin,” he said, signaling the beginning of the meeting.

This time of year, the many plans and discussions involved Christmas and the year’s many festivities. When it came to talking about those festivities, money was always brought up. He was all about keeping traditions alive because Brexendor was made of traditions, but he also believed that it had to seek to advance itself in order for the country to survive another turn of the times.

Brexendor was considered a very wealthy place, and there had been many who had tried to usurp its wealth, thinking it was a weak country only to find out that Brexendor was not only wealthy but powerful and strong with one of the best defense systems. He’d spent years in the armed forces learning all the ins and outs of said defenses, all in prep for the day he would take the throne.

Every time he brought up plans to modernize Brexendor, Prime Minister Lancaster always objected, citing that changing now would wash away the countries rich history. When he made this argument, he always appealed to the many elders who held other important magistrate seats. Once that happened, he knew his argument would fall on deaf ears, and with the instability that was already present in the monarchy, he couldn’t risk shaking their faith in him. Not right now.

After discussing other matters that were essential to Brexendor’s flourishment, the meeting came to an end. When he got into the car, the glance at his watch told him as expected; it was a meeting that took up the majority of his evening. He had to figure out a way to bring the other magistrate members to his side in order to get things done. Lancaster was old. He had no idea what it would take to keep Brexendor a superpower as the world changed with even more modernization. He knew he was right.

By the time he got back to the palace, it was almost ten o’clock. He’d missed dinner, but that wasn’t what he cared about. He dismissed his immediate staff, assuring them he could tend to himself for the evening, and proceeded to his room. Before he took too many steps, he stopped knowing that his room was in the opposite direction from yours. Glancing at his watch again, he tried to decide if it was a good idea to visit you at this time. He knew the palace had eyes, and he knew he would be noticed going into your suites at this hour. Not wanting to set tongues wagging, he sighed and proceeded to his room.

Tomorrow was another day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

***If you want to be tagged/untagged please SEND AN ASK SO IT WILL BE EASIER FOR ME TO KEEP TRACK OF. Thank you for reading!!!***

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TagList:

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#crown for two fic #henry cavill #henry cavill fanfiction #henry cavill x reader #henry cavill x you #henry cavill x black reader #henry cavill x black ofc #black fanfiction #royalty au #henry cavill au #christmas fic

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perkynurples · 3 years

Note

Some questions about the "likes and reblogs," would you say it's wrong to have a creator blog, where you just post your own art/stories, rather than lots of reblogs and random thoughts? Should an owner of such a blog feel obligated to create another blog for reblogging stuff, if they don't want to "dilute" their creator blog? If someone isn't going to reblog, would you rather they didn't "like" either? How do you feel about note comments?

‘Wrong’ is not the word I’d use at all. ‘Cumbersome’, maybe. I’ve been a creator on Tumblr a good long while, and there was a time when I believed a side blog for all my creations would make sense, but in the end... It might have worked four, six, eight years ago, when blogs dedicated to certain fannish creations, like ask blogs and stuff, were all the rage, but not so much anymore.

Right now, Tumblr is a chill environment mostly because a lot, and I mean A LOT of the creative talent disappeared off to Twitter a while ago. People like to joke about it and said all the weird ones went there, which is TRUE, but also there’s just so many artists there that wouldn’t even think of posting here anymore, which makes me incredibly sad, but that’s how it is. Tumblr used to be THE site for fandom artists, but not anymore, which is wild, since it’s just much more functional than Twitter when it comes to something as simple as, oh I don’t know, tagging your work and finding it later.

All of this is to say, anything goes. These days, I feel like who’s been here for a while understands that nobody else has the energy to run multiple blogs. Sure, I still see people having main blogs and side fandom blogs and whatnot, but ultimately??? If you’re creating for, say, a fandom you’re actively interested in??? You’re still going to have a much easier time garnering attention if it’s all on the same blog, reblogs AND your own creations alike. Speaking from experience here. I can understand not wanting to “dilute” the experience, but the time of fandom connoisseurs is long gone, I feel like.

And when it comes to likes... God, of course I prefer people interact with the content AT ALL, but I am reiterating here, likes count for jack shit on Tumblr. They really really do. They are at best a two-second burst of serotonin for the creator, but they don’t help their work spread, and ultimately, they don’t even convey that much, really. Twitter is a whole nother animal, because likes actually help the post be more visible over there, but Tumblr doesn’t work that way, at all.

By note comments I imagine you mean replies to posts? Those are fantastic, as is gushing in the tags, bc I don’t know about any of my fellow creators, but these are on par with comments on the fic itself in my head. I LIVE for reading people’s replies and tags, and some of my favorite comments are still these long-ass tag threads that I have copy-pasted somewhere.

All of this is a really roundabout way to say, please reblog. We’re all just curating our own little experiences here, and I promise it’s not going to fuck up your blog’s aesthetic if you reblog a piece of art, a gifset, a chapter update, anything that someone created that really resonates with you. What is going to happen, is other people getting a glimpse of something they might not have seen otherwise, and thinking huh, and maybe reblogging it themselves and spreading the word. That’s what Tumblr’s always been about, in my opinion.

#ask #man I can't believe I've been on this hellsite for well over a decade #and I can't believe I struggle even calling it a hellsite anymore #it's just..... it's changed so much when it comes to fan content #and how it's appreciated and distributed #Anonymous

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kinetic-elaboration · 3 years

Text

March 15: Thoughts on Fandom

Not feeling too well this evening but hopefully a good night's sleep will make me feel better and tomorrow will be low key and chill. And my hot water will be fixed successfully.

I was thinking today about how I've felt for a long time that I'm 'between fandoms' even though technically, literally, I'm not. I continue to write and read for The 100 but I don't entirely feel like I'm in the fandom. Sometimes I think I should just leave officially, but then I think--but to go where? And "Star Trek" seems both an obvious and an incorrect answer. It's like I'm not truly invested anywhere, but in a sort of limbo-like space.

Anyway, so I broke it down like this.

I want 3 three things from "fandom," broadly speaking:

1. To engage with media that I really love.

Examples: waiting for new installments (for ongoing media); rewatching or rereading; obsessing over how great the characters or stories are, dissecting plot lines and themes.

2. To engage with a fan community that also loves the media I love.

Examples: reading fanfiction; reading meta; engaging in online discussions; reading other people's excited posts; following blogs relating to the media in question; reblogging gifsets/graphics/fan art

3. To engage creatively with the source material through transformative works.

Example: writing fanfiction.

Ideally, I'd have one piece of media that fulfills all of these purposes. That was T100 for me for a while. But then I stopped watching the show in late S4, and got farther and farther away from the 'current' fandom. And then the show ended, and on such a sour note, so that the fandom itself, the fan community, started changing. And at the same time, I started getting seriously back into Star Trek again.

So now I'm in this place, where I'm still at least kind of engaged in all three aspects of the fandom experience, but not in a unified way.

Star Trek is fulfilling the first purpose of fandom for me, right now. I'm loving rewatching TOS, and the AOS movies too, and I just have a lot of Emotions about the characters and universe. It's that good kinda excitement that a show (or book or movie or whatever) that you really love always gives. Like--ahh!!! I cannot feel anything else but just happiness because I love this so much!

BUT I'm not engaging with ST in either the second or third sense of fandom. I follow a couple ST blogs but there aren't many truly active TOS/AOS centric blogs out there right now. I don't read any ST fanfic because, well, first of all I never really did, and second, I'm far enough behind on my T100 fic! And I have rl people like my mom and B to talk about it with, but not really anyone on tumblr or wherever who's into it like I am.

And though I've vaguely plotted and poked at some fic ideas, I haven't done any real ST writing in a long time--again because I have ideas for T100 that I need/want to get to first, and I'm not writing so much anyway now in general.

On the other hand, T100 is definitely NOT fulfilling function (1) for me and hasn't in a long time. When I stopped watching the show, I still engaged with the canon a little. I watched other people get excited or debate or discuss. I noticed the patterns of fandom as the show went into and out of hiatus. Plus, I still enjoyed the early seasons and liked early-canon and canon-divergent fics (reading and planning/writing). But even that is largely fading for me. I've been trying to rewatch the show but it's not really doing anything for me... I have a hard time getting into it. The canon-divergent fics I'm writing for the collab are not interesting me in the least, either.

I realized today that most of my fic ideas, or at least most of the fic ideas I really care about in any way, are so far removed from the canon they might as well be original fiction with some familiar names thrown in. The one exception is the Ark AU, but everything else is some form of extreme AU, modern or otherwise. I don't even know that the characters make me feel much of anything anymore. I've been toying with how to explain this for a while but... I feel like both for me personally and the fandom as I perceive it, the characters are more like a shared vocabulary, rather than actual characters from a source material we all love. I think this is partially because the fandom is old enough now to have some very long standing shared headcanons, and either small enough or bifurcated enough for fanwork creators to influence each other more than the canon influences them, and partly because the show ending on a sour note for most viewers has left the people who remain in the fandom with a sense that these characters are OURS and that the value of them is in how we collectively decide to use them now, rather than in how they are tied to the universally derided source material.

I'm not saying any of this is BAD, I'm just saying, that's how it is now, from my perspective.

I'm sort of engaging with the fan community (2) through T100, but... it's a little weird. I have people I legitimately like and enjoy talking to on tumblr who I know through T100 and of course there are events like Troped that I really love. I have a ton of cool fic bookmarked too and I'm getting back into reading it. But my dash has a lot less T100 content than it used to and sometimes I'll find myself j-ing very fast through it because I'm just not in the mood. I know a lot of people are either semi-disengaging, like I am, or wholesale moving on to other things. So it's like... the community straggles on, but it's uncertain at best.

And as far as engaging creatively (3)--to the extent that I write or plan fic it's almost all T100. But I haven't... I haven't been finding it easy to write. In general. This is a little hard to explain but.. when I think "I need to leave T100 fandom and really force myself to go somewhere else" it's usually because I feel like I'm not really getting what I need creatively out of the fandom. I like a lot of my wips and unstarted ideas, in theory at least, but the closer I look at some of them the more... herculean the task of actually writing them starts to seem. And tbh I rarely just... tell myself little stories about these characters or within these potential-fic scenarios. Like in all my idle, free thought time--when I'm washing dishes or taking a walk or a shower or going to sleep, when I want to think about something nice and fictional and not let the worries in... when I'm really engaged with a fandom, I'll imagine little scenes and tell myself little stories during these times. Sometimes they're scenes I want to eventually make into or include in a fic. Other times they're not. But they're still an extension of my creative life.

And I haven't really done that for T100 in a while. Sometimes I imagine Star Trek scenarios. Sometimes I retreat into highly silly comfort scenarios with original characters. But I only think about T100 when I specifically need to brainstorm for a fic. And that makes the fic feel more like work. And that makes me want to do it less.

So... I'm not sure what that will mean for me getting back into my projects when I finally (FINALLY) finish the last of my obligations. Maybe when I feel like I can actually make progress on old wips or ideas I care about, I'll get more invested in them. I was pretty damn invested in Mountain Lion Mean and that wasn't that long ago, so it is still possible. But overall, T100 definitely doesn't have, and probably never will have again, a total monopoly on my brain the way it did c.2016.

Which is fine. Like... it's more than fine. I've been here a while. What I'm trying to articulate to myself with all this is that the dissatisfaction I feel with my fandom life is probably stemming from the lack of one, coherent obsession. I have stuff to read, stuff to write, stuff to think about, stuff to talk about, and even a small fandom community of people I like--so what's the problem, right?? It's because it's not all coming from the same piece of media and that's not as clear and coherent and nice for me.

Plus, it makes writing more difficult when I do want to write these particular ideas, but I'm only motivated by own desire to see the ideas realized, not my genuine love for the characters and the material from which they derive. There's a certain energy that fannish activity has... but T100 fic barely feels like a fannish activity to me rn. Just another type of work. It's a work I'm invested in...but I just so often don't have it in me to WORK at all, is the thing.

So that's the biggest annoyance about it. I haven't really experienced this before so even though this situation has been forming for a while, I still don't really know what to do with it.

#the year 2021 #2021: fandom thoughts #honestly i'm really proud of myself for articulating all of this #fandom

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ask-dr-carter · 4 years

Text

A little info for those who remember Date by Daylight or are in general interested bout stuff AKA my feelings for DBD

read under the cut

I don’t think i’ve ever really wrote this down or anything - and i saw someone reblog an old post about my game project Date by Daylight, so i feel i should say something to all this dbd stuff.

I loved dbd a lot. Really. I played every day, got my friend into it, had an amazing time and the majority of interactions with the fandom on here was just lovely (of course there are always assholes, so yeh)

Since i studied game making, am an actual professional artist (still feels weird to say it) and loved dbd and shitposts, i figured it only make sense to make a whacky dating sim. And i worked on it a lot. Got a few scenes done etc - but sadly i fell out of love with the game due to the devs and community.

Now i’m not planning on quitting this blog, cause i still appreciate all of you, and those i interact with - though often thirsty af (relatable) you’re all very cool.

But i stopped playing dbd a long time ago. It was fun, but really not anymore.

When i first stopped, it was because i couldn’t get into games anymore. I would sit here for half an hour, just to get into a lobby that closed a few seconds after me entering. When i played as herman i sometimes had to wait an hour to get more than two survivors. It got frustrating. Not because of the wait, i could deal with that! But because the matches were terrible.

If i was playing as a survivor, the killer was almost always camping and/or tunneling or the other survivors were just assholes to other survivors or the killer.

When i played as killer (which i usually do) i would far too often end up with survivors that would rather run around you in circles, blinding you with flashlights instead of working on gens and actually playing - and then send you death threats when you pick them up one after the other and hook them.

Even when everything went well, and i usually have the rule, that if the players were nice and i technically manage to hook all, i will let the last one escape (or all if we just chill and farm). Yet TOO OFTEN people insult me etc when i let them escape.

So, you see, my point is this. No matter what i do. No matter how i play or who i play. I can’t just enjoy a game.

And i used to watch the streams. I even got my fanart into a stream, where the devs just made fun of me. I was fine with it back then, but i noticed that they just do not care. I remember that one person on the stream said they don’t want to stop killers from camping, because they think it’s funny.

It absolutely feels like they do not care for the community and do not understand their own game. And i do not want to support this. I feel no passion for this game coming from the creators. Nothing. And it’s sad.

So i will not continue work on a dating sim for a game that i do not play or enjoy anymore.

I still like herman carter, i guess. I don’t want to milk this blog or anything. I just want to keep it going the way it is cause i want to ignore the actual bullshit that’s happening.

And i hate to be that guy as well, but i wanna draw a little side by side comparison with warframe here.

A friend of mine got me into warframe and that really made me realize how terrible dead by daylight has become.

Warframe is a game where you can feel love and passion coming from everyone who works on the game, with a lot of interaction with the community.

I got to interact with the voice actors of my favorite characters and they are incredible chill dudes.

It doesn’t feel like stuff is happening out of your control. It feels like - and factually they listen to the community. and do their best to make their players happy. That is a team of down to earth, passionate people.

While all i feel from BHVR is coldness. And i might just be wrong, but it’s my feeling.

The last straw to me was when dbd and warframe both did surveys.

Warframes: fun, humor, very selfaware, asking people what they want next and how they feel about everything (and you were allowed one swear as a treat)

Dead by Daylight: - yeah let’s be real. They included “toxic community” in one of their asks. If you are so painfully obviously aware that you have such a toxic community.... maybe - just maybe, try to change it. It is possible.

So i am sorry for this LONG post. Please, if you get mad at what i said here, don’t attack me. This is my experience and my opportunity. If you like the game and have fun playing it - Great! i won’t stop you.

I just personally don’t want to support something that makes me so sad and frustrates me. The most threats and hate i’ve ever gotten from any community so far, was from the dbd community. It’s sad but true.

If you want to unfollow me, feel free to do so. I don’t want to argue about this, cause again, this is how i feel about all that has happened and there’s no way of changing any of it unless something changes witht he devs and the game.

So that being said - i am still planning on replying to asks etc as per usual once i have my stuff figured out here. Life is a bitch right now but that’s a story for another time.

I hope you’re all doing well and so are your families. Stay safe.

#ooc

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slouchingprovocatively · 4 years

Text

saraluvstiva replied to your post “reposted gifs suck and you need to stop doing it”

Hi!! I was wondering if you could explain how someone (me) might know if we are doing this or not doing this? I know making gifs is not easy and I want to make sure I give credit and am being respectful to users who take time to make them! I also don’t know how to use gifs all that well and have noticed that my selection is very limited.

okay so @saraluvstiva asked me this and i rambled out a very bad answer in the replies lol so i’m gonna answer it again here with some pictures to demonstrate what i mean lmao words are hard i’m deep in academic description for uni i can’t make sentence

but thank you for wanting to credit people!! that’s awesome!

first, i think everyone’s totally fine with people reposting gifs as reaction gifs and not crediting the op. we all forget where reaction gifs came from, they’re just in a giant folder on our computers that we’ve had since 2010. in that case, a gif of a character sobbing on a reblog of an emotional text post or a cute gif of someone smiling under a nice ask, i think we can all say we’re pretty cool with

what’s annoying, is when people actively repost gifs as photo posts with no credit, and kinda imply they made the gif. if you don’t recognise the gif then it’s easy to mistake it for the reposter’s, rather than someone else’s that they’ve taken. it’s frustrating whether it’s one gif just posted and captioned like the reposter made the gif, or a whole hodgepodge of gifs taken from many original gifsets and squished together despite mismatching height, colour, style, etc. the worst is when someone reposts a gif with a watermark, i’m like, uh we can see that, and yet reposters and even just people who reblog it who don’t notice the watermark are like wow what a gif

in all of these, the main issue anyone has with reposting is the lack of credit. which is super easy to do!!

so, for instance:

the gif is posted as a photo post, with no credit given, and the caption implies that the reposter made the gif because they noticed the thing. even without the caption, there’s no disclaimer that the gif isn’t the reposter’s.

a nicer way to repost would be:

ie, crediting the original poster, but also making the gif part of a text post, rather than a photo post in which, say, someone reblogging and commenting “hey, that’s my gif”, can be missed due to original reblogs preceding it and the blank repost going around first (this can still happen on text posts obvs, but the person shouldn’t need to comment if they’ve been credited lol)

also, it’s so much easier to just reblog gifsets than repost them! i’m not saying this to people who occasionally post a gif uncredited i mean people i see who repeatedly repost and repost and i know they’re getting the gifs from the original blog. reblog = one button. just one. boop, it’s done. to repost means you save it, you upload it, you tag and caption and pretend it’s yours, and then you post. it’s so much effort, and often, at least i can tell right away. like, i can spot an @alyssinmymind or a @classydepablo gif in a second. they have distinct styles i can identify super quickly, so if i see their gifs coming from another blog and people are thinking the reposter made the gif, i know it’s not right.

and a final thing in terms of how you can know if someone’s reposted; if you’re not sure if a gif is a repost or not, the best thing to do is check the person’s post and look at their tags. most gifmakers use tv edit tags ie “#ncisedit”, and a personal edit tag ie “#mine” or “’#mygifs” or sometimes just an asterisk. if you’re still not sure, it’s not always a surefire way, but look at the gifs they’ve posted. if they all look similar in colour, captioning, sharpening, they’ve probably all been made by the same person; if they have variations, so, some are captioned in a totally different font, some are very smooth while some are really grainy, and they don’t have an edit tag, they’re very probably a reposter.

i hope this makes it clearer!! i said the word reposter a billion times and got a bit carried away, but truthfully, as a gifmaker it’s really frustrating to both have your stuff stolen and see other people’s stuff stolen, but as someone who also used tumblr as a complete newbie with no photoshop skills, i also reposted gifs uncredited because i wanted to contribute to the fandom and didn’t know how else to do it. and i soon realised it’s pretty sucky and the original posts have 1,000 notes there’s really no point in trying to pretend i made them lmao

anyway just

be chill, don’t repost, we’re all here for tony and ziva

#saraluvstiva #i still rambled i'm sorry!!! seriously thank you for asking and i really appreciate your effort to credit people and learn <3 #and nope i don't know where that last gif came from lmao my point about reaction images is proved

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murderclubhq · 4 years

Photo

PLOT DROP 15 // WET HOT NORMAL SUMMER

With another vanquishing in the books for the Murder Club and Co., the teens had forgotten to check their calendars (and perhaps study for finals). It wasn’t until the group, tired and still drained from what the demon had put them all through, walked into school the next week to see kids emptying their lockers into plastic trash cans put out by the custodians that it hit them—Summer was here.

Harvey was the most thrilled for the last bell for ring since that meant freedom from secondary school forever as well as freedom from Mystery Inc. At least, he thought that until Charlie Matthews handed the boy his graduation gift at the station—a rather nice watch along with the soul crushing extension of his assignment.

“If Violet is going to run around with those friends of hers freely all day then I need you more than ever to keep an eye on her.”

He was going to need some child leashes.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

No doubt that both sides were annoyed at the sheriff’s orders, but somehow someone convinced the group to show up to graduation and sit in the blistering southern sun to watch Harvey accept his diploma. They may not all be getting friendship bracelets, but the junior deputy was there when the demon was defeated so the least they could do was be there to clap for the guy. They were noisy and squirmed in their seats the entire time (it was a lot like Kaz’s baseball games, but no hotdogs), but they certainly did what they came there to do and that was cheer for their biggest annoyance when he walked across the football field in cap and gown.

After the ceremony, the group insisted on going to their usual stomping grounds for milkshakes and taking Harvey along with them. He tried to refuse, but half the group wanted to bring him to celebrate his big day/be kind while the other half had motives of acquiring a possible discount for the group if Harvey showed up in his graduation gear. It wasn’t clear if he actually agreed or not, but everyone dragged him to the streets chanting “Milkshakes! Milkshakes!” on the walk.

It was actually nice. They had all been so wrapped up in death and trauma and secrets that they were slowly forgetting that they were just teenagers. Strolling down the streets with your peers on a clear and happy day while making jokes about how May Bird tripped on her gown while walking away from the podium was almost therapeutic. For a split second, they were all just high schoolers again.

When Marie’s was finally in sight, the challenge of a race was thrown out before most of the group was sprinting towards the diner and leaving their laughter in the dust behind them. As multiple hands slapped the glass door finish line, an argument broke out on who had gotten there first. While half the group fought over the winner and the other half tried to defuse the situation so they could go in and order already, Violet turned her attention to the trucks and people moving about the large stretch of lawn across the street.

The mayor was out and about instructing workers on where to put stands or set up metal fencing. It was difficult to hear what was going on, but when Violet saw the familiar tall clown mouth door being unloaded from a truck followed by a gaggle of mirrors, she knew exactly what it was.

“Hey, guys.”

The group stopped bickering and turned their attention to the Matthews girl. “I think the carnival is in town.”

OOC //

Direct Interact To Post?: No Tags: N/A Other Parts: N/A Admin Notes: Summer is here and so is the carnival! The coast has been clear of specter’s for about 2 weeks at this point (there’s a time skip), so the group feels safer than they have before. To make up for the other event not being wrapped up yet, we’re just going to go with the logic that everyone just wants to have a good time for once and want to focus on summer instead of all the shitty things that happened with the last demon. This also counts as an event of sorts, so they group can go to the carnival (which ends, in game, after the Fourth of July). The carnival has the usual works: rides, food, fun houses, carnie shows, games, and all that good stuff. For the next week, we’re going to encourage doing memes to just have some fun! These can involve starter memes, send x for y memes, or just AU memes. Just make sure if you're sending them as well as reblogging them! We’ll post some in the discord to give people ideas, but feel free to post any from whatever RP blog you want. While this is going on, feel free to make threads about summer, the carnival, etc. while also doing your other threads from the truth or dare demon. Just tag those with “past thread” or something along those lines just so people don’t get confused on what’s going on during what time line. We know this might be a bit confusing, so feel free to keep reaching out if there’s still questions. We know there’s still some stuff left up in the air so it’s hard to proceed, but we’re chill with if someone from the past demon gets brought up in this new story point, but we know it’s gunna change. Basically, we’re just vibin’ so don’t sweat.

#normal:plotdrop #normal:event

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joeys-piano · 5 years

Note

Do you wish you were more popular? I love what you do and I'm glad that people are getting introduced to your music and stuff, but it makes me sad that you're not recognized by more people. You have so much talent and creativity; it's a huge disservice that you don't get enough love.

TL;DR: Having experienced the extreme end of what it felt like to be “popular”, I wouldn’t wish experiencing that again on myself. I’m content with where I am. I wouldn’t have met the people I consider my friends if I remained as who I was, and I would’ve been a very different person.

This may surprise you, Anon, but I’m pretty chill with how things are.

Would most content creators want more engagement with their audience and to know that their work is being reblogged/shared/introduced to more people? Yeah. That’s a valid thought and concern for most content creators. Whether they be writers, artists, musicians, cosplayers, gif-makers, content editors, comedians, vloggers, and the whole shabang of people that identify as content creators. It’s almost natural or second-nature to figure out ways to engage with your audience and how your audience can engage back with you.

From a general content creator perspective, audience engagement can give you a relative trend on what’s interesting to them and how you can work out something that makes you both satisfied with what’s happening.

By that informal definition, you’re probably wondering why I wouldn’t want more of that. As you stated, Anon, you made a quasi-factual yet legitimate statement in implying that “not many people” know who I am or interact with what I do. I can understand your concerns, and I can guess that it frustrates you. But here’s another way to look at the lack of activity or audience participation, so to speak.

It’s easy to gauge a number and compare it as higher or lower from a preconceived value that you think is acceptable or satisfactory. The interesting thing is that the preconceived value in everyone’s head is uniquely different no matter who you ask. What’s high and amazing to one person might be below satisfactory for another. Adding to this, in looking at audience participation as a number and regarding it as such, it strips away the human factor.

I don’t know about you but when I think of the number 30, I think of it being a middle of the road kind of number. When I think of 30 people, I’m both honored and amazed that these 30 people took the time to listen or read what I created and are showing their support in a way that feels comfortable to them. Because you know, time is the one thing we can never get back and yet, these 30 people gave me their time. That, alone, is very valuable and is another way of showing support. Heck, a reasonable thought is that more than 30 people gave me their time. Although it’s not visibly shown in a reblog, comment, or like, that doesn’t invalidate or lessen how valuable that support is. At least to me.

I don’t wish I was more popular because where I am now is relatively comfortable for me to maintain and it doesn’t tax as heavily in terms of energy and personal, recovery time.

Three years ago in the Yuri!!! On Ice fandom, I got my fair taste and dessert of what it felt like to be popular. I was 16, riddled with anxiety, gradually succumbing to another identity crisis, and it felt like the entire world was watching everything I did. Because of a really good person I was friendly with, my fan compositions exploded. Overnight, I’d get between 1500 to 3000 notes per audio post whenever a new YOI episode came out. There would be 50 to 75 new followers each week. Sometimes 100+ on some weeks. If it took me 2 years to get 1900 followers on this blog, it took me 3 months to get to the same number during the 2016 YOI extravaganza.

Crazy is an understatement to describe what the Hell even happened. Because everywhere I turned, people knew who I was, they knew what I did, and did everything they could so that they knew that I knew that they supported me. Was that awesome? It was. Dopamine and serotonin flooded my body every morning I checked my activity page and it would take me an hour or even two hours just to read everyone’s tags and comments and support and whatnot. My poor phone would glitch on me and my internet browser would crash because there was so much engagement and activity.

You would think that’s a good thing and it probably was a good thing but for me, it was mentally and emotionally overwhelming. Because like I said, I was riddled with anxiety and succumbing to another identity crisis. I used these numbers to cope and when numbers are used to cope, that’s a very dangerous position to be in. Because in the February of 2017, I crashed and wiped every trace of myself off the face of the planet and just disappeared. It was just easier that way. Because even though I knew people supported me and I appreciated that, I couldn’t handle the sheer volume of it in such a short amount of time.

It broke me.

Having experienced the extreme end of it, I’m very content with where I am now. I’m very content that I can manage things at my own pace, I have time to build more meaningful connections with people and actually get to know them, and I’m happier because not that many things are tying me down. I know I’m older and you could argue that I could handle the bigger audience better now than when I was younger, but I’m not taking my chances. I know what it felt like and know what it did to me, and I much rather prefer having a quieter place.

#2016 was a very strange year #many believed it was a blessing in disguise #for me it felt like a demon that haunted me but i didn't realize i was possessed yet

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frenchibi · 5 years

Note

(For the fictional kiss prompts) 3 iwaoi!!!!

Heyy girl!!! Drunk/Sloppy iwaoi kiss coming your way, thank you for the prompt (even if it’s been. Quite a while. I AM TERRIBLE but I hope you like this!!!!)

I wrecked my sleep cycle for this but I had to get it done so ENJOY the fruits of my labor lmfao

–

When Hajime kisses him, it’s always infuriatingly gentle.

Honestly, most of the time, Tooru thrives on it. There’s something immensely satisfying about being the only one who gets to truly experience this side of him, the only one who gets the soft touches and loving words whispered underneath the sheets when the world is dark and cold around them. It’s like a gift, something precious that’s his. Hajime has always, always made Tooru feel special - and this is only one of many reasons for it.

The thing is just… sometimes Tooru doesn’t want gentle.

Sometimes Tooru wants to be shoved up against a wall and taken apart. Sometimes he wants the scratch and bite and the thrill of not being in control.

It’s amazing, being treated like he’s the most valuable thing Hajime has ever held in his hands, like he’s a treasure, sacred, worshipped. But sometimes he wants to be broken.

It just seems Hajime is reluctant to indulge this particular need. So… measures have to be taken. Obviously.

These measures have included all manner of hints that seem to go over Hajime’s head - deliberately or unintentionally, it doesn’t really matter. So Tooru figures it’s time to give fate a little push in the right direction.

Which is why they’re currently at a bar. Under the premise of testing cocktails - for science. No, really - Kuroo has a blog. It’s all above board.

Except Tooru is counting on the fact that Hajime will underestimate froofy pink drinks and maybe let his guard down a little more. Maybe. Hopefully.

So far, it’s not going according to plan. Kuroo and Bokuto are having way too much fun, but Tooru is tense and watching Hajime way too closely - and Hajime himself is definitely aware that something is up. He keeps glancing over at Tooru and raising his eyebrows in unanswered questions, and he’s not drinking half as much as Tooru had hoped. Well, shit.

In the end, they bicker all the way home. In itself that’s not so strange - they argue a lot, but they always find a way to resolve matters. This time, though? It’s not like Tooru can tell him why he’s pissed. He’s failed, once again, and now Hajime won’t get off his back.

He’s the first one to enter their shared apartment, and he stomps through to the living room with little regard for where he tosses his shoes and jacket. Of course, Hajime is the one to stop and pick them up. Obviously. And he’s also the one trying to compromise.

“Why are you in such a bad mood? Hey! It was your idea to go out with them today!”

He ignores him, stalking over to the window to stand there with his arms crossed and stare angrily into the darkness. Great.

“Tooru. Hey.”

Tooru doesn’t turn around - he’s not ready to give in this easily. He sets his shoulders, and clenches his arms a little tighter.

“…what’s this really about?”

He exhales, a little more harshly than intended.

“…this is a bit of a problem,” Hajime says. Tooru can hear him sitting down on the couch behind him, but still refuses to turn. “Because if you don’t tell me what’s bothering you, how am I supposed to help fix it? You can’t expect me to read your mind - that’s not fair. I want this to work, I really do! But you’ve gotta talk to me, man.”

“…fine,” Tooru mumbles. What the hell. He’s not really getting out of this, is he? “But you can’t laugh.”

Hajime pauses, and Tooru can picture his eyebrows arching. “…why would I laugh? If it’s something that’s bothering you-”

“Because it’s stupid. Okay? It’s stupid.”

The energy is leaving him, and he’s tired of pouting. He concedes, turning to face his boyfriend and relaxing his posture.

Hajime’s expression is more concerned and less confused than Tooru pictured it - but he wastes no time at all to reach out to him and beckon him closer. Stupid, considerate, perfect Hajime. Tooru gives in, (naturally,) and sits down on the couch beside him.

“I guess… I was trying… I was hoping to get you a little more… relaxed.”

“…for what?” Hajime asks - opting for the problem-solving route rather than getting angry at the implication that he has no chill. Always the bigger man, god damn.

“Well… because… ugh.”

Tooru runs his hands over his face - he’s definitely not as sober as he thought he was, either. Damn cocktails.

“How do I… uh. Okay. Look. You’re… whenever you… when you kiss me, you’re always… I dunno, careful? And I love that, I do, it’s just… sometimes… sometimes I wish you’d… I don’t know. Mess up my hair and shove me against a wall or something.”

The last sentence is rushed out to avoid backtracking, and he can’t seem to look at Hajime as he says it, instead focusing on his hands in his lap.

There’s a moment of silence - and then Hajime snorts.

Affronted, Tooru’s head snaps up. “Hey! You said you wouldn’t laugh-”

But Hajime is already one step ahead. He surges forward, grabbing Tooru roughly (very roughly) by the collar and crashing their lips together. It’s hard and bruising and perfect, and Tooru forgets how to breathe.

They break apart, and Hajime doesn’t hesitate for a single second - he shoves against Tooru’s chest, pushing him back into the cushions of their couch and following after, until he’s literally in Tooru’s lap.

“Haji-”

“Shut up,” Hajime all but growls, and if Tooru wasn’t fully aroused before, he definitely is now. He eagerly reciprocates Hajime’s kiss with a groan that’s surely too loud, and he can’t help how his entire body seems to buck upwards, chasing the sensation.

Hajime pulls them apart by grabbing a fist full of Tooru’s hair (holy fuck) and tugging, and Tooru almost moans, because damn.

“You dumb fucker,” Hajime says, eyes searching Tooru’s face, but with an expression of immense satisfaction on his face. “You wanted this so badly, why didn’t you say something? I thought I wasn’t allowed to mess with the hair.”

“Unfff,” Tooru gasps - immensely articulate.

“…but you just really wanna be pushed around, huh? You like that?”

“Iwa-”

“How about this. You don’t talk - unless I specifically ask you a question. You got that?”

Tooru nods, his back already arching with the need to be closer, to feel this, to be pushed and shoved and loved.

Hajime lets out an amused breath. “This is the opposite of a problem. Damn, Tooru, how long have you been thinking about this?”

It’s not an actual question - that much is clear, because right after he says it, Hajime captures Tooru’s mouth in another searing kiss. Even if it was a question, Tooru has no words to answer it - he keens under Hajime’s touches, and it’s all he can do to gasp for air between kisses.

“…I bet you,” Hajime breathes, “I can hold you up against the wall and make you come without your feet touching the ground.”

Tooru can only groan - the thought alone has him dangerously close to spilling in his pants. This might actually be more than he can handle.

“Or-” Hajime pulls away, just enough to make Tooru’s struggling futile - “maybe I’ll just ride you. Think you’d like that?”

Tooru gasps, helpless, hopeless, and Hajime responds with a breathless laugh.

“If I’d known it was this easy to shut you up, I’d have done it way sooner.”

Tooru whines, and stammers something along the lines of “you’re unfair” before Hajime relents, bringing their lips back together. This kiss is sloppy and hurried and perfect, and it leaves both of them winded and breathing heavily.

“…fuck,” Tooru manages, and Hajime laughs.

“…so you wanted to get me drunk?”

Tooru groans, embarrassment seeping in.

“It didn’t seem as stupid as it sounds!”

“Things rarely do. But - and I thought this was clear - you could really have just asked me to be… rougher.” He pushes himself back as he speaks, allowing Tooru a little room to sit up again.

“Not- it’s not the only thing I want!”

Hajime raises his eyebrows, and Tooru hears how it sounds right after he’s said it.

“Ah - I didn’t mean- stop laughing! I just - I like it when you’re soft! Just… sometimes I need you to…”

“To wreck you?” He’s still smirking, eyes glinting with mirth - and he hasn’t let go of Tooru’s arm.

“M-maybe.”

“That’s a definite yes. God, you’re such a princess sometimes.”

“What? No I’m not!”

Hajime rolls his eyes. “You totally are, your majesty. Now c’mon - we should take this to the bedroom, where I don’t have to worry about hurting your dainty little back.”

Tooru groans. “I knew you were gonna make fun of me, I knew it!”

“Obviously. But I’m also gonna blow your mind, princess. Trust me, you’re not ready for this.”

He’s not wrong - Tooru’s legs feel like jelly as he lets Hajime pull him to his feet. But maybe that’s the best part.

“Bring it on.”

—-

THANK YOU FOR READING IF YOU GOT THIS FAR I LOVE YOU

Also pls consider reblogging to help me spread my fics? No use if I post them and no one sees :’) Find this (and me) on ao3 here!

#my writing #iwaoi #iwaizumi hajime x oikawa tooru #haikyuu

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gothdefined · 5 years

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Rules and Regulations

People don't really like rules... But they're a necessary evil in order to make things go more smoothly and so we can all get along... So here's my list of things to expect... Not necessarily RULES, per se... but more of a this is my blog and how I might interact or how you can message me about certain things so we can handle it in a mature, responsible way...

I am an Indie RPer, meaning I don't belong to a specific group, never have and probably never will. I do RP with a specific person quite often but that does not make me exclusive or anything. I just have preferences.

If you ask me, I can tag things with a trigger warning, but I'm not going to know to do that unless you ask me to. I don't go snooping and it's not my job to read your mind. You're welcome to go through my tags list and block whatever may bother you, however. If something bothers you and it's not there, let me know and I'll make a tag for it. Simple as that.

If you need to talk, I'm all up for talking. As much as a calculating jerk that my muse may be, I'm actually a really chill individual with a lot of scientific evidence to back up my beliefs. If it's untrue, I'm not going to believe it. If I'm wrong, I'm willing to change myself. If you have a problem, I will talk through it and, if the problem is with me then I'll, compromise. I'm not here to be a dick, I will be honest, however. But if you're looking for advice or someone to listen to you, I'll do my best to provide what neutral voice I have backed up with understanding and science and psychology to give you the best personalized advice I can.

One and only warning... There will be messed up NSFW things on this blog. Sex, cursing, death, dark themes... I tend my best to not shy away from those things because they're a cruel reality and I'd rather face them than lie and pretend they're not there. There is absolutely no way to make them stop. Does that mean we should just stop caring? No. But we should open up conversation and challenge ourselves to explore what we don't like so we can better understand and counteract. I enjoy things that make me think. I enjoy logic. If it makes me uncomfortable, I want to know why and what can I do.

I will not RP mature themes with minors. This is absolutely nothing personal. I was watching horror movies before I could walk or talk and I had sex when I was a teen too... But I'm an adult and it's not my place to work those things out with you. I recommend looking up scientific resources to learn more and exploring in a safe, healthy fashion. If you're of age and want to RP mature themes with age 16 and up, that's fine... But underage muns will have to wait until they're of age in order to RP with me.

That said, realize I am not interested in dating anyone. I am not looking for anything more than platonic relationships here. I have a mate and we've been together happily for years. I'm not a people person, I'm a loner, and I'd rather just have some fun exploring minds than try to flirt. I have no interest in flirting, it actually makes me incredibly uncomfortable... so just don't.

I will not randomly drop threads without discussing with you first. Not unless we come across an issue and you and I are no longer communicating. Then, I will drop them in an effort to leave you be. My replies may be slow, however, because I live in the middle of nowhere, have a life outside of the internet, my internet is incredibly slow, I'm mentally ill, and sometimes I just take a while to respond.

I am AU/Crossover/OC friendly. For OCs or Crossovers into other fandoms, please toss me some information because I will generally have no idea what is going on. My memory is not the best and so it's just nice to have something to work with. I may not always know the fandom, but I'll still work with you because I do enjoy challenges and learning.

I do not generally have icons or gifs that are directly related to te character, but if I find one I may use it. Otherwise, I am an artist and so I may draw/doodle here and there, you are not required to do any of these things, however.

If I reblog a meme or starter post, feel free to reblog and/or send some in. I don't really care/mind either way but I'm pretty chill so feel free to ask whatever.

If you want to do a ton of threads with me but with the same muse or different muses? Feel free. I don't care. I really am a laid-back person so no worries.

My muse is a top, everything-sexual, and Alpha in ABO universes. I will write sexual but if you don't want to, just let me know and we can skip ahead or even just do a platonic thing. I'm not picky.

My Michael is generally NOT a good person though he CAN have a good side. This is to explore my understanding of certain things and have a 3D character to work with. There are things he can and will do that I do NOT agree with (or even am uncomfortable with myself) because it helps me to process and understand in a way I get.

I am mentally ill, I'm not a robot... sometimes I fall behind on things. Just be patient. I'm not gonna bite... and if our RP touches on something that upsets me, I may just be in a spot where I can't handle it at the moment. I will still want to RP it, but some triggers I can only handle at certain times... Like child abuse... I was heavily abused growing up so victim-blaming/gas-lighting and child abuse really hit me hard and I will have flashbacks if I see it on television or real life... and there are times I simply can't think about it... So it is nothing personal, I WILL continue the RP, but sometimes I need to step back a second to remind myself I'm not there and I don't have to protect right now.

I generally do not move asks to a new thread because I am lazy and often forget what I'm doing. I have to write things down to keep track... however, if you want to move it, just tag me so I can track it.

Personal blogs feel free to follow me but don't expect a follow back all the time. Let me know the side blog that you RP with and I'll follow you there.

This is my main blog. I have a side blog for Mike, however, which will be much more tame in comparison... hopefully.

If there is anything you have a problem with... let me know. If you don't want to RP with me, that's fine. I'm not going to stalk you down. If you want to drop RPing with me, let me know and I'll remove the RPs from my tracker and leave you be. I don't really care, you have every right to choose not to interact with me.

If you want to RP but something is bothering you or the RP is taking a turn you don't want to deal with? Let me know. We can avoid topics like the plague, if you want. It doesn't bother me. Same with if we don't agree on something... I can tag that topic so you don't have to read when I post it and I can avoid talking about it with/to you. I have no problem with this.

However, if you want to argue and try to convince me I'm some spawn of Satan and this and that? I'm going to ignore you. I don't care. We will not change each other's minds and I don't have the energy or the care to argue with you. I'm not going to hunt you down, I'm not going to stalk you, I'm not going to bother you. I will avoid you because I just don't care. I study before I speak and if you're going to speak based on feelings instead of facts from trained professionals? I want no part of it. I don't care.

In real life, I don't really do much. I live in the middle of nowhere with my mate and my animals. I spend my time taking care of my mental health and interacting with my animals because I'm not a people person. I like to have deep debates with my mate that makes me really think and question things in order to challenge myself. I love science and studying. I don't generally interact with people in real life because I don't like people. I'm not really a super sexual person. I'm angry but not violent. I prefer to just chill and learn and ask questions.

I have no interest in arguing with people. Too much effort with no reward. If you want to hate me? By all means, go ahead, I don't care. Just do it on your time. Don't waste my time. The time you spend arguing? I could be doing something productive like building toys for my rats or working outside in the garden. I don't really care. My caring goes as far as... This makes you uncomfortable? Okay, let me know and I'll tag it. Then it's on you to block that tag. That's it.

I'm not here to fight. I'm here to open up discussion within myself and challenge myself to new trains of thought. My morals lay at my rights end where yours begin and vice versa. I will not seek you out to cause harm. But if you seek me out and cause yourself harm, that's on you.

I feel like this is dragging on too long... So I'll just end it at that. Those are my rules/explanation. If you need anything to talk about, just DM me and we'll figure out if I need to add anything. I'm not actually an asshole, I just suck at communication and don't care to argue it out with every one.

#Rules and Regulations (Michael)

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helmes-deep · 7 years

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Quickie LONG UPDATE!! (on my life lol)

I FINALLY GOT THE RESULTS BACK FROM A $300 teachers’ test and I PASSED WOOOOOOOOOOT HAHAHA I’M SO HAPPY $300 NOT WASTED LOL *CRIES*

Well, at least for my state. Who knows if I’ll ever have to take that horrendous thing again should I ever choose to move to another state or get back into the teaching profession after having left for a bit... Granted, I didn’t get the score I think I was truly capable of (I totally last-minuted this whole thing and stayed up for 72+ hours finishing it lol PLEASE PLEASE DON’T EVER BE LIKE ME AND PUT YOURSELF IN A POSITION WHERE YOU HAVE TO STAY AWAKE FOR 3 DAYS STRAIGHT TO FINISH A FINAL THAT IS MY LIFE ADVICE), but I did pass it based on the score required by my state, so I honestly couldn’t be any happier. All that’s standing between me and getting a real job now is waiting for my university to finally award me my degree in a few weeks so that I can apply for a teacher’s certificate and finally get to do what I can’t wait to start doing again – teaching!! 🌠 💖 😄

In other news, I actually survived! and completed!! my student teaching; it all actually officially ended in the middle of last month. After my student teaching ended, I focused on finishing up final tests/projects (including that $300 test) before graduating with a bachelor’s degree in English Education from my uni about 2 weeks ago. Since then, I’ve been applying for jobs and hoping for an offer soon, hopefully at a high school!! Thinking back over my college experience, I wouldn’t say it’s been a really “crazy” four years (except for this year LOL. Man, these past two semesters were WILD and took SO MUCH out of me. I still get super-exhausted thinking about how I got through my student teaching N E V E R A G A I N HAHA :V). I’ve never been the group’s social butterfly, even though I highly crave social interaction and approval/feedback (not in a desperate sense, but I know I’m the type of person that needs social interaction in order to thrive, even if I might not be the one to initiate it). I have, however, learned a little about a lot of things, especially during this past year and semester LOL AGAIN: N E V E R A G A I N HAHA :VVV and especially, I think, in regard to myself. As a teacher, I’ve learned that I suck at classroom management. I’m just way too laissez faire, which comes off as “too nice” and therefore just allows any group of your regular hormonal and rebellious-leaning teenagers to go bonkers and take over my class lawl. Hopefully that changes *very* soon once I get my own classroom (and I’m working on it!!), but looking back, I suppose I could have been a bit more firm about keeping my presence (it also doesn’t help that I’m like 5′3″ lol!!). As a general person, I have also learned that I SUCK at making and keeping social discourse lol. Like, not just suck at it, but suckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk haha. First, not having a phone really makes it hard to make or keep in touch with any friends that a person intends to make. With a lack of a personal device or one of your basic social media accounts, I realized how hard it was to maintain a social network within a very digitally-connected world. Second, I realized that I’m probably a lot more cautious, super-conscious, introverted, and a bit inexperienced than I perhaps originally thought I was. Like, if I was in high school, I recognized that I would probably have been the super-quiet kid who would have had a lot of trouble making friends in class. I then realized that a lot of these previously mentioned personality quirks were probably a part of what was keeping me from fostering more intimate relationships or developing a more leader-driven personality, which sometimes heavily affected my classroom management. I’m not saying I necessarily need to change as a person, but I do believe I need to find ways in which I can become more involved and confident. Ironically, I thought it was interesting to note that a lot of my personality was – though not intentionally – perhaps keeping me from finding that deeper social interaction that I previously mentioned craving.

All that being said, I am fairly proud of how far I’ve come and how much I’ve accomplished this year as a student teacher, especially considering this was my first time taking over a class (3, actually!!) after having never really been inside a high school since I was homeschooled from 7th to 12th grade. I am, however, really proud of how I tried as much as I could to put the students with whom I was working with first, including incorporating their interests and academic needs/desires. I know my experience as a student teacher was not perfect, but I am very glad I got to work through all the challenges that came with and almost die doing it. I’ve also definitely found a bit of who I want to be as a future teacher. I know I want to be someone who is able to successfully make the classroom a place where my students can experience relevant life issues through writing or reading, and if nothing else, that had made this entire experience totally worth it.

... Which brings me to the future of this blog haha. Unfortunately, I don’t think I’ll be as active on Tumblr as I was before :c For one thing, I realized over the course of this year that Tumblr was definitely taking up way too much of my life lol (literally took me hours to get through 24+ hours’ worth of posts, and I was only following like 300 blogs). Being a bit OCD, I don’t like breaking my Tumblr cycle and only shuffling through a random number posts, despite the fact that I can’t be up 24/7 lol; I just don’t like not getting the full picture on everything and acting on/reblogging things without all of the complete info. As a result, I would rather not break my 24/7+ Tumblr cycle than to start it again at all :c Secondly, I’m kind of sad to say that, as of recently, I haven’t been keeping up with K-pop as much as I used to. It’s not that I’ve necessarily lost interest in it (K-pop is still like 85% of what I listen to lol), but I certainly haven’t been keeping up with it as closely as I used to. For instance, I have no idea what’s going on with B1A4 right now, haven’t watched BTS’s new self-made MV for “Spine Breaker,” and haven’t gotten around to watching the last teaser for SEVENTEEN’s upcoming ALONE?? comeback (featuring our wonderful leader S.Coups :p). It’s not that I’ve completely dropped everything K-pop or have become totally disinterested; I still very much keep up with the latest comebacks and listen to whatever piques my interest. It’s just that I don’t know if I want to get so re-invested with all of the details surrounding K-pop again (tbh Tumblr gave me so much info on my favorite K-pop groups; I seriously regret missing all of the amazing shots of my biases’ beautiful faces that I’ve probably missed leol), or maybe I just need a good break from it all before starting again. Most likely, I’d say my small distance from my favorite pastime has mostly happened because I now have more things to do or think about atm haha, and just don’t really have any time right now to enjoy all of the K-dynamics that are happening behind the music. I don’t think I’ll ever give up listening to K-pop anytime soon though; like I’ve said before, I’m still very much keeping up with and enjoying whatever’s coming out right now.

Sooooo at this point, I’m not sure if I want to say I’m on a complete permanent indefinite hiatus yet. I still check Tumblr and my blog everyday – every now and then my dash – so it’s not like I feel like I’ve completely left Tumblr and the K-pop community on here as a whole... just yet :3 I have, however, thought about starting a side-blog that focuses solely on teaching, including my student teaching experience. I’ve also thought about writing some K-pop articles for this blog again... (I still really want to write that “Best K-pop Songs of 2016,” a review of B1A4′s third full LP, and/or similar pieces). Whether either of those musings will come into fruition over this passing summer, I don’t know yet, but I’ll keep you updated on either if I ever do, especially my educationally-focused blog. Aside from those thoughts, I’ve been planning on doing some extensive reading over the summer – with a goal to read a book a week! If any of you are interested and would like to check out what I’m currently reading and/or think about it, you can take a look at my Goodreads account here. Other than that, I’ve just been up to the usual: still practicing driving (hopefully I’ll get my license this summer!!), looking for a job, and chilling by watching some TV/movies :p (literally, when you become a teacher, EVERYTHING YOU WATCH BECOMES A POSSIBLE TEACHING TOOL WHERE YOU WONDER IF/HOW YOU COULD USE IT IN A CLASS HAHA. I’VE BEEN SPENDING MY BREAK WATCHING THE HARRY POTTER MOVIES AND I NOW PAY MORE ATTENTION TO HOW THE TEACHERS REACT TO ALL OF THE KIDS’ SHENANIGANS VS. HOW I WOULD PAY MORE ATTENTION TO THE MAIN CHARACTERS AS A KID LOL. I’d really love to be a Professor McGonagall or Snape someday :p). So as far as the current activity of this blog goes, I think I’m going to keep it at “temporary-hiatus-because-I’m-currently-in-a-heavy-transition-period-and-still-am-very-unsure-of-how-this-will-all-pan-out??” That sounds like it’ll do for now. I definitely don’t think I want to distance myself from Tumblr just yet, but at the same time, I don’t believe I’ll be able to be as involved with everything on it as I once was :ccc

Lastly, I’d like to thank everyone who’s stayed with me and this blog so far. With this current announcement, feel free to unfollow this blog if it is no longer what you require in your daily re-bloggin’ life; I completely understand and only wish you the very best~ 🌸 :3 I don’t have a lot of followers as a whole, but I do have a handful of very lovely and precious people that I’ve met on this site; you know who you are~ 💖🌠🦄✨👌 Sorry for not keeping in more constant touch; I hope all of you and your beyond-wonderful blogs are doing well~ 💎🌟😊 For those of you who have just joined my blog – WELCOME, and I hope you enjoy your stay~ ❤️ On another note, I should probably get to all those things I was tagged in... if it’s not too late haha. I love y’all and hope nothing but the BEST awaits your future!!~

Snap that was really A LOT more than just a “quickie” update haha. I know that I probably should have updated on everything that’s been happening in my life much sooner, but honestly, I didn’t feel like anything merited me getting too excited about getting through this school year unless I had 100% confirmation that I had passed the $300 test lol (it’s called the edTPA btw, for anyone who might be curious :p). Without passing that test, I probably would have had to spend at least another $100 to re-take some parts of the test, which would have delayed my being able to apply for an eligible teacher’s certificate in my state, which would have dangerously hindered me from being able to teach at all. So thanks for your patience – both for reading this post and sticking around this blog long enough to see me write it :p Hopefully I’ll get a teaching position and figure this all out soon; until then, I’ll definitely keep y’all posted~!! ✨

#wow I said more than just a little... haha #if you've made it this far #you're the best 💗 :33 #thanks for everything #also as a sidenote:#NONE OF YOUR TEACHERS HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THEY'RE DOING LOLOL #WE'RE ALL JUST BLUFFING IT HAHA #AT LEAST THAT'S WHAT I DID ALL YEAR LOL RIP TT>TT TT>TT TT>TT #PRAY I GET IT SOMEDAY XD #personal

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