#I’ve been not able to sleep well

[ecoqueer]

I wish that people gave a shit about nonbinary people who don’t use they/them pronouns. You can literally give your friend group (which includes another nonbinary person) a list of your favorite pronouns, none of which include they/them, and mention several times that you don’t like they/them pronouns for yourself, but they’ll make the switch from she/her pronouns to…they/them. And feel super proud of themselves for being sooo progressive as to use they/them pronouns for you….when those aren’t your pronouns.

I think that saying “he she and they are my least favorite but are fine in combination with other things…I’m really fine with any neos but here’s a list of my faves that you can choose from!” Is polite and not a difficult request. I’m not good at being a pushy person, and I shouldn’t need to be.

#it screams #i guess I’ll pull the lists out again and re-link them #but the aforementioned friends view messages from me as a chore and check them rarely so when they do they’ve built up and so just skim #everything #which I’m fucking tired of #I’ve been going back and forth on whether it’s better to have no friends or a few friends who make you feel shitty #dunno which is worse #they also are extremely cavalier with covid while knowing I have no health insurance #and have supported some statements/actions that really make me sad #so idk I might be basically friendless at this point #i hold on for too long to people who have clearly moved on and don’t much care about being my friend anymore #I’ve tried reaching out a few times to no avail so idk I might just give up #try to cultivate online relationships more #which feels pretty impossible to me #sigh #I’ve been not able to sleep well #because of issues in my life with…all of the few people in it #issues that could be solved if I had kept a wider support network #instead of getting trapped with someone who was abusing me and my friends who don’t seem to give a shit about that and expressed more #concern for him than for me when the news was revealed to them #again I don’t have health insurance so no therapist #which I fucking desperately need right now #i have no one separate to talk to #the one who knows all of the different factors from all of the angles…is the abuser #i feel like I’m in so much fucking pain and I feel so alone and all of the people in my life who are supposed to be my loved ones #are standing around me ignoring me completely and acting like everything is okay #just causing me more and more pain #well this didn’t start out intended as a vent but it sure turned into one huh #i wish I could convey to y’all the desperation and loneliness and aching that I feel #vent

[nc-vb]

if it’s gotten to the fucking point that the Ministry of Education has to announce that “the school year is cancelled” for part of Gaza because all its students have been murdered, humanity has failed, failed at everything— flat out, point blank, and unequivocally failed.

#I will not pretend that I’ve known the extent of the situation up until now #I feel I’ve been out of touch with true reality and have only now been catching up #and my heart and mind will never fully be able to comprehend why and how and WHY this is happening #but GOD these children #I once worked with Syrian youth who had come to Canada with their families #to hear their pain and listen to their cries— I still don’t sleep well at night. I hear them all the time. #now children are writing their names on their bodies so they can be IDENTIFIED. #humanity has failed; this is NOT humanity. #it’s just so insane and unbelievable and just simply UNFATHOMABLE that this is going on #LET ALONE FOR OVER 17 YEARS. #to hear my friends and coworkers cry over their lost friends and family members #to have to hold them for THIS REASON. #I have never been a praying person in my life but I am believing in any and every god for the people of Palestine. #I will not believe that choosing to pray does nothing. #because while those beautiful people keep praying I will keep praying. #and it’s not even corny to say that I’m praying for that bright break in the clouds #for the sun to shine upon them SOON AND QUICKLY. #for my friends and my coworkers and my neighbours who grieve and mourn but still pray for an end. #hugging and kissing and holding everyone very tightly from where I am. because I can do little else than I already am. #palestine #free palestine #free gaza #✦ nc vb. #cw murder

[thompsborn]

parksborn au where harry is a prince. that’s it. i’m not awake enough to think of anything else but harry is a prince and somehow him and peter become best friends as kids and grow up constantly aware of each other and the struggles they face but their struggles are completely opposite from each other’s and and. and. and.

#parksborn #thinking of like. like 8 year old prince harry sneaking off during an event and meeting stuck in poverty peter parker #recently orphaned living with his aunt and uncle but sneaking out at night to explore or something or just to do something because he hasnt #been able to sleep much since losing his parents #and harry is like imma be honest i have no clue where i am #and peter is like ur literally the prince?? this is your kingdom???? #and harry is like yeah but also i have left the palace grounds a total of 17 times #and peter is like ok well there’s a litter of puppies being raised by the street dog i’ve taken care of since i was 5. wanna meet them #i said im too tired to think of more and then i thought of more #and now it is the only thing i can think of #god the way i would be writing this right this second if i wasn’t literally half asleep currently

[monkee-mobile]

oh my god i have so many WEIRD self-projection tv show monkees headcanons that I feel like i’d get yelled at for having but like, it’s all about stuff that I’ve done or literally do and cannot help. sometimes i want to share them and then freak out about backlash but i feel like any backlash would just be from ableist people.

#the monkees #okay it’s not like THAT weird #like for example: peter struggles with bedwetting. like that’s not that bad i guess but people might be like NO NOT MY CHARACTER—and that’s #fine that’s fine. that’s just my little headcanon thing because i’ve had issues with that all my life and i see similarities in myself in #the character of peter #stress and autism combined does not bode well for brain being able to focus on keeping piss inside body while sleeping #especially when you have bad nightmares #which i think peter sometimes gets. maybe after the devil and peter tork #i’ve just been thinking about these kind of headcanons because i’ve been going through it recently lol #like all the crazy stuff #and the monkees help they really do. it’s a weird comfort from my childhood to put all of my struggles onto mike or peter or davy #(i did not like micky as a kid and now i feel bad! i love micky now!! shut up idiot child!!! he’s wonderful!!!!)

[awek-s-archived]

hi meowtuals !!!!! I’m almost home (well I get home in an hour) I treated myself to the new issue of scream (the horror mag) and i hab food and apple juice and cake and im trying v hard to absorb good vibes today thru the incessant rain (it’s been storming for like 2 days straight which is very aweks weather). I love u!!!

#I can’t wait to get home and gif btw #also I didn’t say this here but I’ve been struggling w some scalp issues lately bc of hrt and I’m finally getting some treatment today and I #am rly looking forward to it bc it’s so painful 🥲🥲🥲 and im hopefully gonna be able to sleep well later🤭🤭 #aweks.txt

[robotic-maid]

How things are going again… update I guess? Still can’t figure out how to read more on mobile. I’m just typing this out so it can leave my head.

#nights are really hard for me #mornings are also really hard for me #I think my jobs burning me out #and I haven’t been able to sleep very well much at all #I’ve only been getting 3-5 hours if I’m lucky because my nightmares are really bad so I usually just stay awake #I mean I have to get up at 4am anyway so what’s the point #do you know how it feels to be in pain but you can’t cry because your body’s grown so used to it? #so it feels like crying because it’s Wednesday again #which I can’t justify because tommorrow is Thursday and that is your new normal #your new normal is working so hard you don’t have the time to see your dog and your cars ac is out and you spend all your money on the room #you sleep in 15 minutes away from the office you are stuck at more than 11hoirs a day #you ask your job to adjust your schedule and they say they can’t without cutting your hours and you need the money to survive #it’s too much #but feeling this way or not feeling this way won’t make a difference because the only other options will make your living situation harder #I’m so tired but I don’t have any better options right now so I have to keep waking up and working #I feel horrible spending time with me friends because I get tired after an hour and I worry that I’ve become #too flaky or something #I can’t stay up late and I’m already stressed out so I just can’t keep up with everyone and I don’t want to be a drain #I wish my heart would just stop some times #my meds stop me from hurting myself or crying or sleeping too long but these feelings always come to me when I wake up #I’m disappointed I woke up again #I don’t want to keep doing this I don’t know how long I can keep going #my body is breaking down like my car is breaking down #I don’t want to keep doing this I need more than a day off work a week I want to see my dog I don’t want to be poor but I don’t want to #wake up just to spend all day in an office getting yelled at while my coworkers come in and leave before me #I know I can do this I know I need to keep doing this I know there’s nothing better for me than this #I shouldn’t say these horrible things out loud because they’ll just wear me down faster #there’s nothing that will help me I need to help myself #this is en endurance test and I need to keep it up because if I fail I will lose so much more than I have #I wish I could cry I wish I could break down and scream but what would be the point? it won’t help it won’t fix anything m

[1ovestay]

won’t lie, experiencing some horrors

#just cried uncontrollably for like 20 mins #cried like 3 times yesterday too #i have no energy for like anything rn.. went to buy new glasses today tried on 15 pairs hated them all and then went back to my car #and cried because i really need new glasses since i fucked up my current pair and they don’t sit right now and dig into my face #tw death . my grandma passed away while i was flying home from canada #and it sucks because everyone got to be with her and say goodbye but i didn’t #and there’s a viewing tomorrow and my dad thinks i should go since it will be my last chance to see her but i don’t want to #i get that it’s a healing way to say goodbye for some people but i don’t want to see my oma lifeless #i know i’ll never get to see her again and that fucking sucks but she’s gone and i don’t want to see her like that #plus i have work and i already called in sick 2 days i don’t want to leave them short again even if it’s understandable #anyway the funeral is on tuesday at least i have the day off already and don’t have to worry about work #everything sucks soooooo fucking bad rn i won’t lie i’m not doing too great #and i miss el so much like i would kill to be able to hug my gf right now #their mom sent me a video today of them laying on the couch with their parents cat cuz they visited for father’s day #and i’ve cried twice while watching it… #argh. anyway. going to go watch a silly little video of some sort and maybe sleep early cause i haven’t been sleeping well #it’ll be ok 🧡 #p

[lovelyisadora]

it isn’t the end of the semester but i’m already having my end of the semester breakdown oh my GOD I am going to have a heart attack. sprite save me

#nothing is done!! not my applications not my interviews etc #I am running out of time to graduate in June and I could just graduate in august but then I have to admit to my family that I fucked up bad #it takes 3-6 weeks to get IRB approval I need to step on it #it’ll take at least 4 for my paid leave forms for work to go through and I don’t know if it’ll get approved #and if it does when do my benefits start #I feel like an idiot where those forms are concerned because it needs an occupation code and I don’t know if it’s specific #or if I can just select the one that best matches my job description and I can’t find that info anywhere #my body is literally shutting down I have two golf ball sized tumors and I can’t get out of bed but I can’t sleep #my car is kaputt and I have to call several different shops to get it seen because the one I took it to couldn’t fix it #and is any of it worth it!! is any of it!! #I cried for like three hours today bc I tried to talk to my mom about it and. well. she was very much a mom about it and not helpful #like yeah! obviously I want to graduate in June! but my research isn’t even approved because I haven’t been able to get myself #to complete the application for the last six months! Jesus Christ! #I can’t sleep and I’m so tired I’m so so tired my brain just straight up isn’t working! #I swear to god if I finally meet with my advisor and he does his well you don’t seem to need my help bullshit again #I’m gonna actually snap and kill him #anyway. need to do three things by end of Wednesday. just three things #clean. irb. and paid leave. that’s it that’s all. #it’s what I’ve tried to do the last four days and I’ve accomplished none of it but. Jesus Christ it’s gotta get done #FOUR THINGS I have to call the shop to get an estimate for a car I’m not even going to bother to fix #ok vent session over #delete later #fkdjdjshhaa im a MESS #sprite save me 😭 #save me sprite. save me

[codgod]

okay charlie stream has been moved to tomorrow i can actually focus on other stuff now lol

#.txt #i’ve been kinda stuck in Waiting Mode all day rip #ah well maybe i’ll be able to sleep earlier tonight

[salsflore]

i’m going to sleep now ♡ weather has been SOO cold and windy here its insane but also i love the cold sooo umm because of the weather i’ve been thinking about a certain harbinger. anyways goodnight everyone love you all zzz

#but i’ve been able to sleep really well these past 2 nights without the cat fur everywhere LOL #the qol increase #can’t wait to get home though! and pet my cats and play honkai solely for the gacha lol #⠀mika’s chatroom !⠀

[ellcrys]

I saw more cats in my first 5 hours in Istanbul than I think I’ve seen all year

#i am in istanbul! #shockingly i actually got a decent 5 hours of sleep on my flight over #i was so paranoid i wasn’t going to be able to sleep at all but i guess my body needed the rest #it was one of the most comfortable flights i’ve been on in a while too #i took turkish airlines in 2019 and didn’t really have any impressions then #but excellent impressions this time #comfy seats and they fed us so well lol #anyways the CATS #literally all i did was hop on a taxi from the airport to the hotel and i saw 4 cats and petted 1 #then i left the hotel and saw like 5 within 3 minutes #actual heaven 😻😻😻 #they’re all so friendly and well taken care of!!!

[iinmysights]

my arm hurty and my nose pressy but almost $2k later my tattoo is finished teehee :3

#Ravage.txt #dl #i’ve been wanting this specific one for a good 3-4 years now so it’s bizarre to me that it’s. done. it’s all finished. i have it now #cant wait for the saniderm to come off i hope the yellow looks good on my skin tone 🙏🙏 highkey bled a lot right below my collarbone (and #that’s just what i noticed when i wasn’t reading fanfic) so it was really hard to see how the bit of color looked with the ever-present #ketchup and mustard (ink smear) combo. fingers fucking crossed it looks good bc that was three hours and i approved the bottle lmao #in my defense it looked good!!! great even!!! god i hope i don’t need to get it touched up/redone in the end ugh even more money #oh em gee this tag is so fitting when i typed ‘anyway’ #anyway bye i’m missing my favorite scene (blackout absolutely wrecking a base’s shit) #<- like yes i AM missing my favorite scene. granted it’s on purpose bc i’m going to bed i’m too tired to finish the movie but STILL #blowing a kiss to my action figure of blackout on my desk love u king one day i’ll get a copy so u can be in both modes at once #i haven’t even tried to transform him or megs bc i threw out the instructions for one on accident and lost the other </3 + they were expensy #af. and i like them in robot mode they’re so cool i’m so glad dad got me into collecting. i need r.otf a.rcee and 2007 b.arricade now frfr #i found them already but it’s like 30 or 40 bucks plus whatever shipping is and i both spent $500 on my tat today AND i’m saving for art #comms so like :/ blegh. BUT two weeks from now i may get a brief housesitting gig which will hopefully pay pretty well considering the labor #so who knows maybe i’ll get them! i love 2007 b.arricade honestly it’d be great to have him. and a.rcee is easily one of my favs as my #collection demonstrates (ULTIMATE fav is r.ipclaw). anyway night night my allergy med is working slightly so i’ll be able to actually sleep

[bbreaddog]

.

#personal #just had to leave my shift early bc anxiety attack lmao #so much for getting a break just by taking the week off teaching #my boss is gonna be like ‘feeling better :)?’ #and I’m gonna have to lie and say yes i am not still very burnt out bc i have most definitely had the week off to recover #fuck me. #i just texted my disability employment services provider to tell him i wanna quit this call centre job #I’ve been holding out on it for the past 3 weeks bc I’d have to look for jobs if I don’t do this job #but I don’t think it’s worth signing into a job you already wish was over an hour before it starts #I’d rather do one job that I’m confident in and doesn’t make me feel like throwing up my stomach out of my tear ducts #and search for something small on the side that only needs me casually instead of part-time #2 part-time jobs makes a full-time anxious mess #i haven’t been able to do any lesson planning for next week either like i thought I’d have time to do #anyway… #I’m gonna go cry for a bit and then take a nap #and I’ll probably take myself out for a mental health walk bc i havent been doing any exercise or sleeping well or anything for the past lik #2 months #it’s a hard knock life

[vulcannic]

just had the best nights sleep in so long thank you mike’s sister for being too afraid to bring her vape pen onto a plane and leaving it with us and saying it’s ok for us to hit it

#text #delete later #can we get a d in the chat for devan #lately i’ve been falling asleep around 1am and then wake up at 5am on the dot and just sit on my phone for like and hour or two #and then kinda fall back asleep and then get up at 9 ish #i haven’t been able to sleep fully throughout the night in so long #this is just more of a reason i should just suck it up and figure out how to sign up for a med card #though she said the cart was cbd so i’m wondering if it was delta 8 which is cbd and legal here #but like you still actually get high from it so #well anyway…. ofmd high rewatch mayhaps tonight?

[bigfishthemusical]

slept for 12 hours just now. I have never tried to normalize and then immediately ruined my sleep schedule faster than this I think

#it’s 1 pm. oh well. not like I’ve actually been able to get me sleep schedule to fit in with work in the past #much less maintain it in any way

[aiizaph]

I always think I have my anxiety under control. That I’ve learned how to cope with it.

No I haven’t 🙃

#I just don’t expose myself enough to the scenarios in which it’s actually triggered. #uuuuuuuugggghhhhhh I’m so tired this stupid dog keeps waking me up WAY before I normally do and it’s throwing my sleep schedule for a LOOP #every tiny noise makes me feel like it’s the end for me #the next time my family comes over is on Friday 😭 #I’m so tired and kinda lonley I want somebody with me :’( #I’m too tired for my selfship daydreams to be effective #this sucks bc I was really hoping I’d be able to hold my own here to see if I really need a QPP to survive when I move out��� #the answer is yes 😭 #context since I realize I haven’t posted about it yet: I’m housitting for my grandma for two weeks #(idk exactly when I’m going home all I’ve been told is that I’d be here for two weeks) #the trees whisper #kinda venty #EDIT: Extra context: I’m trying to fall asleep rn and it is not going well