#I’ve seen these either go great or rly bad tbh

[061801]

#randomcomplaining I gotta have the most fucked up group of friends ever. I need to classify each group because if I go back and read these for myself I wanna know who I’m talking about.

Ok so we’ll do:

Exhibit A- will just be my closest guy friend cuz I hangout with him a lot

Exhibit B- my brother, his bf, and our best friend (I don’t think I ever really complain about them besides when I argue with my brother but i will probs write about good things too)

Exhibit C- old workers from my first job (2 girls)

Exhibit D- old coworkers from my recent job (4 girls)

I wanna explain each group and why I feel like idrk if I want these ppl in my life except for a small exception of exhibit B because they’re basically family. Only thing is they all use substances that really influence my decisions on whether I use or not which is not their fault but it’s toxic for me to be around that environment. Otherwise

exhibit A- started off as just a friendship, we both told each other about guys and girls we liked or wanted to be with. Then he developed a crush on me which was fine for me at first cuz it’s not rly my problem (respectfully) now he’s overly touchy like even being in public he’ll try and grab my leg and make it seem like we’re dating or something and I feel like he just wanted to assert dominance to other men in the room like “don’t touch her she’s mine” WHEN IM NOT LOL. At first I felt bad but I’m so fucking sick of people feeling so bad for him because he’s so nice and he loves me so much. He’s a great person, but not for me. And idk why people can’t just respect that and stop making me out to be a villain because I don’t have feelings for someone. This is kinda my fault I guess but I used to change in front of him and I didn’t rly care cuz I thought we had established that we’re just friends. Well now when I ask him to look away he really thinks he has the right to go “no I’ve seen it before idc.” Or most the time he does look away but gives me a hard time. There’s even been times where he looked back and was like OH MY BAD I thought u were done like no u didn’t lol u just wanted to be a fucking perv. So obviously I’ve established new boundaries, I go to my bathroom to change, I literally scream at him when he touches me, I always talk about guys. That’s the funny thing too he calls me such a whore and I’m fake just cuz I don’t wanna be with him.

Exhibit C: I actually really love these girls. I’ve never had any issues with them. Tbh the only reason I ever debate if I should let them go is because I feel like I’ve been a bad friend. We all started to be friends because we worked at the same job and we all liked to party and we were all lowkey a little weird. We moved on in life and they both have full time jobs, both in relationships, and I’m still partying like a maniac so I think they just don’t want to be around that which I totally understand. I started to feel sad because they never invite me to places they go but that’s cuz they don’t always wanna be all drunk and fucked up and tbh I never ask them to do shit either so in the middle of this post I acc asked if they all wanted to hangout and play video games

Exhibit D: ok this group of ppl confuses the fuck out of me. Everybody talks about each other like someone’s always mad at one particular person in the group I feel like, or worried about someone. I’ve had one person in this group steal from me. She’s jealous of all of us. One of the girls in the friend group only talks to me when nobody else is really there otherwise I get ignored I feel like. Sometimes I feel like they’re just trolling me too but that could be my insecurities. These people never ask me to hangout anymore and tbh I don’t rly care lol I hung out with them when I was in a really bad spot in my life and although they’re not the reason for it I just associate them with that time unfortunately. I don’t mean to but yeah

[geminiisgay]

Sign pairings that don’t entirely make sense but end up working sometimes?¿?

Aries + Cap

Taurus + Libra

Gemini + Pisces

Cancer + Sagittarius

Leo + Scorpio

Virgo + Aquarius

#for taurus and Libra for sure being Venus ruled helps lmaoo #but these are pairings I’ve seen together a lot #also cancer and Aquarius #s/o to weird sun pairings go off ig #zodiac #I’ve seen these either go great or rly bad tbh

[0pretty-setters-squad0]

Hugs (F) Kakashi x Iruka

Woot, time for my favorite Naruto ship of all time.  I ship Kakashi and Iruka so fucking hard, it makes my heart happy.  Now let's get on with the story. Also, I'm pretty sure that Iruka rly would give the best hugs tbh.

Kakashi POV    "Are we almost homeeeee?" Naruto complains, walking next to me.    "Yes, for the fourth time in the past three minutes, we are almost home," I sighed.

   Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, and I were all headed home from our mission to take Tazuna home.  The mission was a success, in a way, but it was more stressful than expected.  I just wanted to be home already.    A few minutes passed as we walked toward the village.  Sakura was always either watching Sasuke, or asking me a question about chakra.  Naruto was pretty loud, rambling about what a great ninja he would be.  Sasuke was silent the whole time, just walking with his hands in his pockets.      I was reading as we walked, but my mind wasn't focused on the words in front of me.  I was thinking about Iruka waiting for me back at home.  Now, we weren't together or anything.  I'm not even sure if his door swings that way.  I wish we were together, though. He probably gives the best hugs after a long day. Or a long mission, like this one.    I was pulled from my thoughts by Naruto yelling.    "LOOK IT'S THE VILLAGE GATE! WE'RE HOME!"    "Thank god," I whispered under my breath.    After what seemed like forever to me, we made it to the gate, splitting up and each going our own ways.  The first thing I had to do was to go to the hokage's office and give a mission report.  That hopefully wouldn't take too long.  After that, I could go and find Iruka.    As expected, the mission report with the hokage didn't take too long.  I was just walking out the door of the hokage's office when I felt someone run right into me.    I looked down as I closed the door behind me to see who had run into me.    When I saw who it was, my heart skipped a beat.  Jesus, keep it cool, Kakashi, you idiot.  I tried, but I couldn't help it, he always gave me butterflies.    "Oh, hey Iruka, what are you doing here?" I asked smoothly.    "I was actually looking for you," he rubbed the back of his neck, regaining his balance from when he stumbled.    "Well, you found me," I gave him a kind smile, "What did you need?"    "I was gonna ask how Naruto did on the mission, I was worried about him."    "He did fine. He did overwork himself a little bit, but he was alright otherwise. No major injuries or anything like that.  I'm not sure how he feels emotionally, he seemed a little shaken when two other ninja died."    "Oh, I didn't realize the mission was such a high rank that someone would die," Iruka looked nervous.    "Well, it wasn't supposed to be, but it ended up escalating pretty quickly.  We ended up having to face Zabuza and a young boy he was working with, Haku. Both Zabuza and Haku died during our mission."    Iruka seemed shocked when I mentioned Zabuza.    "I'm sorry to hear that, Kakashi," Iruka looked kinda sad if I was being honest.    I shrugged.    "It's not your fault, no need to be sorry. Although, you could still make it up to me."    "H-How?" Iruka seemed flustered.  He always seemed flustered around me.  I hated that. I wanted him to be comfortable enough around me to relax.    "Come with me to get some ramen, I'm hungry from walking so far to get home."    "Okay, sounds good," Iruka accepted my offer.    The two of us walked to the ramen shop, Iruka telling me about the academy and what happened while I was away on the mission.    We sat at the ramen place, and of course I used my speedy eating technique, so I finished a while before Iruka. Even though I was done eating, I obviously sat with Iruka, just pleasantly chatting as he ate his own food.    As we finished, I pulled out my money to pay.    "I got it," I told the brunette, paying for his food.    "Kakashi, you didn't have to, let me pay you back," Iruka looked at me with those kind eyes.    "No worries, I already paid for it, and I'm not letting you pay me back."    We then walked out onto the street, beginning to stroll to the park. It was a beautiful day, and it was nice to be outside, but I was tired of the mission.    "Iruka, I'm getting a little tired from the mission-" Iruka cut me off.    "Oh of course, sorry to keep you so long," Iruka rubbed his neck sheepishly.    "Let me finish," I spoke with a gentle smile and a chuckle, "I was going to say that I was gonna head home and ask if you wanted to come with and hang out there."    Iruka seemed surprised by my offer. His cheeks grew a little pinker than normal. I have to admit, the thought of being alone with Iruka made my cheeks heat up to, but thank god for my mask covering it up.    "Oh, well I don't want to be a bother."    "You're never a bother, Iruka, it may be more of a bother if I had to just sit alone."    "In that case, I'd like that."    The walk to my home passed fairly quickly.    As we arrived, I unlocked the door and held it open for Iruka to step in. Once we were both inside, we slipped off our shoes. After, we walked to my couch and sat down with a fair amount of space between us.  My house wasn't decorated much, but it was alright. I had a black couch and a small matching chair, with a coffee table in the center of the room. The walls were bare, aside from the heather grey paint that covered them. As for the rest of the house, I had an island in the kitchen, with four stools that sat at it. My bedroom was probably the most furnished in the house, having my bed, a stand next to the bed, a small chair and a lamp that sat next to it.    "You want a drink?" I questioned Iruka, moving from the couch and to the kitchen.    "Sure. Water?"    I grabbed two glasses and filled them with water, pulling out one of the island stools and sitting down on it. I slid one glass across the island to Iruka, who stayed standing, but leaned forward and supported himself on his elbows.    "How's everything going at the academy?"    "Good, but I have another energetic one this year."    "Yeah? Which one is it now?" I chuckled.    "Konohamaru," Iruka sighed, "You ever met him?"    "I've definitely seen how energetic he is, if that's what you're asking. He looks up to Naruto, and they sure do make a pair, don't they?"    "Yeah, they definitely do," Iruka let out a laugh.    "Well, I'm glad things are going smoothly at the academy," I spoke, "What about with you? How are things?"    "Same as always I guess," the shorter man shrugged. Iruka POV    Why was he asking about me? I'm not that important.    "How about you?" I asked the silver-haired ninja.    "I guess everything is the same with me too," he breathed out a humorless laugh.    "That good huh?"    "I don't know, I guess I'm just a little down."    "Care to share?" I asked him, concern evident on my face.    "You don't wanna hear about my issues, Iruka."    "Well, I asked didn't I?" I shot him a reassuring smile as I moved around the table to sit next to Kakashi.    "It's stupid, makes me feel like a damn school girl."    School girl? What in the world is he talking about?    "I have a crush, of all things. I think it's more than a crush, too, and I'm not sure what to do. I'm not sure if he even likes guys."    HE? KAKASHI LIKES GUYS. Calm down, Iruka, just because he likes guys does not mean he likes you.    "Well, I'm sure he likes you too. The only thing you could do is tell him, you know."    "So you think I should tell him? What if he thinks it's weird?"    "I'm sure if he's a good guy, he'll be fine if you have a crush. I mean, how many girls have had crushes on you over the years? Crushes are normal, Kakashi."    "I told you I think it's more than that," Kakashi took a breath, "You know what? Fuck it, I'm just gonna tell him."    Well, I hope he likes you as much as I do. I hope he treats you well.    "I like you."    "What?" I was taken aback by what Kakashi had said.    "It's you, Iruka. You're the guy I like."    "Me?" I couldn't believe it. A guy like Kakashi.... liked me.    "Yes, you. God, I knew I shouldn't have said anything. You can go if you'd like, I don't want you to feel like you have to stay."    He turned to stare at the glass of water in front of him, avoiding looking at me. He slowly stood, moving the glass to the sink and dumping it out. His hands were bracing against the edge of the counter as he let his head hang down, eyes locked on the faucet.    "Kakashi," I spoke gently, gaining his attention. He was now facing me.    I stood and wrapped my arms around his waist, pulling him into a hug. I felt his arms lay on my shoulders, holding me even closer. Kakashi POV    I was right. He does give the best hugs. They're warm and soft and he smells so good.    "Does this mean you like me too? Or do you just feel bad?" My chin rested on the top of his head.    "Of course it means I like you. You're a likeable guy," Iruka giggled shyly.    "You're too nice to me, Iruka."    As Iruka pulled away, I let my hand fall to his, intertwining our fingers. I began walking towards the couch again, letting myself fall onto it. Iruka came down with me, landing next to me.    In one bold move, Iruka let himself scoot to sit on my lap, wrapping his arms around my shoulders, his head cuddling into my neck.    "You comfy, there, Iruka?" I laughed.    "Yes very much so," he giggled back.    I reached up and grabbed one of his hands, bringing his fingers to the top of my mask. I guess I've wanted him to really see me since I liked him, I was just never sure how to tell him that.    "Really?" he asked, his fingers slowly hooking into the fabric.    "Really."    I pulled his hand down, letting the mask go with it.    "You're very handsome, Kakashi." Iruka complimented me.    I blushed at the compliment, but I didn't have the mask to cover it this time.    "Thank you, but you aren't bad yourself."    "And I know you would never admit it, but you're very cute when you blush," he brought his hand up to the side of my face.    "Iruka, can I say something that may sound stupid?"    "Sure," he laughed.    "I really want you to kiss me right now."    Without another word, he leaned forward and allowed our lips to meet. Iruka's lips were even better than I could've imagined. They were soft and smooth. And the way they moved against my own was absolutely perfect.    When he pulled away, I noticed his own blush had made an appearance.    "I really wanted you to kiss me too," Iruka said quietly.    "I'm glad, because I'm gonna want to do that a lot more now."    He giggled.    "Me too."    He cuddled back into my neck and I let my arms wrap around him, holding him close. Despite the fact that we were still sitting up, the exhaustion from the mission made me fade into sleep, Iruka's gentle breathing lulling me there. I could get used to this when I come home from missions. Being in his arms made it all okay.

~fin~

My heart rly went UWU on this one didn't it? I don't even care, these two are the cutest ship and you guys can't convince me otherwise. Don't forget to do all the normal jazz. Like comment, blah blah blah. Well, love you guys! Until next chapter!! -Smutty-Chan

#kakairu #fluff #kakashi hatake #iruka umino #naruto #Kakairu fluff #fluffy

[silverbastardgoldenfool]

Realm of the Quarantine Reread End-of-Book Questionnaire: Royal Assassin

Any differences between your first/previous reading experience and this one?

Not as stark a difference as with Assassin’s Apprentice, but definitely still there. Apart from all the obvious stuff, like feeling much more attached to the characters already and picking up more details, I think the biggest change was a complete lack of patience for the teen romance drama lol. There was a decent period where I was feeling quite frustrated with it. Not that I loved it the first time round, but back then I had a very different view of how it fit into the story. I saw it as teaching Fitz a depressing lesson of what it really means to be a royal bastard and a king’s man. Fitz’s literal need (for all he knows he would have been killed if not for his deal with Shrewd) and sense of duty to put his loyalty to his king and country first creates a relationship that is toxic, turbulent and built on lies. And teenage horniness masquerading as love. I saw all that the first time and thought it was just something he had to go through. Now I know it’s something he never really goes through but rather grips onto, romanticises and ultimately goes back to. I know the point of that is meant to be that he finally gets to have something for himself, but why it had to be Molly specifically??? I have very few qualms with Robin’s writing choices overall, but why she chose to write their relationship this way if they really are meant to be is beyond me, especially when so many of her other romances are written so well - it feels like it can’t possibly be unintentional. For most of this book they’re either fighting or fucking and honey! That ain’t love! Hell, Fitz all but sees her as just another demand on his time as the book goes on. But he can’t let her go because she’s the one thing he can point to that makes him feel normal. Not happy, not cherished, not safe. Normal. She’s simply a refuge from his real life. He literally says to Chade “I need her.” I find that so telling, man. It’s not really about her, which is a shame because Molly is great. They’re just really not good for each other.

So yeah. It’s just kind of trying to read all the Fitz/Molly stuff when you know and don’t like what it ultimately culminates in. At the same time… Bee… So I will always be conflicted lol. I just can’t separate the events of Royal Assassin from the furious disappointment I felt when I finished Fool’s Fate. Perhaps I’ll have a new Fool’s Fate experience this time that will make the next re-read a bit easier in regards to Fitz and Molly? But I won’t bet on it lol.

Anyway. It’s not as if I haven’t already said just about everything there possibly is to say about Fitz and Molly yet I also feel like I could go on about it forever. Luckily this is kind of as bad as it gets in terms of how much “screen time” they actually get (apart from Fool’s Assassin maybe? But they don’t bother me too much in that) so yay! I made it! And hopefully it’ll be a good few books before y’all have to endure my ranting about it again :)) Also hopefully this doesn’t give the impression that this read was more bad than good? It was mostly just a particular angsty chunk before they properly get together that was a bit of a slog to get through, but overall I really loved reading this book again and got a lot out of it.

Something you can’t believe you forgot

That Molly punches Fitz in the face hard enough that he bleeds and that Fitz fully intended to punch the Fool for asking if Molly was preggo before seeing he had already been beaten. I pretend I do not see it.

Favourite character introduction moments/scenes

Omfg I was just about to say “huh we didn’t really get any major character intros in this book” bitch Nighteyes???? But in my defence I just. Cannot process the fact that Nighteyes is only really in 3 of 16 books he just feels omnipresent to me BUT his introduction is most definitely iconique and god I love him and he made me cry eight thousand times!

Favourite character arcs

Speaking of Nighteyes: what a glow up. He goes from angry, scared, untrusting little bb to……. Nighteyes. Like. How does one even describe the kind of person Nighteyes becomes. He’s just Nighteyes and I love him with all my fuckin heart!! He is Fitz’s constant… He is wise… He is silly… a comedic genius…… a big, open, unconditional heart. Incomparable. I can’t believe I’ve seen ppl saying they dislike/d Nighteyes……. Honey…… it’s called taste xx

Favourite quote/s

Again no tabs so it’s a bit harder to keep track but there were a few that stuck out enough to copy down. There are a lot of iconic quotes in this book that get shared a lot so I only bothered with ones I didn’t remember.

- “I wince to think of the price willingly paid for loving me.”

- “My soft, clean bed beckoned, like a soft, clean tomorrow.” (mood)

- “I looked and saw they were both made of hungers, like containers made of emptiness.”

Favourite relationships

Kettricken/Verity obviously. I was shocked by how little time they actually have together being in love before Verity leaves??? Because all I remembered was how strong their love is. But the whole journey towards that love is what makes it stand out as an actual compelling story in its own right. This is definitely one of Robin’s greatest skills as a writer; giving the minor characters depth by giving them their own relationships that grow and change and have a life of their own outside of Fitz. It makes the world feel so much more alive.

Also Burrich/Fitz in this book continues to be bittersweet, but with a lot more sweet in there than usual! They fully start out this book as a team. Burrich calling Fitz “FitzChivalry” makes me fuckin emo and idk why even. Burrich does seem to start seeing Fitz a lot more as his own person in this book which changes their dynamic in some rly nice ways. The fact that towards the end of the book Burrich even uses the wit to help Fitz is enough to make me cry tbh - and writing this has made me realise that I’m officially past any uncomplicated good times between Burrich and Fitz y’all mind if I fuckin die real quick!!

Fitz/Verity is soy pure and beautiful. Fitz and the Fool is always, always compelling and complex and tender and perfectly mysterious. But overall you’d have to say Fitz/Nighteyes, hey? They are literally meant to be, in a way so straightforward and undeniable and beautifully simple that I never really know what to say about it. Little brother!!! :’) They literally make me cry all the frickin time lol rip!

Favourite setting

There aren’t that many to choose from in this book! Ima go with the skill river bc hey, Robin’s magic systems are so unique and beautiful and the fact that the skill is written as a kind of a place is really frickin cool and deserves a shoutout.

Favourite chapter

The final chapter (not the epilogue) ummm broke my heart but it is written so beautifully, oh my god, it’s like an out of body experience. I feel like this is kind of when RotE becomes RotE - the first time it really goes to that place that is so fitting yet so unexpected, so beautiful, so tragic, so awful, so visceral. Making use of the genre to really test the limits of humanity; to see how far you can bend a person without breaking them and then refusing to turn away from the consequences. Idk man!! I don’t know how to describe it without sounding like a pretentious dick but it really is that intense and strange and overwhelming for me. There is something in that moment, when Burrich pulls Fitz’s body out of the earth and Fitz/Nighteyes is recoiling from it and deeply terrified… Something about the enormity of the existential questions raised converging with the pinpoint specificity of it all being wrapped up in the story of a character that feels so real and who you care about so deeply… It’s almost written like a horror scene, but that’s not quite the feeling. It’s just the RotE feeling; there are multiple throughout all five series, and it’s what makes these books unlike any other.

Most loved character

Fitz, Nighteyes, the Fool all had my entire heart this book. The Fool is just so sad and pathetic and literally must be protected!! I think I’m kind of obsessed with Burrich? Also I think I almost forgot how much I love Kettricken? She’s a complete badass of course but she’s also got the biggest goddamn heart like…. Who said she was allowed to be such a beautiful person???

But god, everyone. I love them all.

Most hated character

What can I say? Regal is disgostang. Wall Ass a close second.

Raise your hand if you’ve been personally victimised by Robin Hobb (most heartbreaking and/or visceral moments)

Shall I list just a few? :)

- Burrich screaming at Fitz through the bars of his jail cell, horrible things you can’t help but feel are at least a little bit true

- Burrich sobbing over Fitz’s dead body repeating, “You aren’t dead, you aren’t dead.”

- Fitz going to Nighteyes before everything went down on the night of the coronation and just fuckin hugging him really tight

- Fitz trying desperately to leave his broken vessel behind but not quite being able to disown his body

- The Fool being beaten

- The Fool being beaten again

- The Fool sprawled and weeping across Shrewd’s dead body

- The Fool really believing for a moment that Fitz had betrayed him and killed Shrewd

- Fitz tending the Fool’s wounds………. bitch….

- Chade giving Fitz a chance to escape with them and Fitz going to kill Serene and Justin instead

- Idk why this is even that sad but Nighteyes saying the only person he loves is Fitz!

- The entire incident with the forged ones literally tearing apart a three year old girl, which I had completely blocked out until now :)

- The fact that Fitz continues to be reminded and traumatised by this incident for the remainder of the book beCAUSE HE IS A GOOD BOY. A VERY GOOD BOY WITH A VERY GOOD HEART.

- Fitz repelling at Nighteyes to try and force their bond broken

- LITTLE BROTHER

- WOLVES HAVE NO KINGS

- High off his face Fitz calling Patience “mother” no shut the fuck up!!!!

Details, observations, spoilery notes made with the benefit of the full picture

- I’ve been trying for ages to decipher when the Fool started falling for Fitz, and I think I’m officially putting my money on their last interaction in AA. “I wish I had a place that was as much me as that place is you.” I mean. If someone said that to me… I’m not a slut but who knows, ya know? (I know this is more a note for the last book but I thought of it while reading this book. So shh.)

- It’s so clear to see this time how much Fitz’s sense of self and politics are affected by his time in the Mountains. He obviously feels much more inclined to their way of thinking about royalty and sacrifice and equality and returns to Buckkeep with a self-respect he’s never really had before. Weird how being among people who don’t just think of you as The Bastard will do that.

- It’s no wonder Fitz becomes so fixated on Molly; he literally has almost nothing else to occupy him and no companionship when she suddenly shows up

- It’s gross that he spies on her, obviously, but you can’t not take into account the fact that Chade has been teaching him since he was ten that this is justifiable behaviour; a reasonable way to gather information and get what you want. Fitz’s lack of social awareness goes further than him just being a little awkward; he has literally been trained to believe the only thing wrong with stalking would be getting caught.

- I’ve seen a few people talk about the fact that Regal isn’t appropriately punished as if it’s bad writing and like, while it is frustrating, it is supposed to be frustrating - it is not a plot hole. It made sense to me the first time I read it and it was even more obvious this time; Regal has the loyalty of the inland duchies. If he were to be publicly punished those dukes would rally behind him and raise hell, and Regal would no longer need to play the part of the dutiful prince. Even if Regal died a “natural” death - something I can’t see Shrewd or Verity orchestrating anyway - the inland dukes would feel that they no longer have a Farseer on their side and may, again, raise hell. It’s a delicate balance that would be outrageously difficult not to topple if you removed Regal from the equation. There is a lot more to it than I’ll bother writing here but yeah. I don’t really know how people can read this book and think that Regal retaining his life and position is some sort of lazy plot contrivance. It was all set up in the first book dude.

- Fitz and Nighteyes meeting in this book is the perfect metaphor for our need for connection versus the fear of inevitable loss. Fitz’s experience tells him that entering into a bond with an animal can only end in pain, yet he can’t resist it. In real life this is especially true with humans and our animal companions, since they almost always have a shorter lifespan than us; signing up to love them is signing up to lose them. But the same is also true of our relationships with other humans. And like Fitz, we have all had our fair share of loss and pain. We all have our reasons to be afraid of the connection we naturally crave. Sometimes we give in to the fear to the point of holding ourselves back from it entirely. That’s where Fitz is at when he meets Nighteyes. But what’s so beautiful about their arc as a metaphor is that it suggests that these connections, if we submit to them, are what keep our vital spark alive. Even when Nighteyes dies later in the series, the sentiment always remains, essentially, “It’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.” Ya boi is projecting bc it’s hard to be vulnerable and make friends as an adult, but I think the observation stands. Love and connection and vulnerability are key threads that run throughout all of Fitz’s story, but in this book it is best represented through him and Nighteyes.

- “I hoped I would not become too adept at lying to myself.” Honey, you got a big storm comin.

- Very inch resting (gay) that Fitz finds it hard to meet the Fool’s eyes. I know almost everyone does bc his eyes are weird, but I reserve the right to reach and I will absolutely NOT be accepting criticism.

- I find it interesting that Fitz says Kettricken’s wit is not strong just because she doesn’t use it exactly the way he does

- I know it’s not meant to be funny but……. The way Fitz described losing his virginity had me literally laughing out loud

- Fitz was really like “okay i better go break my bond with Nighteyes” just cos he and Molly fucked. Teenagers don’t deserve rights.

- You know what? I really, really appreciate how fucking weird these books are lol. What other author would use their magic system to have their characters accidentally intruding on each other’s awkward sex stuff? Okay, maybe a few, but they would do it to be like, edgy and sexy. Robin Hobb just does it to make you cringe so hard you lose several years off of your life.

- But seriously, even apart from the cringe stuff, these books get so strange and out there and like! That’s what magic is for! 

- Bruh. When Fitz is like “omg poor Verity…. He’ll never have what i have with Molly” I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone encapsulate the self-important delusion of teen romance so perfectly lol. Wow.

- Okay some Fitz/Fool stuff that made me lose my tiny mind. Sorry.

- Fitz literally said about the Fool “he burned too brightly” I WILL DIE.

- Fitz is always like, irritated by the Fool… yet positively delighted by his presence at the same time…… okay bitch

- Inch resting how Fitz has always been uncomfortable with the Fool getting serious. I don’t quite know how to put my thoughts on this into words so like. I’ll just put it there. Make of it what you will.

- “Sit on my clothes chest and take your shirt off…” i stopped fucking breathing noah fence

- “I ran my fingers lightly down the line of his jaw, and around his eye socket. At least no bone seemed damaged. ‘Who did this to you?’ I asked him.” my GOD this is literally textbook gay/romance. It hurts me. It physically hurts me.

- Straight from my notes: “I can’t even focus on reading this bc it’s the first time they are tending each other’s wounds and I am a homosexual!” and “the gays are quaking!! (it’s me I’m the gays)

- Okay wow! I think that’s it! Hello if you made it this far! Hope this was remotely coherent and I’m always keen to hear your thoughts on my thoughts :)

Anyone doing a reread feel free to fill this out! You don’t have to use the tag :)

#rote #realm of the elderlings #royal assassin #royal assassin spoilers #fitzchivalry farseer #realm of the quarantine

[lorddiiavolo]

*shyly slides url over*

i made the meme up. you don’t tell me what you always wanted to say “bEfoRe 2020 eNdS”, i do. send your url.

    can I just start off by saying I’m Thoroughly pleased that I got to meet you in the year of 2020?  of all the chaos that’d happened, I’d say you’re a surprise bundle of chaos that I got to meet but you aren’t rly chaos per se - you’re another one of those surprise, mellow friends that I had the privilege of meeting.  you’re such a sweet person, Brit - ignoring your tendency to strew angst all over the place. it’s a good quality to have though, I didn’t get enough angst in the past couple of years anyway, you keep me on my toes with your angst lmao.

  AND for having just 10 months to talk and get familiar with each other ( I think we both have the tendency to not approach people first for various but also possibly some similar reasons ), we came quite a ways.  you were always on the dash and I always was trying to figure out ways how to get us to write more bc Diavolo was digging his heels in the dirt with Solomon akjsha but despite how much Diavolo might’ve Not been fond of Solomon, your portrayals are part of the reason I’ve come to rly like the muses you write for ( especially the ones I’ve seen before but haven’t really paid much attention to: Vil, Solomon, Barbatos but I liked him - you just amped it up with your portrayal, Byakkomaru even tho idk who he is - your portrayals have me like :eyes: ).   the amount of detail and love and passion you put into them, how you explain their inner workings and why they do what they do, it gives me ( and I’m sure many others ) a different perspective. it’s a refreshing change of perspective and you always have me open-minded when it comes to the characters you take on. I even kind of take your portrayal for what the characters are, at least the ones that I don’t know but kfsja none of it is done in a way that's obviously out of character.   you’re so thoughtful with not only your portrayals but with how you treat people.  you always put a lot of work into everything. every writing, every relationship, every project you do, be it a meticulous process, I understand but you do it in such a way that it’s seamless.  you’re an overachiever ( no, I will not hear your objections, you came for what my thoughts are about u and Im delivering, u cannot intervene with humbleness and/or objections. shush, be silent ) and that’s something I can recognize.  you dive headfirst into projects and portrayals but you come out of it on top, and that’s just Brit.  it doesn’t take a close friendship to realize that, either.  that’s something admirable.  and I hope you carry that trait into every single thing you do - not to a point of burnout but in healthy dose.

  in this new month - seeing as we got to talk a little more afjsah I really hope we can do more. I’m bad at telling people about what Im doing kfsja things that interest me or just talking about my day but that’s something I wanna do with u and a lot of other people that I got to meet and get more familiar with. you’re an anchor on my dash, a presence I’ve gotten so used to seeing that when I don’t see you pop up normally I go and see if ur up to anything just for the sake of knowing.   I hope you don’t take these as just words when I say you’re someone who I’ve gotten used to having around and I plan on being around a little more bc you’re just good company to have.  no tension, no time-limit, no negative strings attached rly you’re just someone who I see vibing on the dash and someone who tolerates the bullshittery I let Diavolo do kASDFJ SO WITH THAT BEING SAID ---- thank you for being here. and for giving me a chance to find my bearings with this blog bc I didnt know what I was doing at first lmao THAT GOES IN HAND with your support. from small amounts of it to you just up front responding to shitposts and interacting ooc in general, like, it’s small to some people but its a lot to me and it always makes me smile a little when I see you bc its like “we’re bonding” LMAO you’re GREAT, Brit. you’re SMART, you’re wELLREAD, you’re just as shitposty as I am but u get it. you’re someone I didn’t think I’d even be able to talk to and yet here we are. and what’s more is your angst balances out my dash tbh lmao. it’s wonderful, pls keep it up - bring the tears for me and I hope you’re ready for more trouble from not only Diavolo but myself >:3c ily, treat yourself kindly and DONT BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF IM JUST AS STUBBORN BUT LISTEN I WILL REMIND YOU. now pls drink water. thank you for being here still, Brit.

#queensconquest #throws 2 more ringpops on u but gently #like puts them in ur hand and gently folds ur fingers over them #♚ — lord diavolo commented on your post. / answered.

[bakurapika]

my adventures so far today:

the plan was to walk to an open air market, get some food, come home to rest for like an hour before parade things

None of the experiences have been bad but none of them have gone 100% according to plan either lol

So I walked to this vegan restaurant and passed some vendors. Well, ok, I’ve been passing vendors EVERYWHERE, but they’re selling like... cloth, or anime merchandise (I think I wandered into a plaza specifically FOR anime merch? i’m not sure?????), or bras, or shoes, or faucets. Pretty much none of it is tourist oriented and I’m not faucet-shopping so I didn’t really go in any of those. 

But there were some arts and crafts/artisan type vendors that I browsed on the way. I bought a rly cute sugar skull choker that I think is probably technically a bracelet but it fits around my neck so it’s a choker dude. 

So I get to the vegan place and it’s super crowded, and I chat to some people there, because like 90% of the clientele spoke English. The guy’s family lives here and he told me to just walk up and sit down when a spot opened up because it’s “Mexican style” so I did, feeling very awkward, and then the waitress came up and told me to wait my turn outside and it’s like. Ah. 

They were out of the food I wanted but they had guacamole that was incredible

So I wandered out and kept trying to find a place to print these tickets I need, but everywhere directed me to somewhere else and I’m still not even sure that I can print these tickets at all at this point, so I’m resigned to just buying another ticket at the venue :-( 

Lots more tourist style stands, and it turns out I wandered into the first leg of the parade route, so it was loud and very crowded. I got a flower crown for my friend who wanted one that i’m sure was overpriced but, you know, WHATEVER, and I got a crown for myself that I didn’t realize how huge it was until I got back to the hotel and looked in a mirror. 

Side note on prices. I’m not fluent but I’m especially bad at numbers past 20. Like I don’t know 400 vs 40 and somehow that keeps coming up  and somehow I don’t think anyone’s robbed me yet. I’m also aware that haggling is probably a Thing here but I mean, you try to haggle if you don’t know what numbers are. (I’ve done ok I think except I just bought some drinks and yes I way overpaid and the girl there kinda laughed and a coworker tried to explain to me so I just gave her a lot of my change as a thank-you anyway.

I’ve been expecting WAY more tourist crap tbh. I haven’t seen that many stands for the kinds of things my family asked me to buy as gifts.

I did find an ATM and got more just-in-case cash, because there are so many street vendors and I haven’t seen anyone using a chip reader or taking card. I thought the USA was really slow to implement the chip but it doesn’t seem like it’s a Thing here.

So yeah it got rainy along the parade route and it was well past the time I wanted to head back, and I was not feeling the rain, so I tried to call an Uber. I think it got my location wrong or something because I had two different drivers cancel on me--the first one said she was almost an hour away even though she was physically close due to the roads?? So I just walked two blocks in the rain and called a new uber and it went fine, hooray.

Someone asked where I’d gotten my bright pink rain poncho (bought + packed because of the rain forecast) and I had to be like “en los Estados Unidos, lo siento” haha oops

I also looked around the shops near my hotel a little more. I found some Shrek pencils I might buy my sibling for no good reason. I slipped and got mud on my leg. I bought some horchata and then realized it had ice and thus Dangerous Water according to everybody and also the internet, so I drank about half and poured it out as if that would save me. Contrary to expectations, it wasn’t amazing horchata :( Seemed almost watered down. other drinks i’ve had here have been great tho, lots of fresh-squeezed fruit juice

I’m giving myself a mandatory time-out in the hotel room to keep from getting too exhausted and overwhelmed. Not sure what I’m gonna do tomorrow. I was sorta planning teotihuacan but I guess sundays are free days for citizens so it will be stupid crowded, and w/out a guide I don’t know that I’d absorb that much Archaeological Learning from it. Maybe i’ll see if I can’t make it a museum day. 

#mexico trip

[thepringlesofblood]

thoughts on stranger things three  (spoilers. so many.)

this is just me yellin into the void as usual, but I like recording my opinions on things even if no one will read them 

good:

- every single scene w/ the robin, steve, erica, dustin gang, especially!!! the coming out scene. scoops?? iconic. steve and dustin’s secret handshake? transcendent. the drugged out back to the future scene? perfect. 

- eleven and max say fuck the patriarchy. love el’s new look 

- more competent women is always a win

- funhouse fight!!! carnival fight!!!FIREWORKS??!??!

- the destruction of the mall (sadly the only anticapitalist symbolism I could find)

- the scene after jonathan and nancy get fired where they’re angry about their separate marginalized identities making this loss worse. I really liked how it went into the ways it will impact both of them, and I especially liked when nancy got home and talked to her mom. 

- joyce going buckwild and getting shit done. 

- the portrayal of hypervigilance as a symptom of PTSD. All of these characters have seen some shit, and all of them pick up on the littlest things the second they present themselves because subconsciously, they’re always on edge, always aware of bad it could break. 

- most of will’s character arc. not all, but most of it. the queer experience of watching all your friends get dates and feeling like you’re missing out on something? trying to regain their interest because you feel lost and left behind? worrying that you’re not “growing up” because you don’t recognize romantic interest in yourself? not realizing you’re falling for your best friend until they get a romantic partner and suddenly you hate the partner even though they haven’t done anything wrong? a poignant, beautiful, very painful portrayal of queer teenhood. I really, really wish there was a moment that the audience realized will was in love with mike though. Like, it’s been building for a very long time. Also, a more thorough confirmation of will’s queerness would’ve been nice. I think they meant mike saying “you don’t understand bc you don’t like girls” to be that confirmation, but I want to hear it from will. Robin’s moment is so so so good though. 

- domestic fuckery 

- getting someone on the inside to help them/alexei as a character. not the symbolism or larger ramifications of his character arc, but how his knowledge and personality interacted. 

- mr clarke!!!!

- el going into someone’s memories again

- how prepared everyone is to fight because they’ve seen this shit before and robin and erica are just like ‘this might as well happen’ 

- keeping with the stranger things pattern of having a bunch of different groups of people all in different genres and then together they all meet up and go ?????

- I know every says billy didn’t get enough of a redemption arc but tbh I did not see his character development as redeeming in any way and I liked that. It didn’t excuse his abusive actions, it just explained them. There was no “oh he was secretly good all along”, no dramatic total character reversal on his death bed, just him deciding that he had enough of being controlled. Max didn’t get full closure with him, he didn’t say some big speech about being wrong or realizing the ramifications of his actions bc he hadn’t reached that point yet. he just said “I’m sorry” and died. that could mean “i’m sorry for how I’ve treated you”, “I’m sorry for how many people I’ve killed”, “I’m sorry for not being able to stop the monster”, anything. we don’t know what it means. we don’t get an explanation. It speaks to how survivors of abuse often don’t get to know why, don’t get closure, don’t get all the answers. 

- steve finally won a fight before getting the shit kicked out of him

- the whole no one knowing anything about each other bc no cell phones and/or wasnt there when It Happened. 

- Erica getting the DND set was poetic cinema 

- when joyce sees will on the firetruck and they run towards each other because finally, for once, will is completely unscathed, will isn’t the one who got hurt/possessed. I was already crying but this is the part where i had to get tissues bc I was sobbing. 

Bad:

- the red scare bullshit and glorification of capitalism. this show started out as “the US govt is doing shady shit” and now the big climatic “everything’s alright” is the army getting there?? what the fuck. There’s being accurate to the time period and then there’s sending a message. they could’ve subverted that trope in so many ways, but they just went for straight up “capitalism is great! fuck russia!” and I hated that. also, talk about one-note villainry. there weren’t even any dramatic monologues to make up for it, it just kinda sucked. 

- Hopper’s character in the beginning of the season. the scene where he gets wasted after getting stood up? shitty. not talking to el about his vaguely sexist overprotective actions? shitty. blowing up at joyce for no reason? shitty. he pulls it together in the end but it was OOC for a bit there. Plus I would kill for more “hopper and el work through their trauma together”, rather than “friend group splinters bc hopper did a yell” 

- I don’t know what to think about hopper’s death. It just hurts, and not in a satisfying, last harry potter book way. 

- why the fuck are the byers and el moving?????? did they ever give a reason???? WHY?????? WILL AND EL’S ENTIRE SUPPORT NETWORK, THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO KNOW WHAT THEY’VE BEEN THROUGH AND CAN HELP THEM, IS IN HAWKINS!!!!!

- the ads. omg the ads. lucas idc about your fucking coke. there’s so much goddamn product placement. christ on a goddamn bicycle. 

- previous seasons have had body horror, but it was all black goo so it was removed from reality and conveyed a psychological, otherworldly horror. and I liked that. WHY WAS THERE SO MUCH FUCJING MEAT IN THIS ONE??? THE MIND FLAYER LOOKED LIKE IT WAS MADE OF BBQ SAUCE AND I HATED IT!!! STOP!!!THE MEATS!!!!!

- can el not be injured......for oNCE?????

- also can people stop standing around staring at shit so much? theyve seen it before. it’s not like it’s a huge shock. people stand around for like 5 minutes before Doing Things and it annoys me. with the New Kids like erica and robin it makes sense but like....whenever theres a monster mike just sits there like :o cOME ON DUDE YOU’VE DONE THIS SO MANY TIMES GET A KNIFE OR SOMETHIN!!!

- WHAT. WAS. THE GREEN STUFF?????????????????? IS IT FUCKING PLUTONIUM OR SOMETHING???? WHAT THE FUCK!!! IF YOU NEED A MACGUFFIN BE LESS OBVIOUS ABOUT IT!!!

- idk about you but murray yelling at them about sex kinda rubbed me the wrong way. 

- speaking of, you caNNOT convince me that murray, 4 locks on the front door lives in a bunker murray, would take a goddamn enemy of the state to a carnival and leave him alone for any period of time. seriously????????

- look.....it was adorable.....i’ll give you that.....but.....the song dustin and suzy sang slapped me with secondhand embarrassment and genre disconnect so hard I found it impossible to enjoy. also...planck’s constant??? you could/......idk........call mr clarke????????? you’ve interrupted the man’s life for less!!!! I was also half expecting it to be joyce who remembered it from all the studying she did on the magnets. I did enjoy the whole “i met a girl at camp” story being unbelievable until it was but like I was expecting the thing she wanted him to say to be like a famous star wars love quote or something not an entire song jesus christ 

- if hopper turns out to be alive I will face god and walk backwards into hell. I suffered through supernatural, I will not be caught in a cycle of fake deaths again. 

- i get the whole “we’re growing up now” thing but aren’t they like 13? theyre still so young??? also like i dont rly care for the vague soap-opera-y vibes the core squad gave off. 

- the only people who got flayed were either a. already pretty shitty or b. completely unknown. like. it just made it less scary????

- hopper just fucking standing by the machine looking at joyce instead of running the 5 seconds up the steps into the room. seriously? was that supposed to be slow motion or was that real time??? 

- the whole thing with cerebro not working at the beginning sucked ass. 

- hey does mrs wheeler have eyes??? like??? there were exactly two (2) scenes she had with mike and nancy and both were Big Conversations like they live there right/????tbh i forgot she was their mom until those scenes bc of the whole billy thing, which i decidedly do not have an opinion on but like....do they eat breakfast there??? 

#spoilers #stranger things spoilers #stranger things #stranger things 3 #stranger things 3 spoilers

[quiviktories]

               ( demigirl ) haven’t seen QUINN-VIKTORIA “QUIVI” NIKOLAYEVNA around in a while. the ADELINE RUDOLPH lookalike has been known to be (+) DILIGENT & (+) GENTLE, but SHE can also be (-) INTIMIDATING & (-) STONE-FACED. The 23 year old is a JUNIOR majoring in AMERICAN SIGN LANGUAGE. I believe they’re living in FIDELIS but I popped by earlier and no one answered the door. 

                         okie dokes y’all I’m rly sad my muse for Link n Eden just lightning mcdied but as an apology ( to myself ) I’m bringing perhaps my OLDEST OC to Lockwood !! ( I’ve had Cyrus for three years , Quivi’s existed for five. ) But she’s actually a more fantasy-oriented OC so it was fun modernizing her up for Lockwood !! So more abt my battle princess under the cut. // like to plot after reading the intro

              TWs: Violence, death, emotional abuse, mentions of mental illness ( ocd ), ptsd

BASICS / HISTORY

Most important facts abt Quivi are she’s 6′3, has a six-pack, and can drive. Also bi bc I can’t write straight OCs with my bisexual ass.

OKAY OKAY ALSO RLY IMPORTANT FACT : She’s selectively mute , so Quivi will either be communicating through written words or sign 90% of the time. There’s two reasons for this :

Quivi’s first language is not English ; if you can’t tell already , she’s Russian , and she’s still learning English. She’s more of a visual than auditory person so writing English is easier for her than speaking , and she’s honestly very insecure about it , so she chooses not to speak partially because of that. She learned sign very easily and is more comfortable with it than speaking.

The other reason . . . is bc of her past but I’ll b getting to that. 

So she was adopted. Quivi doesn’t know where her biological parents are from , but as a baby , she was taken in by a Russian businessman named Nikolay Andreyevich and . . . she had the same birthday as his biological child , Lukas. Exactly. Birthday was April 8th 1996 ( tech as of rn Quivi’s 22 but I just put 23 bc it’s easy ) , so even though Quivi and her brother weren’t blood , they were always referred to as twins.

Now their father was a bit of an asshole , to say the least. You know how sometimes parents often pit children against each other ?? Well , you might expect me to say he did that to the kids to try and see who could run the company.

He didn’t !!

No instead he decided which one was going to lead ahead of time and treated the other one like dirt 

So yeah Quivi was the one who was treated like dirt

This was because Lukas was going to be the heir, and Quivi was going to be his bodyguard. So Lukas was spoiled rotten and Quivi was trained extensively and given brutal criticism so she’d come out tough as nails and only focus on being the perfect soldier / bodyguard.

She was taught to keep her emotions inside , never to express herself , and to always be silent. And she’d be verbally berated and chastised if she failed to comply with either - she had to be a stealthy , emotionless machine. And . . . yeah. That’s the second reason for her selective mutism. 

So yeah , that was her life up until she turned eighteen. Because at that age, their father died, and now it was just her and Lukas.

And he treated her exactly like their father did. He was a spoiled brat and believed Quivi was there to simply act as his bodyguard. And yeah , she obeyed him. But Lukas didn’t have his heart set on being a businessman , no - he wanted to be famous. And he ended up climbing his way to become an Instagram influencer and even bought his way into getting a record deal so he could put out bad Youtuber music.

...Quivi hates his stuff. To this day

Quivi was eventually cast to the side to the point where her brother wouldn’t even acknowledge her as his bodyguard. He acted like she wasn’t even there. And Quivi hated the way he treated other people - when they turned twenty , he got a woman pregnant and never bothered to see her again. And Quivi ended up finding her and helping her take care of the child when she was born.

And that was around the point Quivi decided her brother was a fucking dickhead and stood up to him , cutting him out of her life. And she focused on making a life for herself , and used what she got of their father’s inheritance ( because their mother insisted both twins get something ) and paid to go to Lockwood. 

PERSONALITY / CHARACTER

Quivi is the epitome of someone who looks rly scary and intimidating but oh my god is she not. She’s very gentle , very polite - always uses formalities and puts others before herself. Holds the door for twelve people before going inside herself.

But also , she can fucking fight like there’s no tomorrow. She was trained for years , and she probably knows a few ways to kill a man. Was trained with a few weapons just in case , and definitely is a master of self-defense.

She has OCD and as well PTSD from her childhood. I will very rarely mention this in threads , but it’s important to note. ( I have both , as well. )

She never really had nice / fun things as a kid , so she has a lot of catching up to do. The little things make her so happy , like McFlurries , bad pop music , the cliche Shakespeare stories everyone reads , etc. 

But , again - she was never encouraged to show emotion. So she comes off as very neutral because of this reason - but trust me she feels a whole lot and when she does smile it’s a sight from Heaven.

She’s a sporty person !! She’s into fencing , but that sport’s not offered at Lockwood , so she’s also on the gymastics team. Even has a varsity jacket for it.

Also in Theatre ( the club ) !! Not as an actress , however. She’s on the set crew. But she wants to be an actress in it someday , or even do some sign translations for the audience.

Tatiana was a stranger to her. But the stranger you know everything and nothing about , because you hear about her all the time from everyone else. So yes , in a curious manner did Quivi pick her name - but you know that feeling you get when you wonder if you were the deciding vote in that shit ?? Quivi wonders that ( obviously , she wasn’t , but she gets that feeling every time someone brings up Tatiana and the Watershed )

God I love her she’s my gentle giant bby and again I’ve had her for . . . five years n tbh like Cyrus a good portion of her character was originally made to Vent my own stuff out so. She means a lot 2 me.

Hope y’all love her.

WANTED PLOTS / CONNECTIONS

sb in Theatre who wants to get Quivi onto the stage tbh that was the First thing I thought of 

sb who Quivi can teach Russian or ASL !! Also others who know ASL would b great bc that’s Quivi’s preferred method of communication

Someone who Quivi can trust with actually talking to ?? They’d have to be really close , though , because Quivi only speaks to the people that she trusts

A nerd who Quivi befriends and just. Listens to them talk about the stuff they’re interested in. Bc honestly learning and listening is what she likes to do - not like Ami who fuckin CAN’T STOP WON’T STOP with the studying but. Quivi’s literally been deprived of so much. She likes to learn what she doesn’t know.

Sb who sorta thinks Quivi is all SUPER FUCKIN SCARY AND PROBABLY A BITCH bc of the RBF but when they actually meet her,,, they think she’s so sweet

Lowkey a fuckboi or sb who could flirt w/ her n she just. Turns em down. Stone-faced. Might kick them and make ‘em fall or smth idk Quivi’s that person who tells u to go chop a guy’s dick off when he says one rude thing 2 u

Literally okay in my personal headworld / lores it’s a part of Quivi’s culture to settle things like minor disagreements with a duel to the death and it was a running gag on earth that Quivi would see ppl get in2 like. Twitter fights. N comment “challenge them to a duel to the death” n everyone else was like QUIVI NO

she’s... kinda like Diana. like, Wonder Woman Diana.

I call her Wonder Woman a lot

Bt this is Watershed so it’s very different from that!! Lowkey tho I’m proud of the world I created for her like I literally made a whole language + alphabet for her world 

#k the gif doesnt rly... suit quivi much but in my defense i am Gay. #i'm so excited 4 her rn i just. god. i love quivi. #( abt. || broken glass broken hearts #water:intro #lmk if there's anything else i need 2 tag !! goin off the triggers list rn #emotional abuse tw #death tw #mental illness mention #ptsd mention #violence mention

[hclles-blog]

hey guys ! this has been sitting in drafts for at least a day now, but trust me when i say i’m as excited as i was when typing this fucking monster of an intro SDKFGJKFD but i’m jules, kard and clc supremacist and a struggling student about to apply to the english faculty of my uni ! like i said, this is a super long intro, so get settled as i introduce asteria’s resident skating brat halle, a bitch who overworks and doesn’t know how to chill long-term !! stats page is HERE for your reading pleasure, extensive plots and an extra list of options are linked accordingly !

jeon somin, cis female, she/her. — have you seen ( hyunmi “halle” chae ) around ( hecate ) ? they’re a ( twenty-two ) year old ( senior ) who’s majoring in ( kinesiology. ) i know they’re busy with ( dance club, women’s volleyball, and kappa delta sorority ), but you should tell them to check their latest starred rating ! ( jules, 21, she/her, gmt-3:30. )

honestly she is.. fucked sgjfsgdkl

this is mostly a carbon copy of an intro i’ve made for her in the past, so while some random points seem a Little dated or repetitive, they’re valid enough to stay here sfdlgkdg

i’ve had inspo for her after the olympics and rly wanted to use her somewhere, so if some things here seem a little.. idk, farfetched for your taste, we’ll pin it on that sfdgkdfj

this is her as popular vines

so chae hyunmi aka halle, ulsan born, raised in seoul and relocated to toronto, canada with her parents, little sis and partner to train bc..

she’s a figure skater, good enough to win ( .. junior ig ) titles when she was in her early teens, so it was only inevitable for her to leave for toronto to train with the Best eventually

she’s competed in international competitions, as part of a pair, and made her olympic debut in sochi by the skin of her teeth; her highest placement was third place ( not at sochi pls sgjkld she prob ranked in the top ten at best ), so she’s got a medal or two to her name

ultimately it was after sochi that she saw her coach and ( ex ) partner intervene with her.. unhealthy practicing habits

she’s a perfectionist through and through, so of course she’d spend hours on the ice at just seventeen/eighteen years old, even younger tbh, to get a routine right. but she pushed herself harder and harder, where small missteps would lead her to fall hard and recover for days on end, even spraining her ankle just before competition season was to begin

so when her coach insisted she take a break, her parents following suit, it was with good reason — one that she didn’t fucking see fsdkgkl

even so, them pushing her to prioritize education for a bit, to get ahead of the skaters who would prob only be able to do so upon retirement in a good few years’ time, and hanging up her skates until she saw it as.. less than something she needed to abuse herself to feel comfortable with, for as long as they would do so led to her resolve shattering and her applying for universities in canada, the us and sk ( the sly brat reasoned that it’d be nice to be reconnect with her roots.. for the sake of having something going for her beyond just competing in pyeongchang ! )

but the latter wound up being a bust bc she opted for asteria u, close to some of the popular yet secluded skate clubs the greats went to during their off-season training.. and before tr*mp got elected bc she would’ve cancelled everything, demanded her money and scholarships back, had she arrived after that LSDFGJFKLD

should be noted that her grades were good, she had a super brief volunteering stint and she’s a rising star ( well, was.. the bitch wouldn’t be competing again anytime soon to keep herself where she was within the skating circuit ) in her favoured sport, so she deemed all of this inevitable sfkljfdgk

though the school didn’t and still doesn’t offer its own skate club so, that was a slight drawback for the invested bitch

the transition wasn’t too hard ofc; she got comfortable with the campus and was back on the ice in no time, joining one of those aforementioned skate clubs under her parents’ noses and making the most of it as comeback/olympics prep

she saw herself as poised to be added to the roster once again, now a singles prospect after a major falling out with her longtime partner for one too many dumb bitch moves, and was desperate for it; however the stars didn’t align back in 2017 during her sophomore year, when she just missed obtaining qualification while now on canada’s roster on a technicality, and nothing could’ve compared to the agony that was missing her chance in something she invested sm practice, time and compliance with the people around her to pull through and get to pyeongchang

she’s still distraught over it, it’s been a couple of years since that happened and she gets emo real quick, misty-eyed if you bring it up ( she uh, has issues with moving on from things if you can’t tell )

suffice to say she resents her coach for his minor contribution in fucking her and himself over, dropped him out of anger ( a move she.. does feels bad abt on a personal level but professionally ?? pft ) and linked up with one back in toronto who she’ll begin seeing when she’s “ prepared ” to give it a shot again

meaning she’s currently on hiatus from the sport, but she knows a good few people think her career is Over now — and it pisses her the Fuck off

studying kinesiology despite wanting to be a skating coach when she retires as a competitor, bc she rly loves being active and thinks she’d be a resource in the field down the line ok ??

anyways, she’s found new things to invest her time in, such as the sorority, dance club and volleyball

dance helps with the choreo for her routines.... or Did, but we all know she’s still doing Some amount of skating on the side so

and it helps in areas where muscle memory and years of flexibility can’t quite do so

volleyball’s a great second option for her as a sport, mostly bc she can exert as much of her frequent frustration as possible into a game and act like it’s just her being into it. though she really can be That competitive, as you can see, rather than bratty

so, moving onto other things —

personality and other shit

she is.. a mess rly

inflexible, independent, charismatic, etc

most of her actual personality is further down oops dsfgjklfg

kinda detached ?? like she doesn’t want too many distractions and she deems relationships as the fucking Worst for it.. she’s had some pals from skating with potential go downhill when they got too deep with certain partners or just with too many side hobbies, social obligations, so she’s trying to be level-headed while not destroying her social life ?

idk it’s hard to explain, she’s an enigma even to me in that area

only dated once or twice. the first time being when she was like nine. with her first pairs partner that she quickly ditched.

not.. super sexually active either ( rip ?? )

but she’s been Involved with people so fdskng

on the ice, or just in whatever she’s applying herself to, she’s domineering and blunt, v strict on herself though she’s slacked off a bit over the years.. so imagine how self-disciplined — in the worst of ways — she was when she was younger

with a rigorous work ethic like hers, her being a leader among those at the local skating club implies that she’d be strict too with what little power she has.. but she’s kinda chill overall ?? tho you still have to get your twizzles right before the end of the day, don’t care that the hockey players will be out in two ! let’s go !

uh.. her attitude carries over with a Lot of things. she especially has no time for people who are Committed to their sport but show poor performances bc of laziness, distractions, etc. so brace your kids for hurricane halle ??

call her ice queen. try it. try it. GKFDJKGDSF she hates that nickname 95% of the time, usually bc she assumes people are basing it off of her initial/professional demeanour first and her passion second

she rly just has a hard shell where it matters, aka her career and stuff, but is a semi-precious gem overall

or, for a better way to describe it though it sounds like i’m just repeating myself: she gives off Proper head bitch vibes ( subtract the Need to feel powerful in being a piece of shit to anyone who walks past you ) but she’s really just a blunt and serious brat with a super dry and at times menacing sense of humour

she won’t hesitate to call you out on your shit or make it clear that she doesn’t like you, though, even if she appears cordial on the surface

as a result, hockey players HATE her !

bc she rips into them the most for frequently poor experiences with her fellow ice people. most of which are them hogging her reserved practice time, and being thirsty and pretentious dicks about it within and outside of the arena

kind of dramatic and a meme ngl, curses quite a bit, whips out korean or her conversational-level french far too often — especially if she’s shit-talking bc you made an ugly choice but is trying to be a Supportive Friend

english name came from halle berry bc hyunmi thought she was rly pretty on all the red carpets her mom would have on growing up sfgdkjflk

unwinds with the usual netflix and wine

oH also prob still hurts herself by overworking, especially after That Lost Opportunity, i hate

she’s pan but..... girls disappoint her far less than guys so she has a preference djfgskgdkf

all of that being said, it clearly plays into how she’s perceived by others, so —

her view and reception on starred

she..... probably doesn’t do too hot tbh

well. maybe she Does if starred's social ladder resembled most high school/college shows, movies.... rps, but it doesn't really so —

in all fairness, she probably does do better than i'm assuming rn bc.. she Is a character of sorts, who knows gskfksl but MOVING ON !

her blunt and kinda snarky attitude is partially Why she hates this point system, bc people tend to kiss ass just so they aren’t given a low rating whereas she can only hold back about 5% of her unfiltered opinion — but that’s IT !

tbh she relies heavily on her involvement in extracurriculars, and especially her public image from her glory days, more so than she herself to keep her head above water

so she looks entitled from that alone

given the way i’ve played her in the past, ik she might come across as a hbic type: thinks she’s the best ( which.. she kinda does sjkfgd ), savours the power she tries to or does in fact exert, doesn’t come across as particularly sympathetic or nice, etc

but she’s just a shit disturber with thick skin and a slight kink for receiving admiration and respect, puts herself first a little too much

in fact, she doesn’t really Care to hold people by a leash, but yeah, it can come across much differently since her tone never really Shifts if she doesn’t know you well, doesn’t trust you, knows you’re naive with such things, doesn’t like you, is just fucking around or in a sour mood.... the list goes on

so if your character focuses on who’s the nicest or most cheerful when giving high ratings, makes a v quick judgment on their character from a first impression, she’s gonna be near the bottom of their list dfsghkfgj

and like i said, she doesn’t care for the system Enough to change any of this, so she gets by

KDFJGSKFL uh, let’s end it there bc this is painfully long — congratulations if you’ve made it to the end of this intro from hell ! if anyone wants to plot, like this or im me !! ( ps, if you prefer d*scord like yours truly, just ask for it or send me yours ! )

#╳┊: — these are stacy's baby ! •「 ooc. 」 #starred:intro #y'all i'm SO sorry this got so long kfdgkgsdj

[moldypieceoflasagna]

36 questions that nobody asked me

(except @lollipoppedchainsaw )

(the 36 questions that lead to love or whatever) https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

I hate going out to dinner so much i probably wouldnt be able to enjoy it properly

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

It would be interesting to see what it’s like for a short period of time, but i’d never be able to keep it up; i’d probably have an identity crisis

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

yes i have to mentally prepare myself 100% of the time

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

hanging out with the people i love is enough to keep me happy for a good while tbh. sitting around doing nothing literally nothing with them is endlessly entertaining to me even though sometimes i might make that hard to believe 

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

i sing to myself a lot, not so much to others- although i AM a slut for karaoke

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

body because i feel thats probably what old people complain about most. plus like,, 90 years of life knowledge? sounds great to me

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

probably an accident that’s almost statistically impossible

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

single rn (ladies) but i usually try to find friends with similar music tastes because scream-singing in the car is the most fun one can have

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

im most grateful for my dogs and for my friends! i love them and it means the world to me to have people that i can call family. also i would die without my dog juno, she is my rock (and my therapist)

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

Not rly how i was raised, but i wish i had a closer relationship with my older siblings. Three of them had moved out before i was rly old enough to not be an asshole child, so most of them still see me as an asshole child and they never take me seriously. im glad i have an alright relationship with them, but that’s kinda all it is and i know i could do better

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

Lived in Texas my whole life yeehaw. I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters; 2 of them dont like me, and my relationship with the other 2 is,, certainly not bad. Had a lot of physical and mental illness in the past, but 20gayteen is definitely my year, yeet

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

either speaking a different language or playing the piano. im very jealous of good piano players, and at some point i need to be able to speak a more useful language than french because so far in texas it’s proved absolutely useless (other than talking to my mom but that doesnt count)

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

I’d wanna know wtf im supposed to do with my life because sweaty i still have no idea. passion? dont know her please introduce me

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

i wanna go skydiving bitch, no one wants to go with me! pussies!!! the lot of you

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

that one time i did an entire semester’s worth of work in the last three days of the school year

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

being able to put up with my huge fucking mouth. also honesty is super important, even if it’ll make me feel shitty

17. What is your most treasured memory?

when i went camping with a bunch of friends and they were bitter i got to be in the middle of the tent because they were all cold. either that or the time i was getting really bad sleep paralysis and @lonelywaterfall & @skity stayed over so my paranoia didnt render me completely useless,,, also the paramore concert lol ive never been more vulnerable in my life.

18. What is your most terrible memory?

coming out to my mom haha

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

i’d go on a trip around the world to explore/to see a few people, and i’d put extra effort into my gender expression

20. What does friendship mean to you?

comfortable silence is my kink. also emotional vulnerability and SAD BOY HOURS we cant forget those

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

I’m such a slut for physical affection yall have no idea please hug me as much as possible and play with my hair or my hands

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

i guess ill do the same with previous partners so.. i think being funny is probably the #1 thing i appreciate in someone. when you make me laugh so hard i cry, just know that’s like. peak. also stubbornness is strangely attractive to me, plus like,,, uh having an unexpected soft side? an appreciation of art is super important, too. also SPOON VERSATILITY.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

it was probably happier than a lot of people’s but there wasnt much to it. plus being the youngest in my ENTIRE family really sucked during my childhood because everyone picked on me and i think that’s probably what started a lot of my issues lol

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

better than it could be, but definitely not what i want it to be. we both love each other and i admire her work ethic, but she gave me a lot of anxiety problems (both genetically and not) and she isnt the most understanding person. i have hope though, people change

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling …

I’m hungry and sitting alone in front of my computer feeling like OVERSHARING ON THIS BEAUTIFUL THURSDAY MORNING, BOYS

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share …

many, MANY animals and a lighthouse in the middle of nowhere

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

I’m REALLY insecure about my body xd

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

LOVE feeling safe. 

29. Share an embarrassing moment in your life.

probably every time that i’ve ever worn a dress, because i really,, really dont like wearing dresses and that’s it

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

last cried by myself this morning and last cried in front of another person at my friend’s birthday party

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

no partner but if youre reading this im rly proud of ur attention span. gj buddy

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

i think most things can be joked about after a certain amount of time, but like,, it has to actually be funny and it has to come from someone i know isnt serious about it. if a joke is made just for the purpose of being offensive and edgy, it’s never funny no tea just truth. 

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

i’d regret not spending enough time with people that i love, not traveling as much as i should have, and also i’d regret not formally coming out of the closet to my family (they probably already been done knew but like. yknow). i came out to myself & the people closest to me a LONG ass time ago, but i’ve kinda seen what it did to my immediate family so im not too excited to do that to my extended family. if i’m not too much of a pussy, ill probably do it in the summer when i see them next, bc ive been meaning to for a while.

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

is it bad of me to say my computer? i feel like everyone else has a much more meaningful answer lol. it would probably either be that or the papers i keep on my bulletin board, bc most of them hold a lot of sentimental value (also my prescriptions  would be a pain to get copies of)

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

either of my parents because i dont want them dying before i reach the point where i can expect them to be happy for me when i marry a girl

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

personal problems? what’re those lmfao dont have any srry try me again later

 i’m too much of a pussy to tag certain people so if you see this and I've had any sort of conversation with you, do it coward

(also @skity  @drawinintherain )

#love exposing myself to people on the internet #hot

[themanicgalaxy]

SPN 5X4 The End

ehehehe

ohohoho

hehehe

oh this is gonna be FUN!

oo nice fade in

"god's plan for you" oh heh

he was confused

Cas on the phone is so funny to me

thIS IS THE "voice says I'm almost out of minutes"

HE'S SO DISGRUNTLED IT'S SO FUNNY

"i'll just-" *awkwardly looks at hung up phone* "wait here then"

HE LOOKS SO DISGRUNTLED AND ANNOYED AHAHAHA

hello mr messenger of god

oh huh it IS actually Sam

ope Dean's just Numb

Dean calling out the revenge is a nice touch tbh

"I think the way we(I) was raised made us weaker" IS SO MUCH! it'S! SO MUCH

"always used against us" aaosfhdsf'

I wish someone could analyze this without the...thing happening

BOY he's numb and tired

oho and he wakes up in a decrepit bed

It'S VISION TIME F U C K E R S

o huh Chuck's in this one

good horror imagery with the lil girl

ah you can notice the legs

CROATOAN! OH B OY

shit they REALLY set it up

R U N

god I love this needle drop

2014..

ah the radio! interesting

ah Zachariah!

"no more sports"

hits different now

oh THAT's why the kid looked so disoriented

Dean getting pissed at the Angel Powers is so fun

ah GOD not bobby

hunter journal!! hunter! journal!

C H I T A Q U A

ooo he found the car and it's totaled

that's how you know shit went down

DEAN VS DEAN

G A N K

you can Kinda tell there are effects

he looks SO DONE

green vs blue feels important idk

THE PANTIES THING

what does the target demo think of this, what do they

"Sam didn't make it" LIE

ope they got Super Separated

Trauma huh I never thought he'd say it

"you don't trust yourself" "no" heh

he's the leader, he's not used to it oop

D E A N OH MY GOD

cas..!

HIPPIE ORGIE CAS!

THE WINK?

boy you can tell the Drugs

WHY IS HE LOOKINGDOWN?

the one finger thingggg

he'S SO LooSe AHH

THE ONE HAND BEER THING IS FROM HERE?

"It's a pretty messed up situation" THAT DELIVERY KILLED ME

...is..he pitching his voice dOWN?

boy hE IS C O LD

is there something in..the whiskey

THE OCLT?

"I'm gonna kill the devil" ok cool?

AHAHA HE FUCKED UP HIS LOVE LIFE OH THAT'S FUNNY

Cas is enjoying this AHAH

fEarLeSs lEadEr

god I LOVE THIS WAIT HE'S ACTIVELY TEASING HIM?

"oh so we're torturing again" is a nice line

...I...Wait

Was...other Dean jealous of past Dean or betrayed or

wAHT

it...second in command

they just..banter?

"I want you to see something" is a lot like what Zach said

"say yes" ope

the angels aren't listening

ow

"never actually thought I'd lose" o w

the like..deep meaningful looks at each other are SO IMPORTANT

"hoard toilet paper like gold" AHHHHH

you want some? pfft

oh THAT'S HARDCORE DRUGS

aw Dean..tries

so..so..how did cas..how..did he know if not looking at the soul

human

uSELESS IMPORTANT THERE

ah so he's just...given up entirely

he's so clearly not happy about it either

he sacrifices people, right?

Ah he knows when he lies

he's more self aware than he thinks

"i've seen them in the mirror" O P E

W HY THE FOCUS ON CAS WH Y

lights out Dean

SAM IN LUCIFER SUIT KILLS DEAN HOLY FUCK

THE EYE CONTACT

HELLO DEAN!

I DO like the white suit tho

what is lucifer's angle here?

of course he has daddy issues OF COURSE

cast me out despite my care...feels important

the "why blame me" is like..present in both lucifer and this but WILDLY different damn

"i get what the other angels see in you" ?

it's also GREAT to see Dean not like...shuttering when there's emotion

like he's crying and scowling! good!

"always end up here" "you're wrong" "see you in five years" OW

HOLY FUCK AM I CRYING

Look Dean's A low trust person, I know it's the framing, but I see it, yk?

HIS FACE WHEN DEAN BLIPS OUT

THE LIL SMILES

NEVER CHANGE

ah the reunion

how ... much time has passed

"i'm whatever I need to be" bro

and then Dean never told Anyone

his lesson learned is stay with his brother and forgive

"we keep each other human"

"thank you" Dean's the father/authority/mother figure

"we make our own future"

1. needledrop. I'm just cataloguing all of these. This wasn't a particularly poignant or Sticking one, but I rly did like the "Vibe" it got. Like doesn't stick with you, but jettisons you into the story, good, we like that.

I do think a good needle drop should be more invisible unless it explicitly needs to be visible, and Renegade was SUPER jarring, while all of these work even if you don't know the context of the song.

2. disaster. Listen. Watching this and also the other deserted town plot line after the panorama's been hitting is like. It feels more correct? It feels super close to home and plausible. Like the toilet paper thing? I know that was memed, but I also think actual thought was put into the world building of the disaster.

hell maybe that's why I cried

3. Cas... he is human, right? how did..he tell it was Dean? He WAS LOOKING DOWN

I swear everytime I go "nah it can't be That blatant" it just pulls out all the stops

other than that, the "I'm fine but clearly not" thing he had going on...he picked that up from Dean, right? Also the juxtaposition of this vs the previous episode is so important I feel? like it's not actually him, it's as far from him as you can get

also he was Dean's second in command? like Very Clearly his second in command, clearly liked making fun of him? what the FUCK were we supposed to read into that? gotta go read all of DTA now jESUS

also Disgruntled Castiel and "We had an Appointment" Castiel? top tier, I LOVE THIS FUNKY LIL ANGEL! AND I LOVE THEIR DYNAMIC! IT'S SO GOOD!

4. Dean. ok I'm in no way qualified to talk of all of these or be coherent but I've got

When confronted with someone who knows him, Dean tends to put on FAR less of a mask, and he knows his own tells better than the person he projects should(this was a common trend, he knows what he projects and knows himself in order to unknow himself)

he lies to himself in the mirror(as in, implied he practices his lies in a mirror) but his Lies SUCK, as I've said before, so what's the lie(it's gotta be his persona, it has to be, his entire persona is a performance, that's why he keeps getting caught, rig-)

(also cuz he hasn't been socialized like...at all, but that's something else)

I don't know if it's he prides himself on it, but compassion and helping people is clearly his Top Priority(After Sam cuz of the trauma ofc). Past Dean is genuine, caring, even if he tries not to be, and the fact that Future Dean ended up so cold is probably the most jarring part out of all of it(Dean put Cas above the other girl he slept with..on purpose, right? did he figure out that him and Dean of the future are [redacted]? like WHAT WAS THA-)

The angels liking him..I think again, it's because of the sincerity he tries to pretend he doesn't have? The righteousness that Isn't Cool? that's my theory. Like he Is what he's said to be, but he tries to hide it so ends up not doing it(why Cas gets pissed)

Dean has Deep Seated Trust Issues, because as someone with those, it's very clear, I don't make the rules. he basically doesn't trust the angels on Principle and Vibe alone I think (as he should they're shady as FUCK)

5. Sam+Dean. ok one, that thing about the beginning where "I think the way we were raised made us weaker." BOY that one hit. like It's something both of them have to grapple with and I'm SO pissed we didn't get there

Dean confronted by Sam possessed by Lucifer, saying there has to be another way where Sam ends up dead is also important. Like I think letting Sam go probably would be something he needs to do, but being forced into it, he Repels it, yk?

tbh that entire "see you in five years" scene broke me, I have to go lie in a corner

5. something about belief? ok so Chuck is not to be read as God yet, I don't think(It was cas but Sexual Tension so) but the only angels left that didn't Peace Out are Cas(who fell for Dean "humanity" ) and Lucifer, who according to this lore, fell because he opposed it. The fallen, "bad" angels. I wonder where Anna would be in this scale actually. God is still not present, the angels...forsook this world? but why would they care? I don't know man. That sense of abandonment, dread, and "there's nothing left" (cas in particular) felt important and indicative of Trauma, but I can't pinpoint which one

oh boy

#pawswatchesspn #5x4 the end #this episode made me happy and also made me cry #gave me a lot to analyze and a lot of moments that I simply want to watch again #unsurprisingly this one HIT holy FUCK

[emypony]

Every number, lol

ily lmfao

gdi lina

((now i gotta open my own goddamn tumblr to find it smh))

i’ll do edits throughout bcs i go on other questions and i legit like, answer them and go back and add stuff

1. first anime you ever watched

tbh i can’t freaking remember?? Though it might’ve been something on animax. I don’t count pokemon rly bcs i rarely watched it. I think watched thoroughly…???

Frick. Deltora Quest (??) ((god I just remembered I need to hype that too crap)) but I’ll be proud to say front to back as a really long anime is going to be Inazuma Eleven. God I was so trash for it. Saw a few eps on Disney and decided “i want to see this but without this crappy romanian dub thx”

I can’t remember any other anime I watched but amongst the first ones were: Shugo Chara, Princess Tutu (I NEED TO DRAW THIS AS WELL AUGH LINA WHAT’VE U DONE) uhhhhhhhh, Kaleido Star? Zero no Tsukaima (VERY BAD ANIME TO START WATCHING WHEN UR LIKE 13) and other trash stuff like Oran Highschool Host club, Toradora (I didn’t watch the last ep gg me), Brother’s Conflict (another harem AND I DIDN’T WATCH THE LAST EP EITHER GG OMG) and this is all I can remember great…

EDIT: UNDERRATED ELEMENTAL GELADE LIKE DID ANYBODY EVEN HEAR ABT IT like AAAA

look at me i can’t even do one question without rambling this is gonna be long asf

EDIT:::: Shaman King was the first. Used to air dubbed on some non cartoon channel over here and I got hooked.

2. first anime crush

Shun from Bakugan. I’m trash. (yes this was after I found out that it was originally japanese. I think i wanted to watch the jap dub but i couldn’t find it anywhere and i couldn’t take Dan having Naruto’s voice either thx)

Then i discovered Spectra (aka the Brother of that girl from the 2nd season) and i cried bcs how could I choose

3. favorite anime character

Tsurugi Kyousuke and you know it girl

TSUNA FROM KHR (in his more serious form)

ALSO GOKUDERA ^^^^

4. least favorite anime character

fricc. uHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…(inazuma eleven makes everybody lovable I mean…)

5. list all anime you have ever watched (do non finished one count too thx)

NOTE: The ones with * means I didn’t finish them.

I DID THIS IN QUESTION 1 THANKS BUT LET ME ADD SOME

Mob Psycho 100

Shokugeki no Souma**  (in prcess of watching)

Oban Star Racers

Sword Art Online

SMILE PRECURE - it’s so clichee but I love it

Kaichou wa Maid-Sama

K-ON!*

Fruits Basket!!!

Sukitte Ii na yo

edit: Noucome

Dog Days!* (i can’t even what is this anime)

Kamisama Hajimemashita* (THERE’S LIKE A 2ND/3RD SEASON I NEVER KNEW ABUOT)

//screams

SHAMAN KIIIIIIING

DNANGEL AHHHHHHHHH

Beyblade (newer series tho)*

To Love-Ru* (wasn’t my thing but i saw a bit of it)

more Pretty Cure series which I can’t remember tbh

SUGAR SUGAR RUNE //CRYING

Gugure! Kokkuri-san*

6. popular anime you didn’t like

NOTE: I DIDN’T ACTUALLY WATCH MOST OF THESE BUT THE HYPE OVER THEM JUST KILLED IT FOR ME

Vampire…s-something with Vampire? With the Subaru and stuff. 

EDIT::: DIABOLIK LOVERS

LIKE ONLY 1 GUY WAS CUTE AND HAD REASONABLE REASONS BEHIND HIS AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR, THE REST WERE JUST F*CKED UP PSYCHOS THANKS

Naruto (I mean first seasons are nice and all but like, it becomes confusing)

One Piece, Fairy Tail, YURI ON ICE , HETALIA ((MISS ME WITH THAT SH*T THX)), Death Note, Attack on Titan, Tokyo Ghoul, Clannad, Boku no Hero Academia, Dragon Ball Z (and what have you), Kuroko no Basket, Haikyuu, Free!, Bleach, Inuyasha, YuGiOh (i’ve seen a bit but meh..), Mirai Nikki, 

//inhales Sailor Moon

idk just not for me, though maybe I should give it a chance??

7. anime you are currently watching

I guess Shokugeki no Souma since I’ve yet to finish s3

But I’m still in IEGO hell rn, rewatching it for the lolzies

8. anime character you are most like

Tenma, ofc. 

9. favorite anime child

uHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Tenma. ;;w;; he’s so precious and doubts himself and I think he’s great  ahhh 

Konoha. She loves animals and she’s kinda cute ouo

idk if there’s more i am really not recent anime trash sorry

10. favorite anime animal sidekick

Kili who’s Jasmine’s(?) -idk if that was her name in the jap version too- crow

I frkin love crows holy danm

Sasuke is such a cute dog save me

11. anime you didn’t expect to like but did

Inazuma Eleven (I don’t even like soccer) , Princess Tutu (I don’t like ballet and it was old af so I literally put it off for watching Shugo Chara), uhhhh idunno anymore

12. anime that should get more attention from others

PRINCESS TUTU I CAN’T STFU ABOUT THIS

Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

INAZUMA ELEVEN ALSO!!!

13. funniest anime you have watched

the one anime with the guy who had to make decisions or else

Noucome? (wikipedia: short for My Mental Choices are Completely Interfering with my School Romantic Comedy) Yeah that’s the one.

Shokugeki no Souma

14. saddest anime you have ever watched

PRINCESS TUTU (screw me, right?)

15. anime you never get sick of watching

INAZUMA ELEVEN THX

16. 10 best animes you have watched

oH COME ON

Inazuma Eleven

Katekyo Hitman Reborn

Princess Tutu

Bakugan

Deltora Quest

Sugar Sugar Rune

Noucome

Shokugeki No Souma

Shaman King

i don’t know another one save me

17. biggest anime crush

TSURUGI KYOUSUKE

18.10 worst anime you have watched

how can I even- 

19. favorite anime ships

kYOUTEN

YuuiChi ( ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ;)))))) furiously winks)

RanMasa

Ibuki x Shindou ((idk the name of this together lmao))

i don’t have anything more tbh x’D

20. least favorite anime ships

ShinKyou (I’m sorry but how?)

Fakir x Rue (Princess tutu. But like y these 2 srsly they hate each other)

21. anime that made you cry, when

Inazuma Eleven, not sure when but it did. I’m p sure it did

UHHHHHHHHHHHHH

fricc. Princess Tutu defs at the end

22. age you started watching anime/person who introduced you to it.

idk how the hecc I found it but i think i was like 11/12?

23. unpopular character you love

YUUICHI

I mean c’mon we only see him a few times like give the poor guy some love

SARU!!!

24. popular character you hate

Fudou

Idk just… :^) not ma’ thing

25. anime you would recommend to someone who hates anime

i can’t?? my anime choices are literally trash

26. manga you have read all the ways through

i…didn’t read mangas xD

((yes you’re free to kill me now :^))

(((TBH THERE IS ONE. And that’s Nana to Kaoru I think..but it’s nsfw sorta but it was nice as well? like you don’t see that often)))

27. anime you plan to watch in the future

uhhhh crap good question. I had some lists somewhere but idk

28. most upsetting moment in anime, why

WHEN KAZEMARU LEFT THE TEAM LIKE AAAAAAAA MY BOY

When Shun from bakugan cut his hair but damn he was still hot

THE CUTE BOY FROM DELTORA QUEST WHO WAS SUCH A CINNAMON BUN TURNED OUT TO BE SOME MONSTER FREAK LIKE HOW DARE YOU

29. anime that deserves another season

PRINCESS TUTU

DELTORA QUEST (THERE WERE 3 BOOKS BUT THEY ONLY MADE ONE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA)

OURAN HIGH SCHOOL HOST CLUB

FRUITS BASKET AAAAAAAAH

i can’t think of more

30. one anime conclusion you would change

((SPOILERS))

Princess Tutu: MAKE AHIRU GODDAMN HUMAN SERIOUSLY I WANT TO SEE MY SHIP SAIL AUGHHJKFGBG

I FREAKING HOPE I DIDN’T MISS ANY AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

#this is too long #god dammit lina #why did you do this to me #i love you though #ask me questions people but like not lina over here #neither these questions either cuz im not answering them again fo sho

[misterbitches]

unpop opinionz abt bl or just my opinions. that may or may not be popular. stream of consci. no one has to care or read. i will  do this whenever i like or when i am drunk and/ or high. like now. i do tharntype + sotus, uwma, lbc, and MODC...and long ass writing and spoilers so if u stumble it aint my problem

tharntype:

some user on here blocked me cos i said rape is bad*. and it is. and it’s stupid. and not done right it has no place in these writers, who really cannot write, or producers hands. it’s easy for people to judge it because it allows itself to be judged. and bl doesn’t fix its own issues. it just keeps perpetuating. when you gain an ounce of respect for women mayhaps that will change and we fuck up all that misogynist shit in our brains (FREE YR MIND)

but anyways i skipped til like ep 6. i barely know what the storyline is and id ont care. it isnt that interesting. they’re not great actors but i like the look of that bigger one. together their chemistry is fun i wouldn’t say like....as deep as i would like but watching them is nice

(this is where the wife/husband thing is relevant. i watched 6 - 13 a lot. so the father saying “as long as you’re not the wife i’m ok with ur HOMOSEXUAL rship then” but it turns out his son was the “wife” and guess what? that’s gross. if you can’t write female characters then leave us out of it.)

anyway i can see why people didn’t watch it. i say skip everything and see how they are together. the skinnier one is not as good w like idk. being seductive? but he’s fun to watch lol. together they are nice. i really enjoyed watching their dynamic.

some of the kissing was a lot but not in a bad way. i think if they had a deeper connection i would feel it more. but i saw gifs of them and piqued my interest and i clicked(footnote 2)

 the actors as themselves and whatever their rship is fun to watch..i read some UNSAVORY things about one of the actors with another dude in another show but whatever.

hm what else....yea the show is ok. theyre not great actors. cute together. sometimes when they kiss there was way too much like breathing jesus christ shut up. they totally could have done some inverted tropes but they didnt bc why would they.

a...c? c-? i give it? maybe that. people who had some criticism for it were right (like me :P) idk why i got BLOCKED cos i was JUST SAYING. rape in a story for no reason or as a startoff for lust is ridiculous. disgusting. i wont ever shut up about it. it helps no one and doesn’t help the gay community (can go down a rabbit hole here, too)

C- (this is generous but D+ seemed kinda mean...)

sotus + sequel:

idk why but i’ve seen some things flaoting around about the light guy. idk if they are true or not. i did not like that. i saw this before i read those tho (abt him not being comfortable)

this is what im talking abt...and this is where gmmtv will fail. but most bls. they’re CLEARLY worth something. they make money. the actors are a draw for others. i am not a thai citizen nor a thai teen so but i am assuming many get popular. this is because there’s a formula that is almost always stuck to. i am guessing that the channel is a public broadcast (not an HBO type) so there has to be more censorship

i LOVE seeing what countries with less production $ or a more current industry, (like in SEA tho ppl hav ebeen making revolutionary art foreverrrrrr don tforget there’s more than dramas) create. there’s less money and stuff and maybe the editing isnt good or a certain way the drama is shown is very particular and not always appealing. i am nigerian, i respect that shit. nollywood is that shit too.

and as people ge tmore $ for prods or more public support they get better (i cannot emphasize how MUCH BETTER SOUND HAS GOTTEN FOR THAI SHOWS OMG dramas in general but)

so sotus kind of suffers from lower prod quality. but also the acting is bad. sorry it is. i like the darker guy (sorry im too lazy to google names but...singto? right? hes a good photographer) and he has gotten better or wil get better i think but. yea. terrible acting lol

also like...u can tell that other dude wasn’t totally comfortable or they just didnt know each other enough. i don’t know. it was very much two guys standing next to each other now like kiss once. the reluctance to show like affection even in private settings is BONKERS TO ME. literally it’s like these men have the most sterile rships and that is suchhhh an issue in BLs, particularly the thai i guess. 

tbh if the storyline was better and if they had more chemistry it would be better to me. i know ppl love it, i dont really get it lol...their kisses r ok...idk it’s like a waste of time. i’ve tried watching it like 1000000 times 

thats all i have for now 

*im oversimplfying. i think it was bc ppl were being harsh. but any excucses people want to use the fact is that....rape bad and that’s stupid ok. but it sucks cos i wanna rt their gifs sometimes but nope lMAO

i know im not wrong so...

lbc, uwma, modc: 

I LITERALLY CANNOT WATCH THESE ACTORS. I’M SORRY  I CANNOT. THEIR FACES MAKE ME FURIOUS OR THEIR ACTING. I DONT KNOW WHY. i am shocked i dont totally hate saint bc i abhorred the character in LBC and like. every ounce of it. i dont rly like taht small dude from uwma (the past s/l?) i just cant w his face, and modc...omfg....the guy was so fucking SICK LOOKING

this is where footnote 2 comes in: if i cannot handle ur fucking face i will hate the drama. the secondary char in tharntype like the highschooler? oh my god i wanted to die too but like. shit. i wouulda watched for teamwin but that was barely there. and i could not get through modc. the couple with the age gap is gross, and i lit cannt look at this hot-ass big guy making out with a stick that dies

i cant be the only one. i didn’t like uwma dude’s face in the other drama he was in either. i like him as a person. maybe if i could see him do something else. ...

oh this is also why the first 2 moons....i hated...pha’s....whole.....existence. his face, his attitude, fuck. maybe it’s the playing up the femininity part of someone but then having them being a fuckin doormat. sad cos in lbc and modc the main love interests i like. but they’re also stupid. and just. god. stupid fuckin rships.

too much emphasis is put on love as The Thing but they can’t even exhibit love the way they should. idk what im SAYING IT’S JUST WORDS

had sth else to jot down but i forgot i may update this and remind meself

#thots #my thot #a thot #idk if it counts as 'a thot' bc that tag is for INTELLECTUAL AMBIEN NONSENSE

[lysitheaioandeuropa]

hey! let’s talk! about me!

I’m gonna bullet list in hopes to keep this concise (UPDATE THIS SHIT IS A LOT LONGER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE AND I THINK I WILL BE MAKING SEPARATE POSTS), bc i know it definitely isn’t going to be very organized. Before i had my fucking mental breakdown this afternoon, i actually had a lot of thoughts this morning. Some good, some bad, but i felt like i was taking the time to really acknowledge and process some things that.. I don’t get to acknowledge and process often. Or that i just flat out refuse to, or i choose to repress memories, or am still struggling with “wait, did that really happen or am i making it up,” which apparently is a sign of childhood emotional negligence or some shit like that. So basically this will prob end up being a series of extremely personal anecdotal text posts that i have shared with.. Absolutely no one prior to now, for all of my two followers to read (but tbh y’all don’t even have to, i’m mostly keeping this up here for me & prob to have something to share w my therapist, but i won’t stop y’all)

Part I - Oh no, I Caught “The Gay!” Alright, so boom: sexuality. I know i don't shut up about being gay, i know i am entirely way too hype about having a gf and being absolutely fucking smitten with her (AND WOMEN IN GENERAL), but when it feels like i’ve been forced into being silenced about that for sooo fucking long, shit can you blame me? I’ve been pretty open about it as an adult (p much 20 & on or so), it wasn’t like.. This huge secret or anything, but it also wasn’t something i went out of my way to make public. I never officially came out, and unfortunately when people found out it was because this real crazy chick decided to out me out of nowhere and i guess i just figured i had to own up to it, i didn’t really care what people thought of it then. It was weird answering questions, but easier to navigate in my 20s, though more on that later. I did let my partners know if i was dating anyone seriously (as seriously as you can as a teenager anyway), but past that idk, it just never came up. And i sometimes envy the younger kids/adults that like.. Have all these resources and labels available to them now, you know. I feel like its a lot easier to explore who you are and your identity today than it was when i was in middle school, having an extremely hard time sorting out my feelings for my “friends” (read as: i usually thought i just really wanted to be their friend, but also was v aware of how attractive they were to me, but it didn’t seem okay to talk about; whereas, middle schoolers now are a little more open? Have more labels? i have always settled for gay, Bc i did like and develop feelings for guys too but even then knew i liked my friends more). And i mean it was always something i personally was okay with, i wouldn’t deny myself the pleasure of finding girls attractive whatsoever. It’s weird looking at kids now like “oh no, they’re only children!” But i was all of 11 yrs old, first day of sixth grade, when i literally prayed that hands down THE prettiest girl in my 5th period would sit next to me as soon as i saw her walk in and had instant butterflies when she smiled at me and took that empty desk, like holy shit lmao (bruh.. She was 5’1”, puerto rican, and in my head at the time, looked RIGHTTTTT. We were partners in that class for the rest of the year and best friends outside of that class and her voice & her laugh, like bro!!!! Again, confusing and frustrating to have a crush on her, know that, be her friend and hello ofc she’s gorgeous so every boy was always after her too. Navigating feelings was so hard, but then i found a boy to crush on and felt normal again lmao). BUT it just seemed like the normal thing to do was not talk about it or ever bring it up to anyone at all at any point in time which i realize now is.. Yikes lmfao. I think it would have been different if i had someone to navigate that with, i was “mature” enough to figure it out on my own, and know to just keep it to myself, and accept it and not feel like a weirdo or anything, but not always be so eager to act on it. Again the older i’ve gotten, the easier it’s been to tell the story of how my parents thought the neighboring boy and i were so cute together in pre-k & meanwhile i was kissing this one girl during nap time, lmao. So like, i’m okay with that much; i don’t and never have felt guilty about being gay (bi, pan, whatever), even growing up in a church bc it rly was something that just came naturally to me from the jump. Puberty was slightly confusing but not a total shock either.

High school was even more so challenging and confusing? Bro. one of my best friends (and we’re def still friends now) and i were very close and the bitch had absolutely no boundaries whatsoever. Granted she had always been like that, I had been friends with her since the 6th grade as well and had seen her with other girls and boys but never put too much thought into it (you will see that this is my reaction to 90% of shit that happens to me). I’ve posted before and recently about being gay but not wanting to be predatory but getting mixed signals in “regular girl friendships,” and this was fucking textbook, lmao. I never got my hopes up or anything, and i just didn’t consider being with her a real option, but yeah, no, i deadass liked her and i’m sure she knew and didn’t mind the attention either lmao. Call it my first situationship i guess, lmao. We shared a locker so she would leave me notes and gifts, and vice versa, we’d bake for each other, we’d walk to class together, usually have lunch together, so on and so forth; she had no problem holding my hand and hugging me and being affectionate and calling me baby but like.. We weren’t dating. That was a thing. I both welcomed it and brushed it off; i was really comfortable with her physically, but still thinking i should only be dating boys even though they made me extremely uncomfortable and i’d flinch if they got too close (lmao, i have an entire separate section ready for men; cue eyeroll). I mean she kind of lead me on but not rly? I knew not to take it srsly BUT i also knew i’d be down as fuck if she ever changed her mind lmfao. Deadass she’s a 10/10 both then and now and she’d always do this cuuuute thing where she’d wrap her hands around my neck and kiss my nose and bruh i’d melt. Most people were already convinced we were dating *shrug* anyway though, this guy tried to hook up w me but i was like ehhhh so he ended up hooking up w her instead and i started dating my first boyfriend (who was terrible, abusive, and legitimately ruined my life in the short span of 10 months or so but that’s in the men’s section). It’s not like all of that magically stopped either though but i never pressed her for anything more, just entertained her and got butterflies every time she would hit me w that “i’d so love to date you” but her issue was she was comfortable with women but not sexually. I obviously wasn’t trying to sleep w her at 14, but i get it, that's her prerogative & it never got in the way of our actual friendship & i 100% value her as JUST my friend, she’s been rly great to me and has been there for the shittiest of times and has gotten me out of some rough spots. It was what it was lol. And there were other pretty girls after her that i would have considered pursuing but just never went for it. There was this senior girl i had for a class the following year and she also was and still is just jaw-dropping, beautiful, like holy shit. Something about her reminded me of strawberries and just made me feel cozy, you know? She always smelled nice, her hair was strawberry blond wellll past her waist, and she had to have been dumb to not notice me checking her out 25/8. Anyway though, i’m not trying to talk about every single girl i’ve had a crush on; the point is, i have always been firm on my sexuality you know, i never felt like i had a “questioning” phase and it just felt normal (and it has been annoying to have people question just bc i wasn’t “out” long enough to them? Or bc i’m straight passing as far as being fem + dating shitty guys goes). The only weird part was just never pursuing or never having the means to, obviously every girl is 500% straight in high school, or they sure were back then at least. I knew all of like two or three openly out girls and while i was not interested in none of them, i did envy the confidence they had not in just “hey i’m GAY,” but one of them was notorious for just pursuing any girl she was interested in and having it work in her favor? Even the “straight” ones? In my head i could only think like bro how the fuck? Anyway, proceed w checking chicks out on the sly and dating shitty guys (#bars)

So of course, college came around right, and thankfully i knew myself well enough at this point to know that my relationship with women was completely different from my relationship with men. How we interacted, how they made me feel, etc. i moved out at 17, had my own apartment, all that jazz. I had a serious boyfriend but we did do the “open relationship” thing for a bit and lo and behold, available women were everywhere. And we’d chat, flirt, and i knew the physical attraction was there (and, you know, i’m not going to get graphic or anything but confirmed i enjoyed that aspect as well) but not rly much else. So again, never put much thought into it, i was open to being with women romantically but it just never came up and finding straight guys to date after that boyfriend and i broke up was just easier. At this point, i took a “cross that bridge when i get to it” when it came to “officially” being out; it seemed pointless to make this huge deal when i was still just dating dudes, or not dating anyone at all. Not too long thereafter though, one of my close friends (i only have a couple) called me freaking out, it was adorable, lmao. So this girl confessed her love to her and she was confused about what she should do lmao (my gaydar went off THE SECOND I first met my friend and i mentioned it in passing but she always brushed it off). The whole “do what feels right” line is tired but that was the only advice i can give her really. Putting a little more thought into the situation this time and wishing i had someone i could call when i was freaking out over a girl i told her like “you know, there’s nothing wrong if you’re gay. I’m gay, i turned out just fine.” long story short, if you ask her she will always credit me for helping her come to terms with that, but she was also the first person outside of a boyfriend that i said that out loud to and.. It was nice. We kinda helped each other through that and it was nice to have that one gay friend finally lmao. But let’s just fast forward to maybe a year after that, i’d talk to girls here and there nothing serious, when the same crazy girl that liked my friend wants to talk to me (i told y’all the lesbian/local community dumb small) my friend didn’t care and i wasn’t trying to date her seriously, i was in town for the holidays and figured it’d be fun, whatever. So i was going to LIC w A HUGEEE group of my friends. Like. a significant amount, that i had only seen a couple times since high school, and that i obviously did not share my personal business with. This girl knew i wasn’t out, i told her not to be acting crazy either smh. So i knew the girl in passing but not like officially and we did most of our talking online/texting (bc thats how lesbians meet lmao). Keeping that in mind, this is the first time i’m actually meeting this girl not irl but def f2f y’know.. And this is the third time that i’m saying she’s crazy. We find a place to meet at LIC between sets and i told my friends i was waiting for another friend of mine thinking that would be the end of that. Now the whole “lesbians are crazy and move way too fast” trope was a thing w this one bc as soon as she spotted me she ran to me and just kissed me, i swear it was straight out of The Notebook, bro and i turned around and my group of MAYBE 10 friends that caught that were literally staring, wide-eyed, jaws dropped. And i just brushed it off and said k, i’m ready to go, and the questions from there on after just would not stopppppp. It was partially embarrassing bc i am not a spotlight ass bitch whatsoever, but most people that saw us together strangers and whatnot thought we were a “cute couple” and we were complimented most of the night. But every time she’d hug me or kiss me or anything, my friends would be ready behind her back in group of three trying to mouth over me like “girlfriend???? Dating?????” and no she wasn’t my girlfriend but the way she was all over me i had to claim her as such at that point to make my life easier lmao. And i can laugh it off now because no, it rly wasn’t that big a deal to me then but it does kind of suck that it ended up not being my own choice y’know. I had fun with her, the night ended well, she left w me and slept over (nothing happened [that time] but it was still nice nonetheless lol). New years eve was the next couple days and we made plans together and again, we weren’t official or like REALLY talking and it was a (different) group of us going to this house party. I didn’t think she’d do the same thing like, bro without asking or anything, imagine if i was a person that did seriously mind?? Anyway, she got drunk and was the life of the party, she has quite the presence, and by the time it was midnight she straddling my lap making out with me and thats how i came out to everyone else i knew and whoever wasn’t at any of those two events sure did receive texts and pics of my date and i. It was embarrassing initially cause this girl!! Why the fuck did she do that!! Lmao, explaining myself to my closest friends was odd bc they were offended i didn’t tell them sooner and i’m just like.. It never came up at all you know. With that said, i have waited to see if i would ever seriously date a woman bc i knew i wanted to but the opportunity never presented itself until recently, and that’s why ya’ll see me out here screaming on rooftops about how gay i am bc i finally get to do that, on my own terms, and bc i love someone soooo so so dearly.

#okay so this part isn't complete but its late and i didn't wanna back out on posting it #fair warning if you decide you want to read this irs super long #rly personal (nothing graphic or anything - just personal) #and it's stuff i have never said out loud or to anyone.. ever p much #maybe mentioned in passing but thats about it #this part is the nicest part to write about bc.. the others i have planned are rly ugly #but they'll also be posted soon enough #personal #? #me #idk i feel like this should have another tag #writings

[franeridart]

hi. hello. this is a bit embarrassing but i'm trying to buy my bf a tablet sort of thing so he can draw his arts. he's been wanting one forever but hasn't rly shown me which one he wants. i want to surprise him n buy a good one worth the money n was just curious if you had any suggestions. i've looked into wacom products, but i'm just such a noob to these things n was hoping you can help... i understand if this is silly, you don't have to reply! ur just so amazing, ur opinion is trustworthy 😅☺️

Okay, so, this is just my opinion and since it’s based completely on personal experiences it’s gonna possibly be incredibly different from other people’s opinions, so I just wanna make clear from the start that this is a personal preference and isn’t in any way meant as an absolute truth

Anyway, as far as I’m concerned when you’re just starting out you don’t need anything fancy at all. As an aspiring digital artist your bf might have looked up tablets and cried tears of blood over how much he’d like a cintiq or anything similar, but my very personal opinion is that fancy stuff is gonna be pretty much useless to you and be generally a waste of money? You’re just learning, you don’t need anything more than the basics. My suggestion is that you pick something simple and easy to use - I own this wacom intuos, had it for a long while and I like it a lot, but there’s also less expensive options you can go for too that people seem to like just as much! I’ve lately read on my dash about the Huion H610, they say it doesn’t cost much at all but it’s just as good as the Intuos, that could be a good option for you~

Anon said:  Hey!!! I was wondering if its ok to rb your oc art? I realized a lot less people rb those and i get anxious easily so... also i really don't want to disrespect either! But i always thought of rebloging as a way of saying "i appreciate your art" and i really really (really ) like yours (both the style and itself in general). (I hope you dont mind my bad english ha ha) i hope you don't mind this stupid ask! Im still kind of new to tumblr

It’s 100% okay!!!! *O* Thank you for liking them enough to want to reblog them ;A; !!!!

Anon said:i miss ur bokuroteru so much 😭💕 i love ur art but whenever i see ur header, i just remember ur bokuroteru comic and my heart cries storms for them to be seen again.

Aw anon I’m super happy you like my stuff for those three but as of now inspiration in that department is... super low... and tbh the haikyuu fandom is being incredibly unresponsive and non-vocal about their appreciation of fanworks in this period so even when I do have ideas for that fandom I sort of. Let them go. Or just sketch them out and never finish them.

Like, you know the whole deal about having to draw for yourself and not for others? That’s what I do 100% of the times when I’m starting a drawing, but to draw for myself I don’t exactly need to finish a drawing, you know? Sometimes there’s a scene I wanna see and I sketch it out in a super rough way and as far as my personal desire to see it goes I’m satisfied with that, and everything after that - the cleaning and lining and maybe even coloring - I put the effort in it because I want to share it with people. And the deal with the Hq!! fandom lately is that they don’t share my excitement for it. They either only like it, or don’t comment on it, or comment only to complain about this or that thing. In the worst case posting hq!! only ends up with people asking me to draw something else (ie I feel like drawing Karasuno so I draw it and post it and no one comments/rb/says anything about it but there’s 20 asks in my inbox asking me why I haven’t drawn any bok*ro lately)

When I think about posting stuff for hq lately I automatically compare it to posting stuff for bnha where I could draw a background character that appeared once 120 chapters ago and there’s still gonna be people that go “yes! that character!! I love that character!!! can’t believe there’s actual art for it oh my god!!!!” - that’s... that’s the sort of reaction that makes you wanna share stuff

I dunno, maybe I’m just expecting too much out of the hq fandom. But anyway, sharing for bnha makes me way happier and glad I decided to finish a drawing lately, so I guess that’s what’s happening there.

Anon said:Every time your soft doods art shows up on my dash I have to pause and take a deep breath and just thank god for all the good in the world because I'm blown away every single time

This is s o s w e e t oh my god ;A; thank you so much!!!!

Anon said:Johnny is a fucking angel dammit. Have you read the new DGM already?? I'm in tears. I love this manga so much. The frequency of the releases are killing me... it has such a great story and great characters. It needs more love

I did read it!!!! And yeah the fandom used to be way bigger, but honestly I’m glad it’s just the couple dozens people it is. Like a small town where everyone knows everyone else. No drama, no discourse. Everyone ships what they want and we all pass each other tissues to dry the tears. The only argument that happens regularly is people complaining about the relase schedule and the old fans telling them to let Hoshino live. A good place, this fandom’s a good place.

DGM was my playground for most of my experimenting as far as creating art goes, I really did reach in all directions with it through the years and it helped me shape myself a lot, so I really want it to stay quiet and nice and peaceful, that’s my dream for it haha smaller fandoms have a better chance to keep that freedom

Anon said: Oh man, I live for that Togata x Amajiki interaction

You talking about the color spread cause yes that was adorable!!! ;A;

Anon said:I look a little, and do you still draw Bakugo x Kirishima x Kaminari?

Sure, it’s still my main ship for Kaminari and my main ot3! Just wait for Denki to start being relevant in the manga again, I’ll probably fall headfirst into it all over again haha

Anon said:Your art is so wonderful you're wonderful everything's so wonderful i'm crying omg

SOB no anon you’re wonderful!!!!

Anon said:Due to my brain not wanting to cooperate with me (ever), Bakugou Katsuki is now Batsuki Katsuki in my head.

This is the funniest thing I’ve read today and I’m in t e a r s hahaha

Anon said:Artistic!Mina making pop art and colorful paintings :o what are ur thoughts

HELL YES that’s my main headcanon for Mina, she’s definitely an artsy girl!!! I like the idea of her sharing it with Bakugou t b h

Anon said:I'm still just repeatedly looking at your newest KiriBaku because hot damn.

I’m super glad you liked it!!!!!!! oh my gOD!!!!!!!

Anon said:Heyy please rec Kami comics please! I'm in a Kami art shortage and I currently can't find art as awesome as yours...

I’m so sorry I wish I could help you with this but I don’t know anyone who draws lotsa Kaminari either ;---;

#fran answers #about the tablet #personally i started with a tablet that wasn't a wacom #it was okay to learn the basics but it lasted maybe six months top #and then i had to change it #which is why now im sorta wary about giving my money to other brands #considering that after that i only bought two tablets #both wacoms #and technically i didn't even have to change the first one my family just bought me a new one out of the blue #so yeah people can say whatever they want about wacom but they ARE quality and durable #that said that experience with other brands happened over ten years ago #and the brand wasn't great anyway #so like it's totally possible that new brands are WAY better #check for the reviews! most people are saying they love them #so i guess if your budget is limited you CAN go for another brand #the one i linked is pretty damn huge too im #really tempted to buy it myself t b h #anonymous

[hwallsgrl-archive]

kconla ‘17

this is more or less a post for my own reference bc i tend to forget things rlly easily... and i really don’t want to forget this weekend!! sorry if this is unreadable.. like i said, it’s mainly for my own reference ghfjdksn

friday convention: pretty uneventful seeing as it’s only the first day... me n my friend lined up to try for the w1 hitouch but we were told to come back at 2pm. we had heize’s audience engagement to go to at that time, so we just ended up buying w1 banners and nametags anyways bc tbh.. we didn’t have a chance at winning LOL.. (i heard fansites bought all the merch tho? so at least we got our stuff before that madness). a lot of people were selling their heize passes, so the rest of our party bought them to go in and honestly.. it’s a loss for the people who sold them !! heize is one of the sweetest n down to earth people i’ve ever met/seen... someone in the hi-touch area got her an olaf backpack and she was so excited!! she also said she really liked the vibe of la and that more people showed up than she expected (which broke my heart HJKDS). she also describes herself as a “srapper/ringer” bc she says she likes both singing and rapping... im gna fast forward to the cosmic girls audience engagement which was.. life changing tbh.. they’re all so pretty and cute irl, but bona couldn’t make it for some reason :( yeonjung sang miracle + secret, dawon did eunseo’s “hing~”, and meiqi did luda’s “mollah-ah”. they were also asked who they wanted to switch bodies with and from what i can remember, dayoung wanted to switch bodies with dawon (bc in her words, dawon is “hot, tall, and sexy” HJFSHLJ), and luda wanted to switch bodies with seola (bc she’s really pretty.. and i agree!! all of them are!!!) cheng xiao is my bias but unfortunately she didn’t say much..... also every idol whose never been to la wants in n out but i don’t blame them, it’s good!! i didn’t have that great of a view either bc the people in front of me were already tall + they were against the barrier which adds another inch or so to their height.. but overall it was a cute n fun audience engagement!! we went home afterwards bc there was nothing else left to do..

saturday convention: we went early bc my friend had sf9′s audience engagement so while we waited for her to finish that, me n the rest of the party just went around the convention hall and got free stuff :’)) when she came back, we went to juncurryahn’s meet and greet. he’s rly nice and talented, but i don’t watch his videos so i didn’t know what was going on majority of the time... afterwards we were going to get food and i was going to line up for seventeen’s audience engagement, but on the way out i saw people already lining up outside? when i asked what was going on, a guard told me to wait in the indoor waiting area but when i went there, vixx’s audience engagement hadn’t gone in yet. i asked the woman scanning bracelets but she told me to go outside. when i told her the situation, she then said i could stay inside. thirty minutes later, more people came in and started complaining so she told us all to.. go back outside lmfao... when i headed back outside the guard said the waiting area was full, so i’d just have to sit around until they started letting people line up again... i did meet a few more carats in line tho so i guess? it’s fine.. i also got a mingyu fan from one of his fansites, like u! it was super hectic inside bc a lot of people were crowding me and i was getting anxious, but the carats i met in line were nice enough to check up on me every few minutes to make sure i was okay... and seeing seventeen..... made my heart stop.... i couldn’t get a good view bc 1) im short and 2) people brought posters and constantly held them up whenever their biases talked.. it was a good experience but the only thing that bothered me was people screaming whenever a member tried to talk... i’d hate to be biased but seeing dino in the same room as me was the most memorable.. like he actually glows irl and he’s so handsome and pictures don’t do him justice!!!!!!! also junhui? ethereal. he can’t exist like.. he’s too handsome. they then played a dice game where each number means they have to do a certain thing.. dino got freestyle dance (how fitting...), seungkwan and wonwoo got fav pop song (when we were young + see you again, respectively), jeonghan and joshua both got aegyo, dk got random dance (and he threw the dice inflatable into the crowd and.. mightve hit someone ? idk i only heard him apologizing!!), and mingyu got sexy dance (hgfjdkl it was funny bc he started off fine but got rlly awkward n shy). everyone and their mothers are hip hop team stans btw... after that i left to go find my friends at the mwave stage, where they were doing signed album giveaways. oh my girl was having a fansign at star square in thirty minutes and i happened to be near the barrier where they walked by... in the midst of waiting for oh my girl to come out, my friend’s number was called for an album and he got the night version of astro’s dream pt 01 signed by all members!! literally 3 minutes later oh my girl came out and??????? they’re so pretty i was FLOORED.. i could only get a good look at jiho’s face before a guard stepped in front of me tho.. but i did see all the other member’s side profiles and? i love girls. wow. once that was over, we went to go get food and line up for the concert when the friend who won the album said he didn’t listen to astro.. and he gave it to me....... i started crying

saturday concert: HJFKDSLHJFK IT WAS WILD TBH!! the pre show was really good w/ juncurryahn playing crush’s beautiful on the violin and dancing to not today.. then it was krnfx and he beatboxed a few songs.. also lydia paek joined him for bs&t which was cool!! the first mc’s for the night were scoups, joshua, and vernon and i kind of.. lost my shit HJKDSLHJFK.... i don’t rmr the exact order but i do know that sf9 was the first act and they performed fanfare, jungle game, and easy love. also when they did the whole robot acrobatics thing in jungle game? my face was like :O the whole time!!!! chani looked like a cute lil pumpkin and zuho... is spicy... after that was cosmic girls and I LOVE!!!! THOSE SPACE ANGELS!!!! SOO MUCH!!!!! they performed happy, i wish, and secret (though i really wanted them to perform miracle...) i’m not a big fan of girl’s day but they’re sooo beautiful and they performed i’ll be yours, something. and ring my bell.. i knew nothing about suju d&e but they did 3 songs! the only song i can recall the name of is oppa oppa, which is really catchy... vixx’s act was really good!! they performed shangri-la, black out, and fantasy, but i was thinking about haknyeon and ravi’s lil head twirl part the whole time ghjdfkl.... vixx had a thing called ‘pinata time’ and got photo session, and they made cute poses around the stage so fans could take pictures of them. seventeen was the last act and ................ it was life changing, truly... they performed don’t wanna cry and I STARTED CRYING BC I LOVE THOSE BOYS SO MUCH AND WORDS CAN’T DESCRIBE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO ME AND HOW MUCH THEY’VE DONE FOR ME.... they had a pinata time and got everyone in the venue to dance to mansae which made me tear up again... they shot signed tshirts into the crowd in reserved seating!! mingyu + jun + woozi had to share a gun and after they shot one shirt, mingyu was trying to put the other shirt in and almost broke the gun HJFKLHJSDK... jun was interacting w/ the crowd all while woozi n mingyu were trying to figure it out.. like he was just shrugging and being his cute bubbly self.. eventually a staffer had to come up and help them lmao.. they also performed boom boom and aju nice which put me in the happiest mood!! i wanted them to perform pretty u which is like.. my fav song.. but i would have started UGLY CRYING so i’m glad they didn’t... somewhere in between cosmic girls invented the song i need u and sf9 covered sorry sorry... both groups danced together for the last chorus or so for sorry sorry..... also all of svt’s units performed a song! performance team did swimming fool, vocal did habit, and hip hop did check in. but saturday’s concert was amazing and seventeen.. really did change my life..... i also hope hoshi is feeling better !!!

sunday convention: got lost on the freeway and we all started freaking out bc we thought we’d miss wanna one at the innisfree booth. fortunately we made it in time, but the booth was already packed and there were people pushing and shoving. the security was really rude and told people near the back “if you cant see anything you’re wasting your time, what are you doing with your lives??” though i get he was doing his jobs.. there’s better ways to just tell us to back up lmao... i also i stood next to a baejin fansite (cheese bae) and they gave me a banner! my friend and i got claustrophobic and left, but i’m glad i did bc the people in front of me were a good 7 inches taller than me and when wanna one showed, the pushing got so bad that kcon threatened to end the session. the rest of the party stayed and said that they were only there for 5 minutes and that they looked visibly upset (understandable bc of the whole airport incident. i don’t blame them if they hate la lmao). they did get a blurry video of baejin and daniel tho so.. they airdropped that to me. we did pretty much everything the convention hall had to offer and no workshops/panels really interested us so we just hung around the toyota booth for astro... there i got a sanha fan from a fansite, but their name isn’t on the fan so i can’t find them :(... kard was said to make an appearance at the state farm booth right next to the toyota one, so it got crowded and my friend and i left. we just sat in the entrance hall near an outlet until astro came out, and we stood near the elevator so we could see them walk out... sanha is unbelievably tall. like.... what’s he so tall for. why. also while waiting i got a taeyong banner from leetaeyongbar! we then decided to go back inside to hopefully see wanna one at star square, so we went to the area where we stood for oh my girl. luckily not a lot of people cared to stand in the back so we got right up by the barrier. i also talked to a wannable and she was rlly sweet!! i mentioned getting anxious abt crowds of people against me and she also made sure i was okay, which is nice.. also a fansite stood behind me and i told her that if i was in the way, she could just let me know.. i dont know which fansite she is but she was nice n was thankful!!! wanna one came out and i only got a good look at guanlin (who is tall, but not sanha tall) before staff stood in front of me.. after they walked by a bunch of people left so i got closer and waited for them to come out... i’m glad i stayed bc i actually saw them walk out... and jisung!!!!!!!! waved!!!!!! in our direction!!!!!!!!!!!! my heart almost burst out of my chest bc he’s so handsome irl and he’s so cute and he looked really happy... after that we left to line up for the concert

sunday concert: sunday’s crowd was a lot bigger than saturday’s, and i’m pretty sure everyone there was a got7 stan... while in line i saw papa tuan (mainly bc he was dressed as their lightstick, which was cute)!!! inside the venue, the girl sitting next to me as also an aroha so we talked abt astro while we waited for the concert to start!! the preshow was a band called iamnot (correct me if i’m wrong, i couldn’t read their logo ghjfdk) and they were really good.. i liked their act a lot!!! the night’s hosts were mark and jackson, and they did a good job hyping up the crowd (tho everyone in there was a got7 stan so.. who wouldn’t be hyped lol). when they were calling up all the artists, heize brought the olaf backpack on with her and my heart!!!!! exploded w love for my mother!!!!!! once again i don’t remember the exact order, but i do know that the first act was kard, who performed don’t recall, hola hola, and oh nana. we also sang happy birthday to somin who teared up :’)). also j.seph is super cute n shy........ heize performed don’t know you. after a small ment, a sign asked us to turn on our phone flashlights... the music for star started and heize started to cry bc of all of the lights hjgfdklhg :( she only performed two songs... oh my girl performed coloring book and closer, and yooa is sosososo pretty!!! arin is super cute too!!! also binnie doesn’t have bangs anymore and my heart almost stopped!!! my robong DIED during coloring book bc me, being the fool i am, reused batteries from my carat bong... the aroha next to me gave me her spare batteries which was so nice of her... but then her robong died during closer so i gave back the batteries bc i knew astro as her ult, n she needed those batteries more than me LOL.. when wanna one performed, the girl saw me with my banner and she asked to record for me and i’m so grateful!!! they performed energetic and burn it up, and i think me and my friend got on the screen for like 2 seconds HJKDLSHJGKL... astro did a collab with kim taewoo and they did so well!! the dance was super energetic but their voices still sounded so good!!! kim taewoo then performed and his voice was really nice.. i can’t recall the song names but i believe his last song was love rain? astro performed should’ve held on, breathless (with a transition into polaris), and baby!! sanha was soo cute during the ment :(( they also had a pinata time and made tshirts to throw to those in the pit. they also had tshirt guns and shot those to the reserved seats... also i recorded the performance for the aroha next to me in exchange for the w1 videos... nct’s stage was.. so hype.... they performed firetruck, limitless, and cherry bomb!! some of the mics weren’t working during the ment so mark leaned over to let taeil use his in-ear mic and everyone in the venue went wild... also sicheng’s self intro was “my name is winwin!!! today.. we winwin!!!!!!!!” HJFKSLHJSF HE’S SO CUTE I LOVE HIM SO MUCH I’LL FOREVER BE SICHENGSGIRL NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I CHANGE MY URL.... once again, the aroha next to me recorded nct for me and i later recorded got7 for her.. jj project performed, and they did never ever, hard carry, and?? correct me if i’m wrong but confession song?? idk.. they had a pinata time as well and a lucky fan got proposed to by three members, who i think were bambam, jaebum, and jackson. somewhere in between, wanna one came out again in navy colored school uniforms and perfomed never and nayana.. and i teared up during the latter... after the concert was over, me n the aroha airdropped each other the videos... i never got her name but she was super sweet and im glad i got to sit next to someone who didn’t consider my screaming obnoxious (she apologized for screaming during astro and got7 but.. we get each other LOL)

overall i’m so happy that i saw 6/6 of the groups i stan at my very first kcon!!! it’s rlly a memory i want to keep forever.. but i probably won’t go again in a long time (unless ofc.... wanna one or seventeen decide to come again :’))) )

#nana.txt #kcon.log #THERE ITS DONE ITS ALL COMPILED INTO ONE INCOHERENT POST #the post concert withdrawals are hitting me hard and my voice has been obliterated but it was an amazing weekend!!!!