#I'm tired of living in villages. everyone is so fucking close-minded and they know everything about you and. yeah no it's not for me. took a

[running-in-the-dark]

ooooh. we got an apartment!!!

the house isn't completely finished yet so we can't move in until April. we'll have to figure that out. but that's fine. it's in the town where my husband works! which is amazing.

#I'm so relieved #it looks really nice. I wasn't at the viewing but I saw pictures. #it's a ground floor apartment which we wanted. it's near some shops. it's a 30 minute walk to his work #I'm just. ahh I'm so happy that we found something #the area looks good on google maps #we're signing the lease on Tuesday :) I'll get to see it then. so if it's horrible we won't take it obviously. but like I said it looks #nice and my husband said it's nice so #so we'll probably have to move back in with his parents for two months and have our stuff in storage #but that's okay #we'll also have to buy the kitchen appliances and everything. which isn't ideal. but it's fine #and everything will be new!! it'll all work! it won't be old and disgusting and awful!! #and there's definitely not an old lady who has lived there for 40 years and thinks she gets to decide how everyone else lives :') #and it's. kind of a new start. it's a 30 minute drive from here. not far at all but it feels very far to me (not in a bad way) #it's closer to a city too. not so close that it'd bother me but definitely nicer if we want to go there. which might be good I think #I'm tired of living in villages. everyone is so fucking close-minded and they know everything about you and. yeah no it's not for me. took a #while to realise that but. yeah. not doing that again. small towns are not that different but it IS definitely different #anyway guys I'm so relieved 😌😌😌 #personal

[kinnbig]

"#embarrassing confession: i have an entire doc that is just a collection of my headcanons for established relationship ramking" BESTIE YOU CAN'T SAY THIS AND THEN NOT ELABORATE

eee thank u for this omg! I will never turn down the opportunity to ramble about ramking 🫣 I have browsed the google doc and now I can present a collection of established relationship ramking headcanons (quick warning that some (ok lots) of these are nsfw) -

King still calls Ram "ai'Ning" a lot of the time - but he does switch to just "Ram" when he's being sweet/affectionate and when they're in bed lmao. Ram continues to use Phi for King, including in bed - which King fucking loves.

as Ram gets more and more comfortable around King, he becomes more able to talk to him and express himself verbally - but it's never something that comes easily to him. he still struggles with it, especially when he's particularly tired or emotional or overwhelmed. he'll always choose actions over words where he can, and is never going to be someone that's talkative or that like... monologues about his feelings.

but King doesn't mind! Ram is very good at showing affection physically and King is very very happy to receive this physical affection

this of course makes the words Ram does say that bit more impactful for King... whether that's making him feel particularly adored when Ram compliments him or tells him he loves him out loud... or whether it's making him lose his goddamn mind with just a few words when they're in bed. the power of a simple "please" or "P'King" or "don't stop" or "harder"......... 😳🫣

they're vers - and usually they're on the same page, but sometimes there's some fun and mostly silent communication/debating about which way round they're gonna do things. they're both very good at goading the other one into doing what they want lol

King tops a bunch of times in a row and then is like "it's sooo sad that I'm so pretty and my ass is sooo nice and I'm sooo flexible and no one is taking advantage of those things because I'm a vers forced to live as a top…." dkjdfhjsjkd

Ram has a praise kink.

King has a thing for fucking in slightly weird locations - he loves the idea that he made Ram want him so much he couldn't wait. so he's very into fucking like... against the kitchen counters or over the table or on the living room floor. Ram is more practical, but he's also very easily convinced lmao

King is also very very forward and a really silly obvious flirt. he'll drape himself really dramatically over furniture or 'accidentally' press right up against Ram's back to reach over him. he also puts his hands in Ram's back pockets a lot.

they're both pretty possessive of each other but in different ways. Ram is "if you hurt him I'm throwing hands" possessive, whereas with King it's more that he wants everyone to know that Ram is his.

it's a bit of a "look what I have and you don't" thing - Ram is famously difficult to get close to, and King got Ram to fall in love with him. he's very smug proud about this and wants everyone to know about it.

similarly - King is the worst influence when it comes to Ram ignoring/being rude to other people because he loves it. he's like "yesss be rude to all these strangers yesssss" "yesss Ram is so hard to get close to but look at how close he is to me" "yessss act all mysterious and tough in public and then blush when I call you 'nong' and tell you you're pretty yessss…"

they watch a lot of nature documentaries together in the evenings

also King introduces Ram to Animal Crossing 🥺 King is very into decorating everything beautifully, but Ram exclusively plays to try and complete the museum. he will catch every single bug and every single fish even if it kills him. he also does not care about any of the villagers, much to King's dismay.

it's not all perfect obviously. Ram both desperately craves and yet is terrified of emotional intimacy. he expects a level of emotional vulnerability and reassurance from King that he's not always comfortable reciprocating, and he has a tendency to use physical intimacy as a substitute for emotional intimacy - eg he'll occasionally initiate sex to avoid having to talk about his feelings.

he also forgets that although King is good at understanding him and picking up on his non-verbal cues, he isn't a mind reader. Ram can get unfairly frustrated when King doesn't respond to wants/needs/feelings that he hasn't actually expressed.

King is not good with boundaries. Ram is quite private and likes to spend time alone, and King has a tendency to not understand and to feel hurt that 'alone' means 'without King' lol.

he's also quite impulsive and will make big decisions without thinking it through or consulting Ram, which frustrates Ram (who likes things to be planned in advance).

but in general they're incredibly compatible and where they do occasionally fall out it's never for long - and they're very good at making up again because they are incapable of being angry at each other for more than 5 minutes

they're that couple who get together and are basically just married from the word go. when they eventually do get engaged (King proposes after a few years) all their friends are like "huh. tbh we thought you guys had eloped years ago"

(which to be fair is a reasonable thing for their friends to assume, because they get drunk and seriously consider it all the time)

finally: matching. tattoos.

#eee omg this got sooo long and i cannot lie to you besties #this is barely scratching the surface lmao - especially of the spicy headcanons. i have a really embarrassingly large number of those 🫣 #thank you thank you!!! #ask #ramking #darcey.txt

[the-insomniac-emporium]

I love your writing.

if it's not too much trouble may i make a request? I'm thinking the Dimitrescu women meeting and/or courting a fellow immortal.

the circumstances of the immortal's powers and possession of immorality are entirely up to you. I just like the idea of them meeting someone they could literally spend forever with...because they deserve it ❤

I wasn't sure if you wanted a story or headcanons? I went with HCs, here, but if you wanted more of a drabble or whatever just lemme know and I'll write something like that.

Also, I got excited and carried away so this has the whole Dimitrescu family, plus shorter ones for both Mother Miranda and Donna. Admittedly Alcina's is also a little on the shorter side? I tried to write everything that came to mind, but I am kinda tired right now, sorry. Might reblog this and add some more later.

(Under read-more for length)

Cassandra:

Tries (and fails) to hide her excitement. Mortality is one of the bigger things that has made her keep her distance to others, at least in the past. Every Maiden she’s ever been the slightest bit smitten with, up until this point, has been incredibly fragile. Seeing as she’s not exactly the softest person, one can easily imagine why that would be a turn off for her. But now that’s no longer a problem!

On the other had… having an immortal partner gives Cassandra pause. Why? Because what if they breakup? Normally, she can just, ahem, “dispose” of any exes (regardless of how much it hurts) so she doesn’t have to see them/deal with them anymore. If that’s not an option, she’ll definitely take longer than usual to do anything about her feelings. She wants to be sure, 100%, before she gets in over her head. Chances are she won’t hold back for as long as she wants though.

Likely to have a loud, messy confession. She’ll have been avoiding you for a few days, always ducking out of whatever rooms you enter, leaving you both hurt and confused. After enlisting the help of her sisters, you’ll be able to corner her outside. She’ll tell you, under no uncertain circumstances, to leave her alone. But you’ll refuse, demanding an explanation.

“I thought we had something. I thought you cared,” you’ll snap, eyes watering. “If that’s changed… if I was wrong, just tell me. I’ll leave and I’ll never come back.” Cue thunder and raining (because tropes) and Cassandra dramatically pulling you into a kiss, holding you so tightly you think you might bruise. Then she’s demanding that you stay, refusing to apologize but making it clear just how much she does care.

Being immortal, you’re not as defenseless as some of Cassandra’s past interests. Naturally, she doesn’t get quite as protective as she normally would. She’ll still have your back no matter what, ready to fight by your side against any foe, and will probably consider doing so a “fun bonding activity”. Oh, some lycans are encroaching on Dimitrescu territory? Time to go destroy them, as a power couple!

Despite having all the time in the world, Cassandra won’t change much of her actual courting behavior, nor the rate at which things advance. She’s still gonna get handsy fairly early on, still gonna “rah!” at you in the hallways, and still going to struggle with her jealousy.

Immortality Compatibility: I can see Cassandra going for another vampire (or vampire adjacent) creature, or someone demonic. She likes her lovers a bit rough, with some nice bite to their personalities. If you’ve got sharp teeth, or claws, or glowing eyes? Oh boy, she’s gonna be making heart eyes at you all the time.

Bela:

If your immortality isn’t immediately obvious, Bela is over the moon with joy when she finds out. Her eyes will go wide for a moment, before she tries to seem calm (so as to not freak you out), but her heart is pounding. This is what she’s been hoping for. As much as Mother Miranda has done for her family, there’s no guarantee that she’d be willing to give more. Even if Miranda granted Bela’s lover her “gift”, there was no telling what the results would be, or if the lover would survive. Now that there’s no need for such a transformation, it’s far easier for Bela to imagine herself in love (and eventually be in love).

Slow-burn romance over a decade or longer, oops. Doesn’t even necessarily mean to take things so slowly, just doesn’t feel a need to rush things, preferring that they develop organically. With both of you having unlimited time, you’re both used to working on a very large timescale. Maidens watching the two of you probably place bets on how long it’ll take you to hold hands for the first time. Everyone knows it’s coming, but no matter how much Cassandra and Daniela complain, Bela refuses to jump into things. By the time the two of you are officially together, you’re probably madly in love with each other.

More protective than Cassandra, if only because she knows just how rare you are. Immortal or not, you likely still have a weakness, and Bela will do everything in her power to make sure no one else knows what it is. If applicable, she will also ensure she has a countermeasure readily available. For example: If you were weak to fire, she’d make sure that the castle keeps extinguishers handy, just in case. Though they should probably already do that. Not that the Dimitrescu family cares much for OSHA compliance.

Somehow grows more in love with you with every passing year, and makes sure that you know this. Whether you’ve been together for one year or one century (because in this house we ignore canon), she’s always performing little acts of love, giving constant reminders of how strongly she feels. Gifts, special dates, book recommendations, etc.

Immortality Compatibility: Bela seems like the type to go for someone with a calming presence, and perhaps somewhat of a contrast to herself. I can picture her with someone somewhat angelic, or druidic, someone very in tune with nature. She’d love to feed deer with you and relax in the forest! Or lay against a tree by your side, listening to you talk about various microorganisms for hours at a time.

Daniela:

Practically tackles you when she finds out/connects the dots. This is just like one of her romance novels, where a lonely (attractive as fuck) immortal spends years in isolation before finally meeting the love of their life, who they get to spend the rest of eternity with. Absolutely ecstatic about the whole situation. Won’t stop kissing you and pulling you close, rambling about how great it’s gonna be to spend your lives together. Honestly? Kind of overwhelming. You might have to remind her a few times that you don’t have to rush into things, considering you have all the time in the world.

Introduces you to people as her “super cool/rad immortal life partner”. Genuinely cannot bring herself to not brag about you. If her sisters haven’t found someone like you yet, you can bet that Daniela will tease them about it all the time (much to their annoyance). If Momma Alcina doesn’t, though? Dani will keep her thoughts to herself, thank you very much (being grounded at her age does not impress the s/o).

Tries not to show it, but she’s actually very nervous. You’re immortal! You’ve probably seen a lot of shit (she certainly has)! Worries about keeping you interested in her, though she would never admit it. This tends to lead to her performing ridiculous acts to showcase her affection, regardless of the cost or, like, whether or not you’d even enjoy whatever she has planned. In order to counter her anxiety, you’ll want to reassure her whenever you can, and give her plenty of “I love you”s.

Strikes a decent balance between Cassandra’s nonchalant attitude and Bela’s protectiveness. Will defend you if you need it, playing up the romantic aspect, but also entirely willing to hide behind you in a scary situation.

Immortality Compatibility: Having probably read Twilight… Dani would date a werewolf, as long as they weren’t the smelly kind. Also interested in a sort of “magical”/elemental type, especially if their powers are influenced by emotions. In other words, if someone flirts with her in front of you, and your response is to subconsciously light your hands/the other person on fire? She thinks that’s hot, pun intended.

Alcina:

“Oh? Interesting,” she’d say, smiling softly (and trying to ignore the heat rushing to her face). Similarly to Cassandra, she’d try to play it off, not wanting to seem too excited. And, well, she’s not as excited as any of her daughters are. After all, she’s had more time than them to “get used” to the idea of outliving any potential romantic interests. So, she’s not exactly desperate for a relationship, even with someone she could spend an eternity with.

That being said, if she is romantically interested in them, she’s very relieved. Outliving a loved one can be incredibly traumatizing (fuck you c*pcom, you know what you did), and knowing that you’re safe (or at least safer than most) brings her no small amount of comfort.

Also, just glad to have another person close to her age around. Her daughters are somewhat stuck as young adults, and I imagine Alcina would want someone who gained immortality a little later in life, such as herself, as opposed to, ya know, reminding her of her children. That probably goes without saying. Hopefully.

More so than her daughters, Alcina would change her level of protectiveness depending on her s/o’s power level. If you’re a shapeshifter who can also turn into a big ass dragon? Then she’s not going to coddle you. If you’re immortal but still vulnerable, then she’s going to do her best to keep you safe, even going so far as to enlist the assistance of her daughters. “If you see a single Maiden growing mistletoe, or bringing some in from the village, let me know immediately,” or something like that, depending on your weakness.

Immortality Compatibility: Definitely would want someone in a situation similar to herself, having once been truly human, only to be “elevated” by something. Bonus points if you’re another disciple of Miranda, double bonus points if Miranda specifically “made” you to be Alcina’s boo/honey/darling/dear.

Bonus! Mother Miranda:

Oh god finally someone who won’t leave her (can’t leave her). No one can take you away from her, and that’s a relief that she’s been craving for over a century. Even if romance isn’t high on her priority list, she welcomes it with open arms, glad to have someone by her side through all of life’s chaos.

Admittedly slow to trust at first, probably just using you as a tool at first. But prove yourself enough, show that your devotion is more than just misdirected self-interest, and she’ll start to warm up to you. Forming a real relationship would likely take a couple decades, similar to with Bela. Once you are together, however, the two of you are inseparable in all matters.

You’d be her #1 follower, most trusted adviser, and the only person allowed to understand 100% of her thoughts and motives. While Miranda wouldn’t allow you to be seen as the same level as her (sorry), you’d still be a legend among the villagers. To them, you’re Mother Miranda’s champion, the epitome of a devoted follower that they all aspire to emulate. Not that they know the two of you are a couple, though.

Immortality Compatibility: No gimmicks, no cheap tricks, she wants (and respects) a fellow scientist, someone who clawed their way through adversity and forged themselves into something indestructible. Double the interest if you did so for a similar cause to her own, as she would appreciate your ability to relate to her suffering.

Bonus! Donna:

Someone to play with! FOREVER! No more losing people she cares about, no more accidentally breaking people, no more people scrambling to leave. Now that she has you, she can finally spend some quality time with another (living?) person. Honestly her dolls (or at least Angie) are just as excited as she is. Regardless of her relations with the other three Lords, Donna much prefers the company of a lover.

For real though she’s shy as hell and you might not even realize who’s pulling the strings until you’ve been in her house for over a year. She’d probably use her powers to trap you inside, at least at first, though they’d be nice hallucinations. You’d have to treat the dolls nicely, especially Angie, before she’d let you interact with her.

Eventually you’d be allowed to leave, and you’d be given a key to return whenever you wanted to. Assuming that you do, in fact, come back, the two of you would have a very, very slow romance, if only because of Donna’s anxiety. Hand holding makes both of your faces turn beet red, seriously.

Immortality Compatibility: *chanting* GHOST GIRLFRIEND GHOST GIRLFRIEND POLTERGEIST PARTNER POLTERGEIST PARTNER WOOHOO! Something with a flexible, only-sometimes-tangible form, who absolutely could have left at any time but didn’t because they wanted to stay.

#cassandra dimitrescu x reader #bela dimitrescu x reader #daniela dimitrescu x reader #lady dimitrescu x reader #mother miranda x reader #donna beneviento x reader #resident evil: village #re8 village

[sns-tropes]

fic: heart in your hands: ch10

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6,

Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9

chapter summary: Just when he thought he had it figured out, he's lost again. His only compass: a loudmouth blonde.

pairing: sasuke/naruto (ninja!verse) post-698

rating: Mature

warnings: angst, hurt/comfort

A/N: heyyyyy peeps. uhh so i was gonna scrap this whole fic. but then i thought, hey, no, i'm actually proud of this thing that i did. so anyway, here's another chapter. it's kind of angsty lowkey. i'm semi-satisfied with this chapter. hope you guys like it.

- jeni

The balcony is chilly. Sasuke lets the smoke fill his lungs through the end of a filtered stick of tobacco. He looks down over the side of the railing. He can see Shikamaru down there, striding slow, hands in his pockets like usual. Shikamaru looks up at him. Sasuke can’t see expression very well. He can’t see anything very well lately. He might need glasses. He might really be going blind by the time he hits thirty. Maybe even before.

It’s not light out yet. The sun hasn’t come up yet. There’s just a dim promise of it starting to creep up over the Konoha treetops in the distance. He sighs deeply. He doesn’t change out of his sleep pants and he doesn’t put his shoes on either. He strides through the apartment passing a sleeping Naruto in the bed, not bothering to put his cigarette out. Smoke briefly billows as he passes to the front door and down the steps. He feels strange, and a little too exposed. Shirtless. Armless. Makes him glad the village is still asleep.  

Shikamaru is there at the base of the steps, standing on the cobblestone quite expectantly.  

He raises a brow, taking in Sasuke’s demeanor.  

“You haven’t slept.” 

Sasuke takes a drag silently and blinks slowly, letting that be his only answer.  

He gestures for Sasuke to walk with him. Sasuke follows for a morning stroll, still not caring about being barefoot. He feels reckless this morning. 

He doesn’t know why they walk towards the gates. It seems like a mute point to come here. It used to be a place where he stood so many times and looked back at the village with the thought that he would never return. Funny how as much as he wanted it, it never quite worked out.  

“Why’re we here?” Sasuke mumbles around nothing, pulling another cigarette from his pocket and lighting it with pure, concentrated chakra.  

Shikamaru smirks, amused. “I’ve created a monster.” He says teasingly. 

Sasuke shrugs. “Maybe.” 

Shikamaru holds his hand out in waiting. Sasuke hands him the pack. Shikamaru lights his own quite mundanely with a regular lighter, mumbling something about how he’s not as crafty as Sasuke. 

“You didn’t pass.” 

“I didn’t.” Sasuke confirms, surprisingly feeling no tension over the confession.  

“What did Naruto say?” 

Sasuke smirks, eyes fixed on the thick brush of the forest. “That I don’t need to prove anything to anyone.” 

“He would say that.” 

Sasuke hums in response, taking another drag. Naruto isn’t angry or disappointed. Naruto loves him. But why does Naruto doubt him? Why does he think he’ll leave again? He never said it out loud, but his subconscious says otherwise. Sasuke is at an impasse with himself. Naruto fears are buried so deep that he’s not even fully aware of them. Sasuke doesn’t know how to bring something like that up.  

Perhaps if there’s nothing grounding Sasuke to the village, Naruto assumes he will have no reason to stay here at all. And then he he’ll simply leave him. Leave him like he’s always done.  

“What now?” Shikamaru pries, picking up on Sasuke’s brooding easily. Not that it’s hard to do in the first place. 

“Wanna run away.” Sasuke half jokes. 

“Shut up. No you don’t.” Shikamaru scolds, somehow managing to sound bored like always, but in a weird, wise kind of way. “What about Naruto?” 

Sasuke laughs bitterly. “Want him to run away with me.” 

Shikamaru scoffs. “You’re living in a romance novel.” 

“So?” He says defiantly. So what if he is? Is that so bad? It's about time he did. 

“So you think he would really do that?” Shikamaru  asks, almost condescendingly. 

“Don’t know.” 

He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know anything. And it doesn’t show besides the slight tremor in his hand, but he is terrified. Terrified of even bringing it up. He was terrified always. Even a few months ago when he first brought it up. When he threatened to leave again and Naruto doubled over in sheer panic, losing his breath at the very thought.  

“Tell him.” in a natural situation, it’s a fair suggestion, but really, it’s not. He doesn’t understand. 

Sasuke laughs bitterly at this. Tell him he says, like it’s really that easy. Like it’s so feasible. Shikamaru doesn’t know about how Naruto’s breathe stops in his lungs, how he doubles over in fear, how he has haunting dreams about being left all alone again.  

Sasuke can’t bear that. It makes him wince with regret to even think about how long it went on over the years. 

“You don’t have to run away Sasuke.” Shikamaru states, tone laced with finality. “Don’t tell him you want to run away. Tell him you want to leave. And then ask if he’d like to come with you.” 

“Okay. That’ll go well.” He quips sarcastically. 

“You’re so fucking thick sometimes.” 

“Excuse me?” He deadpans.  

“You don’t have to be permanently gone. You’re not going missing-nin, jackass. Just go away for a while. Both of you. Take a damn vacation.” 

“Vacation.” He repeats, feeling dumb. 

“Yeah. A vacation.” He’s never heard Shikamaru talk so much. “Then come back.” He finishes his stolen cigarette, then crushes it in the dirt. 

Sasuke looks down at the glowing ash as it dies down, his mind buzzing as Shikamaru walks away from him. 

Sasuke looks into field study. He knows it’s a long shot, and it kind of feels like he’s reaching at this point. But he knows that if he wants to leave with the promise of returning, he can’t come back empty handed.   

He sets an appointment with Sakura for late afternoon. Yes, an appointment. Apparently, she's much too busy to meet casually. When he sits down in her office she looks tired, but concerned. She seems eager to hear him out. She looks at him expectantly, knowing that he failed his evaluation.  

He’s not sure how to open the subject. Her eyes scan over the meeting request, so formal and strange.  

“You smell like smoke.” 

He hums in affirmation, ignoring her nose scrunching is displeasure and she reads on. 

“Field study?” She deadpans. “What did they do to you during that exam?” 

Sasuke sighs, displeased. Not what he wanted to hear. 

“No, no, I'm not rejecting the idea.” Her eyes lift, tossing the useless form in the trash. “There isn't much to cover. Field study is for Shinobi that suck at being shinobi.” 

He knows that. At this point, he feels like he kind of sucks at being one. Or at least, that’s the way everyone here makes it feel. 

“Is there anything open?” He asks, ignoring the aggravating thought. 

“Your kind of over-qualified... and the only thing I can think of that would suit you is elemental Ninjutsu. Which is already being covered by more than the necessary researchers.” 

He crosses his arms and sits back in the chair, not satisfied. 

She takes in his demeanor, and perhaps for the very first time, sees through it. She sighs deeply, pulling out a large spiral bound text of who knows what, flipping to a tabbed page. She scans over it. He waits. 

“There’s one.” 

“What is it?” 

“Kagero village.” 

Sasuke doesn’t even know where that is, or what the hell he would find there. But it seems like that’s all she’s got. 

“In the land of the mountains. There’s word that that the small village has unconventional methods of enhancing their chakra abilities, but not honing it for any type of physical or elemental ninjutsu. Seeing as Genjutsu is one of your strong suits, this would be ideal for you also.” 

“Suspicious.”  

“Yes, we think so too. But it also could just be rumors. For all we know, they could just practicing intensified meditation, or perhaps spirit healing. It’s all mysterious right now. The entire study would be about a year’s journey. Which is short for a field study.  You would have to write a lot, speak with a lot of villagers, and most likely have to take up a semi-permanent residence. Traveling to neighboring villages for intel is also part of the job. The report is expected to be long, detailed, and handwritten in black ink.” 

Sasuke gulps. “What’s the objective?” 

“To learn and record. Nothing more, nothing less.” She tells him a clipped tone, clearly working up to a greater statement. “The benefits of completing the study don’t hold much merit. If you find something useful, you could use the study as easy entry to teaching.” 

“Teaching?” He says quietly, staring to feel very unsure. He remembers his time at the academy like a poorly rendered slideshow of angst and irritation. 

“If you wanted. It would be a good start. But there’s no obligation.” 

“What are the qualifications?” 

Sakura laughs. Genuinely laughs.  “Chunin rank is all you need.” 

Sasuke rolls his eyes. Of course, everything is still about stupid ranks and politics. And of course, the one thing he needs for this mission is the one thing he never got. 

“You’re joking.” 

“No. Normally you would have to rank Chunin or higher. But going through the exam now... Well- that would clearly be unfair. Especially with that.” She says, gesturing to his Rinnegan. Makes sense. “I’m sure Kakashi will clear you. Your skill outweighs your rank any day.” 

He doesn’t need flattery. He just came for a job.  

“Can I think about it?” 

“Of course. It’ll take at least a week to clear you, maybe two. And then a few days for briefing”  

He nods mutely. She crosses her arms, surveying him, gaze slightly scrutinizing.  

“Sasuke, field studies... they're not lone missions. It has to be two or more shinobi.” 

“I know.” He says flatly. 

She purses her lips, looking accusatory. She opens her mouth to speak, then closes it. He feels like pushing the envelope. 

“What?” He snaps. He doesn’t mean to. It’s that temper. 

She leans in. “I know you want to get out of here. And right now, this seems like the only way. But... you should consider others as well.” 

He scoffs. He hates when she talks like this. Like she knows everything. He stands to leave, worried that if he stays any longer, he’ll say something unnecessary that he can’t take back. He feels like a child being scolded. 

“Sasuke.” 

He stops at the door. Waits. 

“It doesn’t hurt to ask him. But don’t do anything irrational if you don’t like his answer.” 

He closes his eyes. Tries to breath, and leaves. 

He only wants one thing right now. Well, two things. He wants to be with Naruto, and he wants to not think about anything. The complex is so quiet. He comes into a mostly dark apartment. Naruto is laying the bed, sound asleep. He looks peaceful, unmoving and breathing evenly. Sasuke sighs deeply, a part of him wishing that He came home to Naruto awake. He’s spent the whole day away from him. He didn’t mean to.   

He changes into something more comfortable and turns on a dim lamp in the kitchen. The space is small. He can see Naruto halfway covered in the bed, as he puts a tea kettle on the stove, only a small table in the middle of the path.  

He leans against the counter as he prepared himself a cup of tea. Mint. It’s supposed to calm him down. He’s not sure if it actually works. He boiled extra hot water, just in case Naruto wakes up. 

He lets the leaves soak. His eyes hurt. They feel tired and strained, and often not like they're his own. Partially because in some way, they aren't. He wonders if it ever bothers anyone. Sometimes he forgets it’s there until someone like Sakura points it out.  

He doesn’t think that Naruto minds it. Just like Naruto doesn’t mind that he doesn’t want to utilize prosthetics for his arm. He respected the decision, and even looked at him with reverence when he made the decision. A silent understanding passed between them. That’s something that he could never give up.  

It’s great that they’ve been talking, that they’ve been communicating better, But Sasuke thinks he values the understanding in their shared silence more than anything else. They don’t have to talk. Not if they don’t want to. And somehow, he knows that everything will still pass between them with clarity.  

It hurts to have this looming over him. He wants to do the field study. He really does. It sounds nice to just listen and live and learn, feeling unrushed, and unpressured to live up to anything, simply going day to day journaling all he finds. Which could be significant, or it could be nothing. There’s no expectation other than him simply writing it all down. He would have a year's time to think and reflect and get back to himself again.  

But he can’t do it alone. He can’t do it without Naruto. And that’s the thing, isn't it? Is that he doesn’t know if Naruto would ever do such a thing. He has yet to even think of how to present it. But maybe Shikamaru was right. Maybe he should just say it.  

And maybe he will. Not now, and maybe not even tomorrow, but he will. And he won’t do anything irrational. He’s promising himself now. He’s not going to be that person anymore. He can’t. And maybe Naruto says that he doesn’t have to prove anything to anyone. But that isn't really true. He does. To one person. Just Naruto. 

His thoughts are suddenly brought to a halt. Naruto shifts in the bed, looking disturbed from his peaceful sleep. He tosses around, an irritated whine leaving his lips. He faces away from Sasuke now. He can’t see his face anymore. Sauske sets the mug down on the counter, eyeing him curiously. 

His concern spikes when he sees Naruto’s shoulders start to shake. He thinks that at first, he’s imagining it. But no, he isn't. He continues to shake, and before Sasuke can even move towards him, he hears a small sob muffle against the pillow.  

Something pangs in his heart. Something strange and sometimes foreign feeling, even now. He makes his way to the bed and scoots up beside Naruto, where surprisingly, he seems somewhat awake.  

Sasuke blinks at him, not knowing what to think. He’s hurting. Something hurts.  

“Why are you crying?” Sasuke whispers so low, he’s not even sure if he really said it out loud.  

Naruto scoots closer, reaching for him. “You’re here?” His voice cracks. Sasuke’s heart thunders with worry. 

“I’m here.” He says softly. “I’m here, Naruto.” He reaches up to push blonde hair off his face and look into his teary eyes. They’ve become so sensitive now. Maybe it’s age that’s made them weak like this.  

“You were gone.” He says hollowly, like it’s some kind of premonition.  

Sauske scoffs gently and pulls him close. “I was at the council building.” 

“For what?” 

“Looking for a job.” and he thinks that that's all he’ll really say about it for now. 

Naruto doesn’t press. He stays quiet. Sasuke feels tired, but he doesn’t really want to go to sleep. And Naruto, even though he was sleeping before, is wide awake now. And it seems that they’re content like that, just staring on at each other for no reason in particular.  

And then he sees it. He sees that mirror again. That mirror of pain. Of suffering. Of fear and anxiety. He sees himself, and he sees Naruto. He sees bright blue eyes that can be broken one moment and so hopeful the next. He sees someone who only built him up even when he was landing a punch.  

He sees this person in from of him, lying in his bed in the late hours of the night and he can’t help it.  

He loves him. He loves him so much. 

He touches a hand to his face, and Naruto allows the comfort. He’ll allow any comfort. He asks silently with only his gaze and he think’s maybe he hears and answer through the slow blinks of Naruto’s bright eyes, even in the dark. 

He kisses him. He presses his lips to Naruto and tries so hard to let it say everything he has yet to say out loud. And Naruto breathes it. He curves himself into Sasuke’s space and wraps his arms around him, like he might disappear if he doesn’t.  

Naruto bristles away sleepily after a moment, and tries to ignore the ache of fear that still lingers in his chest. He’ll voice it. He voices everything. 

“You’ll be here in the morning?” 

Sasuke kisses him again, much softer than he thinks he ever has.  

“I’ll be here.”

#hiyh #sasunaru #narusasu #sns #fanfiction #fic #fanfic #naruto #jeni #heart in your hands #ch10 #yhhimh

[babaleshy]

Something I May Need to Stop Doing...

I'll be venting in this post, but this is about the desire to move out of a desperate want for change right now even though such a move is not meant to be.

On occasion, I go onto zillow's website and check out houses around Pittsburgh out of curiosity just to see what houses are going for what price in what kind of condition. I've noticed something incredibly enticing: there are some houses going for under $100,000 and are technically livable. It's just got flaking/chipping paint, may need new rugs, and other general clean-ups. The only "major" thing I wanna do to any of these houses falling under this criteria is the fact that I feel more comfortable with a tin roof.

These houses that I find are within city limits, most of these houses I've shown an interest in are close to sidewalks. This means if I were to move into one of these houses, then I'd have a chance to properly commute!

Ah, but why exactly am I making this post? What is it that I'm venting about? And what did I mean earlier when I said "not meant to be?"

Back in 2014 (autumn, specifically), my husband and I had to move out of our apartment in downtown Pittsburgh to my parents' farm in Ohio. Two reasons made us do this: one was the skyrocketing rent prices when HUD sold our building, causing rent to go from $539/mo to $720/mo. My husband worked at a casino, and was making $10/hr, so when rent prices went up like mad, we really began to struggle to survive. The other thing was bedbugs. The building manager laughed at our discomfort and said, "What do you expect me to do about it? Where would everyone go for the building to be treated?" Like, you're a shit manager if you haven't come up with those contingency plans.

Paying $720/mo for a bedbug-infested apartment (bedbugs are fucking hard to get rid of) and living in a constant state of itchy breakout made us decide it was time to move in with my parents. Because we literally could not afford to live anywhere else, and our student loan debt fucked up our credit scores, so we couldn't even get a house (and we were looking for one at the time!).

We used to think living on this farm was temporary until reality set in, that there is absolutely no possible way for us to make it on our own now. My husband has ADHD and anxiety and is still struggling to practice to get his driver's license (it's hard when my dad is a major source of my husband's stress; my dad's an asshole and gets worse by the year), and I'm Autistic, so I can't hold down a regular job, and nothing else is hiring.

In terms of getting a job for me at all, either I'd have to go to school for my special interest for the job (ecology, entomology, and/or paleontology) or I'd rather work in a library.

Welp, college is far too expensive for me to pay out of pocket, and my already existing student loan debt is barring me from getting any sort of financial aid to go back to school at all. As far as the library is concerned? Remember when I said my husband is currently struggling to practice for his license? (He doesn't get much practice because my dad is a stressful asshole that makes my husband have a horrible headache and anxiety after he drives). We have 2 vehicles, one my mom uses to get to work, and the other my dad uses to take my husband to work as well as do errands in like grocery shopping and shit like that.

I can't get a ride.

Can't ride a bicycle, either. It's definitely not safe (I live in America, if you couldn't tell). My parents' farm is deep within one of the back roads with one of the properties on this road being an oil rig. The oil workers drive like assholes, not caring what animal they hit, speeding through here. There are dirtbikes and four-wheelers that speed through here, too. There's no room for 2 vehicles to pass one another, and nothing but pure fucking hill the moment you step off the side of the road. I literally cannot bike here.

But let's pretend I got onto one of the main roads on either end of our road. It's even worse! And STILL no room for bicyclists! This goes for fucking miles until you reach a residential area! Except for a nearby little village-town that has the closest library branch. It's the village my husband grew up in, but there's a lot of sketchy turns, corners, and again, no room for bicycles. This includes main roads.

With all this in mind, I actually considered the possibility of moving to that village, because the village itself is actually safe enough to bike ride in. The problem is: I'm not guaranteed to get a job at the library at all. I tried getting a job as a library clerk at the Carnegie Library in Pittsburgh, got interviewed and everything, and didn't get the job for whatever reason. In fact, I'm not guaranteed a job at all at any library branch, regardless of the neighborhood. So moving to such an area depending on the chance of being hired there is not worth it.

Such a village is actually rather unfriendly, and that goes for a lot of communities here on this side of Ohio. You'd think this was one of the southern states from its people and what flags they fly.

So why not Pittsburgh? Why not move there if we could?

Well, I thought about it. It has all the perks I could expect such as public transportation, somewhat safer bicycling areas to commute to school and work, and more importantly: THINGS TO DO.

Living in the middle of nowhere blows when you want to, on your own without relying on someone to drive you, go and do something, such as buying fabric or art supplies for future projects, or going to the library, or anything, really! Yeah, I do want to garden, but I don't have the means to do that on a damn farm (long, frustrating story that made me stop believing my parents' promises).

Not to mention, I still have friends in Pittsburgh, If I wanna see them, they don't have to drive an hour and 45 minutes (and that's if they have a car) to visit. I got 2 friends here in the area, and they're busy with their work's demanding schedules. When we do hang out, Cards Against Humanity, Uno, and D&D can only do so much until it gets old and boring and you wanna do something else that isn't hanging out at a dead mall. There is truly nothing to do here. Pittsburgh has the museums, libraries, parks, and far more interesting establishments to lurk in.

So again: why not Pittsburgh?

Because that city has changed and is still changing compared to when I was last there. My regular watering hole (The Beehive) is no more. There are neighborhoods being gentrified (meaning I'm not guaranteed to keep my home even if I pay it off). Businesses are closing, meaning people will be losing their jobs, and some of the other places hiring (like libraries) are not guaranteed to hire me, especially when I haven't had a job since 2010.

There's also my cat to consider; she gets stressed at the sound of a lawn-mower (I don't blame her). She wouldn't be able to handle the sounds of the city. Unless we found a place not too close to downtown, such a move is a no-go.

I've daydreamed about living in Pittsburgh again. I'm homesick for Pittsburgh. I've realized only recently that that city was my home. Not this farm, not even the house I grew up in. I felt like a person who didn't have to rely on people for rides and such. It's the only place where I've truly lived on my own and enjoyed it.

I've actually considered moving out of this country and found that even more impossible. No matter which country you pick, no matter what language you learn, not only do you have to pay for your things to be shipped, for your plane ticket for a one-way trip, or whatever you need to become a citizen there, you still have to pay at least $2,000 to revoke your American citizenship or else you will be forced to pay American taxes despite never setting foot on American soil ever again.

Thanks to capitalism, America has made it fucking impossible for the average person to leave for good. If you are born here, you are financially enslaved here unless you're wealthy enough to leave.

So... What's the plan?

Well, for now: not much. The pandemic has set plans back a bit, but my parents have a lien on the house thanks to my private student loans my mom was bullied and forced into co-signing for. She... I guess?... is almost done paying them off? I don't know. My parents don't like communicating need-to-know info with me and then get mad when I don't absorb it through osmosis. Once the lien is taken off the house, mom wants to move north to be near her sister, and she said she'll try finding a farm for sale near Kent State so it'll be an easier commute (be it by bicycle or by car). My intention is to enroll there to be able to get a job as an ecologist (focus in entomology, specializing in arachnology) with a minor in paleontology.

Once I've gotten that all taken care of (as well as my husband going back to school for what he wants), we move to the pacific northwest, mainly just north of Seattle somewhere.

I hate Ohio. I hate running into people I've gone to school with that I try to avoid (more like I see them, but they don't recognize me? At least I hope not?). I hate this place so much. I hate this climate, being near people I don't want just randomly showing the fuck up. And what's the use of living near family when they don't want to bother visiting you? I hate hearing my mom tell me so-and-so that I obviously want nothing to do with told her to tell me they said hi. I'm tired of fearing I'll run into someone that abused me in the past because now they're back in the fucking area again apparently.

I've got my fingers crossed that something is gonna give and college to some level (community college?) will be free for residents or something. It'll give me a chance to go back to school for something close to what I wanna do so I can maybe get a job? Completing something at a community college would at least make it easier for me to get enrolled at a university.

My husband and I picked Seattle (or close to Seattle) for its climate. It's (usually) not blistering hot every goddamn year, and it's not horribly cold thanks to the mountain range (I'm quite cold-intolerant). We both enjoy overcast weather and rain. We'd rather take our chances with volcanoes than earthquakes or hurricanes in areas where these things are guaranteed to happen yet nobody ruling these areas wants to invest in infrastructure that helps stand a chance against them. Seattle also has a nice combination of city and wilderness side-by-side. Not much of that with Pittsburgh.

If I was forced to only move to Pittsburgh and no other city, I wouldn't mind, especially since I'm more familiar with Pittsburgh than I am with anything in my current local area (because I had to travel on foot instead of relying on a car to get to places!). Fuck, my mom wouldn't even let me do anything by myself out of the yard when we lived in the village I grew up in because she was a paranoid fuck and by the time I JUST STARTED gaining independence for having a bike and bicycling to the post office everyday, we moved to this farm.

Oh, this isn't a roof over my head I should be thankful for. My parents got screwed. Our water is full of iron and calcium that no filter can fix, so we constantly have plumbing problems, the post and internet connections are questionable at best, we get ant infestations from 2 species EVERY YEAR, all for a farm my mom wanted for horses she always wanted and eventually got but has little next to no energy to spend the time she wants with them and she refuses to admit her age has a lot to do with it on top of her working so she sits in the living room on THREE DIFFERENT DEVICES sucking up bandwidth to religiously watch every fucking livestream of a country singer she likes (and complains if she's missing it for any reason!), scroll through Facebook, and play a fucking shitty app game!

Our internet out here? The physical equipment is outdated (copper wires instead of fiber-optic cables) because the fucking company doesn't wanna spend the money to upgrade it.

So instead, we're stuck here, with my husband losing his sanity bit by bit by the day at his shitty retail job (every other available job offering would be worse in this area) and I sit here and hope that maybe, JUST MAYBE, I could start gardening soon.

I miss Pittsburgh. I really do. But despite all of its benefits it would give me and my husband if we moved back, I don't think it will happen.

In the off-chance that we don't move north, that my dad's assholery intensifies and he decides to remain here (he has to legally agree to sell this house in order for my mom to move north; dad's reasons keep fucking changing), Pittsburgh is a nice back-up plan. Pitt University actually has the major I'd want to go back to school for, as well as what my husband wants to go back to school for, and we'd already be familiar with the city and what to expect of it. However, we're aiming higher, and hoping to move to the pacific northwest, instead.

But I think to avoid losing my sanity, I should stop daydreaming about a future that may never be.

Fingers crossed!

#rant #ramble #vent #I wanna move so bad but can't

[dimancheetoile]

I'm finding I'm not her (the girl I thought I'd be)

Nine months later, to celebrate Sasuke's graduation from Explosions and Booby-traps Academy, she drags both him and Naruto to a lingerie store.

Read it on AO3

The title is from @mouseymightymarvellous's AMAZING poem, "forgiveness for matryoshka dolls"

Haruno Sakura is born in the early days of spring. She has hair the colour of cherry blossoms and the brightest smile you could wish on a baby's face. Her parents adore her and early on, she's spoiled rotten by every single member of her family. It could be the beginning of a beautiful tale, a happy story to tell children when they ask what a perfect life is. For a few years, it is.

One hot, tiring day of summer, Sakura comes home after a full day playing with the Yamanaka heir, and tells her parents that she wants to join the Academy. She smiles her bright smile and proudly explain how she's going to become the strongest shinobi in the world.

On the same day, Sakura also tells her parents that she is a girl.

Let's try again.

Haruno Nadamaru is born in the early days of spring. He has hair the colour of cherry blossoms and the brightest smile you could wish on a baby's face. Nadamaru is the Haruno's heir, destined to take the Clan Head mantle and keep their trading network in good shape. His mother is already eyeing his cousin Haeru as a potential bride.

One hot, tiring day of summer, Nadamaru comes home with a red ribbon in his pink hair and bright orange fingernails. He talks about his best friend Ino and all the fun they've had playing ninja. He tells them all about Yamanaka-san with his kind eyes and quick laugh and how bad Nadamaru wants to be like him when he grows up.

On the same day, Nadamaru tells them to call him Sakura, like his pretty hair, and asks for a qipao on his next birthday.

Hikari sends her son to his room with a shout and starts crying in her husband's arms. Nadamaru goes, tears streaming down his round face, and swears he'll show them how good a shinobi Haruno Sakura will be.

Sakura graduates a few weeks after her twelfth birthday. She comes home ecstatic, but already expecting the disappointment in her mother's eyes, and the complete disinterest on her father's face. She quickly makes herself a snack, before her mother can decide she'll punish her for her foolishness one more time, and disappears in her room. It still hurts, but it stopped bothering her a long time ago.

Her brand new qipao is waiting for her under the bed, where Sakura hid it this morning. Hikari can't force her to wear more appropriate clothing, but she tries really hard to destroy every dress Sakura might buy for herself. Tomorrow is the big day, and she wants to be the prettiest girl in their promotion. Maybe one of the boys will notice her; surely, if she brings back a good husband, her mother will finally be convinced to let Sakura be herself?

She sighs and carefully braids her long hair, before going to bed. She knows she won't be able to sleep for a while, for how excited she is, but she needs to be well-rested if she wants to pass the test. She can't wait.

Tell me your likes and dislikes, asks the jōnin teacher, and Sakura is about to comply, when he adds the annoying bit about their dream. Sakura has a dream, but she learned a long time ago that it was best not to tell people. No one understood her dream, and her family kept scolding her every time she brought it up. Just like they did when she wore her hair up in a bun with glittering pins, or when she dressed up in her most elegant outfits.

So she bites her lips and waits until both Naruto and Sasuke are done. Then, in a gentle voice and with the greatest care, she crafts her words. She says that her dream is to be acknowledged for who she truly is, and stays quiet when Naruto side-hugs her. She knows how close her answer is to his, and she pretends not to notice her sensei squinting his only eye at her.

The test is a disaster. Sakura gets caught in a genjutsu almost as soon as it starts. She sees Sasuke, lying dead in a pool of blood, and she runs to his crumbled form. Only when she's kneeling next to him does he open his eyes and stares at her. Nadamaru, he whispers, Nadamaru, Nadamaru, Nadamaru—

"Hey, Sakura! Wake up! Kakashi-sensei put you in a genjutsu, but it's over now, don't worry."

Except it's never truly over now, is it, Naruto?

Sakura honestly didn't expect for her secret to hold this long. She's done her best to act true to herself, but sometimes she slips up because Hikari drilled habits into her as hard as she could, whenever Sakura was too tired to fight her mother. Oh, how relentless Hikari could be. And sometimes, that means that Sakura walks with a hunched back and a different sway in her walk. Sometimes, she forgets that she's supposed to trust her team and jokes in a deep voice about girly things and cooties, only to catch herself because she's the one who should be offended at her teammates for making the jokes, not telling them herself.

And yet her secret holds until a few days before the start of the chūnin exams. Everyone in the village heard about it, and so did her parents. When they realized there was no convincing their daughter to back down from her goal, they decided to invite Team 7 to a family dinner, hoping to embarrass Sakura. She won't let them.

After a particularly successful training session that ended with Kakashi almost praising them, Sakura grits her teeth and takes a leap of faith.

"Boys, can I talk to you before we go to Ichiraku?"

Sasuke grunts, looking annoyed, but stays in place. Naruto grins and sits cross-legged next to her, while she gestures for their sensei to join the lopsided circle they created.

"What is it about, Sakura-chan?" Kakashi asks, his orange book balanced on one of his knees. Sakura feels weirdly warm to think he cares enough not to read it when she needs to talk.

"You know my parents invited you to dinner, tonight. And you all promised to go."

Naruto beams. "Yeah, I can't wait to meet them! I'm sure they're really cool."

Cool. Sakura feels like crying. If only.

"There is something you don't know about me, and my parents will definitely talk to you about it. I hope... I hope this won't ruin everything."

Sasuke is frowning and Kakashi has the same look than the day of the test. Naruto just wraps an arm around her shoulders in the half hug he seems to be fond of.

"You can tell us anything, we're your team!"

Sakura nods quickly, holding back the tears she can feel gathering in her eyes. And before she can change her mind, she rushes to grab her ID card in her pouch and throws it at Kakashi's face. Then she ducks her head under a fall of pink strands and waits for the inevitable. And waits. And waits some more.

"Uh."

Sakura chokes on her next breath as she quickly raises her head again. Kakashi is looking at the card with an eyebrow raised, before looking briefly at her, and going back to the card.

"Uh." He says again, then proceeds to shrugging exaggeratedly slow before handing the card to Sasuke. The Uchiha's eyebrows disappear into his hair and he stares at her, not moving when Naruto looks over his shoulder at the ID.

"Who's that, Sakura? Is it your brother?"

It's too much for her, the lack of reaction and Naruto's misunderstanding, and Sakura starts to sob. Deep, ugly sobs she tries to keep silent when she notices how uncomfortable Kakashi looks, but sobs nonetheless.

"Moron!" And Sasuke is punching Naruto, who starts to insult him before freezing when he hears Sakura's hitched breath. He glares back at the card, and a look of understanding settles on his face.

"So you're..."

"Naruto, for once in your life, shut up."

And suddenly, Sasuke is hugging her. Sakura is pretty sure her soul starts to shrivel and ultimately dies inside of her.

"I don't give a flying fuck what your parents decided to call you," he whispers against her ear, "but you're my teammate, Haruno Sakura, and that means I'll stand by you tonight."

As quickly as he appeared, he releases her and settles again on the ground, on Naruto's left. When the Uzumaki looks at him funny, he blushes slightly and looks away.

"My cousin Shisui was... well, you know. Like you. He was like you."

And that settles it. Naruto still hugs her approximately five minutes too long and Kakashi offers to braid her hair, which is frankly terrifying and she does not feel the slightest inch of regret at refusing. When they arrive at the Haruno Estate, on the outskirts of Konoha, none of the boys bat an eye when Hikari asks her son to help them settle in. They call her Sakura and compliment her on her dress and later, much later, after Sakura's tears are dry and Kakashi has finished tying knots in their hair (which he keeps insisting on calling braids), they laugh about the angry look on Hikari's face when she understood she couldn't hurt her daughter that way anymore.

When Sasuke starts his apprenticeship in the Sabotage squad, where his fire jutsu and sharingan makes him an amazing student, Sakura starts to consider her options. Naruto is hinting at a trip with Jiraya, to learn both about his family and the Sannin's techniques. Sasuke is barely in Konoha anymore, spending most of his time in the Forest of Death. And she can't stay with her parents anymore.

Now that she made it clear her shinobi career is here to stay, on top of Konoha's administration giving her a new ID card with her true name on it, the Haruno want nothing to do with her. She's this close to being disowned, and she knows it. It means Sakura needs new living arrangements, possibly someone willing to give her their name. She doesn't mind being clanless, like Tenten, but having a name would definitely help her.

It's Kakashi who suggests she tries it with the Hokage. Tsunade has been here for a few years now, and as scary as she still appears, Sakura has seen her smashed more times than she's seen her sober. It helps a lot with the fear. So she goes to Tsunade, bows to her waist and asks to learn her legendary strength. If Sasuke is to be a sabotage expert, with Naruto's quick thinking and his love for traps, Sakura will need to be the blunt force of their team.

Tsunade laughs at her face and calls her a naive little girl. She tells her she'd be better as a medic, that she should stay at the back because she's not as strong as her teammates. That she should go back to her civilian family and think of marriage and bearing children.

Sakura punches a hole through the Hokage's desk and starts screaming. Tsunade lets her swear for thirty seconds before sending her flying through a wall with a flick of her finger. Then she marches out of the office, picks Sakura up, and goes to the nearest training ground.

Sakura grins a bloody smile. The Hokage read her file. She knows of Nadamaru's shadow, glued to Sakura's steps. And she still asked her if it wouldn't be better for her to go back to her clan and get pregnant. That's the whole three seconds it takes for Sakura to fall in love with the idea of becoming the new Tsunade.

Later in the day, when the Hokage is done printing Sakura patterns into the earth, Tsunade sits in the dirt next to her. She asks in tactless and ugly terms if Sakura wants something done about her body. She talks about surgery and procedures and hormones and medical ninjutsu. When she's done talking, Sakura is smiling through her tears, and Tsunade pats her on the head.

Nine months later, to celebrate Sasuke's graduation from Explosions and Booby-traps Academy, she drags both him and Naruto to a lingerie store.

They're seventeen, with a spring in their steps and the future laid down at their feet. Naruto is trying on a emerald bra with a dangling heart pendant in the center while Sasuke stares at a garter, probably trying to figure out if it's going to kill him in his sleep. Sakura looks at herself in the mirror of their proud eyes and she smiles the brightest smile she can conjure. She's beautiful.

She's beautiful and they tell her that, later, when they're all in the kitchen of their tiny apartment, stuffing their face with ramen. Naruto is leaving again in a few days, this time to the ruins of Uzushio. Except he asked them to come with him, and they both accepted. Sakura is eyeing the jōnin promotion Kakashi swears she has a shot at, but she won't take it just yet. She wants to enjoy the time she has with her teammates, while Naruto is still looking for himself in the shadows of a destroyed village.

They tell her she's beautiful when they lie down on the largest futon and Sasuke unties her chest bandages with his teeth. They tell her how proud they are of the woman she has become while Naruto nips at her hip.

In the morning, when they read over her shoulder the letter of repudiation from her clan, they will kiss her gently. Then Kakashi will rush inside with forms and applications, a few chosen words for the Haruno's decision, and an offer to take his name. And Sakura will smile.

#my writing #sakura haruno #sasuke uchiha #naruto uzumaki #kakashi hatake #tsunade senju #narusasusaku #narusakusaku #polyamory #OT3 #trans!sakura #transgender character #fanfiction