#I've been sleeping shit for about a week now

[emersonfreepress]

help i'm alive

So! Long time, no see. 2023 was a whole goddamn lot lol

I don't have a demo update to share yet, but that's because I had to scrap nearly everything I managed to write during a very, very, very bad stint of writer's block last year. I hadn't even realized it had been a block like that until I went over my work so far last month and realized it was bad -- like, trust me; a slog to read that didn't even sound like me. It's been extremely frustrating but I've finally broken free of that and it's been easy and actually fun to write again for the first time in actual years. I just hate giving updates that have no actual news in them. And I really had nothing to share other than: I deleted thousands of words and feel so much better now 😅

Anyway, little about my demo plans have changed: I'm still putting out the Chapter 3 demos in Choicescript/on Dashingdon and then will be going dark to move things over to Twine. Where I am in the process right now is... feeling like 35% done with the overhauled version of this chapter and 50% done for the next demo update.

As far as asks, I'm... not really sure what to do?? I believe I've read them all (I love you guys), but so much time has passed since getting most of them that I'm not sure if it's, like... still pertinent??? To go back and answer them?? I suppose some of them like character asks could be, but all the nice messages of support -- that feels weird since I've practically ghosted this blog since August! Idk. Y'all tell me what to do with 'em and I'll do it. Maybe I should make a poll.

Uh... that's really all there is to say regarding the game! I've added some personal stuff after the cut, but if you're done here: Thanks for reading and sticking around. It means the world, for real.

So what has occupied my time all this time? Doctor, therapy, money, and friends. And improv! But especially the first two. There was a lot of non-writing related stuff fucking up my ability to focus and write, so hopefully with my mind and body both feeling a lot better, I can get back to being present and active with the game. I didn't realize how physically unwell I was until last year and it's been like... life-long issues I've been treating. It turns out it's not normal to feel exhausted enough to sleep at any given time, at all times, for your whole life! wow!!

I also uninstalled Tumblr from my phone back in February, so you could say I'm sort of generally focused on offline life. (And what an interesting coincidence that my writer's block dissipated shortly after that...) I also just moved!! The last two weekends have been so expensive and stressful -_- But I can't even compare the old place to the new. We're basically paying the same price for idek how much more space. The cats are so happy; which means the house humans get to be happy.

My schedule is finally freed up from constant medical shit (there was a 3-month stretch this winter with multiple doctor appointments literally every fucking week 🙃🙃🙃). My mental health is doing a lot better -- literally incomparably better compared to where I was this time last year. There's live comedy now (which I dabble in, to be clear lol), but I've finally found myself able to like... balance it all. The physical and creative energy that goes into it all, anyway. The lovely thing about improv is that you kinda just show up and do your thing -- it doesn't cut into my writing time so much as it costs energy. Unless I end up in this comedy debate show thing next month, which I am very excited to give up writing time for

So like... Life is life-ing and I'm just vibing. Or something? I'll be around.

Thank you all again so much for your interest, support, patience, and readership <3

#oh and if anyone knows where i can stream mob wives uncensored without paying any extra money i'd love you forever lol #that is unimportant- unless y'all find it important that i have access to all of my most influential pieces of media at all times IJSAYING! #jk jk ofc <3 thank you for reading #conspiracy in emerson #if cie #progress #cie ch 3

[kedreeva]

If I could kill the reply feature on this webbed site, I would.

#personal #i wish there was an option for only allowing replies from people following you for one year or something #one week is not long enough for me up put up with some people #who are you and why are you replying when you could have just reblogged whatever the fuck it was #and said your piece there #there's like a handful of people who've been here a long time that i don't mind replies from #and then people whose usernames I've never seen in my life #saying stupid shit #that should have been a reblog so it doesn't get emailed to me #i want to keep the people who've been around #I've just started soft blocking people who i don't know that reply to not my posts #to say random things #I'm so cranky right now i should go to sleep #just to be clear if you are saying something TO ME on a post I MADE then this isn't about you

[nysus-temple]

Odysseus slander in class today. and it was because. because of the Telegony. the Telegony. out of all things. wee woo wee woo

#i've been having an *awful* week and i'm incredibly tired #i usually don't give a shit about slander in. tumblr #but in an *university* #look. i was sick. with three hours of sleep. a latin exam. and had to bring my cat to the vet. and had a lipothymia too. #i was NOT in the mood to hear a grown-ass man mocking my blorbo #at least do it for the right things. god fucking dammit #anyways. uhhhh. sorry about the lack of essays #as i said. i'm not doing well right now. for november i will have most likely regained my energy back

[ereborne]

Song of the Day: April 15

"Something in the Way She Moves" by James Taylor

#song of the day #it's been two weeks + two days since the last song of the day #the issue is you see that I started the songs up again in December because my insomnia was fucking up my perception of time #and I wanted some kind of regular marker to help me keep track #and then what happened two weeks + two days ago is that I lost all track of time and subsequently the songs of the day failed #I'm gonna see if I can keep up again for a bit now that I've re-restarted without an alarm on my phone #but if I miss any this week I'll just give in and turn the alarm back on #updates from the last two weeks are going to sound so chaotic let's see #I got a new project at work /and/ I got demoted /and/ I got added to a higher access level /and/ I'm in charge of a new database #yes all of those things together. I'm to be an accountant now! not instead but in addition to my other stuff. should be interesting #I didn't get April Fools off like I was scheduled to because all my scheduled vacation got unapproved #(I was here for about twenty nonsequential minutes to boop people and I'm glad I made time for it. extremely fun to boop) #I lied shamelessly to get eclipse day off and we went on a full-day roadtrip and it was wonderful. everything I dreamed and more #I killed one of my baby succulents through clumsiness and rabbits ate my pea plants but my sage and cabbages look promising #got a massive pot of mint flourishing on my porch and the horseradish is gorgeous #got Duncan lights and plants and a filter system for his frog tank but we haven't set up the substrate yet #so there's just potted plants sitting inside a terrarium. very amusing honestly #I've been playing a little Stardew and eating a /lot/ of hot sauce and tofu #drinking tons of klass aguas frescas--especially the soursop one. holy shit is it good. the mango and hibiscus also #and these past few days I've been sleeping better #for most of those two weeks I was getting a handful of twenty-minute naps each workday and then crashing unwillingly on the weekend #I haven't read any comic books since February :'( this weekend we're going to costco and then I'm reading comics until Monday #what have y'all been up to? I've missed being around #edit: oh shit the actual song part. anyway this is James Taylor! makes me happy and helps me settle. good vibes songs #I'm half-panicked about work all the time recently and then also today was tax day (Nick's taxes. blegh) #James Taylor doing some heavy lifting round here

[morgynemberisagenderfluiddaddy]

I have a migraine 🤪

#incoming vent sorry about it #¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #life sucks and im so over all this shit #it's literally been the what like year from hell #so my mom almost died this time last year and there's been all kinds of fun ptsd like symptoms from that and then my dog died and then #everyone got covid and then i got a sinus infection because i can't do anything normal #now last week i was thinking about what i need to talk to my doctor about and I'm thinking about my symptoms and mom's like that sounds like #lupus which is what my mom has and now I've been so super stress sick and I'm just trying to chill and relax and my estranged family member #is trying to work their way back into our lives and throwing a fit cause we won't let them because they've threatened and tried to kill us #all on multiple occasions and i know the threats are going to start up again and I'm worried that this time they're serious #i know this is either going to go one of two ways and they're going to try to kill us or themselves and i just i don't know #i don't know what to do about it because we don't have any proof of these threats written down because they've all been verbal #my family doesn't really know what to do either but i know the getting a gun conversation is going to come up again #and then I'm going to have to outwardly admit that I'm not stable enough for that shit and then everyone's going to freak the fuck out and #ughhh god i just can't deal with this shit anymore it's all bad and it all fucking sucks ass #oh and I'm trying to give up for the day and go to bed so I'm looking for YouTube videos to keep my mind busy and someone i follow #is having to live post that they're trying to keep their friend from committing suicide because the friend turned it into a public thing and #the yt is trying to reassure everyone and it's just all too much #I'm too on edge I'm too triggered or whatever i don't know what the fuck to do anymore i just want to go to bed and sleep until everything #is magically better. also i have three publishers breathing down my neck for this book but i haven't been able to write in months because of #all of this shit and then i had the bright idea of starting a writing blog i have NO CONTENT for and just FUCK fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck #i just want to go be a fucking snap under the ocean im done fuck all of this being a human fucking sucks and I'm exhausted #oh and also my brother for randomly offered a job I've been trying to get for fucking years so ✌🏽😁✌🏽 that's also doing great things for #me i am super proud of him though cause he's working his fucking ass off i hope he takes it cause if not i will punt him into the sun #but anyway I've had it officially! so good night tumblr stay classy #izzy speaks but i really shouldn't

[lonestardust]

.

#Can't believe I graduated last week and that I've quit my job. I'M FREE!!!! for a while at least but I AM FREE #there are so many things I wanna do so many things I wanna get back to. fics to read posts to reblog & to reply to. little fanarts to create #also fixing my sleep schedule is on top of this list!! because surprise you can't do life when you need to fucking rest all the time #my body has been in a state of hypervigilance for the past five years because of uni and intense work #and i'm aware that chronic dysregulation takes a lot of energy to sustain.. #it takes time for the body to recover and recuperate and get used to the new feeling of normalcy and safety after #running on super high levels of cortisol and adrenaline which it is NOT meant to do chronically #I'm looking forward to rest and to eat well and connect more with nature and spend carefree time under the sun #without feeling like I'm running late or that there is a shift I need not to miss #I'm looking forward to be consumed by art freely without feeling STRESSED because time is limited and I need to be doing other things #i'm excited to rewatch ls (which you do regularly!! ofc) but it's exciting that we have four whole seasons now and there is a SHIT LOAD of #gifs posts and fics i want to read and interact with and comment on!!!! #ironically i'm not really feeling good today. and there's a lot of family drama going on but good days are coming and I'm optimistic #:') hope you all have a good day. love youuuuu #about me

[yousaytomato]

Trying my hardest not to be anxious and sad about things that have already happened and that I can't do anything about now. But How

#woes of emily #work shit. which wasn't entirely my fault but was my fault enough and :( #like. if a customer is mad at me i dont care but when a colleague is it makes me sad and anxious and i hate it #and just. the way she dealt with me was bad idk #like she was like. i wouldn't have done that. you shouldn't do that. you should have noticed that #if you'd said i would have helped #like I'm still so new if im doing something wrong just tell me!! just step in!! just help #like now i can't even defend myself #and now I'm worried even though its probably fine #like either in a month i will have forgotten all about it #or. it'll be a big thing and I'll be fired from my job so <3 #maybe not actually fired but. it could be bad #but also. more likely. literally it will be fine forever idk :/ #it's just been a long week and I've felt like crying all afternoon #and i met up with my friend which was nice but now I'm two stupidly expensive cocktails deep #also also. i got a text saying that basically I'm no longer going to be registered with a gp practice #but thinking about doctor/medical stuff literally makes me want to kms sooooooooooooooo. not helping #sorry. feeling emotions and they're going here #need sleep. more than anything

[juneviews]

Which Off are you: Single Dad Off (with 500 kids), Shy Off, Old Man Off, Daddy Off, Simp for Gun and Gun Only Off, Single Tear Off, Don’t Touch Me Off, Model Off, Babygirl Off, Straight Off 🤭, CEO Off, Best Friend Off, Uncle Off, MC Off, Papi Off, Angry Off, Comedian Off, Dancer Off, Award Show Off?

there is only one right answer: ALL OF THE ABOVE 😌💅💚

xxx

#answers #off jumpol #you forgot hawaiian shirt king off but apart from that this is the best summary of off's versatility I've ever seen 😌💚 #last week I was single tear off (for no reason just my usual existential crisis about my future in this capitalist world typa beat 🤙🤪) #and now I'm 100% old man off bc my sleep schedule has been shit & I'm EXHAUSTED lol #also this ask has a crazy timing with my latest text post about off being the best actor to find crazy nicknames for lol we're connected

[mitchievousness]

I FINALLY FINISHED READING TGCF AND HOOOO MY DIANXIA I AM GOING FERAL OVER THESE MARRIED IDIOTS FKSJDFLJHFKDGG

#how did i manage to read 5 books in the span of two weeks while having classes you ask? by not sleeping of course ((-: #i rlly thought the fandom was just exaggerating when they make hc super flirty BUT I WAS SO WRONG #HUA CHENG HAS ABSOLUTELY NO SHAME WHEN ITS ABOUT HIS GEGE AND I SUPPORT HIM 100% #literally spent 800 years devoted to lie xian at his best and at his worst moments even tho lx didnt even recognize him im gonna fuckin cry #also as much as i love hc ngl that cave in mt tong'lu? kinda creepy there crimson rain sought flower... fx and mq were kinda valid there #aaaa i really wanted more resolution on the xianle trio's relationship ESPECIALLY the shit that happened in book4 but i guess #'i really wanted to be your f-f-f-f-friend' over a lava pit while fighting stupid plague mask is closure enough :') #OH YOU KNOW WHO DIDNT HAVE ENOUGH CLOSURE?! SHI QINGXUAN #MY BELOVED WINDMASTER AND GENDERFLUID GOD ICON #HOW DARE THEY JUST NOT SHOW US THE WHOLE HX/SQX RESOLUTION WTF!!!! #i've been fooled by the fandom hhhh i thought it was like canon or smthn considering how popular the ship was and when i read the book i wa #like wtf???? this is really messed up holy shit ???? it wasnt even either of their faults it was fucking swd bc he loved his brother but #ended up messing up hx's life like what??? sqx didnt even know abt it and then hx went and deceived them and now my heart is BROKEN #but then he returned his fan at the end so i???? just need some resolution PLEASE i need a 50kwords fix it fic RIGHT NOW #aaaa also yessss im so excited to be able to read fics now without the fear of being spoiled fhkshfks #next up im finally gonna read mo dao zu shi but maybe after like 2 weeks bc i need some time to fully bask in tgcf first hehe #THEN REN ZHA FANPAI ZIJIU XITONG #yes im gonna read all of mxtx's novel series in the wrong order oops sjhfkfghfj #tgcf read

[nagmaskarangungo]

🎉🎉🎊🎇🎆 WAHOOO 🎆🎇🎊🎉🎉

IM FUCKING BACK OMG!??!?!!?!??!??!?

thank you [tumblr] but also PESTENG YAWA NIMO [tumblr]

#so what happened was that my account got RANDOMLY TERMINATED LOL (how fun 🙃!!! /s) #i'm not gonna regale you the whole story of last week (yet) #(bc i've been TRYING to do that here on the tags but [tumblr] keeps on lagging on me & kept making me accidentally backspace every tag) #so here's the summery of what happened to me for the past week (contradicting what i said two tags earlier but w/e): #got banhammered by mistake #naively wasted time ''''contacting'''' support (I mean that's what they put in the suspension screen so you know) #the next day found the account recovery thing on [tumblr]'s help page #proceeded to NOT look up on what to do & sent two tickets TWICE 🤦🏻‍♀️ #later found a tumblrina's actually helpful advice post & found out that all that didn't matter bc #a) it's the weekend for support team so good luck with those automated emails that wont do shit bc #b) my waking hours are closed hours for them & they're open around when i'd go to sleep AND #c) since i've now sent those two tickets (should've been one) i now have to wait about a WEEK just in case they got them but #d) if i'm still terminated after the week. THEN i can send another ticket #so i had to make myself be busy with anything else that's not [tumblr] for a week #during which time i set up alarms for yesterday evening to send a ticket later that night #so the week passed & it was yesterday evening #i was SO READY to do what i planned to do that night #you know what happened? I SLEPT THROUGH THE ALARMS & NEARLY THE ENTIRE NIGHT 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤬🙃😵‍💫 #i was LUCKY i woke up at around 4 AND immediately remembered ''OH SHIT THE COMPLAINT!!!'' #so i sent it #& as soon as i ooened yt to wait an email was sent #thought it was another automated email so i opened it #but iT WAS AN ACTUAL EMAIL TELLING ME MY ACCOUNT' S BEEN REINSTATED WOOHOO!!!!! 🎉🎊💥🎊🎇😭😭😭😭😭😭 #so now I'm back. back from [tumblr] suspension limbo #& EEWWW WHAT'S THIS TUMBLR LIVE SHIT GET THAT OUT OF MY FACE #*proceeds to snooze tumblr live for the week* thank goodness they're gone #kinda funny though since last week when i got back here (before the termination) one of the things on my dash was the whole poll bonanza #(& vanilla extract or whatever) #anyways i can now go back to soaking up the unhinged vibes of this wretched place (affectionate) #babble on the tower

[slipper007]

Cannot wait to move back to college

#cw negativity #to delete #im so frustrated #nobody listens and everything is always a personal failing. #here I am with three weeks until I go back and i gotta write two 10 page papers. that's already stressful. #so one parent nags me once a day and the other blows their top whenever they feel like it because theyre not done yet #why aren't they done? I'm working through shit from the traumatic bullshit of the year. this is a horrible work environment. I'm burnt out. #but no. go off about how I'm lazy despite straight As and never having had this issue in all my years of school. #i can't fucking sleep. my house is full of distractions but so is everywhere else. there's nowhere to work. #got kittens & im absolutely terrified theyre gonna die horrifically (thats totally not a trauma response from holding my dead cat for hrs) #I've been explaining I can't work without a desk since i was nine and yet there is still nowhere to work. kitchen has no wifi. bed has bed. #(my lil bro got a desk in 2020 except it's covered in his junk & in the living room where everyone always is so I effectively can't use it) #nobody else does shit w the kittens so they're always high energy. keeping me awake @ night. getting me up early. horseplay w each other. #trying to explain that im constantly overwhelmed by the environment gets me nowhere #trying to stay home when everyone else does things gets me nowhere #now im going to see my aunt & grandmother for a week because my gma is looking bad & she's gonna go & you're going to make me feel worse #about it??? you know how much I'll fucking hate myself if I don't go and never see her again? over fucking schoolwork??? #but thank you for reminding me that I effectively only have two weeks left. very helpful. just what I needed. #and thanks dear parents for never listening when I need you to be understanding. surely if you've finished grieving we all have. #how fucking dare they say im using death as an excuse to shirk my schoolwork. as if im not constantly worrying about it. #as if I don't constantly feel like shit about it. i want my school work done too. i just. can't focus. can't sleep. can't do anything. #and they're completely unwilling to do anything to help me with that. #like fuck i always knew i wasn't good enough for them to actually care but really this is a new low i think. #ugh #i was supposed to plan and research my thesis this summer too. so I guess I'll just be behind this fall too. #best four years of my life huh? #college is a fucking joke with shit like this going on #but at least it's not here.

[mement0--m0ri]

Sometimes, I look back and realise how far I've come with my disabilities and, in particular, my mental health.

Then I suddenly realise I've been awake for 2 days straight and am surviving purely out of spite, and the same song on repeat for the last 4 hours.

Hypermania is a wild ride, yo.

#but for real. my spotify wrapped is going to probably be just a 1000 hrs of the same nina simone song #and its not all bad. ive been struggling with sleep for about 2 months straught now #but Im so ahead with uni at the moment that I actually have time to be bored for once #and ive been hella creative over the last week #like creating again has been amazing #ive already sketched up my next three tattoos (because im one of those wanky people that actually creates ever piece of art on myself) #also I've been using my tablet to draw instead of paper and holy shit is this a game changer. never going bad to pleb paper and pencil #also on the weekend I read 3 novels. 3! #who needs sleep anyway #i just need to find skincare that can hide the fact that I havent had a proper sleep schedule since 2012 #personal

[apocalypticdemon]

excedrin my beloved

#love it when excedrin works. it actually did its job today #yay #i really gotta find a primary care physician and figure this shit out i am so tired of migraines #turns out i've been having them since i was like 16 or 18. sometime in high school #only found out what they were last year. rancid. #i would like to talk about preventatives bc. i get like 4-6 a month on average. sometimes more. sometimes less. #but i can bargain on at least 2 while i'm on my period/my bye week for my birth control #and at least 1 about 2 weeks later. not fun #this one came out of nowhere i was literally fine all day and then within 20 minutes everything sucked #but the excedrin kicked in after about 30 minutes too so. i'm good now. #even though uhhhhhhhhh now i am caffienated at 10:30 PM and don't know if i'll be able to sleep tonight #like all around it's just deeply unpleasant and i need to figure out what to do about it

[pallas-cat]

i think i do need a general doctor check up both to quell the constant anxiety induced hypochondriac fretting and also because i haven't been in like 2 years

#i've been carrying this like #cold for 3 weeks now #symptoms don't go further than a runny nose and feeling tired as shit despite a decent amount of sleep #im not v worried about that but still good to do an engine check so to speak

[wewontbesleeping]

can't believe i'm sitting here, frustrated beyond belief, at the exact same math i used to easily do when i was 14 years old

#ok to be fair i think... some of this shit is new.... #fr like i did NOT learn these methods.... #like what da hell is that.... #ANYWAYS it's too late to wash my hair bc i accidentally spent hours on math because i'm so bad at it #i need to try and get a little bit ahead this week bc of everything this weekend (wedding etc) #sooooo.... #now i'm greasy and grimy AND frustrated? can't live like this.... #i've been so good about not sleeping with wet hair but i might say fuck it bc i can't LIVE LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #although i also want to change my sheets if i wash my hair bc it's due #but if i do that.... #i really wanted to change to my winter comforter this weekend #instead of using my light summer bedding... #it's getting too damn cold for this ... #see this is why i never get anything done i'm literally like if you give a mouse a cookie #my RULES i must follow my RULES!!!!!!! #i can't take a shower bc i don't feel up to getting my comforter out of storage. what do you mean how are those related....