#The I live on —all alone just kill me

[nandermoenthusiast]

guys i have been in a state for days. i am giddy i am gasping for air i am broken inside i am blushing i am sweating i am twirling my hair i am suffering i dont know how to deal with the very real possibility that nandor has loved guillermo for years and has been restraining himself, feigning aloofness, keeping his distance, because all these years he understood that maybe guillermo would never be ready for vampirism - and maybe hes been so depressed in the latest years because hes finally found someone he wants to spend eternity with, and he strongly suspects he will spend eternity missing them instead

#i truly truly truly dont know how to deal #this season recontextualised the whole show for me #if i shipped nandermo before now i am absolutely batshit crazy about them and its all i think about #wwdits #wwdits spoilers #what we do in the shadows #nandermo #this is just speculation but i just - i feel it in my bones #like fuck imagine having been alone for 800 years. fuck. imagine losing lover after lover and being kind of a disaster at romance actually #imagine finding someone you so easily connect with and theyre so amazing you love them so much they can even hold their own against you #and fuck they like you back. and then you understand that they are too fundamentally kind to be a monster. #and its like a fucking stake through the heart its like youre made of glass and youre shattering #i hate this and i swear to god. they need to end up together. not just to end up together #they need to spend the rest of their lives together and ideally eternity tbh #i dont care gizmo you get over the killing hangup and have nandor turn you and spend eternity in #bliss and shenanigans. like man. man. man. i love how this season turned out i really do #but i hope its more of a ‘he had not thought it through and wasn’t ready and also we need to have nandor do it fr’ #anyway nandor becoming human is also ok but i really hope that they find a way to navigate guillermos inability to kill #like. nandor killing for him or him robbing blood banks or him only hunting predators etc #or him feeding without killing people #just bc i still really like the concept of them having so much time together and their time together not be limited #i feel like after all those years pining for one another. they deserve that

[lorephobic]

idk how to even like. put this pain into words and i would normally vent about this shit on twitter, but the person its about follows me on there so like. anybody have skills for coping with the crushing realization that the person u love most in this world and have built ur life around sees ur current situation together as a temporary hurdle that's preventing them from their truest and happiest self which. is separate from u entirely? anyone know how to deal with this?

#live with my best friend in the whole entire world who. honest to god makes me the happiest person alive. #like im always waxing poetic about her in the tags on posts about platonic love #and i talk about her like she put the stars in the skies because for real it feels like she did for me #she is. the most important person in my life #and every day i feel grateful just to come home and sit with her #like honest to god i cannot imagine a future that is better than this #if i have a bad day i get to come home and my best friend in the world will make me laugh #what more could i ever ask for #but tonight we talked and she made it abundantly clear that. even if i do everything right #even if i'm the perfect roommate and the best friend i can be #in just over a year #when she's making enough money for it #she plans on moving into a place of her own #which like. makes sense for her. of course we were going to get to this point. #but i just. don't know what i'm going to do. #and it kills me that we're on different pages because for some reason i thought this was a long term thing #i thought we were going to move into a house together #i was just telling my coworker this week that we need to move into our forever home soon which was partially a joke #but also. even if i was making a million dollars a year. #i would still want to be here. with her. #or somewhere else. with her. #like it's so hard to imagine a future without her. it breaks my heart and scares the shit out of me. #and i know i can't afford it here. and i can't move in with strangers. and i'm working my dream job but i'm scared that i'm going to have t #give it all up and move back east because. i can't do this alone. and she's all i have. and all i ever wanted. #and she's leaving. #she doesn't want to be with me. #sry this is so fucking. ugh. idk. i just don't know what to do. #for real might just drop everything and move to chicago if it comes down to it ksdkfljdfs #its what sufjan would have wanted #fucked up terrible no good week

[brookheimer]

……starting to think a lot of you do not know what the word empathetic means

#i have a lot to say about this but it is going to have to wait a few days until i’m no longer up to my ears in work #but here’s a little thing to tide you over: empathy does not a good person make #a capacity for empathy is in no way a capacity let alone willingness for good #empathy and intense horrendous cruelty are not mutually exclusive #if you think that evil comes in a single form if you think evil is just pure callousness coldness spot-it-a-mile-away inability to love #then no fucking wonder people keep doing evil terrible things like in real life and your response is always ?! W hat ?! #shocking: terrible evil people are still people. they are not robots of pure malice. they were once babies with coloring books #that’s not saying we should feel bad for them or anything at all!!! just that you guys seem allergic to acknowledging that it doesn’t take a #category 5 sociopath to commit an atrocity #everyone go read arendt’s banality of evil and go watch act of killing by joshua oppenheimer #no wonder trump keeps winning. y’all don’t view his supporters as people with any qualities other than Racism #like i know this is a fictional character but the response here is so indicative of this much broader issue that makes me want to scream #i get it. you’ve lived in a bubble your whole life and never interacted with people vastly different from yourself and had to acknowledge #their personhood as much as their viewpoints disgusted you. talk to a conservative once in your life it might be mind blowing #not bc you’ll be like WOAH :o THEYRE NOT SO BAD AFTER ALL! no!!!!! because they ARE that bad and they are also regular normal people!!!!! #you are all so incapable of viewing anyone you dislike as having internal lives! christ! #this is how trump won! how do you not see this! #seriously go watch act of killing go watch anwar who murdered hundreds of people in cold blood warmly scold his grandchild for poking a duck #too hard. like the most horrifying part of horrible ppl who commit atrocities is that they aren’t caricatures of evil #we wish they were it would make it easier to understand #agh i’m rambling i’ll shut up #god watch ppl be like Uh why are you defending trump/genocide/fascists etc #dumb fucks i’m telling you the most terrifying part about those people is that they are actually people that’s what makes it so hard to #comprehend bc atrocities are so much easier to swallow when you can pretend a force of pure evil is behind it #okokokok good night lol

[sharkjumpers]

aughhhh (clutches my cursed eye.)

#Sorry to vent on tumblr but i have nowhere else to talk right now: #i was doing so good in school but ive taken a steep decline and it feels like everything is Over and i'm failing. its literally just three #classes. all i can do all day is cry and stare at the wall and i dont feel like anything really at anything i do. i dont know what to do an #its killing me. Im gonna do something that lands me on national television. im in pain all day and have a migraine every day and when i don #im busy sobbing the rest of the time. i know its just because its that time of the year but that doesnt really help me at all. im trying my #hardest and it still isnt enough. Wat am i supposed to do. Theyre putting me down tomorrow. #i have not felt this bad in a while and its not Nice and I Dont Like it and I cant pull myself up. i cry as soon as i wake up. Who is #putting me through some matt murdock depressive episode simulator. #i need help but theres nothing anyone can help with and i dont want to be here* #*here meaning the state i live in. #i am so Alone here. #i feel little and stupid

[namelessbenji]

So I ended up becoming hyperfixated on To Kill A Mockingbird and I'm shaking and crying because that's literally the most embarrassing hyperfixation I've ever had anyway sparkle on! It's Saturday! Don't forget to remind the citizens of Maycomb about what was legalized in 1967

#to kill a mockingbird #tkam #help me help me helppppppp #I've said the most deranged shit about Atticus Finch I can't live like this #if this gets anything at all I will post some of the bullshit I've said about this book #Anyway do you guys think Calpurnia was hot cause I usually imagine her to be so fucking fine #I regret making that last tag but whatever I think you deserve to see my insane ramblings about both of them #Tho I haven't said anything insane about Cal yet #just you wait until I get better material #Anyway Kevin Home Alone scream moment

[king-sassy08]

Bro. Does anyone else feel hopeless

#like. #Palestine #capitalism #system racism #its all eating me alive. im doing what i can but. its not enough im just one man. #all i can do is be kind and help the people i can. #i know its enough for one person to do. to make a man a sandwich or give a friend a ride. #to give the person at the window a tip and hold the door open for others. #but its like. im so hopeless its not enough. the world is getting worse akd worse. #i feel like im living in one of those dystopian movie opening montages #war genocide famine natural disaster disease global warming #its KILLING me. #and on top of all that i have genetic depression its not just environmental #and im like. just shut up and be happy #but i cant be and im alone and just. depressed #idk. #jay rants #jay rambles #jay jabbers #i know this isnt just me feeling this way but i still feel isolated nd i blame capitalism & our government and i think we should [redacted]

[master-k0hga]

| ... Well, I WAS ok with this last night, but now I'm not entirely happy with this doodle...-

Oh well, not like they're the main focus on this blog, I'm mostly really focusing on my OCs and the other few personal projects here... Although doesn't help with Tumblr just no longer filtering themselves, showing off their true colours for the longest time and also jumping on the "AI" bandwagon too along with just being a dictated lot like the rest of the assholes who make up 100% percentage of all brands-

I'm just a fucking idiot who just wants to draw OCs, post random fcking art and show it off when I'm not fcking working and killing myself over a job that will never release me from the clutches of bullshit!

WHAT WAS SO. FUCKING. HARD ABOUT KEEPING ONLINE AS A DUMBASS PLACE WHERE THERE WAS NO PLAGIARISM, POLITICAL BULLSHIT FOR SITES TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF AND FUCK THEIR OWN USERBASES. WHILE ACTIVELY CONTROLLING AND TAKING THEIR FREEDOM AWAY!

Not like we ever had freedom to begin with-

Twitter, Reddit, YouTube, DeviantART, Instagram, T- HERE! WHEREEVER FUCKING ELSE! Fuck all CEOs and teams of the online world, people just wanted ONE place where they could escape hells of reality even just for a LITTLE WHILE and NOW look what you did- Kill yourselves!! I fcking hate corporates I hate the rich I hate the system and I hate governments all around thr world, D I E ffs fuck humans and their greed I hope this shit ass race gets OBLITERATED with NO fcking trace of the human existence left!! Fucking disease, pests, a literal INFECTION of life itself!

Fuck you fuck you fuck you I hate this fcking world, do me a fcking favor and fcking blow up already!! I've had e-fucking-nough

. Art © Me . DON’T RE-POST .

#..... #AND FUCK YOU TOO!! #........ #MASTER-K0HGA #Ary / Kohga Chronicles #Ary / Kohga OCs and Works #....... #No I'm not gonna fcking tag this shit!! Why tf should I!? #Nobody fcking gives a shit. Let alone the people who are ACTIVELY GETTING MASSACRED TO OBLIVION AND BACK!! #Humans are a fcking selfish lot and you can see it with the cunts who run it! #The cunts we vote for are all vile and evil and desrrve to get shot and killed #The shit ass rich cunts who try to ''influence'' our way of thinking and speaking to benefit themselves #Make themselves more fcking richer or whatever. Dickheads dictating and controlling people's lives #Assholes being cunty assholes who also need to die! Fuck everyone who says the good outways the bad #IT FCKING DOESN'T AND YOU CAN STOP THAT DELUDED BULLSHIT!! HUMANS ARE NOT FREE #WE ARE LIKE ANTS!! WE ARE AN ANT COLONY WHO'S JOB IS TO WORK TIL WE'RE DEAD #THAT'S WHY EVERYTHING THE GOVERNMENT DOES IS TO NOT. BENEFIT. OR. HELP. US #CONTROL CONTROL CONTROL AND THEY JUST GO BACK TO THEIR FCKING YACHTS HAVING- #THE MOST EXPENSIVE SHIT ASS WINES AND DINES WHILE WE WORK OUR ASSES OFF TIL OUR BONES BLEED RED #TIL THERE'S NOT LEFT OF OUR MIND OR ENERGY TO THINK. SPEAK. LISTEN AND FIGHT FOR OURSELVES!! #THIS IS THE REASON WHY PEOPLE CRACK AND KILL EITHER THEMSELVES OR OTHERS!! #EVEN OUR FCKING HARD WORK IS BEING USED AND PROFITED AGAINST US. AND THERE ARE STILL #CORPORATE SHILLS WHO ACTIVELY SUCK THE OPPRESSORS DICK LIKE A LOLLIPOP. YOU'RE BEING UUUUSED!!! #I'M BEING USED. WE'RE ALL BEING FCKING USED AND PEOPE ARE TOO COWARDLY OR DELUDED TO SEE THAT #THEY DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOU. ME. OR US. YOU SOLVE ALL ISSUES BY SNUFFING THEM OUT #KILL. THEM #YOU KILL THE OPPRESSORS. THE ONES IN CHARGE WHO USE FALSE HOPE IN EVERY WAY #..... YES I AM FCKING PISSED. I WOKE UP LIKE THIS!! #...... Anyways this is a fairly recent post so. I'm gonna get on with this little art spam for now. #It's been a couple months since I mentioned about it so.. Yeah whatever..

[mwagneto]

okay google how do i move out of eastern europe but stay in the eu but go somewhere i speak the language but somewhere that has healthcare and somewhere where i dont need to become a construction worker and also somewhere that is not germany. thanks

#i wanna go to aotearoa I've always wanted to but it's so FAR AWAY. also i need somewhere cold also i #love authentic gothic buildings too much to leave europe. but omfggggg #like it's truly so. i dont want to move somewhere where english isnt a main language but the #uk is out and ireland is unlikely and canada is just somewhat nicer french usa and nz is 4 days travel away. blows up #whatever i have 4 semesters of uni left to think about it. it just feels like im #hurtling full speed at the inevitability of living the rest of my life in Germany #i dont want to live in germany idek why but im sooo. like omg nooo 😭😭😭 #partly because it's such a cliché but also coz it's such a vacation country for me like we #went there for vacation like. unironically at least 3 times every single year #insert joke abt *getting back at the 10000000000 german tourists that come to hungary every day* that I'm too sleepy to make #it's so . like i used to have a specific goal in mind (uk ☹️) but then SOMEONE had to go and leave the eu #and also the uk sucks fat shit like csöbörből vödörbe omg. but now i have no #real goal so im just drifting w the vague knowledge that any second now I'll have to pack all my #shit up and escape before it's too late. but where 😀😀😀 #i have no qualms abt leaving my f*mily behind but I'll miss budapest #and if i left Europe I'd miss it too especially coz even canada feels really far let alone nz which yknow. 3-4 days of travel #it's the lack of goals that's killing me like OMFGG HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WORK HARD AND #STRIVE FOR SMTG WHEN I HAVE NOTHING SPECIFIC IN MIND... #i mean ''get the fuck out'' is something but it's not Enough. i need to be insane about a #place that's accessible. all the cities/locations im crazy about are inaccessible for one reason or another #bristol and wales are in the uk. nz is on the exact opposite side of the planet. life so sad. #canada is the most likely one honestly but like omgggg. godddddjfdnffnfjfmmf #they should invent a budapest that's not in hungary. they should invent a hungary that isn't comically awful #barking #ok to rb #eastern europe #like im fluent in 3 languages and i can get by in like 10 other ones i Could brush up on any language relatively quickly if it came to that #but it's like. 1. I'd have to pick a location 2. learning a new language also means #getting an entire new personality as well which yknow. idk if i have the capacity for another one rn #i should just become fluent in the ones im somewhat good at but idk which to pick

[watch-out-it-bites]

I believe I deserve a sweet little treat [He has done nothing important for the past week]

#i am so fucked #don't let them see this! #i could always go to the kitchen - Above the fridge ;-) #siiigh to have things i enjoy. the worst. ever. #i really dont wanna be god im so fucked but im so tired. and i dont want to be yelled at but i dont want to do anything #i feel like just. lying down and not getting back up. nap time. oreverrrr #i really wish i could live carefree doing whatever #guh. is it even worth it to try? #im just going to end up all. eugh. #sure. it was great last year. but uhghfhfhg so quiet and so hard and so. bluh. #i really dont wanna wake up on monday #so stressful all the time #im either stressed but enjoying and spending time with friends or stressed and alone but people are proud of me #maybe we should cut off interests for a while - it could fix hims stuff. #i wish i could focus #i dont know why so hard recently #uhhhghĥhhhhhhh #i dont think i deserve to sleep but im so tired but i need to work on things #god i want to kill myself - you can't!! youve taken too many vows to die now

[10piecechickenmcnugget]

About to be a little #fandom critical while I’m still mildly delirious

One of my biggest pet peeves is people who draw/write cquackity and cpurpled as friends or even just like on good terms that aren’t forced

you can’t look me in the eyes and tell me that alex “no one will remember you” quackity and purpled “I don’t think there will ever be a point in time where I respect you as a person” bedwars are friends

#About to rant in the tags #Like #i understand if they have a mildly positive relationship due to just living and working in the same place #And because purpled was faking friendliness to make himself less suspicious #But they do not like each other. They are not friends. Let alone found family #mcyt #dsmp #dream smp #purpled #quackity #c!purpled #c!quackity #fandom critical #las nevadas #Like I’m all about dynamics that don’t exist have you seen my golden duo posts but this one always bugs me #purpled did not say “I’m going to fucking kill you” and kill Quackitys best friend and team up with stage duo to blow up las nevadas #For you to tell me “yeah they’re friends :)” “they have a family dynamic :):)” #There’s no genuine heat behind this I’m just tired #Also Quackity did not blow up purpleds house and watch him murder slime and CHEER AND CLAP WHEN HE DIED for you to tell me he cares about #him #like. they fucking hate each other. they’re mean little assholes who do not get along #this being said I have read fics and things where they have a friendlier dynamic but those were NOT canon compliant #If you made it down here thank you for coming to my ted talk #10piecetalks

[everyday-is-brighter-with-you]

WHY AM I SO USEELESS /vent

#I'm sorry everyone sometimes I just can't #Hold it in anymore #I mean it's not like my tears ever mattered IRL #SO atleast I can scream abt it online #I fucked up a taxi ride #Had to pay double #And it just reminded me how fucking stupid I am #I don't know how to cook #Or manage finance #Or manage a house #Or do lot of work like laundry thru every individual cloth #Or even going to grocery for vegetables #I'm so stupid lol I probably couldn't even live alone #All I do is read poems and make art #I'm so stupid #I just want to kill myself #Again #I say #Txt #Negative tw #Suicidal tw #Vent #Please do NOT take this as directed at you

[soldier-poet-king]

All cities (and tbh everywhere, but this is specifically happening in a MAJOR city) should have emergency mental health response teams bc I just had to call 911 about a man clearly having Some Issues and in need of help outside in the freezing weather with no shoes and barely dressed doing cartwheels and somersaults on a busy street + and in the snow and wandering about the neighborhood and I had to repeatedly stress that he wasn't bothering or hurting anyone I was just super concerned about him rolling into traffic during rush hour in an area with notoriously bad drivers + it's cold enough to be dangerous without winter gear + maybe he's got Alzheimer's or smthn like that and accidentally wandered out and is lost bc that's been known to happen

and like sure the 911 operator was nice and confirmed with me that it was a medical-adjacent call and police were NOT needed after I stressed it multiple times, but I had INITIALLY called the non emergency line BC I wanted to avoid the cops and the street outreach folk were like 'nope can't help u gotta call 911' and it's just. SO DUMB.

PLUS. Apparently there's so many 911 calls going in I was put ON HOLD for a whole ass minute and like. I'm clogging up the line for someone having a heart attack or fire or whatever, vs. I'm concerned about this guy but also I'm in the car following at a distance to make sure nothing happens + make sure someone who is less understanding of mental health crises doesn't start a fight with him because he's acting "weird" and wandering on people's front lawns, and it's not really the same level of "emergency" but I'm also 5'3 vs. A Grown Ass Man, and I've no emergency or mental health training so there's nothing I can do EXCEPT follow at a distance and call for help

#franposting #this doesnt seem like a big deal but also im anxious #and i live on the outskirts in a teeny immigrant bungalow suburb #nowhere NEAR any major shelters. hospitals. transit lines #this is not a place where you often see this #drugs? absolutely. but not this type of crisis and i didnt want to get police involved and make things WORSE #an ambulance did show up so hopefully its ok #YES IM SHELTERED BABY but i care so much about everyone all the time #my ocd and also just my personality make me #i get sad and distressed when i see someone sad on public tranist #let alone someone in ACTUAL DISTRESS #my OCD convinced me i killed my art history prof with cancer and that if i dont smile at cashiers theyll *** #WHICH IS UNTRUE #but i care so much all the time i am going to be thinking about this man forever. with no closure! #i cant compartmentalize! idk how! everything is concerning all the Time #this is why im in info management. archives. i only have to work with DEAD tragedies #(not that its all or even mostly tragedy but yknow) not living ppl i feel like i should worry abt #how does the divine worry abt everyone all the time #NOT TO MAKE THIS ABT ME #this is supposed to be about the city's shitty emergency and health infrastructure and how toronto acab #and im afraid to call them on a racialized mentally ill man

[cringefailfagcat]

the way one of my friends offered to get people drinks. one of the others asked for a rum and coke, so i asked for a vodka lemonade n then they stood right behind me and went 'is olive allowed to drink?' it killed something inside me a little bit. like i wasn't episoding i've been responsible about my drinking recently don't take away my autonomy when i'm capable of looking after myself please. i know i barely can but don't. don't make this one of the few things people will actually talk to me for

#sorry but i just feel so isolated in the friend group #like no-one's leaving me out its just everyone is coupled up and the only other single people are in a qpr and go home together to watch #korra everytime we hang out and it kills that i'm the only one who has to go and be alone. everyone else skips off all happy and i'm left #to go back to my little den of depression and fight through the panic abandonment response that i get every time i leave them #but if i isolate myself completely i will be even worse. my therapist told me to make myself socialise as much as i can and i've been tryin #and it's usually alright for most of the time when we're together. like nice even if its heartbreakingly lonely and i dont have the spoons #to contribute consistently to conversations #vent #sorry i'm just. i feel like i'm falling apart slowly #catching bits as they fall and shoving them back into me but still deteriorating faster than i can fix myself #i want to stop. #i can't be a human anymore #i can study and live in literature but i cannot be human #i can't be loved. #i just want to beg one of my tutors to let me camp out in their office for a few hours so they can help me somehow do my essay #like. i can't do it on my own. i can't think enough to scrape up my memory of the books i'm writing about #and i don't have time to reread them to find quotes #i just. want to be a cat hiding under people's tables with the occasional pet from people who are kind enough to like my type of creature #but be left to sleep and do what i need to at my own pace #is that really so much to ask? can i become smaller please. take away this body of mine and give me something that fits the shape of me

[cherrysnax]

trying not to post too much during the strike to keep focus on Everything but I need to get out of my head a lil

#took a gap year because school was killing me #then the year I wanted to go to college covid started and then since then I’ve been rotting in my room becoming more and more disabled #it’s. #going to be scary this year trying to undo all the damage and anxiety #meeting new people #trying to really act like a 23 year old #being a freshman in college at 23 was never my plan but I thought I was going to die at 19 #things have changed. I.. left a lot of people behind due to that thinking #and undiagnosed bpd #and it sucks. I keep having dreams abt hs and realizing that I was never alone #and im not alone now even though sometimes it feels like it #im taking my health into my own hands and actually trying to live instead of watching my life go by and it’s weird taking a front seat again #not in the did sense. I’ve had a pretty tight rein on the front for the last few years #but. im trying to be a person again. seeing myself as a person again #I uh. am 99 percent sure I have nerve damage. I have to talk to my pcp about it next time after the next few tests I take #and um wow. it really affects my hands and fingers #and as you all know me and my butch have a comic we’re working on together #I see as you know like ppl r actually gonna read this lmao fhdha well besides you. 👁️👁️ #jk sorry it that triggered anyone’s paranoia im just sillay. but yeah I uh #never have worked on something this long and this hard before PAUSE. And uh it means a lot to the both of us. we have so many comic ideas #but so far sys! is the one nearest and dearest to my heart and the idea that I won’t be able to draw it after spending years practicing #to get better and better uh hurts. I’d uh rather be in pain making the comic than live never making it #but it’s not just abt me in the end isn’t it. I miss people I used to know #random thought sorry. accidentally found someone I used to know in the wild and then it clicked after I followed them. felt like it would #be weird to take it back so now im just hoping im not recognized mostly out of. shame I guess. idk. I don’t remember things well #memory problems + bpd lying to me yknow. but uh. idk maybe these dreams and these feelings mean that in order to reach my dreams I have to l #like. honour the weird kid that I was and by doing that #I have to acknowledge that shit I abandoned everyone before they could abandon me. and maybe that’s just how I see it now #maybe no one actually gave a shit and I just faded out of existence for fun but avoiding things is how I ended up perpetually in my bedroom #barely able to stand and very scared of the world. how I ended up not improving at art for years because I was to scared to something difrnt

[robinsnest2111]

just listened to penny lane for the first time in years and for a moment I was a young teen again, chest deep in my beatles phase, I know it's hella cringe but the beatles were my happy place at the time, my comfort in a shitty inescapable environment

#i even had a beatles wall calendar and wrote the guys' names on my pencil case with sharpie #and idek how many times i rewatched the yellow submarine because it was my nr. 1 comfort movie at the time #also my very misinformed romanticised hippie phase orz #bought a bedazzled peace sign necklace from a decor/party store that's been gone for at least 10 years now #never wore the necklace tho because i didn't want to be perceived... #if i could i would reach through time and space to give my younger self the 60s/70s make over of his dreams #and take his hand and go out into the world looking however the hell we wanna look #to show him that it's okay to look weird and have people stare because looks cannot kill us!! #especially not when i'm around <3 #wanna hold younger me and kiss his face and tell him it'll all be okay and that he's not alone and i'm there for him aughh #and tell him that he doesn't have to hide his hobbies or passions or have to live in the shadows to escape the bullying #i know he just tried to survive and along the way wished he could just be an unseen spectator in life #but that's no way to live tbh.... #back then i wished for future me to guide me and help me and make me feel less alone #and now current me would do anything to make that a reality #alas. the linear passage of time and the fact that i am just a single person...