#You're worth so much more than that

[hannibal-shits-people]

Good Morning to everyone thinking about the friends you never really forget, thinking about the friends that are a part of you forever. To everyone who hears a song and thinks about being 15 and being first introduced to it by your best friend, thinking you'll stay friends forever. To everyone who can't watch a movie you used to love because you first saw it with a friend who you parted ways with very badly. To everyone who looks through notebooks and sketchbooks and sees the doodle they did years ago, or the notes stuffed into the back that you never threw out. To everyone who finds an old picture or and old post and can't really find it in yourself to delete it because it's a part of you, no matter how much it hurts. To everyone who only saw what their friends were really like after they stopped being friends. Good Morning to everyone who almost wishes they were back to that time, because at least you weren't alone.

#and I feel yearning in this Chilli's tonight #I have so many sad thoughts about my old highschool friends and how I felt so bad at the end of it but I felt like a real person at least #I never felt understood and barely tolerated but I didn't feel alone #but you know you should never settle for a toxic friendship just because you don't want to be alone #you deserve happiness and care and someone who understands and sees you and who wants to be around you #Don't settle #You're worth so much more than that #anyway #yearnposing #loneliness #good morning meme #kept queue waiting huh? #mac is talking now

[leupagus]

Ted Lasso, the character, is one of the only representations of 'sometimes getting better with your mental health issues means that you are less visibly happy, and that is okay, because you are not required to be happy in order to be loved' out there and I am really discouraged that so much of the audience is angry at that.

#ted lasso #the guy we meet in season one is so so so much sadder and is suffering so much more #than the guy we say goodbye to in season three #but the guy in season three doesn't crack as many jokes and doesn't grin and laugh at every opportunity #I really didn't expect the fandom to interpret that as 'he's even worse off than before!' #when the fact is that when you're able to have an inherent sense of self-worth rather than relying on Doing Everything Right #that you become less manic about making sure everyone likes you all the time #which is what ted did for the first two seasons #I dunno I just wish there was more room for this kind of character #and... for this kind of person #believe mothereffers #theodore lasso

[genericpuff]

me in the last couple days leading up to new rekindled updates:

me after rekindled updates and i see everyone's reactions and tags and theories which makes it all worth doing it over again:

#here we go to episode 46 #episode 45 was such a ride for me to write and draw fr #i'm so glad y'all liked it #i'm seeing more speculation than ever about persephone's character arc and it's filling my heart with so much joy #because y'all are already piecing shit together #you're just missing the last piece #idk what's gonna happen once it's found #but i know for sure the journey getting there is gonna be worth it #lore rekindled #lore rekindled comic

[whistlingstarlight]

Thinking about that bit from Mother 3 where Kumatora defends Duster from his asshole dad and everything that led up to it:

"You know, you shouldn't keep calling your own kid a moron. Because if he really is a moron, he wouldn't understand anyway."

That line hit me hard when I first played through that scene. Rarely do I get genuinely angry at characters in video games, but Wess absolutely infuriated me throughout the chapter. He sets Duster up for failure by telling him "you'll know it when you see it" in regards to the item he's been sent to retrieve, then gets angry when Duster inevitably brings back the wrong thing (to the point of physically breaking said item, which visibly stresses out Duster).

He continually berates Duster the rest of the journey through the castle, calling him a moron and even a failure. When Kumatora steps in to defend Duster, Wess has no response. It's not until Duster does something right in Wess's eyes that he "takes it all back". Even though Duster's more than proved himself by that point, Wess stays hung up on one mistake and will not let Duster forget it.

Duster is not a moron. He's extremely aware of everything his dad says, and understands what he means by it.

And despite supposedly taking it all back, and after his son being missing for three years, he calls him a moron one last time.

It's quite a light insult for a game with so many dark themes, but it's a frighteningly realistic depiction of what some parents are like. Slowly wearing you down with petty insults and mockery until you don't have the confidence to defend yourself. Then give you the barest of compliments when you do something "right".

#i'm extremely grateful my parents aren't like that but I know some people's are and I'm so sorry if you're in that situation. #remember you are worth so much more than they tell you #anyways this a certified Fuck Wess post. all my mutuals hate Wess and love Duster #mother 3 #mother 3 duster #earthbound #clyde rambles

[kyouka-supremacy]

Does anyone know where I can find the good quality version of this image? It's so frustrating because when cross searching on google it'll tell me the original quality is 850x478, but I can't find a way to download it in that quality. This is another version of the image (I'm guessing it's Mayoi promo art):

But I liked the clean white background one...

#It's cute... #It's got Akutagawa stealing glances at Atsushi #Thought asking was worth a try ;;;;;; #Google cross image search has changed and as someone who used it as I use breathing it's been absolutely heartbreaking. #It makes cross searching images so much harder it's awful #Because before when you looked up an image it suggested you the best quality avaible of that image. #And the search got worse every year but it was still functional you know?? #But now there's not that anymore. There's no “large” “medium” “small” and instead it only gives you “find image source” #Dude I don't want to find the image source. I've downloaded the image I KNOW the source. What I want is ANOTHER SOURCE with better quality #And I used to get it when I was 10 and I used to get it when I was 15 and I sued to get it when I was 20 #And now I don't have it anymore?? It stripes away one of the most powerful search tools on the internet from the public???? #It drives me insane. Like why does internet get worse every year that's not how humanity is supposed to work #Sorry. I needed to rant. This makes every quality-freak media archivist (like me) job harder beyond comparison #Btw if you're looking for an alternative Yandex images still does the work... It's not as powerful search engine as google #and it's often going to miss the particular hidden media (y'know- super niche Akutagawa merch from 2018 and stuff) #But for the rest it does a pretty good job. If anything there's still the best quality avaible option #But seriously looking up stuff for aktgw-daily has gotten so much harder ever since this fucked up change to google lens #and it makes me hate the world. I haven't been able to find a way to reverse it but if anyone more tech savy than me who has any idea- #what I'm talking about can help me. Please please hmu I'll be grateful forever #Sorry for the rant I have a lot of pent up rage over this. Stop making broke people's lives harder challenge #random rambles

[thenwethrowitonthefire]

it doesn't have to be that way.

okay

I need you to know that I've been thinking about this ask non-stop for the last 3 days. This song came for us all and took us under its wing. I live here. It's a gem of a song. (This reply will get very long.)

My first time hearing it was live, as it was for a bunch of us as the album release was at the beginning of the tour. To set the scene, I was obviously really excited for any new songs I'd be hearing that night, and then Russell introduced the song like this:

"This is another brand new song for any of you who feel like maybe you're not on the right course. [He pauses briefly.] It's a song that's called 'It Doesn't Have To Be That Way'."

I was already nearly in tears, and then it started:

They always said that you cannot change your mind, Do it once and you're defined, do it twice and you're divine

...

It doesn't have to be that way, okay?

Every line of the entire song hit me like a brick while also being the most comforting thing I've ever heard. It was beautiful. And coming from the guys who for over a decade have been my personal champions of "things not having to be that way", the guys who are my people, who have by their very existence been telling us all this exact message for all these years. And here it was, in words, aimed at all of us.

They always said that you need to have a plan, Doesn't matter, any plan, any plan they'll understand, It doesn't have to be that way, okay?

... They've not been known to go for songs that bring people to tears, and I'm not known to be the kind of person to listen to songs and cry. And yet here we were.

While I can write an essay on every verse, a part that's especially meaningful to me, as a queer person, as an aspec person, is this:

They always said that it must reflect your life, And incorporate your strife, maybe mentioning your wife, It doesn't have to be that way, okay?

These *are* lines that seem to reflect their life (the entire song seems to, just as it does ours), and they're all things I've always loved so much about them, things that have paved the way for all of us. But I'm going to especially highlight the "maybe mentioning your wife" line. Here we have two (likely) heterosexual men, but they don't bring their love lives to the public eye - very consciously, and by choice. What they do with their lives is all about their music. Their lives are highly meaningful, to them and to so many people, and you don't need amatonormativity or the nuclear family to have a beautifully meaningful life. They show that every day, in all they do. Their work has always attracted many queer people of all sorts for obvious reasons, and it's been so easy to find aspec people among the fans which is a real treat. While they likely both have partners, the beauty is that we don't really know. We don't know that part of their lives and we don't need to know to know them, if they're not telling us it doesn't concern us. There's a lot of people who don't understand this though, people who feel like they don't know who Sparks are as people because these people feel like in order to know who a person is, they need to know their relationship status and whether they have a family. (In reality these people are looking at the wrong things, they're trying to classify and understand life in the only way they know, and therefore they seem to be unable to see what's there.) The added beauty of all this is that it doesn't just gives Sparks some privacy, but also it creates a safe space for all of us who aren't looking to live that way, who aren't looking to build our lives around a romantic partner, for whom the ideal life isn't one where you build a family, or for whom that do wish to live that way but where it isn't the thing that defines you. You don't have to mention a partner or make your life about that. It doesn't have to be that way, okay?

And then there's those parts of the song that go,

I may be wrong, I'll pay for it, I'll pay for it,

No chart-bound song, I'll pay for it, I'll pay for it,

No sing along, I'll pay for it, I'll pay for it

I'll pay for it

Which can be read and felt in a number of ways which all mean so much to me ... There's their own lives in it, where they've always done things their way, where people may tell them to not do things that way, and where it might not work out - I'll pay for it, I'll pay for it. Theres our lives, where we equally all make our decisions, try to just live our own ways to the best of our abilities and where we make mistakes - I'll pay for it, I'll pay for it.

And then, thirdly, to me, there's the feeling to it where they've got our backs. No chart-bound song, no sing along, that can be about an album not becoming the success it was hoped to be, but if you just look at No sing along, I'll pay for it, I'll pay for it, to me there's also an aspect of not wishing it upon another - instead carrying it for you, don't sing along. (This feeling feels further supported by the ending of the song, how 'bout a drink, I'll pay for it, it's been too long, I'll pay for it, which to me reads as paying for that drink for your friend so no one has to go through it alone nor without support.)

I'll look uncool, I'll pay for it, I'll pay for it

I'll look the fool, I'll pay for it, I'll pay for it

I'll look too schooled, I'll pay for it, I'll pay for it

I'll pay for it

The price of authenticity, the price of following your heart and your beliefs. And we all felt that.

As you can tell, this is one really really special song. It had so many of us in tears. We all spoke about it for weeks, I'm still talking about it. It's kind of like Sparks' life concepts we all already understood, that drew us here in the first place, got beautifully distilled into a song. (So much of this recent album has that quality, and it was felt all throughout the entire tour too.)

Every night Russell gave the song a slightly different introduction that hit people right in their heart. There's a quality to it performed live that makes it hit even harder than on the album. I recorded it at every show I've seen. Here's two of them:

... it especially hits hard when you're near the front, looking at these guys with your big eyes, locking eyes for a second and you know they know. (I also did a quick shot of Ron's Jordans here, seeing him wear them was always a dream of mine and here I was, stood right in front of him seeing him wear Jordans.)

#thanks again for these asks you've been sending <3 #sorry it took so long to reply. this one means so much that it's hard to translate all the feelings into words #what i feel and what it means is so much more and so much bigger than I can say. but I've tried my best #it's important to me that they're both over 70 too. they don't like mentioning their age. but they're beautifully young guys. #the way they age is another 'it doesn't have to be that way'. #we go through school with the conditioning that we need to have our shit together at 20 and #there's all these beliefs in society that a life is over or stops being worth something at a certain age. it's complete bullshit #they've been going their entire lives. reinventing all the time. #when they were my age they hadn't yet made a lot of the albums that I love the most. it's never too late. You're not old. and never too old #it doesn't have to be that way. okay? #Sparks #Russell Mael #Ron Mael #Sparks (band) #it doesn't have to be that way #The Girl Is Crying In Her Latte #ask #anon

[goldkirk]

I AM SO GLAD I'M STILL ALIVE FOR ALL THIS

#personal #really thought the blob full of nothing but terror and grief stage was permanent for a while there #and i wasn't even suicidal anymore i thought i had just permanently borked my brain #no!!!!!!! it just needed time! and my body needed more health!!! and i needed more community again! #DON'T GIVE UP!!!!!!!! if you're seeing this and you're exhausted beyond your bones or being eaten alive by a black hole #please know that you don't need to have hope and you don't need to be gung ho about it to survive #just keep going through the slog and take any opportunity that seems vaguely better each time you can #and rest rest rest i guarantee you that you need unholy amounts of rest that you're not getting #and just hold on. just hold on. it might take years but god everyone was right it was worth it to stay and keep going a while longer #you can give up on life. just don't give up on yourself. you keep hold of yourself and don't let ANYONE convince you to let go including #your own brain. you are SO much cooler and braver and wilder and livelier than you think you are and you're only going to improve over time #i love you and i'm here if there's anything i can do for you #don't be afraid to change your mind and don't be afraid to demand your right to live #those are my two rules for life at this point besides the cardinal rule of 'everyone is suffering and traumatized so be as kind as possible #and watch what happens in a snowball effect around you' #i love you. i love you. i am so glad i am alive to love you.

[hella1975]

are you guys thinking about touya todoroki today because i am

#what if he just wanted to be good what if he burned up and out waiting for his parent to look at him and just LOVE HIM #what if all he ever wanted was that positive affirmation what if he just needed to be treated kindly and was instead #offered only cruelty what if he was a child who didn't need to be strong he just needed to be held #what if raising children to be soldiers regardless of good intention is still a fucked up thing to do #because they're CHILDREN they just want you to be nice to them they don't care about being the strongest #and why does being the strongest matter more than anything else? is that really worth doing all this damage? #is it really worth being so mean? you're supposed to love them why won't you show it #and it haunts him so much he literally BURNS HIMSELF ALIVE OVER IT and no one even comes to watch #and when the rejection finally FINALLY gets through his head and he's forced to accept that he's never gonna get that love #and acknowledgement that he needs so much he doesnt heal from it and choose to be the bigger person #he instead becomes something ugly and mean and messy and awful and he's a sum of all the acts made against him #because he's ANGRY and he doesn't care that he's angry he's shameless and embracing of that rage #because it covers up the hurt and if he has to hurt people in order to avoid his own pain then that's what he'll do #and to the very end he's shouting every bad thing that happened to him refusing to go down quietly about it #refusing to be a good little victim that shakes and cries in a corner and lets things sort themselves out because it NEVER DOES #NO ONE EVER SAVES HIM. NO ONE EVER PROTECTS HIM. WHY WON'T THEY PROTECT HIM #and not a single person acknowledges him. not a single person looks on him with pity #there's no one there to say 'that was shit and you deserved better'. no one. and what did he honestly do that was so bad as to deserve this #he was a child who wanted to be loved. to be good. that's all #touya todoroki #literally feels like his character was created to make me specifically want to blow my brains out el oh el <3

[suncaptor]

never trust any narrative about medicine that talks in 100% absolutes.

#like it does not work that way. #there's degrees of safety and side effects and likelinesses that should be weighed compared to alternatives #sometimes the risk is so low it's not super worth even worrying about but negating risk at all is still a form of misinformation #you tell someone 'there's a tiny miniscule chance you could have x disease but even if you do we are researching ways to handle and fix tha #potential side effect but if you DON'T take it the chance you will have y disease is idk 10.000 times higher' #MUCH more convincing than 'this is 100% safe and necessary considering y and you're stupid to question if it's safe at all' #especially when like. the latter is literally factually untrue so there WILL be proof against it right. #the proof against it does NOT mean it's going to be statistically relevant to the general population #but if the only people who are taking it seriously are also people spreading misinformation! #then that can just be. weaponised. #whatever #incoherents #this goes for treatment not just preventative too like. if someone says ANYTHING is 100% safe well! though if you're actually #like with a doctor and they say something's VIRTUALLY completely safe that's different I am more talking about studies #bc the doctor is using language of what things actually would matter to you as a general person in their populace #however you're still entitled to know potential side effects even if they're rare and usually that's something a pharmacist legally can #explain and will be listed in the paperwork around it

[shallowrambles]

So I've been thinking. It's funny how enjoying meta is somewhat embedded with trust.

Like, if you're "friends" and have followed a person for a long time, you have more a sense of their values, and it's easier to read their difficult meta because you trust more that they're being charitable/nuanced.

If you don't know them, it's harder to trust that they're not funneling difficult topics into rationalization of liking/supporting gross shit.

#meta thoughts #case in point - so much of the wincest community still comes off super classist to me and it sorts of...leaks into their meta #you'll be going alone with an interesting character study and then you read stuff that just BOOM classism about family ties #then you go to their page and you find that yes they're into that shit and there's typically a desert of thoughtful cas military angels etc #they tend to like benny cause benny is an idealized brother substitute / sam parallel and it's given the most uncharitable reading #just because you choose a partner than is familiar and like your fam members does not mean you're into your family members oh my god #and sure there's tons of visual and overt racism in SPN in general but to me that at least gets discussed #the classism inherent to narrative fangirl obsessions with incest? not as dissected #familism and community are seen as Weird (TM) to them and they kind of tell on themselves with that imho #and like with racism there are just some things you can't overlook to enjoy a series if you're black because that's your day to day life an #with classism it's hard too bc sometimes you can't escape the reminders of day to day life #and when ppl in the fandom see the villain's monologues as TRUTH you just wanna shake your head but know it's not worth arguing #communal living is more normal than america wants you to think...rich folks want it labelled *weird* bc they want you separated and drained #i am begging us to deconstruct suburbia instead of defaulting to TEEHEE incest bc shitting on pooled resources is paramount in a rigged gam #I find the inherent isolation of american living-to-work without any time to visit each other VERY isolating indeed...also... #like how did we get here #where we're so afraid of labels like*cults* and *helicopter parenting* and *enmeshment* than we isolate as a form of hallowed independence #american success culture has a dark side too #and separating low class families is the aim #get them to spend more $$$ and go for lofty ideals in pursuit of american dream instead of pooling their resources and meeting their needs #meanwhile rich folks do so much respectable nepotism and pretend they're *self-made* #to me that's what the symbol of zachariah is ALLLL about #and if you're blind to what his taunts ACTUALLY mean...i'm very suspicious of your worldview #if resource sharing and co-living becomes shameful and *incestuous* for lower classes then they won't pool their power at all #american exceptionalism #spn + class #class #class warfare #giving up college dreams to be a caretaker seems way more common in poor families too #i suspect we see the incest reading less from brown families / hispanic fams...cause familism is more common

[criscura]

I wish I wasn't so exhausted and I could make more art.... I even planned out a whole prompt-a-day month for Saigenos/Genosai, TWICE, but the first time no one seemed like they could participate when I asked about it, and the second time I friggin lost the damned plan. I could remake it a third time, but I just....I don't know.

I've been really struggling to get along for a while, and I think if it didn't hit it off--or even if I just got really productive and it seemed like I was reaching crickets--I'd be so incredibly discouraged that it would bring me down even further. It usually takes my stuff a few months to a year to get reach, and that really doesn't do anything for me when I need the support immediately.

It's not that I don't have a billion ideas for so many different things, but my battery has been taking longer and longer to charge up and it's been running out faster and faster, and it's been like this for....a year?? Ish?? Maybe longer, I don't know.

I wish I could just stop needing so much fucking time to bounce back.....

#written from my bed as I'm almost crying from exhaustion and hopelessness #I'm PMSing and I had a really tiring day so i know this feels worse than normal #but when you've been struggling to fall asleep for months because waking up means being disappointed in yourself #for everything you failed to do the day before and everything you know you're going to fail to do again today #it's really hard not to feel like shit about yourself #trying to be constantly hopeful but never living up to your expectations #and then the few times that you do you completely crash for days #and then the only way to not crash is to have your big accomplishment be 'i went to the gym' 'i took a shower' 'i answered a message' #and just. again #to have the be the way you're living for months and months and months #it's so embarrassing to admit how little i can do and it makes me so ashamed knowing how much I've done and see what everyone else around me #is constantly doing #and then when i do share things it just kind of dies off because I've been too exhausted to maintain most relationships #which ALSO makes me feel like absolute fucking shit because i think people think i just don't care about them #when it's really that it takes me hours to get out of bed and I'm lucky if i remember to eat before 4 #and I hate so much of myself and see it as such a huge waste of time that it uses up almost all the energy i have to take care of myself #but if i don't do it I'll just hate myself even more #i know i keep on complaining about this but I'm. I'm trying to fix it #i have BEEN trying to fix it actively for so fucking long #but it's.....i think I've stopped believing anything i do has significant worth and it makes it hard to keep trying #and i know people will read this and say take something for it but when you're only interactions with medications and drugs #are one experience that scarred you so bad you didn't go to the doctors for ten years and one experience so bad #that you couldn't even explain it at first without HARDCORE disassociating #it's hard to convince yourself that anything will ever be any better and that it won't make everything intensely worse for years

[blujayonthewing]

thinkin about the time my mom said 'how SHARP is that KNIFE???' from the other room when I was slicing tomatoes and thinking about how using knives at her house ranges from 'annoying' to 'actively nerve-wrecking' because they're so fucking dull and also thinking about how many times she's fucking lacerated her own hand while cooking

#my response to my mom being aghast at my audibly sharp knife was a jovial 'a sharp knife is safer than a dull one!' #which I THOUGHT was just me pointing out a truism that she would have heard before but she was like [skeptical] really?? #..... YES. OH MY GOD. SO MUCH MAKES SENSE. YOUR KNIVES ARE LIKE THAT ON PURPOSE??? #I thought you were just bad at knives.... but you're WILLFULLY bad at knives.......... #YES!! if you have to fight it to do its fucking job it's gonna be harder to control and have more force behind it when you LOSE control MOM #I'm positive I've talked about this before I just think about it all the time agdjfkssgsk #plus I only recently made the '... wait she's also cut herself a LOT' connection lmao :'D mom... please.... #accidents happen to everybody no matter how careful you are BUT for what it's worth I have still not yet sliced the shit out of my thumb #like my mother has MULTIPLE TIMES #so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #about me

[attackoneyebrows]

unpopular opinion but im actually salivating at the maya bishop char development in s6......i always felt like they just buried her issues with the relationship (don’t get me wrong the chemistry is electric and i love them together) but there was so much to explore with her value of self being tied to job validation / accomplishment validation / productivity and i’m excited to see her growth (gotta love yourself first before you give someone else that job)

#station 19 #maya bishop #it's that whole thing where if you love yourself only 20% #and someone comes along and loves you 30% you're like omg that's so much #but it's literally less than half and the problem is the reference point #not saying carina doesnt love her 120% but more that maya needs to stop conditioning her own self worth on her accomplishments #also hahahaha pot kettle @ myself #also im obsessed w her bc she was me but more dramatic #i was more the avoidant type less the openly dramatically destructive type