#a lot of hunger strikes are effective simply because it looks really bad if certain people die under your care because you were denying | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shotosprincess · 3 years

Text

Altruistic. — oikawa tooru ♡︎

ALTRUISTIC: showing a disinterested and selfless concern for the well-being of others; unselfish.

⤷ pairing: oikawa tooru ♥︎ fem! reader

⤷ summary: you accidentally get hit by the ball during one of oikawa,, your childhood best friend’s ,, practice games ,, and he immediately leaves to take care of you 🥺🤌

⤷ genre(s): super short one shot w lots of fluff ,, fluff ,, FLUFF!!

⤷ length: 1.7k

⤷ a/n: PLS i stayed up till 6am last night writing this purely bc i absolutely could not sleep without writing a soft moment w oikawa into existence (⊃｡•́‿•̀｡)⊃

“ Oi! Oikawa! Pass it here! “ The holler echoed through the gym, roaring solidly over the squeak of worn out sneakers twisting against glossy floors.

“ Iwa-chan! “ Oikawa’s smile scintillates with an undeniable anticipation as he pushes against the ball, hands flicking outwards as his toss to the teammate in question proved to be, in fact, successful. He spikes it down, the tremendous force exerted from both parties sending the dull sphere of ivory driving into the ground, leaving their opponents in the blatant, dirty dust.

It smacks right in front of their libero, who was far too stunned to even do so much as react in time. The shrill of a whistle ripples through the air. Seijoh’s side cheers, little praises and compliments slipping out from one teammate to another as back pats and playful head slaps were shared within their brief moment of celebration. The boys prepare themselves for another point to be won, bending their knees in a ‘ ready ‘ stance. Your heart melted. Oikawa’s earthy eyes glinted with a familiar sense of hunger, of true passion. You loved seeing him like this; buzzing and thrumming with such a raw, precise determination. You adored it.

Your hand reaches into the shallow depths of your sweater’s pocket, findling with its contents before finally pulling out your phone to check the time. The serve is hit, and just as your finger sides across the side of the case to actually turn your phone on—

A blinding pain stuns you, striking sharply at the side of your head. You see white, passing out due to the sudden unpleasant sensation. Your body falls limp, lolling to the side of your chair upon impact.

Oikawa’s head snaps in your direction, and his heart stops. He waves a hand dismissively, aggressively, in fact, through the air, signalling some sort of time out for obvious reasons. His stare burned right through the spiker responsible for your unprecedented injury. A dark aura seemed to even envelope him as he did. And in a low, threatening tone:

“ You’ll pay for this. “

Rushedly sprinting to your side, he kneels beside you, cupping your neck with one hand for support and wrapping his other arm beneath your legs. He lifts you up gently, gaze frantically darting from side to side, only to realize that no paramedics of any sort were currently present. A scoff leaves him, sending one last protective glare towards the hazel-haired player.

“ Continue the game without me. I’m taking her home. “

There is a prolonged beat of silence until he leaves, and the gym slowly begins to erupt with laughter and boisterous comments once again. He carefully places you in his car, tucking your bag of belongings in the empty space beneath your feet. The jangling key turns and clicks, the engine booms to life.

And he’s off.

“ Are you...Are you ok? “

Your eyes flutter open, lids still heavy, to the blurred sight of a very pretty boy with a very pretty smile. Chestnut swoops of hair frame his face in a fluffy frame. There is a certain kindness in his eyes. That’s when everything comes rushing back to you, and you realize the pretty boy before you is none other than the man who has put up with you ever since the first grade, Oikawa Tooru. And judging by your surroundings, you were in...his room?

“ O-Oikawa? “

“ Hey, you’re awake. Just in time too. I need to clean your wound. “

The skin near his eyes creases ever so slightly as his lips form one of the warmest smiles you had ever seen. He seemed...relieved. By an almost-unnatural amount.

His fingers move to tuck a straying tendril of hair behind your ears, letting the back of his hand delicately brush against the side of your face.

“ What...what happened exactly? “

Your memory is hazy, all you remembered was a sudden searing sting, which only evolved into a copiously throbbing ache. And then nothing.

“ Yahaba was being an idiot and accidentally hit you in the head with his serve. “

He pushes the heel of his palm against his head, groaning into it in annoyance and frustration. You say nothing, simply making a little “ oh “ face. His eyes close, a deep inhale clearing his thoughts.

For some reason, your eyes were immediately drawn to the abundant rise of his chest. You did not know why.

He puts his hand down, flashing you a half smile.

“ Well. It can’t be helped. You were passed out on the ride back. You’re in my house right now, but don’t worry. I’ll take care of you, ok? No flying objects can hurt you here. “

The lighthearted laugh which follows is accompanied by an odd longing to keep looking into his eyes. He pulls out a small medical kit from the drawer behind him, presenting a ball of slightly frayed cotton. It clumps together as he saturates it with the contents of an alcohol agent, the blue liquid quickly bleeding into the white.

You instinctively wince as his tweezers take the ball between its thin metal prongs, gently pressing it against your head. A harsh sting pricks through your skin. Your eyes tightly squeeze shut, and your head drops down to hide your face, embarrassed. The pressure immediately ceases.

“ Sorry. I forgot to warn you when I was going to put it. “

“ No, no that’s alright! It just...took me by surprise, that’s all. “

You will yourself to muster up a reassuring smile, though the subtle quivering at the ends of your lips didn’t exactly make it very convincing.

Despite noticing this, his lips pursed together in an emphasized tightness and he nods, continuing the process. But this time around he’s more gentle with his movements, soft and cautious, so as to make it as painless as possible. His brows furrowed together in deep concentration, one almost comparable to the kind which he lost himself so many times in, whilst analyzing videos of volleyball games with that unmatched meticulous which you had always admired so.

Oikawa Tooru had rarely ever been one to be gentle, tender. Yet alas here he was, being as gentle with you as was humanly possible for him. It was confusing and addicting all the same. And if you thought about it enough, one could probably say that it was nothing short of a miracle, that very miracle being the cheesy, yet insatiable concept of love.

Once he finally lifts the cotton from your face, he disposes of the remains, chucking them casually into a nearby dustbin as it teeters back and forth a little with the force. He then takes out a small bandage, unfolding it with care. The precision he had acquired through volleyball was blatantly evident as he carefully spreads the sticky fabric atop your wound, effectively patching it up. A cool, almost healing, feeling hits said wound, and you couldn’t quite tell if it was purely because of the bandaid, or if it was because of the hands which placed it. His hands. Swept up completely in the dazed state he had you in, you decided on the latter.

Those same hands, which were whirling through the dreaminess of your thoughts, then cupped your face, turning your gaze towards him. A comforting, rather than cauterizing, warmth floods to your cheeks, flushing them with a vivid rose as your heart flutters vigorously with the sparks of a forming hearth. His eyes, brown as chestnuts stored away in hollowed trees, bore deeply into yours, with a sentiment you had never known. Without another thought, his lips silently press against your forehead. The top of his head rests against yours, careful not to touch the wound, neither one willing to let go of this moment.

Admittedly, you hadn’t ever quite expected Oikawa to be someone capable of such sentiment, nor had you ever thought that he would be the type of person to give up his game, and especially not for you. Sure, you were close, best friends even. But you knew better than anyone just how much he put into volleyball. He loved that game more than anything and anyone. That included you. Or at least that was what you had thought before now. It was almost shameful for you, in a way. You had always attached such a perception onto him, and sometimes it even made you envy him and his love for the sport.

Sometimes...sometimes you wished he loved you even half as much as he did volleyball.

But now...you didn’t know what changed, if something even had. Either way, you were seeing this completely different side to him which you had never even thought existed until now—a caring, altruistic Oikawa. Not the “ great king “, nor Seijoh’s number one. Just Oikawa. And though he most definitely was both of those things, he was also, apparently, selfless. Or at least as selfless as Oikawa could get. You knew how much gravity his games hold to him, so the fact that he gave it all up today just to take care of you...it truly was a shock.

His skin against yours was a salve within itself, yet it was the intrinsic tenderness in which he held you that really struck you as odd. Well, not necessarily odd, per say, but rather, different. And not in a bad way either. The absolute and utter timidness of the very gesture held something so...intimate between the two of you. It fanned the embers awakening in your heart, urging the orange specks to roar with breath. You’d only ever seen his rough, callous-littered hands hit roughly against the volleyball. It was always hit, hit, hit. When you were just little kids in elementary, you vividly remember walking by his nearby house everyday as you came home from school, only to hear the thumping of volleyballs against a wall as he practiced tirelessly to fulfill the dreams which he yearned so longingly for. Sometimes it would even stretch out into the late hours of the night. It astonished you, how one could commit so fervently to a sport.

And now here those same hands were, encasing your face within the unanticipated serenity of their touch, holding you with a rare tenderness. Tears of relief, of hope and of some other strong unknown feeling, gloss thickly over your eyes. He moves his thumb to wipe them away.

You liked this Oikawa. Sure, you loved the Oikawa who played rough and strategized with his team in such a laudable manner, but you also liked this side to him. The new, gentle side. This was an Oikawa you had never met before, and yet you already felt yourself falling in love, never to return.

And why would you?

#oikawa x reader #haikyuu fluff #oikawa x you #oikawa fic #oikawa scenarios #haikyuu oikawa #oikawa hcs #oikawa oneshot #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu fic #oneshots #oikawa tooru #he’s so pretty

57 notes · View notes

vengfulfate · 5 years

Text

One Bad Coffee

Summary: Weiss Schnee spends her time in two worlds, but one bad coffee begins a chain of events that leads to her worlds coming together in a beautiful way.

One Shot written based on the White Rose 2019 prompt Coffee/First (yes I know it's late)

AN: The last few years I have noticed the phenomenon knows as White Rose Week, and it's subsequent partners, and I've always told myself I'd get involved at some point. I, however, have the misfortune of never seeing it coming before it's here and I have no time to prepare for the prompts. Another White Rose Week comes and it is the same story. But I did have this idea based on the day 1 prompts 'Coffee/First', and felt the need to write it regardless. I know it's technically 'late' for the day 1 prompts and I'm still not sure if I'm going to do the other prompts at all, so I was hesitant to officially tag this as 'White Rose Week 2019', but worst case scenario is I drop a tag if it becomes an issue.

'Coffee' takes the form of a coffee shop, 'First' takes the form of 'first IRL meeting'I hope you enjoy!

---

Weiss Schnee was a busy woman. She was trying to get her own company off the ground to spite her father, dealing with the social and political backlash of openly attacking him in the process, and subsequently got little time to herself. A quick coffee from a café in the early morning was one of her few short moments, so was it too much to ask the universe for things to go smoothly?

Apparently not.

For starters, her go-to café had apparently closed, and she had no idea until the was staring at the sign on its door apologizing for the permanent shutdown. And with her free time to get a coffee quickly shortening, she didn’t have time to decide where to go next based on any research or recommendations. So, she quickly searched for the closest coffee shop and headed straight there.

SunnyKat Kafé was one of those coffee house names that clearly meant something to the owners personally, and so was clearly small-time. It didn’t matter, as long as Weiss could quickly get some decent caffeine. She would look for another coffee shop tomorrow. She barged through the door, looking up long enough to see no one at the counter. Her attention was firmly re-planted into her phone, trying to damage control her inevitable late-ness before it came to pass.

“Welcome to SunnyKat!” A disturbingly cheerful and strangely familiar female voice rang out. “What can I get you?”

“Vanilla latte made with soy. Please,” Weiss added after a pause like it was an afterthought.

“Coming right up!” The voice seemed to shrug off Weiss’s impoliteness and seeming disinterest.

Her energy almost reminds me of Crescent, Weiss realized, before quickly squashing that thought. This wasn’t the time to be thinking about her nightly activities.

She did manage to smile that morning. It seemed her pre-emptive mitigation for her impending tardiness paid off, and she may even be able to stretch a moment to enjoy her caffeine rather than simply consume it. Maybe the universe only placed a small bump instead of a large pothole on her day. Until she received her drink.

“Here you are, ma’am!” The cheery voice called her to her beverage.

“Thank you,” Weiss nodded to the barista a bit more sincerely along with her slowly rising mood. She raised the cup to lips and took in a mouthful before promptly spitting the mouthful right back out.

“AAIIEE” The barista jumped back.

And so the universe rears its ugly head! “Are you deaf and dumb!? I said soy!” Weiss shouted.

“I’m sorry!” The barista screeched quickly.

“Sorry!? Is that all you have to say!?” Weiss’s day was already bad before it began, and it didn’t help her mood.

“Well, what am I-” the barista began before being cut off.

“It’s not even a complicated order! How hard is it to get right!?” Weiss interrupted.

“I just-” the barista tried again to get a word in.

“I am a paying customer, and you don’t even have the decency to listen!?” Weiss continued unabated.

“If you would let-”

“Do you have anything at all to say for yourself!?”

“Can I-?”

“Oh, never mind, you’re clearly useless. Where is you manager?”

Silence fell while Weiss waited to the barista to do something. “Well?”

“I go get them, ma’am…” the barista walked away, dejected and slightly frustrated.

Weiss impatiently tapped her foot while a barely audible discussion took place in the back rooms. She had managed to buy herself a few extra minutes, and now they were spent dealing with an ignorant barista and a likely apologetic manager. She couldn’t remember having a worse morning in recent memory.

“Hello,” the apparent manager, a woman with amber eyes and raven hair, finally stepped out of the back room. “Allow me to apologize for our mistake. I am willing to make you the correct drink myself, and charge you for neither.”

Weiss didn’t have to time to continue her tirade and nodded. “Vanilla latte. With. Soy.”

The manager nodded and quickly made the correct drink, handing it over with a nod. “I hope you have a better morning.”

“Just tell me that dunce will be reprimanded appropriately,” Weiss demanded.

“We have our policies, I assure you,” The manager spoke vaguely.

It will have to do, Weiss nodded and finally left. With no time to enjoy her coffee, she couldn’t even tell the quality as she downed it.

---

Thankfully, the rest of Weiss’s day was not nearly as terrible as her morning. Aside from her father’s usual shenanigans trying to kill her career, things went quite smoothly in the office. She was in a much better mood by the time she got home, and it would only get better before bed. Because, you see, Weiss Schnee has a secret.

Between work and bed, Weiss had more free time than all the rest of her stolen minutes throughout the day put together. A solid few hours where she can do whatever she wants, and in the privacy of her own home no one would even question her chosen indulgence. An indulgence where she could truly be herself, casting aside the cold demeanor that dominated her life even after breaking free of her father and wearing a personality that, she dared say, was a little ‘warmer’.

An indulgence called Remnant Online.

Weiss grabbed a box of takeout and headed right for her computer, booting it up as she quickly sated her hunger. This was where she could be her true self. This is where she found her true friends, even if she has never met them in person. This was where she found her true happiness these days.

Myrten Aster has logged into the sever.

The virtual world loaded around her character, a white-dressed ‘battlemage’ with significant specialization in the ‘mage’ part over the ‘battle’ part. Three other player characters were already in the inn she loaded in to. Ember Celica, a gold-scaled draconic specialized in bare-handed combat and high defense. Gambol Shroud, a black dressed trickster who didn’t fight so much as use tools to inflict status effects on their foes. And finally, Weiss’s closest in-game friend if she had to choose, Crescent Scythe, a very high-level player who managed to combine high speed with using a great-weapon, a legendary scythe she’s apparently had for years before Weiss joined their group.

Crescent Scythe has sent you a party request, for Ember Celica’s party.

You have joined Ember Celica’s party.

Weiss put on her headphones in time to be assaulted by Crescent Scythe’s greeting, “AAASSTTERRR!!!”

“OW!” Weiss flinched, “I have better headphones now, Crescent, you don’t have to scream to get my attention!”

“Sorry, Aster…” Crescent’s voice sounded through the party chat. “I just couldn’t wait for you to get here!”

“I’m not late, am I?” ‘Aster’ asked. I don’t think I am.

“Nah, Crescent’s just excited for the boss!” Ember Celica, the party leader and apparently Crescent’s older sister, spoke up.

“As long as she remembered to place the warp crystal before we logged out this time,” Weiss teased.

“You forget one time…” Crescent bemoaned.

“We lost three floors of progress in that dungeon,” Weiss reminded her.

“One time! One little mistake, I’m sorry I was distracted!” Crescent shouted.

Weiss noticed this outburst was a little out of character. “I didn’t mean to offend you or anything…” she apologized, “Are you okay?”

“Crescent had a rough morning at work,” Gambol Shroud informed her. “A, to use her delicate language, ‘butthole’ customer, has been stuck on her mind all day.”

“Warp crystal or no, I just need to beat something up,” Crescent confirmed.

“If they were so in the wrong, why didn’t you say anything?” Weiss’s question was met with giggles and laughter from the other three party members. “What?”

“You’ve never worked in customer service, have you?” Celica asked, “Have you ever heard the phrase ‘the customer is always right’?”

“It doesn’t literally mean ‘the customer is always right’?” Weiss was confused.

“Wow, you really don’t know anything about this, huh?” Crescent commented, “Lucky.”

“C’mon,” Gambol cut in, “Let’s get on with it. We can continue this conversation as we play.”

The group gathered around Crescent as her spell allowed them to pick up the dungeon where they left off the night before. They quickly fell into their battle routine, their roles so clearly defined and practiced between themselves communication wasn’t necessary unless someone had a plan that would take them off-script.

Myrten Aster handled a lot of long-range spells and healing, usually of Ember Celica who drew a ton of aggro and tanked the damage. Gambol Shroud made sure to make the enemies weak to certain spells and damage types. At the front of the charge was Crescent Scythe, hitting for multiple strikes per tick and causing bleeding damage with her legendary scythe.

“So, what does ‘the customer is always right’ really mean?” Weiss picked up where they left off once they had settled into their lull.

“It’s a guideline, in a way,” Celica answered, “The customer is always right, even when they’re wrong. It doesn’t always apply; we can’t give away drinks for free just cause a customer demands it. It’s more for when a customer is being rude.”

“Yeah, when someone’s being a butt, we just have to grin and take it,” Crescent vented.

“If people were to start hearing we regularly shout at customers, we’d begin to lose patronage,” Gambol explained, “Even if we had reason, people will trust a customer’s review over a manager’s assurance.”

“So we have to play nice, even if a customer doesn’t deserve it,” Crescent continued, “And yes, I did make a mistake, but it was a small mistake and she didn’t have to be sooo mean about it!”

“What happened?” Weiss didn’t mind Crescent venting to her. It was strange to hear Crescent angry, and she wanted their happy-go-lucky speed reaper back.

“Have we ever told you where we work?” Celica asked.

“No,” Weiss confirmed, “I do remember you guys saying you all work together once, though.”

“Well, Gambol and I run a coffee shop together, and Crescent is one of our loyal baristas!” Celica announced happily. “It’s our pride and joy.”

A coffee shop? The comment tripped a small twitch that she couldn’t identify in her mind.

“One of my first customers this morning was this important-looking woman I’ve never seen before,” Crescent picked up, “She ordered something with Soy, but I was… distracted, while I made the drink and forgot the Soy part.”

That made Weiss freeze. It can’t be… I mean, what are the chances we all live in the same city? I met them online, after all…

“And, yeah, she might have been lactose intolerant and that could be bad, I know I made a mistake,” Crescent continued uninterrupted, not being able to physically see Weiss’s reaction, “But it was still an understandable mistake, I’d like to think anyway.”

Weiss quickly shook herself and resumed her healing duties before Celica died and she was called out for going AFK mid-combat. “And, um, how did she react?” she asked, still holding some hope.

“She literally spit the coffee in my face, soaking my apron, and yelled at me,” Crescent vented, dashing Weiss’s fleeting hope.

“And you weren’t allowed to say anything because of ‘the customer is always right’?” Weiss pressed, surprised to learn these things. Do I really act this way? Is this how all my waiters and waitresses see me?

“Even if I could, I couldn’t get a word in edgewise!” Crescent shouted, “She demanded I explain myself and then gave me no room to do so before demanding to speak to my boss! I think she was hoping I’d get fired.”

“You didn’t get fired, right?” Weiss asked.

“You think I’d fire my little sister!?” Celica seemed offended.

“Of course not!” Weiss quickly corrected, “That’s not what I meant. I meant would you have if it were anywhere else?”

“Only if the boss was a real jerk,” Crescent affirmed, “Boss-types know how to talk down someone without making promises.”

“And when it’s a customer being unduly rude, there’s usually some silent understanding between manager and employee,” Blake added.

That made Weiss feel slightly better. “Maybe she was just having a bad morning,” Weiss found herself saying without permission from her brain.

“I’ve seen her type plenty,” Gambol countered, “Some self-important VP or CEO or something high up in some corporation. It’s like they don’t understand that the people serving their coffee and cooking their meals are human beings too. I don’t doubt this is far from the first time she’s done this.”

It was only thanks to plenty of practice with her party that Weiss was able to keep fighting while her mind was thrown into turmoil. Is that really how I act? I know I spend most of my day cold and emotionless, but I’d like to think I’m warmer underneath it all… but if I did it to Crescent, I’ve probably done it to others as well… I could blame my father’s method of raising me, but I’ve already broken free of him, so is that really any excuse?

“Aster, you in there?” Celica called out, bringing Weiss back, “You’ve been healing me for the last ten rounds, except we’re not in battle.”

“Sorry!” Weiss quickly returned her mind to RO and her party.

“Can we stop talking about butthole customers now?” Crescent asked, “I’m pretty sure this is the boss gate!”

“Let’s do this!” Celica cried.

“I’m ready to go!” Gambol cheered on.

Weiss pushed the conversation back in her head, promising herself to meditate on these thoughts later and returning to the ‘Aster’ mindset. “He won’t know what’s coming!” She was ready to support her friends.

The fight was long and tedious, but well within the party’s level. The loot was automatically generated based on their characters, and Weiss got a rare rapier for landing the last hit. “Aw, lucky!” Celica complained, “I wanted the last hit bonus…”

“You don’t use weapons?” Gambol reminded her.

“Still, I never seem to get last hit bonuses,” Celica argued.

“We can re-do this dungeon starting tomorrow?” Crescent offered.

“Nah, I’d rather start a new one,” Celica answered, “I think there’s still a couple new dungeons we haven’t touched yet in the far regions.”

As they returned to the inn and wound down the session, Weiss continued to stare at Crescent’s character on screen, imagining the barista from the morning standing there in Crescent Scythe’s place. “Hey, Crescent?”

“Yeah, Aster?” Crescent spoke up.

“I’m sorry about this morning. You’re too sweet to have to deal with… people like that…” Weiss tried to apologize.

“It’s okay, Aster,” Crescent assured, “It’s not like you’re the one who spit on my clothes and shouted at me.”

A pang of guilt shot through her heart.

“I mean, if that’s how she reacted to misplaced soy, can you imagine if she discovered why I was distracted?”

Weiss’s head perked back up. “Why were you distracted?”

“Yes, my hopeless little gay-by sister, why were you distracted?” Celica spoke in a clearly teasing tone that told Weiss the older sister already knew.

Hopeless little what now?

“I… umm…” Crescent didn’t sound like she wanted to confess the point.

“C’mon, don’t be bashful now!” Celica continued to press.

“She was just… pretty…” Crescent admitted, “Like… really, really pretty…”

Not for the first time that night, Weiss’s world was rocked. She had no idea Crescent was even into women, and now she knew where she worked, what she looked like, and that she thought Weiss was pretty? “O-oh…”

“Do you mind…?” Crescent asked carefully.

“Mind what?” Weiss asked, confused. Crescent couldn’t have known Aster was her rude customer.

“Me being gay…?” Crescent clarified.

“Oh, that?” Weiss decided to be cheeky and made her character shrug, “It would be hypocritical of me, honestly.”

“Woah, really!?” Celica seemed more surprised that Crescent.

The night finally ended soon after, giving Weiss plenty to think about. It’s not like you’re the one who spit on my clothes and shouted at me. Except she was. And it made her feel like… well, like a ‘butt’, to think that was how she treated anybody, let alone Crescent. If Myrten Aster couldn’t apologize for Weiss, then Weiss just had to do it in person.

---

SunnyKat Kafé stood in front of her once again. This time, Weiss headed straight here, and that meant she had the time to enjoy her coffee and – most importantly – apologize. She stepped inside with a new mindset that had her examining the store around her. Nice and homey, bright art on the walls, little snacks that could be served alongside the café’s coffee, were all visible from the door – and things she failed to notice yesterday.

“He-EL-llo!” The barista with Crescent’s voice called out to her, hoping her squeak went unnoticed.

Of course she’s worried I’m going to yell at her again… Weiss frowned. She approached the counter, examining – and totally not checking out – the woman she knew to be Crescent Scythe. A short mop of messy dark-red hair seemed perfectly in style for Crescent’s personality. A cute, round face perfect for things Weiss really shouldn’t be thinking about. Finally, Gray eyes that looked over Weiss herself expectantly, reminding Weiss she was a customer in a coffee shop.

“Hello, again-” Weiss caught herself before she called the barista ‘Crescent’ and looked to her nametag, “…Ruby.”

“Um, hello again,” Ruby tried her best to be cheery. “It was a, umm… ‘something’ with soy, correct?”

“Vanilla latte made with soy,” Weiss ordered mechanically, “yes, please.”

Ruby blinked, feeling that today’s ‘please’ was a bit more genuine. She quickly got to work while Weiss sat nearby. Ruby was making a point not to let herself get distracted. Weiss could tell because she herself couldn’t take her eyes of the cute girl.

What the hell is wrong with you!? Weiss scolded herself, you’re here to apologize, not to ogle her!

“Here you go!” Ruby handed over the coffee carefully. Weiss took it with a smile and a nod, but her smile failed when she noted Ruby actively taking a step back. As to not get spit on.

Weiss lowered the coffee, figuring now was the time. “Listen, I’m sorry about yesterday.”

It clearly wasn’t what Ruby expected. “What?”

“Last night I was speaking to… a close friend,” Weiss explained, “And they made me realize I had treated you unfairly.”

“So… was it just a bad day?” Ruby asked.

Weiss decided to open up to Ruby. After all, if she were to open up to anyone in her life, it would have been Crescent. “I was raised to believe myself better than everyone else. It took me a long time to break away from that life, and it seems I’m still learning about how to treat people properly.”

“That… kind of sucks,” Ruby nodded. “I think I get it, though. You’re trying to be better, right?”

“Yes, I am…” Weiss admitted shyly.

“Well… this is a good start!” Ruby smiled genuinely, “If it’s not too much for me to say, of course…”

“It’s not,” Weiss smiled. She finally took a sip of her coffee and was pleasantly surprised to discover it was a genuinely good coffee. Maybe I don’t need to find another coffee shop after all…

“Well, enjoy your coffee! I’ve got customers, so…” Ruby awkwardly shuffled away.

Weiss nodded, deciding it was time to go to the rest of her own day. As she left, she found her mind stuck on Crescent’s – or rather Ruby’s – eyes. The had been gray at first, but after her apology they changed. As Ruby’s mood brightened, so did her eyes, until they shined a beautiful silver.

---

“Oh, Aster, you’ll never guess what happened today!” Crescent cheered happily as they worked through the next dungeon.

“Oh?” Weiss didn’t have to hide her knowing smile since Ruby couldn’t see it, “Something good, I hope.”

“That mean girl from yesterday came back,” Ruby told her.

“What?” Celica cut in, “You didn’t tell me that. Do I have to smack a- ow!” she was interrupted by taking a massive hit from the mini-boss they were fighting.

“Language,” Gambol chided.

“No, no! She actually came to apologize!” Ruby defended.

“Really?” Gambol seemed surprised.

“Yeah!” Ruby’s voice seemed excited, “She said she was trying to be a better person.”

“Huh,” Gambol sounded thoughtful, “Do you think she meant it?”

“I do,” Ruby acknowledged, “she told me other things that… I’m not exactly comfortable sharing, and I’m positive she meant it!”

“You’ve always had that effect on people,” Celica sounded proud, “So… you crushin’ on Customer Lady?”

Weiss’s heart skipped a beat.

“What? Nooo,” Ruby denied, a bittersweet feeling washing over Weiss, “I don’t even know her. We’ve only spoken twice. Not even. Once, really.”

“I take it by the teasing, you’re not in a relationship?” Weiss asked.

“You’re not gunna start hittin’ on my sis, are ya Aster?” Celica responded. It sounded a lot like a threat.

“Shut up, sis!” Ruby intervened before Weiss had to respond.

“Is there anyone you’re interested in?” Weiss, once again, couldn’t help but ask.

“Is there anyone you’re interested in!?” Ruby countered in a tone Weiss couldn’t decipher.

“Touché…” Weiss nodded. While she felt she knew a lot about her RO friends simply by interacting with them, questions had never become that personal before now. She herself often rebuked questions about her history or career so she could understand wanting to stay quiet, especially online where you never know who is listening.

“You didn’t answer the question…” Gambol pointed out.

“Wait, was I supposed to?” Weiss was sincerely confused. She heard Ruby giggle. “Something you want to say, Crescent?”

“So much you still don’t know…” Ruby teased, “It just reminds me of when I first found you in the Beacon Guild’s hall. You barely knew what a hit point was!”

“Quiet, you!” Weiss’s scold was met the laughter of her friends.

---

Weiss’s mornings improved immeasurably once she became a regular to SunnyKat Kafé. She would go so far to say that ‘Weiss’ and ‘Ruby’ had become fast friends. Several weeks passed to reach this day, which started as any other. Weiss entered the store to Ruby’s cheery cry of her name, before the barista immediately set to work on Weiss’s drink that Ruby had long since memorized.

“So how was work yesterday?” Ruby asked, a habit she defended by arguing she didn’t have any way to talk to Weiss in the afternoons.

“It’s getting easier,” Weiss smiled, “I think my father is finally backing off. Or he has some new strategy, and this is just the calm before the storm.”

“I really hope it’s the first one,” Ruby’s smiled that smile that could light a pitch-black room.

“Thank you, Ruby…”

They had their usual short and pleasant conversation, and Weiss felt her resistance waning. She couldn’t hold back anymore, and her next question had been a long time coming. “Hey, Ruby?”

The barista made sure no one was at the counter before turning her attention over, “Yeah, Weiss?”

“Are… you doing anything later today? Around lunch or… maybe dinner?” Weiss gripped her latte tight as her nerves rose.

“Um… are… are you… asking me on a date?” Ruby questioned slowly.

“I… yes,” Weiss cleared her throat, “yes I am.”

“Oh…”

Weiss didn’t like the sound of that ‘oh…’.

“I… don’t get me wrong, you’re great,” Ruby tried to soften the blow, “You’re pretty and I know that you are a good person, even if you don’t think you are yourself, deep down… And I am single… But my heart already wants someone else…”

“…I see…” Weiss nodded slowly. “I’m sorry… to have put you in this position… I need to go to work.”

Weiss retreated quickly, and Ruby didn’t stop her.

---

Weiss debated logging on to Remnant Online that night. She knew Ruby had no idea Weiss equaled Myrten Aster, and the party would certainly be missing her. Celica in particular had come to rely on Aster’s healing. I just don’t know if I can separate Ruby and Crescent Scythe. Instead, the young CEO simply stared at the RO launcher.

Private Message received.

Weiss’s eyes were drawn to the corner of the launcher. It was linked to her account, so she could receive private messages even if she wasn’t technically ‘logged in’ to the world of RO. She saw the message came from Crescent Scythe, and hesitated to open it.

Crescent Scythe: Hey, you not logging on today?

Crescent Scythe: I mean, it’s cool if your not, the party just needs to know before we head out.

Crescent Scythe: Not to be ‘that person’, but I can see your reading my messages…

Myrten Aster: You’re** and yes, I’m logging in soon. Just had a rough day, I didn’t know if I was up to questing.

Crescent Scythe: No pressure! If you’re not up it I totally understand! I used you’re right that time, right?

Myrten Aster: It’s fine, I think questing might be a good distraction, in retrospect. And yes, you used it right. ‘See’ you in a moment.

Weiss put on her headphones and jumped into the game. The inn built around Myrten Aster and her party was waiting for her as always.

Crescent Scythe has sent you a party request, for Ember Celica’s party.

You have joined Ember Celica’s party.

“Hey Aster!” Celica greeted, “You okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine, Celica,” Weiss assured.

“You sure?” Celica pressed, “Cause you don’t talk about your real life, but you’ve never skipped a night online either. I doubt this is your first bad day in almost two years.”

“Has it really been that long already?” Weiss was surprised by the knowledge.

“Yeah, and you’ve come so far from the n00b I found in the guild hall!” Ruby laughed.

“Must you always lord that over my head?” Weiss groaned.

“Not until the student surpasses the master,” Ruby replied, putting on a cheesy voice.

“That’s literally impossible. You’re almost twenty levels higher than the rest of us,” Weiss pointed out, “You know I’ve gotten messages asking what blackmail I’m using to keep you around?”

“Really?” Ruby asked, “I… don’t know how to process that.”

“Actually, I have too,” Celica confessed, “I usually just ignore messages unless I recognize the screen name.”

“Same here,” Gambol spoke up.

“That is so weird…” Ruby’s character ran a ‘shake head’ emote. “So! Shall we quest? Maybe Aster will open up once she’s distracted by being knee deep in slimes!”

“Must you lord that over me as well!” Weiss scolded, knowing exactly was Ruby was trying to tease her over, “I didn’t know how to fight back then!” Her comment was only met with laughs.

Teasing finally over, the group made their way into the fields for some basic leveling for Celica, Gambol and Aster. Crescent didn’t need it, clearly, but she still wasn’t going on the next quest alone – even if she could theoretically handle it – and said quest was still a level or two above the rest of them.

“So, are we going to hear about your terrible day, Aster?” Celica asked.

“If you must know,” Weiss searched her head to pick her words carefully, “I was turned down today from something I thought might have been a sure bet…”

“Oh, that does suck,” Celica seemed to properly empathize for once. “Don’t get ice cream all over your keyboard!”

Weiss didn’t retaliate for two reasons. One, she knew Celica’s teasing came from a place of love. And two, she was totally right about Weiss indulging in ice cream while she played. “I know how not to make a mess,” was how she eventually decide to respond.

“So you are eating ice cream?” Celica was surprised, “Damn.”

“That’s… kinda funny,” Ruby responded, somewhat subdued.

“Excuse me?” Weiss asked.

“Nonono!” Ruby panicked, “I mean, I uhh… actually had to turn someone down today, is all.”

“Really?” Celica questioned, “Why am I not hearing about these things?”

Weiss quickly wracked her mind for how she would react before she knew who Crescent really was. “I bet she’s just turning down people all the time!” Weiss winced at herself. She’d call that a 50-50 success.

“Not really,” Ruby admitted, “The only social interactions I really have are with customers in the coffee shop.”

“So it was a customer,” Gambol quickly deduced.

“Who?” Celica quickly jumped in, ready to be Ruby’s big sister.

“It was that regular who was mean to me a long time ago, Weiss,” Ruby confessed.

“I could have told you that would happen,” Gambol told them.

“Why did you turn her down?” Weiss quickly interrupted before anyone could try and dissect Gambol’s comment. She quickly cursed herself for her choice in question doing so.

“B-because… I…” Ruby was hesitant.

“Because she’s already got an eye on someone,” Celica spoke up for her sister.

“YA- I MEAN CELI- AH, YOU… SISTER, YOU!” Ruby screamed, “SHUT UP!”

“What? You’re turning people down for a crush you’ve never pursued,” Celica rationalized, “It’s time to crap or get off the pot.”

“Ew,” Weiss scrunched her nose at the vulgar metaphor.

“So, Crescent does have a crush after all?” Gambol teased.

“If you only talk to people from the coffee shop, is it another regular?” Weiss asked, deciding she’s gone too far already and might as well go all in.

“No, I don’t really talk to any of them. Except Weiss,” Ruby answered, defeated.

“That just leaves Remnant Online,” Gambol seemed interested in unraveling this puzzle herself, “Do you play with anyone else regularly when the rest of us aren’t online?”

She plays without the three of us? Weiss learned, I guess that explains how she maintains her level gap over us.

“Not anyone specific, just anyone who’s free at the moment in the guild,” Ruby continued her slow, defeated reveal.

“So…” Weiss pressed.

“That means…” Gambol seemed closer to the truth herself.

“Well…” Ruby sighed, “Celica is my sister and my boss, and Gambol is both straight and my other boss…”

“That just leaves… Aster…” Gambol finished.

“Yeah…” Ruby confirmed quietly.

Weiss completely froze, her character taking hits from the enemies around the party.

“A-Aster…?” Ruby squeaked, clearly seeing Weiss’s motionless character. “Aster, say something… please…”

Myrten Aster has left the server.

Weiss smashed the log-out button. Her next discernable thought was her curled into her bed, desperately trying to process. She had panicked, oh hell, she had panicked. Her brain just couldn’t take being rejected one moment, and then approached just a few hours later by the same girl. Sure, that girl thought she was talking to two different people, but in all the emotional drama Weiss’s brain was having a hard time comprehending that fact.

When it finally came through as she calmed down a little, Weiss still faced the issue of what exactly she was going to do about it. Weiss had fallen for Ruby, and Crescent had fallen for Aster. The only issue is that Ruby/Crescent didn’t know Weiss was Aster. Weiss did, though, and the ball was in her court now. It was time to come clean, especially if she had any hope of things working out between the two of them.

The next morning, Weiss awoke and noticed RO’s launcher was still on her screen, with twelve new PMs.

Crescent Scythe: Aster! I’m so sorry! Please log back on so we can talk!

Crescent Scythe: Aster? Please log back on…

Crescent Scythe: I’m sorry I freaked you out. Can we still be friends?

Crescent Scythe: We can meet up IRL?

Crescent Scythe: Not in a girlfriend way, of course! In a friend-friend way.

Crescent Scythe: That was stupid of me, wasn’t it? I don’t even know if we live close by. You could be halfway across the world!

Crescent Scythe: You probably would have called me a dolt or something for trying to pull that, haha.

Crescent Scythe: Aster…?

Crescent Scythe: At least you’re not leaving me on ‘read’…

Crescent Scythe: I get it…

Crescent Scythe: If you don’t want to play anymore, I understand… just please let us know. You can message Ember Celica if you don’t want to talk to me.

Crescent Scythe: Goodbye, Myrten Aster.

Reading Ruby’s messages broke Weiss’s heart. Ruby clearly thought she had massively screwed up and was losing Myrten Aster. Weiss knew what she had to do. She had learned lot of things the past few weeks, and while it wasn’t the most important lesson, she knew which one would serve her here. She had to apologize in person.

---

From the outside, no one would know something was amiss inside SunnyKat Kafé. But stepping through that door, Weiss could feel it. The energy within was different, and she had a hunch she knew the cause. Behind the counter, Ruby half-heartedly cleaned out the machines. Her eyes were gray.

“Hello, Ruby,” Weiss called out cautiously.

Ruby did a double take. “W-Weiss!? You’re still coming here…?”

Weiss stepped up to the counter, nerves making her bite her lip. “Yeah, I am.”

“I mean, not to be rude, but… why?” Ruby asked. “Isn’t it… awkward…?”

Weiss shook her head. “A little, but… you did ask to meet IRL, Crescent Scythe.”

Weiss could tell Ruby completely shut down for a brief second, blinking blank eyes rapidly. She finally began returning to the world, her mouth flapping and her fingers pointing around randomly. “I don’t under… how did you… that means…” Ruby finally met Weiss’s eyes once again, “Myrten Aster…?”

Weiss nodded. “It’s nice to meet you, properly.”

“But t-that means…” Ruby was struggling to process. Weiss imagined she looked much the same way the previous night. “YANG!” The young barista suddenly called out.

“What’s up, sis!?” Celica’s voice returned the call.

“Can I go on a break!?” Ruby continued to hold a long-distance conversation.

“If no one’s up there, sure! Sun said he’s just around the corner!”

“Thank you!” Ruby shouted one last comment before leading Weiss to one of the few tables. “So… you’re really Myrten Aster?”

“I first met Crescent Scythe in the guild hall for the Beacon Guild,” Weiss answered with indisputable facts, “I had chosen my character based on appearance, and knew nothing about my own stats. I didn’t like being accidently forced into a support role, but you taught me everything I needed to know to survive Remnant Online. You constantly tease me about dying against a group of slimes in my first dungeon. You were my first online friend, and honestly… probably my first friend period.”

Ruby nodded, absorbing the info slowly. “How long have you known I was Crescent Scythe?”

“Since you complained about me to Myrten Aster,” Weiss answered honestly, “You were the ‘close friend’ that taught me the error of my ways.”

“So… you asked me out, and I turned you down…” Ruby articulated her thoughts, “Then I asked you out… no wonder you vanished… that must have been confusing…”

“It was,” Weiss nodded.

“And you’re here now to say…?” Ruby questioned, clearly unsure of herself.

Weiss smiled, “I go to lunch around ten-thirty, eleven… Are you going to be free?”

Ruby’s jaw dropped. That was clearly the last thing she expected. “Y-yeah! Of course!”

“I can send you a message when I’m coming to pick you up, if you’re willing to trade numbers?” Weiss asked.

“Definitely!” Ruby whipped out her phone and followed Weiss’s instructions to add her contact info. “We can do – oh what do people do for a first date – this is a date, right? – Of course it’s a date, dummy! – We can do… coffee…?”

Weiss giggled throughout Ruby’s rambling, even as the redhead became less sure of herself by the end. “A coffee date? Seriously? I can’t a do a coffee date with you.”

“Oh. Why not?” Ruby asked innocently.

“Because then it wouldn’t be you making my coffee,” Weiss answered, turning slightly red herself, “And then the coffee wouldn’t be perfect.”

It was Ruby’s turn to blush, “You think my coffee is perfect…?”

“It is for me, at least,” Weiss nodded.

“Hey, Rubes, I need you back on the counter,” a blonde, large in more ways than one, stepped out of the back while speaking with Celica’s voice. “Sun said he’s going to be late… oh hey. You must be Weiss.”

“Hello, Yang, was it?” Weiss skimmed her memory for whatever Ruby called her big sister a few minutes ago.

“That’s right,” Yang stepped protectively next to Ruby. “No offense, but why are you here? After yesterday… What exactly do you want with my sister?”

“Yang, wait,” Ruby cut in. “Weiss, this is my sister, Yang Xiao Long. Or, Ember Celica.”

“Why are you-”

“And Yang,” Ruby cut her sister off, “This is Weiss Schnee. Or, Myrten Aster.”

Yang blinked. “Wait, seriously?”

“Yup,” Ruby nodded.

Yang stepped back, taking in the information. “So… everything is good here…?”

“Yup,” Ruby nodded again.

“Okay, cool… I’m gunna go bug Blake.”

“I’m guessing Blake is the black-haired one from ‘that day’?” Weiss asked as Yang retreated, “As well as Gambol Shroud?”

“That’s right,” Ruby confirmed.

“As much as I would love to meet everybody, I am already late for work,” Weiss stood up.

“Wait!” Ruby dashed back behind the counter and started working the machines. In record time she had made a vanilla latte with soy. “It’s probably not as ‘perfect’ as usual, but you still need your coffee!”

“Thank you, Ruby,” Weiss smiled, taking a sip. “It is still perfect,” she assured, “I’ll see you around lunchtime!”

“See you then!” Ruby smiled brightly, her eyes once again a gleaming silver.

---

This is most likely my only WRW2019 post, but I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless

#wrw2019 #white rose week #white rose week 2019 #whiterose #ruby rose #weiss schnee #coffee #first

321 notes · View notes

theramblingonesie · 5 years

Text

I love you but I don’t like you right now: The Passion Project Diaries

I remember years ago when I was nannying for a beautiful family, experiencing the joys and not-joys of their daughter coming into toddlerhood. She was such a precious dumpling as a baby, and somehow she had sprung into an agent of chaos, destruction, loss of hearing (mine), and potty-training nightmares. I had a day where I remember sitting at the kitchen table hoping for five minutes of peace (that never arrived) and feeling overwhelmed by the guilty thought of, “omg. I don’t like you.” Bothered by this, having established that I did feel unconditional love for this child, I asked one of my friends who is a mother to two young children if she ever experienced similar feelings. She laughed and threw her hands up exclaiming, “OH GAWD YES! There are days where I completely dislike my children. You don’t tell them that, obviously, but that’s a well-kept secret among mothers. We all talk about it. You’d be surprised how common that is, especially when they’re toddlers.”

PHEW. Great, I wasn’t a monster. Or if I was, I was at least in good company.

Producing and directing The Scarlet Tongue Project has brought out similar feelings for me over the course of the past three or four years. I remember the gestation period, feeling scared and excited, dreaming about what her personality was going to be, how I would be as an art mommy, imagining all the playdates with other artists and art parents in town. Then I went into labor, breathing and screaming through the pain of contractions, feeling frustration and fear of the nurses- some helpful and some harmful. I remember the vulnerability of not wanting anyone else to touch my baby, of just wanting to hold her to my chest where she would feel safe and bonded. I remember how deeply and fiercely I fell in love when she began opening her eyes and making sounds. She was the most precious thing in the world to me, and I wouldn’t let anyone hurt her. The rest of the world disappeared, and it was so hard for me to focus or find equivalent joy in anything else. Then the insecurities of being a new art mommy set in. I doubted my abilities, and my exhaustion from trying to navigate this new territory had me questioning everything. Everywhere I turned there was information telling me that I was doing it all wrong; that if I made the slightest error I would damage my art baby for life, and maybe even lose her. I constantly reached out to loved ones asking for assistance, afraid to be left alone with this tiny, vulnerable creature. When you have a new project and you’re a new producer, suddenly everyone around you is an expert and wants to tell you how to do your job; particularly folks who have never been producers before. You begin to wonder if you made a mistake, and if you should give your project up for adoption to someone more competent. Other times, you pour yourself a glass of wine and tell them to eff right off because it’s your kid and they can go mind their own beeswax. I was in awe as I watched my art baby grow. She began to take on her own personality, making friends, forming opinions, and developing a stubborn side that I couldn’t budge for the life of me. I adored that about her. I was so deeply in love. But every once in a while, I would wonder if I made a mistake. She was so hungry, and the bigger she gets the hungrier she is. She developed her own voice, and while there are so many laughs and moments of deep wisdom that make me think she’s an old soul, she also loves to scream. Her favorite thing to do is scream, just to know she can. What and who she loves one day she hates the next. Sometimes she decides that what was previously her favorite food is disgusting, and will go on a hunger strike until I guess what she likes, because she won’t actually tell me. Sometimes I’ll put her in the bath and then run downstairs to grab a book quickly, and when I come back up she’s turned the water all the way up, screaming because it’s too hot and the tub is overflowing all over the floor and leaking through the kitchen ceiling below. Sometimes I think she’s getting dressed to go run errands with me, but instead she’s put on her roller skates and is three blocks down the street by herself with nothing but her lightning bolt undies on. In winter. On those days, I don’t like her. I don’t want to be an art mommy.

When my health issues crop up, physically or mentally, I don’t want to be an art mom that day. When I have no clue how to delegate because the beginning stages of this project left me with massive trust issues, and now I’ve taken on way too much for one person, I don’t want to be an art mom. When I receive yet another rejection letter from the millionth grant or residency program I’ve applied to, I want to quit. Everytime someone says, “so wait, I don’t really get what you’re doing, it’s so confusing” or “so like, is Scarlet Tongue even happening anymore?” I just want to go full-Britney, shave my head, and start smashing the street up with my umbrella.

Everytime someone says “oh, my sister is into feminism and stuff and she likes to draw. You should interview her”, I want to crumble into a pile of feral cats and scatter into oncoming traffic.

There are days when I ask myself why I took on a project that isn’t as flashy or “fun” as my other artist friends. Why am I so heavy? Why am I such a downer? Why am I so weird, but not in a way that’s cool?

There are days when I don’t know whether to punch or charge money for the next person who tells me that anger is bad, and why don’t I focus on a project that brings love and joy?

There are days when my heart breaks, because everyone likes the idea of womxn’s anger in theory, but when actually confronted by it they simply regurgitate the same toxic oppressive mentality that’s left us in this place to begin with. I’ve lost track of how many times “yes I believe in this, PLEASE LET ME HELP” has turned into “you’re a bad mommy. How dare you be angry with me.”

There are days when I feel lost, because I am holding the weight of so many people’s heaviest emotions and darkest secrets, and I feel pressured to keep smiling and do a flashy dance to make it all seem sexy, because sex seems like the only thing that sells if “womxn” is mentioned in your mission statement. Either that, or a complete exploitation of my artists’ trauma, which is a hard no.

There are days when money issues are gutting me, and I’m afraid to ask for help because I fear I’ve overtapped my resources.

There are days when it looks like for one every step forward I end up taking ten steps back.

Some days I’m not sure if I’m actually a better person since doing this work or not.

Those days, I turn my face away and mutter “I don’t fucking like you” under my breath, and secretly look up boarding schools in the middle of the night. When I’m around a small handful of friends I really trust, I’ll confess that I don’t like this project anymore and am ready for it to end.

But then, something beautiful happens. The act of saying how I feel out loud invites a feeling of surrender, and that surrender creates space for me to look at this project with fresh eyes and see her wholeness. Sure, maybe in certain moments I’m ready to tap out. But in a way, that’s good. It means I care, and I welcome emotions in this project. Sure, there are parts of this project I’m ready to wrap up, and not being able to complete that on my desired timeline makes me cranky. Not because I think they suck, but because that is the healthiest choice to keep things moving forward. I’m not going to start feeding my child solid foods because I resent their baby years; I’m going to feed them solid foods because it’s time to grow and move to the next step. Despite my hair-pulling moments, the reality is that when I really dig in and try to visualize not having this project, or never having started it, I feel panic and then a full-body resistance. For all of the frustrations, ups and downs, I believe in this work so hard, and I am completely dedicated to the path. I have visited parts of the US and the world that I’m not sure I would have ever seen otherwise. I’ve had the absolute fortune and blessing to gain both wisdom and knowledge, collaborate with, and share space with absolutely brilliant creative minds, both past and present. I’ve lost track of how many “holy shit, this is my life??” moments I’ve had, and that number only continues to grow. For every moment I’ve doubted myself, just as many people have taken time to tell me how much this project and this work means to them, and how it’s influenced their lives, whether as contributors or observers. On a personal level, the work I’ve done to heal a lot of my own trauma and anger issues has been profound, and the effects of that have had incalculable influence on my personal relationships and in my blood family. This project has shown me, through peace and through fire, how tirelessly obsessed and dedicated I am to making something happen if I really want it. Hearing “no” might bum me out for a minute, but you find solutions and move on. Being bummed out isn’t a death sentence.

Two years ago I was sitting with friends in Mexico, chatting with them about their experiences as mothers, contemplating if I wanted to have children of my own one day. One thing they said really stuck with me-- as a parent, you don’t own your children and they’re not extensions of you. They are their own people who will develop into who they need to be, and they will ultimately inform you about who they are. A parent’s job is mainly to love them, provide resources, and keep them safe.

This is a regular reminder for The Scarlet Tongue Project. I brought her into the world, gave her some form, and now she’s taken on a life of her own. Rather than being the owner or queen of this work, my job is far more service than glory. I’m trying to be better at asking her, “who are you today? What do you need to thrive?” Sometimes I have no clue what she’s trying to tell me. Sometimes we need to explore that a little bit to figure it out. Sometimes we take one or two wrong turns before getting back on track. But I trust the friends and caregivers she’s called forward to help on this journey. It’s a constant balance of appreciating growth while remaining present, and frequently reminding my ego to step out of the way. In moments of absolute frustration, I simply ask myself, “have you tried absolutely everything?” and the answer is always no. There is always more to do and more to learn. I can’t justify giving up when there is still infinite potential available.

Our relationships always flow in cycles. One day you’ll be super in sync with a friend or loved one, and the next you can’t seem to jive with their energy. Life will happen, circumstances will change, and then days, weeks, months or years later, you’ll fall back in harmony. In longterm romantic relationships, you cycle through periods of absolute infatuation, then wanting to murder each other, and sometimes being platonic roommate besties. I don’t have actual children, but I do believe there are so many different ways to live the archetype of Parent. It’s no secret that with parenthood comes doubt and overwhelm, along with joy and love. One minute you can’t get enough of your babies, and the next you’re hoping someone will take them away for a month so you can get some sleep and remember who you are outside of them. While love remains, inspiration and interest come in cycles. Life, death and rebirth apply to the creative process as much as they do to the larger natural world. Winter in the creative process is crucial for letting things rest, assessing our previous work, and contemplating where we want to go before implementing a plan in the creative spring.

The work my team puts into this project continues to stun and humble me in gratitude. Every single person who takes a moment to tell me how this project has helped or inspired me has given me fresh life. Watching this whole thing come to life is surpassing my wildest dreams, even with the path being full of twists and turns. I don’t have to always like this project, and it’s liberating to admit that. But I love her on both an intellectual and soul level, and that’s what allows me to push through. This project is all about rawness, authenticity, and speaking your truth. It would be hypocritical if I encouraged everyone else but myself to be in that energy.

I wish you all creative spring through your moments of wanting to light it all on fire and send the ashes out on trash day <3

#scarlettongue parenthood artmom art producerlife punk punkbabies

1 note · View note

gethealthy18-blog · 4 years

Text

My Favorite Healthy Shelf-Stable Foods for Stocking the Pantry

New Post has been published on http://healingawerness.com/news/my-favorite-healthy-shelf-stable-foods-for-stocking-the-pantry/

My Favorite Healthy Shelf-Stable Foods for Stocking the Pantry

Table of Contents[Hide][Show]

I’ve written about how to stock up a real food kitchen, and that includes a whole list of fresh fruits, veggies, almond milk, and eggs that last in the fridge for a few days.

But what about pantry staples that will last much longer than that? If you don’t typically rely on processed foods or a lot of grains or beans, what can you keep in the pantry for those quick meals on a busy night?

Fortunately, there’s plenty of healthy shelf-stable foods that will last just as long. Here’s my list of nonperishable foods that I like to have on hand for quick snacks and easy meals in a pinch, not to mention an emergency stash.

My Favorite Healthy Shelf-Stable Foods

If you took a peek inside my pantry, you’d find all kinds of on-the-go snacks, supplements, drinks, and more. For years I made many of these from scratch, and still do, but there are so many great natural food brands widely available now at places like Costco and Thrive Market that I’ve built up a stash of favorite convenience items too.

It’s always good to be prepared! Here’s a list of my favorites I always stock up on.

Beef Jerky

Everyone loves beef jerky (especially my kids!), but it can be hard to find a healthy version. Most brands are full of nitrates, chemicals, and artificial preservatives. Instead, I stock up on:

Paleovalley Beef Sticks: I love these because they taste amazing and the Paleovalley brand is so committed to quality. Both the grass-fed beef sticks and pasture-raised turkey sticks are naturally fermented, flavored with organic spices, and come with a good dose of gut-friendly probiotics. Tip: Use the code WELLNESSMAMA10 with this link to get 10% off your order, or get them on Amazon.

Wild Zora Bars: These are my “meal in a bar” option as they contain lots of dried veggies and even fruit as well for that perfect sweet and savory balance. They are on Amazon or you can save by using the code WELLNESSMAMA15 on their website.

Salmon Jerky: I eat as much seafood as I can get my hands on! This Epic salmon jerky is delicious and provides some variety and a break from beef. Subscribe and save from Amazon, and it’s also usually available from Thrive Market.

Of course, if you have ground beef and a few basic spices lying around, I highly recommend trying out making your own beef jerky at home. Here’s my recipe for how to do it.

Sardines

Canned sardines are the perfect healthy shelf-stable food. They’re budget friendly, they last for years, and they’re absolutely packed with nutritional value. Sardines are a great source of healthy omega-3 fats, calcium, phosphorous, and protein. Plus, they’re low in mercury and other heavy metals, especially compared to larger fish like tuna.

I find the best price and quality is the Thrive Market brand, but we also like this brand.

Energy Bars

Nothing is more convient than a packaged bar that you can carry around with you in case hunger strikes. Unfortunately, so many “healthy” energy bars out there are filled with sugars and soy.

I love making my own protein bars, like these chocolate coconut energy bars and chia seed bars with dates and coconut oil. However, the homemade kind doesn’t have the shelf stability that packaged products do.

So how to find a healthy packaged on-the-go snack? Kion energy bars are my first choice, as they don’t use any unnatural preservatives at all — just sea salt, vitamin E, and chia seeds. Plus, they use quality ingredients and sweeten only with organic honey. (You can hear take on why Kion is such a great company in my interview with CEO Angelo Keely here.)

Seeds and Nuts

If you don’t eat a lot of grains and beans, nuts and seeds make a great pantry substitute. They’re filling, nutritious, and contains lots of healthy fats.

My pantry must-haves that I stock in bulk include:

Chia Seeds: For making chia seed pudding, our go-to filling breakfast or snack

Pepitas: A key ingredient in the cilantro pesto I make to top my salads.

Baruka Nuts: I have the standard almonds, etc. on hand but I am always trying to get more variety in our diets. These are our new favorite nuts that the kids also love. I get them here.

Broccoli Seeds: This one might seem a little different, but they are great option for sprouting on the counter for a concentrated fresh source of nutrients. See this post to learn how easy it is.

Note: Make sure your pantry stays cool and dark, or consider storing in the freezer for long-term storage so they don’t go rancid.

Smoothie Cups

Okay, so technically this is a freezer-stable treat (please don’t keep them in the pantry!), but it’s just too good to skip over and fits the emergency meal category.

My kids know that the smoothie cups from Daily Harvest are reserved for mom. I love that they’re pre-portioned and full of healthy ingredients, so I’m still getting my nutrients while I take care of everyone else. Plus, they have great flavors like strawberry + peach or mint + cacao.

I also love gifting these to friends who just had a baby, as it’s an ideal plant-based emergency meal that takes no time at all.

Of course this is a convenience option that can be an investment, so it’s on my must-write list to try making my own freezer smoothie cups soon.

Powdered Greens

When you need a nutrient boost, it’s hard to beat a fresh green juice of kale, celery, and other healthy greens.

But if you can’t get to the store (or simply don’t want to leave the house), it’s not a bad idea to have a powdered alternative on hand.

Whole foods are hard to replace, but certain greens powders are close enough. As with any supplement, there’s a big range of quality out there. Some brands contain hidden sweeteners, gums, artificial colors, and undergo harsh processing to get onto the shelves.

We always stock Organifi brand green juice. It’s filled with superfood ingredients like chlorella, spirulina, beets, green tea, ashwaghanda, and turmeric for a detoxifying, immune-boosting tonic. I also keep their Gold powder on hand to make golden milk in a hurry.

Tip: Use the code WELLNESSMAMA for 15% off your order.

Soups & Bone Broth

Bone broth is a nutritional powerhouse that I like to keep on hand at all times! It’s full of easily digestible amino acids, gelatin, and other gut-healing nutrients that also benefit our hair, skin, and joints.

This is only the case if you’re using true bone broth, and not the watered down “stock” commonly available in grocery stores. Bone broth is special because the bones are roasted for flavor, then slowly simmered in water for hours (sometimes days) to extract all those amazing nutrients from the bones into the broth. It makes for a great protein-rich base to any soup, stew, or sauce you’re making.

While you can easily make your own bone broth at home (recipe here), it takes a few days and isn’t shelf stable. I stock two kinds of pre-made bone broth:

Kettle & Fire: My favorite line of shelf-stable soups and broth. They make bone broth by long simmering quality grass-fed bones and is closest to homemade in terms of taste and nutrients. Find them here or on Amazon.

The Brothery: Another quality source for broth, conveniently packaged in pouches for easy use, but these do have to be refrigerated or frozen. I get them here.

Collagen Powder

If I had to choose a favorite supplement, collagen would be very high on the list! Gelatin (the cooked form of collagen) helped my son tolerate dairy again, and it’s done wonders with my hair, skin, and nails.

Collagen is more than just a beauty booster, though. It’s an essential protein that plays a big role in joint health and digestion. In fact, its the secret ingredient that makes bone broth so potent!

One benefit of hydrolyzed collagen powder over bone broth is that it’s soluble in any liquid — and you can barely taste it (if at all). It stirs easily into hot coffee and blends seamlessly into cold smoothies as a wonderful hidden booster that your kids won’t even know is in there.

There are lots of good brands out there, but I love Vital Proteins. They source their collagen from grass-fed, pasture-raised cows, which is really important for overall quality.

Healthy Dressings and Mayo

Most premade salad dressings and mayonnaise use highly processed vegetable oils. Look instead for an avocado oil-based dressing or mayo from brands like Primal Kitchen.

It’s also easy and cost-effective to make your own dressing or mayo at home just with some olive oil, vinegar, and spices. Here are some of my recipes:

Meal Replacement Drinks

This one might suprise you, since meal replacement drinks on grocery store shelves are typically full of junk. A clever brand called Ample found a way to use healthier, real-food ingredients to a high protein, low sugar beverage that doesn’t need refrigeration. Just add water, shake, and go.

These do come in a plastic bottle, so I use them sparingly, but for emergency meals or an allergy friendly meal on the road, they’re a lifesaver. Even at $7.00 a bottle, they are less expensive and certainly more nutritious than most fast food meals we might resort to.

These are also a key part of my emergency food stash. I like the berry option since it’s dairy-free and contains an extra boost of probiotics. I order them from the Ample website (get 15% off your first purchase with code WELLNESS MAMA) or from Amazon.

Snacks and Meals You Can Make With Pantry Staples

While some of these pantry staples are snacks or meals by themselves, some of them need a little imagination to turn them into something you can serve to the family.

Here are my favorite recipes for those days that you can’t get to the store and need to rely on your pantry basics:

Spread canned sardines over healthy crackers. Add a little cheese if you’re okay with dairy!

Got a can of diced tomatoes lying around? Combine it with your bone broth and you only need a few other basics for this quick and easy tomato soup.

If you’ve got eggs, applesauce, coconut flour and a few basic spices, you already have everything you need to make these apple cinnamon muffins. So easy, the kids can pretty much do it on their own!

Want a quick and healthy breakfast tomorrow? Plan ahead and make chia pudding. I like using coconut milk, but you can use whatever milk you like (and flavor it with whatever you have on hand. Almond butter, chocolate chips, almonds and bananas are all great additions!)

Speaking of breakfast, these almond flour pancakes are ridiculously easy. All you’ll need is almond flour, eggs, and spices.

What are your must-have pantry staples? Did I miss any of your favorites?

Source: https://wellnessmama.com/424533/shelf-stable-foods/

0 notes

thelimitsofcontrol · 5 years

Text

One more word about Fallout 76

Fallout, the RPG series using a 20-year heritage , finds out its most recent entry taking another opportunity at braving a fresh leadership. It places a significant focus on working together with different folks in a planet with endless actions that try to sustain your participation forever. It presents significant changes to the established arrangement of Fallout 4 to allow it to be both a multiplayer and single-player experience. In doing this, both types of drama have problems with important compromises which exist simply to serve another, and consequently, both are feeble. Fallout 76 can feel and look as its illustrious predecessors occasionally, but it is a soulless husk of an adventure.

Fallout 76 doesn't have artificial human characters to socialize with. The rationale is that, since the dwellers of all Vault 76 are tasked to be the very first to re-enter and recover this postwar America, there are not many coherent beings. A number of the people who did live nuclear annihilation conveniently expired shortly before your arrival.

On the other hand, the dearth of people can also be Fallout 76's largest problem. The match goes to great efforts to paint an image which includes cities and towns with various cultures and populations, survivors who've banded together to form factions, and tales of individuals who were able to live against all odds. However, without having some of these individuals present to tell their tales , 76's planet is limited to become little more than just an ecological display with matters to kill. This means the art of dialogue is disappointingly absent, but more seriously, it implies there aren't any powerful emotional anchors that will assist you become genuinely invested in the planet, a complication which reduces the match's other core tasks.

The largest victim is the pursuit system. Without really having individuals with needs and needs, initiating and job quests often entails using explicit found-object storytelling applications --listening to music logs, reading notes, and surfing via computer terminals for crucial info. A pursuit will frequently explore the tales of particular personalities, but they are characters which have since passed out, and all you get are extended monologues and one-way directives by someone who no longer exists and you can not interact with. Your activities ultimately will not impact anybody, or the remainder of the planet for that thing --each place you see will be flashed with enemies and items frequently --so it is hard to remain motivated.

. . .there are not any powerful psychological anchors that will assist you become genuinely invested on earth...

A number of those stories are fascinating to make sure, and if you happen across a story about a character who piques your curiosity, you become eager to find out more about their final living moments. The absence of a much more relatable and private connection between your activities, the planet, and its people --combined along with your lack of sway --signifies quests start to split into wild goose chases across the world to test things off a record, and also feel unworthy. It makes the concept of continuing to advance the narrative --listening to more sound logs, running round the nation to look for more doohickeys, reading more journal entries--sense exhausting.

The dependence on things like sound logs and notes that are written additionally demonstrates to be the largest hindrance to playing Fallout 76 in multiplayer. By teaming up, you can explore the entire world together, get help in carrying down tough enemies, and finish any exploration, but sure things are kept different to each individual participant's experience. Containers that hold things, as an instance, will possess unique loot for every individual who opens them. But pursuit objective completion also is not shared, and each member on your group should trigger things to get them count on their own development.

This is a superb idea on paper, since it makes certain everybody sees every bit of a story themselves. However, in playing both great friends and strangers, I discovered that every individual's individual need to progress quests seriously hinders the flow of progress. Due to the need to await your group to catch up, have every member take their own time to obey important sound logs (which can be impossible once you've got voice conversation proceeding ), and hunt terminals for applicable info, questing in multiplayer wants a great deal of patience and courtesy. Add to the fact that Fallout is currently a game which promotes constant, time-consuming equipment direction (which penalizes your movement rate to be over-encumbered), in addition to a basic, sometimes tiresome survival method (which requests one to keep meters representing thirst and hunger ), along with the notion of getting another squad member only feels to be an extra weight.

In case you've got a squad that's pleased to bypass the story content matters will go a lot more easily, but then you are denying yourself the 1 vector which provides these quests taste. However, the capacity for random fun is an unremarkable characteristic. The benefit of questing solo rather than having to wait about is definitely a major advantage, but it's its obstacles too--packs of enemies will frequently have a couple of foes which are 10 or 20 degrees over you, and with someone to watch your own back is undoubtedly a element that needs attention, warts and all.

Fighting enemies also does not feel that purposeful in 76, a morbid result of the deficiency of in-universe characters. The new area of Appalachia is full of a variety of beautifully manicured creatures both old and new, such as humanoid enemies such as the Scorched and Mole Miners who will wield firearms. Nonetheless, it is not as amusing to carry on enemies which have not wronged you or anybody you know.

Appalachia is full of a huge range of multiplayer-focused public occasions which encourage everybody on the host to assemble and take part in a exceptional task tied to a certain site. However, these largely boil down to escort and protection assignments which request that you hold back several waves of enemies and also execute fundamental aims.

That is also partly as a result of alterations to V.A.T.S.. What was formerly a tactical pause-style ability that let you take the time to evaluate your environment, target specific body parts, and also make the most of your battle strengths, is currently a mostly an opt-in real-time auto-aim system, an alteration presumably left for the purposes of multiplayer. In case you choose to update the ability, it serves its purpose in being in a position to make precision strikes on limbs once the activity is more manageable, however in more extreme situations this edition of V.A.T.S. does little to bridge the constraints of this real time battle system as it did.

Nevertheless, the overwhelming bulk of quests have apparent linear throughlines for their individual objectives, all which include shooting a great deal of things.

A few of the choices in Fallout 76 are optimistic, though. The flexibility of this new perk system (that is currently card-based) lets you modify your skills at will, which has encouraged me to utilize Fallout's stranger abilities, based on my own situation. In my experience, the game's distinctive spin on player-versus-player contest is good at deterring unprovoked attacks when researching the entire world --killing someone else is a good deal of work for little benefit if your goal does not retaliate. Base-building carries more than Fallout 4 and includes a couple quality-of-life alterations. You have the capability to maneuver your base camp to get a trivial fee, and you'll be able to save patterns of whole arrangements for simple placement elsewhere.

Most disappointingly, if you do start to come across some little joy in researching Fallout 76's planet, you are frequently not much from falling prey to the show' now attribute penchant for specialized oddities. Whether due to the game or the internet server-based nature of this match, I have run into innumerable problems in the PC version, even following the match received a significant patch inside its first week of launch. Issues like cutting throughout the planet, suspended animations, whole buildings failing to loadenemies becoming stuck in walls or not moving, music logs not enjoying enemies spawning from mid-air, delayed harm detection and planet effects, host disconnections, and being not able to finish a pursuit because somebody else on earth murdered your goal, requiring one to log off and on until it respawns. These are only a few examples, and experiences will change, naturally. But in my own time with the game, Fallout 76 didn't feel as though it ran smoothly for protracted periods, technical problems were acute and frequently frustrating, and they overshadowed any fondness which has been, at the point, beginning to grow.

Fallout 76 tries to perform some significantly new suggestions for the show, but with few exceptions, they especially restrict the significant aspects of the sport. The novelty of multiplayer could be somewhat entertaining, but it is not an ideal way to enjoy mainline development, along with the shooting mechanisms are not powerful enough to produce the concentrate on combat-heavy activities really enjoyable. Matters feel like a solo participant, along with the Appalachian landscape surely has fascinating things to watch. However, the lack of in-universe characters along with your inability to create a significant effect on the entire world means getting spent in the entire travel is remarkably hard.

Bethesda has said it plans to keep on supporting the match for quite a while, but at launching, Fallout 76 is a bad encounter. You can find echoes of this show' admirable attributes, but look beyond that facade, beyond the adorable Vault Boy cartoons, beyond the radio paths, and you will discover no heart--an inconsequential wasteland doomed to be nuked over and over again.

0 notes