#about egg jokes of all things

[toastedpopsicle]

I'm never gonna understand people who act like 'overfamiliarity' is some mortal sin. Like of course I act familiar with people. We're all human beings, those are my comrades and sisters and brothers and friends and lovers how can I treat them as anything but familiar. Am I meant not to see myself in you when we're both the same radiant images of divinity?

#waxing poetic #about egg jokes of all things

[alpacacare-archive]

its DESTINY

#repostober #day 18 actually on time! wow #undertale #papyrus #danganronpa #dr1 #kiyotaka ishimaru #yes. mashing favorite things together again #but it was meant to be #so many similarities between these two goofs #loud eccentric passionate autistic supportive of their friends always wearing the same outfit EASILY the best character in their franchise #HARDWORKING TO THE POINT OF WORKAHOLISM!!!!!!! UPLIFTING OTHERS WITHOUT ERASING OR DIMINISHING THEIR OWN GREATNESS!!!!!! #always eats the same thing (taka - rice balls toast and a banana- papyrus - DINOSAUR EGG OATMEAL NOT SPAGHETTI sorry its a pet peeve) #kindhearted and so aggressive about it genuinely believe that anyone can improve themselves and theyre both so silly and quirky all the tim #literally the only differences that i can think of are that taka would throw himself overboard if someone authoritative told him to #before they could even finish their sentence while papyrus is an anarchist arsonist who cusses and his intended jokes are actually funny #' * SIGH * ... WHAT A TROUBLED YOUNG HUMAN ... 'FUCK' ISN'T EVEN IN HIS RARE VOCABULARY ! HOW DOES HE FUNCTION UNDER THESE CONDITIONS ?? #he would take taka under his wing and get him back on the straight and narrow (give him weed) #and i feel like after the three day long yell over how a skeleton is walking and talking as if that were normal he'd really look up to him #fav things about this are the way takas shirt hangs off of papyrus' rib cage cus theres nothing there but a spine #that was so fun to draw sdfhg #taka cosplaying papyrus is my gift to humanity today

[dyketubbo]

properly got the chance to read through the statements made by pomme dapper and ramons admins (plus admin 18s and some of the twitter update admins) and jeez i feel so bad for them but especially pommes admin. something incredibly sinister about focusing so much mistreatment on the admin who comes from the country where the union efforts are coming from while making merch of the character they played. capitalism is the enemy of creativity. whoever the people are that are removing admins without notice, theyre the ones that deserve to be removed from the project. not the egg/worker/animal admins that the whole fucking story is built on the backs of

#imagine being so fucking capitalism poisoned #that youd rather mistreat and kick off the people who help make the project what it is #than pay them for WORKING *DAILY* to keep the story going #what a fucking joke #mask mews #qsmp #hardly anyone is getting on the server. bads taking a break. a big part of why tubbos still getting on #is because of the tubbathon + he has to to work on his project #pierres on mostly to be afk and pac and phil get on rarely while other ccs just Arent getting on the server or are doing other things #and even when those who get on the server get on. they talk about missing the eggs. how much they wish they were there #qsmp did good for itself when the eggs werent around dont get me wrong #but the eggs are a GIGANTIC part of its success. it wouldnt be the same without them #you cant downplay how important they are to the very fucking structure of qsmp #especially because the egg admins also play the fed workers and animal characters #refuse to pay your workers what they deserve and eventually itll all fall apart. just because its a slow process with major corporations #doesnt mean itll be slow for smaller projects like this. thats just not how it works

[shikai-the-storyteller]

Hmm

#i talk #I want to be excited about this but it kinda also feels... I dunno #as much as we love joking about a beach episode it just doesn't feel like a super appropriate time for a big server-wide event #(assuming this is an event since you know. ''Festival'' and all that) #I'm sure things are still being worked on behind the scenes and yeah a lot of that stuff takes time #and I know they did that whole previous stream to give an excuse for the eggs being MIA #and I do still want to see creators interacting and stuff and doing cultural exchanges and all that since that's the point of the server #But I dunno. as long as the admin thing is in limbo I'm not really sure how to feel about event stuff #discourse #I'm interested in hearing other people's thoughts on this #negative #ish #I also just straight up don't think any members will log in either #except for like Bad maybe and one or two others but that's it #qsmp talk #Sorry for the repost Tumblr keeps breaking and leaving reblogs on

[lecliss]

I'll never be able to take the theory that Vincent is Sephiroth's real father seriously cuz I cannot stress enough how important I think it is to the plot that Vincent wanted to fuck Lucrecia and did not get to.

#once again i jest but now i have to actually talk about it #like. okay we have no proof of any actual timeline for the dirge flashbacks other than. it was at least 30 years ago #so who knows how long they were at the manor. could have been weeks before The Incident. or months. or maybe a full year! who knows #but to me a timeline of like. they fucked and like a week later vincent found The Evidence and lucercia had her little breakdown #AND THEN EXTREMELY QUICKLY SHE AGREED TO THE EXPERIMENT AND IT COULD GO ONE OF TWO WAYS #1. she knew she was pregnant and thats why she agreed to the experiment cuz there was already a usable subject #and therefore she must have fucked hojo like a week after she fucked vincent AND THATS STUPID FAST FOR THESE EVENTS #or 2. she didnt know. agreed to the experiment. fucked hojo. and therefore thought seph was hojo's and NOT vincent's #AND BY THE WAY. i dont even actually believe hojo fucked either!!! cuz theyre both scientists so why wouldnt they think IVF was the best way #okay. well.... hojo is canonically a fucked up little freak. so. he might have taken the opportunity to... get in there. #also when did ivf even start being a thing? cuz that may play a factor into this if nomura even considered that #well either way lets just unfortunately assume hojo got in there #ITS STILL AN ODDLY FAST TIMELINE #also. fuck man doesnt lucrecia have a later line in dirge where she actually says shes in love with hojo? or something along those lines #IMPLYING ITS BEEN AWHILE SINCE SHE HAD THE FALLING OUT WITH VINCENT. YOU WOULDNT FUCK THE GUY AFTER ALL THAT SHIT #AND WHILE CLAIMING TO LOVE/CURRENTLY FALLING IN LOVE WITH HOJO!!!! LIKE CMON MAN!!!! SHE SUCKS BUT SHES NOT THAT KIND OF A MESS #i dont think vincent would fuck her until they sorted out their issues anyway and that CLEARLY didnt happen. #its VITAL that that did not happen!!!! #its just. if vincent and lucrecia fucked. everything would have had to happen EXTREMELY fast within like a 2 week timespan #and im just talking about up to when vincent learns shes partaking in the experiment. it was probably another week or two until vincent died #SO. logically it must have been like #fall in love->learn about the gimoire incident->refuse to speak to vincent->get obsessed with hojo->fall in love(?) #and then thats where i think its ambiguous on did the experiment become an idea before or after seph started to exist? #like chicken or the egg ya know. experiment idea or sephiroth zygote? #that feels fucked up to say. im so fucking sorry to seph to talk about this. yeah sorry i have to debate who fucked your mom bro #god imagine telling him that. like not even as a reveal thing cuz he knows who his father is. just like as a sick joke. your mom joke. #NO OH M Y GOD I HAVE A QUESTION NOW #in accordance to him having a photo of lucrecia in ever crisis. after he reads that jenova is an ancient (incorrect btw) #does he think that picture is still her? what about when he takes jenova's body from the lab???? #oh my god 30 tag limit. FUCK. i need like a rant blog for all this vincent talk now. my brain is going a mile a minute

[milkweedman]

what do you recommend for dying with beets? Use raw fiber, batts or already spun yarns? Cotton or wool? Do I have to shred up the beets or can I use the juice in the can and eat the beets myself ? Does it smell like beets? Use color fixer or something more natural? Dyou tbink I can like speckle it on an already commercially dyed pink yarn for pops of darker pink? or dip dye it for pink gradients?

Tbh I would recommend absolutely none of this, for the sole reason that beets, like red cabbage and tumeric, do not produce lasting dyes. The colors you get from them don't want to stick to things and even if you do manage to transfer color from the dyebath to your fiber, it will come out pretty quickly (within months at best) and usually the end result is something that kind of just looks stained.

To attempt to answer most of your questions though (which are very good questions, but would be answered with an unequivocal No if you're asking them about beets specifically):

I personally prefer dyeing things as washed fleece (not raw--you need to remove the dirt and lanolin or no dye will stick). It feels safest to me and I enjoy the extra freedom it gives over dyeing as yarn--with dyed fleece I can alter the color just by mixing other things in as I card it, or I can pull out the most vibrantly dyed sections and process them separately for different effects, etc. But it's entirely personal preference, and you can dye either yarn or fiber using natural materials without much difference.

I would not recommend dyeing batts using any traditional dyeing methods (except perhaps solar dyeing, which is very gentle), as the likelihood that you come out of it with a batt that's still spinnable, at least without reprocessing, is definitely lower than with fleece. I have heard of people dyeing batts by cooking them in a tray of dyebath in the oven, but I've never tried it and can't speak to how well it works. Batts should be alright with acid dyes, but natural dyes are (for the most part) not instant and require more time, heat, exposure, etc.

Wool is much easier to dye than cotton. I would always recommend testing new dyeing ideas on wool rather than a plant based fiber if possible.

Dicing or grating the dye material is not strictly necessary but is a good idea for larger or less permeable materials--for example, I don't bother shredding avocado peels because they just don't need it as they're very thin. But I do always chop avocado pits into small pieces, because cooking whole avocado pits is not very energy efficient, and possibly would not get all the dye out.

I definitely would not recommend trying to dye things using cans of food (especially the juice or canning water from said foods). You will get better, more vibrant color with fresh dye materials than with dried or frozen dye materials, and I have to imagine that extends to canned goods as well. Generally you also want to use both the juice and the fruit/vegetable/whatever, as you'll get a lot more color that way. I suppose if you were only dyeing a tiny amount of fiber, just using, say, blueberry juice and keeping the blueberries to continue cooking into jam, you'd be fine. Same if you had tons of blueberries and could easily amass large amounts of blueberry juice. But a definite limiting factor in natural dyeing is the amount of dye material that you can get your hands on, so people usually use all of that material instead of trying to reserve parts of it for eating.

I have never found that the smell of the dye material transfers to wool when it's dyed. Once it's dry it just smells like wool. Not necessarily the case with plant fibers, but I would generally not worry about making your wool smell like food permanently.

I don't know what color fixer is (the only thing with that exact name that came up was a laundry detergent for colored clothes that may have fugitive dyes--definitely do not use this in the place of a mordant), but the majority of natural dyes need things called mordants to adhere the color to the material. The more natural types of mordants are minerals (copper and iron are very commonly used) or tannins (such as from soaking acorns or from walnut hulls). Unless you are using a dye material that doesn't need a mordant (indigo and woad, for example, are well known for not needing mordants--although you also can't just throw them in a pot with water and simmer for a while to extract the dye from them, it's more involved than that. So there are trade offs), you will always need to mordant your fiber to get a good and long lasting color. For example, if you want to dye some wool with yellow onion skins and you don't mordant the wool, you will still end up with dyed wool. But it's a very light wheat color. If you want rich colors, you need to use a mordant.

Natural dyes are not suited for speckling yarns. Acid dyes work great for that, but natural dyes usually require you to fully immerse the fiber in the dyebath, and then expose it to heat over a long period of time. I do know that you can get speckled yarns using resist dyeing methods--essentially, if you take a skein of yellow yarn and tie sections of it very tightly and then dye it all in a red dyebath, you would get a primarily red (or reddish orange, perhaps) yarn with yellow speckles wherever those ties were. So that is one method that you could use to get a speckled yarn with natural dyes. But the method you're suggesting (just speckling it with a paintbrush or your hands for pops of different colors) is not suited to natural dyes. The most likely outcome of that would be no obvious change whatsoever. The second most likely outcome is probably just yarn with intermittent and random stains.

Natural dyes are not suited to dip dyeing, either. I think you could potentially get it to work, or at least get similar effects--you could mordant a piece of fabric/hank of yarn and then cook it in the dyebath like normal except leave part of it sitting next to and above the pot, which would then remain undyed. But whether the yarn would felt or get weird or whether there would be any unforeseen complications, that I don't know. It sounds like a good thing to experiment with once you already have some foundational knowledge of natural dyeing. But I wouldn't recommend it as a first project, for sure.

It sounds like the parts of dyeing that you have an interest in are better suited to acid dyes, so that might be a better route for you to go down ! If you do want to try natural dyes, I would recommend starting out with some good beginner dye materials, such as onion skins (by far the easiest and least bad-smelling dye material I've ever used, this would be my firm recommendation). Another good option would be powdered madder or other powdered dye materials (I specifically say madder, though, because it yields beet reds) that can be done without much fuss.

I hope this was helpful !

#i assume (possibly incorrectly) that was prompted by the comment i made in the tags #about dyeing some yarn with beets for my sweater. but that was like... not actually something i was considering #and more a joke to get 'beet colored yarn' that is not the color of beets but is color FROM beets #which would not be good color. hence the joke #i learnt my lesson about dyeing things with beets as a kid bc the one year my family got tasked with making #the pascha eggs for our church my mom dyed them with beets and guess what happened ? #they were sort of a weird off brown and the color came off every time you touched it and then stained the hands #it doesn't work and shouldnt be tried on anything that you care about or need to get good results with #by all means if youre determined to get good lasting color out of beets give it a few shots #but try it with scrap and in small amounts so that you dont waste the stuff that is almost certainly about to be ruined #by beets. #i do love beets but they dyeing is not among their many uses #natural dye #natural dyeing

[klonoadoortophantomile]

aib is fucking wild actually the attention to detail is just. it drives me crazy theres so many jokes in the background constantly theres so many things where youll be like 'wow thats a fun visual gag' or 'thats a nice little bit of characterization' and then you realize while rewatching thats there was MORE set up to that or it just keeps staying consistent and builds on it more later. and like all of this is awesome on its own but also its all animated in FUCKING *POWERPOINT*?? insane.

#ive rewatched aib like six times this week. help #also im pointing this out becuz well ive just noticed a lot of little details i hadnt picked up on until now but im rewatching #episode 5 rn and like. few days ago honeycomb made that post abt how alef doesntlike sit in the pool float consistently #during the elimination AND YOU CAN LITERALLY SEE HIM STRUGGLING TO TRY AND SIT IN IT NORMALLY #BEFORE THE ELIMINATION PROPERLY STARTS?? #oh and also in episode 4 before team 3 starts working on their art you can see bone drawing shot put and glassy #becuz they were in the previous scene and you can also see them walking by and #theres like so much more im probably forgetting about theres just so much and im living for it #i fucking love it when things have tons of fun little details and background jokes and just shit where you can tell #they had a lot of fun making it and wanted to leave all these fun little easter eggs for the people who care =) #inquisitivewaltz.txt #animated inanimate battle #osc #oh and also i still cannot comprehend the fact that its a powerpoint show. like how does he do it how does it look so good

[hikayunas]

the fact that hikaru often gets reduced in the fandom to nothing more than 'horse' jokes is something that's always stuck with me. it's a bit ironic, in a sad kind of way.

hikaru being 'the horse' isn't just some joke thrown in for laughs -- it's her coping mechanism; the way that she dehumanizes herself and creates a mental disconnect to separate herself from the things she does, and to place herself in the role of being a tool for yuna's use. hikaru may not necessarily want to kill people for promised blood's goals, but if yuna wants it, then the horse certainly does, can, and will.

it's not as great of a coping mechanism as she believes it to be -- it certainly does get her through the harder parts of life as a futatsugi magical girl, and it's become something of a personal playful nickname among the ranks of promised blood -- but it's textbook dehumanization. she's not thinking of herself as a human being, but instead as an animal, as a tool, a weapon. she cheerfully agrees when ao calls her an empty shell, grinning and chirping back that with yuna-san, she's full.

everything hikaru -- the horse -- does is for yuna. she's not her own person; she's not a person at all. yuna-san is promised blood's general, and a general needs her loyal horse. the horse won't need to feel guilty for the blood on her hands and at the tip of her saber at the end of the day. she was made to do this. she is not her own person; she's not a person at all.

all of this to say -- hikaru's character being turned into 'horse' jokes by a lot of the fandom is something i think about a normal amount.

#i was supposed to be doing character design things but i got sidetracked by a discord convo and am hikaru-brained now. forgive me #for the record -- i make horse jokes about hikaru also; i just posted art here a week ago of her as a horse because of a hikahorse joke #i'm not saying it's secretly bad to make horse jokes about hikaru. just that there's a bit of irony to them #i apologize that this is almost certainly super ramble-y -- i tried to make it make sense #i'm only keeping reblogs off on this because i plan on going through this again‚ cleaning it up‚ adding more‚ then posting it again #there's a lot that i wrote then deleted to make my point clearer #i have a lot of thoughts about hikaru's self-dehumanization; but they'll have to wait until my brain isn't just a giant scrambled egg #okay. that's all. have a nice day everyone o/ #live laugh crimson resolve etc etc

[avisisisis]

i love being that one friend with a very chaotic personality that gives horrible advice on purpose (then gives some actually good advice) and offers to murder people for you but i also. would like to be taken more seriously. in a "please stop using me as just comedy i am a real person and don't find the jokes you make at my expense (is that the word?) funny" way

#this hasn't been happening as often. bc we're on vacation and i don't see people as ofyen #i like to stay home. i love my home. and i love the loudness of my family but not the loudness of the rest of the world yk?? #but uh #today my friend came to my house #and she has this joke #it's basically about how my siblings are “basically blessed by aphrodite” while i'm. ugly. compared to them #and just ugly in general #she doesn't say ugly but she does imply it. how does she do it?? by pointing out every fucking flaw my face has #“haha your head is egg shaped” #“lol you have a big forehead” #“you look like you have one big eyebrow!” #“your eye bags make you look like a raccoon” #<- this one hit me. harder than others bc like. that's smth ik and it's smth i'm trying to work on #i'm like this because i don't sleep much and because i spend too much time with my phone #i'm like this because i eat too much when i'm not even hungry and i refuse to exercise #and i'm trying to WORK ON IT. #and she just. laughs. at the consequences of all the stuff that's been actually harming me #and i KNOW that i should talk to her about this but HOW #how tf do i do that #it's not a “i don't want to lose her” thing it's more of a “i don't want any more conflict” #my 2022 and my 2023 have been so full of fights and just. pure negativity #and it was all bc of my friends. bc they're toxic and too stupid to see that they're wrong sometimes #and everytime i talked to one of them they would tell me more about the drama between them and some of my other friends and i HATED it sm #i'm flooding the tags w this cause it's. idk i wouldn't want it to be the first thing ppl see if they find this post #also i need to go to sleep it's almost 4am #avis talks #vent

[vampirecatboy]

Personal transition goals: go to Oktoberfest in lederhosen and the highland games in a kilt

#stuff and things #I'm at the local Oktoberfest rn #dad made a comment on the way over about me wearing a dirndl #(he doesn't know I'm a guy plus he was joking so it's fine) #I'd be willing to stand out if i looked like a dude tbh #another egg moment from my youth: #i lamented over not being the right gender to wear the male-specific ethnic wear of my heritage #me at 16: ''I wish i was a guy. they get all the cool clothes for festivals :('' #me at 28: ''boy do i have some news for you''

[heavenlydevil-95]

x

#lately been thinking a lot about the. egg jokes and trans ppl are hotter and t4t is best kind of relationship thing i see #i mean its been on my mind for past few years bc ive been so so tired of people defining me by only my transess #(which i know is partly my own fault but yeah) #and its just like. i mean i find trans people attractive. and i find cis people attractive. #i dont want to define either as better or worse option than the other #on that note #just. not vibing with ppl being like “i only find trans people/visible trans features attractive” #i wouldnt want people finding me attractive only purely bc of my transness #while i can see the importance of celebrating trans beauty and changing the way ppl think men and women “should” look like #not all people who “look” trans want to and it can be very. dysphoria-inducing #anyway attraction is complicated ik and i dont want to blame vulnerable groups (especially when it comes to trans women) for only dating #other trans ppl if thats the safest option #just something im unpacking

[alpacacare-archive]

Deltarune.com/egg/ talks about noelle getting a white egg in cat petterz 2, the egg wont hatch and she couldn't throw it away no matter how many times she tried, all it did was make a weird sound when interacted with. This is an exact description of the white egg we get from the man behind the tree. After she took care of it like a regular pet in the game it suddenly disappeared with the message "pet left home due to happiness" when it usually says it left due to sadness if neglected. It was loved and happy, then disappeared. The egg had a name but no matter how hard she tried she couldn't remember what it was. The egg had a name but no matter how hard she tried she couldn't remember what it was. The egg had a name but no matter how hard she tried she couldn't remember what it was.

#flashing #cw flashing #i am not okay :3 #deltarune #gaster #i have so many thoughts about all the things that were said and shown in the spamton sweepstakes secret pages #does anybody wanna scream at eachother about this let me know id love to yell words at you over the internet i am not joking #the message the egg actually showed when it left was '(pet's name) left home due to happiness' #so if you fill in the gap with another name no one can remember

[dashiellqvverty]

there’s stuff i’m actually mad about re: tumblr rn and the MAIN one that pisses me off is the prev tags chain thing. like even before ‘prev tags’ took off and became a hot topic it was still common to just click back through to see other people’s tags. and while there is now a way to click back through to OPs post or the previous post by clicking the right part of the post, you can’t then go back to the blog BEFORE that one. which fucking sucks (actually i haven’t updated the app since this started and i’m using xkit on desktop so idek what state this is all in rn)

but anyway i don’t even hate it as much as other things it just makes me the angriest bc there is NO reason for it, and no reason not to listen to the userbase and switch it back. and it frustrates me when i see complaints about it on staff posts right next to complaints about tumblr live bc like… you know that’s never gonna change right?? obviously no one uses tumblr live, everyone wants to be able to turn it off permanently and not have to snooze it every week - but given all of that, i think it’s pretty clear that it’s executive-level decisions that tumblr is being made to implement?? like, the fact that there is a “snooze” option at all, to ME, says “we know none of you want this so this is how we compromised”

and similarly the fucking new viewer for pictures/gifs (why anyone thought it was a good idea to include images and gifs in this rather than just videos, i don’t know). that’s probably what i hate the most but i can see why there is pressure to do something like this and i don’t think feedback is going to make a difference. the reblog chains thing just fucking baffles me and i hate that they haven’t listened on that one - they did with the marketplace icon!!!

#such mixed feelings about this stuff bc like i so hate a lot of it and want to make that clear #but at the same time it’s like. well they do need to make money #not in a kiss ass way like omg the company needs moneyyyyyy #but like a website is run by employees. who need to be paid. #we can complain about staff all we want but they’re not gonna get any better if there’s not enough money to pay them #like ‘haha the site isn’t profitable’ is a funnie joke but literally a site needs to make money to stay online. #this is NOT me being like ummmm tumblr is a good egg and you should give them your money 🥺 #i’m just like well idc if this site does some annoying shit if it means they don’t go fully offline #like the marketplace thing… yes it’s annoying and the marketing blog is weird #no i would never by tumblr merch #do i care that they are selling merch??? not really!!! #however i DO care - and this always rubbed me the wrong way since they first started selling shoelaces and color of the sky stuff #- that they are selling things based on posts. like that is content by your users that you are making money off of #just sell the stupid tumblr logo stuff it’s fine #r.txt

[prettypangolins]

Look I know there are jokes about not knowing how to boil an egg, but... like... It's not that simple? From knowing if you put the eggs into cold or boiling water to how long it takes to if you let them cool or put cold water over them to if you peel them right away or wait until breakfast tomorrow. If no one's ever shown you how are you supposed to know?

#joking about someone's inability to do something 'simple' isn't cool actually #i know how to test if an egg is bad or not (if it floats to the top of cold water its gone off) #and if it's cooked or raw with the shell on (spin it - cooked spins nicely raw wobbles all over the shop) #but no one ever showed me how to cook the damn things #will find out tomorrow if i cooked then successfully

[flovverworks]

(person back from ship tags) the way its literally why the hell is nero the bus driver all of a suddenly in every other work is SO funny to me. nero universally loved no wonder ure going thro hell in pt2

#stardust speaking ! #which better chara to add to ur silly misuaki comic with the silliest akira of all time than nero turner to react to everything #theres this one artist who draws these rly cute tiny daily wizard happenings things and the way they draw nero around oz & mithra especiall #is SO funny. op u get the comedy #theres this one nero/akira where neros basically asking them out on a date under the guise of foretunetelling and its ssooo cute LOL #neroaki is unreal ill nvr forget egg event. unreal that that exists #nero is so good my stomach hurts hes SO much. the writing for him does NOT chill #he would not enjoy being around gran #WHICJ i genuinly think is so cool #theres some akifi works that r like. on REPEAT in my mind too. especially the one where theyre in japan n akira takes him to the sea during #autumn or whatever. cuz. his mana area...and that ALRDY is such a oh op u get it but THEN they have akira talking #n figaro joking it sounds like a proposal or whatever -> akira pauses. gets flustered. walks past him -> figaro pauses. gets flustered #OP U GEEEEEEEET ITTTTTTTT #srry for not talking about new works its just cuz theres a few thats SO ingrained in my brain now #did i talk about this here #i heavily prefer akira-><-<-<-(whoever im into them with atm) when it comes to fanwork #i think those r my fav ones #ok thats all #i talk about these things sometimes while very aware that i think Realistically id nvr portray anything happening during that yr #i actually have a lot to say on that topic cuz even in fanworks im way more partial to things that are either #aus or set after or Yearning or unclear. vs the ones where its very 'we r dating' LMFAO #ok NOW im done srry this akira portrayal was so funny i went :] and went here

[kittlyns]

One day I am gonna start journaling again and then I won't post all this sad shit on here but until then! *posts another sad post*

#it's dark and I'm tired so this means NOTHING. but. #there's no heartbreak like raising your younger siblings and them growing up to side against you #I lost my childhood to playing parent and trying to distance my siblings from the fighting and verbal abuse I witnessed and endured #I learned to read the room early on so I could get them out of situations before they turned bad #I knew I had to be perfect so I could take the fall for shit I'd never do and get a lighter punishment than the 'problem children' #I understand the younger kids. I was older so I could shield them better until they were old enough for our parents to mellow out a bit #of course they would choose the parents who don't care enough to parent them over the bitch who had multiple public breakdowns over them #but my brother. I don't understand that. it was our war. we had to figure it out together #of course he didn't though. he'd hit every landmine and it was up to me to pick up the pieces and salvage what I could. #instead of there being a solidarity between us as survivors of a pitiful childhood he's taken to blaming me for it all #I'm the reason he's depressed. suicidal. can't get a job. can't drive. never leaves the house. it's all because of me. #he'll joke around and egg on the man who used to corner and scream and threaten and insult him. #he'll wax poetic about how he has our bio father's blood. how he shares so many traits with a man who never wanted him. will never care. #I won't say I was perfect or that I did right by him in every way. I was a child trying to survive and I lashed out plenty of times. #I never understood why he couldn't just shut up. couldn't just let words be said and meekly take them. always had to get the last word in. #couldn't just curse the man in his heart with his head bowed and a 'yes sir. sorry sir.' #I blamed him for that at the time. I was wrong for that. #so yeah. I can accept my part of making things worse for him. I should've tried harder to understand him. #what I can't accept is that the blame falls solely on me. not our bio father who beat our mom and abandoned us. #not our stepfather who made every day a walk on eggshells. not our complacent mother. not the external family who only ever made it worse. #just me. I'm the only thing that ruined his life. #and sure. he can believe whatever he wants. if that's how he feels then so be it. #but he has to tell everyone. yeah my sister ruined my life. yeah she's the reason I want to kill myself. #over and over and over. all the family believes him. #my mom tells me to be nicer to him. my grandma asks me what I've done to hurt him so badly. he tells our siblings I'm a bitch and a liar. #I haven't even spoken to him in years. but every time he has a mental health crisis it's my fault. #in what way? who fucking knows. he talks in circles and the only thing he says for certain is it's my fault. and that's all my family needs #it truly got to the point I had to stop speaking to him cuz no matter what I said he decided it was an attack on him. #so. I've dealt w a lot. sacrificed an entire life stage. got nothing to show for it #except mental illness and a creeping sense that it was all for nothing