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shutteredislands · 3 years

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REYLO MODERN AU FIC RECS

Hi!! I spent my entire winter break reading reylo fics and I feel like I’ve found some gems! I’m boring and don’t like angst, so most of these are pretty fluffy, however, always read the tags before reading. Anyways, happy reading!

Already Home - College, Roommates, A/B/O, Soulmates AU - Complete - Rated E - 79k

“Oh stop being all Alpha-y.” She flexes her foot, rolling her ankle as if to prove a point, and he doesn’t miss the wince that crosses her expression. “You aren’t my Alpha, and you definitely aren't my soulmate,” she mutters.

He can’t help but let out a dry laugh. “Thank god for small mercies.”

Okay so this is a trope fest but it was so good! I’m not gonna explain the plot in depth because I think going in blind is best for this!

Baby, It's Just Biology - Professor/Student, A/B/O AU - Complete - Rated E - 113k

For Rey Jackson, trying to finish your degree in Biomedical Science at Harvard is difficult enough when you're one of the few Omegas on campus.

It's made even more difficult when your Professor is the one to trigger your heat. You can't help it, it's just your biology.

An Alpha Omega love story.

This is the perfect balance of angst, fluff and pure smut. This one Is a lot angstier than anything else on this list, but you can see every stage of this relationship and I loved it so much! Please read the tags on this one!

I’ve got you (under my skin) - Nanny/Single Parent AU - On Hiatus - Rated E - 81k

“Hi, I’m Rey. I’m here for the—”

“Nanny,” Ben blurts out dazedly, still trying to remember how to form coherent thoughts. “You’re the nanny.”

Her smile hitches up a little wider. “Well, I might be.”

Suddenly, Ben thinks he might be in for a whole new world of problems.

Because Rey Johnson is still most likely the only thing standing between him and disaster, that much hasn’t changed, not by a long shot.

And Ben can’t seem to stop staring at her mouth.

In which Ben hires Rey to watch his son... but he can’t seem to stop watching her.

Okay so I almost never read WIPs, but this one was left off in a pretty good place so don’t worry about cliffhangers or anything. I am a sucker for single dad!Ben so expect more of these. I loved this fic so much and get ready for a SMUTFEST.

Light My Fire - Rivals to Lovers, College, A/B/O AU - Complete - Rated E - 20k

When rivals Ben and Rey break into a professor's office together, it comes out that Rey might not be the Beta she thinks she is.

I’ve never been the biggest reader of enemies to lovers, until this. This was so so so good! I loved their banter so much, and this is another smutfest lol.

Peacock - Fake Dating, Enemies to Lovers, Neighbors AU - Complete - Rated E - 72k

Thanks to a series of misunderstandings, failed attempts at flirting, and loud Katy Perry music, Ben grows to hate his new neighbor.

Proposing to her wasn't the best solution to his problems.

This is, hands down, one of the funniest fics I have ever read. I cried actual tears because of how funny this is. Slowish burn, but their banter will keep you engaged the whole time. I love this so much!!

An Unexpected Vacation - Scientist, A/B/O AU - Complete - Rated E - 62k

“You don’t care that someone, that people will watch you fuck?” He looks two seconds away from puking. “Like multiple, multiple people will be able to describe your vagina. They’ll probably analyze it in a boardroom. Someone will feel proud about a shitty PowerPoint full of annotated pictures. They will use words like ‘arousal fluid’ and consult charts and these things will never not be digitally saved. That doesn’t bother you?”

“Are you suggesting my vagina is unworthy of analysis?”

In which Rey attempts to bolster her bank account by volunteering to fuck an Alpha in a scientific study. Plans go pear-shaped when she accidentally triggers scientist!Ben’s first Rut.

This was a really funny smutfest and I loved that. I loved Rey and Ben so much, and Ben was the perfect “I hate everyone but you” boyfriend! I love this!

She Doesn’t Normally Bite - Single Parent/Teacher AU - WIP - Rated E - 37k

Ben Solo is a single dad to 6-year old Ellis. Her teacher isn't the old-cat lady that he expects and naturally, sparks fly when they meet. Rey helps show Ben that he is allowed to be happy and the romance is DELICIOUS. There will be the happy ending we all deserve.

Both Ben and Rey have a lot to navigate, and of course - things are never straight forward.

Tw: Bens wife died when their daughter was born - whilst it is mentioned periodically, it does not form a significant part of the story. There'll also be warnings in the notes for the particular chapters it'll be mentioned in.

THIS THE ONLY WIP I WILLL EVER READ REY AND BEN ARE SO FREAKING CUTE AND ELLIS IS SUCH A CUTE KID AHHHHHHH! That is all.

Down an Inch, Up an Inch - A/B/O, Soulmates, Gym Rats AU - Complete - Rated E - 60k

Omega instructor Rey has always been the master of her domain at Rebel Belle Barre and wouldn't dream of dating an Alpha.

When her new neighbors at Supremacy Bootcamp start ruining her classes with their terrible music, she storms over to give them a piece of her mind. She challenges the beefy ex-Marine owner Ben Solo to a plank-off and the loser has to take the other's class. When they spark an unusual connection, can Rey stay away for long?

Has she bitten off more than she can chew with the gentle giant Alpha with the warm, sad eyes?

SMUT FREAKING FESTTTTT. Okay but I loved these two so much, even though I am opposed to working out in any shape or form! I love the non-traditional soulmate part, and I really loved Rey in this.

Tea for Two - Enemies to Lovers, University Setting AU - Complete - Rated E - 67k

'"This is a tea house, you know." The plummy, ultra-posh voice startled Rey Kenobi from her day-dreaming, almost spilling the scalding hot coffee over her chest.'

Rey, an American former hacker, turned cyber security expert, has been commissioned by Oxford University to protect their systems from hackers. Unfortunately, she has to work closely with Professor Ben Solo, Merton Professor of English Literature who also happens to be Lord Ben Solo, member of the English peerage. And an unmitigated snob.

She drinks coffee. He drinks tea. He only reads classic literature. She reads Marvel comics. He is nobility. She is a nobody.

Things should go swimmingly, shouldn't it?

SO. MUCH. UNRESOLVED. SEXUAL. TENSION. I loved the slow burn aspect because I sat in bed because I was waiting for them to bone for so long. And after they bone its a smut and fluff-fest I loved this so much!

And They Were Roommates - Roommates, A/B/O AU - Complete - Rated E - 49k

“This isn’t going to work.” He points a finger between the two of them. “This arrangement.”

Her eyes narrow. “You didn’t put any specifications on who could apply.”

“Yeah…” He rubs the back of his neck then, the action making it look longer, making her wonder what it might feel like under her fingers. “You have to know that this isn’t a good idea.”

She knows what he means, she does—but she’s so tired of being brushed aside for her designation that she challenges him anyway. “And why not?”

His eyes bore into hers, his expression blank as he says, “Because I can tell how much scent-block you put on—and I can still smell you.”

In which Rey’s new roommate turns out to be a lot more than she bargained for.

EVEN. MORE. UNRESOLVED. SEXUAL. TENSION. Like these two would be eating cereal and I would be chanting, “bone! bone! bone!” the whole time. I loved these two, and the family aspect of this one was so good.

Imprints - A/B/O, Boss/Employee AU - Complete - Rated E - 74k

“I was happy you’ll be working with someone you know. He’ll take good care of you.”

Take good care of you.

The words send a shiver down her spine, sparking memories that flood her with embarrassment. She feels a strange itch just below her ear, her gland giving a phantom pulse as if her body remembers the incident even still.

Suddenly her triumph fades into dread, the idea of working here leaving a hollow pit in her stomach. Poe is still talking, but she doesn’t hear most of it. Her mind is firmly trapped in the vivid memories of six years ago— in a moment she wishes she could forget.

By the time she hangs up the phone— she isn’t sure anymore if she can do this.

Okay so this is pretty popular so I wont say too much, but it lives up to the hype. Smutfest, fluff and angst rolled into one beautiful fic!

Bespoke - Enemies to Lovers, Boss/Employee (?) AU - Complete - Rated E - 38k

When new stylist Rey Jackson receives a request to dress the hottest (and most unfashionable) new actor in Hollywood, she gets a lot more than she bargained for.

Mentally AND physically.

Because Ben Solo is freaking massive.

THIS WAS SO HOT OMG! Smutfest but also super cute. Another “I hate everyone but you” version of Ben I fell in love with. Loved this!

Incognito - Coworkers AU - Complete - Rated E - 30k

“Somehow Rey’s coworkers find out about her Daddy kink. They all kink shame her for it, except her coworker Ben. He has something else in mind.”

This was so funny! Ben and Rey were so cute, and I love Finn and Rose in this too! This was great!

A Home For Christmas - Single Parent, Sugar Daddy AU - Complete - Rated E - 109k

Rey is a struggling single mother who needs to do right by her daughter, even if it means she needs to steal. Ben is sad and lonely, recently divorced for the second time. When Rey's daughter picks him to help her find her mom, their paths cross and their Christmas becomes a little more bright.

This was so freaking cute OMG!! I know I say that a lot, but this was so adorable! I loved Ben and Rey so much, but Nova was obviously the star of the show. I cannot recommend this enough!

Unsuppressed - Office, A/B/O AU - Complete - Rated E - 49k

Rey had only ever encountered two Alphas in her entire life that had been unsuppressed. And now this third one that stunk up the entire building. Not that it stunk, his scent. In fact, it was the most delicious thing Rey had ever smelled. ///////////////////////////////////// Ben Solo closed his eyes as he rode down the elevator from the 40th floor to the lobby, trying not to reach up to his glands to scratch them. Somehow, it felt like he always caught the elevator that was dripping in the Omega’s scent. The one that wandered around the building without any suppressants. The one that smelled better than any Omega he had ever smelled before.

STRAIGHT FLUFF AND SMUT OMFG!!! I loved this so freaking much! This was whatever the opposite of unresolved sexual tension and slow burn. Like Ben and Rey tried to make this a slow burn but they could not keep their hands off of each other. I loved this!

Sunshine and Gunpowder - Hitman, Surprise Parents AU - Complete - Rated E - 48k

She’s a teacher who would do anything to protect her student. He’s a glorified hitman with a heart of black gold.

Together, they make up odd halves of a beautiful whole.

THIS WAS SO CUTE!! Like, yes, I know Ben is a hitman, but when I tell you he was the softest hit man I have ever read, Temiri was so cute in this! I loved Ben and Rey, and their UST made me love them even more. Han and Leia are also hilarious in this!

It Takes a Village - A/B/O, Surprise Parents AU - Complete - Rated E - 40k

Who knew that all it would take for Rey Johnson to interact with her enigmatic Alpha neighbor without wanting to melt into a puddle of hormones was a baby being abandoned at her doorstep?

Not her. That was for sure.

THIS IS THE CUTEST ONE YET! I REREAD THIS QUITE OFTEN! LIKE AHHHHHHH SO FREAKING FLUFFY! NOT EVEN A WHISPER OF ANGST AND A LOT OF SMUT I LOVED THIS SO FREAKING MUCH AHHHH! AND THE EPILOGUE MADE ME CRY!

Sensual Storytime - Office AU - Complete - Rated E - 23k

When Rey Johnson starts a new job, her initially antagonistic relationship with Ben Solo from IT turns into friendship... and maybe something more.

Little does she know he also moonlights as Kylo Ren, the creator of her favorite audio erotica. One day at the office, worlds collide, and she realizes the sweater vest-wearing nerd of her dreams is also the tattooed fantasy man she listens to while getting off every night...

THIS IS MY FAVORITE REYLO FIC EVER. I RECOMMEND THIS TO PEOPLE WHO DON’T EVEN LIKE STAR WARS! THIS IS COWORKER BANTER LIKE NO OTHER. AND THE SMUT ? UNPARALLELED. READ THIS NOW!

That is all I have time for right now, but I’ll make another list later if anyone would like that! Please take care of yourself and have a great day!

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spaceorphan18 · 4 years

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Marvel Movie Night: Daredevil

...

Okay.

This is a terrible film. I mean, I did know that going in - but I now give the two Blade films some credit for at least being entertaining. This film isn’t really entertaining. It’s what happens when you smush Batman 89 with Batman returns and take out all Tim Burton quirkiness. No, really, the plot is seriously like a blend of those two films. Matt Murdoch (Daredevil) watches his father die to the hands of villains, grows up, becomes a lawyer to deal out justice the /right/ way. Meets a girl (who would be a vigilante as well if the film had any time to develop that) who dies (though, who knows, she might be back...) and stares off into the night on the top of a NYC Skyscraper. Oh geez...

I watched the Director’s Cut of the film, hoping that I was getting the better version of the film, because a lot of sources said it’s the better version. I can’t imagine what the theatrical cut was like, because this version takes itself way, way too seriously. I get that they were trying to go for the Frank Miller feel (Frank Miller being a comic book creator known for his darker superhero runs, and Miller’s Daredevil run was one of the most famous). So, I get that. But film is almost trying too hard.

The director, Mark Steven Johnson, only had one film under his belt before doing this one -- Simon Birch. I guess Johnson has gone on to make better films, but since he’s a comedy writer, it seems weird to let him handle this film. He also wrote the screenplay -- which Kevin Feigi apparently approved. There had to be something going on with development, because not only is the script full of bad dialogue, but nearly every aspect of this film is just poorly constructed.

The film wants to be edgy, but comes off as stiff and ridiculous at times. It’s still a product of the early superhero films, taking a nod from the recent X-Men film’s decision to go darker, and made everything so dramatic it came off as melodrama. The acting is so stiff that I can’t take most of the characters seriously. The plot is so tired, it literally feels like its ripping off a Batman film. The music is irritating. The few attempts at special effects weak.

So. Daredevil is one of the few (main) Marvel characters whom I don’t really know much about. I’ve never picked up one of the comics. I vaguely know is backstory. I can’t judge this film by how well it does with the comics material. But, in this case, I can’t even get to that level of discussion because this film kinda fails before we even can get to those kind of comparisons.

At the same time, I think the at points they relied too heavily on knowledge of the comics. Why is Matt Murdoch hanging around a church all the time -- oh cause he has issues with being Catholic. Never brought up once in the film, which makes the church thing super weird. Why is Elektra killed in such an abrupt and unsatisfying death? Oh because it happened that way in the comics. I feel like I’ve probably missed a lot of reasons why things were happening because they were in the comics. I really don’t think you should have to read the comics for these things to make sense.

Alright so... Ben Affleck as Daredevil. Meh. Daredevil, a blind superhero who also is a great lawyer, is an interesting character - and I’m now super interested in Netflix’s Daredevil series. I won’t blame Affleck entirely for Daredevil himself being such a bad main character. The tonal shifts in the script don’t help. But Murdoch has two modes - intensely moody and brooding, and being a dick. There’s nothing likable about the guy. Nothing intriguing about the guy. He’s not even that mysterious. He’s just there. And it seems like Affleck isn’t sure what to do with any of it. One point he’s throwing bad guys over the railing of a subway where they get chopped in half. The other minute he’s claiming he’s not the bad guy as a child cries as he’s beating up a bad guy. This film doesn’t know what it wants to do with its main character.

Jennifer Garner is fine as Elektra, despite the romance part of the film being terribly developed. While it was before Affleck and Garner got together - they seem to genuinely like each other, and it’s the one relationship of this film that seems to have plausibility, again, despite being such a poorly developed plot.

Michael Clarke Duncan is the film’s main villain Fisk. Apparently, his performance was called over-the-top. I think he’s fine for a villain in a superhero film, and one of the few people in the film who seems like they’re enjoying being in it. The other villain is Colin Farrel’s Bullseye. He’s supposed to be Irish. Seems like Farrel kinda remembers that some times, lol. Anyway, he’s this film’s Darth Maul, only there to kill people in fancy ways, and be someone for Daredevil (and Elektra) to fight against.

Other Thoughts:

The soundtrack and the sound editing is irritating. It’s trying to be cool and edgy with its hard rock, heavy metal, and rap soundtrack, but it just seems like overkill. The few slower songs seem so on the nose its distracting. And the score isn’t great or memorable. Plus, there’s an annoying high-pitched wail whenever some of the special effects are being used. (Huh - apparently this soundtrack won some awards. Weird, okay)

Jon Favreau is in the film!! He’s kind of playing a Happy Hogan-like sidekick. And he’s easily the best part of the film. He’s the only one in the film who feels like he’s natural in his part, and he’s a sheer joy to watch while everything else is a bit tedious. His back and forth with Ben Affleck isn’t that great though, tbh. Hope he finds a scene partner he can have better chemistry with...

Grey’s Anatomy’s Ellen Pompeo is in this for two scenes. She doesn’t do much of anything, it was just weird to see her in there.

Coolio has a cameo! Playing an framed guy Matt Murdoch has to defend. He’s actually pretty entertaining in the small amount we get him.

Like all superhero movies, there are a lot of nods to the comics. This one over does the schitck of naming half their characters after comics creators. Enough so that it felt like it stuck out like a sore thumb every time they mentioned another name. They even named Kevin Smith’s character Jack Kirby. **headdesk**

Oh yeah, Kevin Smith is randomly here as well for a scene.

Final Thoughts: Please do yourself a favor and don’t bother with this film. Not gonna lie, I’d rather watch The Incredible Hulk again before ever watching this tedious mess again.

Next Up: X2, thank god for something watchable.

#marvel movie nights #this is such a harsh review #but this movie really drove me nuts

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jolteonjordansh · 6 years

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Day 1: “Successor”

Synopsis: It’s been five years since Wes and Rui have defeated the criminal syndicate Cipher, and since their disbandment the duo have advanced their travels to a wider scale as they visit multiple regions. Upon making their recent arrival to the tropical region of Alola however, Rui discovers the potential uprising of old adversaries.

Author’s Note: It’s the first day of 2017’s Orre Week! I hope to get everything in on time, but if I don’t I’ll still be sure to post everything I have planned! This may disappoint some people, but this is pretty much the only prompt that will directly connect to the events of Pokémon Colosseum. My focus will be the events after Pokémon XD: Gale of Darkness. But this is a story I wanted to get out. I should confess though: This is actually my first time drawing Wes and Rui. Okay, maybe not first time ever—I did an old comic back in elementary school regarding origin stories of this duo, but my headcanon has drastically changed since then and I can’t even find the original material. Still, this is my first time actually drawing default Wes and Rui and as much as I wish it was better, I’m mostly happy with how it turned out! Still, I never realized how ridiculous Wes’ hair is… lol

I hope we all have a great Orre Week, and I hope you guys like my contributions! I’ll admit, I’m a bit nervous as this is some of the first writing I’ve posted online in years, so I could be a bit rusty. Proceed under the break to read today’s one-shot!

His black boots trampled against the wooden stairs as Wes trekked up to the next floor, his Espeon and Umbreon trotting adjacent to his left and right. Reaching into a pocket in his blue coat, he pulled out a card as he made his way towards a door. Placing the card up against the knob, it clicked and he opened the door as he and his Pokémon companions passed through the door.

“Oh, you’re back already?”

Wes looked towards one of the beds, where Rui laid back as Espeon stood up to the side of the bed, rubbing his head against her hand with a soft purr. She was one of the few sights that could crack a genuine smile out of Wes, and he nodded as the door shut behind him. “The trainers are still pretty sparse around here, but I’ve noticed they have quite a close connection with their Pokémon, even if they’re not as challenging as some from the other region.”

“Yeah, a lot of them walk around with their Pokémon everywhere. There’s so many cute companions around here!” She giggled, looking down at the pink feline and his approaching ebony ally. “But not as cute as you two, of course.”

“Don’t spoil them Rui. They’ll become too content with all of the attention you give them.”

“Oh, relax. You keep them well-trained as it is. Just because you’re not as affectionate doesn’t mean I can’t be,” She reached her hands as she pet them both, their purrs harmonizing.

“You make it sound like I don’t care for them at all. These guys are the closest thing I have to family,” Wes sat down on the adjacent bed. “And how have you enjoyed your down time?”

“Oh, I just woke up from a nap. I can’t believe how much there is to do on Melemele Island! This place is just so beautiful, and this region still has other islands we can visit. I had to have a day to take it all in!”

“I guess this is our most relaxing visit yet. I guess you made the right decision picking it out.”

“It’s almost like if Agate Village were a whole island. I think I’m ready to pick it out for the both of us to stay here!”

“Come on, cut that out. You’re being silly,” Wes looked down and scratched underneath the chins of his companions, noticing what seemed like a pair of smirks between them. “I still want to be able to go back to Orre too. I’ve got pals to meet up with at the Outskirt Stand when we go back, if hell hasn’t frozen over and Officer Johnson hasn’t caught them.”

“I know, and I want to go see grandma and grandpa when I can too,” Rui looked over towards the TV running in the background as she held the remote out. “I do hope they’re doing alright though. The P*DA’s service doesn’t really work outside of Orre, and you know how my grandparents are with technology…”

“You’re not trying to search for the ONBS through the TV service here again, are you? You’ve done that in every region we’ve visited, and you’re never successful. I get that you’re so blown away by how many channels they all have, but ONBS just has too limited of a broadcast.”

“I just want to try, alright? Is that such a bad thing to do?”

“Well, alright. I’m just saying it’s probably a hopeless cause,” Wes shrugged as he scratched behind Espeon and Umbreon’s ears, listening to their shrills of delight as his two friends turned over towards him instead and leaned into his hands. His ears blocked out the clicking of the TV, staring into the violet and red eyes blinking at him as he gave them a gentle smile.

I do wonder how things are in Orre, His mind wandered, but easily he remembered just how little Orre had changed in his time living there. Even in his life living alongside Team Snagem, his life had been mundane. The places he saw never changed. The people barely changed. Regulations never changed. Even when Cipher had reared their ugly heads into the scene, only a handful of people took action.

The police force was nearly nonexistent after all, as Chief Sherles and Officer Johnson were the only ones who strived for any sort of peace. Only the occasional bystanders like Duking ever bothered to step in. There was the Kids’ Grid, of course, but they were just as their name implied—kids. As skilled as they were with technology, they didn’t have the resources to reach any further than Orre. For all Wes knew, they could have been continuing with their usual work behind the scenes in The Under as he and Rui continued to travel.

But Orre had found peace after he had stepped in, and that was what mattered. The usual petty crimes of bandits and lone wolves would continue throughout the region, but he wasn’t a superhero meant to handle the region’s problems. These were mere misdemeanors that would take care of themselves. The world was built to handle those who could survive in it, and nature would take its course. It was only if humanity strayed nature too far from its course that it required such interference.

Still, I can’t help but wish to see Orre improve for the better. Solving everyone’s problems is a nice thought, just not feasible, He ruffled his hands against Espeon and Umbreon’s heads. I suppose it’s just best to believe Orre is on a road towards improvement.

“Wes!”

He lifted his head up at the sound of her gasp. “What? You didn’t seriously find it, did you?”

“In a way, but… Not in a way I was hoping. Look!”

As Rui sat up and pointed towards the screen, like an excited child pointing out her favorite superhero, what she pointed towards was nothing to be thrilled for. A bold red banner laid at the bottom of the screen, reading its news report.

“Orre News Broadcast Station Attempts ‘Shadow Pokémon’ Hoax”

“What…?” The words squeezed out of Wes’ mouth like a ghastly breath.

“Today on the Pokémon Conspiracy Network, we have probably one of our strangest stories in years,” A red-haired woman appeared on camera as video footage played to the left of her. “From the obscure ‘Orre Region’, we received word of supposed news reports of an entire city being taken over by a criminal organization named Cipher, with weapons the news station— ONBS—has reported as ‘Shadow Pokémon’.”

“Why would ONBS report false news? I know they weren’t the most accurate when I blew Gonzap’s base, but this doesn’t sound right…” Wes mumbled.

“If this story sounds crazy enough to you, don’t take our word for it—Here’s the full footage of ONBS’ supposed news report,” The camera panned away from the woman as the video to her left then filled the screen. It was the usual ONBS set-up, but rather than having the station’s standard broadcast woman reporting the news, a somewhat familiar brown-haired boy sat alongside a monitor playing back footage, with the young narrator beginning his speech.

“Hello, viewers! This is Secc, ONBS’ Director. We bring you a special scoop.”

“No way… That’s Secc? He really grew up!” Rui exclaimed.

“And he’s ONBS’ Director? I guess that was only a natural progression for him in Orre, the kid being so smart…” Wes then rose his hand in a gentle hushing manner, as Rui’s voice calmed to whispers of disbelief.

“The courageous actions of a young boy thwarted a group of Cipher operatives who had infiltrated Phenac City,” The monitor’s camera then panned towards a young boy with long red hair clad in yellow, a strange mechanical arm adorning the left half of his body. “This footage shows the boy and his Pokémon driving off a top Cipher Admin from the city’s Stadium.”

Wait, that machine… That can’t be…! Wes’ eyes widened as the robotic arm caught his attention, subconsciously glancing towards his own left arm to the machine that he wore as rusty armor, his voice reduced to a raspy whisper. “That’s Phenac City, no doubt about it…”

“I don’t think we ever saw that guy from Cipher though. He… kind of looks like Ein had a little too much fun at a costume party,” Rui said.

“He’s got a weird get-up, I’ll give you that,” Wes added.

“Cipher had been trying to take over the entire city by replacing its citizens with the syndicate’s members,” Secc continued. “ONBS was also targeted for takeover by Cipher. Despite this setback, Cipher appears to be growing more active.”

“Wait, they tried to take over ONBS too!?” Rui piped up.

“So did Venus try that nonsense again? At least it sounds like Orre’s smartened up to know not to let them influence them… I bet the whole Kids’ Gridd works for ONBS now. That’s why they managed to actually capture good coverage of Cipher… if this is real.”

“Wes, you don’t really think Secc would fake thi—“

“Hang on, let it finish Rui.”

“The authorities have issued a caution to all citizens and organizations to be alert to the possibility of further attacks,” Secc said. “As you have seen, Cipher has returned with a vengeance. The entire Orre Region is endangered again. ONBS promises to doggedly pursue this story and provide you with the most accurate information on Cipher’s actions,” A look of determination flashed into Secc’s eyes, one Wes recognized from nearly half a decade ago. “We must not allow Cipher to carry out its conspiracy of fear. Let us all protect the peace of Orre with courage!”

And with a final outcry, the video faded to black, returning to the red-haired woman at the center stage of the TV recording. “The ONBS report was sent to multiple news stations from Kanto to Hoenn. However, most officials have dictated the footage to be false and controversial at best. The so-called ‘Shadow Pokémon’ that were reported could not be seen in the footage, as the battle seemed no different than any other Pokémon battle,” The woman explained. “The obvious bias towards the Orre Region and justice for it also leads officials to believe that the report was put together to gather attention towards a region even I have never heard of before.”

“Of course that battle seemed regular to you guys!” Rui’s face turned red with anger as she found herself getting up out of bed. “Normal humans can’t see Shadow Pokémon! You wouldn’t know the difference unless you watched the battle closer!”

“Rui…” Wes murmured.

“While the report talks as if these attacks have happened before, we could not find any evidence of such incidents between several news stations through multiple regions. It seems the whole ‘issue’ is a self-contained show with over the top acting, particularly with the ridiculous cloaked man. For now, the ‘Cipher’ reports are being dismissed. We’ll show you what other locals had to say after seeing this stage sho—“

The TV blinked off as Rui held out the remote, slamming it down next to the TV as she turned around to Wes. “I can’t believe these people! The ONBS is actually reaching out to other places in the world and they won’t listen because Cipher’s work has always been so under-handed and secretive! How was any of that fake!? Secc and the other kids would never lie and spread it around like that!”

“Rui, you need to calm down. You’re hardly rational right now,” Wes hushed.

“I’m not rational!? Wes, you should be mad too! That’s our home these conspiracy jerks are talking down about, and our friends too! They’re hardly being reasonable about this to! And everyone could all be in grave danger but no one else is bothering to get involved!”

“Rui,” Wes stood up as he placed a finger on her lips, immediately silencing her ranting. “Let’s think through this, alright?”

Her shoulders slouching, Rui sighed as she looked up at Wes with her blue eyes crying of despair. “Wes, I just… I can’t believe this is happening again, and we weren’t there for it… What if this has been going on since we left?”

“I can’t imagine it’s been going on for that long. I know our connection with Orre has been limited in the last five years, but we’ve found ways to send e-mails at some places with wired connections. I would have gotten an urgent message back when we visited the PokéCom Center in Johto last year. It must have been within the last few months at most.”

“I guess… But do you really think this was faked?”

“No, I think there’s some legitimate news here. Sure, Secc was pretty vocal about justice for Orre, but… He’s not wrong. And I wouldn’t put it past Cipher to take over a city. Evice posed as mayor for Phenac City all while we remained unaware, and they built a whole tower for themselves. They have resources and connections, without a doubt.”

“Yeah, this has to be legit… But it doesn’t look like Orre is completely vulnerable.”

“You’re right. They had a boy fighting that Cipher Admin, not to mention that mechanical arm…”

Rui nearly felt her soul leap right out of her skin as she recalled the machine Wes had just pointed out to her. “Wait, you don’t think that was a…!?”

Wes nodded. “It’s got all the parts. That kid had a Snag Machine on him, no doubt about it.”

“Do you think maybe Team Snagem is working with Cipher again, and that boy got his hands on their Snag Machine?”

Wes snickered. “That thing looked way too fancy to be Snagem’s handiwork. Besides, they’d practically fallen apart by the time we left, but the Old Man insisted he’d bring Team Snagem back. Besides, after Cipher made a fool of themselves, he’s got bad blood with them. He told me all about it before we left.”

“So you went to see Gonzap even after everything that happened? Wouldn’t he have bad blood towards you?”

Wes shrugged. “It is what it is. I figured I’d at least try to set things straight with him. Either way, that kid doesn’t really look like Snagem material. Gonzap was barely willing to take me in at my age as it was. That Snag Machine was probably reverse engineered somehow, I’m sure. And if the boy fought off a Cipher Admin, sounds like he’s doing a lot of the dirty work.”

“I guess so… But I can’t believe Cipher would return, and with more Shadow Pokémon too…”

“Were you able to tell if that crony was using a Shadow Pokémon? Or maybe that kid?”

“I don’t know, I couldn’t really tell but the battle was pretty violent… Maybe since the footage is recorded and I’m not seeing the Pokémon directly, I couldn’t see the black aura around it.”

“I see… I guess that only makes sense,” Wes looked out towards the window, his yellow eyes gazing out away from Rui. “ It’s in their hands then.”

“In their hands!? That’s all you have to say!? Wes, we need to go back there and help! We can’t just leave Orre’s people and our friends and family out there to just deal with it!”

“What do you propose we do then?” Wes gave her a sharp glare. “You know as well as I do that finding a ferry that takes us back to Orre only comes once in a blue moon in regions like this. And there’s certainly no airports nearby. We couldn’t afford a private jet even if we wanted to.”

“What about your Skarmory? She can fly us there, can’t she?”

“She couldn’t fly two people to a far off region efficiently, that’s for sure. I can’t put that kind of stress on her.”

“But Wes, if we just try—“

“Rui,” All Wes needed to do was firmly say her name for her to realize she needed to calm down. There was a stiff silence between them, Rui’s heart dropping to the pit of her stomach as she began to understand Wes’ logic was sound—far more than her rampant emotions.

The silence held as if the legendary Celebi had entered the room, with time itself frozen to a halt. Umbreon and Espeon stared up towards the argument of their two human friends, but remained neutral with their own sense of tact. Only the soft sound of Wes’ feet shuffling and turning towards the door could be heard among them.

“Wes, I’m sorry. I just…” Rui broke the silence as Wes had turned away from her. “I want to help everyone back home. I can’t stand the thought of thinking they might be in trouble. I don’t know what I’d do if Cipher took over Agate Village and did something to grandma and grandpa.”

“I know it’s frustrating,” He extended his right arm out, as if signaling her to hush, but now with a sense of understanding. “I want safety for Orre too. There’s a reason I left Team Snagem so many years ago—I understood how important its people and Pokémon were. But we’re not in a position right now.”

Rui had no response. She didn’t have to remind him that he was right. He already knew, and she did too.

“But you have to remember too, just because we’re not there doesn’t mean Orre is helpless. I think it’s fair we give the rookie a chance.”

“Oh, the kid? You really think he can handle it though?” Rui asked.

“The footage spoke for itself, don’t you think?” Wes grinned. “He fought pretty well with his Pokémon, and defeated a Cipher Admin. It seems like he has the tools, especially if the Kids’ Grid have made connections with him.”

“You’re right… You always seem to figure things out quick, don’t you Wes?”

“I’ve got street smarts. That’s about as well as I can put it,” Wes turned back to her as he placed one of his hands over her shoulders, then gently bringing her into a supportive embrace. “I’m sorry if I came off as cruel. Why don’t we try to find a place like the PokéCom Center and connect my P*DA so we can communicate with the others? If we can do that, we can at least see if we need to make drastic measures to intervene and make sure everyone else is okay.”

“Yeah… That sounds good. Maybe we should go start asking around?”

“Sounds good to me,” Wes released Rui from her grasp, though reaching and holding her hand in support. “It’ll all be okay. I’m sure of it. And if worst comes to worst, we’ll make sure to fix everything.”

Rui nodded, as her eyes suddenly lit up. “Hey, maybe we can even spread awareness outside to the other regions so people believe that it’s true! We can tell them it’s no hoax!”

“I’m not sure how much they’ll believe us. To the rest of the world, we’re nobodies. But I suppose it couldn’t hurt.”

“Come on then, we shouldn’t waste time! Let’s get going!” Rui grasped Wes’ hand as she charged towards the door, Wes feeling his body being thrown forward along with her. Standing back up, Umbreon and Espeon yipped and skipped along as they followed after their master and his companion. The discovery of such a dire situation was disheartening to be sure, and perhaps now their master had more work to do.

But a new hero had stepped forward now, one they had now decided to place their trust into for the sake of the Orre Region.

#OrreWeek2k17 #JJ Writes #JJ Doodles #Pokémon Colosseum #Pokémon XD: Gale of Darkness #Pokémon #fanfiction #fanart #Wes #Rui

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literateape · 7 years

Text

Hey, Second City, Maybe Hire Some Actual Professional Comedians?

by an Anonymous Chimp

Alright so imagine you're like King or Queen of Steppenwolf or The Goodman or whatever. You get a bad review. Damn. Oh well on with the show. We've got a great cast of seasoned professionals. They'll handle it well and definitely not blow up on social media about it or publicly attack the reviewer. That would be unprofessional and make us all look bad. Oh shit, here's members of the cast posting publicly on social media about it. So as king or queen of Steppenwolf and/or The Goodman, I'd be pissing my pants and shitting my hat. Our actors are SERIOUSLY tweeting and bookfacing publicly bitching about a bad review? The faces of our theatre? Those are the faces of our theatre, right? They... oh my god, they represent the whole organization. I'd be banging my king our queen gavel to get them into my official theatre chambers post haste to rip them a third one, since the second one is apparently already their mouth given all the shit that's coming out of it.

Oh God. They aren't personally attacking the reviewer are they? Jesus Christ dancing on George Carlin's grave, really? Why aren't they in my office yet, it's been 20 seconds. They are literally saying that the reviewer is a racist old white man. He's jealous. He's uncivil. He has a fragile ego. He's whiney. He just doesn't get it, because he's an old white man. Oh and fuck him. I mean of course fuck him. Is he right? Was it a crappy unfair review? Is he a racist old fart? WHO GIVES A SHIT? It's incredibly unprofessional! Step back a sec, aren't we all making fun of Trump right now for being thin skinned and tweeting about every little criticism he receives? Surely our actors are better than Trump's temperament. Surely we didn't hire actors as thin skinned as that walking talking 8 Cheetos in the shape of a swastika. They have to be above that. Oh god, I just remembered they're the face of the whole organization again. Goddamnit, now the specter of Del Close is going to wake me up Christmas eve and harbinger that night's coming of the ghosts of comedy past present and future and it won't be good. Thanks a fucking lot.

Wait... they aren't just bitching about one review? But TWO?! Get those hyperlinks on my desk five minutes ago. http://www.chicagotribune.com/entertainment/theater/ct-second-city-mainstage-review-ent-1212-20161211-column.html

http://chicago.suntimes.com/entertainment/second-city-revue-recycles-the-election-and-more/

Thanks. I'm going to read them now.

Okay. We can deal with that. Not everything can be gold. These actors couldn't possibly be blaming all criticism on racism. Surely the rest of the reviews are good, right? http://www.theatreinchicago.com/the-winnerof-our-discontent/reviews/8879/

There's even MORE bad ones? Well the good ones must be glowing! Surely! Ah, shit even the good ones get some pretty solid digs in. Well, shit. Wait... this many bad reviews and it's because the reviewers are all racist?

Okay, this is hard for me to say as the monarch of this theatre company, but at what fucking point is it our fault for putting up a show that just wasn't that good? Of course I haven't seen it, I'm on monarch time. I'll go when I can. Do I need to? Why aren't they in my office. And why would I take the blame for it? They wrote it. Take some responsibility, writers slash actors in this show I'm paying for.

Okay, I'm breaking character now. I think my point has been sufficiently made and this horse I'm punching has no pulse anymore.

Second City's last two shows have been populated by the most thin skinned over sensitive human beings I have ever seen in my life. And, not surprisingly, they have been two massive shit explosions in either content or PR or both. I could maybe, MAYBE, understand this behavior if it was from an ensemble of eight year olds doing Hamlet in the kitchen for their rich white wine drunk parents who just just got pulled away from the Super Bowl to endure this insult to the dramatic arts. Maybe. I mean, they're just kids, and their parents aren't paying attention to them. But to the parents' credit, it's a hard job and the Super Bowl is only once a year. You bought them a X-Nintendo-Box or whatever the fuck, why aren't the playing with that? Then again Hamlet's a pretty heavy undertaking for some eight year olds. My point is there's a lot of sides to take here. But any adult in any ensemble of any size or notoriety? Puh-huh-leeze.

You know why this happened? You might, but I'll tell you anyway. But first watch this video. But not the whole thing dear god. Just his set. [starts at 5:17]

Dude you just gave that guy the keys to your two resident stages. Twice. Twice! Like I said, this shit is in my stupid Facebook feed, that is literally how they feel about comedy. They agree with this guy. They probably wouldn't express it the same way. I mean come on, the character he's playing obviously needs some work. But they agree with what he's saying. And that dude might even be right! Shit, I don't know. But he sure as hell isn't funny. Oh who the hell am I kidding, no of course he isn't right. But still. Point is he doesn't make me chuckle.

Comedians are (used to be?) the kids in the back of the classroom throwing spitballs. They have a flawless bullshit radar and will mock what crosses it at every turn. Regardless of subject or whatever. They're honest, sometimes to a fault. Yeah some of them can be dicks, but they make us laugh so they get away with it. They make hard shit to swallow, uh, swallowable. Because they're smart. Carlin did it. Pryor. Hicks. Chris Rock. Chappelle. Blah blah blah, let me google some more comedians for this comedy circle jerk. You get the point. Yeah people might get offended, but fuck 'em. They don't have to laugh.

But no. Instead you're hiring Hermonie Granger. Now I for one fucking love Hermonie Granger. Read the books, dude. She is ALWAYS right. Always. She's smart as hell and sticks to her principles. She's brave! She literally fought slavery at Hogwarts, elves are people too! I hope my daughter grows up to be a Hermonie! Hell, my son too! Love her! But, and you can already see this coming, Hermonie isn't fucking funny. Hermonie wants you to know what IS and IS NOT funny, and will give you a lecture when you roll your eyes and snort. She's probably right. Oh who the hell am I kidding she's ALWAYS right, I already said so. But she's not funny. She's. Not. And let's be real, Hermonie can be a real drag sometimes.

And you've made it the whole culture of the space now! Everybody sees a sign before they go in that effectively says "HEY! You better watch your fucking mouth in here! Okay?! These performers are sensitive people with feelings! They require our protection! They are not equipped with the stage skills or emotional wherewithal to have that happen without being psychically destroyed (see social media response to bad reviews). So don't you dare! We don't tolerate that shit! ...Now please enjoy this hard hitting satire."

Mind you this hangs in the same lobby as a framed hand written letter from an offended patron written to a director of a main stage review.

Now of course being a racist misogynist prick makes you the prickest of the pricks. And apparently president (Zing! Got'em!). The sign isn't wrong, it's just lame and unnecessary and kills comedy. Like "Hey, Jesus put nails through his wrists for you! He had the flesh whipped and torn off his back and was beaten bloody and exhausted. Get it? Get it?! ...Now please enjoy your children's Christmas Pageant." Or "Dear Patrons, before the movie begins, please silence your cellphones. And remember, don't fuck little kids. Little kids getting fucked is just about the worst thing you could do. ...Now please enjoy your feature presentation, Love Actually 2: Actual Love."

I'm not saying audience members should be told to shout whatever the fuck their drunk stupid hey-I-could-do-that-too heads come up with. But when they do, and they always will, don't run into a corner and cry then quit and then act like it's a bold defiant finger snap and sashay into the sunset.

Mind you this is the same theatre where right after Kennedy was shot, the country still in mourning, after getting his assassination as a suggestion Del Close responded with "Just what the fuck do you want to see, sir?" to great audience applause. It was the first time "fuck" was said on that stage. Apparently. Point is that there are an infinite number of ways to handle that shit. You are supposed to be smarter and better than douche bags. You are supposed to be the one running this shit. This is your house. Turn the audience against them, they're already on your side! Play with the tension until you have a time to diffuse it, that makes laughs happen. Straight up ream out that piece of shit about incredibly not okay that is, then when they are sufficiently shamed break that tension with a bit. Be brave! There are way more things you can do that I can't think of right now. But for the love of definitely don't collapse into a puddle then create a social media circus around the cross you just built yourself and hung yourself on. Oh god, that fucking guy. I swear. Basically what I'm saying is, in everyday life if someone calls you a faggot that's oppression. If you're a comic, that's an obnoxious inconvenience. And if you can't handle that, well you're in the wrong business. You just don't have the skin for it! I'm not trying to be mean but go fuck yourself. I think Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson is a badass of the top tier, but he shouldn't be fucking president. Ya dig? Do something else or wear an athletic cup until your balls toughen up.

Oh, and it goes without saying kick that douchefist heckler out. Duh. But what comedy club hangs a sign first? That's like when you're doing an open mic and the comic before you just cried. Which, speaking of that, don't joke about shit if you can't find it funny. Apparently this latest show has a series of lectures on race that the writers are just angry about. Fuck yeah express that shit. You're right, you know? But that's poetry slam material, dude. Story teller stuff. That's cool I like that stuff. But if you're doing a show in a legendary comedy venue? A historic temple of satire? You're that crying comic now. Shit what did you expect the reviewer to say? That sign isn't protecting anybody, it's a cheap token gesture that puts your audience on edge right away. "Hey, welcome to this strip club. Remember: Don't rape the strippers. ...Now please enjoy your boners and you in the sweatpants have the right idea you old hound you." What the fuck are you telling me that for? I wasn't going to! God, is the world really that terrible. I can't get a boner now.

So you've got this critically shit on show and the show before you've got Pete Kim. And let's be real here, it was just Peter Kim. I mean, we all know he was the only one who actually left over audience language, right? We all know that by now? That all the others left because of piss poor management and major backstage drama? We know this? Well now you do. People didn't get along, creative differences, shitty management, all that. But the public story was that half the cast left over naughty audience language so they didn't look bad. But we all know that's bullshit now, right? Like that rumor HAD to have made the full rounds by now. Alright, just so we're on the same page.

Oh god, this fucking guy. Of course your other show had a meltdown. Have you seen this guy in action? Imagine you're having a normal everyday conversation with a group of friends, and one of you says "Happy Valentine's Day." Just as you're about to say "It's Christmas," oh god, that fucking guy busts through the wall surrounded by tiny goblins that constantly shout "You go girl!" in their grating little high pitched voices. He snaps both fingers, and starts shouting and Cobra necking like he's a guest on a daytime talk show "Boo, Bitch! Valentine's Day is heteronormative, mother fucker! You need to get your shit together, girl! Because you... are problematic! Ugh!" Dramatic turn, exeunt Peter, nose held high with a supermodel strut, waving his index finger defiantly in the air with one hand and tweeting your address with the other. "You go, girl!" shout the goblins. Peter drops his pants, and allows one of the louder goblins the pleasure (NOT privilege) of swinging from his nut sack. Your wall is busted and now you are all suddenly considering a vote for Trump. Social justice is thus achieved.

That's what it's like. All the while he has the army of goblins swinging from his balls to convince him that he's doing just the best greatest most important work. And they let that guy be in charge of building comedy that wasn't a just a fucking lecture. And now solely because of oh god that fucking guy every audience member is now subject to a lecture about the worst of humanity before going in for some laughs they spent their money for. Great job. Yes Second City you are so progressive. Hey, speaking of being progressive, maybe pay your touring ensembles something slightly livable? No? Okay, that's fine because you hung a sign so your heart's obviously in the right place.

I get it, Second City. You want to look cool and cutting edge and liberal. PR is important, which is why the official story had to be that everybody quit because of few dickholes that showed up to the comedy show. But being funny is more important than that, and what's more, it's your business model. And you're totally betting on the wrong horses with all these angry social justice warriors. They're time bombs. Two shows now. And truth be told I just vomited out all this because I fucking love Second City. So, you know, hire some professionals with an actual spine for that work. Who can actually be funny and tell people what's what. We actually need it right now.

I forgot to say, it's not everybody you're hiring so I'm saying it here. Kelsey Kinney is funny as fuck.

Okay, that's all.

#Second City #heckling #Hermione Grainger #satire #Del Close

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