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wakraya · 2 years

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Going slowly insane and need my favorite homestuck blogger lady to give me her feedback on this. I feel like WP have Valve levels of bad communication. Trying to discern what is actually going on with homestuck and it's drama is slowly turning me into the Joker. Am I the only one who feels like WP needs better PR? please give your take on this because at this point actually liking homestuck with the vitriol going on nowadays is making me feel like i am defending ayn rand or some shit.

Let me preface with this: I am 100% behind WhatPumpkin not saying a single fucking thing and just releasing content at their own rate at this point, and I dislike gossiping about Personal Shit regarding other people like you're gossiping about celebrities. However, let me tell you exactly what led to the current climate of silence.

WhatPumpkin had huge problems to deal with behind the scenes because of the Odd Gentlemen issue, problem which likely led to legal action, and which we only recently learned the full extent of with the full explanation on the Hiveswap Development that we got like, two years back or so? That pretty much confirm what we thought about TOG, and that while they add some nuance and specific times and amounts of money to specific things, are largely what we all thought.

Because of this, WhatPumpkin kept the Bad Stuff Going On behind closed doors, and tried to put out concept art and positive stuff for people to enjoy while dealing with the Mess internally. The mess only grew, and the document about the Hiveswap Development revealed that WPNY was made an unsalvageable working environment because of One Specific Member of the team, who was described as even outright aggressive. This led to the eventual closing of WPNY, and the new house of WhatPumpkin changed gears from trying to salvage the 3D assets of the game, to starting from scratch in 2D. This, of course, meant that the progress of the game was scrapped, and while assets were later reused, it meant using a new engine and taking more time. With the Fandom getting impatient and them already trying to keep the issues with TOG and that one Team Member under wraps to not make a big, potentially legal stink of the situation, this shaped WhatPumpkin's lack of communication with the Fandom.

Eventually Hiveswap came out! Act 1 at least. Then Friendsim started to come out as well! Some members of the WP Team became better known figures and started to interact with the Fandom- James with the wacky Music Titles and such. This was, however, around the time HS^2 came out, and that changed the dynamic of the game.

When HS^2 came out, people were largely dissatisfied, and soon a climate of spite and hatred towards the work started to bubble up. This led to the direct harassment of figures working in WhatPumpkin, like Kate and Aysha. Because it was policy to kinda, not say much about the behind-the-scenes already, this helped to close off the internal workings of WhatPumpkin even more, and in turn, this made the climate of hatred grow even more. People tried to speculate or unveil details about WP, and went on wild assumptions about the team members, while other members, like Kate, who were vocal about takes that people found vitriolic, were seen as Scapegoats to direct harassment towards.

WhatPumpkin made mistakes and bad decisions, yeah. Because of the reusing of assets between WPNY and Current WP for Hiveswap, it was later found there were missing credits for a few pieces because the original artist had slipped between the cracks- Which was admitted to be a mistake and patched in if I'm correct. In this same vein, because of the, and I cannot stress enough, directed harassment campaign towards anyone working on WP Content, Act 2 was released for the first period of time without Credits, as a misguided attempt to protect people from the initial wave of hate. This was, as well, patched shortly after.

On top of the HS^2 Harassment, there was more going on. Enter: Gio. Allegedly, as said by the WhatPumpkin Team, a straight up stalker trying to unveil exactly what happens behind closed doors in WhatPumpkin. Gio made an article trying to twist the narrative saying that The Odd Gentlemen were innocent victims of WhatPumpkin's bad handling (Many of these assumptions were disproven by the Hiveswap Development document), and that WP were actively malicious. A lot of this information came from an anonymous disgruntled WP Employee. It's not confirmed, but heavily implied by the Hiveswap Document, that this Employee is none other than the member of the team that made WPNY unfixable, and that many of their claims were wild assumptions made on a timeframe that made no sense because they were no longer employed by WP at that point.

Enter Sarah Z: Who while stating that it was all speculation and not confirmed, still drew a LOT of attention to Gio's article which would have, otherwise, barely made the dent it did. As Sarah Z promoted this view of things which led to the release of the Hiveswap Document, WhatPumpkin had a meltdown of how to handle the downfall, and tried to solve things unprofessionally through legal channels, and with demands about the video that went nowhere.

Now, I can not go into details about the following, because I don't want to spread information that isn't out there already, nor talk about Heavy Shit regarding other people without their consent, but I have been privy to a few behind-the-scenes things regarding the mysterious WP Employee that talked with Gio, as well as the issue with Sarah Z. And all I can say is that I understand completely why WP acted they way they did, even if I think it was a badly handled mess, I absolutely understand and empathize with what happened. So I know without being specific, none of this means anything, but I want to put it out there that, my standing with WP comes from a point of having Extra Context about the situation.

Either way- Between the harassment, that led to Kate leaving the Fandom and HS^2 going to work in private, and the later mess regarding the speculation about Hiveswap's Development and the whole Sarah Z Fiasco, I truly, genuinely believe that just going to work on private and sharing Absolutely Fucking Nothing to be the healthiest thing these people can do.

Please remember that the thing that made Kate leave is that she was being doxxed by a stalker and reported to the police for going out to protest.

Please also remember that, as someone with no direct affiliation to WhatPumpkin, just a fan that said "I like the Epilogues", I was subject to a one-and-a-half year-long daily anon hate harassment campaign with more slurs thrown my way than I can remember.

You can not fathom or understand the sheer amount of Bullshit WP have gotten sent their way.

So like. Chill. Don't compare queer indie creators to Ayn Fucking Rand. Really. Not fucking cool.

EDIT: I forgot to add! At one point, during the Hate Harassment Campaign, there was an attempt by Hussie and WP to strengthen ties to the community. The Reddit, with notoriously bad takes about the comic and feeding on a lot of the vitriol of the community, and WP, made a ‘deal’ where WP would communicate more, and, in turn, Makin would step down as boss of the Reddit, and there’d be an attempt to make the Reddit a better community for the Homestuck Fandom.

It lasted like a week? Before it was decided that WP had not upheld their part of the bargain of communicating more, and Makin returned.

The emails of what had been discussed between WP and the Reddit were released by Makin, prefaced by a statement of how it made Hussie and WP look bad.

If you actually read the emails, however, you find out a lot of this preamble is actually fucking Fake, but a lot of people didn’t bother to read what was up except for like, hand-picked examples that strengthened Makin’s argument and painted WP in a bad light, when in reality it’d been an earnest attempt at finding common ground.

So yeah.

Honestly? Fuck the Fandom. Just stay silent, WP.

#WhatPumpkin #HSE #WP

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brandycinderella1997 · 7 days

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been thinking about my intentional decision to not watch any woody allen movies due to being in the midst of watching btvs for the first time. it seems particularly hard/bad to 'separate the art from the artist' in woody's case bc of how much he puts of himself into those main characters. but i can't lie, i have been curious about like annie hall and manhattan cus i'm just interested in romcoms as a genre and ik they're seminal entries.

and that's the same reason i started watching buffy i guess. it's such an important and early teen/female-led tv show. vaguely knowing that ppl like jane espenson were involved helped. plus... i did love firefly in hs. now that i've reached s5 and remember hearing about how michelle trachtenberg had to be protected on set combo with seeing just how young she actually was. it's tough. and fucking sucks to think about how a person can create such cool feminist characters with so much depth and still be so so shitty to women.

i don't think i have any real points here... i feel like i've made a pretty conscious effort to 'vote with my dollars' when it comes to what movies i watch in theaters, and i guess i also sometimes feel like a hypocrite. but it's certainly not a cut and dry issue especially given how many ppl it takes to create a piece of media. i can't really help that some things bother me more in some contexts than others. just trying to remember to keep it all in mind

anyways, i feel like i've really found my stride with buffy s5. i've been having a lot of fun with it. but spike does NOT beat eric northman for pathetic blond vampire of all time. also i've just learned that jane espenson worked on ouat. what a silly show that i've thought about multiple times recently. i saw jennifer morrison irl and she uh. has really nice arms <3 anyways can't wait for spuffy to kiss for real <3

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mrfutureboy · 3 years

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I would like to know when you started drawing and where your passion for fanart started 😊

Oh FUCK dude i did not see this i’m so fucking sorry this is so late 😭 damn you, tumblr, for not fucking notifying me!! Anyway buckle up this is gonna be much longer than you asked for <3

Honestly ive kinda been drawing all my life! I hope that doesnt sound dumb cuz obviously almost everyone drew pictures when they were kids, but i know that it’s been a consistent hobby for me since i was little. By the time i was in 3rd grade I was hoarding notebooks to draw in. Cuz that’s something fun about me: i had a real huge habit of drawing in things that werent sketchbooks. Through middle school and beyond I did buy/receive sketchbooks, but I started out with various kinds of notebooks. One I had from like 2nd grade was like a hardcover, stationary-type notebook that I drew cats in lol, and I have 2 velvet lisa frank notebooks from 3rd grade. In high school and college I had a really bad habit of drawing in the margins on my notes and on handouts the teacher/professor would give. Those classes where the prof just prints out all the notes beforehand and gives them to you to follow along? Oh man, I spent so many classes barely listening while I drew on them! I also used to draw on my physics homework and tests and sometimes I even got extra credit for them (thank you jeff :D). I actually have a folder of various drawings I’ve kept from that 8yr time period and a lot of them are on classwork 😂

Obviously, I’ve been doing a lot of digital art lately, which I’m sure is what u were more curious about rather than the shit about drawing on my homework. I got a surface pro as a graduation gift in 2016 bc prior to that i had a wacom tablet and a janky ass laptop, so the gift was kinda a 2-in-1: i can do schoolwork AND art easily! i like digital art a lot and honestly im still learning new things abt it every time i draw. I use Leonardo currently (i’ll skip that story) but I started out doing digital art on sketchfu WITHOUT the wacom tablet in maaaaybe 2012??? 2011??? does anyone on this site remember sketchfu? Honestly couldnt even tell u how i found that site hahah the internet was just full of wonders back in the day. RIP sketchfu. Once i got the tablet tho some time later i used sketchfu still (i think) but also gimp and krita i believe.

Oh i suppose I should mention that i took art all four years of highschool and also minored in it in college! So it’s something i did academically as well as for fun. I keep thinking about going to art school for realsies but idk. I’m already $$$ in debt from my first degree i dont feel like adding to that 😅😓

Ok now for the second part of your question: I’ve also pretty much always done fan art! Ive never really been one for OC’s, EXCEPT for the self-insert superhero double life “comics” i wrote about a poodle named Sassy when i was in third grade. And then the knock off “comics” i wrote at a later time which honestly it was weird that i did a knock off of my own thing rather than just adding them to the original or making it a spin off with at least one of the og characters. Cuz it wasnt a spin off!! But anyway there wasnt really much to any of these characters; i just needed vessels to get my weird ideas out.

So anyway yeah most of what ive ever drawn has been fan art or self portraits, because its just easier for me to take characters that already exist and bend them to my will (artistically). Well excluding art assignments in school i guess because i would usually have to draw something specific and therefore not something self indulgent. But yeah ive drawn for lots of fandoms like the earliest i remember is warrior cats. Then theres things like pokemon and warriors and random other books i read thru middle school (i used to read a LOT but now im practically illiterate); spn, sherlock, and marvel through high school; and then marvel and bttf thru the end of hs and beyond. Idk i also have always loved looking at other peoples fan art and so im like “shit i wanna do that too!”. Tho i will say marvel was my biggest fandom and the one i had the longest interest in, so that was probably where the passion REALLY came from cuz I was drawing marvel stuff for such a long time (tho not posting shdjsk u have to trust me), but ive been doing fan art forever :)

(Of course, a lot of the fan art i was making prior to recently was drawn in lined notebooks or on homework sheets or what have you, and I wasn’t posting really any of it, but i was still making it and a good chunk of it still exists. Oh i should also mention most of it was with pencils or ballpoint pens like i wasnt doing anything too fancy. There was some digital art in the highschool-college time frame but it also really wasnt…much. Honestly i barely posted any of it here but I know some of it’s on deviantart)

I cant pinpoint the exact time I started getting more “serious” about my art in general, but i know the first pandemic lockdown gave me more free time and i was less stressed about schoolwork so i just kinda had a good outlet. (Tho i will say that prior, I had been in a life drawing club for a short while, and i had also been working on a personal sketchbook project that had me pretty ~inspired~ to do art. Also i watched twin peaks around this time and it inspired a lot of Feelings and i was making funky collages and other art pieced that were sometimes related to that. Some of those are on deviantart)

Honestly I think the Big thing with my digital art was coincidentally getting back into BTTF the summer of the 35th anniversary bc the fandom here was THRIVING and i was like “oh shit wait i want to contribute!” But as i kept drawing i kept wanting to improve and that leads us to right now where im constantly trying new things (whether subtle or obvious) and challenging myself to do full body drawings with different poses, and doing screencap redraws and what have you for various reasons (backgrounds, proportions, pose, etc)

So yeah :) Basically I’ve been doing fan art forever (I didnt even get into all the mediums ive tried but that’s another conversation bc this is already so long and convoluted) and it’s kinda coincidental that ive suddenly really gotten back into it and have improved dramatically in such a short time. Thank you so much @rovermcfly for the ask and again im really sorry you had to wait so long for a response! Stupid tumblr

#rovermcfly #signed sealed delivered #THANK U SM I HOPE U ENJOY KY RAMBLING :)#id love to ramble more if theres anything else u’d like to hear about my art journey :) bc i know this is all over the place lmfao #i will say some periods of life were a bit more inspired than others and thats bc i like will not draw if im too stressed #bc likely if im too stressed im too tired. see: a few weeks ago when that job was draining my life force

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h3trappedcollection · 4 years

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Author Interview Part V

The talented and all-round fabulous @weilongfu joined us today for another part of the Author Interview.

Stories written for the Collection:

The Day of Singularity

Four meetings with Officer Meng (But one with Shao Fei)

Interview:

How did you come into the Trapped fandom?

I came into the Trapped fandom the way I’ve gotten into many of my fandoms. By everyone around me screaming about it. People like @andwebegin, @ctl-yuejie, and @florbexter were pretty instrumental in getting me aware that it was going to happen. Especially after having taken their word about HIStory2: CTL, I was more than willing to check out Trapped. Especially after I found out more about the potential plot.

My usual philosophy after that is to at least watch the first few episodes. If I’m not hooked by anything, then I give it up. Trapped kept me hooked for good! I fell in love with everyone in the show and the rest is… history?

Who’s your favourite character?

I love a lot of characters in the show for different reasons. I love Zhao Zi for his honesty and genuine desire to do good. I like the mystery and mischief of Jack. I admire Tang Yi’s deep feelings and emotions. And I greatly enjoyed Shao Fei’s straightforwardness and ability to commit. If I had to pick one, I’d go with Zhao Zi because we both love food, potentially like dangerous boys, and we both want the world to be a better place.

What’s your favourite trope?

I honestly have been enjoying a lot of the AU fics that are in the fandom. Like the original Trapped setting is great, but pushing the boys into college or further back? It’s been an amazing thing to read and I’ve enjoyed it immensely. As to whether I’ll write it? Eh… Someone did ask if I’d ever write a proposed fic about College Freshman!Jack dating HS Senior!Zhao Zi so…

What do you like about writing for Trapped?

The best part about writing for Trapped has actually been the fandom. Everyone is so supportive and nice. It’s a real pleasure to see the responses I get which are also always very friendly.

Aside from that? Trapped has such varied and interesting characters. It’s very easy to find the right knob to twist or switch to flip that can make a large variety of fics happen.

Care to elaborate about your writing process?

My writing process is a mess!

I don’t usually outline because then I over-outline. A lot of my fics were spawned from just coming up with a good title! And that’s in every fandom I write for.

But once I get going, things usually just flow. I’ll go back and read it once or twice to make sure I haven’t truly fucked something up, but once I’m done, I’m usually done for good and I post it before I second guess myself. Truly, I treat writing fics like how I take exams. Just get it done and hand it in before you delete/erase something that actually worked!

Sometimes it’s not that easy, and I have struggled with a few fics just because I’ve managed to overthink myself or I get hung up on an idea, but I have yet to find a better or more comfortable way for me to write.

Your favourite Trapped fic by another author?

Oooo…. Well I have to give a shout out to @decadentdeerpolice and @the-wintry-mizzenmast for their lovely fics during the last exchange. I absolutely loved how they filed the prompt for me.

I’m also a big fan of Skuld’s The Divine Art of the Househusband series. It’s definitely a twist on what Jack’s life as a househusband would be like and it’s always fun to see a new update!

I also liked @sarah-yyy ‘s fics fortune and amuse bouche.

The next set of fics I’m actually eagerly awaiting updates on is Flor’s Breaking the Firewall series. The espionage and manoeuvring that’s happened in just the first parts is already super fun.

What do you want to write but never had the nerve to?

Hmm… I’m not sure? There aren’t a lot of ideas that I’ve never really had the nerve to put down on paper, if only to get them to stop bothering me. There are a few that never really made it to paper though. Like my Fantasy!AU where all the boys are different positions and have different abilities.

I wanted to write Jack as a member of the Assassin’s Guild. Zhao Zi would be part of the guard and mostly be seen as a scribe, except when he pulls the robes off and gives most thieves a run for their money in his trap deactivating, lock picking, and ward/seal breaking. Shao Fei would, of course, be a paladin as he believes in the law and doing what’s right. Tang Yi would so be a weapons master type character, as once he was adopted by the ‘noble’ Tang Guo Dong, he was trained in many styles to defend himself.

The idea fell apart after that because I had no idea what they’d do afterwards. Plus they’re missing a ranged caster and committed healer in the party and everyone who has played D&D knows that’s a mistake waiting to cause a total party kill. (I mean you could argue Hong Ye would totally make a great sorceress and Dao Yi would be the cleric cleaning up her messes, but let’s not get this any bigger.)

If you want, please share a snippet of your current Trapped WIP!

It wasn’t very often that Zhao Zi wondered what was the first link in the chain of decisions that lead him to slightly less than desirable outcomes. Not because Zhao Zi lacked insight or critical thinking, he was a police officer after all. It was often because Zhao Zi was usually pretty good at pulling himself out of a pinch.

A smile and innocent disposition were very good for many things. When those failed, being flexible in many ways helped some more.

(The third option was that he was legally allowed to carry a gun, even if no one wanted Zhao Zi to carry a gun.)

But as Zhao Zi lifted a large, homemade sausage to his lips while Jack eyed him expectantly, Zhao Zi contemplated if his grandmother would approve of what he was about to do to a perfectly decent piece of food and what had brought him to this new point in his life in the first place.

------

Zhao Zi had been through practice interrogations before, but none of them had prepared him for someone like Jack. And despite Jack’s initial countenance, there was something about his smile, how easily he showed his teeth. It should have been predatory and dangerous. But in the curve of Jack’s eyes, Zhao Zi knew he wasn’t in any danger.

Of course, Zhao Zi knew plenty about Jack. Working with Shao Fei for so long, Zhao Zi knew plenty about Tang Yi’s most recent right hand man. Jack was a known mercenary, but he’d somehow managed to keep his nose just clean enough, just on the gray side of legal. All evidence was circumstantial. Even the International Crimes Division was often stuck dancing around Tang Yi’s lawyers when they were aiming for whatever secrets were hiding in Jack’s mind.

So it was Jack’s smile and eyes that allowed Zhao Zi to sell Shao Fei out in exchange for food. He did not expect the food to taste as good as it would. Nor did he expect that he might enjoy Jack pulling him close as Zhi De knocked over his bowl of noodles.

Zhao Zi decided to be open-minded. Jack was certainly interesting and fun. No harm in getting to know someone, right?

------

Jack knew he was smitten the moment Zhao Zi sold out his friend for food.

Good survival instincts. Good taste. Cute face too.

Jack was also hardly the kind of guy who just let things happen to him. But Zhao Zi was a new quantity. He’d have to slowly edge his way in, find out just how Zhao Zi might handle another man pursuing him.

So when Zhao Zi said, “Don’t you need to try it?”

Jack knew this was his chance to appeal to the clear foodie Zhao Zi was. “I don’t need to. I know I’m a good cook.”

“Huh? I meant Ah Fei’s number!”

“Too subtle,” Jack thought.

But Jack got to hold Zhao Zi close and a promise to see him again anyway.

“That could be like a date, right?” Jack thought as he rushed to collect Tang Yi from the hospital.

Thank you so much @weilongfu for the Interview

#h3trappedcollection #history 3: trapped #history 3: 圈套 #author interview

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empressofevil · 4 years

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Tagged by @sapphiresays :)

1. Your name and what you would have named yourself: Tes & probably Rose when I was little, but I like my name now

2. Astrological signs: Scorpio ☀️ Leo 🌙 Cancer rising

3. When did you join tumblr and why: in 2011 (on a different blog, no longer exists) because my internet friend found my university friend and her boyfriend's secret tumblr accounts and I wanted to see how long I could follow them and reference their posts before they clued in. I was an... Energetic 18 year old.

5. Top 5 fandoms: I don't really do fandoms tbh, so these are just the ones I can stand to engage with: Miraculous Ladybug, Earthbound/Mother, Pokémon, Zelda, Atlus games I guess? Sorry square enix.

6. Top 5 films: Nightmare Before Christmas, Donnie Darko, The Shining, The Big Lebowski, Princess Bride. Honourable mention to Aladdin, because it was the first Disney movie that actually reminded me of stories I read when I was super little.

7. Go to song when you want to feel something: The Killing Moon by Echo & The Bunnymen

8. Whats your religion or faith if you have one: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh complicated. Let's go with animism?

9. A song that makes you feel seen: The Queen of Peace by Florence & The Machine (why is everyone A & the Bs?)

10. If you could have any career: honestly I was going to say goofball dumbass who gets money just for existing and occasionally comes out in public to say ludacris things and declare weird inventions and then I realised that that's Elon Musk so... Elon Musk I guess. Except fuck capitalism.

11. What does your heart/soul yearn for: comfort, pets (especially dogs and snakes, world class snugglers), an acre of farmland to fill with mostly marijuana because I have no chill

12. if you had to describe yourself in 5 words to someone who doesnt know you: hilarious, attentive, compassionate, calm, intense

13. Favorite subjects in school: English for sure, and I had an International Business course in hs I enjoyed.

14. Where does your soul feel most at home: on my back patio at night, looking up at the stars

15. Top 5 fictional characters: Marinette & Plagg from ML, Roxy from Homestuck, Rosalind/Ganymede from As You Like It, Snow White from Fables (graphic novels)

16. Top 3 moments in a show that made you ugly cry: ML season 3 finale, the Winry gun scene in FMA: Brotherhood, the ending of Cardcaptor Sakura 😭 with the teddybear 😭 it's just so cute and pure 😭

17. The earth, the sun, the moon, or the stars: la luna babee 🌙❤️

18. Favourite kind of weather: foggy but moderate

19. Top 3 characters you kin with: Hotaro from Hyouka and uhhh I literally can't think of anyone else.

20. Favourite medium of art: embroidery or painted denim jackets, maybe

21. Introvert/extrovert/ambivert: introvert

22. Favourite literary quote: "One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes." - The Little Prince

23. Some of your favourite books: Wuthering Heights, No Longer Human, The Portrait of Dorian Gray, The Little Prince

24. If you could live anywhere in the world where would you live: private island

25. If you could live anywhere in the world when would it be: private timeline

26. If you could play any instrument masterfully it would be: the hurdy-gurdy for sure! I'm obsessed with the beautiful variety of sounds you can make.

27. If you have one, what mythological god or goddess do you feel a connection to: I want to say Susano, because he makes me laugh hard, but I think that's because he reminds me of my brother. Maybe Inari, sometimes Ma'at.

28. And lastly, favorite recent in your camera roll:

Photo of some necklaces I made I was sending to my sister-in-law fjsjsidh. Lowkey a reveal. It's the only thing in my camera roll that doesn't kinda reveal my address. 🤦

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huangsren · 5 years

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hs!chenle ; can i call you my everything?

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 ; zhong chenle just wanted to find the perfect nickname for you.

part of @hwangdol and i’s hs!dream au >:))

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞 ; highschool!chenle au / childhood-friend!chenle / ft. hs!yukhei / fluffy / lw angsty

warning ; small mention of depression / cutting , (some) swearing / explicit langauge

zhong chenle x (fem)reader

you and chenle have been friends ever since you were both 12 and miraculously transferred to the same school at the same time

at that time, small chenle and you understood it’d be easier to befriend each other rather than trying to squeeze into the already made class cliques

since then, you and chenle happened to experience everything together-

the first crushes, failures, broken bones, embarrassing class reports, school field trips (which surprised you b/c,, what kind of kids go on their first field trip in the eighth grade)

and as you got older, first mental breakdowns, bad relationships/friendships, and bad fights; whether they were with each other, or against other people

chenle never took you as the soft girl, you wouldn’t hesitate to kick the balls of those big-headed bullies, chenle was more scared for them than himself

you see and meet some upperclassmen that he somehow had the ability to befriend

some characters like the stoner-boy!haechan , playboy!jaemin (both by my bby @hwangdol ), and art-hoe!renjun

it’s inevitable that you two change somewhat over the years, but the one thing that never changed since the very first day you met was how chenle wanted to find you the perfect nickname

like this boy is just so set on finding something great to call you instead of your actual mf name????

the first week alone of knowing him gave you about 20 nicknames that we’re all passed up and forgotten b/c he says they just don’t capture what he’s trying to say about you

so every year, every month, every week, every day is spent with him casually tossing all kinds of names at you

from being names like “maybe i’ll call you chun-li, how about it chun-li?”

to the most random things like, “so how’s it going, flipstick?” , “my mom said you should come over for dinner tomorrow if you’re free, cheeseball” or “yes! i got a better score than you, small-hands”

and for some reason chenle had this kind of infatuation with your hands b/c god knows why? they weren’t even especially small or pretty either but he would always mention or inspect your hand at least once a day

when he first held and looked at your hands, your twelve year old little heart may have thumped and pulled away

but by the time you two are 14, it didn’t phase you in the slightest, it’s just hands

in the days past he would hold your hand out in front of him, and you’d continue to do whatever you were doing b/c it was no longer unusual

it wasn’t ever odd to feel chenle holding your palm, with his eyes just looking so lovingly at the way your fingers would fold whenever you lost that game you were playing on your phone

he would casually play with your fingers and maybe rub your hand with his thumb b/c he was a naturally touchy person

at times it served a good purpose as it helped you know which girls were genuinely talking to you for you and not for chenle, and it drove away strange men when you two would go out

and he happened to want to see your hand again

but sometimes it would take a turn for the worse and he’d find that you reached that low you hadn’t in two years, that low where you found it fitting to hurt yourself

on gOd, how much seeing chenle’s expression when he found out you hurt part of yourself gave you much more emotion and pain than that slit on your wrist

so you held it in most times, sometimes for chenle’s sake and sometimes b/c chenle gave you reasons not to

other times, you’re thankful he treats you like he would any other day b/c getting into it would definitely hurt more than the movie he planned to take you to

since he knows the two of you have been waiting for the release date for the longest time

however, that indifferent, friendly feeling you had with him began to wear down once the third year of high school came by

it wasn’t a special day, no

but chenle came in with new hair, a slightly messed up uniform, a basketball held between his side and his arm, and this more mature look to him that you never payed too much attention to

and you have to admit, the thoughts of chenle and you being more than you are now were growing each time you saw him again

obviously you keep that on the down-low though, there’s only so many friendships to result in a happy relationship versus the amount that are just kept one-sided and unnatural after confessing

and today, you are once again thinking about chenle as more than just your friend

thinking about how it would feel to be together

how being in his arms would feel, how holding his hand in that way would be

the warmth of him all around you, knowing you’re a big part of the reason he’s smiling, running your hands through his hair,

doing silly things like trying to bake a cake? or trying to toss those tiny marshmallows into his mouth?

having the ability to tell him that he’s your sunshine over and over again?

you, without a doubt, know that being with chenle in that way would be one of the best parts of your youth

but you can’t bring yourself to do anything because, what if that feeling goes only one way?

what if the only reason chenle keeps you by his side is because he knows you won’t be phased by his constant clinginess, because he knows you won’t fall for him and stay as his friend without wanting more?

there are countless girls who are obsessed with him and his other group of friends, that’s why that group of boys he’s a part of are known as the “dreamies”

and you aren’t the only girl chenle finds time with either,

sometimes you have to keep yourself from wanting to make plans b/c you hear he’s already made some to go do pranks with his other friend-that-is-a-girl (aka y/n in jisung’s au!)

but when you hear chenle constantly coming up with nicknames for you, you can’t stop yourself from feeling that something

the something in your heart that won’t stop and you admit to yourself that you like chenle

you like the zhong chenle that you knew when you were 12 and you like the zhong chenle that you know now

which hurts so much because after coming to this conclusion, you see how significant the power he has on you is

he has the power to make you sad one second after you were happy, make you happy when you were frustrated just a second before, to make the butterflies in your stomach wild, and even the power to make your breath hitch in his presence

it really doesn’t help your situation when his recent nicknames have become a little more cute and loving than before

just yesterday it had been, “what’s up, buttercup” and he continued with that one until after dinner when you face-timed him for homework help and he says, “you’ve come to the right person, honey bun”

all of it made you cringe just as much as it made you all giddy inside and you internally swear by how much it affects you

“something wrong, ms. casanova?” and his eyes show real concern for the friend that you are and when you look into them through the screen, you know you don’t want to fall any longer into the angelic boy

you are fully aware of how off and silent you’re being, but you can’t stop feeling like it’s wrong for you to like him this way

so you take it into your own hands to stop before you’re in too deep

starting with asking him to put the pet names to rest

“chenle, can you stop?” you pause, “please?”

and he goes silent

his heart aches but he doesn’t let you see, all he does is say, “stop what? we can study more at lunch if that’s what you want, care-bear” and he smiles, trying to comfort you because he senses the way your tone got lower and softer

“no chenle, that’s not what i’m talking about!” you sigh, knowing that he’s intentionally dodging what you mean, “i just- i don’t want the nicknames anymore lele, i’m sorry”

as you explain, you look at your hands and twirl your fingers, not being able to look him in the face- and you’re right to want to avoid his look

because once you peer back up to that face on the screen, he has tears in his eyes and he’s trying hard to find some sort of regret in yours

but he can’t see any because you know what you want for the two of you and you are certain that doing this sooner will stop you from wanting more

“chenle, listen-

and the video call is over and a heartbeat later you get a text from him

“sorry, y/n. good night.”

you burst into tears yourself- full on sobbing

you didn’t realize how dark you’d feel hearing chenle call you by your real name even through a text

you knew it would make chenle sad if you told him to stop but you never imagined to see that pain in his eyes

you cry for him for the longest time ; your chest taking in big gulps of air before letting it out in a shaky breath and it takes longer than you’d like to stop your upper body from trembling

and you fall asleep with a heavy heart, pillow soaked with the feelings you had pent up in you

but the next morning comes and you’re not ready to face chenle any time soon and thank the lord that instead of p.e. with chenle, you have study hall

so you keep yourself in the library, in the math/science section b/c, let’s be honest, it’s the least popular and the least crowded

while trying to distract yourself from all of chenle, you take out your phone and earbuds to watch your favorite anime

but that shady website just has to give you some kind of hentai pop-up before you even plug the headphones in

which leaves you wide-eyed and panicked, doing your best to muffle the sound and plug the wire in as fast as you can

then you hear a chuckle from behind you and you turn around to meet wong yukhei, or lucas, the kid who only shows up to his homeroom and p.e. class- skipping all the other periods

and you freak out because this kid’s known for never holding his words back and so you get up out of your seat and walk over to sit next to him

“i’m not doing what you think i am” you say, not looking his way

“i never said you were doing anything” he replies, focus still on his phone

“oh come on, you laughed right after that um, noise went off and i was having a heart attack”

and then you turn his direction and can’t believe that you actually have to shift your gaze upwards because of how tall this kid is

“oh? i was laughing at this meme”

and he motions for you to look at his phone, so you do. and you lean over the arms of the chair to see his phone and chuckle at the fact it’s literally just some shrek shitpost

he looks down at you at smiles, oh what- what was that

perhaps this is what you needed to get over your feelings for chenle

you needed another person that had no relation to him, needed to be around someone who didn’t know you

someone you could rebuild yourself as the real you with, not worrying about how you’d fit with chenle

“stop staring at my eyes you weirdo, it’s just a meme” he says and shoves you back onto your own chair

so you’ve decided.

“lucas, you wanna be friends?”

“please don’t tell me you’re trying to get dicked down or something” he rolls his eyes

“what? bOy- no i’m not trying that. i just think you’re the perfect person for me to be around until i get over myself” you say, making sure to emphasize that you’re even grossed out he thinks you want him

“okay, go ahead. i cant stop you”

“before you answer, i know how weird this is but- wait, for real? that easy?”

“dude, i couldn’t care less. you wanna skip last period? get some food?” he asks

now he’s standing up and dusting his pants off from snack crumbs and then holds his hand out in front of you

you nod and take his hand before he yanks his out of your hold

“um, i was asking for you to get my charger for me..”

“bitchass you should have said so, i thought you were being soft lucas”

even if you’re embarrassed, you reach and unplug his charger then hand it to him, rolling your eyes in the process (but really there’s a faint blush on your face)

“you’re kinda dumb for that, and my name’s yukhei”

“i thought you went by lucas?” you say, curious as to why he’d want for you to call him his given name

“nah. i’ll let you call me yukhei. consider it the highest blessing you’ve ever been given”

a month and some has passed since the night of your last call with chenle

but naturally, the pain of losing the friendship you had with chenle was still evident

just weeks before, it’d be heart-wrenching to just know you had to see him,

but now you can make eye contact and smile a little his way

it wasn’t your willpower alone though,

you admit that having yukhei by your side and him just giving you an outside perspective on the whole situation opened your eyes

of course he would call you dumb and stupid sometimes when you tell him about why you fell for chenle in the first place

but that one response he had in the macaron place stuck with you and he held a good point

“honestly, y/n, i may be dumb but you shouldn’t have beaten yourself up fro just having feelings. i mean, if you really, truly, like chenle, why did that happen so suddenly? what if you’re just in love with the things he did and not really him and you let yourself fall. i’m sorry if i go over the line, but you were going through, a time. maybe you just wanted to feel something”

that day it didn’t settle so right with you to agree with all that he said

you didn’t want to let the feelings you had for chenle seem so superficial and due to the fact you knew each other for the longest time, but he was right

you thought about how if it were yukhei in chenle’s place, you’d probably let yourself fall for him too.

it wasn’t chenle that your heart leaped for, it was just the things he did?

specifically just the two things he did : the nicknames and the hand-holding

and to prove your theory, you and yukhei made an agreement where he would also hold your hands and call you nicknames, which started two weeks ago

“yup, that’s it. we’ve got ‘em boys. i can’t believe how much i just like hand-holding and nicknames. wong yukhei, i like you” you tease him

truthfully this particular parlor was a spot you and chenle would frequent

but yukhei said he would create memories of it that didn’t have chenle, so here you two are

“oh please, y/n. you know how i actually feel about you. you can’t just say that, i know you like those two things, not me” he says and goes back to shoving ice cream down his throat

yes- lucas had confessed to you

three days after you started the whole ‘experiment’, in fact

something about how his conscience wouldn’t let him treat you that way without you knowing how he really felt

but he didn’t let you give him an answer, he just told you how he felt and went on with it

you kind of felt bad for him, he was into you and didn’t know where you stood in all of this

but he kept on helping you in hopes of your feelings to lean themselves in his favor

yet you couldn’t quite place where you felt for yukhei

for sure there were times where you might have wanted to even kiss him, but there were also times where you couldn’t imagine being his girlfriend because, man you two we’re just too close of friends for it to change

and maybe this is the way chenle would feel if you had told him the way you really felt

so after some deep contemplating, you decide that the next time you have the opportunity to talk to chenle alone presents itself, you’ll tell him why you allowed things to be the way they are now

you just didn’t know it’d happen so fast and that it would be in the ice cream parlor you and yukhei were in

“y/n? lucas?” chenle looks at you and yukhei who are alone and sitting across from one another

“oh, chenle. hey”

“sooo are you guys a thing now or..? because if you are i can’t believe you never told me” chenle asks you, pretending he doesn’t have a problem with it

‘i can’t believe you never told me’? he’s the one who never tried to spark a conversation after the whole incident anyways

“no chenle, we’re not dating” you say sharply, only those few words in response

“ahem. i think i remember y/n wanting to say something to you, chenle. maybe i’ll go and order some crepes for a really long time” yukhei says and slips out of the booth towards chenle, giving the boy’s shoulder a pat before proceeding to flirt with the cashier for snacks

“so, how are you darli-” he stops himself, “y/n”

and the same smile that you loved is on his face, but you can hear the sadness behind his voice and you crumble once again

“i’m... i’m doing the same as always.

and listen chenle,

i’m sorry for falling off with you after the whole nickname thing. the truth is that i, um, i had feelings for you. i wanted us to be more than what we were but i was afraid of rejection. well, look at us now, you didn’t have to reject me and i’ve already made us like this. i don’t know why i would give up all that we have, and yukhei, i mean lucas- he’s been nothing but kind when i tried to get over you and-”

“y/n. i miss you” chenle interrupts

“i- i miss you too lele”

then chenle takes your hand in his, a gesture you ever thought you’d miss

seeing him like this again, him saying he misses you; were you really only in love with the two things or did you love chenle?

“you have no idea how long i’ve waited for you to say you have feelings for me. you thought i’d reject you? baby come on, you’re the only girl i’ve had my eyes on for the longest time.

even the first day i held your hand when we were 12. i couldn’t believe you thought that was just a friendly gesture” he laughs, “i mean of course we were young, but really? i knew you were naive and i knew how you were hiding your feelings but i never gave up, peanut. especially when other boys would try to get at you, i didn’t suddenly want to see your hands, i was telling them that you’re mine. i even told my friends how much i missed you.

there was this one point where i thought, maybe we are better off as friends, it doesn’t hurt, yknow? but then my older friend mark? you remember mark, right? he set me straight and told me that i did, actually, have feelings for you after all these years. you know the nicknames? i think i have the perfect one. so y/n, can i,,, can i call you my everything now?”

“chenle,” you start, “i said i had feelings for you.”

and it’s true.

you see the smile he has turn both confused and gloomy

maybe the you a month ago would have swooned into his arms and fell even more in love with his confession,

but time played with the both of you and you realize that you don’t feel the same way despite him pouring his feelings in front of you

you’ve come to terms that, yes, you were in love with zhong chenle, not just what he did

but that’s all in the past ; you had loved chenle, you just don’t the same way now

“is it because of lucas? y/n you’re gonna break what we have for him?”

chenle raises his voice at you and his eyes become a mix of anger and dejection

taken aback by his tone and the fact he thinks you would ever break the relationship you two have built over a boy begins to make your blood boil

“lucas? no chenle, this isn’t about lucas! and for your information, he’s not even a bad kid? i don’t even talk about how your best friends with upperclassmen who are either : 1, high or 2, breaking hearts! chenle, the reason why i didn’t say anything is because i valued what we shared more than what i wanted alone! and if you already knew i was trying to avoid the way i felt then why did you wait so long to do something? i can’t believe the nerve you have to blame this on someone other than yourself? sure it may not be entirely on you, but you’re literally acting like you’ve done nothing wrong! chenle, you were basically toying with my emotions.

you knew how much i loved you and how much it was hurting me. you know so much about me, hell, you have a better perspective of myself than i do! you don’t know how much my heart ached when you would drop our plans for your other friends, have no idea how heartbroken i became when i finally admitted to myself that i liked you. all you did was watch me go through it, not saying a word, not even trying to talk to me about it in person either! let’s be honest, you never thought of me that way until you realized i was gone.”

you take a second to breathe.

“i can’t do this chenle, i can’t. if you have anything more to say then shoot me a text because otherwise? i’m not taking any of your ‘but i love you’ shit.” you vent

and then you take your stuff and move out of the booth towards yukhei

“can we please go, yukhei?”

he sees the tears forming in your eyes and he takes your hands

“you don’t even have to ask. i got you y/n”

then he pulls you through the now crowded ice cream parlor and your head is down, looking at the hold yukhei has on your hands

you and yukhei reach the park near his house after how long of walking hand in hand and sit in silence on the swings

and once you feel stable again you perk up and say

“i guess i really did make new memories in that parlor”

and yukhei looks at you, stopping his motions

“i’m sorry it still had chenle in it”

and his voice sounds defeated, like he failed you

“hey, yukhei, don’t be so sulky” you smile at him, “i don’t want to feel like i have nothing anymore just because i dont have chenle, ya know? at least i have some calming memories in this park now, even if it’s with you.”

“yeah, at least there’s that.”

#well now i dont know #if this is a lucas or chenle au #but yep #zhong chenle au #chenle au #angsty #slight angst #wong yukhei #huangsrenaus #high school!au #nct dream #nct #nct au #nct dream imagine

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theonyxpath · 4 years

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Hello everybody!

We’re all back from last week’s company-wide vacation, and I’m happy to report that our crew are rested and rejuvenated! Sometimes, you just need to block out all the work stuff, no matter how much you enjoy it, and let your creative batteries recharge.

So, now that we’re back – what’s going on?

We are in the They Came From Beyond the Grave! Kickstarter’s final days! We’re closing in on both the pledge totals and number of backers from the They Came From Beneath the Seas!‘s KS, so we could really use your help in spreading the word!

If you know a fan of 70s horror movies, of TV’s Dark Shadows and Kolchak: The Night Stalker, of Victorian vampires: let them know that we’ve got a game that can be played as straight-up horror or can be played for laughs!

And all you need to play is in the one book, but by backing you get the added Stretch Goal projects like Monsters From the Crypt, the book of antagonists that we are $1000 away from adding a third section to, and the Tales of Depravity scenarios book!

So spread the word, and if they need extra incentive, go ahead and have them click on the link to the actual play we did at our online con: https://youtu.be/qLEFXntIa3g

The children of the night salute you (when they’re not making what music they make)!

Titanomachy art by Andrea Payne

What Did We Discuss At The Meeting Today?

Well, first, we went over what we all did during our week off, and how we were doing after that. Where are our respective head spaces, as it were. But you don’t want to hear about that so much, I’m sure, so here’s the other things we talked about.

Mysteries of the World is #1 on DTRPG! still, which is even more gratifying considering how many PDFs went out to backers as part of the Stretch Goals already!

Related, we discussed our next Kickstarter possibilities and it looks like Scion: Demigod is going to be ready for its KS the first week in September! More words on that these next couple of weeks!

Scion: Demigod art by Aaron Riley

We talked about the sales that are going on with our various sales partners, as below, with the Deluxe Wraith 20 and Screen on sale for the first time at Indie Press Revolution – and a darkly gorgeous book it is! A true labor of love, too, by Messers Dansky and Dawkins heading up some phenomenal writers!

Also below, but in the Onyx Path Media section, Eddy’s Workshops wrapped up. What the heck, here are the links to last two episodes so you don’t have to scroll down:

Eddy’s Workshop – The Editing Phase of RPG Development – https://youtu.be/zPXWl0c7mmM

Eddy’s Workshop – The Approvals Phase of RPG Development – https://youtu.be/Qf-FQMBLaAs

In this series of YouTube vids, Eddy goes step by step through the process of how to create RPG books, so if you are interested in how it all happens, both here at Onyx Path and elsewhere across the TTRPG industry, these are invaluable.

Also, while doing these, Eddy has also been running a series of development and project management workshops for our writers and developers. These came directly out of our Developer Town Halls we held all through the first months of Covid-19, and the many requests he had from our developers. So far, Eddy has done some group sessions, and some individual mentoring, and the responses have been fantastic!

I think Covid-19 has hit a lot of creative people hard and even the most driven creators have been hammered in their productivity, so this is us helping folks get back on to getting things done.

(I used two forms of get in a single sentence there. My old HS English teacher T.J. McCauley, who warned us never to use “get” because there is always a better word, must be spinning in his grave.)

Heroic Land-Dwellers! art by Brian LeBlanc

Time continues to show that Covid-19 has also affected some of our partners. On sale to the public this week on DTRPG is the PDF and PoD versions of Heroic Land-Dwellers! for They Came From Beneath the Sea!, but the PDF went out to backers in May. Getting the PoD version ready and printed and proofed has just dragged on.

Similarly, our Screen printer has been hard hit, but is persevering slowly. So even though we have KS books almost ready to send as rewards, we still need to have the Screens to ship them all together and that’s been a slower cycle than it has in the past.

But, refreshed now from our week of Not Work, we’re back and rarin’ to go! Ready to tackle these challenges and get our projects through the stages to get to you. Ready to once again pull together all the many threads that go into weaving our tapestry of gaming goodness featuring our:

Many Worlds, One Path!

Blurbs!

Kickstarter!

The They Came From Beyond the Grave! Kickstarter is in its last days – take a look at what horrors have been revealed so far: the Screen and two sections of Monsters from the Crypt: a book containing More Monsters, an exclusive KS t-shirt coupon, electronic Grave!-themed wallpaper, and two scenarios in the Tales of Depravity PDF! Next up in Stretch Goals are even More Monsters and electronic Wallpaper!

We’re only about $1000 away from adding in a third section to Monsters from the Crypt – so please spread the word and let’s get that Stretch goal un-buried!

Thanks to all of you who have pledged to enable this fantastic project and its Stretch Goals!

Here’s a specially-made special trailer by the brilliant Larry Blamire:

And keep your eyes open for:

Next Up on Kickstarter:

Scion: Demigod 2nd Edition the first week in September!

Onyx Path Media!

This week: The Terrific Trio of Terribleness take random game ideas and build them up to game pitches!

As always, this Friday’s Onyx Pathcast will be on Podbean or your favorite podcast venue! https://onyxpathcast.podbean.com/

For anyone new to our media section, you can find us running and playing games over on twitch.tv/theonyxpath pretty much every day of the week!

Plus, if you’d like your games hosted there, just get in touch with Matthew Dawkins using the contact link on matthewdawkins.com.

Please give our Twitch channel a follow, as you can find a huge number of videos of all kinds of games, along with our What’s Up with Onyx Path? livestream conducted for Gen Con weekend!

This week on Twitch, expect to see these games and streams running:

Scarred Lands – A Family Affair

Mage: The Ascension – Technocracy Reloaded

Scion: Hero – Behind the Screen

They Came from Beyond the Grave!

Changeling: The Dreaming – The Last Faerie Tale

Mage: The Awakening – Occultists Anonymous

Vampire: The Masquerade – Boston by Night

Get watching for some fantastic insight into how to run these wonderful games and subscribe to us on Twitch, over at twitch.tv/theonyxpath

It’s the last week of the They Came from Beyond the Grave! Kickstarter, so if you missed it, please check out our ENnie award winning friends at Red Moon Roleplaying, who have concluded their They Came from Beyond the Grave! story, with their usual excellent editing, quality, and in this case, a lovely cast of players led by Director, Matthew Dawkins! Come join in and listen to the Cult of Abaddon at play: https://youtu.be/RDYzNbk7VkQ

Come take a look at our YouTube channel, youtube.com/user/theonyxpath, where you can find a whole load of videos of actual plays, dissections of our games, and more, including:

Changeling: The Lost – Littlebrook Reunion FINALE – https://youtu.be/Evc0DDvLOPE

Blood City: Chicago by Night FINALE – https://youtu.be/dVdt0S6oWm0

(Matthew’s favourite) Scarred Lands – Purge of the Serpentholds Episode 10 – https://youtu.be/XtZouhVac9k

Deviant: The Renegades – A Cautionary Tale – Episode Two – https://youtu.be/GETIo92dUdY

Eddy’s Workshop – The Editing Phase of RPG Development – https://youtu.be/zPXWl0c7mmM

Eddy’s Workshop – The Approvals Phase of RPG Development – https://youtu.be/Qf-FQMBLaAs

Realms of Pugmire: Paws & Claws – S2E10 – https://youtu.be/SA3fot155wA

Scarred Lands – Purge of the Serpentholds Episode 11 – https://youtu.be/XtZouhVac9k – https://youtu.be/KNWMVZ9KtQI

Deviant: The Renegades – A Cautionary Tale – Episode Three – https://youtu.be/F9mKS-w6lso

Realms of Pugmire: Paws & Claws – S2E11 – https://youtu.be/aZ4Mxy_k9JU

Subscribe to our channel and click the bell icon if you want to be notified whenever new news videos and uploads come online!

Systematic Understanding of Everything is a new Exalted Explainer Podcast by Exalted Dev Monica Speca and Exalted Writer Chazz Kellner that is breaking down Creation in 45 minute chunks in preparation for Exalted Essence.

Their most recent episodes are available over on https://www.exaltcast.com/, where they’ve covered everything from Lunars and Dragon-Blooded to Solars and asking the question: What is Creation?

The Story Told Podcast have just started a new chapter in their Fall of Jiara Exalted chronicle, and we’d love it if you gave them some support. Here’s their character intros: https://thestorytold.libsyn.com/fall-of-jiara-character-intros

Dork Tales are partway through their Werewolf: The Forsaken actual play, The Bitches of Brewery Park! Check it out on their channel: https://www.twitch.tv/dorktales

And our very own Chris Allen runs his chronicle of Werewolf: The Forsaken over on Paleo Gaming‘s Twitch channel. Do check out Very Angry Dogs! https://www.twitch.tv/paleo_gaming

Two new Occultists Anonymous episodes for you fans of Mage: The Awakening! Find them right here:

Episode 118: Chimed In The cabal follows Songbird into an Aetheric Emanation Realm, prepared with only a few hints from Hadramiel. First though, there is a watcher in place at the entrance… https://youtu.be/Gh6_3KHOOgI

Episode 119: Explore, Expand, Exploit… The cabal investigates the odd ‘hotel’ they’ve found themselves in and further explores out into the Emanation Realm itself, which seems to have some kind of specific purpose. https://youtu.be/qjmbCSILpI8

Please check these out and let us know if you find or produce any actual plays of our games! We’d love to feature you!

Electronic Gaming!

As we find ways to enable our community to more easily play our games, the Onyx Dice Rolling App is live! Our dev team has been doing updates since we launched based on the excellent use-case comments by our community, and this thing is awesome! (Seriously, you need to roll 100 dice for Exalted? This app has you covered.)

We’re told that the App Dev is currently creating an updated version for the latest devices, so keep an eye open for those!

Virtual TableTop!

Introducing a Virtual Tabletop encounter pack for the Trinity Continuum Core: Hunt for the Red Widow on DTRPG!

Hunt for the Red Widow is a short encounter designed starting Talents in the Trinity Continuum Core setting. When a renowned but mysterious thief known as The Red Widow steals an ancient artifact from the Æon Society’s vaults, it is up to the party to track her down and recover the device. She is heading to an old ruin said to unlock the artifact’s true power. Can the heroes reach her in time?

Inside you’ll find:

A short encounter for use with the Trinity Continuum Corebook

Two new antagonists: The Red Widow, and her minions, known simply as “Ghosts.” Virtual tabletop tokens are included to represent the antagonists

Two maps, ready to be uploaded into your virtual tabletop platform of choice

New Anomaly Powers.

On Amazon and Barnes & Noble!

You can now read our fiction from the comfort and convenience of your Kindle (from Amazon) and Nook (from Barnes & Noble).

If you enjoy these or any other of our books, please help us by writing reviews on the site of the sales venue from which you bought it. Reviews really, really help us get folks interested in our amazing fiction!

Our selection includes these latest fiction books:

Our Sales Partners!

We’re working with Studio2 to provide our traditionally printed books out into your local game stores. Game stores can order via their usual distributors, and can also contact Studio2 directly. And individuals can check out our projects via the links below!

You can pick up the traditionally printed Pugmire and Monarchies of Mau main books, screens, and the official dice through our friends there! https://studio2publishing.com/search?q=pugmire

Now, we’ve added Chronicles of Darkness books such as Changeling: The Lost Second Edition products to Studio2‘s store! See them here: https://studio2publishing.com/collections/all-products/changeling-the-lost

Scion 2e books and other products are available now at Studio2: https://studio2publishing.com/blogs/new-releases/scion-second-edition-book-one-origin-now-available-at-your-local-retailer-or-online

Our Vampire: The Masquerade 5th Edition books are also available from Studio2 in the US: https://studio2publishing.com/products/vampire-the-masquerade-chicago-by-night-sourcebook

Looking for our Deluxe or Prestige Edition books? Try this link! http://www.indiepressrevolution.com/xcart/Onyx-Path-Publishing/

And you can order Pugmire, Monarchies of Mau, Cavaliers of Mars, and Changeling: The Lost 2e at the same link! And now Scion Origin and Scion Hero and Trinity Continuum Core and Trinity Continuum: Aeon are available to order

It’s the return of the DOG DAYS OF SUMMER SALE!

As always, you can find Onyx Path’s titles at DriveThruRPG.com!

The Cthulhu Mythos sale at DriveThruRPG starts this week, and we’ll have some God-Machine PDFs included in the sale!

On Sale This Week!

This Wednesday, the PDF and PoD versions of Heroic Land-Dwellers! for They Came From Beneath the Sea! gird their loins and prepare for watery menaces… and go on sale on DTRPG!

Heroic Land-Dwellers! is a collection of playable characters for They Came from Beneath the Sea!, a roleplaying game of drama, science fiction, and farce in which you play the only humans capable of driving back the watery threats seeking to invade, destroy, or enslave humanity.

This book is for use with the They Came from Beneath the Sea! tabletop roleplaying game. They Came from Beneath the Sea! uses the Storypath System, provided in full in the core rulebook available separately.

Heroic Land-Dwellers! includes:

• Sixteen playable characters, each with biographies, stats, Quips, and artwork to help you immediately involve them in a story as protagonists, supporting characters, or villains!

• Fiction by Larry Blamire, to set the action-packed and sometimes nonsensical tone of science fiction B-movies and games such as this one!

Also, this Weds sees the release on DTRPG of the They Came From Beneath the Sea! Director’s Screen PDF! Handy charts to make it even easier to run TCFBtS!.

Finally on Wednesday, we present you with the compiled Dark Eras for Changeling: The Lost, all together in one handy book in PDF and PoD versions on DTRPG!

Conventions!

Though dates for physical conventions are subject to change due to the current COVID-19 outbreak, here’s what’s left of our current list of upcoming conventions (and really, we’re just waiting for this last one to be cancelled even though it’s Nov/Dec). Instead, keep an eye out here for more virtual conventions we’re going to be involved with:

PAX Unplugged: https://unplugged.paxsite.com/

And now, the new project status updates!

Development Status from Eddy Webb! (Projects in bold have changed status since last week.):

First Draft (The first phase of a project that is about the work being done by writers, not dev prep.)

Exalted Essay Collection (Exalted)

The Devoted Companion (Deviant: The Renegades)

Prometheus Unbound (was Psi Orders) (Trinity Continuum: Aeon)

No Gods, No Masters (Scion 2nd Edition)

Scion Fiction Anthology (Scion 2nd Edition)

TC: Aeon Novella: Dawn (Trinity Continuum: Aeon)

TC: Aeon Novella: Meridian (Trinity Continuum: Aeon)

Legacies of Earth (Legendlore)

Redlines

Dragon-Blooded Novella #2 (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Wild Hunt (Scion 2nd Edition)

CtL 2e Novella Collection: Hollow Courts (Changeling: The Lost 2e)

Adversaries of the Righteous (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Squeaks In The Deep (Realms of Pugmire)

Trinity Continuum: Anima

Second Draft

Many-Faced Strangers – Lunars Companion (Exalted 3rd Edition)

The Clades Companion (Deviant: The Renegades)

M20 Rich Bastard’s Guide To Magick (Mage: The Ascension 20th Anniversary)

Hundred Devil’s Night Parade (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Novas Worldwide (Trinity Continuum: Aberrant)

Exalted Essence Edition (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Saints and Monsters (Scion 2nd Edition)

M20 Technocracy Operative’s Dossier (Mage: The Ascension 20th Anniversary)

Development

TC: Aberrant Reference Screen (Trinity Continuum: Aberrant)

Across the Eight Directions (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Contagion Chronicle: Global Outbreaks (Chronicles of Darkness)

Exigents (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Assassins (Trinity Continuum Core)

Kith and Kin (Changeling: The Lost 2e)

V5 Forbidden Religions (Vampire: The Masquerade 5th Edition)

V5 Children of the Blood (was The Faithful Undead) (Vampire: The Masquerade 5th Edition)

Trinity Continuum: Adventure! core (Trinity Continuum: Adventure!)

Manuscript Approval

Crucible of Legends (Exalted 3rd Edition)

M20 Victorian Mage (Mage: the Ascension 20th Anniversary Edition)

V5 Trails of Ash and Bone (Vampire: The Masquerade 5th Edition)

Mission Statements (Trinity Continuum: Aeon)

Dystopia Rising: Evolution Fiction Anthology (Dystopia Rising: Evolution)

Contagion Chronicle Ready-Made Characters (Chronicles of Darkness)

Dead Man’s Rust (Scarred Lands)

Post-Approval Development

Editing

Lunars Novella (Rosenberg) (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Mummy: The Curse 2nd Edition core rulebook (Mummy: The Curse 2nd Edition)

Player’s Guide to the Contagion Chronicle (Chronicles of Darkness)

TC: Aberrant Jumpstart (Trinity Continuum: Aberrant)

LARP Rules (Scion 2nd Edition)

Heirs to the Shogunate (Exalted 3rd Edition)

The Book of Lasting Death (Mummy: The Curse 2e)

Scion: Dragon (Scion 2nd Edition)

Scion: Demigod (Scion 2nd Edition)

Dearly Bleak – Novella (Deviant: The Renegades)

N!ternational Wrestling Entertainment (Trinity Continuum: Aberrant)

Under Alien Skies (Trinity Continuum: Aeon)

Post-Editing Development

City of the Towered Tombs (Cavaliers of Mars)

W20 Shattered Dreams Gift Cards (Werewolf: The Apocalypse 20th)

Cults of the Blood Gods (Vampire: The Masquerade 5th Edition)

Hunter: The Vigil 2e core (Hunter: The Vigil 2nd Edition)

Trinity Continuum: Aberrant core (Trinity Continuum: Aberrant)

Deviant: The Renegades (Deviant: The Renegades)

Monsters of the Deep (They Came From Beneath the Sea!)

Legendlore core book (Legendlore)

Pirates of Pugmire KS-Added Adventure (Realms of Pugmire)

Tales of Aquatic Terror (They Came From Beneath the Sea!)

Terra Firma (Trinity Continuum: Aeon)

One Foot in the Grave Jumpstart (Geist: The Sin-Eaters 2e)

Masks of the Mythos (Scion 2nd Edition)

Trinity Continuum Jumpstart (Trinity Continuum)

They Came From Beyond the Grave! (They Came From!)

Contagion Chronicle Jumpstart (Chronicles of Darkness)

Indexing

Lunars: Fangs At The Gate (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Art Direction from Mike Chaney!

In Art Direction

Tales of Aquatic Terror

WoD Ghost Hunters (KS) – KS page prepped and ready to go to Paradox for approval.

Aberrant

Hunter: The Vigil 2e

Mummy 2

Deviant

Legendlore

Technocracy Reloaded

Cults of the Blood God

Scion: Dragon (KS)

Masks of the Mythos (KS) – Cover is in and it looks sweet.

Scion: Demigod (KS) – KS art and graphics all finished.

They Came From Beyond the Grave! (KS) – KS running.

TC: Adventure! (KS)

Geist: One Foot In the Grave

In Layout

Yugman’s Guide to Ghelspad

Vigil Watch

V5 Let the Streets Run Red – Going into proofing this week.

Pugmire Adventure

Trinity Core Jumpstart

Proofing

Lunars: Fangs at the Gate – Indexing.

Cavaliers of Mars: City of the Towered Tombs

Magic Item Decks (Scarred Lands)

Yugman’s Guide Support Decks (Scarred Lands)

TC Aeon Terra Firma

Scion Titanomachy

At Press

TCFBTS Heroic Land Dwellers – PDF and PoD on sale this Weds!

TCFBTS Screen and Booklet – Files at press.

They Came from Beneath the Sea! – Shipping from printer to KS fulfiller.

Pirates of Pugmire – Shipping from printer to KS fulfiller.

Pirates of Pugmire Screen – Files at press.

Dark Eras 2 – Files printing.

Dark Eras 2 Screen and booklet – Files at press.

Changeling: The Lost 2nd Edition Dark Eras Compilation – PDF and PoD on sale this Weds!

Contagion Chronicle – Press prep.

Contagion Chronicle Screen and Booklet – Files at press.

Lunars Wall Scroll Map – Shipping to KS fulfiller from printer.

Lunars Screen and Booklet – Files at press.

Scarred Lands Creature Collection – Shipping from printer to KS fulfiller.

Today’s Reason to Celebrate!

Eight (8) years ago today we held our first “What Is the Onyx Path?” panel at Gen Con, announcing our company and our slate of releases for that coming year. Most of which have been released by now!

#Onyx Path Publishing

1 note · View note

thoughtsofalostwitch · 4 years

Note

Hi how do I become a male witch for real to support to women I love who is a witch and because I'm honestly curious and interested in being a male witch

✧･ﾟ:* Sᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀɴᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴘʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴄᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʀᴀғᴛ ᴀɴᴅ ʟᴇᴀʀɴ sᴏᴍᴇ ᴍᴀɢɪᴄᴋ ᴀs ᴀ ᴍᴀʟᴇ ᴡɪᴛᴄʜ! *:･ﾟ✧ Merry Meet! ☆ Thank you for being my first ask! First I would like to begin with the fact that being a witch means something different to everyone.

” Witch for me is my most powerful self. Deeply grounded. Always healing and protecting myself and those I love. Bending attraction into my direction. Spreading peace and love wherever I go. Respecting nature. Following my intuition. Calling on my guides. Working with my inner wolf. Connecting with myself on all levels. Increasing my vibration. Meditation. Gratitude. Love. Light. This is what witch means to me. ” -Lunas Grimoire " I think that magic plays a part in my day-to-day effort to visualize goals, deal with problems, and connect myself to nature. Spells and visualization are all about intentionality and channeling your life force!" -HS “To put it simply, witchcraft is the practice of magick. This isn't to be confused with magic, which is what magicians do. Magick is a series of techniques a witch uses to harness energy (both external and internal) in order to change one's surroundings as well as one's self. It's also important to note that being a witch is not the same thing as being Wiccan. Unlike witchcraft, Wicca is a religion. However, it is common to meet witches who are Wiccan and vice versa. And most importantly, anyone can become a witch. Witchcraft is truly for everyone.” -The Witch Mommy ☆ So what is a witch?! ”First, many people do still use “witch” to mean “someone who worships the Devil and/or evil and who engages in gratuitous malevolence.” Present-day Witches generally feel that such a definition of “witch” results merely from Christian politics and propaganda. True, there are now “Satanic” churches, the most prominent having been Anton LeVay’s Church of Satan and the Temple of Set, and its members do call themselves “witches,” which certainly confuses outsiders. However, as J. Gordon Melton has pointed out, the members of these churches are actually atheistic, hedonistic, and egoistic in their ethics. Pagan Witches regard Satanist witches as Christian heretics and not Pagan at all. Setting all that aside, we can look at the more positive usages of the term.First, “witch” is often used to mean “someone who practices some form of magic.” But “folk magic” is ubiquitous, and those who practice it usually consider themselves to be devout members of the faith community around them, just with a special gift. They very rarely seem to think that their magical practice constitutes a unique religion. Nevertheless, there are quite a few such “magical witches,” and they logically must be considered part of the Craft movement.Second, “witch” is often used to mean “someone who has and uses unusual psychic talents.” It can thus be applied to Spiritualist mediums, to clairvoyant readers, to diviners, and so on. Again, such people almost always consider them to be members of the surrounding faith community, just with a special talent, and likewise do not regard that talent as constituting a different religion.Third, “witch” is now (and only recently) used to mean “someone who honors or worships the Old Gods” of whatever pantheon, though “Pagan” is also used with this meaning. Here the self-concept is that one is pursuing a religious path different from that of the surrounding community, but such pursuit does not necessarily involve any use of magic or psychic talents.It is only within the Pagan movement as inspired by Gardnerian Witchcraft that these three different meanings have been bundled together into the current concept of the Pagan Witch as practicing a unique and magical religion.At first, before the rise of the festival movement in America about 1980, a fourth meaning of “Witch” was included in this bundle: “someone who has been initiated as a member of an organized group (yes, a coven) that practices Witchcraft as a Pagan religion or as an apprentice of a master teacher of witchcraft.” Once the festivals had evolved to provide people with a way to celebrate the Wheel of the Year, and once enough “how to” books had been published to give people all the information they needed to practice the Craft as a solitary or only within their own families, joining a coven was no longer the only way to follow Wicca or a more generic form of Witchcraft as a spiritual path.There had been some solitaries even in the 1960s and 1970s, but as a result of the festivals, around 1980 the movement divided into two categories, one being a laity, who now constitute at least 90 percent of all Witches in America, the other being those who have been initiated into and practice the Craft within a coven or equivalent group. However, a First-Degree initiate of a coven is not regarded as having any special authority or expertise, given that anyone can learn from the published books about 99 percent of what that initiate would know. Instead, there is another level of meaning.” -Aidan Kelly Before you get started you must understand, there are many different paths or well types of witchcraft. ☆ The most common types usually include: 1: GARDNERIAN WITCH: A Gardnerian Witch is someone who follows the belief system of Gardnerian Wicca, which was created by Gerald Garner in the 1950s. Gardnerian Wicca is hierarchical system that consists of a high priest and priestess as well as various initiations. So, one is not a Gardnerian Witch until they have learned their specific traditions and have gone through proper initiation. 2: ALEXANDRIAN WITCH: Alexandrian Witchcraft is like Guardian Wicca in that it is a formalized belief system which contains it’s own traditions and initiations. Alexandrian witches follow some of the similar traditions in Guardian Wicca, but also incorporate ceremonial magic as well as the Qabalah. 3. SOLITARY WITCH: A solitary witch is someone who performs spellwork and rituals alone and without a coven. This may be by choice, or perhaps they just haven’t yet found a group of fellow witches they would like to work with. A solitary witch can incorporate various different paths based on their interest and may or may not use witchcraft as part of a wider spiritual path or religion. 4. ECLECTIC WITCH: An Eclectic witch is someone who pulls from various witchcraft traditions for their spellwork and rituals. They rely on a variety of different cultures, beliefs, and systems to formulate their own personal witchcraft practice which may change and evolve over time. 5. TRADITIONAL WITCH: A traditional witch is someone who takes a historical approach to witchcraft. They look at old grimoires, witch trials, various witch lore, and historical accounts to lay the foundation for their own spells and rituals. Often traditional witches focus on working with the nature and history of the place they live and may work with the genius loci, or the local spirits. 6. HEREDITARY WITCH: A Hereditary witch is someone who was born into a family that practices witchcraft. Usually their knowledge is passed down through generations and each family may have their own traditions and belief system. Though, just because someone is born in a witch family it does not necessarily mean that they will be more knowledgeable or powerful than a non-hereditary witch. 7. HEDGE WITCH: A Hedge witch works with the liminal spaces and the spirit realm. In the past a ‘hedge’ would mark a boundary of a village or settlement and thus represents the boundary between our physical reality and the spirit world. A hedge witch may be skilled at crossing that boundary through practices like astral travel. 8. KITCHEN WITCH: A kitchen witch enjoys making their home and surroundings a sacred space. They often like to incorporate witchcraft with their cooking and put their energy and focus into to the food and the meals they create. They care deeply about the ingredients, and may have their own herb and vegetable garden. 9. GREEN WITCH: Green witches are extremely nature based. They are likely to be in-tune with the seasons and often use natural materials to create their own magical tools. They most likely try to perform all their spellwork and rituals outside in nature when possible. 10. COSMIC WITCH: A cosmic witch incorporates astrology and astronomy into their witchcraft. They most likely closely follow the alignment of the planets and they will often will coordinate their spells and rituals based on the location of the planets and the moon. ☆ Labels.. Labels.. and more labels! Also, here are a few labels that are commonly passed around as well! It’s very important to remember that labels should never limit your practice. These are just classifications that I find useful in describing myself, and others have used to describe themselves. This list was made purely for fun. This is, by no means, a complete list. You do not have to ‘fit’ into any of these. A person’s craft is unique to them, that’s what makes it so awesome. (Warning: you may see some repeats from the previous list!) Omni Witch: A bookworm and a know it all, this type of witch studies and practices all the fields of magick. They are innately curious about everything, and love to learn. They are talkative and eager to share the massive amount of knowledge they have absorbed. Eclectic Witch: The Boho witch. She uses a combination or mix of whatever paths suit her best. Typically specializes in 2-4 different sects of the craft. She often will wear a mix-match of clothing, but enjoys long flowing things. She tends to be very random and eccentric, but is friendly nonetheless. Kitchen Witch: This type of witch uses easily obtained items and weaves magick into every aspect of their life. They are particularly fond of cooking, arts and crafts, sewing, cleaning, gardening and baking. They are skilled in potions, herbology, and subtle magick. Cottage Witch: A Witch who focuses on hearth magick. Much like the Kitchen witch, but with less emphasis on the cooking. They are the homemakers, the ones who decorate the house for the holidays. Usually empaths who are very sensitive to the people around them. Practical Witch: A branch of kitchen witch, they are adept at spellwork, and use their magick for everyday, mundane things. They adore the use of sigils and put them everywhere. Very down to earth individuals, who enjoy experimenting with ways to use magick to may their daily life easier and more enjoyable. Stitch Witch: A brand of Kitchen and Cottage witchery that holds magickal fabric work in high regard. They focus primarily on knot and stitch magick. Very scatter-brained individuals. Their room are always in disarray, fabric and thread everywhere. Usually fond of cosplay. LOVE making Halloween costumes for their family and friends. Green Witch: The woodland witches, these earthy individuals protect plants and love to garden. They usually are adept at spirit communication, hearing and responding to the needs of their many leaf-bearing friends. They thrive in natural environments such as forests, lakes, rivers and gardens. Green witches enjoy sunlight, growing plants and collecting rocks. They focus on holistic medicine and are learned healers. They are very familiar with their local region, having memorized all the species of plants, trees, insects, wildlife and flowers. They truly love the earth. Crystal Witch: A branch of Green witchery, these witches primarily work with stones, gems, crystals, and rocks. They LOVE geology, spend a lot of time hiking and collecting crystals. Usually very organized individuals that are in tune with the earth. They always know when the next local rock and mineral show is. Usually broke because they are always buying new rocks. So many rocks. Fucking rocks everywhere omg. Creature Witch: Another branch of Green witchery, mixed with spirit working and hedgecraft, these witches primarily work with Magickal and Astral creatures and spirits. They are very friendly people, and get along with all kinds of physical, and not so physical creatures. They collect fossils and bones and skulls and know the names and personalities of each spirit attached to them.Hedge Witch: A witch that lives between two worlds. They easily cross over into Elsewhere, the astral realm, and do so with ease. Often skilled at working with magickal creatures and familiars, they are very creative and artistic individuals. They are also very adept at psychometry, spirit communication, energy work, and time travel. Also called Astral Witches. Energy Witch: Witches that perform all of their magic internally. Their magic is one of pure energy, using circles cast in their heads and their imaginations to bring their will to life. Are usually shy and keep to themselves. They enjoy divination and astral projection. Also called Intrinsic Witches. Shadow Worker: A combination of energy and hedge magick, the shadow worker tames and summons Shadows of their own past and personality. They regret nothing, are very in tune with their emotions, and spend a lot of time meditating. They are not afraid to confront their mistakes, because accepting the flawed pieces of their personality gives them power. Spirit Worker: A Witch who communes with the dead spirits of humans, animals, and others entities. Some can even communicate with the spirits of trees, rocks, and man-made items. They are usually very outspoken, opinionated people. They use spirit boards and pendulums, among many other tools. They enjoy taking strolls in graveyards and having casual chats with the dead. Also called Mediums. Exorcist: A branch of Spirit Worker. They are usually hereditary, clairvoyant and raised into their practice. They learn their craft as it is passed down from their family members. They practice the archaic tradition of exorcism, aka banishment of dark or foul entities. Very somber individuals, who try their best to be optimistic. Oracle/Diviner: Branch of Spirit worker. Witches who primarily focus their practice on divination. Tarot, runes, pendulums, spirit boards, scrying, crystal gazing, aeromancy, stichomancy, sea gazing, animal gazing, bird watching, lynchomancy, ceromancy, astrology, numerology, amathomancy, dream interpretation, shufflemancy, tea leaf reading, people watching, palm reading, face reading. You name it, they probably know how to do it. Usually clairvoyant and have a number of other psychic abilities. Chaos Witch: A witch who uses baneful magick in their craft. They enjoy working with bones and are skilled at channeling and communicating with spirits. They will sometimes use demons, storm magick, blood magick, and cursing in their practice. They fear nothing. Commonly mislabeled ‘black’ or ‘dark’ witch. Which is not correct. Tsk tsk. Necromancer: A branch of Chaos magick, these witches take spirit working a step further, and are adept at communicating and controlling the dead. Necromancers usually have a familiar ‘wraith’ that acts much like an astral or spirit guide. Some can even raise the dead for a period of time to converse with them. Blood Witch: Another branch of Chaos magick, these witches primarily use blood in their rituals. They have a high pain tolerance, care little about what others think or say, and are very set in their ways. Some do it to prove how strong they are or devotion to their deities. Nonetheless, nice people once you get to know them. Perhaps a bit misunderstood. Sun Witch: A witch who draws their power more from the sun, than the moon as most witches tend to do. Adept at fire magic and are usually very spirited individuals. They use candles often in their practice, and love to throw barbecues and bonfires with their many friends. They enjoy sunbathing. Their magick comes in giant bursts and they will often use a lot of energy at once. Lunar Witch: A witch who primarily draws their power from the moon. They adore her and are usually adept at making moon water and knowing exactly what phase of the moon it is at any given time. They do not fear the dark, do much of their magick after the sun goes down, and have the ability to speak with the Lady Luna herself. These witches also may choose (or be chosen by) one of the moons of another planet, such as Miranda or Europa., and will work with that particular celestial body. Star Witch: Not to be confused with a Space witch, who works with all of the cosmos, primarily aliens and astrology. Star witches draw their power from constellations, stars, and the sun. They love star gazing, have star charts hanging on the walls of their room, and never miss a meteor shower. Very chipper individuals who always want to go to the planetarium rather than out to see a movie or to the park. They may also work with planets as well as stars. Storm Witch: This breed of witch is both terrifying and thrilling. They have a great sense of humor, and are usually very cryptic. They give zero fucks what people think of them and march to the beat of their own drum. They whistle up the winds and summon lightning. These witches are usually very adept at cursing and fear nothing. They like horror movies, cloudy weather, and casting emotionally charged spells. They are empathic individuals and always feel things to the extreme, there is no middle ground with them. Its black or white. Winter Witch: Witches who reside in the colder climates of the world. They cast snowstorms, collect hail and make poppets from snow. Blizzards are their best friends. They love cold weather, and usually draw their power from the snow and clouds, rather than the sun or the moon, as neither are usually very visible during storms. Despite their chilly disposition, they are warm and friendly once you get to know them. Sea Witch: These witches hone their craft near a body of water, and center their practice around it. Some sea witches will work with fresh water, such as rivers or lakes (in which case they will usually call themselves ‘river’ or ‘lake’ witches), some with the ocean. Sea witches without immediate access to a body of water are called ‘land-locked’. They often form connections with fish of all kinds, know their local areas very well, are good at predicting the weather, and are friendly with the nymphs, fae and dragons of their region. They enjoy collecting sand and seashells and are adept at storm and sun magic. Swamp Witch: A witch who works in the rivers and bayous of the world. They are adept at spirit communication and are versed in the traditions of their area. They enjoy wandering around their swamps, meeting familiars and befriending creepy crawlies. Their craft is usually a mix of traditional southern witchcraft and Hoodoo. They are very warm, hospitable individuals, but you should NEVER cross a Swamp witch. They are not afraid to curse your ass. These witches favor the healing powers of mud, enjoy mixing potions, reading next to a roaring fire and being with their family. Witch of the Waste: Desert witches who work with sand and limited supplies. Hardy herbs are their best friends and they often use a lot of bone magic. They have an extensive fossil and skull collection and are constantly pouring over old field guilds for their local area. They can whip up sandstorms in the blink of an eye, and befriend scorpions, snakes, and coyotes alike. They are an enduring species of witch, weathering everything the world has to throw at them. Few things dampen their spirits. Urban Witch: City witches who graffiti sigils on abandoned buildings, grow herbs in pots in their apartments and are very technologically savvy. Technomagic is their jam, usually rocking enchanted headphones, weaving spells from their favorite songs and using their cell phones as scrying mirrors.Tech Witch: A branch of Urban witchcraft, they work with html and other computer codes, have virtual altars to their deities, use old circuit boards as wards, old keypads from cell phones and laptops as spirit boards, and old broken electronic screens for scrying. They typically keep their grimoires as blogs. Very intelligent witches who are always on tumblr. Pop Culture Witch: A branch of Urban witchcraft. Witches that craft their spells based on popular music, movies, books and poetry. They are artistic and very educated and love to laugh. They can also curse the hell out of you. It’s not all Disney movies, folks. Artistic Witch: A witch usually covered in paint from head to toe. They draw, paint, dance, sing, and sew their way through their practice. They enchant their tablet pens and paintbrushes, use storm water for their watercolors, and strike real emotion into their audience. Dance Witch: Branch of Artistic Witch. They use dance in their practice, and are very physically sound. They may practice one on many kinds of dance, or even martial art. And they do so skillfully. They are usually very quiet people, but not at all shy or unsure of themselves. They would rather express their thoughts through movement and body language than actually speaking. Theatrical Witch: Branch of Artistic witch. A player. They act and perform in plays to honor their deities, spend countless hours perfecting their lines and adore being dramatic. Very charismatic people who take pride in their work. Persistent. Never take no for an answer. Melodic Witch: A branch of Artistic that primarily uses song and musical instruments in their practice. They are very busy people, constantly practicing whatever instrument has currently caught their fancy. They easily make friends with Sirens and Lorelai in their common love of song, and attract Fae and Nymphs alike with the sounds of their voices. Fae Witch: These witches are educated on all types of faeries, but usually prefer to work with a certain species or one they are familiar with. They are usually very playful and mischievous individuals, mimicking the creatures they work with. They are very attracted to shiny things and are easily offended. Nymphatic Witch: These cutie pies are usually Hellenistic in their choice of deities, and are well versed in all the species of Nymphs, what they like, and where they live. They usually work with the ones that live in their local area and mirror them in their personalities. They hate wearing clothes, but when they do they prefer pastel colors. They are very whimsical, pleasant people to be around. Draconic Witch: These witches are fearsome. They are knowledgable in all the species of dragons, their personalities and their migration patterns. They usually will have one or more dragon companion from their local area. They are skilled in astral projecting, storm magick and cursing. They love to collect things such as books and crystals. Vampiric Witch: A witch that either works with or is a vampire. They feed off the energy or emotions of others and use it to power their magick. They tend to be kind of clingy, but they are loyal as fuck and treasure their few friends. They have many secrets, and usually a dark past. They enjoy using blood in magick and are adept at healing and cursing. They are kind of vain, love gothic clothing, jewelry and expensive things. Astro/Space Witch: A witch who works with aliens. Usually very paranoid individuals, they adore star gazing, always know when the next astronomical event is, and love the documentary TV Show ‘ancient aliens’. They are usually adept at astral travel, astrology and sun magick. Demonic Witch: These witches work with Demons. They differ from Exorcists in that they actually summon them and get them to go their bidding, rather than casting them out. Can usually hold a grudge a hella long time. Not people to mess with. Stubborn and bull headed. Otherkin Witch: A witch who is Otherkin. They relate to an inhuman or an animal in either personality or spirit, or believe they are a reincarnation of such. They behaviors and choice in deities and certain practices in their craft will usually reflect their kind of Kin. An example would be that a Felinekin might like using catnip in their rituals, and might call on Bastet, Sekhmet or Freya in their magick. Ceremonial Witch: A combination of ceremonial magic and witchcraft. They focus on rituals and formal casting of magic. With robes and altars and everything. Also called Ritualistic Witchcraft or Traditional Witchcraft. Solitary Witch: A witch who works in isolation. Usually very independent and stubborn, they take orders from no one. Subtle Witch: A witch who cannot be openly witchy due to their family, friends or environment. Hereditary Witch: Someone who is born into a witch family and brought up learning about witchcraft, or folk magic. They take great pride in certain traditional magic passed down through the generations. Secular Witch: A witch who does not involve religion in their craft. Now that you’re a bit more familiar with the paths and labels- ☆ Let’s hit the books! Many people assume that becoming a witch simply means giving yourself the title of witch and then casting the occasional spell. This would be like buying yoga pants and mala beads, and calling yourself a yogi. But the truth is, becoming a witch takes a lot of hard work, discipline, and time. Therefore, after you decide which kind of witchcraft you are interested in, it's time to start studying. In order to learn about your craft, get your hands on as many books and articles as possible. Thanks to the internet, you can now watch videos online about becoming a witch, and you can even take witchcraft courses. Being a novice witch can be very overwhelming, so it's also a good idea to find a guide. An experienced witch can recommend reading, teach you some techniques for spells, and encourage you along your journey. ☆ Next gather your supplies!! You can never have to much in my opinion! Of course, you may also wish to buy some supplies in order to practice magick and cast spells. While you don't need to buy everything at once, here are some of the most common witchcraft supplies and tools: Mortar and pestle: These are used to mix herbs and other ingredients in order to create your blends and remedies.

Crystals: Crystals can help purify a sacred space before a ritual, as well as provide healing and protection.

Wand: This is a short stick (often selected from specific trees) used to cast a circle

Salt: Typically used to cast a protective circle

Book of Shadows: This is where you will organize and record things you are learning within the craft, as well as spells and rituals.

Herbs: These are used in spell workings, rituals, and magickal preparations.

God and Goddess statues: Used to decorate the altar and as a focal point during rituals, to draw attention to a particular god or goddess.

Altar: This is where you will hold sacred space, practice your craft, as well as keep your crystals, statues, and other witchcraft supplies. While there is more we could include on this list, these are the basic supplies witches use. As you refine your area of focus, you will have a better idea of the supplies that your brand of witchery calls for. ☆ What about spells?! Now, you're probably wondering, "Ok, but how do I cast a spell?".. The truth is, as frustrating as it sounds, there is no exact answer on how to cast a spell. This is because every witch is different and every witch has their own path. This means that a spell that works for one witch may not work for another. Learning to cast spells that work for you takes research, practice, and introspection. That being said, it can help to have some basic guidelines to get started. Then, you can tweak spells based on your own individual needs. This Simple Pleasures in Life spell is a great place to start. As you can see, becoming a witch and practicing witchcraft involves a lot more than just waving a wand around. ☆ Witch Youtube Channels: https://www.youtube.com/user/VideoJamGarden https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZfyjjVFNqNBLRg6p964AWQ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCO6HYyldrzr3fTUWXLyJ3yg https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChHS4NI6U4XgCuYgsrygVCA https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCoJQafFd9es78EhaqXl4WNA ♡ All credit goes to their due sources. ♡

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eye-of-enigmatic-thought · 4 years

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2019, a retrospective to this year and decade

Long post in-comin’

I’m gonna be honest, I’m not really sure how to describe this year and by extension, this decade, I guess that’s to be expected in a way, so many things can happen in 365 or more days to the point of a information overload, but I suppose the best way to describe this year was ‘complicated yet also stale’. Not much happened in the beginning aside from therapy and support group appointments, which were pleasant albeit I don’t remember much from them aside from drawings I’ve done that I showed to the other members, nothing of significance happened that I can recall during the middle of the year, and around near the end I took part in art therapy groups that I managed to make a few friends out of (though I sadly don’t chat with them often), at September I was beginning to try and get into college after being out of education for a year and managed to enrol (though court issues made me miss the first five weeks that I had to quickly catch up to), most of my memories of this year actually came from college.

College has been going good, so far! I have been learning a lot and my tutors are very kind, of course it can get stressful due to the long days I have and also due to some of my more rowdier peers, but I’ve managed to also befriend a few others that I am very happy to have met. Currently I’m in my break and I will use it to advantage as much as I can to post as much art as I can.

Also, I’ve just recently been exploring my gender, and well, I’m now transmasc rather than a demigirl, I still go by whatever pronoun and still see myself as nonbinary, but I am more masculine leaning now? I guess I might be a ‘demiboy’ but I still feel a bit more ‘fluid’ than that, sooo... masculine leaning demifluid? I dunno, but overall I’m not a girl anymore! :D

Rebirth is still being rewritten, admittedly I haven’t been focusing entirely on it due to some things in the way, but some of that is now gone so really my only enemy is my lack of motivation and poor time management, but even times where I’m not writing and/or editing the rewrite I’m still thinking of how I want certain scenes to go or what things I want the characters to say, so it’s still being worked on! I do feel incredibly bad that I haven’t been doing a lot of my Undertale-related stuff lately or even attempting to at least finish off the HS’ blog’s first arc (I at LEAST wanna finish that arc before I go on a official hiatus to fully know what to do with it), but you can rest assured that I have NOT forgotten about it and I do want to continue on with it, I guess that’s probably one of my goals for 2020, ‘more Undertale fanart’, yes, good, very good, mwahahahaha.

And now, a little something more personal, mostly in regards to this decade as a whole. Warning for mentions and discussions of pedophilia, bullying, suicide, and trauma for the next three or so paragraphs.

(Warning starts here)

My memories from around the beginning of this decade are hazy, but very notable, I’m not going to sugarcoat it by saying that from 2010-2013 were some of my worst years of my life, I was only 11-14 around this time, but when I wasn’t going through awful bullying at school that the teachers did nothing about, I would come back home to a toxic friend circle on DeviantArt that was filled with constant irrelevant drama and some REALLY creepy adults that would do smut rps with the minors in our group. Thankfully I never was a victim of this due to mostly staying in my corner and didn’t interact with others much, but I saw it happen to many of the other minors in said group, it left me disturbed but I rationalised it by thinking it was just some ‘teenager thing’ that I was too young for (because I was a little cretin that lied about my age and said I was 13 when I was really 11 when I first signed up haha), it was only when I was late into being 17 I realised ‘Oh my god the people who I called my friends and RP’d with were pedophiles and groomed the other minors what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck’.

This whole shitty ordeal with that dA friend circle and the constant bullying I went through in secondary school were so bad that it literally led me to have a suicide attempt at the age of 13, I survived of course, and I’m really glad I did, because I wouldn’t have met friends that through them I would manage to get away and abandon the old dA group because ‘fuck you guys I have BETTER FRIENDS NOW!’ Unfortunately all of that dA friend circle are now deactivated or are no longer active with all the evidence deleted so there’s no use making a callout or name dropping any of them or even searching for the other minors in attempt to rekindle with them (and I don’t think my heart would be able to handle it in that regard...), but I did find out that one of them who was a pedophile apologist at one point commissioned a ton of Darkrai pregnancy porn with one of it being fucking mpreg, so I can at least get a laugh from that shit, doubt she’s reading this but if you are...

You may be gone, but your darkrai mpreg porn will live on FOREVER... Forever for ME to laugh at!!! >8DDD So anyway get rekt and suck my non-existent dick you fucking creep.

(Warning ends here)

Phew alright, all that nasty stuff out of the way... 2014 was where things began to improve, I had moved secondary schools and I switched from a mainstream to a specialist school for other autistic children and I found the people who would become my closest friends, through one of them I also got a tumblr blog, and when Undertale came around (so late 2015 to around 2016 when the fandom was most active), through it’s fandom I managed to gain really kind and lovely friends that I love dearly, it’s somewhat strange to me, in the beginning since childhood I never had any close friends and the only ‘close’ ones I had were ones that either kept me around out of pity (because I was a awkward autistic kid), kept me around to constantly bully and push my buttons, or (in this case with the dA friend circle) were potential predators that I thankfully was never THAT close to, and actual close ones I lost contact with too quickly, to this day I’m so thankful for these friends and I dunno if they’d be comfortable with me namedropping them here, but if you’re reading this, you know who you are <333.

I of course had rough patches throughout the years, recovery from my traumas wasn’t easy and I was constantly having issues with pretty much everything from my mental health problems to environmental factors that were out of my control, I’m not going to go into detail on this one because this post is long enough already, but I am much better now than how I was when I was younger, I still have a long way to go, but I have definitely improved and I hope I can still improve, hell, I’ve even improved my art! Wanna see an example?

I drew this back in 2011 on mspaint on a mouse! Yeah! Can you believe that? Whilst to me my art right now isn’t exactly ‘artist goals’ I have definitely improved a lot since!! And I’ll keep on improving forever because that’s what this decade was like anyway! I’m not sure what the future holds, but I want to set these goals for next year:

Create more digital art Finish my unfinished short comic ideas and parodies Continue to chip away at Rebirth’s rewrite and finish Hissterical Scientist’s first arc. Work on my original stuff Continue to improve my mental health Get proper time management skills Learn to do commissions (I be gettin munz lol) Thank you to all my friends and family who have helped support me and stuck by me throughout all these years, I am so happy I get to spend a life with you and I hope we’ll continue to go through the future together, you mean so much to me and I can’t say thank you enough. Thank you to any followers who have sticked by me for so long and if you’re new, I hope we’ll make memories together!

Onward and upward, and leave behind the pain! <3

#tara's text

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mattskeebah · 5 years

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PLEASE READ

I know how much y’all hate “your fave is problematic” posts...but it’s necessary.

Summary: Matt Skiba, singer of the band Alkaline Trio and member of Blink-182, has nazi tattoos, is a fan of nazi bands, made tasteless nazi related paintings, is best friends with Boyd Rice, and in fact, owns nazi insignia. Matt claims to be a feminist but likes countless scantily clad pics of young models and sex workers and follows actual porn actresses on IG. Also, he never distanced himself from Asia Argento and still sells t-shirts with her face on them in his webstore. Matt supports the police and the military and he has a weird gun fetish. He attacked fans who criticized his behavior and his problematic associations.

---

WHY I STOPPED BEING A FAN OF MATT SKIBA

He supports the police as an instutition, specifically Chicago PD. He made a post on Instagram in favor of CPD which ofc received backlash from fans but he ignored the negative comments and brushed it off as “there are bad people in every profession” and then he deleted the post. Thanks to a Tumblr user who screencapped it: [x] please notice the tiny blue (lives matters) heart. Also, here are some “cute” pics of him wearing police-related stuff [x] [x] and check out this post of him “repping” new CPD merch on his car [x] (he disabled the comments).

He supports the military, which might be because his parents served in the Vietnam war, but that doesn’t make it less shitty. Examples for his military-support can be found all over his Instagram. [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] and so on... and in this post he’s delighted that a soldier in Afghanistan is wearing an Alkaline Trio patch. [x]

He’s close friends with Asia Argento / or had possible romantic relationship with her and he still sells t-shirts with her face on them in his merch shop. For those of you who don’t know her, she was one of the leaders of the #metoo movement but then it was revealed that she herself had sex with an intoxicated 17-year-old (!) and her bf Anthony Bourdain gave the boy money so he would keep his mouth shut about the incident, ((later Bourdain committed suicide))

Story of a fan who gave Matt a letter criticizing him for being friends with Argento, and the same night he posted a picture of her on IG (I think it was this post)… which seems like a subtle F*CK YOU at the person who gave him the letter. (he can’t take criticism, can he?)

His IG activity is .. something else. Matt’s major interests are motorbikes, cars, and young, attractive, half-naked models and strippers. One of his recent likes (nudity and bruises cw) [x] [x] [x] [x]….that one is an actual porn actress he follows and thirsts over: (more nudity cw) [x] he commented ‘cool butt momma. miss you xoxo’ [x] [x] (liked)…and my “personal fave” a picture with a sex worker [x] he deleted the picture ofc

HE LOVES GUNS (+said that he would use them) he has quite a big gun collection: SIG SAUERs, a Morning Star, many knifes, a shotgun, a Desert Eagle gun, a samurai sword, a faux snakeskin baton, and more stuff I can’t remember, he posted his collection on November 5th 2018 on IG, but unfortunately I didn’t take a screenshot!! but he posted them individually on IG. [x] [x] [x] [x] etc. and a recently deleted pic at the shooting range [x] ……also this pic exists.. edgelord (tw gun to the head).

In the comments of the same post (I swear on my life it’s real, you have to trust me) a user commented that he’s a Trump supporter but he would still defend Matt, even if he’s “politically left”. Matt’s answer: “I would defend you too, my man!”. o k a y. then Matt said he identifies as “quite a bit left” o K AY. MATT. Just so btw. the user also had a name including “88″ ( is a code phrase commonly used in fascist circles for “Heil Hitler”) or he just meant the year 88. but I saw some racist “memes” on his IG too.

Matt has a weird obsession with WW2. He literally watched a holocaust docu on HIS FUCKING BDAY (or at least he posted about it) and he said he collects WW2 books. Theoretically, nothing wrong with being interested in history, but in the context of everything… bad vibes……….

He really loves Nordic/Scandinavian-related stuff, like jewelry of the Hammer of Thor etc and he even uses MS runes for his merch. Runes are popular among occultists but they also have a really problematic history concerning WW2 and the nazis. Considering one of his most favorite bands Death in June mentions runes in their lyrics and they are a REALLY REALLY questionable band flirting with nazi imagery and being openly affiliated with fascist and far-right satanists, I have every right to question Matt’s intentions.

He literally has a crutch cross tattoo on his chest (which was used as the symbol of Austro-Fascism, and is also the logo of the neo folk - nazi band Blood Axis) PHOTO 1, PHOTO 2 and an EDELWEISS tattoo [x], which is the national flower of Austria and is considered a magical flower in occult circles. Nothing wrong with having a flower tattoo but it was used a lot in the context of nationalsocialism and “traditional values”. To add, it was also used as a symbol of the 1st Mountain division “Gebirgsjäger” in WW2 (Hitler’s elite formation of the Wehrmacht who were involved in large scale war crimes).

Matt OWNS NAZI INSIGNIA. He is wearing a WW2 Edelweiss patch in this pic [x] and here [x] combined with a crutch cross patch (Alk3 used an iron cross backdrop at their concerts 2014ish and a crutch cross symbol on their guitar picks btw.)

He owns several Death In June patches, their merch [x] [x] [x] [x] etc. and other patches and buttons featuring nazi-related symbols. [DIJ WIKI]. He is also friends with their singer. Matt’s a huge DIJ fan, attended their concerts [x] and Douglas P. reads the intro of the Alkaline Trio song “I Found Away”. DIJ uses fascist symbols and “aesthetics” for the band, including an SS Totenkopf logo.

Matt painted the same logo and exhibited it at an art show [x]

HE LITERALLY DID PAINTINGS REFERENCING DOLLFUSS AND MUSSOLINI and another piece of “art” called “surf nazis” [x] what the actual f u c k .. and here he is with his painting of Mickey Mouse as Hitler [x]

HE IS BEST FRIENDS with Boyd Rice, (here’s a picture of them holding Wolfsangels, a nazi symbol) they are REALLY CLOSE. According to Rice’s IG they meet every week and hang out and Rice considers Matt “family”… the entire Boyd Rice shit can be read in this post (important please read). Matt even attacked fans that were calling him out and called them stupid.

The first liked video on his Youtube channel is a video about neo-nazi biker gangs in Germany....... [x]

He is friends with Kat von D, she did a few of his tattoos and she appeared in the Alk3 video “Help Me”.

He collabed with Jeffree Star on a violent song [x]

He was at an art show of a friend who used nazi symbols (!)

posts like these [x] [x]

In this interview [x] he’s pretty much romanticizing that people got stabbed back then at concerts and that there was a big skinhead scene (he wasn’t “stoked” about the violence happening BUT “the energy surrounding” was “very ATTRACTIVE” to him. Make of that what you will.)

When he was a sophomore in HS (and on acid) he beat up a classmate who threw a U.S. flag on the floor. [x]

Matt made a racist remark a few years ago about Chinese people [x] and according to him //or he’s joking// he has a tattoo on his dick that says “welcome to Jamaica” which can be interpreted as racist.

Many of the movies he praises blatantly depict violence against women, like Blue Velvet, Funny Games, A Clockwork Orange (it has almost 3 rape scenes in the first 15 minutes), lyrics like “Radio” can be seen as misogynist, he literally wishes that his ex-GF (/or someone’s ex-gf) should take a bath with a radio and get electrocuted.

A person on IG commented that his ex-girlfriend accused him of domestic violence, I have no proof for that but he deleted the comments ofc and then a few days later he donated money to a women’s shelter in LA… which seems like he’s trying to avoid a shitstorm…

He compared L.A. women to zoo animals in this interview [x].

He cheated on his ex-gf(s) which I think should go on this list too.

Matt used to be a member of the Church of Satan, just leaving this here. you can argue if it’s good or bad but there seems to be a connection between satanists and neo-nazis .. sadly.

He listed the song* “Los Angeles” by X among his faves in this interview [x] (*edit: Someone has reached out to me and explained that the song was not racist, antisemitic or anything but from the *perspective* of a racist. However, we don't know Matt's reason for liking the song and considering his WW2 fetish, it's sketchy that he would consider the song as one of his favorites. Maybe he likes it because the song openly says things out loud under the veil of "sarcasm" that would be criticized under different circumstances. See also: [Oscar Wild was right.] Matt still listened to the band in 2014 and was at a concert of them [x], even months after their singer spew right-wing conspiracy theories concerning (school) shootings.

THIS FUCKING PICTURE OF HIM WITH A CHARLES MANSON DOLL AND A SW*STIKA. He still had the doll in other pictures [x] [x].

This picture I found on a fansite. It’s supposed to be Matt as a child.. where does that even come from and why is he wearing a military hat with something that vaguely looks like an eagle (?)

I can’t be the only one who noticed that but Matt had a vaguely ~nazi haircut thoughout the years and even some sort of nazi / white power aesthetic~ going on, even fans recognized it as such [x] [x] [x] and in the context of him hanging out with Boyd Rice like this in this picture [x] it’s safe to say he was EXACTLY GOING FOR THAT LOOK.

When he was in Germany during the Blink-182 tour 2017 he proudly posed at a famous Third Reich location in the Alps. Yk. nothing wrong with visiting historical locations but in the context of everything mentioned in this post. IT LOOKS REALLY BAD.

…probably more.. this man is a walking disaster

- - -

In this post I listed a lot, there are probably some things you would consider “minor” because they happened years ago but I thought I’d mention them anyway. Also, I’m not saying he has those beliefs but he definitely doesn’t distance himself from nazi(-sympathizing) scum like Boyd Rice and keeps being BFFs with him. And what’s up with the problematic tattoos and WWII insignia? I can’t be the only one who thinks this is not okay!!!

Thanks for reading.

#I never thought I would write this... he meant so much to me.. he was my inspiration. wtf #RECEIPTS #PLEASE DONT IGNORE THIS!!!!!#matt skiba #alkaline trio #blink-182 #blink182

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abundantchewtoys · 5 years

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HS Epi: Meat p19 reaction

I... don't really know what to expect anymore.

What could the wallet contain. A Dad note. A Terezi note. Or captchalogued people?

Odds are even we won't be seeing it right away. Though I'd dread to see Dirk's omniscient narrative voice take over narration of the post-victory scenes.

Still, Dirk should know better by now than to rely on his strong points this much. They're not evened out by a reliable moral compass all the time, and he's seen the results of that before. Guess with great knowledge comes great arrogance.

"Anyway, back to the B Plot." Ah yes, the B Plot. On Earth C. Featuring A2 trolls Karkat and Kanaya.

"Right about now, Jade should be wrapping up her political presentation to Roxy and Calliope" Ah, skipping right to the end of that, are we.

"Jade’s got this disarming combo of head-in-the-clouds flightiness and the kind of legit, down-to-earth cred that can only be earned by having done something like cutting open your own grandfather and stuffing him full of polyurethane foam." Ah yes, one of these definitely led to the other.

"neoliberal austerity measures" How often can we repeat the same 3 words?

Roxy groans upon hearing the phrase “neoliberal austerity measures” for no less than the third time in this presentation." Roxy the audience surrogate. Since it's our 3rd time too.

"JADE: as i outlined here in graph b-2 JADE: and here in figure a-6" It's a good thing timelines can only be scratched the once. A6 Alternia would have been a dreadful sight.

"JADE: and here!!! in this very spooky drawing i dictated to callie JADE: (great drawing by the way!!!) CALLIOPE: ^u^" Hah, Calliope's drawing skills have found another use! Political Powerpoints.

"JADE: the thing is that jane is an establishment leader JADE: shes looking at doing things the way our old universes did them JADE: shes pretty convinced that shes going to be able to replicate the capitalist hierarchies that earth had but in a more “responsible” way JADE: but none of that stuff actually worked!!!!!" That's a nice summary of the things that are wrong to Jane's approach, actually. Though it doesn't provide an answer to the underlying problem yet.

"ROXY: and u think karkat can do better? JADE: i think its worth it to give him a chance JADE: hes a leader of the people AND hes experienced firsthand what happens when establishment goes too far JADE: which i imagine you can sympathize with!" This really feels like a boardroom conference, with Jane trying to get a preliminary backing out of a captain of industry.

"Her graphs are floating around the living room in disarray." Hah, she's using her space powers for this in another mundane application. Though... not in any offical setting, it seems. Roxy and Calliope's home.

"CALLIOPE: i’m... CALLIOPE: going to get Us tea and snacks. woUld yoU like some, jade?" To be fair, Calliope's probably going to follow Roxy in her eventual decision, anyway. Her childhood fascination with trolls might have been abandoned for new interests, or she might trust her friend's judgment in matters political.

"Calliope excuses herself from the conversation, and flees to the kitchen, seemingly making no attempt to disguise the fact that she is in fact fleeing." What a cutey. Calliope might in fact be trying to flee anything reeking of negativity, associating it with black romance and such.

"Jade deflates as she watches her go, sensing that her presentation wasn’t the slam dunk she was hoping for." It's so easy forgetting that the narration is also at least in part steering the story at this point. >_<

"ROXY: well i gotta say ROXY: this has been a hella convincing argument all in all ROXY: buuuuut idk if i can help u out" Maybe they would actually like to stay neutral?

"She and Calliope live in a belfry above New Prospit. One end of their living room is an oriel window that looks out over a public park. The other disappears into an arcading hallway lit at the far end by a giant stained glass window that Calliope made herself. The corbels supporting it have windy, abstract shapes carved into them." Artsy! I didn't know what to picture for their living space, but actually Calliope taking to carapacian art-deco and giving it a cheruban twist really works!

"That’s what keeps Jade Harley flitting from couch to couch, relationship to relationship. She can’t stop thinking to herself that “home” comes awfully close to rhyming with “alone.”" Home Alone, huh?

"Home is John, who doesn’t call anymore. Home is when Rose and Kanaya welcome her in from a cold night and help her set lyrics to her sick basslines. Home is here, snorting at Roxy’s irreverent method of storytelling and admiring Callie’s art. Home is Dave and Karkat." This REALLY reminds me of the Tramp, as he had a home in every street he frequented.

"ROXY: im alls ABOUT the sowing of discord among my childhood friends" She's had quite her fill of the dramas. That's a valid reason to stay out of it. She'll just have to weight it against the downsides of not influencing the outcome of the election in any positive way.

"JADE: dirk got to you first ROXY: not even ROXY: i got no problem tellin dirk where to stick it lmao ROXY: but dirks not the one running JADE: you think hes NOT the one pulling the strings behind the scenes? ROXY: sure but give janey a lil credit" On the one hand I'm glad Roxy's got such a backbone, on the other hand, off course we know Dirk's still influencing the outcome at the moment. Also, uh, he's got no issues invading the lives of his friends personally, even after telling us off on the subject first.

"ROXY: but shes yknow JADE: ruthless? :B

Roxy frowns. Jade is being pretty unfair." I get the feeling Jade is less good at filtering her words lately. And I also get the feeling Dirk is starting to sow a little conflict.

"ROXY: shes gotta be miss perfect all the time for the billboards n press meetings ROXY: always wearin those power suits trying to look like a big bad bitch JADE: you mean like....... the condesce? ROXY: wow ouch JADE: im not just imagining it though, right??? JADE: you see it too JADE: not to dredge up something horrible from your history JADE: but her whole image is just kinda...... *woof* ROXY: is that what you guys think? ROXY: u and dave and karkat?" It's something they should have brought up via intermediary channels to Jane on beforehand. Not let fester until all they could think of to "stop" her was introduce a late-to-the-party candidate.

Jade might also be doubly upset with Jane for seemingly mirroring the Condesce, as they were both brainwashed by her.

"Roxy leans forward and stares Jade down, like she’s searching for something behind Jade’s eyes." That's the same thing she did with John! Guess she's trying to find out some of her secrets.

"Jade unwittingly responds in kind, looking for meaning behind Roxy’s gaze. But she comes up empty. And to be honest, so do I." That unfathomable personality might be your spanner in the works, Dirk. I can only hope she's secretly onto him. Her Void powers manifest the 'obscurity' different from Equius.

"In the spirit of full disclosure, Roxy’s the only one left I haven’t been able to crack. Her mind remains a total enigma to me, just like it always has." It's interesting, since they share so much in childhood upbringing, progeny, demeanor even at times...

"invisible, even to increasingly omniscient parties such as myself" *coughDocScratchcough* ... What would Reload Roxy be doing right now, assuming the session's timeline didn't stop when Caliborn's soul 'left' it?

"ROXY: but shes not betty crocker ROXY: and i luv her and i dont wanna hurt her feelings" N'aww.

"ROXY: and thats p much all there is to say on the matter" Second time the phrase's been used in the epilogues!

"CALLIOPE: oh, i’d rather stay Uninvolved, thank yoU." Passive player to the brink.

"CALLIOPE: i feel like interfering in both politics and a personal argUment between my friends woUld be impolite as well as kind of... stressfUl, to be honest. JADE: yeah JADE: sorry callie i probably shouldnt have put all that on you CALLIOPE: less apologizing, more snacking!" It's nice to see they're cutting her some slack. A horrible childhood, an early death, a spiel as a ghost... Oh, sure, she's one of the good guys and as such would have some responsibilities in the end, but it's nice for a change they don't expect too much from her. Maybe a bit too little for her own good, but still.

"Calliope claps her hands together. It’s a bright noise. Her tone of voice is bright too. All these years and she still can’t believe that she has so many friends. She smiles at Jade, and Jade smiles back. The tea tastes great. The cakes are even better. Callie’s an artist in everything she does." ^u^ Aww, that warms my heart at least.

"JADE: wow callie youre such an amazing hostess!" ... Well, she's a more excellent host than Doc Scratch, for sure!

"ROXY: psst not “her,” “them”" ... I see! Well, guess we'll be getting some more insight into the androgyn bodies of cherubs and how Calliope has updated her self image over all these years? Caliborn still had the giant eyelashes, so it stands to reason there were also other, more masculine traits to Calliope's body even when she still shared it with her brother.

"JADE: oh wow!" Oh, I figured Jade already knew about Calliope's preferred pronouns, but it seems not!

"CALLIOPE: bUt i did take comfort in “being a girl” for a very long time. this is something i’ve only recently decided." ... I just remembered how Calmasis also was this androgynous figure. ... I wonder if Calliope will be thinking about a name change.

So, I don't think Roxy's haircut is a sign she's genderfluid now too, but I imagine a lot of fanart has already been created for butch!Roxy by the time I read this.

"ROXY: m-me too actually" Oh. N-never mind then. That caught me unaware! I didn't see that in Roxy. For one, despite all the pink and the ponies, she didn't seem like she felt "trapped" in a role to me. Unlike Calliope, where I can see how she might have felt obliged to embrace everything not-Caliborn.

But this does shed a whole new light on Mom's overly childish and girlish bedroom in the lab. Like she was trying to compensate for something. Uhm... It might also be one of the main reasons behind her drinking problem. Her embracing girlish, adult woman habits but never feeling like they 'fit'.

Well well. Homestuck's main characters continue to be representation incarnate.

"Wait.

What?" PFFFFFFFFFF. I love it. Dirk's reaction is gold. Guess this completely blindsided him too and didn't shed any more lights on the inner workings of her mind than he thought. So even if he knew she was holding something back after the "yea", and maybe encouraged her to keep speaking, he didn't know what to expect.

"Roxy? Seriously?

Like I said, fucking inscrutable." Dirk has NOT just had an "I knew it!" moment.

"I never would have guessed. Not that I’ve spent much time contemplating issues related to gender. I’m pretty secure in my expression of masculinity, and..." That's a suspiciously specific acknowledgement, though, Dirky boy. :P

"You know what? Fuck this. I don’t owe anyone an explanation of any sort on this topic. I’m confident with who I am, what I am, my gender, as well as my understanding of the concept. You want my honest opinion? It’s fucking fantastic. Good for them. Both of them, I mean, but also, both of them in a singular fashion, since each one can now individually be referred to by the conventionally plural word “them.”" Pffff, of all the things. I didn't think this would have Dirk fly off the handle in such a Dave-way, while still narrating, but I'm happy to see it. In an out-of-story sense, Dirk is currently the audience surrogate, showcasing what a "true fanboy"'s reaction could be like, if they were both shocked to the core but mature enough to get over their shock without throwing around accusations and tantrums.

But yeah, at least the aloofness is gone from his voice, for just this time.

"I’m ecstatic for this personal development they’ve embraced, for the people they are, the lack of gender they identify with, and the pronouns they prefer. I’ve got no problem with it whatsoever, and frankly, it’s fucking insulting anyone would ever imagine otherwise." I can picture him speaking through gritted teeth, it's glorious! 'This is good, this is fine. I am doing great!'

"ROXY: ahah hahaha hell of a way to come out" Ooh, so she's not even out to Jane or Rose yet!

"ROXY: what even is gender" That is SUCH a Roxy thing to say. Also, almost stoner like. Picture Gamzee going like (in his quirk): 'Have you ever really THOUGHT about gender, man? I mean, really THOUGHT about it.'

"Jade looks at where her hands are folded in her lap. Bites her lip. She has her own concerns about this, her own thoughts. Reasonable thoughts, I’d say." "ROXY: i mean that was all stuff from our old universe ROXY: whyd we even bring it here right? JADE: right" I think for Jade it's not something she'd discard so easily! I mean, it all depends on whether 'gender' is something antigonal to your self image, in the end, I guess. If it isn't hindering you... that's how you stay heteronormative in some or all elements.

"Calliope takes a teacake between two of her claws and eats it delicately, hyper-aware of the horrible gnashing and snapping her powerful jaw is capable of.

CALLIOPE: my ideas aboUt gend—

SHIT. Between two of /their/ claws." HAH. Oh my god. The narration cut off Calliope. ... Pffff, though it IS a good callout, since I've been using gendered pronouns still to refer to Calliope. Whoops!

"CALLIOPE: i sUppose i only thoUght of myself as a girl because my, Um... CALLIOPE: my brother took mascUlinity qUite serioUsly." A) Still not saying his name :P B) Using his preferred pronouns.

"CALLIOPE: by which i mean, he became very enthUsiastic aboUt all the things it sUpposedly meant to be a boy. CALLIOPE: cherUb existence is dichotomoUs, bUt not in the same way hUman biology is. CALLIOPE: i sUppose oUr view of hUman cUlture indirectly inflUenced alternia’s development, which in tUrn affected yoUrs, which is something i’ve had a lot of time to think aboUt since we came here." Oh right! Lord English & Doc Scratch helped shape Alternia's development, so in a lot of bad ways there was a focus on power and masculinity, which may have trickled down into Earth's because of who created our universe, and thus it might all have been a self fulfilling prophecy, what Caliborn's gender identity is concerned! Guess we were due another one of these loops. :P

"ROXY: so much of what earth c thinks what boys and girls “SHOULD” do comes straight from the imagination of a bunch of dumb teens ROXY: which is totally FUCKED JADE: sure" Yes, and so much of what Earth C "should" be like, as a victory state reward planet, and the epilogues by extension, exists only in the imagination of a bunch of dumb humans spread over this globe. :P I reek a callout. Not undeserved, mind.

"She probably would have loved being a “they” when she was a teen." (Referring to Jade.) I'll grant you that, Dirk. But I thought you were doing paraphrasing other people's thoughts for the course of this conversation?

"i liked the idea of dirk" He'll love to hear that. :P Well, you know, Karkat had the same thing, he loved the idea of Condesce as a powerful leader, if not always the result of that leadership.

"ROXY: and also literally no one else on the entire planet was alive at the time

ROXY: but we had some babies without even bein consulted about it anyway so w/e" Context!

"JADE: personally im a big fan!

And like that, Jade’s smiling again." Nothing like Dave & Karkat to lift her mood. :P

"The storm clouds pass so quickly in her world, you almost wouldn’t have thought there was anything wrong at all. Roxy and Calliope certainly didn’t notice.

But there is something wrong. And this time, they’ll notice." Uhhh, wrong with Jade? Or something wrong with Earth C in general? Besides Dirk taking over, I mean. Oh no! ... Calliope left the kettle on! :P

"JADE: i... JADE: i.........

Jade drops her tea. The cup hits the floor and shatters." ... Is she passing out?? Just like Rose??

... Oh no. This doesn't have anything to do with John going back, retconning the timeline, and some of their selves being killed right? It shouldn't influence them, since they're from a different timeline, but with the talk about canon and relevance and truth and shit...

Is Dave going to pass out next???

Did John accidentally change the Reload timeline to be the alpha one, and is the future adjusting to the changes??? Or is it due to something to do with Lord English' powers in killing a different 'real' version of them?

"She takes in a sharp breath. She’s not feeling well suddenly. She’s dizzy, feverish, seeing things beyond her field of vision. A blinding flash of light. A black, perfect circle, burning a hole in her eyes." Wow. Just like John, she gets a vision of the Black Hole! So, maybe it's more like she gets backlash from suddenly absorbing the memories of Reload Jade.

"She doesn’t look bad at all— Jade wears unconsciousness well, having spent the better part of her life napping." Aaaand we're back in sleeping beauty terrain.

"But she can’t hear her. Jade is somewhere else right now." Uhhhhh. I thought they didn't really dream in the dreambubbles post-victory no more?? Also, those were all destroyed by LE, anyway.

Dang. That's weird.

Are the B1 kids (adults) actually going to be gathering in the Furthest Ring in 'person'? But why, and how? ... There isn't anything like a 'dreambubble self' body that persists in the Furthest Ring that John could have woken up like how you could wake people up on Derse and Prospit. ... Now I'm reminded of an old fanart I made of a green moon circling the Green Sun, with green dream selves for all humans & trolls we knew at the time (B1 and A2). :P

#homestuck #upd8 #reaction #homestuck liveblog #homestuck epilogues #spoiler alert #roxy lalonde #jade harley #calliope

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howardschatzphotography · 6 years

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On Seeing: A Journal - #259 June 12th, 2018

"Above & Beyond with Adam Gopnik”

Adam Gopnik is a Renaissance Man’s Renaissance Man. A long-time staff writer at The New Yorker, he is an essayist, a critic, a playwright, a novelist, an author of children’s books…in short, the epitome of the enlightened human. I read his writing avidly, and, a few weeks ago, invited him to our studio to participate in my project “ABOVE and BEYOND.” A three-time winner of the National Magazine Award, Gopnik has amazingly broad knowledge of many areas, including: Art and art history, culture, politics, music, even sports. His first essay in The New Yorker, "Quattrocento Baseball," appeared in May of 1986, and he served as the magazine’s art critic from 1987 to 1995. During our interview, he spoke in perfectly structured, literate English, as clear and precise as his written words. Here are some of Gopnik’s thoughts that I found especially compelling from our interview: HS: So prolific, I wonder how you organize your life. When do you write? When do you read? When do you think? When do you go to museums, see friends, have a life? You must have some efficiently organized method in order to produce as much as you do. AG: I have a very standard routine. I start drinking strong coffee early in the morning. I go off to my little study and I write for four hours. I have many sisters, one of them a distinguished psychologist, and she says that you can only do creative work intently for four hours at a stretch. So, I do four hours from nine til one, every day. I try not to do anything else. I’m just there to write. I do it in a way that makes it maximally uncomfortable for anyone else who intrudes on me, because I can only write if I’m playing extremely loud rock music from my high school years: Jethro Tull; Eric Clapton with Derek & The Dominos, that great Layla album; Jimi Hendrix; all of that music. HS: You play this music, and loudly, as you write? AG: I can’t think if I don’t have the music, that’s the funny thing. I also overheat terribly as I’m writing, so I have to keep the windows open in the middle of winter. I’ve had a series of wonderful assistants just coming out of college, and they’re sort of excited about the job. You know, “I’m going to be a writer’s assistant and see the elegance of a New Yorker writer’s life," and instead it’s just a little man, four hours a day, in a brutally cold room with incredibly loud music playing, and that’s their experience. So, they’d retreat into the hallway and spend the time talking with my wife.

HS: Where and how do you think your work has had greatest impact given the political and cultural bias of The New Yorker? AG: Writing for The New Yorker, which is a traditionally liberal magazine, of course you ask yourself a question, "what am I really affecting here?" because I’m writing to people who agree with me in advance. But, if you look at the greatest political editorialists who have ever lived, Albert Camus, for instance, they were writing themed journals that were directed to people who were inclined to agree with them in the first place. What we do, I think, as citizens, writing, is not so much to change minds as to bear witness. What you want to say is not, “here’s an argument that will convince you of the opposite of what you believe already, but here’s the kind of argument you ought to be making to the people who don’t agree with you." HS: We live in a time with a bully in the White House. And, yet, despite the mean-spirited and hypocritical behavior, there are still thirty to forty percent of Americans… AG: Who love him. HS: And my question on changing people’s minds comes from something you wrote in your wonderful book, "At the Strangers’ Gate," that was astounding. I’d like to read it and perhaps you can comment on it: "No one really surrenders an illusion in the face of a fact. We prefer the illusion to the fact. The more facts you invoke, in fact, the stronger the illusion becomes. All faith is immune to all facts to the contrary, or else we would not have such hearty faiths and such oft-resisted facts. If your faith is in life’s poetry, as ours was, a tiny room inadequate by any human standard and designed to make life borderline impossible looks appealing. The less possible it becomes the more beautiful the illusion looks. Such illusions – call them delusions; I won’t argue now – grow under the pressure of absurdity, as champagne grapes sweeten under the stress of cold ground." AG: Yes, I think that’s true. I mean, I was writing specifically there about the reality that when Martha, my then girlfriend, now wife for many years, and I moved to New York, we were enraptured with an idea of poetry, a kind of metropolitan poetry. And, the apartment we moved into was 9x11 basement room overrun by cockroaches in which there was about as little poetry as you could expect to find in the world. But, we weren’t disillusioned by it. We simply doubled-down on the myths that we were self-creating, and I think that’s generally true. You know, no one is ever argued out of a religious faith by contrary facts. No one is every argued out of a political ideology. That’s the problem we’re faced with: You can’t resist a figure like Trump by appealing to the facts, by saying he lies all the time, because the people who admire him like the fact that he lies all the time. The lies, in a certain way, are appealing to them because it gives them license to indulge their own fantasies. In other words, if somebody tells you three million people voted illegally in California, it’s an outright, absurd lie. But, that an authority figure says it gives you a right to believe in it. If your question is what do you do then, when you have a leader who is completely allergic to facts and who appeals to an audience that’s resistant to facts, I think the answer is that you can’t fantasize that you’re going to convert those folks. What happens is that you get new generations who just don’t buy it. If you think about the great social changes, the great positive social changes of our time, they tend not to happen because you have people who are entrenched in a bigoted or old-fashioned reactionary position who are converted. What tends to happen, is the young generations who come along simply don’t enlist in the bigotry.

HS: I’d like to talk about the natural history of creativity, its life-cycle. There’s sort of an apex, a fertile period of creativity, then a downturn. Recently, I heard Dylan say when asked about his seminal work of 50 years ago, "Who writes like that?!" Probably everybody’s curve is different and maybe some people have a second curve. Do you have any thoughts about that? AG: I think that any honest, creative person is bound to confess that when one looks at other artists and creative people, you tend to see that they have a high period and then a falling off period. Bob Dylan is a remarkable character, but there’s no question that the Dylan between 1966 and 1974, between Blonde on Blonde and Blood on the Tracks is the Dylan who we’ll remember. Paul McCartney is a musician of limitless melodic invention, but the McCartney we’ll remember is between 1965 and 1969. So, there’s a lot be said for the idea that artists ought to retire in a way that fighters ought to retire before they get punch-drunk and lazy-legged and all the rest of it. However, what I do think is true is that even if you accept that all creativity is cyclical and has a falling off point, there’s still an enormous value in artists persisting, because artists don’t just give us the gift of their products, they give us the gift of their example. Dylan 2018 is not writing songs the way Dylan 1968 did, but it’s wonderful to see him continuing to stand up there with his croaky voice and his little mustache bearing witness to what it is to have been Bob Dylan. HS: Do some artists have two periods of great work? AG: Yes, I think they do. Matisse did unimaginably beautiful work between 1905 and 1920; went on doing interesting, not nearly as profound work and then, suddenly, as an old man changed his medium, started using scissors instead of a paint brush and, once again, did utterly sublime work. De Kooning, another artist who had a great late blooming. Philip Roth, to take a name that doesn’t seem to sit with de Kooning and Matisse, maybe, at first, through sheer dint and intelligence continued to blaze new kinds of witness, new kinds of writing, in part, because he had the enormously smart idea that he should write about what it was like when he was young again. Instead of trying to bear witness again and again to the new world, he wrote very much about New York in the 1940s. I don’t think silence is a good answer for an artist, even if an artist is aware that it’s a general rule that you do your best work at a particular moment; the work that people will remember most. HS: What are your thoughts on the larger issues of the day, especially fake news and how, in a way, it threatens our democracy? AG: Fake news is one of those things that has managed, through the mendacious spin of a very mendacious man, to totally reverse meaning. When fake news was first talked about people meant actually manufactured fraudulent stories that were being passed around on the internet, very often to the benefit of Donald Trump. He turned it around to make it an accusation at people who were actually doing real news: CNN, The New York Times and so on, who do their work in the same flawed and imperfect way that we all do our work, but who genuinely are trying to report the world as it is. It’s Trump, the man who speaks loudest about fake news, who is the most culpable of spreading fake news… “three million people voted illegally, I had the biggest crowd," and on and on and on. So, I don’t feel fake news is as big a problem as the people crying about fake news. In other words, it’s when the governing class decides to demoralize the population by telling them they can’t believe anything that they’re being told. That’s when you get the crisis. I’m not worried about fake news. I’m worried about fake politicians.

#adamgopnik #howardschatz #journalism #newyorker #the new yorker magazine #writer #interview

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gingerwerk · 6 years

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WIP Meme

Rules: List all the things you’re currently working on in as much or little detail as you’d like, then tag some friends to see what they’re working on.

This can be writing, art, vids, gifsets - anything at all!

I was tagged by the lovely @ackackh :) thanks my dude

(so like, i am actually not on my bullshit for once and i haven’t actually started cooking up some new au in like, a year or two at this point. im actually just going through my idea folder and finally flushing out ideas from years ago now so like. ive probably mentioned all of these aus at some point recently but i still love them all so whatever)

1. ‘lest we fall into the dark’ aka my flowers and tattoos au

my current wip (you can read the first 8 chapters rn on ao3)

a pacific sledgefu fic. I’ve talked about it plenty on here but basically tattoo parlor/flower shop au where bill and eugene run a quiet little flowershop and one day that quiet is shattered when a bunch of loud, crazy people (snafu, burgie, jay, and flo) move into the vacant shop next door and start up a tattoo parlor. the story also focuses heavily on mental illness and military themes and personal growth and found families. also there’s a bunch of cute burgie and flo being the perfect couple so check it out

you can follow my weird vague posts about it here

2. DILF au

modern au winnix fic

ive been trying to get this fic up and running for real for lit years now but the timings never been quite right, but hopefully one day soon it’ll happen (almost did this one for the bob big bang last year...)

so the story follows the courtship of dick, your regular guy in his midtwenties just trying to figure out life, and nix, a single dad disaster whose honestly trying his best to take care of his son after years of hardcore fucking up. also key players in this story are harry, dick’s best friend whose constantly pestering him about his love life in between panicking about his soon to be born child, kitty, harry’s wife and calm presence dick desperately needs in his life, nix’s ex kathy, who after years of dealing with nix’s fuck ups (understandably) isn’t too fond of the idea of nix spending tons of time with their son, and james, nix’s little boy :)

just some classic mid-twenties life stuggles and family drama with tons of dick bonding with a six year old

3. pre-series Tim solo fic

canon verse tim gutterson standalone fic

yet another fic ive been working on for lit years at this point....

a story about tim after the rangers but before the marshals and how he found his way to the marshals

literally this fic has become bigger than anything i ever expected to and now its this massive oneshot thats slowly but surely coming to an end (lmao maybe ill actually get it up sometime this year....)

4. my shitty high school au

justified modern hs au

literally the title sums it up. i started it as a joke idea and now im actually fully for it and i love it so much

focuses mostly on tim and rachel, who are best friends trying their best to get through all the insane bullshit everetts hs and harlan has to throw at them. they gotta deal their insane families, their relationships (or lack there of in tims case...) and the fact that they somehow got sucked into the epitome of harlan bullshit aka the givens-crowder-randolph love triangle and now have to wade their way through that swamp on top of everything else they were already dealing with.

focuses a lot on friendship and family issues

sometimes i post exerts and weird bits in my tag here

tagging @cajunroe, @ingoldenlight, and @antiquecompass :)

also if anyone wants me to post more exerts or give more info on any of these fics feel free to hmu id be happy to share

#lmao all of these except the hs au have been in the making for lit years @me: when ya gonna stop fucking around and publish one of these #okay but like i am making progress because my big bang was an idea that was floating around for years too #so im just not being my usual self and jumping into too many projects for me to handle #maybe this is growing up....#anyways writings dope and i love talking about my wips #kelly writes

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loucifieri · 7 years

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Coming Out Story

Yeah, story time!

It has occurred to me that I’ve never really openly expressed how I felt after “coming out.” I’m not the type of person that would write “Bisexual” on all my social media profiles, but I just want to let this out my system.

It hasn’t been 2 years yet since I’ve been “out” but to be honest, it’s more of I’m just sticking my leg out the closet. But first, here’s a little story on how I’ve come to know my sexuality.

Also, for a little background: The Philippines isn’t an LGBT-friendly country despite the claim. We are predominantly Catholic, with strict teachings on heterosexual relationships and a society that makes fun of you if you are openly gay.

As a kid, I wasn’t very feminine. I preferred wearing t-shirts and shorts, I liked to play with cars and robots, and coupled with my short hair– I was very tomboyish. My parents never scolded me for preferring guy toys over Barbie dolls, and my mom never stopped buying me t-shirts rather than filling my closet with dresses. Of course, the concept of attraction was foreign to me at that time until I was in 2nd grade. That was when I discovered my “natural” attraction towards guys (I was still very tomboyish though). I’ve had maybe a dozen crushes throughout my grade school years, with one guy I’m particularly very loyal to. I was in a Catholic school mind you, so naturally we were taught man is for woman, which was unfortunately ingrained in me (but this was after I had developed crushes on guys). I was unconsciously homophobic and my old elementary drawings were evidence (I liked to draw queerbaiting comics with m/m pairings, always so openly disgusted of f/f, etc).

Here comes the awful, hormone-filled angsty high school phase. I was going through a lot of emotional rollercoasters in HS, one of them was my developing attraction towards some of my female classmates (I was more touchy with the girls, I never felt jealous when they looked pretty rather I was into them more etc) and it felt so wrong at that time. Again, it’s due to societal pressure so I did my best to shut down my homosexual feelings. I actually tried to be feminine, mostly to assure myself I was a girl. I still had my natural attraction towards guys, having several crushes and even having a boyfriend, but I still couldn’t shake off my attraction towards some of my female peers.

I had a falling out with the group of friends I frequented with back then, so to spare myself more drama I kept quiet about my sexuality (I was sure they would label me an attention whore if I confided it to them). While I eventually did allow my feelings to do as it pleases, I didn’t act on it till I was in college.

The state university I got into mostly had a female population and our batch in particular had the lowest number of males (and of those males, most of them are gay). Eventually, I’ve found a family in a small circle of mostly female friends AND had a relentless crush on one of them. I still refused to openly label myself as Bi, likely because I didn’t want any awkwardness between us while I “flirted” with her. I was marginally more intimate with her compared to the others (I was always a hugger type of friend), I almost always go out of my way for her, I treat her to free meals more often (but not more than what’s considered a friendly gesture), I liked holding her hand a lot and there was that one time that I just wanted to kiss her out of the blue. Of course, I’ve never had the courage to confess to her how I felt nor come out to my close friends even though they were open-minded and accepting people.

When I transferred to a university in a different city where I’m far from my hometown and my parents, that’s when I’ve finally come to fully accept my sexuality. My current uni was a hodgepodge of colorful people (of different cultures, sexuality, and had literally colorful hair) and while there was that assurance that I would be accepted by my peers at least, I still feared for how my parents would react so I kept quiet still. I eventually had a relationship with a girl which lasted longer than when I had a boyfriend so I felt the need to inform some of my closest friends. My gf then wanted me to tell my parents about us and I couldn’t because that meant I had to come out and I wasn’t ready yet. For reasons unrelated to coming out and whatnot, she broke up with me and that became a catalyst to my accidental coming out. I had a night out with friends and got horribly drunk that I had my father come fetch me from the bar. When we got home, my drunk ass self kept babbling about how much I still loved my ex and I drunkenly proclaimed I was Bisexual. I’ll be honest, I never felt the need to come out since I was no longer in that secret homosexual relationship, as I could just “pass myself as straight” again.

The next morning, having remembered everything I said while intoxicated I formally came out to my mom. She didn’t really understand the whole “I’m attracted to both guys and girls” thing but I just thought she needed time and I was grateful she was being open-minded about this. It was honestly relieving because finally I was being true to myself out loud; it was more comfortable expressing my sexual attraction towards girls just as I am with guys in a casual conversation with friends.

To my parents however… we never really talked about my sexuality again up until just recently so it didn’t feel like I was really out. Hell, my relatives don’t know, I couldn’t make gay jokes during my 21st bday (which I jokingly referred to as my coming out party) and whenever I posted f/f art on my facebook my mom would be fussy about it. In those almost two years that I was half-out, my queer expression remained subtle out of respect for my traditional parents that still found it uncomfortable. And when we had that recent talk, she mislabeled me a lesbian and fervently expressed that I should not become like Jake Zyrus (a Filipino trans celebrity). Now, I’m not really mad about being confused as lesbian (because a part of me is gay) but it’s just frustrating to see upfront a manifestation of my country’s internalized homophobia. She could have reacted far worse like disown me maybe, but it still hurts me nonetheless to be aware that my parents are merely tolerating me– treating this as merely “a phase.”

It’s probably why I’m more on the queer spectrum of my Bisexuality right now just to piss off my mom. It’s also probably quite a surprise to my non-close friends that I’m being aggressively gay in my social medias lol

Anyway, this obviously doesn’t compare to others’ coming out experience but I just really wanted let this out. This has been emotionally draining and it’s just the beginning ;A; Thanks for listening though if you made it at the bottom of this paragraph~

#lou ramblings #txt #coming out story #i know being accepted by parents #isnt too important #but in the philippines #it kinda is #since we value family a lot #i still love my fam tho #personal

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coffeeandcalligraphy · 6 years

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Evading eternal gloom and chaos in general | November Goals Update

Hey People of Earth!

Today is December 1st. Which means, November (death) is over, and I can officially restart life during Christmas break in 21 days. November as a whole was much better than October (so much, we don't even compare the two) which is strange, as November is the month of death usually because school gets crazy. Regardless, I’m very pleased that I somehow evaded eternal gloom (for the most part) in November.

Some cool things happened this month, including two university open houses in two different locations in Ontario (London + Windsor = two road trips, two weekends in a row), that high school dance life (my first hs dance when ur last year is next year and this is the first social occasion you’ve attended haaaa lol rip) and Literally The Worst Case Of Writer’s Block Ever I Kid You Not. (Which I will definitely go into in this month’s writing update!)

Overall, November was this very chaotic amalgamation of busy, but cumulatively, was pretty darn memorable. Darn.

Onto the goals.

(Also, I don't know if I’ve ever explained this in recent years, but I work with goals in a very strange way. As in, I don't really work with them, as in, I write these posts every month with goals, then never refer to them for the entire month, then come back a month later ?? and ?? for some ?? reason this ?? works ?? it’s also very entertaining to laugh at my failures is that morbid that I enjoy this very much oh no)

(I enjoy writing these posts a lot though, they give me some time to reflect on the last 30 or 31 days I’ve lived and they act as a great routine. :))

Anywhoozies, onto the things I did and mostly did not do:

1. Hit 15k in FOSTERED #6

So. Let’s just talk about this goal very briefly, shall we. As I mentioned above, November and I did not get along in terms of writing, as in, November served me a big ol’ slice of Writer’s Block and left me to choke on it. I wasn't really expecting this block to be so severe, but it was a thing, and it was very real. I mentioned this in DtWT #66, and I know writer’s block is controversial (some people thinks it’s a bullshit excuse, some people don't care, some people strongly believe in it, etc). I stand on the side of ‘in creative fields, every artist is bound to run into some form of a challenge at some point in their career’. As a creative person, I've experienced tons of creative block. In some cases, yes, this block is caused by fear, lack of ideas, sometimes procrastination, but ohhhh myyy, November’s writer’s block was none of these things.

Initially, it was straight up fear, I’ll admit that. I was just starting this book, didn't want to screw up the beginning of the *very last* book, couldn't piece together ideas that I thought were good even though @sarahkelsiwrites was very honest about them and had good feedback, etc, etc. I would say the first week and a half of this block were straight-up fear based. And then weeks 2 + 3 came and it sort of wasn't anymore. I wasn't scared to write this book because at this point, I was pretty fed up with my moping and fear, and just wanted to get some words out.

*and then the words stopped coming and they just stopped coming*

(which isn't entirely the truth, but let me elaborate)

In this time period, I was still writing. I was still hitting my 250 goal almost every single day, and there wasn't one day I didn't go about writing, or go about figuring out how to go about writing. To me, writer’s block doesn't mean I’m not writing. It just means there’s this disconnect that prevents me from immersing myself into my work, thus holding me back from creating the best thing I possibly can, OR making me think I’m creating something of unsubstantial standards. Does this make sense.

So yes, I was very out of it, and I really do think this block was triggered by fear, and once I got over that fear, lingered. BUT I’m doing MUCH better now, let’s not jinx this, AKA I hit 15 587 words this month and when I made this goal literally didn't think I would haaaa bless.

2. Outline more of ALANNIS, and like maybe try to finish it, though I mean this isn’t going to happen, so yeah, just work on it pls

No. lol. So. I’m going to count this as a half win, because I did complete this goal, but not by much. In October’s post, I mentioned I wanted to go through this outline to see if I could possibly shift some of them into the POV of my boi Matthew. This novel is narrated by Chris, and while I love my girl, something was missing from the story, and so I was like, yanno, screw it, let’s see if I can find some chapters to give to Matt just for the hell of it. Overall, I found about 12 or so chapters I could give to him (excluding new ideas that I haven't gotten, but yes), which is pretty good. Not sure I even want to do this dual POV thing, but I mean, I worked on the outline sort of so. (I really need to get on top of this thing I’ve been outlining it for like a year oops.)

3. Upload cover making video

So abridged version of this disclaimer: basically, my hard drive died on me this month, it had all the footage for all my upcoming YouTube vids, including all the speedpaints and cover making vids, lol sigh back up your stuff kids, didn't listen to myself, rip my data, you will be missed (didn’t lose anything personal and my documents are always protected because they’re the most important) SOOO that happened. HOWEVERRR, this is not an excuse for why I did not finish this goal because I literally had another cover making video exported and ready on my computer BUUUUT I’m vERYyyY extra and wasn't liking how my THUMBNAIL was coming out so yesterday when I was scrambling to actually get this goal done because good job time management, was like yo okay imma redo this tomorrow, and so here’s the thumbnail:

And here’s the ugly shit it was before:

AND ACTUALLY, the only reason I never got this vid up like I dunno THREE WEEKS AGO WHEN IT WAS READY, was because of this THUMBNAILLLL WHICH HAS BEEN LIKE A 2 WEEK PROCESS.

(why do I take these things so seriously)

(this thumbnail took me longer to make than the goddamn book cover)

(I digress so sorry for that rant)

(th u mb n a il)

I did get the video up today, though, and you can watch it right here:

youtube

4. Read a book yo.

I actually did this, lol. I finished Kristen Martin’s Shadow Crown this month and started History of Wolves by Emily Fridlund, but I’ve been reading that one at school and like, so far, I’m getting the vibe that I need some hardcore tea and snow and a fire log and some peace and quiet to just appreciate this book because so far I’ve read it in math class and while I do enjoy my math class, i’m getting the feeling this book ain’t no math class aesthetic. (so, the answer is, no I didn't finish this book, but yes, I really really want to because i’m liking it a lot so far and the voice is nice as fuuuuuuuuh and dooooon’t get me started on the writing clapz for dayz)

5. Finish another character portrait

I actually did four portraits this month, two of which are Christmas gifts so I can’t share those at the moment, but here’s one I did of @sarahkelsiwrites’ character Simon:

(and you can watch the speedpaint HERE)

And then one I did of Quinn, my MC for THIS IS WHERE THE END STARTS:

(which might be my favourite piece of art and you can watch the speedpaint HERE)

6. Find and finalize an ALANNIS epigraph

I dunno why this is still a goal because I’m literally not going to do it if I’m hardly working on the darn outline, but yes, no, fail.

7. Work on FOSTERED #5′s book cover

Epic fail, XD. I don't like the design of the re-designed FOSTERED covers, but for the sake of consistency, I’m going along, and that's serving for some unenthusiastic cover designing but I do need to get this done so I can order copies. (WHICH, by the way, I have a new copy of I’M DISAPPOINTED to order, a copy of my sister’s novel, A HAPPINESS TO WONDER, a copy of my novelette sort of thing THE TREATED and on top of this FOSTERED #5, you can totally call me cheap for realllyyyy not wanting to pay for that shipping twice, lol. Point is, I’ll be doing an unboxing because those are literally my favourite videos ever and I’ve watched every single one on YouTube no lie. ;))

So those were the goals. Finished 4ish/almost5 out of 7 goals this much which is pretty ass, but the ones I didn't finish (with the exception of one AKA THE OUTLINE) weren't super important. Some shtuff I’d like to get done in December:

1. Hit 25k in FOSTERED #6 (aka REWIRED)

2. Outline more of ALANNIS, and like maybe try to finish it, though I mean this isn’t going to happen, so yeah, just work on it pls

COME ONNNN

(it’s literally been so long since I actually outlined this book)

3. Upload a video

4. Read a book yo.

I really do doubt I’ll get this one done, but it’d be real nice.

5. Finish another character portrait

7. Work on FOSTERED #5′s book cover

Probably also won’t finish this oneeee haaaheeaahahe

8. Make a character aesthetic

(this is sort of a cop out because I have to make one for Lonan this month since his birthday is on the 9th and for those birthday posts I need one but also I've been telling myself to do this since the start of November and ohhh noo I’m running out of time oops)

So that’s it for now, folks. I hope your November was great. :) Keep an eye out for the monthly writing update! That’s it for now, thanks for reading!

--Rachel

#Writing #writerblr #goalsupdates

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