#also having some existential dread

[leafywillow]

sometimes you just need to lay on the couch and listen to acoustic songs in the dark

#feeling very meh rn #i think its bc im still sick and i have to go back to work tomorrow #also having some existential dread #bc our wedding is in two weeks and i cant stop thinking about how thats the last big event that a lot of my grandparents will probs go to #im grateful i still have like 5 but theyre all getting really old #like why is that the thing freaking me out most about my wedding lmao wtf #were gonna try to do this video recording thing so people can leave us messages at the wedding #and i REALLY hope it works out #like it literally makes me tear up just thinking about listwning to my grandpas video #that hasnt even been made yet lmao #idk yall im just in my feels tonight #ignore me pls lol #nonsims #kasey talks

[minty364]

DPXDC Prompt #142 Part 1

It had been a few days since his birthday, his parents forgot again but that was how things went in his family. At least his sister, Jazz knew how to throw something together quickly so he at least got to spend it with her and his friends. Speaking of his friends, they were hanging out in the park together. They had gotten close over the summer. Trips to the Nasty Burger, followed by trips to the mall and then late night sleepovers were the normal weekend pattern for the trio especially the later in the summer it got.

They’d talk about all sorts of things while swinging or chilling around the slide. Currently their conversation had drifted towards which superpower would you like if you had the meta gene. Strangely the whole town seemed to be meta free. Not that anyone in the town hated metas just that no one possessed the gene. 

“I think I’d like to be able to control Technology with my mind.” Tucker said, pointing toward his forehead in emphasis, “ I’d never have to set poor Lucy down again!!” He hugged his current PDA tightly. 

Sam and Danny shared a look while Sam rolled her eyes. “I think I’d like to control plants like Poison Ivy. I wonder if she’d be up for a goth side-kick” Sam said, punching the air in front of her with her fist. “What about you Danny?”

Danny took a few minutes to mull over the question before answering, “I think I’d like to fly. Even if I don’t get into the college I want I’d be able to fly up there anyways.”

“Pfft, bring me back a piece of a meteorite when you do,” Sam chuckled. They all knew their dreams of getting powers would never come true. Not without the meta-gene anyways.

“Sure,” Danny shrugged, “Oh, by the way since my parents are out of town I’m going to check out the portal to see if I can get it running for them. Want to see it?”

“Dude, that’s sick! Unfortunately my parent’s cousin is flying in tomorrow and I’ll need to help prep stuff” Tucker said sadly. 

“I don’t know about that Danny, your parents are great but I don’t know if I trust this portal” Sam said, raising an eyebrow at him.

“I wouldn’t worry it’s not likely to actually work or anything,” Danny shrugged. 

Soon the trio had to get back to their respective homes. Well Sam and Tucker did. Danny’s parents were out of town at some convention. 

They had left Danny and Jazz home alone and they gave instructions for Danny and Jazz to take turns cleaning the lab and making sure the portal didn’t suddenly turn on while they were gone. They had tried before heading out for their trip but unfortunately nothing happened when they turned it on. 

Danny wanted to check it out for them when he was done cleaning. He also figured if he could help his parents with their science it would be easier for him to get into the college he wanted to achieve his dreams. 

He quickly finished cleaning, and then put on his hazmat suit. Sam had once made fun of the Jack Fenton sticker placed on the front and fortunately it was easy enough for Danny to remove. Then he took a calming breath and stood in front of the portal. As it stood at the moment, it was a dark hole in the wall that seemed to suck all the light out of the room. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up as he suddenly got the urge to run out, maybe he could come back with Sam and Tucker? Unfortunately he knew his parents were back tomorrow so if he wanted to help he needed to do it now.

Stealing his nerves he took a step forward and then another. Into the tunnel he went. It was then he realized he made an error when he found something caught on his foot. He flailed as he tried to catch himself and his hand pushed some kind of button on the wall.

A flash of white light and he felt an eternity of agony. It felt unbearably hot as Danny could feel himself being melted and then put back together. Soon he lost consciousness as everything went dark.

He wasn’t sure how long he was out but he definitely wasn’t at home anymore. He seemed to be in the hospital, the usual medical supplies seemed to be all around as well as a few things he couldn’t identify. He didn’t seem to be attached to any monitoring equipment which seemed a little off but the fact he weirdly didn’t seem to have any burn marks on him. He was sure the portal should have killed him and the fact that he was somehow completely unscathed made him a little worried. Maybe he did die?

His thoughts were interrupted as someone walked into the room. They had messy blond hair, blue eyes, and wore a trench coat. He looked relieved when he saw Danny was awake.

“Took you long enough, kid you were out for a whole week!” The newcomer exclaimed. 

A week. 

The thought swirled around in Danny’s head. That meant his Family thought he was missing. Sam and Tucker knew he was missing. That also meant he missed the first week of school. That probably wouldn’t look well on an application. 

He could tell his thoughts were spiraling a little but he couldn’t help it. He didn’t even know what exactly caused him to be out for that long. 

He thought about what could’ve happened to end him up in a hospital and then the thought occurred to him. 

The portal. 

“What about my parents' portal?” Danny asked the guy.

Next:

#dp x dc prompt #dp x dc #dc x dp #danny fenton #danny phantom #poor danny #The Portal #Danny dies temporarily #Danny’s going to have some deep existential dread in a bit #He’s going to wind up living at the watchtower I think #Constantine saves Danny #Danny’s going to be bonding with different hero’s in this one #He realizes he’s not human anymore in the next chapter #He’s also going to realize he’s in SPACE!! #my asks are open #all my prompts are free to use

[zebratimw]

Spirit animal SQH

#svsss #shang qinghua #but mainly I'm just here to vague post LMAO I don't like to vague post its not very effective in terms of venting but #but basically I guess I'm becoming hyperaware of my like... cognitive dissonance codependency and derealization ee #also my general laziness ig and where it overlaps into executive dysfunction or whatever like I may genuinely have some issues but #I am also a lazy son of a bitch jfjfkgkg and i need to figure out how to figure it out so I can work on both in more effective ways hhggg #oh yeah but basically the thing to remember for later is the silence in the call and the immediate unmute and chat activity once I left #I should remember this and stop interacting I think? I should try to give em space I think I'm being too clingy or something #or maybe my own silence is too awkward and dampens the call? I was kinda just spacing out and not doing anything so I get its kinda weird #LMAO so I should just like try not to be in call for those times mm #I just like being in call with my friends jdhfkg but I suppose its not very good either #I overindulge I suppose another friend pointed it out to me before too haha but fjfjjt its just easier than facing bouts of dread by myself #eehh and that's why I gotta do something about my Metnal Ailneses hfjfj but ngl I don't really know how to go about it... #I get embarrassed looking stuff up djfnfkg and half the time I don't even know what to look up I just draw ?s and I give up #I suppose I also have commitment issues too but that ones not new which is an issue of itself aaaaaaaa #man idk idk I just don't really get it I guess djdjfjf and I've got existential dreads and think maybe it doesn't really matter whats wrong #cause there's no point to fixing them because ultimately I'm gonna die alone and a failure anyways? so like ehfjgkg idk #its depressing and I know its like sabotage cause my brain is being a little silly a little goofy and its not a shared sentiment #with the better half of me and the entirety of my friends but yknow its just ee harder sometimes to believe in the optimism ig #and i can talk about it somewhat normally and without like having a ✨️break down #but yknow djfjgkg I'm very emotional a person ya? I think sqh is relatable for gods sake 💀 #irrationality sentimentality nihilism and existential dreads... wanting to die because living is too hard despite all my hopes for living... #just the ol regulars yknow? #and another thing... do I talk to my friends about these things? I vent them out here a lot but what do I really want? #I'm not strong enough to keep it to myself clearly but I'm also too proud to share these thoughts? I dump them out in the open and for what? #whenever someone reaches out with concern and care I don't respond in kind and refuse to elaborate? #so like what do I want with this? I guess I want someone to know I'm going insane half the time I'm awake? but not do anything about it? #that's pretty unfair I guess... and stupid I think I do want to share my thoughts with someone but I'm too scared of the ramifications #and that my pride can't stand the fact I might be looked differently by my friends even tho the image they have of me is already quite silly #man.... idk.... I'll come to conclusions myself and do nothing about them so I guess that'll happen again aah idk idk idk

[bumblingbabooshka]

"Everything you went through was meaningless." [St Voyager S3 E7: 'Sacred Ground']

#Serving Jesus realness #star trek screenshots #Janeway #iconic that all the aliens are like 'damn....that's crazy....anyway-' about Janeway HEHEHE they're like snickering behind their hands #I would be too honestly if some outsider tried to speedrun my ancient spiritual rituals #Love the vibe of 'this could all be hazing' they're putting out. Also I keep seeing the face paint on the guide woman as like a mic #honestly this woman's fucking hilarious HEHEHE #Janeway: I'm dying. / Alien Guide: We all die someday :) <- lady who just told her to stick in her hand in a poison jar #AHAHAHA THEY REALLY DID HAZE HER...I love these guys they're so nahnahnahbooboo-core #also the refrain 'Everything you went through was meaningless' ..... thinking BIG thoughts about post-voyager voy crew back on earth #I really do earnestly love the gleeful contempt vibe...it just seems so right. In a funny way but also in a way that's deeply true #the feeling of trying to find answers while you universe laughs and says there are none - it's meaningless - but you're welcome to go ahead #and try. If you find God you have the feeling it would just stare at you blankly. Then laugh. #Chakotay: Captain I've been so worried about you! Have you found a solution? / Janeway: Absolutely. I'm going to walk into the death shrine #Chakotay: (internally hysterical) Oh of COURSE!!!! no of COURSE she's going to walk into the DEATH SHRINE!!!! #great imagery in this one <3 folks who love religious imagery (me) will get a kick outta this one <3 #anyway I love when star trek does hopeful eps like this...makes me tear up like. Yeah there could be a scientific explanation but that #doesn't make it MORE true or MORE real than the religious one - it's just as valid to believe in the spirits #Also those three old creeps were lovely <3 scared me and I like that! existential dread!

[nardacci-does-art]

When I was a kid, the world was full of wonder. Now the world is still full of wonder, but it's very expensive, & the capitalists & conservatives are actively trying to kill the wonder, & between my health, social anxiety & inability to justify spending on travel, I just order things online now & then to give myself something to look forward to. You know how it is.

#depression #millennial existential dread #vent comic #I also have the local conventions & festivals to plan for #it's getting warmer & I can try to get some plants growing soon #I still wanna travel & be able to afford treatment for my conditions & for my pets' health & I wanna be content instead of stressed always #none of that is radical or unreasonable #anyway vote against republicans stay angry give yourself things to look forward to hydration check posture check etc

[goatmilksoda]

You know, when the pandemic hit, I didn't get the horror a lot of people felt. I read 55 books in 2020 alone and aced AP history and pursued every interest that crossed my path with the feeling that I had this beautiful amount of unpredictable time-- so there was no time to waste (jigsaw puzzles, cooking, baking, hiking, reading, woodworking, crochet, writing, knitting all had to happen right then!)! Who knew when they'd call it "over" and I'd have to go back to school! It was magical and I had never been happier.

Now, I feel like I am feeling the horror so many people felt at the height of the pandemic at my 45 hour a week job.

#the occasional rewards like 'wow great job on that!' are my sourdough bread #and tbh its gotten better now that I'm over 1/3 of the way #especially since Some Shit I cannot discuss on here has Gone Down and has brought all my coworkers much closer #and also I have found SOME stimulation I enjoy with going to a specialty gym once a week #but like... the isolation and existential DREAD and negative willpower so many people felt then are setting in #I don't know how any of you missed this it fucking sucks #goat talk #'Trying to be funny and stuck in a room there's not much to say about it' was really about how I feel at my cubicle

[koszmarnybudyn]

I sure love when im making vent art but get frustrated cause im not in the good head space or skill level to make it look good >:[[[[[

#anyway im not fineeee #i hate school i am overwhealmwd overstimulated angry and mean #everything is wrong and it sucks and no one gets me gets me #also having feels about being trans and queer and a teen and losing intrest in a thing i live #and i was forced to clean my room and do homework and it fucking sucks #so...yeah im not well rn #gonna get some sleep and get better but its not awesome rn #oh also existential dread of a world where i will have to work till i die or close to it with basiclly no breaks and im already exhausted rn #so it feels like its only gonna get worse with time

[normcore-tertiary-character]

Not a fan of Frank acting like seeing a scary movie on TV as a kid is a bad reason to be terrified of a thing. I've encountered enough conversations of "oh, no, I could never, I saw XYZ movie as a kid and NOPE" to know that that's a pretty common experience, actually. I, personally, am afraid of volcanoes after seeing Dante's Peak as a teen. That grandma MELTED.

#also he seems to be supposing that there arent irrational phobias #I personally am terrified of cruises because being out of sight of land on a boat is a pit of existential dread for me #This first came up on a very fun snorkeling trip and its really not that elaborate or deep or entangled #its just not an environment I'm familiar or comfortable with and I dont have to get used to it so I won't #Some day my brother might get a boat up on at the lake house on Lake Michigan and I'll have a reason to work on it #but until then. no. #911 abc liveblog #s7e1 #(I assume since this is a show that Athena IS covering up deeper feelings but him being specifically right doesn't make his tone right)

[followerofmercy]

For the game ask thingy.... how about 3, 6, 16, and 27?

From this game here:

3: Best game you’ve ever played?

aaaa by what criteria? For most fun gameplay wise, Monster Hunter 3u. For most fun concept, Viva Pinata: Trouble in Paradise. Story, Undertale. Overall enjoyment, Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker.

6: A game that’s changed you the most?

I think this weird little playstation game called Scaler was very formative to how I feel about animals now. It's about a boy who cares a LOT about lizards and gets transported into a reptile-dominated world while also getting to take on the forms of different reptiles. It's the first game I can remember that I was obsessed over.

16: Character you’ve hated most? From what game?

I have a pretty strong dislike for Dr. Ratio from Honkai: Star Rail, but my opinion of him is changing as I realize he actually cares a little bit about people dsaljf. I also thought Emile from Halo: Reach was a bit of a dickhead but, again, warmed up to him over time.

27: Has there ever been a moment that has made you cry?

Oh, tons. I cried in FFX when Yuna danced to send the departed, when Auron sat in pain at the gate of the Farplane and in a really meta moment when Yuna was the only character I had with an ultimate weapon. She'd outgrown all of her guardians and I was so touched aslfd

I've cried three times in Honkai: Star Rail in the last week! There was a point where a lady is trying to kill herself and you have to hold onto her. She snaps back that you don't just get to play hero in this one moment and leave her to suffer later and that... That fucked me up a bit. Aventurine also has a pre-recorded message on joining that party shortly after, again, killing himself (?). Then there was Aventurine's onscreen mental breakdown! I think Focalors's death in Genshin also got some waterworks.

Also Six's death in Reach. It was a GOOD ending. Shame they only made Halo 1-4 and Reach and then just stopped. Felt like they were going somewhere.

Oh and Minecraft has made me cry as a teenager! I opened up a new survival world, thought about how I have literally more virtual world than I could possibly explore myself with nobody in it and felt so overwhelmed with loneliness that I had to close the game asldfjsdfa.

#fomasks #things have gotten much better on the loneliness front #but i did kinda realize that I was using video games as an escape from reality from ages 6-16 #and that ten year period Really kinda fucked me up #I mean #there was fuckall else I could've been doing #was a good use of time #made good friends #I still get some existential dread if I play a game for too long tho asdlfkj #also realizing I have not played as many video games as I thought I had

[silasbug]

my most (least) humble apologies to the poor sucker that will be sandwiched between me and 7 of my friends and aquaintances for Oppenheimer this thursday. you chose to be the middle man, my guy. i just chose to plan around you.

#just because we did it for Barbie we're all dressing up theme appropriate for Oppenheimer #i'm talking suspenders and dress pants and dress shirts and fedoras (extra makeup for accentuated eyebags for existential dread) #also i will be painting everyone's nails black right outside the theatre because why the fuck not lmfao #(because we all still have our pink glitter nails from when we went to see Barbie) (Kenny went to /town/ on my hands) #WELL we're doing every other nail black for the full Barbenheimer experience-- we have to keep some of the pink energy #honestly i haven't been this excited about cinema in years (as someone that really does love the experience) so i'm having a lot of fun #i just realized i'm going with 6+ dudes. my friend group is not very varied. huh. #(please let me not be the only one following through *fingers crossed*) #but yeah this one person was just. smack dab in the middle of the best row. i am so sorry my dude. #bug.txt

[soldier-poet-king]

death pain pain pain death evil evil evil evil

anyway. everything is horrible bad forever. and like. yes the duty and the obligation. and that’s all that matters. and everytime i lose sight of that and think maybe there is even the smallest bit more. i am wrong. i am shown again and again to be wrong, and it’s always my fault. directly or indirectly, it is my own blame. 

im so tired

#lmao i have to be up in like. 6 hrs. for convocation. #i dont even want to go anymore #and then brother 3 confirmation on saturday #i want to lie in bed in the dark until i feel like a person again #or even the ghost of a person #i want to do something horrible and destructive but ive trained my brain too well to do that shit anymore #so i just have to. sit. with my feelings. this fuckin sucks #constantly having the worst and also some of the best opinions of myself reinforced #call that the duality of fran #but mostly its just. existential dread and self loathing and guilt #and proving some of teen me's fears right #not all. i have grown in so many ways. but there's a significant sticking point. and it is such a burden #oh whats this?? the urge to *** even tho ive been so good for like...quite awhile??? #maybe so :)

[jaythelay]

I probably understood trans stuff easier because I'm so existential.

Really the two are hand in hand in many ways. Especially when it comes to something like representation, the idea of being the only one is not uncommon, but when that's not something "unique" but instead horrific, representation simply shows that, yeah, reality is weird but you're normal. Don't fret the smaller existentials, get down and dirty and question consciousness at age 4 for literally, literally no reason, and start rolling that boulder of an issue down some snow so it gets even bigger and fancier as you age.

At the end of the day the main thing to recognize is you're not the only one, you've probably got it better than most, but nothing will detract from existentialism. You will forever "be" and that's all you can do. "be" just be. Work towards that. Just "being". Whatever is stopping that from taking course, work towards getting beyond it, not past it, further than you thought was the end of being past it.

Because then you find reality beyond the existentialism. When feet plant and you know what and who you are in between a storm of uncertainty you can never be certain of. Find yourself and become yourself, only then do you become the eye of the storm. When you can Be.

#also don't do shrooms more than once maybe #lsd is probably cool #seriously just talk to your doctor about a history of whatever the fuckers can trigger #it WILL kill you #and you WILL keep living while dead #it is like mining in the existential mine and falling into the lava of dread #you will never recover #you can only grow #don't take psychadelics #I love me some drugs but my god I'd never touch nicotine if it meant I never touched shrooms #Yeah it's good as FUCK to expand your mind and pull yourself out of a stupor #but if you're the unlucky few #hello #that means your life ended 8 years ago and you're still not better #doctors don't know SHIT #not a single thing about this #DP/DR is the closest I've ever gotten #oh yeah trans #uh #you're a human being and whatever you see yourself as is as close to reality as anyone can get #who is anyone to question your reality when the storm of uncertainty is so fucking all encompassing and yet vapid in it's chaoticness #if reality can make some weird shit why not biological oddities #and if it's not biological #who are you to stand on history and say no one else is allowed to partake #who are you to take reality and bend it so other's have to follow #your eye of the storm may be small #but it's small for everyone #fuck off #There's enough space in our minds to be in reality #there's enough reality for everyone's mind

[slugandthorn]

pain and agony of having so much to learn to make more things but I need a job/further schooling to learn but I have to have made the things first

#.txt #Painful cycle unable to find value in my art but I already gave up and I'm already trying again some one needs to make this easier #And I think my life would be simpler if I just focused on drawing over 3D and tech anim but the time it would take #To function at a professional level as some sort of concept artist. #Also fine artist and concept artist community is well. Unfortunately unbearable. #Lacking so much animation experience in 2D and 3D I'm having trouble focusing on it to move forward. #The most experience I have is in 3D character art at this point probably but inability to finish things which also plagues #Every other concentration. As well. #I am sitting alone in the room trying to find something of value to express and it will never reach anyone. Existential dread like. #I think it's the searching for storytelling skills limiting me because I do not have the competitive nature #To be that into raw technical skills. Which is killing my ability to make a portfolio. #If I had more time to just keep on keeping on at my part time job I think I would just make the graphic novel I want to make. #To have something expressed and in the world. And then I could actually focus on technical things. #But this thinking has just become a roadblock it is not feasible but I do have several paths planned I just have to. #Recognize what is useful to me. But not just giving up anytime I have a new idea. #My interest goes between implementing animation within a greater scene and also the technical minutia I think is whats killing me. #Making multiple portfolios at once. Which isn't so bad bc ideally I'd be doing generalist work. But generalist means more time limitations. #My brain is convinced it can just work past time as a factor. Which is how we reach the problem I am having now (need money). #I think something I need to recognize is I've always thought my perspective and understanding of stories held some value. #But that only stands from my own perspective and it does not have value outside of that. #Even if it does reach other people it does not retain interest. And while it benefits me internally. I'm not making a career of it. #Which is fine. #I think the things I valued from story can still be found in technical skills. And anyone can develop a technical skill with some time. #If I keep my focus. #I think that's something close to a resolution I've been looking for. Been needing some profound change in my life and I think the desire #And constant failure of communication has been what's preventing me from moving forward. #I want to go out and do things. That is possible. Focus on skill and ability. Maybe the other stuff will come later. #Digesting this and hopefully not spending my days sleeping anymore.

[be-good-to-bugs]

there is a god and he is cruel

#the bin #sorry sorry im having existential dread and terror. literally i dont think ive ever felt worse then i do over the fact im gonna have to wor #some stupid job so often that contributes nothing and get paid so little and be in pain the whole time and have so little time for fun #inat least wnat something that pays a bit better and feels like im actually doing something #tnis whole go to work and cycle through this same loop of donated items and then watch so many of them get tossed is killing me #my job feels so meaningless because it is. i dont know how to describe why. i think a job at a grocery store doing stocking would feel at #different. this type of production work is just so draining mentally. its not samey enough to just be ignorable. it sucks #i go to work and sort through stuff and then put it on the shelves and then everything gets all messed up and fixed and messed up again #and it repeats and its not the same as if it were boxed. because at least that would feel just like whatever yknow. its this horrible #capitalist system disgused as something small and friendly. ive always felt this way about big chain thrift stores and now that i work at #one that feeling is so much stronger. ' #'you love to thrift so why not work at thrift?' because it will crush your soul #sorry. i would rather like work at a store stocking a regular rotation of things and itd feel like corprate capitalism yattah yattah but #not pretending to be soemthing else. my coworkers are so nice but i hate this job #my managers are fine but theyre pushing more of tnis produce produce produce thing bc they have to and i dislike it a lot #like man i AM doing my best and its fast enough and its not even being said directly to me just everyone but it feels bad like they want #me doing this exact process for a job whee the things change. its not a bunch of same shape packeged blah blah its just an array of objects #a really boring array of objects that are all the same but also not the same enough to be easier #and you want to to act like its all packeged and stuff?? #ugh i hate it. i think this is why i like hanging bags so much cause its a simple sorting pricess and simple to put them up

[apleasurableillusion]

Thinking about writing an Encyclopedia Brown existential dread time loop story

#look I’m just saying if you were stuck in Idaville every summer #for like forty years #never aging #you would have some existential dread #and also maybe start reading encyclopedias so you could catch up on what’s changing

[vox-fantasma]

it is 1 am and here i am again awake and thinking about how it’s my last semester in university as a english major and yet there are still. so many. classics* that i simply have not read, only discussed or referenced in class or in other readings. and some of them i own physical copies of from going hogwild at book sales but ended up just collecting dust, which i feel like is probably not just a me thing? but anyway. my 1 am chinese new year resolution is to read one classic per month and so this month i’m gonna break out my gorgeous deckled edge edition of the odyssey trans. emily wilson and give it another go

*meaning often talked about and referenced in literature, not that these works have any superior value over other books. i just want to be able to nod knowledgeably when my prof mentions like. jane eyre or something

#i shouldn’t be awake at this hour bc this is when sudden existential dread and pessimism grips me by the throat #was just trying to get some rest and then my brain was like: hey. you’re in your last year and you’ve not read anything. you are a Failure #hhhhhbg #but this is actually something i can remedy and also possibly have fun doing #being an english major with post grad dreams is just chanting ‘i like to read i like to read i like to read’ to yourself every day #until you believe it or it starts feeling like a lie