#am fine now but I feel changed | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

manycrows · 6 months

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#just returned from mildly low blood sugar grocery run #am fine now but I feel changed

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ghoulhusband · 7 days

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i’m obviously incredibly biased but i do think it’s kinda more interesting if the courier isn’t mad that benny shot them. for whatever reason! but especially if they come from similar backgrounds where it’s like “well it was respectful. he clearly didn’t want to kill me specifically it was business. and he basically threw me a funeral while i was still alive” and then their bigger issue is figuring out what to do now that they’re not dead. do they get revenge out of principle, do they try to solve the mystery of it all, do they hunt him down just to ask him to apologize, do they get roped into it by victor, or just general events? idk i obviously understand the revenge angle is very motivating, i just think a courier who doesn’t hate benny is really interesting and fun to play with. and not just because he’s my favorite guy and i could never hold it against him

#like i’ve really changed kitty’s whole thing to be more of a ‘i don’t hold a grudge because this is the fist person i’ve met in a decade who #operates within the societal framework i grew up in and getting shot twice execution style is the best way i was gonna go out. why did you #bring me back to life though because now i don’t remember who i am and i’m simply forced to become a detective and a small time con woman.#*six months later* oh hey it’s the guy who shot me! hey do you have my diary. btw. also do you wanna fuck because i feel a really weird #kinship with you and if we fuck i’ll either get over it or it’ll be your problem’#but i’ve made other couriers who don’t hold it against him for other reasons (not always romantic. sometimes just ‘yknow i should be mad but #i’m anti violence’ or ‘well i’m fine now so really why would i kill to when i can be a pain in your ass forever which is a way funnier #punishment for attempted murder’#benny gecko #kitty grave #that’s just for my tagging system lol #courier six #too i suppose

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ittybittybumblebee · 10 days

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i want to see exactly how many people actually have thought i am for research because ive gotten this quite a few times from different people i just wanna see how far it goes

#please understand while im not doubting so much now im not going to base off everything by peoples perceptions of my online behavior but #i feel like it does give good insight #i just always have a little hesitation in me because i feel like no one can get a full scope or honest picture of myself to Know me enough #to say that i can trust their opinion of me without knowing me enough in that sense #gahh. cuz i always feel like im doing Just Fine Enough i feel normal enough but im not guhh.#GUHHGGGHGH #it literally wouldnt change anything for me. like im autistic . ok! shrugs my shoulders. i cope i cant to anything more to help myself #than that #do u guys get it. do i have to go eat bricks or do u guys get it. my internal struggle. im like sisyphus #i cant trust other peoples opinions of my and i cant trust my own perceptions #while of course self diagnosis is a wonderful thing i dont want to put a name on myself that serves me no purpose #autism is awesome but do i deserve that title when dont feel like i own it wether i am autistic or not #im just so conflicted.#do you get it. do you get me. am i being reasonable . am i just fighting a truth about myself or are my doubts realistic. but the Evidence.#im so tired #i do not wanna b one of those tiktok girlies saying theyr hyperfixated on cooking pasta #Now do you get me #all my long winded rabbit trail rambles out of me before i finally get to my one point condensed conclusion #and now i just cant delete the rest of my tags because of all my time spent on them #enjoy my indentity crisis lol #i Might delete some of these tags later

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dont-offend-the-bees · 6 months

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I would like to go on record to say that even though I don't agree with Izzy's death or the manner of it, I will not be reblogging posts about it that refer to it as bury your gays on principle. I am sick of the misuse of that term. It is not fucking bury your gays if he was one gay of an entire cast of gays who are still alive and kicking and being gay together. There's other more pressing reasons to be mad about that death; you could comment, perhaps, on how he was the most physically disabled of the crew, or the gay with no textual (current) romantic attachments and therefore 'expendable', or the most suicidal apart from Ed and how it leaves a bad taste in the mouth to see him succumbing peacefully to death (hello spn finale war flashbacks). There is no need to further dilute a once-useful term.

#ofmd #ofmd spoilers #our flag means death spoilers #ofmd season 2 spoilers #ofmd 2 spoilers #so... now that everyone's mad at the finale am i allowed to say this seaspn hasn't been vibing with me much?#i don't hate it!#I've loved particular moments #and my fondness for frenchie knows no bounds #i thought that it started quite strong #but it's felt messy and disjointed in ways that i find pretty jarring #I've had the same issues with a lot of stuff lately #good omens 2 for example #i loved it but it also felt weird #and i don't think it's the fault of writers and directors and whatever #i think a lot of it probably comes down to budget issues and meddling by higher ups #but I've felt a little stood apart from this summer of queer joy tv bc so much of it just feels rushed and unformed #idk is more stuff getting made badly atm or have my tastes just changed #anyway no one @ me about this #and if you enjoyed it that's fine and I'm happy for you and I'm not trying to argue with you!!#but either the show's changed or i have and the vibes aren't aligning for me currently so #back to sawposting i guess #mr. bees speaks #that being said i do think it's possible izzy is gonna get resurrected by button's sea witch magic in s3 so make of that what you will

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figofswords · 3 months

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anybody remember the stephanie brown essay I was working on under a research grant fully last summer? yeah it’s not done yet it super needs to be done and I’ve been avoiding working on it for weeks. someone tell me to just do it already

#the problem is. actually there are several problems #1) I’ve been out of the Batman/dc comics phase for almost a year so I don’t care that much about the topic #2) I am fifteen pages in and have not touched it in months so I’ve completely lost my train of thought #3) I can’t just reread it because I hate first five pages or so and I know I need to change it but I was trying to finish before editing #so now my only solution is I need to open up a new doc and completely restructure the whole thing by splicing together the existing writing #so that I can figure out where the hell im going with this and make sure things fit together better #unfortunately that sounds fucking exhausting #but I told my mentor I would have an update for him by the end of the week and. well. it’s the end of the week #I have to present it in April. I have to write and submit an abstract in March #the school gave me $1500 for this stupid essay and if I don’t have anything to show for myself.#well. I don’t know they can’t take the money BACK but it’s not a good look #and also I would feel bad #I did the research!!! i interviewed comic writers even!!! I just haven’t finished WRITING IT DOWN #and I KNOOOOWW once I get started it’ll be fine once I’m going I’m going #but STARTING is hard because I feel like I have to finish it in one go which makes it so huge and daunting #I’m like. slamming my head into a wall. just write a couple sentences Jess something is better than nothing #just start it you don’t have to finish just START just MAKE the new DOC #I know!!!!! that is what my therapist would say!!!! Jess you’re trying to oneshot it bc of your dumb adhd brain!!!!#stop looking at it like that and making it scarier!!!#but even tho I know that logically I’m still like oh I should put away the dishes o should make bread #I should work on my six different art pieces I should do laundry i should play with the puppy I should go for a walk I sh

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lesbianwithchainsaws · 8 months

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I am thinking I might actually use they/them and it/its pronouns along with she/her?? ???? ?????

#i mentioned something like this a little while ago already but got kinda nervous and then pretended it just didnt happen lmao #idk why i get anxious about this stuff. it literally doesnt matter at all #especially on this website #idk i get overly nervous about everything but yeah i think that could fit. at least for now #im worried that I'll change my mind in the future and will feel bad about it tbh #but for now its fine? i think #okay fuck it I'll just do it #who cares what gender or pronouns i have (<- i care. i am an easily scared being)#okay fuck it #im having a whole ass conversation with myself here just trying not to overly worry about things that dont matter again

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kinos-fortress-2 · 5 months

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does this even looks like a tf2 fanart anymore

#just experimenting!#i was gonna say im gonna delete this later bc i will ofc change the colouring here but just wanted to show bc i think is pretty #ONLY THIS ONE DRAWING bc is more... pretty me thinks but totally not from the way i wanted to go #but yeah little spoiler for something im doing bc i am so drunk and in love with them i cry a little bit but im fine now #i just love love #kino art #piss mauling #this looks very far away from my art style... but it reminded of my older style too... and like those 2016 shipp art if ykwim #this looks so personal im sorry i promise i will draw funny gore tf2 ugly art back again dont unfollow me bc im happy tonight is 1am buak #- i just wanna feel... happy and pretty and being in love space thats. how im feeling right now... dont drink wine guys my last words #watercolors dont go w my style i just realized that... but this looks pretty for me imo i feel kinda happy with this but is not the idea tb #ughhhh that sniperpauling playlist got me in the feels #really. this doesnt even looks like tf2 art anymore literally like. what tf2 game did yall play??#this two are basically my ocs atp #im so annoying with them ugh

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seiya-starsniper · 8 months

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#if I've made anyone uncomfortable with the things I've been posting the last few days that was in fact the point and fully intended #and I don't say that to be cruel but simply to drive home the point that fandom spaces can be both safe and hostile at the same time #it is a deeply uncomfortable thing to acknowledge and I know most people do no want to deal with that and I understand that truly #but it was important to me to acknowledge and to give my opinion so that's what I did #At the same time none of this changes my opinion on my ship or the fact that I love a certain character other people find problematic #and I am fine with people finding that problematic because I am human being I am problematic by default #and I am confident enough in myself as a person to know when to acknowledge when I've contributed to problematic behavior #and realize the world doesn't end when this happens #my opinion of the fandom I've made my home in hasn't changed either #I had these views before and now they're out there in the open messy wording and all #and if you've decided that changes your opinion of me for the worse that's fine you can unfollow block etc #I understand that even in my attempt to acknowledge hurt within my fandom I've probably hurt other people and I have made my peace with it #but for everyone else that's shown me support both on tumblr and in private #for everyone that's listened to me vent about this subject over DMs and validated my hurt feelings #instead of trying to press your own discomforts onto me to carry in addition to my own #thank you #I've carved a permanent space in my heart for you and I truly mean that #I waded into this mess fully expecting to be ignored at best and to lose connections at worst and I was fully okay with it #but the love I've gotten and the deep honest and vulnerable conversations I've had over the last few days has truly been astounding to me #this last part is taking me AGES to write #because I'm actually crying thinking about all the good that's come out of this #and I acknowledge that's not a universal opinion and that's fine I'm really only speaking to my personal experience with what's happened #which despite outward appearances has been incredibly cathartic and uplifting for me #and I don't need everyone in the fandom to share my views or validate me or tell me I'm right people are allowed to disagree #I also don't need to have a deep personal and honest connection with everyone in the fandom where I can share my deepest vulnerabilities #but the fact that I could have that connection with some of you? that's enough for me. it's everything to me.

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who-the-fuck-knows-blog · 7 months

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the scene where izzy is talking to stede about the knives is such a good display of his character development. not only has he previously shown that he cares about the crew, and feels responsible for their safety; he actively stepped up instead of trying to kill himself again he saved that bullet to prevent ed from killing the whole crew, but he also acknowledges that he hurt ed (despite my disagreement with him that ed’s entire emotional state was caused by stede and izzy—thats a whole other can of worms regarding personal responsibility and mental illness and autonomy). I’m not sure if this is new character development for him, or if this was consistent from the start, and as we know, aspects of the previous season’s image of izzy will be somewhat divorced from how he usually behaves due to his emotional state. I didn’t particularly see him as a character who wouldn’t accept responsibility, but he has lied previously. not that it did him any good.

it seems entirely consistent to me that him lying initially about ed’s death (alongside the crew who initiated that lie) was due to his stated goal of wanting to avoid any more harm to the crew. He, at this point is only barely back from suicidality. I think the crew is holding him together quite a bit, and he wants to protect them as fiercely as he did edward.

i hope that we will get some flashbacks to him and the crew bonding, or his attitude shifting, but imo, the way he’s been shown to try to protect the crew, standing up to blackbeard directly and redirecting the attention to himself, shows he does really care.

I love that he isn’t and has never been a one-note, one-dimensional villain who selfishly only exists for himself and is actually a nuanced character with layers, things he is working on improving. None of them are “good guys”, really. because they’re people and contain multitudes. but the whole point of the story is about personal growth and escaping unhealthy dynamics and relationships and healing and how beneficial community is to all of that. I think the show is doing very well at portraying that and most people will see and understand the points being made.

#cw suicide #ofmd s2 #izzy hands #i cant promise i will always tag for suicide #as it is a main theme of the show #it’s possible i will forget #happy that so many people are seeing who izzy actually is now #underneath deranged jealousy and heartbreak #he had a found family moment and went #yeah im gonna ensure the safety of these guys #(gender neutral)#izzy positivity #i’m excited to show this to friends and family and see their reactions to izzy #i have a feeling he’s gonna become a favorite alongside ed for them #its not a moral judgement to like antagonists but it also is fine to acknowledge #when a character is not currently functioning as an antagonist anymore #and change your opinion of them #the izcourse #since i haven’t really been participating in fandom despite having been here a while #i worry i am encroaching so let me know if my use of the izcourse tag is that

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dayurno · 2 months

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are you going to read tsc when it comes out? and, if not: would you like your acolytes to give you the important kevin day updates or would you rather not?

oh my acolytes huh! well i don’t know :) it’s so nice of you to ask and i’m very touched actually…. nice to me 🥹…. i guess any (good) kevin updates would be nice and probably sway the balance on whether i read it or not, but at first glance i probably won’t read it unless it sparks my curiosity once it’s out and the story starts making its rounds around my circles :) i’m plenty interested in the period where jean stays with the foxes but i don’t much care for the trojans nor the proposed storyline*, though even a picky reader like yours truly can be convinced into buying a story if kevin day’s in it

*by this i don’t mean that i Dislike the process of jean healing but it’s just overall not my favorite theme and, to be frank, i don’t have much interest in reading about a normal well-adjusted team either. from my view tsc is aftg without my favorite parts (namely kevin day as a main character, the foxes’ messy dynamic, problematic and controversial side characters, neil’s narration, The Mafia, andrew in general) and while i am always and forever a ride or die for jean moreau, and i am glad he’s going to get better and be happy, a lot of my feelings for him don’t really stem from the idea that there is a softness underneath all the grit but actually and sincerely the fact that he is crazy. i Love jean because he’s horrible and scared and cruel and i don’t know if i’ll care much for him once he’s out of that state :) i meant it when i said a few months ago that i would’ve been more onboard with a story about the ravens (no matter how gruesome) or even a glimpse of jean’s pov in the nest, though of course nora sakavic should probably choose to be happy every once in a while so i wouldn’t ask her to write that

so tl;dr: you can send me good and relevant kevin updates if you want to and if they’re interesting enough i might read tsc in the future

#sorryyyyyyy sorry i know Healing is a big theme for the fandom but i just dont care #i dont care for it as a broad concept and i dont care for it in the context of these characters #and i know the trojans are normal good people which is also not something i care for #though i am excited for laila and alvarez and i will be looking forward to that relationship getting discussed more #but the rest is just not for me and that’s fine #i havent kept up with nora’s writing so i don’t know what it’s like Now so who’s to say! i might just as well get hooked as soon as it drop #i might finally be able to swallow the concept of jerejean even #these are just my pre-release thoughts #i also Worry and Pine and Ache over kevin and his new arc and whatever the hell jean thinks of him #only because i know kevin getting in the way of another popular ship is not going to be fun #especially when his relationship to jean is so complicated #and i will say this im not your strongest soldier if the kevin-bashing era returns after tsc i’m leaving through where i came from #so really i don’t know :)! it might suck real bad it might be totally irrelevant and i might love it to death #its super up in the air atp #which for my autistic ass is. interesting. Hard. a change i did not want #but ultimately not a big deal and my anxieties get cured very quickly by frolicking in grass and hearing cats purr #actually thank you for asking this because i feel like i havent gotten around to really thinking this through #asks

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sweet-star-cookie · 7 months

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so i finished the teal mask dlc

#i'm not okay #i'm dead fucking serious i have never been so disquieted by a POKEMON GAME PLOT like this before and i don't like it #i'm so upset #look. LOOK. listen it has been established that the player's choices in pokemon do not actually matter outside of mild dialogue changes #i'm totally fine with pokemon moving towards more consequence-based stories #but if you're going to do that here then you NEED TO ACTUALLY /GIVE THE PLAYER A CHOICE/#THIS PLACE SUCKS I JUST CAME HERE FOR A GOOD TIME AND I'M FEELING SO ATTACKED RIGHT NOW ;;;;;;;;#FUCK YOU CARMINE I HATE YOU #I HATE YOU I HATE YOU #TALK TO ME EVER AGAIN AND I WILL DECK YOU IN THE FACE #YOU FORCED ME TO BE A BAD FRIEND TO THIS SWEET LITTLE BOY AND THEN WE TOOK AWAY HIS ONLY CHANCES AT FRIENDSHIP WITH ME /AND/ OGERPON #ABSOLUTELY HEINOUS #CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT #HE TRIED SO DAMN HARD THE ENTIRE TIME AND DID NOTHING WRONG AND I WILL /DIE ON THIS HILL/#I'M SORRY KIKI ;;;;_______;;;;#literally he had his completely justified joker moment at the end and my friend was like 'yeah sorry he's evil now' and I just paused #and then turned to her and said 'never love anything'#this is unrelated but if Iruma in M!IK ever turns actually evil like this at any point ever I am defenestrating my tv #i am SO tired and i am betrayed SO often CAN'T HAVE SHIT IN DETROIT ;;;;;;;#WHY CAN'T MY SWEET LITTLE GUYS JUST STAY SWEET LITTLE GUYS FOR ONCE #Kieran is my SON you can't DO THIS TO ME!!!!!!#also i would die for Ogerpon btw #she is my daughter and i love her #i want to squish her little face and hold her in my arms forever #i need a plush of her right the fuck now #if any of you villagers or tourists scare her or make her sad again i will cut you and that is a THREAT #my art #kind of lmao #pokemon

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merakiui · 1 year

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Azul is just looking for an excuse to (attempt to) eliminate competition, though it’s a poor choice to try and instigate a fight with Trey, the man has physical strength and strength to be patient and I mean really patient…which is not a very good foe to go against. (Also I feel like you got Riddle and Azul’s interaction and characterization down pretty well, if you told me those were voice lines from the game I’d probably believe you).

The way Trey is built... he is literally built husband-sized. Not only is he patient and mentally strong enough to deal with things like Riddle's tempers, he's physically strong enough to hold his own in a fight. Truly the best, most husband-sized man you could ever want. Azul steps up to the plate, swings, and misses horribly because there is no way he's walking out of that fight as the victor.

(:D oh, I'm so happy you think it's a good characterization and portrayal!!! I love writing Riddle and Azul dialogue, so this is a very nice compliment! Thank you!!)

#twisted chit chat #i looked at trey with my third eye opened wide and everything changed #he's actually really fine orz and really so... *swoons* wow <3 trey <3 #i feel like i've fallen in love ;;;;;#trey what is this madness??? why am i looking at you and everything feels so fluffy?????#it feels like those silly scenes in romance films where the love interests meet and immediately fall in love #riddle i don't mean to alarm you but your vice housewarden is looking really awooga bark bark meow meow right now

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miodiodavinci · 11 months

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oh i guess this is also the part where i mentioned i've started using he/they

#i'm hesitant to change my socials yet though because it is very much Mostly they/them with a sprinkling of he/him #for humor and flavor #but i am Concerned if i put it out there outright people'll just default to he/him alone which. is not that much gender w #it's like how you add a little lemon to sugared strawberries to push the taste to a whole new level #they're great together and in a fine balance #but just lemon by itself is Oh Ouhh Not Sure If I Like This #not nearly to the same degree as she/her which is. Immediate revulsion and sad anxious feelings #but more like “this is doing nothing for me at best and is making me feel like i'm cardboard at worst”#you feel????#anyway if you want to feel free to swap in a he/him every now and then #especially where it's funny w

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visdiefje · 9 months

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