#and didn't have a person to say im sorry. i see you.

[rafeandonlyrafe]

executive orders

words: 3.8k

warnings: 18+ only, ceo!rafe, assistant!reader, mean!rafe but equally mean!reader lol, p in v sex, unprotected sex, pretend marriage (like fake dating but fake marriage hehe)

“so…” the woman says, heels clicking down the pristine hallway as you quickly follow. “as you were told in the interview process, mr. cameron is a very particular man. as his personal assistant, your focus is more on his well-being than the business.”

“okay, i understand.” you nod. you find the whole thing odd. the interview process where you didn't actually meet the man you'd be the personal assistant to. his semi nondescript job. ceo. of some company named after him, but you don't know the specifics on what his role actually includes.

“just know…” she pauses outside of the large door leading into the room. “this isn't going to be an easy job. it's why you're making a lot of money.”

“okay.” you say again. the more you learn, the more concerned you are, but you're willing to try, even if just for one day.

“and you're paid for through the cfo. mr. cameron does not have firing rights no matter what he says.”

you're not sure what she means, but it becomes very apparent when the moment you step through the door, the man you presume to be mr. cameron let's out a growl.

“serena, i told you i don't need a fucking babysitter!” you turn around, but the door has already been shut behind you. you can hear serenas heels clicking quickly down the hallway. you had completely forgotten her name in the stress of your first day, but you commit it to memory before turning to the ceo.

“hello, sir.” you say quietly. “im y/n.”

“i don't need you.” he grunts out before focusing on his computer, typing rather angry and aggressively. you stand frozen, waiting.

“i said i don't need you. leave. you're fired.” mr. cameron says.

“i um… i don't think you can fire me. sorry, sir.”

his fingers pause as he looks up at you, seeming to finally really see you as his eyes move down then back up your body. you weren't sure what to wear so you're dressed in a black work dress with long sleeves and a pair of flats. under his watchful eye, you wish you would have worn something less form fitting.

“i hate being called sir.” he says.

“okay, mr. cameron then.” you take a few shuffling steps forward.

“rafe.” he shakes his head. “just rafe. mr. cameron is my fucking dad and he's dead.”

your instinct is to say sorry for his loss, but you can't find the words, which ultimately seems to be the right thing as rafe hums then turns back to his computer screen.

you watch him work for a few minutes, occasionally looking around the sparsely decorated office. you swear every time you look away, rafes eyes move up to look at you, but by the time your gaze travels back to him, he's back typing on his computer.

“goddamn it.” he groans out. “don't just stand there all day. if you're gonna be here and i can't fire you, you might as well sit down.”

“oh!” it takes you a minute to realize he's talking to you as his eyes don't stray away from the screen, but then you're quickly moving to sit on the chair positioned on the other side of his desk.

you sit again, watching rafe, watching the clock, watching the view out the window. “what would you like for lunch, si-rafe?”

“whatever.” he waves his hand. “it's not your job to get it. someone will bring lunch to us.”

“oh.” you nod, becoming increasingly more aware that you're not really sure what your job is.

just like rafe said, someone brings in lunch at exactly 12:30, one tray for you and one for rafe.

when he closes his computer, you think that now will finally be the time to talk, but he eats in silence. “so-”

“no small talk.” rafe says. “i hate that shit.”

“well, what is it you'd like me to do then? just sit here? at least give me a task.”

“fine.” rafe grunts out. “when you're finished eating you can read through this report.” he tosses a thick three ringed binder onto the desk in front of you.

“fine.” you argue back, quickly scarfing down your food before grabbing the binder. 

you read through the report. you have no clue what the numbers mean, but you do find a couple punctuation mistakes and highlight them. rafe seems surprised you have any notes at all, his eyebrows raising when you grab the marker from his desk.

“there.” you place the binder down once you reach the last page. its tedious work, but at least it's something other than utter silence.

“great.” rafe takes the binder and tosses it into the trash can. 

“hey!”

“those were numbers from four years ago.” you can see the smirk on rafes features, his amusement at getting you to do something completely pointless.

“you're a real dick, you know?” you say, blurting the words out before you can think of the consequences, it's not like you want to keep the job anyways.

rafe sits silently, but his eyes are on you, hands frozen as you continue on.

“you should hear the way people talk about you. everyone is afraid of you, which you may think makes you a macho boss, but it just makes you a shitty guy to work for. no wonder you have to pay everyone two times more than any other company around here, they need that for putting up with your rudeness.” you rant, suddenly sucking in air as your words come to an end.

“it's 5pm. done for the day. ill walk you out.” rafe stands, but you move quicker, pushing the doors open and leaving him to walk behind.

you stop when you see serena and the cfo quietly chatting. you open your mouth to say you quit when rafe speaks from behind you.

“i like this one. make sure she's here tomorrow by 9am.”

you turn and look to him, but he's already walking away.

--

you weren't planning on showing back up, but serena is a convincing woman.

“good morning, rafe.” you place a drink carrier down onto the corner of his desk, plucking out your mocha before schooching the rest towards him. “i didn't know what you like. i got a hot black coffee, a caramel frappe and the a cappuccino.”

rafe stares at the drinks before picking up the frappe. you smile, you should have predicted that despite his hard exterior, rafe liked a sweet drink.

serena gave you the company card, saying to use it for any and all expenses, even grocery's or home decor, she didn't care, as long as you entered the building by 9 am tomorrow.

“i know you hate small talk, but you'll have to get over it. what does this company even do?” you take a sip of your mocha, the taste chocolatey on your tongue.

“we are a development company. real estate all across the world. we also manage construction.”

“oh.” you frown. “that's more boring than i thought.”

rafe let's out a soft chuckle, pleasant sounding to your ears.

“everything just seems so secretive.” you shrug.

“i think they didn't want you to know a lot in case you turned down the job. you're the longest an assistant has lasted.”

“and what…” you lean in, ignoring that it's only your second day. “exactly am i supposed to do?”

“just… keep me in check.” rafe shrugs. “i have a tendency to get angry. bad news will get passed through you. you're here to be a sounding board, where i can vent and bounce ideas off of.”

“i make 100k a year for that?” you scoff.

“i think 50 of that is just for dealing with me.” 

you laugh along with rafe. maybe you'll end up lasting an entire week.

-- two months later --

“are you free this weekend?” rafe asks.

“uh, yeah, why?” you question. you've learned rafe likes when you stand up to him, speak your mind and not let him push you around like he does everyone else. he's come to respect you for it, and it's made work much easier.

“im needed in new york city. id like for you to come with me. as my assistant.”

“sure, ill start looking for hotels.” you open up your laptop.

“spare no cost. i want somewhere nice.”

you roll your eyes dramatically. “of course you do.”

you already knew to look only at 5 star hotels, the most expensive of the lot. despite the short notice, you find two connecting suites that will work for you and rafe.

“and how are we getting there?” you ask. “want me to talk to jeffery about taking the private jet?”

“yup, i want to fly into laguardia, not jfk.”

“got it.” you nod, finding the correct number in your phone before stepping out to talk. you confirm all the details, jotting down times in the notes app on your phone.

you stop by after the phone call to update serena of your plans, learning she's a secretary of sort for the whole company, really the number two right behind rafe.

“hey girl.” you smile. “heading to nyc with mr. cameron for the weekend.”

“oh, good.” she sighs happily. “he's been needing to go out there.”

“yeah.” you shrug. “if you say so!” you keep yourself firmly out of the business side, just like she told you your first day here.

“make sure you do something fun while you're there too. while he's in meetings you could see times square, or check out central park.”

“i definitely will! i want to see the cherry blossoms if they're still in bloom.”

“sounds fun.” serena nods before her desk phone begins to read. “sorry, gotta get this.”

“see ya.” you wave as you walk back to rafes office.

“all good?” he questions.

“laguardia, just as you want.” you smile, sitting back at your upgraded chair.

“don't know what id do without ya.” rafe says.

“don't be nice to me.” you scrunch your name up. “it's weird.”

--

“how were the cherry blossoms?” rafe asks.

“most of them still in bloom, actually.” you say with a soft smile. you ended up taking a lot of pictures along with exploring the rest of the park.

“nice.” he hums. “did you bring an evening dress?”

“no. and you didn't tell me i was supposed to.” you say.

“well… i would appreciate it if you joined me at dinner tonight. it's with a very important client who um… may be under the impression that im traveling with my wife.”

“your- your wife?” your eyes widen. “you want me to lie about being your wife?”

“just for tonight. id really appreciate it.” rafe looks at you with a softness in his eyes. “please.”

“okay… but i don't have an evening gown… or anything fancy.” 

“let me take you shopping then.” rafe pulls out his phone. “there's got to be a nice store near us.”

you place your hand on top of rafes phone. “ill find a place.”

you end up finding a formal store only a couple blocks away. you decide to walk, rafe keeping close to you, glaring at anyone who even glances at you for too long.

you make it to the store without any interruptions, and rafe quickly points out the kinds of dresses that will fit the restaurant before standing back to let you choose.

“you wanna watch me try them on, husband?” you ask rafe, following the associate with an armful of dresses back towards the private changing rooms.

“of course.” rafe follows behind you, eyes glancing down your figure. he can't wait to see you in a gorgeous fitted dress.

when you step out in the first dress, rafe swears he feels his heart skip a beat. “you're getting that one.”

“you sure?” you look in the mirror, twirling around to look at the dropped back. “i don't know if this color looks good on me.”

“it looks good on you.” rafe says. “but by all means, try on more. ill buy you multiple.”

rafe ends up buying you every single dress you try on except for one that's too loose and doesn't fit well. you insist you only need one, but you're not going to argue with your boss wanting to spend money on you.

you end up choosing the first one you tried on to go to the dinner with rafe. your hands shake slightly, not sure what to expect. rafe sees it, hesitating before wrapping your hand in his.

“it'll be fine. you can just… just be quiet for the most part. ill do all the talking.”

“okay.” you squeeze his hand back, not used to the physical contact with rafe, but finding it surprisingly comfortable.

you follow him into the restaurant, everyone else dressed to the nines, perfect hair and makeup on the women, the men with the shiniest shoes. “it's really beautiful in here.” you whisper.

“wait till you taste the food… wifey.” rafe says, making you both laugh.

“ah, mr. and mrs. cameron.” the man says in a slightly accented voice as you both shake his hand, as well as the associate next to him. “so glad to meet the both of you. we appreciate getting into business with a true family man.”

“of course.” you smile, putting on your best acting performance. “we are so excited to start our family soon.”

“we must see the wedding photos. my wife-” the man puts a proud hand on his chest. “is a wedding dress designer.”

“oh.” you frown. “i would love to show you, but we haven't gotten them back yet.” you smile at rafe. “we’re newlyweds.”

“ah, cheers to the beginning of a lovely marriage then.” he raises his glass to clink with the others at the table.

“please, kiss! you must after a toast.” the associate says.

you turn to rafe, glancing down to look at his lips. it would totally give you away to refuse, so you take a deep breath and lean into in, pressing your lips together in a quick kiss. it lasts only a moment, but you swear you feel a spark, a tug to continue kissing him.

rafe doesn't bring it up until later, as your riding the elevator back up to your hotel room. “you did great. im sorry about the kiss.”

“it wasn't bad.” you giggle softly, slightly drunk on the wine that was served.

“im glad you think that.” rafe smiles softly. “you'll make a wonderful wife to a very lucky man someday.”

“maybe we could…” you swallow harshly, the alcohol encouraging your words you know you shouldn't say. “maybe we could keep pretending. just for tonight. and then when we get back to the office things can be back to normal.”

“and what does continuing to pretend to be husband and wife entail?” rafe questions, taking a step closer to you.

“more kissing. more… more.”

rafes lips are against yours suddenly, ignoring the elevator doors sliding open in favor of his mouth pushing against yours, lips gliding harshly over each others. the kiss is the exact opposite of the restaurant, whereas it was quick and innocent, this kiss is full of fire and passion.

the elevators slide shut and begin to head back down to the lobby. “shit.” rafe groans against your lips, jamming the button towards your floor. “sorry baby.”

“just… keep kissing me until someone gets in.” rafe listens to your pleas, kissing you until the elevator comes to a halt. even then, he doesn't move far away, keeping himself stood possessively over you, your back against the elevator wall.

you smile awkwardly at the three men who enter before turning your face into rafes chest, focused on the hand that has slipped around your waist. 

the elevator stops and the three men get off. the second it's moving again, rafe is back kissing you, stumbling out when your doors open as to not make the same mistake as last time.

“shit.” rafe groans, having to fumble in his pocket to get the key card for the door.

you let out a soft giggle, pressing kisses to his neck and jaw until the door swings open and you're able to step in the room.

“are you sure?” rafe asks, closing and locking the door behind you.

“im sure.” you nod. “this is just… pretend. let's do what husbands and wives do.”

rafe moves you towards the bed, backing you up until you sit down on the plush spread, decorated exactly like yours in the connecting room, but this bedding still smells like rafe from the night before.

he sinks to his knees, such a strong, dominant man on the floor for you as he takes off your heels, carefully slipping them off your soles before setting them to the side.

“thank you.” you say softly. rafe looks up at you before leaning forward, pushing the slit of your dress open to press kisses to your knees, and then thighs, moving up until the dress no longer allows him to.

“i need you to take this off.” he says roughly.

you nod, shifting yourself to stand as rafe also rises. you turn your back to him, his hands moving to your waist before moving up until he's cupping your chest over the shiny material.

“rafe-” you gasp out as he squeezes, his large palms enveloping your entire breast.

rafe holds his hands there for a moment longer before moving them to your back, unzipping your dress and watching it fall to the floor. you're in just a small pair of lingerie, having bought it for yourself yesterday in a boutique.

“shit.” rafe curses again. “you're… you're so beautiful.”

you turn around to kiss him again, his hands now against your bare skin as he explores, moving all along your sides and back.

your own hands get busy as well, fingers deftly unbuttoning his shirt until you can push it off his shoulders. you pull away to see his muscles, hints of which you've seen when he's rolled up his sleeves or wore a tighter than normal shirt, but now you can finally really see and appreciate them.

“lay down, please.” rafe says.

you move to lay on his bed, head resting against the pillows as rafe crawls over your body. his mouth finds yours again as his hand delves under your back to unhook your bra. he pulls it away from your body as his lips leave yours.

he's only off your skin for a moment before his mouth is wrapped around your nipple, tongue swirling around in circles as his hand holds your other breast.

“oh, shit.” it's your turn to curse as your eyes squeeze closed, hand coming to the back of rafes head, feeling his short hair as he sucks on your nipple before kissing all over the swell of your breast. he switches sides, wanting to taste all of you.

you lift your hips when his hand grabs onto your underwear, allowing him to pull it all the way down until you kick it off the bed. rafe pulls away to look between your legs, letting out a soft moan when you part your thighs and he can see how wet you already are.

“beautiful.” he says, eyes closing like it's too much to look at you as his hand skirts down your stomach before finding your wetness, finger circling around your entrance before gently pushing in.

“kiss me, please.” you take rafes face in your hands, guiding your mouths back together as his finger carefully thrusts in and out. he slowly increases the speed until you're whining against his lips for more.

rafe twists his hand so his thumb can rub over your clit as you let out a moan, hips pressing up, seeking more.

“i need you.” rafe pulls his hand away. “i need you so bad.”

you nod quickly, giving him one more quick kiss before he pulls away to take off his pants and underwear. you bite your lip once hes completely nude, his cock standing tall and hard away from his body. you want to taste him, want to see what it feels like to have his cock sit heavy on your tongue, but you need him inside of you more.

“i have a condom somewhere…” he looks around.

“you don't need to wear one. I'm on birth control.” you can feel your cheeks blush just at the suggestion. “it's… it's not what a husband and wife would do.”

“okay.” rafe doesn't need any more convincing, crawling back over your body. “do you want me like this?”

you flip over quickly so you're on top, rafes back now pressed into the mattress. you grab onto his cock, giving him a few quick strokes before you line him up with your cunt, sinking down with a synchronous moan.

you keep your eyes on rafes face as you begin to move, hips grinding up and then back, your hands sat firmly on his chest to help you move.

you're able to grind your clit down against his skin every time you sink fully down, just adding to the pleasure. he's stretching you out in the most pleasurable way, just enough to feel it without being painful.

“so fucking beautiful.” rafe says, reaching up to hold onto your tits as they bounce with your body.

you put all your energy into riding him, knowing this might be your only chance to, but hoping it's not, hoping you can feel him inside of you again.

“i- baby.” rafe grunts out, hands moving down to your hips. he helps you move as your legs quickly tire, not used to this position.

“you feel so good.” you whine out eyes sliding shut as rafes hips begin to push up, lifting you with every thrust, spearing his cock even further into you.

“im-im close.” you admit with a gasp, his cock hitting your sweet spot every time.

“cum for me baby, please.” rafe moves one of his hands to your lower stomach, thumb reaching down to rub over your clit.

you cry out, back arching as you instantly cum, not needing any more stimulation as your body shakes before flopping forward, falling against rafes chest.

he gives you a minute, as long as he can hold back before flipping you onto your back. it takes him only a few thrusts to cum inside of you, filling you up to the brim.

rafe flops down next to you, both breathing heavily, skin sheened in sweat.

you wait for a moment. to see if he's going to say anything. when he doesn't, you scooch closer to him, placing your hand on his cheek and bringing him in for a kiss, not yet done pretending.

-- four years later --

“you remember the first time we came here?” rafe asks, stepping into the restaurant with his hand wrapped around yours. it's redecorated some, but is still familiar.

“how could i forget.” you smile at him. “where i first pretended to be your wife.”

“well, at least you don't have to pretend anymore,” rafe says, swiping his thumb over the diamond ring on your finger “mrs. cameron.”

#rafe smut #rafe cameron smut #obx smut #outer banks smut #rafe fic #rafe fanfic #rafe fanfiction #rafe cameron fic #rafe cameron fanfic #rafe cameron fanfiction #rafe x you #rafe x y/n #rafe x oc #rafe x reader #rafe cameron x oc #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe cameron x you #rafe imagine #rafe blurb #rafe drabble #rafe one shot #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron blurb #rafe cameron drabble

[mikaela-the-slut-expert]

yayyyy 💕 then can i ask for a scenario in which the reader, who’s a trans guy, volunteering to be the bride in the ghost groom scenario and threatening to stab anyone who says anything about him looking like a girl with platonic feng xin + mu qing and romantic hualian? (or just xie lian, since technically hua cheng is only there for like, .5 seconds lol)

(💥 anon)

Masculine Bride?

HuaLian x ftm(?)reader

IM SO SORRY 😔 I'VE HAD THE WORST FEW MONTHS OF MY LIFE BUT I LIVE I WILL BE COMPLETING REQUESTS AGAIN THANKS FOR NOT GIVING UP ON ME AGAIN GUYS ☺️🖤

____________________________________

☀️Feng Xin didn't want to be in this ridiculous mission at all. He has to deal with Mu Qing in disguise and he has to see Xie Lian who was once his best friend. So it feels a little awkward to him but he gets to see you too! So he's quite happy to see you and Xie Lian again

☀️When he finds out that the plan is to disguise as a bride he immediately says Nuh uh. No way he's doing that, Mu Qing would never live it down.

☀️But when you offer to disguise as the bride, since you do looke somewhat androgynous he's like great!

☀️He doesn't have to do it and he can protect you if you all get in harms way

☀️Honestly he's surprised you volunteered so quickly. Feng Xin knows you'd rather stay in your male form and he knows you don't like appearing feminine much these days. Gods do it all the time so Feng Xin doesn't mind. Have you seen Shi Qingxuan?

☀️So everything was going great, they got you dressed and the one village girl did your makeup so you didn't look like a clown. But then they ran into those annoying men again.

☀️ They were congratulating Xie Lian, Mu Qing, and Feng Xin for finding a pretty bride and even wanted to join up, but they all knew the men just wanted to eat off their success.

☀️So when you laughed and explained you did make a good bride even though you're a man, No one really laughed. The men had genuinely thought you were a woman sooo they try to call your bluff.

☀️You did in fact change forms to look more like a bride but it doesn't feel good to have every single feminine feature to be pointed out. You're used to it so you weren't going to say anything but the group of men freeze and their skin pales when you hear a crack behind you

☀️Feng Xin may or may not have broken a pillar. May or may not have damaged his own temple. . .

☀️it succeeds in shutting the men up because what man is able to just break a God's pillar?!

☀️Feng Xin has to admit he's pretty irritable, but hearing the group of men bully you just pisses him off. He knows he's supposed to be in disguise and not gain your attention but he can't stand by and watch you be passive about it.

☀️ When the men practically evacuate the area you only laugh softly and link arms with him saying, "I found my guard!" You already know it's Feng Xin🙄

🌕Mu Qing was also your best friend and you never really gave him the chance to distance himself from you like he distanced himself from Xie Lian.

🌕Mu Qing has been with you a long time and he knows you're more comfortable identifying as a man. He has no issue with it. It took some time getting used to but he doesn't care as long as you're happy.

🌕so hearing the group of men start pointing you out so blatantly ticks him off. He knows he can't harm mortals but he sure wishes he could.

🌕It's not against the rules to threaten them though, so when he threatened to cut off their hand because it's rude to point isn't against the rules either.

🌕You were surprised honestly, Mu Qing doesn't care about a lot of things and doesn't usually get violent unless it's with Feng Xin.

🌕but you laugh when the group of men run off and you lean on Mu Qing. Saying you're so happy to have your own personal protector

🪷Xie Lian doesn't really fight. It's not that he can't he just doesn't see a point to do so.

🪷but that doesn't mean he'll let people bully you either

🪷 You've stuck with him for awhile so you're used to just taking mean words in stride. Xie Lian has never let them get away with it though.

🪷So it comes as a Surprise to you all when Xie Lian uses rou'ye to tie the group of men up together and he "advised them to go away before something unfortunate happens"

🪷You smiles and kiss his cheek, linking arms with him with a smile.

🪷"You're cute when you're protective"

#tgcf #tgcf headcanon #tgcf xie lian #xie lian x reader #tgcf feng xin #tgcf mu qing #tgcf feng xin x reader #tgcf mu qing x reader #trans reader #ftm #mxtx tgcf

[orbleglorb]

blaseball in the tumblr universe, part 4

(part 3 might be needed for context)

[ID 1: divider to show that there is a new post]

[ID 2: divider to show that a new reblog has been added to a post /end IDs]

anonymous asked:

so what exactly did you think was going to happen when you made your tumblr username Official Jessica Telephone?

☎️ official-jessica-telephone

idk man i thought maybe before sending an ask, which you have to click on my profile to do, people would see my header that says "not jessica telephone" in all caps. maybe they'd even read my bio that says i'm a 17 year old transmasc named michael living in the uk.

#telephone calls #please please please it is not that hard.

620 notes

🦞 marketplace-shellfish 🔁

👛 antique-handbags Follow

Working in ILB offices is so fun. Why did my boss just ask me who Donald Trump is.

👛 antique-handbags

Wrong blog but too late to delete now :P

🦞 marketplace-shellfish

Wait. So Parker IIIII knows who Ronald Reagan is, but not Donald Trump?

👛 antique-handbags

The Game Band (and me and some others, but mostly TGB) give Commish school lessons on off hours. They've only made it to around the 80s or 90s in history in the eleven-ish years he's been around. I usually do English and Math with him so IDK what's going on there.

🦞 marketplace-shellfish

Amazing. What the fuck

#I hope that's not supposed to be confidential #Would rather not get fired #<- Prev honestly I don't think anyone but maybe your coworkers could figure out who you are? #You're pretty good at not sharing personal details outside of this post #Or maybe I've missed a couple of posts idk

9,821 notes

anonymous asked:

You're one to get up on a soapbox about respecting celebrities. You literally named yourself after Mike Townsend.

☎️ official-jessica-telephone

i literally named myself after michael the distortion tma

#telephone calls #hitting my head against the wall #also i hate being called mike. lmao #canceling my parents for naming my sister after my grandmother

499 notes

🐶 catgirlfirefighter 🔁

🌼 buildmeupbuttercup Follow

🐶 catgirlfirefighter

what if this was my last straw

21,573 notes

☕️ eyesinthedark11

im sorry but the reader is so funny to me. giant eyeball that comes outta nowhere and says "your team is gonna suck absolute shit this season. here's a card and a riddle. fuck you" and then the coin is so clearly trying to get this guy away from blaseball but it doesn't care. comes every earlsiesta and is like "your team has a chance of sucking so bad it hurts. over under under over" and then LEAVES. do we think the coin and the reader are divorced

#i am NOT maintagging this shit

13 notes

#i did not check math at all so if the reader would have appeared later than 11 years after pvrker came around pls ignore that #blaseball #fake tumblr #fake tumblr dash #i have several more of these in my drafts

[hopefullystillliving]

You ever get lulled into a false sense of security during the first two thirds of a kid's movie that's good with a serious plot but mostly a pretty fun time, only to have the entire final third tear your heart out, chew it up and spit it out, crush it into even finer paste beneath its heel, and add the fine powder your ribs have been turned into by the sledgehammer it whammed you with as a seasoning?

Anyway Nimona was great, 10/10 would recommend, I was crying on and off for what probably totaled 20 minutes of tears.

#hopeful rambling #nimona #cw graphic #i think that's probably the right tag for that description #anyway yes im a little late to the train but i was waiting until i could watch it with my dearest #my takeaway is that they should put a content warning on it for trans people especially bc you will feel punched in the face #that allegory sure can trans. #i think i related to it in a different way than most people #bc being genderqueer yeah nimona going im not a girl im just myself hit home but im not *trans* #so i think i actually ended up projecting onto balistar as someone who deeply loves a trans person (different ways obviously) #being told 'yes you can rejoin the society you betrayed you aren't like *her* you arent a monster everything can go back to what it was #you can be one of the good guys if you reject the freaks' #but they betrayed you first and the good guys aren't good and how things were is worse actually than saying i love you i see you im with you #to the freaks and the monsters who will accept who you are unlike the society that never will always keeping you to an impossible standard #of never being yourself #so yeah the religious/societal prejudice trauma was very felt at some points #and i grieved for nimona not because she was me but because she was my dearest and she was a friend #and she was a thousand people i will never know who decided it was better to die as yourself than be killed as someone you aren't #and didn't have a person to say im sorry. i see you. #anyway. yeah im still crying. altered my brain chemistry is mild i think it rearranged my organs punched a hole in my chest and i thanked it #nimona spoilers

[pocketramblr]

Dash simulator

Blog 1: lol anyone else seeing a lot of strawberries in new recipes now? sometimes its fun but i really dont get the appeal of adding it to everything. why did you make strawberry garlic bread

Blog 2: u kno im not a fan of strawberries, i really like the rich sweet and sour notes from oranges, oranges and chocolate is such a good combo. i altered a recipe for a smoothie with oranges last week and it was soooo good ill give you my notes if you want Reblogged by: Blog 1: ahaha yesss i love chocolate and oranges

Blog 3: I canNOT believe the hate im seeing to strawberries right now, like, you know guys know the rule don't like don't bake right?? you know you can hit the back button right?? honestly what's wrong with yall

Open draft- wait guys you know there's a difference between leaving a comment on a recipe saying you hate strawberries and the recipe writer should never use them, and going to your own blog to say you don't really like strawberries, without naming any specific people or recipes right? you know there's a difference right?? - Save - Post - Discard

Draft discarded

Blog 4: why is everyone jumping on the strawberry hate train right now. what is wrong with you. Reblogged by: Blog 5: I knowwww like guys some people stop baking because of reading things like that, please stop it, if you don't like strawberries you can be quiet about it

Open draft- im so sorry if anyone's getting sent mean messages or comments about what they're writing and baking, but i'm literally not seeing any of that and if you are, please use the block button. but someone making a post on their own blog is not that, and if you can't see the irony in you being allowed to complain on personal blogs but not them i can't help you... - save- post- discard

Draft discarded

Blog 2: are strawberries even in season?

Blog 6: woo cherry pie!

#trying so hard to be a blog 6 rn #im discarding those drafts #but clearly it has been too much for me as this one is getting posted #like i really am sorry if any. strawberry antis are directly being rude to anyone #that isnt ok #but i have seen zero of that on my dash or in the tag #i saw a few blogs saying lol they don't like strawberries #and then i saw a ton of blogs saying how dare there be any negativity at all #and seeming to act as if those blog posts were specifically about disliked fic authors i mean recipe makers #which... if any of them were... i didn't see it because of how i blocked large swaths of the fandom like three years ago #when i realized that it was determined to blow up a discourse topic every single month #and if there are people doing that. please. do what i did. block en mass #if you open a recipe that turns out to have strawberries in it and you cant hit the back button but instead leave a nasty comment that is a #you problem #but also if you see a random blog post about someone saying they dislike strawberries- hate strawberries even- and you feel personally #attacked and start crying about how now you never want to bake a strawberry shortcake again and they're so mean #that is also. a you problem. #'what fandom is this pocket' dont worry about it #not one i have any mutuals in #which. considering the mass blocking and the annoying chronic discourse explosions. perhaps is not surprising

[darling-valentine]

every now and then I remember that time my transfem friend and I were talking about her trauma and her transition and suddenly she said "but yeah you didn't go through any of that because trans men don't get harassed or bullied and have it overall easier" and I just felt so deeply upset at how she just assumed all the pain I went through couldn't exist because I somehow had it easier. I didn't even say anything because I didn't want her to think I was angry at her, because if I do then suddenly I'm an Angry Man that's exaggerating

#not to mention im latino and she's white #how can you say 'yeah you didn't suffer bullying' to a latino neurodivergent trans man that you've known is mentally unwell for years #maybe its because she idolizes me a lot but please i just want people to see me like a person and not like some concept they can define #also it's really sad seeing people say 'trans men have it easier' like I didn't get beat up and socially and psychologically bullied #ever since i came to Spain because of racism and homophobia and transphobia and ableism and every form of bigotry you can think #and even to this day i still have to deal with all that #even when i think im safe I'm never really safe for one reason or another #and being a man doesn't make me any less vulnerable #valentine.txt #valentime #sorry for the rant gamers I'm still upset and i haven't talked about it to her because I don't want her to feel bad

[vaniliens]

I keep forgetting about how people actually use pronouns for me instead of just referring to me by name. Like sometimes id get she/her'd or they/them'd and it always feels so trippy because i have never been called that in my head!!!! Its always just been 'Dude' 'You' 'Man' 'Me' 'Girl' and 'He' but idk. I feel like id get tripped out if i start going by he/him too.

#If you're wondering what pronouns to use for me; Um. I unno. Do whatever. #this isn't a huge deal or anything im just not used to being noticed #Unless its by maprron hi maprron <333 Sorry i havent been active much 😭 #nillas #i feel like id be DOUBLY confused if i get he/himd because ive only seen someone do it once but that was years ago 💔 #Like with She/Her id understand because i am a girl. thing . and my profile picture and stuff are usually girls (See: My Blog.) #and with they/them id also get it because youre probably just not sure about my pronouns or smth #he/him... yeah.... but id be flattered depending on the mood and if i remember I have pronouns that day #Idk!!! Why is this so confusing !!! I NEED IRON IN MY BLOOD!!! #ok wait honestly. I get weirded out about my name too. But again i think its just because im not used to attention. #i used to let people call me my real name online but the Nia and Vanillas was more popular also it feels weird now #you dont know me irl!!! #thats a name exclusively used for irl contexts!!!! Not online!!!!! #also someone called me 'Menzu' once back when i was still masquerading as Menzu_kosui on Insta shsvhsvjs #IT CAUGHT ME SO OFF GUARD LIKE I KNOWWW I DIDN'T HAVE ANY OTHER NAMES THERE BUT ITS JUST A FANCIER WAY #OF SAYING ''MENS'' AND I GOT SO CONFUSED!! I love that person though I get it 😭 ty for that it stunned me but i Laugh #about it everytime it crosses my mind

[timetravellingkitty]

.

#last night an ex friend who ignored me for 6 fucking months just messaged me saying “oh im sorry i want to make things clear between us” #“i dont want any bad relations before the end of the year blah blah blah” #and she didn't even apologise properly #i told her i didnt accept her apology because i didnt trust her anymore and that i deserved friends who cared about stuff like that #and her response to that? “wow nice to see you're so cocky let me knock your ego down a few notches” #“you're a loud and obnoxious bitch you think you the world revolves around you just cause you read some feminist books” #which tells me that she really didnt mean her sorry #she just wants a clean slate and validation she's actually a good person #im sorry but you dont get to use as a stepping stone for YOUR character development #why apologise if you don't fucking mean it #and the worst part is my friend still thinks she's a good person and whatever blah blah blah FUCK OFF #i know no one really wants to listen what i have to say given that i'm always taken as a joke #but srsly fuck off it's amazing how her friend hurting me isnt a big deal cause she's “not as bad as i think she is” #god i miss my old friends we have such a strong bond but we don't meet that often i just want to hug them so bad #i'm glad i didnt listen to the part of me that wanted to forgive her one of my ex friends was also like her and i've learnt my lesson #vent #personal

[altruistic-meme]

I love your defense of Kristina! Like one thing that drives me crazy is how people frame that fact that she’s dismissive of willie and Simon’s relationship in season 1 but i don’t think it’s that unreasonable! Like idk as someone in their mid twenties when I think of teenagers in relationships I doubt most will be together forever. I think it’s reasonable for kristina to question if her sons relationship of a few weeks is worth outing himself when he might regret it later. As the audience we’re obviously rooting for willie and Simon but her advise of denying his involvement in the video in season 1 is to protect her son while he’s already gone through so much. Could she be more understanding? Yes, but she isn’t abusive like a lot of fics make her out to be. Like she’s a realistic mother. She loves her son but doesn’t understand what’s going on in his life completely.

thank you <3 and also YES! THIS!!!

like. it is reasonable to me that she would do whatever she could to cover it up because yes it's traumatic that it happened and covering it up won't get rid of that trauma at all, which im sure she knows, but it will help shield her son from more harm and trauma around it. and no, she wasn't really thinking about Simon or how he couldn't get out of it, but she doesn't know Simon, and Simon isn't her son. her top priority in this is protecting her kid.

and i love your point so much about her doubt in their relationship. we have to keep in mind that while we see Simon and Wilhelm falling in love and we see how much they care about each other, Kristina doesn't. for her, this is completely out of left field!! she didn't know about Simon at all before this!! she knows nothing other than what we can assume that the royal court found out for her, and we can assume that Wilhelm probably didn't tell her much more. i'm only 20, so i am barely not a teen myself, but i know that a lot of teen relationships don't last.

it's not unreasonable for her to have her doubts, and as bad as it sounds, her doubts about Simon specifically bc of his upbringing and her doubts in Wilhelm's ability to realize the possibilities that Simon is only with him for status aren't crazy. they would be a natural conclusion considering she doesn't know Simon. she has no reason to believe that it's anything other than simple infatuation or worst-case gold-digging.

she definitely could have been more understanding. for sure. she could have listened to Wilhelm, put more trust in his words when he told her he wanted to be with Simon. but it's not strange or crazy or evil of her to have not. we praise the show for how they portray teenagers!! let's not start to shit on it for portraying how adults react to teenagers too.

#skhfksdfhsdkgfsg I TOLD YOU I HAVE FEELINGS ON THIS IM SORRY THIS GOT SO LONG #i didn't even get to the point of them only having a relationship for a few weeks #like thats INSANE and you are so right about her not wanting him to be outed over it #again while WE know how they feel we are an outside audience and not part of the story #we get to see ALL sides and kristina /doesn't even see wilhelms/. she only sees her own bc she is one person who is IN THE STORY #shes not fucking all knowing #she has an EXTREMELY limited persepctive ESPECIALLY because she isn't at hillerska. she doesn't even see the casualness between them #the way that say anette and the other staff do #the liklihood she had ever heard of simon prior to the sextape is slim to none #anyway ill shut up now before the tags become as long as the post skdfksdhfhksf #thank you for this sm though <3 #young royals #queen kristina #prince wilhelm #askers #anon #shh ac

[sovonight]

xan's candle event is so funny to me. you have to choose 1 specific option for the candles to even be significant to your charname, and yet the next day xan presents you with a lit candle no matter what you said, and if you're like um is that supposed to represent something, he's like yes but also no, and i will not explain, and also i'm still going to use this as a symbol to make a promise to you, even though i literally refuse to elaborate

#i'm so sick of him (affectionate)???? #the funniest part is 3 out 4 responses to the lit candle are confusion too! you have to choose 1 specific option there for charname #to even know what's going on! when they supposedly shared their minds the previous evening?? HUH?? #anyway i was trying in vain to write that scene for radri based only off my memory-- #but now that ive fully reread it im like okay i have my work cut out for me bc it really didn't even make much sense to me in the original #man. when i say that xan's romance has a false neutrality and really charname's personality was predetermined to begin with-- #look i love him and i see the vision but i'm going to need him to do a take 2 on this #bc i am Not letting radri just light candles and sit around waiting fruitlessly for him to visit her each night #she would be nervous. she would go see him. sorry that she's not perfect & refined & patient she would definitely go see him #and definitely think his distance was her fault Again #why are they even spending their evenings apart? what happened to 'you can sleep over in my head to escape your nightmares'? #so what--they bond and then he just pulls away Again??? and charname's just not supposed to be worried about that? #in my rewrite ive already altered his behavior a bit... i feel guilty but also not #sovo note

[l48yr1nth]

Hi. Just wanted to say I really like your art. The way you use shapes is truly amazing and I love every art piece that comes up on my dash. :).

I AM. GOING. TO CRY.!

thank you and i love you and ur awesome and . i love you. :) :) :3

#labyanswering #incoming. incomprehensible ramblings #i seriously cannot say enough how much this rocks to read #i teared up a bit. maybe a sniffle #but i didn't tell you that #you. grab my heart and squeezed it a little #had to sit and take a breath for a second after reading and processing this ask #GRABS YOU #SHAKES YOU VIOLENTLY #DONT BE SO SWEET IN MY INBOX ! IM SHORT CIRCUITING AND OVERHEATING AND MALFUNCTIONING!!! #kisses u gently on the head /p #u are too sweet to me. #im going to. EXPLODE. ALL OVER. EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!! #if you ever talk to me again i will GET YOU #very very happy. veryVERY. happy. #have not been having the greatest of times (relatively) lately. u are why i keep going #i have like been struggling to keep up with my own blog lately and like. tears up a little. #i don't do art for validation but i'm NOT the social-est person so uploading and interacting is a bit of a difference from my usual self;; #and hearing that like. u guys like my stuff so much is my main (like 99%) motivation for continuing to draw and post #also this community rocks! i've made so many friends with similar interests!! I GET TO KNOW SO MANY AWESOME FUCKING ARTISTS!! #PEOPLE I FOR REAL LOOK UP TO IN TERMS OF ART TALK AND DRAW WITH ME!! #AND PEOPLE MIGHT LOOK UP TO ME AS WELL! #AND PEOPLE LIKE WHAT I MAKE! #AND I CAN SEE SO MANY THINGS OTHER PEOPLE MAKE! #THAT I LIKE SO MUCH! #im rambling so hard im sorry #but like i can't put it into words #properly at least #i may not know exactly who you are but i need you to know that i think ur awesome! u rock! #ok im up an hour past when i usually go to bed i have to GO. BYE.

[cerbreus]

had a trainwreck of an in person consult for my sleeve tattoo yesterday only made better by the itty bitty yorkie shop dog adoring me and sitting on my lap the whole time.

#also chatting with my partner after ofc i felt so much better tysm chris ♥ #but yeah it was not great #it was supposed to be on friday #but she changed it last minute saying she was too busy can we do it the next day at 5 instead? yeah fine #kinda disappointing she didn't tell me in time to like do smth with friends i was invited to but had to opt out of bc of the consult #but whatever #get there early text her that i'm there. stand out side. in the rain. for 15 minutes. she didn't see the text. she didn't see me outside. #in fact.. she was in the middle of tattooing somebody. the client noticed me after 15 minutes and finally let her know. #she comes over all suspicious like. cracks the door and asks 'who are you?what do you want' #even after i say i have a consultation at 5 she didn't remember it was HER who had the consult. i had to rattle off all the details for her #to finally remember it was HER consult and say 'oh i completely forgot about that' #finally get let in and sit down and. she then spends the next couple minutes profusely apologizing to the other client. saying like #'ohhh im so sorry i completely forgot i had a consult scheduled.... i'll get this over with quick' which. well. :( #finally start going through it. she doesn't remember anything about the tattoo. not that it was a sleeve. not what elements were in it. :( #i wasn't expecting a sketch or anything but. even just having re-read the emails before the consult would have... been nice.... #after she does that she says 'oh we didn't really need an in person consultation' which is also. :( because she suggested it. #i get a whole like 5 minutes to rehash stuff we already went over in emails including her not remembering i'd put down a deposit AND we had #3 sessions scheduled already.... and it needs another 2 sessions which i wish she'd told me about because she's booked so far out my last #session might not be until. may. #i didn't even get to ask any questions! i wanted to ask! like does she use saniderm? (i can't have that on my skin) #does she want other things for a tip than just cash? (absolutely not offering that now) has she dealt with KP before? are there any things #she wants me to bring to the sessions? (they're gonna be long) #and then i'm rushed out the door and sitting in my car in the rain and just absolutely fucking crushed #and feeling bad that i feel so bad because like. is it entitled of me to think that like. #maybe if u have a client paying u thousands of dollars to design & tattoo their sleeve tattoos.... you'd like.... treat them like a client #i was so excited about my sleeve i was so fucking psyched and now im. not. at all. #i'm worried about what if she forgets about my appts? what if she books over my appts like she already did with just my consult? #and i'm left hanging trying to get things scheduled in so so so so late like i'm some second rate flaky walk in.... #i guess it could have gone worse

[sternbilder]

ok so today I had one of the most fascinating and enlightening discussions maybe of my life and I need to share bc it blew my MIND (warning: long)

here's the context. there is a friend I have. they are a pretty good friend of mine that I've known for many years now and I appreciate them as a person very much. lately I have noticed that they've been texting me fairly frequently. which, from my point of view, is once every couple of days. not because they had something specific to say, but just saying hello or asking how my day was.

I'm sure this was well-intentioned, but this was starting to get a tiny bit grating for me. we just met up in person literally two days ago! and you had texted me not long before that, too! nothing new has happened since then! my day has been quite boring, actually! I thought, in my mind, as I swiped away the notification—and immediately felt like an awful friend.

I knew from past experience that responding to the message would invite an immediate and not easily escapable conversation that, due to my poor multitasking skills, would distract me from work or require me to context switch away from whatever else it was I was doing at the moment—cooking, doing chores, watching TV—and worse, amount to little more than idle chit-chat about the same boring quotidian complaints as usual. I am not one of those people who thinks they're above small talk or don't see its social value, but I found myself thinking, am I the one who is being not normal here in not enjoying having this specific kind of interaction MULTIPLE times a week with the SAME person?

so recently, I've been finding myself routinely avoiding opening this particular friend's messages for fear of hurting their feelings if they saw that I had left them on read for a prolonged period of time. I had even gone so far as to avoid posting in a group chat in which we're both participants so that they don't realize that I have, in fact, been online, just not responding to them, specifically. my hope was that after enough slow responses, this friend would eventually get the hint and give up on trying to maintain a steady steam of conversation, but somehow this has not worked so far.

this was starting to weigh on my conscience. I realized that I will have to eventually fight my conflict-avoidant tendencies and just confront this friend directly, for the sake of both my sanity and our friendship. but how to do this gently? tactfully? without implying that I don't value their friendship or that I perceive them as needy or annoying? that was the tricky question. because I know that my friend isn't doing anything wrong! if anything it is probably me that is weird and antisocial and I probably just need to work on my social skills!

but not wanting to feel like a total asshole and hoping to go in with an informed and reasonable mindset (knowing full well that my understanding of social norms isn't always the keenest), I asked a different group chat for their opinion, hoping to gain some perspective on what boundaries they generally considered normal and acceptable to exercise. I phrased my question thusly:

how many friends* would you say you have where you text on a regular basis (say, multiple times a week) 1:1 just to say hi, about nothing in particular *explicitly a friend, not a family member or SO

y'all. the responses were eye-opening.

there were four people who participated in this discussion, all four of whom were in different camps and had wildly different experiences:

0, and assumed most others were the same

0, but assumed most others were not the same

multiple, and assumed most others were the same

multiple, but assumed most others were not the same

1 was me; in retrospect, I am realizing that because I had assumed that these kinds of interactions were not typical, I had interpreted my friend's gesture as something much more significant than it probably was in their mind, which is to say something that they just happen to do with everyone they know and like—which created a sort of pressure in my mind not to let them down and caused a sense of intense anxiety when I found myself struggling to reciprocate. I am absolutely floored at the revelation that it is apparently normal and common for people to have MULTIPLE friends (not even partners!!! or family!!!) that they are talking to on a constant ongoing basis at any given time, and at the possibility that I was treating my friend's feelings with kid gloves when it REALLY wasn't that hashtag deep for them.

2 clarified that they never initiate these kinds of chats, but when others initiate with them, they're fairly comfortable with simply letting these kinds of pings go unanswered, assuming the other person will just move on to someone else without taking it personally.

3 confessed to me that they once tried to do something similar with me, and eventually gave up, but had felt a bit hurt and rejected at my lack of enthusiasm, because they assumed that I was doing this with other people, just not them specifically. they sympathized very strongly with my friend.

4 also recalled that they had at one point tried something similar with me, but sort of got that I wasn't one of those people who would be receptive to this style of communication and wasn't particularly bothered by this, agreeing with 2 that the expectation is not that the recipient HAS to respond, and that my friend should probably pay closer attention to the face-saving social cues I was sending by not responding or responding slowly.

but yeah, the takeaway from this conversation is that people's preferences and experiences and expectations when it comes to digital communication are WILDLY varied, and because both communication technology and the social conventions surrounding them are changing CONSTANTLY (just a few examples: are read receipts good or bad? what about typing indicators? online status? are emoji reacts or gifs/stickers an acceptable substitute for an actual reply? group chats vs. 1:1 DMs? synchronicity and formality of various communication methods like email and chat and video? are phone calls are still socially acceptable?) there are either no agreed-on norms or different camps of people have vastly different understandings of what the norms are

among the other highlights/a-ha moments of this discussion:

Friend 4 asked another friend who is even MORE extraverted than they are what their # was and they reported somewhere in the ballpark of 20-40 people in any given week which is absolutely buckwild to me (importantly, all four of us in the original group happen to be software engineers, a class of people notorious for their lack of sociability, so I have no confidence that I have captured a representative sample size even within this particular group—the numbers both 3 and 4 gave were still both in the single digits, though they are definitely the warmest and friendliest of the bunch)

I realized that one difference between me and 3/4 was that we fulfill our social needs quite differently? specifically, I mostly connect with friends over group chats, of which I have a handful that are quite chatty and at least one or two that I'm actively posting in on any given day. I also typically have at least one, often multiple, real-life social plans every week! I am, in fact, very satisfied with my social life, to the point where it is almost maxing out my social quota (especially recently now that I've started dating someone)! but anyway—I find group chats to be my ideal form of day-to-day communication because there's less urgency and pressure for any individual person to contribute if they're not feeling up for it, and ALSO in the case of group chats where at least one member is a straight man (which is the majority of them for me, and I call out straight men only because they are the only demographic I have historically had this issue with) there is less room for platonic interactions to be undesirably misinterpreted as romantic

3/4 expressed that they prefer 1:1 conversations because they feel more personal and they can be more vulnerable about sensitive topics, which I would generally agree with—though in several of my group chats, I personally do feel comfortable enough with all the members to share things about myself with the entire group just by virtue of having known everyone for a long time and having built group camaraderie, but they seemed to not be comfortable with this without having previously established a consistent 1:1 pattern of day-to-day communication (or maybe they meant they were uncomfortable with the group forum itself, even if they were cool with sharing with everyone individually)?

they also expressed that for them, frequent unsolicited checkins and 1:1 attention from a friend would feel exciting/flattering/validating for them, whereas for me it would feel overwhelming, especially if we weren't THAT close

I do use 1:1 DMs also, but for a very different set of use cases: 1) if I haven't caught up with someone in a while (read: weeks or months), in which case we'll often just not text super long and make plans to call or meet in person instead, or 2) if I have something specific to say, like "here's this meme/song/piece of news I think you'd like to see" or "I need advice on X" or "guess what happened that made me think of you" or "I heard X happened, are you OK?"

I found that whereas I have a very clear distinction between communication preferences with a friend (someone I talk to on a regular basis but don't have a constant line of individual communication with) vs. a significant other (more or less willing to do this, unless they preferred not to), such a boundary between a platonic and romantic relationship does NOT exist for all people which boggled my mind

but yes anyway. I am learning so much about the way people view socializing in the digital age and I am so curious to know more and I kind of wish more people talked about this more openly (specifically among friends! because in my experience this is something that is fairly common to sort out explicitly in a romantic context) because I think this is probably the kind of thing that no one talks about because people are either afraid of potentially hurting feelings or everyone is just kind of assuming by default that their takes are universal without realizing that no actually, many people have strong opinions on this that are the polar opposite of theirs

but my gut feeling is that there is a lot of completely unnecessary friction that could just be resolved if only we could agree that it's cool to be more upfront about what our communication preferences are without worrying about that being taken extremely personally by the other party? bc idk, every single person I talked to about this today was like holy shit this was a whole fucking revelation actually, I can't believe I hadn't thought about this before thank you for bringing this up

#cam thoughts #I still have to talk to original friend #but am thinking maybe doing this next time I see them in person bc I find it so much easier to convey tone not when typing #bc there is an external factor that I suspect may have to do with why they're suddenly reaching out so frequently and I want to be sensitiv #but now I want to know the answer to this question for literally everyone I know. Im SO curious what is actually objectively normal/typical #but my gut tells me that this is like #inherently a delicate question to ask bc it can really make it uncomfortably clear if 2 ppl are not on the same page re:their friendship #also I realized that most of this group are specifically SWEs who have worked ON a chat application in the past. #so of COURSE we all have super strong opinions about literally all of this which is hilarious #also I didn't want to say it but have I definitely been thinking *meme voice* is this attachment theory? this whole time? lowkey mayhaps. #also also if you're reading this and I ever left you on read please do know that I do feel bad about it and I am sorry #final postscript I do not mean to suggest that I never want to be reached out to or checked in on. just. my capacity for social threads #is extremely low so please don't take it personally if I cannot prioritize your message right away or scale back chatting to a slower pace #tl;dr everyone is normal and fine and just different and the sooner we realize this the healthier our digital social lives will become.

[ghostabocky]

thinking about kh3/khux/khdr and wondering if there’s any iconography or characters who have the potential for the same sort of intrigue as lingering will/the mysterious figures/the kh2 secret ending

#angel.txt #i mean this in like... how we hear ''the disappeared'' when fighting the kh1 enigmatic man #and then we hear it again in kh2 when we fight xemnas for the first time #how we know nothing abt who or wat lingering will is until we hear motifs from rage awakened come back in terra's theme #and finally see the conclusion of his story #the entire kh2 secret ending and it's blatant recreation at the end of bbs #things that are like. very much different from theories being proven true‚ like the luxu-xigbar reveal #bc we didn't know anything abt xemans in kh1 or terra in kh2 or young xehanort in bbs! #and im looking at like... ok there's yozora #but we know his face even if he says its not what he ''really looks like'' #so it already isn't going to have the same sort of intrigue as the mysterious figure/enigmatic man/lingering will #and there's also dark inferno but the music that plays during that boss is. the same as like half the kh3 bosses #there's nothing to look forward to in that regard #kh3/khux also have secret endings that play around with concepts we're familiar with to a certain degree #so im like. i think im just 👀 at sigurd rn #faceless and also confirmed to be the person narrating in the kh4 teaser? hmm? #now give me smth in missing link that'll HIT DIFFERENT in kh4 #sorry im probably making no sense lmao #i just think that sort of subtle excitement has been missing from recent kh stuff #that moment of realization as you recognize a musical motif‚ or the satisfaction of an answer at the end of a long story #im not really here for like. *who* the MoM is unless its like. oh shit we've heard this theme before. oh god oh fuck

[essektheylyss]

not to be an unhinged Capricorn of a writer, but I really love getting rejections. I'm taking up space as a writer! I'm getting feedback! often I get to know if I got to a second round or not, and if they actually want to see more of my work. sometimes they even suggest other markets to send the piece to that it might fit better!

I've never gotten a mean rejection—even when they're form responses, they are usually quite nice, and stress how many submissions the market or agency receives. and I understand that, but a lot of folks don't. just because you were rejected doesn't mean the reader didn't like the piece—because of how many submissions virtually every market and agency gets, there are dozens of reasons why they have to say no to things, even things they love.

and every personalized rejection I've gotten has actually made my day, because it is genuinely lovely to know that someone read my work and gave it enough thought and consideration to say something specific about it. because I get excited when anyone reads and thinks about something I've written! even if it's just one person!

like do I want the things to get accepted, yeah! cuz I like the pieces and I want other people to read them! but the disappointment of not having the thing published isn't personal, it's professional, and meanwhile I'm gaining a lot of insight into my writing just on statistics for getting a lot of rejections. I don't think that any given rejection is a reflection of me personally.

#i admit i am on the extreme end of the 'don't equate your writing to yourself' but i genuinely think that is SO important #specifically if you want to write professionally cuz like. you're gonna get rejected. #but i don't think you have to be HARDENED to that? like... i can tell based on responses which pieces are stronger than others #and which need more editing #but like. i do think you can be very emotionally invested in your writing and what you're saying and what stories you're telling #and also not take it personally when you get rejected #especially because each piece is different and individual and SMALL notably. even a whole book is NOT equivalent to You #so it isn't a full reflection on you #anyway just thinking cuz i got a rejection that genuinely made my day #like i would legit not have any way to gauge writing progress really if i was not submitting stuff #honestly i don't like telling people 'oh yeah x got rejected' cuz i always get 'aww sorry' and I'm like. i mean yeah but like oh well? #like it's not NOT disappointing to not get accepted but. cuz i would like to get stuff published not cuz i think it reflects on my worth #even like. as a writer lol. #tbh i think this is also like. a struggle with not considering how much of a thing other people see #you can write the most intensely personal story about your deepest trauma and a reader will never know. they're just reading a story. #it can be deeply affecting and still be. yanno. a story. #but also if im writing about my own shit im always abstracting it far enough that it is just like. an element of the thing. #and usually it's not even like. recognizable to me as what it originally was. it's like a transmutation. #or! it is recognizable but it's something that i didn't even recognize it as when i was writing it. #like I'm using writing as alchemy and it works so fucking great honestly #anyway I'll stop and go back to work but i had to make this post cuz i am laughing at myself for being so !!! over rejections #now. grad school rejections on the other hand. those hurt like a motherfucker lmfao #but mostly cuz 'ugh wdym i have to try again in a YEAR couldnt you just take me this time?' #whereas writing is like. cool im submitting this one piece to another three magazines as we speak.

[iateyourwaffles]

Hey. I haven’t been here for a while. Almost for about half a year, I think. I’m sorry. My mental health hasn’t been very well since sometime around late last year, as well as my physical health. I’m sorry for disappearing for a while. I’ve been having lots of physical pain and d/ental pain since late last year, around the holidays. I had lots of appointments for d/octors and d/entists and such throughout early this year during winter. After that though, I was still in pain, I went back to my d/entist and they said that I had to go see a specialist. I went to see one, had to go to a big hospital, and I was diagnosed with a muscular joint issue which affects the face and mouth. I have to live with it, unfornately, but my specialist said that there’s ways to treat it, like to help ease the pain. Also I have to go through a clea/ning next month, and I’m a bit worried, cause my mouth, jaw, and t/eeth are usually always in pain, and my t/eeth are sensitive due to my joint issues. I would like to get it worked though, cause I drink coffee and tea often, and I have some v/isible stains that are quite hard to clean. I have been having anxiety and been worrying a lot about my t/eeth and bones and such ever since I have been diagnosed with this issue. I can hardly eat these days and sometimes it’s hard to open my mouth too wide. I may also have a nerve issue but I need to go to a certain d/octor for that.

 Now days, I have been trying to avoid getting too worked up. I get stressed easily and upset easily. I was diagnosed with emotional disorder when I was very young, so I cry easily and such. I’m also autistic. I get a bit overwhelmed at times and I let stuff get to me. I got upset a while back, cause I was treated like a k/id, and I personally don’t like that too much, cause I’m an adult. I don’t mind being called a ‘k/id’, by much older adults though. I just don’t really like being treated like one. I do a lot though cause of the way I act, and the stuff I like, and there’s s/imple things I don’t understand at times. I got a bit upset, and it made my face and jaw hurt a lot. Once I calmed down and had some soup, it settled, though. I feel like when I eat or drink something warm, it helps eases the p/ain a bit. 

My specialist said that I should wear a mouth g/aurd. I tried, but the instructions were hard for me to understand. I tried a bunch of p/ain r/elievers but they didn’t really do much. My specialist p/rescribed me some rexlaxers and they help, and make me sleep, lol. But I have to eat cause sometimes they make me get sick. The last time I went was about a month ago, and they said they wish there was something they could do, but they said I have to go to a different d/octor that specializes in what I have. It’s hard to find one that will ac/cept me. I might have to go to one in the b/igger c/ity somewhere. Also a while after that, I had to stay in my h/ouse for about a week cause one of my family members got s/ick. They are okay now and fully recovered, which is good, cause I was worried. My b/rother gets sick easily and has been sick when he was growing up, so I was worried about him a lot. I’m glad he’s okay. 

So, yeah. I have been going through quite a lot since around the holidays late last year. However, some good things have happend though. My b/rother’s partner adopted a kitten. That and I was a top ra/nk score during an in game e/vent in one of the games I play. I got a t/100 t/itle, which I thought was pretty cool. It made me kinda happy, since I usually don’t really achieve anything. I k/now it’s not much, but as a fan it made me happy. I’m also not very good at games, lol. I also got a few plushies of a character I like. The plushies hasn’t been in the mail yet, but I’m patiently waiting for them to arrive. I also want to cosplay as my favorite character again this year for fall. I haven’t got the costume yet, but I will soon. 

I’m a bit nervous about my next appointment at the d/entist for cleaning, but maybe I’ll be alright. A part of me says I will. I’ve been a bit worried about it that I get b/ad dreams sometimes and I fi/nd it hard to sleep. 

So, that’s what’s been happening. Sorry, for not being here for about h/alf a y/ear. 

#personal #long post #also another game i got t/300 which was pretty cool too #so yeah this m/uscle j/oint issue is hard to live with #it s kinda hard to talk too much so i try not to #also i have to eat soft foods and such #i usually just eat ramen soup these days and banana #my brothers partners cat is adorable #my brother says that he will try and talk back to you like he meows after you say something to him #i usually see him through video chat since my brother usually lives with his partner and stays here during the weekend and days off #he works in the b/ig c/ity #he shows me the cat during video chat the cat is adorable #my aunt has the same joint issue and she said it will be okay and gave me some advice #i actually have been having signs of the joint issue since i was in junior high #however it didn't cause p/ain i just had a clicking noise around my jaw when i walked and it would stop after a while #though i guess since im much older now it s starting to get w/orse #sorry for all the tags #might reblog this later #if you read all this than yay heres a cookie x p