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hezuart · 3 years

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That anaversary aizen looks absolutely fabulous, he looks like a figure skater xd.

I heard along time ago the last arc of the anime was being animated finally bc they pulled a 90s sailor moon were the last season was not either animated or dubbed untill decades later.

I recall near the end of the current 366 episodes there was an episode were the creapy demon ppl woke up in hell and we're all bitter, and there was the other guy who was like, iM cOmEiNg FoR u IChIgO, but then is never mentioned again after and I'm like,why? Why is lt there just plopted randomly into a different arc that seams unrelated.

And locking aizen up underground seems ok, but It deff won't hold, and he will. Escape, and he will kill, you either need that one spell from star, dubbed, the darkest spell of moon the undaunted, a powerfull dark spell that killed immortal beings, that came from best character, eclipsa, the queen of darkness.

We need that.

Or stick him I'm crystal like eclipsa was in star. Is there no one who could trap him in ice or crystal for all eternity.

How about throw him into the centre of a volcano trapped and caged , forverr being killed by heat?

I assume there's space travel, send I'm into a black whole, were a black whole don't fuckin care if your immortal or fat, you will die

Yes, I love anniversary Aizen. His original octopus-butterfly hollow design was ugly so I'm glad he's back to being the fashion icon he is.

Locking Aizen up underground once is one thing, doing it twice after saying he got more powerful by just sitting there, and he escaped to battle the Quincy Soul King God... is another. I think he should have escaped at the end of the Quincy arc. That is the only feasibility.

I heard the anime is coming back for the Quincy arc as well, but because of COVID its probably going to be delayed. (I'm not gonna watch it until the Rain section of the arc then I'm dipping out. I'm only here for Zangetsu)

and funny that you mention that hell scene in the manga :)

-> spoilers for the new BLEACH 73 page anniversary chapter / thoughts/critique on it

So hey you had a premonition! Syazel .... returned? And his hole is outside of his body??? for some reason???

(I didn't understand the explanation or why / how that happens and what that means for the hollow)

And my friend and I were laughing because out of ALL the things. Kubo could do in this anniversary. He gave Syazel his dick back after going to hell. That is iconic. (that's where his hole was located, and now that its not on his body ... well...) This is the funniest thing Kubo has EVER pulled. Kudos to you, sir.

The entire internet is freaking out over Ukitake being in hell. Honestly Kubo has done far worse, and we've established that Soul Society is a corrupt system that hasn't changed, so I'm not surprised he would pull something like this.

At the same time, Kubo 1. cheated his audience. 2. continues to prove me right that he cannot bring himself to kill his characters

1. Hollows who have commit murder in their human life are sent to hell. Syazel and Aaorniero are two of these hollows, and yet, when they are killed, there is NO gates of hell scene. We see them there later in the hell chapter (which was more of a promotion for the fourth movie and I didn't believe it would hold any merit)

But the same goes for Ukitake. We never see the gates of hell take him. What, was hell late? Did hell's gates get lost like an uber before picking him up? It's bull. Withholding such vital information from your audience, not showing the gates of hell when they should pick up this soul IMMEDIATELY is ... I mean its a lie. Kubo lied to his audience.

2. Now we are told powerful shinigami are sent to hell when they die. First of all that sounds like a security threat. Wouldn't shinigami want revenge for that? Or attempt to escape? Why would they still hold loyalty after being sent to a prison of eternal suffering?

Also "Yhwach and Aizen" were the only ones keeping Hell's gates closed is way too convenient and doesn't really make any sense. I feel like Aizen should have deliberately gone to hell to retrieve powerful shinigami / hollows for his army instead of keeping it /closed/.

This is definitely a Kubo-doesn't-know-what-he's-doing-and-is -making- stuff-up-as-he-goes, but it might have a pinch of merit because of previous plot lines.... but either way, there's some big plot holes here, but again, its Kubo, so I expected nothing less.

Again, he can't kill off his characters. He introduced zombification, he introduced immortality through the hougyoku, he has Orihime and Hachigen's reversal / rejection abilities. He brought back Luppi, friggen.... a character who's entire upper half of his body was incinerated. Like.... come on. No. He's dead, you can't bring him back like that. That's a cop out and just weird. You're taking away consequences and grief.

(Also Yamamoto and Unohana deserve to be in hell far over Ukitake, they've done some fcked up stuff in their pasts unlike him)

Also Kubo's favorite character is Mayuri, which.... you're allowed to have a favorite problematic character. But Keeping said character alive and bared from the consequences of abusing his daughter, murdering innocents, and experimenting on your own squad members? Nah. Nope. Kill him, Kubo. Kill this dude.

(his weird attachment to Mayuri is probably why he keeps bringing Syazel back, since Syazel is Mayuri 2.0, but Syazel is the bad guy who does face consequences for his actions while Mayuri is not)

Also, I'm certain Kazui and Orihime are going to be THRILLED that their precious husband/dad is going to hell when he dies :)

(I just... Rukia teased Ichigo about leaving Orihime at home. She teased him about having a house wife who he leaves all the chores to. Orihime had two panels. She checks on her son who promised he would be at home and sleep. Kazui fcking breaks his promise like it never mattered to him and JUMPS out the window after pretending to sleep in front of his mother. ... An 8 year old... alone... in the middle of the night.)

Orihime is abandoned. She is not invited to SS, she is not informed of what is going on, her son leaves her.... I...

Orihime is a side character. She doesn't matter anymore. She hasn't mattered for a long, long time.

A part of me is glad she had little screen time, since she tends to waste it, but another part of me is embroiled with rage.

I've even see people try to defend this. "Orihime and Ichigo can't be together ALL the time, that's an unhealthy relationship!" and I'm like guys... that's not the point. The point is Orihime is not part of Ichigo's other life. Any shinigami stuff from now on is none of her business. She's going to stay at home while Kazui and Ichigo go off and save the world. Ichigo is going to be fighting by Rukia and Renji while Orihime watches from the sidelines, or worse, doesn't even know what is going on with her husband and son. Orihime is going to be uninformed and abandoned, because she has not proven she is capable of fighting by their sides(go on, @ me. I will fight this. She's a failure.), and also because she prefers a human life over a dead one. Which is ironic, because she married a dead man. Ichigo is a shinigami, and he will be one forever. god forbid she ever meets his Zanpaktou. She would tremble in fear at the monsters her husband harbors in his soul, especially when she realizes they don't care about her and would rather see her dead. (Zangetsu would absolutely kill Orihime. Not sure about Kazui, but Orihime has not accepted Zangetsu, she does not like either of them, and the feeling is assuredly mutual.) frick now I want to make a comic about this

Also still frustrated over Zangetsu's shikai / bankai regression. Kubo once again lied to his audience. Ichigo has no bankai. How ridiculous is that? The main character of BLEACH doesn't have a bankai. Insulting.

(RIP to Chad. He doesn't exist anymore. He's just gone. No mention, no cameo. Gone.)

Kazui is a demon child. That character from the novels? Hikone? They're the same character. Literally same personality, same power level. Its worse because Kazui is a liar. He constantly goes behind his parents' backs. He can summon creepy fish and creepy eyeballs and open portals like is ANYONE aware of this? How has SS not kidnapped Ichigo's son and experimented on him / locked away his powers yet? All substitute shinigami require a reiatsu controlling / spy badge to keep them in line. Where is Kazui's? Or is he just a weird fullbringer?

I was worried Kubo was gonna try and pull a knock off Boruto but luckily he kept the focus on Ichigo and the others. But that being said, Ichika and Kazui are now just... sort of there? Kazui was kinda just.... having his own adventure that doesn't matter to the plot at hand, and Ichika had some nice characterization at first but she just hid behind her dad the whole time.

I have a feeling Kazui is gonna step in at the last minute or do some major behind the scenes thing that indirectly interferes with the main plot so no one will realize how powerful and dangerous he actually is. Its sad because Ichika is the superior character in personality and likability, but she clearly is not going to have a bigger part in this.

Ichigo having a normal life after everything still feels extremely boring and uncomfortable to me. Everyone's like 'I'm still bLEACH!" but.... BLEACH just... doesn't feel like BLEACH anymore. It hasn't for a while now.

~~~

There's two new shinigami characters. Didn't care for the girl, but the Sign Language kid who talks to animals is adorable ... however... he just reminds me of Chad, and I just... it hurts knowing Chad has essentially been deleted. Chad and Orihime are officially benched. They have chosen the human world, and Orihime has given Ichigo his spawn so she has no more use/purpose to him anymore... ////sigh

~~~

Also. This is claimed to be a new "arc". So is the BLEACH manga coming back? What is happening. I thought Kubo was tired and didn't want to do BLEACH anymore. I thought Shounen Jump cut him off. People made so many excuses for Kubo and why the past two arcs have been so badly written the past 6 years and now almost everything they've attempted to defend him with has been revoked.

BLEACH is going to continue to screw up its plot lines and characters, so Its probably best for it to stay dead but I've seen a lot of Kubo stans drooling over this content, they're desperate for BLEACH's return, but its already given out all its possible revelations. There's really nothing else to top here. It's just going to make things up as it goes along ,and I'm not really here for half-assed writing like that, especially since the damage of rushing the previous manga has already been done. Kubo and Shounen Jump are riding off a money nostalgia. None of this was planned.

Honestly though.... overall feeling of this chapter, not as bad as it could have been.

Syazel stole the spotlight, and he's my friend's favorite character, so that's all that really matters.

#bleach #bleach spoilers #spoilers #text post #anti bleach 686 #anti ichihime #ask #tite kubo #technically anti renruki too but #ichihime destroys the plot more than renruki #renruki feels like an after thought #they're only together for kazui and ichika's existence #but if these two are lacking in use if BLEACH were to continue then why have them at all #even tho ive tagged this as anti ichihime #interestingly enough there is no ichihime interaction or really mention at all in this chapter

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kikyan · 3 years

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Stuck With You (Shizuo Ending)

Disclaimer!! I wrote this back in 2018/2019, like literally 2 years after I started writing fanfic so if this sucks yeah. . .that’s why. It’s also not really that inclusive at all so I apologize. This upload is really meant for those who were curious with the fanfic I wrote and I promise I will right a more inclusive fanfiction later on in the future with these characters to make it up!!

“ Oh? It seems he even has the Dollars searching for you!”

PART ONE

“ Izaya, please I apologize for anything that I did that caused you to do this, but I need to get back to Shizuo!”

“ And do what? Apologize for my actions and say everything is fine? You truly are different than other humans (Y/N)! Besides, does Shizu-chan know?”

“ K-know what?”

“You can drop the act. I know who you are (Y/N) or should I sa-?!”

“ Izaya, I won’t ask you again. Please, I apologize for what I said or did but I must return to my fiance.”

“ I can’t do that (Y/N). You thought you had me fool, no you thought you had the whole world fooled, but unlike Shizu-chan, I know the real you. You are far too unique, too precious to be in the hands of that brute, that damned monster!”

“ IZAYAAAAAA! GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE AND GIVE ME MY DAMN FIANCE!”

“ Speak of the Devil, he really did arrive, didn’t he? (Y/N) it’s better if you stay, wait no- I want you to see God punish his worthless creation, than have his Goddess forgive him and the cycle continues!”

Grabbing her arm, (Y/N) was dragged to the door where Shizuo lay in waiting/ Shizuo’s eyes lit up with hope as (Y/N) arrived, quickly scanning her to ensure that she was not harmed by Izaya.

“ This is low, even for you Izaya. What the hell do you want anyways?”

“ I want (Y/N) of course! How rude of you to keep her from society, from me! She is too perfect, in fact, she is perfection! I can’t stand you of all people, a damn monster near her!”

“ If I am a monster, what the hell does that make you?”

“ That hurt Shizu-chan, but I’m sure my goddess, (Y/N) would forgive you nonetheless!”

Grabbing a stop sign Shizuo prepared to swing at Izaya before seeing (Y/N) duck down.

‘This is too dangerous for (Y/N)! I have to lead him away. . .’

“ You see (Y/N)! This monster swung at you! I told you, he would only hurt you! Stay with me, my Goddess!”

Taking his knife out, he swung it at Shizuo cutting him horizontally across his chest. As Shizuo remained unfazed he swung the sign hitting Izaya as well sending him flying back inside the apartment complex. As Izaya got up and grabbed the knife and (Y/N), before placing the knife under (Y/N)’s throat causing her to panic slightly.

“ (Y/N)! Izaya you damned bastard! Let her go, that’s low. . .”

“ It’s fine! Besides, my Goddess is so forgiving, I'm sure she will let this slide! In fact, I feel as if instead of the way I initially thought, it was you Shizuo who used (Y/N)!”

Shizuo looked down before clenching his fist and looking at Izaya with a crazed expression.

“ SO WHAT? YOU MESS UP WITH EVERY OTHER PERSON OUT THERE. (Y/N) DOESN’T NEED THAT IN HER LIFE! SHE LOVES ME FOR WHO AND WHAT I AM! SO I AM A MONSTER, SO BE IT! AS LONG AS (Y/N) IS FINE WITH THAT, AS LONG AS SHE ACCEPTS THIS SIDE OF ME, THEN THAT’S ALL I NEED!”

“ So you’re a leech, a filthy parasite-”

“ (Y/N) NOW!”

Izaya was dumbfounded as he turned to see (Y/N) duck down and Izaya was met with Shizuo’s fist. As Izaya grunted in pain, he turned to see (Y/N) looking at him in horror before turning to see Shizuo waltz up with a sturdy bookshelf and smiling at Izaya.

“ So I guess today is the day I squash this damn cockroach! That has been infesting not only the city but our lives!”

As Shizuo began to throw the bookshelf at Izaya he proceeded on hitting him repeatedly with immense force, causing Izaya to cough up blood and other fluids.

“ If you kill me. . . Shizu-chan. . . w-will. . she forgive you. . . ?”

Showing no sign of stopping, Shizuo proceeded to mercilessly hit Izaya while explaining, “ It doesn’t matter if she forgives me anymore. . . because I don’t plan on letting her go either way!”

Letting out the last punch Shizuo looked to admire his work, a beaten and bruised Izaya no longer breathing. As Shizuo turned around he was met with (Y/N) looking in horror at the state Izaya was in before looking back up at Shizuo.

“ WHAT’S WITH THAT EXPRESSION? I THOUGHT YOU WEREN’T SCARED OF ME (Y/N)? WAS THAT A LIE? ARE YOU GOING TO CALL ME A MONSTER AND LEAVE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELS-!?”

“ No, I won’t. I am sorry Shizuo, I wasn’t able to stop Izaya and you had to get your hands dirty! O-on the bright side. . . well. . . you can start your life violence free now peacefully!”

“ Honestly. . .how did I. . .eVeR gEt StUcK wItH yOu?”

After the whole incident, Shizuo was more protective of (Y/N). He rarely let her be by herself so whenever she would want to go anywhere he would go with her or sometimes even ask Celty to go with her as he feared she would get hurt or taken away from him. Currently, Shizuo is working as (Y/N) was at the park with Celty discussing certain things.

“You’re quite pale. . . is everything alright? Are you feeling okay?”

“ Of course, my pale complexion is because Shizuo didn’t let me leave for a week until after the whole Izaya incident. I do feel a little sick but that’s what I wanted to talk to you about!”

“Sick? That doesn’t sound good. How sick are we talking about? If you need to see someone for it, I’m sure Shinra would be glad to see you.”

“ W-well. . . I wouldn’t say I'm that sick it’s just I wanted to know if these are possible symptoms of. . . well, how about I just explain it! I get these sudden food urges and most of the time I tend to throw up certain foods! I think, well what do you think Celty?”

“Hm. . . You know, Y/N, I think I’ve heard of these exact symptoms before. Is it possible that you’re pregnant?”

“ W-W-WELL U-UM M-MAYBE B-BUT T-THAT WOULD R-REQUIRE FOR ME A-AND S-SHIZUO I-I! WHAT SHOULD I DO CELTY!”

“Well, the first thing you should do is to confirm our suspicions. Then, I think you and Shizuo have a big conversation to have.”

“C-c-could you come with me to the store to buy a test? I... I don’t want to go alone. . .”

“Of course, Y/N. But I think we should walk to a nearby store, I don’t think my motorcycle would be good for the possible baby.”

“ Aww, I wanted to go on your motorcycle. . . okay! So onward this great adventure!”

“U-um Celty, I could be reading this wrong but if it’s pink. . . does that mean. . .”

Celty jumped at (Y/N) as you could see her jumping in glee before taking a picture of the test and rapidly writing on her phone.

“You did read what pink means, right? I may be wrong. . . But it would appear that you’re pregnant! I’m so happy for you two!”

“ W-W-WELL H-HOW SHOULD I T-TELL SHIZUO?”

“Don’t freak out! Let me send the photo to Shinra just to confirm our suspicions. Afterward, we can make a plan for how you’ll tell him.”

“ OKAY, HURRY ASK HIM!”

To: Shinra

From: Celty

*image of the test*

Big Emergency: Is the test positive or negative? It looks like Shizuo and Y/N might be expecting.

To: Love of my life

From: Shinra

Hm. . . well, it seems they are expecting! Tell them I congratulate them! Does Shizuo know?

To: Shinra

From: Celty

Now that we know, how should Y/N approach this with Shizuo?

To: Love of my life

From: Shinra

Leave that to me! Just tell (Y/N) to prepare his favorite meal. I’ll tell Shizuo that he has a surprise at home and to hurry home! I’ll see you soon as I need to help someone right now but take care Celty!

“ So he is going to tell him... .? I hope this goes well! I don’t know what to say or do...Celty want to go shopping with me for ingredients?”

“Don’t worry, I’m sure it will go great. Both of you love each other and will be great parents if you decide to keep it. Now, let’s go shopping!”

Soon leaving the store they headed out to purchase the ingredients needed to make Shizuo’s meal and discussed among themselves how to approach the situation.

Tom looked down at this phone as he smiled in glee before telling Shizuo that there were no more clients and that they should head home.

“ Are you sure? I don’t want to leave (Y/N) alone but if you still need me I could stay longer-!?”

“ You, my friend do not understand, (Y/N) is waiting for you so go home. Besides she has a surprise for you, Shinra told me! Now head home!”

“ A surprise? Well if you say so, Tom. . . see you tomorrow!”

“ Also Shizuo, congrats!”

“ On what?”

“ Just go home and you’ll see!”

As Shizuo was walking home he pondered about this so-called surprise as he noticed that Celty’s bike was parked outside their home. As he went inside he looked to see his favorite meal scattered along with the table as both Celty and (Y/N) were cooking and talking.

“ Oh, Shizuo! Good afternoon! Dinner is almost ready and Shinra is almost here! He said that our close friends should be here today!”

“ That’s cool but what’s this surprise I keep hearing about?”

“ Silly it’s not a surprise if I tell you! Wait till Shinra gets here!”

Soon after Shinra arrived and that’s when they all were in the living room in silence before (Y/N) pulled out the test she had and Celty pulling the message in case of a confirmation.

“ S-shizuo. . . remember what you told me the day before the incident with Izaya... .?”

Blushing slightly he nodded before letting his mind run loose, could she be-?!

“ Well, it seems you might get the chance to be a father and I a mother!”

Holding the test out for Shizuo to see the pink line indicating that (Y/N) was pregnant, he grabbed it before setting it down and jumping to hold his fiance.

“ I won’t let you down, I won’t let us down. I promise I'll change to be the best father I can be, I swear (Y/N)!”

“ Silly, you are already the best person you can be! I’m sure we will be the best of parents!”

Exchanging a kiss, they all laughed and gathered around the dinner table to consume the food made by both (Y/N) and Celty. (Y/N) was with child, Shizuo’s child and he vowed to protect you both no matter the cost. He didn’t care if you looked at him like a monster in the near future because he wasn’t letting you or the child leave him, after all, it was possible for a monster like him to be happy, but he wasn’t going to let this happiness leave and be destroyed. The child was born healthy, it was a boy named Izaya, ironically. Izaya was gifted with many things such as friends for his kind behavior and kind mother. He never had problems and if he did well they would disappear the next day, like his principal when he chose to falsely accuse him of attacking someone using his father as an excuse. Well, let’s just say he isn’t alive anymore. Any friend that double-crossed him would immediately come back and apologize saying how their mother told them that what they did was wrong. It didn’t matter if Shizuo was a monster because he had (Y/N) and his child was the red string that binds them together. Seriously, how did Shizuo get to be so lucky and get stuck with you?

#yandere #yandere durarara #yandere shizuo heiwajima #yandere shizuo heiwajima x reader #yandere shizuo #yandere shizuo x reader #yandere durarara x reader #yandere x reader #yandere x y/n #yandere x darling #yandere x you #yandere headcanons #yandere anime #yandere headcannons #yandere imagines #yandere fanfiction

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skruffie · 3 years

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I’m seeing a lot of “nobody is saying *you* can’t self identify as queer, but don’t use it as a blanket community term!” but the thing is... people with queer in their username are in fact reblogged with tags like “q slur” and being told over and over again it’s a slur that cannot be reclaimed at any point ever I’m positive is going to push people away from wanting to use it even as a self identifier.

If you really, really are invested in trying to get people to stop using queer as a blanket community term then you need to go back to 1990 when Queer Nation was founded as a response to the AIDs crisis. Go back to the graves of those activists and try to ask them why they would put that word into use and OH WAIT, THEY EXPLAINED IT (CW for descriptions of gay bashing/homophobia, etc, and the word queer is used an extra lot in this pamphlet too!)

“Ah, do we really have to use that word? It's trouble. Every gay person has his or her own take on it. For some it means strange and eccentric and kind of mysterious. That's okay, we like that. But some gay girls and boys don't. They think they're more normal than strange. And for others "queer" conjures up those awful memories of adolescent suffering. Queer. It's forcibly bittersweet and quaint at best --- weakening and painful at worst. Couldn't we just use "gay" instead? It's a much brighter word and isn't it synonymous with "happy?" When will you militants grow up and get over the novelty of being different?

Well, yes, "gay " is great. It has its place. But when a lot of lesbians and gay men wake up in the morning we feel angry and disgusted, not gay. So we've chosen to call ourselves queer. Using "queer" is a way of reminding us how we are perceived by the rest of the world. It's a way of telling ourselves we don't have to be witty and charming people who keep our lives discreet and marginalized in the straight world. We use queer as gay men loving lesbians and lesbians loving being queer.

Queer, unlike GAY, doesn't mean MALE.

And when spoken to other gays and lesbians it's a way of suggesting we close ranks, and forget (temporarily) our individual differences because we face a more insidious common enemy. Yeah, QUEER can be a rough word but it is also a sly and ironic weapon we can steal from the homophobe's hands and use against him.”

That’s why a lot of people are pointing out that by parroting “queer is a slur” without a moment of critical thought reeks like TERF rhetoric. TERFs don’t want unity on the basis of sexuality and gender identity. Taking vocabulary we can use if we want to by constantly reminding us that it was or can be a slur makes us afraid to use it, but it makes us easier to be divided because then we are content to try to fit ourselves into hyperspecific boxes of gender and sex instead of UNITY.

If you hate the word queer, google Queer Studies and start writing to every single god damn Queer Studies department at every university and ask them to explain why they’re using a slur. Examine why you think it “can’t be reclaimed” when historically it has been reclaimed time and time and time again.

Not gay as in happy, but queer as in fuck you. That’s the rallying cry.

Context and intent matters. It’s a-okay to not use it as a blanket term but there’s going to be a point where maybe you might realize that the little microcosm that is tumblr is not always going to agree that it shouldn’t be used as a blanket term ever. It’s already in use. It is already happening. Queer studies degrees exist. Queer Music Heritage ran from 2000 to 2015. The Q is both Queer and Questioning. Google “queer movies” and you’ll get an abundance of suggestions.

Entirely silencing the use of the word queer is to assimilate and that’s exactly what the activists before our time was trying to prevent. We are never going to be perceived as “normal” or “acceptable” to mainstream society. There are always going to be people who call us freaks, monsters, predators, etc.

You don’t have to like queer but stop trying to shame people for using it.

#queer

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satanfemme · 3 years

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I know having a heavily stigmatized disorder is nowhere near the only form of “feels demonized by society for ur marginalized identity” experience out there, so I'm sure a lot of people who don’t have disorders like this can still relate too, but I also know out of the marginalizations I personally face - and within the context of how I’ve personally faced them during my life so far - having a demonized mental disorder is a uniquely distressing experience.

like every day is confusing and painful in new ways as it is, just because of the way your mind functions, and yet universally you’re being taught that you’re an unlovable monster. and you’re being taught that this hidden awfulness in u is because of your pain; that the more pain you’re in, the more likely it is to seep out without your permission and destroy the things you care about and ruin your life. and, no, you’re not even human. you’re the ‘other’ to be spotted and avoided and shunned - if not outright hurt on purpose - for the safety of real and good people, unlike you.

and none of that is accurate or true to reality, but it doesn’t matter. you’ve always noticed the disconnect between yourself and other people, and every time you see a character Like That you see yourself in them too, but you’re 5, 9, 13 years old and undiagnosed so you miss the real common denominator and you don’t know why you relate to such bad tropes, so the only thing which makes sense to you is you must relate because you’re evil too.

every day is confusing and painful in new ways and you don’t understand other people, so there really must be some monstrosity within you, like everyone seems to think, you’re evil and dangerous and not once have you ever heard of someone like you who wasn’t.

(the closest you’ve come to that was in high school, when in second period health class you were taught people with your disorder are like children unable to care for themselves.

but, of course, then in third period psych you were made to fill out worksheets about how serial killers must’ve been like you, and how that’s just so interesting)

and when you’ve already got an unstable sense of self, it’s not hard to internalize that, so deeply it stays with you even post- diagnosis and even post- self acceptance. and so deeply it feels like a core part of who you are, you still identify with the things you’ve always called yourself, and in your moments of stress it’s a comfort to remind yourself this won’t be forever - because obviously one day you’ll revert into a monster and none of this pain will matter to you anymore.

and I know I make a lot of jokes about being evil and loving violence, killing, and etc, and I like to pass that off as this fun ~quirky~ humor or aesthetic a lot of the time. but if you really wanted to psychoanalyze me and why I’m so quick to identify with that brand, well... :/

(*anyway before I get asked, if ur so inclined I’m gonna say this is ok to rb at least for now, but this post is about dissociative disorders do Not be a freak or derail, thx)

#I've written about this before but I forget if I ever actually posted it or just drafted it #either way I think about it a lot #idk if this is universal or just me but here's my experiences wrt how harmful bad representation can end up being ig #for bl:#ableism #negative #ask to tag

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tsunflowers · 3 years

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this is the sewer freak romance novel we have all been waiting for but that I will never actually write

Ok so the setting is in what used to be America in the aftermath of what was probably a nuclear war but no one ever goes into it and they just call it The Blight. Humanity rode it out by living in underground bunkers but within living memory they’ve finally been able to build habitat bubbles on the surface and fill them with breathable air so they can at least see sun again. There are several bunkers which maintained digital contact the entire time and while they were underground they built tunnels to each other so they could trade but they’ve had to seal off the tunnels and now you have to travel the blighted landscape to reach other habitats. Bc years back a bunch of people were like “we’re not waiting for your pussy habitat bubbles we can hack it on the surface right now” so they went out and got irradiated and the bunker people wouldn’t let them back in. So they started living in the tunnels and became sewer freaks. The sewer freaks are known to eat people and everyone is convinced they’re just biding their time until they can storm the bunkers and take over the habitats so they have to take the overland path even though it’s objectively more dangerous. The habitats are largely self-sufficient but there are some specialty parts that can only be produced in one habitat… and they just ran out. Enter our heroine

She’s named Ticonderoga bc lots of people are named after silly things from the old world but she goes by Ty. She has pcos or another condition that makes it very unlikely that she’ll ever be able to give birth which makes her uniquely expendable among the young women of the habitat. There’s this huge push in the community to expand the population now that they have the habitat bubbles but she knows she can’t be a part of that and people actually warn the boys her age away from her bc she won’t be able to have kids. Bc in a closed society like this everyone’s medical status is everyone’s business. This combined with the fact that she doesn’t have a job lined up for when she turns 18 bc her mentor died and The Council silently got rid of the job completely means that she’s selected to join the expedition to the other habitat. Btw the job is the storage and maintenance of physical artifacts and documents from the habitats history and from before The Blight. Everyone else has relied on technology for so long that they’ve forgotten the value of Real items and they’re like “didn’t we digitize that ages ago? who give a shit” but ty is Retro and she knows that holding something in your hands gives it a totally different feeling. She also likes to draw by hand. I kind of want her mentor to be a cool lesbian but she does die. Wait I had a great idea I’ll get back to this later

The rest of the expedition team is like older guys who’ve done this before and they’re kind of hazing her and telling her scary stories about sewer freaks. The general vibe is like “if you can’t keep up why are you even here :/" and she’s like it’s not like I asked to be here fuckers. But she’s actually kind of enjoying it in a weird way bc there are all these mutant plants that she’s never seen records of before bc the habitat bubble people ignore the outside world as much as possible. One morning while the guys are breaking camp (she tried to help at first but they were like “don’t chip a fingernail girlie”) she sits down to sketch a mutant flower. Which is hard bc she’s in a hazmat suit but she wants to record it somehow. And when she looks up she realizes the guys left without her. It’s not like they left her for dead bc she has a gps and radio communication. She could call them up and be like “hey fuck you guys.” But it was seriously a dick move and she’s really upset about it. She turns off her comms to kind of process and figure out what to do to catch up/how she’s going to confront them when she does and then suddenly….:.. a sewer monster appears on the surface!!!

We get like two full pages describing the sewer freak’s physicality at this point so as a reader you’re like ok she seriously wants to get hot and heavy with this sewer monster. He has, you know, smooth translucent skin and huge dark eyes and delicate long-fingered hands and he might be bioluminescent although she probably can’t tell that during the day. And he is definitely like cut also. He is one ripped sewer freak

Ty has this emergency signal she’s supposed to set off if she’s separated from the group and something happens to her but she’s not exactly in the mood to get rescued by a bunch of guys who just ditched her for fun. And besides her analytical brain is whirring at the chance to see and interact with a real sewer freak. So she tries to greet him. They have some trouble interacting bc sewerspeak (the language of the sewer freaks) diverged from English some time ago but they manage to communicate that he thought she was hurt but it’s only her feelings that are hurt. Btw sewer people can sense radio waves or some shit so he got concerned about her when he noticed hers cut off bc he knows habitat people always have radios on. So he thought maybe her suit stopped working. He acts like he’s gonna leave and she’s like “no wait!!” bc she wants to make a tangible connection with him bc that’s her thing. So she gets him to stay long enough for her to sketch him. He’s clearly super impressed by the sketch so she hands it to him and he indicates that he wants to borrow her pencil. He adds his own sketch on the corner of the page, a stylized drawing of the flower she was just drawing. She’s like “oh you draw too?” but he points to the flower drawing and then to himself and she understands that it’s a glyph representing him and he’s named after the flower. (This means the habitat people are named after relics from the old world while sewer people are named after things from the current world. Do you get it) They trade names and then he leaves. She’s like wow! Maybe everything everyone said about sewer freaks was wrong, bc clearly some of them are kind of sexy and intriguing. So she heads off to meet up with her party with a spring in her step. The party actually felt guilty and turned around for her bc they saw her gps signal didn’t move at all and she disappeared from comms but when they see her they’re like wtf why is she is such a good mood?? but something tells her she should not brag to them about her freak encounter so she pretends she encountered mutant wildlife and scared it off and they’re a little bit impressed

I just realized if they’re so paranoid and their technology’s so good they could probably invent some vehicles to go between habitats so they wouldn’t have to walk it. Pretend I have an explanation for that one

She gets to the habitat with the group. It has the exact same layout as her home but she can’t stop noticing all the things that are subtly different. They have different slang, and the food they grow and cook is different bc of the backgrounds of the people in this one, and stuff. Also the pregnancy thing is probably more intense compared to her home. Like in her habitat there’s social pressure but here it’s a civic duty. She sees a lot of really young moms and people who clearly don’t want children. She realizes that her infertility actually gives her more choice and autonomy than most women in her society and it’s an uncomfortable realization. Can I have uhhh, unsubtle grappling with conflicting feelings about motherhood as a prerequisite for adulthood using a sci-fi setting for 600, Alex?

Ty wants to get Out Of There and maybe see that spicy little sewer freak on the return trip but there are all these protocols and rituals they have to observe. They have to formally trade. They have to spend the night. They have to accept a meal and travel provisions. Since I guess this is the shitty evangelical Christian habitat the meal is probably like, unseasoned chicken and green bean casserole or something

Idk if Ty has any friends back in her home habitat. I kind of want her to have a gay guy friend who shares her reproduction related struggles bc he’s like “can I live openly as a gay man knowing that people will judge me for not Doing My Duty? even if I go to the medical center and donate sperm am I comfortable fathering children I will never actually be a father to?” so in that way her mentor could be a mentor to him as well since she’s an example of an adult lesbian in their society, and maybe that’s how they met. So she’s also like "man I wanna get back home and hang out with my bff again"

when shes home her parents are like omg we were so worried about you out in the Blighted landscape. while you were gone The Council gave us some of your mentor's stuff that she wanted you to have. and it's like a very tender handwritten note about how much she meant to her mentor that makes her cry and also some blueprints of the now-sealed tunnel opening?? basically her mentor left a coded message telling her to go down to the tunnel opening. she and her bff figure it out together and he's like Uhhh I dont want to go down to the tunnel with the sewer freaks??? but she tells him she met a sewer freak and not only did he not eat her he was smokin hot. if the sewer freaks are like cave dwellers they probably shouldn't have hair but I can't. I need them to have hair. sorry it's not Scientifically Accurate. so anyway she's like "listen it's not like we're going into the tunnels. we're just going Next to them. it's fine"

so they sneak down into the tunnels. it's kind of sad down there. ty's been down there before to cross-reference documents and just to see where her ancestors lived but it's totally different to be down there with just one other person and confront the reality of living in cramped quarters underground. kind of makes her empathize with the sewer freaks as well. when they get to the location the mentor marked they realize that there's a sealed hatch with a broken lock and inside it are mysterious items that were deposited by the sewer freaks! their mentor must have been in contact with the sewer freaks all along and she knew they weren't evil monsters! some weird shit she said starts to make a lot more sense. if ty kept the drawing she puts it in the hatch to try to make contact and if she gave it to him she sees it in the hatch as an attempt at contact

so ty and the sexy sewer guy strike up a gift cache based friendship. they don't meet in person but every time she manages to sneak away to the tunnel he's taken her gift and left something new. she's having to train in a new job that she's not that interested in but knowing that she'll have sewer presents makes her everyday life exciting. this goes on for a while and then one day she receives a drawing of a person crawling through the hatch and she's like omg. I could crawl through the hatch. there's also a drawing of a sunrise so she's like does that mean I should do it at sunrise...? will he be there....? and she decides to fucking go for it. her friend stays behind bc he's scared and also she needs him to cover for her but she has a radio. she wiggles through the hatch as early as possible in the morning and who is waiting for her but the handsome sewer freak!!

he brought a light bc he knows habitat people need them but he personally can see in the dark. she sees his bioluminescence for the first time and is like Wow.... and on his side he’s like amazed and totally hot for her once he sees her out of the hazmat suit bc he wasn’t 100% sure she was human until then. All the adults say habitat people are like humans under the suits but he had never seen one in real life so in the back of his mind he kind of doubted it. Both sides have the thing where they’re like “we’re the only People.” But actually he knew she was a People the moment she drew for him bc spontaneously creating art and then freely giving it away is such a uniquely human gesture

he takes her down through the tunnels and she sees that they've been decorated and added to and the sewer people have a whole civilization down there. they can also go onto the surface freely but they get sunburned real fast so they try to limit it. but the tunnels are now dotted with surface exits and that's how he seemed to appear and disappear when she was on the surface. they just kind of explore for a while bc she's so curious but he clearly wants to lead her somewhere. they get to a large but cozy room full of bioluminescent moss and mushrooms and a ton of sewer freaks just hanging out and who is there but... her dead mentor?!

It turns out The Council actually tried to kill her mentor for being pro-freak!!! They were like “see how much you like those sewer freaks when they’re eating you!” and left her for dead in the tunnels. but since she was friends with the freaks they did not eat her, they took her in and healed her using sewer freak blood and now she has some powers and she’s married to a lady sewer freak

The eating people thing IS true but listen. It’s hard to get protein as a sewer freak ok?? So they’ve been practicing endocannibalism all along (eating the dead members of their community). And they’ve eaten some habitat people who they killed in self defense, and maybe way back in the first few generations of sewer people they did kill and eat habitat people for no reason. But they don’t do that anymore and they feel really bad about. Actually they don’t even do endocannibalism anymore bc they raise cave fish and hunt surface animals but it’s ceremonial

so ty is like whoa i can't believe it, but I do believe it, and her mentor is like "you can't tell the habitat people. they're not ready to accept it. but you can change that. your generation needs to be open minded and accept the new earth and the new people and I think that you are a special girl and if anyone can change minds you can" and she returns to the habitat bubble with the gears in her mind turning over and over wondering how she can possibly accomplish this mission...

I said she would my fair lady the sewer freak but maybe thats book two. and I decided while writing this that the sewer freaks do have their own culture so it's not like he needs to be taught to be human. but I still want her to dress him up in normal clothes and take him home to her parents

#sewer freak romance

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neokad · 3 years

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Phantasy Star II - The 1989 JRPG that could

(This post is dedicated to @kuukigajan, my best friend, whom motivated me to post here again, so... I hope you'll enjoy this!)

This game. This freaking game.

I'm gonna say it right now: this post will contain massive spoilers about pretty much everything in Phantasy Star 2's story, so if you do plan on experiencing this game fresh, I strongly advise you to not read this post at all beyond the first paragraph, but... here's the gist of it: Phantasy Star II is one of the most important and groundbreaking JRPGs of its time, and I just did not believe this game was from 1989, at ALL. For that and a few other reasons, it has become one of my new favourite games of all time <3

In fact, I do want to start with the one big flaw of this adventure so that I can just gush about everything else that's brilliant about PSII. I have to be honest: the dungeon design in this game is horrible. Now to be fair, it does make the many places you visit more memorable, but well... there's a rumor floating around that an actual trainee made the layouts for the dungeons - and since this game was a bit rushed for the Genesis's launch, the devs just didn't have time to replace the... stuff he submitted. And let me tell you, this rumor makes sense: PSII's dungeons are too big, too maze-like, too confusing and also FILLED with strong enemies. And in a game where you don't get a way to save anywhere until the midway point, it can make your adventure very frustrating and potentially grindy because of that... Now I wouldn't say that PSII's nearly as bad in this area as say, the original version of Dragon Warrior or ironically the first Phantasy Star, but the dungeons can totally make you feel like the game's harder than it actually is, at least without a map.

Thankfully, you should never feel bad for using any maps or guides with this game! The execs at SEGA at the time made the very smart decision to include a walkthrough with each copy of the game, including maps, tips, secrets and more! Said guide does encourage youto not look at it as much as possible but... it's totally fair to just use this, without any shame!

And that is a great thing, because... with you armed with this piece of paper, Phantasy Star II can finally show you its actual brilliance.

The game's plot starts off a thousand years after the events of the first Phantasy Star game. Since Alis and her party defeated Dark Force, the inhabitants of the Algol solar system - and its three planets of Palma, Motavia and Dezolis - have enjoyed relative peace. However, at a (to my knowledge) unknown point in time, a computer entity known as Mother Brain has started imposing itself onto mostly Motavia. This, over time, has actually given many benefits to the region: the once deserted wasteland was given rain, water and crops, so that it could finally host viable, comfortable civilizations. The citizens that lived here could finally ditch their (arguably) nomadic, harsh lives in favor of comfort, pleasant weather and more. And most importantly, Mother Brain allowed its citizens, save for a few, to ditch their current jobs and live a life of laziness, without any obligations or pressure to do anything other than well, existence. This is reflected many times during the game through NPC dialogue, too!

It is on such a setting that our protagonist, Rolf, wakes up from a strange nightmare. In it, we see Alis batting Dark Force and struggling in doing so, but as soon as he realizes this, Rolf wakes up in cold sweat. He then proceeds to calm his nerves, realizing that no such dramatic events could possible happen to him - after all, he and many others have been under the universal protection and care of Mother Brain, whom at this point, has provided all of their needs for centuries. He then gets out of bed and goes to the central tower, where we works as an agent in case some things do go wrong.

And gone wrong things have! His superior informs him that biological monsters, which had been created and bred in the Mota biosystems laboratory, have gone rogue and infected the regions of Motavia at a rapid rate. Because of this, Rolf is asked to investigate the cause of this phenomenon. Once he gets home to prepare for his journey, he is ambushed by best girl Nei, who has been rescued by him many months ago from the clutches of a serial killer. She does not want to be left alone anymore, and since she is also worried for Rolf's sefety, asks him to accompany him on the mission. Naturally, Rolf accepts.

Here, I do want to bring up Nei in more detail! She's in fact, the first of PSII's brilliant story-gameplay interactions, and here's why! Nei is in fact, a crossbreed experiment between a human and an unknown animal with cat-like features, but here's the thing: this said experiment was a failure. Because of this, Nei is only one years old, and yet her physical and mental age are progressing way more rapidly than they should. And you can feel this effect on the game itself: she needs way less EXP than any other party member in the game to level up, and because of this she will skyrocket in levels way beyond the rest of your crew... with a catch. Because of the nature of the experiment, the genetic code inside of her is slowly being messed up and corrupted, which not only causes her level ups to be less valuable than anyone else's, but it also becomes an important plot point later... Unfortunately, despite her absolute cuteness, her status as a half-half made her a victim of bullying, racism and so much more, which is... pretty messed up to bring up at the time not gonna lie o_o

Starting up the journey, the party discovers that rogues have destroyed a neighboring city, and it just so happens that their base is situed at Shure, the first dungeon of the game . One assumption I like to make from this scene is that life has become so easy and careless on Motavia that people just went and did crime out of pure boredom, because life just wasn't thrilling enough anymore with Mother Brain doing everything it could for its inhabitants...

However, upon climbing said tower, Rolf and Nei find out multiple dead rogue bodies, whom have been presumably murdered by the many biomonsters roaming the place. They do, however, manage to find some dynamite and most importantly, a letter. This piece of paper informs our heroes that the daughter of a Darum, the very same person that tried to murder Nei months ago, is held captive in another tower, which explains why he turned to crime in the first place. They then decide to do the obvious, which is to rescue daughter Teim in her captivity location. Once they meet up with her, she explains her desire to talk to her father to set things straight and sway him from the life he's been getting into, as well as hide her from the surviving rogue members with the help of a veil. Our group manages to meet up with Darum, but... her daughter asks the party to stay put, as she does not want them to interfere with her as she explains things to her father. However, in the heat of the moment, she forgets to remove her veil, which causes Darum to not recognize her. In his confusion, he murders her own flesh and blood and sits there, stunned, as he watches the reason he caused many untold atrocities... wither away below him. Shocked and going insane by this situation, he sees no other way out... but to commit suicide with the help of a bomb.

It gets worse.

While this scene was tragic and brutal to say the least, it does allow Rolf to cross the previously guarded bridge where Darum was always located, which allows him to investigate his mission further.

I do want to make a sidenote here actually! Phantasy Star II does include eight playable characters, but unlike Rolf and Nei they do not join you at fixed intervals - instead, they will become available in your home town of Paseo once conditions are met. Sadly while they do have a recruitment quote, a few lines and a backstory, they do not have an impact on the main story in any way. This does blow as this means PSII does not have much in character development and interaction, but I did want to mention that there’s more to this game than just Rolf and Nei :P

Upon exploring the regions of Motavia, the party manages to make its way to the Biosystems lab, and what they find here is horrifying to say the least. The lab is in horrible shape, with cracked floors everywhere. On top of that, there is no one inside the lab anymore, it being completely deserted, save for some horrible-looking creatures being kept insides tubes, decorating the now sinister looking building... Because of this, Rolf deems it safe to pick up the recorder inside the lab, to analyze it and try to find out just what exactly went wrong - if anything at all - to hopefully figure out why the world has been sacked by biomonsters. And sure enough, the gang make its way back to Paseo. After handing over the recorder to the library located in Paseo’s Central Tower, it is now made clear: the biomonsters were caused by a large amount of energy used in a very short amount of time in those labs, causing them to mutate extremely rapidly. This had the predictable but unfortunate effect of ruining the natural order of the ecosystem, which is why these species are wrecking havoc without control. The librarian giving this information also makes the following connection: this outpour of energy must have come from Climatrol - another lab which regulates the weather of the terraformed planet so that it can sustain its new shape. Following this, Rolf and co. take a few steps to reach Climatrol - and I want to highlight a specific one!

The story somewhat pauses until then, but one of the dungeons you’ll go through is a garbage dump... and one of the treasures is a jet scooter you can use! Sounds cool, right? Well it is, but even such a cool object has been abandoned by the lazy society, since teleportation is much more convenient to them. I just thought it was a really neat detail, that’s all ^_^

Once making their way through the relatively normal Climatrol, something does wait for them at the top of the building... something... unsettling...

This is Neifirst. She was another failed experiment just like Nei, sharing the same biological data as her. However, unlike her sister, her creators tried to kill her on the spot due to her status. This made her enraged against the species that gave her life, and as an act of revenge, decided to unleash this bio catastrophy to slowly wipe us out. This is where another truth is revealed: Nei did not come with Rolf just to protect him, she actually wanted to put a stop to her sister, because while she did dislike being treated like a freak or a monster, she never wanted to hate her species as a whole... It remains that she still wants to stop her sister’s plans, and despite Rolf’s protests, the two engages in a fight. However, due to Neifirst being much stronger, Nei sustains heavy damage and is incapacitated. But, this is where the rest of the party comes in, and thus they finish the job and kill off Neifirst dead in her tracks, Rolf then quickly rushes in to his dear friend’s side, but as he does... it’s too late... Nei is dead.

This is yet another reason why Phantasy Star II is such an important game: it is, to my knowledge, the very first JRPG in which a major playable character dies permanently. Heck, Rolf even tries to bring her back through the local Clone Lab - because yes, citizens have access to eternal life by cloning their bodies until the end of time - but... since Nei’s genetic code was degenerating rapidly, they could not clone her body anymore. And, since Neifirst was also defeated, it is also impossible to get a fresh code back from anywhere in the world. Nei is dead. And you cannot do anything about it.

But don’t worry! It still gets worse!

But just as you’re about to find a way to fix this, it turns out that Climatrol has collapsed, which caused an immense flood all over the world. Since the government - and by extension, Mother Brain - isn’t happy about this, you are now considered a fugitive, a criminal. You are now the bad guy, and you are wanted for treason. 1989, anyone??

This is where the second brilliant story-gameplay integration of Phantasy Star II happens. Where until now you’ve only fought mutated monsters due to the outbreak, the government has now sent thousands of carious cyborgs and robots against you - and lo and behold, this is now the only thing you are fighting in both the overworld and dungeons, and the previous creatures are now nowhere to be seen. THAT’S REALLY SMART. Now sure, even if you are considered evil to many, you still task yourself with the task of unflooding the planet, and to do so you simply reactivate all four colored dams in the continent. However, upon reactivating the fourth one, your party is suddenly ambushed by a trio of robots sent by the cops, and this time? They succeed in capturing you. Your party is now sent in chains on a hovering satellite, as you are sentenced to slowly wither away and die in there without any trial of any sort, simply because you went against Mother Brain’s dear wishes...

But, something goes amiss. The sattelite starts to malfunction, and is now set to crash on one of the three planets of the Algol system. And despite you all trying to alter its course, it is too late. The satellite crashes onto Palma - the planet of the first Phantasy Star game - and it is gone.

That’s right! The planet in which many players took the time to save with Alis’s gang, to have a huge dungeon crawling adventure, the planet where you defeated Lassic in a glorious fashion. GONE. In only a few seconds. But... what about yourself? Well, you actually died! But a space pirate wandering close to the crash site pulled out your remains and cloned everyone’s body back to life... which makes you technically not yourself, and also dead, for the remainder of the game! ...May I remind you this game was developed in 1989?

Tyler the space pirate then escorts the zombie party back to Paseo, but not for long - you see, your commander, who hasn’t truly approved of Mother Brain’s actions against your group, allows you access to a spaceship. This is a big deal, because space travel as a whole has been banned ten years ago due to a major accident in which Rolf had lost his parents, and thus, the one stationed in Paseo is the last one remaining on the planet. But sure enough, Rolf takes the opportunity and travels to the ice planet of Dezolis, or Dezo.

And honestly? Even though this next part has nothing to do with the main story, it’s probably one of my favourites in the entire game. In this section, you simply must make your way through an abandoned space station, which has not seen use in years. At first, you’d think it was somewhat related to the spaceship incident, but as you explore this space station, you find a bunch of animals and newspapers lying around. You not only find some irrelevant ads about various products, but also news flash about a horrible gas spreading throughout the station, begging every inhabitant to evacuate immediately, which... definitively implies a very bleak fate to the place and its inhabitants o_o

And on top of this unsettling setting, this is the first time you get to hear “Silent Zone”, my favourite track in the game. While the rest of the soundtrack is very upbeat, catchy and all around excellent, this track in particular is very... sad, desolate, lonely, in spite of it being just as catchy! It all combines for a brilliant example of “show, don’t tell” that really sets the mood perfectly to me <3

Either way, upon exploring more of Dezo - a frigid wasteland with few inhabitants - the party gets to meet up with Noah, a party member from Phantasy Star I! After reawakening from a cryogenic sleep, he then reveals that unlike Paseo and Motavia, Dezo basically never submitted with Mother Brain’s control and benefits simply because they did not want to live a life without any struggles. Unfortunately, this is also where you learn that Paseo came to terms with this *after* being to MB’s whims and as such, you can connect the dots and realize that the satellite crash was no accident after all... it was all planned.

Noah, however, knows about how deeply MB has ruined everything for the inhabitants of Motavia and thus tasks Rolf with collecting eight legendary ancient weapons all throughout Dezo, located within some ruinous, empty, cold dungeons which make for stunning atmosphere and presence, believe me!

Once that’s done, he then entrusts Rolf with the ultimate Sword and, thanks to kinetic abilities, sends him and his troupe to the space station housing Mother Brain. And once there, for the first time in centuries, a human being has met with Mother Brain.

And of course, the computer scoffs at those rebelling against her. She laughs at how they think they’d want a life with struggles, wtihout comfort, without anyone providing their needs, when work and hardship seems so uninviting on a desert wasteland like Motavia, or a frigid hell like Dezo. And yet, after a (pretty difficult!) battle, you emerge victorious! Or do you?

After the victorious outcome, Noah senses some additional presences beyond Mother Brain’s spot, and urges the party to investigate. And then... I don’t think I’ll even explain it in words. Please watch what happens. It is disturbing.

youtube

Yeah. We, the humans, were destroying our planet, Earth. Thus, we escaped through this spaceship to avoid extinction, and found the Algo system. It then, to our species, only seemed logical with so few numbers, to instead slowly weaken the population of all three planets with Mother Brain, making it then easy (although a very long process) to get rid of the population and start anew, even if it meant genocide. What I love about this twist ending is not only how it’s presented: the creepy music, the way you did *not* expect it at all, the number of humans on the screen at once, and so on... but also, how you don’t even know for sure how it ends. You don’t know if Rolf, Rudo, Amy, Kain, Hugh, Shir, Anna... if any of them survived. But it looks grim. It looks like we lost. And it looks like everyone we fought and tried to save... will rot until the final days anyway... Phantasy Star II... is important. Sure, I could talk about how the game is challenging due to how both your party members AND the enemies are very capable in battle or the stellar, catchy, memorable soundtrack... but its story... is stunning. In 1989, we were still used to princesses being saved by armored heroes from dark dragons. We were used to things going all well in the end. But in 1989, Phantasy Star II taught us many things that would become staples in the future of JRPGs: Yes, your cherished ones may die with you not being able to do anything about it No, you may not be able to save everyone you’d like to. Yes, your actions might make things worse for yourself and everyone else. No, things aren’t quite as black or white as they seem. And no, you might not always win. Phantasy Star II is a masterpiece. It’s a bit hard to approach this game today, but with a guide, this game is a must play. It’s unique. It’s ambitious. It’s chilling. And I adore this game to pieces. Thank you for reading, somehow <3

#long post #phantasy star ii #phantasy star #jrpg #sega genesis

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sakamakisaywhat · 4 years

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Hii, how are You? ^-^/ can i get headcanons of the sakamakis having a crush but she has a boyfriend ( the boyfriend treats her bad, like being rude to her or when she gives him a gift he throws it away)

SHU

- Whether or not Shu would continue with the situation would definitely depend on how much he liked you - If you were a fleeting crush to him, he’d probably cast you aside with an “I can’t be bothered with this troublesome woman” - But if his feelings for you ran deeper, then Shu would involve himself (with a heavy, heavy sigh) - “Hey, who was that guy you were with just now, the one yelling at you? ...That’s your boyfriend?” - Looks like winning your heart would be far easier than he first thought - Shu wouldn’t actively put the moves on you while he knew you were still with someone else, because convincing you to cheat would just make the situation a whole lot more messy - He’d bide his time and wait for the right moment, and while he wouldn’t outright convince you to break up with your boyfriend, he would definitely make his opinion of him known to you - “I don’t like that guy. Fucking freak... who in their right mind would treat you like that?” - Shu would immediately feel embarrassed after outright confessing his feelings like that, but he’d be rewarded by you breaking down crying as you realised that you really didn’t deserve to be treated like that, whether they were your boyfriend or not - In no time you’ll be much happier with Shu

REIJI

- treat_you_better_shawn_mendes.mp3 - When Reiji realised how much he liked you and then promptly discovered that you had a boyfriend, he’s pretty disillusioned - However, he’d definitely continue to be friends with you and hope that by giving you support and companionship you’d eventually come around to the fact that he’s clearly the better choice - But when Reiji finds out how badly your boyfriend treats you, he’d be livid - Reiji usually considers himself a morally upright member of society but he would definitely throw whatever remains of that compass to the wind when dealing with your nasty boyfriend - He’d catch him at school one day and give him a nice, polite talking to - “You dare to call this woman your girlfriend when you have done nothing to her but mistreat her? Men like you are truly the scum of the earth. You should be embarrassed to call yourself her partner when she clearly deserves so much more than a worm like you.” - He’d feel very embarrassed when looking back on the situation, but he got the job done - your ex promptly breaks up with you citing “that crazy guy threatening me” - You’d be upset about your relationship ending, but Reiji would take more than adequate care of you in the aftermath

AYATO

- Ayato is, even at the best of times, unfailingly possessive of anyone that he likes - So he would not be pleased at all to hear that you have a boyfriend, and one that treats you so badly at that - Unlike the others, though, Ayato is direct - he’s unlikely to resort to scheming or plotting to win your heart, and will question your judgement outright - “Oi, what’re you doing with a guy like him? Don’t you know Yours Truly could treat you so much better?” - When you avert your gaze and mumble out an answer, Ayato starts to suspect that there’s something more going on with your boyfriend than just a dismissive attitude - He’s surprisingly perceptive especially when it comes to you, so when he sees the bruises around your wrist Ayato sees red - “If that guy thinks he can treat you like that, I’ll make sure he doesn’t have the hands to do it with.” - You’ll probably have to physically prevent him from going after your boyfriend right at that moment - Even though at the time his goal isn’t to seduce you exactly, you’d find that you have unexpectedly been charmed by the way he’s supported you unfailingly throughout the whole ordeal and given you an escape from your situation - ...Even if he won’t shut up about how much better he is than any of your exes

KANATO

- Kanato usually doesn’t know how to deal with feelings that are as strong as these, so when he’d find out that you have a boyfriend he’d smile and nod on the outside but flip out the moment he’d get home - He’d spend ages ranting and raving to himself and to Teddy about how he doesn’t understand what that guy has and he doesn’t - Kanato would quickly formulate a plan; he’d expose your boyfriend doing something bad somehow and get you to leave him - But he’s overjoyed when he sees your boyfriend mistreating you and realises that his work will be a lot easier than anticipated - Kanato would be nothing but sweet as sugar towards you - Whenever you ran to him crying because your boyfriend rejected a gift or wanted to spend time with another girl, Kanato would give you a shoulder to cry on and a hand to wipe away your tears - He’d encourage you to become attached to him, all the while secretly plotting when your boyfriend would meet his final, sticky end - “Teddy... do you think she still loves him? He’s so horrible to her, I don’t think that we can let him live. Disposing of him would be a favour to her...” - When your ex mysteriously disappears one day, you won’t even notice: you’ll be too busy being in Kanato’s arms

LAITO

- When Laito catches feelings for you, he frankly doesn’t care whether you have a boyfriend or not: he likes you and he’s confident in his abilities to seduce you - But when he finds out your relationship is on the rocks anyway, he feels kind of.. happy about it? - Don’t get him wrong, Laito wants to see you content and does feel sorry you have to put up with such a bad person, but from his perspective this just means his chances of encouraging you to leave him are better - Laito would ensure that every time your boyfriend is rude to you or upsets you, he’s appearing right around the corner and ready to comfort you - “Bitch-chan, he’s really mean, isn’t he? Are you sure someone like that is worthy to be your boyfriend? Someone else could do a much better job, you know...” - Although he treats it almost like a fun little game at first - how quickly can he get “Bitch-chan” to come running into his arms - after a while the way that your boyfriend treats you would genuinely start to irritate him - In this situation Laito doesn’t really care about what’s “right” and “wrong” to do - he’d resort even to threatening your boyfriend to leave you before something really bad happens to him - “And if you ever say a word of this to Bitch-chan... well, considering you lied and cheated so much, who do you think she’ll believe?” - It won’t be long before the guy is just another ex

SUBARU

- Subaru doesn’t catch feelings for people easily so he’s pretty disappointed when he finds out you have a boyfriend - He’d accept it pretty quickly, since he’s a “monster” anyway, but he’d be extremely shocked to say the least when he accidentally stumbles upon you crying in an empty hallway - Subaru doesn’t usually pry into people’s private lives but you’re an exception - “Hey, what happened? I know we’re not the best of friends or anythin’, but you can tell me.” - When it all comes spilling out - how you spent money on a gift for your boyfriend for your anniversary, but he’s been treating you like trash for months - Subaru is incensed - He’s quick to anger as it is, but the idea of someone treating you so thoughtlessly really pisses him off - Especially since he knows that he’d treat you so much better if you were with him instead - While Subaru wouldn’t ever insinuate that you should leave your boyfriend for him, he’d definitely approach him and threaten him at the very least - Depending on the severity of what he did to you, your (soon to be ex-)boyfriend will probably end up with more than a black eye

#shu sakamaki #reiji sakamaki #ayato sakamaki #kanato sakamaki #laito sakamaki #subaru sakamaki #headcanon #anon #sakamakisaywhat #these are so long why did i do this to myself

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darrowsrising · 4 years

Note

I’ve heard people say they think Roque should have had the redemption arc, not Cassius. I 100% disagree. I think Roque loved Gold and the Society too much and it wouldn’t have felt realistic that he switched sides. What do you think?

I saw some things about this on instagram (facebook is hell for Howlers, I got out of there fast), but not to this extent, but I'll adress this and some other things I noticed here and there.

People say that if Roque chose, when Darrow gave him the chance on that bridge, to join the Rising, he'd have gained redemption. I think that is not true at all - redemption is something he could have seeked after the choice, that's something people forget for one thing. Another thing is, Roque betrayed Darrow in the worst possible ways, but he also betrayed Victra.

Victra knew nothing of the Rising, but Roque enabled her torture, he sold her to be tortured, he betrayed her after telling everyone not to take Victra's loyalty in vain. He betrayed his friend...for his views. It's not just Darrow.

Also, people seem to think that it's Darrow who should gain forgiveness from Roque - extremely wrong! Darrow rejected friends and romances alike in Golden Son, but he did open up and tried to mend things with everybody, by the end. Unfortunately, Roque loved his ideals more than his friends. And that's the truth. Whatever Darrow did to Roque was nowhere as awful as what Roque did. Roque should have begged for forgiveness, not only to Darrow, but also to Victra (maybe Victra most especially), not the other way around. Who in the freaking universe sells his friends to the Jackal when said friends aren't 100% with them? If Roque didn't do it for his ideals, then he did it because he is a monster, but either way, fans don't get to make him pity parties for being poorly treated by the big bad Reaper. (He did it for his ideals, but I still wish he was eaten by Kuon hounds)

From here it gets interesting...

All that being said, Roque and Cassius aren't interchangable and Roque ain't no Cassius 2.0. Roque could never, ok? And that's not because I dislike him, it's just plain facts.

Actually @jasmin-au-bellona should smack you all for taking her hubby's name in vain.

Forgive them, Reaper, for they do not know what they are saying!

The thing is, Cassius was not an ally (at least not after Julian's killer was revealed to be Darrow), the bad blood was established and out in the open and, while Cassius had his very bitchy moments (very bitchy, 'no wonder Sevro hates you' bitchy), he never backstabbed and he never sold anyone to be tortured. What Cassius did was his duty as an Olympic Knight (which was wrong, but you always expected that of him).

Roque on the other hand was not only a member of the Augustus household (if your liege goes against the Sovereign, you are supposed to stay with your liege, though fuck House loyalty, too, that's not really important, it's just the way things go in universe), but he was a friend of Darrow and the rest. His own family never loved him, but they did. And they weren't 100% with him during the civil war, but that doesn't make Roque's actions right. At all.

Cassius' arc was not exactly a redemption, it was more like a walk towards the right way to be. But he took center stage enough times for it to feel natural. He had his beliefs shaken, he was stripped bare of any fight, he had to reevaluate his entire life and his very belief system.

Roque accepting Darrow's offer would have been anti-climatic to himself, because someone who betrayed his loved ones to fight for his lovers' killers for his ideals, wouldn't have given up those ideals with some Talk no Jutsu™️.

The reason Cassius' arc works is because, while he managed to explain away Julian's death - he blamed it on Darrow, refused to see the sickness of Society or his own unfair reaction to it, considering that Julian wasn't the only one to die - and he got everything he wanted from life as a young Gold Peerless from a proeminent family - an Olympic Knight cloak, someone to love, family around him etc. - it was all a sick illusion. Once the illusion broke, he made a choice dor himself, independent of what his family wanted or of what Society expected. He did the honorable thing, the right thing, independent of intrigue.

Roque was disillusioned with his own Color and never saw past that, not even in the final moments. His arc was a descend from gentle friend and shrewed ally to horrible enemy. He was a man who loved a lot, but he loved his Color too much, enabled their violence and excused it even when it was aimed at himself. Two thrids of the final book in and getting Roque to be with the Rising is not something that would make sense, not only plot-wise, but also character-wise. Because Roque's ways have been properly explored (like how he regrets it so when Gold blood must be spilled for the sake of their own Color, how he excuses their violence, how he appeals to his fellowes' Golden pride, how he actually believes everything he says, even when he says it in quite cringey poetry), taking him out of those ways, requires way more than a defeat. And a defeat is something no Gold can tolerate, that's why it made sense for him to take the Golds way out - he would not lose his honour alongside the battle.

Cassius' arc was an exploration of a good man, your typical hero, but priviledged by a vile Society. His highs and his lows were meant to bring him to the stage where he can shake off the expectations everyone put on him and do the right thing, because it is the right thing to do.

Basically, Roque could never. They are not interchangeable characters, they are not even similar characters, aside from the obvious similarities (Golds, rich, House Mars, bonded with Darrow at the Institute).

And not because he disgusts me, but because it just makes sense. For real, all bias aside, even with the second trilogy, Roque's arc ended when it should have, dragging it would have damaged the storyline. I mean, Roque is very well-written, but only someone like the Jackal could pull off an apperance in the second trilogy.

So, that's my opinion on the issue.

I can see Tactus having a redeption arc, Pierce Brown himself says he regrets killing him off. Because Tactus, unlike Roque, ever only sabotaged Darrow and the rest. He betrayed them, yes, but he never sold them off. He had the chance, but I think he couldn't bring himself to do that - just like he couldn't bring himself to piss on Darrow's present, or let him take on the gala full of people that dislike or disregard him alone, with no support. Hell, he was the first to tell everyone to fuking make the Reaper sit down, he dared them in a way that said 'mess with him, I'll butcher you before he even glimpses your way'.

But again, Tactus was set up for it, the push and pull he went through, the side he decided to stick to, and so on. Roque was never set up to change his views or at least fight alongside Darrow because of what he offered (for Tactus it was glory and acceptance and love he seeked and got from Darrow).

But that's another discussion...

Howl on!

#red rising trilogy #roque au fabii #poet of deimos #darrow au andromedus #darrow of lykos #reaper #cassius au bellona #morning knight #tactus au valii-rath #red rising #golden son #morning star

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local80smotel · 4 years

Text

All knowing love

pairing; V x Trans Man! Reader

summary; being under V's loving and watchful eye.

requested; Anonymous

rating; T

warnings; transphobia, parental abuse (physical), hints of suicide (but never outright said)

word count; 2185

A/N; this isn't wasn't the fluffiest thing I could write but once talking to my trans boyfriend I couldn't help but feel having a bit of angst was acceptable.

When Y/N was still just a child, he knew something was off about him. Not something "bad" or "wrong" that people would call this feeling when he'd tell them. "It's just a phase" was a comment that was thrown at them mostly by their parents when they were still in their teens, just before high Chancellor Sutler was ever in the eye of politics. Oh, how those days would seem like a humid southern summer walk compared to when Sutler came into the picture. The transphobia he had experienced grew like how weeds grow in futile soil.

The comments like "You're confused" slowly started to warp into something more demeaning to the boy as the Chancellor candidate's toxic grip on the people of England started to squeeze any "unwanted" life out of it. "Undesirable" life as he would call it. When hair was cut after Sutler was elected, there weren't small arguments anymore that would be fixed when he'd be asked if he were hungry and wanted to eat supper with them. It became violent and unlike the people who had raised him for the last 15 years. Having handfuls of freshly cut hair be ripped out because his mother was holding him by his scalp just to yell in his face how much of a monster he was broke his heart.

Was it fear that caused this? Were they scared of losing their only child as many other families had? Was their bundle of joy in their life really an undesirable and the cause of this virus outbreak? Just why? He'd ask himself that as he was packing his bags in preparation to leave the family home for good.

Three long years had passed and at the ripe age of 18, he moved out into the busy streets of London. A small pit in his stomach began to form as the sickening feeling came back. The cause of it was from one simple but yet complex question; could he survive in this fascist regime? Sadness also fueled this emotional fire, sadness from knowing he'd have to use so many things he knew was wrong and didn't describe him truthfully just so he could get a place to come to when curfew hit; The name that was long dead to him the second it was given to him and female pronouns. He'd be signing his own death certificate if he put Y/N instead of his deadname on his application to rent.

They'd look it up and find no Y/N L/N in England and call the police on him in a split second. Shivers ran down his spine as he imagined what would happen to him if that became a reality. No one knew what happened when you were deemed "undesired" but everyone after having Sulter for three years knew that they would go missing and would be never seen of or heard from again. You were just wiped off the face of the Earth.

Y/N lucky had enough money saved from working in retail for the past 2 years to get a small apartment. When he was finally given the keys to the place he couldn't help but sigh in relief. At least in this tiny space, he could be his true self without shaking in fear as he had in his past while being stuck in his parents' home. The next three years were some of the worse when it came to dysphoria. Being forced to go to work almost every day and be called ma'am or miss and be deadnamed constantly damaged his mental health to the point it felt easier just to be open with his identity.

Anything would be better than being forced to hide in this shell of terror. Nights of panic attacks and sobbing that sounded like a wounded animal as he laid on the rotten wooden floor became a routine. On the morning of his 21st birthday, he woke up in the late afternoon. There was no panic in him when he realized he was late for work, how could someone care when this would be their last day on Earth?

With scissors in his hand, he grabbed his hair and began to chop it off sloppily but that didn't matter to him as long as it was finally short like it was when he was a child, and that was enough for him. The thought that when the police would see him, that'd see a man instead of what society had deemed him brought a smile to the young adult. The feeling of freedom pumped through his veins as he went on with his day. It felt odd but refreshing to feel the cold air from his AC on his neck as he fixed himself some bacon and eggs. It wasn't the fanciest thing someone could eat on this day, but it was enough for him.

Around ten AM he left his flat, walking with newfound confidence due to his hair and now his wrapped chest. He had heard from the grapevine that wrapping one's chest in medical bandages could cause serious damage like nerve loss but one this final day he decided to risk it so he could pass in normal daily life. Being called sir by ticket seller at the movies brought him so much joy as he grabbed his "Count of Monte Cristo" tickets and wished them a good day as he went deeper into the movie theater to find theater four to watch the movie. Y/N was somewhat surprised to see only one other person in the audience. Sure, he was 10 minutes late but this was a classic film that was finally being let out of the vault to be watched again! Nevertheless, the man sat down a few rows in front of the figure, settling down into the uncomfortable chair.

“I didn't expect you to come.”

He could tell from how the figure's words were muffled that they were wearing a mask. Y/N turned to them with a confused look on their face.

“Excused me?” Y/N asked but their confusion just deepened as he saw that the figure was wearing.

A Guy Fawkes mask with a matching hat while wearing pitch-black clothing. The man under the mask chuckled as they stood up, Y/N couldn't help but be slightly intimidated by the height of this masked figure.

“I should have done this first so you wouldn't be so perplexed, ” he cleared his throat as began monologing, using many words that start with the letter V in his speech which in turn slightly impressed the 21-year-old.

“But you can simply call me V.”

"V" said while taking a bow

Y/N couldn't help but snicker at this display of some kind of knightship which in turn had V cocked his head in slight confusion on what could be so funny

“Well, Mr. V, might I ask why you're here alone?”

“I could ask you the same thing, but as I am apparently on a tight schedule I won't elaborate”

“Tight sch-” the man interrupted them by placing his leather glove covered finger on top of their lips

“Yes, very much tight schedule as I only have 2 hours till your self made demise am I correct?”

He was blown away at the fact this random stranger knew of his most shameful plan, but the feeling of shock was soon replaced with anger. This creep was stalking me! He thought as he slapped away the masked man, getting up from his chair as he did so.

“You have some right talking to me like that!” he yelled as he started to march away from them.

V reached out and grabbed their hair in a somewhat gentle way

“Y/N wait please, ” he sighed as Y/N stopped who's face was twisted in bitterness “I understand how you feel Y/N, I truly do. I was labeled an undesirable so please don't think that I've been keeping an eye on you in for any other reason than just to keep you safe.”

When he said this Y/N rage seemed to melt away slowly. How was he able to survive being an undesirable? So many questions filled the male's head but the only word he could speak was

“How?”

V let go of his hair as he straightened his posture “If you come with me I'll tell you.”

The more sensible side of the man told him to run away from this masked freak and enjoy what little time you had left in peace but something stopped him. After a moment of silence, he nodded to V's pleasure. He took the 21-year old by the hand and lead them to the back exit. The two walked down the alley and what drew Y/N's eye other than the 6'3 black mass was the posters. Every single one they pasted seemed to have a V cut into them.

He broke the long silence with another question “Did you mark those posters?”

“Does a raven speak?”

“But why?”

V didn't stop walking but he could feel his eyes on him. For being an undesirable he sure seems fine being out after curfew Y/N thought as they waited for the answer.

“The people deserve a symbol. Something to get them through this.”

He opened his mouth to ask what he meant by that but quickly shut it once the meanings of the words came to mind. Maybe he wasn't this creep, more like this country's guardian angel that would save them all from high Chancellor Sutler. It didn't take long for him to reach what Y/N guessed as V's home which turned out to be an abandoned Victoria station. Y/N looked over at him with an eyebrow raised as V opened the hatch that kept the station locked to the public who had originally thought it was abandoned. V turned back to the man and gave him his hand simply saying "follow me, sir Y/N".

Once V was given the curious man's hand he rubbed his thumb over their knuckles before tenderly pulling them inside. He held the hand as they walked in the pitch black, guiding them until they found a giant door which to Y/N's touch felt like it had complex carvings in them. When the masked man opened the door Y/N couldn't help but wince as golden light hit his E/C eyes that had just gotten used to the dark. He had expected V to let go of his hand once they reached his "lair" but he didn't. Oh, what a perplexing and mysterious man he was.

Y/N would be lying if he said his face wasn't blushing at this moment in time. V led them deeper into his beautiful home until both of them to were behind his couch which was black leather. In front of the said couch was a glass coffee table with a box on it. Y/N's hand was finally let go of as V sat on the couch.

“Come sit, I have something to give you.”

“But you said-”

“Please?”

He sighed as he complied, arms folded as he sat next to him. V opened the box and to Y/N's surprise, there was a biner in it. Once again, all he could ask was "How?" as all production and selling of items that could help trans folk was banned just as the Koran was. The masked man took the folded bundle into his giant hands and gave it to them once again shocked male.

“Life has been tough enough on you even if we don't add our government into it. Thank you for holding on. For surviving this long and not letting them take away your love for life and your fighting spirit.”

Without any hesitation, Y/N pulled V into a tight embrace with tears threatening to fall. No one had ever put their life in danger to give them this piece of happiness like this stranger had. All he could do was whimper out a "thank you" as a sob shook his chest deeply.

“Since I showed you my lair, you're going to have to stay till the next November the fifth, is that okay?”

Y/N couldn't help but nod immediately. He could finally be somewhere he was truly accepted for who he really was; a man who was just simply given the wrong body at birth.

V placed his hands on top of the weeping H/C man, stroking the uneven hair and placed his head onto the others.

“I'm cooking ham, is that okay?”

“mmhmm..”

“Thank you, Y/N.”

#v for vendetta x reader #v for vendetta imagine #v for vendetta #anonymous #anon ask #anonymous request #anon request #imagine requests #imagine #imagine request #trans reader #trans!reader #V x reader

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leeknow-bestboy · 4 years

Text

If You Close One Eye - Chapter One

Ships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Bang Chan/Yang Jeongin | I.N, If you really squint you can notice Lix is into Binnie, Hyunjin was into everyone once

Characters: All the kids, The ex kid isn't here I edited him out, Other Character Tags to Be Added

Trigger warnings: panic attack, ptsd, original character death, homophobia, original character cheating, descriptive imagery.

Word count: 5277

Chapter: 1/?

Next chapter

Tags: Murder Mystery, amateur detective minho, Soulmates, not your typical soulmate AU, Alternate Universe - College/University, Slow Burn, Slow Build, good things take time let it slowburn, minho is singlehandedly responsible for the slow burn so blame him, no soulmates in this universe only they are, criminology student minho, art student jisung, POV Third Person, chan deserves better and he does indeed get better don't worry, art references please look stuff up, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, best sibling bond ever.

"If you close one eye, you can see what your soulmate sees"

Born with one eye an unnatural golden color, Minho and Jisung have been forced to cover them up with colored lenses in order to blend into society.

The magic to their eyes? Even they still didn't know.

This is the story of how criminology major and dance minor Lee Minho found himself hopelessly in love with the serial killer, local artist Han.

[Alternatively, let's see how long I can make these two dumbasses pine without one of them snapping. Edit: they finally did]

[Also WARNING: a HUGE amount of Jeongchan ahead, it's not subtle at all! So much fluff--]

As per usual, the playground was packed; children of all ages ran wild, squalling and laughing like the little menaces they were- all of them avoiding a short kid who couldn't be older than five, seated at the very end of the sandbox and holding back tears of offense and loneliness.

It's not that he got bullied, he wasn't. His mom raised a tough kid who'd bite back when he's bit, but no one would play with him now. Not with how he looks, they'd rather scream and run.

Five year olds shouldn't worry about that.

Rubbing his left eye- the good one, he could see a woman's shoulder and hair. Her smile, bright and comforting, wording out a song with no sound.

"Jisung!" His mother's voice rang aloud, recognizable and warm in the hostile environment.

"Baby," She called again, finding him and wrapping her son in her arms. For the moment, there was no strange woman- only his own mother.

Jisung sniffled. "I hate people." -These words that shouldn't be said by a child flowed so easily from his lips, as if it was the only reasonable conclusion.

"We need to talk about something" his mother's voice, once excited and lively sounded utterly defeated. Little did he know, it was the last time. Years of telling him he's perfect just the way he is, special and unique in a good way, definitely- have ended up making no difference in the end.

That day, he learned to put on contact lenses.

"I know you're upset about the divorce, but you have to accept that it happened."

The woman's voice, high pitched and unpleasant, drove Minho ever so slightly closer to the edge. By now he knew no adult in the world would ever take him seriously, so what was the point in sitting here and listening to her talk?

The woman pursed her lips, plump and telling of the many times they went under the scalpel. Tapping her foot, she hazily reminded Minho of his own mother when scolding was due.

"If you don't talk to me, that's fine. Nothing's going to change. I get paid by the hour you know, I can do this all day."

That being said, she was probably stressed- no therapist had ever gotten Minho to talk, he's been changing doctors since his hallucinations began, which adds to a little over three years now.

"Minho, I can't help you like this. Tell your mother I give up."

A sense of dread spread over the eight years old. Again, another adult doesn't get it. Another one giving up on him, leaving, and suddenly he wanted her to stay. Pretty badly he did, at the time.

"I don't care that my parents broke up, I've been seeing monsters all day"

The woman blinked, stunned into silence. At the tinge of tears he rubbed his right eye- and there it was, certain as ever; drawn with a sharpie, people with horns. In a moment, a pair of hands that weren't his took the drawing away and pulled out a new one, drawing harshly a sad smiley face.

Although he was a big boy, he cried right then, scared out of his mind and very confused. He cried so hard it almost slipped off- the contact lens hiding his mother's disgrace.

Looking up, the woman made no effort to comfort or dissolve his fright. Rather, she was scribbling down the whole ordeal. Taking notes, furiously assessing and picking him apart, she finished her analysis smugly and said,

"It's time we get you a prescription, my dear"

And that was definitely not the last of it.

"Oppa"

Minho groaned lowly, alerting the speaker to the fact he's been woken from sleep.

"Minho oppa!" the voice persisted. Fully intent on hanging up, Minho side glanced at the caller id to make sure it wasn't important.

"Motherfucker!" the voice on the other end rose. From the corner of the bed Doongie meowed, alarmed.

"Freaking shrimp, what do you think you're calling your oppa?" He blurted. This isn't a call he should skip.

"Egg laying bastard! Answer me when I call you!" His sister's comforting voice trickled out.

"Gremlin twarp!"

"ballerina!"

"Whiny child!"

"Prune old man!"

"spoiled princess!"

"Mean hoe!"

"-!" Wheeze.

"I got you, you horrible gay bitch"

"We're both gay, Ryu" He threw back.

It's been a while since she last called.

"Well, you live alone, so I assume you're doing much gayer things than I can do at home."

Minho started, failing to hold back his horrified gasp. "Ryujin, you're eighteen!" He exclaimed. It seemed like yesterday she was still following him around, like some baby duckling.

"She's being mean Doongie, like you three don't count." He added, Ryujin electing to ignore his comment.

"How's dance going?" her tone changed, turning softer. For all their differences, dance for sure has always been something both loved and loved together. From copying idols on TV, to taking ballet and hiphop together, Jazz too.

"I'm not in college for dance and you know it" He groaned, immediately softening as well.

"I miss it a lot. I wish I could do more than minor in it.." On the other side of the call Ryujin hummed, understanding. She has always known his passion best.

"You're good at what you do too. You'd make a kickass detective." She claimed.

"I'm not taking criminology to be a detective." Why she had to be reminded was beyond him. If anything he aimed to be an officer, someone to tell kids off if they mess with the neighborhood cats.

"I'm just saying you could be!" She defended- which wasn't wrong, if he played job openings right. He did have a knack for picking apart mystery books too, but that was nothing out of the usual.

"How's grad life?" He asked with genuine interest. Nothing could ever matter to him more.

"I asked Chelle out, finally." She said, and Minho couldn't help but notice the edge evident in her voice.

"What happened? Did she let you down? Should I come over?" The questions left his lips before he could consider them, worry clouding over him.

"No, it's nothing like that. She said yes, but.. Yeah, oppa, I really wish you were here. I need to talk to you, face to face. Mom misses you too." She ended lamely. It was so unlike her, Minho couldn't find it in him to correct the fact that it was only Ryu's mom and not his.

"Tell her I'll be visiting tonight then, I'll go get ready." He said, fully intent on making the sudden drive over. It was only a two hour ride over to his father's, where Ryujin and his step mother lived too. If he headed out now, he could make it before dinner.

"Really? You don't have to, I know you hate it here-" Her attempts of taking it back wouldn't work once he set his mind to do something.

"Really really. I miss my stinky troll sister too," He insisted. No way was he leaving her be. The moment something felt off with her, he knew he had to go make sure she's fine; there aren't many things as precious in his life as she is.

"Dumbass," she relented, voice worryingly relieved. "I'll go tell mom."

He smiled, tapping his nail on the headboard, now sitting up at his bed. "Bye"

She huffed, pausing for a moment before giving her last reply. "Goodbye, oppa. I love you."

Minho sighed, leaning his forehead against the steering wheel.

For what little time he spent at his father's place, a surprising amount of bad memories were made. Up until his teen years he wouldn't even enter, and every time after that made for a rich history; first panic attack, first time breaking a leg falling down the stairs, coming out, taking Ryu to junior prom- door shut in his face that time, claiming she was grounded for beating up the neighbor's son. First time stung by a bee, and that weekend when his father's doberman puppy bit him in play, tore open his front lip and got sent to a dog pound despite his protest.

'Come on,' he thought. 'You can do this. Count to three-' and at three he did, opened his car door and walked up through the front gate.

"Minho! How lovely to see you." Smiled his step mom, a warm, if not a tad unnerving woman.

"Nice to so see you too. How have you been?" He asked, clean-cut manners kicking in. Dal and Byul had meanwhile made their way running over to the door, immediately rubbing against him with some level of desperation. He leaned down, rubbing Dal's small head.

"I've been well, your father too- that's right! Honey, come say hi to Minho." The short, lean woman called, still blocking the entrance to the oversized house and keeping Minho at the door. Whether this was on purpose shall forever remain a mystery- she did it every time.

"That brat has nothing to do in this house" His father's voice warmed over.

"Hi dad." He tried still, calling over the woman's shoulder. "Can I come in?"

Said obstacle smiled, moving aside at last. "Of course sweetie, Ryujin will be right over."

Taking that exchange for what it was, he made fast pace towards the kitchen. Avoiding his father has become a praised skill by now, a crucial one by all means.

"Dallie, Byulie, psps" he tried, pleased when both ran on over towards his outstretched hand. Two more allies at the ready.

Light steps cleared the remaining discomfort sullying his mood in short moments. "You!" A pair of arms tightened around his shoulders, prompting Minho to lift his little sister in a piggyback.

"You too!" He answered, relieved at feeling welcomed at last.

"I can't believe you actually came. Did you tell your mother you're over?" She asked, tactless as ever. He loves her a whole lot for that, too.

"She's not the boss of me, I'm twenty one" He announced, eyes closed in a content smile as his sister gently pet his hair like a cat.

"What about me? I'm almost nineteen, I wish I was free like you, Lino!" Exclaimed Ryujin, but really she didn't. There was a certain freedom gained from nobody caring about you that no one should be jealous of.

Letting her hop back onto the ground, Minho kept the smile on his face. She seemed fine, but he could tell better. Still, they couldn't talk before dinner- the pots and pans at the stovetop smelled just about ready, after all.

Instead he turned to face her, petting her head lovingly like she had his. "What's this? This tiny Ryuddaeng's nineteen? No way."

"Almost!" she growled. "Next month I'll be."

"Where have the times gone?" he questioned, shoving her playfully at the comments of "old man".

Dinner went as uncomfortably as expected, his father and he had behaved remarkably well- hadn't spoken a word to each other throughout. Minho ate neatly, made sure to compliment his step mother for every dish, and Ryujin helped by washing them after. All in all, it was successful unlike many dinners before.

Making way to the guest bedroom, Minho paused at the sight of his sister's door left slightly open. Right, yes- this would be a good time.

Knocking quietly, he waited for permission before entering and closing the door, waiting for Byul to enter alongside him. "Are you alright?"

Ryujin nodded, glancing up at him and back to the floor. He took that as a sign to take a seat down on her fancy dragon themed carpet.

"Are you really alright? Ryujin, I know we're not great communicators, but I'm still very worried. Is it dad?" At that his sister shook her head, taking a deep breath.

"Don't get mad, but I have a huge favor. You know Chelle, I swore I'll ask her out when I graduate and I did, but she…" Minho crossed and uncrossed his legs, chin finding its place resting on a knee. Byul purred, rubbing against it.

"She's missing. She's been missing for two weeks now, no one knows where she is." She explained, voice stern.

"I don't think she ran away, but her parents keep saying she did. She said nothing to me." She added, hoping he'd fill in the rest on his own.

"They're not filling in for missing person?" He asked, worry making his back stress and ace.

Ryujin nodded. "I know she's the bad girl type, but she wasn't into drugs and her friends seem fine. I keep trying to ask around but I can't, what if something serious happened?"

Minho nodded, realizing where he comes in. "You want me to investigate? See where that takes us?" He asked. For sure, that should be the police's job- but with her parents saying she ran away, would they even bother?

Ryujin kept quiet, eyes burning holes into Minho's. This was her crush, a big one- he's never liked Chelle, but now? If Ryujin cares that much… sure. It's not something he should be messing with legally, and a new project to be added atop his ever growing college work, but he'd do it for her. "Okay."

"Okay?" Ryujin asked back, relieved.

"Yes. I'll do it." He assured.

Ryujin's features softened farther, mouth breaking into a smile. "You're my new favorite person."

Minho smiled lightly, mind running full speed. "I need details. When and where she was last seen, and about her; exes, Instagram, friends and hangouts."

Ryujin's smile faded. Nonetheless she turned, pulling a notebook out of her bedside drawer.

Scribbling away the details he requested, she paused to ask a couple questions before turning back to her chore. "I know less than I thought." She admitted.

"That's fine, but I have a few more. How was her mental state, where did she study, was she on meds and did she mention any places?"

This kept on for a few hours, ending after they let an annoyed Byul out of the room - with Ryujin tiredly announcing that her brain is fried and he can ask the rest over chat when he's back in college. On his end, Minho learned one important thing:

This girl was not who she seemed to be.

Back at his apartment, Minho re-read all eleven papers of info they've gathered. On the way he's prepared a list of places to visit, only two of which stemmed from the info Ryujin herself had given him. Other than the school and family bistro down the street, it seemed the two have never gone out together, although Chelle was one to do so.

Good, he thought.

Scrolling through her Instagram, he noted which followers seemed to comment more, and who would show most often on highlights. Her latest post have been boring- it was landscape art of what he assumed to be a tall grass field on the outskirts of seoul. Around three months back he found a picture of some guy at the beach, shirt off and abs in clear view. Seeing as he looked nothing like Chelle, it would seem they weren't related.

Sorting through the packed comment section, someone's request to take it down stood out. Tapping on the person's icon, he realized that was probably the guy in the picture, although the account was made private. An ex? That would make a good trail.

Not having an account himself, by now Minho has used Ryujin's, but to follow guys it would seem he needs his own account.

Setting up all the necessities, he took a nice picture of Dori and made it his profile, sending the guy a follow request right away.

Now we wait.

"Oppa, if you have no photos or description and no followers, and he doesn't know you, did you really expect he'd approve your request?" Ryujin's laughter trickled through the speakers, as if it's been obvious. "You're going to have to find him." She pointed, before hesitantly adding, "Or I can-"

"No." Minho said, stern. "This guy could be Chelle's ex, he might be really dangerous! You don't get to follow his Instagram."

Ryujin sighed, and Minho got the sudden mental image of her rubbing the bridge of her nose as she did. "You have friends right? Ask one of them." She advised.

"I need to go, dad said I can't go out unless I finish these applications." She explained, hanging up after a round of goodbyes.

Right. He did! He has friends.

Picking his phone back up, Minho scrolled his contacts looking for either Felix or Hyunjin. The two weren't in his major, but they shared a dance class. Out of the student body, they were closest to his definition of friends.

A couple rings went by before the line picked up. "Hyung? Hello!" Felix's cheerful voice calmed the older's nerves ever so slightly.

"Felix, hi." He answered, trying to seem casual. "How are you?"

Felix took a moment before responding. "I'm great! I'm actually out with Chan hyung, is something up?"

"Who?" Minho asked, confused.

Felix took another moment. "Bang Chan. He's a fourth year in sociology, I don't think you'll know him."

Minho came close to a sob right then. "Can you pass him the phone?"

"Yeah sure." Felix agreed immediately, followed by ruttling sounds.

"Hello?" A voice sounded, accent similar to Felix's own.

"Hi! My name is Minho, I followed you on Instagram a couple days ago."

A short silence. "Oh my god." Chan exclaimed.

"No, never mind that, I need to talk to you." He rephrased.

"I have no idea who you are." Chan replied, confused.

"It's about Chelle." Minho added, hoping to learn anything from the other's reply.

"Oh." Was all he got. "Okay, I guess we should meet sometime then. How is she?"

The question caught Minho off guard.

"I, I'll tell you more when we meet. When are you free?" he asked, quickly seeking out a pen and scribbling the time and date on his wrist, phone squeezed between his ear and shoulder.

"Yeah, sounds great! See you then." He concluded, getting passed back to Felix and thanking him profoundly before hanging up.

"In my own college." He muttered after the phone found its place back on the table.

"Unbelievable."

Not many people occupied the café, despite its convenient location not far off the olympic park. For that reason Minho concluded, the coffee there probably sucked.

It wasn't his intention to show fifteen minutes early, but his nerves got the best of him, taking shape in miserable pacing until he deemed it late enough to leave his apartment already. Worst case scenarios running through his mind, he wasn't expecting it as someone took seat in the chair opposite of his.

"Hello. It's Minho, right?" Asked the stranger, dimples forming in an awkward smile.

"Ah." Minho voiced dumbly before quickly picking himself up adding,

"You're Chan?"

In the short time that passed between first learning of Chan's existence and actually seeing him, Minho's mind managed to fill with expectations and fears, all of which shattered right in that moment.

First of all, the guy in the picture had very defined abs and arm muscles, making it seem as if he'd be your average muscle-head, someone who could pull apart limbs off boys like Minho- a description that apparently had nothing in common with the hesitant and awkward person in front of him. Rather, he found that this Chan was a tad shorter than him, barely filling the light gray sweater he threw on.

Secondly, while the photo showed a man with straight dark brown hair, the man in front of him had soft blond curls that seemed so, so fluffy- invoking a primal urge to pet them in, Minho assumed, not only himself, but also every innocent bystander.

Lastly, by the amount of english in his Instagram description, one would expect an obvious accent, but that had been proven false on the phone call anyway. Regardless, Minho imagined a foreigner, so seeing his face up close had been a surprise on its own, especially considering the smile… he was, how would he put it? Cute.

"Yeah! Nice to meet you. I was worrying I'd be early, but it's good to see you are too." Minho could only half process the words, a glance at his phone telling him they both still had around ten minutes before the planned meetup time.

"Right! Right, I wanted to talk to you." Minho started, forcibly clearing his mind of any strange thoughts.

"You said it was about Chelle? I assume you're her new boyfriend?" Chan asked, voice a bit strained.

"No, It's not like that. I wanted to know if you've heard from her for the last couple weeks." Minho replied, quick to correct him so to not make things needlessly awkward. Right, he thought- Chan still might have had something to do with this girl's disappearance.

"Oh, well, I actually hadn't, I try not to do that anymore. We didn't end things on good terms." Chan confessed, picking Minho's interest.

"What happened?" He asked, worries picking back up.

Chan paused. "Are you her friend? This kind of thing is a little personal, I don't want it to affect your friendship."

Minho blinked, thinking up a smaller scale storm. "I live in her neighborhood. We're not very close, but some things happened that made me look for you."

Chan hesitated, saved by the waiter's interruption asking which drinks the two would have. Still suspicious, Minho only ordered a small iced americano, Chan matching with a small iced tea.

"You probably know we dated for around two months, it ended after I found she was cheating for a long time."

Minho's breath hitched, dangerously close to choking on his coffee. "She cheated on you?"

Chan's expression fluttered before he nodded, sheepish smile back on. "Kind of pathetic, isn't it? I couldn't hold her attention. At least, the others didn't know."

Minho gaped, unsure how to handle the new information. Chelle, the girl Ryujin asked him to look for. Was that her true nature? "What do you mean others?"

Chan's embarrassment grew, yet he didn't look away. "We were around.. five, I think.. that I know of. I followed her for a bit."

The awkwardness settled, leaving both speechless.

"Okay, I'm really sorry but I still need to ask you a couple more things." Minho was the first to break the silence.

"Go ahead." Chan smiled in relief.

"Were you mad? Wait, no- Can you think of anyone who could have held a grudge against her? More than, I guess, this."

Chan shook his head. "She's a really nice girl! She has some serious issues, but I liked her a lot at the time."

Minho bit his lip, ready to push on. "Chan, I'm going to be honest with you.. Chelle's been missing for over two weeks now."

If Chan was drinking at the moment, it would have been his turn to choke. "What?" he asked, voice steady.

"I got in touch with you because right now, nobody knows where she is. Or someone does know, but I don't" Minho explained, hoping his message went through alright.

"Are you sure she's not ghosting you? She might be." Chan offered. Minho stiffened. If Chelle was fine, if she was ghosting his sister- there will be hell to pay.

"I don't think so?" he continued anyway.

"I can't remember a specific person who would want to hurt her, but.. God, I'm worried. Chelle's gone? Like, kidnapped or.." Chan paused, taking deep breaths.

"If you have any information on where she could be, it would help a lot. I don't know her well, I'm not sure who else to ask either." Minho added.

"What do you want to know?" Chan asked, worry clouding his face in an unpleasant way. Minho almost felt, scratch that- he did feel really bad for the guy.

"Hangouts, friends, habits, names of other exes- mental state too, it's a little invasive but I can't find her otherwise." Chan stared, eye contact with Minho intensifying as neither averted their gaze.

"Okay." Chan replied after a while. "I don't really know you, but I guess it suits her. If anything happened, I wouldn't expect an officer anyway."

Slightly disturbed, Minho pulled his notes from his bag, offering Chan a big sheet of paper. Just like that, the two had begun- Just as Minho had with Ryujin before.

"I can't help with other Exes, I don't know any of their names. I do know where she hangs out usually." Chan supplied helpfully.

"Chelle, she's very into art. She thinks her art, only hers, is the best of the best. She considers herself an undiscovered gem, that kind of mentality. She'll do anything for exposure, and she likes compliments a lot." Chan bit his lip, pausing in his writing.

"She's not on good terms with her parents, and sometimes I remember, she said she wanted to run away. She has horrible mood swings, but when she's happy she can be the sweetest, most considerate person in the world. I think she had too much love in her, that's why…" Chan trailed off, sighing before shaking his head and writing down some more details.

"I'm not okay with that, you know? It's the worst kind of betrayal, but I'm still so worried. I never wanted anything to happen to her, I don't wish that for anyone." Minho hummed, recalling back on his previous suspicion, how ridiculous it seemed now to think that of this person.

So it went on, the two of them coming up with important details and question marks to jot down. Before they knew it the sky turned dark, an impatient barista politely asking them to leave.

"You have my number, right?" Chan asked.

"I don't." Minho replied, glad Chan remembered. The two exchanged phones, filling in their details with some hesitation.

"Call me if you need anything, or if you find her." Chan added, eyes glinting under the streetlights.

"You too, call me if you remember anything important." Minho replied, parting with a wave goodbye and heading towards the bus station.

It was only on his way back that he recalled their first exchange through the phone, and how stupid it had been to expect anything else from a friend of Felix's, of all people.

Groaning lowly, Minho moved his bag up, staring at the paper pile stuffed inside it neatly. Ahead was, he expected, a night full of reading- all 38 new pages of details about this girl, who he found himself liking less and less with every passing statement.

Over an extended time period Minho had found himself visiting many different places to no avail. He tried asking around, dropping Chelle's name here and there for good measures, but it seemed that the girl had vanished into thin air. Her only legacy had been the outrageous rumors surrounding her name, such as dating kids much younger than herself and having sex to get her way in the art world. Really, Minho should have stopped there- he wanted nothing to do with this girl anymore, was happy even; happy that she didn't get to lay her hands on his sister. Yet he couldn't stop thinking, this girl.. She was missing, it was real, and not one soul other than him have made a single attempt to locate her. How could he give up now?

It had been a long day- visiting a bar from the list in the morning before moving to a café nearby and finishing one of his assignments, Minho decided to follow up on Chelle's tracks. Twelve days have passed since his meeting with Chan, and although his anxiety kept getting worse, the list of things to check kept getting shorter with every lead he crossed out.

This one had honestly been a lame lead, but he wanted to make the most out of it- a short trip out of seoul, to a grass patch stretching a couple miles that was similar to the one he saw on her Instagram. If he couldn't find her with anyone's help, he thought- maybe he should try to think like her more. This girl, where would she go? Who would she meet? What would she do? And for that this practice was important, too.

The land stretched, tall grass for as far as the eye could see. He roamed around, looking at the tall buildings that made his home from afar. From here, definitely- he recognized the scenery as the one she drew that time. Stepping back through the grass, it didn't make much of a difference from how far he's already been, but the moment felt special somehow.

Minho breathed in, a strong breeze blowing from the front and carrying the dust and pollution of the city with it. Bad air, even this far back. At least it was silent, no cars, no birds either- it felt peaceful. Minho stepped back again, pulling out his phone, intending to take a photo. A couple more steps back, and he tripped- landing on his butt in the grass.

It was there that he found her.

Jisung stretched, back aching after sleeping in so late.

"Good morning, and good luck falling back asleep at a normal hour." Seungmin commented. True that, Jisung managed to mess his sleep schedule pretty badly. Good thing it was friday.

Standing up, he considered responding before giving up and making his way to the kitchen.

"Ji," Seungmin spoke up once more,

"At least brush your teeth. I'm your roommate, not your mom- I shouldn't have to tell you this!" His voice, although annoyed, remained calm. He did have a point.

"Okay mom." Jisung replied, deadpan. Without another word he turned, entering the bathroom and picking up his toothbrush to do as instructed.

Life as an art major was hard- he had so much work to do in little time, and the pressure made it feel a little like a job. Nowadays his minor in music made for the only stress reliever he could put time into without guilt, and he wondered if maybe he should have chosen it for major instead. Useless thinking about it now, anyway.

Jisung went on brushing, releasing a small whine at the thought of his next assignment. Whatever- he rolled his eyes, raising a hand to rub the remains of sleep away.

Tall grass, the clear view of seoul from afar- blurring, moving, fast as if he was struck by lightning.

The toothbrush clinked loudly against the sink as it dropped, leaving Jisung with the reflection of himself in the mirror, left hand raised. He made quick way, spitting the paste and powerwalking back to their room, brushing against Seungmin on his way there.

"Jisung? Jisung, you can't just leave this here." Seungmin bristled, pausing at the sight of Jisung pulling out his sketchbook with the craze of someone going through a revelation.

He sighed, recognizing the scene in front of him. "Inspiration struck?"

Jisung hummed, wiping his mouth and beginning to sketch. This happened every once in a while, it was one of the things that made Jisung… well, Jisung.

"I'll clean up. Should I order takeout?" Seungmin asked, affection sneaking into his voice. He's a bit weird, but sometimes he was cute too.

"Thank you, please." Jisung replied absentmindedly, focused on the paper.

"I will. Okay." Seungmin concluded, fishing his phone out to call his favorite fast food handler.

To them, after all, it was nothing more than an average friday night.

23 notes · View notes

thatyanderecritic · 4 years

Note

i really like the yandere dynamic but i dont openly post or reblog about it anymore cuz i've had people give me a hard time over it being problematic. and i get told im terrible, get called a freak... idk. do you have any advice for dealing with this...?

Hey anon, sorry for not getting to you sooner. We have a lot of questioned queued up to be answered but I decided to put you first since this is a pretty big issue.

To be a yandere fan, we’re in a rather precarious position. Like any fandom, we are plagued with bad apples that end up painting the community’s face as a whole. You know the type of bad apples that all fandoms have: the overzealous stans that either attack those outside the community for not sharing a view or catering to our fandom. We also suffer from infighting/bullying between yandere fans because not everyone shares the same views on what a yandere is or even for something as stupid as a yandere headcanon for a character that never was a yandere, to begin with. But unlike most fandoms, the works that we support tend to go against us at times. That is to say... since we’re a bit of an under “funded” (e.g. don’t have enough yandere media. Especially for male yanderes) fandom, people tend to quickly put CrAzY characters on a pedestal without question. And this hurts our credibility, ALOT. Having group within the fandom worshipping some non-yandere, psychotic girl as a yandere just because she’s kawaii while the more “sane” fans try to explain, “No, we swear yandere’s aren’t like that” doesn’t look good for our case.

Is there anything we can do about people attacking us for our preference? Not exactly, I’m sorry to say. The moment humans gained self-awareness and free will, universal mental unity became a myth. There will always be a disconnect, even on concepts that all humans should be in agreement on. Would you believe me if I say that some people don’t believe that people should be allowed to have a livable wage? Of course, people will have their reasons as to why they think a certain way regardless if it sounds logical or not. Just because they have a reason doesn’t mean it’s reasonable but in a world where emotions is king, logical will never win.

People who attack you for liking yanderes most likely were victims of abuse and went through some sort of trauma that yanderes are usually identified/linked with. If they weren’t direct victims then they know someone who is a victim. And if it isn’t either of these two, then they’re most likely a bleeding heart with a “higher than thou” sense of morality. Regardless of the reasoning, they all have their hearts in the right places but rigid in their perspective of the world. Already, the decision is cemented and may never change. To most, we’re as egregious as pedophiles and incest-lovers just because we like villains. After all: “How in the world could anyone remotely ‘like’ such awful people?! Clearly, there is something wrong with THEM.” Of course, we have our reasons for liking yanderes but most people close their ears and eyes since they already judged us based on our interest. For those who were victims of abuse or know someone, I understand that they’re reaching out to attack those who seem to defend characters that may or may not be similar to their assailant/abuser. They attack, they defend invisible victims, and in a way, looking for purpose... looking at how they can turn their trauma into a positive. But most of the time, they overstep their boundaries and try to enforce their authority in something they don’t understand.

The only way we can approach these types of people is to send an open invitation for a diplomatic talk in trying to reach a middle ground. While a change of opinion would be nice, it would be nearly impossible since a lot of people are grounded in their personal moral compass. If they are open for a conversation, then all hope is not lost. Ideally, if a conversation is open then the most important thing is to validate their emotions invested in this situation. 9 out of time 10, people are stubborn in an argument because they feel like they’re getting personally targeted either by their identity, their pride, or their emotions. Therefore, they double down and become louder in their argument, not because of their view but because they believe they are defending themselves. From there, once the other recognize that you aren’t attacking them, you shift the conversation onto yourself and point out how they were making you feel the same away but they were actively attacking you; not only that, treating you as less than human just because you prefer villainous FICTIONAL characters. Ideally, at this point, the other recognizes their hypocrisy and you both agree in staying in your own lanes. If by some miracle they’re open of a different perspective, then you’re given a platform to say why you like yanderes... typical reasons being the idea of unconditional love or coping.

But this is all hypothetical and the most desirable outcome. But more than often, people are more than comfortable at screaming at you every time you try to open your mouth... most likely something they learned because someone shut them down in such a way. Not only that, they most likely formed their own counter-arguments already since a lot of yandere fans have the same reasons as to why they like yanderes: unconditional love or coping. The counter-argument can usually be boiled down to two reasons: unethical and risking future victims seeking a “yandere” partner. Ethicality... this is a low hanging fruit to argue. Everyone (well the majority of people, again it’s universally impossible to be on the same page) would agree that it’s bad to stalk a person. Even a yandere fan would say never to stalk a person IRL. But because of this, they think they got you in an “ethical checkmate”. It’s a cheap argument and they’re just trying to make you feel like a monster for your preferences in fictional characters. Funny enough, this is a tactic that abusers would use to shame their victim into compliance... hm...

The second counter-argument people use is “think of the youths!” Let’s be real... it’s scientifically proven that kids and teens are easily impressionable because of their underdeveloped brains and lack of experience. Not only the concerns of the younger members of society, they fear that by allowing us to enjoy our media, we are “normalizing” abusive relationships in society. Considering the state of the United State’s government, I understand where the fear is coming from. But they’re barking up the wrong tree and especially using the wrong method in preventing this dystopian future. I always see these people bring up the ‘Jaws’ case as to why there should be no yanderes and no support for them. You know, the case where there was a sudden increase in shark hunting due to public fear which pushed certain shark species into endangerment. It’s always this argument, I swear... anyways, they always toss this without never diving in deeper as to why this happened.

Before Jaws, people didn’t know anything about sharks in general. There just wasn’t any interest in sharks because we humans just didn’t find time interesting at the time. They were there and we can’t really eat sharks. But, there were already tales about sharks being “man-eaters” from those stranded out at sea or curious citizens. The stereotype was already there. But Jaws brought sharks to the forefront of public scrutiny and shark hunting competitions came up because “what’s the harm? Sharks are man-eaters”. This dropped the shark population, but because of this there was an interest in sharks, funding to research them suddenly increased. Scientist turned their attention on sharks while later on fed to informing the public, making them educated and less scared of shark attacks. Jaws came out in 1975... Shark Week on the discovery channel came out in 1988... there’s a reason, folks. People became interested in sharks. Yes, Jaws hurt the shark population but it’s slowly been going up. Damage takes time to repair. But it also brought about awareness. While the stereotype isn’t dead (that’s just humans at this point and it’s always been a stereotype ever since man was on a boat), it opened a conversation. And that’s the key point here. (Here’s a link. But you can go even further if you research)

Abusive relationships, manipulative people, toxic actions... these are nothing new. “Getting rid” of yandere fans will not solve this issue, just like telling your kid “there are kids starving in Africa” will not end world hunger. For the Jaws example, I point to the argument that politicians make about how video games create violent people. We know that it’s nonsense, you know it’s nonsense. But there is a fear of the “unknown”. People back then thought that cartoons like Tom and Jerry would cause kids to grow up violent. And even further back, people thought that reading books created lazy people. The fear on what’s on TV is a fear people had since the beginning of time. People aren’t as soft as they believe they are but they can lack information... Instead of shutting down people and censor what goes on TV, use it as a stepping stone for the bigger conversation. It’s a lack of knowledge and fear of the unknown that killed the sharks but it is knowledge that is now protecting them.

This is especially important for our younger peers. Raise of hands, who actually changed their minds as a teenager after someone called you stupid or told you “no” with giving a logical reason besides “because I say so.” I’m going to guess we got an empty room here. Attacking our younger peers or those who are older just because they like a character trope IS NOT HELPING THEM AND ESPECIALLY NOT MAKING THE ATTACKERS LOOK LIKE HEROES. THEY LOOK LIKE JACKASSES. Fuck man, the younger ones want acceptance and looking a supportive group by joining a fandom. Calling them toxic just pushes them to the edge these people never wanted them to be. The same applying to the older ones. We all got our issues and y’all never know what it is. That’s why I hate seeing people in our fandom gatekeep against our younger peers. They’re going to come in even though you say crap like “Lmaooo, my blog/game is 18+! Okay, byeeeee!” If you want to protect them then be their fucking guide, my dudes. You can have a mature conversation with them and explain the difference between fiction and reality and what’s wrong and right. “Yanderes are pretty cool, ay sport? But notice how that guy gaslighted the girl? That is a common tactic people do IRL. Be sure to recognize it as a red flag.” Fuck, is that so fucking hard for everyone? Some people act like they never grew on the internet during the early 2000s.Y’all were a teenager once. If what you’re doing wouldn’t help teenage you in the past, then you’re doing it wrong. Smh.

Finally, I do want to make a point for those who use coping reasons. While I do understand where you’re coming from, you guys are our most vulnerable to these attacks but also the reason for the attacks as well. It’s the mindset of “How could you support something like this?! You must be a horrible person.” I know a lot of people aren’t like that but also, we got bad apples... people who take this for coping reasons way too far. To them, I ask them to come back from the edge and let’s look for help together. Using yanderes to embrace “yandere tendencies” or rationalizing your abuse as normal isn’t the way. Use it to help you breathe and help you feel grounded but don’t let it define you... especially don’t make it a lifeline. As for those who know the difference and can separate fiction from reality, I applaud you but you got some work in helping those who are too deep. I’ve seen some of the yandere Tumblr group chats on the app. I’ll be real... YIKES. It’s a bit of an echo chamber. I ended up having to message a user on a side since I saw red flags in the group chat when I was lurking. People were trying to give the wrong help by encouraging their actions. Just... don’t do this y’all. I get you relate but don’t get your homie in jail or a court date for a restraining order.

Anyways, I’m sorry anon for pulling farther and farther away from you specifically since this is a big issue that everyone tackles and I’m also sorry that I can’t give you an “end all” answer. First, you can try having a civil conversation with these people. Try for the middle ground and if you feel like you can push further, then try to do a change of mind. But I know this is hard, especially when tensions build and emotions get heated. But it’s important to never explode that anger... or at least direct that anger into a logical response. The moment you explode and made an error of judgment, you will lose and suffer publically. If a conversation isn’t possible, then encourage these people to stay in their lane and unfollow you. Why the fuck are they following you if they hate the things you reblog? Sounds unhealthy... suggest some hobbies or blogs to follow instead. From there, if they try to continue the hate, just block them and delete the messages. As they say, don’t feed the trolls. Y’all may think you’ve seen all the hate anons we get but we get a lot more than what we answer. We just delete them because they’re typically incoherent or stupid. They don’t come back lol.

From there, anon, surround yourself with people who you find agreeable and who you relate to. A lot of yandere blogs are down for a talk, I’ll be real. Just be sure you open up that you want to be friends lol. So... yeah. I’m sorry this isn’t perfect, but I hope it helps. Don’t be afraid of being yourself!

#anon #yandere #male yandere #female yandere #feel free to reblog or share it with people #post it where ever you want #we aren't afraid of responses #Anonymous

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sepublic · 4 years

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Once Upon a Body Swap!

At first I thought this episode would be filler, and I was honestly all for it! Sometimes, regular slice-of-life shows without overarching plot points are good (although my love for the latter still remains)! And just about every episode we’ve gotten so far has been relevant to the plot and characters in its own way!

However, THEN Luz-as-Eda got arrested, and we got Lilith! I was excited to see her and just in general I keep thinking about her and Eda’s complex relationship, and it shows!

The last time we saw Lilith, she said that Eda’s days were ‘numbered’. At first glance this sounds like typical, ominous bad guy words. But really, if you take into account how Eda’s curse works and so forth... Really, it can be interpreted less as “I’ll get my revenge on you Eda!” and more “Eda, time is running out from this curse and if you don’t get help ASAP, things could turn out VERY wrong.”

And this episode basically proved me right! I was hoping for at least a mention of Warden Wrath when the Conformatorium was brought up, but then Lilith came in and showed us why she’s such an interesting character. She makes a big deal to Kikimora about how she’ll ‘capture’ Eda... But as soon as she has her chance, she immediately goes out of her way to grant Eda amnesty.

Obviously, it’s with a catch- She HAS to join the Emperor’s Coven. But Lilith doesn’t exactly frame it as “I do this and in return you do this”, she genuinely thinks the Emperor’s Coven is a good opportunity for Eda! And from the way she’s so excited to be with her sister, it really shows that she cares a LOT and has always been looking the other way, if not outright interfering, in order to keep Eda safe.

That being said, she does talk about Eda “no longer being a threat to society” or something like that, which... Yikes. Lilith means well but she can also come across as harsh and condescending. I wouldn’t be surprised if these sort of casual, off-handed remarks genuinely hurt Eda back when they were younger. Eda knows Lilith means well, but there’s probably this idea that Lilith still views Eda as a ‘problem’ to be fixed. Eda just wants to be treated with respect as a person, and I wouldn’t be shocked if her getting cursed led to discrimination and her falling out with ‘society’ as a result. Alternatively, Eda’s moral sense and belief in freedom was also what led her to rejecting the Emperor’s Coven. Either way, Lilith is making an effort but she also doesn’t seem to understand what Eda’s going through as well.

On the flip-side, I know that I keep appreciating how Lilith will always look out for her sister by the end of the day... But her rant at the end indicates some growing frustration. There may come a point where Eda’s rebukes cause Lilith to just snap and decide that, NO, she’s going to forcibly bring Eda along into the Emperor’s Coven so her sister can be safe and happy and accepted, and hopefully they can cure the curse! And, if we want to consider the potential parallels between Lilith and her protege Amity... I wonder if Eda herself was cruel to Lilith when they were younger? It could be a complex relationship of Eda always making Lilith feel ashamed and embarrassed, especially after becoming cursed and a criminal. But on the other hand, Lilith is no saint with how she ultimately still ‘others’ Eda in her attempts to reach out.

There’s this sense that the sisters both care for one another... But they’ve also got a lot of growing issues and insecurities that keep them from quite bridging the gap. They have different beliefs, different experiences, etc., and it’s possibly getting harder and harder for the two to reconcile.

(Sorry, I just... have a lot of feelings about Eda and Lilith. Lilith wants the best for Eda but she’s also a bit insensitive and willing to steamroll over what her sister has to say, dismissing Eda’s valid issues with the system and assuming the system will fix everything. Likewise, Eda may or may not be guilty of treating Lilith like a joke, pushing her away, and not taking her seriously. I just love them.)

Now, with THAT part of the episode out of the way...

I really appreciate the decisions for who switched with whose body in each scenario! Arguably, it’s like the main trio walked in the shoes of the one they sort of ‘knew the least’ in their own sense.

Take for example, Luz becoming Eda. Now, Luz already knows King, she frequently acknowledges the limitations of his stature, and has heard about his insecurities with being taken seriously, about wanting others to know more about demons, etc. The two are close.

Luz and Eda, however... Again, they’re close. But as the show itself teases, there’s really a lot Luz doesn’t know about Eda. She’s curious about Eda’s past, she wants to know more about magic and how Eda does it, and so forth. Eda’s admittedly a bit more prickly with Luz, unlike King.

Next, we’ve got King. King doesn’t need to walk in Eda’s shoes, he’s been with her longer than Luz and is a fellow fugitive. They’ve run from the law together, fought together, and were willing to go down together as early as episode 1. They clearly have a past and King knows what it’s like to be on the run, no questions there.

I mentioned earlier that King and Luz are definitely closer than Eda and Luz... But amidst it all, it’s important to remember that unlike Eda, he has very little understanding of growing up as a young teen, having the pressure of being bullied and ostracized, and so forth. Granted, King’s past is a bit of a mystery, but from the way he talks he’s never been in a typical school setting with other peers his age. He also doesn’t take her teenage problems seriously, because to him, Luz has had it easy and hasn’t quite lived on the run as a criminal like him and Eda. She still sort of IS one by virtue of ‘fraternizing with a criminal’, but not nearly to the wanted extent as Eda and King. To King, Luz has always had a support network from the beginning. Thus, he has more to learn from Luz, so he goes into her body.

Finally, we have Eda becoming King. I imagine she seems a bit of her younger self in Luz, being naive and impressionable and excited about magic. They’ve got parallels, she knows what it’s like to grow up as a teen and deal with other peers, etc. But while she knows King, she really doesn’t seem to get his whole ‘being small and fluffy’ deal. Luz has heard from King, first-hand, what it’s like to be small and not taken seriously. She’s heard King talk about not having others interested in what he has to say.

But while Luz heard all of this, Eda was a monster and had no recollection (nor was she even there to hear it). She and King are good friends, but she also doesn’t grasp what it’s like to have everyone immediately label you as cute and adorable... Growing up, and even now, Eda is only used to being treated as a freak and a deviant. To her, King’s situation DOES seem ideal... That is, until she receives the condescension and violation of personhood that he regularly goes through. In this case, the experience probably resonated a little too well.

I liked the dynamics of the swaps in this episode! It really gave characters the chance to explore one another in areas they didn’t quite grasp or couldn’t really relate to!

...On another note, is anyone else a little disturbed by this repeating trend of King being treated less as a person, and more like a pet or even toy to be owned? With Eda and Luz, clearly they value him as a person. But then you have people like Tibbles, Boscha, and those two creepy ladies, who treat King as something they can just buy and own. Tibbles in particular immediately nabbed King for himself without asking, even though Eda never consented to considering King as one of the things she ‘owns’.

I know King’s situation that Eda went through is a lot more specific and extreme than other cases. But in general, he seems to have this issue with just... Not being viewed as a person, not taken seriously and listened to as someone who has something to say. A lot of people think they can just casually override King’s free will and even just own him, just because he’s so small, cute, and ineffectual. It’s likely a very powerless and demeaning feeling that influences King to wanting more power, to desiring more agency and control over himself. He hates feeling infantilized, and while he DOES desire adoration, he wants it on his own terms. He doesn’t want to be adored because of his physical appearance, which he has no control over- King wants to be revered because of his ‘fearsome’ personality!

#the owl house #owl house #the owl house luz #the owl house eda #the owl house lilith #the owl house king #luz noceda #character analysis

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flyandfamousblackgirls · 5 years

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6 Things Intersex Folks Need to Know About How We Perpetuate Anti-Black Racism

1. The Segregation in Our Intersex Movement Is Real

The intersex movement has been mostly white since day one. Consequently, it’s necessary to ask ourselves if we’ve inadvertently created an atmosphere that urges Black intersex people to put aside their Blackness — and the oppression linked to it — in order to focus on our collective goals.

In creating this type of environment, it appears our community hasn’t yet been able to connect the dots between Black and intersex people’s oppression — which Saifa reminded me are both rooted in state violence — and our liberation.

Black intersex folks who’ve lived in isolation and have dealt with segregation in their daily lives shouldn’t have to contend with similar experiences once they’ve finally found, and entered our community.

I’m not talking about highly visible institutionalized segregation like the Jim Crow era when Saifa’s uncle, who was also intersex, was forced to sleep outside on the porch of his hospital after a surgery.

I’m talking about the low-key, harder to detect, segregation.

The kind that just takes for granted that the majority of people in the room will always be white. The type that may have a few Black and Brown faces sprinkled here and there, but on a vanilla frosted cake. Is there a path forward?

Sean Saifa Wall, a Black trans intersex activist and collage artist based in Atlanta, reflected on this question by looking back on his time spent as the former board president of an intersex non-profit. Saifa captured why increasing representation shouldn’t be the endgame.

“I think I made the mistake of thinking we need more people of color… but what does institutionalized white supremacy do? It brings in Black or Brown faces who won’t challenge white supremacy — and that’s how white supremacy perpetuates itself. You don’t need white folks to perpetuate it, you just need folks who are invested in white supremacy.”

When I was younger and mistakenly believing that whiteness was the norm to strive towards, I ended up internalizing racist ideologies and, as a result, never fully connected on a truly deep BFF level with my Black friends. Perhaps our movement, and its longstanding quest for acceptance, has created a similar divide.

The global intersex activist network consists, to my knowledge, of less than only 5 Black intersex activists. One of them is Saifa.

2. One’s Race and Intersex Identity Overlap

Born amidst racist flames that attempted to level his neighborhood, Saifa was brought up whilst his borough, The Bronx, was attempting to rebuild itself.

“When I was younger,” Saifa recounted, “I realized I had a different body. Then, due to interactions with NYPD, I was made to know that I was different in another way as well.”

As he got older, Saifa came out as queer, intersex, and trans to a mother — and a world — who wasn’t always ready or eager to respect his intersecting identities. Regardless, his Blackness, sexuality, and intersex identity were always interwoven.

“I cannot separate my intersex identity from my Black identity,” Saifa said. And he shouldn’t have to.

Unfortunately, I’m afraid our community hasn’t figured out ways yet to allow people to show up as their whole selves.

For instance, on the international level, it’s become a known issue that intersex activists from African countries don’t get similar amounts of representation, or speaking time at gatherings. And nationally, our support group meetings rarely, if ever, have been led by Black intersex folks or had sessions dedicated solely for Black intersex community members to come together.

It’s only in the past few years that single Black folks are sitting on boards, or in staff positions of our organizations. There’s also never been, to my knowledge, any Black clinicians present at our Continuing Medical Education (CME) sessions that happen before our support group conferences each year.

Race, especially as it relates to anti-blackness, feels as though it’s at times an elephant in the room.

For me, this elephant peeped its head out when I realized it had become a tradition for one of our non-Black community members, who I love and cherish dearly, to sing Macy Gray’s “I Try” — in Gray’s uniquely raspy voice — at the annual talent show, which is supposed to provide a fun contrast to the rest of the conference.

The audience, if it’s a diverse year, might have a handful of Black folks. This year, there was only one person. I can’t imagine how isolating that experience might have been for them.

And this bring me back to the story I shared at the beginning, about the person who had Obama on a hit list.

Often, racism perpetuates itself by wearing the mask of a “joke” or “fun,” but racism is never a joke and the mask just presents one more hurdle in calling racism out.

It’s time us non-Black intersex people become more aware of our whiteness problem.

We need to keep having difficult conversations about race and oppression every step of the way.

Most importantly, we need to show up the few Black intersex people we do have in our small community, and check in with them to see if there’s anything else we could be doing to have their back.

We can challenge white supremacy in our movement just by asking Black intersex folks in our community what they need to feel safer in our collective spaces.

For our movement to be successful, it’s imperative that Black intersex folks feels they can participate as whole persons.

3. We’ve All Been Dehumanized

The list of atrocities against people of color, especially Black folks, carried out by the medical industrial complex and other agents includes: “the father of gynecology” using enslaved Black people as surgical research subjects, being disproportionately targeted by the US’s eugenic sterilization program that served as a catalyst for Nazi Germany’s and today’s “population control”policies, and the shackling of pregnant women inmates — who are disproportionately Black — in labor delivering children whom they most likely will be immediately separated from.

Likewise, intersex people have been rendered hermaphrodites and featured in freak shows, gawked at as monsters to at on TV, disproportionately put up for adoption, pumped with artificial hormones, robbed of their reproductive organs and genitalia, selectively aborted, raped, and brutally murdered.

Lynnell, a Black intersex lesbian activist, was born intersex but raised male by a single mother in a low-income household. She grew up in Chicago’s mostly Black, hypersegregated, South Side where her family — unlike mine on the North Side — was forced to deal with the effects of the city’s racist public policy and divestment responsible for the destruction of local economies, public schools and affordable housing.

Hyde Park, a pocket of wealth and whiteness on the South Side and home to the University of Chicago (UofC) Hospital, is where Lynnell’s mother took her as a child for doctor appointments.

Lynnell shared memories of that time stating, “My mom wasn’t given the tools she needed to make informed decisions.” As Lynnell grew older, she also “wasn’t taken seriously at first by [her doctors] either.”

Low-income and single mothers of color, labelled unfit by society, experience discrimination. Lynnell’s mother went to U of C seeking care, not charity, for her child. Seeing a golden opportunity, Lynnell’s doctors manipulated her mother’s financial status and turned the situation into a charity case anyway.

“They told my mom they were doing her a favor because they weren’t charging her.” In the doctor’s mind, they were participating in an equal trade with Lynnell and her mother.

To Lynnell, it was torture. “For eight years, every summer, for at least a month, I was put on different drugs, experimented on, given unnecessary procedures and manipulated.”

Exploitation of marginalized people by the MIC for their gains, especially in teaching environments, has been well-documented. Exploitation specific to Black intersex patients has yet to be researched. Lynnell’s doctors, I imagine, took one look at Lynnell’s mother and decided a poor Black woman wasn’t powerful enough stop what they had in store for Lynnell.

“I don’t know many white people that were used as guinea pigs like me,” Lynnell said.

4. Doctor’s Aren’t the Only People Attempting to Erase ‘Difference’

Intersex people are pretty familiar with secrecy, shame and stigma thanks to the pathologization of our bodies. As such, it’s important we have spaces to process our stories with each other. Yet, it’s important to note that as oppressed people, we are still capable of participating in the oppressing others.

The few times I’ve witnessed our community attempt to break down white supremacy and talk about racism, white intersex people successfully shifted the conversation, almost immediately, back to a conversation that centers them and their experience with intersex oppression.

Spaces where intersex people get together and talk are rare, so it makes sense why someone would want to relate and process, but in doing so, we are inadvertently preventing Black intersex folks in our community from expressing their unique experiences.

Saifa recounted a time when he “was trying to bring up the topics of anti-oppression, racism, etc., in the movement and people lost their damn minds. People were like, ‘we cannot hear it.’”

He also shared, “Anti-black racism showed up when I went to South Carolina on behalf of the MC case [a lawsuit involving the parents of a young Black intersex boy and his doctors] and one of the lawyers was condescending, talking down to me as the only Black person in the room. I was constantly pushing back against his patriarchy and racism.”

He continued, “I feel like people don’t care about issues related to anti-black racism in the intersex community.

“I think there’s some intersex people who really see those intersections, who really are affirming of people of color, but for the large part I feel that the level of anti-black racism awareness ranges from hostility to apathy.”

I asked if people ever seemed to care and he replied, “When funding is involved. That’s when people start to care more. Or, when a group wants some representation of diversity—but I found they wanted a Black face, but weren’t necessarily committed to issues around anti-Black racism.”

As a movement, we can’t only focus on these issues when funding dollars are at stake. That tokenizes Black folks.

Instead, we have to stitch anti-Black racism training, and education around white supremacy, into the fabric of our work together.

Saifa pointed out, “In the world, I’m confronted with anti-Blackness, and it’s par for the course, but it’s particularly more devastating when it’s from intersex people. Why? Because I think, ‘Oh, you understand.’

“Or at least I think they understand, until they say or do things that’s really racist and are unapologetic about their racism.”

5. We Need an Intersectional Analysis to Combat Racist Stereotypes

One of the white people present at Lynnell’s first intersex support group meeting recently told her that she was “afraid” of her at first, “because [Lynnell] had on leather and dark sunglasses.”

I asked Lynnell why she entered that support group meeting dressed in leather, sunglasses, and the rest of her leather daddy alter ego outfit. She responded, “Because I was the only Black intersex person there.”

Lynnell shouldn’t have to feel the need to protect herself like that in a room that was supposed to feel like home, a room where she was supposed to be able to let her guard down amongst people with similar experiences.

Unfortunately, this is the type of thing that can happen when a community doesn’t have a firm commitment to operating with an intersectional lens — one that places its most marginalized folks at the center.

Lynnell needed to protect herself at a support group, and in doing so, made a white person feel afraid, circles back to my main point.

We need to place Black intersex folks and their particular needs, struggles and desires at the front and center of our intersex activism.

If we don’t, we risk ostracizing Black intersex folks, again, within spaces meant to be a reprieve from shame and stigma.

6. Confronting White Supremacy Means Confronting Disembodiment

Disembodiment, or feeling detached from your body, often happens as a coping mechanism in response to intense trauma. Intersex activist, Mani Mitchell, once described it as feeling like a “floating head tugging around a body.”

Saifa, someone I admire for their commitment to somatic healing work, believes that white supremacy is rooted in disembodiment “because you have to be disembodied in order to not allow your self to be impacted by the inequity or suffering of others.”

Regardless, Saifa thinks it’s “imperative that white intersex activists feel their feelings regarding any shame they may have as they interrogate white supremacy and its brutal history.”

“It’s only fair that white intersex activists start to acknowledge, as much as their embodiment can hold, the shameful and disgusting emotions that come up after hearing the bitter truth and realities of Black folks and people of color.”

“Doing this work is difficult,” he acknowledged, “and it can bring up things we’d rather not have to face about ourselves.”

Still, non-Black intersex folks need to “confront those feelings and allow themselves to be impacted, then hopefully they can be motivated to action, and allow that empowerment to impact others.”

In taking Saifa’s advice, we can create positive ripple effects throughout our whole community. Doing the work to steer our movement towards becoming an intersectional, anti-racist, intersex movement is a win-win for everyone involved!

#Intersex #intersex black women

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ayma-nidiot · 3 years

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“Don’t Speak Their Names” - Shrimpshipping fic Chapter 13

This chapter on AO3 can be found here.

Chapter 13 - 11 Years

~29 August 2005~

“Hum de dum…” Rex could not contain his happiness as Ptera drove Weevil and him to his first day of college. He had spent a good deal of that morning preening himself, and even wore his hair in a low ponytail for the occasion.

“I don’t know why you’re so proud of yourself,” Weevil thought aloud. Unlike his boyfriend, Weevil had been sleeping until about ten minutes ago. He was never the type to spend any significant time getting ready for something. He ate the breakfast that Ptera had cooked for everyone, hoping that his groggy head would go away soon. “Getting accepted via the waitlist isn’t exactly a great honour.”

“Ah, shaddap. I’m a student of Domino City University, and nothing’s gonna change that.”

Weevil yawned. “But did we have to get up so early? Our first class isn’t even until noon.”

“Yeah, but I heard there is a morning club fair going on. I wanted to check it out before class.”

Ptera parked the car into a spot; she had just barely beaten someone else, who flicked her off before driving for another spot. “Look at my little man, being such a proactive student already! Have a good first day, Rex! Don’t forget to call me if you need anything!”

Rex felt embarrassed as his mother kissed his cheek, and a few passing older students giggled watching them. “Mom, I’m not little anymore - in fact, I’m far from it. May I remind you I’m now so heavily pregnant that I’m wearing maternity clothes?” Rex gestured towards his baggy beige pants. He wore a black maternity shirt that said “Mamasaurus,” with a dinosaur on it that vaguely resembled Two-Headed King Rex.

Tears of joy formed at the corners of Ptera’s eyes. “You’re growing up too fast.”

“Okay, Mom, love you.” After a few more hugs and kisses, Rex and Weevil entered the grand courtyard, complete with a reflecting pond. As it was the first day of school - and on the day of a club fair, at that - the university had well over 20000 students this day. In the sea of wildly varying hair and skin colours, Rex recognized a few faces from his senior class. Naturally, they acted like the buffoons they were when they were still in high school. One even tried to take a dip in the reflecting pond before being chased out by a dean.

But other than that, most of the student body seemed dignified. He was pleasantly surprised to see that there weren’t just young adults in the student body, there were a few middle-aged and senior citizens too. He wasn’t sure how to feel about Amber suddenly coming at him with, “Hi, guys! So, you made it into university, Rex. Congratulations.”

“I’m not surprised that you made it too,” spoke Rex.

“Wiiiiith a full ride,” Amber practically sang.

“No need to rub it in. Again.”

“Plus, going to university is now free,” Weevil remarked. “Or have you not been watching the news lately?”

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop. If you’re here for the club fair, it’s just past the student union, which is pretty far from here. Come.” Amber didn’t like how both boys seemed hesitant to talk to her. Then again, she expected it, since they hadn’t contacted each other since their café visit almost a month ago, and the tiring battle that soon followed it. “So, how are things?”

“I’ve finally said goodbye to that sack of shit I once called ‘Father,’” Weevil replied. “And the best part is, I never have to see him again! Adelaide and I live with Rex now. Oh, yeah, Adelaide is my friend who taught me how to duel.”

“I see. I suppose some congratulations are in order.”

“It makes me happy not only to get away from that toxic man, but also to see the growth of my child.”

“Ah…” For the first time, Amber had noticed Rex’s baby bump, and stopped to touch it. “How fortunate for you.”

“Amber?” Rex looked at the raven-haired girl quizzically. Her face had taken on a longing expression he had never seen before. “You’re acting weird.”

“S-Sorry!” Amber quickly retracted her hand and continued the walk to the student union. “It’s so rude to touch a pregnant person’s belly without permission. I… That was wrong of me.”

“Dude, it’s fine,” Rex laughed.

The trio enjoyed a few more seconds of silence before arriving at the bustling student union. The first thing Rex noticed a giant mobile with a mosaic-like pattern hanging from the ceiling. There were so many different restaurants that he feared he would get nauseous again - so he was surprised to find out he still felt fine.

Amber pointed to a group that approached her. “I’ll tell you what’s not fine… These guys.”

“Hey, would you like to join Domino’s Finest Society?” spoke a red-haired man, who appeared to be the club’s president. He had a gaggle of other officers behind him in colourful, goofy garb.

“You sure sound full of yourselves,” Rex guffawed.

“Who asked you, ignoramus?” spoke the orange-haired vice president of the club, who put her hands at her hips. “We don’t need the opinion of the one who graduated at the bottom of Domino High School’s class.”

“Huh! Ignore him,” a green-haired young woman snorted. “Just his presence is befouling the room.”

“But you, on the other hand…” The purple-haired secretary placed his hand on Weevil’s shoulder. “We could use you. To think that the top two students of Domino High School would attend this esteemed university… How fortunate we are!”

“Beat it, ya freaks!” Amber snorted as she beckoned for Rex and Weevil to follow her. “Come on, you two, let’s not give them the time of day.”

“Uh… Okay.” As Rex turned to leave, he made sure to give the president a good grimace. “Amber, who are they? Besides people I would certainly like to smack upside the head right now.”

“They’re apparently a society of only the highest I.Q. individuals. Apparently, the founding president had an I.Q. of 300. A load of hogwash, that is. Even with my good grades, mine is only 150.”

“‘Only…’” Rex’s eyebrow twitched.

“So why didn’t you join them, then?” Weevil questioned.

“Because there’s this other club I’d much rather join instead. Let me show you!” With that, Amber led her friends past the Legalize Recreational Marijuana Club (Rex had to admit he was mildly interested in it) to a booth with various types of playing cards.

“Ta-dah! This is what I’ve been wanting to show you!”

Rex looked at the sign. “‘Domino Tabletop Gaming?’”

“If you like tabletop games, you’ve come to the right place!” The president lit up when he saw Rex. “We have traditional games, we have more modern ones… And you bet your bottom dollar we have Duel Monsters.”

“All right, I know which one I’m joining!” Amber picked up a pamphlet.

“What is this? The Amber of Domino High School has chosen us over Domino’s Finest Society?”

The president got so excited that he took Amber’s hands into his own, which she was quick to snatch away. “Don’t get any funky ideas, man.”

“Hehehe…” An approaching student temporarily distracted the president. “Well, hello there. Would you like to join Domino Tabletop Gaming?”

Rex wasn’t expecting to see Mako there. Unlike most of the members of the “Dweeb Patrol,” he found his presence to be just fine.“Oh! Mako Tsunami, I didn’ t know you were a student here. I thought you’d be off fishing in a new boat or something.”

“I decided to start taking classes here, hoping to be a marine biologist. While fishing as a side hustle, of course.”

“Then we’ll be schoolmates, then.” Weevil’s eyebrow twitched as he recalled his not-so-friendly, very brief encounter with Mako at Battle City. “Charmed. And we’ll be even more charmed to see you at the Tabletop Gaming Club.”

“Y-Yeah…” Mako scanned his surroundings, as if he were looking for someone. “Bummer. I thought that Espa was going to be here, but… I guess he won’t be joining the club after all.”

“It’s not like today’s a deadline to join a club,” the club president chuckled. “You can still tell your friend about it, and he can join if he’s interested.”

“Phew, thank goodness.”

“Why, did you have something you wanted to say to him?” Rex asked.

“I… um…” Mako began to act coy, very much unlike his usual proud demeanour. “I just wanted to apologize to him. I guess I’ll… um… just wait until the club meeting, then.”

“Hmm…” Rex raised an eyebrow as he watched Mako walk off. “I wonder if there’s something interesting going on between those two.”

“Even if there was, it’s really none of our business.” Weevil decided to change the subject. “Anyway, Mr. President… Sir, as a president of a tabletop gaming club, you should know something. I saw some really awry real visions a few weeks ago. They attacked me, but there didn’t seem to be any duelists nearby.”

“Real visions gone bad, you say?” The president scratched his chin. “I can’t say that any of my club members have anything to do with it. That sounds like something you’d need to bring up with KaibaCorp. But if it makes you feel any better, we can talk about it at the meeting.”

“Would you really? Thank you; that means a lot.”

“Anyway, nice seeing you!” The president waved at the three as they left for the nearby dining hall to get brunch. “Our first meeting is tomorrow at 7pm! We hope to see you there.”

“Hmm…” Rex took a look at the pamphlet while he let Weevil pay for their food. “The second day of school is a bit soon for a club meeting, don’t you think?”

“Maybe so.” Amber saved a table for her and Rex; before either of them knew it, the bug duelist was already out to get their food. “Weevil’s a kind young man, isn’t he?”

“I don’t know about that… We still get into quarrels about dueling strategies and such. And if you ask Yugi and his friends, he’s what you would call a ‘duelin’ disgrace.’”

“I wouldn’t have thought that with the way he treats you like a princess.”

As they conversed, the trio learned that they shared the exact same class at noon - freshman composition with Professor Dick Hwad. But that was the only class they had together at the same time. For obvious reasons, Rex had a much lighter schedule; he only had one other class that day - ancient history at 3pm. Weevil’s and Amber’s schedules were nearly identical, with calculus classes, anatomy classes, and a few other classes with such specific subjects that Rex didn’t want to try to understand.

After brunch, Rex, Weevil, and Amber took a seat at a small table in their freshman comp classroom.

“For this being a required class for all freshmen, it sure is a small one,” Amber noticed. “I’d say this room can’t fit more than 20 people.”

After about 15 minutes, the teacher had not yet arrived, even though it was the start of class. “Say, isn’t there a college rule that if the teacher is more than 15 minutes late, then class is unofficially cancelled?” Rex asked Amber.

“Keyword, ‘unofficially.’ And you’ll find out that’s just one of the many unwritten rules college students have made.”

Just then, the door barged open, and a man with goofy glasses ran to the podium. “Hello, everyone, sorry I’m late!”

Amber had already turned to leave the classroom, and the arrival of her professor prompted her to sit back down. As soon as he got himself settled, he returned to his dignified composure.

As Professor Hwad set up his PowerPoint presentation, Weevil whispered, “He sure seems like a scatterbrain, doesn’t he?”

“Yeah, well it’s better than being a dino brain.” Rex made finger guns at Weevil.

Ignoring what Rex just said, Amber replied, “He may seem like a scatterbrain, but he’s actually pretty smart. I heard he graduated this university when he was only 20.”

“Huh.” Rex looked at the first slide of the PowerPoint presentation; it appeared to be the class syllabus. He squinted at the materials list and raised his hand. When Professor Hwad called on him, he said, “I didn’t know ‘Internet’ counted as a class material.”

“You’ll find that unlike high school, college is technologically-oriented,” answered Professor Hwad. “Your assignments, as well as copies of my PowerPoint presentations, will be found on our class website.”

“Oh? Then why come to class?”

“Young man, if everyone in college could get by on just reading PowerPoint presentations, then everyone would pass. Plus, you will have in-class presentations as part of your grade.”

Rex sat back down, and didn’t like how Weevil and his classmates snickered at him. He never thought he’d hear that signature laugh of his again. “Haha! It’s only the first 20 minutes of class, and you’ve already made a fool of yourself. Good going, dino brain.”

Rex watched the rest of this presentation with a pouting face. Though that pouting face soon faded as Professor Hwad cracked a few funny jokes throughout - something that his high school teachers dared not to do. He never thought that a teacher could be strict and goofy at the same time, yet here he was. College can’t be this fun… can it?

Luckily, class was over 15 minutes before class was set to end, which gave Professor Hwad an idea. “Since you will be spending the next four months or so together, and since this class will involve a lot of group work, the last 15 minutes of class will be for an icebreaker. When it’s your turn, state your name, your major if you’ve declared it, and a few facts about yourself.”

A few of the introverts - Weevil included - squirmed at this idea yet didn’t feel brave enough to just up and leave. Rex, however, was as outgoing as they come. Even before it was his turn, he shot up and spoke, “Yup, I’m the one and only Rex Raptor, runner-up in the regionals! I love dinosaurs more than anything else in the world! And… uh… I actually haven’t the faintest clue what I want my major to be. Truth be told, I’m only here because Weevil is.”

“Yes, we know,” spoke a young male student from the table behind Rex. “We all saw you get your ass handed to you at that match.”

“Naw, I let Weevil win that one.”

Professor Hwad interrupted this quarrel. “Well, I’m glad we already have some sense of camaraderie. Speaking of Weevil, I believe it’s your turn.”

“Yes, well.” Weevil got up and cleared his throat. “I am the salutatorian of Domino High School’s graduating class, Weevil Underwood. And unlike certain dino brains which shall remain nameless, I have come to college to show the world how smart I am.”

“Hmm, maybe teaching would be a good profession for you, then.” Professor Hwad smiled. “We’re down to our last two people. And you, young lady?”

Amber stood up. “My name is Amber, and I graduated at the top of the class from Domino High School. I love Duel Monsters! By the way, if anyone wants to duel me, you know where to find me.”

Professor Hwad spoke through the men’s whistling, “And your major?”

“I already have declared mine to be Education - Life Sciences. I want to be a biology professor.”

“And at the tender age of 16!” Professor Hwad was clearly impressed. “The world needs more teachers, especially potential ones of your caliber. Thank you, Ms. Amber, you may take a seat.”

“Wow, Amber, I didn’t know that,” Rex also sounded impressed. “You should have told us.”

“I didn’t know you were only 16, either,” spoke Weevil. “I can see why you took the valedictorian spot from me.”

“Hehehe… Thanks, guys.” Amber stopped talking when she noticed the last person about to speak her piece. She was a middle-aged woman with mint green hair, tied up in a traditional Japanese bun, with traditional Japanese clothes to match. “Wow, what an unusual hair colour. The only people I’ve seen with hair like that are Espa Roba, and of course you, Weevil.”

“Speaking of Espa, we just might see him in one of our other classes,” Rex whispered to Weevil.

“Um… Hello.” This woman was clearly shy around her new classmates - embarrassed, even, for being the oldest student there. “My major is Biomedical Sciences. I want to be a doctor, even though I don’t know what kind yet. Some of you may be wondering why I’m so late into my college career. Well, I had an abusive husband, who kicked me out of the house 11 years ago.”

“‘Kicked me out of the house 11 years ago…’” Weevil pondered this woman’s words for a while, and his eyes opened wide. “That’s about when Mother was kicked out of the house!”

“My husband didn’t let me study when I lived in that house. All he saw me for was a housewife. The only thing I had in that house was my then-8-year-old son. I’m here today because I want to make a better career for myself, one that my son can be proud of.”

“What a story!” This woman’s speech moved everyone in the room - some even to tears - not the least was Professor Hwad. “Except it’s missing one thing. Your name.”

“My name is Camellia Kaiba, sister of the late Gozaburo Kaiba. My brother practically gave me as a ‘gift,’ if you will, to my husband to symbolize their new business partnership. But their one-upmanship got so out of hand that eventually, my husband left KaibaCorp to start his own company.”

“Well, we’re glad you’re here. We’re about five minutes early, but I’ll dismiss class anyway. Be sure to read the syllabus and check the class website! If you have questions, you may contact me through there.”

“Well, time to move onto the next enchilada, as they say.” Rex motioned to take a short break before his next class, but stopped when he noticed Weevil approach Camellia, and followed him. “Weeves?”

“Wait!” Weevil stopped Camellia just before she could leave.

“Hey…” Camellia stared into Weevil’s eyes. “Can… Can it be?”

Weevil knelt to the ground and immediately began to cry. “I… I… I never thought… that after 11 years, we would meet like this…”

“You’re…” Camellia knelt down, still not believing the sight of the person before her.

“Mother!” Weevil threw himself at Camellia, burying his face into her chest. “Oh, Mother!”

“Weevil, my son…” Camellia patted her son’s hair and cried too. “I’ve missed you… My sweet son, I’ve missed you so much. You’ve grown into such a handsome young man.”

After Weevil stopped crying, he let his mother wipe away his remaining tears. “Mother, there’s so much I want to tell you, so much I want to talk to you about. I’ve finally cut ties with Fa- with Roach. So has Adelaide.”

“Adelaide is with you?”

“Yeah, we moved in with Rex and his family.”

“Rex?”

Rex revealed himself. “That’s my name, don’t wear it out.”

“I didn’t know that this young man was a friend of yours.”

Weevil hadn’t prepared to meet his mother, let alone come out to her. But after all they had been through, he didn’t need to prepare himself. “Mother, there’s something I have to tell you. I’m a bit scared to do this, since Roach disowned me for it, but… I’m gay, and Rex is my boyfriend.”

“Ooh, you make a cute couple!” Camellia grinned. “In fact, I kind of thought that way after I saw you two hug after regionals.”

“You actually saw that?!” Weevil hid his face in his hands.

“Actually, I’m more impressed by the fact she started shipping us long before we became an item.” Rex winked, eliciting a flick on the nose from Weevil.

“You’re okay with it, then?” Weevil asked, still a bit nervous.

“That you had the courage to tell me just makes me all the more proud of you, son. I love you no matter what.” Camellia let Weevil cry on her shoulder again.

“Sooo…” Rex still tried to process the fact that he had just met his boyfriend’s mother in the strangest of circumstances. “If you’re Weevil’s mom, and you’re the sister of Gozaburo, then… that makes Weeves…”

“...the nephew of Gozaburo, and therefore the rightful heir to KaibaCorp,” Weevil finished.

“Whoa.” Rex blinked. “That’s wild. There’s still so much I haven’t learned about you, baby.”

“Ah! Thank you for reminding me. Mother, you’ll be glad to know that you’re going to be a grandmother. Rex is not only intersex, but he’s also 22 weeks pregnant.”

“Is that so?” Camellia curiously reached for Rex’s baby bump. “M-May I?”

“Of course.”

“Are you… Do you feel all right?” Camellia asked as Weevil put his hand on the baby bump too.

“Eh. My back hurts, and I have to go to the bathroom, like, every hour. But other than that, I can manage.” Rex stopped talking when he felt the baby move. “Oh! What was that?”

Camellia and Weevil felt it too. “Rex… I think… that these are our baby’s first kicks!”

“Oh, Weeves…” As if there hadn’t been enough crying that day, Rex shed his own tears of joy as he talked to his unborn child. He couldn’t be happier to experience yet another pregnancy milestone, especially with Weevil there to experience it with him. “I know, I know, you want out. Don’t worry, we’ll all get to meet you in another four months. And when we do, you’ll get the best party ever!”

Amber watch this scene from near the classroom door. The next class already started to file into the room. “So are you guys going to go to your next class, or what?”

“I’m right behind you.” Weevil started walking to the door, but not without asking Camellia, “What about you?”

“This actually is my next class. But here’s my phone number…” Camellia exchanged phone numbers with Weevil. “We can catch up later.”

“And I should totally invite her over, hehe.” Rex sat on a nearby bench after they left. “Amber, you’re more than welcome to join us, too.”

“...I have a class to get to, so I’ll catch you later.” And with that, Amber was suddenly gone.

“She doesn’t seem all too excited about the baby, does she?” Rex wondered out loud. “But whatever. I think, Weeves, that this is going to be a fun college career.”

#yugioh #shrimpshipping #mpreg #fanfiction #ygo #ryuhaga #rex raptor #weevil underwood #dinosaur ryuzaki #insector haga #I love love LOVE every single little cute thing about this pregnancy uwu

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