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pavlovs-drug · 3 years

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I would love to read about BPD Boxman..... haha, jk....... unless? 👉👈😳

hey anon? thank you for being a blessing. i am going to write this for you.

note before we begin: i am prof diagnosed with BPD. this isnt fetishization or self diagnosis and im not ‘armchair diagnosing’ either- im just pointing out symptoms i have that boxman also has! im also not using like a resource for this so some of my info might be wrong- feel free to correct me if i mess up! :)

basically i can start by breaking down stuff that boxman does that i also do. namely the black/white thinking (splitting) that bpd is sort of known for as well as abandonment issues, miscalculation of the closeness of relationships, erratic/impulsive behavior and attention seeking. some examples: the splitting: this is actually the easiest for me to show because it’s really obvious when its done. i think the best example of this is in lad and logic, when hes fixating on destroying the plaza he refuses to listen to reason, and swears off friendship entirely when he feels like hes been ‘betrayed’ by mr logic. often when people with bpd split they see things as strongly good/bad without anything in between, and in this case it would be ‘the plaza’ as bad and anything to do with it is enough for him to cut ties entirely with mr logic (not talking to him until thank you for watching the show, years later!) - also often, when people with bpd feel theyre being ‘abandoned’ they lash out and cut ties with the person first! there’s also lesser examples like how he can switch on a dime with how hes feeling about someone (namely the bots) and idolization (venomous) - not that either of those immediately indicates a bad relationship, i dont want that to be what people get out of this; boxman loves his kids and his husband, its just convenient that his kids are also technically immortal.

abandonment issues: again super easy for me to show. because its made really obvious! when presented with the notion that venomous was going to cut off their business partnership in we’re captured, but changed his mind, boxman reacts as follows:

“You… still… want my robots? You still…want me?”

this is actually something i’ve probably said line for line in real life lol. im sure there’s more examples too, but another one i can think about it is very early on in the series, in the second episode! this is more subjective though. there’s a scene where boxman is taunting KO, and i always thought what he said specifically was interesting.

“They found out you came here, K.O., and they're clearly seething with rage at having to waste their time rescuing a nuisance like you. “

i’ve always read this, and the lines that come after, of boxman projecting his own fears and experiences onto him. again, very subjective.

miscalculation of closeness: were getting into EVEN MORE subjective territory here so bare with me! when i said miscalculation of closeness i mean thinking that a relationship is closer than what it actually is. this can easily be shown when boxman hugs venomous at the door in we’re captured, despite only being business partners, and when he tries to hold dr.blight’s hand in the power is yours. (dr.blight also uses boxman’s emotions to easily manipulate him - thankfully venomous does not do this.)

erratic/impulsive behavior + attention seeking: i think this one is pretty much self explanatory, and there’s even an entire episode about it (stop attacking the plaza)! boxman has a lot of issues with self control, acting reckless and doing things without thinking of the consequences (and then feeling guilty afterwards) - another good example is boxman crashes, where he just sort of shows up at venomous’ place and wrecks it, and then feels guilty and makes it up to him by making that trike for fink :) he’s also really bad with money which ties into the impulsivity (and also is a very common trait in people with bpd)

anyways thank you for reading my absolute mess of a post. if anyone wants to add onto this i’d really enjoy seeing what you guys have to say!!! :D

#ok ko #ok ko lets be heroes #lord boxman #analysis #???#rambles

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chumpmagump · 3 years

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24 things you've learned about your 24th year on this planet. 1. After having lots of trouble with love and loss, I've learned I will be ok. Remember you are growing into the woman you are are piece by piece.. reclaiming the person you were before the rest of them thought it was okay to take you away from yourself and you thought it was okay to let them. Many will come and go, but you dont have to lose a piece of yourself with them. Be strong, don't let them. 2. It is okay to love someone but not like them. It is okay to have compassion and empathy yet still hold your ground that you deserve better treatment. Compassion is not synonymous with lack of boundaries. 3. After talking to your therapist and doing some hardcore reflection you know you show traits of bipolar disorder or borderline personality. Your therapist thinks its bipolar, you're pretty sure its BPD.. this hurts because BPD is stigmatised to the shit house - you would almost rather have bipolar. You work in a hospital where BPD presentations are rampant and you diagnose them in your assessments a lot. Your coworkers like to say things like '' we got another borderline up in ED...'' as if its a massive inconvenience. You feel kind of weird being a 'quiet' borderline because you function quite well but know you have this fucked up secret that you keep from others for fear of judgement. Your behaviour isnt affecting your functioning enough to warrant a diagnosis. But that doesnt mean your experience isnt true. You're good at recognising when your triggered and where it originates from, and actively pull back more and more from impulsive decisions. You can sit with your emotion at times and you've stopped abusing phenergan and have been self harm clean for almost a year now? so yay for you regulating more of yourself! 4. You realise searching for validation only leads to experiences of invalidation. Stop doing it. 5. You're good at empathising to a point where you find it hard to be angry at others for long, you sometimes tolerate too much because you can reason with the persons reasoning for acting the way they are. You shouldnt mistake this for respect, because its not. You still need self-respect. 6. Making spontaneous choices has led to some new experiences, like changing jobs, moving towns, meeting new people. You've learned you've missed out a lot in your last 5 years of 20 hood because of fear of rejection/anxiety/ unsafe situation phobia. but now thats all you want to do, you fear staying static for too long more than you do change. You're ready for new exciting things. 7. Friendships matter way more than romance ever will. Build your friendships and you will always feel connected and OK no matter what the status of your dating life is. 8. Going for solitude car trips with your music blaring, singing meaningfully, on a road in the dark to no particular, with no particular deadline is your muse. You spend a lot of time in your thoughts and with yourself, and sometimes you imagine being in company when the loneliness hits. But funnily enough when company does finally arrive, you yearn for the space you had with yourself. Honour that time. 9. What you make of this life literally doesnt fucking matter. You will be born again. You will never get another chance to be in this body, with this family, with these friends, in this place, at this time though. Do whatever you can to enrich your experience and dont worry about if other people are having a better time. Concern yourself with your own experience. 10. You validate yourself. Stop asking your friends what you think you should do about a situation, dont feel the need to tell them every situaiton thats going on with you to hear their perspective. Listen to your own voice. You dont listen to her enough. 11. You dont actually have to put up with people being rude to you anymore, you can voice that things bother you. You're not quite there when it comes to friends you dont know too well.. or family you know blow up easily, but you're less of a people pleaser somewhat and i'm proud

of you for that effort.

12. You realise you need to stop seeking validation that others have hurt you. If it hurts it hurts. Simple as that. 13. Trust a person by their actions waaaaaaaaaaaay more than their words. And give a person 6 months. They tend to send their representative first for a while. 14. Sometimes you dream up people without knowing first who they are. Its ok to do this but don't be surprised when they dont fit the version you had of them in your head. Sometimes living in fantasy is far more intoxicating than what comes to fruition. Sometimes i wish i only knew some people for the period of time where they were warm to my heart.

15. Keep going to therapy, its doing amazing things and slowly but surely helping you change your procedurally learned patterns of behaviour including the desire and panic to want to fix social relationships that sometimes shouldnt be fixed. If someone did something shitty to you, and they are upset with YOU , for whatever reason- this does not mean what they did to you is void. It may even mean they are deflecting and gaslighting you. Get out of there and you know dont like goodbyes of any kind. so in this case slowly drop off contact. 16. people cant read your mind with how your feeling, so tell them.. what they do with that information is on them after that.

17. you dont have to take pictures of everything. You will remember the experience more if you dont. 18. Drink your damn coffee!! its not going to stain your teeth anymore. you are so diligent with your skin and teeth care, you deserve to live a little.

19. Dont have sex with friends, just dont. its messy.

20. Just because someone doesnt choose you, doesnt mean you arent good enough. It means they're blind, theyre not meant for you, or better doors are opening. Sometimes you need to shut a few doors for some to open. Trust the process. 21. Its time to start doing the things yu have said you were going to do for years. Its time to sign up for that dance class, its time to start writing again (and you have been!), its time to start stretching (and you have been!), its time to finish your courses (and you have been chipping away!). The best thing is you are so motivated right now to do all of these things. They no longer feel like words, they feel like happenings. 22. Your body and mind is so much stronger than you think. You are managing a 23 + caseload, and working across emergency and intake. You sometimes dont have a lunch break and work 9 hour days at times. You still have the ability to relay information and type notes at great speed, connect with clients at a great depth and come to eat, shower and have been dedicating time to study and friends. Your body is a machine, and you are so much more robust than you give yourself credit for. People look at you and see a small petite typical white girl, but you are strength! 23. You have learned sex can be a safe and very enjoyable experience this year very recently. Even though the partner turned out to be a careless character emotionally within the friendship, you were able to experience what it was like to be that connected with someone sensually in such an intense way which was a first for you. Now you know what kind of sex you like - well you always did but now you know it exists. Good for you.

24. You spend the most time by yourself with yourself. Validate your own experiences and try to interrupt the fantasy that you should be waiting for someone else to enhance or witness it. i know you like to think about what it would be like to sing in the car with someone next to you, or to laugh about a ridiculous vine and hear someone elses laughter drown out your own, or to dance around your house and have someone watch you in awe... but its okay to be your own witness. This is one is probably the hardest ones of them all... All you've ever wanted is to feel seen. You fantasize about it all time, you live in fantasy because atleast you can always feel seen there. You're not so sure if you put yourself out there you'll leave feeling more discarded and invisible than before. This way its safer. It's time to witness you. It's time for 25. A year full of spontaneity, new experiences, enhanced friendships, self validation and enormous growth.

It's finally time to stop hiding from people, pleasurable experiences and desire.

It's time for 25.

#august 2021 #birthday #reflections #journal #25th

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srvphm · 6 years

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définitivement one of the most cursed things here is children self diagnosing personality disorders based on posts other children who self dxd a pd made.

#im not anti self dx but im self dx critical #and listen as someone who actually has a pd... (prof dx) im not sure i believe pds are something you can self dx #yes i know we as neurofivergents have much more insight than nts and the medical system give us credit for #and qe can be extremely self aware and we can self dx good sometimes #you know when its done proprely with research and thinking and introspection and time #not cause you relate to bpd feelz posts or kin a character you hc as npd or whatever #but the thing is. a personality disorder is a /perdonality/ thing #that just seems like way too big of a thing to have enough insight on esp if you have no knowlege of mental health other than self taught #like depression or bipolar disorder are mood disorders. thats one part of you youre supposed to be aware of and examin #eating disorders are about eating thats another small part of you youre supposed to be aware of #anxiety disprders are about anxiety aka an emotion aka smt else you can be perfectly aware of #personality tho... you require an outside perception hell part of the criteria is a lack pf self awareness for a lot of symptoms #cause your persobality is you you can only detach yourself from it so much to examine it #mood eating emotions etc. are all parts of you #your personality is You #you can recognize traits of pds you can suspect a pd you can question about having a pd all by yourself #but how could you surely diagnose it #and dont come for me saying its ableist or whatever cause not everyone can access a doctor or a professional #im very aware of that but it does not changw the fact that if something is impossible it is impossible and unfortunately many people #will go undiagnosed #auch a thing only shows the system is faulty in many ways bc it does not serve those who need it #self dx can only go so far unprofessional and uneducated opinions and observations can only go so far #its not ''gatekeeping'' to be aware there are limits #there are many illnesses mental or not that are factually un self diagnosable becausw they require a lack of self awareness to exist #and i think that personality disorders are of that category #and i speak as someone with a personality disorder who used to self dx other personality disorders #and who has not had an easy time by any fucking means finding medical attention and a diagnosis

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theboykingofhell · 7 years

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raven boys

WHIMPERS AS HIS HEART SWELLS WITH LOVE AND HE EXPLODES

raven boys more like the most neurodivergent boys in the south

gansey: ah i neglect gansey so much as a character which i think is a fault of the narration but also, like, the point of his arc... boy is dying of anxiety every second of his life. he’s also SO. SO. UM. SO PTSD UM... ANGEL...! he canonically hallucinates because of his trauma, yall, he’s actually literally a psychotic and i love him. i also think adhd+autism is a good fit for him, don’t you think i can ignore his hyperfixation/special interest that is welsh history. and he fidgets constantly and he just. is. cuutee. he definitely has a problem with cognitive empathy while also feeling so much for his friends. i would also give him bpd AND hpd because, 1) it’s impossible for this boy not to be cluster b have you seen him, 2) what is my identity who am i??? 3) what ISN’T a sense of self hi i’m richard campbell gansey the third the most fakey fake individual in the world who has carefully and carelessly shambelled together a million fancy aesthetics and traits so that you love me haha pls love me haha pls love me 4) honestly i can talk about gansey’s histrionic and borderline tendecies forever dont tempt me i accidentally kept bold on

ronan: hey! while i’m here wouldn’t it be so much better if ronan was a black boy considering so much of his characterization would have actually been perfect and revolutionary despite maggie stievacter and all the well-meaning-but-tragically-incorrect white ppl like her think otherwise but that’s a post for another day lol ANYWAY he’s been diagnosed as antisocial. it doesn’t mean he IS. it doesn’t mean he isn’t. but umm. ronan is put through the wringer tbh people glance at him and make the worst judgements based on him, and based on his criminal record and tendencies for violence, man... anyway if you didn’t think i was making this boy schizoaffective you don’t know me hi. i would also give him bpd, i would give him c-ptsd, i would give him adhd, i would give him psychotic depression on TOP of his schizoaffective-ness like, yeah, that’s right, ronan’s DEPRESSION has got fucking depression, he’s drowning in it. listen ronan does not stay in therapy enough to get a proper actual diagnosis, he gets those rly annoying brief ones where you talk for 45 minutes and then they’re like ‘you have this’ and you go ‘cool’ and then you leave and then 2 years later after you try and jump off a building you see another therapist and they’re like ‘actually you not only have this but you ALSO have that’ and you’re like cool and then you get arrested and sent to another therapist i’m not projecting my high school experience on him YOU are

adam: p...t...s.....d............................................................................ and bipolar type 2 like i want to be clear that he goes through depressive cycles FAR more often than hypomanic ones. i think, because, let’s be real, would adam.. ever.. want to admit to himself that he needs psychiatric help... that it’s the type that will later progress into bipolar 1, and then later progress into something worse, again, adam has canonically hallucinated before so. he also has a problem with dissociation which is def linked to his trauma but i want to make a POINT of that, that, this is something that i think also gets worse before it gets better, and that adam’s mental illnesses will end up mashing together and manifesting into something rly severe (meanwhile ronan is getting a lot better and his starts to settle down over time..). i think he’d also be pretty susceptible to an eating or sleeping disorder, or psychosomatic illnesses which makes me rly sad (refusal to accept what he has and constant repression of his symptoms leading to him having actual physical health problems oh god my heart my baby..)

noah: AH NOAH MY POSTER CHILD FOR ADHD. speaking of projecting my high school experiences on trc characters (and i am sorry that literally every hc i have is ‘they have bipolar’ but, like, they all do) but did you know! that! sometimes if they only treat your depression without treating your mania, you can get stuck in a PERPETUAL MANIC MOOD SWING for, uh, ever? haha. hi noah. he has very supportive parents but that’s kind of causing his downfall, i see noah bein on a LOT of the... not-as-correct-as-they-could-be meds but also skipping them and crashing a lot but also abusing drugs a lot (is that a canon thing? well now it’s a canon thing).. you can induce bipolar through drug use tbh so i think that’s pretty much what happened... i think he also has seasonal depression and winters are Hell for him so he just SPRINGS up once spring comes along, pun not intended. he’s also got some general anxiety but compared to everything else, it wasnt too bad...! still existed tho. this is all when he was, ahem. alive. by the way. yeah.

henry: um hello can we get a beautiful ptsd+hpd+npd angel up in here wow hello henryyyy.... congrats on being the only raven boy with the ability to concentrate and VAGUELY have a stable mood... oh, what’s this... sleep disorders out the wazoo??? NOICE. anyway, i think henry just is insomniac af (like more than all the others, tbh, when do any of them fucking sleep the answer is never).. i think he gets night terrors a lot too but i think henry is also the most well adjusted when it comes to his orders so he approaches them more as a ‘haha! another night, another moment being suspended in the flaming bowels of hell!’ thing than anything that really... hinders... also think he had a bout of some sort of ED when he was younger and he recovered from that yay henry, so good

#i didnt do blue even tho i wanted to do blue becuse blue's characterization ESCAPES ME and also i think she's. the. most. neurotypical #like she's NOT but she's not. the. boys. blue and her raven disasters..#the raven cycle #nd hcs #Anonymous #ask tag

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danielnelsen · 7 years

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lmao i love when my sister and i have really good chats about psychological stuff. i asked about her opinions and we’re both pretty much certain that our mum has ocpd (i was pretty sure before but hearing her reaffirm that is good, especially since she’s not the type of person to take that kind of thing lightly, like, uh, some people may do *awkward cough as i remember what site im posting this on*). we started talking about other personality disorders and personality traits and it’s so reassuring to hear that she also relates to a lot of narcissistic traits. while im pretty sure neither of us have enough of them or have them to a significant enough degree to actually have npd, we discussed that for a while and are pretty certain that we have those traits because of how our mum has treated us while growing up. she’s basically enforced these narcissistic traits onto us by trying to ‘other’ us and alienate us from everyone; trying to build us up as better than everyone else. i mean, that sounds good in theory (make your kids feel special!) but not to this extent where we feel like anything that isn’t perfect is a failure and we must always be superior to everyone else.

i think it’s important for people to remember that every disorder is on a spectrum, too; like, if you don’t have a specific disorder it doesn’t mean that you’re completely fine. what im trying to say by that is that you dont need to meet a diagnosis of something to have significant traits of it that cause you problems (eg, the narcissistic traits cause me a lot of problems, but i almost certainly dont have npd). just because you dont meet a specific (or any) diagnosis doesnt mean that you cant benefit from self-awareness and self-improvement (and i guess the main example on this site is bpd where a lot of ppl have significant traits of it that are maladaptive, but probably wouldnt meet full criteria). the important thing to remember here is that just because you dont specifically have a disorder doesnt mean that the treatments for that disorder wont help you (eg, dbt can help ppl with traits of bpd, not just ppl with bpd). i think that’s something especially important to remember when considering that you might have a disorder, bc if you’re sure you have something then you’re more likely to subconsciously accept those traits as part of yourself, which will let them get worse than they otherwise would (ie, if you dont have the disorder then you’re actually more likely to develop it bc you assume you will..idk it’s a complicated explanation that i dont have time for)

anyway that was a random tangent related to our discussion about how depression, anxiety, and ocd have an outrageous degree of heritability in my family. while i would definitely be diagnosed with various types of those three disorders (if my psych would actually diagnose me 😒), my sister wouldnt, yet she still has significant traits of them. but yikes ocd traits are so blatant in my family lmao it’s ridiculous. so much hoarding and strange obsessions and preoccupations. fun fun!!

#personal #long post #text heavy #mental illness #my mum also definitely has some form of depression and blatantly denies it ugh #so id never consider the possibility of raising the idea of ocpd with her noooope #and then my dad had severe social anxiety as a child and adolescent and young adult #he's also got huge hoarding tendencies and i think there's some of that on my mum's side too #depression is definitely a thing on my mum's side tho looking at her cousins #we just spent like 3 hours having this discussion yikes

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neurodivergentsupport · 7 years

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Anonymous said to neurodivergentsupport: hey so, pls help; im not sure if i have DID or not? i dont think i have severe childhood trauma, and my headmate hasnt been with me that long. I wasnt multiple until like a year and a half ago (im 16 now for reference.) we're not even sure how he got there, and we dont remember any kind of first contact, he just kind of wasnt there and then a month later he was a normal part of life. he believes he was reincarnated into this body with me after dying in a past life. (1/2) All i remember was that it took a while for us to "peel apart" our separate consciousness? basically, it took a while before we stopped getting confused about whose thoughts were whose. Now, we are distinctly separate but we still have full access to one another's thoughts. Steven (my hm) spends most of his time sleeping or half-conscious, and fronting makes him very tired. basically what im asking here is this: do i have DID? if not, then what? where did steven come from? (2/2) thanks

Hey anon! I’ll have to preface this by saying that I don’t have any headmates/alters so I’m not 100% sure about what it’s like to be (part of) a system. However, I do know that DID is usually only diagnosed if there is dissociative amnesia--basically, when you’re not fronting, you don’t have any memories of that time period--and when there are two or more fully seperate alters. If one or both of those criteria aren’t met, you can still qualify for a diagnosis of OSDD (otherwise specified dissociative disorder) which is applicable if you have facets, alters, or headmates but don’t fit all the criteria for DID. Also, I think BPD can include alters in its presentation but I’m not sure if that’s because it’s often comorbid with DID or OSDD or if it’s a part of being borderline in and of itself. Also, I think it’s possible to be a system without having experienced trauma, but also I think that it might be possible that someone could experience trauma and their mind repressed the memory, or they downplayed it as being ‘not traumatic enough’ or are in denial. Of course I have no way of knowing if that is the case for you, but i thought it might be worth mentioning. From what (admittedly limited) knowledge I have on system formation, what you described (’peeling apart’, confusion, co-conciousness) is relatively common in the formation of new headmates. As far as where Steven came from, medical models explain being a system as a dissociation and compartmentalization of memories, experiences, and personality traits, forming an entirely different consciousness (personality/alter/headmate) from the host. If you’re looking for a more metaphysical answer, I’m probably not the right person to ask, I’m not a spiritual or religious person in the slightest. What’s most important with regards to that is, what makes the most sense and brings the most happiness to you and Steven? there is no right or wrong answer apart from something that is actively harmful. As a psychotic, I’m no stranger to beliefs that most people don’t understand (including myself, most of the time), so basically anything that isn’t harmful is just as valid as anything else--it’s just a way of trying to make sense out of chaos.

The most important thing with any neurodivergence is arguably how you deal with it. It seems like you and Steven have built up a rapport, so that's good! Keep an open dialogue about everything relevant to this stuff so you can decide how to proceed from here. It’s possible that more headmates will emerge over time so it’s important to keep each other well-informed and have a system (ha!) in place for that. If you want to assimilate, that’s a valid option, and if you want to stay a system, that’s another valid option. I’ve heard of systems that will delegate tasks based on individual strengths and preferences, so that could be handy. Have each other’s backs (ha!) you’re in this together! <3 I love you and you’re valid!

Since that’s about the extent of my knowledge on systems and DID, I recommend getting in touch with dissociative-specific blogs and doing some research to try to get a clearer understanding of what’s going on. Also, any followers want to help? Other mods? Reply, ask, or comment!

(note: im not a system/part of a system, so if i get anything wrong or said something offensive please let me know!!! i don’t want to speak over anyone or say something problematic.)

-Lorax <|:)

#Abuse Support Answers #trauma cw #did #dissociation #systems #osdd #alters/headmates/facets #the 'otherwise specified dissociative disorder' is a link btw

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