#and i mean i just miss him what can i do

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

I want it back / I drag its dead weight forward.

#Better drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #digital art #This was a style experimentation doodle that took on a life of its own. #In a way it is a great example of 'beautiful failure'. The original goal was to try a pure black and white contrast piece. #Which I very much failed at doing. Not quite ready for that! However what this turned into is something I like a lot! #Different but in a way that really pushed me as an artist. A little less simple; a little more proportional. #I was also recently thinking about LWJ's grieving that we only catch glimpses of. #LWJ grieved his first love for 13 years. His love that was never reciprocated. #He chose to dedicate his heart to that mourning and most painfully of all - he did so knowing there was no end to that grief. #Wei Wuxian comes back to life in MDZS but that is an exception. Not the expectation. #He was dead. Not missing. Not 'maybe in hiding'. He was dead and his spirit unreachable. #Jiang Cheng went forwards with denial but LWJ takes that grief on. He copes by continuing to carry the weight with him. #Let me be clear. Neither are healthy approaches. It is a way to cope but it does not mean that is healing or healthy. #Grief is loved transformed but it is also about endurance and letting go. Grief can change you. You can also change your grief. #It isn't a good or evil thing to experience. It is just an experience.

[jahiera]

see the thing about Astarion to me is I don't actually think he has a clue who he actually is beneath all of the everything he's got going on. he's got impulses, he's got drive, a will to live, he's got desires and amusements and cravings, but an actual selfhood?? no. there's a blue error screen where the person of him should be, the person -- whoever that was, I'm personally of the mind he likely wasn't good then either, but we'll see where the story takes us -- before Cazador. the man in front of us today is this mishmash of interior delight at freedom and sunlight but also capable of true unapologetic cruelty and willingness to be ugly in a multitude of ways. so he follows the impulse. he follows what intrigues and amuses, and nothing will take that freedom from him again. and he reflects back onto others the violence that was done unto him. a lack of power kept him down? now he wants to accumulate power, so it can never be turned on him again. but he also misses the sun while he's underground. he's mean and desperate and ruthless and it's interesting because he's unapologetic about it, he's unflinching about it. he's vindictive and mean and desperately floundering around throwing stuff at a wall to see what sticks in terms of personhood because who is he now. 200 years of horrific servitude and now he's just out and about and he's in the mud.

and he can be horrible. and yet when you take the routes of prying open the faaairly shallow veneer he has of smug and snark and snappiness, he'll give you pieces of the raw and the desperate -- "I want to know what the world sees when it looks at me. what you see." is a line you only get if you're earnest with him. any other path in the dialogue will have him continue the shallow persona you've come to know. and in all of that I think nothing is "this is real, this is an act," set in stone because I just don't think he even knows, I don't think he has a CLUE what's his and what's the protective measures and what's the real delight and what's the cruel mockery of his surroundings and what he's willing to give vs what he needs to hide vs what he lets slip out on accident. the inconsistencies in his own ideas and what he says and what he does. I think most everything about him is in a weird place of deeply uncertain. is it a lie? is it a glimmer of truth? for me, I like to interpret him in this weird menagerie of half-truths and shallow lies and omissions, because we've only known him a short while and maybe also he doesn't even know the answer yet. who is he? fuck if HE knows. anyways. smash.

#this is NOT coherent or well put together I'm just chewing on him right now like a dog toy in my brain #I do think it's so vital to not miss the point that he's shallowly horrible in so many ways #like. objectively. #not that I don't love the 'I can fix him' but imagining him soft diminishes the character for me #It feels VITAL to him that he's gnarly in so many respects. and yet floundering and insecure in so many others #self-preservation at all costs but what are you preserving babyboy! you have no clue only that you must protect yourself #he approves of and finds amusement in minor cruelties in a way that feels so .... soooo .... #I don't know. like if he can turn it on someone else that means /he/ is finally beyond the reach of someone doing it to him #because as soon as it's done to him he goes OFF THE RAILS #call him a slave and he shows a startling aggression that is fairly rare (he doesn't often yell -- merely sly and slink and snarks and digs #it's just. HIM. #I'm putting him in the microwave for around 4 minutes to see what comes out. #astarion #bg3 meta

[todayisafridaynight]

#rgg #ryu ga gotoku #ryu ga gotoku 7 #yakuza series #yakuza like a dragon #yakuza 7 #masato arakawa #ryo aoki #snap sketches #AH jumpscare #i aint drawn aoki or masato (funny as hell i have to distinguish) in forever BYYYYYEE i miss him. i want him to be even more dead #my favorite genre of masato art is aoki killnig him so its my turn to do that. kinda. in spirit #Understandably its always aoki as the aggressor but i wanted to ask myself Can I Flip It #evidently aoki wasnt happy even with all of his power and all.. it makes me wonder how much his self hatred exists in aoki #A LOT EVIDENTLY LMAOOO but im having issues trying to articulate what i mean #aoki is very much a persona Fake Through And Through so sometimes i wonder if aoki ever gets tired of having to act all the time #he's on edge all the time and constantly trying to figure out how to use people instead of just. chilling LMAO GROW UP #he refuses to let himself be genuine and vulnerable with others yet at the same time he wants the love that comes with that #sure his new persona gives him the life he wanted but its gotta be wild to think 'people only like me for what i can do for them' #its hard to accurately describe what i was thinking while drawing these i just know i like rattling masato in a can #there's just so many layers to him it makes my brain itch SOOOO bad #having the love and sincerity he said he always wanted but not being able to see it because of his own self hatred... wild... #relatable... im gonna throw up... he still sucks tho lol...... #ok bye im gonna contemplate drawing something moody cause i guess it's a moody sunday idk sue me

[jtl-fics]

Fluent Freshman - Part 44

PREV

The flight up to New York is a pleasant one.

The time in the airport itself had been less pleasant. Matt, as it turns out, is a firm believer in arriving with just enough time to check a bag, get through security, and get to the gate. He had claimed up, down, left, and right that he had it down to a science.

No matter how many times Smith had wondered about the scientific rigor of this 'science' he still kept it to himself. There was no need for Smith to voice his uncertainty with this plan because Kevin well and truly had it covered.

"You're giving us only an hour to check bags, get through security, and get to our gate?!" Kevin demands.

"Kevin, if you wanted to be there earlier then you could have asked Andrew to give yo a ride." Matt says. "We'll be fine."

"You know what Neil and Andrew get like when they have a long roadtrip ahead of them." Kevin argues.

"All lovey-dovey?" Nicky asks as Aaron makes a gagging sound.

"No, well yes, but no they always stop and buy all of the worst food too." Kevin reminds. "I'm just concerned about us missing our flight! We have barely enough time!" Kevin huffs crossing his arms.

"You're wrong anyways." Aaron says idly as he continues to text with Katelyn.

"How am I wrong?!" Kevin demands.

"We also have to park within that hour that Matt has left us with." Aaron says looking up from his phone.

"Matt!" Kevin squawks.

"It'll be fine." Matt reassures for the 2nd time.

"We all have checked bags!" Kevin exclaims, "What if we miss our flight?!" he wails.

"It'll be fine!" Matt repeats.

"No it won't!" Kevin exclaims.

---

It was fine.

The only real delays they met were at security.

Smith prided himself on being efficient in the security line. He has his watch off, his phone and ID secured in a zipped jacket pocket, his backpack and electronics in separate trays, and his shoes ready to be slipped off.

So he was shamed to have been the cause of the first delay when the TSA agent wouldn't wave Smith through the metal detector since she didn't realize he was there. That had been a whole anxiety attack and a half as the line had formed up behind him all wondering what the hold-up was.

Finally she seemed to startle as she realized that Smith had been standing there waiting and waved him through.

The other delay was that Kevin got patted down after he had forgotten to empty his 'emergency' water bottle.

It was probably for the best that they didn't have to be in the airport for that long. Every announcement that it was very important to not leave your bag unattended made him worry that with every blink somehow someone had slipped a bomb into his backpack.

While it was on his back.

As he was running with the rest of his friends to their gate.

"It just had to be the gate on the other end of the terminal." Aaron huffs.

"It would have been 100% perfect if someone hadn't left their water bottle in their bag despite the, let me check, 3,820 signs that said remove all liquids from your carry-ons!" Matt says as they continues to run.

"I said I forgot!" Kevin yells back from his spot at the front of the pack. Smith was under the distinct impression that Kevin was keeping pace with them since he had seen the Striker move much faster on the court and during warm-ups.

"We could have forgiven that!" Nicky pants, "Why did you have to slam the whole thing to prove that it was 'just water'?" he asks.

"Because I wanted to prove I wasn't a national security threat!" Kevin says. "I'll be going to the Olympics in a couple years and I can't have that on my record." he continues as he rounds a corner.

"What record?!" Smith asks suddenly worried that there was a record.

"Smithy, there's no record Kevin's just an idiot. An idiot who got patted down, tested for explosives, and had his carry-on searched." Nicky huffs.

"You don't know that there's not a record! The record everything nowadays!" Kevin huffs and their gate is in sight.

"Kevin, just shut up!" Aaron exclaims as they reach the line for their flight.

"Wait why aren't any of you getting shitty with Smiths?!" Kevin asks.

"His delay was like a minute and more importantly NOT HIS FAULT!" Nicky defends.

"He should have just walked through!" Kevin argues.

"Oh it's fine if he gets a record but not you?!" Aaron asks.

"So there is a record?!" Smith asks again.

They reach the line and the largely empty area around their gate is more than enough evidence that this was the final boarding. Smith breathed a sigh of relief as he took his place in line behind Nicky.

"The lines pretty slow, I'm going to go get a water." Kevin says and before any of them can say anything he is off towards a busy looking Newsweek store.

"I cannot believe him." Aaron huffs.

"All that water he just drank and is about to drink? He has lost window seat privileges." Matt pants wiping sweat from his brow.

"Agreed." Nicky says.

Smith laughed between panting breaths. His stomach hurt a bit from the stress of running but it was fine.

They get on the plane without Kevin and head to their seats. Most of the overhead storage is taken up at this point but Smith slides his bag under the middle seat in front of him after Matt

In the end, Kevin barely made it onto the plane in time since he got caught up in deciding on water. "You're in my seat." Kevin says as the only man not yet seated.

"I am not about to spend this flight getting up every 2 minutes because you have to pee." Matt says, "Abby didn't used to need to take all those pitstops when we're on the bus." Matt adds.

"I hate the aisle, the cart could hit my legs." Kevin argues.

"Then you can sit in the middle if Smith's willing to move." Matt says.

"You can have the middle Kevin." Smith offers actually preferring the aisle seat since then he doesn't have to ask anyone to move for him.

"I hate the middle seat, there is no room." Kevin crosses his arms.

"Smith is like only 3 inches shorter than you and he's not complaining." Matt continues.

"It's an important 3 inches."

"I bet it is."

"Nicky, are you serious?"

"What?!"

"There is an uninvolved member of the public, right there."

"He's wearing headphones it's fine!"

---

It's fine.

Eventually Kevin takes the middle seat if for no other reason than Matt stubbornly pretends to go to sleep but absolutely does not want the aisle seat either.

Smith gives it up and ends up with his own preferred seat while Kevin pointedly takes both of the arm rests, as is his right. The plane ride progresses smoothly from there. Smith has always liked flying. There is always a sense that the second that he gets onto the plane and the door closes he has absolutely zero control over what happens afterwards.

That is a nice comfort.

He pays attention to the safety briefing, finds his nearest exit, and that he should secure the bag over his own face before securing it on Kevin's.

He puts his headphones on and tries not to think about the anxiety of meeting the 'girls'.

He has heard much about the 'girls'.

Allison Reynolds. Allison was someone who's legacy existed even outside of the team. Smith didn't know much about fashion but a Reynolds bet remained a solid practice within Palmetto. She was, undeniably, absolutely gorgeous and if Kevin was to be believed 'kind of a bitch'. Nicky had swatted his arm but had said that it was not entirely inaccurate but like 'in the best way'.

Dan Wilds. He met Dan. Dan was nice. Also, if Matt was to be believed, the best human to ever walk the planet earth. The reason the sun rose in the east and set in the west. The gravitational pull that held the universe together. If Andrew is to be believed, she's fine.

Renee Walker. Renee was the one who taught Andrew how to use knives. His friend has talked warmly of her, in the way that Andrew talks warmly about anyone which is mentioning them at all. She was the one that Smith was the most anxious about meeting.

Kevin turns his nose up at the ginger ale that Smith gets but he's allowed these now per his actual doctors orders.

1 hour left until arriving at JFK.

He hopes this ginger ale is enough to calm his stomach since he's still not allowed Pepto.

MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU

NEXT

#Fluent Freshman AU #Oh boy it feels nice to write this again #If I were to name this chapter something else it would be 'Smiths on a Plane' #MAN IT'S BEEN A MONTH #Moved #got my place painted #got new appliances because my old ones were older than me #Developed a life long hatred for whoever designed the barstools I bought from WayFair #It was not just what I needed #Anyway we're back #Smith's on a plane #About to meet the GIRLS #Kevin almost had to call Andreil to have them come back #There may have been some autographs given to the staff to be able to re-open the door for him. #He wanted mineral water and wanted to be selective on the minerals #I don't mean to write him like this but every time I write him he is like this #Matt is based on my sister in this regard with 'exact science' meanwhile I show up 4 hours early to a flight #Like no checked bag I'm TSA pre-checked #I have never missed a flight and I fear what i'd do if I did #Matt may be a bit of a Gomez for Dan but who can blame him #Next up Smith actually meets the girls #Fluent Freshman - 44 #AFTG #AFTG OC #AFTG AU #Palmetto State Foxes #AFTG Fic

[remcadll]

Hey what was up with that one panel

#BNHA #MHA #BNHA 403 #All Might #All for One #Toshinori Yagi #AfO #MHA 403 #Art by me #Like All Might I will give you a pass you were doing the whole murder-suicide thing I get it you have to Commit #but AFO??? 🌈🤨❓ #What reason was there for grabbing his leg like that. how did that benefit you in any way whatsoever #I mean IK he did it to get the blood off of him or w/e but he was bleeding from literally everywhere? #he could have just grabbed his face or arm or something but no he had to be a freak about it #the toxic old man yaoi in this series goes crazy #ESPECIALLY with the villains like #Stain&All Might Ujiko&AfO AfO&All Might good god man #Horikoshi's golden rules for writing are subtextual horror and homoeroticism and who can fault him for that #anways can you tell ive missed this series <333 #AFOMight

[cold-neon-ocean]

He's his own unique brand of chaotic (wip)

#LoK #Legend of Korra #Baatar Jr. #WIP #[ like sir what do you MEAN??? #he probably says stuff like this every day he's so unserious #being an engineer means you will get harmful chemicals in your mouth and it's just part of the job #if you recognize what he's wearing then hehehe #I can never resist putting him in some proper working clothes #and I've been wanting to draw him in this for so long #I realize I haven't drawn him in his lab coat in a while sobs I miss her #these sketches are apart of a larger thing but I like how these look rn so I wanted to share them c: ] #Neon Ocean Art

[leatherbookmark]

our flag means death S2E3: the innkeeper

#our flag means death #ofmd spoilers #ofmd s2 spoilers #shrimp gifs #it was just a very pretty scene i think #i'm laughing because i played around with curves -- as you do -- but then i had to manually bring the brightness down and make everything #more blue again because it's just better that way lol #god i'm having... so many little marbles bouncing around my head like #this post is already tagged with all the spoiler tags i think i can talk in here #the way it started i had No Inkling At All that this would be this kind of setting. so i didn't pay attention to the surroundings or all th #stuff. hell i could barely hear what they're saying because all my fancy schmancy english skills fall apart in the face of your normal soun #mixing. I MISSED THAT IZ AND ED SAID “LOVE” LIKE HELLO #but. but anyway. but. but once it was revealed that This Is All In Ed's Head. that hornigold is ed and everything is ed. man. god. #it's cold and wet and dark (ed likes warmth). ed was washed up on the shore with his face full of sand but THEN he got rescued by someone #who he hated and associated with all the pain and violence AND who then force-fed him soup so he could get better. who had pretty pieces of #glass hanging from his tent (there's no sun but the decoration itself is a promise of a pretty sighs when the rays of the sun hit #just right--) AND you can't forget the sandals. and the play-acting and aoughhhh EEEDDDDDDDD god he's so good HE'S SO GOOD #i dont think i should touch the delightful revenge scenes because they're dark as fuck and idk if the files i have are hq enough #to survive the becurvening. BUT. ed my love!!! i hope this is not where your insanities end

[satorugojoswiife]

What do you think about gojo ships

I feel like I'm pretty indifferent to most of them. This is super cringe of me, but whenever I fall super in love with a character I don't often like shipping them romantically with anyone. 💀 (im delusional I know)

It doesn't help that for some reason the jjk fandom (especially twt) is weirdly aggressive about ships. I know it isn't all the shippers and it's mostly just the loud minority, but seeing so much of the discourse has kinda put me off and I don't really engage much with the ships in the fandom except for rarepairs and selfships bc alot of the time those communities are more wholesome and cozy (if that makes sense LOL)

#satofie best ship #andnajdjskdjksnfksndjdj im sorry im cringe 😔😔 #anyways i honestly have no idea #its not even about not liking seeing him with others bc i enjoy seeing other ppls gojo × oc/selfships #i just for some reason dont really vibe with any of the existing gojo ships in the series #weirdly enough if i had to choose one i feel like sukugo is the most interesting one LOL they are so funny with eachother #i feel like in a different life they really couldve hit it off #i feel bad for gojohime shippers sometimes #like i personally dont like the ship but oh my god ppl on twitter are so mean about that ship i dont even know why ??? #is it bc alot of them prefer him shipped with a guy ?? or they dont like seeing another woman that isnt them with him?? i dont know #but i see so much hate for it and it makes me sad bc like just move on or mute the account so u dont have to see it if you really hate it #the amount of times ive seen some big jjk account qrt a fanart dissing the ship while also getting more likes than the artists post is craz #why do ppl fight over fake people kissing....... #i remember this one account specifically that was obsessed with gojo but they were so snobby about it and like gatekeeping other fans #and they really hated gjhm and for some reason felt the need to make it into a problematic ship instead of just saying #i dont like this and moving on #but they made this whole thing abt how toxic they actually are bc utahime hates gojo #only to (in the same thread) gush over their fave ship which was nanago #and i felt crazy bc its......literally the same dynamic what #like am i missing something ????? #anyways this got a bit wild but pls be nice to eachother and respect eachothers ships #you dont have to justify why u dislike a ship you can just not like it #no need to turn it problematic

[makotonaegiunderstander]

something I’ve been thinking abt is how many people think Makoto is immune to despair. I don’t think he is. I think becoming the ultimate Hope was BECAUSE he felt despair. He wouldn’t have fully reached that point without Junko. Makoto becoming such a beacon was his last attempt to avoid completely falling and it wasn’t because he didn’t feel despair, it was because he was too damn stubborn to allow everything to go to waste and he refused to sacrifice his beliefs for someone else’s. His inner monologue tells me he DID experience the same new low the other suvivors did in the final trial, but at the point where he had the choice to give up and die, he looked at the others and he looked at Junko and he couldn’t allow it to happen, not out of self preservation, but because the idea that Junko would have control over their lives made him FURIOUS. and that utter refusal to die kicked in, wether luck or otherwise, and he made the concious effort for one last push while something in him was breaking. He had to be broken in order for the Ultimate Hope to come through so aggressively, bc it could only exist in the face of the Ultimate Despair. He snapped the same way she did, but in the other direction. In what could have been his final moments he chose to embody everything Junko wasn’t, and every single optimistic and luck fueled ideal in him suddenly charged forward and pushed him. It was a combination of the final straw and a choice. Makoto isn’t immune to feeling despair, he’s just too stubborn to fall into it of his own volition. I think that’s why I like that scene in DR3 so much. People were SO SHOCKED Makoto actually fell for the tape, that he actually became despair for a moment. I saw people getting mad or disappointed, saying it was pathetic and Makoto seemed to fall from some sort of pedestal for them. Honestly part of me wonders if that sort of mentality, which clearly people had in universe, affected Makoto a bit. Like he started to see himself as less of a person, subconsciously. Prompting him to take more risks, less self preservation, act way more bold. It seems he has to be reminded a lot not to put himself in danger by his friends, to not do something too reckless. All over the place I would see in regards to that scene either this frivolous ‘oh this was just angst drama with no meaning behind it’ or ‘he can do better than that. he’s so weak’ or ‘come on, there’s no way he’d fall into despair, he’s the Ultimate Hope!’ This kind of mentality, which was kind of ironic considering Ryota was there the entire time saying the same thing and treating Makoto the same way. Like Makoto was superhuman. Like Makoto didn’t feel despair the same way ‘normal people’ did. In a way that was also how Munakata saw Makoto. Makoto stopped being a PERSON to the world when he became Ultimate Hope, he became a concept, a belief system, much the same way Junko ascended beyond herself. But the difference is that treating Makoto that way is the opposite of the reason Makoto became such a representative for hope. He wasn’t doing something no one else could. He was doing something everyone had the chance to, he just… was a little more optimistic, a little more stubborn, a little more ‘gung-ho’ about things. He just took the lead where no one else did, where no one else knew they even COULD in the face of Junko’s unstoppable force. She had overcome the biggest threats and obstacles in the world, what could one person do? And the answer Makoto found was, anything. Everything. It doesn’t all rest on Makoto, he’s just the one that was inspired to try to do what seemed like the impossible. But as evidenced by the change in his friends after that trial, it’s clearly not something only Makoto is capable of. The others pulled out of despair thanks to Makoto, but it was their choice to do so.

“But… this world is so huge, and we’re so small. What can we do…? No, we can probably do anything. Yeah! We can do anything!”

#makoto naegi #Danganronpa character analysis #Danganronpa #danganronpa thh #danganronpa future arc #I fucking love Makoto Naegi man. #I think there’s a fine line of nuance to Makoto that’s easy to miss bc he doesn’t really make it known #he’s not a pushover and he’s not overpowered. he’s a people pleaser but he will say what needs to be said #he’s an immovable object and the exact opposite of Junko but he’s also just a normal guy who’s optimistic and (un)lucky #he isn’t invincible but he has immense power to his words the same way Junko did #if anything his superpower is being kind above all else. he’s compassionate to some of the worst people in the world. #he was even conpassionatr to an extent to Junko. he didnt want her to kill herself despite everything she’s done #and he still acknowledges that for years she was a classmate and friend. #I do think the more he learned abt what she did the more he’s come to actually hate her though #post the first game he always refers to her without a suffix to her name which is one of the most subtle rude things you can do #it means you have zero respect for the person you’re referring to #and he speaks about her with some venom he doesn’t use for anyone else in the future arc #he’s not incapable of feeling negative emotions #I really liked the future arc scene bc it showed that Makoto DID experience enough despair to have overcome him if he didn’t refuse #and that it still affects him deeply. people treat him like he’s either this perfect ideal Chad or this baby chick who’s so delicate #and no one really focuses on how makoto shoulders so much and yet is still vulnerable. #honestly that guy was DUE for a mental breakdown even without the tape. it would have happened eventually #I actually wrote one based on him finally hitting a breaking point after giving so much of himself away and keeping nothing for himself #that his issues that he shoves down constantly finally can’t be held down anymore. Hajime helps him bc he knows how that feels #it was a LONG time ago that I wrote that but honestly if I can remember where i was going w it I might finish it #it was initially an rp but I could make it a fic #anyway. the point is Makoto is SO much more complex than people give him credit for #the most fundamental thing about him is that he’s normal and that’s ok! that’s what helps him rise!

[scoopstomyahoy]

thinking about a no upside down au steddie fic where steve and eddie run into each other years after moving away from hawkins, and eddie remembers steve and his fall from grace as king, and is kind of intrigued to see what kind of person he is now

and steve doesn’t remember him at all at first, because, look, eddie changed his hair again, and steve’s had a few head injuries (no upside down but i imagine he still went thru some shit with the party and with robin), and he didn’t really think about eddie in high school anyway, and he’s trying to forget about hawkins as much as possible (besides the kiddos, but they’re all moved out for college now, anyway) (obviously he lives with robin)

but steve is different now, happier, more open, flirts with guys, flirts with EDDIE, and eddie….. well, he wants to know more! and he tells steve he knows him from hawkins, and steve’s sunny little smile flickers a little, but he just apologizes for not remembering him and mentions he has some memory problems

and they get to know each other, and eventually as eddie tells him more (and maybe with the help of some yearbooks) steve remembers eddie. and. well. they like getting to know each other. and they like each other. and then they get together

eventually they’ve been together for a while, and eddie thinks he wants to maybe introduce steve to wayne, and he mentions he’s going to go back to hawkins for a long weekend (as he’s done a couple times) and this time he’d like steve to join him

and again steve’s sunny smile flickers a bit, but he says he’d love to meet eddie’s uncle, and… they go to hawkins. and it goes well— meeting wayne, at least, but steve seems a little on edge the whole time they’re there, tense when they drive in, fidgety when they go to the grocery store, et cetera. eddie thinks maybe steve is nervous about staying with the man who raised eddie, which is ridiculous, because wayne LOVES steve.

it’s not til they leave the town altogether that steve relaxes, and eddie realizes it wasn’t “meeting the parents” but rather going back to hawkins. and speaking of meeting the parents, steve didn’t ever bring his own up, even though eddie knew they still lived in hawkins. and the way steve glanced around whenever they went in public, like he was scared of getting recognized

and he asks about it, and steve doesn’t really want to talk about it, but he gives eddie snippets of it. people he wanted to leave behind in hawkins, memories that resurfaced, things he wants to forget

eddie goes back to see wayne sometimes, and the first time he doesn’t know whether to ask steve to come, so he just mentions he’s thinking about going to hawkins for some weekend and steve immediately starts making plans with him as if the invite is implicit. they go back to hawkins several more times, steve still tense and pent up the whole time they’re there

over time steve reveals more and more to eddie. everything that made hawkins hell for him, from the things he himself did in high school to the things people did to him. stuff tommy and carol and billy said to him. some of it is just typical high school bullshit (and oh, the nancy thing.) some of it is the tragedies steve went through, the horrors he had to protect his kids from. the injuries he sustained. more generally the homophobia that permeated the whole town, keeping steve from being himself. the lack of support in the indiana public school system for a high school senior who’s had two concussions and gone through incredible trauma.

his parents. the reason why steve’s mail is addressed to ‘steve buckley’ now, not ‘steve harrington’.

(that doesn’t come out until much, much later, and eddie is kicking himself for ever suggesting steve come back to hawkins.)

eddie, who hardly had an easy time of it in hawkins, is absolutely blown away by what steve had gone through in the same town, right under his nose. the entire persona that steve was trying to leave behind — the cool as a cucumber, unaffected, douchey mask he wore to hide all that he had endured. the head injuries. the emotional tragedies he had gone through. the way he had to be the rock for the kids even as he went through the same things as them.

he tries to tell steve they never have to go back to hawkins again, and steve is having none of it. he tells steve wayne can come visit them in their new city, and steve thinks that’s completely unfair to the man who had raised eddie, seriously, you’re going to make him come all the way up here?

and well i don’t know exactly what the ending is but steve is so stubborn about trying to love hawkins because it was eddie’s home and he wants to be able to go see wayne because wayne deserves to see his kid and eddie deserves to see his uncle and steve doesn’t want to be the problem :(

#steddie #stranger things #this isn’t very fleshed out but just. hawkins as an incredibly scarring place for steve #something built up in his mind as a very dangerous place for him not just because of what happened there but who he had to be there #i think ultimately it would culminate in them going back to hawkins and running into steve’s parents when they least expect it #and steve gets to yell at them in public and tell them they suck and ruin their image and eddie is being his little guard dog next to him #baring his teeth #for the no upside down part of the au i think it would have to be like. nebulous tragedy of season 1 struck them #barb still died (sorry barb) so that his relationship with nancy falls apart. will and el are twins and they disappear the same night #steve knows the kids earlier in the timeline in this one and has already basically adopted them when will and el go missing #eddie was never the victim of a massive witch hunt but jason still harasses him during his third senior year and gets ppl to gang up on him #so he was never like Wanted by all of hawkins and can never return but he sure doesn’t feel welcome there besides w wayne #oh i also think it would be important that one of the trips steve snaps at eddie bc he’s so strung out and immediately regrets it #and takes it as proof that when in hawkins Steve Is A Bad Person and tries to explain this to eddie #eddie meanwhile is trying to convince steve that he’s not a bad person and that he was being mean because he’s completely stressed out #and he wouldn’t be so stressed out if he didn’t make himself come back to hawkins #anyway ultimately. steve realized hawkins is just a place where bad things happened. it is not a place that makes people (including himself) #bad. it’s just. a place. and steve did not grow and change for the better bc he got out of hawkins. he got better bc he put the effort in #god i just. love steve so much and the version of him in my mind is so much better developed than what the duffers are doing

[sophiethewitch1]

undersharer!reader x desperately needs to know literally everything about you!tim now fight

#sophie speaks #tim in what we want whenever he finds out he missed something about you: i am going to commit mass murder again <3 #hate this mfer <3 <3 #dont be mysterious around him its his catnip #and by mysterious i mean not immediately info dumping literally your entire life story on him the moment you meet #hed find that hot too if we're being realistic he'd just think you're hiding something #is not satisfied until he knows everything about you and only then will he accept that maybe he can chill a bit #what do you mean you want to leave how will he know about your life developments WAIT NO DONT GO-

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

the beach conversation is insane actually im always being so mean to 13 for how closed off she is but it's insane what she does here like "ive never been able to", "it's what my life is", "not because i dont want to"

shes like sorry yaz i cant give you much but lets play doctors and students and reenact the anatomy lesson dr nicolaes tulp you be the doctor and the students and i'll be the body hang on let me hold up a lamp so you can see what we're doing

shes like sorry yaz i cant give you much i locked my hearts in this rusty vault and lost the keys but if i had a spare i would give you it i swear i promise i know thats not enough but i'd give it to you

"i cant fix myself" is how she starts. "i'll be fine, in the end, hopefully" she says like an hour after regenerating after describing just how much it fucks her up and how scary it is and how painful and how much of a gamble, really, how much of a leap of faith and hoping for the best, hoping for that net to appear because if it doesnt......... theres no backup

are you alright, doctor? are you okay? yaz has asked a hundred times without getting an answer. and now she finally does and it seems to recontextualise every dodge that has come before. stop asking, it's not the end yet, theres still time, a little more patience, i will figure it out, i will be able to give you a yes eventually im sure of it.

but now it is the end, regeneration looms again, time is running out, and this endlessly delayed answer sounds like a resignation. i cant do it. not in time. maybe not ever. but definitely not before the plane crashes and i take you down with me. i broke the universe and i cant fix it. it's too late. i dawdled too much.

and what this could have been, but isnt, because neither of them take it this way, think of it this way, because theyre too much alike, and not like this at all, but what this could have been, in intention and reception, is a request for help. i give up, i cant figure this out, but can you? the doctor doesnt mean this, and yaz has always been too attentive to the limits, too respectful of the doctor's boundaries (from "who, me? no. never doubted. don't know what you mean" in ghost monument to "can we just live in the present") to misinterpret it this way. so theyre on the same page. a page, as always, decided on by the doctor. but it does make the perfect set up for the finale

because i do think, sort of, that yaz fixed it. not you know the millennia of trauma but the specific inability of 13 to trust people. the clara/river/missy/bill my-friends-die-or-are-not-what-they-seem-or-both cant-hold-anyones-hand-but-my-own inability to trust her friends are her friends and they will not like explode into gore and viscera if she touches them (which now that ive said it i bet is what she has nightmares about. perfect match with what i think yaz has nightmares about which is the doctor exploding into gore and viscera and not being able to do anything abt it. actually the best idea i think ive ever written abt what yaz has nightmares about is "or you take off your coat and youre wearing dynamite", but i digress) that, i think yaz sort of fixes when she saves the doctor and saves the world and i think if 13 had lived she'd have trusted yaz after that in a way she couldnt before and maybe even that realisation of "you saved my life" in that weird malleable state of post-pseudoregeneration might have had a hand in why 14 is the way he is

#anyway #Them #sonya voice: i still think abt it #can you believe its been 2 years since sea devils???what the fuck #woughhhhhhhhhh #i miss them #i miss writing thasmin in like................that space #i love writing yaz/14 it's very cathartic #like hello lets Talk About Things #yesterday i wrote 14 saying 'it's new! i love new. new is great' which was so nice #my 14 is a lot more 13 than 10. theres no 10 at all honestly i dont care abt him #yaz/14 is just.........thasmin Continued #but anyway i do miss writing them all.............never saying anything #that got tiring after 2 years and its nice to like catharse all that tension now with yaz/14 but #doesnt mean that tension isnt an interesting place you know? #but anyway change is part of love #its fun giving them new problems too fhgkghgjhjh

[thelastharbinger]

Tidbits of ATSV That I Enjoyed (Or Alternatively: Just Miles Being The Most Endearing Spidey Ever)

Miles patting The Spot's head after successfully webbing him (I don't see this as condescending, but rather him still engaging with the humanity of a villain like Spot) and ~very assertively~ telling/asking him not to escape.

"I'm like Robin Hood-if he gave to himself."

Miles' spidey senses going off when he arrives late to his dad's party because there's nothing more frightening than Brown parents when they're mad at you. Beware the chancla or correa!

O.k. So we all know there are different versions of the movie out there. You may already know that one of the slight differences is when Miles goes to save Inspector Singh. There's a version where you can hear Gwen's voice in the distant background yelling no! when she thinks Miles gets crushed under the rubble, and there's another where she's silent as she webs to him. Now, I have found ANOTHER version (online) where her shouting is even more at the forefront. She's practically screaming and sounds more desperate, (prolly because it's close to the same way her Peter Parker died so she's reliving trauma) and the fear in her voice is palpable. That one haunts me.

Jefferson trying to equate studying for his police exams to childbirth, which Rio quickly nips in the bud.

Ganke having a soccer poster of Son Heung Min, a famous Korean footballer who currently plays for the Premier League Tottenham Hotspur and is captain of the South Korean national team.

Miles having a Sashimi (his universe's version of Supreme, but I just like the idea that Miles loves eating sashimi. Like I know that kid has good taste in food) poster in his bedroom.

The fact that Miles kept in touch with Aunt May for long enough after the events of ITSV that he helps her move.

The Spot saying he was one of the more handsome scientists at Alchemax according to his colleagues.

Miles and Gwen having the same collectible toys, the only difference being that he keeps his in the box and she doesn't.

"Hey, don't try to wow me with big words, man," *in deep manly voice* "I do crosswords every day"- Miles after Spot points out Alchemax as "the crucible of our connection!"

Miles going, "This job is so dumb sometimes" after he tries to web Spot at the deli, but it goes through a hole and lands on his face.

"Nahhh, he seems more Dominican to me." Kinda want Miles to meet a native Dominican Spidey because that dynamic would highkey fuck hard *pun not intended*. They would repair relations between our two islands-PR&DR.

"Almost there Mami *smiley face* *cowboy* prayer hands*"

The college admissions coach at Visions Academy straight up saying, "That's your story! Now, just stick to the script..." Ma'am what???

"Calmate Mami, eso no es my fault."

"I've hit a lot of different villains with a lot of different food...I'm just trying to lighten the mood."

Miles in his angsty teen era and smart-mouthing everyone around him. Love that for him.

"He almost killed his mom as a baby, I mean, look at those shoulders." No but for real tho. Those shoulders are as wide as a truck. Kim Seokjin who??? (if you understood that reference, ily).

Miles writing a love letter to his dad in 2 cakes.

Gwen at the water tower chowing and saying how feelings make her hungry after her and Miles talked about how they can't be together cause it would end in tragedy. Like Gwen, come again?!

Also, Miles' and Gwen's talk at the Williamsburg Bank Building being lowkey the catalyst for the 2nd/3rd acts of the film. Without them both kind of silently admitting their feelings for each other, Miles probably wouldn't have chased after her the way he did. Pretty sure you know the rest.

"I bet she doesn't even speak Spanish," and Jeff going "Que barbaridad" in his very broken Spanish. Queue Rio's bombastic side eye.

Both Gwen and Miles referring to Spot as a Villain Of The Week, even though neither of them have spoken about Spot to each other.

"I was bitten by a-wouldnt you like to know? Know what I mean?" SIR. Chill. This movie is for children.

The Spot inverting himself, going from a white mass with black spots to a gaping black hole with smaller white spirals. It's giving Junji Ito.

The irony of Pavitr exclaiming, "Well that was another easy adventure for Spider-Man!" right before an incoming canon event. HIS. He was about to experience his first big loss, and his happy-go-lucky nature would've been challenged.

Miguel saying conyo! when all the Spideys start pointing at each other.

"!Cállate!" "Nosy!" Sidebar: we don't talk about Gwen's banter with bad guys enough. She's so funny!

A lot of the Peters saying hi to Gwen as she passes HQ because she is canonically the one lost love--the love interest they all would've ended up with had she not died, so they all have an affection for her.

Web-Slinger going "Giddy up!" Cause he's swinging up.

Miles offering his fresh new takes on how to deal with the Spot upon meeting Miguel, saying "He just wants to be taken seriously. Like we all do." MILES YOU BEAUTIFUL, COMPASSIONATE GOLDEN SUNFLOWER BOY I LOVE YOUUUUU.

Hobie referring to Peter B. as Humbling Reality Spider-Man, which considering how steeped in tragedy the Spidey lore is, is really saying something.

Miguel's nonono no puedo más no puedo más. His misery is very funny and delightful to me. Little bitch ass.

"You know you're the only Spider-Man who isn't funny." Yes! More Miguel slander in the next one, please! Little bitch ass.

"Snitch!"

Miles shouting out Peter's name for help whilst Miguel pins and lays into him the fact that he's an anomaly. This after he momentarily glitches back to his ITSV store-bought suit. Mimicking the way-in also the first movie-Miles shouting out Peter's name for his own rescue as Doc Ock attacks him at the research facility. Because even though he feels hurt by Peter at this point, that's still his dad mentor and he still instinctively looks to him for protection. Rip my heart out why don't you!

Gwen sneaking back into her and her dad's place just to get that printed polaroid of her and Miles, a pic she already has on her phone.

Earth-42 Miles wearing Nike while our Miles wears Jordans.

#hi. ive seen this movie 8x in theaters and twice on pirating sites. i am unwell #also sorry not sorry for the miguel slander. i am a miles loyalist thru and thru thst bitch is on thin ice #but also literally can't get over gwen “it really is so nice to get to talk to you. me & him its different. in every other universe...stacy #cause directly underneath that she's actually saying. “i missed you. and what i have with you i literally do not have with anyone else and. #you dont know this but ive met hundreds and thousands of spiderpeople. nd even in my friendship with hobie its not like what i have with yo #and im actually really smitten with you. the one person i shouldn't be smitten with bc there is no happy ending for us. and idk... #if i should hold off. and im letting you know all this so that you can decide for me. whether to take that lesp of faith or not with you. & #hope that say yes and make the first move so that i cant but help to just sink into you.“ #AND IT MAKES SENSE! SHE MET HIM JUST AS HE WAS LIVING THROUGH AN EXPERIENCE SHE DID. OF BECOMING SPIDEY. AND RIGHT AFTER #SUFFERING THE GREATEST TRAGEDY OF HER LIFE WHICH SHE WAS ABOUT TO BEAR WITNESS THRU WITH HIM. SHE WAS THERE FOR HIS UNCLE DYING AND WATCHED #HIM BECOME SPIDERMAN. WE FORGET THAT THEY ACTUALLY WENT THRU SOME HEAVY THINGS TOGETHER. THEYRE TRAUMABONDED. I KNOW THATS NOT WHAT THAT WO #ACTUALLY MEANS. BUT IT MAKES SENSE THAT SHE CAN ONLY TALK TO MILES BC THEY PERFECTLY UNDERSTAND EO. #anyways idk why im shouting. im high rn. but crazy how all of that meaning was subtly thrown in there. like we got a confession scene folks #from gwen of all people! i love that for me. #also back to miguel: so i know he's hot. but if a hot person were to ever be rude to a waiter we agree theyre no longer hot right? right. #atsv #miles morales #itsv #miguel o'hara #the spot #ghostflower #gwiles #gwen stacy #ghost spider #gwen x miles #rio morales #across the spider verse #into the spider verse

[dominote]

i think light yagami is "socially adept" in terms of being able to reason out relatively well what to say and do to come off as a harmless and good and polite young man who is likeable to be around. however i do not think "socially adept" (or "neurotypical") typically comes with having to preface every other normal-passing action and statement with a minor crisis of "ah shit. quick, what would i say/do in response to this if i was light yagami, a normal and nice and respectable young man?"

everyone likes to talk about him talking about kira in third person but can we acknowledge that he also talks about LIGHT in third person. i'm not adding manga panels at 3:57am but y'all know exactly which ones i mean

#light is decent at masking but he is NOT coming off as perfect to anyone who looks at him with a critical eye. like L or near #it's just that a lot of people take him at face value #he's handsome he gets top grades his dad is the police chief his family adores him girls like him etc #and he gets to skate off of that a lot until someone comes around and questions the mask #he unravels so fast once he gets closer to L. he fucks up the misa thing so badly even HE has to admit to L's face #that kira probably didn't think things through with the second kira and kind of panicked #ughhhhhhhhhhh i have so many thoughts about him. he works very hard to come off as socially competent. it's a learned skill not innate #i firmly believe there is some shit going on w light in terms of mental conditions. HOWEVER #i also believe he was relatively 'normal' up until the death note sent a lot of that shit spiralling #lots of mentally ill people live pretty normal lives it turns out! a lot of us can get by and sort of manage! #even if it means masking and coping as needed #i don't think you have to be mentally ill to react to the death note the way light did #i do think it oiled some clockwork that was already ticking though #anyway. light is socially competent to some degree because he tries to be. sometimes it backfires. sometimes he misses. normal stuff #trying to say he is objectively socially adept or inept is futile though #but ig what is death note without black and white thinking and what is the dn fandom without diving into the nuances under the surface layer

[helenkordart]

Recently the 4th volume of the english Thousand Autumns came out and when I saw Mimo′s design of beloved old fart Guang Lingsan, all I could say was "awooga humina humina humina", so like

#thousand autumns #meng xishi #guang lingsan #千秋 #mimo treating us so good #i mean i do wish he actually looked his age. which is yan wushis age. but i guess THIS old fart has to play by wuxia rules. boo #gls staying in his lane. dumping his stupid sect on feng xiao and running. thriving. moisturized. #thats why hes my favourite side character in all of qqpeerlessverse. funniest motherfucker around #i do miss his stupid hat #the idea of him forcing teenage feng-er to wear it too. resplendent #i mean generally speaking id kill to see him dealing with teenage feng-er. can you imagine. how is feng-er still alive #mxs how much money do i have to give you for you to write that extra #like teenage ququs life is a tragedy. teenage feng-ers life is a COMEDY #please just. during the events of qq. whenever gls shows up to do his cackling annoyance schpiel #imagine a sulky teenage feng-er just slightly to the side. going I dont wanna be here Im missing my beauty sleep 🤨🤨🤨🤨 #PLEASE I WANNA SEE YWS INTERACT WITH TEENAGE FENG-ER #every time i remember that feng-er is the same age as xiaoyu. incredible. #anyway what was i saying #oh yes please god i wanna see fajing sect shenanigans #am i spoiling peerless for anyone here. is it a big spoiler to talk about feng-er being an og demonic sect person. does anyone care #sorry

[icys-junkyard]

Ingo was eeby deebied clean out of the Pokémon universe and is now hanging out with the wrong purple cat creature

I made an Ingo player in ACNH recently and I’m stuck imagining this normally proportioned, probably 6ft Human Guy hanging out with these 2ft chibi animals.

 At least the worst he has to face here is wasps and the occasional angry arachnid.

Maybe skill in catching Pokémon will translate to skill in catching fish and bugs. He’ll be rich in no time.

#submas #Subway Boss Ingo #ingo pokemon #pokemon ingo #also animal crossing bob #conspiracy theory: bob = hisuian sneasel???? perhaps. #its too late for me to attempt the acnh scenery i was imagining im so sleeby #they sitting and watching the water #as acnh villagers are wont to do #dont worry ingo is relaxed as he can be in this situation #everything is so peaceful?? the worst shit that happens is neighbor drama that lasts like 30 mins maximum #if he remembers things- he probably misses his brother a ton but uuuuh its probably obvious its not going to be easy to universe hop solo #he'll eventually leave to try and find a way back. magic of some kind seems to exist here #what with the magical girl outfit changes and the local ghost and the illusion projecting fortune telling panther that stops by sometimes #he just needs to find a boat that can actually fit him. hes so big compared to everyone else lmao #if he doesnt remember- why am i so tall? why are the bugs and fish so weak?? surely they should fight back more??? #are you SURE its called an orange? a peach?? not an oran or pecha? those words feel more correct i think. #what do you mean they arent berries #icys drawings and doodles