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hello-everyfandom · 4 years

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“I’m not very good at flirting, am I?”

Warnings: Cringey attempts at flirting?

Pairing: Remus Lupin x Reader

Words: 2k

Summary: Remus is nervous for your first study date, or date? Is it a date?

You were quite oblivious when it came to people who fancied you. Howard Lewis, from house Ravenclaw, practically had heart eyes for you and attempted to ask you out every Saturday morning whilst you drank your tea. The only response he was given was a hum and a sweet reply back,

“I’m not planning on doing anything but reading my novel,”

You frustrated a lot of boys in your year, and even in the year above. You must know, right? You must’ve known that at least half of your house and even more boys from the other houses have tried to flirt with you and received nothing back. But you didn’t. You loved blind. And, not to mention, quite peculiar as you obliviously ignored your suitors. You spent days feeling quite lonely and even longed for a handsome fellow to sweep you off your feet and into the forbidden forest. Remus Lupin thought you were peculiar as well, but not peculiar as in a bizarre fashion, instead, he thought of you strangely amazing. He found himself gifted the seat to the right of yours during Transfigurations and was kept his glances towards you to only a few per minute. He was smitten. And he was speechless when you approached him one Saturday morning, unaware of your rejection to a Mr. Lewis of Ravenclaw, and asked him to study with you.

“Hello Remus,” you said, he greeted you politely and with reddened ears, he knew he would get teased for later, “I was wondering if you were not too busy after lunch if you could help me study a bit of Transfigurations. I find it actually quite difficult and would rather McGonagall not deducted points from my house.”

Remus nodded quickly and stuttered out, “Yes, I. Where should I meet me? You? I mean, you.” he quickly wanted to slam his face into his porridge but you seemed to enjoy his response and giggled.

“There’s a tree near the lake; if you bring your textbook I can bring a blanket for us to sit on?” you offered, “I swear I have the comfiest blankets in my dorm.” Remus sent you an embarrassed smile and watched you longingly as you spun and left the Great Hall, a steaming mug of tea in your hand.

Sirius clapped his hand on Remus’ shoulder rather harshly, he’d say, and let out a bark, “How the hell did you do it?” Remus snapped out of his gaze to look at his three friends who stared at him in wonder.

“Do... what? Exactly?” Remus begged his face to go back to his original pale colour and stirred his breakfast with a spoon.

“I believe you have a date with a Ms. Y/L/N.” Sirius grinned boyishly and hooted, “Remus, how did you do it!”

“Sirius, get your hand off me before I feed it to the giant squid and leave your body for dessert, and it’s not a date,” Remus grumbled and shifted awkwardly in his seat.

“No, really, mate, how did you manage to get a date with Y/L/N? How did you get her to ask you on a date?” Peter pushed closer to Remus and jokingly added, “Oh Moony, you know love potions are illegal to give to other students, correct?” Remus shoved Peter aside and looked for James for help.

“It’s not a date! Prongs?”

James put his hands up in defense, “Not me, Moons, I can’t help you as I think you’ve just scored yourself a date with Y/N. But, what I can help you with is Lewis as I think he’s going to absolutely fuck you up by the looks of it,” James stood up and did the ‘I see you’ motion towards Howard and yelled, “Oi, Leeeeewis, you jealous? Yeah, you better be. Fix your bloody eyes, mate, you’ve got a starin’ problem!”

This time, Remus actually did slam his head into the breakfast table.

Lunch flew by and Remus couldn’t do anything but fiddle. He had run to and from the common room and dorms, a few times just to ensure he had all the right things. To say he was nervous was an understatement. Was this a date? Did you want to date him? Why him? Remus flopped down on the couch next to Sirius and buried his face in his hands.

“Alright, I give up. I need your help,” he mumbled,

“You? Ask ME for help? The god of dating and sex himself?” Sirius asked dramatically, placing a hand on his chest and inhaling sharply.

“Oh will you just- sod off will you? And just tell me, exactly how you flirt?”

“Moony we only have a few hours, I cannot possibly teach you the essence of the Black seduction in a few hours.”

“The only thing you’ll be seeing is black unless you-”

Sirius shot his head back and laughed, “Relax Moony, perhaps we should do some yoga to loosen you up. Are your buttocks in a twist? You can tell me.” Suddenly Remus regretted asking Sirius for help but took notes on his flirting technique anyways.

“Oh hello! Come join me, please!” Remus felt everything he had eaten and all of his organs drop, his tongue swelled up and he began to sweat under his sweater. Seeing you in the fall light made him internally (and externally) swoon but he attempted to take a deep breath. He began to try and mimic the way Sirius walked through the halls, putting swagger in his hips. “Remus, you’re being silly, perhaps you’ve been spending too much time with your silly boys, come sit! Don’t be shy.” You smiled again, making Remus forget the stupid stupid walk he learned from Sirius and just sat down.

“You were right,” he said in surprise, “this blanket is extremely soft.”

“Would I lie to you, Mr. Lupin? Feel free to lie on it, I’ve taken a few naps on it ‘mself, though I probably should’ve focused on my potions essay instead.” Remus would rather nap on your soft thighs and feel your fingers slide through his hair, but he chuckled and replied,

“If I did, who would study with you?”

You pouted your lip slightly, making Remus clench the book he was taking out, “I suppose you’re right. I couldn’t fathom studying with anyone else.” Were you flirting with him? You seemed to lean closer to Remus, wanting to feel his warmth. But, Remus couldn’t place whether or not you were acting flirtatious due to the immense amount of nerves in his system. The two of you began to study, Remus would provide a word and you a definition. Much to his nervous delight, your conversation ran rather smoothly and no awkward lull of silence was provided.

Might as well go for it, Remus thought and glanced at the piece of parchment he tucked away in his bag. He cleared his throat and rubbed his sweaty palms on his pants.

“So, Y/N...” he trailed off, almost getting lost again in your gaze,

“Yes?”

“You’re so cute, I think if, I think if you were, I think if you were a boggart, no,” he fumbled quickly with his words making you furrow your eyebrow.

Perhaps he is having a stroke? You thought.

“If, I think. If you were a... since you’re so cute, and if, a boggart you were, or I’d have... you’d be a.. cute... one?” If Remus could die, he would’ve. On the spot. If he could be struck by lightning and guided to the pearly gates that muggles seem to dream about, he would. In fact, he would even rather be sent to the fiery pits of hell than listen to what he was saying. His attempt at flirting had gone disastrously as he licked his lips in anticipation of your reply. He watched as you looked at him and began to blink rapidly. A wide smile spread across your lips as you let a small laugh slip out.

“Remus Lupin,” You began, sitting up, “Are you flirting with me?” You continued to giggle, almost shyly.

“What? No! I mean, yes. Maybe? Because I said, the boggart, and cute and...”

Remus Lupin, you are an idiot. He thought

“I’m not very good at flirting, am I?” he stared at your smiling face before realizing how mortifying the last minute of his life was. “Excuse me while I jump into the lake now.” You bit your lip to stifle the laughter and held his forearm.

“Remus,” you said softly, “I thought it was quite lovely actually.”

He sighed and shook his head, “you don’t have to protect my feelings, Y/N, I’m more than happy to die over his embarrassing moment. I feel like a right and foolish prat right about now.”

“I’ll say it again, I thought it was very sweet. I’ve never been flirted before, so it was new for me as well.” Remus’ eyes nearly bulged out of his skull as he became redder and shook his head.

“No no, that’s not true. I know half a dozen Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs who are mad for you! And Howard Lewis even asks you out every Saturday!”

Now it was your turn to be confused, “What are you talking about, Remus?”

“The... the!!” Remus was exasperated, “boys fancy you.”

“No, they don’t?” You began making Remus want to rip his hair out.

“Yes, they do!”

“Remus, no boy has fancied me in the entirety of my life, you must be mad.”

“Well, I fancy you!” He blurted out making you instantly blush,

“Oh.”

“Yes. And. I’m terribly and dreadfully awful at flirting but I wanted to try and show you that I do actually, um, like you.”

“Oh,” It became quiet, not silent, but quiet. “Well, I,”

“Y/N, you don’t have to say anything, we can forget about it and just study.” You tried to speak again but he cut you off, “Really, it’s okay. It was foolish and stupid and dumb and immature-”

“Don’t I get to say anything, Mr. Flirtatious?” You teased and brushed off your skirt, “I fancy you as well if you didn’t pick that up already, and truthfully, I did find your flirting, while disastrous, to be extremely and utterly adorable.” Remus blinked before an awkward, toothy smile rose. “I’m glad we got that settled then, yeah?” You nodded at Remus before he continued after you,

“Now, may I at least ask you a few questions?”

You hummed in response.

“So is, is this a date?”

“Do you want it to be?” you asked,

“Yes.”

“Then it’s a date.”

“Lovely,” Remus felt more and more joyous, “now, did you really not know that every boy in Hogwarts was pining over you?”

You quickly shook your head, “Why would I? I haven’t given a care about any of them until you came ‘round.”

“And the blanket?”

“I brought the blanket so we could read and lay on it,”

Remus was satisfied with his answers and longed to lean in to kiss you. He, and his absolutely dumb-witted nerves, decided to save it for a second date and held your hand instead. Fingers threaded and interlocked, you gave him a reassuring squeeze.

“That reminds me, do you have that extra book in your bag I seemed to have misplaced mine and I-” you reached into Remus’ bag and before he could react, you pulled out the piece of parchment with all the bloody pickup lines Sirius had fed him.

“Is this...?” You asked,

“Yes.” He quickly answered. Your eyes scanned the page in amusement.

“Why didn’t you go with ‘Are you a snitch? Because you’re the greatest catch here,’ I think that one is much better suited than ‘uh, cute, boggart, uh, you, and if I were,” you mocked him jokingly before leaning back comfortably on his chest. He could sing with happiness and leap off the face of the Earth.

“Hey, so maybe flirting isn’t my strong suit.”

“I say this as sweetly as I can, I think you better stick to Transfigurations instead.”

#remus lupin #remus lupin imagines #marauders imagine #remus lupin one shot #remus lupin imagine #sirius black #sirius black imagines #marauders imagines #marauders fanfiction #marauders #remus lupin headcanon #harry potter #harry potter imagine #harry potter oneshot #harry potter headcanon

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krazykatrina21 · 3 years

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Brash Coffee. ATL

I am doing it. Finally doing it. Nothing.

I am not used to this feeling of having no real to-do list. This vacation has truly felt like a compete escape from reality. I woke up today with no daily itinerary, unlike most mornings. I felt... free. I feel like that word does not do the feeling justice. Its one of those feelings that you can only explain with actions. For example - A deep breath - the first breath you take after being underwater for much too long, the smell of fresh coffee, the smile of a toddler, driving down the highway with all the windows open and music blasting. I think you get the idea.

Side note- the table i was sitting at is wobbly, i went to so see if i could fix it and i noticed that someone prior to me used a sheet from a notebook and put it under the table leg. as if i was not the first to sit here, not the first to be annoyed by this inconvenience and not the first to solve it. but thats the funny thing of it all. the paper they placed moved and i had to replace it so that it would stil the table As if tehs olution the person created did just enough for them while they sat here but not enough for the next person. I feel like thats life though. people only think selfishly. I had thsi conversation thsi morning with sydney and victor about why i love my job, bbecause i can help people. the help i procreate is everlasting. Well untill the next issue arises. But i love making an impact. AN impact that would sustain the needs of many and not just myself. I feel like i can definatly be a selfish person but my self awareness helps me distungush when my actions become a bit too irrational and too self serving. I try to make ample adustments s that i can step out of my own, singular pserpective in order to take into account the needs and feeling of others. A lot of people claim to be an empath, like makalya for instance and even sydney but i dont believe they reallya re. They dont care about anyone other than themselves no matter how hard they tryt convince themselves other wise. But thats okay. Its nto me. i would hate to live taht way, so self obsessed and honesly. it doesnt matter. we cant spend time trying to fix others. we need to focus on ourseleves and be around people who bring us joy. its not their duty to fix me and m=not my duty to fix them. its their path.

my putlook just shifted in seconds because of a song. it ut things into perspective. - the song caz showed me. perspectvive is a funny thing. it can really chnage evrything. one word, one song, one outlook can change a situation completely. i try to look at things through diffrent lenses and perspectives - put myself in others shoes. But i have to remebr not to stay there too long. because although the words is much more than just myself. At the end of teh day i am living it so i have to be the focal point. the world revolves aorund each of us. Our lives revolve around us. Its such a dicoodmy. Bceuase on one had you have to remain unselfish and help as much as possible but on the other hand you have to be selfish. I guess its all about perspective at the end of the day - finsing a happy menium and i am still wrking on that. Its not an easy jounry - but if it was easy it woudl not be fun. life is a challange, death is teh way out and mistakes are lessons.

humans are very interesting. we never know what they will do - they dont even know what they wil do and thier actions are simply curiated based off of their enviornments. this is important to rember because it helps me rationallize someones actions but i find mself giving people excuses on tehir inncorrect behavior based off of my own rationlizations of what i know about them.

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alfsw0r3 · 3 years

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i can't even begin to describe what you mean to me, how many memories flood through my brain when i simply hear your name or even have a glimpse of you across the room.

i miss you, i really miss you and no i don't miss a relationship or someone to love me i miss you, i miss what we had, i just miss you as a person and i want you, yet i know it's far too late but everytime i look at you i just want you more and more.

maybe you want me too, maybe you miss me too but that's only for my own comfort and my own imaganation.

we were so young, too young to know anything about love and we are still now but we had a reckless relationship, no labels, nothing to worry about because we had the comfort knowing we loved each other and not neccesarily caring about the future that held for us and our relationship, oh how wrong i was if only i knew things would turn out this way.

we had fall outs, we had our own personal problems to deal with and everything was falling apart between us but i never, not for a second did i doubt my love for you. i wish i could remove all my feelings and every memory i have of you because till this day i still have feelings, i still feel my heart beating and longing for you. for you to come back and for things to go back like they used to but they won't , i know they won't no matter how much i wish for it to.

we never spoke to each other, not a word. oh god, you don't even understand what i went through how much i had to put through everything, i hated it and i could've changed things if i simply spoke out. but i didn't because i was scared and insecure.

i was fearful that you were going to push me further and further away because you've already created such a big distance between us and i didn't know what to do to close it but it seemed as if you've already took me out of your life and you've simply moved on.

and i was angry, hurt, upset and so many emotions erupted within me because how could you move on, how could you leave me with no explaination what so ever, how could you leave me when i was genuinely breaking inside so badly?

so during that time, i got worse. i took everything upon myself, i blamed everything on myself because to me that could've been the only reason that you left. was i not enough for you? what did i do wrong? did you find someone better? i had many questions, too many that ran through my head everyday and i answered them myself, telling myself i would never be enough for you and i meant nothing to you. and that's how things were for a year, blaming myself without even knowing how you were feeling.

you were the person i would turn to when i was having a hard time to cope with anything, the first person i would always come to when i wanted reassurance and comfort. you made me feel safe. you made me feel wanted. you made me feel loved.

michelle,michelle,michelle your name repeats itself around my head like a chantra, your voice rings in my ears, your smile imprinted in my mind and the touches you left behind on my skin is now ghostly. i want to reach out to you once again, i want to talk to you, to know everything i've missed in the past year. i want go back to you so badly, going back to you for my own comfort and my own peice of mind but i'm fearful too, fearful if things end like this again, fearful of being hurt again.

i miss you, i want you, i love you, but no matter how much i long for you i know you won't come back, i know you don't want to and maybe that's best for both of us. to go our separate paths and keep the memories of us in the past but not to go forgotten.

once upon a time, you were the ounce of happiness i needed, you were more than what i deserved to have and i was emotionally attached to you (and maybe i still am), in a way you were my drug. a drug that i didn't know how much i needed till you left and without this drug you've made me addicted to i was unstable, broken and i was dying slowly. i needed you. yet you weren't there and reaching out to you seemed impossible. unrealistic.

i still think about you, most nights i cry thinking about you. you make me feel this way, you make me feel so many emotions that i can't describe with words alone.

i once was someone who held up walls around me, someone who guarded their heart so no one ever got too close but you weren't just a somebody, you were more and who knew you could've broken down every one of my walls, who knew with the simplicity of your words you could've reached into my heart and made yourself at home there. i trusted you, trusted you more than anyone. i let you into my world filled with anguish and pain, the crippling sensation of desparation that ached within my soul and i let you in, i opened mself to you because i guess i thought you could maybe fix me. maybe fix the broken parts of me that i despised and make them turn beautiful and i did think that for a short period of time, because you had a way with your words and you told me i was beautiful. you told me many things, many words that made my heart flutter with joy and happiness. but nothing good lasts forever, does it?

i used to think you used me for your own pleasure and satisfaction, i thought you didn't really love me and i was simply a pawn in whatever game you were dragging me into. and thinking about the possibilty of this scares me, because what if all of you've showed and told me were all bittersweet lies that i fell for, lies that i took seriously and i let them root inside my soul and heart deeply? what if everything i've been told was a lie? was your love for me a lie as well? did you love me or did you like the thought of having me, having me to care for you and love you? these thoughts scare me because i don't want any of them to be true, i don't want the thought of you lying to me for the sake of our relationship and my happiness. and i hope, i desparetly hope none of what you told me were lies. because even if what we had ended i want the memory of you being honest to me. and honesty is somethig i've always taken seriously.

till this day i still care for you, think about you and even when i’m not close to you i can feel your lingering presence or maybe that’s just me being delusional. but when am i not? i hope you’re doing well michelle and i genuinely mean that, i know you went through a lot of things that hurt you a lot and and pained you but i hope whatever you were going through before has stopped weighing you down and whatever had left you with a heavy heart, i hope it’s gone or at least gone better for you. i want you to be happy, i want the best for you and i’ve always wanted that for you, no matter how far apart we are or we’re from each other i’ve always wanted you to be at your best and i hope you are. i hope you’ve found someone else to confide in with your worries and struggles or maybe your doing fine by yourself and you don’t need someone to do that for you. i wouldn’t know but i hope your managing fine with your problems that used to to trouble you a lot in the past. i hope your happy. i hope your okay.

you were my first and will be my last person i fall in love with, my last because i can’t seem to get over you even when i know you don’t feel the same. you know why i can’t get over you? it’s because i’ve trusted no body the way i trusted you, i’ve never felt so strongly about someone the way i have about you, i’ve never loved someone the way i loved you. and this is why i still hold hopeless feelings for you, this is why all the strings in my hearts are attached to you. it will always be attached to you. always.

lastly, i would like to say to you is that i love you. yes i know i’ve said that multiple times but i feel like it’s not enough (maybe like the way i wasn’t enough for you), i love you. maybe a bit too much but there’s always got to be a person who loves a bit too much of cares a bit too much when it comes to a one-sided love. but i will always love you, even when i’m no longer here, i’ll remember you. i’ll remember how much you made me feel, how much i loved you, how much you hurt me. but even when you have hurt me i couldn’t hate you. i could never hate you, no matter how much i want to i can’t find it in my pitiful self to hate you. i wish i could so i don’t have to keep suffering like this but it’s impossible, utterly impossible.

Michelle William. a name held by a girl who i hopelessly fell and is still in love with. the only girl, the only human being i will ever let into my life and destroy me again till i’m in a mess of tears, blood and self damaging thoughts. i went through it once so i can put myself through it again, right?

when you see this michelle, well that’s if you ever find this i want to say thank you. thank you for everything you’ve given me when i was with you because you made me believe there is hope and there is happiness in this destructive world, even if that was only with you. you opened many parts of myself that i didn’t know was there so i want to thank you for that as well. one of my biggest memories of high school would be you. my girlfriend? i’ll keep it as girlfriend because well i just want to label you as that in my head. my first relationship, my first girlfriend in high school. my first time experiencing love. and the last. my beginning and my end.

i want you to achieve your dreams and ambitions, to be happy, to move forward within your life. and i hope you do.

i still want you, i still crave for you, i still love you. but not everyone gets what they want.

goodbye michelle <3

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secondhandmckie · 4 years

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👶 i couldn't help mself

Child Meme

Name: Danny (Danny Boy) Ainsley

Gender: Masculine, nonbinary (He/his is fine, but likes they/them as well)

Appearance: Chocolate brown eyes, dark and wavy hair bordering on unruly. Freckles and a dimple in his left cheek. Lanky and lean, but athletic. Reaches about 5′10″. Has a nose piercing and a tongue piercing, but doesn’t wear them after he turns 20 because he got bored with them.

Personality: Incredibly laid-back. Danny is the type of person that is just a magnet for people. Everyone wants to be his friend, because he gives a very tender and open and adventurous energy. Accidentally a popular kid, but if he was asked if he thought himself popular, he’d laugh. In fact, that’s his favorite thing--laughing. He enjoys making people happy, and would much prefer to avoid physical confrontation than throw fists (but that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t back up a friend should they decide to). Danny will be there to help on moving day, and he’ll bring beer and pizza.

What do they like?: Danny loves having a good time. Luckily, that doesn’t revolve around a party lifestyle, but he is known to have fun at those, too. He enjoys the outdoors more than he likes being indoors, and some of his favorite moments are when he goes with his dad and mom on hikes and outdoor auctions and flea markets. He enjoys working with his hands, and his first job was helping restore things around the shop and the inn with his dad. Danny can be bribed with soda (especially cream soda and root beer), Red Vines, Guinness, and busy work. He’ll also be glad to take any motorcycle magazines and crossword puzzles off your hands.

What do they dislike?: He’s not a fan of birds--he has ornithophobia. It’s really one of the only things he’s afraid of. He also isn’t a fan of things with gummy consistencies, so please keep your gummy bears and worms away. He doesn’t like bullies or bigots and will tell you to your face if you’re being an asshole.

Who are the godparents?: Molly and Connor have agreed that if anything should happen to either or both of them, they want Uncle Danny to care for Danny Boy. If he is unable, then Molly has requested that her brother Avery might care for their son.

Anything special about them?: With his mother’s vast array of knowledge and his father’s talent with growing and fixing things, Danny is naturally very good at many things, and desires to always master everything he takes on. He speaks five languages (English, Gaelic, Spanish, French, & Greek), and has taken to designing and sewing historically and theatrically accurate garments and costumes for himself and his friends.

What are their talents?: See above. He’s also a very good singer and is learning guitar and cello. For his next birthday, he’s requesting a mandolin.

Who do they resemble of their parents ( appearance) ?: Danny has a nice mix of his parents, but he does lean a touch more toward Connor.

Who do they resemble of their parents ( personality ) ?: Both.

A headcanon: Danny Boy is in a long-term poly relationship with one of his childhood best friends, and the daughter of the town florist. It began in high school as a joke, but it was very quickly realized that it worked incredibly well between them.

Their future: Danny is has his choice of schools due to his excellent grade point, talents, and interests, but he never seems to be able to settle on just one thing. His longest interest is repairing things making costumes, so he finally accepts admission to a trade school for restoration, and has a blossoming design and costuming business. By the time Danny Boy is 30, he will have a storefront for restorations that’s employee-run, while he focuses his main attentions on costuming. Little does he know, in another five years, his costumes will be used in a popular television series based in Boston.

#;connor #;headcanon #mactirefireann #v; main #I SHOULD'VE DONE WITCH VERSE OR SOMETHING #BUT #HAVE THEIR BOY

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beepbeeprichiellc · 6 years

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Under the Blood Red Moon

Summary: After a brutal change in Richie’s life he finds himself in quite a predicament. Every full moon he is doomed to change into the beast that tears at his sanity, his control slipping with each rise of the crescent planet. Eddie as well is dealing with a lot too, only for him the scars on his chest are a constant reminder that he is now bound to his best friend, and not in the way he necessarily understands.

A/N: So……….. yeah. This didn’t turn out as amazing as it was in my mind. I suck at writing sometimes. I had this idea, and now it turned into mush. Meh…mehhhhhhh. Here, just take it away from me now!!

Word Count: 4024 (oof, sorry.)

Masterlist

Part: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) 8

The entire night had been a blur. He had watched Richie fall asleep in his bed, his body wrapping itself around him, keeping him pinned down. It was almost predatory, like he was protecting him from the darkness. Only when he finally felt his friend’s heavy breath on his own skin did he allow himself to slide from his grasp. The moon was painfully full, and he tried to ignore it’s lingering presence as he went about his tasks. It was simple things, packing an overnight bag, making sure that he left a note on the counter for his mother, even taking out the trash. Every movement seemed weighted although they were mindless tasks that took no sense of self to complete. He was floating, afraid that if his feet touched the floor, everything would fall apart. “He knows about you,” Richie had whispered one night leading up to his next change,” he wants you, needs you and I’m scared Eddie.”

He was scared too.

Light was just beginning to seep out past the horizon, the new day welcoming him like some kind of crude joke, he being the punch line. Eddie watched it from the edge of the bed, his back pressed against the wall, Richie’s curled figure a few inches from him. Today was the day, tonight there would be a full moon and Richie would change. The trashmouth he had spent every night with for almost a month was going to be ripped away, replaced by a monster. A monster, which if memory served, already had a taste of his blood. Would he survive the night? He had no idea, but he intended being there when the beast made his first appearance. After all, mates find one another. No matter what.

“E-Eddie?” A groggy voice called out, a shift in the bed making him flinch. “Eddie, what are you doing?”

“I’m watching the sunrise.” He replied in a whisper. There was no response but he could feel Richie’s gaze on him, begging for validation that Eddie couldn’t give. They had been fighting more often than not, arguing about the smallest things. A misplaced shirt here, a restless sleep there. Both were on edge, both at the end of their rope. Change was coming, they both could feel it. It wasn’t supposed to be like this, not really. They were best friends and now they couldn’t even have a conversation without yelling at each other. Eddie knew it wasn’t Richie’s fault, he was losing more and more of himself each day but it was hard to hold onto something that still was such a mystery.

God, what was he going to do when he saw it again? Cry? Scream? Run? Or maybe it would all make sense then, like a missing piece of a puzzle finally revealed to be under the couch the entire time. Maybe he would see the animal and understand why he had four scars across his chest, why he had these feelings for someone who hadn’t chosen him. Why he was up all night worrying about something that was completely out of his hands. All Eddie wanted to do was understand, and yet it was more like a far off dream than a tangable reality.

“Eds.” Richie’s voice made him jump in surprise, his hands biting into his pajama shorts without him knowing it. Slowly Richie pried his fingers, intertwining his instead. His skin was like fire, burning down all of the walls that Eddie had subconsciously built. “It’s going to be okay.”

“That’s my line.” He replied, smirking down at their connection.

“It’s so good, I had to steal it.”

“Thief.”

Richie grinned, the first genuine one in days. Eddie felt his heart swell, his head filling with a toxic high that seemed to consume him. He wanted to say something encouraging, something about having each other or having their friends. Anything to help the tension that had grown between them. Instead he spoke from his heart, saying the one thing they both didn’t want to hear. “I’m scared Richie.” This made the other boy sigh heavily, running his free hand though his matted hair. “I’m sorry, I know that’s not the right thing to say but I am. I’m scared.”

“I know.” He whispered, “I think we all are.”

Eddie tried to fight back the tears but they came anyway, trailing down his cheeks and splattering against the sheets. It had been so long since he had let himself feel anything and now that he did it was coming in waves. There was a silent moment where neither of them moved, surprised that Eddie even allowed himself to cry but then Richie pulled him in close, leaning back into the bed until they were laying with his arms around his small waist. Eddie cried against his chest, staining Richie’s night shirt.

“It’s okay.” Richie cooed, stroking Eddie’s hair. “I’m right here, I won’t let anything happen to you, understand? No matter what, I’m going to be with you.”

“Richie you can’t-”

“Yes I can.” His broken voice shook Eddie to the bone. “I’ll protect you. Please, let me protect you.”

You can’t protect me from yourself, Eddie wanted so desperately to say, but didn’t. Instead he stayed there in his friend’s arms, taking in their last moments together. Soon they would need to get up and meet the others to set up but as the sun rose higher in the sky they laid in bed, soaking up each others company as his tears dried.

It really had been a beautiful sunrise.

The house smelled like homeless body odor. It was just as run down as the stories, all of the windows were smashed out or boarded up, the roof was caving in and graffiti painted it different colors. It was like the one they had been forced in as younger children, only this monster was one of their own. Conversation severely lagged, the Losers were caving into themselves. Richie was like a walking zombie, shuffling behind the others.

“I think this will work.” Stan muttered, walking around in a giant circle. “We are actually going to pull this off.”

No one agreed, and Richie couldn’t bare the weight. He wanted to die, that would be better than this. His gaze caught Eddie, the small boy was hugging himself near the back of the house, his eyes scanning over all of the trash that littered the floor. He seemed so small and powerless, like he was going to shrivel up at any moment.

Richie could feel the sun setting, the sky becoming darker by the second. It was coming, the beast crawling just under his skin, reminding him of what was going to happen. He was terrified, and the burning in the back of his throat told him that he should be. Someone was talking but he couldn’t hear, the ringing in his ears filling his head instead. His heart was beating painfully hard, almost breaking his ribs. Oh god. He was going to kill them all.

“H-ey.” The soft touch to his arm brought him out of his trance, bringing Bill into focus. “Y-you okay?”

“Okay?” He repeated, tilting his head. “No.”

Bill flinched, recoiling back just a bit. Looking over his shoulder he watched the others speak to one another, saying something about precautions. “I kn-now you’re probably worried but y-you should know-”

“It’s not going to work you know.” He muttered, looking down at his feet. “All of the preparations, the planning, it’s all going to fall apart the moment I change.”

“M-maybe.” Bill sighed, shrugging. “But we have to t-t-try, if this doesn’t work then n-next time we will know what n-not to do. We will be m–more-”

“Next time?” Richie choked, thinking about going through all of thi again and nearly vomiting all over his friends shoes. “There might not be a next time. If I kill any of you, then that’s it. Game over, you’ll have to put me down.”

“You ar-aren’t going to-”

“Oh come one Big Bill, I’m not an idiot and I know for damn sure you aren’t. This thing is dangerous, just look at what it did to Eddie last time. Now it has a taste, and it wants more.” Glancing over to his friends he noticed the group pointing at things and nodding, all but Eddie inputting into the conversation. He looked so out of place, thrown into a world that he never wanted to be apart of. Richie heard it, in his sleep, the mumbled words that Eddie spoke in his sleep. The cries of pain, the whimpers and begging for it all to stop. He was sure he cried too from his own nightmares but whatever Eddie was dreaming of, it wasn’t sunshine and rainbows.

“R-Richie you have to stay posi-positive, Ben said that the th-thing feeds off of your emotions s-so you have to stay calm wh-while we-”

“Can you promise me something?” Richie blurted, not even trying to register what his friend had said. “Promise me that you’ll keep this thing away from Eds, keep him safe for me.”

“E-Eddie can take care of him-mself, he doesn’t need my protection.”

“Yes he does.” He growled, feeling a deep burn in the pit of his stomach. “This beast wants him and the moment he is released, Eddie is going to be priority number one.”

“What?” Bill snapped, standing a little straighter as he looked down on him, his eyes wide in surprise. “Why wouldn’t y-you tell us this? Th-this is kind of something y-you should have-”

“Eddie didn’t want you to know, he thought you would keep him from being here and you know how he can be when he sets his mind on something.” Richie defended, trying not to bite at his friend. “I wanted to tell you but he wouldn’t let me.”

“F-fuck.” Bill breathed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Th-this changes everything.”

“Hey guys?” Mike called from the other side of the room, bringing their attention to him. “It’s time.” Richie looked at Eddie, noticing him cower where he stood. He was frowning at the ground, his face pale and distant. More than anything he wanted to reach out and touch him, to embrace and whisper sweet nothings into his ear. This may be hard for him but god damn, he couldn’t imagine what was going through Eddie’s head right now.

“They’re too tight.”

“They are fine Eddie.”

“No they aren’t!” He hissed, trying to keep his voice even but it was proving difficult the more they prepared. Richie was being chained down to the floor, his hands being cuffed while his feet were bound by shackles. His stomach churned at the sight, the idea that this was going to do anything other than piss off the monster was laughable. “Look, his skin is irritated. It’s rubbing.”

“Relax okay? I’ll loosen them.” Beverly cooed, moving to adjust the metal for the fourth time. “I just thought that we would be better off if it was tight.”

“Don’t.” Richie barked, flinching before she could uncuff him. “It’s fine, it feels fine. Eddie is just being over protective, leave them tight.”

There was a bubble of guilt in Eddie’s stomach, his sad eyes watching the entire thing. He had been against this, Richie wasn’t a monster and it was unfair to treat him as such. Maybe he was being too protective and he didn’t want to be like this but it just came out, seeping from every pour like a nervous sweat. Beverly was looking at him for confirmation, trying to be gentle with the both of them and do her job at the same time. Eddie forced himself to nod, biting down on his bottom lip to keep the slew of curses at bay.

Beverly smiled softly, turning back to Richie. “Okay, Mike brought a collar and chain that they use for uh-sheep that become too hard to handle. Do you want-”

“No.” Eddie nipped, “That’s inhumane.”

Richie sighed, shaking his head. “Eds-”

“No, don’t Eds me. You are not a fucking animal, we are not putting a muzzle on you.” He snarled, his entire body shaking from frustration and nerves. “That’s where I draw the line.”

“I’m with him.” Stan muttered, scratching the back of his head. “That’s too much. Even if this work, a muzzle will do nothing more than piss it the fuck off.”

“Ok.” Beverly nodded, tossing aside the leather piece in her hand. She looked wrecked, they all did. It was nearly dusk, the day slipping past them like sand between their fingers. Eddie wanted to scream, everything building between their friends until it seemed that they could take no more. He could see the question in all their eyes, even in Richie’s. What happens now?

Fucking Christ.

“Now we wait.” Ben whispered, looking out to the sky. “I’d say fifteen minutes, tops.”

Eddie knelt in front of Richie, the others parting ways to give the two space. In that moment, he was grateful for the losers modesty and even more grateful for their change of heart. Originally it was supposed to be him who stayed, who faced the monster but the others fell into place. First Ben, then Mike and then all. He had fought it at first but in the fleeting moments before the rise of the full moon, he was happy that they were together because this may be the last time. Eddie had told no one, but he had no intentions of survival. None, but at least now someone would come for his body, take it back to his mother. They would be there at the end, and that was more than he could ask for.

“Eddie?” Richie whispered, adjusting himself on the hardwood floor.

“Yeah?”

“Do you think after we can go for waffles?” His joke was weak, the delivery hallow and sad. Stil, Eddie couldn’t help but smile. “Or pancakes because I forgot weirdos like you don’t like waffley goodness.”

“After this, we can go eat whatever you want.” Eddie muttered, shaking his head. “I’ll even take you to IHOP if you want, even though restaurants are just a cesspool of germs.”

Richie chuckled, “Same ol Eds.”

“Same ol Rich.” He whispered, his heart clenching.

“You fucking love it.” The trashmouth joked, licking his lips and wiggling his eyebrows in a suggestive manner. “You totally want me, you’re more horny than you mother.”

“Beep beep asshole.”

Richie opened his mouth to respond only to be cut short by a gut wrenching cry. It was starting, the lanky boys body trembling with pain. Eddie said nothing, tears clumping against his lashes as he pulled his friend close, feeling the fire build under his skin. Richie thrashed and clawed against the touch, pulling at Eddie’s hoodie with an iron grip. The others were yelling at Eddie to move, to tear himself away but here it seemed that he was grounded, his words of encouragement falling on Richie’s deaf ears. There was a pull in his chest, his scars burning along his ribcage, he was crumbling along with him and soon they were both would be turned for the worse. Tufts of hair began to appear along the rips in Richie’s shirt, the chocolate coat a grim reminder that this was indeed happening. Claws were digging into Eddie’s skin, Richie’s muscles moving, expanding and bulking wildly. “I love you Richie.” He whispered, holding on for as long as he could. “I love you so much.”

There were strong arms on him then, pulling him away, he didn’t fight it and soon was across the large living room with the others. “Do you think the chains will hold?” Mike asked, helping Eddie to his feet. “Or do you think-”

His question was answered, the monster sharling and pulling the apart it’s bondage. It tore off of him instantly, pieces of metal spraying them. “Fuck!” Someone yelled, speaking for the entire group. Before the knew it, Richie was gone, replaced by a snarling, shaking animal whose attention had yet to reach them. If there was ever a moment to run, it was then. Beverly and Stan moving quickly, trying to get around to the front door. Their footsteps gave them away, and they only made it a few feet before tripping back to where they had been.

“Shit shit shit shit.” Stan sang, pulling at Bill’s arm. “We need to get out of here, shit shit-”

“Shut up.” Ben hissed, “Stop talking.”

The wolf let out a low growl, eyeing the kids with it’s empty gaze. Eddie knew he was sizing them up, trying to decide the best way to attack. In retrospect it was six against one, but that one out sized them by three times the normal ratio. It’s nails drug against the wood, the noise like nails on a chalkboard. Then, out of nowhere it pounced, it’s aim uncertain as it landed between the group. The losers stumbled back, giving room to the monster. His eyes caught sight of Eddie and it was all over.

“Fuck, m-move!” Bill cried, pushing against his back. “RUN!”

Everyone obeyed, hurring thorough the closest door before the monster had a chance to lunge again. It slammed in the animals face, shutting him off from them. Mike locked it, pressing his back to the wood with a heavy sigh. They all jumped when the first bang came, whimpered with the second. “What do we do now?” Beverly shrieked, her fingering biting into her scalp. “He’s going to break down the door!”

“We did not prepare well, what the fuck were we thinking?” Stan choked, frantically pulling at the piece of wood that was nailed to the window seal. “We are all going to die!”

“N-No we aren’t.” Bill said sternly, pulling a surprising weapon from the back of his pants. Eddie gawked in awe, the pristine metal making him sick. The others looked equally as shocked, only they weren’t the ones to voice it.

“A gun!” Eddie hissed, “You’re going to shoot him!”

“My fa-fathers. I t-took incase-”

“Are you crazy!” There was yet another pounding against the fragil barrier, the door bowing from the force. “That thing is still Richie! You’ll kill him!”

“Eddie this isn’t exactly the time for this argument.” Mike said, his eyes darting between Bill and the cracking door frame. “If we don’t do something then we are all going to be mauled to death!”

The small boy was speechless. There was a look in Bill’s eye, something between regret and determination. To them, that thing was a monster, and only a monster. It was life and death at this point and as the door fell to the dirty flor, Eddie knew that this was never going to end the way he had prepared for. The animal looked directly for his mate, and once he found him he moved quickly to retrieve what was his.

There was a gun fire, a whimper and blood. So much blood.

“Oh my god!” Beverly cried, screaming at the top of her lungs. Eddie’s ears rung, his heart breaking at the sight of the deep wound in the monsters right shoulder blade. The wolf bared its teeth, it’s paws dragging red crimson across the floor as its focus was broken, now staring at the boy who held the shaking weapon. Bill cocked back the hammer, closed his eyes and then-

Click.

“FUCK!” One of the others yelled, the animal advanced, the hair along it’s back raised and a deep growl ripping through the air. Bill backed up against the wall, the gun still lifted in defense. It was getting closer, the dripping saliva trailing down it’s snout. This was how they all died, fate had decided.

“Leave him alone.” Eddie barked from across the room, digging his heels into the ground. The other looked at him with wide eyes but he ignored their scorching stare. “I said leave him alone!”

This make the animals ears drop, his feet no longs advancing on its prey. Still its eyes remained on Bill, but its body reacted to Eddie’s stern commands. “W-w-what the fuh-fuck?”

Eddie took in a long breath, trying to calm his buzzing nerves. “Back down.” He snapped, trying to sound as loud and deep as he could, his throat burning with each word. When the monster didn’t move he stomped his foot. “Back down now!”

This time, he didn’t obey, whimpering pathedicaly as he limped over to where Eddie was. It was a sign of submission, his head lowering and eyes keeping to the ground. Eddie’s stomach dropped to the floor when the wolf laid down onto the ground, groaning loudly as it began to lick its wound. There was power in the act, something that Eddie tried desperately not to feel. This wasn’t something he wanted, but it now changed everything.

“I don’t understand.” Mike whispered, “What-”

“Animals always listen to their mates.” Ben said, a nervous chuckle following. “I don’t know how I didn’t see this coming, how could I have assumed that-”

“MATE?”

Eddie cringed. He looked over to Ben with heated eyes, haystack cringing in response. “Yes, mates. Richie and I are mates. That thing,” he pointed to where the monster lay, still tentatively working his blood soaked fur, “ marked me. When Richie touched me as human it competed the bond.”

“I-uh-wow. I mean I expected like a secret relationship but this? This is like out of a fucking fairy tail.” Beverly said, moving closer to Eddie, halted by a warning growl from the animal that looked up when she got near. “Or a nightmare.”

“I think you all should leave.” Eddie whispered, looking down in shame. “I don’t know how long it’s going to listen to me and I suggest you leave while you have a chance. I’ll take care of Rich when he changes back, come back after dawn.”

“Eddie-”

“Please.” He muttered under his breath, the wolf looking up for a brief second at the timid tone. “Just leave.”

There was some more protests, a few pleases and even one threat but eventually they all left. The house was quiet and Eddie felt trapped among its walls. When the sun finally awoke, there would be so much to do, so much to explain but now he wandered. There was a scraping noise behind him, nails against wood telling him that the animal wasn’t far behind but he tired to ignore it. Instead focusing on the lingering hours around them. It was dark, far too dark for his liking, the only light from the overly full moon outside of the run down house. God, would it have been easier to have just died instead?

Probably.

It was hard to think that only hours ago he was in Richie’s arms, safe. Now he was being followed by the reason behind his entrapment. He didn’t notice when he was no longer being followed, confused when he realized that he was now completely alone. A sudden panic ran through his veins like ice. “Fuck, hello?” What was he doing, the monster wasn’t going to answer him. He walked through the entire house, looking for any sign of his mate only to come up empty. “Shit, where are you?”

He found himself outside, looking at the woods around him. The trees were thick this far out, almost growing side by side. Eddie debated whistling, knowing that the monster was further from a dog than he was. Still he worried about what the monster was up to, worried about what he was doing. Sunrise was still hours away and he had lost track of his only responsibility. God damn it.

Before he could step off of the porch, a dark figure appeared from the darkness, the large silhouette matching the wolfs. Eddie sighed, thankful for his arrival. He smiled, unable to stop himself, only it fell when he noticed a few things.

One, the fur of the monster was black instead of brown.

Two, it’s eyes were dark and focused. Focused on Eddie.

Three, this wasn’t his mate.

Four, he was so screwed.

@decaffeinatedpostmoon @lizwillstealyourgirl longlostlove@reddieset @eds-kaspbrak @pretzelstoday @notagoodplace4gods@losersclubreddie @tonitozierprimary @eds-trashmouth @kyliee827-blog @lolahood @richietozierrrr@nocapesyd@deux-mille-deux@lonewolfhard @nicoperryy @toziuh @lilgeorgie @reddie-loser@nutellalala @eddieswolfhard @bitchin-eggos-353 @little-miss-hellraiser @kaspbrak-boi @eds2fannypacks @finnwolfwolf@grasshopper @luxluga9 @thecastlebyers @fucking-reddie@missingstanleyuris @finnhardwolf@richiestoziiers @the-sarcastic-wannabe-awakens@jem-carstairs-is-perfection @starry-nightflyer@reddietofall@tyrror @richietozierrrr @sleepykaspbrak@mohifadcat4life @whyamihere-0s @drunkrichietozier @50slosers @talkreddietome @sunflowerstozier @the-awkward-lettuce-turtle@yalocalemo @keytones @summerxle @pennys-pet-kitty@rixhietozier @casuallysarcasticblonde@hausofnikyhausofu @ihavesympathyforthedevil @bcckybeaver @whos-bitch-is-this @lemonaayyee @derrylossers @directaylor-klaus@thatonedramaperson@lilyridehalgh2 @fu-ckinggazebos@richietoaster @gazebo-motherfucker @im-alover@whos-bitch-is-this @eddies-bullshit-gazebo-pills @spaghetti-head-eds @dont-believe13 @richietoaster @stanny-the-man @hotdogsandtacos @reddiesetandgo @hawaiiantozier @lulia001 @baily-the-wise @loadsofgayy @thedillpickleisnotafruit @ew-its-tozier @takemetothetide @its-stranger-than-you-think @l0sers-club @iamworried7

#reddie #it #it au #under the blood red moon #richie #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #warewolf!richie #uhh #yeah #so this happe #and i'm kinda ashamed #take it away #now #ahhhh

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lovecomesin · 3 years

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The Evolution of Ebony Autobiography Part 2

Truth be told I am not the girl I was back then. There are things abut myself that have not changed but there are soo many that have an corey never took the time to learn that. When we reconnected this time at first I was willingto see ehere it goes biut the days passed on exactly as they always have. I had grown accustomed to feeling lonely while with someone, being consistently ghosted, lack of access to my partner, the barest of minimum. Of course I was unhappy, and I was aware of my unhappinesss and I stuck around anyways. I take full responsibility for allowing mself to stay in a situation that I knew I shouve left. I have no regrets because I know now withouta shallow of a doubt that corey and I are not compatible and should not make any attempts to date each other. The most beautiful outcome of this entire situation is that I finally was able to get over the love retrograde of corey jones. After 14 years of this roller coaster ride I am finally free. And I stepped into my freedom like the true queen I am.

I felt myself detching from him bit by bit and the more I could feel myself detaching the more I sought it out. I twas as if I was finally breaking out of a cage that I played a part in putting myself into. I didn’t miss him nor did I tell him I missed him when he told me. I didn’t care whether or not he took me on dates or wanted to see me. I knew he would ghost me then come back pretending as if nothing happened. This time I was finally strong and willing to put my foot down and let it all go. I couldn’t keep sacrificing myself in an attempt to save corey. I’m happt to sat that I am over corey and I broke things off by being fully transparent and honest. When it was all said and done corey was exactly as he alays been, full of excuses and minalistic at best. I even told him that I had no desire to be friends because I knew him well enough to know that he could not br a good friend to me because he cant even excute basic communication skills.The moment I cut corey off completetly I could physically feel the shift in my life. I was immediately happier, more sure of myself and at peace. I lost myself and I allowed corey to behave however he wanted as long as he was around. I know now that I truly am a prize and I am chosing everyday to love myself way better than I did in the past. I’m free of corey and my heart, mind and spirit feels as though it was gone through a great evolution. I wont even chase friends anymore. I used to overcompensate for ching and Justin by allowing them to contantly be dependent on me while I never really depdning on them for anything. I relize that I chose them over myself and that is a recipe for distaster. I am only responsible for myself, my life and my choices. I was exhausted because I allowed myself to belive that my friends issues were my own and that I could save them. As noble as this mindset is itsalso foolish an nonsustainable. I was in soo deep it was hard to establish any boundaries and to make matters worse I wasn’t aware that I needed boundaries with them. I used to elive that the love I give could be boundless with no expiration date. Life has taught me that this is also a fools dream. Overall the gist of what I’m saying is I’m happier than I ever been. Even though I’m single I finally have found happiness in my own company. It’s a wonderful change that has come over me! I’m soo full of happiness that it fills me up and carried me throughout life. I know that God continues to perform miracles on me and I will continue to surrender all to him. Can’t wait to write to you soon about our first time traveling to Mexico!! Until then, laters baby.

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melaninkpopimagines · 6 years

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Deal

Youngjae x Reader

*Requested*

Word Count: 5790

Warning: Smut

Author: Admin Jae

6th grade gym class, you spotted some boys shoving the new kid to the ground while the teacher wasn’t looking. “Hey Asian, you going to do my math homework?! You need to go back where you came from there’s enough immigrants here!” They taunted him. No one to defend him.

“Hey! Leave him alone!” you shouted running towards them. “What! You gonna do something about it” one of the boys shoved your shoulder. “Yeah, I am” you punched the boy square in the face. The boy stumbled back and collapsed on his knees holding his nose. You saw a small trial of blood seep out. “I’m telling on you!” the boy ran off alongside his friends.

He froze in horror, he couldn’t utter a word. “Hey, are you ok?” you asked extending your hand to lift him off the ground. “Yeah, thanks” he said dusting himself off. “You didn’t have to do that” he stated. “Yes, I did. They wouldn’t have stopped” you pointed out. He nodded his head and extend his hand “I’m Youngjae, what’s your name?” he asked. “I’m Y/N” you introduced yourself.

3 Years Later…

“Ready to be fresh meat?” you asked looking at him.

“Fresh meat, meaning?” his eyes widen in horror.

“We’re freshmen. Tiny little freshmen. So many freshmen for upperclassmen to make fun off and bully” you cooed. He didn’t bat an eyelash, he froze completely.

“Youngjae, I’m just kidding. No one is going to mess with you” you soothed his nerves.

“Oh God, Y/N. Don’t scare me like that” he burst in laughter slapping your arm.

First day of High School would have any freshmen feeling anxious. You and Youngjae were stepping into unknown territory. You two stepped off the bus facing the entrance leading to the gym lobby. “This shouldn’t be too bad” you smiled. “I’m not sure” Youngjae replied. You pulled out your class schedule and school map find where the classes were. Youngjae pulled his schedule with yours. “We have almost the same classes just different times” he stated. Youngjae followed your finger as you pointed to his lunch period then to yours. “Hey! We have the same lunch period” he beamed.

The first bell rung for first period. “We’ll rendezvous there” you said. “Good luck with classes Youngjae” you said and hugged him. “You too Y/N” he said hugging you back. You two waved bye. You sped walk to class, you made it on time with one minute to spare. You grabbed a seat. Class started with usual introductions. You were wondering if Youngjae was holding up ok with his classes. You continued your day till lunch.

The cafeteria was crowded, you couldn’t spot Youngjae anywhere. I guess he already found some friends. You grabbed yourself a salad and a slice of pepperoni pizza. You spotted an empty table and took a seat. You felt a tap on your shoulder, you spun your head around. “Hey, sorry. I almost got lost. I was afraid I couldn’t find you” Youngjae smiled sitting next to you. “You should grab something to eat” you suggested. “I bought lunch from home” he said opening his container.

You slid some salad into mouth. Youngjae looked at you disgustingly. “What?” you asked. “How can you eat that?” Youngjae pointed at the cucumber. “It’s easy put in your mouth” you mocked. You grabbed some cucumber with your fork and placed it in front of him. “Here eat it”. “No” Youngjae refused scooting away from you. You knew Youngjae hated cucumbers with a passion. You smirked and pleasantly placed the cucumber in your mouth. “That’s really disgusting” he commented.

“You know what’s really disgusting. That!” you pointed with your eyes. The couple sitting at a table in front of you two were tonguing each other down. Youngjae looked where your eyes were pointed, he frowned. “See!” you laughed, “We’re trying to enjoy our food and we have to see this almost every day”. “Leave the couple alone Y/N.” Youngjae said chewing a kimbap.

“They’re probably in love” Youngjae mentioned. “Do we even know what love is at this stage in our lives?” you questioned. “Mhm, Good question” Youngjae replied. “I bet they probably already had sex” you speculated observing the intense groping. “Honestly, I would rather have sex with someone I care about and love” Youngjae spoke. “Really? Even if they like cucumbers?” you joked “Yes, even if they like them” he said. “Well, Youngjae, it’s your lucky day. Come here and kiss me then” you teased. “Y/N, I couldn’t do that. I would rather do things in private” he added. “Same, I would to. Maybe hold hands or hug” you agreed.

Waiting for his reply, you caught Youngjae staring at the couple intense make out session. The guy was groping the girl’s thigh and biting her neck. Youngjae zoned out your comment, “I’m sorry what did you say?” he uttered turning his direction to you. You looked each other in the eye. Youngjae slightly smirked. “I’ve never seen gawk at a couple before” you observed. “I had a thought” Youngjae began.

“Oh, what were you thinking?” you asked sipping your beverage. “Sex” he spoke. You inhaled too fast, you nearly choke on your drink. Coughing slightly, Youngjae pats your back. “What about sex?” you blurted. “Well, it’s bound to happen sooner or later” Youngjae clarified. “Yeah, but not now!” you exclaimed. “Why, you don’t think it can happen?” he asked. “Not really no” you laughed. “I’m being serious” Youngjae said. “I am too” you remarked.

“Alright, let’s have a bet then” Youngjae challenged.

“What kind of a bet?” you cautioned. “If we don’t lose our virginity by our Senior Year. Then, we have to lose it to each other” Youngjae instructed

You slowly nodded your head. “Are you sure you want to do this?” you queried.

“Yes” Youngjae smiled. You shook Youngjae’s hand accepting bet. “Fine”.

The bell rung for electives to start. “Hey, where’s your next class?” you asked as you walked alongside Youngjae. “Oh, it’s chorus” he smiled. “I’m headed this way. I have Home Economics, I’ll see you on the bus”.

You knew chorus would be a good opportunity for Youngjae to use his vocals. His voice was amazing. It was always very pleasant hearing him sing. When you visited his house, you would play Karaoke with his siblings, Youngjae would make perfect scores.

When classes were over, you were headed to the bus lot. Until, you heard a loud voice coming from down the hallway. You followed a loud voice coming from the classroom. You knew it had to be Youngjae. You snuck a peek inside, Youngjae standing in the center of class with his voice echoed throughout the room. Everyone was dead silent staring at him.

“Oh my God, he’s so good looking” you heard someone commented behind you. You smirked. He was singing a few verses from ‘When I Was Your Man’ by Bruno Mars.

After he sang, everyone gave him a thunderous applause, this was the most you’ve him ever smile. His face was turned red from shock, this was unexpected for Youngjae.

Youngjae heard you cheer for him from the doorway. His cheeks started turning red. “Wonderful voice Youngjae” his music teacher complemented him. She continued, “Alright class is over. Get out my room. I’m ready to go home”. Youngjae grabbed his belongings and approached you. You smiled embracing him in a hug. “That was amazing” you said. “Oh, thank you” he blushed.

You spotted a group of girls huddled together. “Hey Youngjae?” one of the girls spoke you as passed by. Youngjae stopped, “Yes”. “Your voice is amazing. I’m Abby by the way. I’m also in the same music class as you” she smiled. “Oh, nice to meet you and thank you” Youngjae said. They waved good-bye.

“I see you have fans already” you hinted. “I guess so” Youngjae said.

“What time is it?” you asked. Youngjae glanced down at his watch. “It’s almost three. Why?”

“We just missed our bus” you said as you saw it driving past the gym lobby. “Now, we have to the city bus home” you sighed.

“No worries” Youngjae said.

When the bus arrived in your neighborhood, Youngjae walked you home. “Bye Youngjae, I’ll see you tomorrow” you said as you unlocked the front door.

You found your mom in the kitchen cooking. “Hey Mom” you greet. “Hey sweetie, you’re home a little late. I was about to worry. How was your day?” your mom asked.

“Sorry, I forgot to text you. I was with Youngjae, he did a small performance for his chorus class and we caught the city bus home. But my day was pretty good” you replied.

“You and Youngjae have been friends for a very long time” your mom acknowledged.

“I mean he is my best friend” you noted.

“Have you guys ever thought about making your friendship more than its current state?” she cautioned.

You immediately recalled the bet you made with Youngjae. “Mom! Really? No, I don’t think we’ll ever have that conversation” you exclaimed “We’re just friends”. You felt your face fluster in shook.

“Alright, alright! I was just wondering. No need to yell. You guys are really close that’s all” she mocked.

You headed upstairs to start on your homework. “Dinner will be ready soon!” she yelled.

Youngjae with someone like me. I don’t think he’ll be interested in me. We are friends that’s it. It’s going to stay that way. You thought.

After dinner, you retreated into your room to finish the last bit of homework. You read the first chapter of Les Miserables for English class. You slowly drifted off to sleep.

“I miss you” Youngjae spoke as his soft lips dove into yours. He stared deep into your eyes, he wants to be vulnerable with you. You huffed softly feeling excitement. Youngjae wrapped his arms around you pulling you close. He trailed tender kisses down your neck, it felt so good. His hand rubbed against your skin, you quivered from the slightest touch. “I miss you too” you whispered.

You jump frightened as you felt someone tap you. It was your mom. “Who do you miss?” she asked. “No one!” you yelped. “You missed the school bus” your mom told you. “You’ve must have been really tired. I’ll drive you to school. Get dress”

What the hell did I dream?

You got ready and headed downstairs with your mom already in the car. You were silent. “Had a weird dream last night?” your mom broke the silence. “I guess, I don’t quite remember” you looked out the window.

You continued your day at school as normal. You sat at your usual spot in the cafeteria. “Hey, you missed the bus this morning?” Youngjae said. “I know, I was really tired” you replied. “Is everything alright?” he asked. “Yeah, everything is fine” you smiled.

“I want to talk to you about something” Youngjae spoke. “Sure, what’s up?”. “During lunch, I’ll be practicing vocals with Abby. You can come and eat lunch with us” Youngjae beamed.

You nodded your head “Sure”, you said with a slight smile.

For the next few weeks, you ate lunch with Youngjae in the music room. Each time, Abby would freeze in the doorway and narrow her eyes at you. You arched an eyebrow curious about Abby’s attitude towards you. “We’re about to practice, I hope we won’t disturb you” Youngjae cautioned. “Don’t worry about me, I just reading” you smiled. They had the perfect harmony. When they sang, they would look at each other. Abby inched herself closer to Youngjae. He didn’t seem to pay any attention. You scoffed knowing Abby’s motives. She’s trying to drool all over him.

“Thank you for practicing with me Youngjae. We make a great team” she smiled. “We do” he beamed, “I’ll see you later today”. She waved good-bye and exited the door. With Youngjae back turned, she glared in your direction.

You rolled your eyes in disgust. “I don’t like her” you spoke reading over your paper. “What do you mean you don’t like her” Youngjae questioned. “I just got a bad vibe about her” you replied. “You don’t know her Y/N” Youngjae sighed.

“Neither do you” you rose an eyebrow. “Actually, I do” Youngjae corrected. You scoffed and shook your head in disbelief. “What’s your problem with Abby?” he huffed. “She keeps giving me evil glares behind your back” you answered. He nodded his head taking a seat next to you.

“Do you feel awkward being around Abby?” he asked. “Yes, she’s all over you like she’s thirsting for water!” you stressed. He remained silent.

“You got nothing to say about this” you broke the silence. “What do you want me to say?!” Youngjae scolded. “I don’t know. I hope Abby won’t become between our friendship. Youngjae, I care about you and I don’t want you to get hurt” you sighed placing your hand on his shoulder.

Youngjae shrugged your hand off. “I know you do but I don’t need you to protect me. I can take care of myself. We’ve been friends for a long time, but you always baby me”

“I don’t mean to” you spoke softly. You swung your backpack over your shoulders and look back at Youngjae. “Where are you going?” he asked. “I’m getting a head-start to class before the crowd gets in the hallway” you replied approaching the door. You looked back at Youngjae. “Youngjae, you are the closest person I have in my life as a best friend. We’re supposed to have each other’s back. Friends are worth protecting even if the truth hurts”.

You walked out. Frustrated

Men never listen!

You spotted Abby at a corner, in your attempt to avoid any form of contact. “Hey, Y/N” Abby called out. Shit, what does she want?!

She walked over. You folded your arms across your chest. “Yeah”. “I know you and Youngjae are really close” Abby said. “We are” you confirmed. “Neat, is there any chance you guys will hook up?” she asked. “I don’t know, why?” your eyebrow rose. “You guys spend an awful lot of time together. Wherever he is, you’re always there. I would like to be alone with him myself sometime. But, I’m just curious” she smiled. “It was nice chatting with you”.

“You are disgusting” you seethed under your teeth. “I’m sorry come again” Abby said. “You heard me Abby. I didn’t stutter”.

“Listen, Youngjae and I are singing partners. Whether you like it or not?” she stepped closer to your face.

“You better not hurt him” you narrowed your eyes. “Or what?” Abby walked away smiling.

Next day, you stopped by your locker to gather your binders for your next class. You saw a flyer of an upcoming Winter Musical called ‘Christmas in July’ with Youngjae starring as Christmas. You grinned happily.

Some girls approached the flyer talking amongst themselves. “Did you hear Youngjae asked Abby out?”

You overheard the conversation, you kept quiet with the locker door still open. “No, I didn’t hear about that. Omg, they would make such a nice couple. I can see them together”.

You felt your heart become heavy and your stomach began to knot. Deep down, you were happy for Youngjae but you couldn’t shake the feeling of him with Abby. You took a slow deep breath and continued with your day.

Lunchtime came, you sat your usual spot in the cafeteria. You suspected Youngjae was preparing for the play with Abby. You didn’t take much interest in eating. You heard a familiar voice beside you.

“Hey” Youngjae smiled sitting next to you. “Hey” you softly smiled. “How have you been?” he asked.

“Well, I’m ok. I guess” you huffed “You?”

“I’m good. You know why am here right?” Youngjae asked. You shook your head.

“I was wondering if you’d come support me” he cautioned.

You smiled. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world”. “Great. I’ll see you then. I better get going” Youngjae stood up. “Is it true?” you asked.

“Is what true?” he replied. “Is Abby your girlfriend?”

He sighs. “Yes”

“Wow” you spoke. Taken by your reaction. “That’s all I get is a wow. I thought you would be supportive of me being with someone” Youngjae seethed.

“Yeah, someone that’s not her” you corrected.

“What’s your problem with Abby?!” he snapped. “I don’t trust her Youngjae” you argued. “She’s not good for you”.

“And how would you know what’s good for me? He questioned

“Because…I’m your friend. I care about you. I lo…” you paused. You breathed and asked, “What exactly do you see in her?” “Things that aren’t in you” Youngjae insulted.

Hurt, you still managed to keep your composure “And what exactly is that?”

He didn’t answer. You swallowed hard realizing you had lost your appetite.

“Look, Y/N. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean...” Youngjae murmured.

“Well Youngjae. You did” you threw your bookbag over your shoulder and proceeded out to walk out the cafeteria.

You avoided Youngjae. Every call, every text, every door knock went unnoticed. When it came time for his play. You came however you sat in the back of the auditorium. The play ended, Youngjae searched the lobby looking for you with Abby following closely behind him.

“Who are you looking for?” Abby asked.

“Y/N” he looked amongst the crowd.

“Why? We have tons of people that want to see us together” Abby said. “Maybe she didn’t show up”

“Don’t say that” he snapped, “I asked her to come”.

“Well I don’t see her” Abby said.

Youngjae gave up and went back with Abby.

Later that night, you received a text message from Youngjae:

Y/N, where were you? I was looking all over for you. I can’t believe you missed the play. I know you are mad at me but this was important to me. Why weren’t you there?

You left the message on read.

The next day, you noticed when you spotted Youngjae in the hallway, he avoided you. Any form of eye contact was made, he would glare. You still had a soft spot for him, you could never stay mad at him.

For the next three years, he greeted you a glare. The only news your heard about Youngjae, Abby’s name was included.

Each play, Youngjae had performed, you sat in the back of the auditorium with a camera taking a video. You started to pursue an interest in photography and video editing. You joined the yearbook club. Every time, an assignment is given that involved the school choir team, you stayed away.

Youngjae grew more handsome during every performance. You smiled after watching the videos. You missed him.

Prom was approaching, everyone was preparing for it. “Do you have a date for prom?” your mom asked happily. “No” you replied. “What about Youngjae?” she suggested. “Mom, for the thousandth time, he’s with Abby”. Every suggestion involving Youngjae, you felt down on the inside. You miss him but you couldn’t be with him.

You stared aimlessly down at the textbook drifting off to sleep. Your phone buzzed. It was Youngjae.

Youngjae: Y/N, I don’t know where to begin to apologize. I would rather speak with you in person. ☹ Please come outside.

You: Wait, now?

Youngjae: Yes. I’m outside. 😊

You quickly got up off the bed rushing downstairs. “Mom, I’m going outside for a few minutes. I’ll be back!” you shouted.

Your heart was beating so fast, you doubled check to breath. You found Youngjae at the bottom of the porch steps. Youngjae smiled approaching you. You smiled too.

“Youngjae, I..” you began.

“Shhh, I should have listened to you Y/N” Youngjae said sitting on the porch steps. You remained quiet sitting next to him.

He sighed. “I should have trusted you about Abby. You were right all along. I wasn’t thinking clearly and I let Abby into your relationship. I’m sorry” he apologized.

You sighed processing your thoughts together. “What did she do?” you inquired. “We’ve been going through a rough patch. Things became worse when Abby kept telling everyone our business”. You nodded your head. “All her friends kept pressuring us to have sex because everyone was having sex”.

“What?” perplexed by the amount of drama.

“Yeah crazy, right? I never slept with her. It wouldn’t feel right” he said. You nodded your head. He sighed again. You believe there was more to the story.

“What happened after that?” you asked.

“When Abby realized I wouldn’t sleep with her. I found out she cheated on me” he slightly chuckled.

“Youngjae, I’m so sorry” you apologized. “Don’t be. I had a feeling. But when I saw those text messages and photos she sent to other guys. I’m was stupid to think she actually cared about me” Youngjae paused.

“You’re not stupid” you clarified.

“But I let her get between us”

“It’s my fault too. I should have told you this a long time ago but I went to every play you performed” you confessed.

“Even the very first one?” he asked. You nodded your head. “I always had my camera on you.” You smiled.

“Was I good-looking?” he raised his eyebrows.

“Always” you nudged his arm.

You glanced at Youngjae staring back at you. “Youngjae, I…” you hesitated. “I miss you Y/N” he whispered in your ear. “I miss you too” you whispered. He scotted closer to you. He lowered his eyes downward, looking at your lips. You both leaned in, lips softly touching one another. He deepened the kiss, you accepted. He moaned.

You two pulled back. “Woah” you said.

“Do you have a date for prom?” he asked.

“No” you replied. “Why do you ask?”

“Just wondering. I’ll meet you there. I have a surprise for you. I should get going. It’s getting late. Night Y/N” Youngjae stood up and planted a kiss your lips before leaving.

“Night Youngjae”

You went back inside the house and found your mom happily sipping her tea. “So, what happened?” she giggled. “Nothing Ma. But a harmless kiss” you smirked. “Oh, so after 4 years he finally kisses you” she stressed. You nodded your head. “Did he at least ask you to prom?”

“No, he said he’ll meet me there. He has a surprise for me” you reckoned. “He loves you” she implied.

“How would you know?” you laughed.

“I’m your mother, I know everything” she continued to sip her tea.

During the entire school week, you witnessed guys going through great lengths asking for prom dates. One guy asked sent a bouquet of flowers and a pizza all to end in rejection. Another guy plastered a banner on the wall, his date said yes. You heard the news of Youngjae asking Abby to be his date besides they were also campaigning to be Prom King and Prom Queen. Flyers, buttons, even t-shirts were being given away by Abby and her minions. Youngjae was nowhere to be found.

Saturday Night came, Senior Prom the one night to have no regrets. The one night to celebrate high school freedom. You wore a lovely long lace backless champagne with a v-neckline. You stepped into the building, the music was blasting from the ballroom. The entire senior class had arrived. In a separate room, appetizers and drinks were being served. The bathrooms were flooded with girls checking their hair and makeup. The theme for Prom was One Night in Paris.

You saw everyone paused as Youngjae and Abby walked in together with her entire entourage behind them. He was dipped in all black suit. You were amazed, he looked extremely sexy. They took a seat a table near the stage. You walked in the food room, Youngjae spotted you walking across the dance floor, he quickly followed.

“Y/N?” he said.

You turned around smiling. “Wow, you look gorgeous” he stared in awe. His mouthed gapped open. “Cat got your tongue?” you asked. “I don’t have any words to say” he laughed. He walked up to you and embraced you in a hug, softly smelled you and let out a soft moan. He was warm to the touch. You’ve never had a hug feel this good before. “So, where’s my surprise?” you giggled. “Not yet, it’ll be later tonight” he smiled leaving a gentle kiss on your cheek. “It better be worth it” you said. “Just trust me” he smiled.

“Youngjae, what are you doing with her?” Abby approached sternly with her girls behind her.

“Exactly what you see me doing. I’m hugging her” Youngjae retaliated. She glared at you again folding her arms.

“It’s alright Youngjae” you said. “It better be alright” Abby chimed in. “Was I talking to you?” you snapped at her. “Go check your makeup or something”. She kept her mouth shut.

“I’ll see you later tonight” leaving Youngjae with Abby.

The night went on, bodies were so close together, the air became hot and thick. You looked over at Youngjae, he looked miserable with her. Why does he still put up with her? Why can’t he just leave her? I wish I could help him?

“Alright ladies and gentlemen. It is time to announce this year’s Prom King and Queen” the principal announced.

Everyone gathered around to the stage. You stayed behind to avoid being crushed.

The principal has an envelope in her had. “By default, we already know who won” she smiled happily. “Drumroll please” she asked. The audience drum rolled for dramatic effect. “This year’s Prom King is.... Choi Youngjae”. The crowd gave a thunderous applause. Youngjae bowed and smiled. He walked onto the stage to receive his sash and crown, he was handed the microphone. “Thank you everyone for voting for me to be Prom King. I greatly appreciate it” he smiled. The principal took the microphone in her hand, “And without further or do. This year’s Prom Queen is…. Abigail Thatcher”. All her friends screamed and cheered for her. She was smiling so hard. She stood next to her man receiving her crown as well. “Omg, I can’t believe this is happening. I want to thank everyone who support us on our campaign. We couldn’t do it without you guys. Thank you so much” she squealed. “Babe, is there anything else you want to say?” she asked.

Youngjae nodded his head and she handed him the microphone. “I have something I would like to say to all of you” he paused.

The whole audience remained silent. Abby still smiling.

“I’m not sorry for doing this. Abby, I’m breaking up with you” he announced.

“Oh my God” you gasped.

“Youngjae, what are you doing? What do you mean you’re breaking up with me? She stammered.

“Everyone, Abby is not as good as she says she is. Abby has been cheating on me for the past two years of high school” he confirmed. The whole audience gasped and immediately started booing.

“Youngjae, you need to stop this. Right now!” she shouted.

“It’s ok Abby. Everyone needs to know who you truly are. It’s over” He said. “I’m giving my crown to someone who’s been really special to me”. He stepped off the stage and started walking towards you.

You heard Abby shouting from the background, “I hate you Youngjae!” and left crying.

The lights shined on you. He smiled and placed his crown on your head. “I’m not a king” you whispered to him. “I know that but the person I love, should be honored” he spoke in your ear. You mouthed “love”. He nodded his head and extended his hand to slow dance. He gently pulled you close, his hands were around your waist. Your arms were around his shoulders.

He nodded. “Yes, I love you”. You smiled happily. “I take it this was the surprise?” you curiously asked. “Well part of it” he admitted.

“What else is there left?” you asked. “I can’t tell you right now” he smirked.

“What about Abby?”

“She’ll be fine” Youngjae reassured. “Besides, it doesn’t matter who you came with, it’s who you leave with”.

He extended his hand and said, “Come on, let’s go”. You took his hand and followed. The entire senior class stood there and watched. Hand in hand, you two couldn’t stop smiling. You both got in the car as he drove to a nearby hotel.

“Why are we here?” you asked as you two walked into the lobby to confirm his stay. He remained quiet until you two were alone in the elevator. “I want this night to be special for both of us” he finally spoke.

Entering the hotel room, one king size bed centered, the currents were draped closed. The tv placed in front of the bed. The bathroom styled with marble flooring, with motion sensor lights. The room was cozy.

Youngjae closed the door behind him and asked, “Remember the bet we made Freshman year?”

“Yes, but I thought you were joking” you chuckled. “No, I wasn’t joking. I meant it.” he walked closer to you. You froze in place, his tone changed.

“Youngjae...” your voice slightly cracked. “I want to lose myself in you” he moaned in your ear. His moan aroused you. You breathed and looked in his eyes, “I do too” you whispered. He didn’t hesitate, he kissed you. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him closer. His hands moved slowing down an inch closer to your ass. You turned around to let Youngjae unzipped your dress dropping smoothly to the floor. You faced him only in your lace panties.

He stared in awe from head to toe. You felt exposed. “Please say something?” you said shyly. “You look beautiful”. You smiled.

He removed his jacket and proceeded to unbutton his shirt. You unbuckled his pants. All his clothing fell to the floor next to your dress. You stepped out of your panties. You both stood naked in front of each other.

You two couldn’t resist each other any longer. When your skin touched his, you quivered. Youngjae chuckled. You want to his. Your thigh felt slightly wet, it was Youngjae’s precum seeping out of his cock.

“I’m sorry” he apologized. “Don’t be. Let me get that for you” you got on your knees. You gently jerked him off more pre-cum came out. “Y/N” Youngjae said tilting his head back. You stuck his cock in your mouth and sucked him off. He softly placed his hand on the back of your head. “Fuck” slipped through his lips. Each moment you sucked his cock grew more until it was full length. You went faster. “I can’t hold it in any longer Y/N” he gasped. “I’m about to cum Y/N”. He came in your mouth, your tongue licked along his tip his knees slightly buckled.

You got off the floor and laid with your back against the bed. Youngjae crawled on top of you. Your legs opened for him. He put his whole weight against you. He was so warm. You caressed his cheek and smoothed his hair behind his ear. He kissed you and smiled. “How was that?” you asked. “Amazing”. You chuckled.

Youngjae started kissed your neck working his way down. Each kiss planted gave you goosebumps. “Let me know if I’m hurting you” he said before he parted your heated lips. His tongue explored you. Your nipples peaked from his warm touch. You were breathing heavily. “Youngjae” you whimpered. “Yes Y/N”.

“Don’t stop”. He continued to suck and lick all over your pussy. You never felt this relaxed before, your back arched off the bed.

He suddenly stopped and grabbed a condom out of his pants pocket. He jerked himself off a couple times and wrapped the condom around his cock. He laid on top of you again. You kissed him. “Are you sure you want to do this? I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable” he cautioned.

“Youngjae. I want to do this” you reassured him. He nodded his head and lined his cock to your pulsing entrance. You opened your legs wider for him. You held your breath as he inched his way inside of you. You felt a dull pain as you adjust to his cock. You gasped slightly. Youngjae immediately stopped. “Am I hurting you?” he asked. “It hurts a little bit. It’s ok.” you whispered.

“Maybe we should stop” he paused attempting to pull out. You placed your finger on his lips to prevent him to stop talking. “Youngjae, we’re here. Together. Alone. Don’t hold back” you whispered and passionately planted a kiss.

He nodded his head, slightly thrust himself further in you. You pulled him closer to feel all of him. The pain faded away, you engulfed his hard cock. He hoists himself up with his thighs to place his cock at a better angle. His cock tugged at your walls going in and out. You felt tremors of pleasure spread throughout your body. Youngjae buried his face against your neck groaning in your ear. You felt like you were in a daze. “Yes, Youngjae” you whispered. “Are you ok?” he asked. “I’m better than ok”.

He smiled plummeting his cock back inside your wet pulsing guts. “Ah, Y/N. You feel so good” he murmured. His pace quickens, the mattress squeaked a bit each time his hips slammed into you. He gripped your thigh as you wrapped your legs around his waist. Your breasts bounced in unison to his thrusts. You were lost in him as he was lost in you. You cling to Youngjae afraid to be parted from him.

Each thrust made your pussy wetter than before. You were creaming all over him. “Youngjae, I’m so close baby”. “Me too” Youngjae mustered as he continued to keep his pace. You felt every muscle tighten and your upper thighs quivered in shock. You couldn’t hold in any longer. You cried out as cum released. Youngjae’s pace was slowing down, he called your name out as his cum spilled into the condom. He pulled out and disposed the condom. He crawls into the sheets with you. His forehead glistened from the sweat. You both caught your breath. You look over to Youngjae, he looks back and laugh.

“What?”

“I can’t believe you thought I was joking, that was by far one of the greatest experiences I’ve ever had” he said pulling you in his arms.

“Really?” you asked wiping the sweat of his forehead. He nodded caressing your cheek.

You leaned in and planted a gentle kiss on his lips.

“I did. Besides I didn’t think you would want to lose your virginity with me” you explained.

“I don’t trust anyone else but you. You’re more than a friend.”

“What am I then?” you questioned. “My girlfriend?” he hinted

“I like the sound of that”

#got7 #got7 smut #youngjae smut #got7 youngjae scenarios #got7 youngjae smut #got7 scenarios #got7 youngjae #got7 choi youngjae #youngjae got7 #choi youngjae #got7 fanfic #youngjae got7 smut #choi youngjae got7

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ultimatecufangirl · 6 years

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Luigi Falls Apart (Mario Bros Shortfic)

Luigi Falls Apart (Fan-made parody of “Daisy Falls Apart”) ~~~ [Mario and Luigi (c) Nintendo] ~~~ Luigi’s phone buzzed in his pocket. Knowing exactly who it was, he took it out and declined it. “Shtop ccalling me…..stupd dumb brother……” he said, shoving the phone back into his pocket. He was very drunk; it was hard for anyone to miss. They all wondered what Mario would be thinking if and/or when he saw his younger brother like that. The bartender toad handed Luigi another drink. “You know, he's probably worried about you.” he said to him, referring to Mario. “Ggood. Let-a *hic* him be. Imma grown man! I ccan *hic* take care of *hic* mself.” Luigi responded, just barely understandable in his drunken state. “Th’only reason that I-a know I *hic* can take care’f mself is bcause Ma*hic*rio aaalmost aaalways leaves-a me at-a home, and *hic* and-a whenevr I DO go with him, he ggets AAAAALL the attention and-a praise. Bbut then what-a does *hic* Luigi get? What kind-a award does Mari*hic*o’s brother get?” he continued, ranting. “Uh-” the bartender toad tried to answer. “HEEE GETS-A NOTHING!” Luigi yelled, somehow not able to catch the attention of the whole bar. “Poor old Weegie gets-a lEFT BEHIND AGain and *hic* noobody evr noticesss….” he continued, taking a sip of his drink. The bartender toad was about to say something, but stopped himself when he saw another sober toad outside the bar jumping up and down and waving to somebody outside. He watched as the sober toad stopped waving. He stood there for a few seconds before nodding; he was obviously talking to someone. The toad then jumped up and down some more while pointing inside the bar. When he stopped, he moved out of the way; and as soon as the bartender toad saw Mario appear in the doorway, he gestured towards Luigi before walking away to serve some other guests, letting Mario run up behind his brother. “There you are!!!” the older brother shouted. “AAH!!!!” the younger brother shouted in return, startled by the older’s sudden appearance. Mario, ignoring the fact that he nearly just gave his only sibling a heart attack, went on. “What were you-a thinking?! You scared-a me half to death!!!” he shouted. “Oh reeeeeally??” Luigi responded nonchalantly and semisarcastically. “Yes! I've-a been looking all over the kingdom for-a you!!! I almost had-a the princess start a search party for you!!” Mario replied, still shaking a little from fright over his brother going missing for a while. Luigi saw this and ignored it. “Tch…i’snot like-a yOU would caree, BIGnose.” he said, pressing his nose up against his brother’s. Mario, confused, ignored it. “What in-a powerstar’s name are-a you going on abou-” he was almost able to get the question out of his mouth. “YOU, MARIO!!” Luigi shouted, cutting him off. “YOU ANd-a AAALL your mANY VICTORies. You-a defeted BOwser, and, and-a you rESCUed Peach, and, and….and-a you-a saved Daisy….and you…a-and you rescued PEAch….and…….di-did I-a say you rescued Peach…?” Luigi asked. “Yes, Luigi. Three times.” Mario replied, unamused. “YEah, gguess what? Last time we both saved-a the prINCess, NObody, nnot evn Peach hersELf, so mmuch as-a even LOOKed at me!! I-a eeven waved at-a you and yOu didn't evn notice mee!!!” Luigi said, adding on to his previous statement. “I-a ALways ffeel so-a lonely, and i’s becus nobody seems-a to ccAre abou’ me.” he continued, looking away from Mario with a sad expression on his face. Mario was surprised at this. “Weegie….how-a come you never told-a me? I-a surely would've done something!” Mario asked, pure concern in his eyes. When Luigi didn't respond, Mario started to feel his big brother senses come on. “Weegie?” he asked. “Answer me, bro, please.” he continued. There was a pause before Luigi finally responded. “I-a didn't want to be a burden to you…” the green brother said quietly. This shocked Mario beyond belief. He had absolutely no idea what to say or do; he could only hang his head as a wave of guilt passed through him. He didn't feel like he'd been a good brother at all. Well, now was the time to redeem himself. “Bro….do-a you want to know the truth?” he asked Luigi, placing a hand on his back. Luigi nodded. Mario sighed before speaking. “…I worry about you a lot, bro.” he said. Luigi looked up at him with saddish eyes. “You-a do?” he asked. “Yeah.” Mario replied. “….Why?” Luigi asked, still giving his brother the same look. “Because of-a how you are.” Mario replied almost immediately. “You-a get paranoid so easily, and-a that allows you to get scared of just about everything. It-a makes me afraid to leave you alone for too long, especially when I'm-a out saving Peach.” he continued. Luigi squinted at him with a serious expression. “Go on.” he said. Mario was a little weirded out by this, but he kept going nonetheless. “Well…..” he started, rubbing his neck. “….sometimes when I'm-a out saving Peach, I…I-a have scary thoughts about you that-a cross my mind that-a make me want to turn around and-a run back home.” he continued, now nervous. “Really? Like-a what?” Luigi asked. Mario turned his head, his eyes seemingly shadowed by the brim of his red cap. “I-a don't wanna talk about it…” he said in a slight whisper. “That's-a fine…” Luigi responded, not wanting to make the mood anymore gloomy. “I-a do care about you, little bro. Nothing in the world can change that.” Mario spoke again out of the blue. “And-a so does Yoshi! He's always asking me where you are when-a he sees me! And-a Toad likes to see you, too! And so does Peach!” he continued. A small smile spread across Luigi’s face as Mario named off their friends. “And Daisy is-a your girlfriend, of course!” Mario added. Luigi’s whole body tensed up and his eyes widened in surprise and shock at the mention Daisy’s name. However, Mario didn't notice this. “See, Luigi? We-a do care about you!” Mario concluded cheerfully. But when he saw Luigi down the last of his drink with one swig, his smile faded. “Stop-a that.” he said, snatching the glass of now ice from Luigi's hand. Luigi put his pointer finger up and opened his mouth to say something, but it closed and his finger drooped as his face turned as green as his outfit. “Um, bro? You okay?” Mario asked, once again filled with concern. “I-a don't feel well….” Luigi replied shakily, holding his stomach. As he bent over his legs, he felt Mario start to rub his back. That didn't last long, though; Mario retracted his hand as fast as lightning when his brother puked all over himself. “Doesn't surprise me.” the bartender toad appeared in front of them and handed Mario a napkin to give to Luigi. “Don't worry about cleaning up. I've been doin’ it for a long time.” he continued. After saying thank you to the bartender, Mario gave the napkin to his brother, who raised his head up a little after using it to wipe his face. “…uuuuugh….” he moaned. Mario rubbed his head with a small smile. “You okay, little bro?” he asked, attempting to cheer him up. Once again, the unexpected occurred. Luigi began to cry. First, it was quiet. Then it got louder. “WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!” the younger brother wailed before burying his face into his hands. “Mama mia!! C-Calm down, Weegie!” Mario said, startled. “What's-a the matter?” he continued. “These were my-a last pair of clean overaaaaalls!!” Luigi cried. “Well, mine-a need to be washed anyways, so we can-a both-a change into something else at home, huh?” Mario told him. “That's not the only reason!” Luigi exclaimed, looking up at his brother with a tear-soaked face. “What's the other reason?” Mario asked curiously. Luigi cried a bit more before answering. “DAISY DUMPED MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!” he shouted. “SHE WHAT?!?!” Mario shouted in return. “Yeah!” Luigi responded. “She-a dumped me for PEASLEY!!!” he continued. “Mama mia!! That's-a terrible! Why Peasley of all people?” Mario asked. “It's-a because she said that-a he was more mature than me!” Luigi exclaimed. “More?! If anything, Peasley is-a LESS mature than you!” Mario said, now mad. “I knoooow!!” Luigi agreed through his tears. Finally, Mario reached over and wrapped his now sobbing brother in the biggest, most loving hug he could muster. As Luigi sobbed quietly into his shoulder, he rubbed his back soothingly. “Shhh…” he whispered. “Don't cry anymore, Weegie. I promise, I'll-a do whatever it takes to help-a you win Daisy back.” he continued. “Y-You will??” Luigi asked with a sniffle. “Of-a course. Anything for my little brother.” Mario replied, smiling. Luigi felt another smile cross his face as well. “Thank yoouu….” he said, returning the hug. Mario replied by softly humming to soothe him more. After about a minute, Mario stopped the hug and held his brother in front of him. “Now then, let’s-a go home and-a change, eh? Then we can play some Mario Kart 8!!” he said, wiping Luigi's tears away. Luigi chuckled. “I'd-a like that a lot.” Luigi replied, finally giving off a big smile. Of course, Mario was happy to see it. The two bros climbed down from their stools and were about to leave when they heard a voice from behind. “Ahem.” it said. When the bros turned around, they noticed the bartender toad waving a hand as if he wanted something. “Ya gotta pay, Luigi.” he said. “I'll-a pay for him. How much?” Mario asked, pulling out his wallet. “Fifty coins.” the bartender replied. “FIFTY?!??!!?!” Mario exclaimed. “How many drinks did-a he have?!” he asked. “Ten. And they're five coins each.” the bartender replied. Mario's lower right eyelid twitched once before he turned around to look at Luigi, who gave him a small nervous laugh. Mario couldn't be mad at him long though; he'd been through a lot. “Alrighty, here you go.” Mario sighed, giving the bartender 50 of his gold coins. “Thank you. You boys have a nice day.” the bartender said with a smile. “You too.” Mario said as he and his bro left. “ Don't-a EVER get that many drinks again.” he semiwhispered into Luigi's ear as he pulled him down by the arm. “Don't worry big bro, I-a don't plan on it.” Luigi replied, loosening himself from his brother's grip. And with that, the Mario Brothers made their way home. They changed clothes, and played Mario Kart 8 until the day’s end. The End

#luigi #mario #brotherly love #drunk luigi #luigi needs more love and attention #don't you think?#yes

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lanadelreyfiles-blog · 7 years

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Lana Del Rey: “I've burned all the bridges for music” Teenager, Lana Del Rey was a daredevil. She remembers it on Lust for Life, a new album where her sovereign voice offers the widest gap, an intense collaboration with The Weeknd to a peaceful ballad with Sean Lennon. Interview by JD Beauvallet.

— You haven’t released anything since Honeymoon in 2015. How do you know or feel when you are ready for a new album? My problem is not to begin, it is to stop. Even when I think I am done with an album I continue to create, I always want to add one more song, and again one more. If I am not occupied with mixing in the end of the creation of an album, I continue to write. For example, two songs from the new album were composed during the finalizing of the predecessor. I can’t stop myself from working, I adore being in the studio, it makes me feel good. It has been like that for five years in the same place, in Los Angeles, where I work with the same small equipment at the studio of producer Rick Nowels. We spend our life there, as a gang. — So this means you have never known the fear of a blank sheet? It was a fear which overwhelmed me before I started to record real records. It was very present during the period before my success when I recorded simply for my own pleasure, when I wrote only for myself. I had the certainty that inspiration was gonna slip away and it was like that regularly, sometimes I was incapable of composing for six months. But for 10 years now, I find inspiration easily – or it finds me. I have learned to be stimulated by it. Especially refusing to be lonely, I meet friends, I observe what is happening without any stress. I use my phone non-stope in the dictation mode, I have recorded countless melodies and words… It’s a bit scary, I must have 700 rough drafts of songs on my phone. I know the experience when a melody pops up in my head, I run towards my phone to record it, even if it is in the middle of the night. A good melody does not knock twice on your door. If you don’t welcome it, it’s gonna show up at another door. For example, during the recordings of Honeymoon, I always heard a melody inside my head which tortured me and which I did not capture. It sounded like the music of the Renaissance… I hummed this melody for months before it ultimately became ‘Terrence Loves You’ (Sings for a long time). — Teenager, you have the reputation of being a dare-devil. How does this express itself nowadays? My challenges are not physical, I take different risks. When I was 18, I drove like I was crazy, I was on sprees for days and nights without sleeping. I was more free, more spontaneous, I didn’t care much for the consequences… I have a lot of responsibilities today, towards my relatives, my partners… I am obligated to, for example, be on time. In the past, I had enough work to do with myself, just to maintain a living, before I could find time to occupy mself with others. In 2017, the risks I take is the level of melodies, my musical choices. But I think I have passed the dare-devil part and I am more of a nerd now (laughs). — What do you mean by ‘musical risks’? The co-existence of different songs on the same album, like the very complex ‘Lust For Life’ with the desert-like ‘Yosemite’, it is not very reasonable. One tries to put me off, one tells me the contrast is too extrem, but I love the two songs too much to exclude one because of the other one. These are the songs which make me life, and more than that, as well: they have some experience. — Have you become more patient the older you got? I did. I allow myself much more free-time nowadays. I can go to the studio at any time, I don’t have the pressure of a deadline anymore. Of the blow, I have let myself go a little with the song ‘Lust For Life’… I have worked on it on multiple days a week for one and a half year. It has passed every stage, it has started with a futuristic and dark vein like Blade Runner. Also, I have decided to return to a radiant Shangri-La like style… After working for some months, Abel (The Weeknd) joined to add his part. This song became my baby, an unmanageable and maleficent baby which made me crazy. I quickly understood that this album would sound like a trip, a mix. — Working with The Weeknd, did you learn new methods to work in the studio? I already once learned that I love to play with the buttons, the reverb, I feel more and more comfortable on the other side of the window. I can pass hours with a sound, it captivated me. Also, I spend time with the console in the studio, it doesn’t seem like working; it’s fun, exciting. I even read technical reviews, I’m a true geek (laughs)… Technically, nowadays, I would be capable of producing for other artists. The real question is, however: Even if I can, should I? Often when I jam with my friends, I can hear how the studio version would sound like. Maybe that’s my future. There is a serious lack of female producers in the music industry! — Your last two albums, ‘Ultraviolence’ and ‘Honeymoon’, were made on the West Coast and were influenced by it. How about ‘Lust For Life’? Four songs on the album reference Los Angeles, but the mood and aesthetic are definitely not West Coast like. I drove myself to remove this blurry, dreamy atmosphere. Songs like ‘Tomorrow Never Came’ and ‘Yosemite’ pick up the sounds of 70s folk, and if I would have to create an album concept in a day, it would surround the legendary Laurel Canyon particularly. — One of the strong songs on the album is called ‘God Bless America’. How do you feel about the US nowadays? Around me, in the artistic milieu, we all share the same feeling of uncertainty, of fear, and the talk which arises. Women the subject of this song, are the most affected, the most referred to by the arrival of Trump. I have written this song prior to the big marches which seemed inevitable to happen. This rhetorical hate is not dignified for a head of state. The day after the elections was one of the hardest days in my life. I went to the studio nonetheless, to talk to the others. I want to be informed by reading everything, and see if I can get anything at all. Unfortunately, I can’t find anything that convinces me. — You have tweeted magical recipes to get rid of Trump… It was a joke. I read how witches of the entire world tried to federate at these dates and times to put a spell on Trump, I just relayed. But what is true is that my new videos contain references to magic and occult science. With the more cheerful, less dark side. I know people who converse with what is beyond. My music is in relation to ghosts. But without me. — Recently, you have re-entered the scene with the festival SXSW. Did you need something after two years in the studio? I’ve played for an hour, it did me good. I feel more comfortable in a small bar in Texas, like on that day, than in a big stadium. It was the best way to start again after leaving the studio. For the first time in ages, I have played the guitar, to Yayo. It was one of my first songs, composed on the guitar back when I wasn’t Lana Del Rey (she got published, without any success, with the name Lizzy Grant in 2008). It’s a piece loaded with my emotions, it threw me back to this period, sent me back how I fantasized, how I felt. I was 20 years old, it was an amazing time in my life, I’ve discovered new people, love, New York… At the same time, I’ve studied philosophy at university, but in my head, it was always: “I am gonna be a singer”. I religiously followed the counsel of the book ‘Think And Grow Rich’ by Napoleon Hill, I have burned all the bridges to engulf in music. Yet, doing the studies of philosophy, I didn’t let myself offer many career possibilities (chuckles)… But it allowed me to ask many questions, which I could not find answers to. However, I’ve met people who are on the same wave-length as me. The philosopher Josiah Royce talked about the clusters of spirit, with their fundamental importance for your fulfillment. Those were the music fans who welcomed me, in the cafes of New York. — Who taught you how to play the guitar? I’ve been obsessed with music, with singing, but I have been very limited in going any further because I couldn’t play any instrument. Before going to university, I’ve taken a gap year and I have gone – by foot - to my aunt and my uncle Tom at Cold Spring Harbor, a village on Long Island. Tom has showed me seven chords on the guitar. He had a marvelous voice, like James Taylor, but he worked on the Wall Street. Everybody told him he was wasting his talent. Thanks to him and his nylon-guitar course, I’ve finally had a plan for life. He gifted me with freedom… So, following this, I used to go to East-Village or Brooklyn one evening a week to play in the cafes, open-mics, at Sidewalk Café or Lay Lo Lounge… Without really knowing what I was doing, I played one of my songs in public. It was Yayo or a cover of ‘Buckets Of Rain’ by Bob Dylan (she sings loudly)… I’ve had only one reason to go on stage, to say “Listen to me.” — Have you been a disciplined student to your uncle? I have been very studious and disciplined. However, I didn’t make any real progress ever (laughs)… It was truly frustrating for me. It took me so much effort… But I didn’t have any visible talent. — But you already had your voice. I had one of my voices, the low-pitched one. The higher one, I am still working on. For example, on ‘Yosemite’, I sing with a very perched voice, which I haven’t used in years. I was really afraid of leaving this passage in, that my voice was too fragile, that it revealed too much of me… On Honeymoon, I’ve changed the key of four songs because I found them too high and it would’ve forced me to show my vulnerability. Henceforth, depending on how I use my voice, I can take that away or I show it, it offers an enormous liberty. The concert at SXSW, it really was a revelation for me, it allowed me to ask me certain questions. “What kind of genre do I sing? Which family do I belong to? Do I have the right to take some vocal risks onstage?” That was, on that stage in Texas, when I realized that my roots were the pure songwriting, the storytelling. On a smaller scale I have crossed paths with Joan Baez, with her taste for risks. Perhaps for the first time, I didn’t consider what could be expected of me. My songs have too often been a catharsis live… I couldn’t do more than singing “I, I, I”… It only took me ten years to reach it (laughs). — How do you live the commercial aspect of music? I absolutely trust in my team, who always protect me which makes me feel comfortable. But regarding my debut, from where I came, I’ve lived the marketing like a sacrilege. But nowadays, I am much more relaxed. For example, even if that smile is ironic, I have never openly smiled like in the video of ‘Love’… This smile, it’s a mix of sincere joy and relief… And, well, irony. — Your music is ideal for “cruising” by car. Do you have any memories of long travels with your family and with music which goes along? My dad used to listen constantly to the Beach Boys in the car, to the point where he always wore a Hawaii-shirt, even in December! When I was very little, my parents moved away from New York to live in the mountains of Adirondacks, six hours north of the city. Twice a year, we made a long trip down to Florida, three days by car. I hated the cold of the Adirondacks, I’ve loved this trip, it’s rooted in me. I loved the heat which grew stronger and stronger while we drove through the two Carolina states (North & South Carolina). I remember how my little sister and I snuggled in the back, I dreamed what we would do together once we arrived in Florida. I can still see the restaurants in service stations, the waitresses and the warmth. Once arrived, during these weeks, I never left the ocean. — You drive there still? Since I can’t blend in with the crowd, I don’t go to the women’s demonstrations against Trump. But I am the cab driver for my sister, who otherwise doesn’t have one. I drive a Jaguar Sedan, which is completely crazy. A car from the mother of the easy-family, not necessarily sexy (laughs). The next one is probably going to be a Tesla. I had the chance to meet one of the founders of the company, Elon Music. With my sister, he invited us to visit the seat of SpaceX, I’ve already touched one of these rockets…. But to take off into outerspace, I’ll wait until Elon is on board – the final proof that this technology is safe. I am excited for what we still have to discover. — Speaking of creatures coming from another planet, you recently collaborated with Alex Turner and Miles Kane of the Last Shadow Puppets… (She bursts into laugher and claps her hands) They are truly hilarious, two madmen. They do not live far away from me, in Los Angeles. I’ve begun to train two evenings a week in the studio of Miles, in the neighborhood of Los Feliz, to play with no goals with the Last Shadow Puppets. Then we go eat dinner together with their girlfriends in ‘La Poubelle’ What a squad! I can’t count the amount of times I’ve ended up on the ground because I was laughing so hard. They are capable of speaking to one another by singing, with improvised lyrics. For example, one evening, I’ve told Miles about the concert of Joan Baez which I attended. He has never heard about her. Alex made up a song on the spot “Miles doesn’t know who Joan Baez is” (she screams)… None is ever safe of their twisted humor. When I first met them, I did have the impression that I met musicians who only live for the music, whose only thoughts are about music. Singing with them is truly invigorating, there is no need to repeat anything, they always find a continuation. — With Miles Kane, can you speak with him about your passion for Liverpool FC? I think my manager Ben would rip my head off if I wouldn’t! Each match is about life or death for him. He took me to the Anfield Stadium, I was really amused on that day… — You told us a few years ago that you spend “a lot of time in (your) head”. Is that still the case? I have opened up to others. But most of the time, I still have that inner dialogue with myself. However, I feel less apart, less different than the others nowadays. I have the impression that I have finally connected to the world. It’s comforting. I have analyzed my life since I was a teenager, with enough detachment. — Do you still have your tattoo on your hand which reads “Trust no one”? (She shows it) I still do, but I am thinking about having it removed. Only because it is very identifying and I aspire to finally melt into the masses. It’s not about the message. Deep inside, I still agree with the message. Lust for Life out July 21st.

#Lana Del Rey #JD Beauvallet #Interview #Les Inrockuptibles #Magazine #Molly Matalon #Editorial #2017 #July 2017

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remytest-blog · 6 years

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I'm not blaming my mental illness, it's an explanation and it's not an excuse. I literally cannot control myself in a lot of things and I'm trying to make it better. The amount of mentally deblititating shit I've been through is enough that I'm barely functional. I can't hold jobs, I can't leave my house, and I look for every possible option to harm myself and it's something that I need to fix but I never get that far. I'm being sincere, I really am. I've been upset but it's been more than just you guys. Sixx and I talk, Kiev and I talk, Remy is hard to talk to a lot and you even more so. But I've got a lot of people I've been having issues with, such as 8bit, etc. Friens i've made outside ofyou guys that yesterday it stupidly came to a head.

It's not an excuse. My autism makes it extremely hard for me to understand a lot of things. I never knew that I turned subjects, and there were times where I would want to help but I wouldn't know what to say so I'll keep quiet and watch others speak and if I have something to add on i'll try. I know there are times I'll move on but usually I do it if I assume that whats done is done and it's appropriate. That's my autism, I don't _know_ and if I've been doing this I need to be spoken to. I don't hate you, I'm still at apoint where I'm scared that you hate me, that you don't want to rp with me.

I really do always want to rp with you I just don't know how with some of the muses I've picked. I feel like I bother you compared to the others bcause you're always gushing about remy and kiev but when i've done stuff I get lackluster words in comparison to how you gush about the others so I get self conscious and my brain assumes well I'm just not good enough so crown's sugar coating it for me. It's stupid and wrong but it's what my brain does.

Myheads a stupid catastrophe and against it's not an excuse. Half of what you said last night was a huge surprise to me even. I was not aware of anyhting I was doing. And I bring up bee/dee because. idk. I'm tying to gauge your guys response because I'm debating actually seeing about them joining the group.

And Idk. i haven't been spending much time with them till recently, and I get excited and want to share things with everyone. I. A lot of these issues are misunderstandings on my end, but I need tobe directly spoken to about a lot of them because i don't understand. I really dn't 90% of the time. But like yesterday, Idk. i felt like I was being put out, because it was all of you guys and no one had said a word to me.

I burst through TG because I wanted to be able to talk to you and Sixx about it, I always wanna rp with you guys and do stuff with you guysbut I'm awkward and Idk how to do anything at this point. And you not feeling -- Idk. I don't know how it came off that way, esp because I've been sitting here in the same position. Like you just aren't interested in RPing with me. I've been anxious ever since that thing with Camie, I felt like yes maybe you liked me but didn't really want to rp so you were putting on a front to make me feel better.

I love rping with you.

Half the time literally all I do is wait for replies from you and sixx and Remy. The reason I've been trying to show that I'm making friends is so that I stop clinging so hard because all I've done is cling to you guys.AlL i've done is sit there and be needy and want all of you guys attention because I love you guys so much but my head gets fucking foggy and then this shit happens.

I want to get better and I want to fix things. And if you're still questioning my sincerity pelease don't because i don't apologize like this to anyone I don't give a flying fuck about I don't put that kind of energyand attention into people I don't careabout. It'd be one word shit or just a 'sorry about last night'. Not me attempting to make anything of it. I'm a fucked up person but I will not be disengenuous about things like this.

Crown I'm so fucking intimidated by you. I'm almost scared of you. I look up to you in so many ways that I've come to resent it a littlebecause I feel like I'm not good enough because I deseperate seek your approval and I rarely get any sort of response from you and it's frustrating. Crown you're like a literal senpai to me. I mean fuck I only remade that kirishima because I wanted so badly to try and rp closer to you.

And then boku became really triggering for me and I tried to branch out. I'm useless tomyself. I'm a walking suicide bomb. That's all I am. And the longer I have friends the worse I act because of that. because I don't expect people to stay around, because I start to act more like me which is a fucking underdeveloped sack ofshit that doens't understand what I'm doing half the time.

I really need the guidance of my friends when I do something wrong. I really, really do. Even if you just dm me about what I did like if I turn a subject or something. Please tell me. please I'm begging you because I reallydon'tfucking understand so much I realy don't. I'm begging you crown I don't mean to do this, I don't mean to do any of this and I really.

Ineed my friends help to try and be better and i'm pleaing with you and the others to help me get better on this front, on things that my therapist can't really touch yet. I'm fcuking crying like a scrub because this really is fucking important to me. Making a change, making a fix, being _sorry._ I only bring up my mentalillness because I want you to understand what's lead me to this response or thought process or whatever because maybe then i can try to fix it while i wait on medicines and things to fix me better.

I hate it but despite being haha super smart I'm like a fucking 15 y/o in a 24 y/o's body. mentally so much of me is still back in 9th grade before the torture incident that made it impossible for me to talkto people the way i need to. everything still feels so fresh and i can't make my brains top thinking that it's all going to go back to the start.

I'm just.I' begging you to please understand me and that I'm meaning everything and I really do want to make a change. that everything i've done was not in that intention and the way i looked at things i didn't see them for what they were. like the vaguing. i posted it as a way to get my thoughts out because i was toiling in my own head, i never meant for it to hrt or BE a vague poost but thats exactly what it was. A vague post. the only person close enough to me is my damn father.

i dont know.pealse dont take this all as me trying to buy sympathy or god knows what else i'm really breaking down to the realest me i can. im not on the same level as any ofyou, i feel like a pretender in my ownbody, some broken down child trying to play with the grown ups and throwing temper tantrums because i don't know how to handle anything. all ido is care about you guys but dont do it the right way or well and i just.i dont want pity but i want understanding and i want to try and make it better.

i dont want to be scared anymore. i dont want to be scared of my friends but i am. and because ofthat im pushing. and im just. i want to be normal. i wish i was normal, or even at least ony our guys levels of functioning. i wish i wasn't a fucking stupid moron about everything. i wish i could just flip a switch and be a better person. that's why i cut,because in my head its like if i cut enough if i make mself bleed enough i'l bleed the bad away and it'll be okay i'll be better and i won't be so tainted for you guys and i'll be okay and it'll be all okay.

because to learn something when i did something wrong i was always punished and i can't get past it still i just can't. and now no one eventells me when i do something wrong and i just want to know so i can fix it. thats all. every lastbit of this is meaningful. itsall serious its all me. imbaring myself as much as i can and im trying not to make excuses i just dont understand so much i can't comprehend i can't i can't i can't.

i'm sorry crown i'm sorry. i'm sorry i'm sorry. it just sounds like more excuses but it's not i just want to explain i just want to explain m head because everything is hard and i never know when i do something wrong until it's too late.

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