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silvadour · 3 years

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Attack on Titan: The End of an Era - Final Chapter Review

Disclaimer: This blog post contains MASSIVE spoilers towards the ending of Attack on Titan as well as the greater series. If you wish not to be spoiled on certain story aspects and character revelations, I kindly suggest reading the manga or waiting for the 2nd half of the Final Season to be released in Winter 2022. Furthermore, if you are not caught up with this and read this post anyway, kindly refrain from spreading information presented here as not to spoil the experience for other readers and watchers that have yet to see the very end of the story.

And now without further ado, let is begin with the blog post.

Well, we’ve reached the endpoint, we arrived at that scenic view. Attack on Titan’s story has finally ended and if I’m being frank with you…I’m satisfied with it.

I have to say it’s always a weird feeling of coming to face the truth that a story you like and have invested many years reading has finally come to an end, there’s just an underlying feeling that you wanna deny the reality of it but you also can’t deny that sense of closure you gain from it either. While the series started way back in the year 2009, I did not get invested in the manga’s story until late 2013 when the anime’s first season finished airing. And my experience with AoT has been a strange one. As a young teen, I was impressed by the action on display so much that I began craving more of it like a crack-headed squirrel; this, in turn, led me to read through internet message boards and forums for possible new information on the stories developments which unsurprisingly led me to find spoilers of later events (particularly the case with Reiner and Bertholdt’s identities) However, even by the time I reached that revelation in the story in the existence of the Coordinate plot element came into play, I was aboard for the dramatic thrill ride ever since. And by the time I was reading it and the story shifted from fighting humanoid monsters to actual humans in the Royal Government/Coup d’etat arc, I started thinking of Attack on Titan as a rather niche series that only a few people could understand even with its ridiculous surge of popularity in the early 2010s, and I never could have anticipated back then on how emotionally attached I would be to this series nor how well it portrays a morally grey story where both participating parties of an ongoing war suffer from the circumstances of their character and nature.

The opening page to the series

As a modern monthly shonen series, I can say that it’s certainly a step above other manga of its type in how it re-frames familiar shonen archetypes in much more grounded and grim settings, and I find that it’s because of that grounded feeling found in its writing and setting that Attack on Titan has garnered such a large following for the elements in the story make themselves easier for audiences to distill themselves in similar situations, the narrative creates a sense of audience inclusivity that allows readers to imagine themselves in situations of survival. However, once I heard the series would end at 139 chapters apart of me was wondering if the series would have enough time to address aspects of established lore and give character arcs a fitting conclusion, and suffice it to say, the series accomplished that though some feelings on them I’m still processing. So knowing this I think it would be best to tackle the ending of Attack on Titan by discussing each of the established themes and characters one at a time, starting with the theme of freedom and liberty.

“To either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain”

Freedom and Liberty:

One of the major recurring themes in the story of AoT is that of the nature of finding true freedom. Freedom as a concept is described as the ability to speak, act or think by one’s own accord; freedom can be individual yet it can also be shared with various individuals. The story always made the best attempts at portraying both the positive and negative aspects of freedom in a morally grey manner. While the idea of wanting to do something of your own will, it all becomes a different story altogether depending on what the actions initiated from that free will end up being. One person’s freedom would naturally come to blows with the freedom of a collective group and trying to determine who is more rightfully just in their expression is never given a clear cut answer, case in point Eren’s yearning to be free of a world where he and his people aren’t demonized or viewed as cattle comes to blows with the antagonists’ (the nation of Marley) yearning to freely put him and the other Subjects of Ymir in their place as the two parties eventually engage in a long-standing war that has spanned for centuries. In an essay by John Stuart Mill, he presents an argument for the nature of human liberty that frames it as a double-edged sword; while it may stand as a tool to defend oneself from oppression and tyranny, it in of itself can be used as a tool to enforce other individuals into compliance and agreement should they not initially comply to certain established schools of thought. The expression of freedom is never displayed in an absolute black and white morality as each of the opposing parties have valid justifications for their expressions of personal freedoms (the nation of Marley’s long history being under the terror of the old Eldian Empire, and the island of Paradis being constantly invaded by Titans from Marley due to their history), rather the expressions freedoms are made due to self-interest.

Zeke describing Marley’s plan of action in order to ensure its future as a world superpower.

This is seen numerous times throughout the series, Ymir (104th Cadet) being used as a scapegoat for the cult that took her in, Erwin’s planned scapegoat execution during the royal government arc to ensure the original monarchy’s total rule over the population within the walls, the world nations following the bandwagon of Eldian discrimination as a political tactic of gaining advantages for the development of their nations through the extortion of the many Eldians around the world. Even with the characters that are standing on the “good” side still hold feelings of seeking self-interest as they are allowed so, solely due to the fact to want and something and act upon is part of their birthright just like any other human; case in point Eren and Historia at their most standout moments before the time-skip which would eventually coalesce with Eren’s meeting of the Founder, Ymir Fritz. This now brings me to the man himself, Eren Yeager.

Eren Yeager/Ymir Fritz:

When I first got into Attack on Titan, my opinion on the writing for Eren, especially in the manga’s early run, landed generally around middling. However, over time as I got further invested in the TV adaptation, I made attempts on doing retrospective rewatches to see whether my opinions on certain aspects of the story had changed; and during this time I found that my opinion of Eren changed to that of a more positive one. Throughout the series I saw this driven teenager coming to terms with his situation as a potential key for his people’s future, learning to quell his anger, as well coming to face the reality of his various failures all to eventually crack under the weight of the expectations he has placed onto himself, finally re-discovering his self-worth through the relationships he’s made with people closest to him only to have his reality crash right into his face when he finally discovers the truth of the world which bruises his idealistic nature.

To many of the fans that have seen Eren’s exploits in the latest season, his change in character might have come as a jarring shift since he has shifted to focus on eradicating the Titans to now eradicating the invaders of his home island. While the shift to different targets might seem like a strange change on the surface, fundamentally, Eren Yeager is still relatively the same character he was initially portrayed as, the only difference is that some of his more notable traits such as his anger, his battle tactics, and self-expression have just been more hardened due to the nature of his and homeland’s circumstances.

Eren is a prime believer of freedom, that any person is entitled to live free without feeling as if their freedoms are being imposed by others, solely on the basis that they were born into the living world. Should someone pose a threat to his freedom, he will not hesitate to steal freedom from others. And from the beginning till the very ending of the series his character writing remains consistent. Eren is a man lashing out against a prejudiced world that views him and his people as pure evil, he lashes not just for the sake of his freedom but for the freedom of those he cares for. However, throughout that lashing and emotional hardening he becomes something different from how he initially perceived himself.

For most of the manga’s final arc, Eren’s detached demeanor he presents onto his friends serves to highlight how he faces his challenges; he is more of a person that suppresses his grief and other vulnerable emotions because he has no choice but to appear strong and move forward when he cries out the world for something he wants, as a person ostracized by the world, his actions are indicative of the world telling him that he is not allowed to be viewed as a human being. His repeated fighting against Marley and the other allied nations can almost be interpreted as a cry for help. And throughout these actions, Eren was always consciously aware of his actions and the consequences that would be brought upon them, but he would never reveal his true feelings until he reached his two final goals, Ymir Fritz and his ultimate fate. When Eren first encountered Ymir Fritz he saw her as the absolute ruler of the Power of the Titans and wished to use her to finally make his true ambitions become a reality, however, during that process Eren realized that Ymir was so much more than a divine being. In his embrace of the Founder and in seeing her past through the Paths realm, Eren came to realize that Ymir was simply a human that much like him was ostracized and forced to harden her emotions out of fear of being further abused for appearing as weak; who trapped herself in ethereal realm due to her misguided understanding of “love” she had for her abuser, Karl Fritz I.

In recognizing her as a human, Eren sets Ymir free to finally act upon her own will for the first time in over 2000 years.

Personally, in this particular moment of Eren embracing Ymir with a hug and telling her the words she always wanted to hear “you are a human being”, I feel as if those words themselves are what Eren wanted to hear from someone who truly understood him and his reasons for going as far as does. Eren fights because he wants to end all fighting in the world, but he doesn’t know any other method besides fighting, much like Ymir, Eren needed someone to free him from himself. I find that Kenny Ackerman’s final words resonate with this scenario very strongly in retrospect: “We humans, are all the same…every last one of us. All of us had to spend our lives drunk on something or else we’d have no cause to keep pushing on. Everyone was a slave to something” (S03E10)

Eren’s “freedom” upon reaching that scenery he foresaw in his future visions.

At the moment of that embrace, Eren was fundamentally just like Ymir, a human child unable to cry due to repressing their emotions, Eren was only able to reach his external and internal goals in the final chapter through his relationship with Mikasa and Armin in their final interactions in which he imparted his freedoms and his dream to the two people he cared about most in the entire world. That being said in his fight for obtaining the ideal freedom for himself and his people, Eren only realized in his very last conversation with Armin that the freedom he sought after wasn’t only his. Armin’s final heart-to-heart made him re-acknowledge that the weight of his dreams for an ideal world shouldn’t be his to bear, even if ended endangering him and his loved ones. By refusing to entrust his dreams onto others, Eren was becoming a slave to his ambitions (in fact his appearance as the Founding Titan portrays him as a marionette), only to be finally set free (and possibly reincarnated as a bird, a common symbol of freedom in literature) by his best friend when he comes to understand him and offer him peace for all he has done for the sake of his people.

In his final meeting, Eren’s true self as the boy who lost all things he cherished in the beginning of the series confides with his best friend Armin on the actions and choices he has made, as well as finally reciprocating Mikasa's feelings of love.

Closing thoughts:

Overall, I find that Eren’s motivations and his character arc met my expectations of how I somewhat imagined the series would end. It didn’t end on a completely misanthropic note, but rather a bittersweet hopeful one. As even though the island of Paradis establishes a new military under Eren’s splinter cell faction, the Yeagerists, there is hope found in Armin carrying out the role that Eren always saw him, a hero and a purveyor of peace, as he, Jean, Connie, Annie, Reiner, and Pieck now taking on the role as ambassadors for the remaining population of Earth, embark to Paradis to begin peace negotiations. Whether the treaty succeeds is left entirely to the reader’s imagination (or Isayama adding more context in the volume edition of this chapter), but what I find truly beautiful about this ending of a series with clearly morally gray divisions, is that the people of those same divisions finally came to the realization that they are simply just people. They are not devils or angels, they are simply just people; not that much different from one another and willing to try and exist in a better tomorrow with each other. And what I love about this ending, even more, is that it finally bookends some goals and declarations that were said in the first half of the series: Eren wanting to eradicate the existence of Titans became a reality, after Eren’s death Armin took responsibility in claim he killed in turn that leads him to be viewed as a hero and purveyor for peace, Eren wrapping his scarf around Mikasa, all of these character declarations coming back in some unique form makes me love this series even more.

Your heart and soul to the cause.

Some may complain that this ending is not that great for it still doesn’t explain certain aspects of the story such as the nature of the Power of the Titans or the identity of Historia’s baby daddy or just general lack of presence in the final arc, but personally, I am content in not receiving a clear answer to some of those aspects, mostly because they either don’t matter or are already narratively complete, plus their open-ended-ness just offers me more chances to think about some aspects of the story and promote discussions around it. And while the use of mental time-travel ala Seers from Game of Thrones that were displayed by Eren’s use of the Attack Titan’ innate ability in the Paths realm, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t unsure or somewhat conflicted by the existence of mental time-travel; especially when time-travel as a narrative concept is INCREDIBLY easy to mess up. However, aside from these minor gripes, these were my overall thoughts towards the ending of Attack on Titan, we have reached the end of the story where Eren, Mikasa, and Armin’s respective character arcs came to a narratively true and satisfying conclusion. This is definitely a notable end of an era in the world of manga and pop culture. And without much left to say, all I can do is offer a salute to the author Hajime Isayama for his dedication to this story.

Thank you, Hajime Isayama.

#Attack on Titan #manga #AoT spoilers #AOT 139 #snk spoilers #text post #long post #shingeki no kyojin #thank you hajime isayama #Eren Yeager #Ymir Fritz #Armin Arlert

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grass-sharrds · 3 years

Note

01 , 07 , 08 , 12 , 15 , 19 , 20 ?

answers listed below!

01 | was your muse's birth usual or complicated ?

Childbirth during the 1600s was always a tedious challenge for the mother, and with Tabitha being a first born, her birth was certainly complicated. Martha was heavily dehydrated when she finally went into labor a whole month early, causing her to take longer to push Tabitha out of the womb. And when she finally did, Martha was extremely ill, as was her newborn baby. Luckily for her, her husband had the time to fetch a midwife to help her give birth— and said midwife helped greatly. She baptized Tabitha ( due to believing she would not survive ) while also taking great care of Martha in the process. However, after the birth, Martha Milton suffered from dizzy spells, high blood pressure, and she would constantly reopen the wounds that were caused due to her early labor.

Basically, due to being the first born of the Miltons, Tabitha's birthing was indeed complicated and unlucky. Due to being born early, she was a very sickly baby and was heavily monitored by visiting midwifes and her own mother ( though even she was ill ). Though both parties survived, everyone was definitely surprised when Martha became pregnant with David two years later despite her near death experience from her first pregnancy.

07 | were any of your muse's hobbies or skills picked up when they were a child ?

For a good majority of her childhood, Tabitha was bedridden and stuck indoors. She had low fatigue, which caused her to be easily exhausted on the worst of days— meaning she couldn't do many chores or else she would faint. This caused her to bide her time with things that required little physical effort ( that could also be done in bed ) ; making Tabitha fall down the rabbit hole of reading any book she got her hands on plus teaching herself how to write. She loved getting lost in the bible or the rare playbook that would fall into her lap, happy to be mentally transported somewhere else as her life made her miserable. It was only natural she would eventually pick up the skill of writing due to her fascination with literature.

She would beg visitors, her parents, or David to sneak her parchment and quills so that she may start writing. Since she usually had nothing better to do, she became quite skilled at it. Writing down her thoughts and creating stories with her as the main character became common past time. Reading and writing were indeed two skills she picked up as a child ; being one of the few women who could do both.

08 | how different were they to their current self? were they shier, braver ?

Thanks to being sheltered longer than most girls her age, Tabitha Milton was quite the brave little girl. She was naive to the rules of society since she never mingled in it, marking her as quite the peculiar child. Whenever she was allowed outside ( usually because she snuck out or actually felt better ) Tabitha was wild. Playing in the dirt, getting lost in forests, and making figures/crowns out of thorny brambles were something she commonly did. Seeking thrills outdoors since she was always so sure death was right around the corner for her. If Tabitha could go back and see the child she was then ( mischievous, easily angry, bold ) the poor woman would be embarrassed by her lack of etiquette.

She was a child who desperately wanted to live, making reckless choices due to the fact she had limited time outside. Tabitha wanted to be independent back then, constantly ditching her family to try and explore herself— truly a courageous soul.

Obviously, that's nothing like who Tabitha Milton is now. Shy, reserved, always scared of something— enamoured with her family. Mary's arrival, the overall presence of David, the punishments from her parents, and society helped mellow her out. Soften her rough edges. She's nothing like she was then for the most part, but glimpses of that side show with her outbursts of anger that usually spill out after a stressful situation. And she's a dreamer still, just as she was then.

12 | did your muse have any childhood friends ?

Her main childhood companion/best friend was David, even if she didn't always like him at the time. But besides her dotting brother, Tabitha was very close to a boy called Viktor and a slightly older girl by the name of Madeline ( who would later go on to be Madeline Carver ). She usually talked to anyone, desperate for human interaction, but out of the small lot in Little Hope ( Madeline, Amy, Joseph, Simon, Abraham, Viktor, David, and Isaac ) she would say her closest allies were those three. By the time she matured, she lost most of her childhood friends. Madeline was taken during the battle that also robbed her of her mother and Viktor died before reaching adulthood. The only childhood friend that remained was David, though she fears they're only close because they live together and are related.

As a child, the one who taught her the most about manners was Madeline ; who seemed to take Tabitha on as her wayward apprentice. They would commonly hang out in public seeing as Madeline came from a respectable family, and Martha liked the image it gave the Miltons. Anytime she did any chores, it was likely Tabitha would seek Madeline's help if she was free, seeing as she was too embarrassed to ask any other woman for help ( like Amy, who always scolded her ). Viktor was the type of friend she usually had to sneak away to see, considering the fact he was an orphan in their small town and his ideals easily got him into trouble. He played in the forest with her and would try and sneak around the Milton farm to visit her, being one of the only people who influenced her bold nature.

After Madeline and Viktor passed, Tabitha kept close to David and befriended Abraham Alastor and Simon Carver. She's known both since childhood as well, yet she never considered them her best friends, just boys she knew.

Oh! And I like the idea that Isaac Worel and Tabitha Milton loathed each other as children. That was her childhood enemy!

15 | what did your muse think of their parents as a child? was their relationship better or worse than in the present ?

Tabitha has a complicated relationship with her parents. She never really felt close to either of them, but she was pretty fond of her mother, Martha. Her mother was always kind to her and usually tried to be understanding, and Tabitha felt really close to her— though she eventually grew distant due to the fact Martha had two more children, Mary and David, that she focused more of her attention on. Despite knowing it's silly, she's rather envious of Mary and feels like her and David got the short end of the stick. Martha gave so much attention to Mary while she was still alive, and even gave the same amount of love to David before Mary came into the picture— leaving Tabitha to her own devices ( despite being ill ). Making her love her mother yet dislike her at the same time.

And for her father, Tabitha cares little for him. She thinks he's dismissive of his children, which is something that causes her motherly instincts to flare up. For a long time when it was only her and David, the young girl tried so hard to impress her father and be his favorite. Seeing as she felt neglected by Martha at the time, she clinged to him. But no matter what Tabitha did, it never seemed to impress him or make him fond of her— the fact he was the man of the house and had to be the one to punish the children didn't help matters. Due to her extremely sensitive nature, she never forgave her father for his punishments ( slapping her, making her go without supper, etc. ).

Her relationship with them now is very faded due to their passing. But Tabitha has had time to think it over, and doesn't think her father nor mother were bad people— and admits to missing them. So I would say her relationship with them now is better! Yet it took them dying for it to happen.

19 | did your muse have any nicknames as a child? did they give nicknames to others ?

Thanks to the fact her family were farmers, most of the nicknames bestowed upon her were animal or plant based. Her mother would call her 'lambkin' ( a nickname David stole for her as well ) while her father would usually refer to her as some kind of flower. Usually 'little rose'! Her friends didn't really have nicknames for her, though Viktor would occasionally call her 'honeybee'.

Tabitha wasn't the type to give nicknames either, and the only one who ever seemed to get one was her brother, David. She would typically call him a 'dizzard', an insult that eventually became something she used to refer to him fondly. There was a time when she was young where she tried shortening his name to 'Davey', though she disliked the nickname greatly and dropped it.

20 | do any of your muse's current behaviors echo things they did as a child ?

Certainly! As a child, Tabitha would constantly fiddle with something— keeping her hands busy by playing with her petticoat, the rare doll she had, or her bedsheets. This is something she still does as an adult, even if it's less frequent. She is also known to bite the inside of her cheek, something she did as a child as well in order to control her irritation or to dull the pain in the rest of her body.

#accusations ; ( headcanons )#//long post #//holy fuck this got away from me oops #//i have so many thoughts about tabitha and her childhood and this awakened smth in me #//thank you sm for the ask!#//if there are spelling errors ill fix them later this is a nightmare to edit

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mediaeval-muse · 4 years

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Book Review

A Touch of Stone and Snow. By Milla Vane. New York: Jove, 2020.

Rating: 2.5/5 stars

Genre: fantasy romance

Part of a Series? Yes, A Gathering of Dragons #2

Summary: Danger lurks in the western realms. The Destroyer’s imminent return has sent the realms into turmoil as desperate citizens seek refuge—but there’s no safety to be found when demons and wraiths crawl out from the shadows. Even Koth, a northern island kingdom left untouched by the Destroyer a generation past, is besieged by terrors spawned from corrupt magics.

When Lizzan leads the Kothan army against these terrors, only to see her soldiers massacred and to emerge as the only survivor, she is called a coward and a deserter. Shunned from her home, Lizzan now wanders in solitude as a mercenary for hire, until she encounters a group of warriors seeking new alliances with the northern kingdoms—a group that includes Aerax, the bastard prince of Koth, and the man who sent her into exile. Though they were childhood friends, Aerax cannot allow himself to be close to the only woman who might thwart his treacherous plan to save their island realm. But when a goddess's demand binds them together, Lizzan and Aerax must find a way to overcome their painful pasts. Or there will be no future for the western realms.

***Full review under the cut.***

Trigger Warnings: sexual content, violence, blood, references to rape

Overview: I learned of this book while I was browsing Smart Bitches, Trashy Books. I’m usually hesitant to pick up dark fantasy novels, but the site gave this one a positive review, so I took a chance on it. Overall, I was pleasantly surprised by some aspects of this book: the worldbuilding was way more involved than I thought it would be, and the author made her world dark and violent without relying on brutalizing women. However, I didn’t rate this book higher because I did feel overwhelmed by all the information I had to keep track of. Moreover, I felt that there was a lot of information, but very little actual plot, so I had a hard time being invested in the story. Maybe that’s because I started with the second book in this series, rather than the first (but then again, it’s romance, which usually doesn’t require you to read a series in order). I will be writing this review as someone who didn’t read book one, so perhaps my evaluations would have been different if I had started with A Heart of Blood and Ashes, but it is what it is.

Writing: Vane’s prose is somewhat odd. On the one hand, I thought it did a good job evoking the grim setting. On the other hand, Vane uses some archaic constructions, which tended to sound formal and frequently pulled me out of the story. Not only would characters generally avoid contractions, end their phrases with a verb (like Yoda’s speech), and use constructions like “I know not” or “I thank you,” but the narration/omniscient narrator would use the same linguistic patterns to describe events and character emotions. This got especially awkward during more intimate scenes, when the formal quality of the prose didn’t seem to jive with the passionate romance.

Vane also has the tendency to throw a lot of worldbuilding at the reader without much scaffolding. Names of characters and places are mentioned that don’t have much relevance to the events at hand, so I often felt like a lot of things were being dumped onto me in order to give the impression that Vane had put a lot of work into creating her world (which I don’t doubt she did - it just wasn’t communicated in a way I found helpful). There were also awkwardly placed chapters where characters would communicate lore or backstory through lengthy conversations, rather than through something more engaging, like a flashback. It made for a lot of infodumping, which I didn’t find to be a particularly enjoyable reading experience.

Plot: I don’t know how to describe the plot of this book other than too much and not enough happens at the same time. In terms of all the non-romantic threads, there is a lot at stake: the book begins with the need for a number of kingdoms needing to make alliances - a figure called the Destroyer is rumored to be returning to the area, which threatens the lives of everyone in these kingdoms. While negotiations take place, representatives from the kingdom of Koth plead for aid - a few years ago, their army battled some bandits led by a sorcerer called Goranik (who has significant history with the princess/heir apparent of one of the kingdoms negotiating the alliance). This battle resulted in the total slaughter of most of the Kothian troops, save for one survivor (Lizzan - our heroine). The Kothans point out that last time the Destroyer was in the area, he never conquered Koth, and it is suspected this is because Koth is protected by divine magic. So, it is argued that Koth could be a refuge for people fleeing the Destroyer, but they need aid to fend off the remaining bandits, who have stayed in the area surrounding the kingdom. Lizzan reveals that her troops were killed because the bandits were accompanied by wraiths, and she alone was spared because of a mysterious magical amulet, which could be the key to protecting everyone from the Destroyer. Aerax, our hero, supports an alliance, but also does not believe that Koth is protected by divine magic (to say the least). As a result, he is contemplating a full scale evacuation of Koth, and toys with the idea of letting the entire kingdom sink into the lake that surrounds it - for secret reasons (you’ll have to read to find out). Lizzan - who has been exiled because the Kothans don’t believe she encountered wraiths at all, but was a coward and hid in battle - takes a divine quest in order to restore honor to her family’s name, and this quest involves being close to Aerax, with whom she has a complicated history. They were once childhood friends, and later lovers, but haven’t seen each other since Lizzan was exiled. There are a lot of bitter feelings between them, as Aerax didn’t speak up for her at Lizzan’s trial, nor did he follow her into exile. Moreover, Aerax is now the heir apparent to Koth, and is duty-bound to return, but Lizzan can’t, because of her exile.

It’s a lot.

I’m not against a complex fantasy plot, but where this book went wrong for me was the lack of events that actually built on one another. Most of the book is spent travelling and talking - people talk at the alliance negotiation, they talk on the road and unload a bunch of lore and worldbuilding, they talk about their pasts and how they got where they are. In terms of things that actually happen, the plot is rather sparse. The only events that held my attention were when the party arrives at a monastery that’s filled with spooky things, and the ending. Other than that, there wasn’t really a sense of suspense. We also never really got scenes of characters investigating magical knowledge or engaging in political intrigue, things that show them piecing together the puzzle to defeat the big bad in a way that was compelling, so those storylines felt less like a part of a narrative and more like an infodump.

I personally would have liked to see the story be a bit more limited in scope. I think the Destroyer stuff detracted from the narrative; just focusing on the plot that concerns the wraiths and the gods would have been sufficient. Most of what happens in this book could have been the same - Aerax is named heir and goes in search of help because bandits are surrounding his kingdom. He finds Lizzan, and so on and so on.

Characters: Lizzan, our heroine, is an exiled mercenary with survivor’s guilt. I took an instant liking to her because she fits an archetype that we usually only see in male characters: she’s a gruff loner who drinks heavily, bouncing from job to job to make enough money to drink some more. Unlike some male counterparts, Lizzan isn’t a jerk - though she could be rough, Lizzan always seemed to care about the people around her, and part of what I liked most was that she decided to be a warrior in order to protect people, not because she wanted honor or rejected more “feminine” roles.

Aerax, our hero, likewise surprised me in that he’s got plenty of angst himself, but never takes it out on other people. He does that thing where he’ll only answer people with a grunt, but he never seemed prone to nonsensical violence and often acted selflessly. I appreciated that he never crossed any boundaries that Lizzan set, nor did he act possessive. The main thing I found strange about him, however, was the sense that he was holding something back. The story would constantly say things like how he was putting up a calm facade to hide how dangerous he really was, or that he had to restrain himself during intimate scenes. I was therefore constantly questioning whether Aerax possessed some kind of magical power that made him threatening, or if this was just a way to make him seem more masculine and thrilling.

Aerax has an animal companion named Caeb. Caeb is a saber-toothed snow lion, who mainly acts like a huge housecat who can understand human speech. Caeb was responsible for some of the sweeter moments in this book, as he would occasionally butt up against Lizzan and purr or push Lizzan and Aerax together.

Supporting characters were numerous, and in general, I think they were varied and interesting. My favorite was Sari, a young warrior who wants to prove herself. She’s pretty adorable in the process. However, I also think that because of the complex plot, there wasn’t room for them to shine.

Other:

Worldbuilding: Despite not having a pleasant experience with infodumping, I do think Vane’s worldbuilding is intriguing. I liked that the world was filled with jungles and animals that seemed to be out of the prehistoric period, rather than being set in the fake European Middle Ages. I also really liked the mythological stories that characters told about their gods, which reminded me of a lot of folklore, and that women were present in every sector of society (in other words, they weren’t confined to the household or the church/temple). Vane also didn’t rely on misogynistic violence to make her world seem “gritty,” so that was also a big plus.

I mostly wish that Vane had reigned in her worldbuilding a bit more. Despite being an interesting world, Vane had the tendency to overdo it by giving the reader info that wasn’t relevant. I also got the feeling that the rules of the world weren’t well-established. By that I mean that once I thought I’d gotten a handle on what the world was like, Vane would introduce another bit of lore that would throw me for a loop (for example: surprise! there are dragons!).

Romance: I’m usually all about a story about rekindling a relationship, but I don’t quite think this romance resonated with me. On the surface, I do think the stakes were sufficiently high: Aerax had to return to Koth, but Lizzan couldn’t accompany him due to their exile. I also thought the childhood friends to lovers background, as well as the sense of betrayal resulting from Aerax’s failure to speak up for Lizzan and follow her into exile, built some sufficient angst.

However, I also think that Aerax and Lizzan got intimate a little too quickly, and tended to participate in sexual activities at fairly inappropriate moments. Although they were lovers before Lizzan’s exile, Lizzan makes a good point that the two of them barely know each other anymore. I’m not shaming anyone for having sex with a stranger (that’s a personal decision, and I’m not here to judge), but I do think the process of re-falling in love before becoming intimate could have been a nice arc.

I did, however, like the angle that Vane took about the two of them challenging each other emotionally - as people. Lizzan insists that she doesn’t want other people to make decisions for her, yet Aerax points out that Lizzan has a tendency to make decisions for other people, even though it comes from the genuine desire to protect others. For example, Lizzan is angry that Aerax withheld information from her to protect her, yet Lizzan herself does the same thing to others. I liked that Vane handled this without suggesting that Lizzan was a hypocrite, and that her relationship with Aerax set her on a path to self-improvement.

Overall, my first foray into the fantasy romance genre was up and down. While I liked the ideas that Vane featured in her book, I wish the narrative had been tighter and the language more updated.

#book reviews

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cockadilf · 5 years

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Numbers

In light of my last numbers post, i was reminded of when I was a child and I gave the numbers personalities when i was a child.

0 - shy and reserved most of the time but knows how to pull a good prank, lthough will completely deny doing any such thing. Everybody loves them.

1 - A party animal and socialite, can get annoying at times but generally pretty cool. Also intensely sassy. Best friends with 2.

2 - Much more calm and reserved than 1 but 1 brings out the best in 2. 2 is generally considered nice and friendly by everyone around them. A babey.

3 - An intense prankster and clown. Constantly making jokes, sometimes at other's expense. Doesn't know when they've gone too far. Drags 2 and 4 into their schemes most of the time.

4 - A coward, but also mature and smart. Knows when people are being idiots but is generally too scared to speak up about it. Will go along with whatever 3 and 5 do despite consistantly rolling their eyes at them being dumb.

5 - A thrill-seeker. Constantly seeking exhilaration. Has a strange relationship with 6. The two are basically rivals, but also best friends. They're constantly trying to get the one-up on each other.

6 - Rivals with 5. Gets pushed around by 7 a lot. Tries to prove themself often, wants to be in the spotlight. Thinks of 2 and 3 like little siblings, and likes to hang out with them.

7 - A jerk and a bully, but secretly just wants to be loved. Doesn't know how to interact with people. Everyone basically tolerates them. Afraid of rejection 6 knows that deep down, there's a good person in there.

8 - One of the most popular and looked-up-to of the group. A good leader. Anything they do, the others will try to emulate. Except 9, because 8 and 9 have a complicated relationship.

9 - The self-proclaimed leader of the group. Another thrill-seeker like 5, except they're more of a show-off. Thinks very highly of themself.

I just think its funny that I gave these numbers such in depth personalities...but it actually really helped me when I was little with the maths. Anytime i did an equation i would think about how the numbers interact with each other and what led up to this situation, and it was very entertaining to my childhood self.

#shit post #childhood #original characters #fandom #numbers

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audeity · 5 years

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JOINED: Heartbxnd, Kxkuko, Wxtaru, Katsxra, Yanxgi and Bxrryjxn

OOC INFO

Name: Vani

Pronouns: Whatever is fine

Forms of contact: Discord Vani#0007 , Tumblr Ims to Heartbxnd / pokemusesvani

Triggers/squicks: N/A

MUSE INFO

Agatha

Url: https://forgxtmxnot.tumblr.com

Name, alias, etc: Agatha

Pronouns: She/her

Home region: Kanto

God of: the Underworld

Associated with: Time’s passage, death, knitting/sewing/stitching- and all sorts of utensils used on them, prophecies, wrath, and grudge.

Abilities: Necromancy (control over the dead- not just animals but plants as well).

Current residence: Viridian city

Current occupation: Agatha runs a small sewing studio, crafting stunning outfits for her clients.

Is their real identity common knowledge: No.

List at least three fact about your muse:

Agatha is the one who created the underworld- a place where the dead were sent to once their lives have ended. Seeing how there used to lack a place for such thing in ancient times- so for the longest time she not only was the creator and ruler of it, she was also the one handling and doing every single duty- that would later be fulfilled by her descendants. Agatha then dedicated her time and attention in knitting- essentially putting together a tapestry of the universe/world they were in. It was said that once she completed her work, the end of times will come. She would use strings of lives that had passed away as material for her work. Until they “ran out of business” and started their lives as mortals, the last time she had stepped out of the Underworld was in order to arrange Morty and Lance’s wedding.

Agatha is Morty’s creator- he can oftenly be found in her studio.

Agatha may look like an adorable elderly woman, always sitting by her sewing machine’s desk never facing away from her work. Don’t let this seemingly calm facade fool you, especially don’t ever try to disrupt /distract her work. She is well known for the short fuse and explosive reactions to most situations, that find their way to her.

Blaine

Url: https://forgxtmxnot.tumblr.com

Name, alias, etc: Blaine

Pronouns: He/him

Home region: Kanto

God of: Knowledge and inventions

Associated with: Fire, curiosity, the act of learning/researching, algebra, ideas, alchemy later in the future he would become a symbol for science.

Abilities: Control over fire to a certain extent, grant someone a small tidbit of his vast knowledge.

Current residence: Cinnabar Island

Current occupation: A scientist, the sole soul that can be found in the Island where Science once thrived in the Kanto region, he stays the entire time inside of his workshop where he is always working on something.

Is their real identity common knowledge: Yes

List at least three fact about your muse:

Blaine is amongst the few deities that have always shown a very clear bias towards humans, he will stand up for them- defending them from the other Gods’ wrath. Because of it, he may not really be a popular or quite welcomed by his fellow entities.

Blaine is the one responsible for creating most of the objects that have become synonymous to their owners;

In the ancient times, Mr.Fuji had transcended his mortal condition thanks to the deity, and became the oracle or the only consistent bridge between Blaine mortals and most deities. He was always the one speaking for him. In the present time however, Mr.Fuji now runs a cemetery for pokemon located at Lavender town- he is amongst the very people allowed in Blaine’s workshop.

Lance

Url: http://wxtaru.tumblr.com/

Name, alias, etc: Lance

Pronouns: He/him

Home region: Johto.

God of: Nobility, heroes, execution.

Associated with: The Sun, leadership, the upper class in societies, kings/emperors/ministers/etc. gold, fury, bloodlines, demigods, dragons the guillotine.

Abilities: Summon any of his three soldiers at any time and have full control over them, whoever drinks/consumes his blood will temporarily have their strength and senses upgraded.

Current residence: Celadon city, Kanto.

Current occupation: He lives the fine life, experiencing only the best that the modern world has to offer. Such as parties, travels and so on. He doesn’t work, and can easily be found around those of the upper class.

Is their real identity common knowledge: No.

List at least three fact about your muse:

Lance is married to Morty, and has been since long ago in the ancient times. Despite that- they have a long history of infidelity to each other. Their marriage ensures a good relationship between the underworld and the surface. It is unlikely they will separate from each other anytime soon.

Lance used to be the champion of the Kanto and Johto regions (more so of Kanto than Johto), he used to rule over all the other deities in the golden era. He has lost this position ever since they started live a mortal life.

Lance has had MANY demigods as his children throughout history, they all turned out to be important figures in the human society- living up to the status of heroes. He keeps close tabs on them, by protecting/guiding/teaching/etc when necessary.

Morty

Url: http://heartbxnd.tumblr.com

Name, alias, etc: Morty/Matsuba/Enoki

Pronouns: He/him

Home region: Johto.

God of: Death and funeral rituals.

Associated with: The upper class, nobility, fortune, embalming materials, peace.

Abilities: Call upon his three headed Gengar at any given time, prepare a mortal/deity’s corpse flawlessly.

Current residence: Celadon city.

Is their real identity common knowledge: No.

List at least three fact about your muse:

Morty is married to Lance, and has been since long ago in the ancient times. Despite that- they have a long history of infidelity to each other. Their marriage ensures a good relationship between the underworld and the surface. It is unlikely they will separate from each other anytime soon.

Morty used to be known for being three entities in one body, however ever since they started to disguise themselves as mortals his other two identities have gone out of use- he hasn’t assumed them in a long time. The other two entities he used to be were Enoki (protector of cities/temples/graveyards/households) and Matsuba (Underworld’s ferryman who guards its entrance). Morty will not respond if someone addresses to him, by using any of those two names.

Morty is most of the time a calm, friendly and wise God. Thanks to these qualities, he is oftenly seeked out to try and give some kind of neutral view or an opinion for most matters when Lance isn’t around.

Pryce

URL: https://forgxtmxnot.tumblr.com

Name, alias, etc: Pryce

Pronouns: He/him

Home region: Johto

God of: Winter, family and knowledge

Associated with: The act of teaching and learning, professors, teachers- those who possess knowledge, large families, protection, frostbites.

Abilities: Control over the temperature surrounding him, cast freezing blizzards and destructive hailstorms, summon upon the winter itself.

Current residence: Mahogany town

Current occupation: Pryce is a professor at the local university, as well as a librarian.

Is their real identity common knowledge: Yes, although no one seems to believe in such claims.

List at least three fact about your muse:

Pryce is the personification of Winter (or in this case used to be), his children and grandkids are all representations of the winds that carry the cold and low temperatures throughout the Johto region. He is one of the oldest Gods within the region. He, just like Blaine are deities that represent knowledge- because of it they have a powerful friendship that has been going for ages. They can be oftenly found reading or even playing some games together- when in doubt, they aren’t shy of reaching out for the other’s help and piece of their mind.

Pryce is the one who taught Morty as much as he knew about how to prepare a God’s body for their funeral, when he had to do that for the very first time. Lance has learned a few hunting skills and war strategies from Pryce. He is the only person who is constantly solving Blaine’s quizzes on a consistent basis.

Pryce is amongst the very few deities who would stand up for the mortals in ancient times- it is safe to assume how much pride he has taken with the modern world.

Barry

URL: http://bxrryjxn.tumblr.com

Name, alias, etc: Barry

Pronouns: He/him

Home region: Sinnoh

God of: Love and the messenger of the Gods.

Associated with: Childhood (naivety, cheerfulness), speed, gusts of wind, lightning bolts, sunshine and young love.

Abilities: Inhumanly speed (to a point he can actually fly), make people fall deeply in love with each other (using his bow and arrows of love).

Current residence: Twinleaf town

Current occupation: Barry chose to maintain his child looks, and because of it he doesn’t work. Instead Barry is constantly travelling all over the world- he still occasionally takes up the messenger duties for the others of his kind, but it comes nowhere near to what it used to be like in ancient times. It seems like he is in an eternal childhood.

Is their real identity common knowledge: No

List at least three fact about your muse:

Barry is the son of Palmer (the entity responsible for carrying Earth on his back) and a deity assosciated with maternity and fertility. Unfortunately, because of his duty Palmer wasn’t able to start a mortal life like everyone else- meaning he is nowhere to be seen. Barry is one of the few deities who can visit Palmer.

Despite trying to live as a human, Barry still acts on his God of love duty occasionaly. In fact- it is quite easy to find him pranking others with his arrows of love.

As expected Barry is quite impatient when dealing with most he runs into- he can come off as quite bratty at times as well, meaning not all Gods may be thrilled to be in the boy’s presence.

#audeity #new member #submission

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bughead-bound-blog · 7 years

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Softening the Edges - Betty/Jughead

AO3: Prologue (Ch 1) Ch 2: Childhood Reflections Ch 3: Liking “Like That” Ch 4: Navigating Choppy Seas Chapter 5: To Smithereens

(Warning: This is a very dark chapter.)

I saw your picture It made me sorry For all the things I never said It seems that you Have cause to worry It seems that you Don't wish me well

---

Archie had found out about the chaos and agony of the past two days from Betty via telephone, mercifully. Jughead was actually relieved he would not have to go through the painstaking ordeal of revisiting everything that had happened on that fetid Friday evening. His red-headed friend had rushed out of his house on Sunday afternoon to meet him on the sidewalk when he showed up in front of Archie's house. His friend collapsed into him with arms wide, face blotched with tears and snot bubbling.

"Oh my God Jughead, I'm so sorry I wasn't here. I'm so sorry." He clasped Jughead as if gravity no longer applied and if he let go his best friend would float into the void of the heavens. Although embarrassed and self-conscious by this open display of affection, it touched Jughead deeply to know the depth of his best friend's care. It was nice to know that you were loved, even if the whole neighbourhood did, too.

"Sorry, I'm --" Archie stood back, swiping at the mess of his face with his sweater sleeves as his jaw trembled. "I just can't believe how much stuff changed in a weekend. I'm so sorry I wasn't here. I never even got to say bye to Hot Dog."

Jughead felt that damn lump threatening to claw it's way up his throat.

"Don't feel bad about it Arch. I never got to either."

This caused his friend to erupt into a fresh batch of sobs, holding him again on the curb of the sidewalk. One thing could be said readily about Archie: he was never very good at hiding how he felt. This made him an excellent best friend because he withheld very little and when he did he was a terrible liar about it.

Jughead both admired and envied this about Archie. Fred Andrews had instilled such virtuous and genuine traits in his son. Jughead had unfortunately inherited the broken gifts of evasion and concealment from his own dad, his emotions constantly protected by a barb-sharp wit and a talent for deflection. Like the jagged edge of a broken bottle, he tended to prick those who dared to attempt to reach in and seek the truth about his feelings. Not Archie. His best friend was open and wholesome, healthy and adjusted in his capacity for expression. Archie finally sucked in a few steadying breaths and released him. Out of the corner of his eye Jughead glanced the shift of curtain in the window of Betty's room. She hadn't come down yet and he concluded that she would keep her distance after being so present with him over the weekend. She would give the boys their space to go over the tumultuous events of the past few days, and as much as he appreciated her respecting their time together, he missed her company already.

"I don't know how I'm ever going to make it up to you for this." Archie said thickly, wiping at the now damp fabric of Jughead's left shoulder. Jug mustered a weak smile and shook his head.

"There's nothing to make up, Arch. You went to see your mom."

"But still." He sniffled. "I feel awful. Listen Jug, today is going to be your day. I have the whole thing planned out. Dad's going to have a barbeque, his homemade cheeseburgers -- your favorite! Dad even let me get the new Mortal Kombat game for us to play after supper. We stopped by the comic shop and picked us both up a copy of the new Deadpool Volume 4 so we’ll have lots to talk about in the tree house tonight."

"You guys really didn't have to do all that-"

"Yes, we did." Fred Andrews walked down from the patio steps to grasp Jughead in a one armed embrace, bringing him against his side. "Anything to make my pseudo-son's day after one hell of a weekend -- even if it means buying an M rated game just this once." Fred then put his hands on Jughead's shoulders and gave him a studying gaze. "This goes without saying Jug, but mi casa es tu casa. I know things are difficult at home and I want you to know that you're welcome here as long as you want, any time. Even if Archie's not here. You're the son I chose, remember? Don't you forget it."

Jughead ‘s vision blurred and the tears that accumulated there threatened to overflow under that stern, loving gaze. Fred had always said that to him growing up, and the reminder now hit home more than ever. All he could do was nod gratefully, trying not to cry under the weight of all of this genuine love. It was one of the few sources of it that he had in the world. Fred gave his right shoulder a solid clap and began to lead him in, guiding Archie with his other hand.

"Alright boys let’s get to it, I don't want any burnt burgers on my hands and I need an honorary veggie cutter."

---

Behind the victim Behind the trouble Are all the things You've not expressed I see you standing behind your mother I see you hiding behind her dress

--- Time began bleeding together as Jughead found himself taking Fred up on his offer on the regular. Home life at the trailer was increasingly difficult and Jughead frequently found himself at the Andrews residence or the Cooper house with Jellybean. Betty had taken to his little sister, thrilling at the opportunity to experience the big sister life for herself, and Jellybean always looked forward to seeing her. Between the chaos of his own home and the normalcy experienced between Betty and Archie's houses, Jughead managed to quilt together a semi-normal existence for himself and Jellybean while his parent's marriage crumbled with increasing finality. Sure there were broken dishes, screaming matches, and bouts of peeling his blacked-out father off of the filthy floor of the trailer as his mother disappeared for days at a time, but there were also pool parties and treehouse sleepovers on the other side of town in his other world.

His friends knew his life and Jellybean's were coming apart at the seams in their Southside existence, so they attempted to compensate by fashioning a cozy and safe existence for the Jones children to run to. Betty developed a strong fondness for Jellybean and often pleaded to have permission for her to stay at her house, resulting in side-by-side sleepovers. Jellybean would be at Betty’s while Jughead camped out at Archie’s. But it was like wrapping a bandage around a festering wound; one could easily cover up the damage so that you would not have to look at it’s grotesqueness, but there was a deep infection underneath it all. Covering it up and ignoring it didn’t make it go away, and it became more difficult to hide from and ignore with each passing day.

The day arrived when it all came to a head, and there would be no bandage that could mask the pervasiveness of this wound. It promised to poison everyone involved deep within their very bones and blood.

Jughead was back at the trailer late in the evening with Jellybean in his arms, whimpering. She always ran to his room during the worst of it, seeking out some semblance of comfort. Although he had turned the TV on loudly in a piteous attempt to dampen the yelling it was failing miserably. The screaming was overpowering, then the sobbing, then worst of all, sudden silence. He perked his head up, Jellybean still snivelling with her face buried deep in his shirt. Suddenly he heard pounding steps coming toward his room with the echoes of his father’s pitiful voice, hoarse from crying, pleading in the background: “No Gladys please don’t. Just think about this for a minute--”

“Oh I’ve thought about this every night and morning I’m awake Forsythe for far longer than I should have.” His mother’s voice was nearer than expected and he braced himself as she charged into the room, thrumming with frantic energy.

“Kids, come out here please. We need to talk.”

That statement dropped like an anchor through Jughead’s insides. He knew rock bottom was upon them all.

“Gladys please just wait until morning. Lets sleep on it. At least give me a chance to sober up--”

“If I had to wait for you to sober up we’d never leave.” His mother snapped, leading them into the living room and guiding them toward the couch to sit down. Jellybean was already in tears, scared of their mother’s rattled disposition.

“Where are we going?” She moaned thickly, and Jughead hugged her close against his side.

“It’s OK JB, I’m here.” He soothed, rubbing a hand up and down her arm reassuringly, though he felt numb inside. His lips felt impossibly dry, tongue heavy as his mother paced before them. His father just sat in his arm chair, inebriated and weeping into his hands.

“I never wanted it to have to come to this.” She said finally, stopping before them. She looked impossibly exhausted. Her tired eyes found the terse forms of her children and immediately they began to fill with sadness. “I just can’t do this anymore.” Her voice broke, and she sank down in front of them, crouching like some small bird as she reached her quaking hands out to capture one of theirs. “I can’t live like this anymore, and I can’t bear watching either of you live like it either.” She sniffled, and Jughead felt as though he were having an out of body experience. He felt as if he were floating like some deity or spectre, seeing this unholy scene from the ceiling; this liquor soaked heap of sobs that was formerly known as a father, this frail, broken woman kneeling before two terrified and impossibly trapped children. He knew what was coming next, like an animal standing with a dull stare in the headlights of a train, helpless in the face of the oncoming force about to run him down. His life was running away from him like a petulant child and he was powerless to control it. He had no idea what turn this would take him in. “I’m leaving your father.” The words sucked the air from Jughead’s lungs, and his vision grew dim, as if watching this benignly through a foreign body.

“Why?!” Jellybean screamed next to him, angry and fearful.

“Because sweetheart, your father is sick. And it’s hurting all of us. He needs to get better, and until he does we need to be somewhere safe so he can focus on taking care of himself. Daddy needs to get stronger and he can’t do that if he has all of us to worry about and take care of. We need to do this for him” She cupped Jellybean’s face, sobbing, and FP wobbled to his feet seething.

“Don’t pretend you’re doing this for me, Gladys. You’re doing this to me. You think you can just up and leave? Take my whole family away from me and you think I’ll just stand here and watch?!”

“You’re not WELL!” Gladys spiraled around, rejuvenated with fresh adrenaline. “My God Forsythe, don’t you care what this does to them at all?! Seeing you like this every day?! We can’t afford to live like this, you’ve been fired and you’re not working anymore! You’re just drunk all the time and I can’t do this alone anymore. I’m going with the kids to mom’s house in Toledo. I’ll go back to school so I can get a better job. But we’re running out of money. Our children need a future and they’ll never get one like this. Don’t you even care?!”

“OF COURSE I CARE!!” FP screamed, eyes red and streaming. “Just don’t do this to me. Don’t take them away from me . . . if you take them I’ll --” He hiccuped, falling back into his arm chair haphazardly and shuddering with sobs. “I’ll have no reason left to live.”

“Oh my GOD Forsythe how dare you say these things in front of them!” Gladys gasped, spinning quickly to take each of her children by the wrists. “Grab your coats, now. We’re leaving. We’ll come back for our things in the morning.”

“But dad!--” Jughead managed to choke over the loud sounds of Jellybean’s wails. His mother had a vice-like grip on his wrist, dragging him toward the porch with a force he had never experienced from his mild-mannered mother.

“He was right -- he needs to sober up. And until he does we can’t be here anymore.”

“But mom he might--”

“This is not a debate.” His mother hissed, throwing his coat toward him. “Please, do you think this is easy for me to do? We’ll be back in the morning for our things. He’ll be sober and we can talk reasonably about this then. But for now my children are not spending another toxic minute in this hole.”

And somehow he was led into the night with the screams and cries of his sister muffled by the ringing in his ears, guided like a blind man into the back seat where Jellybean collapsed upon him like a deflated balloon. They drove in silence and darkness then, his sister slowly exhausting herself into a fitful sleep. They went through the motions of checking into a motel for the night, and they slept together in one bed -- or at least, Jellybean slept. All the while Jughead lay awake in the dark, staring at the bland ceiling as his mother silently sobbed beside him until the early morning light. He knew he should feel so many things -- fear, anxiety, suffocating sadness -- but he had felt so much that he simply felt emptied. He was a hollow existence that had replaced his living breathing self, so pummelled by the toxicity of his home life that he had nothing left to feel. Press down and B: he had become the statue. He contemplated his future with a grim finality, foreseeing no feasibly hopeful outcome.

---

So don't make me sad I couldn't stand to watch you fall 'cause everybody has a tender heart Remember this I didn't mean to break it down to smithereens

---

In the morning the statue persisted; he was passing through time in a deadened haze. He felt as if he had dramatically aged overnight; he felt so much older than he did yesterday. It was his sister who stuck by his side as they went through the morning routine in the motel bathroom. He even faintly remembered her brushing his hair. She took him by the hand and guided them back to the car as they moved closer and closer to the end of their established life in the Southside as they knew it.

When they got to the house they found FP face down on the floor, and Jughead felt sensation rush back into each fibre of his nerves as the horror took over.

“Oh Forsythe . . .” His terrified mother breathed, grasping for Jellybean with one hand as the other flew to her mouth. Jellybean was screaming out for her dad as Jughead immediately rushed to his father, the fear of the worst seizing his mind.

“DAD!!” He yelled, grasping the collar of FP’s plaid shirt as the fingers of his other hand sought out a pulse at the neck like he’d seen them do so many times on television. Never in his young life had he thought he would ever need to use that. Please, please don’t be--

His father suddenly groaned and shifted, groggily starting to move his limbs like a drugged animal. Slowly he pushed himself onto all fours and clasped his throbbing head. He moved to sit on the floor dazedly, still attempting to return to reality and awaken from the shroud his mind was in. He felt Jughead there, whose emotions had finally rushed forward through the crack in the fortress he had sealed himself away in from last night. He sobbed as he engulfed his dad in his arms, his shuddering heaves taking over as everything spilled out. He didn’t know how long he sat there on that floor, and during that time his father’s arms had found their way around him, cradling him close as they shared in this grief.

“I thought you were dead.” He barely managed to get out after some time, still consumed by all he felt from the shock of that moment, from the events of last night . . .

“I ain’t gone yet.” His dad whispered, reaching up and stroking the wet streaks of ebony curls clinging around his son’s damp and blotched face. Jughead could dimly hear his mother finishing a conversation on the phone in the adjacent room, then her speaking in comforting tones to Jellybean. The both of them came back out into the living room and his mother was looking at the two of them there on the floor pitifully.

“I was just talking to mom.” She said hoarsely. “She’s put some money in my bank account to help us out with the travel expenses. I’ve packed most of my things and Jellybean’s. We’re just taking what we need.” She turned from FP to address her son. “Jug, I have most of your clothes packed up too but I wanted to leave your personal things to you, so please come and--”

“No.” Jughead said quietly, swiping an arm across his wet lashes. When he glanced back up his mother looked positively stricken. “No, mom.”

“What? Sweetheart--”

“I’ve made up my mind and I’m not leaving dad.” He stood up and now by the look on her face he could tell that his mother was panicking. She started shaking her head and came toward him as if through a fog. She pawed at his chest in a desperate bid to smooth some reason into him.

“Jughead no. You can’t make that kind of decision, this isn’t safe, you--”

“I’m not. Leaving. Dad.” He said in a stern tone with finality, pulling back from her.

“You don’t get to make that choice, now go gather your things.”

“I already have. And if anything happens to dad, I’ll never forgive you or myself. I’m not going.”

“JUGHEAD--”

“HE’LL DIE! Is that what you want?!” It exploded out of him before he could hold it back, and he was crying again. “If we just abandon him he’s going to die here. It’s not fair for you to ask me to do that, mom. I won’t.” She recoiled from him, his words stinging her like the lash of a whip. His gaze softened, but his stance remained firm. “Look. I know that you have to go and do this. I’m not angry at you for it, but don’t ask me to do this. Jellybean needs to go with you. You’re right, it isn’t safe for her to be here growing up in this. But someone needs to be here with him to take care of him. I understand if you can’t do it anymore, but I can and I will. Don’t try to change my mind -- I won’t. I’m staying with dad.”

“Oh my God.” Gladys whispered, and then bawled a fist and held it to her face, pinched with agony and littered with tears. “You can’t expect me to just leave you here with him--”

“You can’t expect me to abandon my dad. It’s done. Take Jellybean and go. I’m staying and that’s final.”

He was sure that he had broken his mother when she went down, sobbing as she held his knees.

“No, please no . . . my baby . . .” she quivered in a thin voice “not my baby . . .”

“Mom . . .” Jellybean whined fearfully, tugging at her shirt from behind. Jughead took his mother by the shoulders and stared her down levelly.

“I’m not a baby anymore, mom. I know that you have to do this for all of us. But someone has to look after dad. I’ll never be happy in Toledo knowing that we did this to him. Please let me do this.” The silence stretched out dreadfully before them until at long last a gentle, tentative nod was his answer.

“OK.” She whimpered, meeting his eyes with trembling lips. She smoothed his dark hair back from his forehead before holding his head in her hands, entirely heartbroken. “OK sweetheart. I trust you. I’m just going to miss you so much.” And she collapsed into his arms on the precipice of the complete destruction of their family unit. When they had regained enough composure to separate and move about Jughead got to work helping his mother pack Jellybean’s things.

---

I heard you crying I learned the story I saw the shadows behind the past They fall behind you And creep up slowly We're only human Behind the mask

---

It was in his little sister's bedroom that she decided to confront him about his decision, and of everything he had to endure in those twenty four hours, this was the worst moment of all.

“You’ve gotta come with us.” She said in the tiniest voice to his back, and for a moment he could not even bear to turn around and see that devastated little face.

“Someone has to watch dad, JB--”

“But I need you.” She sniffled. “I’ll miss you too much. I don’t know how to be without you.”

“You’ll have to be strong.” He struggled to speak.

“I don’t want to!” She shouted tearfully. “I want you!” She stomped her foot angrily. “You’re being stupid!”

“Jellybean--”

“I don’t wanna move to a new place without you!” She bawled. “I had to lose Hot Dog and now I gotta leave my friends and Betty and I can’t lose you, too!”

“Please listen to me--”

“NO!” She screamed. “You know you’re supposed to be with me! Polly wouldn’t leave Betty like this. Why are you doing this Juggie?!”

He spun around to face her and it was worse than he could have imagined. Just the splintered sight of her was enough to run him through to his very core. It killed any words that had been sitting on his tongue. It seized his very being with guilt and searing shame. He would never, ever forget how she had looked at him that day.

“If Betty were here she would tell you the right things and you would come with me. C’mon, let’s go talk to her, she’ll know what to do--” “JB stop. This is hard enough as it is we can’t just--”

“I’m not leaving town without you and I’m not leaving without seeing Betty.” She broke down again, her little frame jolting with sobs. “I WANNA SEE BETTY!!!” She screamed, slamming the door in his face as she ran from the room. He chased after her, stumbling out into the hall as the front door ricocheted loudly in it’s frame. He ran out onto the lawn just in time to see her pedalling away on her bike. His mother followed him out and clasped him by the shoulder.

“It’ll be good for her to see Betty before we go.” She said quietly, utterly defeated. “Come inside, you can help me finish packing.”

--- So don't take me down I couldn't stand to watch you fall 'cause everybody has a broken heart Remember this I couldn't stand to break it down to smithereens

---

Smithereens Lyrics by Annie Lennox

---

This was a very difficult chapter to write, to say the least. We all know that what happened in Jughead's past was devastating enough to shatter his family as well as his ability to love and trust wholly. I have had the misfortune of seeing what thing kind of upbringing can do to people firsthand. For those of you who might be going though something similar, please know that my inbox is always open to you. <3 Let me know your thoughts, updating again soon!

#riverdale #riverdale fanfiction #bughead fanfic #bughead #jughead jones #fp jones #gladys jones #jellybean jones #riverdale fanfic #bughead fanfiction #betty x jughead #betty cooper #betty/jughead #angst #archie andrews #fred andrews

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bsdblogger · 7 years

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What You Need to Know about Dazai Osamu and The Dark Era

this needed to be done

if you do not intend on reading Dazai Osamu and the Dark Era (translated beautifully by @nkhrchy here on tumblr), i implore you to at least read about the juiciest missing details so you can do the following with me:

love Oda more

love Ango more

suffer more

ship more??? hmmm??

i was thrilled when i found out the Dark Era was getting an anime adaptation. i just had the chance to watch everything from the second cur this Christmas break college devoured my free time and ate my soul, and i was tremendously pleased with the execution and the art. i did have a couple issues with it, but i can’t really complain. and four episodes???? god, we are so blessed. amazing. now everyone may know of Oda and we can all suffer together

DEEPER DETAILS FROM THE LIGHT NOVEL, HERE WE GO:

Oda:

ahhhh, so much about oda. for starters, there’s so much great inner Oda dialogue.

“Because the one who has gone missing is intelligence agent Sakaguchi Ango.”

If there was someone who could look into my heart, they would be lucky to see the image of a majestic, erupting volcano. Countless question marks burst forth from the volcano’s mouth, filling the air.

In reality, I curl my fingers a little.

Source: translation by @nkhrchy

^this passage sums up Oda pretty well actually! much of the ln is narrated by him. in the anime, we get some of Oda’s inner dialogue, but not the true bulk of it. he’s definitely a deep one and doesn’t let on that much about his emotions and feelings

the passage above also shows Oda’s faithfulness to Ango as a friend—you get a little bit of his faithfulness in the anime, but not to the extent in the ln. after they discovered the gun in Ango’s safe, Oda constantly struggles with the idea of Ango betraying them:

Why did Ango disappear?... I roam Yokohama’s streets looking for a non-existent glimmer of hope.

In another scenario:

Why would Ango want to betray the organisation?

During former intelligence wars, in order to get a member of the enemy organisation to betray them, money, sex, family, self-esteem, a sense of belonging could all become an obstacle. As long as all of these are struck down, the other party would agree to defect. So what is Ango’s reason for defecting and seeking refuge with Mimic?

To find the answer, I look beside me at Dazai.

Dazai continues to keep his head low, in deep thought. His expression—

Dazai is—

“—Hahaha!”

Laughing.

“I initially thought it was just a normal criminal organisation – but if it’s an organisation that Ango would seek refuge in, that means they’re not the sort of people to come crying and begging for forgiveness after a little lecture. On top of that, Ango as an enemy won’t be an easy adversary, not at all. Isn’t this exciting? It’ll definitely force me into desperation, and then—“

“Dazai!”

Hearing my call, Dazai stops talking. It’s not that I want to say something, but just to get him to quit it.

^this scene is a huge example showing how much Ango’s questionable disappearance bothers Oda. he doesn’t want to think of it as betrayal, let alone have Dazai laughing about it

even as Ango betrayed Oda right in front of his own eyes, Oda still feels tremendous pain at the thought of Ango abandoning him:

With my numb tongue, I say a few words towards Ango’s disappearing back. As to what I said, I don’t remember myself, but an indescribable loneliness fills my heart. My emotions feel like they’re at the end of the universe.

i also felt the anime underplayed how much Oda understood Dazai:

There is no one who knows Dazai’s inner self.

In the mafia, no one will look at what’s in their colleagues. This is an unspoken rule. They will not open up the lid over one’s chest to look at their heart and comment at the darkness stuffed within. This is a merit of the mafia.

But maybe that is wrong. At least it is for the man sitting beside me. Perhaps someone should persistently tie Dazai up, open the lid over his chest and stuff the head of a vacuum cleaner in. They have to let Dazai, who should be screaming in pain and resisting, settle down. Following which, the difficult things in his heart must all be dragged out under the sun and stepped on mercilessly.

mind you, this is a pretty unsettling passage, and @nkhrchy mentioned that translating it was a bit awk, but nonetheless—it goes to show that Oda understands how greatly darkness plagues Dazai. he knows Dazai is a dark and merciless mafioso, but he also sees him as being human

Oda really examines what Dazai reveals about himself too:

“I’m not upset... Things worth pursuing will always disappear the moment before you get them. Nothing is worth prolonging a painful life to pursue.”

I look at Dazai intently. Although we have known each other for very long, this is the first time Dazai has spoken about himself. One can see something as sharp as a giant fishhook piercing and gnawing into Dazai’s life.

but the best example of how much Oda understands Dazai comes after the mimic sniper scene, when Dazai dared the sniper to kill him. after Dazai had called it acting, Oda reflected on the incident and thought this:

As Dazai pointed to his forehead and approached the muzzle, the look on his face – like that of a child about to burst into tears – had already been branded upon my eyes.

Oda knows that little go-ahead-and-kill-me didn’t just come out of nowhere

The last particular thing I wanted to mention about Oda was the part when he visited his orphans before they all died *sobs*. perhaps it’s just me, but Oda came off rather stiff and serious? don’t get me wrong, he definitely thinks to himself, “I need to show them just how terrifying a true mafioso is.” however, he doesn’t say it to the kids. and, well, this doesn’t happen:

(for the record, he does tickle the one kid until he surrenders)

i get the point that the anime was trying to convey though. in the ln, Oda mentioned that the oldest boy wanted to be a mafioso when he grew up. so if you interpreted Oda as being too stiff or serious in this scene, just know that he was only trying to steer them from a life violence and death—to protect them. you should also know that Oda’s whole point of staying in the mafia was to earn enough money to provide food and shelter for these young orphans, just until they grew up and became independent and oh my god Oda is really too pure for this world

Ango:

oh god, you must understand how much Ango still wanted to be friends with Oda and Dazai

after Oda saved Ango from the exploding building, Oda gave him a handkerchief for his injury. then, after Oda fell into the magical temari ball trap, Ango tucked the handkerchief back into his hand, BUT WITH A NAPKIN FROM THE BAR. it’s as Dazai explains:

“A napkin from this store was wedged inside. It’s too obvious! Information agents will use unexpectedly dated methods sometimes.”

and if this does not show that Ango valued their friendship, let it be known that there was a scene in the ln with Ango looking at photographs after Oda’s death. and i mean, come on, they have to be the photographs Dazai requested they take at the bar. Ango was reminiscing over their friendship

The orphans:

i’m sorry, but you must know this

in the anime, the bus exploded right after Oda went back outside. however, in the ln, there’s a chase prolonging your hopes that the orphans live that ultimately serves to only crush your spirit

Oda ended up chasing the bus, and he somehow got on top of a minivan in front of the bus. he actually got the bus to crash into the minivan, but before he can reach the bus—the force of the explosion throws him into another car. Oda literally talks about wanting to get there before the explosion because (presumably) he saw it six seconds ahead of time through his ability Flawless. he thinks to himself, “Even if it’s one second earlier, I want to run to the bus.” which that, of course, would have killed him. the tragic thing about this though, he couldn’t physically do this because he was too injured to move and get there

and okay, i felt such things with the extra details in the light novel. this is what Oda describes before chasing the bus:

Through the gaps of the curtains, I can see someone sticking their hand out...

The boy notices me and widens his eyes. It is the oldest boy who said his dream is to become a mafioso. When he notices my gaze, he pulls the curtain open forcefully without hesitation. Behind his back, I can see all the kids. The young boy has pulled the curtain open for me to see this sight.

identifying the boy who had opened the curtains as the one who wanted to join the mafia is like an additional stab in the heart

Oda’s death:

okay, so you know this thing in episode 23:

okay, i actually don’t know what that is, but in the manga, it’s either a cigarette box or a matchbox with a city on it (maybe Yokohoma?) anyway, this was the very last thing Oda did before his death:

With trembling fingers, Odasaku draws out a cigarette from his coat, bringing it to his mouth in a strenuous action.

and so i believe Dazai was holding Oda’s cigarette box in the manga. something that was probably on Oda’s very person at the time of his death. so, to me, the box is a symbol of Oda — not a symbol of his memories at the bar with Oda and Ango. and for the record, Oda had given up smoking, but he found the old box and lit up one of the cigarettes as he was saying his final goodnight to the orphans. i think of it as like lighting a candle in their memories

A stream of faint purple smoke rises from the cigarette silently. I watch it.

“Sleep tight in the quiet place where you all are. I’ll take revenge for you all.”

I hold the cigarette between my fingers, watching the smoke. The cigarette finishes burning and the smoke disappears.

details from the light novel may also give you more to ship

perhaps you have missed two shipping candidates while watching the anime adaptation. have you ever entertained the shipping of OdaGide? don’t write this ship off until you read this post. no one writes about OdaGide better than @nkhrchy, our kayak captain

Additional thoughts on the anime arc:

Ages: this is a minor thing, but i was a bit disappointed that Dazai, Ango, and Akutagawa did not appear that much younger in the anime. i know it’s only a four year difference and it’s not that great, but the light novel had six illustration pages and i really enjoyed seeing the manga version of 16 year old baby Akutagawa in them. idk man. i need more baby Akutagawa. i also wanted younger Dazai because it’s such a pleasing thing to see a young soul already so dark? you can see the light novel illustrations here, as scanned by @akutagawaprize

Sound: okay, well this is just a random thing, but there was a lot of slow music and soft talking. it was fitting, but i expected a bit more playfulness in some parts. especially with Dazai’s goofy parts. i get it’s the dark era, but it didn’t feel so despondent that early on in the ln?

wow, what a long post. forgive me. i have so many feelings about this.

#long time no post #college ate my soul #i literally didn't have time to watch any new episodes until december #Dazai Osamu and the Dark Era #light novel #anime #dazai #oda sakunosuke #odasaku #sakaguchi ango

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evanbarber45 · 4 years

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First Year Soundtrack

“To Be Myself Completely” by Belle & Sebastian: In the beginning, after I left your house after that party, where at the end I asked if I could help with dishes and you said no, and I slapped your hand as a goodbye in the kitchen — I went out to my car and I put on this song. I felt like I was losing or had lost the opportunity to make something happen with you. I regretted leaving, but I didn’t know what else to do — so I got in my car and began my time-honored tradition of doubling down into whatever melancholy feelings I have with melancholy music. And so I left, feeling dumb, and consigned to my dumbness.

The chorus line is, “To be myself completely, I’ve just got to let you down.” It’s funny listening to this song now, because other lyrics actually touch on a few things that have come up a few times for us (like it was a prophecy!). Another line is, “My heart has fallen down, but I talked myself around” — instead of, “My heart has fallen down, so I went down to where my heart was and I stayed there.” Something I feel like you have helped me grow in is the ability to see beyond the fluctuating feelings of the moment to what’s deeper and truer, and to interpret all feelings in light of that. As much as I think it’s good to be aware of what we’re feeling and why, I also believe that if the only question we ask is “How can I be true to myself?” we won’t grow into who God wants us to become. I think you have a better grasp on this than I do — and I appreciate how you have encouraged me along the way.

Then for some reason I decided to change the song. And then — can you believe it? — the changed song changed everything.

“Brofist” by Roomie and Pewdiepie: I don’t know if there’s another person in the entire world who listened to this and was motivated to give a girl a call. But this is what happened: when this Swedish, meme-sharing, online gamer’s “roomie” sang about “Never letting go, go, go,” and “Never giving up, up, up,” I found just the inspiration I needed to hit a girl up one more ‘gin.

So we went for the midnight stroll. And we talked about our mutual love for old people, how they are often easier to be around than young people, and you pretended to hear a bear in the grass and I was grateful for the excuse.

But what if I hadn’t found this song the week before? What if the song hadn’t come back into my head in that moment? I don’t know. I’m sure the Lord would’ve found something else to use. Do you know why I say “the Lord”? Because knowing you has made me better, and stronger, and more grounded — things I know that the Lord wants for me. Separately, I think there is also a great argument to be made here for the goodness of surrounding ourselves with things that can encourage us to keep going when we feel unsure. I am grateful that, since then, you have followed in Pewdiepie’s footsteps and become one such encouraging force in my life.

“Desire Lines” by Deerhunter: It’s hard to pick the “best” Deerhunter song, but I think it may be this one. This song is about getting tired of living in the old, normal ways, and then “walking free” by following someone else. I really believe the lead singer knows Jesus, and this is one of the songs that suggests that to me. I think the guitar at the end is just shimmering, gorgeous, and intoxicating — which, speaking of, is right around when you gave me my first kiss on the cheek. 😉

“Stranger Things” by Kyle Dixon & Michael Stein: Throughout history, mankind has asked many great and timeless questions: “Who are we, and where do we come from?” “What is the meaning of life?” And of course, “Are you liberal or conservative?” Setting aside the political aspect, I think this question could be a very deep exploration of our deepest attitudes about life: “Do we believe that what we fundamentally need is to be liberated and to liberate others, or do we believe that what we fundamentally need is to be conserved, and to help conserve others?” This is hard to answer.

I don’t know if this theme song fully made its way into your memory bank (because we only ever watched three episodes of this), but the last time I heard it, I was with you. And the first time I heard it with you, there was a 100-pound and 100-year-old animal snoring in the floor. Do you remember that old boy? I remember that he wanted some of the sandwich you brought me from Panera, which I believe you used gift cards you had gotten at the end of your previous school year to purchase — I remember sitting down in the dining room for a brief moment, but the light above us was flickering and it felt like a morgue, so we went outside and sat at the iron table where it rained a couple of drops on us, but not too many.

And then we went inside and you laid a juicy one on me after a girl on screen got sucked into the Upside-Down. But of course, this wasn’t actually our first kiss — that wouldn’t happen until three weeks later in the river.

“End of Heartache” by Moon Diagrams: This was the band that opened for Deerhunter the night we saw them — and after you left the night we watched Stranger Things, I listened to it on repeat until I fell asleep. The song starts off kind of sad, but then I think becomes kind of sweet — which is also how I try to pivot when I am feeling kind of sad.

Incidentally, this was also the song I listened to when I was retracing my walk through the neighborhood, looking for my keys. When I listen to it again, I remember the temperature outside where I was searching, and feeling like there was no way you had my keys but I thought I would text you anyway. I still think all that was all very... mysterious.

“The Mysterious” by Akira the Don, ft. Jordan Peterson: I’ve already told you that this was a song I used to listen to a lot when we were first getting together. The music makes me feel like I’m on a beautiful utopian planet, and it reminds me of summertime last year. I really resonate with his line that “the world is more like a musical masterpiece than it is like anything else, and things are oddly connected.” I do think the way any two people end up together is profoundly mysterious — especially when those two people don’t look much like the other people they’ve ended up with before.

“Something in the Water” by Carrie Underwood: I think this was my favorite song from the Carrie Underwood concert. I had never listened to a ton of her stuff, but I think this is just a beautiful song. I think the title is a great way to talk about the power of baptism without resorting to clichés. And it was a great excuse to drink White Claws and sway with you in your yellow dress and boots. Thanks for inviting me to something that meant a lot to you.

“Great Is Our God” by Young Oceans: This song always reminds me of leading the prayer night at your house — the night where having something bigger than ourselves us to work toward helped us reset after our conflict. I’m so intrigued by how that happened, and I truly believe that we stumbled into one of the great secrets of successful relationships there. I guess having a chance to remember that ultimately we have the same goal, and ultimately the only one who can completely fulfill us is God, allowed us to return to our interaction with a new perspective. Yet so much of the advice I’ve heard seems to focus entirely on the other person and how they make you feel, rather than on what you could accomplish together. I am grateful that Jesus promises that if we seek first the kingdom of God, all our other needs will be taken care of as well (even our need to “make it beautiful,” as Luke 12:27-28 points out).

“For Emma” by Bon Iver: Do you know this song, my babe? In college, my friends and I used to bring a record player out onto their balcony and listen to the whole album on vinyl. The album is called “For Emma, Forever Ago,” and I almost put it on the playlist I made you, but 1) it didn’t fit the flow well enough, 2) I think it’s technically a breakup song, which wasn’t what I was going for either (and still isn’t). But it still gave me a lot of feels, to think that these songs I used to listen to about ending up with someone named Emma were in some way being fulfilled today by being with you. As much as things with you felt “out of the blue,” maybe there were also hints and foreshadowings all along.

“Oh, What A World” by Kacey Musgraves: This song always reminds me of driving around in Northwest Arkansas, on the way to Crystal Bridges, and how the drives to go do things were even more enjoyable than the things themselves. I think that says a whole lot; I know there are some couples who get so bored and dissatisfied with each other in the mundane that they constantly need some sort of thrill to distract them. But I enjoy the mundane with you just as much, if not more so than the eventful moments — the times that feel most like “real life,” I suppose. I think that’s an incredible thing.

“Best is Yet to Come” by Judah & the Lion: I couldn’t think of a better way to end this playlist. I love this verse from 1 Corinthians 2:9: “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him.” And I’m glad to know that you are with me in seeking Him more than anything else.

It has been a tremendous year Emma. Thank you for everything. I have become more attracted and devoted to you with every passing day. Here’s to even more! 🥂

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trendingnewsb · 7 years

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How to Make Romance Last in a Long Term Relationship

When you see the word “Romance,” what images does your brain conjure? Perhaps you see ‘Romeo and Juliet’ (just before they die) or you think of ‘Pride and Prejudice’ and the dreamy Mr. Darcy. While both tales are romantic to a point, they’re certainly nothing to base real life upon. They were both written ages ago, and both were quite dramatic!

Now we meet our husbands and wives on the internet or even dating apps, in bars or through mutual friends. No more do we hear about feuding families and the thrill of breaking rules. So why do we continue to think we can make our romance last if we watch another Nicholas Sparks movie or read a steamy novel?

According to the authors of a 2009 study, companionship love, which is what many couples see as the natural progression of a successful relationship, may be an unnecessary compromise. “Couples should strive for love with all the trimmings,” Acevedo said. “And couples in a long term relationship and wish to get back their romantic edge should know it is an attainable goal that, like most good things in life, requires energy and devotion [1].

Love is really hard because…

Do you remember how it first felt to be with your long-time partner? The butterflies, the anxiety? Where did it all go? Now it’s grocery shopping and splitting utility bills. The only night out you get is the one resulting in an empty fridge. Sound familiar?

As time goes by, we get so used to each other, we can predict the others’ response and behavior. We know what makes them tick and what they love. While this is a great thing on some level, it’s certainly not exciting. And if it isn’t exciting, most couples don’t consider it to be very romantic.

While this is all very normal, it doesn’t feel good. We feel bad for being bored with our significant other and we can’t quite pin-point the moment things changed. But there are a few reasons we feel less romantic over time [2].

Disappointment: it’s normal to feel that the passion seems to have gone

People and relationships disappoint us over time. At first, everything is new and shiny. We are put on a pedestal and feel attractive and desirable. Then our partner becomes more and more human, as do we, and we become less excited and enthusiastic about each other.

Hurt happens, even if we don’t want it

Hurt happens. Some things hurt worse than others, like forgotten anniversaries or an especially ugly argument. But often times, we shut down when we get our feelings hurt instead of discussing what happened. When a wall is built, it’s difficult to overcome. This can lead to everything but romance.

Taking each other for granted

This one probably hits home the most, right? At the beginning of a relationship, we feel so honored to be loved by our significant other, but after years of being together, marriage or even a family, we forget that we still have choices. If either party wanted to, they could call it quits. Instead, we feel that we did all the hard work we were supposed to, and the romantic feelings that were once so strong feel more like emotions amongst roommates and companions.

Never, ever give up on romance! You don’t have to compromise

Remember that study on Companionship Love I mentioned earlier? Well that same study found that those who reported greater romantic love were more satisfied in both short and long term relationships. Companion-like love was only moderately associated with satisfaction in both short and long term relationships. And those who reported greater passionate love in their relationships were more satisfied in the short term compared to the long term.

So what does all this mean? Well, it means you need to find a partner who is really there for you and feels like a teammate. Romantic love has the intensity, engagement and sexual chemistry that passionate love has, minus the obsessive component. So if you are confident with your partner, and feel that they contribute to the relationship (and of course you are both physically attracted to each other), you’re on the right track.

Bring the romance back. For good!

When you feel like the spark is dying, or even extinguished, it doesn’t mean you should leave the long term relationship. There are steps to take that can bring that feeling back!

Think of 5 positives for every negative thing in the relationship

Yep, it’s a real thing. While the “itch” or desire to leave/cheat can happen around the third year, it seems the worst around year 7. To help avoid those feelings, consider the 5:1 ratio [3]. For every one negative thing between you and your partner, there should be five positives. While you two have a household to run and maybe even kids to raise, your relationship should still be fun and kind-hearted.

Add something new to reignite the passion

Sure, the early feelings of constantly wanting to undress your partner fade after about a year. After all, new and exciting can only stay new for so long. But things can still be thrilling! Passion, romance and sexual desire/intimacy are essential to any long term relationship. So engage in new activities together! Whether intimate or casual, break out of your comfort zones [4].

Forget about the routine. Do something spontaneous once in a while!

Instead of sitting around and getting depressed about how “bored” or “boring” your partner seems, do something spontaneous! Don’t make your typical plans to see a movie Friday and do brunch sunday; live in the moment! If you’re together right this second, drop what you’re doing and go to a theme park or aquarium.

Seek arousal-producing activities to create that adrenaline rush again!

Do an activity together that creates an endorphin and adrenaline rush! When those feel-good chemicals rush to your brain, that state of heightened arousal can be transferred to your partner and relationship. Whether it’s an intense workout, a scary movie or a roller-coaster, give it a try.

Give yourself enough time to think before leaving

While the feeling of a non-romantic relationship can make you want to call it quits, it’s actually best to ride the wave. When those feelings fade and we start to question if we even want to stay in the relationship, it’s really just because we are no longer caught up in the initial “chase” we loved so much in the beginning. Give yourself some time when those doubts creep up and don’t immediately exit the relationship. But if the doubts come back and the attraction and romance do not, then it may be time to assess the situation [5].

Know that the romance is still there somewhere

All of these points combine to make this one: the romance is still in there somewhere. We get so used to each other and that can lead us to take each other for granted. So plan a spontaneous date night, flirt with each other like you did when you first met. See where it takes you. And above all, communicate and be open to the feeling of romance or lack-thereof. You two fell in love for a reason. Remember that.

Featured photo credit: Freestocks.org via stocksnap.io

Reference

[1]^Innovation Insights: You have to spend money to ((Innovation Insights: You Have to Spend Money to Make Money: A Guide To Freelance Splurging[2]^Baby corner: Why Romance Dies[3]^Verily Magazine: How to combat the proven 7-year-itch relationship roadblock[4]^Greatest: Am I Just Bored or Should We Break Up?[5]^Greatest: Bored With Your Relationship? Here’s Why That Isn’t Necessarily a Bad Thing

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trendingnewsb · 7 years

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How to Make Romance Last in a Long Term Relationship

Love is really hard because…

Disappointment: it’s normal to feel that the passion seems to have gone

Hurt happens, even if we don’t want it

Taking each other for granted

Never, ever give up on romance! You don’t have to compromise

Bring the romance back. For good!

When you feel like the spark is dying, or even extinguished, it doesn’t mean you should leave the long term relationship. There are steps to take that can bring that feeling back!

Think of 5 positives for every negative thing in the relationship

Add something new to reignite the passion

Forget about the routine. Do something spontaneous once in a while!

Seek arousal-producing activities to create that adrenaline rush again!

Give yourself enough time to think before leaving

Know that the romance is still there somewhere

Featured photo credit: Freestocks.org via stocksnap.io

Reference

The post How to Make Romance Last in a Long Term Relationship appeared first on Lifehack.

from Viral News HQ http://ift.tt/2rNQcOB via Viral News HQ

#IFTTT #Viral News HQ

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