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educatedinyellow · 3 years

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Stuff I Made, 2020 masterlist

Thank you, everyone who shared this meme! If anyone reading this would like to compile your own list, please consider yourself tagged!

Total number of completed works: 10 vids, 2 fics, and 3 other things I will file under "miscellany" :)

Total word count: 14,610 words published, plus about 4,000 or so words of unpublished Discworld WIP

Fandoms created for: I created for 12 fandoms this year! Man From UNCLE (TV), Mission Impossible (films), Moonlighting, BBC Sherlock, A Study in Emerald, Supernatural, Bright Star, Discworld, Granada Holmes, ACD Holmes, The Seven-Per-Cent Solution, and Whitehead Holmes

Looking back, did you create more than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected? About what I expected, maybe a little more. When it comes to fic, I usually clock in around 10-12K per year. And with vids, 10 or so seems pretty normal to me. Last year I made 11, so the rate was almost the same this year.

What’s your own favorite creation of the year? Hard to say, but I'm pleased with how The Talking Cure turned out. I think the part of the story set in France, from Holmes's point of view, is quietly romantic in a way that makes me happy. He and Watson share some tender and hopeful moments. And I did something unusual with Moriarty, which I think took the seeds planted in the original book and developed them into a characterization that was perhaps more genuine and human. Among my vids, Destiel has been a ship close to my heart this year and I think Islands was a lovely fit for them; I like how that vid turned out.

Did you take any creative risks this year? I made my first constructed reality vid by combining two non-Holmesian movie sources to create a new story set in Neil Gaiman's A Study in Emerald universe. I am pretty sure I pioneered a rarepair ship -- I don't think anyone else has shipped Eugenia/Elsie -- which also happened to be my first written F/F pairing. I wrote about Moriarty, a character I normally avoid. I podficc'd for only the second time, and learned (and re-learned) bits and pieces about sound editing along the way. I watched some art tutorials, got a few more art supplies, and saw improvement in my sketching. I created for a lot of fandoms I'd never contributed to before, some of them very dear to me (like Man From UNCLE and Moonlighting). I hosted the Write Every Day group for a month and used that time to get the ball rolling on my first attempt at writing Discworld and Vimes/Vetinari. I got a Spotify account for the first time (lol, I know!) and found some good music for future vids.

Do you have any goals for the new year? I'd like to write a sequel to my Eugenia/Elsie story and continue writing my Vimes/Vetinari fic. Probably most of my creative time will continue to go to vidding, and I never know what to expect next on that front! But I can say my first vid of the new year will probably be Peter Wimsey/Harriet Vane (I'm already working on that one).

Most popular creation of the year? My Illya-centric Man From UNCLE vid Skeleton Key somehow got 2.1K views on YouTube, which is about twenty times more views than my vids normally get. I honestly have no idea how this happened, but I think it must have gotten picked up by some algorithm and recommended on people's feeds or something. But anyway, it's a *great delight* to me to know the MFU fandom is still so active and that Illya continues getting the love he deserves 50+ years after the show went off the air :) My other surprisingly popular creation was the series of early Holmesian art posts I put together on tumblr, where I picspammed selections of the work of Holmesian illustrators both well-known and obscure (drawn from the Arthur Conan Doyle Encyclopedia archives online) and added a little personal commentary. I was so pleased that so many people enjoyed rifling through those drawings as much as I did! :)

Creation of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: My least popular vid this year was Knots, and I completely understand why. I wholly support those who don't want to engage with a historical romance that ended in sickness and death; 2020 is not the year for that for many people. But for myself, it's one of my favorite creations of this year. I think the song is lovely and so well-suited to the story, and the film is unfailingly beautiful and compelling -- it was a great pleasure to vid.

Most fun thing to make: The most fun was Moonlighting: Give You Fever! It's the vid of mine that I’ve re-watched the most often this year, it's so upbeat! :)

Most unintentionally telling thing: I can't think of anything for this, so I guess my tells probably remain not just unintentional but unconscious??

Biggest disappointment: Nope. I choose to be happy with what I made, which was a lot of good things :)

Biggest surprise: Ummmm…honestly most of what I wind up making in any given year comes as a surprise to me. But I will say my most spontaneous project was the Jelly Good Show podfic, which was a joy from start to finish!

My vids:

The Man From UNCLE: Skeleton Key (Illya-centric, slashy, black & white S1)

Mission Impossible: Comedy! Drama! Sliding!! (amazing practical stunts, bonkers humor)

Moonlighting: Bad Day (all my bittersweet feelings about this show wrapped up together)

Moonlighting: Give You Fever! (all my happy feelings about this show wrapped up together!)

BBC Johnlock: Person of Interest (there's always a crime scene IN THEIR HEARTS ok?)

A Study in Emerald: Radioactive (Monsters! Saving the world! Flirting!)

SPN Destiel: Islands (they think protecting each other means letting each other go)

Bright Star: Knots (love and death, but the love is more important)

Discworld: Go(ing Postal) Places (Delivering The Mail! Public Service! Silly Hats!)

Granada: beyond your peripheral vision (Irene Adler has brought enough Respect Women Juice for everyone)

My fics:

To Cast Light on Each (ACD, Holmes/Watson, Eugenia/Elsie, rated T, 4.5K) Holmes and Watson, searching for a way to help Mrs. Ronder, unveil unexpected possibilities. A fix-it fic for "The Veiled Lodger" and a follow-up to "The Dancing Men."

The Talking Cure (7PER, Holmes/Watson, Watson & Moriarty, rated T, 10K) A little honest conversation goes a long way.

My miscellany:

Tumblr series on Holmesian Art History (personal commentary)

Podfic of "A Jelly Good Show" by Sanguinity

Pencil sketch of Vetinari

#things i made in 2020 #masterlist #long post

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vakarians-babe · 4 years

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Because I’m still in hyperfixation mode and I just finished replaying the og Mass Effect trilogy at midnight, have a lil essay on why Shakarian (at least how I’ve played it) breaks me every time! Essay under the cut, bc it’s longer than I ever intended lmao

I’ll start by saying I play as femShep, with the Earthborn and Sole Survivor backgrounds, as the infiltrator class (main weapon is sniper) My canon Shep is named Anais and follows much of the Paragon track. So, ME1. There’s Anais, fresh out of what she thinks is the biggest failure of her career since Akuze. Nihlus is dead and so are almost all of the colonists and Jenkins. It’s kind of raw, but she’s determined to do things her way—the ‘right’ way. No one left behind, no unnecessary sacrifices; you do what you can to save everyone, not enact an arithmetic of death. She’s a little older than Garrus (my canon is 27 at the beginning of ME1, while Garrus is 25), who is this brash, angry proponent of ‘justice’ as he sees it, and she recognizes a little bit of her own pain and her own motivations in him as he tells her how desperately he wants to take Saren down. Throughout the game, from Feros and Noveria to Virmire and Ilos, she does her best to teach him that you don’t take shortcuts. You don’t let your anger lead the direction of your scope. It’s the encounter with Dr. Saleon that really hits some of that home for Garrus, because he’s let his thirst for vengeance for /himself/ rather than justice for the victims take over, and she helps him see that. When she has to choose between Kaidan and Ashley, it destroys her, but she does it, and for once Garrus gives her a little comfort, because he sees now /why/ she never wanted to choose. By the time they’re at the final showdown on the Citadel, the two are incredibly close. Garrus respects her, Anais respects him and cares deeply for this friend. And Garrus maybe even adores her (her hair is nice and her waist is very supportive, after all) in a way that he denies.

And then Anais dies. Garrus is at CSec, working on reforms and making sure the processes are about taking care of people and trying to flush out corruption. It flashes across nearly every vidscreen in the room: SSV NORMANDY ATTACKED. COMMANDER SHEPARD LOST. Garrus has to watch, then, as Anais is lauded for a few months, and then swept under the rug. It’s like this force of nature never even existed for so many others, but not for him. Corruption continues in CSec, his efforts earn him reprimands, and it all becomes too much. He hands in his badge and goes to Omega. Builds up his band of comrades, just like Shepard. He fights for normal people, to give them better lives and to keep the bullies off their backs. Just like Shepard. But Sidonis is there, and eventually he betrays them all. Garrus, now Archangel, is devastated. He’s tried so hard to hold onto what Anais had taught him, and now, at the same age she was when she died, he’s ready for one last battle, with all of the gangs of Omega, and he doesn’t care if he dies, because there’ll be less bullies in the world and the only collateral damage will be him. He’s already lost his team, he won’t let there be anyone else left behind, no others unnecessarily sacrificed. He may be dealing in an arithmetic of death, but it’s about how many he can take out before he goes.

Instead, someone breaks through the gangs’ lines. Someone with a build and a gate and a way of sniping on the move that is so familiar to Garrus, but he can’t let himself believe it. Lots of people have dark hair and big noses (but he still remembers what she looked like, two years ago, and he knows its her even though he tells himself it’s not). But suddenly she’s there, and it’s his chance to be cool and show her how he’s grown, and she does look exactly the same up close, except for these lingering scars. When the gunship takes him down briefly, he thinks it’s ironic that now they even share facial scars.

As they catch up, Garrus starts to realize how much /he’s/ grown. They’re the same age now, he keeps reminding himself, because Anais is still 27, and two years spent as little more than cells in a lab don’t include birthdays. Anais is seeing it too, and part of her is sad, because she knows Garrus has been through so much to make him the way he is. The loss of his team hurts her. But Garrus is tougher than she expected, and he took her lessons to heart, even if he’s interpreted some of them in his own ways. As Anais feels more hopeless, pulled more deeply into Cerberus and into a way of things that she doesn’t like, she finds herself forced to be angry. To choose some of the options she might not have chosen before. Her scars are mostly healed, and the strange light has left them, but her face is still newly knitted flesh. It’s Garrus who tries to soften Anais now, because in those two years he’s gained an understanding of hope and hopelessness that he never had before.

When the chance comes to catch up with Sidonis, the two of them find themselves snapping back towards who they were that day so long ago on the Citadel. Garrus, despite his losses, is angry again. /He/ wants vengeance, though he tells himself it’s justice for his /squad/. Anais knows she can’t let him do it, because sole survivors will always blame themselves in the end, and when Sidonis is gone, only the self hate and the feelings of failure will remain. So she stops him. And when he asks her “what do you want from me, Shepard?” she shatters inside, because she realizes suddenly that somehow, she’s falling in love with him, and she knows how he feels. She felt that way on Akuze, felt that way when she faced her commanding officer, felt that way about herself when she failed her team. She wants him to stop blaming himself, but that’s so much to ask.

But he does realize that, deep down. When she looks at him with all the pain of experience, he knows in that moment that she has blamed herself for years, and it’s what she’s afraid will happen to him. It’s the start of something new for Garrus, and he finally listens to those little feelings inside him whenever he sees Anais tying up her waist-length hair, or smiling softly in the corner of the mess hall, or surreptitiously buying a new model ship or fish or hamster. They start to flirt, slowly, both of them pretending this is just a friendship with a little more when they know it isn’t.

The Batarian relay is even worse for Anais than Horizon was. She knows exactly how many people she tried to save, and who died anyway. She listened to Dr. Kenson, and it’s all her fault. But Garrus stops, he stands in front of her, and he tells her quietly that she /tried/ and she knows she has to stop pretending she only sees him as a friend, because she loves him completely. He doesn’t know when he stopped pretending to himself anymore.

The Collector Base is terrifying, for both of them. The final journey to and through the Omega Four relay is one they spend tangled up, sometimes awkward, but always right. Despite what’s coming, that time in the loft is theirs. When Anais leaves Garrus as the leader of the second squad, they both know it’s because she trusts him and his skills completely, more completely than anybody on the team, save perhaps Miranda or Tali. They both wish she didn’t have to. But they win, and they all make it out of the Suicide Mission unscathed. The goodbye is impossibly hard, but neither one of them can bring themselves to say the three words they want to say. Garrus goes back to Palaven, where he’s promoted. Anais faces her trial on Earth. They both kick themselves for the things they never said.

The final coming of the Reapers shakes Anais. She can’t help but think of Garrus, on Palaven, as the reports start drifting in while they fly to Mars. And then she finds him, on that moon, and he’s whole and he’s alive and he’s there and she wants to blurt it out (he does too). They’re both amazed afterwards by how easy it is to resume things, and by how much more open it feels. Though neither of them say anything, they know what’s changed. They know it’s really for real. They’re on more even footing now, with Anais choosing more Renegade options than she would a year ago but still trying to do what’s right, and Garrus refusing to cut corners, even though he makes hard choices. When she cures the Genophage, Garrus is in awe at how easy the decision is for her. When she saves the Geth /and/ the Quarians, Garrus doesn’t know how she /exists/. Somewhere along the way, he realizes he would die for her. And when they sneak up to the presidium roof and she misses her shot, Garrus knows she did it on purpose, because Commander Anais Shepard can hit a traveling Banshee between the eyes. Anais thinks it’s her secret and she’ll never tell him. But what she really wants is to say she loves him.

As the nightmares get worse for Anais, Garrus does what he can to make things easier. He cleans her guns for her, when she’s not looking or thinking. He brings food up to her cabin, to force her to eat when she sits there just looking at the reports from the Battlespace, watching the casualty lists scroll across the screen of her personal communicator. She always takes him on her missions, when she can. And when she comforts him about his family, he wants to come undone right there in the gun battery. He doesn’t.

They both have a feeling that one of them won’t make it out of this. Despite the numbers, despite those readiness ratings, there’s that fear. All the talk of turian/human babies and of adopting is just a blind hope for the two of them. But god, do they want that future. They want to live off of the royalties from the vids and grow old and gray and be able to remember with amazement how they once were able to barrel roll and fight Brutes without arthritis pain stopping them.

The run to the beam, that headlong, dead-out sprint, is full of panic. Anais trips more than once as she glances over her shoulder for Garrus. He grips her under her shoulders and yanks her to her feet like a ragdoll, setting her gently onto her feet each time. When the beam hits the Mako, and it rolls over in the explosion, Anais thinks she’s lost everything. The Crucible doesn’t matter if Garrus is gone, because there’s no Shepard without Vakarian. Even though he’s heavy, so much heavier than her, she drags him to the bay doors of the Normandy. And because she thinks this is the last chance, because she doesn’t know which one of them will live, she finally tells him she loves him. As he fights back tears, he says it back. And then the doors close and she’s gone.

With the Citadel so fully alien and terrifying, Anais tries to think only of him. Only of what they might name their first kid. Would they adopt? She knows that their DNA isn’t compatible. But they could always try something. Maybe they’d be Krios, for Thane, or Kaidy, for Kaidan. Standing in front of the Illusive Man, feeling the threads of indoctrination in her head, it’s the thought of returning to Garrus that lets her break free, just for a moment, to pull the trigger. It’s not enough to save Anderson. Maybe their child will be named David. With unfeeling fingers, Anais arms the Crucible. She can’t rid the world of synthetics--Edi and the Geth are just as alive as they are--but there will be no dominating the reapers. She hopes everyone will understand as she chooses Synthesis. And then she lets go. She’s sure she’s died.

But the next day, when the dust has settled somewhat, and the crew of the Normandy are gathered around their memorial wall, Garrus feels differently. It’s amazing, how when they were together and saying their goodbyes he was sure he wouldn’t see her again. But now, even when those around them are sure that Commander Shepard, /the/ Commander Shepard, is dead, he knows she’s not. She died once, after all, and that didn’t stop her. Besides, her cybernetic augmentation is designed to heal her.

And while Garrus stands there, hoping, Anais takes a breath on that wreckage.

#sorry for the feelings spam #garrus #garrus vakarian #shepard x garrus #shakarian #custom shepard #femShep #Mass Effect #Mass Effect 2 #Mass Effect 3 #Anais Shepard #literally this ended up being so long how did that happen

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sailor-cresselia · 5 years

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Zi-O 37: Gotta go fast!

I’m gonna sprinkle in some chat segments from the live watch that @miyukomatsuda and I did of the episode as it aired, but this is mostly my watch of the RiderTime sub.

(I’m also hoping to do a watch of some of the recent episodes again, but with the O-T subs, so that I can get a more… well phrased translation.)

As always, spoilers for Zi-O episode 37 below the cut.

~~~~~

So, a giant meteorite just hit. It doesn’t have a Rider inside this time, though! No, it has Worms! Shapeshifters! Who are basically the Zygons!

(I don’t go to Doctor Who anymore, but that’s what I’ve been told, and the impression I got from Marcosatsu’s History of Kabuto vid.)

Team 9-to-5 are watching a news broadcast at breakfast about the meteorite – aaaand nope, newscaster’s a Worm, much to the poor cameraman’s surprise.

Cressy: Woz: Welp! Found out who we’ve got this week!

Miyuko: “My turn to do things.”

Miyuko: “Also, we dealt with the gas leak.”

Miyuko: “We should all be sane again.”

(The idiot ball was in full force during the Kiva Arc. We will never let it rest.)

~~~~~

Sougo, Tsukuyomi, and Geiz are headed off to see where that second meteorite hit, the one with the worms on it, when a third one shoots down, in the other direction. So, off they go, splitting the party. Again.

Poor Geiz, he’s with Woz again. Who, by the way, is nowhere to be seen, having ditched the team to go do his recap.

At… the Hachiko statue.

Huh.

And the key player for this fortnight’s worth of episodes… Kamen Rider Gatack – Arata Kagami.

Who is clearly in a state of “Not this again...” as another meteorite streaks by. Or it could be that one that split the party, it’s a little hard to say.

~~~~~

They used part of the Kabuto opening – with the beetle wings – to cut into the OP this time! Nice touch!

I was host for the stream Miyuko and I did when we watched the Raw, and I BLINKED AND MISSED THE FORM RUN THROUGH that time! And here I pride myself on noticing differences in the OPs!

But Kamen Rider Woz’s base form has been replaced by his Ginga form, with the ‘base’ version, Ginga Finaly shown in full, and the Planet and Sun forms shown in bust form.

~~~~~

And FINALLY, they notice that the Another Rider’s aren’t erasing the previous Riders from history anymore! They haven’t been doing that for a while, guys. I mean, if they were still doing it, you wouldn’t have been able to have all of your senpai help you out in the movie last December… you know, shortly before you moved into having Future Riders for a while, and then back into the older Legend Riders.

You might write it off as ‘odd’, or ‘paradoxes have messed with space-time nearly beyond repair’, but I still say that time travel doesn’t work like you think it does.

I will hold my ‘they have been faking it’ theory until absolutely proven otherwise, folks.

…and I’m still going to be using it in ReUnited, anyway. ~Fanfiction land says I can do what I want.~

Besides, Sougo’s having fun! He’s getting to meet all of these Kamen Riders, after all!

…Sougo, kitty, I’m pretty sure you still don’t quite get how serious some of this is, but you get a solid B for effort.

~~~~~

Cressy: THEY FINALLY REALIZE THAT THEY AREN’T ERASING PEOPLE ANYMORE

Miyuko: YOU DUMBASSES

Miyuko: Mouri: DAMNIT SHIMOMIYA STOP MAKING ME HANDLE LORE

~~~~~

At the third landing site…

Woz. Woz you are so unbelievably petty. “I will be giving the orders around here, let’s go.” For crying out loud, Woz, just work as a team with Geiz, please.

So, off they go, into battle against a swarm of Worms using Faiz and Kikai!

~~~~~

Miyuko: if sougo goes to space i’m gonna yell that I called it

~~~~~

SOUGO IS SO DUMB.

SOUGO. You already knew that they could copy people. You SAW one do it on tv. So why would you assume that the people working at the crash site, where that broadcast came from, were normal humans?

Sougo, PLEASE.

Also, it looks like the Worms agree with me: right before they drop their disquises, they’re giving him this look like “Wow, this kid is dumb.”

And before Sougo bothers to transform, shots fly from off screen~!

Hey there, Gatack! Nice to see you’re doing okay!

~~~~~

Meanwhile, over with Woz and Geiz, we’ve got them landing finishers on a pair of Worms… but there’s still more of them. And, as Woz finally bothers to mention…

Worms can go faster than you can see when they get stronger.

(I agree with Geiz’s frustration at not having been told this sooner! WOZ!!)

Good thing they’ve got Revive Typhoon and Shinobi~~!

~~~~~

Back with Sougo and Kagami… They finish off a mass of Worms, but something red knocks them down.

Something – sorry, someone – that Kagami calls ‘Kageyama’.

Enter PunchHopper.

And with his entrance, Kagami goes into Gatack’s cast off Rider form – and right into Clock Up.

~~~~~

Cressy: “Hey, new kid, how fast can you go?”

Cressy: Actually, super speed is a problem for Sougo!

Miyuko: Sougo: UHHHHHHH

Miyuko: He has to hide

Cressy: Because he couldn’t keep up with Revive so

~~~~~

The battle starts to deal some collateral damage to the infrastructure, leading to rubble starting to fall towards a mother and child.

Tsukuyomi says no.

A stopwatch ticks.

The rubble freezes in midair, letting the civilians escape.

Tsukuyomi sees something.

Herself, younger, and three people facing away from the cameras viewpoint. At least one is an adult – presumably male, in an outfit that looks an awful lot like the one Swartz wore in 2009. The other two… I think the one to the left of the screen is a young girl, with pigtails. The one on the right looks to be an adult male… and it’s very grainy, but that style of dress looks like a black and white version of what Sougo’s uncle wears.

Of course, she only focuses in on young her and almost-definitely-Swartz.

Please, Toei, Shimomiya, I am begging you, do not let anyone be related. We’ve got both time travel and amnesia going on in here already, we do not want you to go that route!

~~~~~

Swartz sees this from a nearby roof, and notes that her powers are getting stronger, and soon they’ll completely awaken.

Someone asks what will happen when they do.

~~~~~

Miyuko: **YELLS**

Miyuko: TSUKASA

Cressy: Tsukasa: Sup.

Miyuko: WERE YOU OFF GETTING LAID TSUKASA

Cressy: Look at that posture

Cressy: Daiki showed up.

Cressy: he def was.

~~~~~

Tsukasa: “So… you’re connected to that girl somehow. I’ve been doing some investigating…”

Swartz: “Oh, yeah, sure. Do what you want… If you can.” (he says in an ominous tone, ominously.)

Tsukasa: “Thanks. I’ll do just that.”

~~~~~

Back on the ground, Sougo… is getting his ass handed to him. But! He does have the realization that the speed PunchHopper and Gatack are moving at is similar to Geiz Revive Typhoon… and he’s figured out a way to counter that.

It used to be that he was only looking one move ahead when he used Zi-O II’s precog abilities.

He’s looking ahead three here.

Sougo knows he won’t be able to react in time for the first two strikes, but the third…

On the third he can time a strike of his own.

And he knocks PunchHopper down.

Gatack tries to finish him off – but a red blur takes the hit.

Another Kabuto has made his appearance, and it looks like he’s Sou Yaguruma, former alias KickHopper. He grabs PunchHopper, and nyooms right on out of there.

~~~~~

Miyuko: OH FUCK IT’S ONE FO THE HOPPER BROS

Cressy: OH MY GOD ANOTHER KABUTO IS ONE OF THE HOPPER BROS

Miyuko: KAGAMIII

Cressy: OR A WORM OF ONE OF THEM

Miyuko: IS IT TIME FOR HIM TO SUFFER (We saw one was a worm

Miyuko: (shame we uh

Miyuko: (remember the rider sona

~~~~~

(Miyuko’s at least watched some Kabuto, but not very far. I, on the other hand, have seen exactly none, and would have no idea which one we saw in the cold open.)

~~~~~

Now then, we jump to Kagami explaining the situation to Woz and Sougo at the shop, giving them a basic run down of who the Hell Brothers are, along with showing them pictures. Pictures of the terribly dated late ‘00’s Hot Topic discount bin wardrobes that those two wore.

Kagami: So, the PunchHopper is definitely a Worm mimicking the original.

Woz: How can you know?

~~~~~

Miyuko: Woz intensifies

Miyuko: “Pretty sure he’s dead.”

Cressy: “So, yeah, he’s dead, but. uh. Apparently not anymore.”

Miyuko: “Fuck if I know, guys.”

Miyuko: Shibuya!

Miyuko: FLASHBACK TO KABUTO

Cressy: “Also, it’s really weird that Shibuya exists again.”

Miyuko: “Wait what”

Miyuko: Sougo: :)

Miyuko: Woz: “THE FUCK?!”

~~~~~

So, yeah, the timelines are a mess here. In 1999, in Kabuto, Shibuya was destroyed by a meteorite – one carrying the Worms. It’s … incredibly intact here.

OH. DUUUHHHH. That’s why Woz was at the Hachiko Statue!

It’s at Shibuya station.

WOW, I feel dumb. I remembered who Hachiko was, but didn’t catch the link as to why Woz would be there until just now.

Also, Sougo, I get that you were born in 2000, but. Like. That was only one year later. I thought your only decent subject was history! If this happened in the current timeline, you ought to know about it!

~~~~~

At an overlook, Geiz finds Tsukuyomi, having been told about her using her time powers again, and she tells him that she remembered something. Her mother and father, and ‘another man’.

… wait SHIT I said that the seated man’s outfit looked a lot like Junichiro’s, didn’t I? ABORT MISSION! NO, NO, NO! CALL IT OFF! STOP THE RIDE, I WANNA GET OFF!

Tsukasa appears on the scene. “Hey, so. Do you want to take a look and see what was going on back there? I’m trying to find the source of why the fabric of space and time is getting holes poked in it, so if you want to come along…”

… Okay, so he says ‘distorted,’ according to the RT subs, but it amounts to the same thing.

Geiz thinks this is a terrible idea, but Tsukuyomi wants to know who she is. So she goes with him.

Er, Tsuka- Tsukasa? I think you are a poster child for ‘sometimes you are better off not knowing who you used to be’, just as much as you are for ‘don’t lean too hard into the world-destruction prophecies.’ You may want to rethink your stance on this.

Mind you, you’re also a shining example of ‘there’s no escaping destiny’ and ‘you can’t thwart stage one’, so I guess that ship has already sailed.

~~~~~

Miyuko: TSUKASA’S UP TO THINGS

Cressy: Tsukasa: “GUYS, QUIT FUCKING WITH THE TIMELINE. YOU’RE MAKING MY JOB AND THE DENLINER CREW’S JOBS THAT MUCH HARDER”

~~~~~

So, a quick call between Geiz and Sougo, and we switch back to the Sougo and Woz team. (Man, we’re really getting the groups together this week, aren’t we?)

They’re confronted by Kageyama – who, yes, is a Worm. And he admits it. But he still has the original Kageyama’s memories as a human, and he wants them to help his brother. Worm or human, he can’t stand to see Yaguruma as an Another Rider – as a monster. They’ve seen too much hell for him to want any more.

Woz: My lord, this is clearly a trap.

Sougo: You need to start trusting people, Woz. Besides, we want to help save Yaguruma, too, don’t we? :)

Except that that is not his usual ‘This is going fine!’ smile. That is a smile of ‘he knows what’s going on.’

… You know, So Okuno’s really grown into his role, here. I think he’ll be able to do pretty well once he graduates from Sougo.

(He’s grown into his role, if not his clothing. Seriously, wardrobe department, could you let him wear clothes that fit properly? Why was this whole ‘everything is minimum a size and a half too big’ thing a decision?)

ANYWAY. THIS is a good scene for the instrumental of Toki no Ouja.

Also, you can hear the belts and chains Kageyama’s wearing well before you see them.

~~~~~

A quick interlude to Junichiro, back at the shop, having just fixed a radio. He goes to make sure it’s actually fixed, and turns it to the news.

There’s a large meteor headed for the center of Tokyo. And it’s much larger than the previous ones that have hit.

…

WAIT WHAT

(cue shot of said meteor in space)

~~~~~

Miyuko: OH MY GOD THEY ARE GOING TO SPACE

~~~~~

And now, to a totally-not-suspicious definitely-not-a-trap perfectly-harmless warehouse.

Sougo: So, Yaguruma’s supposed to be in here, right? (proceeds to walk in, with his back towards the guy who literally calls himself one of the Hell Brothers, like an idiot)

KAGEYAMA GOES TO STRANGLE HIM FROM BEHIND. BECAUSE OF COURSE HE DOES.

But he doesn’t get to – because Kagami bodychecks him away.

Kagami: “Kid, NO! You’re too naive! Walking into a trap like this!”

Kageyama: “Ahahaha… I mean, yeah, it’s a trap, but it’s not for the brat.”

Another Kabuto SLAMS into Kagami.

Kageyama: “We’re after you.”

Kagami and Kageyama both transform.

~~~~~

Cressy: THANK YOU KAGAMI

Miyuko: Aw yiss

Miyuko: Shoutout to Mouri USING THE RETURNING LADS

Cressy: STRAIGHT INTO CAST OFF

Cressy: UNLIKE INOUE

~~~~~

PunchHopper LUNGES at Sougo, who is just standing there – there’s a clicking sound – and a massive surge of gravity slams PunchHopper to the ground. (cue Miyuko and I basically just shouting WHAT into the chat)

Oh my god. Turns out Woz’s attack is even more ridiculous than I’d thought. He’s allegedly channeling the gravity of 10,000 black holes, because that’s totally a thing that’s possible. … Meh, he’s got reinforcements from the armor, he’ll be fine.

Woz: Ah, yes, as expected of my overlord. Taking advantage of the enemies trap-

Sougo: Er, actually, I just wanted him to take me to Yaguruma. Now we just have to defeat the two of them. (goes to transform)

Everything starts to shake.

Oh, there’s that giant meteor!

Rider Time!

Zi-O! Fourze!

3! 2! 1! Fourze!

~~~~~

Miyuko: HE’S GOING TO

Miyuko: OH MY GOOOOD

Cressy: UCHUUU KITAAAAAAAAA

Miyuko: UCHUU IKUUUUU

Miyuko: Sougo pls

Cressy: FINE I’LL TAKE THE MESS UP

~~~~~

I mean, if it stops a GIANT METEOR FROM HITTING TOKYO? I don’t CARE if he gets the catchphrase wrong!

And it’s pretty close, anyway. Way better than his attempts at Ex-Aid’s and especially Build’s catchphrases.

~~~~~

Back to Gatack versus the Hell Brothers, who are soon joined by Woz.

Turns out, Yaguruma doesn’t care that Kageyama’s a Worm, since he’s the only one willing to be his partner.

After being tremendously outsped, and taking a few good blows, Woz unleashes an incredibly over-the-top finisher in the form of his Planetary Explosion. Yes, I know that’s not the actual name, but my computer’s autocorrect is a pain, and I’m not going to try typing out any of the forms that attacks real name can take. I don’t want to teach my computer that.

And there’s a huge explosion of flame, flames spreading across the floor… Woz gives a grandiose pair of quotes in a very Tendou style, down to the pointing. But a sound comes from ground zero of the attack.

A green suit drags itself into a standing position.

KickHopper: I don’t believe in the power of the universe… I only believe in the power of hell…

He lands a Rider Kick that Woz just manages to get a guard up in time to block. When Woz can look up… nobody’s there.

Geiz comes in… but none of the three returning characters are around anymore.

There is, however, a ‘message’. Someone’s left a package of instant bowl ramen, and a note, with one word.

“Hell.”

SO THAT’S NOT OMINOUS AS FUCK AT ALL.

~~~~~

Miyuko: “Wait, I’ve had this form one ep why am I being worfed”

Cressy: WELCOME TO BAD TIMES

Cressy: ON BOTH ENDS OF THE TIMELINE

~~~~~

A portal appears in the air, in 2058. Tsukuyomi and Tsukasa step out, to when she would have been 8 years old, into a ruined city.

With an incredibly ominous looking cloud front and thunderstorm off in the distance.

~~~~~

Back to 2019… Geiz… is in no position to do anything but leave the whole meteor thing to Sougo. A man in black, with copious chains, drags himself through the river below. “Did… someone laugh at me?”

Yaguruma, what are you doing there?

~~~~~

IT’S SPACE TIME!

Sougo’s ready! He can do this! He -

Did not realize how big that was actually going to be!

But he drills through the meteor with a Limit Time Break, shattering it… and also releasing a bunch of Worms that were in there into the vacuum of space.

Oh well.

Except that one wasn’t the real problem.

No, the real problem is that the grey meteor?

Is a pebble in comparison to the giant red one behind it.

Everything is very red in 2068.

~~~~~

Miyuko: THISISFINE

Miyuko: oh shit

Miyuko: IS THIS WHY THE EARTH IS FUCKED UP

Miyuko: SPAAACE

Miyuko: oh boy SOUGO PLS

Cressy: SOUGO BABBY

Miyuko: GEN WOULD BE SO PROUD

Cressy: DID YOU NOT REALIZE FROM HOW BIG IT SEEMED

Cressy: OBJECTS IN MIRROR-

Miyuko: HOLY SHIT

Miyuko: POSE

(He was pretty close, with the pose! It’s… probably easier in 0G, given Gens whole thing.)

Cressy: OH MY GOD HE DRILLED THROUGH A METEOR

Miyuko: OH NOOOOOOOO FUCK

Cressy: OH MY GOD THAT WAS A PEBBLE

Miyuko: OH NO OH NO OH NOOOOOOO

Miyuko: THIS IS WHY THE EARTH IS FUCKED IN 2068 ISN’T IT

Cressy: OH MY GOD THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED TO FUCK UP THE PLANET

Cressy: IT’S REMNANTS ALL OVER AGAIN. I AM HAVING K.A. APPLEGATE FLASHBACKS HERE

Miyuko: WELL BOY FUCKING HOWDY WHAT A ZI O. -oh god PLEASE LET THE KABUTO WATCH GO TO KAGAMI. PLEASE

Miyuko: But Damn that was toei making it up to us from last week huh

Cressy: OH YES

Miyuko: GOOD USE OF RETURNING ACTORS.

DRAMA

STAKES

SOUGO DRILLING A METEOR.

TSUKASA CAME BACK.

Cressy: Tsukasa: “It’s not technically spoilers if it’s your own past, right? Right. I could have used this sort of heads up.”

~~~~~

So! Yeah! We were! Basically just completely screaming after that!

This is a much better episode than the last two. Thank you, Mouri-san! THANK YOU!

#kamen rider zi o #sailorcressy says

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myaekingheart · 5 years

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So I’ve been having really intense dreams almost nightly for the past week, and then forgetting to document them, so here’s a shit ton.

May 4th

There was something about playing video games at some random girl’s house, but the details have since grown hazy.

And then I was five years old again. There was a magic school bus that would take you to different dimensions. The first trip we took, I was with an asthmatic boy who reminded me of Mikey from The Goonies, or my childhood best guy friend, or maybe a combination of the two. The bus took us to this pink mountain range, kind of like the one time space Kaguya sends Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, and Kakashi during that fight arc in Shippuden. Another person joined us for the second trip, but I can’t remember where we went. The third time was the most memorable and the most haunting, though. We were on a field trip to some pavilion, and I had flashbacks to when I was a kid and we visited the Indian River Lagoon. Me and this boy and three other kids snuck off to the bus, or maybe it was four other kids so that the math I present next will add up, because when we got to the bus it turned out it had a capacity of only five. We tried to pile inside but it was like the bus knew how many kids were inside of it and the boy was automatically, magically outside somehow. Our teacher was Steve from Blue’s Clues and when he noticed what we were doing, he started to gradually lose his mind. He panicked when he saw us all on the bus, and then the bus started slowly moving through the parking lot, and then it began to shake as if revving up for interdimensional travel. By this point, he had sprinted across the parking lot and was outside screaming “OPEN THE DOOR! OH MY GOD, OPEN THE DOOR! OPEN THE GODDAMN DOOR!” banging on the door and the windows and just overall losing his goddamn mind. And then one of the windows shattered and broke the bus’s magic, effectively stopping us all. I don’t remember what became of us afterward.

May 5th

My boyfriend and I were in what was supposed to be the guest bedroom at my grandmother’s house. There was a mattress on the floor and a window at the furthest end of the back wall right next to the corner, and the view outside was that of a street. My boyfriend and I were sitting on the floor hanging out when a black man on a cell phone shows up a little too close to the outside window, and he looked sketchy just by the way he was dressed and presenting himself (almost like he was homeless), and I had no idea what he was doing there so I start to panic. I tell my boyfriend to get down so he can’t see us and we do. And then outside, another man shows up, an older white man with long greasy gray hair. He’s carrying what I’m assuming is a machine gun. He starts shooting. The bullets break the glass and start coming through the window. I’m assuming he likely killed the black man. My heart is racing and I know if we stay where we are, we’re going to die so I grab my boyfriend’s hand and race to the bedroom door but it was shut (it always was). I’m standing there trying to turn the knob as the bullets rain in but I’m freaking out and my palms are probably sweaty and my anxiety is getting the best of me and I can’t fucking get it to turn so I basically have to tell myself to calm the fuck down and concentrate and I eventually do finally get the door open.

This dream then fades into something about an old dream I had once about my grandmother’s master bathroom being connected to the guest bathroom by way of a door or a closet or something like that.

And then that transitioned into a really weird dream about walking to school. It was the same school that has appeared in my dreams many times before, some strange take on my high school that I’ve never seen in real life before. But anyways, I was walking through this neighborhood with the intention of getting to campus, only to soon realize I was being followed. Behind me was this nerdy girl with mousy brown hair, long and parted down the middle, and glasses, and her nose constantly stuck in a book. She had this very plain look about her, no makeup, not necessarily pretty but not ugly either. She kind of reminded me of a girl I knew back in middle school. But anyway, her presence only made me that much more nervous about all of this seeing as I had no real grasp of where the fuck I was going. At one point, when I was in what looked like an empty town square (there was a brick office building about three or four stories tall that kind of reminds me of downtown where I live currently), we ran into another group of students who were also walking to school. They were being led by who I can only assume was my most recent French teacher. She called after the nerdy brunette following me to tell her that she was going the wrong way and had to turn down the next street, therefore passive-aggressively telling me that I, too, was basically going the wrong way. I was left with an overall overwhelming sense of panic and frustration feeling as if I was completely lost and incompetent.

May 7th

I was on this weird, giant cruise ship, the inside of which resembled this mall that I kind of recognize appeared in a different dream from a while back. There was this princess procession, mainly girls dressed like Belle first, that I of course took great interest in. As it turned out, it was part of an audition for a local party princess company. Afterward, all of the girls auditioning left this little shop that the company was based out of. I was standing outside. One of the people who leaves the shop is Cory Nation who, if you’re active on TikTok most likely, posts a lot of Disney cosplay vids on there. So he’s standing outside this little shop as all of the other girls auditioning are leaving and I guess mistakes me for one of them as he comes over to me to tell me how I had done such a good job. I feel kind of awkward about it knowing full well I was not among these girls, and feel as I don’t deserve the compliment, but I don’t say anything about it. Later on, I end up going swimming with him and some others and we’re all in the ocean in full on mermaid tails swimming alongside this sidewalk that looks like a pool deck with lots of greenery in the background. On our way back afterward, I run into my mother who I guess at this point I hadn’t seen in a while and so I start walking along with her. She asked me if I had seen my wealthy aunt at all on the trip and I said no. Then just then as we turn the corner on the pool deck, there she is sitting in a lounger. The last thing I want is to get into a conversation with her, so to avoid the confrontation, I grab my mom by the wrist and start running, dodging other people and whipping around corners just to get away from this woman. Running leads us into this weird Alice in Wonderland type maze thing—I just remember finding our way into a small room made out of ivy-laced black wrought iron fencing that had this diorama windows inside like the ones you find on Main Street in Magic Kingdom. One of them was really bizarre, displaying something like a bunch of chibi Lumieres dressed like Belle? I don’t know, it was weird as fuck.

May 9th

The first dream was brief and kind of boring but I was at a bar and ran into my elementary school crush, who started flirting with me, and it was overall just very weird.

The second dream returned me to my childhood best friend’s house for some birthday party. I remember some sort of mermaid theme. Anyways, my childhood best friend and I haven’t spoken since middle school but we follow each other on social media so I see all of her shit and everything that goes on in her life. Everything about both of our lives at this point is completely separate, and that really shone through in this dream. I was back in this house that, as a child, I had considered a second home, but I was surrounded by people I didn’t know and I just overall felt very awkward and like I didn’t belng there. It was really jarring, especially scrolling through social media the next day and seeing a lot of posts from her.

May 10th

The first dream had me back in my creative writing class at my community college, or at least a version of it. I had forgotten my book. I remember sitting there only half-listening to the teacher as I tried to devise a plan to sneak out of the room with the smaller backpack that was inside my bigger backpack so I could get my book unnoticed. I excused myself to the bathroom. I remember slightly panicking inside a cramped stall as I reorganized my clothes-- I had a hoodie that I slipped on and a button down that I tied around my waist. I forget the rest.

The second dream was the most vivid and perhaps the most unnerving/surreal. I was in what was supposed to my grandmother’s neighbor’s house. This was based on my grandmother’s real life next door neighbor, a woman we’ll call Dolly, who died a couple months ago. She loved puzzles and her house always smelled kind of musty. When I was a kid, she bought me my first Webkinz, an elephant. But besides all that, in my dream I was in what was meant to be an iteration of her house. It was one of those sweeping two story homes that you’d expect an old person to live in. It was me, my grandmother, my parents, and a few other people (all anime characters: a knight with long blue hair in a ponytail, and his daughter who had matching blue hair and a dress, and then Jessie and James from Pokemon and their two canonically non-existent children) who were there, and the house was empty. Dolly, in the dream, had just recently died and I guess we were there to help clean out her things. There was a lot of dust and cat hair (even though she doesn’t have a cat) clinging to the staircase so I took it upon myself to wipe it all down. As I was cleaning, I came across what I had thought was a clump of dust sticking out from underneath one of the stair boards, so I forced it up to pull it out only to find Dolly’s lifeless, disembodied head. So of course I start freaking out, calling for everyone to come take a look at this shit. My mom almost immediately turned back around on the verge of vomiting. My grandmother lost her shit. My dad just kind of stood there calm as he could be and was just kind of like “Well that’s intense.” And the anime gang (save for the little girl, who was not there) kind of exchanged looks and then ultimately decided they could not do this and that they needed to leave. Then the scene switched and we were all outside. The backyard was a makeshift cemetery where patches of dead grass shaped like Christian crosses indicated where the dead were buried. A weird game was ensuing where there were two teams of three people, each run by an old man coach, and the goal was to see how many points each team could rack up by having people take turns kicking golf balls across a field. I was on a team with my boyfriend, who was a soccer player in the past so I remember thinking to myself “He’s got this,” with our captain an old stout man with a plaid newsboy hat on. He was probably from the UK somewhere, I’m thinking Scotland. The other team was led by a rather crotchety old man in a suit, and I don’t remember any of the other members except for a little baby no older than two. The baby was the one I was up against. I gave a decent kick of the golf ball, and then it was the baby’s turn to go but she just kind of waddled around off in her own world, so the crotchety old man took matters into his own hands. He picked up the golf ball and launched it across the field on his own, which made the Scotsman incredibly angry. He started fuming, grabbing a shovel and threatening to dig up one of the corpses, I’m assuming Dolly. Chaos ensued. Everyone started running around and screaming “Don’t do that!” And then next thing I know, I’m on the ground staring into a hole where a corpse had been buried, and all along the dirt wall leading downward were tiny doors in dark muted colors with gold plated numbers, like apartment doors for a dollhouse. And then the next scene saw us all sitting around the staircase staring at this disembodied head, which we had quickly discovered was fake. A hyper-realistic rubber head. Someone, maybe it was myself, made a comment about “Well, you know Dolly and her dolls.” Someone else demonstrated the way you could see the cross-section of the different layers where the neck was, and how you could take the head apart to study each layer. For the last scene, I was outside of my own body watching from afar as the anime group trekked past the house at a great distance through deep snow, feeling unresolved and yet as if they did what they had needed to do. The little blue haired girl, the knight’s daughter, suspected nothing, but everyone else was relatively forlorn.

#weird dreams #ramblings

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thexgrayxlady · 3 years

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Notes: So this is not a new fic. This is me more or less forgiving a piece that put me off writing for a long time as I get back into it. I don't think it's that bad anymore. It's just a little crack fic and I had fun writing it at the time.

Space Warlocks from the Planet Nyx

Joker didn’t believe in the concept of, “So bad it’s good.” Something was either good or it wasn’t. You either jumped the ship across the galaxy and hit your target, or you spliced it into an oncoming asteroid. No bizarre middle ground where you fucked up so bad the resulting crash and burn was entertainment.

He also liked to think that he had pretty good taste in media, which he passed on to his kid sister. Yet now, he was more than a little concerned with Hillary’s normally impeccable taste.

Space Warlocks from the Planet Nyx should never have seen the light of day, yet Hillary insisted that he’d love it and even went so far as to send him a copy. He completely believed her when she said the file wasn’t pirated too. Every time he called home, she asked if he’d watched it yet. He didn’t want her to resort to underhanded tactics like the sad eyes or getting dad involved, but he did not want to watch that movie. At this point, it was a matter of principle.

He liked to consider himself a good brother, but this was pushing things a little far.

But he was off shift and Shepard was looking for any excuse she could get to write him up. So rather than staying on the flight deck and backseat piloting, he traded a couple fancy travel shampoos to Kaidan for a pack of M&Ms and settled down in the mess to dutifully suffer.

The things he put up with for family.

It started out like any other mediocre fantasy movie. Kid on a farm. Wanted more from life. Had quest for fortune and glory handed to him when the Space Warlocks took over their planet. The local Space Hermit gave him a magic laser gun and told him the secret lies within. All told through a combination of painfully stiff and just plain weird dialogue.

Seriously, who would agree to say, “Forsooth?” The whole thing definitely needed a few more rewrites.

By the time the Designated Protagonist met the Designated Love Interest, he was considering packing it in. He’d seen enough to know exactly where this was going and he was nearly out of candy.

But Joker kept with it. Say what you will about him, once he committed to something, he stuck with it.

Besides, he was starting to see how the movie would appeal to a certain kind of person. If he ever wanted to bash his head against a wall for two hours without breaking anything, he might just consider rewatching it.

The Designated Protagonist and the Designated Love Interest – she was way too cool to be in this movie- were eventually captured by one of the Space Warlock’s henchmen.

He wasn’t surprised by that. He saw how the Designated Protagonist was flying that ship. Even though it was a repurposed garbage shuttle, in the hands of a half-way competent pilot, it should handle better than that.

“No,” he muttered. He didn’t think they consulted anybody in regards to three dimensional movement. “No. Don’t do that to the poor shuttle…”

The glowing purple beam drew the shuttle into the bigger ship’s hold. There was the ominous, and barely public domain, music, the Designated Protagonist and the Designated Love Interest were led off their shuttle to meet the Space Sorcerer.

Then he saw it. The reason his sister wanted him to watch this movie. Right there. Wearing a moon and stars robe. The Warlock’s henchman.

“Holy shi…”

“Is that the Commander?” He turned around just in time to see Ashley plant her hands on the back of the chair next to him.

“I don’t know,” he said. He sat back, stunned, and let this great and terrible knowledge wash over him in cold shock.

“I was passing by and caught a second and…what is this?” she asked. It was a couple moments before he could shake off the feeling that something was very, very wrong with the world and form an answer.

“Space Warlocks from the Planet Nyx,” he said. “My sister said I’d like it. I didn’t think she meant…”

“Commander Shepard in a wizard costume,” Ashley said.

“You on shift?” He definitely needed a second opinion. She shook her head. “I’ll patch you in.”

Ashley straddled the chair next to him and he tipped a few candies into her hand.

“Kaidan?”

“Best snacks. Also a sucker for fancy shampoo,” he answered as they settled in to watch the Shepard lookalike wave her arms dramatically while trying to figure out the Designated Protagonist’s plan.

“Did you look it up or…” He was already checking the extranet.

“Extranet says the Sorcerer is played by Rachel Wall,” he said. “Not sure if I believe it.”

They made it through the next scene and were into an extended blaster fight before they had more questions.

“I don’t know,” Ashley said, leaning forwards and resting her forearms on the back of the chair. “Shepard’s record says she was on the other side of the galaxy when this was made.”

“Maybe,” he said.

“But…I don’t know,” Ashley said. “The actress the Alliance uses only kind of looks like Shepard. And she has a different voice. This sounds like Shepard. If Shepard was an evil wizard.”

“You say that like she’s not,” he said. He’d already had that particular discussion and it didn’t matter what Kaidan said on the matter. Shepard was Vader, not Revan.

“I don’t think she’s that b…” she added. “Oh come on! That’s not how you aim…”

“Don’t question it,” he said. “Not worth it.”

“Maybe if we had another opinion.” Ashley scanned the rest of the mess, which was somehow next to empty. She turned around and caught sight of Garrus and Tali heading out of the elevator. “You guys busy?”

“Just finishing up something with the Mako’s targeting algorithms,” Garrus said.

“The new gyroscopes should smooth things out on rough terrain,” Tali clarified. “Now we just have to wait for the calibration sequence to finish to check it.”

“Got a minute?” Joker asked.

“Sure,” Tali said. “What do you need?”

“Long story short,” he said. “My sister sent me a movie. The bad guy looks like Shepard. Want in?”

“What kind of movie?” Tali asked.

“A bad one,” he said.

“That can’t be Shepard,” Garrus said, sitting on the table and twisting his head in a way that couldn’t be comfortable to watch the vid rather than finding another chair.

“I don’t know,” Tali said. She took a rag out of her tool belt and wiped some sort of grease off of her hands. “How old is this movie?” She glanced at her Omni-tool. “This was made after she was in college. Maybe she did it for money?”

“Shepard went on scholarships,” Ashley added.

“Shepard likes money,” Joker said.

“More than her pride?” Garrus asked.

“Shepard really likes money,” he added. His multiple requests for a different chair had been turned down. He even used her ridiculous color coding. The fucking lumbar support might actually kill him.

“What kind of costume isthat?” Tali asked, cocking her head to the side.

“Wizard robes.”

“I mean, she’s a sorcerer, but…”

Garrus left during a boring bit for snacks. He didn’t miss much while he was gone. Worse than simply being bad, this movie was boring. For all the promises in the plot summary about space combat, it spent more time with the Designated Protagonist in various jail cells.

Around the start of the third act, the door to the medbay slid open and Liara came out holding her tea mug.

“Hey,” Ashley said. “Liara, you busy right now?” Joker paused the vid.

“Not at the moment,” she replied.

“We’re watching a movie,” Tali said. “Want to join?” Liara flipped the water heater on, then rolled a chair from the other side of the table.

“Before we start this,” Joker said. “What do you think of Commander Shepard?”

“I think she’s a very capable and intelligent woman,” she replied.

“Do you think she’d made a good wizard?” he said.

“Sorcerer,” Garrus corrected. Ashley shot him a look that plainly said, “nerd.”

“What do you mean by…”

Joker pressed play.

“I will fry your organs in the primordial fires of the storm!” the Maybe Shepard shouted, throwing CGI lightning at the Designated Protagonist. “You cannot escape…” The Designated Protagonist dodged and threw the magic laser gun.

“I do not think this is Shepard,” Liara said. “It says that Severina was played by Rachel Wall.”

“Yeah, but she doesn’t sound like she does on the adds,” Ashley said.

“We need another opinion,” he said, rubbing his temple. “I’m bringing in the big guns.”

“No,” Ash insisted. “We’re not doing that.”

“But I have to know,” he said.

“It’s not worth…”

“It’s not Shepard,” Liara insisted.

“How do you know?” Garrus asked. “The actress moves just like Shepard. Not all the time, just for a step, and only when the camera’s not really on her, but it’s there.”

“She wouldn’t degrade herself like…”

“She does like money…”

“I don’t think Shepard knows how to shout…It’s kind of freaky…”

“She was four systems away…”

“The butts match.” Everyone turned to look at Tali, who was picking her way through a baggie of dried fruit. “What? Everyone was thinking it!”

“Ten packs of omni-gel says this isn’t Shepard,” Ashley said.

“I’ll raise you fifteen,” Garrus said.

The shouting and debate were too much and they weren’t getting anywhere. Couldn’t tell if it was Shepard or the look-alike and this had to be settled.

“The Alliance uses this actress for…”

He patched himself into the coms. They were settling this damn it! “Kaidan, we need you in the mess.”

The group went silent in shock, but Kaidan got along with Shepard the best. Joker would dare say they were even friends for some incomprehensible reason. If anybody onboard could tell if this was Shepard or a very good impersonator, he was the best choice.

While they waited, the Designated Protagonist laid siege to the Space Warlock’s very poorly defended asteroid castle.

“You remember that movie I told you about?” Joker asked, waving Kaidan over to them when he finally decided to respond.

“The one your sister’s making you watch?” Kaidan asked.

“Check this out,” he said, gesturing to the empty chairs across the table. “Tell me what you think.”

Kaidan watched with a mixture of confusion and fascination while Maybe Shepard’s plans were thwarted by the Designated Protagonist. It took only a minute for him to reach a verdict.

“Not Shepard.” Most of the crew thought Kaidan looked and acted like a human sweater vest, but he’d played poker with the man. He had a good bluff when the situation called for it, but he faint set of his jaw was a dead giveaway.

“You sure?” Joker asked. He scrutinized Kaidan for any more evidence that he knew more than he was letting on.

“Pretty sure,” he said. “She was on the other side of the galaxy when they made this.”

Joker rolled his eyes. If Kaidan did know something, he wasn’t telling them.

“Maybe we should ask Shepard what she thinks about this,” Liara suggested.

“Shepard can never know about this,” Joker insisted.

“Shepard can never know about what?”

He and Kaidan nearly jumped out of their chairs. Garrus did jump off of the table, nearly crashing into Ashley’s lap. Tali gasped upon seeing the woman leaning back against the counter, pouring fresh coffee into her mug.

“Joker found an old movie Commander,” Liara said. He glared at her, “Traitor.” “One of the actresses looks remarkably like you.”

“Oh?” Shepard put back the coffee pot and strode over to the table. Steam rose from her mug and he could feel the heat on his left ear as she stood just a little too close to catch the last few moments of the scene.

Shepard rubbed her temple, shook her head once, and said in the most resigned tone even he’d heard from her, “Goddamn it Rachel.”

“So, just to confirm, this isn’t you,” Ashley said, helping Garrus back to his feet.

“Rachel Wall. Alliance uses her for adds sometimes,” Shepard said, shrugging and taking a sip of her coffee. “She’s an…” Shepard searched for an appropriately diplomatic descriptive word, “…actress.” That was far too generous an assessment. “Met her once on a shoot.”

“Was it weird?” If he didn’t know Kaidan better, he’d think he was teasing the Commander.

Shepard raised an eyebrow in mild irritation and droned, “Very.”

Shepard scanned assembly, searching her databanks for any potential rule violations. He could almost hear her brain going, “System processing request. Searching Alliance regulations.” For some reason, he always imagined her brain sounded a lot like the Normandy’s computer.

Upon coming to the conclusion that they were not out of order, she said, “As you were,” then stalked out of the room.

Fortunately, the crew had the common sense to wait until the Commander had left the mess to start exchanging money.

X~*~X~*~X~*~X~*~X

Joker didn’t get the cockpit to himself often. He really wasn’t supposed to be without any kind of support, but he could manage for the ten minutes his copilot was in the bathroom without the ship blowing up. Hopefully. You never knew with an experimental, prototype drivecore. For all he knew, it could have a thing against Tuesday.

They were currently en route to Xawin, at least an hour until they hit the relay, then an additional three to enter orbit. If his calculations were correct and the Normandy jumped to the right system, instead of splicing themselves with an asteroid. Which they were. This ship was amazing. Some of the pilots he was training had issues with the steering, but they just didn’t know the tricks yet. They didn’t know how to talk to it, but he knew that if you asked just the right way, the Normandy would dance.

He pulled up his flight plan again on the holomap, then adjusted a trajectory to account for relay traffic. He overlaid the relay’s projected output with the most current projection of the system’s debris field. Should be safe, but never hurt to double check. He had to make all this look easy after all.

Couldn’t let people think he worked. That rumor gets out and it’s all over for him.

Joker was just closing out of the projections when he realized that his co-pilot had been gone longer than she should have been. He glanced over to check, and saw Shepard standing with a hand on the armrest of the co-pilot seat, staring out at the starfield.

“So how’s the view?” he asked. Her whole reappearing act was beginning to lose its shock factor. It was never as impressive as she thought it was anyway.

“You will be lost in the dripping sands of time,” she said. “The Space Warlock will imprison you forever in a crushing prison of ruin and death until the great cold draws upon us, freezing all in its path. And though you may strike me down, my power shalt curse you meddling kids from beyond the grave! And with my last breath, and all the great and dark power bequeathed to me, I doth curse you with the entropy of the universe, bringing slow ruin and death upon you and your family.”

“What was…”

“They cut my death monologue,” she said. Her face and voice were nearly flat, but he caught a faint hint of disappointment.

“Why are you telling me this?” he said.

Shepard smiled like a wolf. “No one will ever believe you.”

He blinked and she was gone, but he didn’t care. He leaned back in his chair, mindful of the weird, not actually helpful lumbar support, folded his hands behind his head, and thanked Hillary. And Joker smiled because whatever Shepard thought that would achieve, it didn’t matter.

He knew. And there was nothing she could do about it.

#Gray Writes Stuff #Mira Shepard #joker moreau

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sunfalldown · 7 years

Text

I have a cellphone for one reason only

So... okay. Just because you all need to see it, I’ll leave you here this fanart because it caused me to start shipping this and so far I’m liking it.

Thank you @burythekidd for giving me this beautiful ship, I love it, I don't care about anything else.

As a reference, this is set on a day-to-day AU. Akande is a martial artist, so he needs to train everyday as a job. I want to apologize if it's not the best, it's 1:40 in the morning and I just googled the info I needed.

Title: I have a cellphone for one reason only Fandom: Overwatch Pairing: Lúcio Correia dos Santos/Doomfist: The Successor | Akande Ogundimu Rating: G. Word Count: 1124 Brief tags: Fluff, Texting, Selfies, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting

Summary: Akande wouldn't really need a cellphone if it wasn't because Lúcio always sends him cute messages.

You can read it under the cut or in AO3!

Akande had a cellphone, but he rarely used it.

Somehow, to everyone’s amazement, Akande Ogundimu managed to live a normal life without an extensive usage of his cellphone. He was a morning person, so he had no problem waking up early. He kept an agenda, so he didn’t have the need for constant text reminders or alarms. He liked jogging and training without music, so he didn’t charge it to his cellphone. He only ever used it for texting and phone calls.

Amélie was honestly amazed by that. As a college lit teacher, she couldn’t keep her eyes off her cellphone for more than two hours because there was always someone who needed her; students, other teachers, her assistants, or even some friends like Sombra or Gabriel. She always asked Akande how he managed, because she really could use a break from all the constant buzzing. Sadly, Akande didn’t have any tips for her.

It was weird, though; from his point of view, he was always looking at his cellphone. Well, maybe not so much like Amélie or Sombra (he admired and respected their busy lifestyles), but he used it a lot.

After all, Lúcio always had something to show him through texts.

Lúcio Correia Dos Santos had what it seemed like an infinite repertory of internet videos, pictures, jokes, puns, memes and other various stuff, so it wasn’t unusual for Akande to feel his cellphone buzzing in his pocket, a message from his favorite frog awaiting with what probably was a video of a puppy learning how to howl, or a picture of a rabbit with a funny hat.

Lúcio: OMG LOOK AT THIS BALL OF FLUFF <3

Akande: It is quite fluffy indeed. Like a snowball.

Lúcio: IT’S ADORABLE I KNEW YOU’D LIKE IT!!!

Akande: I did, thank you love.

Akande always had to find a split second of his routine to look at all the messages Lúcio sent him, and there were lots of them. It made him happy. He liked those split seconds of “Aww” he got from Lúcio’s little animal vids, or the laugh he got from the videos of people licking Nintendo Switch cartridges. Lúcio knew exactly how to cheer him up.

There were a few favorites, of course; those that Akande would definitely get if he was feeling down from a bad day, or exhausted after a rough training session: The sneezing panda (old, but a real classic), Asdf Movies (he knew them by heart at this point, but they were still funny), a specific Vine compilation (with both cute animals and funny short movies) and Akande’s most favourite thing in the world: Lúcio’s selfies.

It was 10am, right on time for his training to start and, as always, he felt a small buzz on his pocket before changing clothes. He unlocked his screen to reveal a new picture Lúcio just sent him: A selfie where he wore the new pastel green hoodie he had just gotten as a gift from Akande.

Lúcio: Hope you have a good day today! I know I will, I’m wearing the cutest hoodie ever.

Akande smiled at the screen, typing a small answer before pocketing his cellphone inside his shorts.

Akande: You look lovely. That color looks really good on you.

(On the other side of the line, Lúcio felt like screaming because he loved it whenever Akande complimented him.)

Akande loved Lúcio’s selfies; they were always so fashionable and cute and beautiful and oh gods that man made Akande go weak. Lúcio loved to wear diverse colors and styles, ranging from hipster to casually formal to… I don’t know, honestly, but Akande always saved every single one of the selfies Lúcio sent him. Looking at them always lifted Akande’s mood no matter what, so Lúcio had arranged a plan to always send his boyfriend a selfie before he started training, to ensure he would start his day with a smile.

Today, Akande had stamina training, so he started off by running on the treadmill. His trainer had an exercise regime where he would shift between different aerobic exercises each 10 minute, so Akande first run on the treadmill, then he changed to the cycling machine, then to the stair climbing one, and back to the treadmill again. It was intense, but it had helped him to last much longer while jogging, which was helpful.

After some time, he was given a break so he could drink water and relax before the next round. Akande had already discarded his shirt, his sweat making it a bit uncomfortable, but he had an extra pair in case this happened. His trainer was pummeling him today, but it felt good letting out all this energy.

He felt a buzz coming from his bag. He opened it, looked for his cellphone and found a new message from Lúcio there. A selfie (oh this was definitely a good day) with Lúcio holding a little newborn dog right next to his face.

Lúcio: Look!!! Hana’s dog had puppies!!! Aren’t they cute?

It was almost like Lúcio had felt Akande needed a word of cheer to keep on going. He smiled fondly at the screen, already typing an answer.

Akande: Yes, they are very cute. Will she keep them all, though? I could use a partner at my morning jog.

Lúcio: I’ll make sure to ask her. How’s training?

Akande was about to write his usual answer, something along the line “Everything’s good,” but a sudden idea flashed through his mind. A good one, might I add. At the gym, there was a whole wall covered in mirrors and just looking at them gave Akande a clever idea to thank his boyfriend for lifting his mood.

He stood up from the bench and went up to the mirror wall. Then, Akande flexed his arm, making sure his muscles looked the best he could. He flashed a small smile; the kind of smiles only Lúcio had the privilege to see and, with the tap of a finger, he sent his boyfriend a selfie of his own.

On the other side, Lúcio felt a buzz on his pocket, so he left the little pup rest on his lap while he opened the chat. His phone didn’t automatically download all pics (Hana had a bit of a habit of spamming him a lot of memes), so there was a split second of wait before all air escaped Lúcio’s lungs and all his blood went straight to his cheeks.

Akande: You tell me. Does it look like it’s working?

Oh man… oh man oh man oh man oh man.

Lúcio decided he would save that picture. God, Akande could be mean when he wanted to. Who allowed him to be that beautiful?!

#overwatch #doomfist #akande ogundimu #lucio correia dos santos #doomlucio #doomcio #fanfiction #one-shot #fluff #alternate universe #texting #not beta read

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ghostryders · 7 years

Text

fall in love at least once

some Ryder family drabbles, mainly surrounding Ellen and Alec

warning this is the first fic ive ever written lmao its A Mess. minor spoilers, just about what happened to momryder but you find out early in the game anyway.

“I don’t want you to go.”

She is weak. Uncharacteristically frail. Vulnerable. Pale skin and eyes half closed. Speech slurred and tired.

But to Alec she’s still the strongest person he’s ever met.

Ellen takes his hand in hers, “Alec, it’s my time. Stop fighting it, please. They still need to have someone left by the end of this.”

He’s not ready to say goodbye. What’s the point in the years of work if it didn’t do the one thing you designed it to? What’s the good in spending so much time away from the person you love just to save her when you can’t? Was it all for nothing? To be a failed husband and a distant father? Questions. So many questions, but mostly anger. Alec was frustrated. With himself, with SAM, with the universe for allowing Ellen’s life to be cut short when it could have taken him instead. Everything felt like a joke.

“Alec.”

He scans her face, looking for the fight to live that isn’t there anymore.

“Please look after them. I know it may seem like they’re all grown up now but, they still need someone besides each other.”

He still hasn’t said anything. Doesn’t need to. Doesn’t want to. He turns his attention to the small widow in the hospital room, outlooking the hall, facing the responsibility avoided for so many years.

She was right. They did seem grown up. When did that happen? Alec was proud of them; but it was more than futile to tell them that now. His illegal workings in AI had tainted the name Ryder. Scott was stuck watching the mass relay, always out of grasp of the galaxy he wanted to explore. Sara was getting posted less and less, farther away and more dangerous low reward work than what she dreamed her entire life about. He did that. He ruined that.

Alec tried to imagine a life where he told his children he loved them and hugged them when they got home from school. He wished he went to their infamous laser tag matches, helped Sara with her science fair projects, and told Scott that there was nothing wrong with him when he got picked on, because kids are just mean.

Would things be different then? He tried to pinpoint where he went wrong. Backtracking to the day he met her.

For the first time his life, he was in love.

“Come here often, Doctor?” Alec somehow managed to be even more cocky with a needle in his spine.

“Oh, and he’s funny too.”

“I’m a man of many talents.”

“Could’ve fooled me.”

“Ouch.”

Ellen Harlow was a patient woman, but Lieutenant Alec Ryder was pushing it, and she couldn’t figure out why. It was mostly playful, a bit of banter here, a bit of flirting there, but whenever he came into the labs for a biotics checkup, she found herself pulling at her clothes and fixing her hair all while asking herself why.

Ryder seemed like a good man, that god-awful smirk aside. Not to mention he was strong, an N7 in training. Very strong she found herself thinking. But not all brawns, he’s got brains too she considered as if she were weighing the factors for a pageant winner. Part of Jon Grissom’s team into that… thing; practically a hero if not a pioneer. Maybe it was the weight of her doctorate program and caffeine haze, among other things, that she didn’t notice when the monitor beeped, alerting her to remove the needle from her patient’s neck.

“Everything okay or am I just that distracting?”

“Oh! So sorry. I um...” She fumbled over her words immediately forgetting her current purpose in the world. Removing the needle a bit too quickly she scanned her eyes over the readings.

“Hey, I was thinkin’,” He nervously rubbed the back of his neck where the needle had been “maybe you could uh, join me for drinks sometime? I’ve got the weekend off for the first time in a while, would be a shame to spend it alone.” He rubbed his hands on his knees, the plunge taken and waiting for the water to hit him. It was the first time she’d seen Alec show any sign of anxiety.

“You’re blood sugars on the low side” Was the first thing she blurted out in response

What the hell is wrong with me

Ellen couldn’t remember the last time someone made her laugh so hard. It could have been the pure boredom only a road trip could provide, but seeing the normally serious Alec Ryder channel his inner John Denver as ‘Country Roads’ played on the local Sierra Nevada radio for the second time, followed by several Fleetwood Mac songs, and ‘Hooked On A Feeling’ (to which the only words Alec knew were the repeated ‘hookashakah’s) made her sides hurt.

Alec was beyond excited to introduce her to his parents, bringing her up to log cabin far away from the metropolises of modern earth. What started as a workplace crush turned into him meeting his best friend; Soul mate if you’re feeling dramatic. It didn’t matter. All that mattered was the ring in his coat pocket, and making that beautiful girl next to him smile until her face hurt.

This would only happen to them. A guy trying to enjoy his honeymoon with the most amazing woman on the planet (8 months in the works between both of their schedules) is oh-so-conveniently interrupted by aliens.

Fucking aliens.

Alec knew the world was changed by the discoveries on mars, and his discovery of the mass relays with Admiral Grissom, but the discovery of an entire intergalactic community that’s existed for thousands of years?

What. The. Hell.

And now LT Ryder, was being shipped off to fight them.

Half the battle so far was leaving. They stood in the terminal for the fastest hour of their lives just holding each other.

“When will you be back?”

“I don’t know.” There was so much unknown. As much as an explorer he was, he hated not knowing. Not knowing for her.

“Alec Ryder, you come home safe, okay? Or I’ll kick your ass.” Ellen’s eyes were still puffy and red, but she smiled for the first time in a long time, and so did he. Alec absorbed as much of her face as he could, taking a million pictures and mapping her freckles like stars. What if this was the last time he ever saw that beautiful face? He wasn’t going to take any chances.

“I’ll call you as soon as we’re in range of comms. I promise.” He squeezed her shoulders, still taking in every inch of her, just in case.

“Love you, Solider”

“Love you more.”

“Huh.” Was one of those things you never wanted to hear from a doctor.

“Is everything normal?”

6 weeks along in her pregnancy, any patience Ellen Ryder had was out the airlock. She was beyond anxious for any news, and knew Alec felt the same. He was sat in the corner of the ultrasound room, twiddling his thumbs as if he was expecting the doctor to tell them she was carrying the first turian-human hybrid child.

“Everything is normal. Double normal if you could say.” The doctor laughed at her own joke and turned the grainy screen towards the expecting parents.

“Congratulations, you’re having twins. Might want to double up on those saving funds.”

All Alec and Ellen could see was darkness and…. Two little somethings. Two of them.... Oh god… two of them? I mean that’s amazing but we’re fighting to pay citadel rent prices and feed just the two of us; No, four of us now. I need to start thinking in fours.

By the time Alec returned to the present, the gel had been cleaned off and Ellen was shaking the doctors hand, with several informational pamphlets about multiple births tucked under her arm.

For the second time in his life, Alec Ryder fell in love.

22 hours later, Ellen was recovering, soundly asleep and pain free. And the babies...

His babies were the two most beautiful things he had ever seen in his life. He was overwhelmed by the parental instinct to protect and provide for them. He even found himself getting antsy when the nurse handled them slightly rougher than he liked.

They’re perfect.

Alec craned over the two the two of them in awe, almost afraid to touch them. Sara came first and was smaller than her brother by a pound and a half, something about him stealing all the nutrients, but he didn’t care; she was perfect. Scott came shortly after, already alert and ready to see the world, eyes open and hands grasping at everyone who attended to him; he was perfect. They lay side by side, sleeping soundly for the first time since they came into the galaxy.

This is what he fought for. A bit ironic really, that only a little over a year ago he was fighting aliens, and now he was living on their space station. His children would likely grow up to be friends with them, never wondering if anything was out there besides humans. Alec fought for their future, and now all he had to do was preserve it.

“And then I asked, ‘what’s so bad about AI?’ and they all looked at me like I slapped them in the face. Apparently, its pretty illegal stuff out here; Shame, I think its fascinating.”

“I’m sure its for a good reason. They’ve been here longer than we have, they know the rules.” Ellen said as she removed her lab coat and badge, scooping up the nearest Ryder jr into a hug.

“I guess.” Alec decided to end the conversation there, but not ending the thought of it.

Their citadel home was cramped, A two-bedroom apartment with a modest view of the presidium. Growing up in the Sierras, Alecs childhood bedroom had been bigger than their kitchen and living room combined; but on a place like the citadel, it was the best they were going to get. It wasn’t bad when Scott and Sara were younger, but at the age of 4, it became apparent they would need to upsize eventually. They could barely run yet they could both be described as daredevils; jumping across the couch, box surfing down the stairs, intense action vid reenactments- the works. He wished he didn’t have to work all the time. Alec took the job as an attaché expecting normal hours and good pay, unlike his time served in combat. But here he was, coming home exhausted after 12 hour shifts because ambassador Goyle wanted humanity to have the place in the intergalactic community it deserved. Alec couldn’t argue with that but, it was frustrating. He missed his children’s first words, and then steps. He only hoped they still knew who he was when he got home.

“You mean…. You’re dying?”

Sara was always too clever for her own good. Scott just kept staring, brown eyes fixed on the coffee table, like maybe if he focused hard enough that all of this would go away. Alec was considering giving it a try himself.

The silence was deafening.

Ellen shifted in her place on the couch for a few minutes, unsure of what to say to a pair of 13-year old’s who understand what a terminal illness means for most people. Alec felt like he should step in but he didn’t know what they we’re going to do either, and he wasn’t about to expose his project before he knew it could work. Ellen wanted to move back to earth, which they both knew wouldn’t go over well with the twins.

“It’s a little more complicated than that, honey. I’m not going to drop dead tomorrow. I just-“ She sighs, wringing her hands, wanting to be honest but avoid scaring them. “Let’s make the most of the next few years, alright?” She gives a warming smile but Sara’s face doesn’t react. She sits still and stoic, still processing everything. Scotts line of sight has moved from the table to his feet, and Ellen wonders if he even heard what she said.

And suddenly to Alec, It’s no longer a matter of ‘if it works’-no- ‘when it works’. It has to work. It has to.

Maybe I’ll do more of this?? probably not cause im cringing while reading it over rip

#its so bad ajjshdlhfgjfdd #whats writing even #alec ryder #thanks god hes a country boy #me:a #ellen ryder #ryder family

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chichirod · 5 years

Text

Content. The addiction to the flow of the internet.

Sonny.

Maybe it’s a time travel piece. I love the idea of time travel. And done in a grounded way, What if the time travel was extremely mundane. Why sonny? Well he’s got this tone to his personality that feels like he’s being surprised by everything that happens.

What if he could time travel, but it only took him to one specific place.

Sonny and his dog. Maybe his dog is racist?

Sonny the karaoke man.

Sonny hits a car in a lot. He’s parks somewhere else. He thinks he’s off, but someone sees him. Stops him.

What are the ways that sonny could be confronted?

Sonny

Pulling wallet out to pay. The false gesture.

The tip. He writes a cheap tip, but he notices something wrong with the bill. He has to confront the waiter. The waiter confronts him. Waiter asks what percentage it is, he can’t do the math in his head.

He’s somewhere public. He’s watching an inappropriate vid. Gets called out.

Shits himself.

Self sacrifice.

Goes for a date with a girl. Girl says something a little racist.

He nicely ends the date. He tells his friends, but one of his friends tells.

Sonny he’s a man who wears his emotions. He’s consistently apologetic.

He’s a hopeful auditionee. He’s not bad actually. He sings karaoke. Records it. He’s nervous. But he makes an enemy. He ends up shitting himself mid audition.

Maybe the first scene is him hitting the car, getting caught. Getting caught by the lady and then leaving the note. Or Sony watching the game and someone fucking the moment he is waiting for. Sonny and the guys waiting for this moment. Maybe they’re auto shop guys.

We are in a ship cafeteria. A man lays dead on the floor. The checkout lady realizes asks who wants his food.

The set-up. The conflict. And Every choice creates consequences.

In the dentist chair.

Scene:

Sonny he’s with one of his friends outside a restaurant. They see a famous boxer passing by. Coop asks him politely for an autograph. The boxer is pissed. He’s sick of being stopped. Coop says, well you’re a celeb man, it comes with the territory. The boxer does’t like it. Coop says, c’mon man, I watched you at Caesers in 2014. He steps in and snaps a selfie, the boxer knocks him out. Sonny stands there. Boxer- I’m tired of being objectified. Coop comes to. Holy fuck. Are you ok? Ya. Dinner. They sit at the table. The dude has a huge welt. He’s ok, but he sits pretty silently. Sonny tries to keep his mind off of it. Makes small talk. Still, nothing from Coop. Then, he spits it out. Why the fuck didn’t you do anything? You just stood there. Boomgaurtner? What the hell was I supposed to do?

Woman talking about how brutal her period is right now. Eventually sonny and this woman hook up. She turns the lights off. … We cut to him having a pee, blood all over his face. OR Someone comes in?

These are the two stories. A satire. And. A docudrama.

One character. No lights. Small crew.

A gymnast. A hockey player.

INTRO

Sonny

Gymnast?

- open on videos of her as a kid jumping and enjoying the gym. Cut to today, in the bathroom. Nursing blisters and malformed toes.

- Eating toothpaste.

- The brutality of the bar.

- Mom locking the door to the fridge.

This is the story of a child gymnast. She’s is skilled, but she’s not naturally talented, but her coaches see a physical ability that they want to harness. They see the opportunity in her. A glory that they never had. They use her as an outlet. Pushing her is also a way for them to control something in their own lives. There is physical pain yes, but worse is the emotional warfare. The sacrifice that she must make while every other 12-year old goes to school, watches tv, plays on their phones. The final image?

Man and woman rent a cottage. A creepy neighbor, but oh well. They have a nice time. A new-sh couple. They have romantic time. They are making dinner. And they get into an argument over gender politics.The man is a better cook. Woman have lost their place in the kitchen because of a taboo. That night they go to be upset. The woman fingers herself quietly. The man realizes. He gets mad. He goes into the bathroom to JO. The creepy neighbor is seen coming towards their house. The two of them are scared. The woman wants to come into the bathroom, The man refuses. He argues. She should go downstairs if this relationship is equal.

- possible stories

- she kills her coach.

- she is paralyzed.

- amputates her chest.

A undocumented worker. Their parents dying. Working on a farm in California. Witness a crime. Wife kills abusive husband.

Guy parking at an office. He hits a car.

First scene should - eat the type of world we’re dealing with. A bite of satire.

What is the final image of the film.

The wrestler -

Find him at his glory, in the ring MSG.

Cut to the locker room. Present day. Creaky version of himself.

Fans visit him. Remember the good days.

He goes home. Door locked.

Sleeps in his van.

Next morning bang bang bang.

Woken up by kids. Wrestles with them.

Car pulls in, interrupts the moment. He watches the car.

Int office. Moments later, he tries to bargain with owner of trailer

Nothing.

Woman runs him extension chord for his blender.

Goes to work in supermarket

Asks for more shifts.

We see him working with the Mexican dudes. Lugging.

Int gym. He holds a glass vile. His buddy says its as good as the German stuff.

Plunges the needle into his naked ass.

Cut to mall. Greets a shopkeep friendly. He gets into a tanning bed.

Hair salon. Korean woman bleaches his hair.

Driving. Eyes. The strip club.

INt shitty wrestling match. A promoter lists the matchups.

They prep for the match. Going through moves with some young blood.

Ram - a chick is here to see you.

In the hall - hey kiddo. A young girl greets him.

She there to root on her old man? No. She’s there to make amends. 12-stepper.

Interrupted by two meatheads. He puts on his act for them. The girl is pissed at the interruption.

In the ring. Kid loco taunts him. Calling him a loser. Something turns and he takes the upper hand. Ram Jam

Int dressing room. Gets offered the 20th anniversary rematch with the ayatollah.

Stip club. Door man asks for hgh. Bartender slides him a beer. Cassidy is working vip. Girl same age as his daughter on the pole

Walks passed the VIP. Casidy is being berated for being old by frat boys.

Randy busts through. Makes them apologize. Expects a thank you. Cassidy is just pissed.

Cassidy warms to him. Lapdance. Ram’s explaining the 20th’ aniversary opportunity.

They chat. Ram bleeds. Cassidy helps him. Leads to him showing her his scars.

Cassidy quotes from passion of the christ. The sacrificial ram. Her song comes on and she’s pulled to stage.

99c store. Picking up weird supplies. Thumb tacks.

Cut to match .

Randy’s heart is giving way in the match. Has a heart attack. They pull him out of the ring.

Hospital - Bypass.

Dr says no more wrestling.

Gets trailer back.

Showers.

Plays vids with Adam.

Adam leaves. Ram does jumping jacks. He gets winded. He starts to cry.

Goes to Cheetahs for comfort. He asks her out. Something more real.

She meets him out back. Sympathy. But he’s overstepping.

Looks at old pic of Daughter. Goes to visit his daughter. She’s studying child development

SHe’s on her way to class. Tries to evade hum, but he charms her a bit.

He gives her a ride. Fesses to heart attack and she loses it. Now he wants to make good!? Now that he’s scared of dying?

Goes to fan expo. Learns from an old promoter that he’s been left out of a reunion.

He watches another old wrestler. In a wheelchair. Piss trickles into a catheter bag.

Back at trailer. Scared to go in alone. Drives to..

Cheetahs

Cassidy tries to get dances, no takers. SHe’s happy to see randy show up.

She asks about daughter. Randy doesn’t know much about what she likes. Cassidy suggests a second hand shop.

Randy goes to bar, cassidy a little rejected.

She comes to him, offers to go with him on Saturday to the shop.

Randy goes to work. Asks for something more permanent. Wayne offers deli counter.

Saturday, ram meets cased at the second hand shop. First time seeing cased clothed.

They find a shitty green jacket. Cassidy doesn’t like it, randy does, she plays nice.

They are about to part ways. Randy asks for a beer. Cassidy resists. She’s got a kid. 9years old. Ram gives her an old toy of him. Take care of that 300 bucks on eBay. Really? Nah. Cassidy obliges. One beer.

Talk about kid. Her hopes to move. Quitting cheetahs. Def leopard. Randy dances for her, They sing together. They bond over that pussy Cobain boo hoo Seattle. It’s the moment they need to meet. No contact with customers she says after they kiss. She’s gotta run.

Deli counter. Robin name tag.

Serving customers, he’s clueless. Bad exahcnage, bad exchange, then a nice one. 57… O-57 bingo. Whats my prize?

College. Ram meets his daughter. What are you stalking me? DO stalkers bring gifts?

They walk along a midway. The reminisce about when she was young.

They sit on a bench. Mint chip ice cream. He accepts her unspoken apology. Drops her off. Hope the wasn’t too painful.

Ram puts a photo of them on his fridge. On the phone. He tells a friend to count him out. He’s retiring.

Cheetah’s. Guys put dollar bills in Cassidy’s g-string. Randy tries to put a purse envelope in.

They sit. It’s a thank you card. Rand tries to ask her out to a cover band bar. It’s becoming too much for her. You think I’m a stripper.. but I’m a mom with respoonsibilities. You’re a customer.

Randy slides a 20 across the table. Cassidy slides it back. You’re refusing a customer? Argeument. Embarrasment. Randy storms out.

Shop-rite. Old lady pound of potato salad.

Guy recognizes him somehow. Teamsters? Softball? Ram Jam. Slicer fingers get closer.

Trailer. Drinking Touching scar. Turns on gun and roses. Dances around his room like it’s a ring.

Collectibles store. Scott Bromberg. Asks for referee opportunity. Booker D tries to work him into the gig. During the match randy steps in. Gets hit with a chair. They shower. Praise Randy as the master.

Hotel bar. Shit pit story.

Hotel bar. Hanging with girls. Coke dealer walks in. I don’t do that anymore. Me neither. Cut to them in the bathroom doing bumps.

Morning. Eyes open to find a poster of fireman.

Leaves the house. Gets home opens the fridge. Dismay. Picture of him and daughter on fridge.

Bang bang bang on her door.

Daughter pissed. She waited in the restaurant for 2 hours.

She hates him. Throws a pot. He grabs her. I’m sorry. You don’t mean it. You’re right. She calms. She’s totally done Wirth him.

He leaves. Starts to cry.

Shop Rite - line at the deli counter. “You believe these fucking morons?”

Slice slice. More pressure. Customers complaining. Slice slice. Jams his thumb into the slicer. Blood everywhere. Smears blood across his mouth. He smashes into the shelves dodging a woman.

At home. Calls the promoter. He wants in. Shaves. Tan in a can. Peroxide in the hair.

Cassidy shows up. How’d you find me? Big Chris.

Cassidy explains she’s trying to get to a place in her life and she can’t bring anyone from… good for you. Quitting is hard.

He hands he the flyer. Drives off.

Cassidy’s apt. Tells the sitter. In bed by 11, no bargaining. Her son plays with the ram doll.

Cheetah’s - cased dances.

She leaves the stage.

Randy at roadside payphone. Gets Stephanie’s answering machine. Tells he loves her and that he’s going back in the ring.

Randy naps on side of road.

Gets to auditorium. Man on the phone. Man business is rocking Just opened a third dealership. Randy looks on. This is the ayatollah

They chat. Did thnink it was on. Then I get a call , its on.

Randy wants to go over the moves. Ayatollah wants to wing it.

Cassidy at gas station. Asks for directions.

Int locker room. Ram taping up.

Cassidy pulls up. Looking for locker room

Randy now suited.

Ayatollah music begins to play. Announcement.

Randy turns to find Cassidy there. She tries to get him to bail. He’s still going through with it.

Randy- this is where I belong. Listen to them.

Randy enters the ring. Ramming chairs.

He grabs the mic.

I just got one thing to say to you people. Thank you. I started in 1982. I was 6 foot 1 3 back surgeries… End of the speach. The crowd roars. Ayatollah is about to smash him.

Randy is a little intense for the ayatollah. They trade revenge moves each more real than the last.

Their in the ring out of the ring. Chocking with flags and poles.

Ayatollah - You wanna bring it home?

Cassidy pleads with ringside.

His heart is giving. Pounding. Irregular. Hard. Ram is about to finish him. Ayatollah says just pin him.

Cassidy leaves the match sobbing.

Horns are out.

He leaps . Glorious and immortal.

Some things last a long time.

I’ll eat your sandwich if you’re not eating it.

You’re got me going. You really got me going.

I can’t believe you got th t sian out.

It looks great on you.

I like this shirt.

Do you have any salt?

Walks into coffee shop. Puts hands on the glass. He moves like an animal something he’s stalking.

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anneedmonds · 5 years

Text

Sex On Tape: Call To Police!

Yesterday I did a bit of sifting through my junk mail folder. I rarely remember to do this but apparently – now and then – you should. I say this because last year I missed four incredibly important emails and each time it created quite an awkward work situation; in two of the cases the person involved thought I was ignoring them and in the others I completely missed out on some rather nice opportunities.

So now, every week or so, I skim through my junk email folder and check that there’s nothing interesting and/or urgent from legitimate senders who have somehow been blacklisted by my Mac Mail. It’s usually just a few dozen of messages from shoe companies, phone card top-up providers and cosmetics manufacturers in China who seem to think I’m a makeup brush retailer. Sometimes they are from scammers saying I’ve won money or I need to send money or I need to do something else that always – quite frankly – seems like a bit too much effort. Nevertheless, if I’m stuck for things to do (ie: I have loads of stuff to do but don’t want to do it) then I quite like to spend a few joyous minutes searching for threatening emails and then reading them out with comedy voices. These emails are never actually addressed to me – in the last week I’ve had emails sent to Tonya Recommends, Emily Farr and – amazingly – Peaches McTaff – but still. They’re in my box which means I own them. (On a sidenote, I’d love, more than anything, to meet someone called Peaches McTaff.)

Anyway, I got sent the below and it really tickled me. Especially the “I’ll call to police!” part. It made me go right back to the start of the email and re-read it all in the voice of Aleksandr Orlov from Compare the Meerkats.

I have to say that scamming emails, though obviously pretty dark in intent and potentially destructive in the wrong hands, are often very amusing. The malapropisms, the typos, the hilarious phrases that have simply become lost in translation; I worry about cyber crime a lot, but there’s nothing like a ridiculous email to lighten the mood.

This one, as you’ll find out, relies on the recipient being something of a racy internet user – watching saucy vids and, I assume, doing various things to themselves whilst they watch them. I can genuinely say that I have never watched sexy films on the internet, mainly because I’d rather spend hours on Rightmove looking at houses I can’t buy (floorplans are my porn, baby!); but if I did, then I’m not sure I’d do stuff to myself in front of the computer. What if I was accidentally connected to my mother via Skype? What if, somehow, I was uploading myself onto Facebook Live?

If there’s one thing you can take away from this post, it’s this: don’t do any naughty business in front of your computer without taping over your spyhole first. (“Taping over your spyhole” might sound like a euphemism: it’s not. I mean the camera hole in the top of the computer and if you didn’t know that was there, I suggest you spend an evening acquainting yourself with your machine. Again, not a euphemism.)

So here’s Aleksandr and his scam – I’ve made some notes in brackets as we go along.

“I’ll begin with the most important. [Please do.]

I hackled your device and then got access to all your accounts… It is easy to check – I wrote you this email from your account. [He/she didn’t.] Also I have an old password for the hacking day: xxxxxx.

[OK let’s pause already: what is the hacking day? Is this another one of those “national days of” celebrations, like #nationaldoughnutday or #worldunicornday? Should we be celebrating hackers?]

Moreover, I know your intim secret, and I have proof of this. You do not know me personally, and no one paid me to check you. [To be honest I’m quite disappointed that nobody paid to have me checked. Am I worth so little? I feel like a television baddy when they find out that the price on their head is only $2000.]

It is just a coincidence that I discovered your mistake. In fact, I posted a malicious code (exploit) to an adult site, and you visited this site… [Nope, not me. Now Aleksandr, had you written to me and said “I posted a malicious code to a Velux blinds discount site, and you visited this site…” I would have been properly worried.]

While watching a video Trojan virus has been installed on your device through an exploit. This darknet software working as RDP (remote-controlled desktop), which has a keylogger, which gave me access to your microphone and webcam. Soon after, my software received all your contacts from your messenger, social network and email. [I have no idea what most of this means but the Trojan, Darknet and Keylogger now residing in my device make me feel slightly uneasy. They sound tough and mean, like they might all carry those hammers with spikes sticking out of them. Is my laptop screen the portal to another – Lord of the Rings style – universe?

“Darknet? Darknet, you imbecile! Come closer and bring me the Orb of Clustertron.”

“Y-y-yes, Trojan sire. Here it is, the Orb, oh mighty one.”

“Darknet! Where is the Orbal Octicular Augmentor?”

“The…the what sire?”

“The Orbal Octicular Augmentor, fool! You know, the looking glass that makes viewing the Orb possible!”

“The…magnifying glass you mean? Keylogger has it, sire…”]

At that moment I spent much more time than I should have. [To be fair, Alek, I spend much more time than I should have doing a lot of things. Don’t beat yourself up about it.] I studied your love life and created a good video series. [Oh thank the lord – can I buy it off you please? Creating original Youtube content that people actually watch is killing me off. If you have video and I’m the star, I’ll pay good money.] The first part shows the video that you watched, [Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper singing Shallow, live. I know it must be that because I watch it multiple times a day.] and the second part shows the video clip taken from your webcam (you are doing inappropriate things). [This is probably true, to be fair.]

Honestly, I want to forget all the information about you and allow you to continue your daily life. And I will give you two suitable options. Both are easy to do. First option: you ignore this email. The second option: you pay me $700(USD).

[Third option: you turn it into a blog post and make everyone read out my email in the voice of one of the meerkats from the Compare the Market.]

Let’s look at 2 options in detail. [OK.]

The first option is to ignore this email. Let me tell you what happens if you choose this path. I will send your video to your contacts, including family members, colleagues, etc. This does not protect you from the humiliation that you and your family need to know when friends and family members know about your unpleasant details. [Most confusing sentence structure I’ve ever seen – I can’t even unpick the meaning from this mess.]

The second option is to pay me. We will call this “privacy advice.” [Or extortion, but carry on.] Now let me tell you what happens if you choose this path. [Does it take me through Fall Forest, over Winter Mountain and out to Summer Lake like in Dora the Explorer?] Your secret is your secret. I immediately destroy the video. [Uh huh.] You continue your life as if none of this has happened.

Now you might think: “I’ll call to police!” [No, I don’t think anyone will actually think this because it’s not a sentence that exists. The grammar is completely incorrect. Still, this is my favourite line in the whole of your email. I like to imagine lots of people reading the same scam and then looking up from their screens and saying – “I know! I’ll call to police!”

“Pauline? Pauline! Come up here. I’ve got something shameful to tell you.”

“What is it Bob? Tell me you haven’t been vacuuming your penis up the hoover hose again?”

“Worse, Pauline. Much worse. And someone has filmed it, that’s the bad thing.”

“Oh Bob, when will you learn, love?”

“He’s threatening to take it public if I don’t pay seven hundred dollars.”

“What are you going to do, Bob?”

“I don’t know Pauline, I just don’t. If work see me using the office-issue hole punch to gently pincer my testicles whilst wearing a scuba diving mask I’ll never hear the end of it.”

“I wondered where the hole punch had gone Bob! I needed to file the electricity bill and I had to just rest it in the ring-binder, untethered!”

“Sorry Pauline, I really am. I just don’t know what to do. Any ideas?”

“Hmm. I know!”

“What?”

“I’ll call to police!”]

Undoubtedly, I have taken steps to ensure that this letter cannot be traced to me, and it will not remain aloof from the evidence of the destruction of your daily life. I don’t want to steal all your savings. [This sentence is proof that Google Translate is never your friend] I just want to get compensation for my efforts that I put in to investigate you. [Flipping Poirot, here!] Let us hope that you decide to create all this in full and pay me a fee for confidentiality. You make a Bitcoin payment (if you don’t know how to do it, just enter “how to buy bitcoins” in Google search)

Shipping amount: $700(USD). Getting Bitcoin Addresses: xx (This is sensitive, so copy and paste it carefully) [Oops. I replaced it with an XX. This is like when you opt to use the Safari strong password and then the computer forgets it and it was something like Sf%!!hjkh6789cdDcDD34?4 and you are locked out of Gmail forever.]

This is a one-time offer that is non-negotiable, so do not waste my and your time. Time is running out.

Bye!”

I think that the sign-off might be my second most favourite part. So cheery! So familiar! I sort of wish that he/she had signed off with a name, no matter how fake.

Bye!

Leslie xx.

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Sex On Tape: Call To Police! was first posted on February 6, 2019 at 10:41 pm. ©2018 "A Model Recommends". Use of this feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this article in your feed reader, then the site is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact me at [email protected] Sex On Tape: Call To Police! published first on https://medium.com/@SkinAlley

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