#anyway ill figure the rest out i already have an angle for this whole story to go in

[thesilverdragoon]

Don’t wanna do Eureka 2 so have some Headcanons about Orpheus and my semi divergent AU in no particular order.

*Everything/anything is subject to change if I want to these are just the ones I’m thinking about right this very second.

________

-Extremely popular song writer, actor, musician and poet of Amaurot. Talented, multi-skilled in the arts and very persuasive and outgoing as a speaker.

-Orpheus was well known for breaking relationships over and over again because he would be too caught up in creating art, and had a paranoid streak to compliment his outgoing personality. Was known for repeatedly mistrusting anyone he was with and doubting their intentions or loyalty.

-A major and very public crisis in his life involved a particularly harsh breakup with another individual, one named Eurydice. From then on his musical content became much more somber, and his original popularity waned, though many still listened and ultimately pitied him.

-Was secretly inspired by Emet-Selch's breakup with another individual (it was a popular rumor), comparing it to his own lost love. Composed many different poems and even a specific melody for them which was never shared with the public, however, he did send one of the poems to Emet-Selch anonymously. The latter never sent a reply and that’s probably for the best.

-Once Zodiark had come about and the Convocation dedicated their all towards bringing back those they had lost, Orpheus, inspired, created new music, poems, etc. surrounding the events.

-When Hydaleyn arose, he was also inspired to create pieces that contrasted against the ones he'd made for Zodiark, thus tearing what little audience he had left into opposite corners. Those who supported Zodiark, and those who supported Hydaleyn.

-When the original star was split and divided, many of Orpheus' songs and stories somehow survived, extremely ingrained in the shards of the general populace. Over time they evolved into the popular tunes and fables we know today in Eorzea, albeit sometimes a far cry from their original forms.

-His favored instrument were the stringed ones.

-The music and art he created always had an uncanny ability to sway those who took it in, in all sorts of ways. Likewise, his ability to communicate and tell stories captured the attention of many. Orpheus was one of Astraeus' favorite storytellers.

-One of Emet-Selch's favorite musicians/artists to tune into from time to time. They met briefly once and expressed admiration towards each other's respective talents.

-Orpheus considered cooking to be an artform as well, though it was one he never particularly mastered.

-Widely known for pouring all his focus into what he’s currently occupied with. Which could either be admirable or detrimental, depending on what it was.

-Held the symbol of the sun in high regard, which at the time was also used to denote the one who held the seat of Azem: Apollo, a famed or infamous traveler, depending on who you asked. Orpheus composed many songs/poems/plays/etc. about Azem’s various travels and adventures and allies (which ironically once again included Emet-Selch to some degree, as it was well known.)

#no i still dont have a WOL but if I did Apollo would be their name #even then this SHB story is divergent so Orpheus is the star of this tale #astraeus is balthasar #eurydice is hanameen or was i suppose #and then emmy is hades we all know #anyway ill figure the rest out i already have an angle for this whole story to go in #dont worry about it

[dontmindmyshadowhunting]

Meet Drusilla Blackthorn (fan fic)

This is Chap 3 of “Welcome to Faerieland”, a sequel to my Kitty Fan Fic "To never being parted" although it can be read as a standalone story. 

I am introducing Dru & Jaime in this Chapter. 

And of course, Kit & Ty are being as gooey as ever.

AO3 Link here.

*****

“Look at you trying to flee from the crime scene.”

Jaime startled and his hand froze on the doorknob. He whirled to face Dru, who was watching him with a glitter of amusement in her Blackthorn blue-green eyes. She was lying on her side, arm angled upwards, head on hand. Her large black shirt hugged her soft curves and barely covered her thighs, revealing a criminally vast expanse of her smooth milky skin. A message was printed at the level of her chest. Shadowhunters: Looking Better in Black Than the Widows of our Enemies Since 1234. Apparently, it had been a gift from Jace. Her long dark brown hair was pulled in a braid, crossing over one of her shoulders. He knew from staring at her beautiful face while she was sleeping or otherwise unaware, that tiny freckles sprinkled her rosy cheeks, that her long dark eyelashes - not unlike her brothers’ - followed a perfect curve as if she was constantly wearing mascara and that the luscious red of her full lips deepened when she bit them. As she was doing right now. He gulped and hoped with everything he had that she couldn’t hear the loud thump thump of his frantic heart.

“I am not-”

“Relaaax. You look like you just hid a corpse in the cupboard and are trying to make a run for it.”

How could she not understand? When he had met her three years ago, he had thought she was cute, sweet, funny, dependable and - admittedly - already a badass. He couldn’t pinpoint exactly when it had occurred but, over time, sincere friendship had turned into deep affection and deep affection had somehow turned into lust and… love? In any case, there definitely was lust. He fought the urge to cross himself reflexively.

She had never looked her age, and that hadn’t changed with the years. She had entirely grown out of her baby fat, her features sharpening and her limbs lengthening, but she still had a voluptuous figure. She looked like a sexy grown woman, and certainly not like a sixteen-year-old girl. But she was, he reminded himself.

Even if the mundane statutory rape laws dit not apply to Shadowhunters, he still felt like he was breaking some kind of unspoken rule, thirsting after a sixteen-year-old. It didn’t help that the package came with an army of very scary brothers. The villains from Dru’s favorite horror movies had nothing on them. The thought of Julian Blackthorn alone discovering the truth was enough to keep him up at night.

“You know what it will look like if I bump into one of your brothers. If they find out I have spent the whole night here…”

“So? Nothing actually happened. And you did nothing wrong except fall asleep in front of “Old Boy”...”

“Dru- I am serious…”

“So am I! This movie is awesome! What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Dru…”

Dru sighed and moved to a sitting position against the headboard, knees up, arms encircling her legs. Jaime tried not to stare as her shirt lifted higher over her thighs.

“Jaime. You know what your problem is? You still haven’t gotten into your head that it’s not my brothers you should be afraid of. The Blackthorn women are much scarier.”

“I can believe that…” Jaime muttered under his breath.

“Anyway, don’t worry about them, they’re probably going to sleep in since they’ve been very busy last night. Mark with Cristina, Julian with Emma, and Ty with… Kit.”

Jaime’s eyes widened.

“You think Ty and Kit…?”

Dru lifted both her dark eyebrows at him. “Are you seriously asking me to confirm or elaborate on my brother’s sex life?”

“No, no, of course not…” Jaime felt heat rushing to his cheeks. Why did everyone get to have sex but him? Maybe because you've been pining for a sixteen-year-old for months now, he reminded himself for the thousandth time. He wanted to punch himself.

“Just kidding, Jaime. Look at you blushing… Wait- I hope you don’t have a problem with my brother being with… a guy?”

She suddenly leaned forward, her gaze piercing.

Jaime knew how fiercely protective of her siblings Dru was. She had quite a reputation at the Shadowhunter Academy, as someone not to be messed with or rubbed the wrong way. She had somehow found a way to acquire knowledge on people and discover their most dirty secrets. She had no qualms using the intelligence when it came to protecting her family or the Blackthorns’ reputation. Although she did not hesitate to break a few arms and ribs to prove her point, most of the time, she operated in a more subtle way. With finesse, one could say.

A Shadowhunter student who had had the ill-conceived idea of calling Mark Blackthorn “the Unseelie King’s sex toy” was living proof of that. Jaime had not heard the full details of the story but it apparently involved a wide collection of dildos, very enthusiastic piskies, and had earned the boy several nicknames that he would probably never part from.

Judging by the look on Dru’s face now, Jaime’s life was hanging by the thread of his answer. She didn’t need to worry.

“No! Hey! What the hell? Of course not! You know me, right?”

She relaxed, leaning casually against the headboard, her arms crossed behind her head.

“Not as much as I would like to...” she replied, with a wink. “But yeah, I guess so.” A wicked grin split across her face.

Forgive me, Father, for I am this close to becoming a sinner, Jaime thought as he hurriedly escaped from the room.

****

Kit grabbed Ty by the arm just as he was slipping out of bed.

“Not so fast, Centurion.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

“Are you trying to sneak out? You got what you came for and now you’re tossing me like an unpaired sock? I am wounded.”

Ty just stared at him.

Hmmm. Maybe too early for humour.

“I don’t think I’ve had my fill yet, that’s all…” Kit clarified, as he stretched like a cat. Or a lion. Definitely like a lion.

Both Ty’s V shaped eyebrows rose.

“I thought… You said you needed your rest.”

“Ty, I was not talking about that, however tempting. There are other things in life than sex.”

“Is that a fact?” Ty asked playfully, a corner of his mouth lifting. Okay. Virgin Mary turned into the God of Sex overnight. How the hell did that happen?

“I want a cuddle.” Kit pouted as he snuggled up against Ty and encircled him with his arms.

Ty surrendered to his embrace, falling back on the bed. Kit rolled on top of him and pinned his arms above his head. He started alternating between brushing and pressing his lips over Ty’s face, tracing his beautiful features from memory, with his eyes closed.

“I… have… some… errands...to… run… Mysteries… to… uncover,” Ty gasped between feathery kisses.

“I am a mystery.” Kit nibbled Ty’s earlobe, before whispering in his ear. “Uncover me.”

“You are naked,” Ty rightfully observed, though his voice was quavering and his breaths short.

“I am. But have you explored every avenue?”

“Fair point, Watson,” Ty said in a husky voice, before swallowing hard.

“That’s what I am here for, Sherlock,” Kit replied. He kissed Ty’s eyelids, his nose, and started exploring Ty’s mouth with his tongue.

They rubbed against each other, their limbs entangled, as the kiss grew deeper, hungrier, until both had to draw back to catch their breath.

“I love you,” Kit blurted.

“I love you too,” Ty replied softly, staring at Kit with his gray eyes half closed. He looked dizzy.

“I love you more,” Kit retaliated.

“How could you ever verify that?” Ty asked, his eyes widening with a look of genuine surprise.

“Easy. I just know that no one in the history of the universe could have ever loved anyone the way I love you.”

Ty looked - if possible - even more puzzled.

“I know it because my soul belongs with yours, Ty. If there are other worlds out there where I exist and you don’t, I don’t ever want to meet myself there. For what kind of empty shell - or monster - would I be if I hadn’t met you?”

They both startled as they heard a knock on the door.

“I am not decent!” Kit answered, as he reached hurriedly for a blanket to cover Ty’s body.

“This has never bothered you before,” Jace ‘s voice replied through the door. “Does this mean you are not the only one who’s not presentable in there? I just came across Mark running around naked in the corridors and I am pretty sure I have seen enough Blackthorns’ buttocks for the rest of the day.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Kit answered, his voice muffled under the blanket covering both his and Ty’s bodies completely, like two kids curled up under a makeshift tent. Ty was shaking with silent laughter.

“Sure you don’t,” Jace answered, but Kit could hear his footsteps receding.

#Cassandraclare #cassandra clare fan fiction #drusilla blackthorn #dru blackthorn #jaime rosales #ash and dru #dru and ash #ash x dru #dru x ash #ash morgenstern #kit herondale #kit herongraystairs #ty blackthorn #tiberius blackthorn #kitty blackstairs #kitty quotes #kitty tda #the dark artifices #the wicked powers #kit and ty #ty and kit #kit x ty #ty x kit #jace herondale #the shadowhunter chronicles #the shadowhunters chronicles icons #tsc fanfiction #tsc fan fiction

[angst-fairygodmother]

Light Fingers (The Umbrella Academy)

Diego’s vigilantism brings him repeatedly across the path of a young cat burglar. But as he finds himself developing feelings for the thief, he begins to wonder if there’s more to her than meets the eye, and whether they’re really on opposite sides. And as their relationship deepens, it brings with it a plot involving his estranged adopted father, and threatens to destroy all of them.

CHAPTER 6: LAID BARE

Word Count: 4970 Pairing: Diego Hargreeves x Reader Rating: M Content Warnings: childhood poverty, discussion of theft/thievery, discussion of death, discussion of childhood illness Cross-posted to AO3: here

Previous Chapter: Revelations || Masterlist

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Your eyes traced the flicker of headlights through the narrow half-window as you tried to gather your thoughts into some sort of sense. You wanted to tell him everything. But what did that even mean anymore?

“So what is it you want to talk about?” Diego asked finally, cutting through the waiting silence. 

“Actually,” you looked down at your fingers where they rested on the tabletop, tracing anxious shapes against the laminate. “I know a lot more about you, by virtue of your very public childhood, than you know about me. Which I think, is part of the problem here. So the better question is, where do you want to start?”

“Alright,” he was silent for a moment, jaw twitching as if he was working the words over in his mouth before he said them. “Why do you get so defensive when I say you could do more with your powers, and your skills?”

“Because it’s judgmental, it relies on untrue assumptions, and I don’t like having other people’s will imposed on me,” you explained, face twisting wryly.

“Tell me the truth then.”

“What?”

“If my assumptions aren’t true, set the record straight.”

“You aren’t going to like what I have to say.”

“Now who’s the one making assumptions?”

You sighed. “It’s a long story, especially if I start at the beginning. So you might want to make yourself comfortable.”

He shifted in the hard plastic chair across from you, leaning back with his arms folded across his chest, waiting expectantly.

“Your ‘father’ tried to buy me too, when we were babies,” you couldn’t help throwing air quotes around the word and he smiled at the gesture. “But my parents were stable. They both had jobs; they already had one child and were thinking about trying for another anyway. So they said no. And then my dad died, in a workplace accident, because his boss cut corners to save time and money, and things got hard. And the bastard never got punished for it, or even had the decency to pay for the funeral.”

He looked like he was going to say something, some comment of pity or sympathy and you held up a hand to stop him, knowing that if he did, you would fall apart and never finish telling him what he needed to know, what you needed him to know.

“Your dad showed up again, offered her literal millions to let him have me. At least twice that I know of, but there could have been more. But she was as stubborn as they come. I was her daughter and he wasn’t getting me over her dead body. But a florist’s salary really isn’t enough to raise two kids on. Eventually, I realized that my abilities were things no one else could do, and figured out that I could use them to get things. So when money was skint, Daniel and I could still eat properly; rice and beans can only get a kid so far you know. Or we could have clothes that fit and didn’t have holes without bothering her.”

You shrugged, looking away from the growing ache on his face to stare at some spot on the wall. It had just been the facts of your reality. 

“And then I found that bigger risks meant bigger rewards. I could give her money or things, nice things like she deserved. She would cry and get so mad at me, but she always took them and life seemed to get better.”

“Y/N….” he reached out across the table to take one of your hands, which you hadn’t noticed was getting more and more fidgety as you spoke. 

“I grew up. I realized it wasn’t just us. I figured out how to take care of myself, got a job that let me keep a roof over my head and food in the cupboard. Daniel had his own shit figured out, so I didn’t have to worry about anyone else. But all those other people needed someone to look out for them. And if the people I happen to take things from are the kind that exploit their workers or cheat their taxes instead of paying their fair share, who…cut corners and skimp on safety, who’s it hurting?”

You finally turned your eyes back to him, a challenge sparking in them to tell you that you were wrong.

“So it’s what? Karma with you as it’s righteous deliverer?” He asked.

You pursed your lips. He still wasn’t getting it. 

“Even with what I take, those people have more than they need. And now, kids get proper care; families don’t have to decide between going hungry and getting the lights turned off.” You shook your head. “I don’t know how to put it any simpler than that.”

He frowned. “I don’t...get it. I’m sorry, I’m trying to understand but…”

“Okay, how about an example then. When I stole from that museum, you know the one…”

He smirked at the memory.

“There was this kid. Rare terminal something, something. I don’t remember the details of it. Just that I was able to anonymously pay for the experimental treatment that he needed and he got to live to see twelve. His foster parents and the social worker didn’t have to worry about going bankrupt or applying to the state and praying they’d get funds. And all it cost was one less shiny rock, that some exploited worker probably died to fish out of the ground, wasting space on display.”

“You know,” he said off-handedly as if it wasn’t an obvious attempt to deflect, “the kinds of people that can afford to buy those things aren’t any better than the people you’re stealing from. In fact, they’re probably worse if they’re willing to buy from a fence.”

You rolled your eyes. “So? I’ll just rob them blind to fund a school or whatever later.”

“There’s got to be a better way,” he sighed. “One that isn’t criminal.”

“You find it for me then, Diego,” you snapped. “I’m doing the best I can to help as many people as possible with what I’ve got. And sure maybe there’s a little bit of a revenge angle but who cares? Every one of those assholes deserves it.” 

You felt tears welling up in your eyes, certain that you were losing him, that even after you had ripped your chest open and exposed your bleeding heart for the taking, he was going to ask for you to choose between him and your morals, your passions, things that made up the very fiber of your being.

He stood up, circling the table to kneel in front of you again. His hands came up to cup your face and he brushed away the moisture that leaked down your cheeks with the pads of his thumbs.

“Okay,” he said softly, eyes boring into yours. 

 “Okay? What does that mean, ‘okay’?”

“I still don’t like it,” he started and you growled in frustration before he stared you down. “But...I understand. And I’ll try to stop fighting you on it, judging you for it.”

“Do you actually?” you asked.

“What is that supposed to mean?” he pulled back, not moving away completely, but enough that his hands were no longer on you and you felt cold in a way that had nothing to do with the temperature of the room.

“I don’t know. It’s just this feeling I have. Like I can say whatever I want and tell you my life story in every explicit detail, but…I’m scared that you’re just saying those things to placate me. And that doubt is going to eat me alive.”

“What do you want me to do then, Y/N?”

“Work with me?” you suggested.

“I’m trying,” he countered, frustration leaching into his tone now. 

“No. I mean….Work one job with me, start to finish. Let me show you.”

“You want me to help you steal something?”

“Steal it. Sell it. Put it to good use. Together, as a team, the whole way through.”

“I…” he swallowed before nodding. “Alright.”

Plowing onward, not even registering his answer, you rambled, explaining that you weren’t expecting him to give up being a vigilante or go rogue and that if at any point he wanted out you’d let him, that you would even let him turn you over to the cops, as long as it wasn’t Eudora, if that was what he wanted, you just couldn’t take the doubt anymore. And then your mind caught up to reality and came to a screeching halt.

“Wait, really?” you asked incredulously. 

You had been expecting him not only to say no, but to get angry at the suggestion, bracing yourself for the inevitable complete rejection of it, maybe even of you, and trying to counter it preemptively.

“Yeah,” he nodded. “If you come with me for a night in return. Try things my way too. I…I want there to be an us, and if this is what it takes for there to even be a chance of that, I’m willing to do it.”

You stared, stunned.

“Sounds like a fair trade,” you murmured eventually. “I had no idea you felt so strongly about…this…” you gestured between the two of you, indicating what you meant.

“Of course I do, I l—“ he cut himself off, looking away with a clenched jaw, nervous tension practically vibrating his whole body.

“One other thing?” you said, biting your lip.

“What?”

“We’re both terrible at communication, and trust,” you observed. “I don’t want it to be like that anymore.”

He caressed your cheek once more, smiling softly. “I’ll try to be better if you will.”

You leaned in. “Deal.”

He closed the last gap of centimeters between you, pressing his lips to yours. You slowly sat back up, guiding him into a position hovering over you in the chair as his mouth chased where yours led, refusing to be parted from you. His tongue trailed hesitantly over your bottom lip, and you parted eagerly for him, losing yourself for a blissful moment in the kiss. 

“What time is it?” you mumbled reluctantly between kisses. 

“Why does it matter?” he countered, trying to shift you into a position more comfortable for you both.

“I have work. And you have streets to patrol. Although I know that’s far less exciting without your ravishing nemesis about,” you teased, breaking the kiss completely now.

“Mm...ravishing…” he muttered, eyes closed and face dazed. “I’d like that.”

You laughed. “You weren’t listening at all were you?”

He shook himself, blushing slightly as he opened his eyes to look at you.

“I appreciate your careful nursing, and this talk was...good, necessary, important. I don’t know. But I really do have to go.”

He sighed, sulking. “I know. Fine. I...I’ll see you later?”

“Sure, I’d like that,” you smirked. “Maybe we can revisit the whole, ravishing idea.”

~

Several days later, Diego came over to your apartment. You had suggested it under the guise of, at least partially true, a need to start planning for your heist together. But really, you just wanted to see him again, to spend some time with him now that there was, properly, something between you. 

Your stomach twisted nervously in anticipation, realizing that this was another big step, one quickly after the other, letting him into your home. It had always been your safe place to hide, your sanctum, and you were disrupting that with a new presence. 

But, you reminded yourself, he wasn’t the first (though the total number was incredibly small), and he had already let you into his, even so far as to let you stay there. And you trusted him. More than anyone, save maybe your brother. So it wouldn’t be so bad. 

You were just putting the finishing touches on the pot of cheesy mashed potatoes you had made when the intercom buzzed, indicating someone was at the building’s outer door and wanted to be let in. You hastily crossed the room to press the unlock button and the talk button at the same time.

“It’s open,” you called through the speaker.

There was no response but you heard the odd echo of the door opening and shutting and clicked off the box. A few moments later, someone knocked on your door. Despite knowing there was only one person it could be, you stood on your toes to look through the little peephole before sliding the chain aside and letting Diego in.

“Do you always just unlock your door for strangers?” he asked.

“Hmmm, no. Only the tall, dark and handsome ones.” 

You threaded your arms around his neck to greet him with a quick kiss, shaking your head and laughing when he responded with a hand on your backside.

“Something smells amazing,” he said as you pulled away and returned to the stove to finish the rest of dinner.

“Well, I figured since you were coming over, and our little...project was probably going to take a while, I should make food.” You shrugged, placing two steaming plates on your coffee table and gesturing for him to come sit beside you on the couch. “It’s not Michelin star or anything…”

He shoveled up a bite of the garlic-roasted vegetables and groaned in satisfaction.

“It’s perfect,” he countered around the mouthful.

“You eat raw eggs, so I think the bar’s pretty low,” you countered jokingly, "but thank you.”

~

After you had eaten and cleaned up from dinner, you decided it was time to get down to business. You led him over to one corner of the broad, open space that served as your ‘office’ of sorts, drawing the thick curtains shut as you passed, just in case any of the neighbors were out smoking on the fire escape tonight. 

“So, you said, planting your hands on the work table dramatically and looking across to him. “Any initial thoughts?”

His eyes grew wide, like a panicked deer. He opened his mouth and then closed it again several times, but no words came out.

“Relax,” you said, smiling reassuringly, eyes sparkling. “It’s not like I expected you to do any homework. It was just a question. I have a few ideas, but we’re supposed to be partners, so I didn’t want to launch into them without giving you a shot first.”

‘Partners.’ He thought he liked the sound of that, but he still found himself wishing it was doing what he was used to, instead of this. It felt wrong, like he was going against everything he’d been taught. But then, he supposed he had been taught by a man so rigid and set in his ways that he would never have even considered that there might be other options. And the last thing he wanted to do was be like Reginald Hargreeves. Besides, it was a one for one deal, and there was still a chance to change your mind.

He smiled at you. “You lead, I’ll follow. For this one.”

“I like the sound of that,” you muttered, smiling back, before settling back into a more serious mode.

“Some oil tycoon’s private collection is being temporarily hosted and displayed at the art museum. It’s a pretty soft target at night, easy to get in and out. Shockingly minimal security in general, and paintings are easy to move,” you offered. 

Diego nodded vaguely, wanting to hear everything you set out before agreeing to anything.

“Or, there’s another place I’ve been staking out for a while. A warehouse. Owned by D.S. Umbrella Manufacturing Co. Nothing to do with actual umbrellas, or manufacturing from what I can tell.”

Diego flinched, but you didn’t notice, having turned around to pull out a file of information you had been gathering. 

“It’s all shipping and receiving. Mostly receiving. Some stuff I think is probably stolen antiques; I think I saw a couple guys opening crates of straight cash at one point, and there’s definitely stuff labeled with shit like ‘caution: explosive’ which usually means weapons or some kind of chemicals and either way is bad news. Those don’t stay in the warehouse long, and I don’t tend to mess with that shit anyway…” you trailed off, noticing Diego’s strange expression. “What? Why are you staring?”

“That…that’s my father’s company.”

“Wait what? Really?” you couldn’t help the shock on your face. 

You knew that Hargreeves was a very rich man but somehow it had never occurred to you that he might actually own anything, other than the massive Academy. And you supposed in theory the seven babies he had bought. You bit the inside of your cheek to distract yourself, cutting off that train of thought before it went to dark places.

“Do you know what specifically he’s got there?” you asked hopefully.

“No. I...sorry I don’t.”

“Nah, that’s alright. And you’re sure it’s his? Not just a similar name or coincidence?”

He shook his head. “No, that’s definitely Dad’s company.”

“All the better then,” you smiled wolfishly, all teeth. “Vengeance and helping people. If you want? I mean, I’m not going to make you do anything you’re not comfortable with. We could always hit the museum. Or start listing some other options...”

He hesitated a moment. Then he nodded resolutely. “Let’s do it.”

You grinned. Maybe this would turn out even better than you’d hoped. 

~

The two of you spent the next several hours working out the details of your plan, pouring over warehouse blueprints (that he didn’t ask where you’d gotten them from) and road maps, talking entry and exit strategies, rendezvous points, likely potential pitfalls, including the possibility that Hargreeves would send in his brother, Number One to try and stop you if he got wind of the break-in. Diego assured you that he was prepared to fight Luther if it came to it, and you frowned, heart clenching at his cold acquiescence to the idea. 

Exhausted, heads drooping and necks and shoulders aching, you finally decided to call it quits for the night. There was still more to go over, but you had time, and tonight you weren’t going to get anywhere useful with the fog that was settling into your minds. 

“I guess I should go,” he murmured as you both turned toward the door.

“Do you want to?” your face felt hot with a blush and you looked away from him as you asked. 

“What else would I do?” he stepped in front of you, turning your head to look at him again. 

You knew that he knew what you were offering, but he wanted to hear you say it anyway, to make sure the invitation was explicitly there. God, just when you thought he couldn’t get more perfect, he went and did a thing like that. 

You bit your lip, the words feeling heavy in your throat, every nerve suddenly hyper-aware.

“You could stay?” you offered, tilting your head slightly to one side. 

He cocked an eyebrow.

“I mean, I spent a week freeloading off you at your place. The least I can do is offer tonight, especially with how late it’s gotten. It’s dangerous out in the city alone at night you know.” You chuckled, trying to break the tension that crackled between you.

“Y/N…”

“It’s a really nice couch to sleep on,” you continued nervously. “I’ve fallen asleep on it before, pretty often actually when I come home and I’m just too tired. Or if I’m watching a movie or something.”

“Is that what you want?” his voice was soft and he was so close that his breath ghosted over your face.

“Is what?”

“For me to stay, and sleep on your couch?” He made sure you were making complete eye-contact with him, voice serious. “Be honest, and don’t just say something out of feeling like you’re obligated.”

“It’s not an obligation, Diego,” you assured him, hand cupping his face in counterpoint to the one he still had resting on your face. “I want you to stay.”

“On the couch?”

You shook your head. “Not unless you want to sleep on the couch.”

He opened his mouth to ask again if you were sure, to try and get you to say instead of dance around the invitation you were making. You rolled your eyes, kissing him fiercely. 

“Christ Diego,” you groaned against his lips. “I am trying to say I want you, as much of you as you’re willing to let me have.”

That seemed to finally be good enough for him, as he kissed you back with just as much ferocity as you had used. Your lips parted eagerly before he'd even had the chance to act, and your tongues danced together. The hand you had on his cheek slid back to grasp his short-cropped hair, raking your nails across his scalp in a way that made him shiver. Your other gripped tightly to his shoulder to hold yourself steady. He continued to cup your face, his thumb running slowly back and forth over your cheekbone in tender circles, his other arm wrapping around you to hold you close to him. 

Carefully, without breaking contact between you, you led him in a sort of dance, crossing the apartment, circling the edge of the dividing screens that formed your bed“room”, stepping over laundry piles, and finally tumbling backward onto the already rumpled sheets. 

Pulling back to give you both a moment to breathe, Diego shifted, taking off his boots and socks. He bit his lip, staring down at you, your hair splayed around you like a halo, lips reddened from his kisses, skin practically glowing in the dim light (or was that just you?). 

“What?” you asked teasingly. “Have I got something on my face?”

“You’re just…” he found himself at a loss for words, every one he could come up with seeming insufficient.

“Beautiful,” he finally breathed, brushing a finger reverently across your cheek once more, continuing on to trace up your temple before threading back, into your hair. 

“Diego,” you sighed, reaching again to draw him close, needy and wanting. 

He leaned down, tugging lightly on your hair, to expose your neck, placing teasing kisses along the column of your throat. You pressed your lips together to stifle a moan as his teeth grazed over the sensitive skin of your pulse point. You felt him smirk against your skin and had only a few seconds before he redoubled his efforts, biting down harder on the same spot and causing you to cry out. He glided his tongue over the mark he made and his free hand trailed over your stomach, fingers slipping beneath your shirt, shockingly cold against your heated skin. You gasped at the contact, melting into his touch and moving like a marionette for him as he released your hair and lifted your arms above your head to pull the offending garment off, tossing it aside. You thought you heard the clatter of something being knocked over by it, but you couldn’t be bothered to care as his lips reconnected with your own. 

The next kiss was languid and tender, his arms pulling you close, yours curling around his shoulders, fingers dancing mindless patterns over his bicep. You tugged unceremoniously at his own shirt which he was quick to shuck off. A shiver ran through you at the feel of his skin on yours.

His lips continued their journey downward and you arched into him as they found the swell of your breast. You couldn’t help the whine that slipped out of you, hand dropping from where you clung to him to clutch the sheets beside you as he sucked an obvious mark there, just above the line of your bra. 

Your chest heaved as you struggled to regain your breath or senses when he suddenly withdrew. Your face flushed hotly as you caught his eye and he flashed you a wink, swiftly kicking off his pants. He crawled back up the mattress to you and you pulled him into another kiss, your tongues tangling together almost immediately, as if you were made for it. 

As his hand slipped down to your waistband, deftly undoing the button there, you couldn’t help trembling under his touch, gasping when he slipped inside to run teasing fingers over the soft cotton of your panties. 

Suddenly, the reality of what was happening crashed over you like an icy wave and you felt like you were suffocating. It was too much. Everything was too much.

Planting your hands firmly, you pushed his shoulders to put some space between you.

“Diego, wait,” you said softly.

Immediately he froze. Seconds ticked by, somehow agonizingly slowly and impossibly fast all at once, before he moved again, drawing his hand away and shifting his weight off of you completely. He locked eyes with yours, fear and misery staining his face as you both sat up. You reached for him, and he flinched away. You let your hand drop.

“I-I’mmmm,” his breath hitched painfully and he closed his eyes. “I’mm s-sorry.”

“Diego,” you sighed. “There’s nothing to apologize for. Why would you think…”

Your brow creased in confusion and distress that he was so upset.

“I...w-ww-went too far o-or hurt you or…”

You couldn’t help the incredulous laugh that slipped out. 

“No you didn’t. You have been nothing but good to me, and you’ve done nothing that I didn’t absolutely want you to do. I’m just...not sure I’m ready to take things any further. Not tonight at least. Let’s just take it slow, okay?”

He nodded, finally opening his eyes, looking down at you again and letting you brush a light caress against his face. There was still some hesitation, like he didn’t quite believe that you weren’t hurt or upset, so you curled your fingers against the corner of his jaw, pulling him to meet you. Your lips moved slowly against his, watching carefully for any sign that he wanted to withdraw.

“I’m the one who should be sorry, if anything,” you said reluctantly.

“What?” his eyebrows knitted in confusion. “What for?”

“Leading you on?” you said, stating what you thought was obvious. 

He pressed his forehead to yours tenderly. “Sure, if you had done that.”

“I did. I mean what else would you call inviting you to stay the night like this and then...not following through…” you bit your lip, trying to look away from his earnest gaze.

“Y/N,” he said seriously. “Setting a boundary, or changing your mind, is not the same thing as leading me on.”

“But--”

He sighed heavily, the sound cutting you short.

“I’d be lying if I said there’s not a little disappointment. But you’re more important to me than sex. And I don’t want to do anything that you’re not comfortable with, that you don’t want just as much.”

You felt tears welling up in your eyes, relief and love mingling with embarrassment and guilt, no matter what he said. 

“I’d have even been fine if you really had, or do, ask me to sleep on the couch, Y/N.” He brushed away a stray tear that rolled down toward your chin. “As long as I still have you, in my life.”

“You only have to move to the couch if you want to,” you said, trying to fight down the small smile that threatened to break out on your face. “I’d like it if you stayed. We could maybe keep kissing? Or just, sleep together? Actual sleep…”

He chuckled. “Sleep sounds pretty nice. It is late. And I can’t remember the last time I got a full night.”

“Well in that case, make yourself comfortable,” you laughed, awkwardly extracting an arm to gesture at the rest of the bed. 

Diego returned the laugh and flopped over to the side, stretching out on his back as he settled in for sleep. Briefly he marveled at the softness of the way the mattress sank around him. It was like sleeping on a cloud compared to his lumpy old thing.

His eyes followed you as you moved around the space, shimmying out of your jeans and trading your bra for an overstretched and faded t-shirt, stamped with some university logo. He watched one hand reach behind you to quickly undo the clasp, the two sides practically springing away from each other when you did. You slid the garment off and for a brief moment you were naked, or nearly so - the soft smooth expanse of your skin even from behind making his pulse race with desire again - before you pulled the soft fabric down over your head, the hem trailing across the tops of your thighs, and hid yourself from view again.

You quickly flicked off the lights throughout the little studio apartment.

Any lingering thought, any regret that all he'd gotten was that brief peek, was immediately wiped from his mind as you padded back over to the bed and crawled into it with him. Curling up in almost a ball, you tucked yourself into the hollow of his side, head brushing against his arm as you nestled further down into the bedding, trying to get as comfortable as possible. You breathed in deeply, the scent of him - sharp and spicy and mingled with leather and the cleaning oil he used on his knives, so oft exposed that they had become a natural part of his smell - filling your lungs and spirit with comfort. 

“Goodnight Diego,” you whispered, breath tickling his skin.

He brought his arm down, drawing you closer against him.

“Goodnight.”

You brushed your lips across his cheek in a fleeting kiss that he thought he might have imagined before settling back in your original position. He smiled, the feeling of your warmth lulling him into the best sleep he’d had in ages.

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@mysterydisposition I think you said that you wanted to be tagged in new chapters?

#ok this is kind of a heavy chapter but it's all important developments #and setting up for a lot more things happening #backstory exposition #Light Fingers #Diego Hargreeves x Reader #The Umbrella Academy fic #pre-canon #I was very stressed about this chapter but I'm posting it anyway #because I don't think it's going to change if I just keep sitting on it

[shiir00oo]

If i would have to say when this chapter takes place in the anime i would say about a few days before the Kalos League I guess?

Idk somewhere between those times.P.S i just fixed some writing errors-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An Unexpected Reading Partner

The Pokemon Center still shone bright from the dark atmosphere outside and behind the building was a young raven haired boy training his pokemon, A Greninja, Pikachu,Hawlucha,TalonFlame and lastly a Noivern all together, the boy knew fully well that he had only limited time before came the time when the league starts and he was willing to stay up all night to train but he also knew that he would have to give his pokemon time to rest so he ordered them to retreat back infront of him, the boy smiled "You did great today guy's we'll surely win the league after all our hard work!" Ash exclaimed pumping a fist into the air as his pokemon let out cries of joy Ash then looked up at the sky and saw the moon almost at its full peak "Its getting late,I think its time to head in" Ash said as he started pulling out his pokemon's respective pokeballs and pulling them back in, Pikachu however leaped back up his shoulder and began taking a nap, Ash chuckled a bit and petted his partner gently and began walking back inside the pokemon center and towards the room of which he rented out for him and his traveling companions,

Once he entered the room he found two beds already occupied by the two lumiose siblings but immediately realized another bed was empty, he scanned the room for a sign of the honey blonde haired girl and eventually found her sitting on a couch reading what seemed like a book from under the shelf of the television, the girl didnt seem to have noticed Ash coming in seeing as she was so sucked into her book, the boy raised an eyebrow in curiosity,wondering what type of book she was so engrossed in that she hadnt even noticed him entering the room,he chuckled a bit from her determination to finish that one book even if she was looking a bit tired, unfortunately his light chuckle managed to grab the attention of the busy honey blonde "Ash! Your back!" Serena beamed and Ash smiled back "Yep,figured my pokemon could use a little down time, even pikachu agrees" he said gesturing by pointing towards his mouse like partner now sleeping on top of his head, this earned a giggle from the girl on the couch "Anyway, what happened to those two?" Ash said while walking towards his own bed and placing his partner upon it then pointed towards Clemont and Bonnie, Serena turned her head following the direction of his finger "Oh them? Im guessing Clemont was really tired from running all the way here, I mean once we entered the room he actually just went face first unto the bed, and Bonnie? Im not entirely sure to be honest, I dont know maybe she was just exhausted from being really hyper on the way here?"Serena explained earning a laugh from Ash "And how about you? Arent you tired?" Ash asked taking a few steps closer to the girl eventually ending up standing infront of her, making the honey blonde blush ever so slightly although that moment didn't last long as she was suddenlt interrupted by herself yawning all of a sudden this earned a light chuckle and a small smirk from the boy infront of her "Yeah, But i thought it wouldve been rude to sleep when you havent even came back the room yet,then i found this book and decided to read it to, I dont know, pass the time while waiting for you," She came to a pause and looked back at the pages of her book "And turns out this book is really interesting, i honestly got so intrigued by it when i reached the 5th page" She explained her eyes roaming left to right reading the book "It must be if your still up reding it," Ash responded "Say, what's the book called?" Ash asked as he sat down next to the girl earning another slightly darker tone of red from her cheeks but of course Ash hadnt noticed that small detail "Well its called 'Amour Journeys' (fite me i couldnt think of another book title lmaooo) its about a girl and a boy with their group of friends traveling around the world with their pokemon but that girl and boy had feelings for each other and didnt know how to tell each other" Serena rambled on, seeing her so happy about something always made a smile on Ash's face beside her,  laughing a bit he then said  

"So its that good then?" Ash asked raising an eyebrow in amusement Serena then nodded with a big smile on her face twisting her self to face him while doing so, she shoved the book inches away from the boy's face expecting him to be able to read it but from that angle it was nearly impossible but she hadnt processed that bit just yet "See! It's really romantic!" Serena gushed out dreamily as she retreated back to her previous sitting position and continued on reading, a smile still evident on her face, her words got Ash intrigued and honestly he was not one for reading but if Serena spoke so highly of it he thought it wouldnt hurt so he could gave it a look, he leaned in closer to the girl earning another blush from her but nonetheless she kept silent and continued on her reading but unfortunately the feeling of Ash's warm breath just at the edge of her neck tingling her was now starting to be distracting her and now she couldnt keep her mind straight, Ash had finished both pages and was expecting Serena to flip to another one but weirdly she never did,he look at the girl to see she was looking a bit, Overwhelmed(?) "Uhh Serena are you okay?" Ash asked completely oblivious to the situation he trapped the girl in "Uh-H YeS im f-Fine!"she stammered out and used her shaking fingers to turn the page and the both of then continued reading.

A few more minutes went by, maybe 20 or 30? But either way time had went by and weirdly enough Ash found himself enjoying the book and was now totally sucked into the story however Serena grew even more tired by the minute, every so often her eyes drooped close but bolted back open when she felt herself falling asleep, Ash seemed to notice her groggy behavior but didnt say a word and continued reading 'ill wait till she falls asleep, then ill take her to bed' he thought to himself.

Another 10 minutes went by and Serena couldnt keep herself awake much longer, she gave into her exhaustion and closed her eyes shut completely forgetting about the fact that right next to her was Ash who was reading with her, her hands was still gripping the sides of the book but her head was dropping down and eventually landed on Ash's shoulder.

Noticing the sudden weight on his shoulder he looked down to see the honey blonde peacefully asleep on him, he didnt know why but he felt a small tinge of warmth crawl up his cheeks,but he didnt mind it and honestly he quite enjoyed it but he figured Serena would liked it if she were in a much comfier and comfortable position rather than just sitting up.

He then carefully took the book out of her grasp which was quite easy to do so, seeing as her hands were loose and relaxed, he placed the book down beside him then looked at the girl sleeping on his shoulder once again, he smiled then altered his position for him to lift the girl up in his arms like how a newly wedded couple would hold his wife, he then walked to his bed seeing as it was the closest to the couch and placed her right next to pikachu who had seemed to notice the figure laying down beside it and immediately cuddled up next to the girl, who subconsciously wrapped her arm around the pokemon like it was some sort of stuffed animal, Ash smiled and laughed lightly at her child like demeanor when asleep, his thoughts were cut short when he suddenly felt a gush of cold air brush right past him and immediately realized the his bed was right infront of the air conditioner and that without a blanket a person sleeping on it would most likely be freezing and shivering while asleep, so he took off his electric blue jacket and placed it on his pokemon aswell as the honey blonde,thinking that merely his jacket wasnt enough, he went to the tip of the bed and lifted up the comforter that was neatly folded and placed it just above the shoulder of the honey blonde aswell as his pikachu.

He noticed a stray strand of hair infront of the girl's face and made a sudden move of tucking it back behind her ear, he found himself entranced by the girl's face,her beauty perhaps (a shit here we go again with the sappiness and cheesiness, great job me-)

He felt a familiar warm feeling crawl up his cheeks once again, he then stroked the girls hair wondering how ones hair could be so smooth even though the wind and air outside was so humid to make even his own hair frizzy but nonetheless he liked the feeling of her honey blonde locks, he stopped doing that thinking it was rather weird then stood back up and walked towards a nearby light switch and flicked it off and then found himself back on the couch, he didnt bother changing seeing as the other havent aswell and the cold air wasnt that much of a bother for him infact he kind if liked it, he then glanced back at his bed where Serena and his pikachu laid sleeping peacefully and smiled to himself and eventually found himself dozing off aswell.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

...little did they know Bonnie saw the whole thing from under the thin sheets of her bed.

Oh boi they gon have a buncho questions for the next day I-

Shhshs k thats it i have nothing else to say

So like

Chao~

#amourshipping #satosere #pokemon #fanfiction #oneshot #wattpad #lmaoplsfollow #jk #hope u like lol

[bloodvvit]

[Wanted to write a little ‘slice of life’ look into how Kai was raised once the Boss took him on, as he was mostly looked after by a higher ranking kyodai named Izo. Kai idolizes the boss, but also takes a shine to Izo, seeing him as kind of a older brother/mentor figure.]

Kai’s long eyelashes fluttered against the high angle of his cheekbone as he roused, having not realized he’d dozed off while lounging at the foot of Izo’s mattress. Curled up with his knees to his chest and his skinny arms tangled around a pillow, the fifteen year old squinted against the light unhappily. With a slow stretch in place, he pushed himself to a sitting position and got smacked in the face with a discarded shirt.

“You’re still getting dressed?” the youth accused in an irritated tone. Huffing softly, the young yakuza heir jerked the colorful fabric from around his skull. Rather than throw it back at the preening, indecisive gangster pacing before his closet mirror, Kai expertly flapped the article of clothing out by the shoulder seams and carefully laid it down atop the length of the bed to join the rest of the kyodai’s wardrobe.

“We’re never going leave if you’re taking this long… Why does it matter, anyway? Is it a big meeting between the Bosses?” he asked, sounding miles more interested, if that was the case- rather than watch the man mull over more suits.

Izo held one shirt, then another over his chest as he inspected his reflection in his newly bought and installed full length mirror. Both looked equally good on his skinny frame. That was the one good thing about being built like a tall lamp post — it was easy finding clothing. Nearly anything he bought looked good when it was hanging off his bony shoulders.

“Nah, go back to sleep. I’ve got a hot date tonight,” Izo said as he turned sideways and tried yet another shirt. “Well, not really. I got a meet and greet with some of the guys at a hostess club. I might as well try not to look too shabby.”

The juvenile yakuza frowned even more at this revelation. And here, he’d been hoping for a fun and exciting evening out, not being abandoned at headquarters, when he could have been spending more time leaning how their business worked.

“And you’re wasting time on an outfit? You usually bring me along…” Kai frowned and narrowed his eyes, following the vivid lines of elaborate inkwork decorating Izo’s back, shoulders, and arms in a curious fashion. He’d seen them before, it wasn’t like his partner didn’t leap at the chance to show them off.

“Hey, aniki… Your tattoos. The last time I asked, you said they have certain meanings. Can you tell me more about them now?” he asked in a hopeful, but careful tone of voice. “We’ve been partners for the past three years, almost.”

Heh. Precocious boy slinging emotional words like ‘partners’ around. His devotion to hustling was adorable. Izo knew better, but the sweet way the brat went about saying it was like drinking down warm honey. It was a pleasant kind of warmth. 

“The outfit’s like a storefront window, it’s for convincing,” Izo said as he looked over his shoulder at Chisaki’s ward. He wasn’t looking so sleepy now, and his intense stare made Izo lift an arm to check out the black lines snaking about his rib cage. The ink work wasn’t done yet, just a series of outlines scattered about his shoulders and back. The goal was to eventually get a whole shirt done, but until that happened, Izo was content to only brave the parlors sporadically  It depended when his mood and tolerance for pain was highest.

“They mean a buncha stuff,” Izo hedged, “Sorta slogans like ‘I’m good at this sorta shit’, ‘I believe in that’. Some of it is because ‘a guy I respect has something like it’. Water’s obvious, you already know that one.” After a pause, Izo draped his shirt over the back of his chair. “They’re pretty nice, right?”

“I didn’t think there’d be so many… flowers,” Kai pointed out, unable to mask the wrinkling of his upturned nose at the thought. Eyelids lowering to half-mast, he quite visibly began mulling something over in his mind.

“I was wondering if the Boss was thinking I might have earned the right to get one yet. You think maybe that might happen sooner or later?”

Izo  twisted to look incredulously at the boy on his bed. “What’s wrong with flowers? The’re perfectly manly. Ain’t like they’re roses or nothing. They’re not on my back because they’re romantic.” 

They were there proclaiming his sense of duty, his loyalty and clear mind. They spoke of death and single-minded purpose. His skin was there for important stories and words. He’d sooner cut himself than get something like his girl’s name.

“They’re there for the things I don’t wanna say out loud. Anyone that knows about what ink means will know what they’re sayin’. As for you gettin’ yours…”

 Izo eyed Kai critically. Was he actually serious? He was already that enthusiastic about being a made man? Izo chuckled, “You’re a bit big for your britches already. Nah, it’ll be later. Boss don’t have much truck on taking kiddies on. You’ve got a few more years to go.”

“I didn’t mean anything by it, I just- The last meeting you took me to was the first time I’d even seen the Boss’ ink before and those were… you know, dragons,” Kai explained matter-of-factly. The last thing he wanted was Izo thinking he didn’t understand or respect the meaning behind the imagery.

The teen folded his lean arms beneath his chin, both sharp elbows jutting over the edge at the foot of the mattress. “I was just thinking if I’m gonna stay on, then I should start thinking about it now. Or learning what that stuff all means, like you. I’m not stupid, you know… Wasn’t like I wanted to get something just to flash it at the nearest person on the street.”

Kai rested his chin on his crossed arms and sighed loudly. “Even if the Boss thought I was ready, I guess I just want know what he’d pick. It wouldn’t mean the same thing if it were up to me, right…? That’d be no different than if any civvie waltzed into a parlor and got something done for bragging rights- they don’t earn that like we do,” Kai reflected, often failing to censor his own thoughts due to his familiarity with the gangster he worked with, or simply due to his age.

Izo turned around, folding his arms over his chest as he looked Kai over. Eyes still too big for his head, despite the roundness of his cheeks. Skinny, gawky limbs that were only going to get even gawkier once he started growing — which hadn’t happened yet (and likely wouldn’t any time soon, if he didn’t start eating more.) Izo hadn’t been much older when he’d started getting seriously in over his head, doing significantly more involved things than running messages. That’d been his own damn fault, though. He’d had too big a mouth, had been too smart for his own good and run in ahead right into things he should have steered clear of, if he’d only known better.

Kai had a good little schtick going. He liked to talk big, even going so far as to act like he was already willing to go whole hog into the sorta life Izo was leading. It was a pretty good life, Izo thought, it had its perks, he got pocket money. But talking big and going so far as to get an ill-advised tattoo while sober, well… those were two entirely different things.

Izo crossed his arms over his chest as he hunched over the bed, brows drawing together. “The boss doesn’t pick it. You do. Like I said, they tell a story and it’s the kinda stuff you wanna say but don’t have real good words for it, because saying it would be lame. Get it?” 

Izo turned to the side and twisted, pulling his arms up to show a spot on his rib cage where the outline of a crane was placed. It had yet to be colored in. 

“See this? Got this because of a guy I knew — real swell guy. He’s old now, so he’s sick and dying. Helped me out of  some tight spots and I owe him.  He always had a thing for those weird-ass birds, so I’m getting this put on there as a thank you. Hopefully it’ll get done and I can show it to him before he kicks the bucket.”

“It’s up to you what you wanna say. Most guys just stick with stuff like, ‘I’m strong and I can tear people’s heads off with my damn teeth like a pregnant bear.’ The boss’s dragon means he’s like the emperor. Getting the ink means you’re a made man, but you don’t wanna get a mark someone picks for you either because it makes you theirs. You pick it because it’s what you wanna say. Got it?” Izo hesitated, then added, “There’s some that do that — let someone put their mark on them. I hear some families are into that too, like branding farm animals. If anyone says they wanna do that with you, you tell ‘em no, kick ‘em real good and come and tell me.”  

Kai was far too young for those sorts of relationships and if anyone offered, that meant they were real creeps. Izo would cut bits off them in private somewhere.

The kid pushed his hands against the bed to get a better look, glancing from the silhouette of the bird coming to life on Izo’s darker skin, then back to the elder man’s face as he spoke. Kai had assumed the messages intended to be expressed through the tattoos were qualities others had to see and ‘confirm’ before making them yakuza language fact. To everyone else, he was just like any other middle school student in Tokyo. Now that he was officially partnered with a made man like his 'brother’, he felt… important. Not the way the Boss was important, but needed- Useful, like a part of the machine that was efficiently performing it’s role. In a strange way, Kai felt getting inked might confirm that- solidify his place within their ranks and as the heir to the Boss’ legacy.

“Yeah. I understand now,” he answered confidently, nodding once in affirmation. His gaze followed the swooping 'brushstroke’ of the bird’s neck as it melded to it’s back and folded wings curiously, frowning in silence as one of the notches of Izo’s ribs expanded with his breathing. “Does it hurt a lot? Especially places like these?” he asked, pointing at the thin layer of skin and muscle barely masking the bony landmark.

Izo shrugged, always a bit surprised how into medical stuff the kid was. He didn’t recall ever being like that at the same age. “Well, it always hurts when there’s not a lotta meat. I don’t have much all over, though. It’s not too bad.” 

Actually, it hurt like a bitch and Izo had let everyone up and down the street know he was getting his ink done just by all his screaming. But Kai’s wide-eyed look was laying it on a bit thick, wasn’t he? Izo had to give him props for consistency, though. The teen never let up with his schtick and he had to admit in his crusty, old-young heart that there were times he was quite warmed by it. Izo reached out to press down hard on Kai’s head, sending him tumbling. When he was down, Izo dug his knuckles into the teenager’s scalp for good measure. Straightening, he grunted, “What’s this about you wanting ink anyway? Why all a sudden?”

“Hey! Come on- Stop,” the kid half-laughed, half-ordered, trying to dodge the elder man’s hands until he’d lost his balance and tumbled from the bed. He rolled from the foot of the mattress and landed in a soft pile of discarded suits Izo had thrown, unceremoniously, to the floor- vibrantly dyed and patterned silks and sharkskin cushioning Kai’s coltish knees as he fended off more brotherly harassment. The question made him pause and look back up the rail-thin length of Izo’s slouching frame, blinking once as he stared back at that narrow-eyed, searching gaze reading his own expression and body language.

“Like I said. It’s been three years. I just thought, maybe… then we’d be blood brothers. You know, officially. That’s all,” he said, brushing Izo off and leaning back against the foot of the bed. He straightened his hair back out with a few brisk tugs of his thin fingers, tilting his chin up as though challenging the man to say otherwise.

Izo tsks, tongue pressed against the back of his teeth as his movements still and he stares down at Kai staring up at him with that far too serious glare.

The brat. How was he going to say no to a request like that? 

“Ah, you really know what to say, eh? Thought a lot about it, did you?” Scripted or not, he was good. Izo was melting a little despite himself.  He grabbed Kai’s head, looping an arm around his neck and squeezing as he roughly ground his knuckles in with a renewed vengeance. “Think you’re such a big man, EH?”

When he eventually released the boy, letting him drop to the hard floor like he was dropping a sack of rice. He turned back toward the mirror and dragged his fingers through his hair to work out some of the new tangles. Izo made a face and gave up on wearing it down. Finding a tie, he gripped it between his teeth and pulled his hair back away from his face to reveal sharp features that looked too narrow, too fox-like for even his own tastes. 

“Alright, since you say it so nicely, kid,” he muttered around the tie, “You can get what you want. But if it’s stupid looking, it’s on you. Remember that.”

#♛ WRITING #♛ META

[braindamageforbeginners]

Day 36, Radiation 24, Serum Infusion 5 (sort of)

I realize that I tend to be discursive and verbose (in writing, anyway, I’m a surprisingly quiet person in real life); HOWEVER, dear reader, if the potential walls of text seem intimidating, let me just say, I cover a helluva lot of ground in this one. Benchmarks shall be reached; insights had; exhilarating heights and terrifying lows reached. Or, yesterday marked an important date, I had some critical insights to surviving deadly diseases (

So; yesterday marked the final initial serum infusion (I know that sounds like I’m a demented time traveler; hang with me). The “initial” treatment period for GBM - usually agreed as the “critical” treatment period - is a six-week course of 42 days of chemotherapy, 30 radiation doses (you get weekends off), and, in my case, five injections of Abraham Erskine’s Special Sauce. This is followed by a 20-30 day vacation - of sorts, followed by a year of on-again-off-again chemo (and, in my case, added bacon bits to Dr. Erskine’s elixer). That’s if everything goes well. If the radiotherapy (which is the very best that every single physician I consulted with recommended) isn’t as effective as predicted/hoped; you can start planning on what requests you’ll make for Tom Petty and Whitney Houston. I mean, there are some things they can do to forestall the disease, manage symptoms, etc. but that’s pretty the cancellation notice on a TV series you were watching. Again, I am amazingly horrified, upset, and angry that my life expectancy and potential is dependent upon which artificial rogue proton hit which carbon ring in an alien invader in my brain. And I’m going to be getting sentenced (as it were), in a month, and a helluva lot will be due to random chance. And healthy people would see this whole thing that the end is in sight, and thus begins a new stage of life (here’s a teachable moment, healthy folks; if you have a friend with a progressive disease, the stages are that they get worse until they die; new stage of life is that they get to skip some stages). So, yeah, after a year of awful news, it feels rather less that the parole board is convening, and much more that the Roulette Wheel is spinning. And I suppose the secret to doing this thing with grace and courage (which, again, I have no intention of doing; I was born a miserable misanthrope) is figuring out how to maximize those spins before the cashier collects. But, that is still a full month off, there are still positive (and negative) possibilities in play, and we shall leave the dark Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come for the rest of the post in favor of me (I suppose I’d be the Ghost of Christmas That one Time Dad Accidentally Misplaced and Mislabeled Everyone’s Gifts, So the Day Ended in a Really Stupid Series of Arguments)(I mean, I love the Christmas Carol, but I think we can all agree that I’m much more in  the vein of idiotic-yet-funny family history stories we use to scare Grandma into silence)(Again, ladies, I am single).

So, we start events bright and early yesterday with me getting my blood drawn. Which always sucks, but I have learned a few tricks over the years (holding the phlebotomist’s family hostage in case they have to stab you more than three times isn’t as effective as you’d think). I have really hard-to-find veins; they’re small, you can’t see them, and they clench up and hide well after a bad attempt. But, I now have the patter down to a fine art, and most decent nurses and phlebotomists can do it by the second try (the record number of attempts, for anyone keeping score, was an MRI tech in NoCal - this was back in the days when techs were allowed to inject dyes into patients on their own; the rules have since changed). The vampire tech in question got me on the first time, and, then installing the IV, accidentally spritzed me with my own life essence. In all fairness, I’ve suffered worse the last time I spilled a drink, in terms of liquid exposure. And, because it’s me, it’s not even the first or second time I’ve been drenched in my own blood - it might be the third or fourth time, I’d have go back and tally them up (and, although “drench” is far too strong a verb in this instance, it wasn’t strong enough to capture the previous occasions)(I desperately wish I was making this up). Now, this wasn’t terribly painful, or, as it turns out, even very inconvenient - thankfully, there’s some mega-methanol fabric cleaner on hand (I don’t know why this surprised me; I’ve had a semi-permanent place in the hospital system since before I could vote)  - which is fortunate, because the constabulary takes a dim view of grown men with blood stains on their crotches (that wasn’t some sort of design on my part, it was just a weird - albeit amusing - outcome of the angles and pressures involved. Anyway, after securing the IV in place, and making me presentable for a court appearance, the Vampire Tech (and this isn’t a slam on her, or anything; it’s just that the job of drawing blood and installing IVs is done by - according to my count - nurses, phlebotomists, technicians, nurses in training, training phlebotomist technicians - you get the idea; there’s 45 possible job titles for the person sticking me with an 18 gage needle)(crucial tidbit for future patients; 20-22 gage needles are about the smallest they’ll use on an adult, and, if you have a documented history of hard-to-find veins, you might want to consider asking for one of those) apologized to me for the mishap; I reciprocated, and she mentioned that she’d used a slightly smaller needle than she thought and moved a little faster, based on my description. She then mentioned - and I do hope you are sitting - that I have really, really big veins, they’re just a bit hard to find.

THE BETRAYAL. ALL IS LIES. You have to understand, folks, I’ve been told that I have small, hard-to-find, hard-to-poke veins, and, all this time, I have mid-grade kitchen pipes. I have to believe - because I’ve had my blood drawn more often than Lance Armstrong in the last sixteen years - that someone would’ve mentioned that my veins are fine, they’re just invisible and not where you expect them, and I forgot. That would be bad, and upsetting, but I would’ve liked to have thought that someone would’ve noticed and mentioned it a second or third time. Of course, I also did down two liters of water a half-hour before the blood draw, so it’s possible my venous system is more aggressively reactionary than Southern politics (drinking a lot of water right before a blood draw a well-known, very effective way to make the phlebotomist’s job easier), and this poor woman underestimated.

So, fast-forward 1400 years to me, in the chemo seat (which is supposed to be comfortable, but it’s amazing how unpleasant impersonal barcaloungers are when you have a tube in your arm, and you daren’t jiggle it lest you get billed for someone’s dry-cleaning bill), getting grilled by Research Coordinator, about assorted side-effects (that’s what they’re testing me for, remember), and he mentions that I’ve already reached the maximum recommended dose and tolerated it well, so I’m probably at my maximal side effects, super-soldier wise. Which makes me feel good, because, even though my arm and shoulder hurt like a sumbitch the next day and I have vague flu-like symptoms, if this is as bad as it gets, experimental drug-wise, it’s pretty tolerable (I mean, depending on how things shake-out, if this is a bimonthly, standard dose, I’ll ask them about some sort of stronger pain-killer or something, because this is extremely unpleasant, but, if this is the price of another decade or two, it’s doable)(even with horrible, horrible Gatorade). Which made me feel all Captain American-y for a brief moment and shine a bit of hope on the darkness. Research Coordinator also mentioned that, even though you only get one radiation treatment per lifetime, if I beat this thing the first time and it comes back, he and the Warlocks are already working on potential treatment plans, trials, and virgin sacrifices to keep me alive. Folks, I’m going to use some strong language here, but, I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again, this is why, if you have a serious illness, do not fuck around with the folks at the local health-mart; go directly to the best. I’m still scared as hell that the radiation won’t take hold and/or this tumor will kill me, but I do feel like, if I can beat this one, I might have something like a normal life expectancy. That might just be the bargaining part stage of grief, though, and it does kind of require me to survive the next several months, which is far from guaranteed. to say the least. HOWEVER, Research Coordinator did assure me that, win, lose, or draw, I’d be getting a few weeks off from Gatorade (I’ll discuss this in further detail later, because it’s not exactly what it sounds like). My major complaint about that interaction is that they skimped on the budget and didn’t get Stanley Tucci to do the interview.

I also had a fascinating conversation with a chemo nurse who was double checking assorted side-effects, prescriptions, patient history, what-have-you. The following conversation has been condensed and slightly edited. NURSE: So, no nausea or vomiting? SELF: Not yet. NURSE: And you’re still on zofran? SELF: Uh, yeah, although i was queasy after the second infusion, so Research Coordinator suggested I double the dosage. But that’s in all the history, and it’s factored in to all of my prescriptions and stuff, as far as I can tell. NURSE (suspiciously): And you’ve never skipped a dose or cut back? SELF: Ma’am, it makes physically bearable and keeps me from puking. Why would I feel the need to experiment with that? NURSE: Oh, you’d be surprised. SELF: Look, if I get all my dreams and die at age 90 in excellent health; I want to be buried with a full bottle of zofran in case I need it.

Eventually, I did get to make it to another part of Socal, because Mother Dearest and the dog decided to visit me. Again, I’m going to be vague in an attempt to preserve some sort of anonymity (if not on my part, at least my dog’s); but we were able to coordinate this because I found a pet-friendly hotel in a part of town half-way between home and the hospital - as opposed to the really nice, but really expensive resort town. I’m now ready to call it quits with the resort area - it was quieter, friendlier, cheaper, and more personal. There’s less to do there, but people actually talked to me (or they talked to my dog, which I think is close enough). Everyone I talked to at this neighborhood was friendly - like, the meanest response of the night is from me, when a baker came out from behind the counter to hug my dog and I kind of winced, because that doesn’t seem very hygienic. But the croissants were amazing (like, worth dog-germ-risk to a technically-immunocompromised person amazing). And I got to celebrate the serum-sorta-completion-almost date the way American Jesus intended: with steak tartare, near-raw burgers, (it could be laden with tuberculosis, but, screw it, I got zofran, I’m not gonna puke), and double-helpings of beer (and, to those of you who don’t know me, few people like microbrew more than I do). It was a delightsomeful, memorable evening. I’m sure she meant it as a compliment, but Mother Dearest expressed far more wit in a single observation than the entire Trump administration: “You’ve become a much more interesting diner since you gave up that heart-health thing.”

And I sort-of slept. Maybe. A few hours. I will say this about the horrible super-soldier serum; it does produce the most amazingly life-like dreams I’ve ever experienced. Yes, I know they’re not technically hallucinations, but, you people didn’t attend the Super Bowl last night. Admittedly, that’s s a really weird, specific, helluva strange object for my focus (I give less thought to the NFL than I do to alfalfa profit margins)(not that either takes up much brain space). It felt like I was there, just like the last hyper-realistic post-injection dream. Which was weird and cool, and, certainly one of the more intriguing side-effects. Which led to a nastier, far-too-frequent side-effect; my arm feeling like it was trying to disattach itself from my frame. Fortunately, after last time, I knew exactly what to; go directly to Tylenol and Gatorade, which made things tolerable. Or as tolerable as Gatorade-based mornings can be. It did occur to me that, if I can’t be Captain America, maybe my right arm can grow and mutate and turn into some sort of really cool/scary demon-hand, like Hellboy. Which would enable me to punch through the flimsy walls of this universe to Hell itself, so that I could track down the inventor of Gatorade, and give him a well-earned thrashing (I know I’m an agnostic, but one thing I am absolutely theologically certain of; the creator of Gatorade is in Hell).

And, as I was musing - like you do, when you’re waiting for superpowers - I recalled the nurse saying that people just experiment and go off zofran (again, kids, if Santa Claus ever brings you zofran, you write a thank-you note immediately). This kind of coincided with another  revelation, and I do apologize if it’ll take some time to connect the two, because they make a very important point for everyone planning on surviving cancer. I was packing up the dog’s stuff (specifically, his bowl and bag of food), and thought I’d just pour the leftover food into the bag on the porch/parking-lot area - food’s gonna spill, after all; if it happens out there, some lucky squirrel can deal with it. Mom immediately stopped me so that she could do the exact same thing in the sink area. Depositing dog food all over the sink, and turning a two-minute task into a five-minute cleaning job; without any apparent gain apart from cleaning kibble out of the sink. Now, because it’s Mother Dearest, I’m sure I’ll get some note about how I’m wrong and efficiency and cleanliness are overrated. What occurred to me is that it was a minor case of someone exercising some form of agency merely because they could.

And I get that; I really do. I organize my bookshelves, keep a highly regimented gym schedule, etc. And it suddenly occurred to me, based on this thought (and the chemo nurse’s statement that people stop taking zofran just because), there has to be a chunk of the populace that goes off doctor’s orders or refuses care or whatever for a variety of reasons. That’s all old news; I was an EMT, I’ve seen stupid shit you couldn’t even begin to believe. BUT, the heartening part of it - for me, anyway - is that I have, since Day 1 (since before then, actually), religiously followed doctor’s orders and suggestions (for the most part; I still shave, eat raw foods, and train in the gym; but I’ve never missed an appointment, prescription, dosage, or medical exam, and I’ve never lied to my physicians when questioned). Now, I realize that I have a dangerous disease that isn’t well-understood or have a terribly predictable outcome; but, it is worth noting that, every time I tell some medical professional I’ve lived with this disease (or chronic brain tumors, anyway) for 16 years, I get the exact same reaction as if I’d told them I went to school with Archimedes. I am, apparently, in the world of cancer, patients, nigh-vampire-unkillable. Which is pretty cool and makes me feel good,  but, for everyone who wants to learn that secret, well, it’s pretty simple.

You want to go to the very best doctors. You want to figure out the best treatment plan for you; the one that offers the most chance of success. HOWEVER, once you have those things; you follow the rules and stick to the treatment plan like your life depends on it, because it does. I have no idea whether this is going to work, or what my life expectancy will be, but I am near-certain that if I decided to screw around with things, I will have a very grim future.

In figuring out an appropriate ending metaphor for all of this - and the importance of sticking to the medical plan in a world filled with changing variables and crises - I hit upon China Mieville’s book, “Kraken.” It’s an odd urban fantasy that prominently features a cult that worships giant squid as deities (it’s not the dumbest religion I’ve ever heard of). However, there is a minor plot point about the cult’s version of chess - “Kraken Chess,” which is just like our chess, except it features a piece called the Kraken (because of course it does). The Kraken piece is the most powerful piece on the board, because it can - like the queen - move any number of squares in any direction; however, the Kraken piece can also not move at all. It just forfeits a turn.

Folks, as you navigate a dangerous disease, there will be many, many periods where you don’t see any real results, there is no end in sight (or, as the case may be, the visible ends tend to look scary). I will work tirelessly to figure out some sort of coping strategy for all that - believe me, a large part of my life is centered on that, right now. All I can say is, don’t exert agency when none is needed, especially if that comes in the form of skipping your zofran. Sometimes, you must be the kraken; silent, beaked, still, and waiting for the opportunity to kill Sam Worthington.

I mean, uh, take your meds, follow the doctor’s directions, and don’t miss your appointments.

At the moment, I’m back home, waiting for my next appointment (it’s in a few hours);everything’s as close to normal as it can be. I’ve finished up all my administrative health lackey duties, so all bills that can be paid, prescriptions that can be renewed, appointments that can be made, etc. have been scheduled, and I can’t do anything for a few hours. Which is almost a relaxing feeling. I might go sit in the yard with a book and try and get in touch with my inner squid. Sometimes that’s the best you can do.

Folks, I do apologize if that was a bit lengthy and choppy; I had to write it exceedingly fast because I took a day off and there was a lot to attend to while I wrote. So, sorry if it’s a little disjarring; I can do better than that, I just didn’t have the time (and parts of it were written while I was still a little loopy from Captain America serum). The good news - sort of - is that there’s still a lot of things on the cutting-room floor that I’ll be revisiting in short-order. You’d best believe I’m going to revisit that kraken metaphor very soon, I have dark plans for the importance of vomiting on people (sort of), and why we, as a species, might be okay in the end.

#Cancer #brain tumor

[daleisgreat]

Wrestlemania 34

Happy Wrestlemania (WM) week everyone and happy birthday to me, and what better way to celebrate the big day than by doing my annual write up of the prior year’s ‘showcase of the immortals.’ Wrestlemania 34 (WM34) gets the dubious honor of being WWE’s sole 2018 BluRay release in North America due to the declining sales of the home video market. In my entry on last year’s BluRay I chastised it for skipping out on the usually included pre-show matches. For the WM34 BluRay, WWE heard the feedback and included all three pre-show matches……..but decided to cut the usually included Hall of Fame ceremony, and once again save on budget costs and skimp out on subtitles two years in a row! Shame! I would have been furious for WWE cutting out the Hall of Fame ceremony from the BluRay, especially since two of my all-time favorites Mark Henry and Bill Goldberg were inducted last year and both delivered tremendous speeches in addition to the Dudleyz having a surprisingly fun acceptance speech courtesy of D-Von’s late discovery of humor, but last year’s ceremony will be notorious for having the Hillbilly Jim induction. Hillbilly Jim got the HoF spot usually reserved for fun opening act talent to come out and have a few laughs and share a few career highlight moments and be out of there before you know it while getting the crowd started up for the rest of the night, much like an actual opening match. I was originally looking forward to Jim’s speech because I recall him being the only highlight on Legends House with his affable light-hearted levity in that train wreck of a show. Instead, Mr. Jim had the longest speech of the night at nearly 35 minutes where he meticulously laid out his entire career and droned on about his action figure payday.

Because of Jim’s speech I found myself surprisingly gracious WWE excluded it this year, and I can always watch Henry’s and Goldberg’s speeches on the Network or YouTube. WWE had key excerpts from Henry’s speech in an excellent retrospective they recently put on the network you can check out by clicking here, so watch that instead. The DVD version of WM34 includes a code for a digital copy of the HoF ceremony, but since that is absent from the BluRay version being covered here, and for my own sanity, we will be omitting my usual Hall of Fame coverage. There is a good substitute bonus feature for the HoF, but we will get to that in a bit. The trio of kickoff matches for WM34 featured both the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal and first ever Fabulous Moolah Memorial WM Women’s Battle Royal. The men’s match sadly saw Jim Ross’s and Jerry Lawler’s only commentary for the night. It paled to previous year’s editions with only a few notable eliminations like Ryder getting pounced out by Mojo. The end saw Bray Wyatt return after an absence from his ‘Ultimate Deletion’ match with Matt Hardy only to join forces with him here and help him win the Andre cup! The women’s royal featured half the participants padded out with NXT and Performance Center filler. It had an awful clunky beginning that dragged on and the only spot of note from it was the ending that transpired in the middle of Sasha’s and Bayley’s hard-to-watch rivalry where Bayley instantly turned on Sasha and disposed of her. She was then stunned by Naomi’s presence and essentially laid down for her so she could easily eliminate her in a head-shake inducing moment of the night to emerge the winner of the….curvy hip trophy. The women delivered a far superior battle royal effort at the Evolution PPV later in 2018 that told a fantastic story beginning to end so watch that instead. The cruiserweight title match between Cederic Alexander and Mustafa Ali was the sole highlight of the WM Kickoff. Ali debuted his glowy Sub-Zero-esque ring attire here, and the bout told a gripping narrative of the two representing the heart and soul of the 205 division. After some intense near-falls, Alexander walked out victorious after hitting his Lumbar Check finisher.

Onto the main card, it opened with what turned out to be the best pure match of the night with the Intercontinental title triple threat between Miz, Seth Rollins and Finn Balor. I completely forgot about the Miz-tourage until I saw them here. Unlike a lot of other triple threats, there were rarely any lulls here and several near-falls that got the crowd rocking with the highlight being Finn breaking up a pin with his Coup de Gras. Ultimately, Seth won the title after hitting his Stomp for the pin. The SmackDown Women’s Title was on the line next that saw Charlotte Flair end Asuka’s record-setting undefeated streak. I recall being stunned at this outcome as Asuka had a ton of momentum at the time and following a couple equally bummer losses to Carmella on the following PPVs she has never really recovered. She got a paper champion reign recently where she was rarely seen on TV throughout it until she suddenly dropped the title to, surprise, Charlotte. Despite it being a great WM match for the women, I will remember this as being the beginning of the end for Asuka. So in-between WM33 and 34, believe it or not Jinder Mahal got a half year title reign as WWE Champion and WWE will tell you it was not because he got suddenly jacked while they were trying a hard market push into India. Mahal lost the title a few month prior, but he got a nice consolation prize leaving WM34 the new US champion in a Fatal Four Way match between him, Randy Orton, Bobby Roode and Rusev in a solid, but forgettable match-up. Speaking of forgettable multi-person title matches, the SmackDown tag title triple threat between the Usos, New Day and Bludgeon Brothers fit that billing in what was a showcase for the on-the-rise Bludgy Bros. Unfortunately, the Bludgies specialize in plodding, big-man offense that did not capture this WM crowd when they eventually hit their top-rope powerbomb on Kofi to win the titles. The Bludgeon Brothers eventually evolved into a decent team and were starting to have some seriously good matches by Summerslam, but then Luke Harper suffered an ill-timed injury and the team was forced off TV. On a quick aside, I will give my sympathies to the Usos have only wrestled on WM entirely in pre-show matches for nearly a whole decade before finally making their primary WM card debut here to only lose the tag titles in a quick get-it-over with match.

What was not forgettable transpired next to be my overall best match of the night. While the IC title match was the best ‘pure’ wrestling match, the mixed tag between Triple H & Stephanie McMahon against Kurt Angle & Ronda Rousey had the unbeatable combination of great charisma, energy, wrestling, action and moments to produce an enthralling encounter I did not foresee to be anywhere near this entertaining. The huge X Factor going in was how good would Ronda Rousey be in her WWE debut, especially with only several weeks training going in and reports of her training at the WWE Performance Center being curtained off so no one could see or take video. Rousey surpassed all expectations and premiered a WWE star-making effort as soon as she tagged in. Steph was tremendous in playing Ronda’s foil in sneak attacks and begging for mercy. Ronda was exceptional with her ruthless offense on Steph and even a memorable encounter with Triple H. Props to the announcers who accentuated the match with classic calls by Corey Graves like ‘call the cops’ as soon as Ronda was tagged in and on the precipice of unleashing her fury. I vividly recall going nuts along with the crowd throughout this match with all the big moments that played out in a brilliantly booked match-up that saw Rousey & Angle win when Rousey made Steph tap to her armbar. The much anticipated match between John Cena and Undertaker happened next and I am still trying to make sense out of it a year later. This has been a longtime WM dream match, but it featured an awkward TV buildup with Cena repeatedly calling out the Undertaker to answer his challenge on TV for several weeks only to have no response back. Cena then said he would enjoy WM in the crowd with the fans and did just that and partook in some brewskis with the fans for the first five matches before an official informed him that Undertaker was in the building. Cena darted to the back to prep up and came out at this point ready for the ‘Taker, but ‘Taker once again did not show. Eventually acoustic-savant Elias came out and sang a diddy trashing Cena until John heard enough and sent Elias packing. Cena was about to leave the arena until the trademark gong hit and eerie special effects occurred with a nice nod to the end of WM33 which was where we last saw the Dead Man. A perplexed Cena ran to the ring for the now official match…..and was promptly ‘routed’ (as Cole appropriately called) by Undertaker in less than three minutes before succumbing to the Tombstone in a one-sided match that was all Undertaker. I know Cena has been focusing more on Hollywood efforts and Undertaker is especially up there in years and perhaps this quick match was all his cardio was capable of. That was what I thought anyways until Undertaker delivered fleshed out matches later on in the year at both Saudi Arabia shows, so ultimately I have no idea why this match turned out like this. One day I hope we get interviews from both Cena and ‘Taker filling us in on what the hell happed that determined the match play out this way. That said, both individuals are mysteriously absent from the WM35 card, and if ‘Taker winds up not on the show it would be his first time missing WM since 2000. With WM35 already ridiculously overbooked currently at 15 matches, I still would not mind seeing another impromptu chapter play out between these two in someway this Sunday.

Next up was the obligatory roll call for the previous night’s HoF inductees. Mysterious by his absence was celebrity wing inductee Kid Rock (though a couple of his songs were played throughout the night as the official WM34 theme songs). I could not help but chuckle at an off-handed backstage comment by Goldberg earlier in the night from the WWE 24 special on WM34 where Goldberg stated he intentionally showed up a few hours past his expected call time to avoid idle boredom. What was not a chuckling matter was Daniel Bryan overcoming WWE doctors’ three year ban on him from competition to wrestle again in a WWE ring. His long overdue return saw him tagging with Super Shane-O Mac to take on Amazing French Canadians 2.0 Kevin Owens & Sami Zayn. I am still shocked to see Shane McMahon compete here considering within the preceding month he survived a helicopter crash and suffered a hernia he postponed surgery on so he could make his WM and Saudi Arabia paydays. Shane played the partner-in-peril to perfection building up to the white-hot reaction for Bryan returning with fire hitting all his vintage moves, and somehow Shane was able to recuperate and pull off his Coast to Coast too. Eventually Bryan hit his running knee for the feel-good win of the show. WWE tried to build up the RAW Women’s Title match as another feel-good moment of overcoming bullying between Nia Jax and Alexa Bliss. It was difficult to convey this though because until a few weeks before Nia’s whole shtick for her near two years on WWE TV was using her size advantage to bully others, and all of a sudden cameras picking up on Alexa disparaging Nia’s size one time was suppose to get everyone sympathetic for Nia. It did not click and it resulted in a weak reaction for this despite both putting in a considerable effort for a good match that saw Nia win the title with a Samoan Drop from the middle turnbuckle. It did not help matters that within several weeks Nia was back to being a villain again so Rousey could have a metaphorical monster to slay (in all seriousness, Nia legit gels with Rousey and so far this past year I feel Rousey’s best matches have been with Nia) in her quest for gold.

Another disappointing match followed between AJ Styles and Shinsuke Nakamura for the WWE Title. I recall getting burnt out and in desperate need of a break at this point in the night of my original viewing and was hoping it held up better second time around. That was not the case, as the bout had a good initial chapter, but the two rarely got out of second gear until the closing minutes of the contest where things really amped up. It was a little better watching this with a fresh set of eyes, but not much and a far cry from their epic NJPW encounter at the beginning of 2016. Shinsuke’s heel turn though was well executed and fun to relive where he could not handle defeat and therefore delivered his first of many to come low blows to ‘The Phenomenal One.’ Re-watching the following RAW tag titles match next though with a fresh set of eyes was interesting where everyone wondered who the hell Braun Strowman would pick to be his tag team partner against Cesaro and Sheamus. I had no idea either and thought WWE would resort to a retired legend or celebrity and was taken aback when Braun wandered the crowd aimlessly before settling on a ‘fan’ in the form of a middle schooler going by Nicholas who later on was revealed to be the referee of the match’s son. This was the perfect placement for this type of match because I was in serious need of levity and needed something like this to recharge me for the remainder of the night. I got a kick when Braun tagged in Nicholas briefly for an awkward eye contact moment with Cesaro before Braun quickly tagged back in and finished him off with his powerslam to make Nicholas the youngest ever tag team champion....until they had to relinquish them the next night due to Nicholas’s school obligations. Turns out Corey Graves was correct when he had the line of the night upon their victory when exclaiming “Doesn’t he have Algebra and stuff?”

As bizarre and befuddling as the John Cena/Undertaker match was, I was doubly befuddled at the conclusion of the main event Universal title match between Roman Reigns and Brock Lesnar. The crowd was dumping on this match throughout with nasty chants and eventually having more interest in executing the wave. Brock had a prolonged beatdown on Roman which saw a total of 10 overhead/german suplexes and six F5s. It was reminiscent of the Summerslam 2014 throttling of John Cena. I (and the crowd) felt the beatdown on Roman was foreshadowing Roman ‘hulking up’ for the eventual win. Every Roman kickout lead to more and more boos because presumably I/they did not want another rah-rah Roman win to end WM. Roman took some nasty blows from Brock to open him up BAD as he was gushing all over the ring that was the catalyst for his comeback until he was caught with a sixth and decisive F5 from Brock for the abrupt end to the match that I think no one saw coming and I am still scratching my head over. A big part of me was relieved when it happened, but another part was shocked that WWE pulled the trigger on that finish. Even more jaw-dropping to me is when watching the aforementioned WWE 24 special on WM34 that shows after the match Brock emerging backstage and giving the cold shoulder walk past Vince and literally tossing the championship he could not care a single iota about directly onto Vince’s lap and Vince yelling at him ‘YOU ASSHOLE’ to Brock’s back. I know I always heard Brock is only there for his limited days for the big-money contract and keeps to himself, and seeing his genuine not give a damn reaction to Vince and the rest of the staff was a real eye opener. I will still root and cheer for Brock and his unique style he brings to his matches , but damn was this a way to end WM with the rare occasion where a heel left WM champion. I mentioned earlier WWE had a decent alternative to the HoF as extra features on the WM34 BluRay. That came in the form of the entire day-after RAW and a couple key moments from the next SmackDown. The entire RAW was just over two hours since there are no commercials. I am not going to recap the whole thing here, but it was cool reliving it for the raucous WM-weekend crowd and the expected NXT call-ups that debuted that night and looking back on the past year to see how far they have come. This was a nice substitute to the HoF, and as much as I jest about being relieved it was left off this year, I do hope the HoF is included in next year’s BluRay. Overall, I would have to give WrestleMania 34 a thumbs in the middle. Of the 14 matches only four of them are must-see (205 title, IC triple threat, Mixed Tag, RAW Women’s title) and a few matches underperformed/disappointed. Add to the fact the bonkers nature of the Cena/Undertaker and Universal title matches and it tallies up to a WM that can be best to jump around to the key moments of. Past Wrestling Blogs Best of WCW Clash of Champions Best of WCW Monday Nitro Volume 2 Best of WCW Monday Nitro Volume 3 Biggest Knuckleheads Bobby The Brain Heenan Daniel Bryan: Just Say Yes Yes Yes DDP: Positively Living Dusty Rhodes WWE Network Specials ECW Unreleased: Vol 1 ECW Unreleased: Vol 2 ECW Unreleased: Vol 3 Eric Bishoff: Wrestlings Most Controversial Figure Fight Owens Fight: The Kevin Owens Story For All Mankind Goldberg: The Ultimate Collection Impact Wresting Presents: Best of Hulk Hogan Its Good to Be the King: The Jerry Lawler Story The Kliq Rules Ladies and Gentlemen My Name is Paul Heyman Legends of Mid South Wrestling Macho Man: The Randy Savage Story Memphis Heat NXT Greatest Matches Vol 1 OMG Vol 2: Top 50 Incidents in WCW History OMG Vol 3: Top 50 Incidents in ECW History Owen: Hart of Gold RoH Supercard of Honor 2010-Present ScoobyDoo Wrestlemania Mystery Scott Hall: Living on a Razors Edge Sting: Into the Light Straight Outta Dudley-ville: Legacy of the Dudley Boyz Straight to the Top: Money in the Bank Anthology Superstar Collection: Zach Ryder TLC 2017 TNA Lockdown 2005-2016 Top 50 Superstars of All Time Tough Enough: Million Dollar Season True Giants Ultimate Fan Pack: Roman Reigns Ultimate Warrior: Always Believe War Games: WCWs Most Notorious Matches Warrior Week on WWE Network Wrestlemania 3: Championship Edition Wrestlemania 28-Present The Wrestler (2008) Wrestling Road Diaries Too Wrestling Road Diaries Three: Funny Equals Money Wrestlings Greatest Factions WWE Network Original Specials First Half 2015 WWE Network Original Specials Second Half 2015 WWE Network Original Specials First Half 2016 WWE Network Original Specials Second Half 2016 WWE Network Original Specials First Half 2017

#Wrestling #Wrestlemania #wrestlemania 34 #Brock Lesnar #roman reigns #AJ Styles #shinsuke nakamura #braun strowman #charlotte flair #Asuka #alexa bliss #nia jax #mark henry #cederic alexander #mustafa ali #naomi #seth rollins #finn balor #the miz #the usos #new day #bludgeon brothers

[drtanstravels]

As soon as we realised that the Singapore National Day holiday was going to fall on Friday, August 9 and the national holiday for Hari Raya Haji would be on Monday, August 12 this year we figured we had better make the most of a rare four-day weekend. We obviously couldn’t travel too far and one country that we had both heard great things about, but had never visited, and is a reasonable distance away is Taiwan so we decided months ago to go. In the past I had Taiwanese students that used to speak glowingly about their home, but it wasn’t just them being patriotic, they actually made it seem like a pretty cool place. There were just a couple of problems that seem to be a recurrence for us; there was an earthquake in Taiwan the day before we were to leave Singapore and super typhoon Lekima was to make landfall the day we arrived. We clearly made it okay, otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this right now, but how did the trip itself go?

Friday, August 9, 2019 We already knew the earthquake in Taiwan the previous day had killed one person, but now everyone was preparing for the arrival of the super typhoon. Anna had read that a lot of businesses in Taipei had closed up shop in anticipation of this massive storm and we were also concerned that our flights were going to be canceled, but it turned out we didn’t have to worry about that second one. Sure, we were delayed taking off by 30 minutes, however, we still managed to arrive on time, but I have to say, trying to touch down with a 70 kph (43.5 mph) breeze behind you is pretty terrifying and can make you feel rather ill with all of the bumps, dips, and drops. I was gripping the armrests of my seat with my feet more than likely leaving indentations in the floor of the aircraft so I can only begin to imagine how it was for the flight attendants who were strapped in facing the rear of the plane! Don’t believe me? Here’s my mate‘s response to my Facebook post when we were departing for Taiwan that day, followed by our view while landing:

Nice to know he’s got my back

Not far out from the airport

Approaching land

We landed safely and when we got to immigration we were greeted by painfully long lines, but fortunately for us, Anna’s APEC card allowed us to jump the queue and we were now in Taiwan:

Taiwan, officially the Republic of China (ROC), is a state in East Asia. Neighbouring states include the People’s Republic of China (PRC) to the west, Japan to the north-east, and the Philippines to the south. The island of Taiwan has an area of 35,808 square kilometres (13,826 sq mi), with mountain ranges dominating the eastern two thirds and plains in the western third, where its highly urbanised population is concentrated. Taipei is the capital and largest metropolitan area. With 23.7 million inhabitants, Taiwan is among the most densely populated states, and is the most populous state and largest economy that is not a member of the United Nations (UN).

The political status of Taiwan remains uncertain. The ROC is no longer a member of the UN, having been replaced by the PRC in 1971. Taiwan is claimed by the PRC, which refuses diplomatic relations with countries which recognise the ROC. Taiwan maintains official ties with 16 out of 193 UN member states. International organisations in which the PRC participates either refuse to grant membership to Taiwan or allow it to participate only as a non-state actor. Taiwan is a member of the World Trade Organization, Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation and Asian Development Bank under various names. Nearby countries and countries with large economies maintain unofficial ties with Taiwan through representative offices and institutions that function as de facto embassies and consulates. Domestically, the major political division is between parties favouring eventual Chinese unificationand promoting a Chinese identity contrasted with those aspiring to independence and promoting Taiwanese identity, although both sides have moderated their positions to broaden their appeal.

Well, that all makes Taiwan’s status more than a little confusing. Anyway, we got a cab to where we would be spending the following three nights, the Hotel Éclat Taipei in the Da-an district, and as we were checking in we were also immediately greeted by some bizarre art and sculptures. None of this stuff was cheap either, there were even original Salvidor Dalí sculptures in there, but a lot of the pieces did contain at least one dong, all of which was available for purchase. Once we got up to our room we soon realised that pretty much everything was automatic; the toilet lid automatically raised when you entered the bathroom, the lid on the bin would lift when you put your hand near it, but that kind of malfunctioned at one stage and just kept opening and closing continuously for about five minutes. There was also a glass wall separating the bathroom from the rest of the room that went from transparent to opaque at the touch of a button, however, if housekeeping changed it to transparent while you were out and you didn’t notice, you could find yourself taking a dump in full view of your significant other while they were trying to watch television. I’m sure that hotel website link probably shows a lot of the art, but here is a sample, plus a view of our room with a bunch of our crap laying around and the bathroom wall set to opaque:

One of the main sculptures outside our building with sandbags on its many toes so it doesn’t get blown away in the typhoon

Anna and a wolf out the front

This wasn’t the scariest thing we would see in the lobby

Just stuffing dogs down my undies

Hmmm….

Between the elevators

This dog really loves love

And this one loves balloons

Pig-girl hittin’ the town

from a better angle

Looking into our room after we messed it up a bit

Looking away from the bed

It turned out that we had nothing to worry about with businesses being closed, if you looked at the first photo from our hotel, the preferred method of combatting the typhoon was to just make a cross with packaging tape across any large window and to place sandbags on anything that could be blown away. That’s not to say that it wasn’t windy outside, I had to hold my hat in my hand and we still had to lean into it to walk properly.

Taiwan is known for its food and one of the first things Anna wanted to eat that night was hot pot so she asked the receptionist to make a reservation at one of the best hot pot places in town, but it was booked up for the next week. Luckily, they suggested another one nearby and made a booking for us that would be in about another hour or so. Cool, dinner is sorted, let’s go have a look around where we were staying! We had passed a lot of cafes in the taxi on the way to our hotel, but Taiwan is also where bubble tea was created so we opted for that instead, something we would have many more times on this trip, not always by choice, but often because we were thirsty and it was the only option in our immediate vicinity. On this occasion we also saw some people coming out of what looked like an awesome restaurant next to our bubble tea place, might have to check it out at some stage. We had a bit of time to kill before dinner so we Googled some nearby bars and found one called Halfway There, a kind of speakeasy on the second level of a Nintendo-themed cafe with a Gameboy door and Playstation controllers for doorhandles on the inside. Once upstairs we were in a really cool cocktail bar, but it soon became obvious that I was the only guy in the room and two of the three women sitting at the table closest to us were clearly a couple. One might’ve assumed that one had stumbled upon a lesbian bar until Anna pointed out that they were projecting Japanese porn onto the wall behind me. It turned out not to be porn, but an extremely sexually-graphic Japanese Netflix series entitled The Naked Director. If you were too frightened to click that link, it was just for the series’ IMDB page which gives it the following summary:

Follows the story of Toru Muranishi’s unusual and dramatic life filled with big ambitions as well as spectacular setbacks in his attempt to turn Japan’s porn industry on its head

Not really what we expected to see in the very first bar on our first night out in Taipei. The bar itself was great and a theme that we noticed over the course of our stay was that bars in Taipei do fantastic cocktails. They’re not my type of thing, but when Anna would order one I’d have a sip and they were really good, but the beers weren’t anything to turn your nose up at, either. It was now time to drink up and make our way to our restaurant for dinner, but we thought that Google Maps must’ve made an error, something it did continually on this trip and has a constant history of happening most times we are overseas. Why did we think that? Because it was saying that our restaurant was where we had just been earlier, but once we arrived everything worked out alright — We were going to be eating at that one next to the bubble tea place, a hot pot restaurant called Top One Pot. We ordered beef short ribs and something called 1983 pork, as well as a bunch of dumplings and other side-dishes to dip in our two soups, one spicy with congealed duck blood and the other a plain herbal soup, and it was hard to believe that this was the fallback plan for dinner. It was spectacular, but we smelt of hot pot for the rest of the night. Our final stop for the night was another cocktail bar near our hotel called Fourplay, this time doing among others, many drinks with a drug theme. It wasn’t unusual to see people shooting drinks out of syringes into their mouths or snorting crushed garnishes that accompanied their beverage. We even had one where we inhaled tequila through dry ice and then drank it (sans dry ice, of course). A look back at our first night in Taipei:

Where we had to enter to get to Halfway There

One of the few non-graphic scenes being shown behind me

Not a whole lot of dudes in this place

The door handles when exiting

A closeup of the door

A suspended, glass dragon decoration in Top One Hot Pot

Waiting for our soups to boil

The 1983 pork

Our beef

I think that’s everything

Getting ready to eat

With my chunk of duck’s blood

Don’t worry, it was part of his drink at Fourplay

Saturday, August 10, 2019 Before we came to Taiwan all we really knew about the place was that the food was supposed to be great and one of the main landmarks was Taipei 101, located about 2 km (1.25 miles) from our hotel. We had no interest in Taipei 101, but we love eating good food and so far we hadn’t been disappointed so it came as no surprise that Anna had already planned what we were going to eat for pretty much every meal before I had even woken up! Apparently we were having beef noodles for lunch that day, because that’s one of the dishes for which Taiwan is best known. She had even picked a place already, Yong-Kang Beef Noodle, but there was one small factor that we actually were prepared for this time; fortunately, the typhoon had pivoted and was now headed for mainland China, but it was already 38°C (100.4°F) outside and, although it wouldn’t get as humid as Singapore, it wasn’t a particularly dry heat either, however, the restaurant wasn’t far from our hotel. We walked there, stopping off for a coffee at a cafe full of old cameras and telephones along the way, and once we were at the restaurant I knew it would be one of those situations where I might kind of stand out a little — I had to crouch to get through the doorway into the dining room completely packed with locals, causing some of them to laugh and others to pull out their phones and take photos. We were given seats at a table that we had to share with several other people and while most people in Taipei have a decent command of English, this was a very Chinese restaurant and one of the staff had to tell Anna in Mandarin that because my legs made me stick out so far from the table while perched on my little stool, I would need to change seats because I was blocking one of the main thoroughfares, making it next to impossible for the staff and other patrons to make their way around this very crowded restaurant. This meant that someone on the adjacent table had to move in further just so I could try to fit in behind them, but we somehow pulled it off. There was only a limited selection of items on the menu so we ordered what we wanted, ate, paid at the counter, and then left, me still being frequently, but not-so-subtly, photographed the entire process. The Taiwanese beef noodles were definitely worth the humiliation, the beef just melts in your mouth, and as soon as we had finished we kept walking, countering the heat with a giant mango ice dessert with the obligatory bubble tea, despite being rather full after lunch:

Me after being asked to move for everyone else’s convenience

Don’t be fooled, this place was cramped and most people sitting at each table are probably strangers!

Steamed large intestines with rice powder

My large spicy braised beef and tendon noodles

Anna and her regular stewed beef with noodles

Anna posing out the front while others wait for a seat

Now onto dessert

After finishing the dessert it was time to continue our trek through the scorching heat, soon approaching the Chiang Kai-shek Memorial Hall:

The National Chiang Kai-shek Memorial Hall (Chinese: 國立中正紀念堂) is a famous national monument, landmark and tourist attraction erected in memory of Generalissimo Chiang Kai-shek, former President of the Republic of China. It is located in Zhongzheng District, Taipei, Taiwan.

The monument, surrounded by a park, stands at the east end of Memorial Hall Square. It is flanked on the north and south by the National Theater and National Concert Hall.

The Memorial Hall is white with four sides. The roof is blue and octagonal, a shape that picks up thesymbolism of the number eight, a number traditionally associated in Asia with abundance and good fortune. Two sets of white stairs, each with 89 steps to represent Chiang’s age at the time of his death, lead to the main entrance. The ground level of the memorial houses a library and a museum documenting Chiang Kai-shek’s life and career, with exhibits detailing Taiwan’s history and development. The upper level contains the main hall, in which a large statue of Chiang Kai-shek is located, and where a guard mounting ceremony takes place at regular intervals.

The main reason we entered was to walk around the garden in order to get out of the scorching heat, and the gardens were beautiful, as was the view, but it was once we were inside that we found a really cool way of spending the afternoon. There were several art exhibitions happening, one being in the lobby featuring sea creatures such as sharks and rays with scenes painted on them, then there were two possible paid exhibits; one featuring Garfield, the other entitled Reshaped Reality: 50 Years of Hyperrealistic Sculpture:

Hyperrealistic sculptures emulate the forms, contours and textures of the human body or singular body parts and thereby create a convincing visual illusion of human physicality. From the late 1960s on, different sculptors got involved with a mode of realism based on the physically lifelike appearance of the human body. By deploying traditional techniques of modelling, casting, and painting in order to recreate human figures they followed different approaches towards a contemporary form of figural realism.

Based on a selection of around 30 hyperrealistic sculptures by 26 pioneering international artists the exhibition shall display the development of the human figure in hyperrealistic sculpture during the last 50 years. The selection reveals five different key issues in the approach towards the depiction of figural realism in order to emphasize how the way we see our bodies has been subject to constant change.

I was a big Garfield fan as a kid, but not so much now and the images of the sculptures in the Reshaped Reality exhibition looked stunning so we opted for that one. Generally when we go to art exhibitions I don’t take a lot of photos, instead just buying the guide, because you can’t use a flash so the images don’t usually do the pieces justice, and there is generally someone obstructing them, this installation being no different. People were constantly trying to get photos of themselves emulating each piece, but at least people were well-behaved, unlike exhibitions in Singapore, such as when we went to the Salvidor Dalí exhibit and there were children running around, screaming, and climbing the sculptures. I took a bunch of photographs around the gardens and of the temple, as well as of the sea creatures inside and a few in the exhibit just to highlight the detail, but it’s best to click the link to get a true idea of the show. There were incredibly lifelike replicas of an elderly woman holding a child, Andy Warhol’s head, and also some surreal pieces in the exhibition, but here’s what I captured in and around Chiang Kai-shek Memorial Hall:

One of several smaller structures in the grounds

Good advice

A view of Chiang Kai-shek Memorial Hall from a distance

The Gate of Great Piety

Chiang Kai-shek Memorial Hall

Some painted sharks inside

Now a ray

A close up of the detail on the sole of a giant sculpture’s foot

From another angle

Hands are almost impossible to draw realistically, I’d hate to sculpt one!

Anna with the piece who’s hand appeared in the previous image

This one was warped unless you viewed it from the perfect angle (No, not me, the sculpture)

From another angle

This decapitated body had a warning before viewing it in a private room

Back in the gardens

Identical dragon heads jut out of the wall every few metres

Looking at the underside of a temple roof

Another temple

Despite the heat we certainly did our fair share of walking that day and even after the Chiang Kai-shek Memorial Hall, we weren’t even close to done, not by a long shot. We were now going to make our way down to a youth district called Ximending:

Ximending has been called the “Harajuku of Taipei” and the “Shibuya of Taipei”. Ximending is the source of Taiwan’s fashion, subculture, and Japanese culture. Ximending has a host of clubs and pubs in the surrounding area. This area is in the northeastern part of Wanhua District in Taipei and it is also the most important consumer district in the Western District of Taipei. The well-known Ximending Pedestrian Area was the first pedestrian area built in Taipei and is the largest in Taiwan.

Oh, and there’s this creepy tidbit as well:

Due to the density of young people, Ximending is comparable to Shilin Night Market and the Eastern District to be areas with the highest crime rates. In addition, Ximending is well known for student prostitution.

Luckily we only went during the day! Actually, the place seemed fairly tame and, yes, I’m aware we were probably the two oldest people in the entire district, but there wasn’t a whole lot there for us when it came to shopping — There were a ton of sporting goods and shoe stores, but nothing fit me, and there were record stores too, however, I clearly wasn’t their key demographic. As for Anna, when it came to clothing, there wasn’t a whole lot there for her either; everything had either ridiculous, cutesy animated characters on it or was beige with lace, frills, and floral trim, something my grandmother would wear. Like the rest of Taipei, there were also stalls packed with vending machines not particularly aimed at children that dispensed miniature collectibles and claw machines that allowed people to try and grab whatever fad was popular that week, but we weren’t there for the shopping, we wanted to visit a bizarre, toilet-themed restaurant called Modern Toilet. In this notorious restaurant we sat on toilet bowls and ate from a glass-topped table with a turd in a bowl beneath it. Most of the dishes were served in toilets too so if you ordered a curry, it would come in a giant toilet bowl. We weren’t that hungry and had only come for the novelty, but needed to order at least one item each so we got some mozzarella sticks and popcorn chicken from our toilet seat-shaped menus, both of which were served in ceramic squat-toilets. Anna also ordered an iced tea that arrived in a urinal and my beer came in a hospital urine container, which they let me keep. Definitely one of the stranger places I have eaten:

We don’t really fit in in Ximending

Here’s our place above one of thousands of claw machine parlours

Anna in the foyer

At least they’re honest

I love the decor

Some of the drink options

Too full for a combo

Our order

Our food just arrived

An adjacent table

Our mozzarella sticks and popcorn chicken

Anna’s tea

My urine beer

The wall next to the toilets

Surprisingly, eating in a toilet restaurant was only the beginning of what would turn into an extremely strange evening.

We were a bit tired and sweaty after walking around in the heat all day so we made our way back to the hotel to shower and kick back for a while before going out for dinner. One thing we love to do when we’re relaxing and killing time is to watch terrible movies, it can be more fun than seeing a good one! The TV in our room had movies on demand so we chose Skyscraper and it is safe to say that it is shit! I never liked The Rock as a wrestler, but Dwayne Johnson has become the Adam Sandler of action films, he will never say no to a script, thus he has become the highest paid actor in Hollywood as a result of churning out around four rather ordinary films per year. My favourite terrible scene happened at the beginning, but some context is needed — Dwayne Johnson plays Will Sawyer, a security expert and war veteran. The movie begins with a flashback of him as a hostage negotiator in a situation that goes awry, resulting in Sawyer losing a leg. The film then skips forward 10 years to his current day life where he’s getting ready for a big meeting and sitting on the bed, putting on his prosthetic leg, and looking a little preoccupied, when his wife walks in. I’m paraphrasing the dialogue here, but you’ll get the gist:

Will’s Wife: “What’s on your mind?” Will Sawyer: “Oh nothing, just leg stuff.”

Will lost his leg a decade ago, surely he would’ve adjusted by now! This had both of us in hysterics and gave us a new line for when one of us catches the other zoned out or deep in thought; for example, my appendix burst when I was 17 years old. If Anna asks me what I’m thinking about I can simply reply, “Oh nothing, just appendix stuff,” because it’s only been 23 years since I first lost it. We’ve both racked up enough conditions and ailments over the years to give a variety of answers, too. We couldn’t spend all night watching Skyscraper though, we had other plans for the night — We were going to hit up a nearby street market for dinner. Once we were there the place was crowded and it was pretty slow going as we shuffled with the crowd, looking at every stall and snacking on Taiwanese sausages and dumplings along the way. Despite the amount of walking I had done that day, I wasn’t all that hungry after beef noodles and toilet chicken so I grabbed a table in a side street and let Anna order from a stall where the owner only spoke Mandarin. Anna has a knack for over-ordering and she told me that she was under pressure because there was a queue behind her and the woman working in the stall kept telling her to hurry. I’m still not sure that’s a valid excuse for coming back with eight plates of food for us to share. To be honest, she chose well, but obviously we couldn’t finish all of it.

It was now about 8:30pm and Anna had come to the conclusion that all of the day’s walking had warranted a foot massage. I can’t stand people touching me so this just meant sitting in a bar and having a drink or two while waiting for her. I wandered around the nearby streets, but couldn’t find anything so I looked up what pubs were in the area and there was one that was about five minutes away called Carnegie’s, described on Google Maps as being a “Great bar with high ceilings and music posters and decor… Large screens on the walls, great for watching games.” Sounds like my type of place so I made my way down there. Since we had been in Taipei, Anna and myself had both remarked about how few white people there were around and as soon as I opened the door I discovered that they were all at Carnegie’s, something I probably would’ve known in advance if I had looked at their Facebook page first. I pulled up a seat and ordered a beer, texting Anna where I was and scanning the room in the process; it just seemed like a simple bar and restaurant showing sports on the TVs and the walls were lined with music posters, some of bands I like. Good choice. Anna was taking a little longer than expected, but this part of Taipei seemed to be safe so I wasn’t worried, I just kept ordering beers while waiting for her, the room becoming a bit dimmer in the process. Eventually my phone rang and it was Anna wondering if she had the correct pub, as the place she was at had a cover charge. I was seated near the door so I stuck my head around and she indeed had the correct place, it had just transformed in the 90 minutes since I first entered. She paid the charge, which allowed her a free drink, and took the seat next to me, commenting that this wasn’t the type of bar she imagined me going to. I tried to explain that it was different when I first arrived, but she was fine with sticking around, and that decision led to an entertaining night.

After about an hour some bar dancers came out and you know the years are passing when, instead of checking out the scantily clad women, you find yourself questioning the structural integrity of the bar upon which they are dancing, wondering if the poorly installed rails could support them when the dancers were using them for ballast. When we were looking at the girls and not the bar, we spent most of our time trying to guess exactly what the tattoo was on the back of the one nearest us. Anna thought it was a giraffe, but I can’t see many girls getting a lifelike giraffe tattooed up their side, I’m still convinced it was some sort of bird. A bit later a short, extremely drunk local called Jack came staggering up to us, introduced himself, and tried hitting on Anna after I started talking to her again. “Anna is my fiancé,” he said, assuming that the two of us had only just met and attempting to put an arm around her, which she brushed off. I just laughed and replied, “That’s funny, she’s my wife.” He laughed and then insisted on doing the equivalent of love-shots, but with our beers. His was half-finished and I had just ordered a pint of Guinness, but I went along with it, taking a sip and then attempting to remove my arm, but he stopped me. Jack wanted to have a chugging contest so that’s what I did, him not factoring my size. “He is unbeatable, this man is unbeatable!” Jack lamented and then attempted several times to give me a chest bump, which didn’t go to well considering he was barely up to my shoulders. He actually needed a run-up and then just ended up bouncing back a couple of feet. Jack walked off and not long later we saw him attempt to hit on some other women, one of whom almost came to blows with him after she shoved him away and he laughed it off.

The place was starting to really fill up now. A girl just randomly got up on the bar and started twerking and a bunch of not-so-classy girls with bad plastic surgery pulled up seats behind us, one with absurdly large implants and the most unnatural looking nose-job I think I’ve ever seen and I used to live in South Korea! Seriously, this thing was perfectly triangular. But it was the local guy who was my age dancing alone to every song like he was in a late-90s R’n’B video that was kind of sad. People were telling us in awe that he was there every night and has been dancing like that for almost 20 years. To us he just looked lonely, that was, of course until the twerking girl dragged him up onto the bar and started dancing with him:

If you watched that video closely, you’d probably now understand why we were worried if those rails would hold up. After the dancing, the highlight of our night was just about to happen; there was a drunk guy there who wanted to show off how rich he was by throwing a bunch of cash up into the air and, admittedly, the girls went crazy for it and I picked one of the notes up off the ground because it was there — It turned out he was throwing up NT$100.00 notes, currently the equivalent of roughly US$3.20 or AU$4.70. Yup, what I had picked up wasn’t even worth five bucks. What made it even more amusing was when the man we had now dubbed “Scores of Fours” wanted to repeat the act for more attention, but realised he had no cash left, thus needing to go out to an ATM and returning with substantially less NT$100.00 bills to throw again. Anna and myself were crying we were laughing that hard so I walked over to get a photo near him, me holding up my four-dollar bill, but then I figured I wouldn’t have this opportunity again so I tapped him on the shoulder and asked for a photo. He just put his arms around me protectively like I was his property and drunkenly closed his eyes. Damn, he was sweaty, but Anna snapped a brilliant photo that continues to make us laugh to this day. Oh, and I still have the NT$100.00 note, I might have to frame it. It was getting late so we got the bill and as we were about to pay, Jack returned. It was quite loud and hard to make out what he was saying at first so he repeated it. “Do you mind if I kiss my sister?” he yelled. Such an odd question so I confirmed that I heard correctly. “Did you just ask if I mind if you kiss your sister?” I asked and he nodded enthusiastically, all the while Anna had a startled look on her face and was shaking her head vigorously. It took a while to put two and two together, but soon I realised he was asking if he could make out with Anna! I’m not an aggressive person, but needless to say my retort scared the shit out of him and he just slinked away to the other side of the room, looking dejected. We got in a taxi back to our hotel and cracked up as we recalled what a funny night it had been. Witness some of the madness for yourself:

About to enter the market

It seems like other people had the same idea

Anna with one of the really good dumplings we had

A reasonable amount of food for two people who weren’t hungry (I had already eaten one of the dishes when I took the picture)

She ordered from the stall on the right

Carnegie’s after it turned a little seedy.

Just like the photos in front of the porn in the bar the previous night

Love chugs with Jack. I’m sitting, he’s standing

Jack recovering from his second attempt at a chest bump. Anna wasn’t able to catch one of him in the air

The twerking girl was actually a decent dancer

Pretending to take a photo of Anna so I could get one of Tits McGee and her buddies

This guy was just depressing

That nose!

My initial photo with Scores of Fours

I kind of smelt like him after this

“F___ off, he’s mine!”

Sunday, August 11, 2019 We woke up and instantly began laughing at how ludicrous the previous night had been and then Anna asked, “Could we have more bubble tea?” to which I replied, “Sure, why not?” This made her laugh even more as her lack of sarcastic tone caused me to fail to realise that this was a rhetorical question in reference to the sheer amount of bubble tea we had drunk up until that point, averaging about two per day. Most of the day just consisted of walking around a different area, this time the Zhongzheng District. Anna had decided that she wanted to go to a goose restaurant that wasn’t really walking distance so we decided to catch the MRT there. I got those familiar smirks and was the subject of subtly taken photos once again when I boarded the train and could barely fit under the ceiling. Once out we went to the restaurant and it didn’t take long to dawn on me that Anna must never have seen a live goose before when she over-ordered once again. Half a goose, plus side dishes is a bit much for two people who usually barely even eat lunch, but she justified it by saying that we usually order half a chicken when we eat one, although this wasn’t quite the same thing:

We had already started when I took this photo

Seriously, that’s a lot of goose!

Once we had eaten what we could we had a look around a shopping mall that I wanted to visit and then went to an artist’s area nearby that had some interesting stuff, but nothing that really appealed to us. Anna likes to buy a ring in every country she visits, but had a similar problem to when she was looking at clothing the day before, in this case everything was either made of jade or just trying to be cute.

It was another extremely hot day so we repeated our routine by going home, showering, and watching what remained of Skyscraper before taking a taxi to where we would be eating dinner that night, despite still being a little goosed out; Addiction Aquatic Development, an enormous seafood market, supermarket, restaurant, and bar all in one building. There are ten separate areas to Addiction Aquatic Development, here’s how they are listed on the website:

Live Aquamarine Products

Instantly Consumed Delicacy

Seafood Bar

Enjoying The Hot Pot

Charcoal Grilled Seafood Barbecue

Fresh Food Supermarket

Cooked Food

An Elegant Lifestyle

Fruit Selections

The Flowers

Obviously there may be a few things lost in translation there, but it was easy to find your way around, first checking out he insane variety of enormous crabs and other shellfish in section one. The next stop was area three, where we opted for a small dinner, sharing the ‘Deluxe Seafood Plate,’ which came with 2-for-1 pints, and then headed around to area eight for a few pieces of sushi before hitting up a couple of bars, including a microbrewery with over 20 beers on tap near our hotel for our last night in town. In the 22 years since I graduated high school, it would appear that I have forgotten even the most basic biology lessons; the toilets were marked ‘XY’ and ‘XX,’ an obvious reference to male and female chromosomes, so of course I couldn’t remember which was which and went in the wrong bathroom the first time. Unfortunately we had only arrived at the microbrewery about 45 minutes before it closed, but we still managed to get a few in before moving onto the next place. How our last night in Taipei looked:

The entrance to the Taipei Fish Market

And now where we’d be having dinner

Not a bad first impression

These crabs weren’t camera-shy

They also had bodies bigger than my fist!

People looking around the market

Just some of the options available

Part of the supermarket area

Now on to the dining part

It’s actually quite easy to navigate

This is where we’d end up eating

Assembling dishes

We both love sea urchin so why not?

This was a possibility…

…but we’d ultimately opt for this

Our green sea urchin has arrived

Even the side-salad was great

Dinner is served

The snail shell on our plate was enormous

Now onto the sushi section

Some of the options at the microbrewery

The second bar we went to

Anna insisted I get a photo of myself with Prince

Monday, August 12, 2019 We had to check out by midday, but didn’t need to leave for the airport until 3:30pm so Anna wanted to walk into town to go to Din Tai Fung for dumplings. The restaurant was in a mall so we had a quick look around in the hope of beating the lunch crowd and it was about 2:00pm when we decided to eat, plenty of time for lunch unless, of course, there is still a one-hour wait for a table, as was the case here. There is Din Tai Fung in Singapore and, although it may not be as good as in Taiwan, we went to another dumpling restaurant in the mall instead, Dian Shui Lou, and it didn’t seem like we were missing out on anything, plus there were plenty of tables. We had left ourselves sufficient time to walk back to the hotel, pick up our luggage, and get a taxi to the airport, but we had also once again left ourselves at the mercy of Google Maps. For close to an hour the app had us walking in the wrong direction, mysteriously floating through buildings on the map, and just randomly changing locations and directions, until we spotted some familiar landmarks and were able to find our way. We had decided to play The Amazing Race once again, leaving the hotel just after the time we wanted to be at the actual airport, getting stuck in a traffic jam, and running up to our check-in counter minutes before it closed, but we made it home to Singapore just fine in the end.

It has been almost 12 years since I first moved to Singapore, and even if you exclude the 16 months we spent in overseas a few years ago, I have still lived in a predominantly Chinese country for more than a decade. However, there were still a few surprises when it came to exploring another small island-state, this time still technically the property of China:

In some ways, Taipei appeared less traditional than Singapore, although it’s probably not the case in more rural areas. However, a perfect example of this is the fact that we arrived in Taiwan during Hungry Ghost Festival:

In Chinese culture, the fifteenth day of the seventh month in the lunar calendar is called Ghost Day and the seventh month in general is regarded as the Ghost Month (鬼月), in which ghosts and spirits, including those of deceased ancestors, come out from the lower realm.

On the fifteenth day the realms of Heaven and Hell and the realm of the living are open and both Taoists and Buddhists would perform rituals to transmute and absolve the sufferings of the deceased. Intrinsic to the Ghost Month is veneration of the dead, where traditionally the filial piety of descendants extends to their ancestors even after their deaths. Activities during the month would include preparing ritualistic food offerings, burning incense, and burning joss paper, a papier-mâché form of material items such as clothes, gold and other fine goods for the visiting spirits of the ancestors. Elaborate meals (often vegetarian meals) would be served with empty seats for each of the deceased in the family treating the deceased as if they are still living.

While in Taipei we saw very few food offerings left out and only a handful of fires, meaning you wouldn’t even be aware it was Ghost Month if you didn’t already know. In our Singaporean neighbourhood of Tiong Bahru on the other hand, there is food left outside commercial and residential buildings everywhere, causing a steep increase in the amount of rats, cockroaches, and pigeons around the place. Add to this the constant fires both on the ground and in giant drums and cages; even if you keep your doors and windows closed, it still gets in somehow and your house will smell of ash and it’s far worse venturing outside. This picture I took the day after we got back (above, right) shows just a small portion of a Ghost Month ritual outside Tiong Bahru Market, just behind our apartment, with massive food offerings inside. The photo doesn’t even include the 3×3 metre (10’x10′) cage used for fires next to it!

People are exceptionally friendly in Taipei and most are relatively bilingual, having a really good command of English, although there were a few times Anna had to speak Mandarin.

Most bars make really good cocktails.

People are quite liberal and really lowbrow humour is rampant in Taipei, aimed at both adults and children. If it contains toilets, asses, genitals, and just bodily functions in general, people here will love it. Besides the sculptures in our hotel and the scatological glory of dining at Modern Toilet, here is just a sampling of what we ran into over the course of a couple of days:

If you look closely, there are several stickers of dogs humping stuff

McCauley hawking one up

From a vending machine

An interesting after-school hobby

The Trump poop-tweeting toilet timer

Nothing to see here, just a cake

Beats Mr. Men books

A family of ass-heads

How is he drinking that coffee? A sippy cup would be a better option

That is the question

I’m glad I didn’t get into any trouble with the cops.

If you have made it this far, congratulations on completing another essay of epic proportions, but we packed a lot in and had some interesting experiences on an awesome long weekend in Taiwan.

What better way to celebrate Singapore National Day than by going to Taiwan? As soon as we realised that the Singapore National Day holiday was going to fall on Friday, August 9 and the national holiday for…

#bars and pubs #Chiang Kai-shek Memorial Hall #food #Ghost month #market #sculpture #Seafood #Taipei #toilet restaurant #Typhoon

[amorrain1990-blog]

Tips to dating in 2017

I know what your thinking, "Who needs dating tips?" If your in a relationship OBVIOUSLY this isnt for you. I write this for the single people, not just females, but anyone who is freshly out of a relationship, those who are just tired of the same old experiences and looking for something real, or those who have no idea where to start in this new age era of dating online. Mainly I want to share my experiences with the world. If my words can help anyone, even just a little bit, or make someone laugh and forget about the terrible day they had, then one of my life goals will be accomplished. if your still reading this you must be seriously bored.. Just kidding and honestly thank you to those that decided that this was worth the time. So for a little background on me and why I decided to spend my valuable (not) time putting this together. I am a serial dater. Yes I admit it. Phew, first step to quiting your problem.... Anyways, ever since I started dating at 14 years of age, (if you can call it that when your that young) I never went more than a few months without a boyfriend. At 16 I met who I thought was the man I would someday marry. 6 years later, I woke up and realized that I wasted most my young adult life being a housewife without the big shiny ring and the bragging rights. Well I lasted about 4 days before I was back on the saddle and thinking I was in love again. I of course wasnt. After that ended, I entered another long term relationship. 4 years and a hell of a lot of tears later, I ended it and here I am now. Sitting here pouring my thoughts into Tumblr, knowing full well that no one will ever read this. But im doing this not just for others. Im mainly doing it for me. I made a New Years resolution to stay single all year. Theres been a few hiccups over the first month of the year, but so far still single. Its important to prove to myself that I do not need to be tied down, that I can be my own person and do things without a MAN. ( For clarification, I am in no way shape or form a feminist) Every woman should be comfortable with who they are, and shouldnt have to rely constantly on the male species. Dont get me wrong, I love guys! Who doesnt? Their manly smell, their muscles and of course the all important Penis. Although I enjoy the company and presence of a man, I also want to get down to the real nitty gritty, the foundation that is me. I need answers to important questions like : Who am I? What can I accomplish on my own? And most importantly, What talents do I have to share that will leave my own personal mark on humanity? No answers yet, but eh, its only been a month. Now to get down to the good stuff: Online dating. Ive dabbled for a few years with it. I learned a lot, and not always the easy way. Nonetheless, I would like to leave some imparting (and possibly humorous) words of wisdom. Over the time ive spent online, browsing through guys like a damn Ikea catalouge, I have come to the realization that NO ONE IS EVER AS THEY SEEM. No, dont argue. I do not care if youve added them on facebook and stalked them on Snapchat. CAMERAS CAN LIE. I dont care if he looks like Channing Tatum and Mark Wahlberg had a wacky (albeit ingenious) science experiment and they had a devestatingly handsome baby. Keep in mind filters and angles can make just about anyone look good. That goes for both men and women. Yes ladies im talking about you. If you arent comfortable enough with yourself to let a stranger see the real you, then how do you expect to truly find someone who loves you for you? I am not completely heartless, nor am I a virgin to using a snapchat filter a time or two (or five) but there are ways to keep it real and get away with it. You may be wondering why I brought this up? Heres why: I have had more than once, met some one online, thought they were handsome in their photos,(Yes photos can be altered, but I always look at all photos. They may not show the real guy behind the profile, but there is always a lot you can infer from their pictures. but i will touch bac on that at another time.) Back to my story, I usually am very good at picking out the phonies from the real. Like I said earlier, ive got some experience in this area. So the other day im bored talking to people online and this one guy hits me up wanting to hang out. He was super sweet and his pics werent too bad so I decided to roll with it and take him up on his offer. We talked for a week and to me thats better than most guys who just send a HEY and then ask for nudes. He came to pick me up and when i met him in person I was a little bit dissapointed that his pictures online didnt seem to really look like him too much. But im not shallow so I decided to give him a chance. He was a sweetheart and absolute gentleman, but i just wasnt attracted to him. If theres no chemistry, theres no chemistry. Plain and simple. Cant force it. Anyways, two hours later he dropped me off at home (we just sat and talked the whole time.) Overall i enjoyed the experience but in the back of my mind I knew he wasnt what i was looking for. Not that i know what that is, but maybe someday ill find that story book romance. The kind that takes your breath away and covers your skin with goosepimples. (meh, a girl can dream right?) The sad part is that i considered myself almost a pro at weeding out the guys who i know are a waste of time and those who arent. I had kissed more than my fair share of toads. Like the first time i tried online dating... (Hilarious flashback) I had just started out on this dating app, after getting my heart handed to me extra well done, and i obviously had no clue what i was doing. this kid(i think he lied about his age cause i thought he was 21 or 22, but in person he looked 12) starts chatting with me. We find out that we both liked to smoke and he seemed cool. He wanted to meet and i was lonely and depressed enough that i agreed to let him come over. His profile pics made him look like a redheaded justin beiber and i thought to myself, now brittany, youve never ever had good luck with redheads. But i chose to ignore that side of the brain. He called me unable to find the address so i met him outside. He got out of his car and lets just say, Justin Beiber? not even close. The kid knew that if he did his hair just like beibers in his photos, hed get more girls. But what he didnt realize is that if your going to use that to your advantage, maybe take the time to do it outside of just for your profile pictures. So, he asks what i would like to do, and i can already tell im not going to like this kid. Mainly because he was very indecisive, and i had to eventually tell him what we were going to do because i got tired of getting in and out of his car. So we decide to chill and smoke. My close friends know i can be a bit of a snob when it comes to marijuana. But i was born and raised in california. When your used to the best, other stuff is almost unsmokable. The entire reason i agreed to meet him may have been selfish on my part, he did say he would bring some and i hate smoking alone, so i guess i deserved what happened next. He pulls out his bag and then apologizes because he only brought a nug with him. But after i smelled it and looked at it i told him to forget it and we would smoke what i had. I could tell he was a little immature just from him trying to converse with me. It was obvious he thought this would be a hookup. He was like a teenager on prom night, bouncing around, nervous and looking for an excuse just to touch me. Of course he would be leaving disappointed. Not only was he starting to annoy me, but he brought crappy ass weed to my apartment. If you are a stoner, then you know how insulting that is. Somehow, amid his incessant chatter, a spider had made it to his face and was hanging off his nose. I couldnt stop staring at it! I wondered while he continued to talk, if he felt it at all. I was so fascinated by it i think he finally noticed and tried to slyly wipe at his nose. It took him three tries before he managed to rid himself of the arachnid. And cruelly i had wished it would bite him just so he would leave. As if my lack of effort in his one sided conversation wasnt enough of a clue that i wasnt interested, he then proceeded to sit next to me. He complimented me and then asked if he could kiss me. I didnt even reply before he leaned in and tried to toungue my closed mouth. I couldnt help it, I laughed. It was like kissing a relative. Not in an incestuous way, but in a awkward and not enjoyable in ANY way. I could tell i hurt his feelings when i pushed him away (the laughing part didnt help either) but at that point i was ready to enjoy the rest of the night with my favorite person: me. Luckily he finally got the hint and announced he was leaving because i obviously wasnt into him or having a good time... I was a little taken aback. I didnt think he could tell that i was getting fed up. I felt bad and lied to him, claiming exhaustion was the reason. Well it didnt work so he finally said he was just going to leave. I was too relieved to care. Needless to say i never talked to him again. Not that he didnt try! You would think a guy would take a hint and find someone who actually liked him. But thats what the block button is for, haha. (yes i know im heartless) And that leads us back to rule #1: Dont always expect to see the guy in the profile picture. 9 times out of 10 they took the pic when they were in highschool 5 years ago, or they angle it just right that you cant tell if theyre obese or not (again, not shallow, ive dated guys of all sizes) Or they just dont know how to take pics at all and look terrible in all of them. OR my personal fav, the guess who. (its where most of their pics are of them with other guy friends, most the time hotter friends, so you spend all this time trying to figure out which one is the actual sn: bicycleman007 or some lame shit. Only to spend the next 10 mins scrolling until i finally find an alone shot only to reveal that he wasnt the one on the left that i thought was hot. (ok this thing is getting longer than i thought. Time to wrap it up lol) One last thing that I think is just as important if not more so than rule number one: Rule #2: TRUST YOUR GUT. No exceptions, no excuses. JUST DO IT. 10 times out of 10 my gut has been right. That May be just a tad bit of an exaggeration, but seriously you will not feel guilt or regret when you follow your gut. Everytime i have followed it, I jump up in the air and do a dance because i was right and i did the right thing and felt so amazing afterward. The unfortunate times i failed to listen to that tiny inner voice, ive wanted to kick myself right in the tit. with boots on. But oh well, you live and learn and grow from it. Or vent on a blog with my absurdly long post. (just for those certain opinionated people, im not always right, everyone experiences things differently and in their own way.. this is just my experience. take it or leave it but dont be a douche about it. lol) Well thats it for now, but i will be putting more of my crazy experiences and tips for dating later. -b