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hotchley · 3 years

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hotchner’s hoodie

What’s up, I’m Sumayyah, I’ve been on CM tumblr for just over a year and I never cross-posted my first four fics until now, which is only because I changed my url, and now my laptop is going to die in 11 minutes so..

This is for @themetaphorgirl‘s PSOLC verse. You should read it. This is no longer compliant with that canon, but you know what, it is fine! I am literally doing this for the sake for a masterlist <3

Trigger Warnings: child abuse

read on ao3!

Aaron Hotchner was completely fine. He was not freaking out, he was not stressed and he most certainly was not about to burst into tears. He was a cool, calm and collected seventeen year old that was responsible, wise beyond his years and more mature than Alex Miller and James Blake put together.

Okay maybe he wasn’t the last one, but he was still a responsible teenager. He was not a child. He would not start crying over stupid, insignificant events.

But he could not find his hoodie. On any other day, not knowing the location of his hoodie would be greeted with a shrug, and the general acceptance that it would turn up somewhere. One of the younger kids- most likely Spencer- would have taken it because they were cold and had forgotten to put in the laundry. And that was fine. It had been fine since he’d met them and realised they needed at least one responsible person in their lives, if only to keep them alive.

But this wasn’t any other day, and as childish as it made him feel, he just really wanted to feel the soft and warm material of the hoodie against his bare arms. He wanted the familiar smell of the floral laundry detergent Lincoln House had ended up with when Penelope had worn the hoodie as soon as it came out of the wash and declared that they needed a new one. He wanted the one small piece of home that had not been tainted by memories of pain, tears and fear to remind himself why he went back there.

He would never tell the others, but the hoodie hadn’t been his choice. It had been Sean’s. They had gone together with his mother’s credit card- his father would never let him near his money- to buy him some extra clothes before he left for school. He’d spent the entire time worrying about what they would come home to and had been too stressed on making sure Sean was never out of his sight to properly look at what he was buying, just putting things that weren’t tacky or expensive in the basket and hoping for the best.

But then Sean had rubbed the front of the hoodie he was still searching for- he had could have sworn he left it in the bed drawer- and started laughing. Told him that it was so soft and nice and cuddly and warm that he had to buy it. And when he had hesitated, not sure whether buying something like that would land him in trouble, Sean had gasped. Said it was blue, just like his eyes and because he wouldn’t take a teddy to remind him of home, this could be the same thing.

He’d been unable to say no, so he’d gotten it, hidden it amongst the various textbooks and notebooks, and never taken it home. His father still didn’t know about the little indulgence. His mother did. She’d been so worried about him, but he’d been determined to take one good thing to the school with him.

So yes, he had never told anyone else why he was so attached to an old hoodie, but it was because he didn’t want them to know the truth. He didn’t want them to ask why he’d never said anything to the school, why he’d never trusted them enough to tell them, or the question that kept him laying awake at night: why had he left his mom and little brother in that house with that man?

His hands were starting to shake as he reached the bottom of the drawer with no sign of the hoodie and he reminded himself to breathe. It was just a hoodie, it wasn’t anything special. And if his father could see him…

He didn’t want to think about that. Not when he had just been home for the weekend because his mother had told him about how Sean had been so brave when he had been getting his vaccines because he wanted to be like his big brother superhero and not ask for help. Most people would’ve found it endearing.

Hotch found it sickening. He’d never wanted Sean to be like him: a seventeen-year-old too afraid of rejection to ask for anything.

He pushed the thoughts of his father from his mind. He couldn’t find his hoodie anywhere in his room, which meant one of the kids had to have it. Lessons were finished, the library was closed, but there was still a decent amount of time before dinner, which meant that they would probably all be in the Lincoln House common room.

Taking a deep breath, he pushed the door open and went down. He could hear them all laughing about something from the hallway and smiled. They were an odd group, and he wasn’t entirely sure if he would be there had he not been the RA for his floor, but he loved them. And he never wanted to stop hearing that laughter.

Which was why it made sense that it stopped as soon as he walked in. Everyone was sat in their usual seat: Alex and James were snuggled up on one of the sofas with Spencer in her lap, Emily was laying next to them, doing something on her phone. JJ and Penelope were sat on the floor, Derek crouching behind them and Dave was watching them all fondly from the armchair.

“Hey guys,” he said, even though they were all aware of his presence. “I was just wondering if anyone had seen my hoodie.”

They all looked at each other, the younger kids sheepish, the older ones smirking. He fought back the urge to let the tears spill and swallowed the lump in his throat. He was meant to be the responsible one.

“Look if one of you kids was wearing it and got jelly or mud or whatever it was on there I won’t be mad just tell me so I can put it in the wash,” he said, trying to keep his tone as gentle as possible so he didn’t scare the younger kids.

Derek snickered.

He sighed. “If it was used to put out a kitchen fire, I will also not be mad.”

Emily looked like she was two seconds away from dying of repressed laughter.

“And if you put Spencer in it and then dragged him round because he didn’t want to move and then somehow got water all over it, I won’t shout.”

JJ and Penelope gave each other identical smiles.

“If you decorated it with football and unicorn stickers because you thought it needed a bit of brightening up, that is fine but can you please, please just tell me where it is?” he repeated, his tone turning pleading at the end.

Both Alex and James gave him a concerned look, probably wondering why he was getting so worked up, but neither said anything as he schooled his features back into neutrality.

“Oh go on, put him out of his misery,” Dave said.

Hotch breathed a sigh of relief. He would get his hoodie back and everything would be fine. He would be fine.

“Hey Aaron. You left it at Roosevelt when you came to practice and then I forgot to give it back earlier. I promise I kept it safe, I know how much it means to all of you over here,” a very beautiful female voice said.

Hotch felt his heart stop and he squeezed his eyes shut. No. This was not happening to him. Haley Brooks was not sat there, laughing with his friends when he wasn’t there. She had not heard him go over all the various trials and tribulations his hoodie had suffered through. She had not just told everyone that when he had said he needed to speak to Gideon, he’d been lying because he’d gone to meet her and practice so he didn’t look like an idiot. And she most definitely was not stood in front of him, wearing it.

“Aaron?”

“I- yes. Erm, thank you. That was- that’s- it’s really, really nice on you,” he stuttered, already aware that his cheeks were completely red.

“On you?” she repeated with that angelic smile.

Oh god, had he really said that?

“Of you. It’s really nice of you to bring it over here. And you, umm, you look really pretty wearing it. Not that you don’t look pretty when you don’t wear it, you do, and I never say anything but-“

She rubbed his arm. His bare arm. “It’s fine, Aaron. I know what you meant. And it wasn’t that much effort to walk over here. Besides, I got to see Penelope and meet the rest of your family. They’re all amazing by the way.”

He stopped staring at her eyes and started staring at his arm, willing the goose bumps to go down. “Well thank you anyways. And they are, aren’t they?”

He could’ve punched the air. He got a whole sentence out without stuttering once.

“So you seemed pretty desperate to get it back,” she said, starting to take it off. The t-shirt she wore underneath had some musical reference on it, he didn’t know what one but he swallowed as he tried to keep his eyes on her face, not any lower. “Any particular reason?”

“No, no reason. I just-“ he was just what? There was nothing he could say without sounding pathetic. “It’s nothing. In fact if you’re cold why don’t you keep it? I can just grab a different one or something, my room is just up there, it’s fine.”

“Aaron, it’s your hoodie, you have every right to wear it. Here, move your arm and I’ll even put it on for you.”

“Haley, it’s fine. If you don’t wear it you’re going to freeze and if you try to get to Kennedy then you’ll be late for dinner,” he said.

She laughed, and although it was the most beautiful thing he’d ever heard, he couldn’t help but feel like she was mocking him. “Come on Aaron, let me put it on you.”

No, she couldn’t do that. She just couldn’t. If she touched him, he would flinch at the pain and she would ask why. She would know. They all would.

“Yeah Aaron, let her,” Emily teased, having put her phone down to watch him and Haley.

Aaron. Aaron. Why was everyone calling him that? He squeezed his eyes shut. “Seriously, it’s fine. I’ll just grab a jacket from upstairs and then we can head to dinner.”

“Oh come on Hotch, stop being difficult, let Haley touch you,” Derek teased.

Stop being so difficult you little bitch. Stop moving Aaron, or I’ll make it worse for you. Keep your mouth shut or Sean will wake up. Imagine what it would do to him if he saw his older brother crying like a little girl. That’s right. Don’t make a sound, or you’ll be sorry.

“Aaron, you’re shaking,” Haley said, concern colouring her voice.

Shaking like a little terrified child, you’re not a child anymore stop acting like one. You’re a disgrace to this family. You need to learn what happens to disgraces. They get hurt and nobody loves them, nobody ever respects them.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, please don’t, I’ll be good, just don’t,” he mumbled, legs giving out as he fell to his knees, bowing his head, leaving his hands on his thighs, away from his back and face.

“Aaron?” Haley whispered as she knelt in front of him.

He shook his head. He couldn’t. He just couldn’t do it. He couldn’t look at her, couldn’t see the rejection in her eyes as she realised he was damaged beyond repair.

“Hotch,” she said, this time more firmly.

He lifted his head just enough to see her mouth, pressed into a thin line as concern was written all over her face. When she realised he was looking at her, she smiled.

“Hey. There’s nothing to be sorry about okay? You haven’t done anything wrong. I promise. You’ve been absolutely perfect.”

“Weak,” he whispered.

“No, you’re so strong Aaron, you always have been. You’ve been strong for a little too long, that’s all. It’s okay though. You can let it go. You’re safe. I promise. Just let me hold you for a few minutes.”

And that was what broke the barrier. Feeling someone touch his back- a mess of scars and bruises- with a gentleness he’d only ever seen, never felt.

He let himself cry, completely forgetting that the rest of his friends- no, his family- were right there.

When the tears finally stopped falling, he realised he felt a lot warmer. At some point, Haley had slipped the hoodie onto him. He felt lighter now he was wearing it. He felt happier, knowing she hadn’t run, hadn’t questioned him, hadn’t had the response he had thought they would all have.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.

He jerked back to reality. She was still sat in front of him. The rest of the kids were watching them, the younger ones on the brink of crying. Dave and Emily looked like they were ready to break into his house and kill his dad. James and Alex were watching, the concern in their eyes enough to make him want to cry again. They cared. They loved him.

“No,” he managed to choke out.

“That’s okay. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. And you never have to hide around any of us anymore,” she said.

Hotch nodded, still feeling a bit like a ghost.

“We’re always going to be here if you want to talk about it,” Alex said softly.

“And if you want to punch something, I’ll join you,” Derek added. Emily and Dave nodded in agreement.

“You can always come home to mine,” JJ suggested. “I told my parents about you, they think you’re really cool.”

“If you ever want a soft toy to cuddle in the night, I have loads!” Penelope exclaimed. Hotch managed to laugh.

Spencer moved off Alex’s lap and walked towards Hotch, his own eyes full of unshed tears. Haley shifted to his side and Spencer threw his arms around the older boy in a tight hug. Hotch realised he was shaking as the tears fell.

“I may be small, but I’m a genius and if he ever hurts you again, I’ll work out a way to make his life a living hell,” he whispered.

Hotch started laughing at that too.

“See. We’re here for you, no matter what demons haunt you,” Haley said.

Everyone nodded.

He smiled. “Thank you. All of you.”

“We’re your friends. You don’t need to say thank you,” Emily said. When everyone stared at her, she flushed and started picking at her nail polish again.

“She’s right you know. They’re your friends.”

He picked up on the fact that she excluded herself. “And what are you?” he asked, wondering why he was asking. She was probably going to say something like acquaintance, and then he would just be sat there like an idiot.

“Are you going to be okay with them? It is a little bit cold- do not give me that look Aaron Hotchner- and I need to grab a hoodie. And don’t even try and give me yours, I want you to wear it, it’s cute on you.”

He blushed. “Thank you, I- yes. I mean yes I’ll be fine with them, not yes like you need a hoodie and you can go, because you don’t need me to tell you what you can and can’t do, like that wasn’t what I was trying-”

She pushed his hair off his forehead, laughing slightly. “I know. But you wanted to know what I am to you right? Maybe this’ll help you work it out.”

And then she kissed his forehead before waving goodbye to everyone and leaving.

Hotch remained sat there, completely shocked.

Penelope squealed and he winced at the sound.

“Get it!” Emily shouted.

His blush became even more prominent. “Shut up.”

“Err, no. Haley kissed Hotchner!” Derek said, laughing.

“Oh my gosh, Haley and Hotchner. You guys could be called Halner! No wait, how about Hotley?”

“Penelope, shut up,” he pleaded, but he smiled as he said it.

She matched his grin. Derek and Emily were high-fiving. Dave looked smug. Alex and James looked so proud. JJ had a small smile, one that showed she was happy for him but was still a little grossed out by the thought of romance. Spencer looked horrified. That made his smile even wider.

Things were far from perfect. And one kiss wasn’t going to solve his issues. But with a group of his friends that loved him, that he could trust with his life and a girl who had done the opposite of running for the hills, he could finally start to heal.

#criminal minds #aaron hotchner #haley hotchner #criminal minds fic #psolc #tw child abuse #sumayyah writes cm

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dream-a-little-bigger-x · 4 years

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Chapter 17 -- Perfect Harmony | Charlie Gillespie

Summary: Emily Fox is a talented 17-year-old with a passion for all things music. Her dream is to become a successful singer-songwriter one day. But to achieve that dream, she needs to get into one of the most prestigious music schools in her district – it’s all been part of her plan since she was six. Sadly enough, those schools cost a ton of money that her parents don’t want to invest. They don’t even want her to pursue her dream. So, now Emily’s hustling, working at the music store to save up to get into college. That’s until she meets Charlie, an annoying seventeen-year-old boy with the same dream as her. The only difference is, he’s just doing it. He doesn’t need a fancy college to pursue his dream to become famous with his band. He just writes his songs and books small gigs here, there and everywhere. Will meeting Charlie defer her from her dream college, or will he actually help her achieve the dream?

Pairing: Charlie Gillespie x OC (Emily Fox)

Warnings: mentions of death, sexual assault

Important note: the characters of Charlie, Owen, Jeremy and Madison are based on the characters they play on the show and i do not own their names, only OC are mine. The songs aren’t mine either, they’re all from the show except for one.

~|Emily Fox|~

Charlie has not left my side since Friday and it is now Thursday. Besides splitting up for school, he’s been stuck to my side like superglue. And even during school, he didn’t leave me alone one second by constantly texting me cute messages or hilarious memes to make me smile because according to him, knowing I’m smiling makes him smile. I don’t know how I deserved to meet a guy like Charlie. “Romeo sending you cute texts again?” Madison’s voice makes me jump. “No, he’s sending me hilarious memes,” I show her my phone screen as she sits down at our lunch table, and she cracks up after a few seconds. “He’s been sending me at least one every hour.” “Aah, love language of the modern day,” she sighs dreamily with an amused smile on her face. She then fishes something out of her backpack and hands it to me. A piece of paper with Emily and The Foxes written at the top in cursive. Live at Open Mic Night, and then the address of the Music Store. “I took the liberty to create a flyer for your gig on Saturday. So many people have reacted to your post on Facebook and Instagram.” Madi is way too excited about this. “How many people?” I cringe, not really wanting to know, but I want to be prepared anyway. “A few five hundred.” I gulp loudly. “That’s a lot of people.” Madison gives me a sympathetic look, knowing that would stress me out. “I don’t know if I can perform in front of that many people.” “Emsie, you have a great band that’ll back you up no matter what. You saw what they did last Friday with your song for your uncle Bobby! They were there for you even though you never rehearsed the song. They got you.” Her words do sound reassuring, but it doesn’t calm my heart down enough. “It still makes me want to puke,” I reply with a giggle, and Madison laughs too, if not out of pity. “I did start writing a new song last night with Charlie.” I grab my songbook, open it to the page and hand it over. Madi looks at it for a second. “It’s for Uncle Mitch,” I inform her, but I think she already knows. “This sounds beautiful, I bet you and Charlie have come up with a great melody for it.” “Not yet! We’re going to work on that tonight. Sometimes he comes up with the melody first, but for this one, we wanted the lyrics right before we added the melody or the beat.” “I don’t understand anything about songwriting. But you’re the expert, so,” Madison raises her hands, making me laugh. After lunch, Madi and I head to our lockers where I find Jake leaning against mine. My heart beats faster, but not in a good way, and my hands become clammy, my body freezing entirely. Madison even bumps into me because I’d stopped so abruptly. “Oof, Emily, warn a girl before—” she stops herself when her eyes land on what I’m looking at. I’d told her about what happened at the party last week. “I swear to God…” she grumbles while rolling up the sleeves of her jumper, ready to charge forward. “What are you going to do, Mads? Punch him? Not a great idea,” I tell her in a hushed voice. “We got to do something for what he did to you, Ems! He harassed you!” I glance around to make sure no one heard her angry whispers. “Charlie already punished him enough by nearly punching him. I think he learned his lesson.” A shiver runs down my spine at the thought of Charlie’s dark, angry eyes. “If he learned his lesson, what’s he doing at your locker?!” I shrug, turning back to Jake. “I don’t know, let’s find out.” Madison wants to start arguing, but I’m already charging forward towards Jake. “Can you move, please?” I raise my voice, hoping it’ll give me some power. “Emily, hi,” Jake breathes out in a blind panic. “What do you need?” I ask as he moves out of the way, so I can get into my locker. “I just wanted to check up on you. I know your uncle’s passing was a year ago.” “It was a year ago last week, dumbass,” Madison chimes in angrily. “I’m sorry, I-I didn’t know,” he stutters, glancing from Madison to me. “Yes, you did, Jake,” I tell him, “You broke up with me exactly a year ago on this day after a week of me not being able to function because of my uncle’s death. You know all-too well.” “Yeah, dumbass!” Madison hypes me up with her interjections. “So, stop bothering me and get back to your girlfriend.” I grab the book I need from my locker, slam it shut and then walk away from Jake with Madison in tow. “I am shaking,” I whisper to Madison and she wraps an arm around me. “That was so good!” she whispers back, and we both head to our next class together. I can’t believe I just stood up to Jake like that. Something in me definitely wanted to punch him, but I kept my cool. I wish I punched him though.

“I nearly punched Jake in the face today,” I tell Charlie when we’re in my bedroom after school. I don’t have a shift today, so Charlie and I decided to chill in my room instead to work on our music. Mitch did have one rule though; leave the door open. “What?!” he asks in a surprised squeak. “Yeah, he was waiting at my locker after lunch, saying he wanted to check up on me because,” I lower my voice for the next part, imitating Jake, “He wanted to check up on me because he knows my uncle’s passing was a year ago today.” Charlie furrows his eyebrows. “Jake sounds more like,” he squeaks out the next words as if his voice hadn’t dropped yet, “I’m checking up on you, Emily, because I am a jerk,” he goes back to his normal voice, “You know, because his balls haven’t dropped yet.” His comment makes me laugh. “Anyway, Madi was there too and she was like ‘It was a year ago last week, dumbass’ and then he stuttered a stupid apology, being like,” I cough and higher my tone, “I didn’t know.” “That’s better,” Charlie comments, plopping down onto his stomach on the bed, propping his head up with his hand, looking up at me. “Thanks,” I say proudly, “And then I was like ‘You did know, Jake. You broke up with me a year ago’, and Madi was like ‘yeah, dumbass!’ and then I went ‘So, stop bothering me and go back to your girlfriend’ and walked away but I so nearly punched him!” “You should’ve punched him,” Charlie agrees with me, and I halt in the middle of my room, right in front of him. He gives me this amused, smug grin, which just makes me proud of myself. His smile then turns to a scowl. “I wish Jeremy would’ve let me punch him.” “What would that solve, big guy?” I squat down to his height, placing my elbows on the bed. “Nothing, I’d just like to punch him.” I smile and plant a kiss to his nose. When I get up again, he captures me by my wrist, stopping me from walking away. “Are you okay? I can imagine seeing him wasn’t amazing after what he did to you.” “I’m fine, I had a minor panic when I saw him at my locker, but I’m fine.” “Come here, let’s cuddle!” He rolls onto his side and pulls me down. “No, Charlie, we have to finish this song!” I object but let him pull me next to him anyways. “Cuddle first, then we’ll work on the song.” We’re facing each other, our foreheads pressed together. His fingers reach up to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear; a habit of his I’ve come to adore. “You’re beautiful, do you know that?” I roll my eyes at his compliment but can’t help the blush appearing on my cheeks. “You’re pretty too,” I reply instead, which makes him frown. “I am not!” He now just looks like an angry puppy. “Yeah, you are,” I tease. Charlie’s mouth drops open, eyes widening, and before I know it, his fingers attack my stomach with tickles, sending me into a laughing frenzy. “No, stop! Stop!” I wheeze out, trying to tear his hands of me. “Char, stop!” He obeys, and as my laughter dies down, I can’t help but notice the way he’s looking at me. A feeling of love and adoration fleets throughout my body, but my brain doesn’t dare to give my lips permission to say those three words at the tip of my tongue. It does, however, give them permission to take away the space between mine and his. “I’m so happy I met you, Em—” I know he nearly calls me ‘Emmy’, but stopped himself before he could. “Like, so happy,” he adds instead and kisses me again. Now I pull away after a few seconds, like I needed his lips to mull this over. “Charlie…” I whisper, combing away strands of hair from his forehead. “Call me Emmy.” His breath hitches in his throat before his lips curl up into the most beautiful smile I ever did see. “I’m so happy I met you, Emmy,” he repeats and then just kisses me again as I relish in the feeling of being able to hear that nickname again from a person I love.

After a cuddle and make-out session of about an hour, Charlie and I detangle – much to both our dismay – and start working on our song for Saturday. The one for Mitch. We’d come up with pretty much everything, it just misses a bridge. “What if we mix the pre-chorus with that second verse?” Charlie suggests, and starts singing. His voice raspy and low. “The times that I doubted myself I felt like I needed some help Stuck in my head, with nothing left” I join in now, our voices intertwining. “And when I feel lost and alone I know that I can make it home Fight through the dark” He smiles at me, “High note, go for it,” he says quickly, leaving the last line to me. “And find the spark,” I hit the high note effortlessly. “Yes!” Charlie exclaims excitedly, “Yo, I got chills, literal chills.” He shows me his arms, filled with goosebumps. “I can’t get over how talented you are, Ems.” He’s careful with the permission of the new nickname, I see. “Same goes for you, Charlie,” I compliment him and peck his lips as a reward of some kind. “Now with some guidance of the guitar, so we can show it to the boys tomorrow?” Charlie nods and grabs the guitar he brought from home or the garage. I haven’t talked to him about home yet. I’m too scared to. We sing it once with the guitar, and then start thinking about other instruments. “Let’s start with a bit of piano?” Charlie suggests, “And just you singing?” I nod my head in agreement. “Drums, electric guitar and bass join in at the chorus, but we don’t sing yet.” I raise my eyebrows at him, not entirely sure about that idea. “It’s your song for your uncle Mitch, Ems,” he reasons, and I can’t argue with him. Not that I don’t want to, but because he simply continues. “I’ll take the second verse?” “And Jeremy and you duet the pre-chorus, and then second chorus is all of us?” I chime in. “And we’ll alternate on the bridge?” Charlie nods his head. “Jere can guide on piano on the bridge.” “And you can hit them high notes during the last chorus when the boys join in again?” “Uhm, yeah, sure,” I reply, unsure about the high notes. I can hit a few, but I think he might overestimate my abilities a little. “This gig is going to be awesome, Emmy!” he exclaims excitedly and jumps up from the bed. “It’s a nice warm-up for my audition in a week,” I tell him absentmindedly as I write down all our ideas in my notebook. “YOUR AUDITION IS IN A WEEK?!” he yells loudly, making me jump. “Yeah, didn’t I tell you? Not this Saturday because Open Mic Night, you know, but the Saturday after that.” I don’t even look up at him until I feel the bed dip down. My eyes glance up at the boy kneeling on the bed in front of me. “You didn’t tell me that. You want me to be there?” He takes my hand in his and presses kisses to my knuckles. “Of course. I doubt I can do it without you supporting me from the sidelines.” His lips curl up until they very nearly reach his ears. “But first, Open Mic Night.” I turn to my songbook again and feel him kiss the top of my head before he gets off the bed again. His excitement is winding him up again, shooting balls of energy through his body until he becomes one. He even radiates that excitement when we have a band rehearsal on Friday when we show the boys the new song. “That sounds awesome, Emily!” Jeremy compliments giddily when we’re done explaining and showing. “Shall we open with that one?” All three of us agree with that idea. Then Charlie kisses me on the cheek when he walks past to grab his guitar. “Then Perfect Harmony?” he suggests, playing the first chords of the song on his acoustic. “I would end with Now or Never,” I chime in with my idea, which everyone agrees to. “Flying Solo third and Finally free straight after?” Owen goes on while I write them all down. “Are we allowed to play five songs?” Jeremy then asks, “I mean, we only played one the last time.” I feel one corner of my mouth tug upwards into a smirk. “I work here, Jere, of course we can.” A giggle eludes from his mouth. I love the boys’ excitement about everything. They often remind me of a huddle of excited puppies or curious squirrels. “Any other song we want to add?” “Ooh!” Charlie exclaims excitedly, “Do you want to do the song you played to that girl?” “Wake Up?” I ask, and he nods vigorously. “I mean, sure, but it’s been a while since I played that and it’s just piano though?” “It could be the song we play to emphasize the Emily in Emily and The Foxes?” Owen suggests, to which Charlie just nods his head again. “I’m not going to sing a song without you guys,” I tell them and move over to the piano. “Then we’ll add some drums and bass,” Jeremy sums up, and Charlie coughs as to tell his buddy not to forget about him, “And guitar.” “I mean… If you guys really want to do that…” “Yes! Babe, that song is amazing!” I’m a bit taken aback by the pet name Charlie uses. He suddenly goes from excited puppy to solemn, shy Charlie I’d seen appear a couple of times the first few days of meeting him. “That’s the song you played when I first laid eyes on you.” While Owen and Jeremy let out an ‘aw’, mostly to tease Charlie, I think, I smile up at Charlie. “It definitely has potential for a good Emily and The Foxes song, I guess?” I play the first few notes on the piano, being reminded of the song I wrote with Uncle Bobby. “And how about that Sirens song?” Owen asks, which makes me stop playing abruptly. “No, we can play Sirens at rehearsals, but not at gigs. I want to keep that song for us,” I answer determinedly. Owen simply nods, understanding what that song means to me. “So, for Saturday it’s Bright - Perfect Harmony – Flying Solo – Finally Free – Wake Up – Now or Never?” Jeremy asks, just for reassurance. “Yes,” Charlie and I say in unison. I’m still a little nervous about Wake Up, but I’m sure we’ll be fine after a couple of rehearsals. We even nailed Flying Solo after rehearsing for an hour and I know Wake Up by heart. “Are we nervous for our first official gig? Because I am,” Owen laughs nervously, wringing his hands. I pat the spot beside me on the bench in front of the piano, which he then takes, sighing nervously. I play a couple of notes, letting the melody flow out into the room. “I’m nervous too,” I tell him softly, “But I know as long as I have you guys, nothing can go wrong because you guys have my backs. Always,” I look up at him, but don’t stop playing. Owen offers me the sweetest smile ever. “We have each other’s backs, always.” He nods his head agreeingly. His arms snake around my waist as he hugs me sideways, and before I know it, Charlie has his arms around my neck and Jeremy’s hugging Owen. “See, I told you,” I whisper to the boy next to me. “We’ll be fine,” Owen reassures himself more than me, but it does work for me too. No matter what happens. We’ll always have each other. We’ll always be more than a band.

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myassbrokethefall · 7 years

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Ah, I sent that anon to @perplexistan. You totally make a good point. I'm also super pissed about how they treated William and Scully as a mother. I remember watching William during the original run (I'm an old) and screaming at the tv when she gave him up. It made zero sense. Especially since there's no evidence he was actually in any danger and if he had magical powers or whatever wouldn't "they" find him anyways? I guess I've bought into the maternal sacrifice trope. I take it back :)

Oops, I saw this last night right as I was leaving work and then forgot to respond! Listen, I’m not opposed to a LITTLE sacrifice, maternal or otherwise, as a plot point. That’s good drama! But there has been…too much of it, for my taste, without really any point, or happiness, or resolution. It’s one of my biggest problems with ye olde x files, that there are all these dramatic emotional high points of terror and sadness all supposedly in service of some good, some end, but that never comes because that part isn’t as dramatic. It all adds up to very little satisfaction.

MSR is one of those things, but William is another. We have seen Scully being sad and crying about William (before and after he was born, before and after she gave him away), but rarely ever any happiness over him. Every moment of happiness Scully has ever had regarding the entirety of the William storyline has been tainted by some aching, life-destroying sadness. Even before that. First she finds out she can’t have children. Then she finds out she has a daughter, Emily, and tries to adopt her but can’t because of her Lifestyle and she feels guilty. Then Emily dies. Then (timeline-wise) she wants to try in vitro with Mulder and it doesn’t work and there’s crying. Then she finds out she’s pregnant…but Mulder is abducted. Then she cries through her pregnancy as Mulder is first missing, then returned dead and she has to bury him. Then he comes back to life, we WASTE several weeks on “who’s really the father though WINK” and a bunch of non-Mulder-and-Scully-related plotlines that no one cares about, and then she has the baby and everyone is happy for…24 hours (that we don’t get to see) and then Mulder leaves and she’s sad. Sad sad sad sad for Season 9, William (the payoff of all this angst and anticipation) is mostly nonexistent except when he’s being kidnapped in order to make Scully sad some more, and then Scully gives William up two episodes before Mulder returns. Cries on Mulder’s shoulder about how she gave William up and almost can’t even be happy that Mulder is back, end series. IWTB: Scully is sad about William and futilely tries to save another child’s life partly as an expression of that sadness. End of movie. Season 10: Mulder and Scully look sadly at pictures of William and think sadly about the life they never had with William. (Separately, since they had broken up.) Scully’s mother dies. This makes everyone more sad about William. Last episode: Maybe we can find William and take his DNA to save a dying Mulder. Cliffhanger.

If they finally found William after all this time only for Scully to immediately die, I think I would burn all my XF shit. I’m not even kidding. I am so, so, SO over the Eternal Sadness/You Thought It Was Bad Before, But It��s Worse Now/No Resolve, Only Reboot that has been XF’s drama engine since Season 8. I honestly at this point wish William had just died as a baby because I am very, very, very tired of having the IDEA of William dangled in front of me in order to elicit an emotional reaction but never actually having anything happen. I to be honest with you am not that interested in a Teenage William storyline. When I think about time passing for Mulder and Scully and the idea of them sitting apart looking at pictures of William and being sad and broken up and that being their lives, and what a waste that is, and how they can never go back simply because no one ever got around to making more X-Files for many years, I just get depressed. If there had been a movie two years after Season 9 where this all happened, the DNA, the pictures, the sad daydreams, then maybe. Now I wish it just had been dropped because of all the time that has passed.

I just want Mulder and Scully to be together and live their lives and do things together and solve mysteries together and have a range of emotion together and be affectionate with each other and fight spooky monsters and for me to have fun watching it. I appreciate (some of) the writers’ feeling that they SHOULD acknowledge William, since it’s a huge huge thing in a person’s life, but at the same time, it’s like a festering wound. So, to have Scully DIE after this extremely awful thread in her life is finally resolved would be the ultimate insult, to me. And also totally sounds like something Chris Carter would do.

I didn’t mean for this to get so long or to be negative. I’m not feeling XF-negative! Filming is starting and I’m excited and it’s a good time right now because we have MONTHS of filming to look forward to and hope that the season will be awesome and CC will pull it out and end it on a good note and Mulder and Scully will be set free to ride off into the sunset and have whatever adventures we can imagine for them. I don’t want to feel that the people who make the show hate the characters or hate the fans, and I hope there is still sentiment left in the show’s creators for doing right by the characters and by the audience.

I have plenty – PLENTY – of dark thoughts on the hypothetical scenario we’re discussing, and I could get into them, but I won’t. I can have fun picking at angsty ideas and trying to inoculate myself against them by preparing for them and examining them and acclimating myself, but this one, I can’t. If Mulder or Scully are killed off, it is game over for me with this show. Not fun, not OK, I don’t want to have a group mourning or whatever, I just would need to distance and separate myself and throw myself into something different in order to forget about it. Maybe I’d be ready to have a big group commiseration 10 years from now but I certainly wouldn’t right away. The fact that it’s even being discussed as a remote possibility upsets me. So that is how I’m feeling about that right now.

OK, this is me venting and getting out all my feelings about William and everything else and now I’m done. Filming starts today! That’s crazy. Two thousand seventeen and we are getting new X-Files.

#william #xf negativity #xf meta #season 11 #Anonymous

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dream-a-little-bigger-x · 4 years

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Chapter 7 -- Perfect Harmony | Charlie Gillespie

Pairing: Charlie Gillespie x OC (Emily Fox)

Warnings: mentions of death, sexual assault

Chapter seven

~|Emily Fox|~

“Hey, you want to hang out after school today?” Madison asks me on Monday at lunch. “Oh, I—” I think of the most plausible lie, “I promised Ash I would close up again tonight. She’s got this thing with her girlfriend. I don’t know what, but she said it was important.” It’s not even that big of a lie. Ash has asked me that many a times before for the exact same reason. Only this time, she didn’t ask me to close the store. I want to go and tell Ash I will close it, for free, just so I – hopefully – bump into Charlie again tonight. I want to tell him I nearly finished the song and ask him if he has any clue what’s missing. “What about tomorrow?” I take a bite of my sandwich and chew ferociously, guarding my mouth with my hand to show her I can’t talk yet. “Got a shift from four until closing.” That’s not a lie. Tuesdays are mostly shift days anyway. “Wednesday?” I realize I can’t come up with another lie that I have to work. And besides, I think I could hang out with Madi until just before closing time and head down to the Music Store after. “Sure, yeah, Wednesday could work.” The brightest smile appears on her face at the answer. “It’s a date!” she pats my hand twice excitedly. “You know, we’ve been spending a lot less time together since you started working at the Music Store. I feel like I don’t even know what’s going on in that mind of yours.” I widen my eyes at that. If only she’d know. “Seen Cute Douchebag again?” “Uhm, no, I think he’s given up,” I lie. I can’t get into Charlie right now. She’ll know by the first word I’m crushing on him. Like really crushing on him. And she’ll say something crazy that I’m in love with him and it’ll get me to start thinking about that and I can’t have that right now. “Oh, sad. I really think you and him would make a cute couple.” The words nearly make me choke on my sandwich. “And he could help you write songs and get you into that fancy school of yours…” she trails off at the end, and I know exactly what’s coming next. “Or help you become famous.” I mouth the words along, earning a glare from my best friend. “I’m serious, Emmy.” A shiver runs down my spine at the nickname. “Don’t call me that,” I warn her. It’s what Uncle Robert always used to call me and Madi knows. “You know that name is reserved for someone else.” Madison holds up her hands in defense and quickly changes the subject. “You know Brianna’s doing her annual party next week right?” I nod my head. “Are you going?” “I’d rather die than go to a Brianna Holly party,” I snort, trying not to imagine me at that party. “Besides, you do know witches lure their pray into their house to eat them.” “I’m pretty sure that’s just from Hocus Pocus and it was mostly kids,” Madi corrects me. “Seventeen-year-olds are still kids,” I argue. “You’re seventeen years old, Ems,” she points out. I open my mouth to reply something to that, but then close it, not sure what to say. “Besides, she’s no witch. That there,” she points to the other side of the cafeteria, to the “popular table” where Brianna and Jake are seated. “Is a demon.” I watch Brianna as she cackles her witchy-demon laugh and can’t disagree. “You’re right.” Madi and I both pack our lunches back up and grab our stuff. “When am I not?” she wiggles her eyebrows, the way only Madi could. The two of us giggle our way out the cafeteria and to our lockers, getting ready for the other half of the day.

The day went by really slow. School normally has a bit of a slower pace, but I think turtles might go faster than this day went by. And it’s especially agonizing when you look forward to something that’s happening after school. “Ugh, finally!” I groan once Madi and I exit the school. “This day went agonizingly slow today.” “Eh, it was fine,” she says, shrugging her shoulders. “Yeah, because you don’t have a cute boy waiting for you,” I mumble under my breath, hoping she didn’t hear. When I subtly turn my head to watch her reaction, I find her distracted by some other cute boys. The lacrosse boys. Of course. For once I thank heaven for high school jocks. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Mads,” I say before leaving, but I doubt she heard it, so I shoot her a text instead. “You seemed a bit distracted by the Lacrosse boys. Had to go. See u tomorrow xx”

I don’t think I ever managed to walk from school to the Music Store this quickly. I arrive in under five minutes, when it usually takes fifteen, twenty when Madi walks along. “Emily, hey?” Ash greets, a little confused by my presence. “Hey, you mind if I close the store today? I want to work on my songs and don’t want to disturb Uncle Mitch tonight.” Ash gapes at me with big eyes and an open mouth. “I’ll do it for free.” She closes her mouth at this and narrows her eyes instead. “I know what this is about,” she says as the bell over the door rings. “That’s what this is about.” She nods her head towards the door. I turn around to indeed find what this is about entering the store. I quickly turn back to Ash before making eye contact with Charlie and offer her a sheepish grin. “Please?” I almost beg, hoping I don’t sound too desperate, but also thinking I might already be past desperate. “I swear, you don’t have to pay me for this.” Ash shakes her head at me. “You’re so desperately in love with him, sweetie. I hope you realize that.” I furrow my eyebrows at this, now it’s me shaking my head. “No, he’s just –” Ash finishes my sentence for me, “Incredibly attractive? Yeah – I noticed. I’m still bisexual, sweetie.” She winks at me before hopping over the counter and passing Charlie in the store. “My colleague will tend to all of your needs tonight,” she tells him loud enough, so I hear it to. She even turns her head to look at me, just to make sure I heard her. “See you tomorrow, Ems!” she raises a hand as a goodbye before exiting the store. “Tend to all of my needs, huh?” Charlie asks with eyebrows raised. This time, however, it doesn’t sound as fuckboy-y as it did the first night. It has a nervous quality to it due to him not daring to look at me. “Actually,” I say as I reach into my backpack to grab my notebook with all of my songs inside. Most of them written on loose papers, just stuck between pages of the book. “I need you to tend to some of my needs.” He snaps his head up at this, raising his eyebrows at me suggestively. “Not like that,” I scold and make my way to the piano. “I nearly finished the song, but I’m missing something, and I was wondering if you could help me out.” He leans over the paper to take a better look at the paper. Our shoulders touch, and I nearly feel my head explode at the simple touch. “Huh, you did use my bridge,” he says, pointing to the scratched out first version of the bridge and his bridge written very tiny next to it. “That’s not the point,” I say quickly, then point to the part I do want to talk about, “I don’t want to use the exact same chorus twice. I think it might sound better with something like…” I trail off and play a few notes on the piano. “You set me free You and me together is more than chemistry Love me as I am I'll hold your music here inside my hands We say we're friends, we play pretend…” I look up at him for him to add something to it, which only takes him a few seconds. “You’re more to me, we’re everything” I smile at him. I knew he’d be able to fix my problem. “When are you going to show it to me entirely?” he asks after a few seconds. “I am, aren’t I?” “No, I mean, when are you going to sing this with me?” I open my mouth to respond, but nothing comes out. I can’t do this yet. The song isn’t tweaked to perfection yet. I need a few more days before I can really show it to anyone. “Not yet, I want to get it perfect before I can show it to anyone.” I put the loose papers back into my notebook after having scribbled down the addition. “It just needs some tweaks.” I repeat, then look up at Charlie to find him already looking at me with that loose smile on his face and his eyes golden. “So…” he then changes the subject after a few seconds of complete silence that feels like a soft blanket, “We practically wrote a song together… I thought you said you wrote alone?” My heart stops beating for a moment as I think about the real reason why I don’t write with anyone else. Uncle Mitch told me to be honest. So, I probably should. Unless I want him to leave me alone for the rest of my life. Which I don’t. I want to see him every day and spend each possible moment with him. “I—” I take a deep breath, “It’s stupid. It’s a lame excuse, never mind.” I want to turn and walk away from him to properly start closing up the store, but Charlie grabs my hand and keeps me from walking away. My eyes glide from his hand holding mine to the arm connected to it and to the face that I’ve come to enjoy looking at. “You can tell me, Ems. Whatever it is. However stupid. I want to know why. I want to know why you won’t write with me. We’d be amazing together. Look at that song we wrote together without even realizing. From what I can see on paper, it sounds amazing. You’re really talented and I think we could make real magic together.” I draw in a deep breath, my hand shaking a little in his. I wonder if he feels how nervous I am. “Okay… It’s, uhm…” He stares at me with tentative eyes, urging me to continue, telling me to trust him. “I used to write songs with my Uncle Robert. He’s the one that taught me everything. He taught me how to read music, how to play piano and guitar, we used to sing together every day from morning until evening. When I got old enough, around twelve years old, we wrote our first song together. Albeit, it was about my bunny that died, but still, it kind of rocked.” The sniffle that comes after the chuckle makes me realize I’ve started crying. Charlie’s chuckle reaches my ears and encourages me to continue telling him. “Uncle Robert died a year ago. So, I haven’t really written with anyone else because it feels like betraying him. It was our thing, you know? I just… it doesn’t feel right.” Charlie reaches up with the hand that’s not holding mine and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. The simplest touch sends shivers down my spine and butterflies into my stomach. “That’s not a lame excuse, Ems. I get it,” he reassures me with a small smile, “I just think that if you ever feel like you could start writing songs with me, we’d be able to create the most beautiful masterpieces, just like the song we wrote together now. Times ten,” I chuckle at that, “In perfect harmony.” My eyes widen at that as an idea pops into my head. I tug my hand out of his in a rush and grab the piece of paper with our song on, just to write “PERFECT HARMONY” at the top. I turn my face to look at Charlie with the beautiful smile on his face again that makes me feel all warm inside. “That’s perfect,” he tells me, “Can you sing it now?” I raise my eyebrows at him, as if saying “Really, bro?” and he raises his hands in defense, knowing exactly what the simple non-verbal communication means. “Now sit down and play some guitar so I can clean up in here.” He salutes me and goes to grab the guitar he always uses when he’s here. He sits down and strums the guitar. “This is tuned different from the last time I was here,” he notices. “Other people use those instruments, Charles,” I tell him, knowing all-too-well it was me who tuned it differently. On Thursday to be exact. I was missing him and decided to play some guitar myself. The exact moment Owen came in and asked me about the Open Mic Night. “You did that, didn’t you?” he raises his eyebrow. I feel my cheeks heating up but turn quickly so he doesn’t see. “Don’t be silly, Charles. Why would I use your guitar when I’m working?” I question whilst keeping myself preoccupied by sorting some papers, mainly to calm my heart down a little. “My guitar?” he emphasizes the ‘my’. “I mean, that guitar.” He stares at me for a moment, and I hear Madi in my mind going “Mmh-mmh…” “Just play your instrument, dumbass.” I return to my job whilst Charlie plays his guitar for a while. Once I’m done and I can lock up, Charlie places his guitar back in its place and joins me at the door. “Hey,” he says, once outside. I turn to face him after turning the key. “Thanks for letting me play in there. It’s nice not having parents yelling at you for not making so much noise.” I offer him a smile, and hope it says enough about how similar my parents are. “No problem, Charlie,” he startles at the lack of full name-usage, “See you tomorrow?” “Yes, definitely. See you tomorrow,” he gives me a wave and the two of us split ways. Ash is right. I am desperately in love with him. I don’t know what it is. Sure, he’s attractive, but I would be repulsed by boys that approach girls like he did that first day. Overly confident, thinking they own the place. Jake’s like that and I learned from my mistakes. But Charlie is just… different. There’s a warm, golden heart underneath all that confidence. Plus, ever since I rejected him that first day, he’s been really tentative and kind of nervous every time he’s around me. Which must mean he’s not the Douchebag he seemed to be. Charlie is… Charlie. And I am absolutely, totally smitten.

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#julie and the phantoms #julie and the himbos #charlie gillespie #charlie x oc #jeremy shada #owen joyner #madison reyes #luke patterson #reggie jatp #alex jatp #julie molina #oc emily fox

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