#because i dont necessarily see myself as A Man . yknow? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fefairys · 4 months

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I cannot fucking stand Mituna myself. I hate him so much actually. I guess it's mostly irrational but I dislike him for the same reason I'm not a big fan of Tavros; I hate that they exist to be Hussie's disability punching bag and that's reflected in how the people around them treat them

see but i dont think thats what mituna is, really. thats not how i interpreted what i just read, idk.

here is what we see:

meenah expresses surprise that latula and mituna are still together, because she thinks he sucks, and latula says "he's more than the terrible shit he's always saying, and also i feel like he kinda needs me" and meenah is like "well ok then" basically lmao and thats that

in the next dancestor flash, meenah has a couple conversations with mituna wherein she calls him "the worst" and says she "doesnt know how latula deals" because of all the inappropriate things he says. mituna calls her a "wader" which makes kankri come in and start talking about how mituna is "bad representation" for existing. then meenah defends him and says "vantas youre being a shit dont talk about him like that"

THEN cronus takes his anger out on him and verbally abuses him, blames mituna for ruining his chances at romance or whatever, cuz, yknow, he's terrible and we are supposed to think he's terrible, while he just stands there and says "im sorry", until meenah comes and defends mituna again and calls cronus out for being a shithead.

and then, when aranea gives her exposition on mituna, meenah says something like, wow that was genuinely interesting for once, thanks!

like she sees him as a person who deserves to be treated with respect, but she cant just ignore when hes shouting obscenities and sexually harassing her either. its complicated. like at the very fucking least, he is given some defense by the pov character of these sections.

how i see it is that the narrative is not particularly trying to Say anything about mituna (or tavros for that matter) or what they are "deserving" of or viewing them as "punching bags", i think it is just showing some fucked up shit for the spectacle of it without taking any sort of solid stance.

like, who do we see actively treating mituna badly? meenah, kankri, and cronus. i dont think i need to explain how those three are like. absolutely not "people we are supposed to agree with" NO ONE in homestuck is "person we are supposed to agree with on all things" and i think that trying to ascertain how hussie feels about how people should be treated, or ascertain any of hussie's opinions by looking at the things the homestuck characters say, is not going to work out.

even the homestuck book commentary where they speak in their own voice is a mixed bag of sincere and insincere statements CONSTANTLY. it is often very hard to parse when they are being serious and when they are trolling. so like. i dont know man. maybe hussie IS an ableist asshole who thinks disabled people should just, like, get over their disabilities and stop being so weak. i guess who is really to say.

i do think that regardless of how they actually feel, the jokes are distasteful and shouldn't be made. it certainly makes me uncomfortable.

tl;dr: i dont think that mituna and tavros are necessarily "disability punching bags". i think everything in homestuck is mostly just A Fucked Up Spectacle that we are supposed to ogle at and not take moral lessons from one way or the other. regardless of the intent, the content is distasteful and makes me uncomfortable and its valid to be upset about the treatment of these characters.

#asks #Anonymous #is this comprehensible?#im in a weird mood #i think half of this is probably nothing #homestuck #long post

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actualbird · 10 months

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idk if this is a controversial opinion but with all the au talk of a happier luke/luke without suffering, it's fun to think about but it feels like it undermines what the message from the benji card was trying to tell us? like my wish for luke is that whether he ends up with rosa or not... he'll be fine regardless (even if it takes him longer to realize or with the help of other people). it kinda feels like a "we have to save him" narrative in which the only happy ending for luke is that if he gets together with rosa (or in another case, if he never got sick in/got into nsb the first place? though not saying that non nsb luke wouldn't come with other sets of problems idk eeeee) i just want the little baby boy to be ok no matter the situation :(

hi anon!!! idt it's a controversial opinion and i agree with you!! tho i also dont think it's like....particularly mutually exclusive, if that makes sense?

i adore u bringing up SSR Dream of Benji because 1) man i love that card story and 2) i can super see where your coming from clearly when u bring up that card. the card where luke himself wonders so hard if only he made different choices, he wouldnt be "locked" into the the "destiny" of pain and suffering, the card where mc implores him to not focus so much on what-ifs and accept that there is always the hope and possibility for joy and love even in a life that will have pain. in terms of parallels, it's clear to see. when making aus, are we doing the same thing luke did in that card?

ehhhh not rlly? i think it depends? UHAJVFASLFHAV. like, forgive me for im about to get meta and whatnot but i think whats key here is intent and purpose. luke did all his wondering about happier/better what-ifs due to a mix of resignation to his fate and also self-loathing. it's why i used the word "locked" awhile ago; he thought his fate was inevitable due to his choices and that better things were futile. whereas, in exploring AUs it's less of like—and here is my belated note that ofc i can only speak for myself cuz im not a mind reader or anything kjHVKJSDF—it's less of being convinced of the futility of what timeline!luke we're seeing but more just a want to Explore. i love AUs and will always support its intent of exploration outside of the realm of canon, it's a place of curiosity and possibilities! and maybe the reason it's coming out a bunch now is simply cuz main story stuff has been quite emotionally jarring ajfvaJHLV I CANNOT FAULT ANYONE FOR WANTING FLUFF IN THESE TIMES YKNOW. I WANT THE FLUFF TOO.....I HUNGER FOR IT!!!

[EDIT: i realize a simpler way to word everything above is "miles morales voice: I CAN DO BOTH!!!!!!" yknow. we can love AUs and love canon!]

but overall i do very much agree with your sentiment; i also want for luke to get better, i want him to eventually live a happy life no matter what timeline hes in. in my mind's eye, his recovery is possible in All universes. it's just harder in some and easier in others. in timelines where he acquires his condition, i dont think the lynchpin-catalyst for him bettering himself is necessarily in a romantic relationship with mc, but in the general concept of just like.......connecting and allowing himself to be emotionally vulnerable and honest with another human being, creating a support system with the people around him, letting himself be okay with needing help. im a big believer in platonic love and found fam so even in an timeline where nobody in the nxx team starts dating each other, so long as luke can make that choice to let people in, i think he'll get better. not perfect, not magically cured, and definitely not easily, but still better.

at the end of the day i actually dont see luke's most damning cause of suffering to be his condition (because as we can see from his personal story route, he can deffo find joy even with it). rather, it's his outlook on himself and letting himself be open with others. it just so happens that due to the romance genre of tot, that his outlook changes due to romantic love.

sorry to be a pretentious dweeb and bring up song lyrics jhvKJHVJSHDFVS BUT THERES JUST THIS SONG IVE BEEN OBSESSED WITH LATELY THAT CAME INTO MY MIND WHEN ANSWERING THIS, Complicated Creation by Cloud Cult

I called up the moon for a little consultation Yes, you know that I'm a happy man But something in me is burning I gotta push it, push it out, push it, push it out So much frustration The moon called me back And said "I'll give you some advice [...] If you rid of all your baggage you will likely float away But you can't know beauty if you don't know pain Gotta feel it, feel it all, feel it, feel it all There's your medication

i bring these up cuz at the crux of it.....to me, luke's entire narrative and character (regardless of timeline and AU) is hinged on the central conflict of "am i doomed to pain? how can i be happy if there is so much suffering?" and really the answer is "pain, one way or another, is Going to happen. and so will joy. but to get there, you have to open yourself up to both, you have to work through both, you have to let both in. no running away, no giving up"

i think luke will be okay

#if im not making sense it's bc i started writing this at 5am and am postig it at 6am...I NEED BREAKFAST #asks #anon #tears of themis

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mychlapci · 6 months

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transgenderism can be so confusing. cause, i can be a woman. like, i wear lady clothes occasionally, people see me as a woman, and i'm completely used to it, i dont really feel necessarily anxious about my gender, there is no constant lingering dread inside of me, certainly nothing so strong that i would be overwhelmed with a need to crawl out from below my skin, nothing that can be described as being trapped inside of the wrong body. i can live as a woman. i know i can. and it can be disheartening, because for me, being trans, is more of a want, yknow. i see a man, maybe a trans man at that, and i think to myself, i want to be like that one day. but... i dont need to be that. sure, i would be much happier if i was that, but gender care is so scarce in this country and i dont really have the time for such things, so i just kind of... ignore it. because i mean, i can handle it. there are people who die over this complete and desperate need to be the other gender and i just. only want it very badly

#sorry guys for being sad #im just overthinking

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zooone · 2 years

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yeah go ahead! ive been reading fanfiction for a while, but I've only written like 5 fics so far and they're all not too good lol

-plant

OKOK!!!;! thank you!! ahsksbdkfndmdnsm i love talking about this kinda stuff

—so, first of all, dont use all caps in dialogue to show shouting or yelling. it makes it look unprofessional and not good to look at. the only time ive done this is during blurbs bc i dont pay attention on the details necessarily, i only care about the story, thats why theyre v short. instead, show that a character is ecstatic or angry instead of using all caps

ex - "WILBUR GET BACK HERE!!!"

better ex - "Wilbur! Get back here!" Y/N shouted, throwing their hand up into the air to show their anger as they chased the tall man from across the field.

essentially, showing the characters emotions through their actions instead more than their words. it really helps both the reader imagine the situation and creates the flow and mood.

—another similar thing to this is italicizing too many things in dialogue. especially in arguments.

ex - "I just can't stand you, anymore, Y/N! It's like you're a completely different person compared to when I first met you. I can't even get a single moment to myself anymore!" Wilbur shouted.

now, dont get me wrong, italicizing things to show emphasis is good! but its when you overuse it is when it isnt.

better ex - "I just can't stand you, anymore, Y/N!" Wilbur screamed, balling his hands up into fists. His voice shook with emotion as he continued to yell, his words echoing off the walls. "It's- It's like you're a completely different person compared to when I first met you!"

Wilbur's face scrunched up in anger. His shoulders tensed up as he continued once more to cry. "It's like I can't get a single moment to myself anymore!"

as you can see, its much longer because i tried to show that he was hurt with his actions, not italicizing his words!! this is a really really good thing to look at when you need to show emotion!

—another huge thing is to just not use all of those y/f/c or y/f/f or whatever they stand for, yknow? it just gets really confusing to understand and it doesnt look pretty. give y/n a personality whilst also making them relatable, if that makes sense.

—and also, this should be a given, but just know proper grammar. its so difficult to read a fic that looks like it was made by a literal 9 year old, and it just looks really unprofessional.

—im guilty of this one and im trying to get better, but make the paragraphs look pretty! not as in with colours or something, but with word choice. if you pull yourself away and squint at the screen and the words are repetitive, it probably wont roll lf the tongue well.

ex - You sighed. You stumbled into your chair, you were careful to not cause too much noise. You heard a slight screech of the chair against your floorboards. You clicked the mouse a ton. You made sure to have your headphones plugged into your pc.

as you can see, "you" is used a ton. again, i am v v guilty of doing this but im trying to get better haha

better ex - You let out a long, drawn out sigh. Careful not to cause too much noise, your legs stumbled slightly onto the chair. The neighbors below you were always extemely strict on how loud you could be, especially at night. A slight screech from the chair could be heard as well as the clicking of the mouse. Making sure that the headphones were firmly plugged in, you continued.

when writing, you can space out these "you"s and repetitive words with backstory or just describing things further. it really helps out especially if you write in 2nd person, and "you" is like the only option.

—DONT. USE. "SUDDENLY". i am guilty of this one too, but sometimes not saying suddenly makes it more sudden.

—build tension! especially during high stress situations or arguments, emphasize the characters feelings underneath this tension to establish the mood.

—this is more of something youd find on wattpad, but just dont put those "author notes" in the middle of things. theyre just a huge distraction, it really just ruins the plot, and its just generally unprofessional.

ex - Wilbur drove out of the parking spot. His features glistened amazingly in the sunlight, the crevices of rays hitting his skin at the most perfect places ever while he drove through the blissful city. (a/n i dont think wilbur can drive LOLOL XDDD just pretend he can in this XDD)

i exaggerated that a lot but you get what i mean

—make the dialogue sound like what the character would actually say. its difficult to get it down to the T of what someone would actually say in the situation, but just make it appropriate. for example, wilbur doesnt usually call people "bitch" in most settings (keyword most, the only ever time ive seen him call someone a bitch was when they asked "who drinks from a mason jar?" in which he apologized quickly for). he usually goes with "prick" or something along the lines of that.

—just generally make it worth reading. dont make it so short that one would read it in like 2 seconds, make it long and something that the reader will think about for a long time. im guilty of making shorter ones, but you can elongate fics by adding background context or describing a bit more.

—analogies are your best friend!!! they help so much with someone trying to visualize what they read

—show who's speaking as best as you can (this can be done with actions too), especially when there's multiple people involved.

ex -

"Tommy!"

"What? I'm not wrong!"

"Please- Oh my goodness."

"I swear to God, Tommy, I'm gonna punch you."

"Tommy- behave yourself!"

could you even tell who was speaking? probably not.

better ex -

"Tommy!" you shouted at his comment, placing a hand to your opened mouth in shock.

The boy lifted his shoulders in a shrug, throwing his opened hands in the air in defense. "What? I'm not wrong!"

"Please- Oh my goodness," you pinched the bridge of your nose, squinting downwards.

"I swear to God, Tommy," Wilbur began, fists tightening. "I'm gonna punch you."

Phil stammered. "Tommy- Behave yourself!"

did you even know phil was there before you read the better example? probably not. doing this to dialogue helps with clearing things up, and it makes it look nicer and longer. of course, you dont need to do this with every single piece of dialogue (especially if theres only 2 characters)

an example of this would be

Under the stars and moonlight, Wilbur smiled at Y/N. His eyes reflected the beautiful sky. Y/N ruffled his hair as he gripped at her hips.

"You're so beautiful," Wilbur whispered, looking down fondly at his lover.

Y/N giggled. "No, you are."

"What? I'm not nearly half as amazing as you are!"

"Shush! Yes, you are."

with the last two pieces of dialogue, i didnt need to show who was talking since the two characters had already been established, and it was shown that they were going back and forth, (meaning Y/N couldn't have said "What? I'm not nearly half as amazing as you are!")

—you can make stories longer and more impactful by adding a background. how did the two meet? and how will their amazing friendship impact their ongoing, secretive love for the other?

in "he was your best friend, after all" i tried to show emphasis on how great Y/N and wilbur's friendship was, and what would happen if Y/N eventually told wilbur their feelings.

—this one is one my mom taught me when i was little! (shes a writer too)

when you have an idea, type it out. just let your imagination go wild, and DO NOT REREAD IT. just type type type until youre done. take breaks, of course, just dont reread it yet!

then, take a longer break. take a nap, get some water, play some games, go on a walk, just anything to get your mind off of it,,, then, when you're ready, this is when you reread it, or proofread, or fix up things.

this helps w motivation. sometimes when i reread my work when its not done i think it sounds stupid and i give up. DONT GIVE UP!!!! i promise you, it will turn out great, you just need patience.

this is all i can think of now but yeah!! im not a super epic pro at writing, far from it actually. but i hope these help :))

#alsosorrythistooksolongtoanswerrrehfndnm #talking #rambling #writing tips

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mudkyps · 3 years

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having those days where i feel like "ig im a woman"

#like tbh i dont necessarily see myself as a woman tbh for a q long time #idk how to say it but like for me personally i feel like if genders were foods at a party and the options were either pizza or burger #and society said that for me i have to choose burger bcs it said so and for the longest time i just went like 'ok ig im eating burger now'#and i have always been like jealous of people eating pizza because i like pizza and im attracted to pizza and i wanna eat pizza #but i cant eat pizza :((( bcs personal reasons😔💔#and other...reasons #like i just dont perceive myself as a woman or a man :////#like i just feel like im just forced yknow to be as a woman i dont wanna be perceived is either :////#like yeah i have a preference on the masc side than the fem side but then again i dont necessarily want /want/ to be a guy?#idk man this shit is so confusing #i just feel like i have always been 'gender: none' yknow?#is this how non binaries feel like?#im just...at lost man #jsm.t

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sugarvamgar · 3 years

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you ever make some Bastards? anfisa and valentine! also the context of the little labels on valentine’s sheet is to like, number the parts of the story for me and my friend who’s working on this so we know when the hell in the story we’re talking abtsgddfg anyways more info abt them under the cut .. i love these bastards...

these two are in the same world as some of my other ocs - you can find them in my neontok tag under rum’s post for more information about the world nd stuff! if you do not want to look at it tldr its just me putting my more uh. “darker” concepts?? like these two! let’s continue into more info tho: so like, context! in this world, there’s this group of seven assassins who’s existence is.. very speculated. like, they’re a common myth. maybe not among all of society all around the world, but most people have heard folk stories of their existence at some point in their life. this group of assassins has existed for literal hundreds of years, and nobody knows how or why, so they just.. assume it’s a story. a myth. but it’s Not. the “seven” is actually countless people who have been trained throughout their family’s bloodlines as a tradition with every other generation’s first child - or in the case of assassins One and Two, the first two siblings. they’re all basically trained to do the exact same stuff as the original seven did, too. other than One and Two, the children don’t necessarily know each other, especially because usually they’re in completely different countries. anyways so, anfisa here used to be part of this. he was assassin Three, born and raised in russia, pretty much the only assassin of the seven to not be trained to be sneaky and quiet bc most of what he does is loud on purpose. he does know how to blend in among people normally and how to scramble away from people without getting hurt, but man. he is NOT graceful like the other six. he ends up defecting from the assassins (which is just him going. huh. fuck this <3) and leaving to not-america and goes. i will live a normal life now. he ends up going. oh wait actually i hate how society is and how much of this city is controlled via bribes and crimes - what if i just. actively tried to cement myself in that world. what if i did crimes? i already did them before. he ends up gaining a mild following of people for this and they help him to do this.. the dude who runs the Local Crime Syndicate™ (at least, the largest one), jack, gets. very pissed off about this once anfisa’s group grows large enough scale. he employs this highly revered journalist bc in jack’s mind this goes. “oh, this guy is SO very good at picking people apart and getting into their business, and my stupid police force isn’t doing their fucking job right (lol), i’ll hire this dude. if he dies its barely any loss on my part. the journalist is valentine <3 idk his first name but he’s valentine and he is SO full of anxiety and has so much in common with anfisa about Hating Authority nd shit. this is a mistake on jack’s part who is blind as hell and cannot read valentine’s old articles + thinks he can bribe him with money to do whatever. valentine goes. <:( okay i will try i hate this but also money and also you are pointing guns at me and threatening to kill me if i Dont take the money and do this. valentine ends up joining anfisa and goes from anxious timid british (lol) bastard to mildly terrifying and willing to organize and command a group of people with anfisa who are actively trying to like, overthrow a straight up crime syndicate organization thing that Also has quite a large hold on a lot of businesses and government related stuff in the city. and SUCCEEDS for the most part. he is very good at this and it scares the group so much esp with the fact that it grows from like 6 or 7 people to like, over 50 or more in like.. a year. shoutout to anfisa he intentionally picks on valentine bc he thinks this guy is cute. when valentine is lowkey stalking getting research on anfisa/the group, anfisa notices and goes. :) im going to make your life so very difficult but in an only slightly annoying way. you got knocked out one day so i stole your tie and then the next time you saw me on the news you saw me wearing it around my arm like a trophy. valentine is so very annoyed and takes all of anfisa’s mild friendly torment as This Little Man Hates Me So Fucking Much. Why Does He Want Me DEAD also shoutout x2 to anfisa for being great at working with machines and learning how to put foot pedals on his motorcycle so he can switch the seat around to like, a pedal control board and ride it like a skateboard. this is dangerous and very, very impractical. he does not care. he’s having fun ps. if you think valentine is similar to a certain someone you’re right. its on purpose. i “steal” canon characters all the time (see: idk, not often actually) with friends bc its very fun to see how you can reinterpret a character without it being basically an au of the original character. TLDr if you can make a connection with the other character; good! just know he’s still his own thing and its on purpose and i love him. ps. x2/bonus i named anfisa after cat no banana <3 also anfisa (анфиса) means flowering/blossoming. i have made anfisa allergic to bananas and have given him plant themed clothingLKJGFDLKJG

ps. x3 im planning on drawing the rest of this team and talking about them but i want to post them all at once. i honestly wanted to do that here but i havent posted in 9 days so i. went ahead and just posted these two and gave their info since its more than, yknow, nothing? ps. x4 (help i have so many notes) literally i never put any of my stories on earth but then dont make any effort to make the contries non-earth countries bc like. *gestures vaguely* man idk how to do that and dont have the energy to make new cultures nd stuff on my free time??? im not doing this for a professional story??? so like. yeah. anyways so anfisa is Not from russia. he’s russian. valentine is british. britain doesn’t exist. make of that what you will. anyways. that is all. thank you. i kiss you for reading this. if you have questions please ask me them i have so much information all the time and it shows me theres interest in this

#my ocs #character design #my art #neontok #oc anfisa #oc valentine #this is the same world as four‚ wren‚ rum‚ and turbomaslo's intruxx!#and quite a few others.#shoutout to neontok almost everyone's clothing designs is black with a primary bright colour #ALSO SHOUTOUT TO BLAKE FOR HELPING ME WITH ALL THIS I LOVE U SIR. THANK YOU SO MUCH YOURE SO VERY COOL AND I HOLD YOU.#I CANT TAG HIM IN THIS POST BC IM PRETTY SURE HIS ONLY ACTIVE BLOGS ON HERE ARE COMPLETELY UNRELATED RP BLOGS SO SDFGFDGFD #HONORABLE MENTION TO HIM IN THE TAGS IS ALL I CAN DO <3

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cattles-bians · 3 years

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exes au part 14

post directory

obsetress:

obsetress: viola

em: holy shit

em: i think viola could hold a truly ridiculous number of things in her hands

em: danis like i have a little fanny pack right here- and violas like (turns up nose) absolutely not

obsetress: pre therapy viola during her relationship w dani: buys dani a birkin too, is like "here baby, so you don't have to use that fanny pack"

obsetress: dani's like "oh. i, um. like my fanny pack"

obsetress: viola therapy era after her relationship with dani: buys her a hermes fanny pack instead

obsetress: jamie rolls her eyes but dani is literally

em: i think a lot abt viola offering solutions completely unprompted n then being really offended when ppl dont take her up on it

em: pre therapy obvs

obsetress: SAME

obsetress: oh link is gross

obsetress: cost is grosser

obsetress: but viola lloyd dropping $2550 on a fanny pack for her ex gf? chefs kiss

---

obsetress: ok just remembered viola slouching or leaning or w/e n like

obsetress: brain practically applying that to exes au and imagining when and where she'd slouch n everyone's reactions to htat

obsetress: bc like she has perfect posture but when she chooses to do it it's a power move

obsetress: and i. hm

em: yeah

obsetress: viola sitting up stock straight when they first get to brunch and as soon as she's ordered her bloody mary shes pulling off her sunglasses and dropping them on the table and just sinking back

em: how to phrase this w/o sounding too much like a whore

em: actually no way to say this but like i feel v strongly abt the way we make women take up less space wrt to knees together calves touching type deal and i think maybe

em: maybe viola can manspread a bit as a treat

em: hate that term but i cant think of a better one

obsetress: nah she does n it's hot

obsetress: just had this image pre divorce of viola and arthur at marriage counseling on opp ends of the couch n arthur's sitting v tight close and vi is just

obsetress: leaning and spreading a lil

obsetress: the first time jamie sees her do it she's so taken aback

obsetress: because she's NOT expecting it

em: jamies like ah ok late in life lesbian deal and then jokes on her viola is fluent in dyke slouch

obsetress: jamie immediately trying to suss out just how long viola has been fucking women

obsetress: she says to dani later "i thought she was all proper like" and dani's like "she is" and jamie's like "so wot was that then" and dani's like "well, people are gay, jamie,"

em: ghfjhgljkJFDASJKKJFGA

em: jamies like so wait how long HAS viola been

obsetress: jamie: so you were vi's first serious girlfriend right? dani: dani: jamie: right???????

em: violas been fucking women longer than jamie has lbr

em: i mean shes clearly only 35, jamie,

obsetress: jamie: so... vi... viola: hm? jamie: you're, uh, gay, right? viola: obviously jamie: right. well dani told me you've been dating women since–– viola: since i was 15, yes jamie: but you married a man

em: violas like u went to jail everyone does stupid shit occasionally

em: jamie: so how long have you been dating women viola: since i was 15 jamie: no i meant like. in years viola raises her eyebrows and jamies just like haha nevermind fuck

obsetress: she tried!

obsetress: she tried

em: jamie on her 35th birthday pencilling 'many happy returns' into violas ????th 35th birthday card

em: yknow i think

em: i think something's afoot

obsetress: jamie, giving up on the direct approach

obsetress: slipping in next to rebecca at the wine bar

obsetress: "becca"

obsetress: "hi, jamie" "hi. how old is your girlfriend"

em: am fucking losing it thinking abt jamie like. realising how much gay energy viola has

em: like taken ABACK

obsetress: fksljfLKSDJFLJ

obsetress: just like

obsetress: why are jamies reactions to viola so funny

obsetress: montage of jamie realizing how much gay energy viola has

obsetress: jamie watching viola sitting

obsetress: jamie watching viola pick up a variety of glasses and mugs

obsetress: jamie watching viola compare hand sizes with dani, jamie's girlfriend and viola's ex girlfriend who she dated for literal years and whose hand size she definitely already knows

em: NOT THE HAND SZIES

em: they go for a walk and viola immediately complains about the sun and jamie's like

em: i have a spare hat but ur not gonna like it

em: its a snapback that says daddy or smthn in gold, owen got it for jamie for her bday, jamie Loathes it

obsetress: BYE

obsetress: viola looks better in it than jamie does

em: jamie has that

em: am i attracted to viola? moment

em: it passses

em: she has already compartmentalised the weird psychosexual power play

em: queen of compartmentalising

obsetress: jamie: had another one of those moments today dani: what moments? jamie: where i thought i might be attracted to vi dani: well, you did let her fuck you... what was it, four? times in one night, so

em: jamie; yeah but like that aside

em: jamie 'thats neither here nor there' taylor

obsetress: she is the queen of compartmentalizing tho

em: i was gonna be like. 'jamies like wait i dont remember saying four' but. i think she would tell dani

em: because the flip of that is dani callin up vi n i dont think she would necessarily

obsetress: i think she would and dani would make her anyway

obsetress: well make her is harsh but

obsetress: dani would very curiously ask in very convincing ways

em: lovingly coax it out of her

em: dani: what if i fucked you four times in o

obsetress: dani: let me do five

em: viola probably wears so many rings jamie doesn’t even clock the ever present thumb ring

obsetress: jamie just. writes it all off

em: am laughing abt like. viola v meticulously taking off every single ring and putting it in its proper location before...

obsetress: there is something. so hot about that

obsetress: im gonna scream i think

em: i was just meming and now im thinking abt it and

em: truly played myself

em: actually this is me refusing to unpack whatever the hell theo crain gloves made me feel

obsetress: sdkfmsldjfa

obsetress: fair

em: sublimate it into rings

obsetress: i just like um

obsetress: thinkin about when she and dani are together and like

obsetress: it's intentional and everything has its place but vi also makes a show out of it

obsetress: and like

obsetress: she's SO painstaking about it and definitely makes dani wait a little bit and

em: helps dani outta her big ass earrings

em: i mean dani doesnt even Need the help

em: viola meticulous lloyd

em: i mean she just wears so much goddamn jewellry

obsetress: she can tell when dani's getting impatient and goes even slower

em: viola has like

em: viola is one of thos ppl thats really into expensive watches

obsetress: !!!!!!

obsetress: yeah

obsetress: nice lil canon nod too

em: she drags dani to antique auctions n danis like i cant. actually tell the difference between the real and the forgery and violas like (passionately explains it for like 30 minutes) and dani is

em: like shes mentally checked out but also v intensely watching violas hands as she points to the parts of the watch

em: rebecca gets it tho

em: rebecca Gets It

obsetress: dani shoving vi into the bathroom at the auction house and tugging vi's hand between her legs v rebecca grabbing her own auction paddle and bidding against viola for the same watch

obsetress: (rebecca n vi fuck in the car on the ride home)

em: dani grabs a paddle n mimes spanking viola n then the auctioneer is like '$250 to 201' and danis like aw Fcuk

em: violas like i cant take u Anywhere

obsetress: dani gives her the 🥺😌and viola's immediately over it and pulling out $250

obsetress: dani: i didn't even want it, i was just–– vi: i know dani: what am i even gonna do with a–– vi: i'll sell it for $500 at a private auction next week dani: so technically i'm making you money dani, grinning: it's like i'm your employee dani: do you have any more assignments for me, boss? vi: dani get your hand out of my pocket i need to focu––

#dj khaled voice another one #the dani jamie viola rebecca exes au

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catboyithaqua · 3 years

Note

Ramuda and Doppo :0

OH MY BOYS LETS GO

Under a cut bc long

Ramuda Amemura

First impression

Baby boy baby. Very cute and sweet i love characters with ramudas aesthetic i tend to want to protect them, especially since its an aesthetic that i fall into myself and lo v e so kseidjsnfn YEAH this man is baby!!!

Impression now

Ohhh my god i love this man i love the way he is characterised he is so incredibly interesting as a character and tbh so realistic and honestly i adore him!!! I alarmingly see a lot of myself in him tbh, were incredibly similar and that isnt necessarily a good thing!! But still i love this man

Favorite moment

Oh man where tf do i BEGIN there are so many ngl, but mostly all of the moments where we see ramuda's humanity. There is still a sweetness left under the darkness, there is still a man who wants to cling onto everything he has - his emotion, his internal battles, his morality vs his desperate need to survive - oh fucking man so much.

Idea for a story

CAN WE FUCKING. HAVE RAMUDA TALK HIS SHIT OUT PLEASE can we just have others actively helping ramuda cAN THIS MAN PLEASE BE SHOWN THAT ITS NOT TOO LATE FOR HIM,,, PLEASE,, i just want ramuda to finally talk out everything and have people on his side. Please.

Unpopular opinion

This probs isnt unpopular by any means, but idk what else to put here so take this:

I dont really see it often discussed that yknow ramuda is an abuse victim. Like, its very clear that chuokhu uses and abuses him, and his life is constantly being hung over his head. No wonder the dude is doing anything he can in order to survive, he has no choice in that regard. Before i get told this in the notes yes i know this doesnt excuse the things hes done!!! But tbh i really think that like the trauma that ramuda is living with kinda needs to be addressed.

Favorite relationship

I am a huge multishipper and have found a way to ship ramuda w just about most people (that are adults and not in chuokhu lol) so this is pretty tough

Id say either fling poly or jkrm and these are my reasons lets go:

Fling poly: HAVE YOU S E E N THEM do i really need to say more here all three of them have such good chemistry together, theyre all clearly on the same wavelength and have such a wonderful dynamic,,, they found out about the clones and shit and they STILL chose to protect ramuda and to fight for him and with him and to stay by his side aND BLACK JOURNEY TOO I-- IM GONNA START SOBBING,,,

Jakuramu: this one is not based on canon too much i am sorry this is mostly hc but i am a huge sucker for enemies to lovers ok also, i feel like out of TDD these two would be the ones to reconcile. After all, jakurai is a rather empathetic man and he probably would def understand the situation that ramuda was in. After all this dude was an ex assassin, if ramuda was to tell him everything, im sure that he would be able to relate to yknow the time he took others' lives, people with families and friends that he killed because he was ordered to and most likely had no other choice. Of course, jakurai is well within his right to not forgive ramuda for what happened to yotsutsuji, but i feel like he would and would help him get out of the situation hes in,,, and also im soft for the TDD era ok like how jakurai WANTED TO KNOW THE REAL RAMUDA AND LIKE,,, even when ramuda snapped at him he was GLAD HE WANTSD TO KNOW HIM FUCK MAN,,, i just really like these two ok

Favorite headcanon

I have quite a lot of hcs! Here are a few and like some explanation as to why:

- hes trans - i personally believe this bc personally itd make sense. Ramuda has a very feminine appearance and build, those that are like typically common in asian countries. As well as that, he has his own autonomy unlike the other clones. It wouldnt surprise me if chuokhu orignally wanted to make a girl to keep the other divisions in check, but when he decided personally that he didnt want to be such a way, they said sure, more room for us to treat you as we want to. Hes got money, getting T wouldnt be that difficult for him either, so thats why his voice is. That way fiaudjsnfnd anyway i think it makes sense!! Idk--

- he has bpd - projection probably but the biggest inspiration for this headcanon is how he is emotionally. His swings are violent - he feels and expresses such a diverse range of emotions and its so easy for him to change his emotional disposition - whilst also mostly feeling totally empty. Relationship wise also, given how he was genuinely really close to jakurai and then completely splitting on him, h a t i n g him. Yeah that sounds like bpd to me chief i know i have it!!! Theres more ik there is but i cant pull up examples rn

- hes neurodivergent - again mostly projection honestly and like there isnt much of a canon basis in his behaviour, just little things, but i like to personally hc that aside from eating candy to stay alive duh, that he chooses lollipops bc they serve as a sort of stim?? Also ik that fashion is his job but hes also so so clearly passionate about it that its a special interest for him, and thats partially why he took it up as a job in the first place, so he could do something related to his special interest lol. Idk i know there isnt any basis for this but just let me have autistic ramuda iaiesjdnsnfn

Doppo Kanonzaka

First impression

Now THATS what i call a tired mf!!! This dude has yves saint laurent eyebags also he really reminds me of aggretsuko somehow??? Im really not sure what it is

Impression now

Yeah i was def right with the aggretsuko comparison siaishsnshfb BUT I LOVEEE HIM i love him very much and i think this man really needs a break and is also very relateable i love

Favorite moment

As much as i love fp i absolutely adore the badass koments that doppo has including when he absolutely fucking obliterated fling posse sksjxnxncn also!! All of his little moments with hifumi i genuinely enjoy their dynamic its so cute

Idea for a story

Honestly i wanna see him slowly recover from the teauma that he has experienced because this king absolutely deserves it, and also from a practical point of view itd make this mf s t r o n g e r i also just.... long to see doppo happy honestly he deserves to smile!!

Unpopular opinion

I dont really have an unpopular opinion but saving like leaving this blank: as much as i absolutely adore jakurai and hifumi and their music (jakurai is my fave out of every hypmic character and i WILL drive this home), to me doppo just has the best music. Like, i love tigridia and BLACK OR WHITE so fucking much its absolutely unreal and all of doppos verses in every song are juust so fucking good. As much as i listen to you are, therefore i am on repeat every day of my life doppos music is just the best ✨

Favorite relationship

Again i am a huge multishipping bitch and i habe a few ships with doppo but in ahll honesty my fave is very clear - i absolutely adore his dynamic with matenrou as a whole and especially hifumi - his relationship with hifumi is clearly so special and it really shows how strong their friendship is, and in a ship sense i find it to be realy cute bc theres such a clear need for each other and that even if they clearly come at odds sometimes, at the end of the days theyre still clearly so close and i just,,, god doppo reallt deserves someone like hifumi in his life and im so glad that he has it!!!!

Favorite headcanon

Honestly i dont really think i have too many for doppo but given his general demeanor and his attitude, i personally hc him as demi. Yeah i know that sexualities dont have like typical personalities and such but i feel like given his anxieties around new people and how he clearly only really sticks to those that hes very close with, it makes more sense for him to be demi than any other sexuality to be quite honest - and this is also just pushing my hifudo agenda aiqiauansnssn but yknow!!!!

#im sorry this took me so long thanks for the ask!!!#hypmic

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gemsofthegalaxy · 4 years

Text

Because I am a ridiculous person, I am watching some random fashion youtuber react to J*fr** St*r’s closet out of morbid curiosity. Like, hate the amount of wealth he hoards and I don’t pay much attention to the couture fashion thing because i get the passing impression its bullshit but

this video really drives that nail in further. like. i like clothing and I like dressing in things that make me feel good (but that’s really hard you see because i’m fat and there arent many places that offer clothing to fit my body but thats almost besides the point) but, like, I don’t know, man. i just dont know. I understand clothing can be self-expression, and it can be art, but most ultra high end stuff doesnt necessarily look good, and the value is just determined by the FALSE sense of scarcity because they choose not to make many items. and it’s all so fake and shit.

and half the stuff doesn’t even look that great? lots of it has tacky patterns. the reviewer does point out a lot of it is ugly branded things, but even the pieces the reviewer says DO actually look good, I’m like, “Really??” but it truly is subjective, just like with other types of art, doesnt matter how technically perfect things are, people’s tastes are just genuinely different and that’s fine. but there is also an entire subset of elite humans that get to dictate the general taste and fashion trends which is, like, again.. just weird.

and, actually, some of it i do like because it is pink and it might be a bit tacky but who cares, but the sheer price it cost + the amount of it J, as well as anybody in his league, holds on to, is wild.

and i do understand lots of people collect stuff as a hobby, especially rare and expensive things. i’m not sure why humans have that impulse (im sure there are many reasons I could come up with though) and i’m not exempt, i collect rocks/crystal myself, but, it gets to a really absurd point when people can’t eat or house themselves but some huge Titans collect, yknow, bags and shoes that they hardly ever use because they have to be kept in mint condition so they dont lose value. idk.

i just dont know. its weird.

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ts-2020-olympics · 4 years

Text

EPISODE 1 - “My Legs Were Not Qwoperating” - Kathy (Part 1)

One world ! 24 other players ! I

I'm too old to be here but... it's happening! I made it on Tumblr Survivor mom! Determined to not be first boot!

Also I'm aligning with Jordan Pines because I love chaos and these newbies won't know what hit them

Well this is certainly something. I'm going to try out seeing who pms me without me saying anything. I'll pick up the activity tomorrow, so it doesn't really affect me, let's see if anyone takes the initiative so I don't have to. If I get dragged into a majority alliance then that's cool. I don't think that this group is great in terms of teamwork as of yet, but we'll see. There's so many tribes our chances of going to tribal are pretty slim, even if we suck. We're kindof underdogs, so sucking might not be excusable.

First day of surviving the Survivor survivorship...survivor. These forms are going to take some time to get used to, but I'll manage. Got conversations from Beck and Sammy so far - might scope the field, see what's out there. Or, I can lay low and do what I need to do for my team until merge hits.

i actually really like the people on my tribe and i'm excited because i have hopes for us. i've also made some nice friends so far and i'm hoping that pays off later but even if it doesn't i'm glad my first day in a skype survivor org has been positive! woo!

Fuck this complicated ass first challenge

youtube

Hello! Guess whose back? It me! Anyway, it’s been a fun first night. Things are going okay. I am worried a little bit about the One World mess, I don’t want to come off too social right now but at the same time I need to secure a good place. So here is the breakdown analysis of my tribe: Chris Stoner: hello ???? I didn’t know they let stoners into the Olympics, didn’t we drug test? I haven’t spoken to him much but we did play Crossroads together although not really together. Anyway, fun to see him. Don’t know if I’d work with him but I guess that’s to be determined. Karen: KARENNNNN! I wasn’t expecting to see them here but now that it’s happening I am very glad to have someone who I have worked with before around, and a solid foundation of working together. Right away I felt like I had someone who had my back and I hope I’m not misreading that, because Karen and I always seem to work together until a certain point. Hopefully we can work together longer than usual this time! Kevin: uhhh soooooo love Kevin but we don’t have the best track record? He was in Circle with me we had a little fight where I may have called him a racist for being mad at Asya anyway it SEEMS as though that’s not an issue anymore and I think we might be able to work something out. I don’t wanna have to vote Kevin out before Stoner or Tommy. Tommy: ok no offense to this man but he is so hard to talk to so far. Every conversation feels flat and even though we are talking about subjects I could go on about for a while, it feels like the convos are going nowhere. I feel like there’s a sort of slight bond between Karen, Kevin and I but then Tommy and Stoner are kind of...hopefully who they’d want to kill off first, I’m probably wildly misreading every situation rn. Outside of my tribe I’ve talked to Juls who I am going to take under my wing as my daughter and she will win this season if I don’t get to! I love her so much she reminds me of my old school Skype babies and I feel like a cool mom when I talk to her I’ve also talked to beck briefly, KING love him bc he’s dating Asya and I don’t necessarily want to bond based on that. I also know beck is a good as game player bc I’ve watched him play so......I’m gonna be nice and observant and maybe we can establish a threat/threat symbiotic relationship. I also talked to Jacob C. who I love so much and he and I have been comparing some notes. He’s already told me Sammy has an idol that he can only use for three rounds so heh heh heh. OH SPEAKING OF SAMMY I love that man he’s such a doll and I really hope we can work together if I get far. At this point I love this cast but I really feel like I am not gonna vibe with the newbies, they’re like very....quiet in the PM’s but loud in the one world chat? I find that backwards. I’m hoping the newbies I do like will be able to get rid of the newbies I don’t like so that when we merge the newbies I do like will help me get rid of the returnees I don’t wanna work with. That’s what we are manifesting, 2020 vision yeehaw.

Showmance, eh? I might play dumb, surprise them all later? I could play the role of disposable pawn while possibly orchestrating things behind the shadows. Could be a long, long shot, but it could work.

AAAAHHHHH IM HERE HI MOM IM ON TV IM SO EXCITED AND I CANT WAIT FOR EVERYTHING IM ALSO SCARED AS FUCK CUS EVERYONE KNOWS HOW THESE THINGS WORK AND I DONT

omg okay this is all so crazy i love it i can’t stop shaking AAAAHHH dhdkshHSJDHEVSJbokayOKAY so like i LOOOVE my tribe we’re the fuckin best tribe here cus we’re all so cool like we’re the FRIENDSHIP tribe and being able to make friends is a useful skill in this game like no offense but being the “dominant” tribe or “champions” tribe or whatever tbh it’s pretty unskinny bc that’s a target on you forever whereas my tribe we’re all friendly and trusting!! 💖💞 xoxo lets hold hands all the way to finale and have fun! 🌈✨

okay i forgot to talk about strategy lol anyways yeah I looOOOVve everyone on my tribe and that’s great but also sucks because there’s only 5 of us, it just takes 3 votes to send you out so I wish there was some oblivious cocky dick on our tribe we all could hate so we’d have an easy first vote like that guy Billy.. why is he on the respect tribe¿? anyways i love everyone but I think Will and I are becoming the closest we talked for a lil while last night yknow things got a little steamy 🥰😩 (you’ll have to pay for ts all access for that footage 😘) we bonded really well and I think for this first vote if we lose, Will and I are definitely gonna be voting together.

Alright, so here we are at the 2020 Olympics. I came in as a last minute replacement, so I feel like I have to prove myself more than some others who applied weeks before hand and made the cut. As well, got some past players, and past winners, which makes the competition stakes that much greater this season. Then, to top it all off, at the One World style camp, so can talk to everyone which is definitely a nice touch. Now, regards to my tribe, I honestly like the people on my tribe, and find that we're going to be a solid crew. Here is my actual impressions on my tribe mates thus far though: Beck - Probably one I recognize most, just due to being in a discord org vl with her, definitely seems like a friendly gal, and when time is right, I feel she could end up being my closest ally on the tribe Ben - Probably one so far who I have talked the most too, and I feel like we're connecting alright thus far, so going to keep building up a bond with him and his route could end up being as my first ally of these Olympics. Kathy - Haven't spoken one on one with her yet, just in the tribe chat somewhat and main chat, which she definitely seems like a cool person, and hoping to get to know her a bit better, but terms of this game, hard to say if we'll be on same side or not. Bailey - Speaking with her a little, but kind of same lines as Kathy currently with her, just not sure if Bailey will end up being an ally who will be with me, or someone who will be against me. Overall, time will tell how this game goes, but hopefully it goes well for me and I come out with at least something worth while.

HOLY SHIT I FOUND AN ADVANTAGE OH MY GOD!!!!! I GOT AN ADVANTAGE ON DAY FUCKIN TWO OF MY FIRST SURVIVOR EVERR HOLY SHIT!!!! okay so it says i can get an extra vote IF at the next tribal i decide to NOT vote and save that vote for later so i’d have an extra vote. Now the hard part is making my first tribal an easy vote so i can save my own.. hopefully i’ll be able to do this! i’m so scared ohmygod

okay i’m in a serious predicament... so I may not vote at the next tribal meaning there’s only 4 votes. While looking at the cast reveal i discovered something.. Nik is a drag queen, Eve also does drag as well... what if they applied together from some drag community or are bonding because of that. That’s 2 votes together already on a tribe of five.. that’s dangerous especially when I’m not allied with either of them! If they vote together and i don’t vote... they’d have half the votes already and may get rid of my ally Will! I’m hoping to god they don’t know each other but if they are aligned then Will or I could be out! I want this advantage but i don’t know if i can take it.... fuuUUUUCK

I’m really enjoying my tribe and I think that the people in this game are super awesome! However with that being said, I can definitely see who could potentially be an issue down the line and I’m keeping my eyes peeled for them!

whoa. this game is a lot. I managed to message everyone on day one because I just rely on my social abilities. I tried to be as relatable as possible to everyone but literally some people were dead fish. Some newbies have asked me for advice already and they said returners are intimidating so I said "I mean only the returners that won" hahah and they were like "oh yeah so true" sorry I threw y'all under the bus. But ummm kathy is playing and we are from the same hometown so I am hoping we end up on same tribe sometime soon. I love juls too!! OH AND JACOB IS MY RIDE OR DIE. we had a tribe call and I was so uncomfortable because I felt like I had nothing to add to the conversation. my fav 2 on my tribe are Jacob and Caeleb tho! umm okay last thing I searched for the idol....AND BIH ON DA FIRST TRY I GOT ONE BLSFSI only good for next three tribals I attend tho. I told Jacob. it was in a yellow condom. okay sorry this was very choppy I just wanted to get it all out.

This tribe seems to be working fine together, while I'm still terrified of losing, I think we stand a fighting shot. This cool little band of misfits would be a cool sight. I've kept my quiet for the first day, time to ramp things up just a tad. I've talked to Landen and I feel pretty alright about him, and given this tribe is as small as my will to life after playing QWOP, we only need one more! Landen's probably talking to everyone, so I just need to seal the deal with him. I think my challenge performance will suffice for being enough to keep me around, but I need a bit of a backup just in case. If we go to tribal, there's not a "stay UTR" option. It's either I'm in an alliance and I'm calling some shots, or I'm being (in)directly blindsided. But, I picked my strong suit in flash games for a reason fellas. The one world chat has quite a bit of activity. I'm quite and that's fine, if we swap I can readjust. If we go to tribal I'm sure I'll become just a tad more popular along with the other 9 that go. tldr:I'm winning duh

Ayo, tribe energy looking DOPE AS HELL BAY BAY! We all seem to be getting along pretty well, seeing as our communication during this challenge is pretty dope! No bad personalities in sight. I gotta wonder though, how nervous do I have to be? I know for a damn fact if I start talking more to these people they gon' be fallin' as hard as underage kids seeing the hottest girl in school enter their club. Thing is though, I'm fresh meat coming into this, so any pre existing relationships in this game are like dust mites to me. Can't see em' but GOD DAMN they annoy me. Nonetheless, I gotta work my magic in case we go to Tribal. I ain't letting anybody take out a rookie, especially a rookie who has somethin' to prove, and someone who at his best is the damn king of the world. See me work bay bay!

#zestypowerfuluniqueflavorfulhealthy #confessionals

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caelin-ismycity · 6 years

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Please tell us more about Tellius ships

god theres a lot of ships with how many bitches there are in this game- like id have to play through the game some more which i plan on doing anyway to write an essay-ass anthology of all the good shit here but for now i can shoot off my faves

ike/boyd:

yall already know i like myself some elihec and one reason is cause of their lil rivalry/best friend relationship yknow- you can look at those losers romantically or not and it’d still be some Good Shit.

same logic with ike/boyd honestly- especially with there bantering asses in the beginning and generally how boyd tends to think of ike immediately when it comes to finding a sparring partner or just helping him out during their quest with the tri-arrow attack discussed with rolf and oscar.

another scene i found cute was after ike and others disobeyed titania and sought out the bandits alone and when greil is about to rip into ike about disrespecting orders, boyd’s the first one (i think its been awhile since i played that chapter) to step up and take the blame (admitted by him to be pretty out of character which i like to interpret as boyd just being flustered that hes caught caring for ike beyond their competitiveness)

unfortunately, not only is fe9 hard to play legally because of its stupid price, but even if you did sell your soul to buy the game intelligence systems has cursed my household by not allowing ike and boyd to have any support conversations, nor any interactions all together beyond a certain chapter, so ike/boyd is one of the rarest pairs you can like in this series especially considering the most popular ship is ike/soren with the tellius series

ike/ranulf

ike and ranulf meet uhhh god i dont rememebr honestly- but they meet about halfway into the game when ike and co properly become associated with the beast laguz where ranulf, considerably, becomes a reoccurring ally to the greil mercenaries.

couple reasons why i love these two- one being the whole laguz/beorc thing ight (lemme get on that in a sec). i.e., ike is big on joining laguz and beorc together, and ranulf doesnt really seem to mind them (i say ‘doesnt seem to mind them’ because, if i remember right, ranulf has real issues trusting beorc and even tells ike that if he naively trusts people he’ll end up hurt). ergo, id imagine that ike would love to get to know more about the laguz alltogether and ranulf himself (he’s clearly curious considering h is supports with lethe as well). additionally, their C support is fuckin cute as hell with ranulf taking pride in making ike laugh/smile at one of his jokes (which tbh i thought would set the grounds for a lovely af A support but instead i get ranulf calling ike a nitwit for trusting him so easily so thanks intell).

another big moment for me is how ike hardly hesitated to defend ranulf from the other beorcs after he was discovered in that one really racist town (its the one where you get zihark and board nasir’s ship y’all know the one) even if it jeopardized the possibility of them escaping the town quietly (double points for ranulf insisting on ike leaving him alone and ike essentially telling ranulf to fuck off with that shit)

its utter trash that ranulf joins the mercenaries at the very end of the game (maybe chapter 25-26? you get JUST enough chapters to achieve their A support), not to mention he pops in-and-out of the gang’s path to actually talk to ike. but im grateful there’s some content for these two, even if there isn’t as much as i would like

kieren/oscar

again yall know i love that rivalry shit but this time it’s extremely one sided on kieran’s part (oscar more-or-less just dealing with it and not making a fuss about it). but damn if there isn’t potential, especially when you can take kieran’s insistent rivalry as some form of admiration for oscar (not to mention the possibilities of their past with oscar originally working alongside kieran)

double points for kieran’s insistence that oscar come back with him to work as a crimean knight again (obviously more because kieran’s genuinely astonished oscar would willingly work with lowly-payed, unknown, not-pristine mercenaries). you can really just take it as kieran really lowkey missing oscar but being too prideful to admit it

ill also be damned if oscar cooking with kieran/teaching him how to cook wouldnt be the tightest shit to watch; i cant tell if kieran would be too stubborn to let oscar fully mandate what he does, begrudgingly listens to oscar, or is utterly impressed with oscar’s culinary skills and insists that ‘only someone as amazing as his rival would obviously be fit with abilities like that’

kieren/rhys

not exactly phat on my radar but it is cute as hell considering how easily concerned rhys becomes of kieran (and for good reason to the fucker regularly bludgeons himself with an axe and he wrestles bears jesus christ man), so its easy to imagine rhys making the excuse to kind of baby kieran to make sure he isn’t seriously hurt on or off the battlefield to just look/watch him

its also pretty fun to imagine rhys going with kieran when the dumb bitch proudly tells the army he’s about to go bear wrestling and rhys getting to see kieran ;lightly’ clothed to fight a fucking bear

im pretty sure in their A support, rhys tells kieran that if he isn’t more careful then the army’ll lose their most valuable soldier to something as stupid as a self-inflicted axe wound. its obvious that rhys said something along the lines of that (as well as a couple of other things in that support) because he acknowledges kieran’s self importance, but its also cute to imagine that rhys was able to use that fact to his advantage to tell kieran how much he means to himself (bonus points if, alternatively, rhy’s dialogue would follow some shit like ‘I- uh... We can’t lose a soldier as important as you, Kieran.’)

gatrie/shinon

another lowkey one (considering shinon and gatrie are absent for a decent portion of the game post initial chapters), but the one support i did manage to get of them was enough to sell me- cause frankly i find the idea of shinon teasing gatrie about buying them dinner and gatrie just being like “hhrhrum” as he begrudgingly agrees to be endearing; i.e. the sinon mentallity being ‘If you’re going to throw your money at everything, you might as well spend it on something worthwhile’ aka ‘lets just have a nice dinner together instead of you buying some random girl three bouquets of roses’

they also have a pre-planned attack together (albeit quickly mentioned to titania) like cmon they bondin yall they conversin

finally i love how shinon’s taller than gatrie- like this isnt necessarily ship-related i just finally have the opportunity to say it. like shinon could absolutely tease gatrie about it like ‘what did you say you wanted a kiss? ? ? i cant hear you from down there’ and gatrie just playfully punches his arm like ‘bro- dude- cmon please i missed you all day just bend down for two seconds’

i’ve been typing for a while and ive got the attention span of a brick but these are the ships i think of the most. during my second playthrough ill be damned if i dont develop more but feel free to send in more ship shit

#FE9 #snap chats #i finally have the chance to vomit my tellius ships thanks #ive actually been meaning to draw an ike/ranulf pic #mostly cause i got inspired with how ufcking cold its been lately #and you know damn well ike's gonna exploit ranulf's cat form to not only cuddle but be warm as hell

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karamazovdmitri · 6 years

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Ok so I know you love Dostoevsky but do you have any tips on how to read his books and just russian lit in general? I'm really interested but I feel like his or Tolstoy's or Turgenev's,etc. books might be very dense and complex and hard to understand and not relatable because they were written a while ago idk I'm just afraid I'm not gonna get them and enjoy them because of their complexity. Do you have any suggestions of where to start?

ooooh boy ALRIGHT sorry i took so long to reply to that schools a binchso uh first of all im so glad the ruslit love is spreading! and alright yeah ok lets get right down to it, i’ll focus on dosto for now and yes his books seem complex and and i wont lie that they are, but theyre not necessarily complex in their writing or their prose, its in what it holds. like its hard to explain but its just. so packed with everything.i feel that theres not one way to “get” the books. though i see what you mean because i often say i dont “get” poetry, but i think that even if you dont unveil the secret of his books or something, its still such a good read. we did that in lit class with crime and punishment, kinda just like tryna unveil the mysteries of it and... you cannot just do it like that, you can get closer to it but like... i guess its kinda like that saying that says destination isnt as important as the journey. as for them not being relatable i got GREAT NEWS FOR YOU, the brothers karamazov was probably the most relatable book ive read in my whole life. like i know because its Classic Lit™ and all, it might feel distant and foreign and like its well, not relatable, but once you dive into it the characters are the same you’d find in other books, theyre all painfully human. like if you take evgeny bazarov from turgenev’s fathers and sons, sure hes that like complex nihilistic character but also hes a bitchass med student like you’d find in any university i swear alright, like... god i feel like i cant express my thoughts coherently but what i mean is even if the prose in itself seems complicated (once you dive into it, its really not that bad honestly?? to be fair i havent read tolstoy yet -yeah what a bad ruslit hoe i make- but dostoevsky, while not the simplest in appearance actually just boils down to feelings nd shit. like you’ll just FEEL it. and yeah for me it has made me reflect a lot on who i am as a person and who i want to be, but as you probs have guessed i do take ruslit quite to heart... maybe thats the secret to enjoying it so much? idk? like im not tryna read for 5 layers deep interpretation, i guess as i said... you just somehow feel it. AS for suggestions... if you want to go with dosto, my first read by him was personally crime & punishment, which i feel is a good start?? its always the one i rec because its part of the holy dosto trinity (aka C&P, the bros karamazov and the idiot) but i think its the most accessible one. like it has a clear plot, raskolnikovs character is complex but not inaccessible and the main ideas that want to be communicated are clear cut, more than in the huge rambles that you’d find in the brothers karamazov. i mean like i dont wanna spoil shit but like unless the brothers karamazov, when i read C&P i didnt find myself putting the book down every now and then to just. breathe and think about shit (i did however had to put it down to yell about razumikhin but thats just me)for other ruslit i kinda just like. go with whatever. i read fathers and sons because i saw it in the bookstore and just. bought it lmao and honestly since its like significantly shorter than one of the dosto bricks™ that might also be a good place to start. honestly i dont think theres like one Good Place to start but if youre 0 familiar with the russian culture and history and stuff, like dont start with the brothers karamazov (if you ask me, just dont start with TBK because its dostos best book and like you gotta gradually make your way to it, just keep raising the expectations higher and higher) (can yall believe right before i started reading tbk i was like “man can this really top C&P?” LMFAO) but anyway yeah, russian lit however is a good way to familiarize yourself with like Russia™ as a concept, and the russian soul, decent slav sadness and all that sweet stuff so just start with something and then the more you’ll read the more you’ll get what i mean by that russkaya dusha thinganyway uhhh youre probs fuckin tired of reading by here hopefully i was of any help??? basically dont be afraid anon, academics really like to brand classic rus lit as like some kind of extremely fancy and complex shit, and like its complex but not in the way you think. its complex because its depictions of the human soul so theres a lot packed in that. but even if you couldnt care less about like the soul and shit, theyre absolutely amazing psychology-wise. so yknow just pick up a book and go for it!! if it makes you more comfy, start with a short one! it can be fathers and sons, it can be even shorter and be Notes from underground (this ones kinda hardcore though, i gotta say) can be death of ivan illyich, could be a play by Chekhov like honestly... theres so much to choose from, treat yoself(also i want to thank you for that ask i feel like??? so honoured to be considered some kind of reference when it comes to russian lit, truly warms my heart and dont hesitate to come ask for more info bc i know this is kind of just a huge dump of whatever)

#asks #anon #xz #i knew i shouldnt have answered that at 2am bc it was gonna all over the place and yet LOOK AT ME #Anonymous

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cbspams · 3 years

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The Boyz - No Air (A Song of Ice and Fire)

These are gonna be super fucking long, just fair warning.

Hello again and welcome to another round of Delphine nitpicking a performance into the oblivion!

Honorable mention to my roommate who desperately despises kpop with all their heart but watched this performance (and the other TBZ performance) with me to help me get some insight on how attuned to GOT the performance was since I've never watched the show or read the books. For reference, they have read the books, watched the tv show and in their free time they listen to extensive opinion pieces and analytical essays on GOT. So I'd personally put their knowledge pretty high, but once again this is like a second hand account so sorry if I get things wrong.

ALRIGHT LETS GET IT!!

First, I wanna talk a bit about the pre-performance clips. I really liked the underwater photography studio idea as a way to feel and show desperation. I personally would need to do something else as I'm not afraid of water but I think that the literal concept of not having air is interesting and a good direction. I'm also really proud of Sunwoo for working so hard despite his fear, and I'm really touched by Younghoon specifically going back into the tank to help. Side note but pufferfish New hehehehe.

I genuinely wish they had used more of the film and photography from the session for the actual performance. I feel like a short pre-performance film would've really elevated the storyline, especially since they're trying to reference GOT which is (as according to the books and the show UP TO where the books ended, yknow, pre-season 8) really, really plot and lore based. Not to dive too deep into the theme yet but I feel as though a lot of TBZ's performances in Kingdom (which are really just this one and then O Sole Mio (Red Wedding) in round 2) aren't really expressing the full extent of their themes.

What I mean by this is that anyone who has read A Song of Ice and Fire (ASIF, pls dont @ me if this is the wrong acronym bc idk??) probably knows that TBZ performance wasn't really based in any events of the book or any themes of it. No Air is a desperate love song and there's plenty of desperation in ASIF but it really feels like TBZ did a mix of inspired by ice and fire (the literal elements) and set in ASIF (physical location markers). According to my roommate, the set pieces are recognizably places in ASIF but the performance didn't really track the themes present in the novel. I'll get to the Red Wedding later as well, but in both performances although TBZ were clearly trying to track some level of GOT's, it feels underdeveloped and therefore to me feels clunky, which is a bit disappointing because TBZ are masters of concepts and executing new ideas. Not sure if this makes sense but I guess if I had to summarize, it would be that they're taking inspiration from the name and title of things rather than the actual source material so it doesn't feel as effect in some ways. STILL, if I consider it operating on the level of just ice and fire rather than by GOT, they did a beautiful job!

Consider this: No Air is originally a bit more of an upbeat rhythm and melody but the way they toned it to be almost kind of in minor key to fit the desperation theme? Whoever's doing arrangement is putting out stuff that's really amazing. On top of that, the drum beats in the baseline add to that same feeling and then to have the turn around where the melody gets softer before the chorus, is a beautiful touch of contrast that really draws together the tender side of a desperate love. And the first chorus feels almost defeated, longing and yearning. I feel like the flow of the music really fit a tragic romance storyline, which I just love about TBZ.

Even with their less than stellar (imo) execution of theme, they're still putting out completely new and incredible ideas. Starting even with the 100 sec performances in which they did the hands thing and now with the POV camera direction, TBZ are taking full advantage of the stage and it's set up, which I cheer at every time I see it. Even the other groups are were picking up their ideas! See Stealer (The Scene) by SF9 in which Zuho "fights" the camera.

ALSO a quick note on the beginning camera work!! They show the frozen zombies (an allusion to the white walkers I assume) and they're completely stiff but then the camera moves towards Juyeon and the woman's arms take off one of his wrist cuffs before turning and you see that the zombies have moved!! And then there's a quick shot that as she's turned around to take off the other cuff, the zombies start to move again. That's a really smart way of setting up the kind of stakes in the moment, that if she doesn't get Juyeon free quickly then she'll be attacked and overtaken and Juyeon will stay trapped. The blocking in this moment is immaculate as far as story telling goes!! I love when the camera contributes to the theme and storyline, very much a show don't tell kind of thing. Love that for them.

The stretch screen is also a really interesting idea! I'm not sure how it correlates to ASIF or their theme necessarily, I think it's more of a performance aspect but literally Juyeon What The Fuck. He's genuinely so talented and it stems from his dedication and hard work. They kind of mention in the pre-performance clips that he's really harsh on himself and cries after performances when they don't do well, but legit I thought he did so, so well here. His expressions were really forlorn at first and once again, those dance moves!! Bro!!

On the topic of expressions, because one of their main themes is desperation, I watched really closely to how they were expressing that with their faces and bodies. I'm judging body language differently, since kpop dances tend to really favor the more hip hop, sharp isolation style and I can't view it like, oh they should've done contemporary dance.

Kevin's opening line gave me goosebumps. The kind of build up in the strings to his cool but forceful voice, mmph. I think Haknyeon's anger is also a really nice touch because desperation may be based in sadness but it's real expression usually comes out in anger. In that last do or die moment, are you cowering and hiding in an attempt to survive or do you fight back? The human body has a natural instinct to thrash around and reach for anything you can when you drown, and it feels like a fight because it is one. So although TBZ is aiming for a sad and tragic love story, because their main theme is what it is, I like that they included different sides from fury to despair. Sunwoo's little head toss back was really good too, both technically and thematically.

Honestly I don't know who choreo'd this but I really liked it. They definitely choreo'd it with the camera in mind, which I mean, everyone did but their was really smooth and easy to flow with. People were walking off camera nonchalantly, as opposed to sprinting off. It's something that ATEEZ had trouble with in the 100 sec performance (in the pre-performance clip) so you can see TBZ experience in performing the live take on the Kingdom stage (which I've mentioned before is a really unconventional type of stage). Plus because the arrangement slows in different places, they have little moments of tragic love as well (like pre-chorus when the camera unblindfolds Hyunjae or post-chorus when Haknyeon, Kevin, Sangyeon, and Jacob hold the lover's hands tenderly), which just emphasizes their desperation! I feel like I'm repeating myself a lot but tbh that just goes to show how in tuned TBZ are with their emotional theme. Another thing is the zombies, which continues the theme from before that they're fighting somehow to stay with their lover or that their time is in danger. Sunwoo dangling over the hoard, like okay. Okay! I see you! Oof, props to you choreographer, props to you.

YOUNGHOON!!! What an actor man, he's got such a diverse range of facial expressions. He really pulls off the kind of empty, forlorn look, ugh. Please get this man a role in a drama, 11/10 would watch. Honestly Juyeon too, please guys I'm too wear for those intense, piercing looks.

That last moment is interesting. It's almost like they're flinging their lover away from the fire, rejecting them so they'll be safe? The explosion in the back honestly doesn't make a lot of sense except as some kind of climactic moment but I don't think they needed it. It doesn't really fit the story they were telling, nor does it set up for their next performance so like. Why lol.

I'm new TBZ and I've been kind of eating up content from them, but especially because I got to know them through RTK, I had really high expectations for them now. I think they're still doing wonderfully, especially between the new creative freedoms Kingdom offers. But I also think they're suffering what I've previously described as the kind of burden to come up with something that fits in the set.

A quick recap: Because RTK had less budget and was smaller, the props and sets were a lot more simple and specific. Each group had to create stories using limited props which forced them to be more technically advanced with their formations, dance moves, arrangements etc. Because Kingdom has more budget and can now create elaborate sets and costumes etc, I think the groups are somehow less diverse and creative here than in RTK. Their technical skill still shines through but it feels like a lot of it gets covered with the sets and stuff.

So like in RTK, TBZ made ample usage of their own bodies to tell stories whereas now it feels like they're not doing that and it makes me sad in some ways because I think that's the appeal of a competition show. That you're allowed to make more story telling with your own body, instead of following pure performance choreography like in normal performances. Something that comes to mind for example is like The Eve from EXO. The song is supposedly about standing up to corruption but the dance is uh. Sexy and honestly not very aligned with the song. So like that's kind of a choreography and performance for the sake of performance. But on RTK, groups were able to have more themed storytelling and TBZ were a master of it, from thieves in Danger to revolutionaries in Reveal. So I'm just a little sad to see that kind of vanish with the budgeting that comes with Kingdom.

Despite all that, I still think TBZ have put on a great performance and it's still really interesting and fun to watch. I hope that their future performances allow them a little more creativity and storytelling with their bodies and techniques, with the set pieces helping enhance that rather than hinder it.

#admin talk #kingdom commentary #kingdom performance comments #drowning cw

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jess-oh · 5 years

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Reflection

HEY JOURNAL!

IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG!

I HAVE SO MUCH TO WRITE ABOUT!

MY PRIORITIES AND THOUGHTS ARE ALL OUT OF WHACK AND I DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN!

I’ve been trying to process externally through other people instead of internally through my journal and lowkey it has been affecting my relationships with other people and I don’t want it to.

Recently, I was hanging out with Mitchell and we witnessed a drive by shooting and overall, I’m pretty okay now. I was pretty freaked out at first but I think I’m okay now. Honestly, I was in denial a bit because I couldn’t tell if I was just putting on more of an act so people don’t think I’m a sociopath but whenever I talked about it and actually felt pain or a tightness in my chest or cried about it, I would be surprised and realized I was more affected than I initially thought about it. I was honestly afraid to go outside and I did get triggered whenever I heard loud, sudden sounds. But overall, I am better now. I think sharing it with people and asking for prayer did definitely help and going to God first. I listened to “Resurrecting” and “Even When It Hurts” a lot and really resonated with the words. Honestly, even on Sunday during service, I tried really hard to be real and honest with God but I couldn’t stop crying. I did feel super nervous being outside at all on Saturday and clutched my tote bag closely over my chest just in case one of the speeding cars suddenly started shooting. I was afraid and I admittedly still am to some extent but I am a lot better now. I am a little bit more edge than usual being outside but I’m getting back to normal. I am. I’m close. And I’m glad. Thank you, God! Thank you for wonderful people around me.

But I think it was good that this happened to me. It made me face the reality of how I felt. I feel as if I’ve been living with a layer over everything recently and haven’t been totally honest with anyone. Which is, admittedly a little tough. I want to have a best friend to whom I can just tell them everything. But I am surrounded by guys and I don’t want things to get awkward in sharing too much? I know I need to set boundaries!

I’m just sad because for the girls, I really don’t have a lot in common with them so I can’t necessarily go super deep? I do get along well with Amanda but she’s a horrible texter and already has so much on her plate and I feel bad. I don’t want her to feel like she just has to take care of me all the time either? Because I know she has her own trust issues and I want to be accommodating to that! But it does kind of suck. I know other people feel alone too and I want to reach out to them and let them know I’m here for the but knowing the line between guys and girls is kind of hard. I want to reach out more Jason and P. Josh but they are guys. And that isn’t something I normally actively think about and I don’t see either of them in a romantic sense at all. I JUST WISH THERE WERE MORE SISTERS :’((( The community is lacking on our end! And I know I, along with Amanda and the other sisters can do a better job with community on our end bUT, it’s just unfortunate. And Movement isn’t super big either so it makes sense but it does kind of suck. I lowkey always questioned P. Josh whenever he wanted to intentionally do something or have something with a specific gender but I get it now :’(

I really dislike gossip and I know that I do it sometimes but I actively try to go against it. It’s annoying, just leads to drama, and is extremely passive aggressive which also bothers me. And I’ve been the victim of it in the past and it freaking sucked and I hated it and it was such a terrible feeling. And I don’t want to feel like that again and I don’t think anyone should have to ever feel like that. Ever. Really.

But now I know about this thing that happened between Joyce Park and Jason and I don’t know what to do now? But typing this at all has actually been helping me process a lot. I know that I can have a big mouth at times and feel like I can’t keep secrets and I definitely want to get better at that but this...I don’t feel the need to share it with more people because I understand it isn’t my place. I’m not the most trustworthy person and I think my first love language has become acts of service. If my friends ever need anything, I would gladly drop everything I’m doing and go to help them as soon as I possibly can. And I don’t expect others to do the same for me because I understand that it’s a big time and energy commitment. I don’t want someone else to do what I am willing to do for others necessarily. I just want to have some that I can fully rely and depend on. Which used to be Jeanne but she never really shared back to me and I wanted to be there for her too. I didn’t just want to use her as a resource and toss her aside once I was done. I know what that feels like and it really really sucks. It does! And no one deserves to suffer through that kind of pain.

I’m also kind of confused because Jason has been saying a lot recently that he shoudn’t talk or hangout with girls as often which has left me confused? Am I just a bro or does that include me? Orrrrrrrrr I don’t know. I think I’m a good friend for him and he’s definitely a good friend for me too but I need something or someone more than that. Not necessarily a significant other but someone to whom I can always rely on, yknow? Preferably of the same gender to avoid all of this potential unnecessary drama. Because I did lowkey crush on Andrew for a time and highkey with Anthony. I think I see Jason as an older mentor figure if anything. I realized this yesterday. I definitely see him as an Anthony in my life. But for Anthony, it was very much him helping me more than me ever helping him and looking back on it, I was really glad that he was there to support me but I wish I was a better friend to him :/ Maybe because I already liked Jason before I have nothing to worry about? LOL. But yeah. This drama...is so easily avoidable. I don’t want any part of it. At all. I’m happy that I’ve been able to be there for him but... I don’t know. He is there for me but I am still cautious with what I tell him. I don’t want to just be a bro but I want to be a good friend too.

I’m also kind of salty towards P. Josh and Jason right now. I know I was really tired last night and lowkey dreaded going home. And I don’t always take great care of myself and them two plus Johnathan know that all too well. When I’m sick or overworking myself, they can definitely see. I have such a need to define myself by my productivity and what I can accomplish and it’s hard to remember to take care of myself and I get that! ...nor do I always think I deserve to rest but that’s a topic for another day.

BUT, I am S A L T Y towards P. Josh and Jason bc they keep discussing whos gonna take me back home amongst themselves without talking to me first and asking if I even want it to begin with. Which I usually say no and they refuse that as answer. Which sometimes is nice but other times just feels degrading like my opinion or voice doesn’t matter. And I’m reminded of when I first didn’t want to feel like a burden when I saw my mom, dad, and Olessia discussing who was supposed to pick me up from school and I just watched them argue. And I felt terrible in that moment and I felt like a heckin big burden. I don’t expect them be my chauffeur. I never do. I learned that from my parents to never assume. I learned from P. Joe to never make excuses and instead to make things work if I can. He had a low tolerance for excuses and I respect that about him but it has left me a bit scarred to some extent. But yeah. I don’t know. I want to bring this up to them but I think I need to get better at taking care of myself and understanding my limitations first. Oh man, am I glad to be journaling again. It feels so good to just freely express everything again, ahhhhh.

Anyway, okay! I’m going to make an honest attempt to figure everything out. I think being self deprecating and not taking care of myself has become a “fun” yet “toxic” and “normalized” part of my identity which is not very good... haha. I need to figure this out so that I can help other people who are in the same boat as me! And they are definitely out there. I know them. And I want to help them. I want to figure this out through God’s grace and lead others in the same direction. I pray that he can use me in such a way where He can bring others to Him through me. This is my hope and prayer to you, God! People desperately need you. They really do. And I want to help because it pains me to see them in pain as well.

I know I’m pretty bitter towards my parents and it’s easy to toss them under the bus but I really am grateful for them. My dad is supportive and my mom does worry for me. Yes, they can say hurtful things at times but I think they do care for me at the end of the day. My upbringing was rough, theres no denying that. We really didn’t get along until after I left. But I am thankful for them. I am.

Jason and Joyce are off to have their conversation! Good luck little flapjacks! I hope all goes well. I care for the both you very deeply.

I am lonely, I think. I think Rhyarna, Eliza, and I made Emily feel bad for being so wholesome and now she feels the need to be “bad” to be on the same level as us and I feel as if we corrupted her and I feel bad now. And we used to be close but she would never really respond to me. Or at least not in the way that I wanted. And I don’t really trust Eliza and Rhyarna to be unbiased. I don’t just want support. I want someone to listen to me but to also tell me the truth. That’s what I need right and that’s what I lack right now. I used to have it with Jakob and Mana but they left. And even pretty limited with them. I used to have that with Marlena but she got busy and went to study abroad. I had that with Andrew but he started dating Sofia and they’re both so far away. And I don’t want blind support. And honestly, Andrew just gets mad at me sometimes when I don’t see my own potential but because he gets angry, I don’t want to talk to him at all. I don’t want to be another disappointment. I had that with Sharlene but she transferred schools to California. I had that with TyKira and Jordan but they both got busy and graduated. And I know none of them meant to leave because of any reason against me but I felt the most real and honest and happiest with them and now they’re gone and I’m alone again. I’m left to search for a new support system somewhere, somehow. But I just feel lost and confused and alone. It is lonely. I was close with the seniors at school but they’re all graduating soon and I’m sad and I’ll be left to search for support from somewhere else again. It’s been a very transitional, lonely time. I miss them. I need them. But I don’t want to just use them either. I did really care for all of them and wanted to be there for them just as much as they were so gracious in being there for me. I think I just need to pray more and be more honest with God instead of rely on such temporary humans. Maybe that’s why He keeps taking my friends away. Because I’m too independent when it comes to Him but too dependent when it comes to man. Or I’m just suffering from lack of community. Or both! Who knows!

Jason and Joyce just came back and they seem relatively calm so I think their conversation went well? I didn’t think they would talk so long. I’m actually pretty tired now. It’s 10:43pm now. Wow.

#reflection

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