#because i have no self-discipline

[trashyshrew]

#death note #light yagami #l lawliet #lawlight #unfinished stuff #because i have no self-discipline #but i'm trying to draw more in the new year #😅😅😅

[unopenablebox]

i'm fighting demons but the demon is making biweekly posts about how perfect 🌸 is

#i hear your objection but right now those posts are weekly at MOST. #girlfriend tag #box opener #does everyone else have really good impulse control to only say things online that have content or are interesting #or is the intense degree of my interest in and emotional responses to my girlfriend itself some kind of weird problem unique to me #they're just. so charming and great. yesterday i got really excited #because after about two hours of being apart i walked to the location where i had arranged to meet them #and they were there‚ in the location. #not like doing anything. we didn't have plans. they were wearing a jacket? and sitting on a ledge swinging their legs cutely? #but i also sometimes get that excited if they're just standing still and not wearing a jacket. so idk. #i know other people have blogs and also partners they like! am i just discovering that i lack the facet of self-discipline that everyone #else uses to avoid inventing the tumblr version of a wife guy

[lurking-latinist]

⛵

#I also keep seeing modern au aubrey-maturin art #that makes me wish I could draw and thereby contribute #unfortunately I can't even *write* modern aus generally. but I like transferring character dynamics from place to place in my brain #and I feel like I could do a university AU very nicely if I could do AUs at all #because I have had rowers in my class with as far as I could tell jack's exact personality #(unfortunately it has to be a US university AU because (a) that's what I know and (b) afaik nobody else does randomly assigned roommates) #(and I cannot pass up the opportunity for randomly assigned roommates. #OR RATHER #for 'you seem more or less human - quick let's request each other so we don't have to go into potluck' #I think that works best) #(but maybe they are both international students anyway. that works fine. & therefore extremely alarmed by potluck [can't say they're wrong] #sophie is a sorority girl. english major I think. and I can see her so clearly #(she's the part I want to draw) #she's not that into the high-octane social schedule her sorority expects her to have #but her pushy mother was a member and it is Unthinkable that sophie should not be #and a lot of the other girls are sweet :) so it's fine :) she says #feel like she has roommate issues (unlike her original self she is able to live away from mrs williams so this makes up for that) #so she's always over in jack and stephen's room. people who know her tangentially sometimes gossip about which one she's actually dating #(at that particular moment it is actually neither of them she's just hanging out with stephen) #diana freed from the shackles of 19th century womanhood creates even more and weirder drama than in canon #idk I just want to see the plot of post captain played out over text message #don't ask me HOW idk HOW i just want it #stephen is a biology major/pre-med obvs. if he can survive organic chemistry #jack is some kind of engineering major. I think he'd enjoy that with the math. diana has changed her major 7 times #(I don't know whether to put jack in rotc. I don't think it Actually actually fits - he's in the navy in canon because he's in the navy #not bc he's Inevitably Military In All Worlds. he would not want to do that if he didn't get to sail #but at the same time I find it hard to picture him not belonging to Discipline somehow. #it's more than a disinterested passion for cleanliness that drives him to wash stephen's mug for him that has had coffee and ramen in it #(and NOT in that order) #in the bathroom sink

[valenxizaw245]

So, the new AvA ep

This is gonna have spoilers

In a Discord server I'm in, @ilikemarshmallows, @tumbleblunder and me have chatted for a bit about the new squad of baddies in this ep, and so we came up with some funny names for them

Note: these are names that I personally will use for them, no one is obligated to use these names, specially because the last one is very silly

Knock

Alan said in the AvG reacts that this is the guy from the pixel animation of the guy vs the door. Marsh found said video

And Tumble thought Knock would be a funny name because that's what this guy does. Knock knock

Cave

Pretty straightfoward. Looks like a cave painting. And then there's the whole Spearing the Rhino and the weapons they use. Also naming them Hunter would be too predictable for my taste but that's just me

Sign

This guy has "sign" written all over them. Not only do they reference a bathroom sign, they reference a lot of different signs, so it stuck

Now prepare for a very silly one

Matrix T. S.

Okay so you can absolutely tell DJ calling this guy "Agent Smith" rubbed off on us

As I was watching the AvG Reacts, I actually decided to google Agent Smith out of curiosity

I was actually impressed by how similar those glasses are to the glasses that the agents from the Matrix use (I never watched the movie)

Literally the same glasses

So Tumble decided to call them "Matrix"

BUT THEN

Marsh suggested "Toggle" and it was actually a pretty big brain suggestion

eye-ing that last definition

And "Agent Smith" is still a funny name (thanks DJ)

Matrix Toggle Smith

This one does their taxes so they have an actual last name lol

I'm actually curious what the AvA community will default to regarding their names. Until then, is gonna be hard to find a good tag for them

Meanwhile I am using these. You can use them too if you want :P

I don't know how to end posts

#valtext #alan becker #AvA #animation vs animator #AvA VI #animation vs animator VI #I could talk a lot about this ep #But I also feel like everything important has already been said #Or will be said #I just wanna focus on these guys because I actually like them a lot #yaddy yaddda hooo anyway gonna do some tags for them #AvA Knock #AvA Cave #AvA Sign #AvA Matrix T. S. #<- i like this guy having last names #I wish to do art for them but lord knows if I'll get enough free time and stamina for that #college and other interests ugh #and also having very little self discipline ugh #so no fanart promises #Youtube

[leynaeithnea]

Consistency

Consistency, Consistency

Why are you such a mystery

Why do you wander back and forth

From east to west, from south to north

Inconsistency, I cry to thee

Please let me and my dreams be

I try so often, each time again

But the ending is never known to men

Stabilty is what I carve

To shape my life and what I love

Tell me, gods of earth and blood,

Is what Im doing any good?

I try to focus on the goal,

But the mist ahead blurrs the treacherous hole

Im scared to fall, so, ever more

Ill rather turn than to explore

Guided by safe will-o'-the-wisps

I'll walk a new path through the mist

Every wondering to myself:

How do I find myself?

#poetry #what is consistency #literally doesnt exist #i also dont have any self discipline #that doesnt help #just a fun little poem i wrote in like 15 minutes because #im struggling #still wondering if I should blame the divorce of my parents or if theres something else going on #you know like adhd #i dont think I have adhd #but sometimes I wonder #anyway enjoy that or not #i dont care really #would be nice tho I think

[eddis-not-eeddis]

It sucks and I hate it but I will do it anyway.

#because it will be so good for me gosh darn it #i am fundamentally the kind of person who loathes delaying gratification #i want what i want and i want it RIGHT NOW #and putting something i want off is terrible because i have no self discipline #i have to push through it but this is much harder than it should be because i've gotten out of the habit of telling myself no #building good habits is so very hard

[cakemagemaeve]

And yet, despite everything going on right now, I'm still thinking about converting to Judaism.

#i'm just not sure i have the self-discipline required #and maybe it's better for me to stay a goyishe ally #because maybe i can help more from the outside? #anyway it's something i've been turning over in my head for years #i was raised in an evangelical christian cult #but one that taught that jews were above christians in the heavenly hierarchy #that jesus died to save everyone else #and that christians had a sacred duty to protect the jewish people #which i guess is better than wanting to use them as a blood sacrifice to bring back jesus #but it still seems uncomfortably paternalistic to me #so i guess i'm still kinda untangling the views my upbringing instilled in me from my own sense of morality and justice #and i think i have more work to do on that front before i make a decision #i de-converted from christianity in 2006 and was an atheist for almost 20 years #and now i consider myself to be just sort of vaguely pagan #but the thought of becoming a jew still holds a lot of appeal for me even now

[caffeinatedopossum]

Sometimes I don't think I actually have depression and then I remember that everything is not incredibly hard for everyone all the time and I honestly kinda can't believe that

#like are their legitimately people who dont struggle to take showers brush their teeth and eat food #i dont actually know because like maybe theres a small amount of it being hard. like an amount of self discipline #that you have to show because you know its in your best interest to do those things #but for me the amount of effort it takes usually feels overwhelming #not just feels overwhelming. it is. im in pain im tired its not worth it #is not doing these things going to make me feel worse? yep definitely. but i cant

[goldensunset]

bearer of the curse <—- has a new unopened game that requires both ample free time and the right mental state at once to begin playing; doesn’t know when that will be

#and it feels worse when it’s a gift from someone else #like it feels like an insult if you don’t play it right away #it took me a few months to play pla after riya got it for me #i wasn’t even playing another game at the time i was just busy with work and then school #it took me a few months to play twewy because i was busy and i actually exercised self discipline #i started okami the same week i got it #all in all riya is a lot more patient and understanding than my brother #who is very eager for me to start right away #but i’m trying to finish hwaoc #i was going to go completionist this time but now i don’t think i rightfully can #i wanted to at least try it because i’m doing a lot better this time and having a lot of fun #but that would probably take forever and i want to start pokémon violet before i go back to school #also i forgot i have surgery on january third lol i might be out of it for a bit #but that’ll just become a part of the first playthrough nostalgia experience #like when i was playing twilight princess while recovering from my wisdom teeth removal #that was a lot of fun #peach rambles

[brown-little-robin]

I’m having kind of a hard time :/

#Robin processes emotions on main #personal depressing-ness ahead: feel free to scroll on #idk it's just rough in my head right now #due most likely to not enough sleep As Usual #plus potentially screen time is getting to be an issue #so I think I'll need to step away from tumblr and discord for a while. how long I don't yet know. #but when I come back I'm going to try to be like. setting limits. #because I don't really like this whole ON or OFF thing I have with tumblr right now. #sooo yeah. update later with a date to come back to keep myself accountable #I do find that stepping away from tumblr is good and healthy! and I've had awesome success with sticking to my guns about it! #it's one thing I can point to and go 'look! I AM capable of self-discipline at LEAST in small doses!' #positivity ayyy #ok I'll check back later. thanks y'all #I'm in the low swing of my perpetual ups and downs bleh #on the other hand I know it gets better from here so... that's good!

[flower-studded-sake-dish]

ahhhhh i’m so fucking close to getting the IN 1cc but Reisen keeps wearing me down to where i can’t clear Kaguya but the last two runs i’ve had have made it to her final spell (i can only do about 1 or 2 runs a day cuz the malice cannon puts a lot of strain on my wrist) and in all honesty i probably shoulda beat it the last time my first 3 stages were the best they’d ever been and i sightread Keine’s Last Spell but stage 4 was p rough for me but that was my fault for streaming and talking and not paying attention. reimu’s like danmaku barrier is definitely like a top 3 spellcard for me along w okuu’s final spell because it’s just so much fun and a really cool concept i think anyways goodnight

#been making an attempt to play more touhou lately #last year i had to accept finally that i’m not gonna feel satisfied spending my video game time playing competitive multiplayer games #and so filling that gap with learning to play beyond easy mode has me feeling more satisfied #and i think it’s easier for me to limit my time playing when it’s something like touhou where i can do a full run or two #with multiplayer games i’m just never satisfied and so it’s easy to continue playing #anyways once i beat IN i think i’m gonna try for UM or SA next #it’s also fun playing IN cuz like i play reimu in every game but the malice cannon gives me a reason not to #i just like the homing shots cuz i feel like i get more rewarded for dodging #it’s kinda a marisa-esque feeling tho because i just want to do as much damage as possible #i also played melee with a friend for a while this evening and feel like my falco is coming along well #getting myself to draw daily and practice my bass regularly and learn new things #just felt more satisfied with life the last 6 months and i think it shows? #there’s still down weeks but i’m still pushing myself more than i have since covid started #i think the daily workouts i’ve been doing for the last couple years are the like core for this #self-discipline is hard but i’m getting better at it every day #it plays touhou

[redwinterroses]

I should stream myself writing. Not because I actually want people to watch me write, but because the horror that someone might be watching will peer pressure me into not scrolling YouTube shorts for an hour.

#redwintertalks #i keep putting off the writing because i don't have energy #but honestly if i can't write now when can i #self discipline is a thing i don't have a lot of #so maybe i can outsource it to peer pressure and social anxiety lol

[tiredbiostudent]

just a reminder I’ll be mostly MIA on here till mid july and then entirely from mid august to november for field season 🌲☀️🦉🫡

#not because I’ve like. grown as a person or become more self disciplined and decided to reduce my screen time #but because I literally will not have cell service #also I do prefer to do as little technology use as I can when I’m camping too so #mine

[matchandelure]

fhjmsdfhjglks feeling kind of frustrated at a lot of things

#sometiems i feel that maybe i set goals that are too ambitious #good grades in classes. internship prep. learning how to be independant and do adult stuff in general #working out regularly eating balanced meals getting enough sleep every night taking care of skin. overlall physical wellbeing #while also trying to make time for hobbies especially art... #ive been sucked into a rather strong loop of comparison.. bc i recentl ylooked through my old art when i went back home #and im so sad at how little ive improved. and i know that everyone learns and imrpoves at different rates #and i have more important things to focus on such as completeing this degree completely unrelated to art #but i dont want to go through the nexxt five years just.not improving at all at something i love so much :(( #but everyday this past almost two terms of school. i never finish the work i need to before i go to sleep #everytime i do finish everything its time to repeat the whole cycle all over again #and whne i do get time to draw im so tired that all i can amnage are some scribbles..which means my technical skills arent improving atall #bc i dont have the energy to study even ifi its something i love #which iguess ispart terrible self discipline which i need to work on but sometimes i just wnat to shut my brain off and doodle mindlessly #bc i dislike my program :((( eww math ewwwww compsci #and i want a distraction from it whenever possible because if i have to calculate the eigenspace corresponding to an eigenvalue of a matrix #one more time i am going to cry #im tired gnight #willows rambling branch

[benihana-circumcision]

i feel like the worlds most repressed victorian man rn im getting the vapors purely from thinking abt the act of gently grabbing someone's waist

#this is so wack bro like . ive recognized that she's like inhumanly violently hot for a minute while also #wanting to maintain an honest n fulfilling n tender friendship yknow like Haha Girl Bestieeees #keeping the physiological/hormonal reaction at arms length to keep the whole thing sustainable and simple because im Chivalrous and #Have Impulse Control #n then getting the call like 'uhmmmmmm i think it might not have just been the [sobriety] talking . i meant it. love you' #it's all violently falling into place #the great thing about being able to simultaneously have crushes on your friends And self-discipline is that sometimes this happens ig

[flamboyant-king]

Happy New Years!

I hope to show up more often on here with art to share!

Maybe just posting dumb stuff, but I also hope to see y’all more often too. 

\(^o^) Cheers!

#i want to be more disciplined this year and actually work towards something artistically #maybe making more comics or work on a game or improve my art even #maybe sell merch or consistently do commissions. Its so inconsistent because of all my doubt ya know #I gotta be my first fan and love eveything i do #i need to have something to show for my passions before my parents die #or they are gonna die knowing i have not achieved anything. In things they wanted orwhat i wanted #and i want to show them that i believe in myself for once #ive done nothing worth talking about. I have nothing to bring to the dinner table #i have n o t h i n g because no one let me choose what i wanted #My parents will not have anything to be proud of and its theirs and my fault #so i just need to do something. S o m e t h i n g #i could have been something. I could have had anything #but alas. My hands are empty. My legacy is blank. And my future is clouded. #but i need to have love for myself and what i do #i see folks who arent popular who arent that skilled doing things i wish i could do #and they have confidence. They love themselves. They are passionate. #i had passion but i dont have love and i dont have confidence #i tried. I did. I had a year i didnt self depreciate at all. But you know when you get crushed to bits you kind of fall back #for over a decade i wanted to table at an artist alley. For years i wanted to sell merch #for yearsi wanted to make a business card just to be like haha look at me im a professional #i have no confidence in myself. I have no love for myself. I have no faith in myself. Because no one had those for me. #my brothers had some faith in me. But when my wrist just died it just disappeared #they still send me art job openings opportunities contests internships etc #and i never go for it #because i have so little faith in myself that i just dont even try #i just want someone to be there right next to me and help me through it #I want my brother to be there next to me helping me apply. I want my parents with me helping me try #i want my friends with me to guide my hand to that submit button. That apply button. #i think yeah all of my faith died when i couldnt go to art college. They really wanted me i was ready and i applied there all on my own #but no. But no. But nonononono. I need a high paying job like engineering and comouter science