#behind the scenes with my disaster brain

[foldingfittedsheets]

My mom has this awful friend, Cynthia. My loathing goes deep enough that I’m not even going to change her name. If she ever finds this she knows what she did.

On multiple occasions my mom asked this horrible irresponsible chicken brained woman to watch after our animals while we were away. I don’t know why once wasn’t enough, because the first failure was so spectacular that anyone in their right mind would know she couldn’t be trusted with any level of responsibility or direction following.

You might be thinking to yourself, FFS, this level of antipathy is surely unwarranted! But you’d be wrong.

To set the scene, we were living in downstairs of our house when I was about fifteen. My mom has always wanted more animals than can reasonably be kept indoors which is how we ended up with three cats. When she wanted to kick them all outside I protested, and so all three cats lived in my bedroom with no access to the rest of the house.

That really wasn’t great, so in an attempt to give them options we made a window cutout with a cat door in it to give them access to the outdoors. Looking back on this as an environmentally conscious adult it’s wretched, cats should be indoor only, but at the time I was desperate to give them some freedom because one bedroom is too small for three cats.

So my parents and I went on a week long trip to visit family out of state. We told Cynthia to come feed and water the cats, and to scoop the litter box. Most importantly, don’t lock the handle of the door, because we only have the key to the deadbolt.

I’m sure you can see where this is going.

Cynthia locked us out. We arrived home after 12 hours on the road, desperate for the comfort of our own beds. We were met with an unyielding door. With a sigh I volunteered, “I can punch in the cat door and climb in the window.”

I slipped behind the bamboo outside my window and pushed in the cutout. A horrible insidious reek wafted out at me. I paused, prickling with foreboding. But I had a job to do, and by god I’d see it through. I hefted myself up into the window and my hand immediately landed in something wet.

Skin crawling, I pulled myself up and surveyed the darkened room as a miserable odor of decay and suffering poured out of the room around me. I could see dark shapes littering the carpet and it didn’t take a genius to guess that the cats had taken up hunting in a big way during my absence.

I pulled my hand out of the pile of vomit it had landed in and dropped into my onetime bedroom turned now into a hellpit of decomposing wretchedness. I turned on the light. I wished I had not turned on the light.

My eyes scanned across the floor, tallying as they went. Two dead birds, a dead baby rabbit, five dead mice, and one dead snake. I paused on my alarm clock, perplexed to see a stain of white on it. I stepped closer and saw a furtive movement.

The tally suddenly contained also: one live bird that had shit in several places, probably in pure terror to find itself trapped in a room littered with decomposing woodland creatures, which honestly, fair. I coaxed it out the window and finished the survey with five discrete piles of vomit.

I unlocked the door and let my parents in. They exclaimed in disgust at the horrible smell. We stood together in my doorway floored by the magnitude of neglect. The unscooped litter box was a subtle footnote in the tangible reek my living space. I disposed of the parade of ecological disaster, cleaned vomit, and scooped the box after a brutally long day on the road. The cats were fine, and happy to see me. They had a huge dish or food and water so Cynthia’s neglect at least hadn’t harmed them.

Then I slept on the couch while my bedroom aired out, the windows flung wide to dispel the uneasy ghosts of the hunted. I spent the whole night cursing Cynthia’s name for this evil she’d visited upon me. When my mom asked her, "Cynthia, didn't you see the dead animals?"

Cynthia responded, "Yes, they smelled so bad, I just ran in and out as fast as I could." I fully don't believe she did any caretaking, and I'm personally of the opinion that she locked herself out on the first day and never came back.

The next day my room had returned to a habitable level of smellscape and I gratefully crawled into my bed that night. I stretched out and froze as my foot brushed something cold and wet?

The final indignity: one last dead snake, inside my very sheets.

Fucking Cynthia.

#ramblies #story #ffs foibles #keep your cats inside #but also looking back like why didn't I change my sheets #I did not have good bed hygiene instilled in me from my parents #later that lady would go on to leave a huge metal dish of dog food in the middle of the yard #despite the fact that we told her over and over not to feed the dog because he was on a diet #and I knew not to trust her so my friend was coming twice a day to feed him his portioned out meals #he gained like ten pounds in the week we were gone eating rained on mushy dog food #that fucking woman was a menace

[carionto]

What Humans call the "Thousand Yard Stare"

As more and more Humans interact with and integrate within Coalition stations, reports, closer to hushed whispers really, began to circulate of some Humans being... discomforting... to be around.

Initially we thought it was just rudeness or passive aggressive behavior or any number of subtle actions or choice of words, no matter how advanced or civilized there will always be some assholes.

However, when some of these "offenders" were presented to us peacekeepers, we found them to be perfectly polite and reasonable. As our conversation continued and shifted topics, whenever there was a lull or the focus was on another speaker for a longer time, the Human's gaze drifted somewhat.

Sometimes she would look to the side and it was harder to tell what her exact expression was, but every so often she would be looking at one of us, but... not. It was as if she was staring at something behind us, through us even. Beyond the walls of the station, it even felt as though beyond space and time itself.

It was one of the most unnerving and chitin-chilling feelings we've ever felt, but then the Human seemed to notice our change and became that friendly and cheerful person once again:

"Sorry, my mind drifted there for a bit. What were you saying?"

And the conversation continued as if nothing was out of the ordinary for the Human.

Upon our return to our office, one of the Human peacekeepers heard about our impromptu assignment and offered this explanation after we told him what happened:

"Oh yeah, I think that person was a retired firefighter or rescue worker of some kind. Professions like that can be dangerous and you'll eventually encounter something horrible at a disaster site or crime scene. Probably saw someone die, or a person they rescued later didn't make it, or it was a kid... It's the toughest when you're the last one a child sees before..."

There it is again. That look, but with a tinge of sadness this time. We didn't know he was carrying such memories. The untimely death of anyone is a difficult time for those that survive, especially when it is the young whose life was still just starting. It seems Humans with their heightened senses and sensitivity to the feelings of others these kind of experiences imprint a far stronger memory than for most.

"Anyway, we've got a bunch of names for such things, but typically we call it the thousand yard stare. It's an old measurement unit, don't worry about it. I think the meaning may have changed a bit over the years, but basically some people go through traumatic stuff and they decide, consciously or not, to sort of... detach themselves from reality. It's a coping mechanism.

A few people thrive on horrible things, but they're the exception. Most of us would go crazy or depressed or any other infinite bad possibilities our brains can go in if we don't find a way to separate ourselves from certain realities. It can get real bad otherwise. It's rare, but a few go truly nuts and try to inflict their pain unto others. Most end up suffering alone for a long time. And some can't take it anymore and decide to end it themselves.

Thankfully therapists and support options are widely available, so those kind of scenarios are really rare, like... suicide accounts for about three out of a hundred thousand deaths last time I saw those charts. Plus drones and automation take care of most of the dangerous tasks, leaving the vast majority of cases to be caused by interpersonal relations actually. A broken heart is one of those traumas we'll never get rid of it seems. That's just life, I guess."

#humans are space orcs #humans are space oddities #humans are deathworlders #humans are space australians #I don't know if these tags are actually appropriate for this one #it feels weird writing about depressing adjacent topics like that #one one hand #I don't feel good about it #on the other #I feel I have to put it into words or it'll leave a stain in my brain #sometimes words are more like a tumor #and the only way to get rid of it is to transfer them to a public space #carionto

[yelena-bellova]

Twenty Years Later: Joel Miller x F!Reader - Chapter Five

Chapter Five: Soundtrack of Life

Plot: Y/n, Joel and Ellie journey to Bill and Frank’s house, where Joel and Y/n are forced into a conversation.

Word Count: 11.2k

Warnings: tlou ep.3 spoilers, language, guns, canon-typical violence, mention of killing (16+)

A/N: You guys blow this thing up more and more each week and I’m blown away each time. I see all your lovely comments, even if I don’t respond. A gentle reminder that this is a 16+ fic and I will not be adding anyone to the taglist who does not have their name on their page. Gotta look out for younger eyes 👀

Regarding this chapter, I did NOT intend forit to be this long. I honestly thought because the episode was all about Bill and Frank that it would be the shortest, but here we are. It contains one of my favorite scenes of the entire series, I’ll let you guess which one it os 😉

—————————

May 16th, 2002. Austin, Texas.

Y/n considered herself a fairly confidant person. She kept her fear reserved for things like family emergencies, natural disasters…things out of her control.

Not first dates with men she’d known a week.

She was pacing her kitchen, heels clicking against the linoleum floor and her sundress swishing each time she looped around. Her hands wrung themselves against her abdomen. She had never felt so nervous about a date, not even in high school. She figured it was a warning sign of some type. Either she was making a huge mistake or a fantastic decision. She rested her head against one of the cabinets and prayed it was the latter…

Outside Y/n’s complex, Joel had just parked his truck. Dressed in a long sleeved plaid shirt rolled up to his elbows, jeans and dress shoes, he felt constrained. Like his chest had expended three sizes and the shirt was no longer able to accommodate it. Or was he just hot? Hungry?

Joel tightened his grip on the steering wheel and shut his eyes. He was nervous.

It had been at least one, maybe two years since he’d been on a date. A neighbor’s daughter that Joel had felt obligated to go out with so that it would sate his street in their constant attempts at setting him up. It had been much longer since he’d voluntarily sought someone out. Taking a deep breath, he reminded himself it wasn’t marriage. They were just going to dinner. If nothing happened, it wasn’t the end of the world…

Joel sighed, but he wanted something to happen…

He picked up the roses from the passenger seat, a nod to the night they’d met, pocketed his keys and stepped out of the truck. He felt dazed as he climbed the stairs to the second floor. 41B, Y/n had told him. When he reached the door, he hesitated to knock. Such a minuscule part of the night, but the mere act of coming to her door felt like the beginning of…everything.

Three raps broke Y/n from her panic party.

She’d put on an old record, hoping it would ease her nerves. It hadn’t done a thing. She stood up straight, drawing a deep and tried to force confidence through her body.

When Y/n opened the door, Joel lost any and all words he’d been thinking over in his head. She was dressed in a simple yellow flowered dress, but it was her wearing it that melted Joel. She looked like sunshine itself.

“Hi,” she smiled.

“Hi,” Joel exhaled, “Sorry if I’m late.”

Y/n looked at the clock near the door, “Only a minute. I think I can excuse that.”

Joel huffed a nervous laugh. What came next?

“These are for you,” he stated, holding out the flowers.

Roses. Y/n was shocked that Joel had remembered the tiny detail of their night in the bar. Tommy’s nickname was going to stick so long as she stuck around the Millers, she had a feeling…

“They’re gorgeous,” she giggled, “You’ve got a good memory.”

Joel gave a half shrug, rubbing his sweaty palms against his jeans after.

Y/n felt like her brain had stopped processing for a split second. She jumped back to reality, “Come on in, I’ll go get these in some water.”

Joel followed her into the apartment, shutting the door behind him. It was modest, minimally decorated but the walls had pictures strung all over them. He could already tell she was more sentimental than materialistic. The roses had been a good decision.

Y/n made her way to her kitchen, carefully balancing as she crouched down to dig through her cabinets for a vase. Flowers. He’d brought her flowers. What guy did that on a first date? Was that a Texas gentleman thing? She didn’t particularly care, it was one of the sweetest gestures someone had ever made towards her. And tying it back to the night they’d met made it that much sweeter.

“Nice place,” Joel called from the entry area. The apartment was open so if the front door was one end, the kitchen was stretched twenty feet away from it.

“It’s decent,” Y/n replied, filling the vase with water, “Moving was such a spur of the moment decision, I didn’t think I was going to find anything.”

Joel awkwardly balled his fists at his side, he didn’t want to walk too far and cross a line. It was only then that he realized there was music playing.

“Linda Ronstadt,” he blurted.

“Oh yeah,” Y/n smiled, heading over to turn off her record player, “You like her?”

“Love her,” Joel replied, good taste in music was another box ticked for him.

“Okay,” Y/n announced, more to encourage herself, and crossed the room, “All set.”

She grabbed her purse off the hook and Joel opened the door for her.

“Where are we going?” Y/n asked as she locked the door.

This was the part Joel was dreading most of all. “Yeah,” he began, shoving his hands in his pockets, “There’s a place ‘bout ten minutes away called Tito’s. It’s, uh, it’s not the fanciest place but-“

Feeling a sudden, and most likely brief, wave of confidence wash over her, Y/n turned around and put her hand on Joel’s chest.

“Hey,” she smiled, “I don’t care about any of that. I work in a hardware store, I’m not expecting Seasons 52.”

Weight both lifted and slammed into Joel’s chest. If Y/n’s laugh could warm it, her touch could give it new life.

A corner of his mouth quirked upwards, “Okay.”

With an affirmative nod, Y/n allowed Joel to lead her down the stairs, open the car door for her and take her deep into the Friday night Austin scene…

—————————————

Tito’s had ended up being the perfect place.

There was very little a fancy restaurant could add to a date. Sure, the setting could be romantic, but that didn’t guarantee romance. At the end of the day, whether you went to the biggest hotel in the city or a fast food joint, it all boiled down to feeling that spark.

Joel and Y/n’s spark could have set fire to Austin.

“So wait,” Y/n tried to contain her laughter, they were seated out on the patio, “Tommy seriously nailed his pants…to the wall?”

Joel took a swig of his Budweiser and shrugged, “And tried to blame the nail gun.”

Y/n covered her mouth as she snorted, “So no tequila the night before a job anymore, huh?”

Joel shook his head, pointing off into the distance, “And a mile down the road, he just shot straight up in bed because I told you that story.”

Another round of laughter. “Oh gosh,” Y/n sniffled, “Can’t imagine what you two were like as kids.”

“You have any brothers or sisters?” Joel asked, every time he asked her a question, he got to stare at her. It had made him more chatty than usual.

“Two,” Y/n answered, “Sister and a brother, both older.”

“Baby of the family,” Joel observed.

“Yes, and as the age-old tale goes,” Y/n scrunched her nose and smiled, “I’m the little lost bird. Brother’s an Ivy League english teacher who vacations in Europe every year. My sister’s married to a ridiculously successful doctor and just had a baby.”

Joel listened carefully, coming up confused. “I’m not following,” he said, wiping his mouth with his napkin, “What about that makes you lost?”

“They’re both very settled,” Y/n answered, swirling her beer, “They both knew exactly what they wanted in life and they went for it. One of the whole reasons I moved to Austin was to try and find that…thing, you know?”

Joel nodded, “Yeah, I get it,” he decided to lighten the mood, “And the hardware store’s it, huh?”

Y/n smiled and rolled her eyes, “No, the hardware store’s not it. But it makes me happy.”

“That’s a step in the right direction, then,” Joel commented, never taking his eyes off of her.

Y/n could have sat there for the rest of the night just enjoying the warmth of his stare. “So,” she shook herself out of the daze, “What about you? Is construction your thing?”

Joel laughed under his breath, “Pays the bills. Wasn’t originally what I saw myself doin’, but it’s work.”

“What did you want to do?” Y/n asked.

“Music,” Joel answered, “Guitar.”

Y/n’s eyes widened, “You play?”

“I used to,” Joel said, knowing the question that would come after. That was the true test…”Still do sometimes, just for myself.”

“What made you stop?”

Joel sighed, staring down at the condensation that his beer had formed on the table. Either he was about to bring the night to a grinding halt or…well, he hadn’t seen the second option yet. From anyone.

“I met someone,” he started, “We had a kid. She ran out on me pretty soon after. Not a lot of time left over to go around playin’ gigs.”

The chatter around them seemed to fade as Y/n took in the reality of Joel’s answer. He was a single father, and had been for a while, it seemed. All of him made complete sense suddenly. The constant worry lines on his face, the responsibility, the work ethic…

“Boy or a girl?” Y/n took a chance and asked.

“Girl,” Joel answered, a small smile coming to his face, “She’s about to turn thirteen.”

Y/n continued, “What’s her name?”

Joel was surprised, more than surprised, that Y/n wasn’t running the other way. There weren’t a lot of women who willingly took on single dads. Here she was wanting to learn about his little family.

“Sarah.”

Y/n nodded, letting the information rest on the table. “Sarah,” she echoed, “What’s she like?”

“She’s…” Joel let out a laugh under his breath, “She’s incredible. Gets straight A’s, plays soccer, got room in her heart for just about everyone she meets…”

Y/n listened enthusiastically as Joel told stories about his stories as a single dad. How Tommy was helping to raise Sarah, how the three of them were extremely tight knit, how he wished his long hours didn’t interfere with getting to spend time with her…not even for a second did she think about leaving.

“You love her so much,” Y/n blurted before she could think it through. She just had to say it.

Joel smiled warmly over his beer bottle, “She’s my world.”

It was a moment so tender, it almost broke your heart. Joel was letting Y/n closer than anyone else had gotten…ever. And she wasn’t pulling away, she was digging in.

Inside the restaurant, there was soft music playing over a dance floor. Joel and Y/n had eyed it all evening, wondering if their night would inevitably end up there. From outside on the patio, they could hear the song change to one they both knew.

“I love this song,” Y/n said in passing.

Joel had been waiting all night for his nerves to calm or for the perfect song to transcend pass the anxiety. This was as good as it was going to get.

“You wanna dance?”

Y/n’s smile spread across her face, “Yeah.”

Joel stood and held out his hand for Y/n to take, their palms tingling at the touch. He kept a loose hold on it as he led her into the building, snaking through the crowd and onto the dance floor. Their were couples packed wall to wall, but they were able to find a pocket of space just for them.

Y/n’s heart did double time as she rested her hand on Joel’s broad shoulder. Joel pulled her towards him, connecting their hands and holding them up. They hadn’t yet been this close and it felt as intoxicating as they thought it might.

Joel’s hand rested on the higher part of Y/n’s hip. He exhaled shakily, hoping she hadn’t noticed. Slowly, they began to sway to the soft guitar.

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you….

It’s strange what desire will make foolish people do….

They moved as one, Y/n’s gaze resting over Joel’s shoulder because she knew if she looked in his eyes, she’d be overwhelmed.

Joel’s desires were doing battle with his self-control. He wanted to wrap himself around her entirely, leaving no space between their bodies. He would, of course, leave it up to her. She got to decide where the night went.

I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you…

And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you…

Their chests brushed against each other, sending a thrill through their bodies. The second it started to fade, Y/n chased it, inching closer to Joel till their torsos aligned.

Joel’s head instinctively turned towards her just as she looked up. Y/n’s nose grazed his cheek, his beard delightfully scraping her skin. If they had intended to make eye contact, they never made it there. With Joel’s breath fanning her face and the scent of his cologne enveloping her, Y/n didn’t dare move and disturb the perfection.

No, I don't wanna fall in love…

(This world is only gonna break your heart)

Feeling confidant that she wouldn’t pull away, Joel’s arm slid around Y/n’s waist, his hand resting across her lower back. Y/n’s skin felt inflamed, like the building’s walls had fallen and the heat of the night was swallowing her whole. Her cheek fell against Joel’s closing the very last bit of space that laid between them.

No, I don't wanna fall in love…

(This world is only gonna break your heart)

With you…

That was it, it was a done deal. There was nothing left for them to do but let themselves fall. Their hearts hammered in time with one another, their respective anxiety intertwining at the base of their souls and transfiguring. Instead of a storm, raging, crashing, knocking them over, it became a wave, powerful and passionate. Drawing strength from each other, they allowed the full force of their feelings to flood them.

When the night was over, Joel drove Y/n back to her apartment. They’d chatted on the drive over, but the dance had left them both stunned. Where was there to go from there? What were they supposed to say when a whole conversation had been had in each other’s arms?

They walked up the stairs, coming to Y/n’s door and nervously pausing.

“I had a great time,” Y/n said, fiddling with her keys in one hand.

“Me too,” Joel smiled, broader than his usual thin lipped smirk.

The space between them grew tense. Who was supposed to ask who out for a second date? Were they supposed to kiss? What was-

“So…” Joel set aside all his excessive thoughts, “Did I earn a shot at a second date?”

A laugh rippled through Y/n’s body, thankful that he’d been the one to bring it up. Drawing from Joel’s confidence, she closed the space between them and placed a hand on Joel’s shoulder.

“I think your chances are pretty good,” she softly told him.

Joel’s heart throbbed at both Y/n’s touch and her words. His hand found its way to her waist, not wanting to let the closeness go just yet. They only needed to move a few inches, just a few measly inches and then they’d have it all.

Joel’s breath fanned Y/n’s lips as they allowed themselves to be drawn into one another. The delicious space, hanging on the edge of desire and satisfaction, was enough for them. That was how they knew there was something different to what they felt. Just to be close was enough.

“Maybe we should wait,” Y/n whispered in their shared space, pressing her fingers into Joel’s shoulder a little, “Wouldn’t want to rush anything.”

The tip of Joel’s nose rubbed hers, admitting a defeat that didn’t feel like one. “Wouldn’t want you to think you can take advantage of me or somethin’,” Joel smirked, “I have my reputation to think of.”

Y/n’s laugh mingled with Joel’s, her skin tingling as he brushed a stray piece of hair from her face.

“I’ll call you,” Joel assured.

“I hope so,” Y/n smiled before daring to press her lips to his cheek, “Goodnight, Joel.”

“Goodnight,” Joel choked out, the touch of her kiss paralyzing him.

She unlocked her front door and headed in, Joel stood on the welcome mat until the lock clicked. Alone in the concrete hall, he boyishly kicked his foot and grinned.

Y/n rested her forehead against the front door, shaking her head and grinning.

Joel got down to his truck, started it up and fell back in his seat.

Y/n laughed against the door, playing the night back in her head.

Joel smiled and slapped the steering wheel.

They felt weightless.

—————————

2023. Outside Boston.

Grief hung like a storm cloud over the group.

Y/n had left Joel and Ellie to make a lavatory out of nature, and was walking back. They’d camped overnight in a forest, a few miles outside of Boston. Joel had instructed they were leaving as soon as the sun came up.

When she got back to their camp, she found Ellie sitting up against her tree near the creek, Joel’s jacket draped over her legs.

“He’s still not back?” Y/n asked.

“Nope,” Ellie popped her lips.

Y/n rolled her eyes, if Joel was going to boss them around, he needed to comply with his own demands. She set off into the forest, going the same way he had.

The sound of the larger creek welcomed her. She scanned the area, looking for Joel’s tall frame and finding nothing. She slapped her hands against her legs in a shrug, if anything had happened to him, they’d be dead too. Where was-

The scrape of stones caught her ear.

Y/n gazed down to see Joel, hunched over on the river’s bed of rocks. With a fair bit of distance between them, Y/n could see him stacking stones. He was building a cairn.

He was building Tess a grave.

Y/n’s feelings contradicted themselves. Joel’s loss of the woman he cared for felt karmic, in a way, and yet the sight of him, so broken and empty, reminded her that bitterness had no place commingling with loss.

She didn’t disturb his memorial, she simply leaned against a nearby tree. Tess’ last wish hadn’t been selfish, she had begged for protection for Joel. They were, perhaps, the most heartbreaking final words Y/n had ever heard. She’d promised Tess, what else was she supposed to do? She couldn’t let Tess die in a horrific sacrifice thinking that Joel would meet her soon after.

Y/n sighed, letting her head hit the tree. The day was already exhausting her.

She decided to let Joel have a few extra minutes, walking back to their campsite. Ellie was in the exact same position as when she left. All of this trauma was being rehashed for one girl, but Y/n still believed she was worth it.

Footsteps behind her signaled that Joel was back from his solitary service. He didn’t look in either Y/n or Ellie’s direction, only trudging to his backpack and squatting beside it. It had been a near silent walk from Boston, Ellie asking Y/n an occasional question or Joel giving directions. They were all avoiding each other for different reasons.

Joel blamed Ellie.

Y/n blamed Joel.

And Ellie blamed no one, but could sense tension when she saw it.

“You want your jacket back?” Ellie asked Joel, testing the waters.

Joel continued digging through his backpack, responding with a small shake of the head. He still refused to look at her. The only gesture he made was after digging out and taking a bite of food, he threw the remainders to Ellie.

“I’ve never been in the woods,” the girl continued talking, “More bugs than I thought.”

Y/n leaned up against a tree, waiting and watching how the interaction played out.

“Look, I’ve been thinking about-“ Ellie started.

Joel rose to his feet, throwing his backpack over his shoulder, “I don’t want your sorries.”

Ellie sat forward, ���I wasn’t gonna say I’m sorry. I was gonna say that I’ve been thinking about what happened. Nobody made you or Tess take me. Nobody made you go along with this plan. You needed a truck battery or whatever, and you made a choice. So don’t blame me for something that isn’t my fault.”

Joel’s eyes scanned Ellie before looking to Y/n, who simply raised an eyebrow at him. She was in total agreement. And the truth was, Joel didn’t have a reason to put any of what happened on Ellie. But he wanted someone to be angry with, someone to fling his grief at so that he wouldn’t have to deal with it any longer.

The rational side of him won out. He gave Ellie a small nod, mentally collected himself and picked up his rifle. It was time to hit the road.

Ellie got up and handed Joel his jacket, “How much longer?”

“Five-hour hike,” he answered.

Y/n collected her backpack, tied her jacket around her waist and came to stand with Ellie.

“We can manage that,” the girl shrugged, she was the most confidant out of all three of them.

Joel glanced over at Y/n again, the two of them communicating their indifference wordlessly, before turning on his heel.

Y/n put a hand on Ellie’s head and waited for Joel to be out of earshot, “Attagirl.”

Ellie smiled up at the woman and they fell in step a few feet behind their guide.

Joel got them out of the woods and onto a dirt path, leading their party silently and expecting the same in return. Y/n was perfectly content not to utter a word, but Joel was quickly learning something she already knew; Ellie didn’t do “quiet.”

“You’ve gone this way a lot? No infected?”

“Not often, no,” Joel answered.

“What are you looking out for?” Ellie asked.

“People.”

“Oh,” she rested a beat, “Are Bill and Frank nice?”

“Frank is.”

Y/n stepped forward to walk alongside them, keeping to Ellie’s side. “You haven’t told us anything about them,” she spoke up.

“There’s nothing to tell,” Joel answered.

“I’m entrusting two strangers with our lives,” Y/n scoffed, “There’s a lot to tell.”

“They’re good,” Joel said with finality to his tone.

“Oh, well…” Y/n mumbled under her breath, she was over the whole What-I-Say-Goes front.

Ellie was undeterred by their bickering. “How’d you get that scar on your head?”

Joel sighed, already exasperated and it was barely morning.

“What? Is it something lame?” Ellie inquired excitedly, “Like, you fell down the stairs or something?”

“I didn’t fall down any stairs,” Joel answered.

“Okay, so what then?”

Joel paused before speaking, “Someone shot at me and missed.”

Y/n hated the jolt of concern that shot through her chest. Old habits and all that.

“See, that’s cool,” Ellie insisted, “You shoot back?”

“Yeah,” Joel said.

“You get him?”

“No, I missed too. It happens more often than you think.”

Ellie thought it over, “‘Cause you suck at shooting or, like, in general?”

Joel glanced at her, vaguely insulted, “In general.”

Ellie fell back a step to get a look at Y/n. “What about you?”

“What about me?” Y/n echoed.

“How’d you get this scar?” Ellie poked the white mark on her bare shoulder. She didn’t feel comfortable touching Joel, but she was comfortable with Y/n.

By now, Y/n had scars littered all across her body. Ellie could have pointed to almost any one of them and she would have had to think about where it came from. But the one in the rivet nestled between her scapula and her clavicle was one she could never forget.

“A bullet ricocheted off a wall,” she answered, “Hit me instead.”

“That’s slightly less cool than his,” Ellie commented.

Joel caught himself before he hung back a step to get a look at the mark. It was instinct to worry about her.

“You know, seeing as it’s just the three of us,” Ellie began, “I was thinking I should prob-“

“No,” Joel cut her off, already knowing what she was after.

“Yeah, well, Y/n might feel different,” Ellie said, looking to her only ally.

“She doesn’t,” Y/n answered, smirking slightly at her blind enthusiasm.

They walked a few more feet before coming up on a once-white building.

“Cumberland Farms,” Ellie read the sign.

“Hang back a minute,” Joel instructed them both, though he knew it was useless, “I gotta grab some stuff I stashed.”

“Stashed?” Ellie questioned as she followed, “Why do you have stuff stashed here?”

“You ask a lot of damn questions,” Joel complained.

“Yes,” Ellie smiled, owning every bit of her personality, “I do.”

Joel forced open the door to the old storefront and they entered. It looked just about the same as how he and Tess had left it a few years back.

“So are you gonna answer me or what?” Ellie continued.

Joel relented, “We hide supplies on routes, in case we find ourselves short on gear, which I currently am ‘cause-“

“No way,” Ellie zipped over to the other side of the room, honing in on an old arcade game.

Joel ignored her, Y/n simply smiled to herself.

“You ever play this one?” Ellie asked without really seeking an answer, “Oh, I had a friend who knew everything about this game. There’s this one character named Mileena, who takes off her mask and she has monster teeth-“

While Ellie continued chattering, Joel was pacing the floor, trying to remember where his hiding place had been. Y/n crossed her arms and watched amusedly.

“You forgot where you put your stuff,” Ellie stated.

Joel was quick to defend himself, “No, I’m just zeroing in on it. It’s been a couple of years.”

Ellie and Y/n peered over at one another, sharing a knowing smirk.

“Go see if you can find anything in back,” Y/n instructed, Ellie would have gone even without the prompting, “Practical.”

“Trust me, it’s all been picked over already,” Joel grunted, shaking a wall display.

“Maybe, maybe not,” Ellie replied in a sing-song tone, “Is there anything bad in here?”

“Just you,” Joel called out.

“Ah,” Ellie rolled her eyes, “Getting funnier…”

Y/n set down her backpack, deciding to help speed up the process so they could get back on the road. She walked over to a section of floor that Joel hadn’t searched yet and started kicking around.

“I don’t need help,” Joel muttered.

“If we leave it to you and your shitty memory,” Y/n strained as she shoved a shelving unit with her shoulder, “We’ll be here till dark.”

Joel didn’t want to get drawn into an argument, he also couldn’t resist the person starting it. “My memory’s fine.”

“Oh, really?” Y/n waved a hand across the floor, “Point to the treasure.”

Joel’s lips thinned in frustration, mostly with himself for not being able to find the stash before she latched onto it.

“It’s somewhere on this aisle,” he begrudgingly told her.

“This aisle,” she repeated, the two of them going in opposite directions.

After a minute or two, there was a sound from the back room. “You all right back there?” Joel called.

“Yep!” Ellie replied.

“How likely is it that she’s doing something she shouldn’t be?” Joel asked Y/n, who had weeks more experience curbing Ellie.

Y/n jumped in place on a loose piece of the floor, “100%.”

Joel exhaled and continued searching, eventually feeling a slight raise in one of the tiles. He kicked a few old newspapers aside to discover his hiding spot. And better yet, he’d found it before Y/n did, taking away the opportunity for gloating.

He knelt down and flipped open his pocketknife, cutting open the cover and removing it.

Y/n stopped her hunt and came to crouch down next to him, visually sifting through the supplies. There wasn’t much.

It went against Joel’s natural programming to not be concerned when the back room went silent. Ellie had been gone long enough to have picked through everything at least twice. “Ellie?”

No response.

Now Y/n was on edge as well, rising with Joel. She raised her voice a little louder than him, “Ellie?”

They both unholstered their guns, walking in rhythm together towards the back room. Joel stuck a hand out to form a barrier between whatever unknown threat might have been lurking and Y/n. She annoyedly shoved it away and aimed her gun at the doorway.

They unclenched when Ellie walked out, touting a box of tampons. “Picked over, my ass,” she commented.

Y/n and Joel returned to the stash, Joel unloading his assault rifle and Y/n picking through a tin of first aid supplies.

“What are you doing?” Ellie asked Joel.

“There’s not much ammo out there for this thing,” he replied, bringing the lid back down over the supplies, “Makes it mostly useless.”

Ellie saw an opportunity, “Well, if you’re just gonna leave it there…”

Joel stood to his feet and made direct eye contact, “No.”

Y/n stood up, slung her backpack over her shoulder and lightly pushed Ellie ahead of her. Tess was no longer there to keep occupy Joel and she wanted to put as much space between the two of them as possible.

They were on the dirt road for another hour or two, time didn’t seem to matter in the middle of nowhere. Ellie barely complained, content to take in all that nature had left to offer. At some point, Y/n and Joel had fallen in step with one another. Even sworn enemies would have cracked under pressure and started hurling insults at one another. Their ability to stay silent with one another was unmatched.

“So,” Ellie eventually killed the quiet, “Are you ever going to tell me?”

“Tell you what?” Y/n replied.

“Why you two broke up.”

Joel scrunched his eyes shut, the darkness of his lids a more preferable place to be.

Y/n took the hit and answered, “We never said we dated.”

“You didn’t have to. You knew each other in Texas but you don’t talk,” Ellie began to list off her reasons, “And when you do talk, it’s only to fight.”

“Friends fight too,” Y/n suggested.

Ellie scoffed, “Not like you two.”

There was passion that bled through Joel and Y/n’s arguments that was only born from love. It was one thing they’d never be able to change.

“You don’t need to say anything,” Ellie continued, “I’ll just know that I’m right.”

Joel stopped short, putting a hand up to Ellie and trying to stay calm. “You do not need to say every fuckin’ thing that pops into your head,” he said, driving certain syllables harder than others.

Ellie was unfazed by him, turning her gaze to Y/n. “Was he always this grumpy?”

Y/n sighed, her time in Austin was a piece of her past she didn’t want anyone having. The obviousness of her and Joel’s fractured connection bothered her, it made it that much harder to sever it entirely. She picked up the pace again, getting ahead of Joel and Ellie.

Joel’s eyes followed her, something inside of him twinging against his will. He spared a glance at Ellie and continued on the path.

“Yeah,” Ellie smiled to herself, “They dated.”

They walked a little further before Ellie got distracted by something in a field. “Holy shit,” she exclaimed.

Up on a hilltop lay the rusted remains of a plane crash. The three of them stopped, it was getting harder for Joel and Y/n to remember a world where things like airplanes had existed.

“You fly in one of those?” Ellie asked,

“A few times, sure,” Joel answered.

“Yeah,” Y/n said.

Ellie’s excited eyes scanned the wreck, “So lucky.”

“Didn’t feel like it at the time,” Joel recalled, “Get shoved into a middle seat, pay twelve bucks for a sandwich…”

“Or hit turbulence,” Y/n remembered.

“You got to go up in the sky,” Ellie stated, her voice filled with wonder. Another simple pleasure stolen from her…

Joel had always been more of a realist than Y/n, who wanted Ellie to hold on to whatever pieces of happiness she could. “Yeah, well, so did they,” he added, killing the levity of the moment.

“Grim…” Ellie commented as they continued walking. “So everything came crashing down in one day?”

“Pretty much,” Joel answered, giving Y/n space to interject. She’d gone silent again.

“How?” Ellie asked, “I mean, no one was infected with Cordyceps, everybody’s fine, eating in restaurants and flying in planes. And then all at once? How did it even start? If you have to get bit to be infected, then who bit the first person? Was it a monkey? I bet it was a monkey.”

Y/n almost laughed at the absurdity of it all. Almost.

“It wasn’t a monkey,” Joel answered, “I thought you went to school.”

“FEDRA school,” Ellie replied quickly, “They don’t teach us how their shitty government failed to prevent a pandemic.”

Joel sighed, he couldn’t fault her for wanting to know how her world was destroyed before she’d even gotten there.

“No one knows for sure, but, best guess,” he began, “Cordyceps mutated. And some of it got into the food supply. Probably a basic ingredient like flour or sugar. There were certain brands of food that were sold everywhere, all across the country, all across the world. Bread, cereal…”

Joel and Y/n didn’t have to look at one another to know they were having the same thought.

“Pancake mix,” Joel continued, “You eat enough of it, it’ll get you infected. So the tainted food all hits the store shelves around the same time, Thursday. People bought it, ate some Thrusday night or Friday morning. Day goes on…they started to get sick. Afternoon, evening, they got worse,” Joel paused, a flash of blood coming to his mind, “Then they started bitin’.”

Y/n shut her eyes, as if it was all playing out in front of her again.

“Friday night,” Joel was able to push out, “September 26th, 2003. And by Monday, everything was gone.”

Y/n didn’t know whether to scream or stay quiet. Her entire world had come crashing down in a span of 72 hours.

“It makes more sense than monkeys,” Ellie said, then looked at Joel, “Thanks.”

“Sure,” he replied. Joel still wasn’t sure what to do with her, but he was trying. He only had to try for a few more hours, anyway.

Y/n kept her eyes down as she walked, only stopping when Ellie and Joel fell out of step. Joel had his arm stretched over Ellie’s chest to keep her in place.

“What now?” Y/n asked, nearing her breaking point with patience.

“We’ll cut across the woods here,” Joel directed.

“Isn’t the road easier?” Ellie asked.

“Yeah, it’s just,” Joel took a breath, looking ahead to Y/n, “There’s stuff up there you shouldn’t see.”

Y/n chortled, she couldn’t take any more of his mood swings. One minute he didn’t care, the next he was watching out for their sensitive eyes?

“Well, now I have to see,” Ellie sang, walking ahead to join Y/n.

“I don’t want you to,” Joel pushed.

“Newsflash, Joel,” Y/n announced, “It’s the fucking apocalypse. We’ve all seen things we don’t want to see.”

Joel paced after them, chasing Ellie more than his ex, “I’m not kidding. Ellie!”

“Can it hurt us?” Ellie asked as Y/n fell behind her.

“No,” Joel answered truthfully.

She spun around to face him as she strolled, “You’re too honest, man, Should’ve said axe murderer.”

While Ellie walked ahead, Joel sped up to match Y/n’s pace. “I’m serious, she shouldn’t see it.”

“You know what,” Y/n didn’t break stride, “I’m sure our delicate little sensibilities can handle whatever it is.”

Anger is intoxicating, but it can also be all-encompassing. It can numb all other senses, blinding all other emotions until the red is staining every part of someone’s perspective. Y/n’s rage with Joel was deceiving her into thinking everything that came out of his mouth was either an insult or an overreaction. Joel knew that the second she found what he was trying to shield her and Ellie from, she’d regret it instantly. But it was futile to fight her.

“Uh, whatever it was,” Ellie called from the front of the group, “Think it’s gone.”

Y/n felt sure of herself as she trudged on, until the details of Ellie’s expression came into view and she followed the girl’s eyes. There in a ditch, lay skeletal remains. If you reconstructed them, they probably made up about a dozen people.

“About a week after Outbreak Day, soldiers…” Joel started to explain to Ellie, “Went through the countryside, evacuated the small towns. Told you you were going to a QZ, and you were…if there was room…if there wasn’t…”

“These people weren’t sick?” Ellie inquired.

“No,” Joel replied, “Probably not.”

“Why kill them?” Ellie continued, “Why not just leave ‘em be?”

“It was their fucked up way of trying to contain the infection,” Y/n spoke up, trying to hide her trembling breath. It wasn’t the first open grave she’d seen, this was one of the easier ones to stomach. This was all bones.

Y/n turned on her heel, eager to get as far away from the hellish memories as she could.

————————————

Eventually, they made it to where Joel told them Bill and Frank lived. It was a small chunk of a town completely gated by a tall fence.

“Stay here,” Joel instructed Y/n and Ellie before punching in the entry code on the gate’s keypad. He let them go through first, it was the only place safe enough to do so.

Y/n’s breath caught in her chest, it was the first time she’d seen an actual town in…she’d lost count of the years. The white picket fences, the boutique shops, the houses. Actual houses. It nearly brought tears to her eyes, it reminded her so much of Austin.

The three of them walked to Bill and Frank’s house, the nicest looking one on the block. Joel took notice, however, that the flowers decorating the front porch were dead. Scorched by the sun. Bill would never let that happen.

He opened the front door, taking cautious steps into the entryway. Y/n and Ellie followed close behind.

“What the fuck,” Ellie elongated, it was probably her first time inside an actual house.

“Bill?” Joel called out. No answer. “Frank?” Nothing.

Shit.

“You stay there,” Joel directed Ellie, not looking Y/n’s way since she was going to do what she wanted anyway, “Ya hear anything, you see anything…yell.”

Joel and Y/n didn’t make it more than one step before Ellie spoke up, “What if they’re gone?”

No. Joel couldn’t think about that. He didn’t want to grieve over one more person.

Y/n set off down the hallway, keeping her pistol drawn at her side. Joel had gone through the kitchen, but the two rooms were connected. They made it to the bedroom door at the same time, Joel knocking and jiggling the knob. Nothing.

“Would they leave?” Y/n asked.

“No,” Joel shook his head.

The back porch door shutting got their attention.

“Ellie?” Y/n called, getting nothing in return. She set off back to the dining room where they’d left her, Joel just a step behind.

She was sitting at the table holding a piece of paper. Her expression was undeterminable, like she was between emotions and deciding which one to land on.

“It’s from Bill,” she finally told them.

Y/n sighed, holstering her gun, taking off her backpack and settling into a chair between Joel and Ellie. Joel put away his weapon too, neither of them needed to pretend there was any hope.

Ellie scanned the envelope the letter had come from, “‘To whomever…but probably Joel,’” she tossed it back onto the table, “I figured I fell under “whomever.” It came with this.”

She slid a single car key across the table.

Joel shrugged his backpack off next to Y/n’s, but wouldn’t sit. “So they’re dead?”

“Mm-hmm,” Ellie hummed.

Joel turned away, the very little emotion he let himself feel coming to the surface.

“You-you wanna?” Ellie offered.

He shook his head, “Go ahead. You do it.”

Y/n leaned against her knees, holding her hands to her lips, bracing herself.

“August 29th, 2023,” Ellie began to read, “If you find this…please do not come into the bedroom. We left a window open so the house wouldn’t smell, but it will probably be a sight. I’m guessing you found this, Joel, because anyone else would’ve been electrocuted or blown up by one of my traps. Hehehehehehe-“

Ellie looked up in confusion, Y/n gave a small nod for her to continue.

“Take anything you need,” she kept going, “The bunker code is the gate code but in reverse. Anyway…I never liked you, but still, it’s like we’re friends, almost…And I respect you. So, I’m gonna tell you something because you’re probably the only person who will understand. I used to hate the world and I was happy when everyone died. But I was wrong, because there was one person worth saving. That’s what I did. I saved him. Then I protected him. That’s why men like you and me are here. We have a job to do, and God help any motherfuckers who stand in our way. I leave you all of my weapons and equipment. Use them to keep-“

Ellie sucked her bottom lip, not knowing how to proceed. None of them had to ask what the next two words were.

Joel stepped forward robotically and took the letter, reading the rest over silently. Tess’ name struck a blow to his body, he wanted to curl in on himself.

“Stay here,” he mumbled, striding towards the front door with barely contained hurry.

Y/n shut her eyes, keeping her hands in a praying position. It was the first time in twenty years she couldn’t tap into the anger that lived inside her. She felt pure sorrow that Joel had to lose someone else he loved, regardless of whether he’d ever admit to loving Tess.

Outside, Joel took deep breaths that at one time would have been described as cleansing. But he felt no better when he inhaled than he had before. Bill’s letter weren’t just his last wishes, it was a call to action. He couldn’t have known the situation Joel was in when he wrote it, but he supernaturally addressed every part of it. He lifted up a silent apology to Tess, for not being able to save her.

Joel crumpled the letter in his palms and let it drop to the grass. He held up the key Bill had left him, forcing himself to move to the garage doors and open them.

Y/n and Ellie sat up straighter upon hearing the noise. “Stay here,” Y/n echoed Joel, rising up and heading out to see what he was doing.

She walked around to the open garage doors to see Joel hunched over the front of a truck. The hood was open and he was investigating its internal organs. Y/n had barely caught a glance at the empty spot where the battery should have been before Joel slammed it shut. There went that happy thought…

Joel’s eye caught the refrigerator nearby, a couple cans of oil and other auto supplies sitting on top of it. Bill had been a survivalist, it was his nature to prepare for every possible outcome. He crossed the space and opened the fridge, spotting the materials needed to construct a car battery from scratch

He smirked, maybe they had been friends…

Y/n joined him at the door, she was no mechanic but the men throughout her life, Joel and Tommy included, had taught her enough about car repair to know they were battery parts. A spark of hope lit inside her.

It dwindled in both her and Joel when the reality of what it meant hit them.

Y/n suddenly felt too close to him, she moved away and crossed her arms, going to stand on the furthest side of the truck. Joel didn’t move until she stopped, coming to stand on the other side of the vehicle. They wanted a proper barricade between them.

Y/n had made a promise to Tess that she would protect both Ellie and Joel. In the moment, it had seemed like the only honorable thing to do. Now, staring down the task itself, she wanted to admit her selfishness and run. Run back to the QZ, back to the Fireflies, back to the only semblance of safety she had. And with every turn she made in her mind, Ellie was waiting for her. Ellie was at the center of this all. She was the job. Everything else came second.

“If we do this,” Y/n started, her words slowly and cautiously calculated, “You are going to have to start treating me like an equal. I am not some delicate flower that you need to protect and I’m not some child in need of protection. We’ve already got one of those. I live in the same world you do. I didn’t hesitate to kill that Clicker,” she pointed behind them as if the monster’s carcass was present, “And I won’t hesitate going forward.”

Joel looked up at her out his eyebrows, “Can you blame me, last time I knew you?”

“We don’t need to keep bringing us up,” Y/n shook her head, a joyless smile on her face, “We are completely different people. Matter of fact, think of us as strangers. We only know each other from this point forward.”

Joel thought it over a second, accepting the truth of it. “Okay,” he said, “But you have to trust me that I know the best way to get to Wyoming-“

“I don’t trust you,” Y/n retorted.

“I don’t trust you either,” he echoed, bitterness rising to both their surfaces.

Y/n bit down on her bottom lip, if this was going to work, they needed to put away all of their past. Not just the good parts.

“We have to put this on ice,” she said, “What matters…is her. That is all that matters. Not us, not what happened…her.”

Joel’s thumb twitched against the hood of the truck. There were many questions he’d been wanting to ask Y/n, but there was one that was non-negotiable if he was going to take on this task with her

“Do you actually believe that she’s the answer to this?”

Y/n’s face softened, only slightly, but enough for Joel to see the gleam hope in her eyes. “I do,” she replied, earnestly.

Joel breathed a heavy sigh, looking down at the truck. He glanced back up at Y/n, scanning her up and down as if to take full stock of the woman she was now. “Okay.”

Y/n nodded, her body alight with apprehension. “Okay.”

A ceasefire had been called.

“I’ll start on the battery,” Joel announced, eager to get away from the conversation as quick as he could, “Can you do a once over on this thing?”

“Yeah,” she answered, forcing past the hurdle that was doing something Joel asked of her.

They worked in silence, Y/n checking that the car was in working condition and Joel constructing their battery. It was the first time they’d been able to tolerate each other’s presence in the last two days.

After a half hour, when Y/n was long past done, Joel stepped back and examined his work. “It’s gotta charge for a while,” he announced, “But it’ll work.”

“Okay,” Y/n sighed, glancing over at him before heading back out the garage. Joel was close behind.

They came back into the house, finding Ellie waiting for them at the table still.

“Show me your arm,” Joel ordered, he needed to be 100% certain that she was safe to transport.

Ellie stood and rolled up her sleeve, the second bite still had blood caked around it, but it was clearly healing. They had no reason to doubt it would continue that way.

“I just finished makin’ a truck battery,” Joel said, “It’s charging right now.”

“Okay,” Ellie replied, her face showing a hint of hope.

“And I have a brother in Wyoming,” Joel continued, “He’s in some kinda trouble, and I’m heading out there to find him. He used to be a Firefly. And my guess is he knows where some of ‘em are out there. Maybe they can get you two to wherever this lab is.”

Ellie’s eyes bounced between Y/n and Joel, “All right. Uh,” she began to fiddle with her hand, “Listen, about Tess-“

Joel held up a hand, he took a second to collect himself before speaking. “If I’m takin’ you with me, there’s some rules you gotta follow. Rule one, you don’t bring up Tess. Ever. Matter of fact, we can just keep our histories to ourselves.”

Y/n made a mental note of where Joel was emotionally.

“Rule two, you don’t tell anyone about your…condition,” Joel focused his eyes on Ellie, trying to drive the point home, “They see that bite mark, they won’t think it through. They’ll just shoot you. Rule three,” he pointed between him and Y/n, “You do what we say, when we say it. We clear?”

“Yes,” Ellie answered.

“Repeat it,” Joel demanded.

Ellie took a breath, “What you say goes,” she looked between the two adults once more, “Are you two gonna be able to get along?”

Joel glanced over his shoulder at Y/n, who was leaned up against the door frame. She had her hands tucked behind her as if she was trying to make herself as small as possible. They communicated their truce with their eyes.

“We’ll be fine,” Y/n said to Ellie, maybe saying it would make it so…

Joel sighed, it felt like he was signing on a metaphorical dotted line. “Okay,” he finally said.

The three of them stood in the dining room, all with their own separate reservations but with no choice in the matter. They needed each other, even if no one dared to admit it.

“So what now?” Ellie broke the silence.

“We grab what we can,” Joel responded, “Let’s check the bunker first.”

He brushed past Y/n, who followed with Ellie in tow, and located the hidden entrance to Bill’s bunker. Joel climbed down the ladder first into the pitch black room. Flipping on the lights revealed walls of canned goods, guns, supplies, various tools and first aid kits. In the middle lay a desk setup with a laptop playing music and monitor screens showing footage of outside the house.

“Ho-ly shit,” Ellie said for both her and Y/n, “This guy was a genius.”

“Little bit,” Y/n added, scanning the walls, “Back then, everyone called people like him crazy. I’m guessing he was okay with it.”

Joel went to work at the computer, switching off the song.

“Why was the music on?” Ellie asked.

“If he didn’t reset the countdown every few weeks,” Joel explained, “This playlist would run over the radio.”

Ellie glanced over the screen, assured now of her theory from the day before about Joel’s radio codes. “‘80s.”

Joel didn’t really care anymore, “Grab some cans from over there. Nothin’ dented or swollen.”

Ellie wasn’t so easily distracted, she was still gazing at the guns. “Dude,” she started to draft another pitch.

“No,” he replied without even looking up at her.

“There’s a whole wall of them,” she declared, as if that made a difference.

Joel shot her a glare, signaling there was no discussion to be had. Searching Y/n out again and receiving a frown in response, Ellie backed off and went to collect the canned goods.

Y/n traced her fingers across the wall of guns. She doubted her pistol was going to get them very far. It had taken an assault rifle and an axe just to kill the Clicker that had attacked them.

She loathed to ask Joel for help, but she was good at shooting, not specs. “Which one takes the most basic ammo?”

Joel peered up from the monitor screens, the sight of her standing amongst so many weapons was still a little shocking. “That beige and black one,” he nodded in her direction, “Standard shotgun.”

Y/n nodded once in awkward thanks and removed the gun from the wall, testing the weight and feel of it. She crossed the room to one of Bill’s work tables and took a box of bullets, stuffing it in her jacket pocket.

“I’m gonna start upstairs,” she announced, strapping the shotgun over her back and climbing up the ladder.

The three of them worked around the house, collecting any and all supplies they could possibly need. Ellie found toilet paper, Y/n found some unopened dry goods, Joel found clothes for them. It was strange to think that once upon a time, desires had felt like essentials. A new TV, concert tickets, expensive wine…Y/n felt like she was seeing heaven when Joel pulled out a box of women’s t-shirts.

Joel monitored the battery closely, it wasn’t charging as fast as he wanted it to. “Needs another hour,” he told them.

“They have hot water!” Ellie exclaimed, soaking her hand under the garage’s running faucet, “I’m takin’ a shower. And then you’re showering, because seriously,” she turned to Joel and scowled as he headed back to the house.

Joel stopped what he was doing, unsure of how to respond. “I smell that bad?”

Y/n was sorting through some shelves, collecting a few tools they could take with them for the truck. “I’m not even answering that,” she replied.

Joel took what he could from her answer. “You take the next one,” he offered, trying to put his money where he mouth was and bench their grudge.

“Should I be offended?” Y/n fired back, raising one eyebrow. “Thank you,” she finally said.

Joel gave a nod in reply before getting back to work.

Y/n eventually headed inside to wait for Ellie to be done. The girl emerged with wet hair in fresh clothes.

“That felt so good,” she groaned in happiness as she passed Y/n in the hall.

“I bet,” Y/n smiled, “There extra towels in there?”

“Yep,” Ellie called, she was already halfway down the stairs, passing Joel as she descended.

If Y/n and Joel had dodged any awkwardness in the past 48 hours, it had boomeranged back around and slammed into them. They stood in the hall, keeping three feet of space between them and struggled for words.

“I’ll be quick,” Y/n said finally, heading into the bedroom that connected to the bathroom.

“Sure,” Joel replied, fiddling with his fist at his side.

Showers were one thing that no one ever took for granted anymore. Water supply in the QZ wasn’t consistent, one day you could have warm water and the next it’d be ice cold. You couldn’t count on anything to stay the same. So when Y/n had complete control of the temperature and made it burning hot, she felt like she could cry from pure joy.

Joel stood outside the bedroom door, leaned up against the wall. He wasn’t sure what to do with himself. Sweet images of early mornings with Y/n stormed past his defenses, flooding his brain. How she looked with wet hair, the smell of her skin after using some soap he couldn’t remember the name of…he tried to ignore the fact that it was all on the other side of the door.

Y/n emerged from the shower a few minutes later, having gotten all the dirt out of her hair and nails, and wrapped a threadbare towel around her torso. She quickly dried off and changed into the new clothes Joel had found them. It was a plain t-shirt, a men’s button up to go over it and a plain pair of jeans. Gone were the days of dressing up because you felt like it. It was a stupid thing to miss, but Y/n felt the loss regardless.

Dressed, she opened the bathroom door. The sound signaled that Joel could come in.

He came around the corner, having just put his memories to bed when he saw her. Pruny, barefaced and natural…the way he’d always loved her.

“All yours,” Y/n muttered, unable to break the eye contact they held.

Joel cleared his throat and his mind, “Thanks.”

“I’m just gonna be here,” Y/n gestured to the dresser and the attached mirror, “Try and get a comb through my hair.”

“Okay,” Joel nodded.

He walked past her, their shoulders brushing as he did, and closed the bathroom door behind him. It was the first time they’d touched in twenty years.

Now anger was rarely ever born from just anger. No one hated someone just to hate them. There was always something deeper beneath it. More often than not, anger found a companion in heartbreak. They’d collide, morphing together to make something so complicated, you couldn’t tell one apart from the other.

Y/n reached for a spare comb, her trembling hands causing her hair to catch in the teeth. Harboring the anger had been effortless, it was a fire that stoked itself. It was the pain, the flame that started the blaze, that was causing her to feel like she was burning, from the inside out.

The tears welled in her eyes, she refused to let them fall until her reflection was nothing but a blur. She dropped the comb on the dresser, and fell back onto the bed. It could no longer be contained.

Joel had broken her, destroyed her. The loss of him was a hurt that had refused to fade with time. She could feel her heart splitting back open just being around him, the same way it had the day that they’d parted. She wanted to scream, to cry, to break the way she had after he’d left. With the simple act of calling a truce and playing nice, she had reopened the wound she had spent twenty years trying to heal with her unbridled bitterness. She was bleeding out.

On the other side of the door, Joel was propped up against the shower with one hand. Rivulets of the stream dripped down his hair and face. He stared down at the drain, his emotions mixing and swirling much like the water at his feet. Joel had never considered himself particularly favored by the world. There were only two times when he’d felt like there was some higher power bestowing happiness upon his unworthy head.

The first was when Sarah was born, when he got to hold her for the first time.

The second was when Y/n entered his life.

Now her mere presence felt like a punishment. A reminder of what he’d done to her, a child’s taunt of a love he could never go back to. Knowing she was on the other side of the wall caused every muscle in his body to tense. Joel was still himself, regardless of what the pandemic had turned him into. The guilt he’d long tried to drown was rising to the surface, threatening to rebel and throw him underwater. Mixed with the fresh loss of Tess, he was overwhelmed. If he didn’t keep repeating the same three things to himself, she lied, she’s a liar, she’ll lie again, he would collapse entirely.

Y/n sniffled, rubbing her fingers under her eyes in a desperate attempt to stop her tears. She was so tired of crying over Joel. She wished for blind hatred, not the memory of his smile. Bitter regret, not the ghost of his lips. She couldn’t take another time of looking into his eyes and seeing the man she had loved with her whole heart.

Had they known that with a mere twelve feet of space and one shoddy door between them, it still wouldn’t have changed anything. Their chapter was over.

Needing distance, Y/n got off the bed and combed her hair as she walked down the stairs. She found Ellie seated in the front room at the piano.

Ellie turned to her and smiled, “Well, that’s an improvement.”

Y/n bristled, “Be nice to me. I am keeping you alive, after all.”

Ellie hummed as if that was up for debate and turned back to the piano, “You ever learn to play one of these?”

“A little,” Y/n replied, coming to join her, “I played as a kid, not as much when I was an adult.”

“You wanna play something?” Ellie suggested, it didn’t feel like it was for Y/n’s benefit so much as her own.

Y/n motioned for Ellie to make room and settled in next to the girl. It had been over twenty years since she’d felt ivory beneath her fingers, and this one was a beautiful model. She wracked her brain for songs where all the chords were still intact.

She placed her hands accordingly, pressing down on the first keys.

“Slow down, you crazy child,” she softly sang, “You’re so ambitious for a juvenile. But then if you’re so smart, tell me, why are you still so afraid?”

“You can fucking sing?” Ellie cried excitedly.

“Where's the fire, what's the hurry about,” Y/n kept going, “You'd better cool it off before you burn it out. You've got so much to do and only so many hours in a day.”

Ellie swayed a little, taking in the curiosity of the person she hardly knew, yet liked better than anyone. She couldn’t help herself from sneaking a finger onto a key and quickly pressing down.

“Don’t mess me up,” Y/n laughed as she continued to play, “But you know that when the truth is told, that you can get what you want, or you can just get old.”

Joel had just pushed his wet hair back and buttoned up his shirt he’d found. Renewed by the hot water, he grabbed the stick of deodorant he’d used and left the bathroom. The music and it’s sweet accompaniment drifted through the bedroom door, hitting Joel and rendering him breathless for a moment. All he could feel was her, wrapping her arms around him with each word.

Ellie continued to hit random keys at inopportune times, Y/n’s knocked her shoulder against hers.

“You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through,” Y/n crooned, her grin causing her to enunciate differently.

Joel quietly made his way down the stairs, feeling his body unnaturally relax with each note Y/n sang. Her voice hadn’t changed at all.

“When will you realize,” Y/n did a little flourish with the keys, leaving Ellie no room to mess with the melody, “Vienna waits for you.”

When she removed her hands, Ellie clapped and whooped. The mood had been so dark since the day of the shootout, it felt like a single ray of light was shining down on them.

Joel watched her sing the last line from the hall, it was like his memories had come to life right in front of him. How hard was it to bury the past when it was everywhere you looked?

Ellie turned around and saw Joel, “Well, don’t you look pretty.”

Y/n rotated on the bench and faced Joel. It was unfair that he seemed to be getting more handsome with age. With his hair slicked back and his plaid shirt rolled up to his elbows, it stirred up a singular butterfly in her stomach. She was quick to put it down.

Joel’s eyes flashed to Y/n before catching himself and looking back to Ellie, “Shut up.”

He tossed her the deodorant. “Nice,” she commented, swiping it on before handing it to Y/n. “Hey,” she trailed after Joel, “Did you know Y/n can sing?”

Y/n snorted as she used the antiperspirant. Ellie was the only thing keeping her spirits up on the trip. Everything else hurt, but the young girl’s joy acted as a balm.

Joel went back out to the garage to confirm the battery was charged up. He installed it quickly and headed back into the house. “We’re good to go,” he announced, slinging his backpack over his shoulder.

Ellie and Y/n grabbed their jackets and bags, the three of them filed out of the house in hopeful silence. They shoved their things in the back seat of the truck, leaving one side clutter-free.

“Why don’t you take the front?” Y/n suggested to Ellie, already climbing in the back.

Ellie jumped into the passenger side, a toothy grin spread across her face as she started fiddling with the foldout mirror.

“It’s your first time in a car?” Joel asked from beside her, not the slightest bit amused.

“It’s like a spaceship,” Ellie said wondrously.

“No, it’s like a shit piece of Chevy S10,” Joel grumbled, “But it’ll get us there…I think. Seatbelt.”

Ellie glanced up from playing with the radio dials, confused.

Undeniably in sync with each other, Y/n reached through the gap between Ellie’s seat and the window as Joel reached over the girl and pulled the belt over her body. “Seatbelt,” Joel repeated.

Ellie took it from him and clicked it into place, “So cool…”

Y/n watched from over their shoulders. It wasn’t lost on her how it had taken no time for Joel to start acting like a parent again.

Joel started up the car as Ellie dug through the glove compartment. She held something up to Joel that Y/n couldn’t see.

“Put it back…” Joel directed, “Ellie…”

Ellie ignored him, popping in the cassette tape and hitting play. Soft guitar rang through the truck’s speaker system. Ellie was about to skip the song when Joel and Y/n piped up at the same time.

“No, no, wait-“

“No, leave it.”

Their words collided, surprising them both. It was the first thing they’d agreed on.

“This is good,” Joel said as he made a turn, “This is Linda Ronstadt. Do you know who Linda Ronstadt is?”

“You know I don’t know who Linda Ronstadt is,” Ellie rolled her eyes.

Y/n smirked from the back seat before the nostalgia washed over her again. The song had been a favorite of hers for decades, but there was one night in particular she distinctly remembered playing it on.

Joel drove down the path that led to the gate, letting the song fill the cracks of him left by all the beauty disappearing from the world. There was still a musician living inside him. “Oh, man…” he muttered.

In the rear view mirror, Y/n and Joel’s eyes flickered to one another. The second their gazes connected, they diverted them back to the road. In their minds, they were back in Y/n’s shitty apartment, leaving for their first date.

“Eh,” Ellie remarked, “It’s better than nothing.”

Y/n couldn’t contain the chuckle that bubbled from her lips, nor could Joel hide his flash of a smile. She was going to make them both feel ancient before their journey was over.

Joel pressed the gate code on the remote Bill had left in the garage, the gate opening for them like the parting of the Red Sea. Even he, in all his jadedness, felt some sort of hope.

Y/n settled against the window, taking one last look at the town Bill and Frank had kept up over the years. Their legacy was one not of sadness, but of renewal. They had supplied her, Joel and Ellie with the resources to go forward with their journey. They were helping them in their mission to change the world. It was a kindness she’d never get to thank them for, but she’d certainly never forget.

They drove into the sunset, golden hour embracing them and welcoming them onto the open road. Maybe, just maybe, this was the turning point for them…

————

A/N: Just an FYI, we hit the 50 mentions limit so the taglist will be split between the post and the comments :)

TYL Taglist: @bachiracore @stolenxkissess @kayleezra @the-wistful-reader @allthesesonsofbitches @goth-detectives365 @trippovert @rh1nestonecowg1rl @emiliaserpe @khaleesihavilliard @frietiemeloen @gracie7209 @dorck26 @thegirlnextdoorssister @alanis-altair @mariwinns16 @whosscruffylooking @endofthexline @alexiaricciardo @eonnyx @pedrosmexicangf @scarlettequinn @ao-sleepy @toinfinityandbeyonce2 @deanlovescassie @turmoil-ash @sorrowjunky @kpopslur @xxlilyxx90 @midgetpottermills @presidential-facts @scoopsnini @tubble-wubble @jamesdeerest @burninggracesandbridges @star-wars-lover @lucyhotchner @cococola-cocaine @witheringhqarts @fall-writes @alwaysdjarin @xxmoonn @emilia-the-artist @wand-erer5 @boneyarrd @lizard-zombie @itwasallinmyhead1 @cassidylea123 @paleepeaches @mxltifxnd0m @kettlekatie @ultimate-cinephile @gloryekaterina @caramelkatsukis-bitch @whovianayesha @memeorydotcom @deadunicorn159 @get0ut0fmyr00m @siriuslymooned @emmyeed

#Joel miller x reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller imagine #Joel miller fanfic #joel miller fanfiction #the last of us imagine #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us fanfic #twenty years later

[sinfullyrosey]

A Simple Prick

Malleus Draconia X Fem!Reader

Warnings: Hypnosis (kinda), Vaginal Penetration, Fairytale Ending... with a Twist

I was remembering that scene in Sleeping Beauty where Aurora’s under that sort of trance and is slowly walking along the castle and up the steps towards the spindle, and my brain decided to parody it.

Being the human royal heir of a kingdom that’s still in rivalry with Briar Valley. The war may be over, but your parents were still wary of the dark fae they once fought in battle, so didn’t invite the king or queen to the celebration of your birth in fear of what curse they may befall upon newborn you. This did not go over well with the fae royals and they crashed the celebration, not out of disrespect towards them, but their son, as it was customary for your kingdom to invite any and all available royal children to meet yours as an early courting ritual.

To not allow their son to meet you, your parents were saying that he was not worthy of being a possible future candidate for your hand in marriage. That he was not worthy of your love.

So, the king and queen of Briar Valley laid a curse on you, a curse that stated that on your 21st birthday, you were to fall in love with their son when the thorn of a dragon fae pricks you. Those in your kingdom did not fully understand the words of the curse, so none knew what a dragon fae thorn was. Many believed it was the thorn of a rose bush that lined the fae kingdom’s gardens, while others believed it must be a needle or even a weapon used by the dark fae.

Regardless, your parents, sick with fear and worry over the fae taking you away from them in a forced, loveless marriage, set out to hide you away from the wretched fae royals who cursed you. You were sent away to live deep in the forest with three trusted advisers once you were a little older. There, within that cozy, little cabin, you laid hidden and raised to be ignorant of your curse.

As the years pass, you grow in near solitude, blissfully unaware of the world around you. The only escape you have are your dreams, where you get to witness a world outside of the limited one you’re confined to. A world beyond the trees, where a dark castle lies, with thorny rose bushes and stony beasts surrounding it. It’s a place found only in your dreams, and within these dreams stands a misty green figure shrouded in darkness and flames. A figure you’re never able to fully discern, but of whom you welcome nonetheless.

This figure speaks to you of wonders and tales beyond anything you could ever imagine. Spoken with such poetically silken words. Words that drew you further into him as time passed and you grew older. Words that captivated you and gave you comfort in your lonely years of existence. Oh, if only this figure were real. If only you could meet him for real and finally share yourself with him instead of seeking him out in your slumber. If only…

Fast forward and you are now twenty, about to celebrate your 21st birthday. It’s a day you have been waiting for since you were told by your guardians all those years ago. The day you would finally be able to return home and leave this gilded cage behind. The four of you had a mini celebration before heading out back to the castle, your home. Cake was shared and gifts were given, a brand-new outfit for you, one of white and gold. Unbeknownst to you, a wedding garb, as you were set to marry another royal arranged to you for your return. A failsafe to be sure the fae would not be able to steal you away from them.

On your carriage ride to your home, disaster struck, literally. A bolt of lightning, followed by the sound of thunder, came crashing down in front of your carriage, causing the horses to panic and the carriage to flip. Miraculously, you were unharmed, but the coach and your guardians were all knocked unconscious. And before you could think of what to do next, the soft sound of a distant voice reached your ears. It was a familiar sound, but one you could not fully recognized. It called to you, beckoned you to follow it past the brush and trees. You could not shake the sound filling your head and obeyed its heed.

You walked towards the voice alone and in a trance. You don’t know how long you had been walking or how much time had passed, but soon you reached the gates of an ebony stone castle, surrounded by a veil of vines and thorns. The gates seem to open up for you and lead you down a path that took you to a winding stairwell. The whole time you listened to the voice soothingly carry you up the stairs and into a room. This room was not empty, however, as there, standing before you at the glass window, was a tall, dark figure.

The dark figure turned to face you and your entranced eyes widened, mouth falling open in awe. The figure before you was that of a man, pale skinned with pointed ears and coal black horns atop his head. An even pointier pair of fangs poked out as his blackened lips curl up into a grin at you. He wore all black with dark green accents, further adding to his shadowy presence. He gave off an air of elegance and power, one that’s dark and foreboding. And yet, it all felt familiar, like you knew who this man was, but couldn’t fully visualize him.

Until a familiar pair of glowing, emerald eyes catches your own.

Those eyes…

You’ve seen them once before…

Once, upon a dream, you saw him there. You met him there, in your dreams. All those times again and again…

He is right in front of you now, looming over your much smaller frame. You only gazed up at him with wide eyes in disbelief. He called your full name then, dangerous, green eyes leering down at you so intently. You could only blink and call his name in turn.

“Ma… Malleus?”

His grin grew wider at the sound of his name upon your lips. Pale hands with sharp, black claws rested along your sides, leading you both to the bed. He sat down with you still standing before him, now at eye level with him, and your hands gently cradled in his. You tilted your head in confusion, still not comprehending that he was really here, or that you were here, in the very castle you thought was a creation from your dreamscape.

“It seems you are already dressed for the occasion.”

He gave your attire a once over, finally able to admire you after so long. You could only respond with a quiet, “Huh?” before he chuckled at your oblivious expression. His hands fiddled with his robe, drawing your attention away from his memorizing eyes and instead to the stiff member poking out from beneath the black cloth.

It was big and dark, like the rest of him. It stood straight up and sharp. You had yet to see this part of him but was pleasantly surprised regardless. It was as if he could read your thoughts, sensing your confusion and desire.

“It is a thorn, my beloved. A dragon fae’s thorn to be precise.”

You did not understand the significance of his words, but blushed nonetheless. Mind racing with such desirable thoughts. The whole sight was just ethereal. The fae chuckled and pulled you closer, guiding you to his lap.

“Come, it’s time.”

You don’t know why, but you felt that you understood. This may be your first time meeting the mysterious man, but you were still familiar with him. You felt a deep longing towards him that developed and bloomed with each passing season.

You had danced with him among the flower fields and briar, an unknown melody twirling its rhythmical notes around the two of you. You chatted and spoke of your lives with each other, sharing dreams and secrets that nobody else but you and he knew. You knew him, even if you didn’t, you knew him.

Like being in a trance once more, you moved aside your own attire to lay yourself bare like he done for you, your pussy on full display for his eyes only. You crawled into his lap, making yourself comfortable before hovering yourself over his length. You gazed down to see his cock twitching in anticipation for you, the sight making your heart skip.

You aligned yourself, inhaled, and slowly sunk yourself down onto his awaiting cock. Your unprepared walls fluttered around him, squeezing yet still readily accepting all that he had. You wince at the sharp pain that pricks at your insides, whining at the fullness of him against your velvety walls and already feeling overstimulated.

“O-oh!”

Your eyes widened when your thighs finally met his, the full length of his prick reaching deep inside you and sending you in a dizzying haze of pleasure and sudden emotions. Your eyes drooped dreamily as you wrapped your arms around his neck. Despite the stormy, gray clouds surrounding the castle and the glassy haze that clouded your vision, you had never seen things so clearly as you did now in this moment.

“Malleus, I love you. I. Love. You.”

And with that, you sealed the confession with a kiss, his misty green eyes widening, but melting into the kiss, lips molding with yours.

Word soon got out throughout the kingdom about the missing-turned-runaway bride. The royal carriage ambushed and princess nowhere to be seen. The king and queen were in a panic, afraid of what had befallen their precious daughter and sole heir to the kingdom. But their wails of despair were interrupted by a messenger making their presence known in the great hall. With them, a single letter with an all too familiar seal stamped in a dark green wax in the shape of a dragon.

It was addressed to the king and queen, from the Queen of Briar Valley, inviting them to the wedding that was to be held in the kingdom of the fae. The wedding between the soon-to-be King Malleus and his betrothed: their precious daughter and princess of their kingdom.

At the bottom, officially signed in ink, were the signatures from both the bride and groom to be.

~Malleus & Y/N Draconia~

#Twisted Wonderland #Twisted Wonderland Smut #TWST #TWST Smut #Malleus Draconia Smut #Malleus Draconia X Reader #Fem!Reader

[staydandy]

The First Responders Season 2 (2023) - 소방서 옆 경찰서 그리고 국과수 - Whump List

List by StayDandy Synopsis : The season continues to follow the joint operations of the police force, fire department, and paramedics. The three stations jointly respond to fierce scenes between crime, disasters and emergencies, showcasing their bravery and teamwork in the face of danger. (MDL) AKA : The Police Station Next to the Fire Station and National Forensic Service | The First Responders 2

Whumpee : Jin Ho Gae [detective] played by Kim Rae Won • Bong Do Jin [firefighter] played by Son Ho Jun • Kang Do Ha [NFS] played by Oh Eui Shik • Gong Myung Pil [detective, Ho Gae’s partner] played by Kang Gi Doong

Country : 🇰🇷 South Korea Genres : Action, Thriller, Mystery, Drama, Crime, Bromance

Notes : This is a Full Whump List • Autopsy scenes are vivid. Be wary if you're squeamish. • Uh, yeah, I had a few rather emotional responses to some eps, you'll see a few of my thoughts in blue • TW : Animal Cruelty, Child Abuse

Related List : The First Responders Season 1 (2022) - Full List

Episodes on List : 11 Total Episodes : 12

*Spoilers below*

left to right : Ho Gae, Do Jin, Do Ha, Myung Pil

01 : Jin Ho Gae falls several feet, connected to Bong Do Jin by a security rope, who's supporting him, hanging, suspended, unconscious … Ho Gae & Do Jin ditch their helmets & oxygen tanks, Ho Gae coughing from smoke … hand burned, treated

02 : (near end) Do Jin falls through a collapsed floor to the floor below, knocked out briefly

03 : (This episode hurts so much 😭 - literally in tears here 😭) Dead … [flashback] Hurt from the fall, trapped, surrounded by fire

04 : (near end) tw: animal cruelty

05 : (A new face appears; Kang Do Ha .. i don't trust u yet (ᓀ_ᓀ)) Kang Do Ha trips over himself & pushed off balance (comedic)

06 : (near end) tw:child abuse

07 : Blown back by an explosion, hits his head, knocked out briefly … (near end) Ho Gae swallows a handcuff key, retching

08 : … continued from previous ep. ... Do Ha has nosebleed, also leaking cerebrospinal fluid (protective brain fluid) from concussion … head pain, blurry vision, collapses … Ho Gae punched

10 : (near end) Gong Myung Pil blown back & severely burned from explosion.. painful treatment

11 : … continued from previous ep. ... Ambulance transport, hyperventilating from pain … [flashback] Ho Gae stabbed with a needle, drugged, passes out … [present] kidnapped, unconscious & transported in a coffin-like box … wakes, bleeding from a stitched incision behind his ear.. dizzy, blurry vision, collapses.. [flashback] surgery of microchip imbedded.. [present] electric shock from imbedded chip, pain, collapses … Myung Pil hospitalized … Ho Gae shocked with electricity from chip, falls off moped … chip removed on the field with no pain meds … forced to vomit (not shown) … dead (?? FUKIN EXCUSE ME?! WTF?? HOW DO U KILL OFF HO GAE?!?!) … Myung Pil wakes in hospital, collapses off bed … collapses in grief

12 : (@ 36:30 NOT DEAD, thank fuckin god! - that's right! fuk him up Ho Gae!) Ho Gae in fight; stabbed in leg, wounds stepped on, crate broken over his head.. Myung Pil & Do Ha blown back by explosion & collapsing wall … treated by paramedics … Ho Gae, Myung Pil, & Do Ha hospitalized (aw, they get to share a room 😆) … [flashback] walking with a crutch … [present] walking with a crutch

#whump #whump list #full whump list #Asian whump #South Korea #The First Responders #The First Responders Season 2 #소방서 옆 경찰서 그리고 국과수 #The First Responders 2 #The Police Station Next to the Fire Station and National Forensic Service #Jin Ho Gae #Bong Do Jin #Kang Do Ha #Gong Myung Pil #Kim Rae Won #Son Ho Jun #Oh Eui Shik #Kang Gi Doong

[indieyuugure]

Hi I love your art it has so much emotion and detail! But I was wandering if the turtles from 2018 will learn about the 2012 love interests, and what would be their reactions?

Thank you! I try my best to put as much raw emotion into the pictures as possible!

So the Donnie-April-Casey love triangle disaster has been brought up a few times in the comic (mostly as a joke)

The first time it’s brought up is Colliding Worlds part 2, where the Donnies find Rise Leo, 12 Casey and April. Donnie and Casey throw each other’s their favorite insults (Gap Tooth and Cave Mouth) hinting at the tension between them and April. Leo and Donnie definitely acknowledge the tension as Rise Donnie then says:

“Not to intrude on your conversation that is apparently of extreme importance, but perhaps we could pick this up any other time!?”

The next time their love triangle is mentioned is in Eye of the Storm Part 2, where if you look closely you can see this interesting little scene while the others are recapping the book so far.

Later in Eye of the Storm part 3, you can see that Rise Casey has taken notice to the 12 Casey and Donnie’s tense relationship.

He asks why Casey and Donnie dislike each other so much, but is cut off with a harsh “No.”

A few pages after, Rise Casey sees 12 Casey flirting with April and Donnie walking in very upset. Rise Casey sees what’s going on a puts it together out loud, to which 12 Raph says:

“‘Love Triangle’ makes it sound so romantic. It’s more like what happens when you add water to hot oil.”

And of course in the most recent update, you see while the 12 boys are hugging it out, Casey and April flirt, April asking “What’cha thinking about Jones?” And Casey delivering the corniest one liner, “A red and yellow sunset.” (Give Casey a break, his two brain cells worked really hard to think that one up!)

As for Leo, There’s some scrapped dialogue from Retribution Part 1 where the Leo-Karai debacle was going to be brought up.

As you some of you probably noticed, Rise Leo is accidentally quoting Karai. In some of the ideas for the dialogue, it looked something like this:

R!Leo: You always talk to yourself when you’re alone?

12Leo: Ka-L-Leo? *sigh* Gosh you sound like my sister…

R!Leo: Wait! You have a sister!?

12Leo: uh…well um, it‘s…kinda complicated…

Later on the next page:

12Leo: thanks…I…I needed that…

R!Leo: Hey! I’m just returning the favor! But, by the way, you seem really awkward talking about your sister, you didn’t like accidentally fall in love with her because she was adopted by your enemy and so thought she wasn’t related to you and you thought she’s super hot, right?

12Leo: … … …

R!Leo: WHAT!? Wait Seriously!? That was like the stupidest thing I could come up with!! Ohmigosh that’s priceless! What’s she like? Is she super into martial arts? Is she hot? Is she-

12Leo: I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!!

R!Leo: *snicker-snicker* (so he still likes her, lol)

As for Raph’s relationship with Mona Lisa, I’ve posted this concept Art before, but I’ll post it again. Mona was meant to appear earlier(probably somewhere in Corrupted Logic) however, that was scrapped, and while I would like to put her in later, I don’t think it would work.

I do, however plan on doing some shorts that’ll go in the back of the comic, much like the holiday specials I’ve done and the Behind the Scenes Potty Mouths short. I really REALLY love Ramona and I think if any of the ships get a special, it’s that one.

Mikey and Renet or Shinigami(whichever you were thinking of I guess) haven’t been mentioned at all. I don’t plan on either of them showing up or it really being mentioned at all. Sorry Mike.

The vast majority of the romance(what little there is) in the comic, is played out in the background, as I don’t want it to take the stage as the main focus. The plot is not about the Donnie-April-Casey love triangle or whatever the heck is going on with Leo and Karai, it’s about the turtles defeating the Krang and learning to work with their counterparts and be a better team along the way. So sorry if it’s a little hard to spot/doesn’t exist in the canon, lol

Good question! :]

#rise of the parallel #tmnt #ninja turtles #q&a

[keikiri-kitten]

MOMENTS BEFORE DISASTER ★ KEIGO TAKAMI

warnings: angst, arguments, slight spoilers, foreshadowing, the war arc

this is part of a series about moments that you and keigo face as a couple during the war arc. they will be posted absolutely out of order. check the masterlist for the correct order!

It was a form of sick joke allowing hero fights to be displayed on television like some boxing match. It was a torturous game that the Japanese government didn’t have to play. They could sit in their cushy offices while heroes and villains go at each other's throats. Meanwhile families and significant others of these heroes and students have to be relocated for the security of their own lives. These same people who also have to wonder in fear and agony if their special ones would come home.

You can’t even remember when sending Keigo off to work was just a simple kiss on the cheek and a promise to see him when his patrol was over. You just knew that those days existed. However, you can’t feel them anymore. You can’t feel the roughness of his beard pressed against your cheek as he kissed you goodbye. Thinking about hearing his voice was no good; it sounded so distorted. There was no way to comprehend the scent of his cologne. Your brain even attempted to wash his face out of your mind as worry started to take over you. Being the partner of a hero never felt serious until that moment when you were watching every single camera pan and scene change of very real, life threatening fights. It was inhumane.

It was as if there was a little more room in the sky for a silver lining. Mercy had always found its way towards you and Keigo. He was always smart enough to outdo a villain and even slicker to find his way back to you. The small beeping of the padlock outside startled you out of your over thinking. Your eyes grew wide as the door flung open to expose a tattered Keigo.

The man sauntered intot he room with a limp. His eyes were low to the ground, but he carried a weak smile on his face as tiny wings flapped in excitement over you. The hero shut the door behind him before leaning on it, flicking gold eyes your way as he sent you a comical, toothy grin. “Hi, birdie.” it would have made your heart melt at the sight, but after what you just witnessed over the past couple of days, you were simply happy he was alive.

“Oh my God,” was muttered under your breath. It felt like the first breath you took since you turned on the television. You watched his weapons fall to the ground prior to jumping up and rushing towards him. There was no time to waste before you wrapped your arms around him and shoved your face into his neck. You could smell the cologne still lingering in his suit mixed with a little bit of sweat and the dirt of the outside world.

“Ah,” the hero seethed, loosely wrapping an arm around your waist while using his other hand to rub your upper back. “I told you not to watch those live feeds, now look at–”

His scolding went from one ear and out the other. Lifting your face out of his neck, you both met each other eye to eye. “I was worried sick about you. They wouldn’t let me watch you— the cameras kept changing to other heroes who–” you watched his eyebrows lift while you interrupted him. He knew if he didn’t try to calm you down, you would keep at your rambling. That would be good for neither of you.

Using both arms to wrap around your body, he pulled you in tighter and pressed a gentle kiss to your temple. That rough feeling brought you comfort, choosing to lean into his touch. “Come on, calm down. I’m right here, okay?” he attempted to reassure you. “How was your day?”

It was supposed to be a distraction question, like when doctors play the airplane game with babies before giving them vaccines. With the mind you had, it caught you off guard and flustered you immediately. “What?”

“How was your day?” he repeated with a smile so warm it seared your heart. Keigo noticed the agitated, confused look on your face which made him chuckle. A hand reached to the round of your cheek within the confines of his glove to give you a gentle caress. “Let’s not talk about it, pretty.”

“You seriously can’t be dismissive about this, Keigo.” your brows were stitched together, shaking your head though you couldn’t bring yourself to pull away from his hand. You could feel the tears and leftover gravel in the leather of the fabric touching your face. That alone made you buzz. It was almost surreal how you could watch him risk his life on television for the world to see but he wants to be a simple man when he gets home.

“You saw me almost get my ass handed to me. I would think you got all you needed to know,” actually no, you didn’t. The lousy camera men patrolling over all of the violence were too busy getting all of the heroes and not just the number two.

“No,“ you cooed quietly, pulling your arms from his body to carefully run your hands over his clothed abdomen slowly. “I only get a few moments to worry about you at home until you’re back in the sky again. You almost died today. I want to touch you, hold you… I wanna talk about it.” The begging in a hushed whisper made his pupils widen; it damn near altered his brain chemistry. “Come on, you don’t have to keep this to yourself. There’s no way you do.”

He wouldn’t admit it, but it was almost a drowning feeling when you worry about him. Fear for him was more unlikely than being feared by him. The hero’s throat was tightening up and his soul felt as though it was about to burst from his body. You made it so uncomfortable to just be in that moment. To avoid any emotional outbursts, he turned to his old friend. Humor. “Hold on, birdie. False alarm. Where’s all this fire coming from? You don’t gotta worry about me,” his hands lifted in defense to back down from your strong presence. He already wanted you to win this little plea that he didn’t even want to put up a fight.

There was a pain in the middle of your chest hearing such a statement. “Worry isn’t something you ask someone for,” you quip. The pain in your eyes was evident for the both of you. It forced him to look up at the ceiling with a small sigh. Maybe he was going to put up a little fight. “I don’t want to worry about you, but I do. I feel like I’m trapped here watching you get damn near assassinated on television every time you tell me you’re going out.”

“Wow, a little bit more faith in me?” He tried with you, a wide grin on his face but a raised brow. It was distasteful hearing you speak of him so illy despite caring for him. He slipped from underneath you to take off his jacket before popping it onto the coat rack directly by the door. “It’s the job,” he started calmly after kicking off his shoes. As he turned back to you, he gripped your hands to comfort you. “If you wanna touch me… hold me? Do so now because by the morning the chance will be taken away. Please just be mine tonight. I can’t try to think about it.” This wasn’t a Keigo you were used to seeing. In other sorts of conversation that went similar to this, he would cave in and give you soft kisses until you felt better. He was being defiant to the routine. Usually the small little bickering episodes you had were over silly little things, but heroism was something he cared about. He wasn’t going to let you have that so easily.

Hearing that made your face go blank. “I do have faith in you.” the atmospher around the two of you was stiff. You were insulted and he thought you were being irrational. There’s nothing that made your heart drop lower than what it did in that moment. “But don’t I get a say in this?” you could almost dig your own grave at how selfish you sounded. Keigo could pick up on it as well. His eyes went wide, meanwhile he sent you a scoff. Your emotions were clogging in your throat, making it hard to breathe as your vision began to cloud with the same scene that had been replaying before he stepped foot back into the apartment. “I,” you tried to speak before turning your back towards him as you let yourself pace along the wooden floorboards of the living room. “I can’t just see you come in and out of here with this heroic grin and not even once think about how one day the risk is going to be greater than the reward. This isn’t heroism. It’s a death wish.”

“No,” he whispered. “You don’t get a say.”

Keigo kept it simple, sending you a side eye with straight lips while walking to the bedroom you shared. In his mind you held value in many arguments but not this one. If you were picking up on his emotions correctly, he was pissed. With his feet carrying him to the bedroom, your feet did the same. This conversation wouldn’t be over until there was a resolve. The blond didn’t let you see it, but he rolled his eyes because he knew he was queued to continue speaking.

“What can I do about it now?” his posture slumped once he stepped into the room. His gloves were tossed onto the bed beside him before he turned to glare into your eyes. “You sit here and tell me what the fuck could I possibly do about it now.” it’s not as though he liked it. He spewed all the time that he wanted to live a simple life but there was nothing you or him could do about it. If he were able to be home with you, he would. You both knew that. This job that he’s been roped in was bigger than you or him. Scarred hands ran through his hair while he shuffled closer to you. “This is my job. I know you’re scared but I can’t quit. If I quit every time I see that look you’ve got on your precious face, we’d be getting nowhere with the villains.” His voice was hushed but sharp. “If I die, I’m not dying for myself, I'm not dying becuase I want to. I don’t want to die. I’m doing it for the day people can live easy lives. We can live an easy life one day.”

“You’re not doing this for me if it’s hurting me.”

“I’m doing this for you regardless of how you feel. I’ve been doing this before I even considered relationships. This isn’t something you can just change because you get a first hand glimpse of how real this shit is. If you’re uncomfortable with this lifestyle then maybe you should have considered being with a civilian.'' Keigo didn’t have an upset tone when he spoke with you. His voice was calm and his eyes were soft. Heavy fingers wrapped around your waist as he tried to give you a gentle smile. “This is what I signed up for.”

“No it isn’t,” your hands reached for his shoulders, running your thumbs into his collarbones.

“You can’t speak for me. You must’ve forgotten that I’ve been a poster child for this shit show. That doesn’t just change.” A chuckle left his lips but it was quickly stomped down by the bark of your voice.

“Keigo you were a baby!” You snapped. “A child…” you lingered, clearing your throat before stepping away. There was no way you wanted to belittle him but your words shrunk him. “You don’t even know how to live if it’s not for them. Do you?”

“I know how to handle myself.” His hands fell from you with a perplexed look in his eyes.

“You’re not as strong as you think you are, Keigo.”

“I know my strengths very well. I don’t need you to tell me what I do and don’t know about myself.” his gaze hardened while leaning in to look you directly into your eyes.

“Face it!” You begged prior to harshly running your fingers through his feathers, making him seethe. “You’re nothing without these! That fight with Endeavor and the Nomu replays in my head every chance it gets. Today only filled my mind with something different but it’s still the same thing! Without those feathers, you’re stuck to the ground flinging whatever the commission gives you as a weapon because you’re a weak puppet with a good mouth and you don’t see the problem with that.

“Watch it,” he growled.

“If you could handle it all, you wouldn’t need me— however you find me useful.”

“What are you talking about?” Keigo was growing tired of this conversation already.

“I wake up, go to work and come home. That is my life five days out of the week outside of the two off days I have to myself. But within all seven days of my life, those hours, minutes and seconds are spent with me stressed about the idea of you coming home,” you snap. “And when you do come home, you don’t want to talk about it. You don’t want to be vulnerable around me. You can’t use me as a safe haven if you’re wrecking the foundation!”

Keigo listened to you. He really did. He understood what you were saying but his brain was too filled with ego to allow you this moment. “I’m not begging you to stay,” he muttered, gripping your hands in his. “If I’m hurting you, I want you to find someone better. I love you but I don’t need you.” Ouch.

“You have no one else!” you shoved his hands away with a fierce look on your face. “I am the first and last person you talk to every day and you don’t have to blow smoke up my ass to make me stay! I do it because I love you.”

“I have been alone my whole life! I see thousands of people a day! I see people live and die every single day of my life! If you need to leave, do it.”

“Don’t tell me to leave you so you don’t have to deal with someone other than yourself,” you deafetedly trudged closer to him but his feet pulled him back.

“Back up, alright?”

“The only person who made you feel like you belong is telling you to find some fucking self awareness and you get defensive?”

“Alright, I’m done talking.” the hero dismissed you fully. As he turned from you, he made his way to the dresser to find clothes to lounge in.

“No, you don’t get to push me away when I’m telling you that I need you.”

“It’s been a long day baby. I’m tired. Either you can help me take this suit off and get some shut eye with me or cool off somewhere else.” he may be tired but it seemed as if you caught a second wind.

“Keigo!”

“Drop it! I’m not easing up on this.” His hand quickly rose in the air to cut the conversation. “The only way that would happen is if my wings were ripped from my fucking back and I pray to God that doesn’t happen to me.” his hands gripped the first drawer he pulled open, leaning down to rest his forehead onto the back of his hands. “I’m not asking you to understand. I wish I could spend more time with you. I’m sorry I make you worry and feel alone and that I can’t choose my off days. If you cannot handle being with me I need you to put yourself first and find someone that you can live an easy life with.”

“Maybe that is what’s best for me, but I’m not going to do that.”

“I love you. Just stick with me until after the war.”

“I’m tired of sticking with you when you’re not capable of sticking with me.”

There was silence in the room after your words. Keigo wouldn’t dare look at you and he could already sense the pained look on your face. He waited until you left the room to sink into a squat and collect himself.

#keigo x reader #birdie #hawks angst #pro hero hawks #bnha hawks #hawks x reader #keigo tamaki #keigo takami x reader #takami Keigo x reader #takami keigo #keigo angst #the war arc #mha angst #pro hero angst

[late-to-the-party-81]

Suddenly I see

AN: Thank you nonnie for this request - I hope you enjoy this. I can’t seem to write anything short at the moment!

heyyy, this is my first request, i love your work!! i was wondering if you could do a blind reader or blind OC and bucky barnes. Bucky has been attempting to help her around even if she doesn’t always need it. he keeps trying and it’s dosent really go his way and he keeps just doing the wrong things but they get there and eventually they fall for each other and it ends with them trying to navigate the only thing they haven’t yet, a sex scene. sooo angsty fluff with a smut ending. thanks you much love 💕

This also fills square K2 on my BBB card - Flowers - @buckybarnesbingo

Beta’d by @lunarbuck

Dividers by @firefly-graphics and mood board and banner by me,

Masterlist | BBB Masterlist

Summary: Bucky just wants to help you, but it would be better if he asked you first.

Relationship: Bucky Barnes x Blind SHIELD analyst Reader

Word count: 5.1k

CW: Human disaster Bucky, mild angst, fluff, Nat being Nat, miscommunication, pining, disabled Bucky Barnes, sex with banter (oral - m receiving, unprotected PinV sex)

The first time you met him, you did have to forgive him. 

Most people didn’t know how to react when they met you, not expecting someone in your…position, to be doing the job that you were. For the most part you’d given up being mad about it - people either realised very quickly that your disability didn’t affect your job at all, or they felt the sharp end of your tongue and scuttled off with their tail between their legs, so to speak.

You were busy concentrating when Nat brought him into the room where you were working, but not so engrossed in your work that you didn’t register the arrival of new people. Your fingers were flying over the keyboard, typing out your code, and you knew that Nat would wait for you to finish before introducing you to whoever she’d brought into your sanctum. You pressed ‘enter’ and turned your chair towards her and your new guest, lifting your chin and tilting your head to the side as if regarding them - an action left over from when it made a difference.

“Hey, Nat! Good to see you. What brings you to my neck of the basement? And who’s the fresh meat?”

You grinned at the same time that she chuckled. 

“Do I need an excuse to come and spend time with my favourite Oracle?”

You rolled your eyes at the nickname.

“I’ve told you before - I don’t know the future. I’m an ordinary human, just like you.”

She snorted at that, and you heard her pull over one of the other chairs before she dropped down into it, settling behind your right shoulder as you resumed typing.

“Nothing ordinary about you. And speaking of which, I’d like to introduce you to Bucky.”

Oh! That’s who it was.You’d heard of Bucky, Captain Rogers best friend, released from decades of Hydra brain-washing, but this was the first time you’d been introduced. You spun your chair back towards where he’d been standing when he entered and held out your hand.

“Nice to meet you, Bucky.”

There was a heartbeat of silence, and you heard the tiniest exhale off to your left.

Shit!

“I’m over here, doll.”

You turned your chair more, grateful when Nat moved out of your way, and stood up, taking a step closer to where Bucky had spoken from.

“Well, you move as quietly as they say. Normally it’s only Nat who gets the drop on me. If you hadn’t guessed by now, I’m blind. And don’t you dare say you’re sorry.” You heard Nat’s muffled giggle, confirming your suspicion that Bucky’s mouth was flapping up and down with the apology he was about to make lodged in his throat.

You held out your hand again and gave him your name. “But Nat, here, calls me Oracle, because of my knack of interpreting intel and predicting likely scenarios.” His hand, warm but calloused, took hold of yours and gave it a gentle shake.

“Ummm, nice to meet you, Oracle.” 

You could feel the awkward tension in the air, and you couldn’t help but let out a sigh.

“Let me get this out of the way, and then we can move on, okay? I was born sighted, but was diagnosed with a condition called Retinitis Pigmentosa as a child, which meant that I slowly lost my vision over time. I became completely blind about 18 months back, but I remember seeing. I know what colours look like, animals, etc. I learnt to touch type as a teen, and although my keyboard does have Braille on the keys I don’t really use them. I manage just fine. FRIDAY reads back my code to me, so I can spot errors, I have my cane and I have Jimbo.”

“Jimbo?”

Aha! So the famed former assassin hadn’t noticed everything.

You gave a quick whistle and felt Bucky start as your faithful companion uncurled himself from under your desk where he’d been sleeping and came to stand at parade rest by your right leg.

You crouched down and gave him a pet, and in return he booped his nose against yours.

“This is Jimbo. The best seeing-eye dog ever. Aren’t you, boy? Yes you are!”

You stood back up and made your way back to your chair, Jimbo returning to his sleeping spot now that he realised his services weren’t currently required.

“So that’s me. I’m damn good at my job, and I promise that you’ll never have to worry about any mission information that you get from me. And if you can’t trust me, trust Nat. I’ve never steered her wrong.”

“Ummm. Good to know. I… ummm… if Nat trusts you, then I do too. And it was good to meet you… and Jimbo… but I… uh… gotta go. So… see you later, Nat? And again, nice to meet you, Oracle.” 

His footsteps retreated from in front of you and you heard the sound of the door opening and closing before Nat burst into a fit of giggles. You turned your chair towards her, crossed your arms over your chest and raised an eyebrow at her.

“Really Nat? You didn’t let him know in advance?”

“Hey, it’s not my story to tell, it’s yours. And besides, I wanted to see what you made of each other. Suffice to say, I wasn’t disappointed.”

“It’s a good thing I love you, Nat, otherwise I’d have to sic Jimbo on you.”

Nat moved towards you, and must have crouched down from the way her hand brushed your knee. You knew what she wanted. You scootched your chair back to allow her to reach under your desk. A satisfied huff from Jimbo let you know that Nat had found the sweet spot behind his right ear.

“This sweetheart? I’m more scared of you than I am of him.”

“Damn straight!”

After your less than stellar introduction to Bucky, it seemed that from then on you kept bumping into him. Or rather he kept bumping into you. Literally.

You were making your way back to your office from the bathroom, cane in hand, although you knew the route like the back of your hand, when something caught on the end of it, sending it flying out of your hand. A heavy body then crashed into you, pinning you against the wall.

“Shit! What the fu… Oh. it’s you! Sorry. Sorry.”

Oh, god!

“Bucky… could you get off me please?”

“What? Oh! Yes, yes. Of course… umm.” 

He pushed away from the wall, and you sucked in a deep breath. Boy, was the guy heavy. Part of your brain decided to tell you it was the right kind of heavy. You told it to shut up. 

Bending down you reached out your hand to find your cane, only to find Bucky’s hand - he was obviously trying to help. His fingers closed over yours, and you turned your head upwards in reflex.

“Bucky, you are not my cane. Do you have it there?”

“Yes… umm.. Yes, of course. Let me, just…”

Without any warning you found yourself jerked back to your feet. The sudden movement unbalanced you and your free arm flailed, searching for purchase. Which it found by curling into the fabric of Bucky’s top, bringing you flush up against his chest, pressed to him for the second time in that many minutes. That part of your brain started clamouring for attention again. It was telling you that this was actually quite nice, and that Bucky smelled wonderful. Then, to add insult to injury the rest of your body started to join in, a gentle throbbing starting from between your legs.

Jesus, you needed to get laid, or at least find time to schedule some ‘self-care’, if you were reacting like this to a frankly frustrating man you’d only ever met twice.

You pulled your captive hand free and let go of his shirt, smoothing down your own top to cover your discombobulated state.

“Well, thank you, but I was capable of standing back up myself. I just need you to pass me my cane.”

“Oh, right. Hang on.” You felt the movement of air on your face as he quickly ducked away, and then he was back by your side, pressing your cane into your hand.

“Can I… umm… walk you back to where you were going?”

“Well, I do know where I’m going - I’ve worked here longer than you but, sure, you can tag along. Just going back to my office.”

“Sounds good!”

You couldn’t help but giggle. He sounded like an eager puppy. Maybe he wasn’t so bad… no scratch that…

You were just about to set off walking again, when Bucky threaded your left arm through the crook of his right. You couldn’t help it, you rolled your eyes. It was obvious he meant well, but by the same token, wasn’t used to being around someone with a disability like yours. You lurched forwards as he set off walking, effectively dragging you along with him.

“Bucky! Stop! Wait!” He came to a halt and you bounced off his, very muscular, arm.

“What? Are you okay? Did I hurt you when I bumped into you?”

“No, it’s not that, it’s just that it’s actually harder for me to walk with you pulling me along like this. I need to walk at my speed, and use my senses. I’m a grown woman and perfectly capable of navigating the couple of hundred yards between the bathroom and my office. I do it every day.”

“‘M sorry. I just…” You held up your hand.

“... wanted to help? I get that, I do. But if I need help I will ask for it. Assuming I need help is ableism, pure and simple. I may be blind, but I’m not helpless. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have work to do. I’m already behind schedule.”

As you strode off down the hall, your cane moving from side to side in front of you, you did feel a bit bad for chewing him out. He did mean well, after all, but you’d had your fill of ‘helpful’ people - people who saw a problem that they had to solve for you, instead of trusting you to sort it yourself.

Lost in your thoughts you didn’t hear the dejected sigh from behind you.

It would have been alright if that had been the end of it, but it wasn’t. Bucky seemed intent on helping you every chance he could. Unfortunately it just kept going wrong.

Like at a mission briefing when you were making your way to the table. You pulled out your chair and went to sit down, but suddenly it wasn’t there and you were landing on the floor with a shout.

What the fuck?

“Shit, I’m sorry, doll. I just pulled your chair out a bit further to make it easier and…”

You gritted your teeth, trying to ignore the smell of his cologne and what it did to your equilibrium as he helped you back up.

“It’s fine, Bucky. But I was okay.

Like the time he accompanied Nat to see you in your office. He’d said hi, but nothing else, leaving Nat to check some mission intel over with you. But then you heard the tell-tale sound of hands patting thighs, and Jimbo brushed past your legs, followed by the sounds of canine mastication.

“Umm, Bucky… Are you feeding my dog?”

All was silent apart from the sounds of Jimbo snacking.

“Errr…”

You pinched the brow of your nose and tried to ignore the tremors of suppressed amusement from Nat next to you. You strode forward and somehow managed to swipe the offending bag out of Bucky’s hand.

“I thought he might like a little treat for being so good…”

“And that’s very sweet, but he’s not allowed treats when he’s working. And even if he was it’s good manners to ask. He could be on a specialised diet or something. If he gets an upset stomach, not only do I have to deal with being without him while he recovers, I somehow have to clean up doggy diarrhoea, which I can tell you isn’t fun when sighted, let alone blind.”

“Doll, I’m…”

“Yes, Bucky. I know. You’re sorry… You always are.”

You turned your back on him and went back to your chair, tucking the doggy treats into your desk draw and going back to your conversation with Nat. You tried to pretend you didn’t notice when Bucky slunk out. Nat, sensibly, didn’t say anything.

One thing about working for SHIELD was that for those that wanted, you could have accommodation to live in on site. You’d jumped at the chance - anything to do away with an annoying commute. You just had to walk from the main building to the apartment block.

Jimbo sat down at your side as you let go of the handle of his harness, and pulled your key from your purse. You opened the door and signalled for Jimbo to go in, then closed it behind you and hung up your purse, keys, cane and coat, before removing your faithful companions' reflective harness.

“Good boy. You did so well today.”

You walked down your hall and into your open plan living room and then halted as an unexpected smell assaulted your nose.

Flowers?

How and why were there flowers in your apartment?

“FRIDAY!” You called out the AI, a little louder than necessary.

“Yes, Oracle?” 

Damn Nat. And damn Tony.

You let out another sigh. You seemed to be doing a lot of that lately.

“Are their flowers in my apartment?”

“Yes, miss. Roses and carnations. A large bouquet on the dining table. The roses are blush pink and the carnations are red.”

Oh, for fuck’s sake.

“And did Sergeant Barnes put them in here?”

“He did, miss.”

You stalked back towards the door, grabbing your cane, coat and keys.

“And does Sergeant Barnes live in this complex?”

“He does. Would you like to know his address?”

You thrust your arms into your coat and pocketed your keys.

“If it’s not too much trouble, FRIDAY. I need to give him a piece of my mind.” 

“Sergeant Barnes’ apartment is 2C.”

Okay, so one floor up and third apartment along. Not quite overhead of you.

As you opened the door you felt a nudge to your leg. Jimbo.

“Good boy, but stay. I’m sure I can make my way upstairs.”

You gave him a pat and then walked out of your door.

You hadn’t been on the other floors of the apartment block more than a handful of times. Nat always came to you if you organised to hang out, and you worked mostly on your own, not having really made friends with many of your co-workers. However, you found your way to the elevator and rode it up to the next floor.

You knew that apartment C should be the second on the left hand side of the corridor, so you walked along that side, and used your cane to identify the first, and then the second door frame. Squaring your shoulder and mentally preparing yourself, because you didn’t really like confrontation, you raised your hand to knock and brought it down… on nothing.

No. Not nothing. A person. Bucky. You were confused.

“Why is your door open, and why are you standing in it?”

“Heard you coming, doll.”

“Oh…”

You could swear you almost heard the smile in his voice. Shit! Your hand was still on his very warm, very broad chest.

“You wanna come in?”

“What? Oh, yes. Thanks.”

You snatched your hand back to yourself as he stepped back and you walked through the door, using your cane to work out where he was.

“Can I take your coat, and cane? This apartment is set out the same as yours, more or less, and I can help you to the couch?”

“Umm, sure.” 

God! He was being so nice and considerate, which was going to make this more difficult. You could feel your frustrations evaporating by the second, and damn it, you wanted to stay mad.

You passed him your cane and shrugged out of your coat, then waited patiently for him to escort you. He moved to your left side, and this time he waited for you to start walking, gently steering you around his furniture until your hand made contact with the back of his couch, allowing you to find your own way onto it. As you settled onto it, feeling the soft leather under your fingers, you felt the other side dip. Bucky was sitting next to you, on your right, but not too close.

“So, what can I help you with, doll. Can’t say I expected you to turn up at my door.”

“Bucky, you broke into my apartment and left flowers in it.”

“Well, I realised I’ve been a bit of an ass, and wanted to apologise. And you never let me actually say the words.”

You sank back into the couch and mulled on what to say.

“You gotta realise that since I got this diagnosis when I was five, before I even understood what it meant, I’ve had people saying sorry to me all the time, and then trying to help me. Over and over and over. Running roughshod over my autonomy because I happen to have a disability. My brain works fine. I manage just fine. It’s just so frustrating and it’s hard for those without disabilities to understand.”

The silence between you stretched for a few moments, before Bucky started to speak.

“I…” You cut him off.

“Don’t you dare say it!”

Then you heard something you hadn’t before. A chuckle. Bucky’s chuckle. 

Deep. Velvety. Downright sinful.

“Wasn’t gonna, doll. But I did want to show you something, so to speak.” He took hold of your right hand with his own. “Can I?”

You nodded, wondering what he meant, but it all became clear as he raised your hand and placed it on his left shoulder. You could feel the soft cotton of his t-shirt, but where it should have been stretched over his upper arm and bicep it in fact hung loose.

There was no arm there.

Your mouth dropped open and you whipped your head up towards him.

“How did I not know?”

Your words were a strangled whisper, and full of shame.

“Dunno, doll. It’s in my file. Although I do have a prosthetic. A very fancy one at that. It gives me more than normal abilities, but I will admit, like any other amputee, when I get home, I like to take it off.”

“Nat never mentioned it.”

“Like she never mentioned you being blind to me?”

“Oh…”

You didn’t know what to say. You knew what it was like to be bombarded with questions about something so personal.

“Well, if you ever wanna talk about it, you know where I am.”

“I do, doll. One floor down and to the left.”

Your hand was still on his shoulder, and you felt a little awkward.

“I… well… I was wondering, could I feel what you look like? I mean, if you don’t mind?”

He picked your left hand up from your lap and lifted it up towards his face.

“I was waiting for you to ask. Go ahead.”

You placed both your hands on top of his head, feeling his hair. It felt long; tied back.

“What colour is your hair?”

“I’d say brown, but Nat says it’s chestnut.”

You hummed as you trailed your fingers down, finding his brow and sweeping your fingers over his eyebrows and round his eye sockets and cheekbones.

“And your eyes? What colour are they?”

“Sorta blue-ish grey, I suppose.”

There was hair on his cheeks and jaw, long enough to feel soft  against your sensitive finger tips.

You realised you were finding it hard to breathe. There was a tension in the air between you, a tension that you knew had been there from almost the beginning, but that you’d tried so hard to ignore.

Your fingers moved towards, and then traced across his lips. They felt plump, albeit slightly chapped and you found yourself wondering how they’d feel against your own. With your left hand still on his mouth, your right trailed over his chin, feeling a small divot. You smiled as you imagined using it in order to grip him, hold his face still.

You were just about to pull your hands away, when Bucky reached up again, and held your left against his lips, so he could press small kisses to your fingertips. Your breath caught in your throat.

“I’m gonna say it, doll. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I was such an ass, and that I didn’t listen to you. I was stupid because I was trying to impress you. I wanted to show you how good I’d be for you, because almost from the first moment we met I was totally enamoured. You’re so smart, and confident, and I just felt useless. And then every time I tried to help I made it worse. Nat had to give me a talking to because I was just making a fool of myself.”

You could feel the heat rising in your cheeks at his words.

“Bucky, I…” but it was his turn to cut you off.

“So, I’m saying sorry, and I hope you can give this one-armed super-soldier a chance to show he isn’t an ableist ass, because I’d really like to get to know you better.”

Your heart was beating so hard you thought it was going to burst out of your chest, and you could no longer resist what your body and mind was telling you to do. You took hold of his chin, just the way you’d imagined a few moments ago, grabbing his attention.

“You’ve frustrated me from nearly the moment we met - I hope you realise that. Gotten under my skin in a way I couldn’t describe. I didn’t know why. Well at least, not at first. Every time I wanted to chew you out, I also wanted to kiss you. For trying so hard and so earnestly, but still getting it so very, very wrong.”

“You could kiss me now?”

Your lips twitched. “Smooth, Barnes. Smooth.”

“I like to think so…”

“Shut up.” You broke out into a full smile as you pulled him towards you by his cute chin until your lips met his.  

It was everything you’d imagined in your private moments. The warmth, the restrained passion. Everything.

Your fingers tangled in his hair, strands coming loose from his ponytail. His arm was wrapped around your waist… and when and how had you ended up on his lap? You didn’t care, you just wanted him to keep kissing you. When he finally pulled his lips from yours you ducked your head down to his neck, wanting to keep any kind of connection. It was like a dam had burst and you had no way of stopping the flood.

“Doll, you gotta stop. Please. ‘Cause I’m dying here.” He was panting. You could taste the sweat on his throat, feel his pounding in his chest, feel the firmness at his groin.

“You really want me to, Bucky? Or do you want me to help you dig your grave?”

“Oh, fuck, doll!”

In one swift movement his arm shifted to cradle your ass and he stood up. Your legs clenched around his waist and your arms went around his neck.

“I got you. I got you, doll. Just moving somewhere more comfortable, if that’s alright with you?”

“Sure is. I need space so I can ‘take a look’ at the rest of you.”

It was only a short walk to the bedroom, and he placed you, oh so reverently, on the bed. You pulled your top over your head and shimmied out of your work pants.

“I have no idea if this underwear matches - I was in a rush this morning.”

There was a rusting sound and the mattress dipped. Bucky took hold of one of your left hand and pulled it down so you could touch his, now bare, chest.

“You look like a million bucks, doll. Now, I gotta warn you. I got some pretty ugly scarring going on here.”

You brought your right hand up, and lightly stroked over the left side of his chest. You felt the edge of the scarring that started just above the nipple, raised and hard, which led up to cool metal which covered all over the shoulder area.

“Is this what your prosthetic attaches to?”

“Yeah. Unfortunately, when it was first done, the people doing it weren’t concerned with the aesthetic of it.”

“Good thing I’m blind then. I don’t care.”

Bucky let out a bark of laughter.

“You’re incredible, doll.”

“And so are you. Now lie still, so I can take a good look.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Your hands roved over the rest of his body, feeling where his chest hair grew in patches around the scarring. When your palms brushed over his nipples he gasped and you felt him shift beside you. Impishly, you did it again, grinning when he let out a warning growl.

You took the hint, however, and continued your explorations, discovering the solid plains of his abdomen and feeling the strength within his core. No wonder he’d been able to lift you so easily, even with the help of his super-soldier serum.

When you finally ‘saw’ his cock, your hands gently learning the size and shape of it, every vein, every sensitive part, you heard his laboured breathing as he tried to control himself under the sweet torture of your touch.

“You’re so pretty, Bucky. I wonder how you taste?”

You bent over, and licked a stripe up the length of him, revelling in the sound of his indrawn breath. It had been a while since you’d been with anyone, but muscle memory was your friend. You traced the contours of his cock with the tip of your tongue, tasting the sweat, the musk, the essence of him, before taking him into your mouth.

“Oh, God! Doll! I wasn’t lying. You’re killing me!”

You pulled off him with a pop.

“Don’t resist it, Bucky. Give yourself over to ‘le petit mort’.”

You returned to ministering to his cock, sucking strongly on the tip of it, while stroking the shaft with your hand. You teased his slit with the tip of your tongue, then swirled around the head. His whole body was trembling with tension and you could feel how wet you were, how aroused you were by the power you held over him.

“Doll, I’m gonna cum! Fuck!”

You wished you could see Bucky’s face as he came, but instead settled for reaching up to twine your fingers with his. When his hips twitched under you, you hollowed your cheeks, and took him as deep as possible, moaning low in your throat as he spilt down it. 

You continued to suck and stroke him through his orgasm, until he shifted under you, sitting up and dragging you up his body. You straddled his lap again, pleasantly surprised to realise he was still hard, pressing up against your heated core. He kissed you, licking into your mouth, either not caring about or enjoying the taste of himself on you. His hand pulled at the fastener of your bra, but this was obviously something he couldn’t do one handed, so you reached behind you, quickly releasing the offending garment and discarding it.

“I need you, doll. I need to be inside you.”

“Please! I need you too!”

You didn’t want to pull away from him, even to remove your panties, so you pulled the flimsy fabric to the side, before taking hold of him and guiding him to your entrance.

Bucky let out a gasp and fell back onto the mattress as he started to slide into your heat. Your hands went to his chest, looking for stability and leverage as you moved yourself up and down, drawing him into you, inch by glorious inch.

It felt so fucking good! The stretch, the slight burn. And you were also certain that it wouldn’t matter how long it had been since you’d last had sex, this, with Bucky, would still be mind blowing. His hand was on your waist, helping to keep you stable as you moved. You were so fixated on how he felt inside you, that it took you a few moments to realise that he was talking to you.

“You’re fucking glorious, you know that? I swear, tomorrow we’re gonna do this when I have two arms and I’m gonna take you apart. ‘M gonna fucking feast on you.”

You laughed and tossed your head as you continued to ride him. “Is that… fuck!... a promise?”

“Sure is! Gonna help you remember what stars look like.”

“Get that hand on me and you can help me now!”

“Yeah? You close, doll? I fucking hope so, ‘cause I swear ‘m gonna cum again, any second.”

Bucky moved his hand from your waist, sliding it between you and searching for your clit. You gasped, the bundle of nerves so sensitive, so engorged you knew it wouldn’t take much to make you…

You let out a loud whine, your body clenching down on his cock and your fingernails curling into the flesh of pecs as the pleasure washed over your body.

“That’s it, baby. That’s it. Fuck! So beautiful when you cum. Gonna fill you up… you’re gonna have me leaking outta you for days…”

His words were cut off, becoming a shout as he came. And, fuck, he hadn’t been joking. You could feel him pulsing inside you, feel the warmth of his cum filling you, and then leaking out of you, coating your thighs. It felt as though your orgasm just kept going as you rode out the aftershocks, jolts of pleasure continuing to shoot through you, just as you thought there couldn’t possibly be any more.

Eventually they stopped and you slumped forward onto Bucky’s sweaty body. His arm came around your waist and rolled the pair of you to lie sideways on the bed. Your eyelids drooped; you were so tired. You desperately wanted to sleep but…

“Jimbo!”

You tried to sit up, but Bucky urged you back down.

“It’s okay. You sleep, okay, doll?” I’ll pop down, take him outside then make sure he has his food, yeah? Then I’ll be back, ready to sleep next to you, all night long. That sound alright?

You smiled softly, high on dopamine and sleepy as hell.

“Sounds perfect, Bucky. Thank you for helping.”

“No problem at all, doll. No problem at all.

Tag list: @jobean12-blog @bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky @tuiccim @yarnforbrains @sidepartskinnyjeans @flordeamatista @krissy25 @bodeckersdiamonddoll @goldylions @luxeavenger @wheezy-stucky @doasyoudesireandlive @chemtrails-club @seitmai @peaches1958 @pono-pura-vida @writing-for-marvel

#bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fic #disabled bucky barnes #blind reader #bucky barnes fics #fic request #late writes #bucky barnes bingo #bbb23

[curator-on-ao3]

Again, cool response to the last question, so I'll let you pick from these options:

And there are things I have fan-fixed in my head to the point that I have to remind myself that the fix-it isn’t part of the actual canon: favourite one of these?

Or

Your/a favourite part of actual canon. Like, maybe something little but it's just so lovely and fitting to you and you're just happy that it exists?

I’ve been a little down on Trek lately, so I’m going to type as fast as I can to brain-dump, in show order, the first things that pop into my mind that I absolutely love in Trek canon:

Kirk calling Nomad his son, the doctor

Christine Chapel’s snark to Roger Korby about schtupping the androids

Mark Leonard’s performance in Balance of Terror

the Horta (a great mama)

“Edith Keeler must die.”

Captain John Christopher, United States Air Force. Serial number 4857932.

Tribbles

the lesson of The Cloud Minders that we must have empathy and listen to others when they tell us about their lived experience in an environment unlike our own

the cheap-ass animation of TAS

Q

Bynars and Minuet

Beverly Crusher’s frustration in Arsenal of Freedom (and the episode’s Good Ship Lollipop joke)

Picard shooting the other version of himself in Time Squared (to clarify: out of respect for those times when we have to stop ourselves from getting caught in loops/doing stupid stuff and we summon up the courage to break a bad cycle and move forward)

K'Ehleyr

Picard out-lawyering the Sheliak

Rachel Garrett; Yar and Castillo

Lal (but I can’t watch the end anymore, it hurts too much)

the Shakespeare and “Set a course for Betazed. Warp 9.” comedy in Ménage a Troi

Best of Both Worlds, I and II (Shelby inclusive)

every conference table discussion in all of TNG

Beverly’s jump in Remember Me (such a damn good episode)

the reveal in Future Imperfect (which one? all of them)

The Dancing Doctor tap dancing with Data

Darmok. And Jalad. At Tenagra.

Ro Laren

Troi saying, “You could have easily been right” to Ro in Disaster

Hugh, Third of Five

the fact that The Next Phase has so many plotholes and they’re forgivable because the episode is so fun and great

Scotty on the holodeck version of the TOS bridge and Picard joining him

Rascals!

Deanna’s “Ancient West” outfit

the Jefferies tube music and make out session in Lessons

Attached. Oh, my heart.

the Enterprise with three nacelles … and that absolutely perfect last shot of the series

“You exist here.”

Sisko’s casual, everyday affection for Jake

“Old Man”

Rejoined. Lenara Khan. The love. That kiss. The emotional stakes. All of it.

the three Ferengi hitting their own heads to try to fix their universal translators so the 20th century Earth military people mimic the movement to try to communicate

every second of Trials and Tribble-ations including Sisko working overtime to stop fuckmaster Dax, tossing the tribbles, Sisko meeting Kirk, “We do not discuss it with outsiders,” and so much more

Kira blaming Bashir for putting the baby inside her when … you know … behind the scenes

The Sons of Mogh helping with the harvest in Children of Time

Far Beyond the Stars — some of the best if not the best science fiction I have ever seen

the monster fakeout (and kindness) in The Sound of Her Voice, even though the end makes me cry

“Computer, erase that entire personal log.”

Solok

Sisko and Kassidy discussing their comfort levels about a simulation in which the reality was segregation

Janeway waterfalling off the sofa to be closer to Mark on the screen

“Warp particles!”

the lizard babies

the two Janeways in Deadlock

Remember (a painfully good Holocaust episode that doesn’t get enough credit and, yes, I know the path the script took and I’m glad it ended up as a B’Elanna episode)

“I don't know what I'm seeking.” “Then I believe you are ready to begin.”

“The child you spoke of, the girl. Her favorite color was red.” Also, Tuvok’s meditation lamp in the window for Kes.

hot damn, Counterpoint, yaaas

everything in Relativity

“The Yankees, in six games.”

Janeway going after Seven in The Voyager Conspiracy

“This is Lieutenant Reginald Barclay at Starfleet Command.” “It's good to hear your voice, Lieutenant. We've been waiting a long time for this moment.” “The feeling is mutual. Unfortunately, the micro-wormhole is collapsing. We have only a few moments.” “Understood. We are transmitting our ship's logs, crew reports, and navigational records to you now.” “Acknowledged. And we're sending you data on some new hyper-subspace technology. We're hoping eventually to use it to keep in regular contact, and we're including some recommended modifications for your comm system.” “We'll implement them as soon as possible.” “There's someone else here who would also like to say something.” “This is Admiral Paris.” “Hello, sir.” “How are your people holding up?” “Very well. They're an exemplary crew, your son included.” “Tell him, tell him I miss him. And I'm proud of him.” “He heard you, Admiral.” “The wormhole is collapsing.” “I want you all to know we're doing everything we can to bring you home.” “We appreciate it, sir. Keep a docking bay open for us.”

“Nice hair.” (Live Fast and Prosper)

Janeway and Jaffen in Workforce

the spot-on legal concerns of Author, Author

“Set a course. For home.”

(Nothing from Enterprise or Prodigy only because I haven’t watched enough of Enterprise or any of Prodigy)

Burnham and Georgiou forming the delta with their footsteps

the CGI on only the shields protecting Burnham from space

“Are we in session? Because I didn't know you were practicing again. Because if I have your undivided attention for fifty minutes, I can think of a whole bunch of other things we could be doing.”

“That's as depressing a trait as I've ever heard.” “I don't give a damn … I still don't give a damn.”

Cornwell beaming in, phaser aimed, taking command of Discovery

Cornwell phasering the fortune cookies

Cornwell’s voice breaking: “So my Gabriel is dead.”

Detmer’s little bounce when Emperor-as-Captain Georgiou takes command

Pike beaming aboard and instantly being all like MOJAVE to prove to the audience he’s the guy from The Cage

New Eden. Everything. Oh my God (pun intended). The visuals. Owo’s backstory. Pollard patching Pike up after he’s shot. The light at the end. Oh my God, yes. That episode. Yes.

Number freaking One beaming aboard and having her lunch briefing with Pike (Chris and Una’s decades-long friendship wasn’t canon yet, but it shows here so beautifully)

Gabrielle Burnham

“In case the shit hit the fan.”

Michael Burnham on truth serum

Book

Laira Rillak, everyone!

Q&A

season 1 Raffi Musiker

Fleet Admiral and Commander-in-Chief Kirsten Clancy

“You owe me a ship, Picard.”

“You need a feather in your hat.”

Riker greeting Picard

Hugh greeting Picard

the separate trio of Raffi, Clancy, and Deanna all telling Picard he’s shit

Rios singing in Spanish

President Annika Hansen

everybody finding each other in the Confederation Universe

Liam Shaw — a character with incredible highs and lows

Majel Barrett as the computer voice when the crew gets to the Enterprise D

“Somehow I figured you might.”

everything in Ghosts of Illyria

Spock and La’an’s mind meld

Spock and T’Pring in Spock Amok

“You cannot resign. The loss to Enterprise would be unimaginable. To me.”

“If you’re going to steal a starship, do it correctly.”

Neera Ketoul

La’an normalizing needing to eat all the time as a teenager (especially important for girls to hear)

Pike and Una visually checking in with each other so often that it’s in their cartoon versions (that whole episode, actually, including, “Riker!”)

That’s scrolling through episode titles and jotting down stuff I love off the top of my head, fam.✨

Thank you so much for this ask, anon! ❤️ I needed this positive energy in my life.

#i love asks #things i love in trek canon #an incomplete list #i’m sure i’ll think of something else the minute i post #thank you so so much for leading my thoughts this way #anon

[purple-scrunchie]

Heathers Headcanons that Live Rent-Free in my Brain

(Some of these are new, some have been rotting in my notes app since January lol also LONGPOST WARNING up ahead.)

Veronica:

Was also a wolf kid (iykyk), wore those dog ear headbands to school from the middle of 3rd to the beginning of 5th grade

Has a pet corn snake named Cornelius. She's had him since she was 12 and loves him dearly

Can't even be trusted with a toaster in the kitchen, can and will find a way to set something on fire

Her favorite movie series is Indiana Jones. She loves the thril of the action scenes and the concept of carefree adventuring

Fucking unstoppable at just dance. She wins by a landslide every time

Had one of those giant picture encyclopedias as a kid

Despite spending so much time journaling and studying people's handwriting, hers is still a mesy disaster (this annoys Chandler to no end)

Likes to doodle in her journal too

has been journaling almost every day since she was 8. She keeps all of her old finished journals in a locked box under her bed

Loves making friendship bracelets for everybody she appreciates

Was absolutely a band kid. She played trumpet but quit sophomore year because she couldn’t stand Kurt and Ram anymore (they were just there to get some elective credits in)

Heather Chandler:

Hates everyone except her favorite three people (Duke, Mac, and Ronnie) And sometimes even them

Gets fucking livid when people touch her stuff without asking (this includes Veronica)

Especially if you touch her hair/skincare stuff (which is one of those 989,752,300 step process ones)

If she doesn’t get her beauty sleep, she’s even more of a megabitch than usual

Super protective of her friends and loyal to a fault. Once you're in her inner circle, there's no escape

Speaks french fluently

Most of the time she spends with her parents is on the whole-summer trips to France they drag her on. She despises these with a burning passion

Learned how to paint in France, and she's gotten pretty good at it over the years

Has gorgeous, looping cursive handwriting and insists on writing everything in red ballpoint pen. (Her teachers hate this)

Almost always has really vivid lucid dreams. She writes them down in a dream log and they’re her main artistic inspiration

Secretly loves Romance novels. Will read them and giggle like an excited 12-year-old when she's alone

Heather McNamara:

Was super clumsy before she started cheer. It’s definitely not as bad as before, but it’s still there. She’ll still trip over her own feet sometimes

Lactose intolerant, but her favorite drink is milk

Loves to click her pens in class

Goes through chewing gum at frightening speeds (think a pack or more a day)

Is really close to her dad

Whenever her dad goes on a business trip, he brings her a new hair ribbon. She keeps them all in a drawer in her nightstand.

Was the biggest horse girl as a kid

Will still happily talk about horses for hours

Loves astrology even more. Her dad cuts out the horoscope section of the daily paper for her and she keeps them filed away by date and season

Loves to read her friends their horoscopes

Definitely has a million constellation/planet charts all over her walls

If it doesn't have mustard on it, she won't eat it

Carries around a bottle of spicy mustard for this exact reason

Heather Duke:

Literally like 5'0 (152.5 cm)

Will not be caught dead without her heels on

Has two younger siblings, Hunter (12) and Hannah (also 12, they’re twins)

Has a black cat named Gatsby

Gatsby loves to curl up on her neck when she reads, and she’ll absentmindedly scratch behind his ears

Her parents forced her to play the piano from like 1st grade onwards. She has the skills of a concert pianist but hates the instrument with a burning passion

Her car is a 1980 Jeep CJ5

Secretly really likes cars. Will talk to McNamara about cars while McNamara reads her horoscope

Loves to fix her friends' cars

DESPISES condiments. She believes that if you can't eat it plain, it's not worth eating. (the exception to this is hotsauce lol)

Has a bunch of cute stationary and study materials (y'know, all the glittery gel pens and color-coded sticky notes) but uses them for the dumbest things

JD:

5’10 and still growing

Was really into dinosaurs when he was younger. He still has a collection of little plastic ones in his room that he sometimes (though he’d never admit it) gets out and plays with

Cooking shows are his guilty pleasure. He fucking loves being in the kitchen, it’s almost as safe to him as a 7/11

He cooks as a form of self-expression

Loves to bake too, will make things for his friends

Tried to make Chandler an apology cake one time (which did NOT end well for either of them)

One of his most prized possessions is the blue and black friendship bracelet Veronica made for him when they met. He wears the damn thing everywhere and it’s getting beat up

Loves to take walks alone in the dark or the rain. He thinks it’s nice and peaceful

Constantly losing pens. Was it the trenchcoat's fault? Probably. Will he get out of the trenchcoat? Absolutely not.

Hope you found some you enjoy lol, PLEASE feel free to add on/tell me your own/send requests for more!

#scrunchie's ramblings #heathers #heathers headcanons #heathers 1988 #heathers the musical #veronica sawyer #heather chandler #heather duke #heather mcnamara #jason dean

[dafuq-i-did-not-sign-up-for-this]

Where my writer brain thinks the Mertyl vs Nasiens fight might lead (in the long run)

Personally believe the whole Drug of Yore thing set up is way too convenient for Nasiens not to end up ingesting it. There might be a situation where Nasiens ends up with it, and someone, Mertyl, the mage, a knight bla bla might be like "I'll just kill you and take it haha" And as a response Nasiens is like jokes on you and drinks it. Means they can't kill him without losing the drug.

All leading to something I've tin foil head theorized about for a while now: Nasiens will be kidnapped to Camelot. And with winterlogysblog's theory about Camelot being behind the whole changeling disaster in mind, I have this very vivid picture of a scene in my head where he's kidnapped, and the kidnapper, possibly Arthur himself goes: "It's nothing personal this time, I promise!" And disappears to where neither King nor Diane can follow. Ahaha. Unless...?

I need to write this lmao.

#four knights of the apocalypse #4kota nasiens #4kota spoilers #delusions

[cryingatships]

my delusion is that Jeff will see a vision of Alan proposing to him and knows it will be a disaster. But he will also pretend to not know anything while trying to make sure that the proposal does not become a disaster behind the scene.

Except when Alan proposes it's still a disaster, and Jeff tries to act surprised but ofc Alan knows every bit of him after all their time together and realizes that Jeff had a vision of it already. He is crestfallen and tries to pocket the ring because no way this is going to be their proposal, Jeff deserves better.

But Jeff snatches the box from him and holds out his finger and Alan tears up (that old (as if 🙄) man is a sap oke) as he puts it on Jeff. And then Jeff takes out *another* box from his pocket and puts a ring on Alan's finger and Alan straight up sobs.

The rest of team (who's been hiding not very discreetly around the place cause they helped Alan set it all up) (are we even surprised that it ended in a disaster) hollers and hoots and pretends to be disgusted as Alan and Jeff does the mandatory post-proposal kiss.

As they kiss, Jeff sees a vision of how their wedding too, will have a couple of rather embarrassing moments and a cake related disaster. He groans but Alan takes it as an invitation to smt else and my imagination says sike here

(honestly I'm hoping that Jeff will see nothing when he touches Alan cause that boy needs a Relief and a person he can touch without getting overwhelmed by future all the time. idk how true it is to the plot tho. Also my brain loves the possibilities of Jeff seeing visions of him and Alan's future sooo)

#pit babe the series #pit babe #alanjeff #alan x jeff #i just want them happy and safe and stupidly in love #marriage is ew irl but fictional characters marryibng >>>>> #hm anyways #i can't write a full fledged fic but i continue to have lil hcs

[foli-vora]

one step at a time: ch 2.

pero tovar x f!reader

a/n: it's finally here! it took a bit longer than expected because my brain can't just stay on track lmao. thank you for your patience and i hope you enjoy! x

word count: 2.9k

warnings: swearing, brief mention of weapons

! please note that this story is for 18+ only due to future explicit scenes !

“People are staring.”

Yeah. They are. It’s impossible to miss the way people gawk, completely unashamed in their blatant curiosity. People even slow in their cars as they pass. 

“That’s because people are rude and judgemental, and you look like you just walked out of a renaissance fair. It’s fine—you’re fine.”

Tovar shifts beside you, his ever present scowl deepening as a mother ushers her two young children out of his way at the demand of the man critically studying him hovering behind her. It’s not like he was a criminal. Tovar’s lip curls as he passes, and the man physically shrinks under the glare, his own gaze dropping to the floor as he follows his spawn away.

“I don’t like it.”

“Yeah well no one likes it. Either ignore it, or stare back.”

You sigh deeply as you walk through the automatic doors of the thrift shop, ignoring the way Tovar startles at the sudden movement of them before making a beeline for the men's section and ignoring the old lady making snarky little comments behind you.

It makes sense that the first thing to do would be to get him out of the armour that screams ‘I don’t belong here’. He’s a walking neon sign of abnormality.

At least you got him to leave his other weapons behind in the trunk of your car—that would’ve been an unravelling disaster. It’d taken a bit of persistence on your part, but eventually he yielded and threw his collection of various daggers under a discarded picnic blanket with something close to a growl.

“Okay,” you blow a breath out from between pursed lips and let your shoulders sag as you eye the many full racks of clothing. “I get the feeling you won’t be into skinny jeans—see anything you like?”

He casts a judgemental eye around the various racks before setting his lips in a firm line, turning his scowl back to you. “It’s all hideous.”

“Okay, well… that’s not fucking helpful, Tovar.”

It’s like pulling teeth, but eventually you leave the store with a bag of decent enough clothing for your new guest. It’s hardly a stocked wardrobe, but at least he’ll be comfortable once out of his armour.

He grumbles the entire time, the weight of his glare fixed on the back of your neck as you pick odd items here and there. You’re torn on deciding whether that’s just how his face is, or if he’s permanently pissed at the world. Sure, it’s not the most rainbows and butterflies of situations at the moment, but he could at least soften just a little. You’re trying your fucking best.

His brows seem to naturally set into something akin to a glare but you soon get used to it and no longer shrink from it whenever it lands on you. He complains some more about people and their inability to mind their own business, quite fucking loudly at that, so you make him stay in the car when you run into the next shop to buy him some necessities.

You make it through the supermarket in record time, and breathe your relief upon returning to him still sulking in the passenger seat and not off somewhere in the middle of traffic swinging a sword around.

“Okay,” you sing, clambering into the driver's seat. “Are you hungry?”

“What do you think?” He snaps, arms crossing over his chest.

You slam your hands on the steering wheel and give him a forcefully sweet smile. “You know what, Tovar? With that fucking attitude, you can shove the drive thru up your ass and eat the food I have at home.”

“Your language is atrocious.”

“Oh, fuck off!”

—

“So… this is it. It’s small, I know. It was never meant to be a permanent thing, but I just never ended up moving. Um, excuse the mess… I didn’t think I was going to be bringing some weird, time travelling dude home.”

You stand by the door as Tovar looks around your apartment, casting a judgmental eye on your furniture and little set up. He trudges further into the space, looking fucking bizarre standing in your cosy lounge area with his broad armour covered frame. 

“It’s… nice.”

“Shit,” you breathe, brows raising to your hairline. “A compliment? Are you feeling okay? Maybe I need to take you back to Arthur.”

He scoffs quietly, giving you a slightly softer scowl from over his shoulder. “I’m not particularly kind to those who try to kill me and then hit me. Twice.”

“Well I’m sorry but I didn’t mean to run you over, plus you called me a whore and pointed a sword at me—I think we can call it even.” 

His lips purse in thought as he eyes you, before finally shrugging and nodding in agreement. He watches as you breeze through the space, sitting his bag of clothes on the couch before tidying the cushions and picking up a blanket from the floor.

“So that’s the kitchen,” you gesture to the small dedicated kitchen space consisting merely of a countertop spread across the furthest wall, faded cupboards hanging above it and a fridge barely the size of you offset to the side. “Through there is my bedroom, and that door is the bathroom. Uh, this is only a one bedroom place so you’re on the couch. I promise it’s comfortable, and I’ll get you blankets and whatever—”

“It’s fine…” he mutters, gaze dropping to the floor as he shifts. “Thank you.”

You smile, “You’re welcome, but before you go anywhere near my furniture, you need to shower—you stink.”

His scowl returns in an instant and his stance turns slightly more defensive. “Travelling like I do doesn’t reward you with many chances of bathing.”

It’s impossible not to chuckle at his pout of offence, and your amusement does nothing to smooth out the frown creasing his brows. You gesture for him to follow you, opening the door to the bathroom and flicking the light on.

Well, here goes nothing.

“Okay, so this is a toilet.”

You gesture obviously to where it sits against the wall and his face twists in confusion, soon morphing into something that makes you distinctly feel like a fucking idiot.

“I know what it is.”

Surprise flickers across your face. “You do?”

“It’s slightly different from what I am used to, but yes.”

“Oh, thank god!” Your body slackens as you heave a sigh of relief, chuckling to yourself as you playfully hit his shoulder. “I thought I was going to have to toilet train you. At least I don’t have to put newspaper down for you like a dog.”

His scowl deepens, a muscle ticking along the sharp line of his jaw. “You’re mocking me.”

“Only a little,” you grin. “Just remember to flush, okay? I don’t know what you had, but we have plumbing here. And for god sake—wash your hands.”

He stands behind your shoulder with a deep frown and a small inkling of curiosity as you dump out the contents of the plastic bag into the sink, the snugness of the room making his chest plate rub along your back.

You rip into the first packet you touch, releasing a basic green toothbrush and holding it out for him to cautiously pluck from your fingers.

“Okay, this is for brushing your teeth—you use it with this, it’s called toothpaste. Fuzzy side to your teeth. You just scrub away, okay? This is floss, it’s for in between your teeth but we can master that later. This is deodorant—you spray it under your arms.”

He flinches away at the hiss of the aerosol can, eyeing the white cloud that hangs briefly in the air with vague interest.

“It smells.”

You snort, sitting the spray neatly on the sink. “No shit, Sherlock.”

“I do not understand—”

“Never mind. Have you ever seen a hairbrush?”

His eyes viciously narrow in on you and you smile sweetly.

“Just asking,” you sing softly. “Now this is your soap—touch mine and I’ll kill you. Also, this is yours and yours only. Do not ever touch mine—you even look at my loofah and I’ll kill you. Now—”

You turn to the shower, sliding away the flimsy shower curtain and twisting the taps until water rains down from the head. Steam soon swirls up from the spray and you line the little caddy with his things before turning back to him.

“You get in here and start scrubbing everywhere. Do you hear me? Everywhere. Don’t come out until you look half human and smell like soap. I’ll make you something to eat, okay?”

He doesn’t move, even as you carefully brush past him to leave the room. He merely stares at the shower, a frown of confusion growing along his brow. You look back at the water, your own bewilderment mounting. What is he staring at? There’s nothing out of the ordinary.

Your eyes roll back to him, eyes narrowing. “It’s water.”

“Yes I can see that!” He snaps moodily, lip curling as he glowers at you. “Get out.”

—

He’s in there for longer than you expected, the sound of running water melting through the walls as you putter around and organise something for him on the couch, tucking in a sheet over the cushions and spreading out a few layers of thick blankets.

You were going to make a snippy comment about the hot water usage, but ultimately decide against it. Maybe he didn’t get to experience consistent hot water like this a lot, or maybe he hasn’t experienced it ever.

No matter the case, you decided you’d put up with a cold shower if it meant giving him a bit of comfort.

Eventually it shuts off and you set about making his food, organising it neatly on a plate before the bathroom door is wrenched open.

“Do you feel b—oh.”

You stop at the sight of him, dark locks still wet and dripping onto his soft cotton covered shoulders. He looks much more comfortable in a tee and a pair of light grey sweats, his sock clad feet padding softly against the floor a vast difference to the heavy boots he had previously stomped through your apartment with.

He shaved, too—with what, you didn’t know because you didn’t buy him any razors. The wild out of control facial hair was now shorter and much neater, a tidy moustache sitting above his top lip and jaw covered with a patchy dark stubble. 

He looked… nice.

Very nice, actually.

You swallow, quick to clear your throat and drag your eyes away from another study of his frame before your heart picks up any fucking harder in your chest. You don’t know what you were expecting, but it definitely wasn’t that. Jesus.

You hold a plate out to him, smiling at the way he physically perks at the sight of food.

“I didn’t know what you liked, so I did a slice of everything—”

The plate is snatched from your hands before you can even finish describing what’s slathered on each slice of toast. 

He eats like he’s never seen food before. He eats until his plate is empty, a finger dragging messily through the crumbs and then his eyes dart wildly across your small kitchen space in search of something more. You step in before he could demolish your cupboards, quick to slide some more bread into the toaster and distract him with a glass of juice he eagerly gulps down.

“Do you have any favourites from that little spread selection?”

He hums, tongue running along his lips and licking away any leftovers of toast and juice lingering in his moustache. “The jam.”

You grin, “Good choice.”

He startles at the sudden noise that fills the air, snatching the knife from the counter and holding it in defence before taking a somewhat protective position in front of you. You peak around his shoulder, snorting quietly in amusement.

“Not that I don’t appreciate the death stance, but we’re safe. That is a toaster.”

“‘Toaster’?”

The knife clatters back to the counter as he steps closer to the appliance, his head tilting a little to the left as he studies it and the toast peeking out from between the slots.

“It cooks your bread. Careful, it’ll be hot—”

He hisses a sharp curse and drops the toast, his deep set scowl zeroing in on you as he sucks the tips of his fingers into his mouth. 

You shrug, pinching the corner of the toast and sliding it onto the plate. “I warned you.”

Much to your annoyance, he’s a hoverer. He lingers just behind your shoulder, watching you smear jam across the toast and grunting when you don’t lather it on thick enough for his satisfaction. You shoot him a glare over your shoulder, frowning when he merely raises a brow.

“I’m sorry, did you want to do this yourself?” You bite quietly.

He blinks, mouth forming as if he were going to say something snappy in return before it closes and he backs up a few paces, allowing you the space to finish his food in peace. You hold the plate out but snatch it from reach, raising your brows expectantly.

“What do you say?”

His jaw rolls and he sighs impatiently before gritting out a quiet, “Thank you.”

“Good,” you coo playfully, grinning when he rolls his eyes and makes a comment under his breath

You watch quietly as he demolishes another four slices, his eyes fixing on the remaining loaf of bread and you wave at him to have it, eyeing the crumbs that build on your floor as he chews on plain bread, clearly too impatient to wait for the toaster to work.

—

He explores when he thinks you’re asleep.

You can hear him through your closed bedroom door, rifling through your bookshelf and cupboards, flicking the light on and off in what you expect is fascination, and muttering to himself as he goes about his hunting. You hear the slight shuffle of boxes and crinkle of packets and realise he’s found more food, wondering just how much he’ll eat before deciding to fall asleep.

A part of you was admittedly a little nervous—Arthur’s worry about you having a stranger stay in your home while you were alone started to churn at the forefront of your mind, which led to you turning the lock on your bedroom door after saying a quiet goodnight.

But there was nothing. Your door handle didn’t rattle from any attempts at entry and, as far as you could hear, he didn’t step a single foot towards your bedroom.

You wake sometime in the night, an uncomfortable dryness lingering in your throat and you realise with a groan of exhaustion that you came to bed without your trusty water bottle.

Heaviness weighs your limbs down when you stumble out of bed and fumble with your door and lock, remembering a bit too late that you had company and were probably waking him with your loud blundering.

He’s not on the couch when you carefully pry your door open. The bathroom door hangs open and gives you a view into the dark empty room and it’s enough to chase away the lingering presence of sleep. Shit, where is he?

Your frown grows but a cool, gentle breeze blows through the apartment and it brings your eyes to the open window leading out onto the fire escape. 

“Tovar?” You ask gently, poking your head out and finding him sat against the side of the building, fingers fiddling with one of his daggers.

It glistens in the moonlight as he flips and twirls it along his fingers, but his eyes scan the night sky, his frown deepening before his gaze moves to you. It’s guarded, his dark eyes hiding most of what he’s feeling, but there’s a sadness lingering in his features that immediately softens you.

“The stars are different. I’ve never—” he swallows, inhaling deeply, “I’ve never seen them like this.”

The night air chills your bare skin as you clamber out onto the fire escape, but you fend it off and sink down next to him, ensuring to keep a bit of distance between you to not make him uncomfortable. Your eyes follow his and flick up to the sky, tracing the bright sparkle of each star and following the occasional flash of a distant aeroplane.

“I can’t imagine what you’re feeling, Tovar,” you murmur, “but I promise I’m going to try my best to get you home.”

His face lacks the usual scowl when he returns his gaze to you.

“I wouldn’t blame you, you know,” he mutters, dropping his eyes and watching the dagger move between his fingers, sighing quietly. “If you wanted to be rid of me… I wouldn’t blame you. I’d understand.”

“No,” you shake your head, smiling softly. “It’s me and you. We’ve got this. We’ll find a way.”

It’s small, but it’s there. His lips curl slightly upwards in the most sincere smile you’ve seen yet and he nods, his head gently resting back against the brick as he returns to watching the stars.

Reaching out, your hand curls around his arm comfortingly and you shuffle closer, letting your own head fall to softly meet the rough surface of the building as your thumb circles over his skin in a silent show of reassurance.

It’s the first time he doesn’t shake your touch away.

-

everything pp tags: @maievdenoir, @william-butcher, @lv7867, @dihra-vesa, @katronautt, @radiowallet, @januarystears, @missminkylove, @beskarprincessjenny, @mswarriorbabe80, @danidrabbles, @sergeantbannerbarnes, @amneris21, @eri16, @absurdthirst, @hnt-escape, @acourtofsnakes, @ezrasbirdie, @mstgsmy, @lovesbiggerthanpride, @coaaster, @sherala007, @kelseyxyeslek, @greeneyedblondie44, @wyn-n-tonic, @you-got-me-starry-eyed​, @shirks-all-responsibilities, @withasideofmeg, @harriedandharassed​, @andruxx​, @buckybarneshairpullingkink, @spideysimpossiblegirl​, @prostitute-robot-from-the-future​, @tanzthompson​, @mad-girl-without-a-box​, @hope-for-the-best-98​, @fangirl-316​, @christina-loves​, @jediknight122​, @hallway5​, @xoxabs88xox​, @nicolethered​, @churchill356​, @massivecolorspygiant​, @just-here-for-the-moment​, @gracie7209​, @pinkie289​, @lavenderluna10​, @goodgriefitsawildworld​, @h-hxgirl​, @juletheghoul​, @punkerthanpascal​, @itswanktime​, @karolydulin​, @pedrostories​, @fabilei, @ghostwiththemostbitch, @omlwhatamidoinghere​, @cannedsoupsucks​, @chaoticemz​, @hows-my-hair​, @alexxavicry​, @cran-berry-vodka, @deadhumourist​, @outercrasis​, @thisshipwillsail316​, @toxicfrankenstein​, @hotchlover​, @ew-erin​, @mishasminion360​, @jitterbugs927​, @penelopeimp​, @woodland-mist​, @pedro-pastel​, @spaceserialkiller, @adriiibell​, @1andthesame​, @elegantduckturtle​, @captain-jebi​, @magpie-to-the-morning​, @sharkbait77​, @sleep-tight1​, @musings-of-a-rose​, @karlawithacapitalk​, @woomen23​, @frasmotic​, @songsformonkeys​, @loonymagizoologist​, @aynsleywalker​, @ruhro7​, @bluestuesday​, @what-iwish-you-knew​, @princess-djarinn​, @totallynotastanacc​, @girlofchaos​, @pjkimrn​, @bangaveragewhitewine​, @trickstersp8​, @rominaszh, @gooddaykate​, @ms-loverman-066​, @bunniwarrior​, @detectivecarisi-1​

pero tovar tags: @wildmoonflower​, @naughtynecromancer​, @quica-quica-quica​, @dins-cyare, @clydesducktape​, @serini-ty​, @jauntyhornsolo​, @bbyanarchist​, @quicksilvermad​

osaat tags: @magikfanatic​, @1andthesame​, @jesfreedark​, @allthe-ships​, @snow40285

#pero tovar x reader #pero tovar x f!reader #pero tovar x you #pero tovar #pedro pascal x reader

[star-shapedfruit]

Alright lets talk about THAT scene

Honestly I'm still processing all of it and I don't even know if this is even gonna be coherent or more like

This is long. LETS GO

So it's still very much up in the air as to whether that was really Hiyori or not because of the whole illusion thing that Father has going on in this domain but I'm going to assume this is actually her. It just seems kinda weird for Adachitoka to pull that and then go 'Haha SIKE! Jk!' in the next update. Like, if you're gonna pull a scene like that- you gotta commit to the bit ya know?

So let's assume it's all real. Cord snapped. Kapow. She's dead. Now what? God I wish I fucking knew because Adachitoka LOVE to throw curve balls at us so no matter what we predict it'll probably be wrong 🙃

But I think this might have something to do with it.

Kofuku was the one to originally tie the plaques together (uh oh) but then Ookunushi was the one to place them back and bless them with happiness. So you've got a disaster god dooming them but a god of fortune blessing them. Those poor plaques are so confused lol. But either way, Yato and Hiyori are bonded for life and that's an already pretty strong bond they've got. They're two idiots in love and call it silly and cliché but perhaps it's that bond that will save them.

Hiyori is a special case. She's a half-Ayakashi with ties to both the Near Shore and the Far-Shore and we have no idea what happens to someone like that when they die. Do they lose their memories? Will she forget Yato, Yukine, and everyone else from the Far Shore? Will she forget her name? Again, a tricky one but since she treads the lines between the two worlds and her soulmate is a god, maybe not. It could be possible that she retains all those Far Shore memories and forgets a lot of the Near. She remembers her name but can't recall her parents or friends faces.

(That then brings up the huge elephant in the room of what other shinki will think of that and then start to ponder their own deaths leading to the GGS (the likes of Daikoku, Bishamon and Ebisu's shinki etc) but let's just put that to one side for a minute. I can only have one panic at a time)

I think one thing is for certain at this point though. Noragami won't exactly have a happy ending. Either Hiyori somehow lives and Yato is forced to cut her ties and she forgets everything or she dies and permanently joins the Far Shore, leaving her life, ambitions, friends and family behind. And yeah, neither of those are good. But it looks like they're the only options. Now shoot me for this but I seem to lean towards the latter. I really hate endings where someone forgets the entire journey they just went on and it ends up in a sort of 'it was all a dream' ending. They just make me angry lol. Person has this amazing story and adventure and it ends with a literal I forgor meme? Lame. It's more impactful if both parties suffer 😈 (Why I always get more emotional watching the S2 finale of Doctor Who than the S4 finale. I hate that Donna had to forget everything to save her. But that's a completely different kettle of fish).

I went on a tangent there oops. ANYWAY. If we go down the route that Hiyori is dead then it seems like only two things can happen; she'll become a shinki or she'll be deified. She can't be dead dead I refuse to believe that 😤 Not only because she's my favourite character but I really can't see Adachitoka killing her off for good.

Now call me a hopeless romantic (and my Yatori brain going ding ding ding) but the immediate answer that came to mind when I saw this passage at the end of the chapter is love. Perhaps it'll be Hiyori's love for Yato (and Yukine of course) that will be the Deus ex machina that will ensure that she can come back and that she comes back with her memories in tact, maybe even bypassing the GGS. With that, she may be the secret weapon to destroying Father (did Ebisu and Take even destroy the shrine? Honestly can't remember). Whether that means Yato will name her and the three of them will completely whoop his ass or something else entirely, but I think that post-death Hiyori will be the final piece needed to end Trash Dad and the crisis on earth.

Horrific as it is, It would be fitting for her character to make that sacrifice. She's always been brave and selfless and if she knew that in order to save everyone she loves on earth and the rest of the population by fighting by Yato's side, even if that meant that she had to die, she'd do it.

Yes this isn't the perfect ending but there is no perfect ending. Hiyori has been doomed ever since she jumped in front of that bus.

#noragami #noragami spoilers #fucking hell that was longer than I expected #TLDR some power of love bullshit (affectionate) might save Hiyori in death and enable her to join forces with Yato to save the day #idk man my head still hurts and I don't know how everything is gonna be resolved in a satisfying way #I just really don't want it to end with her losing all her memories and this is the only other way it could go #anyway- *downs a bottle of vodka*

[consul-valerius]

Introducing the Princess of the Pearl Isles, the one and rightful heir to the land: Boy, the duke’s sphynx familiar✨

Finally a proper introduction of Sam’s familiar, Boy :’) special shoutout to the squad for helping with the idea and @vesuvian-disaster for suggesting he and Boy match because it stuck deep in my brain immediately LOL also of course background is from the game, specifically from the infinite bazaar ;P

Boy is very similar to Sam in many ways, most notably being that she is also a wanderer lmao Though parties and socializing with nobility is not her forte, it’s because not many can appreciate her beauty the way Sam does 😤 so she often is out and about where ever Sam may be—she probably is well known in some sort of street cat hierarchy, and Sam wouldn’t be surprised if she has her own personal cult following that he isn’t aware of (she IS divine after all, as are all cats, according to peepaw)

Some random Boy facts undercut✨

Sam found Boy left behind on a dock when he was beginning his travels with Mara; she was most likely left behind by some other wealthy person and seemed to the runt of a litter. It was impossible for Sam not see her and think “That’s me” and with much convincing (aka weeping and causing a scene), he convinced Mara to let him keep her and the rest was history :’)

Neither knew if she was a boy or a girl, and so Sam stuck with calling her Boy because really, it is a good name for a cat if you think about it (was this him projecting onto a kitten ???? Maybe. Yes. Absolutely it was lmfao)

Boy goes wherever Sam goes. It’s vital as Neeja and Imee aren’t often at his side when he travels, so it’s very important that he has her there

Donna’s nickname for her is “La Princesa”; just like Sam can understand Romeo, Donna is able to understand Boy. They’re one of the few people she gets excited to see that doesn’t live on the Isles. It’s not because Donna and Sam like each other or anything, though, don’t get it twisted >:(((

Sam has an entire hall in the Pearl Isles dedicated to different portraits of Boy. One of the quickest ways into his good graces is gifting something to her as opposed to him—he has everything he wants, but Boy deserves everything and more 😌

#bottom draws #the duke #the arcana oc #i was simply too lazy to do a proper background LMFAO #off to cause problems on purpose for many people lmfao #tumblr was giving me issues with the formatting of this post though so hopefully it doesn’t fucking eat this LFMSDIFHDSUIG

[lightwise]

Ahsoka Show Episode 2 - Spoilers/Thoughts

Okay, now for episode 2 thoughts. (I've posted my reaction to *that* moment at the end of episode 1, and it's resulting consequences in this episode, in another post).

SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT! DO NOT SCROLL IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED THE EPISODE YET! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Okay, I ranted about my dislike for Sabine's injury here. Moving on.

Literal chaos child. Sabine is the natural successor of the disaster lineage force sensitivity or not lolol. "I uh, I unlocked the map. And then lost it. And then lost all my backups. But everything's fine I swear!" Anakin would be proud.

I gotta say it, Baylon's ship makes me think of the Marauder just a bit.

I am loving these nightsister temples. So cool. Very Celtic/stone circle/mapping the planets and stars vibes.

Ahsoka trying to trace the fight between Shin and Sabine almost felt like she had some Psychometry skills ala Quinlan Voss going on??

AHSOKA PET THE DANG LOTHCAT. YOU MUST PAY TRIBUTE BEFORE ENTERING THE ABODE.

Love that she's so calm feeling that droid coming down behind her before taking it out.

Huyang vs Hera as Sabine almost blows them all to pieces...gotta love it. I need to see Tech and Huyang hanging out together. They would either be besties or drive each other insane.

I really love the practical effects of all the droid and machine builds in this show. It feels even more detailed and realistic than props in Mando.

Hera just still doesn't quite feel like Hera to me :/ And it's not MEW's fault at all. It feels like costuming and dialogue choices. Love her talk with Sabine though. I'm fascinated to know what viewers who have never seen Rebels are thinking of these scenes, bc they have no idea the backstory behind these two and the mother/daughter, older sister/younger sister nature of their relationship.

The CGI here is absolutely gorgeous when Morgan opens the star map. I also love how it is much more extensive and detailed than what Sabine was able to get. And the hint of green nightsister magic!

It will be really interesting to see if she's referring to the Chiss homeworld, the Yuuzhan Vong, or something else by "other galaxy".

I really want to see more of Baylon and Shin's history. She is attached to his every word and obeys his commands very seriously. How did he come to take her on as his padawan? When did he find her? What made him abandon the Jedi order (did he have doubts before the Clone Wars? Or just found a way to survive after?) So many questionssss.

Ahsoka and Hera, on the detective trail. Love it. When this series was announced, long before it was apparent that it would be Rebels season 5, I had hoped it would be Ahsoka hopping around the galaxy solving mysteries. This is fun to see.

Guys. I am trying SO HARD to not fall down the "imperial remnants and new republic politics as the galaxy tries to rebuild" rabbit hole that my brain eagerly wants to fall down whenever they start bringing up these dynamics. I was almost losing my mind during the Dr. Pershing episode in Mando season 3, and this is whetting my appetite again. Idk if I will someday need to write fanfiction about this or copious amounts of tumblr posts, but you have been warned. Star Wars and politics and the navigation of the collapse of empire and the redistribution of status and wealth and goods and the devious ways that can all quickly start to fall apart...okay I'll stop myself. When we get to the Mon Mothma episode...heaven help me.

Again, the subtle facial expressions in this show are so good. Not all of the dialogue is escaping cheesiness, but the facial expressions are conveying a wealth of emotions that is backing and grounding each line of dialogue.

This scene. THIS SCENE. Okay, I promised I would talk about Sabine's Jedi training and supposed Force sensitivity that we all have been wondering about since the trailers. I was not thrilled about the idea of Sabine being retconned to be force-sensitive. There's no hint of it in Rebels, and it would feel like a shocking contrast to her lineage as a Mandalorian if it wasn't handled properly. That said, I went into it with a relatively open mind, and have not been overly bothered (more just confused and wanting the backstory) on her and Ahsoka all of a sudden having this master/apprentice relationship that has taken place off screen and that obviously did not go well. Sabine has trained with lightsabers before (the Darksaber and Ezra's lightsaber), and it did make sense to me that she could want to know how to use it more effectively and want to be closer to the practices of what made Ezra who he is in his absence. Why Ahsoka would have agreed to train her...that I am unclear on. I wonder if her failure in that also contributed to her telling Din that she couldn't train Grogu. Anyway, all of this has been a "what the heck are you up to Dave," but I haven't hated it.

All that said, I didn't really want Sabine to be Force sensitive bc I also hate when Star Wars, or Star Wars fans, try to make everyone have latent force abilities in ways that feel like a cop out, like it's the only explanation for a character being cool, or having value, or tying into the plot (I am not trying to call out anyone in particular here, just the concept). Star Wars is not only about Jedi, and while it is almost always about the Force, that doesn't always happen in the highly specialized, exclusive ways we see from force users like the Jedi and the Sith. So, I was hoping, let's see Sabine trying to tap into the fact that the Force is inside everyone, but not everyone can access it to the same capability. Let's see her trying to gain certain skills and practice a way of existing in the world that goes beyond some fancy lightsaber moves and meditation rituals. Let's see a Mandalorian who already has a distinct and powerful way of fighting and philosophy in the world, attempt to mold it with another, almost opposite, approach. And I think that's what we are getting! (maybe this should have been it's own post, oops).

Huyang's no nonsense talk to Sabine is exactly what she needs to hear. For all his sass and directness, he doesn't lack compassion in how he chooses his words with her. And yet he also isn't afraid to eviscerate her (lack of) Force abilities with the most Jedi worthy burn I've ever heard "your skills would fall short of them all." He's been around for 2500 years. I don't think Sabine is force sensitive ya'll. At least not in a conventional way. And yet, Huyang, who has been the keeper of lightsabers and Jedi youngling training for generations, is not at all discouraging her from applying herself to try. His tone is exceedingly gentle with the words "the only time you are wasting, is your own." Is it possible to marry a droid? Pretty sure he's husband material lol.

Also his hands look like medieval gauntlets. So cool. They outdid themselves on the practical effects here.

Star Wars has Solid State Drives?? (Sorry the SSD reference was kind of funny).

Alright, Ahsoka against a droid and a former Inquisitor. Easy peasy.

Hera and Chopper (who looks FANTASTIC btw, there is no distinction between Choppper animation and Chopper live action LOL), in the Phantom and their dialogue back and forth was perfection.

That lil force push and lil backflip midair and lil shoulder turn to miss the lightsaber from behind 👀 please more force usage from Ahsoka! In her own show!

Very interested to learn more about Marrok too. Their stunt actor is really good.

Girlie is pulling out the Mando armor. We're getting serious now.

"It's not loyalty. It's greed."

I liked Sabine's part in this recreation of the end of Rebels, but I didn't really love the retcon on Ahsoka's. Where is her staff? Why is her cloak a different color? Where is Morai? It just fell kind of flat for me. Like the live action hasn't earned the emotional gravitas and hope that this scene held in Rebels. Again Dave, really fascinated to see where you're going with all this.

Finally, Ahsoka's ship is cool. I would travel around the galaxy with her for sure. And, the unique way that holograms show up on Morgan's ship is very, very cool. Can't wait to see what next week holds!

#ahsoka #ahsoka series spoilers #ahsoka spoilers #ahsoka show spoilers #ashoka spoilers #ahsoka tano #sabine wren #hera syndulla #huyang #baylon skoll #shin hati #morgan elsbeth #some light ramblings #somelightramblings