Have seen a couple of advice columns where people where worried about missing the je ne sais quoi that makes an individual attractive and interesting--the ol' razzle dazzle. Although a friend recently told me about dazzle camouflage, what ships used in WWI, and how the term has entered sociology to describe, well, camp-ouflage, outrageously flamboyant presentation that disorients and distracts would-be assailants with glamor and keeps your actual person anonymous. That's what the phrase evokes to me now--I was talking about using the shapka z ushkami and tinted lenses the way cartoon characters have repeat outfits so people associate me with a set of silly but recognizable signifiers, while wearing monochrome, shapeless clothes and medical-grade masks bought in bulk. How the hat invites conversation from gruff old Russian guys and new friends and curious children, deters hostile T/RFs in public restrooms, and also has become do much synonymous with my otherwise unremarkable person (also glasses and cane) that if I walked past the cops I walk by every day in a different style of dress, sans hat or glasses, without my cane? They wouldn't recognize me. But back to original point, which was actually that living in a city is great because you are blessedly uninteresting compared to the vast majority of your compatriots. I had two--two!!!--stalkers in my small rural New England town between the ages of 14 and 17 and it was truly due to lack of enrichment in their enclosure and lack of gays in the village. If you're not big on social media and not in the public eye then it is very easy to avoid this kind of obsessively fixated fascination! All I have ever wanted was to be a very small fish in a very big pond so people would leave me alone and a couple weeks ago met a friend of friends who realized I had no social capital to her and interacted with me like a piece of furniture. What a fucking relief??? I want to be so uninteresting the majority of people ignore me, and thank fucking Gd. 🙏
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(Long post, sorry y'all)
A little more than two years ago now, my grandmother passed away. She and my grandpa had moved down to my home town a few years before so we could take care of them. I brought them groceries once a week, helped them write checks, fixed tvs, and found lost things. I was really close with my grandma.
In addition to her hilarious personality and dry wit, one of my favorite things about her was that she was a painter and a crafter like me! She used to crochet, and I took her to the craft store a couple of times so she could get more yarn and books on crochet. But her arthritis and the shaking in her hands kept getting worse, so she eventually had to stop.
She kept her most recent project, a granny square blanket, safely packed away in a plastic bin. She told all of us she was going to finish it one day.
Her hands never got better, and when she got sick, and we found out it was cancer, she rapidly deteriorated.
After she passed, I went to work helping my mom clean out my grandparents apartment so we could move my grandpa in with her. In our frantic cleaning, I found that bin again:
DOZENS of granny squares, dozens of half used skeins. I asked my mom what she wanted me to do with it, and she said she didn't care. I set it aside and later took it home.
Maybe a month later, that tumblr post about the Loose Ends Project was going around. It felt like a sign--I was never going to learn to crochet in order to finish my grandmother's blanket. But they might be able to help!
So I filled out the interest form. They got back to me SUPER quick. And maybe 2 weeks later, I was paired with volunteer in my state (only 2 hours away!) and the box of yarn, granny squares, and my grandmother's crochet hook were in the mail. That was at the end of January this year.
Over the next couple of months, my "finisher" emailed me regular updates on her progress, and asked me questions on my preferences for how she constructed the final blanket.
At the end of August, the blanket was done!
I had always intended the blanket to be a gift for my mother. So I cleaned it up, put it in the only bag I had big enough to fit it, and drove to my mom's. I gave the blanket to her and she was gobsmacked. I explained to her all about Loose Ends, and how someone volunteered to finish the piece for us. She was speechless. (I was quite pleased with this, because I am not the best at giving gifts, so this was a pretty exciting reaction!)
She said that it was the most thoughtful gift she had ever been given. She said "your grandma would love this". To which I replied, "yeah, I know she really wanted to finish it a couple of years ago". But that was when my mom dropped the bomb of a century on me--she told me that my grandma had started making those granny squares OVER 30 YEARS AGO. She had started the blanket when my grandpa was staying in the hospital, but that was back when my mom was younger than I am now! My grandma had packed them all away, planning on finishing it, when my grandpa was sent home from the hospital. Then it went from house to house, from condo in Chicago to their apartment in my hometown. All that time and my grandma had wanted to finish it, but couldn't. First because she was busy, then because she forgot how to do it, then because of her arthritis, and then because of the cancer. My mom said she had given up on expecting my grandma to finish it.
She said I brought a piece of her childhood with her mom out of the past.
And really, all of this is to say, if you have seen or heard about the Loose Ends Project and have an uncompleted project or piece from a loved one who has passed away--these are your people. They were so kind and treated my project with such care. That box probably would have been found by my own grandkids one day if I hadn't heard about Loose Ends.
Five stars, absolutely worth it!
(From what I understand, you can sign up to volunteer too! If you have time to share, it might be worth checking out!)
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