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hephaestuscrew · 10 months

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"With a goddamn harpoon": The significance of Minkowski's weapon of choice within the narrative and characterisation of Wolf 359

TL;DR: Despite its initial comic role, the harpoon becomes a important symbol of Minkowski as a character; it is particularly associated with her desperate need for control, her desire to keep her crew safe, her stubborn determination, and her occasional unpredictability. These associations add to the narrative significance when Minkowski kills Cutter with the harpoon.

[Tagging people who said they wanted to be tagged: @browncoatparadox @captain-lovelace @goblincaveofvibes ]

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Ep21 Minkowski Commanding

First appearance

We first encounter the harpoon in Minkowski Commanding, which is a significant episode for Minkowski's characterisation because it's the first big departure from Eiffel's point-of-view into Minkowski's. It's arguably the most Minkowski-centred episode in the whole show, so it stands out when we think about her as a character.

EIFFEL (over comm) Um, Minkowski? Why is the armory wide open, and also, apparently, robbed? Where's the tactical knives kit? MINKOWSKI Don't worry. I've got that. EIFFEL Oh. And the M4 carbine? The, like, really-dangerous-in-space, select-fire M4 carbine? MINKOWSKI Yeah, I've got that too. EIFFEL And this empty rack I'm looking at right now with a label that says "harpoon" suggests that... MINKOWSKI Yes. I have it, Eiffel.

The harpoon is introduced as part of a list of over-the-top weapons that Minkowski takes on her plant-monster-hunting mission. It's initially just a funny moment to emphasise how seriously she's taking this mission. The weapons arguably increase in unlikeliness as Eiffel lists them, and it's a comic image to think of Eiffel deducing the situation from the empty rack labeled 'harpoon'. It could have been an entirely throw-away joke that was never brought up again. The M4 carbine never comes up again. The tactical knives kit is mentioned in Knock, Knock, but not in a plot-significant or symbolic way.

'Goddamn harpoon' speech

So why does the harpoon become such an iconic part of Minkowski's brand (and I'm pretty certain it was seen as significant by fans long before the finale)? It's got to be because of the next time it's mentioned, when Minkowski talks to the plant monster in the same episode:

MINKOWSKI (getting psyched up) You wanna play with me, huh? You wanna run rings around me? The joyless, boring, predictable old Minkowski? She can't stop you, right? Not someone as smart and powerful as you. You've got her pegged. Good. Get complacent. Get smug. That's right when you'll find me waiting for you. With a goddamn harpoon.

There's so much to say about this speech and what it reveals her character. For one thing, it's all projection - we have no real indication of what (if anything) the plant monster thinks of Minkowski. We don't even really know how much understanding it has when listening to her talk. She imagines that this silent adversary would call her "joyless, boring, predictable". I suspect that these are all things that she's been called a fair bit in the past. (To be honest, I wouldn't be surprised if they are all things that Eiffel called her at one point.)

But the harpoon is proof against - if not the accusation of joylessness - the idea that Minkowski is boring and predictable. Boring and predictable people don't opt for a harpoon for fighting on a spaceship when plenty of more conventional weapons available. A harpoon is unexpected, and there's a kind of power in that.

Another interesting thing about that speech is that the whole thing would make at least as much sense - if not more - if it was directed at Cutter. In Sarah Shachat's episode commentary on Minkowski Commanding (part of the bonus material available to buy here), she says that Minkowski "is really speaking to Cutter in this moment". It's made clear that Minkowski's behaviour in Minkowski Commanding is not just about the plant monster itself. She tells Eiffel, "I have to take it seriously! If I can eliminate one threat, just one, then we are that much closer to going home!"

The specifics of the plant monster's location, abilities, and origin are mysterious, but - unlike many of the other forces threatening the safety of Minkowski's crew - it is at least tangible and harpoon-able and not light years away. Hunting the plant monster is a way for Minkowski to assert control when so much is outside of her control. It's an attempt to demonstrate that she is - as she puts it - "in charge of this disaster". Minkowski treats the plant monster as a physical symbol of all the threats her crew are facing, and so the harpoon becomes a physical symbol of her fierce (if sometimes misguided) determination to take control of the situation and fight back against those threats to protect her crew.

The line "you'll find me waiting for you. With a goddamn harpoon" is one that sticks in the mind, especially since - with one notable exception - 'goddamn' is about as potent as swearwords get on this show. And it's the harpoon that she uses to give specificity to the threat.

Absurdity

A harpoon is powerful and threatening, which is exactly what Minkowski is trying to convey to the plant monster, but in this context - not only on dry land but on a spaceship - it's also kind of absurd. From the way we hear it fire in the finale, we can tell that it's more like a speargun than a hand-thrown harpoon spear, but it's still an out-of-place weapon for space-based combat. Minkowski's already been shown to have a penchant for archaic weaponry, after her drunken enthusiasm over the cannon during the talent show incident, which is largely played for laughs. Similarly, in the episode commentary for Minkowski Commanding, Sarah Shachat says that the harpoon was introduced mostly just because it was funny; "[including a harpoon] was me sort of embracing the Moby Dick of it all. And I had no idea at the time how much importance that silly harpoon would take on."

Eiffel makes a Moby Dick reference himself ("10 days of Captain Ahab's Space Walkabout"). I haven't read Moby Dick so I can't properly analyse the significance of this reference, but the initial prominence of the harpoon (traditionally a whaling tool) enables that connection. It feels like a good example of the classic Wolf 359 thing where something comedic has the potential to take on a deeper significance. It conjures an image of Minkowski as a Captain with the potential to be consumed by a single-minded mission to destroy... A potential that she resists in the conclusion to Minkowski Commanding when she chooses to leave the plant monster alone. The harpoon also fits with the sprinkling of nautical imagery and language in Wolf 359 (e.g. the repeated use of the word 'boat'), as well as the retro-futuristic feel of the Hephaestus.

We never learn why there's a harpoon on the Hephaestus. It seems like yet another of those bizarre unexplained quirks of the station, like the items in the storage room where Eiffel finds Box 953. Even when the weird mysterious features of the Hephaestus are depicted in a comedic way, these features are still a demonstration of the fact that the characters are in an environment that they don't understand and that their surroundings have been shaped according to the whims of Command.

I think we can assume none of the members of the Hephaestus crew brought a harpoon up with them. For whatever reason, someone at Goddard Futuristics must have decided to put a harpoon in that armory. Like most things in the crew's lives, the harpoon is owned by Goddard Futuristics. So the way Minkowski uses the harpoon could be seen as an instance of reclaiming something from Goddard and their control over her surroundings (in a similar way to how her crew are able to utilise the maze-like structure of the Hephaestus to their advantage when hiding first from the SI-5 and later from Cutter and the crew of the Sol).

Other mentions of the harpoon

The harpoon doesn't actually make another physical appearance until the finale, when it truly comes into its own. But there are a couple of little hints before then that it has become a part of Minkowski's brand amongst the other characters as well as to the listeners. These mentions remind the listener about the harpoon, so we don't forget about it before its big comeback in the finale.

Ep27 Knock, Knock

EIFFEL [to Minkowski] Like getting rid of all the weapons, for a start. We should gather up all the guns, the tactical knives, your harpoon. Put it all in the arms locker, seal that sucker up, and put the key in one of Hera's service canisters.

In this quote, Eiffel refers to it as "your harpoon" - the only weapon he ascribes ownership to here. He sees it as something she's laid claim to. He also thinks the harpoon is worth mentioning specifically, which suggests that he thinks that Minkowski would reach for it first if she was feeling particularly violent. This reinforces the idea that the harpoon has become a symbol of Minkowski's character. This connection is also strengthened by the fact that the harpoon is also never mentioned in relation to anyone other than Minkowski using it.

Ep45 Desperate Measures

LOVELACE [to Kepler] Yeah, right. Nobody knows this station like Alexander Hilbert. He knows every nook, cranny, hidden room - everything. And as back up he's got the only woman's who's ever turned outer space monster hunting into a recreational sport. You'll never see them coming... until all of a sudden there's a harpoon in your face, and you end up on the operating table of the finest medical sadist that Goddard Futuristics ever produced.

Lovelace mentions the harpoon and specifically refers to Minkowski's plant-hunting exploits, even though she didn't witness them. So we know that someone has told her that story. And what she's taken away from hearing the story is an emphasis on Minkowski's harpoon and an admiration for her determination. I don't think Minkowski was the one to tell Lovelace about her plant-monster-hunting mission, because I don't think she's necessarily proud of it. I suspect it was Eiffel who told her - he's the most natural storyteller of the group. In Mutually Assured Destruction, soon after meeting Lovelace for the first time, he says "Nobody's told you about the Plant Monster yet? So, funny story..." And I believe Eiffel would have told the story of Minkowski's plant monster hunt in a way that conveyed both the ridiculousness of her behaviour but also a kind of awe at her boldness and persistence.

The tone of "all of a sudden there's a harpoon in your face" is pretty similar to "That's right when you'll find me waiting for you. With a goddamn harpoon". Once again, the harpoon is portrayed as something that the Hephaestus crew's adversary won't expect, something that will play a key role in that adversary's defeat. You might almost think something was being foreshadowed here…

Characterisation through Weaponry

When we think of the harpoon as a symbol of Minkowski as a character, it seems worth drawing a comparison with the only other Wolf 359 character who I think has a form of weaponry as a big part of their brand: Jacobi and his explosives. While a harpoon certainly has a lot of potential for violence (a potential which Minkowski utilises), it is targeted and intentional in a way that bombs don't tend to be. It's harder to have collateral damage with a harpoon, and I think that reflects a difference between Minkowski and Jacobi's approach to conflict.

A harpoon isn't really designed for combat - it's for hunting whales and other marine animals. It feels significant that Minkowski's key weapon of choice - the one she threatens the plant monster with and kills Cutter with - isn't the weapon of a soldier. She took an assault rifle with her to hunt the plant monster, but that wasn't the weapon she held onto. She's not a natural soldier, even if she'd sometimes like to think she is.

Maxwell's Death

When Minkowski kills Maxwell, it's with a gun, not a harpoon. She's trying to be a soldier there. She's trying to do what she has to. I don't know much about how a harpoon is fired, but I've a feeling that there's less uncertainty about whether a harpoon was fired deliberately than a gun; the ambiguity around Minkowski's agency in Maxwell's death is a key part of the story that wouldn't work with a harpoon. But perhaps more importantly, I don't think there's meant to be a sense of victory or relief in Maxwell's death, unlike Cutter's. The harpoon - as a weapon that has become strongly identified with Minkowski as a character - is saved for moments when Minkowski is asserting her power in an active way that she isn't conflicted about.

Ep61 Brave New World

About a third of the way into the finale, there's another indirect mention of the harpoon:

RACHEL Y-yes, sir… Umm, we also picked up some chatter on their weaponry supplies… Firearms, explosives, something about a harpoon…

This is a nice little reference which reminds the listener of the harpoon in anticipation of its big moment later on in this episode, while once again playing with its incongruity in a list of more typical combat weapons. Given that Minkowski and co. have guessed that they are being listened in on here, their choice to talk about the harpoon might be seen as their way of having a bit of fun, or it might be seen as their way to imply the same threat that Minkowski made to the plant monster. Cutter had warning, but he didn't heed it.

Which brings us, of course, to the harpoon's most significant moment:

Cutter frowns. Then he hears it: CLA-CLUNK! His eyes widen. MINKOWSKI Let's see you catch this. FWUUUMP! An ENORMOUS THING IS SHOT. A moment later, Cutter COLLIDES AGAINST THE WALL, IMPALED. MR. CUTTER ... a... harpoon? That's not... how this is... supposed... to... He struggles for a few more moments...and then he stops.

This scene is a classic instance of Wolf 359 utilizing the audio medium to leave a significant element of the situation unknown to the listener until the right moment. We don't know that Minkowski is carrying the harpoon. We don't know that she's readying it as Lovelace talks. When we hear something fire, there's a moment where a listener might or might not have realised exactly what just fired. It's Cutter who delivers the glorious revelation. It gives the moment an additional burst of triumph that Cutter's final words are an expression of shock, not just that he has been defeated but at the weapon with which the killing blow was struck.

Human unpredictability

It's not just that Minkowski kills Cutter with a harpoon; it's also that she wouldn't have been able to kill him without it. He can catch bullets after all, so Minkowski and Lovelace's guns are basically useless. Cutter thinks he's therefore invincible, but he hasn't accounted for the possibility that Minkowski might have a less conventional weapon on hand, one which fires larger projectiles that he can't catch so easily. The fact that she's carrying an unexpected weapon - a weapon that might have seemed ridiculous - is what allows her to defeat Cutter and therefore to survive.

It's a repeated theme in Wolf 359 that the protagonists' strength is not that they are the most powerful or they behave in the most logical ways, but that they are complicated and human and unpredictable and very much themselves - all of the things that Cutter and Pryce don't want in their 'ideal humanity'. When Minkowski kills Cutter with the harpoon, it's a victory for human unpredictability and individual idiosyncrasies.

Making good on her promise

Thinking back to Minkowski Commanding, we can see that the threat Minkowski made to the plant monster absolutely came true with Cutter. He got complacent. He got smug. (I'd argue that smugness has always been one of his key attributes.) And he found her waiting for him, with a goddamn harpoon. The return of the harpoon for this moment suggests the defeat of Cutter is a culmination of some of the motivations and traits that Minkowski showed when hunting the plant monster, now channeled in a more suitable direction. She continued trying to get them "that much closer to going home". Her - sometimes absurd - determination provides a throughline from an episode that was mostly comedic (Minkowski Commanding) to a dramatic emotionally powerful finale. As Sarah Shachat put it in her audio commentary, Minkowski "makes good on her promise [that she makes in her harpoon speech in Minkowski Commanding]. That's why she's a hero."

It's significant that Cutter dies from an unlikely weapon that is so strongly identified with Minkowski. It makes that moment feel like truly hers (although she is of course right that she couldn't have done it without Lovelace - that's called being part of a crew).

As the Commander, it feels apt that Minkowski is the one to kill the long-standing 'big bad'. Pryce is arguably the same level of antagonist as Cutter, but he's the one that we've been aware of since we became aware of larger sinister forces at work in this narrative.

And if Minkowski has a personal nemesis, it's Cutter. He's the one who recruited her into the hellscape that is the Hephaestus. He played on her ambitions to get her where he wanted her. She trusted him the way she trusted the official chain of authority at the start of the mission. And that trust was extremely misplaced.

The significance of Minkowski being the one to kill Cutter is highlighted by the fact that she kills him with a weapon that only she uses, a weapon that links us back to her behaviour 40 episodes earlier. The sense of control that she was desperately seeking in Minkowski Commanding might not be completely within her grasp by the end of the finale, but she's reclaimed a piece of it by defeating the man who has been exerting control over her life for so long. And she did it with that goddamn harpoon.

#It's harpoon time!!#Honestly I think there's probably still lots more to say #but this is plenty to be getting on with #Feel free to share your own thoughts #Wolf 359 #w359 #Renée Minkowski #The stuff about human unpredictability was inspired a lot by conversations with my friend @commsroom #so she'd be in my bibliography if I had one #Something that didn't really fit in here but feels relevant is the way that fans #(particularly podcast fans who don't have canon appearances to go off)#will use certain characteristics/ objects/ clothing choices to make a character identifiable in art #Like if I see art of a Wolf 359 character with some combination of cigarette/ headphones/ Star Wars t-shirt #I know it's Eiffel even if it doesn't look like my mental idea of him #And the harpoon is definitely part of that shorthand for Minkowski #because no one else would have it #so lots of Minkowski art features the harpoon #which strengthens the associations that I'm talking about in this post #And that's interesting to me #because it's an unintended way in which fandom has the potential to influence how people perceive a character #but I think in this case it just adds further value to things that are already implied in canon #Renee Minkowski #Commander Minkowski #w359 spoilers #wolf 359 spoilers #the empty man posteth

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shannonsketches · 24 days

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The way I will simply never recover from this page:

Vegeta's Panic and then IMMEDIATE affection for his new baby

Vegeta being excited to have a daughter

Goku assuming his wife Magic'd their children out of herself

Supreme Kai being embarrassed for Goku

Beerus getting wasted

Bulma saying she will raw dog her husband frequently and expeditiously with her whole chest, in front of god and everybody

Whis being like 'i gotchu babe 💅 but i gotta borrow ur man first or there'll be no more boning for anybody lol'

#i have tried to watch the anime and it is just so SO far off course I can't do it I can't stomach that shit anymore lol #it's not even the same series it's like a team of guys going 'be vigilant guys goku can't be funny or interesting under any circumstances'#'Make sure nobody gets a personality outside of their Token Trope we don't want to have to trust our audience at all got it??'#this anime did toriyama's writing so dIRTYYYY LOL no WONDER he didn't watch the anime for his shows it's BAD out here #i'm being a hater i'm sorry but the anime is SO AFRAID of Goku having flaws and the manga really is just CHOICE #especially if you're a vegebul stan they're so solid they're so quietly and comfortably in love #the anime is just tsundere'ing him through his dad era for some reason even though he and Bulma are fully the Squad Parents in the manga #Piccolo is Team Grandpa and we stan an icon #Vegeta had one (1) Reaction to PDA and then Did His Best to navigate it and Try -- and the next time we see Bulma she's pregnant lmao

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nwarrior777 · 8 months

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i play disco elysium atm and i can't believe it happened twice already, i mean, come on

(!!! spoilers for game in notes!!!)

#disco elysium #i mean #there are a lot of people who helps!#shout out to evrart enjoyiers #but game devs really didn't help here #also now it's about angus too #gotta go draw ma boi #and i mean #i don't understand it #like #i almost started to think that the thing with evrart is like a trick #that you can actually be polite with him and not be a dick and not be a fatphobe #and it was kiiiiiiiiiinda like with other political things. more fcked up but like.#it's kiiiinda looks like you have choice of behavior here too #but then you meet angus and the game do this shit again and even worse #and i was be like w t f #angus ma boi wait for me i am gonna draw draw drrrrrraw ya

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platoapproved · 5 months

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#the murderbot diaries #absolutely insane of them #i also love ratthi but he's wrong here. the problem isn't that they don't know how to have relationships with other not-humans.#the problem is KIDNAPPING #the problem is ART was in such a dire situation that it just grabbed MB and didn't give it any choice #MB obviously would have chosen to help ART! but not being given a choice is uhhhh BAD #ratthi is a bro tho he's really trying

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fictionadventurer · 1 year

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I love setting fantasy around and after WWI. It's such a good combination. WWI was a loss-of-innocence on a societal level. There had been this assumption that technology and progress could solve all our problems and make us better people, and then WWI comes and shows us horribly and violently that it does not, and then in the aftermath we have to deal with what this means for us as a society and as people.

Throwing magic into that is a perfect thematic fit, because magic and technology are basically the same thing--people trying to impose their will upon nature. It can do good things or terrible things, but the issue is not necessarily the technology or the magic itself, but the hearts of the people using it, the cost to bring it about, the drain on resources and the effect on the environment and people. In the aftermath of a major conflict, we have to take a long hard look at ourselves and the choices we've made and will continue to make. Are the benefits worth the cost? What is the true nature of man--can we ever trust ourselves again? Have we progressed to a better stage of humanity or reverted back to beasts? There is just so much to explore there. The WWI connection has been built into the genre ever since Tolkien, and it continues to be relevant to our modern world.

#random thought of the day #adventures in writing #fantasy #wwi #history is awesome #i've been thinking about this since i reread chunks of 'the fairy's daughters' last week #i started writing that not long after 'rilla of ingleside' first sparked my wwi interest #and i didn't know nearly as much about the war back then #i managed to hit upon a core truth that makes the central story pretty compelling #like there are big issues with the story on a logic and character level #but the core thing is that the fae have cut off contact with the human realm after seeing what horrors they were wreaking with technology #but the humans distrust my half-fairy girls because they're afraid of what they can do with magic #the girls fit in nowhere #and neither side realizes they're both making the same mistake #trusting or distrusting a certain method of imposing one's will on the world #and forgetting that it comes down to the choices of the person who has access to the technology or magic #and that theme is strengthened because it's a twelve dancing princesses retelling #so the story pivots around one human man who is trusted with a powerful magical item because he has a good heart #and my explanation here is really bad #but what i'm getting at is that the history weaves together with the fantasy here in really cool ways #because the specific conflict of post-wwi lends itself really well to this magical setting #i've also got my story idea where the spanish flu is replaced with a plague that gives people animal-shapeshifting abilities #so people are literally having to grapple with their beastly natures #which plays out a different aspect of the post wwi conflict #and no matter what form it takes wwi is just a really good setting for fantasy hence the above post #that refuses to put the words in my head into sensible order #i hope maybe a little of this makes sense

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astranauticus · 8 months

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had to relisten to 2.4 for my last drawing and got compelled to draw the scene of dani point blank shooting her own dead dreams so here we are

#rolling with difficulty #dani rwd #this was so much fun like i wasn't expecting to enjoy this as much as i did but like!! complementary colours go brr i guess #it's just.. such a cool visual like design choice? anyway #in hindsight this is dnd so i'm not sure if she's supposed to have an actual handgun but it's fine #i just googled pistol and took the first pic off google images #i should draw dani more her design is so much fun #every time i draw the hypnagoug i jsut choose to ignore more of its description but come on #i think sacrificing a bit of accuracy for rule of cool in this case is pretty understandable #as a side note the reason why i drew my last hypnagoug comic in greyscale was that for some reason that entire fight is just #greyscale. in my brain. idk why like genuinely that's how i imagine it #but for this one i really wanted to get the blue/orange contrast so here we are #ALSO side note to the side note but if you saw my demon possession au comic from the discord (which. no you didn't)#THAT ONE was in greyscale bc i was trying to save time bc i literally rushed that in more or less one sitting #and colouring in greyscale is just.. pretty intuitive for me for whatever reason so i just did it so i thought it would be faster #idk fun fact i guess #art I made

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quietwingsinthesky · 1 month

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Hiiiii! So, a few days ago you were talking about the whole thing with Amy, Rory, and River. And when I saw those posts a thought arose in my head and I wish to share it with you.

Since River grew up with Amy and Rory as Mels. And Mels was Amy's best friend do you think that they ever talked about children? Since I know that it can come up when talking with friends, and like... do you think that Amy might've ever expressed whether or not she wanted children?

And if she didn't, that Mels would've had to listen to her mother say that she doesn't want children? The idea is so heartbreaking and sooo interesting.

What do you think about it?

no, no, see, you're so right and this drives me wild.

because, the way i see it, i don't think amy wanted children. she's somewhere on the 'hasn't thought about it' to 'vaguely negative feelings about it happening' range to me, which falls sharply into 'Not Happening Ever Again' post-s6. (specifically, in terms of having a kid herself, even if she could, i really don't think she would. i do love that she and rory end up adopting a kid later, because that does make sense, for amy pond who grew up alone in one universe with her family swallowed by cracks in time before the doctor helped her set it right again, for her to want to make sure another child won't be alone in the world like she was. getting off-track here.)

and that's so. because the first real memory river/mels has of amy is of amy shooting at her. and depending on how well the silence fucked up the rest of her memory, it might be one of the very first memories she has at all. that's how she met her mother, crying for help and getting a bullet instead. her mother tried to kill her, so of course, you have to think. she must have needed to hear that she was wanted, right? even if she was taken away, even if amy shot her, at some point, melody must have been wanted?

river is good at getting people to do what she wants, but she is very, very bad at subtlety. and mels is younger, has less practice, so when she wants to know this, she's just going to ask. blunt and quick, easy enough because amy's used to the way mels will open her mouth and you just have to be ready to roll with what comes out if you want to keep up. it's why they're such good friends (like mother, like daughter.)

they're nine, and mels asks if amy wants kids, and amy wrinkles up her nose and says she won't have time for children, obviously, once her raggedy doctor finally comes back. they're fifteen, and amy and rory dance will they-won't they in a way that makes mels twitchy to watch, and taunting amy about wanting to have rory's babies is a good way to get on her nerves. but amy calls her gross, tells her she's got more life planned than children would leave room for, and besides, imagine her, a mom? it'd be a disaster.

mels does. a lot. she looks at her mother and just sees her best friend instead. she's not even sure what she wishes was there, but. maybe amy's right. and besides. imagine her, a daughter, instead of the ticking time bomb she really is? it'd be a disaster.

they're sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, and on. mels stands on the outside of a love story that births a universe. and her. how do you compete with that? not that she would know, not yet, she hasn't been there. but it doesn't make her feel any less alienated when amy and rory talk in whispers about a half-remembered world that's bled through to this life, about roman soldiers and boxes and the big bang of belief.

all these memories, they never mention children. on amy's wedding day, she's different, not like someone remembering a dream but someone who lived it. rory stands straighter, won't leave her side, and they're both so much older than they were yesterday. maybe now, right? a wedding's as good a time as any to decide you want kids.

mels not being at amy & rory's wedding is such an obvious lazy way of them trying to explain why they totally didn't just throw this plot twist together at the last minute that i'm not even going to acknowledge it. of course she was at their wedding. she's their best friend. there's too many people around the doctor, and she wasn't ready today of all days, so despite this horrible burning need under her skin to strike, she stays her hand. doesn't let him dance with her because she might just tear his throat out if he gets too close. stays with amy and rory as the maid of honor should. she must have been there for the awkward questions that always gets asked, 'so, any plans for a baby?' 'when am i getting grandkids?' 'oh, you two are going to have gorgeous children together.' standing a few feet from amy in her wedding dress and watching her mother tense and grit her teeth and brush off the questions. watching her look nervously at rory but never ask if he means it when his mom asks him if he'd prefer a son or a daughter, and rory answers 'either one, some day, not anytime soon.'

god i'm just going on and on, aren't i. but really, what's it like to know that amy never changed her mind. the next time she sees them, she's already been born and stolen. i don't like let's kill hitler for. so many reasons. but there is something compelling about how recklessly river lashes out at the world, at the doctor. even her sacrifice at the end is almost suicidal, throwing all her regenerations into this man without knowing if that will even work or if it might kill her to do it. but it makes more sense in the context of someone who has reached the end of a long, long wait for some kind of indication, any kind, that her mother wanted to have her. and finally been told, no. she didn't choose melody.

#like. to be clear also: i don't think the fact that amy didn't want kids and really didn't have a choice in giving birth to river #means that she wouldn't love river. i think it would make their relationship Complicated but i do think amy loves her. so much.#that's her daughter but it's also her best friend.#but like. god. to spend your whole childhood hoping you'll hear about some little glimmer of yourself.#a dream. a passing mention. a debate on baby names. anything. and to hear nothing.#and river is. like. she is really really bad at relationships right? we know this.#the person she's closest to is the doctor and she spends most of her life believing *he doesn't even love her*.#we're talking about someone whose base assumption about everyone is that they will try to hurt her at some point so she should always keep #one hand armed.#and her mother. didn't choose to have her. didn't have that choice. that has to fuck her up a little.#(and also serve as proof that river is. so so bad at knowing when she is loved. because maybe amy didn't choose to have her but she named #melody pond after mels her best friend. she has been choosing river every day for the past however many years since mels decided to come #here and be near her mom and dad even if only as kids. but river still can't see it.#and. given the nature of how the ponds disappear from her life. and we never get any closure about them and river.#you have to wonder if she ever did. river song do you know your mother loves you?#having the melody-as-river reveal be so close to the end of the season and then getting rid of amy & rory before they can actually do #anything with the three of them as a messed up little family unit is the show's biggest crime. because i don't know! i don't know if river #knew her parents loved her! i don't know if she *ever* came to terms with how she was born and how they didn't need to choose her then to #choose her now! i don't know if river ever really felt comfortable thinking of them as her parents rather than her friends?#according to the transcripts. river calls amy 'mother' twice. (and 'mummy' once jokingly.) she calls rory 'father' once. and 'dad' in angel #in manhattan. and it just. it drives insane right? it's almost weirdly formal. like the words aren't right but she knows she should say the #and. and. i don't think i'm ever going to get over river song.#i think that's the takeaway here.#ask #doctor who #river song #amy pond #rory williams

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dimiclaudeblaigan · 1 year

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Something that SEEERIOUSLY isn’t talked about enough among Rodrigue fans is how Rodrigue (almost? or generally) always refers to Dimitri as “Your/His Highness” except in the moment that Dimitri’s life was at risk right in front of Rodrigue and Rodrigue shielded him with his own body.

Rodrigue is always respectful and aware of their stations, but none of that matters when Dimitri is almost killed. Rodrigue reacts emotionally without station in mind, forgetting to refer to him in an “appropriate” manner and reacting instead in a more intimate manner (i.e. using a person’s name instead of their title).

Most people wouldn’t dare to refer to their prince by their first name, but Rodrigue forgets all that the moment Dimtiri is in danger. He follows up that familial intimacy by calling Dimitri “my boy”. In a way it’s like Rodrigue's formalities are just forced expectations that are ingrained into him, because his actual instinct is to refer to Dimitri in a familial way. If he doesn’t have time to think about what he’s saying, it will be Dimitri’s name that he uses because that’s how he truly thinks of Dimitri.

He doesn’t solely view Dimitri as his prince. He views Dimitri as family, and in a setting where royalty exists, it’s so important to the relationship in question when that societal expectation is broken, simply because it tells you exactly what that character thinks of their royalty.

When royalty’s life is in danger, it would even make sense for people to hesitate because if they do anything, they might also be in danger and generally humans instinctually prioritize their own life (even if they do really want to step in to help). That typically is not the case with humans regarding loved ones, where that instinct instead changes to an instinct where they automatically step in to protect people dear to them - especially parents to their children. Parents - not just in humans but in most forms of life (cats, dogs, etc) - are extremely protective of their children and react without a second - even a first - thought, because it’s not a thought at all when they see their children in danger. It’s a base reaction.

Rodrigue wasn’t witnessing his prince being attacked. He was witnessing his son being attacked, and he reacted as a father would - not as a knight, a vassal or anyone under Dimitri’s station and how they would be expected to react to protect him. Dimitri didn’t have to be his blood son for him to react the same way a blood parent would. Dimitri wasn’t born to him but he was Rodrigue’s son all the same and he couldn’t accept his boy being harmed.

I love that his reaction is exactly the same as what Lambert would have done. I love that in that one moment when he didn’t have time to think about his word choice, such important stations meant absolutely nothing to him. I love that what was important to him was Dimitri the person, and not Dimitri the prince. I love that at the very end, he died knowing his boy was safe and alive. I love that, when he starts reusing “Your Highness”, it’s only after the immediate danger has passed and he has time to actually process his word choice again, because it really drives home how quickly and thoughtlessly he reacted to seeing Dimitri in danger when he dropped formalities to use his first name.

He also didn’t tell him to live for the people or live because he was a prince. He wanted Dimitri to remember to live for himself and likely died with the hope that those being his last words would be taken much more heavily and sincerely, and give Dimitri a lot to think about in regard to caring for himself as a person and not just seeing himself as a prince/future king, because Rodrigue also saw him as a person.

Not only did Rodrigue protect his son (which mind you must have been extremely important to him after already losing a son. Can you imagine how devastated he would be to lose another child? This time he saved a son from death, which he was unable to do previously and he wasn’t present to be able to even try), but he gave Dimitri the thing Dimitri desired the most from those he loved: he treated Dimitri like a regular person who needed to live his own life for himself, and in the single most critical moment to Rodrigue, forgot to use titles and formalities and openly expressed his true feelings just by using Dimitri’s name alone.

Dimitri never liked all those stuffy behaviors and titles. He just wanted to be a person. Rodrigue, his family, gave him that at Rodrigue’s very end, explicitly informing Dimitri that was how this man always thought of him just from that one moment of Rodrigue’s feelings slipping through. He was always keeping up appearances, but Dimitri was always just Dimitri to him.

Also, Rodrigue says “please tell me it wasn’t in vain”. Remember, Rodrigue’s son died in vain. Glenn didn’t actually get to protect Dimitri. Earlier, Rodrigue stated that Dimitri’s injuries left him on the verge of death. Glenn didn’t die protecting him. Glenn died in a tragedy. Nothing Glenn did that day that led to his death actually helped Dimitri survive. Dimitri survived because Gilbert found him in time.

Rodrigue knows that and doesn’t want another person dear to Dimitri to die a death that didn’t need to happen. He also doesn’t want it to be in vain because if it was, he would have died being unable to protect his son. Rodrigue “died for what he believed in”, but he died because he thoughtlessly, without hesitation, died to save his son. He believed in Dimitri, but he also believed Dimitri to be his child as much as Glenn and Felix ever were.

Even though Glenn did die in vain, he attempted to die keeping his best friend alive. He believed in his best friend, just like Lambert believed in his son to be able to saved if he ever went astray.

Before Rodrigue dies, he last thoughts are of Lambert, but also his promise to Lambert, which was about Dimtiri.

Rodrigue was always thinking of his family throughout the whole game (literally, he brings up Felix to Byleth regularly and brings up Glenn throughout the story as well), and that extended to Lambert and Dimtiri. At the very last, he literally died like he lived, and that was for his family.

#DCB Comments #Rodrigue #Rodrigue Achille Fraldarius #I just love that Rodrigue wasn't living solely as the right hand of a king #It wasn't about who was in power that he acted like he did for them #If you notice too he never really talks about Rufus as if he simply doesn't care for him either way #Rufus is still part of the royal family but he doesn't get the same treatment from Rodrigue as Lambert and Dimitri #It's not about ''they're my king and prince''. It's not about being in a slightly lesser station than them that he saved Dimitri #For him it was always about family first and his position after even if HE himself didn't realize that #If Rufus was about to die would Rodrigue die for him? Probably not. He may be a royal but if Rodrigue died for him #he couldn't be alive to watch over the people he actually cares about. Say Rufus was about to die but Lambert and Dimitri weren't even there #Here he wouldn't even have a choice to make of ''do I die for Rufus or live for them''. I think he simply just... wouldn't do it #He might /fight/ to keep him alive but I don't think he would shield Rufus with his own body. That line of thinking makes me think #that again it's not about status. It's about who he considers family and who is important to him just like any other person would react #It's bc he loves those two that he behaves the way he does and does what he does for them. I think if he didn't love the people in power #he wouldn't treat them like he does simply bc they're in power. I think he only treats him like he does bc of affection #Like I really think if Rodrigue had to choose between Faerghus or Dimitri and/or Lambert that he'd pick those two over #Faerghus itself bc tbh Rodrigue is really just like anyone else. He has priorities preferences and biases #I ofc think he'd be torn abt it but I think he'd ultimately choose people he sees as family over anything else #i love you rodrigue achille fraldarius

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ygodmyy20 · 3 months

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It's been months since I have felt excited for planning my wedding, and finally FINALLY today I feel exited again!!! I am working on my docs, I am getting my timeline put together. I am getting all my invites ready. I have my next fitting next week.

I want to yell from every rooftop about how happy this makes me!

#this is a self indulgent I am happy post #i admit I sometimes hesitate to post about wedding stuff here....#There is a sense of weddings are a waste of money/waste of time/waste of wahetver #it's just a unnecessary party #Which yeah.....#it is a lot of money i KNOW I am spending a lot of my money on it hahahaha this wedding is a LOT #and is one thing that stresses me out..... and I know I am making the choice to spend a lot on it #yeah if I didn't spend this money I would have more money for other things yea I KNOW #i know i am lucky to have a job #and the family to help #like I fully know that #and it also can still be stressful as fuck #but god damn I want to share this joy with my family I want an epic party with my partner #anyway this was a ramble just #i'm excited #i really like this guy y'all like i really fucking like him he is kinda the most amazing person and I love him a lot

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hauntedpearl · 2 years

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hope chest

Gen, Dean studies, sweet fluffy things.

@angelcasendgame mwah mwah mwah thank you so much for being my cheerleader!!! 💕💕💕

There's this bowl in his kitchen.

It's a cheap little thing — cost him barely a buck and some change — he'd found tossed in the back of a thrift store in Ohio. And it's ugly, too. Got this ridiculous, colourful, loopy pattern on it almost as if someone gave a preeschooler free reign of a paintbrush and left them to it. A chip in the rim, like the last owner had chucked it at the wall when the fruit punch inside wasn't quite to his taste.

It's — Well. You get the idea.

Dean didn't make a habit of browsing thrift stores for kitchenware, and he made even less of a habit of buying that shit from them.

But. Well.

There was the bunker, then. New, and solid. Some place to go back to.

There was a room. A bed to call his own.

A kitchen.

So, sue him for looking.

The hunts took them all over, and sometimes, amidst all that adrenaline and the blood and the damn footwork, there were these long stretches where all you'd have to do was put your feet up and wait. For the coroner to get on with it. For the families to realize that the two dudes in cheap monkey suits would believe their outlandish stories. Sometimes, for the monsters to drop the next bodies. (Those really were the worst ones).

Dean had a routine most of the time. Hit up the local diners, the bars. Flirt with a waiter or two. Pick up a copy of some hinky sounding science fiction novel from the dollar bin at whatever run-down grocery store sat on Main Street.

But, then. The Bunker.

Right.

So. The thrift stores.

He'd begun picking up a tchotchke or two. He'd found a hand-painted wooden model of a car, once. A Ford, nice and smooth and yellow. Soft, blue sheets he'd washed thrice before he put them on the mattress in one of the spare bedrooms. Plates and mugs and odd little spoons with engraved handles that always amused him when he'd seen them on TV.

And, then. There was that bowl.

Stupid looking and too oddly proportioned for anything a respectable household might need a bowl for.

Dean wouldn't know, gun to his head, why he'd thought it would be perfect. It just — It seemed so right.

He'd been holding a worn copy of an old-as-balls edition of Cat's Cradle that was chock full of notes in the margins and doodles like the ones he made in his own copies. He remembers that, for some reason. That book. The cheeky cashier who'd sneered at Dean's purchases — a book in shitty condition plopped at the bottom of a bowl that looked shittier. The way he'd felt a little like his entire body was just itching when he'd forked over the cash, wrapped that bowl in newspaper and thrown it in the pile of old jackets and torn jeans in his trunk he never quite got around to throwing out. (He still hasn't.)

And well, it's here now.

All this while later.

In his kitchen.

A kitchen that's wood and tile, not cold, grey concrete. Yellow wallpaper smudged with handprints. Green and Blue and Purple and Orange.

It's not what Dean was expecting when Cas said he'd wanted to brighten up the space a little, Dean.

Well. It is what it is.

There's some meaning to the madness of Cas' little home ec project, he's sure, but he doesn't think he's ever gonna actually get it. It looks a little like shit, all things considered. But, damn, if it doesn't make him happy. Like his chest is filled with fireworks that keep going off.

Because —

Well.

It looks like home. Feels like it.

So, there's the bowl, in his kitchen that's home in a way nothing's ever been.

It's a cheap little thing. Ugly as shit, too. A chip on the rim like someone's taken a shot at breaking it in half...because who'd want it, really?

It fits, though.

In here.

In the kitchen with ugly, hand-painted walls.

They set it on the counter, next to the nicer clay bowl that Cas fills with fruit from his garden. And one of Jack's ceramic plates that turned out a little wonky and holds Dean's keys.

Dean fills it with packets of sugar and salt and ketchup that make their way into his pockets, even now. A few sets of plastic cutlery that accidentally come along when they get takeout. Fancy napkins he'd gotten into the habit of hoarding, because you didn't get to have hand towels when you were on the road, and toddler brothers were messy little shits who got chocolate all over your clothes when you were trying to be nice.

It's a mess of paper on most days, really.

And sometimes Jack sneaks a handful of ketchup packets out and empties them in his mouth, just like that, because he's a goddamn menace.

Dean thinks it's funny. (He does the same with the sugar and salt, sometimes. Old habits and all that. It's not like he can actually say anything to the kid. What? He's not a complete hypocrite.)

But Cas doesn't.

"You're going to have a stomach ache," he'll say, and more often than not, it's true.

They do it anyway, because they're stubborn assholes who eat weird shit. (Dean's proud of his kid, what's there to say.)

"God, the two of you! You're going to be the death of me!" Cas will say, when he sees them racing to choke down packets of hot sauce.

They'll stop, then, but he won't realise that he's gone and punched them in the gut until he notes the way Dean's face crumples. He'll apologize — of course, he will, even though there's nothing he needs to be sorry for — petty fight forgotten. Dean tells him it's fine.

Reassures him with a touch.

A kiss.

But — Alright.

(That one hurts, still.)

Alright.

(Dean hopes not. Dean hopes never again.)

Alright.

The bowl.

It serves no real purpose in their little house, to be honest. Dean can't bring himself to throw it out, though. He couldn't tell you why, gun to his head.

So, it sits there. The bowl that was tossed in the back of a thrift store in Ohio. In his wood and tile kitchen, accumulating packaged condiments.

He thinks it's ugly as shit.

But, Well.

Damn if it doesn't feel a little like home, too.

#doe's writing #spn fanfic #fanfic #destiel established but it's just mentioned for a second #dean studies #IMAGINE YOU'RE A BOWL #HAFSHSJD SORRY KIDDINGGG #i didn't really have an intent here i just started writing as an exercise and this sort of happened. not my usual style or pov of choice #but it hope this tickles your fancy #I'll add the taglist in the notes do lmk if you want on/off!#spn ficlet #spn creators

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navree · 2 years

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#personal #house of the dragon #some of you guys are such fucking freaks oh my god #first of all this is exactly what i was talking about i feel jack shit for lucerys beyond detached pity #because there's been no attempt to develop him at all i cannot name more than maybe two character traits #and that's me being generous #(it's such a writing fail it really is emma better really sell rhaenyra's grief to make me feel literally anything)#but like literally also what the fuck #lucerys dies yes so sad #and the UNDERSTATED response apparently #is to force helaena to choose which one of her sons has to be murdered #or else her literal eight year old will be raped in front of her eyes #and then when she does make the choice they instead murder the kid she DIDN'T choose right in front of her #so that not only does she have to watch her son die and live with the trauma of being in that situation #but also live out her life knowing that the son she has left knows that she chose him to be butchered #like the blood and cheese story is so awful because helaena literally didn't do anything #she isn't responsible for the dance at all #she's not responsible for what happens to lucerys #and you're telling me that this isn't a proportionate response because it's too nice????#there's some serious greens derangement syndrome going on here there really is and i'm team blacks #like what in the fuck

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longagoitwastuesday · 4 months

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#Well #Today's my birthday to my utmost dismay #I never wanted or expected to live this long‚ and I can't say I have not tried to avoid it‚#but I guess I'm not very good at dying as I am not very good at living and here I am #Anyway... I wish for nonexistence with the longing one has for a longlasting life-encompassing unrequited love #I've disliked birthdays since I was a very little kid #I think it was in my third or fourth birthday when I hid in the closet because I didn't want to blow out the candels and make it official #Not that the world or life aren't enchanting in some ways (the reflection on a wall of light falling over water)#but generally speaking they're really not my taste at all #And I wish one could opt out of it as one opts out of going to a party they really don't want to attend nor would enjoy #Without tragedies or complaints or the label of being mad or unable to make choices #I don't know...#I talk too much #I should probably delete this later

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imminent-danger-came · 7 months

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listened to monster from frozen the musical today and had so many mk thoughts. literally “is the thing they see, the thing i have to be.”

^me rn. like this is me a lot of the time but also rn

I'm making my world colder How long can it survive? Is everyone in danger as long as I'm alive? Was I a monster from the start? How did I end up with this frozen heart? Bringing destruction to the stage Caught in a war that I never meant to wage

#tHiS ThiNg WhAtEver We ArE EmBraCe It! EmBRAce YouR DeStinY!#AlL dOoMeD To pLAy A RolL in TEaRinG ThiS WorLD apARt #TheY WilL DesTRoY YoU HarBinGEr of ChAoS #*sigh* they really just didn't resolve anything about MK's identity in the special. because of course they didn't #Like truly he went ''I don't want to go into monkey form'' and then they forced him into monkey form and #then at the end of the special he went ''I'm fine!!!!'' and I'm like oh god. It's going so down from here #tune in with me for 5x01 where it's a parallel to 4x01 except MK accidentally kills Jin and Yin #And also at some point in s5 we get our MK VS the world choice!!!#NEVER forget Sandy's words #''I get it! I'd do anything for my friends! But at the cost of the world?''#HAUNTING #like that's one of the worst things you could have had a character say in these circumstances tbh #I hope we get inter-team conflict #half for saving MK half for destroying MK (for this half this is the hardest decision they have ever made)#OH. OH THAT'S GOING ON THE WISHLIST ACTUALLY #ngl MK is on the half for not saving MK #asks #lmk #lego monkie kid #lmk MK #gumy-shark #I am in shambles #lmk music recs

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trashlie · 10 months

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Hello, random anon here who really really loves your posts and who has been so very inspired by all these incredible bouncing thoughts! One thing that's lingered on my mind after reading everyone’s incredibly rich analyses is the idea of Nol and Shin-ae finally meeting on common ground; to meet face-to-face without barriers of blindness. I think it’s purposeful that in both of their most recent interactions, it’s the imbalance between them that ultimately forces Shin-ae and Nol apart: During their dance, Nol literally blinds himself, and of course literally it is to hide his tears, but it also subtextually indicates how he has to impair himself to be at her level–because how could he say her pure, radiant joy without romantic connotations? And then of course, Shin-ae is literally blinded by her inability to understand both Nol’s and her own feelings, and we see just how painfully uneven their conversation is as a result! Like you put it, they’re reading from different pages in a book–or maybe more aptly, they’re reading from the same book but only Nol knows the translation and Shin-ae’s just looking at the pictures? I’m so sorry that analogy is so convoluted but hopefully makes a little sense…

And honestly, on that basis, I’m really glad Nol didn’t confess, because how unfair would that be to Shin-ae? Her conflicting feelings about Dieter aside, it would be like teaching someone to read by pointing at the words and yelling at them to match the sounds to the letters instead of letting them understand what the characters meant first–it puts her in such a passive, reactive position because they wouldn’t actually be communicating; he’d more just be imposing onto her. Instead, now Shin-ae can have time to recalibrate, sleep (my poor girl needs some sleep lol) and figure things out for herself. I think it’s fitting that by the end of the resolution of this arc, it will be on Shin-ae’s shoulders to be active, to make that move, because she’s been so heavily disadvantaged since Nol realized his feelings, since her entire perception of him has been uprooted and she’s had to redefine everything for herself (my poor girl really really needs some sleep :”DD). Because Shin-ae comprehending the gravity of her feelings–why she reaches out time and time again, constantly grasping for him despite her past history of betrayal, despite how volatile and unsteady he is–gives her autonomy to choose him and know what that choice means. She needs to be the one to determine the course forward for both of their sakes!

On that note… oh boy. I think one of the things I really admire about Stalkyoo as a pairing is how just in-synch that they end up in multiple moments. They’re soulmates in every sense of the word because if nothing else, they’re drawn to each other on the basis of their shared thoughts and feelings. My favorite detail that really emphasizes this synchronization is the shared speech bubbles–something that a viewer would probably miss on first read, but shows just how in-tune they are to each other, how they reflect two sides of the same coin. More so, they showcase the moments where they’re most synchronous, operating at the same rhythm–and in both cases where they show up, the interaction is just effortless. And look… I might be very delusional but I’m really hoping that this regaining of at least somewhat more even ground could lead to something like that again. We already saw a glimpse of it during their dance–even Shin-ae commented on it!–but at the same time that divide still existed, and I think you could definitely point out that Nol was definitely taking the reins due to it. The knowledge of both their feelings, the sudden, entire change in their dynamic as the weight of everything falls onto their shoulders needs room to solidify and take root, but it could also lead to that wholly shared experience–the kind that’s just wholly theirs. And if the shared speech/thought bubbles make a re-entrance……. I actually don’t know I would just jjgeieghiegoo. For this arc in particular–heck, even these consecutive arcs where Nol and Shin-ae’s dynamic has been thrown so utterly off-balance, where Shin-ae has been left grappling with so much to carry and come to terms with and yet it has done nothing but solidify how much she cares and loves him, how she will reach out in spite of it… the hospital arc in general has literally been a moment of calm in comparison to the rest of it, where they can finally settle and Nol cannot run and it has somehow become a bed for literal forced introspection? Lmao????--I feel like a regaining of such a pivotal part of them and their shared feelings and synchronization is just kind of, thematically, the perfect place to end it off? And if I’m not being delusional and that actually is the case I’d be so so so excited for that because aghghghhhh I love this angst because the resolution and pay-off will be so so good and I can’t wait to see how this will take us there.

Oh anon I love you pls accept my confession I am sitting in my little office shouting YES YES YESSSSS at the ceiling AAAAHHHHHHHH you have such a good way of saying things that I'm about to pounce allll over!

The fact that both of them are blind in different ways is one of my FAVORITE things to come out of this episode (and I love that you put it far more succinctly than I could). The impairment because he CANNOT absolutely CANNOT be normal (platonic) about dancing with her lmao. Actually what really gets me about that moment is that when she brings up him leaving and breaks that dream moment and he starts crying, he could just as easily hide in the bathroom or something but he insists on having the dance anyway. He wants it, even if he's in this state, but yes, he has to hide it because honestly? Seeing that joy, that delight on her face? Would probably make him cry MORE. Would be so unbearable! In that moment he is dancing with her knowing how he feels, what he wants. Even crying, he probably wouldn't be able to hide those feelings UUGGGGHHHH excuse me while I HOWL about this oh my GOD

But, yes! Mutually blind and only Nol knows how to translate that page they're on! I love the idea that she's only seeing the pictures, she doesn't know how they go together she's missing the captions and the text. She's so busy trying to make sense of the pictures in the only way she knows how that she isn't taking in the necessary information to figure it out!

Also I LOVE how you put it - that it's like telling her the word instead of teaching her to read it herself! It's so important for Shinae to learn to navigate her feelings without being spoonfed or told what it means. She IS a bit socially stunted - not dramatically, but we know she lacks Nol's art for reading the room lol we know there's a lot she's never experienced before. How do you identify love when you don't really know what it looks or tastes like? How do you learn to define something so intense and grand as that? @poisonheart puts it SO WELL in showing how Nol compares to Minhyuk because this is all she has to compare it to. How can this be anything BUT friendship but caring? And that's just not it. It's not that it's NOT that - it's that it's a different form that she has to discover.

I think it’s fitting that by the end of the resolution of this arc, it will be on Shin-ae’s shoulders to be active, to make that move, because she’s been so heavily disadvantaged since Nol realized his feelings, since her entire perception of him has been uprooted and she’s had to redefine everything for herself

This is what I love SO MUCH about Nol not speaking his feelings yet. It's so easy to influence someone or impose your feelings without meaning to. When you think about it, even a confession is, to some degree, a burden; it's just that when it's received well it's not considered that way. Shinae felt that burden when she rejected Dieter, but she still felt it trying to navigate friendship with him - when he looked at her that way at the amusement park, when he talked about what he likes about her.

But especially because Nol is that person who feels like he is so unlovable - so dangerous, so monstrous, that his love will only end up hurting someone - to leave it to her to make that move, to consciously choose him knowing what it entails, how he feels about himself. To actually chase and hold on to him knowing WHY she's fighting so hard to keep him. She wants to see HIM - his face! She wanted to share that INCREDIBLY tender dance together and see each other. And when she finally sits back and realizes those feelings, when she can comprehend the gravity of her need to hold him close to keep him from leaving, when she can understand exactly what she actually fears about him throwing all of this away - god it will be SO good!!!!!!!

Because as much as Nol is scared - and we know he's SO scared - she will probably be, too. Such new, raw, overwhelming feelings, feeling something about someone that she has never really felt before - even if she's been feeling it all along!!!!! - would be SO scary. And it would be AWFUL to be put on the spot, confessed to and made to confront her own feelings before she's ready, before she knows them. Nol nudging her is THE best option - make her ruminate on why she cares, what he means to her.

Shinae being the one to address it, to choose to do anything about it, is what makes it so special. Even if it ultimately ends up that she can see she does, in fact, love him but it scares her so much but she still doesn't want to let him go. For Nol, who thinks he's so unlovable, to be unconditionally loved would be so LAKFJAFJKAFJAFJ ;A; /ROARS I don't have words!!!!!! lmao I cannot get over the significance of it being on her shoulders, of her being the one who induces resolution - because there's no way he's going to jail without this resolving. Even if she's afraid of her feelings, she will still find a way to face him, so that he doesn't leave without knowing.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I'm getting so ahead of myself and I just can't help it!!!!!

But yes yes there's something SO good about Shinae having that agency in a story where it's felt like she's had SO little agency. Even in her own relationship with Nol where he has tried to strip her and the boys of their agency! For her to be able to turn back around and say that she's made her decision? Oh I LOVE that for her! Maybe this is me out on my delusional limb but I feel like obviously Nol would not be pushing this way if he didn't want it, you know? Like, it's so easy to be like "This is Nol, though, he'll keep pushing her away" - but yeah, this is Nol and he doesn't half-ass like anything he does. That morning when he realized when she was out of the room that he was not responding to morphine but was, in fact, responding to Shinae? That he was finding comfort in Shinae?

When she returned with their friends and the sweetest birthday celebration, when she hastily pulled together a celebration for him when she pointedly made sure that he knew he was loved.

When she stayed by his side so insistent that she not sleep that she not let him slip through her fingers again that she keep herself awake so that she doesn't miss a remaining moment

When she got so shy and embarrassed about the gift she thought so lackluster but touched him right where he needed it, pulled together all those little moments and what they meant - really meant - to him.

He acted so decidedly! It wasn't a flippant little flirty flirty that just happens. It was him, seeing her for all that she means to him, seeing her as this person he feels so deeply about and acting on it.

SCREAMS LKAFKJAFKJFAJKFAJA anon i am DYING i'm trying oh my god i'm trying ;A;

That's the thing. Nol had decided. He knew and he knew what he wanted even when he inevitably pushed her away. You can tell that he didn't even WANT her to go that time - he's just so lost in his own fears and insecurities and yes that he could not bear to look at her during a moment like that when he feels like that - and the regret was INSTANT.

He had every opportunity to hide, to deny those feelings to squash them down. He, too, could have lied and denied what it is, that it means anything, but he knows and he knows Dieter knows and by telling Shinae to convince him - convince him it's only friendship, convince him it's not anything more, convince him this is normal platonic amounts of love and care - he was giving her that agency.

He wants her to tell him what he suspects - what his insecurities and fears won't let him believe. He wants her to be honest with herself and understand why she holds him so dearly, lifts him so high, why she puts up with everything he throws her way and still keeps trying.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH I TOLD YOU I CANNOT BE NORMAL THE HINGES ARE ALL THE WAY OFF I'M SO UNHINGED I AM DRUNK ON THEM ;___________;

God where was I?

And if the shared speech/thought bubbles make a re-entrance……. I actually don’t know I would just jjgeieghiegoo

I WILL ALFJKAFJKAFJ AFLKJAFKJFAJKAFKJJAFFJAKAF I don't even have words for it because I've already gone so feral that I cannot emphasize how MUCH the return of the thought bubbles will make me shed my humanity and become a wild, carnal creature howling in the woods.

I, TOO, LOVE THIS ABOUT THEM SO MUCH!!!!! The mirroring!!!! The reflection of how they both feel, the things they struggle with so much!!!!!!! The THOUGHT! OF SHARED THOUGHT BUBBLES ABOUT HOW THEY FEEL ABOUT EACH OTHER! WHAT THEY MEAN TO EACH OTHER. THE SHARED/MUTUAL FEAR OF LOSING THE OTHER AND HOW MUCH THEY MEAN OH MY GOD alfkjkajfjkafkjafjf

Nol and Shinae a mirror to each other - to their fears and insecurities and struggles BUT TO MIRROR THE GOOD THINGS, TOO. How fiercely they believe in each other, how much the other means to them, what they have done to help each other grow!!!!!!!!!!! Not even the same thing but thinking of that smile Nol wore when Shinae used his words to tell Dieter to stop beating himself up!!!!!!!!!! Using his words to become a kinder, more considerate version of herself (or rather, to be the version of herself she's always been but just down her walls). Even that time after the nuggie hands and the shared earbuds (HOW DID SHE SURVIVE THAT) when his words played over her mind that night GOD. I LOVE! THEM! Seeing something in each other because they've seen it in themselves! That is something I look so forward to about them synching up. There are always going to be times they fall out of sync - that is human nature. We stumble we miss a beat we miss a step - but being right there to help each other back up. The "I, too, have stumbled like this and I, too, will believe in you" and GOD aflkjafkjfjkajakjkafjkafjkafjaf

That's what just GETS to me about them so much!!!!!!!!! It's that, yes!!!!!!!! How good they are when they're in synch and what it does for them as people, how it helps them continue to grow and nurture each other as well as themselves ;_____; There is so much potential between them and I don't think they would be mirrored the way they are if it was all for naught. Nol can read Shinae so well because there's so much of himself in her. They share that same self-loathing!!!! The wanting to care but being afraid. Nol claimed he didn't want those relationships to mean anything - yet he still reached out. He still wanted to be a friend. Deep down he wanted to be proved wrong, that he, too, is loveable, that he, too, can bring goodness into the world even if he can't bring it to his own life I'M ANGUISHED

Shinae has that same determination and resolve to fight off help and to go at it alone, and that's why she knows she has to be persistent. Why, instead of feeling like maybe he's a lost cause and she should give up, she knows what he really needs is that persistence, and maybe a new angle.

And lmao isn't that the thing - she doesn't know it but she already has that angle!!!!!!!!! She can reach him in a different way, on a different plane. He wants her to!!!!!!!! Even though he tells himself no he's waiting for her to take that key and open the door!!!!! AAAUUGGGGHHHHHHHHH

i feel so much alfjafkajkf LMAO

Anon, when those shared thought bubbles return I'm running to you. I know you're an anon and I can't run TO you but pls! Heed my Stalkyoo signal when I banshee shriek into the night

But yes I totally agree! To me it feels like we CANNOT move the story forward without them on the same page again. That's what all of their discord is about, what their confrontation is about! I keep repeating this, but to lead into Nol off to prison with no resolution of their feelings is just as bad as if he'd not showed up at this party. In fact, it would undo all of that because what would if all mean if they left things unresolved, festering and becoming bitter and unpleasant.

Nol physically cannot run away - and there's a part of him that's becoming more resolved, I think. He kicked Shinae out, sure, but when he doesn't have to fight to get through to her? If she returns armed with the knowledge (WITH THE KEY TO THAT DOOR!!!!) If they can read the page together, understand it together, if they stand together in sync on the same page aware of everything between them?

GOD you're right. If not now, when?

IF NOT MEANT TO HAPPEN, WHY FIGHT NOW?

I can't take this. The next couple months will be EXCRUCIATING AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

#I Love Yoo #ILY FP #ILY Spoilers #ILY Brainrot #Stalkyoo #Shinae Yoo #Nolan Oliver T. Lochlainn #I become increasingly more unhinged with every anon i receive #at this point idk how much more unhinged i can become but then i find a new extreme #THE SHARED THOUGHT BUBBLES SHRIEKS #i will not survive their return oh my GOD #anon i love you you are everything #you have caused so much psychic damage and it's perfect #we are all on the same page here too re: them #THEMMMMMMMMMMMMM #and honestly Shinae's agency is a REALLY IMPORTANT part of this #and why it's so good that Nol didn't say his feelings #why he's leaving it for her to figure out at her own pace #so she can comprehend them without 'expectation' or imposition #so that she can be the one who makes a choice #GOD IT'S SO GOOD IT'S SO GOOD IT'S SO GOOD #i will NEVER shut up #i haven't shut up but i WILL NEVER STOP NOW

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