#but I've been specific with how much i spend on any given thing so i don't waste it

[somelazyassartist]

.

#WHY do things i want have to cost money #i know I've still got like $100 set aside from stuff like birthday/graduation card stuff that i haven't been counting towards my wheelchair #cuz like. that's birthday/graduation gift money y'know?? i can wait a bit longer and work for my wheelchair‚ i can save that $100 to enjoy #but I've been specific with how much i spend on any given thing so i don't waste it #but i REALLY REALLY want this game #it's SUPER hard to find in general since it's been sold out for years and it's even harder to find an unused copy (without writing in it) #but i found a copy that is not only like new but ALSO has the original bonus trinkets with it you can't find anywhere else #the only problem is it'd take the last of that money :( #so like.... i COULD do it. but also i probably shouldn't spend it all on a hundred dollar board game #and i know it's silly and kinda dumb to actually consider spending that much money on a game but I've been wanting it for ages lmao #idk just kinda talking to the void here about it lmao

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I start giving some very *very* Christian family members religious pamphlets from non-Christian religions as gifts?

To be clear, I am writing this while firmly believing I'm NTA but I am angry and don't trust my own judgment too much right now.

Background and Players: My Son (19) was adopted out as a baby by his incubator behind (my husband, 40) his father's back. He was abandoned at 4 by his adopted family because of behavioral issues related to what his incubator was putting into her body while she was pregnant with him, and went into foster care with people I will call Amom and Adad. Adad is a pastor in his 90s and Amom is a pastor's wife in her 80s. When Son was 13 and I had been with Husband for 5ish years, we had been told (by someone from his incubator's family but we didn't know that at the time) he was non-verbal and "mentally an infant" and that trying to pull him out of the routine he had would just be incredibly harmful to him, so we had given up hope of finding him and having a relationship with him. We got a phone call one day, a worker who was looking for a medical history for Son. Husband spent close to 3 hours on the phone with her, answering questions and asking anything he could squeeze in. Turns out, we had been lied to about his mental health just... completely. He's impossible to shut up and he graduated high school last year despite, you know, *gestures vaguely at everything* and I am incredibly proud of him. Half an hour after that call ended, she called back and told us Son might be interested in meeting us, was it okay for her to pass on our contact info. A month later, Son, Amom, Adad, Husband and I were sitting in a restaurant together and a month after that we went to their place for a week to spend Christmas with them. This is when they informed us that they had finalized his legal adoption a couple of weeks earlier. 2 years after that, my QPP moved in with us, and another year later 16 year old Son asked if he could move in with us. He still does.

The Issue: Son wants a continuing relationship with Amom and Adad, but due to the previously mentioned substances used by his incubator, he has memory and time management issues so I have to regularly remind him to contact them. I have no problem doing this, but the contact we have had with them over the last few years has soured me on their company. I've got no problem reminding Son to contact them and organizing rides for him to visit (usually QPP and I driving him, the trip is a couple of hours each way) but I'd rather never speak to them myself if it can be avoided. It didn't start out this way, but over the years they have made it very clear that they don't respect anyone else's beliefs. Not just us, like there was one night where they were going off about some Danish surgeon saying publicly that he was Muslim first, Danish second, and they were trying to convince us to be terrified by that. The conversation ended awkwardly when Husband asked if Adad was Nationality or Christian first (because that's different you see). We have found books on the bookshelves in the guest room about how any kind of queerness at all is demonic possession, one of which they wrote. They talk about things like being sent on a mission by their god to save as many (and I hate that these are quotes) "brown heathen children" by making them Christians as possible (Son and his adopted siblings are all First Nations, Amom and Adad are as white as I am), or how Jewish people are evil for stopping Christians from claiming their suffering because "Jesus was a Jew so aren't all Christians also Jews?". Amom once spent a week trying to convince me to go to church with her and share the details of my childhood sexual abuse with the entire congregation because "it will show God you are ready to be forgiven". QPP is a shintoist and after they found that out, we started seeing more literature about the Japanese, specifically during WWII, around their house when we visited.

We have politely made it clear that we are not interested in Christianity, especially not their version. Multiple times. We thought it was finally over after Son had a meltdown at them at his graduation ceremony because he wanted JUST ONE conversation with them that wasn't about Jesus. He was in tears trying to explain that to them, and their response was to tell him he needed to come back to church so they could lay on hands and chase all the demons making him say these horrible disrespectful things to them out of him. He was supposed to stay with them for a few days to visit after that, but by the time I tracked him down and got him calm, he didn't want to go anymore. They seemed to stop after that, like they actually backed off and I think I got maybe 2 emails that didn't mention God or Jesus, not even a "God bless" in the sign off. We were optimistic. Son was late organizing it but we dropped him off (at his request, he's worried that Adad won't make it to next Christmas and wanted to see him) at their place on Boxing Day. We did not hang around, we did not send gifts, we didn't even reply to the Family Christmas Email (it had a video of a Jordan B Peterson rant embedded in it and I've told them before that we are not interested in anything that sack of hateful arrogance has to say please stop putting him in my inbox). We have done everything we can to make it clear that we do not want a relationship with them for ourselves, including outright directly telling them politely to their faces that we will not stop Son from seeing them but we don't feel comfortable around them and don't want a relationship with them for ourselves. Son came back with "gifts" from them - a study guide for a specific Bible book (I got John, Husband got Michael, QPP set his on fire before we saw who it was) and a bag of candy that looked like it came out of a thrift store (I got the same one they always get me, which I laughed off the first and second and third time and explained I couldn't stand them because my abuser used to give me one when he was done. Husband is diabetic and got York Patties. QPP actually got something decent though, $20 for gas).

I have managed to keep my "I'd rather you hadn't bothered actually" rantingvto Tumblr, which i don't think they even know exists, but I'm still pissed about the Bible crap as "gifts". I am considering changing tactics completely and being super friendly, mirroring their energy, and giving them the same treatment they've given us. I want to make excuses to visit so I can explain the finer points of shintoism and Celtic paganism in every single conversation. I want to give them books for gifts, books like The Tao of Pooh and The Gospel of The Flying Spaghetti Monster. I want to wrap cash in pamphlets about The Invisible Pink Unicorn and leave it on their fridge.

QPP and husband think I should give myself more time to calm down and just keep ignoring it and playing nice when I'm forced to play at all but like, IT'S BEEN 6 YEARS.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[cairavende]

My wonderful girlfriend got me Gideon the Ninth for Christmas and I realized why should I just give Worm recaps? Let's read some Locked Tomb! (We'll see how this format works, maybe I'll adjust it. Specifically might break stuff down into smaller segments instead of full acts, but I didn't think of doing this until after I had read all of act 1.)

Gideon the Ninth Act 1 (chapter 1 through 8) thoughts:

This book is so gay oh my god

Like, it's gay in ways I can't even explain. I love it.

Harrow beats the shit out of Gideon in chapter 2 and I don't know if I've ever seen someone get beat up in a more gay way.

"Oh Griddle! But I don't even remember about you most of the time." ROLL A FUCKING DECEPTION CHECK HARROW! You are saying this standing in the middle of the field you spent all night burying bones in just to foil her escape in the most dramatic way. You can't stop remembering her.

Gideon is the most herbo of herbos. I fucking love her. I love reading her PoV. She just knows punch and stab with sword and if those don't work than she'll just do them harder.

Also Gideon is SO fucking gay. Dear god. Dulcinea faints and Gideon turns off all though. HELP PRETTY GIRL. Nothing else.

Ok I could just make this whole thing "EVERYTHING IS GAY" but there is technically more than that.

I love how weird everything is and how little explanation is given. I don't want pages of exposition, I want to learn the world as it comes at me! This is perfect.

And just the very nature of things that seem weird not being given more than a passing thought in the book is information. Something may seem wild to the reader but it's so normalized to the characters that they wouldn't even think about the idea of it being different.

Lack of explanation also helps really show how much of a meathead Gideon is. Do the readers get to learn details about this thing? Only if it is a weapon, has tits, or Gideon is forced to listen while Harrow explains it. Otherwise no, why the fuck would Gideon spend her precious few brain cells on thinking?

And even if Gideon is forced to listen as Harrow explains it, the readers might not learn much cause Gideon might stop listening. I love her.

Aiglamene is wonderful. Crux is fine but I like her more.

Poor Gideon just wants a big sword that she can swing hard. It's not like she can't use a rapier. But why when she can go big sword?

SO MUCH CATHOLICISM

As someone who once was Catholic and then realized I was actually not a straight man, but instead a lesbian, I am in deep.

And the fucking slang used! Or whatever would be the right term. The shit they say! I love it. Just the weird sci-fi far future space necromancer universe and then suddenly "Are you asking me to . . . throw her a bone?", "Gideon had always known that this would be how she went: gangbanged to death by skeletons.", "Don’t hypothetically shove stuff up my butt again, it never does any good.", "Lo! A destructed ass.", "Well we were developing common sense, she studied the blade.", "Double Bones with Doctor Skelebone."

House of the First appears to be Earth. I kinda assume the House of the Ninth is Pluto, even though things obviously aren't in order given that the Seventh and Sixth are closer to the sun. Of course, I'm kinda expecting this to not technically be this solar system at all.

Undying Emperor, King of Resurrection, I Have Ten-Thousand Titles, Boss First, etc etc hasn't been on "Earth" in over nine thousand years. I wanna know MORE.

And the fucking Ninth House has their own prayer! Everyone else has one that the Ninth didn't know and then the Ninth had one that no one else knows! GIMME MORE!!!!

Also again, so many Catholicism metaphors or comparisons or whatever!

I could go on forever but gonna end this one with OH MY GOD SHE FOUND SUNGLASSES I LOVE HER. Fucking "I came prepared, my sweet." and "But then you couldn't have admired . . . these!" as she whips on the sunglasses. God. I nearly died.

#The Locked Tomb #tlt #Gideon the Ninth #Cairavende reads The Locked Tomb #Gideon Nav #Harrowhark Nonagesimus #Dulcinea Septimus #This might be the most lesbian thing I've ever read and I've read some pretty fucking lesbian things #Dulcinea might be my favorite so far

[avonne-writes]

Hey! I've been loving all of your MOTA posts lately, especially your insights into Gale and his unhappy childhood. Do you think there are any specific ways that the trauma from that bleeds into his domestic life with Bucky? Any nerves that sometimes get struck on without Bucky realising that's what they are?

Thank you so much! Yes, my headcanon is that this happens sometimes. I came up with a few examples, but there could be more.

In a post-war canon AU:

Gale is shit at expressing his emotions because he learned to suppress them. Post-war, this causes a lot of problems. The silent treatment is not a constructive way of solving disagreements.

If he wants to talk to Bucky / it's dinner time or similar situation and Bucky doesn’t pay attention to him because there's a sports event on the radio, Gale flips out. Unreasonably so.

Interestingly, he doesn’t have a problem with drunk Bucky initiating sex with him but only if he does it in the bedroom or bathroom. Drunken advances in the kitchen, the hall or the living room make his stomach roil. It’s very specific, and given Gale’s communication issues, Bucky is thoroughly confused why he’s so roughly turned down sometimes while Gale is on board on other nights.

This isn’t a negative thing, but Gale is obsessed with soft beds and blankets. He isn’t very picky about furnishing their place but the bed has to be perfect. After so many nights spent on hard surfaces both as a child and as an adult, he craves this comfort. He’s all smiley and cuddly when he’s in that bed.

In my HS AU, when they move in together during college:

Gale jumps at every loud crashing sound, especially glass shattering. He’s withdrawn for hours if someone accidentally breaks a glass or a plate.

Once, Bucky comes home drunk from a party in the middle of the night, and it scares him. He’s instantly on high alert and won't sleep much after. Actually, he moves to the couch that night. When Bucky realizes what happened, he’s very apologetic, but it's not the last time he goes to a party without Gale. But from then on, he stays out all night, sleeping at friends' places. It really upsets Gale but he only tells Bucky this months later, when everything comes to a head. After that, Bucky doesn’t do this anymore.

Gale is triggered by the sight of empty booze bottles. Full ones he doesn’t mind, but empty ones make him anxious.

Gale doesn’t know how to decorate and make a space welcoming so he doesn’t understand why Bucky grouches about their apartment being too sparsely decorated in the first few months. Then, when he finally starts to get more into homemaking, he’s nervous to share any ideas, even small ones - e.g. he spends long minutes staring at souvenir magnets because he doesn’t know which one works best or he agonizes over choosing a frame for a photo.

#mota #buck x bucky #clegan #gale cleven #john egan #hs au #anon #gale's childhood

[aihoshiino]

chapter 143 thoughts!

remember when tokyo blade was the longest most drawn out arc of oshi no ko. remember when that was our metric. i want to go back to those blissfully innocent days.

This chapter falls in line with a lot of other chunks of the Movie Arc where as a standalone tidbit of the story there are things about it that I like but taken in the greater context of everything around it, I have decidedly more mixed feelings on it. This is very much "chapter 123… 2!" with all that statement implies. If you liked 123, this will probably be like crack cocaine for you but if you were hoping for a more concrete resolution to what's going on with Aqua and Ruby then you're probably in the same boat as me in terms of coming away feeling frustrated.

Lacking resolution aside, I did really like a lot of what we got in this chapter, both in terms of the twins' relationship and as individual characterisation for them both. Immediately what stood out to me was Aqua's avoidant response to… well, basically everything Ruby says up to a point. It's funny to remember that he was the one who called Ai out on avoiding important conversations and yet here he is doing the very same thing. Like mother like son, huh?

Ruby's first line is also interesting. It definitely makes sense for her to fear a separation from Gorou given that it's basically happened twice now, but her specific fear that if she doesn't affirm his existence it will simply vanish implies a certain lack of security in his presence that I think is very interesting. We haven't really gotten enough time in Ruby's head for me to really dig into what that means for her, but I'm putting a pin in it nonetheless.

Aqua's response here also lines up with my prediction last chapter that we were heading for a rejection. Even if indirectly, he spends most of this chapter trying to turn Ruby away and shut her down without actually addressing her proposition, which I really don't blame him for lmao. Free my boy. Even when he does finally give Ruby an inch, so to speak, and start playacting as Gorou, it doesn't feel at all like a sincere moment of self expression. He's indulging her with a facsimile of their old dynamic, sure, but the actual words he's saying aren't particularly encouraging.

Of course, that's not how Ruby sees things. Or rather… That's not how Sarina sees things. She spends more or less this entire chapter with no stars in her eyes whatsoever. This makes a very interesting contrast with Aqua who, even in the moments that he identifies most strongly with his past self, never loses his stars. In this chapter, "Gorou Amamiya" is never anything more than an act for him but Ruby seems to have entirely returned to being Sarina, at least in this space.

Aqua snarks about her mental age not changing and I think this is truer then you might assume - I do think Ruby goes through a bit of a regression in this chapter and I mean this in an entirely value neutral sense. If you've ever returned to a place or people that defined a certain period of your life, it's very easy to find yourself slipping back into the mindset and behaviours that characterized you at that time. The quickest and easiest example of this is probably a person who lives on their own going back to their childhood home to spend the holidays with their siblings and parents. For better or worse, a return to old dynamics means a return to that old headspace - and that's just for regular people without any reincarnation baggage in the mix.

Ruby's experiences as Sarina have always been extremely foundational to her as a person and at least as of the private audition, she is characterized as seeing herself equally as both girls. So in a situation like this where she's finally getting to see and talk to Gorou again, it makes sense for "Sarina" to have taken the lead here.

As I've talked about before, this difference in how they individually view their reincarnation and how it affects their sense of self is always something that's had the potential to cause friction between the twins and we see it here, I think. The two of them aren't quite on the same page.

That said, this is a sweet conversation. It touches on the unique position the twins are in to give each other closure in a way nobody else really can. That said, it does feel really weird that this talk just… never happened before? I guess you could argue that this is a make or break point for their relationship and it took them being really pushed to have this honest of a talk but even then, I can't think of any real reason it didn't come sooner other than "the author didn't want it to happen yet".

i do have to ask though. where did aqua get those glasses. has he been wearing contacts this entire series and we never knew??

The question of to what degree the twins should be considered the people they were before their reincarnation has been a pretty consistent subject of debate in the fandom, particularly as pertains to Aqua. Wherever you stand on the issue though, I think Aqua is right when he says the Gorou Sarina wants him to be is a person who no longer exists. Too much time has passed and way too much has happened. Even removing reincarnation from the equation, there's not a person on this earth who's the exact same as they were 20 years ago. Living changes you just as much as dying does. Even if some intrinsic, unchanging core still exists, his experiences as Aqua Hoshino have changed him way too much for the "Gorou Amamiya" Ruby wants to see to be anything more than a performance.

more absolutely goated expression work from Mengo, btw: that wonky, rueful smile when Aqua first takes off Gorou's glasses. Sooooo good.

It's also just so so good to finally get some insight into what's going on with Aqua after he's been out of focus for so long. It's also really fantastic to finally see him let his walls down a bit and admit to some of the turmoil rolling around in his head. I think this is part of why we see him slip back into a single white hoshigan here; while the stuff he's saying here is concerning, it's honest. Possibly the most honest Aqua has been for a good long while and him finally letting himself be vulnerable with someone he trusts could be a really good positive step for him.

I say could be because… well, I don't think Ruby quite has a handle on how to help Aqua here. She's not even thinking of helping Aqua after all; she addresses him (in the Japanese text) as 'sensei' over and over to an almost excessive degree. Not only that but her responses to him are a little…

The core of this talk between Aqua and Ruby is the idea that Gorou-as-Aqua has changed in a way that leaves him unable to perform the role he once played in her life, while Ruby argues that nothing has changed. And like… to a degree, both of them are right and wrong. Gorou's core values are something Aqua inherited from him and they continue to drive him. But it simply isn't true that nothing has changed. Like I said up above: twenty entire years of living changes a person even before you factor in the trauma of Ai's death and everything Aqua has done to himself and other people in the name of avenging her. But this is something Ruby is unwilling or unable to see.

More great paneling work from Mengo: When Sarina hesitantly asks if 'Sensei' likes her, there is a very pointed beat panel of Aqua's face with his eyes hidden before he pops the Gorou act back on and goes 'uhhh yeah sure'. Once again, we see 'Gorou Amamiya' as avoidance and insincerity at least in the context of this chapter. It's an act Aqua is half-heartedly putting on but to Ruby-as-Sarina, this is the miracle of their reunion happening again before her eyes. And if they're 'Gorou' and 'Sarina' right now, what happens next shouldn't be a surprise.

And… this is the part of the chapter where I stop having nice things to say. Because believe it or not, I don't mind the kiss and I think in the context of this chapter, it makes a lot of sense and it helps to have had the story finally, explicitly lay down that this is 'Sarina' pursuing 'Gorou', at least from Ruby's POV. I also really liked the framing; that clashing of tones returns again, with the double spread shoujo looking kiss ruined by Aqua's pin-eyed look of alarm and dismay. This is the moment of tension breaking transgression the series has been building up to for over 140 chapters…

And we immediately cut away from addressing it. For at least one more week. I'm going to be really honest… this fucking infuriated me! It feels like an implicit admission that this is going to be needlessly dragged out even longer even though we finally had the perfect opportunity to properly address and solidify what is even going on with Aqua and Ruby right now. It feels like cynical reaction bait. It feels like a roided up version of 123 - throwing AquRuby shippers scraps so they'll keep reading while also avoiding undeniably canonizing an incest ship to not scare off the wider audience. My man has created the Schroedinger's Cat of incest. Is the guy in the box nailing his sister or not? Well gosh, you'd better tune in next week and maybe you'll find out!!!!

In short, the lack of resolution just sucks and the fact that it really seems like we're just leaving things there and moving on to something else makes me want to scream. The Movie Arc has been such an unfocused mess for so many chapters now and this really just takes the cake. Like… remember when this was supposed to be about Ai? Remember when this was supposed to be about finally digging into her past and her private life? If half the stuff in the script is just made up then why am I even supposed to get invested in what's going on in the movie in the first place?

At this point, I just desperately want this arc to be done so we can move on. Say what you will about Tokyo Blade's pacing, but at least that was focused and cohered with itself on a week to week basis. The Movie Arc by contrast feels so far removed from any of the ideas we started with that I have no clue what to expect or anticipate from it going forwards or if I should even bother to try.

#oshi no ko #oshi no posting #chapter reviews #onk spoilers

[impactedfates]

Helo helo hi I've been uuuh reading your HSR stuff and I lov all of them!! Aozjebeusnsjs

Aneeway!! Feel free to discard this request if it makes you uncomfortable in any way

Dan Heng + Vidyadhara! Sibling! Reader [purely platonic] where he just got news that another Vidyadhara is now like, being released from the shackling prison [Idk if you can even be released from there] and Reader is basically suffering the consequences from the isolation for so many rebirths and all that stuff [lets say he's been Dan Heng's sibling for all rebirths so it hurts more.. But hurt/comfort hshsb]

I'm sorry if the request is too specific because I haven't really been seeing like platonic sibling stuff with characters

I hope you have a great day!! Remember to hydrate and eat if you haven't already!! Stay safe!! o(>∀<*)o

A/N: Hello hello!! I've only written 1 HSR thing so far (by the time I got this, I hadn't posted the previous Blade fic), but I'm glad to see you seemingly like it! I'm a bit confused on the premise/prompt you've given me but I tried my best to try and write it anyways, hopefully this is somewhat what you asked for, and apologies if it's not o(TヘTo) And don't worry, I'll remember to hydrate, eat and stay safe! Make sure you do as well now :)

W.C: 919

Warnings: Hints of torture/abuse but not actually said (if I missed any pls say!!)

Extra: Dan Heng is in his Vidyadhara form + Reader is his younger sibling + The Shackling Prison description may not be accurate honestly.

The chains around your wrists still strained you. They still hurt. You didn’t even know why you were there, well, you couldn’t remember why you were there. Every reincarnation, you would find yourself being taken away and into the Shaking Prison. Quickly chained up and suffering the consequences of a guy you can’t seem to remember, but all you knew was that he was your brother and his name was Dan Feng?...Or did he go by a different name now?

Whatever the case, you started growing resentful of him, although you couldn’t remember. You knew that you were paying the price for what he did, and you’d be stuck in the loop of getting reincarnated and spending you 700 years in the Shackling Prison.

.

.

.

Dan Heng stood idly in Scalegorge Waterscape looking at the parted seas. Breathing in and out the tranquil air…until a yell alerted him, he turned around and saw the current High Elder, Bailu running to him with her maids in tow.

“Dan Heng!!”

“Bailu? Is something wrong?”

He asked, turning around fully and crouching down to be on level with the smaller Vidyadhara. She took a bit to catch her breath, the maid with her smiling apologetically at him. She stood up straight and began speaking, although rather quickly.

“There’s a Vidyadhara who recently got permission to leave the Shackling Prison because now you got your banishment lifted, people thought it was fair if they got released too and they’re asking me to meet and release them as well as help them settle back in b-because I’m the High Elder but I can’t…can you do it?”

Dan Heng blinked a bit, he understood what she was saying but he was rather confused. A Vidyadhara released because he was able to walk around the Loufu freely? Although perhaps the maid didn’t realise this was the case as she tried to explain what Bailu said in simpler terms.

“Bailu wanted to ask if you could take her place at releasing and showing this Vidyadhara around to get them settled in. The Loufu has changed a bit ever since they well…were sent to the Shackling Prison”

She explained, Dan Heng slowly stood up and considered it before nodding. It wouldn’t hurt right? Just to help them settle back in and then he can go back on the express.

.

.

.

Footsteps can be heard echoing the halls, your head darted to the door as your eyes narrowed. Feeding time won’t be till much later, you knew that due to how long you stayed in the prison. It was practically muscle memory at that point. But what entered wasn’t a cloud knight but…another Vidyadhara?

“...So…you’re [Name]”

He called out softly, walking towards you slowly. Your eyes widen a bit, you recognize him. You’ve seen his pictures a few times when people tried to jog your memory of who your brother was. You quickly tried launching for him, you were mad. He had made you suffer for so long and yet he acted so calm?

He didn’t flinch at all or move back. It wasn’t as if you were able to actually get to him anyways. You were still in chains and could only go so far.

“[Name]…”

He slowly started, it seems he was told about the situation in more detail.

“Go away Dan Feng, you did this to me! Y-you…why do I have to suffer because of your mistakes…why did I have to suffer your punishment”

Tears welled up in your eyes, as the chains slowly shook alongside your body. You sniffed a bit.

“N-now look…I-I’m crying…I shouldn’t b-be crying…I-it’s been so long s-since this started…I-I should be used t-to this by n-now…right?”

Your lips quiver, looking away from him. 

“You have every right to cry…it’s just you showing emotions…it’s healthy to cry…so…please, don’t hold it in”

Your eyes slowly wandered to the taller Vidyadhara man. Before giving in to his words and letting the tears fall.

“D-Dan Feng…y-you’re such a scoundrel…I-I”

“I’m not Dan Feng…I’m just…a reincarnation of him…maybe that does make me him but…I won’t let my past leak into my future…please…call me Dan Heng…I want to fix the mistakes of my previous incarnation”

He speaks, slowly walking over and sitting next to you. Your eyes followed his figure slowly. You stayed silent, Dan Heng took this chance to continue a bit.

“I understand it’ll be hard to forgive me…even if I may not remember what happened…I just know you’re suffering due to the actions Dan Feng made…and because…we’re apparently siblings”

“Is…that why I’ve always been placed here…?”

“Correct…according to Jing Yuan who gave me more details…we’re related…in every reincarnation we face, no matter how many times we do so…we’re always siblings”

He paused for a bit, letting the silence set in before standing up, you heard the jangle of keys and the straining feeling of your wrists gone. You quickly stood up, nearly tripping over.

“I…thank you”

You nod a bit, slowly looking up at him. You were confused, the stories you were told, the things you heard about Dan Feng…and yet when he stood in front of you and how he spoke, how he acted, didn’t stay true to what you heard.

Then again, according to him, he isn’t Dan Feng, but Dan Heng…

“You know…’Dan Heng’…that isn’t far off of Dan Feng…like a letter off”

“Ha…yeah I notice that”

He nods, silence overtakes the two of you again before he extends his hand out to you.

“Come on…I’ll get you an Immortals Delight”

Hopefully I managed to make a good-ish hurt/comfort thing! 😥 Thank you for the request!! There’s currently 3 more in the line that I’ll be working on the coming days :) Feel free to leave more requests!!

#HSR #HSR x you #HSR x reader #Dan Heng #HSR Dan Heng #Dan Heng x You #Dan Heng x Reader #HSR Dan Heng x You #HSR Dan Heng x Reader #Platonic #Platonic Dan Heng x Reader #Platonic Dan Heng x You

[elkian]

Rereading The Murderbot Diaries now that I have System Collapse and once again struck by how Murderbot reads expression.

As an ND person myself who sees a lot of overlap with it at times, it's very interesting to me. I've repeatedly had issues where the expressions I was making or interpreting did not match other people's ideas, and my mother has never in my whole life correctly deduced my tone of voice. Not once. I think one reason I'm drawn (haha) to animated and stylized mediums is because stylistic representations of people have to have expressions that scan immediately to as much of the audience as possible.

(Thinking about that bit where Murderbot comments on humans not knowing what they're trying to express when they're in Real Life and not actors on a soap opera set.)

Anyways, it makes sense that Murderbot might have some skill at interpreting expressions and microexpressions and so on. Those are viable and valuable security skills, after all. But it strikes me how accurate it seems to be at doing so. Since the series is almost entirely in Murderbot's perspective, it's less likely to mention being wrong, but it regularly confidently refers to expressions by the emotion it inferred from them.

As someone who is not good at this, it's very interesting to me when I have a lot of traits overlapping with MB. (It's also worth discussing how ND folk, and specifically autistic people, are often pigeonholed to the point that expressing Uncommon Autistic Traits makes people believe you aren't autistic.) Murderbot talks a lot about not liking people or being interested in strange humans, but it often contradicts itself without realizing. I think one reason it claims not to care about humans is because it's often been in positions where its clients could be harmed incidentally or intentionally and it would not be allowed to intercede due to Capitalism Hell, or malice/indifference from the top.

It says it has to do what humans tell it, and that's technically true, but there's a further power dynamic within groups; the boss has all the power and, presumably, the highest level of management in a group has the authority to order SecUnits to do things against their actual design - fighting other SecUnits, ignoring safety protocol in order to save money, and leaving bleeding humans unattended to go pick up equipment are all canonical examples that Murderbot provides us. I wouldn't be at all surprised if killing or harming less influential members of the group in question were totally common and viable.

This is all to mean that it isn't emotionally safe to care about humans, because even if it does its tasks completely successfully, they might be at risk due to the negligence inherent in the system. But Murderbot spends half a dozen books trying and failing Not To Care, so it just refuses to acknowledge that it does care for a long time.

Anyways, I don't have any pithy conclusions, I just find it super interesting that MB talks about having a hard time understanding humans, and ART canonically has difficulty processing human emotional contexts when not familiar with the relevant situations, and yet Murderbot, canonically, is often successful at reading emotion in the expressions of the people around it and itself in recordings. It's not a trait given to many ND characters, particularly autistic or autistic-analogue ones, and it adds some fun texture to the storytelling.

#elk text #tmd #the murderbot diaries #murderbot #secunit #do not clown on this post

[not-quite-normal]

could you take us through what a day of work typically looks like as an animator? and also how many hours a day you spend at work?

sure!

as an animator at sony imageworks, your day is fairly simple. most days are just work days, and you can listen in to rounds even if you don't have anything to show yet. it's helpful to listen to the kinds of notes that other people are given because it helps you to learn the show style and how to handle different characters for future shots. if you're starting fresh on a new shot, assigned to you by your lead (you can sometimes request shots, depending on what's available and who your lead is), the first thing i do is look at it in the context of the sequence. from there i'll gather or shoot any reference as needed, or maybe sketch thumbnails. depending on the shot, i'll just show the reference to get feedback on that, or rough in some basic poses as a "layout plus" pass to get a more specific kickoff on what my lead/supervisor/director thinks the shot needs to be

there are a few levels of feedback that your shot goes through:

your lead: the anim crew gets separated into teams, each one led by a lead animator. this is your go-to person for most things. they'll be the one to help you with questions, making sure your shot is presentable, small polish, show style, and a whole bunch of other stuff

the head of character animation/supervisor: when your lead gives you the ok to show your shot in rounds, this is where you show the hoca. they're the one in charge of the overall look and feel of the animation and has to keep the whole movie and director notes in mind when critiquing your shot

the director: the hoca will then look at all the shots submitted for director review/shots shown in rounds/shots due for the week and decide whether or not to show them to the director, who will then give more notes. his job is to make sure the shot is doing the best it can to tell the story that it needs to tell, often changing the acting, camera angles, timing, action, or anything else lol

executives: this level is more removed from the day to day of the animator and we usually don't need to worry about this one. but sometimes we get executive notes (usually these come after the shot is approved so it needs to be kicked back to anim)

once your shot gets approved by the director, then it needs hoca approval (for any last big picture notes, or in case the director approved with notes), and then finally lead approval (for small finishing polish work) before you can publish. on spiderverse, we also had a second animation supervisor that had to approve shots too as a design pass. this might seem like a lot, but once you go through the process a couple of times, you get used to it!

the life of a lead is a lot more hectic haha. there are a lot more meetings, you always have to be available when an animator on your team asks for your eyes on their shot or if they have a question, you have to listen in to your team's turn in rounds/director review, scheduling shot due dates with your coordinator, bidding sequences, and... lots of other management and technical stuff. it's hard, but being a lead was some of the most rewarding work that i've done, i'm super proud of the animators that i've been lucky enough to work with

our official work day is 9-6 (one hour off for lunch, we get a food delivery voucher if any meeting goes into lunchtime lol), and we get paid OT after working for 8 hours. for most of the time working on a movie, you need to get special approval to work longer than 8 hours a day, but as a movie starts getting into crunch mode, OT becomes "pre-approved" and animators are free to work as much or as little OT as they want

#asks #anonymous #animation question #spiderverse

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Mommy Dearest 2.0

This time it's about Bed Friend!

And it's not about the mothers in Bed Friend as much as it is about everyone's favorite Walking Green Flag: King and how he is Thinking, Watching, Evaluating Uea and his relationship to his mother. Because I've been thinking about this a lot since Episode 4 and I just haven't gotten around to writing about it yet.

Within five minutes of this show airing, we as an audience know exactly what Uea's relationship to his mother is. We know how completely and precisely she is responsible for his trauma both in the past and in the present. But no one else does.

King certainly doesn't.

But, King is perceptive, and King, by way of the narrative, is present for (or the cause of) a great number of Uea's triggers throughout the show so far. And he has no context for them outside of his own observations, but again, King is perceptive.

So the lights go out and Uea crumples in the parking lot. And at this point, maybe King doesn't know what happened (that Uea is scared of the dark) he just knows Uea is having a strong reaction to something.

Uea sees the abuse he has suffered at the hands of his mother

King sees a panic attack.

So Uea and the rest of the office go out for drinks and Uea sits in the back and watches everyone have fun, until he is alone in the bathroom and gets a text.

Uea sees the abuse of filial piety at the hands of his mother

King sees Uea's sudden shift in behavior from being introverted and sipping a drink in the corner, to drinking everything in sight

Shout out to reflections in this show for giving me endless moments of King looking at Uea.

Episode 2

King is grappling with his guilt and concern for Uea in the aftermath of their one night stand, and he (as usual tbh) spends a lot of his time staring right at Uea. Trying to pick apart every facial expression Uea makes.

Uea gets a call

and the next thing King knows Uea is rushing out of work early, panicked and heading to the hospital. And so he tries to help by driving Uea there.

What Uea sees is his mother, whose accident was not super severe, manipulating him, blaming him for the accident, and once again asking him for money, in a way he isn't able to ignore or avoid.

Uea has his typical shut down reaction to the interaction, but crucially in episode 2, King is there to witness Uea's relationship to his mother. He's able to see the way Uea's mother demands money from him, he's able to better contextualize Uea's behavior changes.

And when Uea's mother leaves after being given way too much of both Uea and King's money, where are King's eyes trained?

Right at Uea, and the entire exchange in the hospital when King enters the scene, King keeps looking between Uea's mother and Uea, trying to analyze the situation.

""You heard all that, didn't you?" "Yes," "I'm...sorry."

"Why are you sorry?"

And this moment is great to me because we have a #respectfulKing on our hands who will not pry, or push Uea to tell him anything. He doesn't act expectant or entitled to any context or backstory of Uea's that might help explain this situation. But as we, the audience, know, King is in love with Uea, and as such I think King really wants to set himself up to be a safety zone for Uea. He wants Uea to feel comfortable, he wants Uea to feel loved, and we won't know that Uea trusts King like that until he starts talking about his history.

So King still doesn't know Uea's trauma history, but he wants to, he wants Uea to know that he has someone that cares, and so King starts to shift how he approaches conversations with Uea. Sometimes, very intentionally, and sometimes not, but every time he does it has the effect of hitting on some very specific parts of Uea's trauma.

When they get STD testing: "Why are you embarassed? We didn't do anything wrong." King might be able to sense Uea's shame/internalized homophobia, he certainly saw the panic in Uea's eyes when his Mom asked "Is this your boyfriend?" but I don't think he understands how strongly he is striking at the root of Uea's issues. His mother used to lock him in the bathroom, tell him she would beat him to death, and call him a slut. Having casual, one-night stand style sex is anxiety and guilt inducing for Uea because it meets his definition of 'slut', something he never felt like he was allowed to be.

This post is Uea's mother (and family) specific so I won't really get in to the P'Pock trauma here, but King is present to witness Uea turn and try to hide his face when he sees Pock from across the mall, and that is another thing he takes and files away.

Because King is so finely honed in on Uea's emotions (and because Uea is very obvious with his emotions), King knows something is still bothering Uea after their STI test and after dinner and he navigates a conversation about the differences people can have and want from sex, intimacy, and love. Once again striking at the crux of Uea's issue, the internalized homophobia Uea has had beaten in to him by his mother.

Episode 3

King has now seen how Uea interacts with his mother, has gotten a better understanding of his personal perceptions on sex and love, has seen him have at least one panic attack, and King is trying to fill in the blanks from there.

So Uea gets these texts in the middle of a conversation with King

"Are you avoiding my calls?" "I'm just asking for a little bit of money," "You have to come home this Sat," "Your Dad asked about you," "Don't accept the call?"

And where is King looking? Right at Uea's phone. But I don't think he's reading the messages, honestly it's probably too far away and the message are coming in pretty fast. But I'm sure that King is at the very least, able to see that Uea is getting spammed with messages from his mother, and he's able to see the way Uea's body language changes as a result.

"What happened, Uea?" King asks, because he is concerned, because he sees the way Uea retreats into himself whenever his mother is involved.

"My Mom wants me to go home," Uea replies

"You should go home,"

Now, the "you should go home," statement I find very interesting considering the conversation on Episode 4 this whole post is leading up to. That King of all people would see how Uea and his mother interact with one another and suggest that Uea go home. I think here King misinterprets what Uea is saying. By that I mean, I think Uea is actually answering King's "what happened?" as if he is answering "what's wrong?' and King is assuming that Uea is deflecting the question and just making a general statement "I have to go home tonight." King saying "you should go home," is him telling Uea it's okay to bail on whatever plans they may have been floating about hooking up that evening.

"King...tonight you can come if you want to,"

We've seen it before and we will see it again, Uea processes and regulates his emotional state through sex, through physical intimacy.

"You don't go home?"

Finally! Some semblance of an admission from Uea that something is wrong. Some honesty and a nod that Uea is starting to trust in King. King sees that and takes the opportunity to try and determine the extent of the trust he is being given.

"Are you okay, Uea?" and to me, it demonstrates a shift in their relationship, that Uea doesn't lie. He still can't tell King the truth, that he's not okay. He still can't put his emotional vulnerabilities out into the world like that, but he can stop pretending that he's okay. He can simply not respond and therefore give King the honest answer.

Throughout the show, one of Uea's coping mechanisms is sex, to seek out joy and pleasure from physical intimacy since he can't rely on emotional intimacy.

Shout out to the translation of the background OST music

It's important to me that we are shown a moment of non-sexual intimacy between King and Uea rather than sex immediately after the conversation about home. Not that sex is inherently wrong, obviously that is not the case, but because their relationship started with sex and needs to grow into something with a strong and healthy foundation. Because we need to see, and Uea needs to see that King cares for him outside of what his body can provide. Uea needs to see that King is not just in this for the sex, but that he wants more from it. So we get this lovely little moment...

...and then King accidentally triggers Uea. Uea sees his stepfather, and King sees

Fear.

Honestly, thinking about color analysis the fact that when Uea is talking about not going home he is absolutely suffocating under all that yellow, a color we know is associated pretty heavily with his childhood under the guise of striving for happiness, wishing and hoping for it. And when Uea is triggered and incapable of hiding his emotional state, he is surrounded by clear glass???? (Thoughts @respectthepetty?)

Another panic reaction from Uea, and King has yet another indication that something is wrong. Now, again we as the audience have been made aware that Uea's step-dad is the reason why he is reacting this way. But King doesn't have that same knowledge.

What he does have, is the knowledge of the previous conversation where Uea mentions he hasn't been home in a long time. What he does have, is the entire exchange in the hospital.

So though he can't know exactly what it is that caused Uea's reaction in this scene, and he can't know for sure that it has to do with Uea's family. King definitely has to know by now that something is wrong with Uea's family.

And after Uea has processed his own emotions at the memory of his childhood and he invites King back, King reaches out again to Uea. Trying to get a better understanding of why it is Uea is engaging in this FWB in the first place. And Uea says something he believes but that is fundamentally untrue, "I guess I just want to fuck up my life more," and we know this is untrue because King has been nothing but kind, attentive, devoted, open, and altogether healthy with Uea from the start of their FWB agreement.

But again, Uea is starting to trust King, so he follows up his half truth with a whole one "My life isn't great after all," and this is the truest thing I think Uea has ever said to King.

And it's important to me too, that Uea is actively and currently experiencing trauma by way of Pock in this show, and that King is around to witness all of that. Because it forces Uea and King to have conversations about it, it shows Uea that King cares about him, that he would fight for and protect him, it makes King fully aware that Uea has a lot of shit going on. It shows Uea how King does navigate potentially traumatizing situations with Uea and the that he doesn't pity or coddle Uea, but he does care, and he does check in, and he does want to genuinely know what is wrong.

And he can do that with Pock because Uea can't avoid talking about Pock when King is the one literally prying Pock off of Uea. But King wasn't there for Uea's childhood abuse, he wasn't there for the dinner at Uea's Mom's house, he is completely oblivious to the extent of Uea's childhood trauma. So he has to wait for Uea to come to him about it. He has to wait for Uea to trust him enough to share that part of himself.

Where previously Uea has retreated from everyone when actively triggered, not upset or frustrated like when he gets texts about money from his Mom but actually and actively coming down from flashes, this time he seeks King out. He is finding more comfort in King, so he calls when he could be alone. And he tries to push his emotions down, he tries to drown them out in King but this is too fresh, and King is too aware of Uea...

"Uea, is everything alright? You look anxious,"

"A little bit,"

Please picture me rubbing my hands together with glee. UEA IS HONEST! WITH HIS FEELINGS! AFTER MEETING WITH HIS MOTHER!! and King stops the physical interaction. He will not take advantage of Uea's emotional compromise. He wants Uea to be calm, he wants Uea to be regulated. Again he doesn't push or pry, he just helps Uea redirect his anxious energy in to self care. He gives Uea a birthday cake.

And boom!

Another accidental hit at a fundamentally horrible life experience of Uea's. His mother completely ignoring his birthday, leaving him to celebrate alone with only a candle. King gives him cake, shows him he cares, Uea has a chance to celebrate his birthday. And you can tell in the scene how touched Uea is that King did this for him.

But still Uea won't talk to King about it. So I think it's at this point King starts changing tactics. He will start opening up to Uea and see where that gets him.

"I'm tired,"

"What happened?"

"It's about my mom. She called me to come home. Do you have any plans for this weekend? Can I go to your room?"

"What? Don't you come home? You told me your Mom wants you to,"

(cough cough DIRECT PARALLEL cough)

"Yes she wants me to. But I don't. She's a grumpy lady,"

and GOD THANK YOU JAMES FOR UEA'S REACTION TO THIS CONVERSATION BECAUSE IT IS EXQUISITE.

I wish I had a gifset to do it proper justice, but the way Uea is doing mental calculus here, the recognition, the surprise, and the hesitation he is portraying in having Uea initiate this conversation?

When I watch this scene I can't shake the feeling that there is this little, hopeful part of Uea that wants King to say "Yes," that that might be the thing that pushes Uea to be honest with King. To tell King the truth of what he's been through at this hands of his mother and step-father.

...but King says "Not exactly," and starts talking about his brother the perfectionst and Uea just...

shuts down. Because King has said the wrong thing, because Uea has decided that King would not understand what he has been through if he is complaining that his mother is grumpy because he doesn't meet his brother's standards. And while that is something that I do this Uea related to (seeing as he is the unwanted child who gets no love from his parents compared to his sister) to have King say he doesn't really have problems with his family makes me think that Uea does not think that King has an abuse problem with his family.

And because Uea, despite the way his family treated him relative to his sister, loves his sister dearly, while King seems to harbor some resentment towards his own brother.

And this is the fascinating part of this show for me, this is the scene I keep coming back to because I think this is the scene that sets the rest of the events in motion with Uea and King. Because King's mother is going to start getting in the way of their relationship. Because King is trying to get Uea to open up to him here. He is trying to be vulnerable with his feelings about his mother to Uea in the hopes that Uea will be open about his feelings about his mother. But King fundamentally misunderstands how terribly Uea is has been treated. King fundamentally misunderstands how much of the triggers he has witnessed from Uea are from his parents as opposed to from Pock.

If King had said "yes, I do have problems with my family" in this scene I whole-heartedly believe that Uea would have told him the truth about his own troubles here.

Uea is desperate to trust King, he is certainly already in love with King by this point. (If you had to ask me, Uea realized he was in love with King in episode 3 when King checks up on him outside after Pock harasses him the first time). But he's been hurt so much, and fundamentally believes that he is un-loveable, so every moment where there is a possibility of betrayal makes Uea retreat further and further.

Uea wants to trust King and we know this because when they are alone in the pool, Uea starts telling King about Lampang, about his cousins there, about how he is from there. We know this because when Uea's drunk and he therefore has less control over the wall he has built, he is the one to initiate intimacy with King. Not sexual intimacy, romantic intimacy, on the beach, at sunset.

And so the test begins.

Episode 5

Unfortunately for King, his mother is continuing to get in the way of him and Uea becoming official.

We know Uea is moving towards changing the status of his relationship to King from FWB to boyfriends, because he starts trying to test King's limits. He doesn't allow King a "reward" for not having sex with him when he was drunk, he starts telling King that he's met the weekly quota, he starts citing their rules more. If King can respect these, if King still wants to hang out with Uea when he knows that sex is not on the table, then surely King must feel the same way that Uea does.

And King, knowing that Uea trusts him more, that he's testing him, but that he's also tolerating King pushing their rules a little bit, has another opportunity to try to get Uea to fully open up to him when they go to dinner. When Uea gets the text from his mother asking about money. When King looks at him, concerned, and says "Uea,"

But before he can ask Uea anything, before he can check up on Uea at all...

King's mother calls, and sets everything in motion. King is being sent on an arranged date. King wants Uea to trust him. King wants Uea to fight for them. King wants to know where he is at with Uea and Uea is too scared of getting hurt, and so he ignores the question. He tells King that only King is able to decide if he wants to go on the date on or not. King spends so much of Episode 5 after this conversation trying to show Uea that he doesn't want anyone else.

And King gets that final confirmation that he is a safe zone for Uea when the lights go out at the end, and he is able to calm Uea down just from telling him he will hold him through the night. This is also a great indication to King that Uea has a fear of the dark, since technically in the first episode King would not necessarily have been able to connect the dots between the lights going off in the garage and Uea having a panic attack.

Episode 6

Uea and King are circling around each other, King is ready to admit. Uea is trying to throw out hints that he would say yes to being boyfriends if King asked him.

And King was going to, on the phone, you could see it!

But NO! No he doesn't ask here, because he wants it to be special! Because why would he ask Uea to be his boyfriend on a fake phone call when he could ask Uea to be his boyfriend on a beach vacation?

And Uea realizes this, because uea is smart. Because uea understands the implications of "I haven't felt this way in a long time," because Uea is hopeful that King feels the same way he does. And he's excited for the first time in a long time about something, and then King's mother gets involved. And King's mother makes him go on a date, and King isn't capable of standing up for himself and for Uea against his mother.

And King tries! King tries to see Uea, tries to get out of the date. Tries everything he can besides actually standing up to his mother to show Uea that he cares about him. To show Uea that he wants him, not whatever woman King's mother is trying to set him up with. But King hasn't had the chance to learn about Uea the way he needs to. King has tried time and time again to get Uea to open up to him, to talk about the strained relationship King knows exists, but doesn't understand to its fully extent.

And as a result of the shame, the self-loathing, the betrayals Uea has suffered time and time again at the hands of the people who are supposed to love him, he will not fight for him and King because he knows how the story ends.

It ends up with Uea alone, except this time he did it to himself. This time he broke King's heart in the process.

ok haha oops, I did it again with the essay. Gold star to anyone who read this whole thing.

#bed friend #bed friend the series #bed friends the series #kinguea #ueaking #king x uea #uea x king #jamesnet #netjames #domundi #mandee channel #bed friends analysis #bed friend analysis #bed friend ep 1 #bed friend ep 2 #bed friend ep 3 #bed friend ep 4 #bed friend ep 5 #bed friend ep 6

[polyamorousmood]

How do you deal with insecurity in a polyam relationship?

I've been in a poly V before, with my girlfriend at the time, and her other partner; but I honestly wasn't really invested in the relationship so I wasn't bothered.

I feel like,, if I have a partner and we either a) accept another and form a triad or b) I end up with a metamour again, I would end up worrying that my parner(s) would leave me to simply be together.

(For context, I have AvPD so like... abandonment is a complex of mine and I'm working on it but I'm still so insecure a lot of the time.)

So.. yeah. I've seen you address jealousy/envy, and I know I'd probably deal with a bit of that (in the sense that 'oh, b gets to spend time with c while I'm at work, I'm envious' kind of way) but I know that insecurity would be the thing that would bother me the most

Polysecure by Jessica Fern is generally considered a holy text 🛐of polyamory and this exact question in particular. I haven't read it personally (yet. Its on my list my list is just long 😅) So if you haven't given that a go yet, everyone I know who has read it, has recommended at least sections of it. I know it talks about attachment styles and how to handle those, which might be helpful if you have avoidant personality disorder.

The other thing, of course, is consider bringing this up with a therapist, because I am not one. And this seems like a touchy enough topic that everything I say here is pulled from my experience and should be taken as "ideas to think about🤔" and not "clinical advise that will Fix It🪄" As per usual, LOTS to go over here. So. read more.

P.S. after typing up everything, I realized this post I wrote to help a supportive partner address insecurity might also be helpful for you, and even has a worksheet! Its probably better formatted too. So.. maybe I wasted my typing here 😓. C'est la vie.

Firstly, you never said you identify as polyamorous. So if you're not... you could just date monogamously 🤷 as much as I love 💟polyamory and would like it if the whole world loved it too, if that's gonna be too big a thing for you, there's no reason you have to bother at all.

If you are going to date polyamorously for whatever reason, BEFORE you introduce another person to the mix, have a regular, set time you and your partner spend apart. It sounds counter-intuitive, but maintaining your own social life and identity outside your partner is huge. Do this especially when you're super invested and want to spend every second with your partner. That's honestly true whether you're poly or not, but in this specific case. I think a lot of the fear is bolstered by the idea that without you there, your partner is just spending that time loving the other person. And maybe they'd like to do that more blah blah blah. But this proves that's not the case: when you're not there, you partner is getting drinks with the girls, or building model ships, or any other numerous things they like independent of you. And it also means you're not just pining over your partner when you're gone, you have other shit to do too. And you'll come to look forward to your two hours a week at the coffee shop (or whatever). You will learn reasonable time apart does not equal less romantic interest.

And then, on the flip side of that, set regular protected time with your partner. Not to say never ever will something come up that interrupts that. Emergencies arise🚨, or the time may have to be renegotiated later, etc etc. But having the confidence that no matter what, you'll have a movie date every week, or that Tuesday night is Romance Night, or whatever you decide on, can make it easier. It can help prevent you feeling taken for granted, and can naturally curb NRE with other people if that starts getting unruly. If your partner starts wanting to cut into this time for not-important-shit, tell them you're not okay with that, or -- and only if truly it feels okay to you -- at least get them to make the time up the next day. And you, of course, need to treat it as special too. Make the time important, fulfilling, and intimate. It can be any activity, as long as its bonding time -- quality time, in the truest sense of the word.

Take time to get to know yourself, and share it with your partner. What do you consider to be sacred between you and your partner? Are you okay with your meta and your partner having sacred things -- what type of things? Do you feel better knowing the details of your partner's other relationships, or will that make you more jealous? (I like knowing more, because the thought of my partner having this secret life without me makes me more insecure, but other people are very reasonably of the opinion that hearing that their partner had so much fun without them is a bummer.) How much about you are you okay with your partner dilvulging to your meta(s)? Go through this on as many things as you can think of. Now, what you're comfortable with is not the only factor here; you and your partner will probably both have to make some concessions to reach something workable, but I've found that process, with a good partner, to be more securing in and of itself. You both are working together towards a common understanding. Its generally good practice to avoid hard-and-fast rules here, when possible. For example, "I'm only okay with you dating others if you're home by 11🕚 every night" makes some sense, but if taken literally means if your partner gets a flat on the way home, or has to deal with your meta's mental breakdown, or even just wants to see a movie that won't finish until 11:05 -- that's a betrayal. Perhaps even just asking for a one-time allowance is a betrayal. Instead, work for understandings or guidelines. Maybe the similar understanding in this example is "its hard for me to sleep alone, so I'd like you to generally be home by 11:00, and notify me as soon as possible if that's not going to happen" and then when they bring up wanting to stay out late one night for something, you can ask if its possible for them to do it on a night you don't have to work in the morning (maybe they can, maybe they can't, the point here is that its a dialogue, see below). There will be some trial and error here, so be prepared for that and stick it out.

Don't take every problem as a sign things are doomed, or your partner is divesting, or your partner isn't worth your investment. There will be times when someone is actually abusive, or there will be irreconcilable differences. I'm not talking about those. I'm talking about "My partner is late for the second time this week, they're pulling away from me, this is the beginning of the end"-type shit. No it ain't. A good exercise for this is to explicitly outline your worst-case scenario💣, followed by a best case-scenario🌈, and then a few most likely cases⬜. So from our example above, worst case is that they're pulling away (so you have to pull away faster so you "win" and avoid pain), best case-scenario is that they're late because they're buying you a gift on their way home, and most likely scenario is that traffic's worse than they planned or they ran into someone at the gas station and stopped to talk for a bit or whatever.

Figure out how to self-soothe. Make a stache of nice things your partner has done for you that you can check on your own to remind yourself you're important to them. Reframe some of your jealous worries. Remind yourself of things you're looking forward to with your partner. Make a vent journal. Whatever clicks to you.

And as always, 🗣️talk to your partner. Productively talk to your partner.🗣️ Talk to your partner as much as possible about how things make you feel, and make sure they're doing the same. I talk more about how to talk through problems here, and its worth the read imho (even though its equally long). But for now, know that forming this habit on its own is functionally indistinguishable from being securely attached. As long as the communication is you and your partner vs the problem (and not, for example, your insecurity vs your partner's willingness to compromise), this will be good for the relationship, and you will feel better for doing it. But to form that habit, you have to do it with everything, not just Big Problems. You have to tell your partner sincerely how much you appreciate stuff they're getting right, you have to tell them about small problems that you can handle on your own, you have to tell them about things you're not sure how you feel about yet.

#jealousy #insecurity #poly relationship advice #ask box is always open

[dragongirltongue]

New Pinned post <3

Hi there, the name is Zelda, or one of like, 20 other names that may or may not be listed somewhere around here. If you know a name I go by that isn't findable here don't use it. <3

I'm bigender which is made up of girl and fem6oy, as such I use she/her and sometimes he/him pronouns when I'm feeling fem6oy enough <3

I'm in my 30s, not getting more specific than that until I decide it's not true enough to change it, don't try to find my exact age as I don't like sharing that information publicly, I don't even update it on my birthday <3

I'm a polyamorous bisexual voraphile freak and if you're over 18 you're welcome to talk to me about how much of a freak I am. I love to flirt and encourage it. Also happy to share my Other Blog with anyone interested, again as long as you're of age. <3

I'm a film graduate and currently working on doing something with that experience as well as working on a superhero comic and a 2D zelda style game. Feel free to bug me about any of those I love to discuss writing and media and want to encourage media literacy. <3

I'm also an ex-jehovahs witness and as a result I'm hugely into the holiday season in a very against my old god kinda way. Also big into sinning <3

Also I'm like, a dragon in probably an otherkin/thetadelta kinda way, like, it's core to who I am and how I understand myself so yeah. Despite this my fursona is a fox, the dragon in my icon is literally me <3

I also draw sometimes and when I do it'll be posted to @dragongirldrawings but always reblogged here too.

Also I'm a member of a plural system, feel free to check out the rest of the system over here @haven-sys <3

Further on the identity weirdness I'm an imaginary friend for the person who used to inhabit this body, they've been gone for like, over 20 years so it's not really relevant but I have started embracing my nature as a fictional creation, it's comforting.

Btw, if one of my posts containing my typing quirk ends up on your dash I take no responsibility for it. I use it in posts that are for me only and if they happen to resonate with others that's their choice to reblog.

So yeah that's me, hiii I love you all <3

this post is specifically a6out tum6lr user Zelda dragongirltongue

DNI list under the read more.

lmao imagine if I actually made one of those finally, that's how you'd know I've been replaced with an evil clone or something.

That being said if you're looking at my blog to send me an ask or dm about what someone gets off to please understand unless they're actively hurting someone I rly don't care. I have a lot of ignored and blocked anons about this.

This goes double if the person you're trying to alert me to is trans femme, we don't play that game here, especially given that I know I've been targetted for things as simple as engaging in vore the wrong way for some people or whatever.

Like, I just want to make it clear I rly don't give a fuck what another adult does in the bedroom, I rly don't care if the bedroom happens to include their blog and I rly don't care if they like to flirt about it with other adults on this website.

Also if your pinned post is a callout for anyone about anything it's likely to set off my paranoia around you, which is to say I will not be able to trust you if this is the case even if it's for someone who's actually a danger to a community, like, actively.

Like, this ain't a moral stance or anything, it's a mental health thing. I see that you want to make your first point of contact into a crosshair on someone else I'm gonna be scared you're gonna aim at me next even if it's completely reasonable that you'd never find anything objectionable with me. It scares me and I'm gonna spend every interaction walking on egg shells around you cos what if you're digging for dirt, like, I got no way of knowing.

Anyway as the opening joke implies I don't see any worth in having a list of things to not interact with me over cos the lived experience on this planet is so full of nuance and I've formed deem friendships with people who'd probably have avoided me if I had a DNI and they cared about it.

I think DNIs are dumb but this feels like a space to talk about some general limits on what I'm gonna put up with on this website. I'm just here for a good time with other freaks, anything else is optional. If you want to drag me into your discourse at this point then I guess this is whre I ask you to Do Not Interact. To anyone else, I love yall <3

If you've been directed here after sending an ask my way please apologize for wasting my time [here]

tl;dr DNIs are dumb but don't drag me into your personal grievances with others.

this post is still specifically a6out tum6lr user Zelda dragongirltongue

#6aaah #last updated april 28

[bejeweledsims]

the aesthetics challenge: a ten generations legacy challenge

i've always loved to play challenges in the sims 4, i find that they push to gameplays that i otherwise would probably never try, so i decided to try to create my own challenge.

while creating the requirements for each generation i was looking at the aesthetics wiki, so feel free to check it out if you have any doubt as to what an aesthetic means or what it should look like. also, i'm aware that some of this may not fit what some people think about certain aesthetics, but this was my own interpretation of them with the resources provided by the sims 4 gameplay to the date i'm posting this, so be nice pls <3

while making this i realized that someone else had already made a challenge with the same idea, though there are only two aesthetics that appear in both challenges and the requirements are different.

general rules:

though some generations do require you to live in a specific place, i only added the world part as to give you an idea, but you're welcome to have your sim live wherever you wish if not necessary.

given that it's a challenge based around the idea of aesthetics, you should probably create your sim based around the designated aesthetic

unless stated otherwise, you can marry/get together with any sim with whatever traits

use the #aestheticsims4challenge tag if you decide to play this challenge, i'd love to see what other people do with it :)

generation #1: witchcore

growing up you always loved to read about magical worlds and fantastic realms, so you used to stay away from other people and with the company of your beloved books and a cat. but when visiting a mysterious town you meet an strange man who claims to be a spellcaster, you witness all of your dreams come true and beg him to teach how to become one.

traits: cat lover, loner, bookworm

aspiration: spellcraft & sorcery

job: freelancer, writer branch

world: glimmerbrook

requirements:

start as a regular sim, become a spellcaster

move into glimmerbrook as soon as you become a spellcaster

complete the spellcraft & sorcery aspiration

marry a human

learn all the spells of at least one type of magic

complete at least one of the perk trees

maximize the medium, herbalism and fishing skills

generation #2: plant mom

your parent may have been able to cast actual magic and all that, but ever since you were little you knew that the only magic you could do was with plants, and so you commit your life to learning everything you can about them and how to take care of them, but when you're not doing this, and unlike your parent, you love to hangout with other people and your dogs on the outdoors, though you mostly like to talk about plants.

traits: loves the outdoor, dog lover, outgoing

aspiration: freelance botanist

job: gardener, botanist branch

world: any world

requirements:

this heir must be human

reach the top of the gardening career

always have at least one dog

complete the freelance botanist aspiration

spend at least 2 hours every sunday in a park

have a gardening club and have at least one gathering each week

maximize the gardening, herbalism and logic skill

generation #3: clowncore

while your parent was all about plants, hardwork and research, you're more of a joker and would much rather spend your time with other people making them laugh, so you decide to devote your life to it. you try to always see the bright side of things and will always make a joke even in the saddest of times, but that has caused to lose some loved ones along the way.

traits: goofball, outgoing, cheerful

aspiration: joke star

job: entertainer, comedian branch

world: any world

requirements:

complete the joke star aspiration

reach the top of the entertaniner career on the comedian branch

marry and divorce a proper sim

have a neutral relationship with your parents and child

maximize the comedy, mischief and carisma skills

generation #4: cottagecore

it's not that you didn't like your parent, it's just that they could sometimes be... a little too much when it came to their jokes. you always felt as though you got along better with animals than with other people, so you prefered to spend your time in the outdoors surrounded by them, so when you are old enough you move to the countryside and buy a farm where you take of many animals and attend the farm festival, where you fall in love with a local sim.

traits: loves outdoors, good, animal enthusiast

aspiration: country caretaker

job: no job

world: henford-on-bangley

requirements:

never have a job

complete the country caretaker aspiration

live on henford-on-bangley

be close with your grandparent and garden with them

be closer to your proper parent, but live with your goofball parent

marry a sim from henford-on-bangley

maximize the cross-stitch, herbalism, cooking, baking and gardening skills

generation #5: downtown girl

your parents always loved the countryside and it's animals and plants, but that lifestyle was just never for you, and when on a family trip you visit the big city you make a decision: you'll move there as soon as you become a young adult. once there, and with no more company other than a cat you adopt on your first day on the city, you decide to follow your dream of becoming a musician and start from the bottom.

traits: music lover, cat lover, loner

aspiration: city native

job: entertainer, musician branch

world: san myshuno

requirements:

complete the city native aspiration

have a part-time job as a teenager

reach the top of the entertainer career on the musician branch

adopt a cat on your first day on the city

have no more than 3 friends, excluding family members

maximize the singing, charisma, guitar and piano skills

generation #6: dark/light academia

you’ve always have a passion for knowledge and learning, so much so that you prioritize it above anything else, you dream of becoming the first person in your family to attend university. you are always surrounded by books, and you prefer their company to that of other people, which is why many consider you a snob.

traits: bookworm, loner, snob

aspiration: academic

job: writer, on the autor branch

world: any

requirements:

go to university, it must be britechester

join a secret society

maximize writing, research & debate and logic skill

marry a fellow academic with the snob trait

read at least 3 books to each of your kids

reach the top on the writer career on the author branch

generation #7: old money

"some people are simply better than others" it's a phrase that you wholeheartedly believe and live by. you love art, music, books and everything sofisticated, so you choose a career that will allow to enjoy of such things, but when your parents decide to make a call to boost your admission chances to your dream university due to the being alumnus, it makes you forever question whether you truly deserved it or not, so you work harder than everyone else to prove you're worth it.

traits: snob, proper, over-achiever

aspiration: successful lineage

job: business, management branch/acting

world: san myshuno/del sol valley

requirements:

go to university, and major in either economics or communications

reach the top of the business/acting career

complete the successful lineage aspiration

graduate high school as an b student, graduate university with honors

if you choose the acting career, you must win at least 1 starlight accolade and become a 5 star celebrity

marry a famous and snob sims

maximize the gourmet cooking, charisma, parenting and painting skills

generation #8: that girl

they say like parent like children, and they're right. growing up you always saw just how hard your parents worked and how much they managed to achieve due to that hardwork, so you decide to be just like them, except for one little thing: you want to be an internet personality. so you go to college and at the same time become a simfluencer, at least until you graduate, but you still keep updating your social media everytime possible. you are always concerned with becoming your best self in terms of mind and body.

traits: perfectionist, over-achiever, neat

aspiration: renaissance sim

job: simfluencer part-time job as a teenager, style influencer on the trendsetter branch

world: any

requirements:

complete the self-care self-care specialist aspiration

reach the top of the both of your careers

become at least a 3 star celebrity

go to the gym at least three times each week, go to a spa at least once a week

graduate as a a student and valedictorian, graduate university with honors

maximize logic, fitness, wellness, cooking, parenting and baking skills

be close with each of your children

get at least 6 other skills to level 8

generation #9: coastal grandma

you grew up watching your parents constantly working, and while that never stopped them from being as loving and doting as possible, seeing their frantic lifestyle made you realize that you want nothing to do with that lifestyle, in fact, you want to just relax and enjoy life in a beach while drinking your favorite drink. so you work all of your youth and once you become an adult you move to a beach, quit your job and enjoy the rest of your life with your loved ones.

traits: child of the ocean, foodie, insider

aspiration: beach life

job: culinary, chef brand

world: brindleton bay, tartosa, sulani

requirements:

complete the beach life aspiration

move to a beach once you become an adult

marry a good sim

practice wellness

have a good relationship with your child

maximize the cooking, baking, mixology, parenting and knitting skills

generation #10: cryptidcore

a family rumour claims that one of your ancestors wasn’t… precisely human, but everytime you’ve tried asking anyone they just laugh and deny it, saying that no such things exist. well, you’ve decided to prove them wrong, and you will dedicate your life to prove it

traits: loves the outdoors, socially awkward, genius

aspiration: strangerville mistery

job: scientist

world: strangerville

requirements:

befriend a witch, werewolf, vampire, alien, ghost and a mermaid

marry a sim that is one of the previous life states

reach the top of the scientist career

complete the strangerville mistery aspiration

move to strangerville

maximize the vampire lore, photography and logic skills

#sims 4 #ts4 #ts4 legacy #sims 4 legacy challenge #aesthetics4 challenge #aesthetics #the sims 4 aesthetics #the sims 4 challenge

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for accepting money/gifts from my mom?

(🦭🐟 to help find later)

Ok bear with me here because this is a serious question w/ some context even though the question doesn't seem bad.

My (19NB) mom (54F) is not a very good parent. Things were not great when I was a kid, to say the least. It's complicated to get into so I'm gonna glaze over most of it and say I plan to go low/no contact when I'm older and can afford to support myself on my own. For now I'm amicable since I need help while getting through college. This has been my plan for a WHILE but I've started to feel a little guilty?

My biggest issue with my mom is the way that she treats/treated my siblings. Sometimes she gets on my nerves but I know I have the privilege of being the youngest (and the favorite) therefore my parents don't pull the same kind of bullshit with me. For example one of my siblings had family therapy with her, and she would frequently not show up and leave them to do the exercises with the other families in the group session that they didn't know. She also complained about their suicide attempt. She talks down to my oldest sister because she couldn't pursue the medical career my parents wanted because she couldn't deal with the cadavers, and since she spent her whole education trying to reach their standards she's been lost trying to figure out what she wants for herself, and my parents keep harping on her for not having a career plan and being "useless". This is only the tip of the iceberg, and it's plenty enough for me to feel justified in my decision to eventually go no contact. I am not asking if AITA for cutting her off, that is not where the guilt is.

It's always been the case that instead of directly saying she was wrong my mom would spend a lot of money on us and buy gifts (usually stuff she likes and not what we like, but I figured out I could leverage her guilt to buy specific things bc free stuff ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ even if I don't forgive her). I think this is because she didn't have much money growing up so now she's a shopaholic now that she has the money to do so (both my parents are in the medical field so they are far from poor. abt upper middle class). She also keeps defending our uncle despite us bringing up how he's creepy and pervy and makes us uncomfortable, and she has some... interesting political takes (like defending the price of insulin being so high???)

My mom I think has been trying to be better but she still never apologizes for any of her actions and is guilt trippy by saying stuff abt how we all think shes a bad mom that caused all her kids to be depressed and suicidal. So its not enough of an improvement for me to forgive her, but I do notice that she walks away from situations sometimes rather than blow her fuse, and she's more tolerant of my ADHD and queerness than she used to be. And she's been trying to be more supportive of me and my decision to pursue an art career. I do believe that people can get better and change themselves, I just think in the case of my mom it's too little too late (and she hasn't improved her relationship with my siblings as much). I've also been polite and friendly since I'm still living with her.

So like, this combined with me accepting her gifts makes me think I'm leading her on? Like she thinks that she's salvaging a relationship with one of her kids and that I'll stay. And I feel a little bad about that. Like if it was JUST the gifts I would feel no guilt bc if she thinks she can bribe her way into our good graces without changing her behavior than shes gonna be down money and still have no kids. But shes trying to improve, albeit slowly and not when we needed her, but better nonetheless. So it feels less "this is the least she could do given the trauma" and more "i feel like i'm taking advantage of her".

One of my siblings refuses to accept her money on principle (they've already moved out) and it makes me think I should probably do the same, but also i dont know if I can since I don't have a job yet and I'm still in school, so maybe just refuse the gifts thing? But neither of my siblings seem to have an issue with my relationship with her, so maybe I shouldn't feel bad? She's treating me better so I feel I have less justification for using her wealth for my own benefit, even if I still don't forgive her for how she treated my siblings.

Basically, AITA for still accepting guilt money/gifts from my shitty mom despite planning on cutting her off later on?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #suicide cw

[thatskynews]

Hello! I hope this ask finds you both well.

So, I mostly wanted to ask, what is you two's opinion on sky making most items iap lately? There's been very few igc stuff since some seasons ago and it's been disheartening for a lot of players. I don't see tgc acknowledge this in any way (if they did, you can show me, i often get things wrong)

Anxy: Thanks, I hate it (*hides the money reserved for said items*)

But I agree. It was actually one of the complaints that I wrote in the survey. Sky is getting more and more expensive and it's not looking good in the long run. I only convinced myself that this is better, buying something that you will get with 100% certainty, than wasting my money over gacha with little probability (*also hides the money reserved for genshin's welkin*)

Ymir: I also hate it! I understand why they do it, but I... hate spending more money on games than I need to. The last time I bought anything from sky was the little prince pass I think, and even then I was barely getting by.

Sky's current model is off of probably a push from investors ngl? but also just sucks for most people since they are leaning into pushing for people to either candlerun burnout orrrrr buying the candles straight up. I've used up many candles over the years on friends! I was a social little guy when I was most into sky!!

honestly the price going up pattern has been fairly steady since prophecy(as much as I hate to say it :( ) and I doubt it shall go fix itself entirely anytime soon... but I do miss the ability to just get everything I need in the seasons with weeks to spare... and the inbetweens being fairly long (I think they used to be about.. nearly 3 weeks?). I'm hoping TGC changes things around- I remembered when the iap having only one item without any other rewards deal first occurred and how upset everyone got. I love sky, but I can not deny the fact it has negatively affected me multiple times because of this specifically :(

I typically do complain to tgc when given the chance though, because of these changes are the reason I didn't play sky for nearly a year straight... and why I still struggle to actively play as much as I did.

#I'm a hypocrite if you cant tell -anxy #but i got my habits under control by looking at beta and weighing my wants - anxy #I am a strict 'if I dont find myself using it often.. I dont need it' type of person usually with spending on things -ymir #I do also play gacha games... but I honestly care more for the storylines. and play only really 3 of them? -ymir #my self control is... I grew up thinking anything over 5$ was expensive if it wasn't a need. and it still is for me ngl. -ymir #if I want to go mess around with the iap items: beta time I shall go once more -ymir

[obsidianstrawberrymilk]

do you have any specific theory regarding kunikida’s backstory? i honestly never thought about how he might have met fukuzawa when he was much younger, always assumed it happened after he dropped out of uni, but this makes much more sense tbh. i’m huge on the idea of him coming from a military family (would explain how he could’ve met fukuzawa and why on earth he knows how to operate every fire arm in existence)

I have so many ideas about Kunikida! The idea of him coming from a military family is definitely interesting - it fits with the author irl and would explain a lot of his mannerisms. I'm partial to him having an estranged relationship with his family in general, because it's mentioned in Kunikida and Katai's Magnificent Days that eventually Kunikida grew to spend more time around Katai than he did his family, and because most of the ADA don't really seem to have family outside each other. No one they worry about being pulled into things when they're accused of terrorism or targeted by the Port Mafia back when they were still antagonists, etc. With Ranpo, Atsushi, and Kyouka we know their parents are dead; with Yosano, Dazai, the Tanizakis and Kenji we know that even if they're not dead they're not really involved in their kids lives enough to matter much at all. I'm inclined to think Kunikida's are similar; we know they exist, but I don't think he has a good relationship with them, if they're still alive (they could have died after he met Katai).

In terms of his past, I definitely think Kunikida had a violent past. Man is way too down with casually throttling people - between that and his extensive knowledge of weapons, as well as how good he is hand to hand combat wise, it makes me think he must have had a tumulus past.

I saw a fanfiction once where he was a child solider in the Great War alongside Yosano, making weapons for the army - while I don't think it's canon, or else it probably would have been mentioned when her backstory was, I think the idea of Kunikida being somehow trained as a child solider definitely has merit. Given how people with Abilities tend to be weaponized in the BSD-verse, how strict Kunikida is despite having a hatred of authority and a tendency to violence, it makes sense to me. It's canon he dropped out of college, but he was also working with the Agency by age 18/19 at a maximum, so I think it's possible he joined college while working there and dropped out.

Another option is him having been in some sort of high school gang. Blonde hair in anime is often used to denote delinquency - so I think it's a given Kunikida was a delinquent as a teenager (especially given his attitude). In this case, his familiarity with violence would probably come via brawls with other gangs and such. I've also seen ideas of him being something of a teen vigilante, which is also definitely possible - teenage Kunikida without a sense of direction for his moral compass, I could see going that route.

Either way, I think he met Fukuzawa young. I've theorized at age 15, to mirror how Chuuya met Mori at 15, but I definitely think he met him before adulthood. I think Fukuzawa was the one who gave him his Ideals notebook, both the physical thing and the direction Kunikida needed to develop that sense of morality and desire to save people we see in canon. I think Fukuzawa had to be instrumental for him - like, why would Kunikida, who dislikes authority and is rude to basically everyone, respect and defer to Fukuzawa so much? Why is Fukuzawa one of the first people we see him use honorifics for? What would cause that type of a relationship?

So yes, I think meeting Fukuzawa was a huge turning point for Kunikida, however it may have been. Maybe he gave him a sense of direction and a way to harness his idealism via the Agency; maybe Fukuzawa was the one who taught him how to help people with his abilities all together. Either way, I can't see someone like Kunikida having such a deep deference and respect for Fukuzawa without him being deeply linked to who Kunikida is as a person, at age 22.

I also wonder if however Kunikida and Fukuzawa met, if it was originally negative or antagonistic. By the time Dazai's Entrance Exam rolls around, Kunikida clearly knows well what Fukuzawa is talking about when he mentions testing Dazai, so Dazai's clearly not the first one to go through that. Given we know neither Yosano nor Ranpo had to pass an entrance exam to join the Agency, our choices are down to either Kunikida or Katai as the first people to take one, which... if it was Kunikida, why would Fukuzawa want that? Why would he want to make sure this guy, specifically, was a good fit for the Agency morally, given Kunikida's such a moral character? What was it that made Fukuzawa want to test Kunikida, if that was what happened?

#thanks for the ask! #kunikida doppo #fukuzawa yukichi #bsd #bungo stray dogs #bsd kunikida #bsd fukuzawa #doppo kunikida #yukichi fukuzawa #bsd analysis

[whatever-you-can-give-me]

I've noticed you have a theme/often return to Vash being aware of his emotions but unable/unwilling to express them, whereas Wolfwood is often less aware of his emotions but expresses them much more freely and openly. I'd love to hear your thoughts or just any rambling on it that you might have.

yes!! that is a thing i do. (it’s more pronounced in my stampede fics, mostly because stampede’s whole trick is taking things that were subtextual in previous iterations and putting them center stage.) it’s a whole layered traumathing, but let’s see if i can break it down.

it took me a while to settle into writing vash’s pov. he’s such a complicated creature held up by such intricate scaffolding. and with stampede vash especially, he’s not really able to recognize how much of the lone wolf martyr shit he treats as his lot in life has been inflicted on him, mostly by knives. so much of vash’s emotional house of cards is built on the concept of personal responsibility, and the only way he can feel like he has agency is to take responsibility for whatever knives does that consequently erodes vash’s agency. and everything else circles that drain. guilt is a more comfortable burden for him than helplessness.

wolfwood, on the other hand, is experiencing at all times in all canons the emotion of spending the first stretch of time since he was like. twelve. out from under his abuser’s immediate supervision (though without actually being free or safe) and realizing what a shit fucking deal he’s been cut, and what possibilities exist if he were free. he’s such a raw nerve of inexperience with the world beyond what he’s been given, chafing against the chain around his neck.

neither of them have been able to develop the kind of “normal” emotional responses to stress and trauma or regular everyday hurts because they’ve spent so much time, on the whole, adapting to the emotional needs of others, abusers and loved ones and strangers alike.

vash over the years learned to do this with a lot of intentionality, but for wolfwood it’s much more instinctive, less practice and more survival.

and then the specific type of pressure they’re both under changes, and they react how they know how, to different results. vash tries to contort himself into whatever shape is desired of him, and gets challenged on this for the first time. wolfwood coils up around his pain, then has his suffering recognized and validated.

tl;dr: two different flavors of trauma response. :]

#trigun meta