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#but i guess i haven't practiced in a while
confused-pyramid · 16 hours
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Breaking Point
pairing: art donaldson x fem!reader
summary: You and Art were hitting partners (and a bit more) in college, so when you run into him a decade later at the U.S. Open, old sparks reignite...
word count: 3.4k
warnings: SMUT, p in v, oral (fem!receiving), slight marking, drinking
a/n: I watched Challengers last night and then wrote this whole thing in one sitting. Nothing in this is really canon other than Art being a major simp lol so no spoilers for the movie! I usually make playlists (or at least find a few songs that get me in the zone) when writing, so I thought I'd start sharing them here too if people are interested!
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You should've known he'd be here. You've been following his career for the last decade since you graduated, and ever since he won Wimbledon last year, he's been tennis royalty, but a small part of you still thought you wouldn't run into him here. At the fucking U.S. Open.
Stanford was a lifetime ago, and you haven't kept in touch with anyone from the college team, but there was always something about Art Donaldson that stuck with you. Ten years later, that hasn't changed.
"It's been so long," he calls out when he spots you from across the practice courts. "I didn't think I'd see you."
You didn't either, and you still haven't decided how you feel about it yet, but when he jogs over to your side, you just shrug. "Guess it's your lucky day."
He smiles, and his teeth glimmer in the bright sunlight. "It certainly is."
The loud thwacks of tennis balls hitting rackets echo around you, but you can't seem to focus on anything but the man standing in front of you. He looks good.
He was beautiful in college too, whether he was training across the net or slipping into your bed, but it feels different now, with so much time apart. He looks like a man now.
"Anyway," Art says, jerking you back to reality. "We should get a drink sometime. To catch up."
He adds the last part almost as an afterthought, but it doesn't escape your notice how his eyes have been trailing up and down your body since he walked over.
A drink could mean almost anything with Art Donaldson, but you're too curious to refuse. "Sure. This weekend, after the semi-finals."
He nods, his eyes glinting with amusement, and you grab your bag from the bench beside you before looping the strap over your shoulder.
You walk off the practice courts after one last glance over your shoulder, and you feel his eyes following along until the doors swing shut behind you.
***
He should've expected this. You were a firecracker in college, and you kept him on his toes every single day you were together, so he really should have known what he was getting into when he met you for drinks that weekend.
Instead, he's one too many beers in, and his buzz is only enhancing the glow of your beauty in the hazy bar light. Your dress isn't even that low cut, but something about the shadows glancing over your strong shoulders reminds him of late nights in the Stanford dorms after a hard practice when there was only one thing he wanted more than sleep.
"You played really well this morning," he says genuinely as he sets his beer back onto the table. "After that first set, Mueller didn't stand a chance."
You flash him a dazzling smile as you shrug, resting your chin on your palm. "I had her after the third game, but thanks. It was a quick match."
Art hasn't taken his eyes off of you since you sat down, and while prolonged eye contact usually makes you nervous, you find that you're actually enjoying the attention quite a bit. Attentiveness was never an issue with him, and you would normally give in to your urges, but there's just too much history with him, and you can't afford to lose focus. Not when the title is so close you can taste it.
"I hear the networks are eyeing you for a commentator post," you say, trying to change the subject.
You trace your finger around the rim of your nearly empty margarita, before lifting it to take a final sip, and you don't miss how his throat bobs as you lick the salt off your lips.
"Uh, yeah," he mumbles, clearing his throat. "It was just some chatter, but I'm not looking to retire anytime soon."
You frown. "Is that right?" He's playing better than ever, but he definitely hasn't been himself out on the court in years.
He glances down, clearly trying to avoid the scrutiny, and when his eyes land on your empty glass, he changes the subject again. "You want another drink?"
You shake your head, knowing that another will lead to a less than fun morning, but he isn't done yet.
"You sure?" His eyes find yours again, and this time the eye contact feels primal. "It doesn't have to be here."
Your eyebrows lift and you tilt your head with a knowing smile. "Where were you thinking?"
"I don't know," he shrugs, before his lips curve up into a cheeky grin. "My room's nice."
You saw it coming from a mile away, but it still pulls a laugh out of you. "Oh, I'm sure it is, but this isn't college anymore, Art. You should get some sleep...focus on your match in the morning."
You push your glass forward and stand up, nodding at him as you turn to leave, but then you see him stand too out of the corner of your eye.
"I'll walk you to your car."
He looks at you with a hint of amusement in his expression, and you can't help but want to play along, even though Art Donaldson was nothing but trouble for you.
You don't respond, instead just stepping out from around the table and walking out the front doors of the bar. You don't have to turn back to know he's right behind you, and when you reach your car, parked in the center of the nearly empty parking lot, you spin around.
He doesn't stop walking until he has you practically boxed in by your driver's side door, his face less than a foot from yours as he tucks his hands into his pockets.
He had pushed his sleeves back at some point in the night, from the humid summer heat of the bar, and you can see the veins on his forearms now, under the dim light of the street lamps.
"This is me," you say jokingly, tipping your chin at your car as he looks at you with an expression you can't distinguish. "I'm good from here."
He doesn't move.
It's not that you expected him to give up so easily; you had just forgotten how persistent he could be.
Art's mouth stretches into a slanted smile. "Do you remember the Davis Invitational? Junior year."
Speaking of his persistence...he had been pursuing you for months, not in any tangible way, but you always knew what he was thinking.
After the invitational, where you and Art had been the respective men's and women's champions, you had gone back to his dorm to celebrate. Three hours and just as many vodka shooters later, he had finally gotten you in his bed. Not that you were complaining.
Art knew his way around your body, and even that first night, he had managed to get you off more times than you can remember.
"What about it?" you shoot back, your eyebrows raising at the insinuation.
"Nothing," he says with a shrug, but you don't miss the humor glinting in his eyes. "You just used to be a lot more fun to celebrate with."
"Fuck you," you spit out, shoving his shoulder harder than you mean to. He barely budges, instead grabbing your hand and tugging you a few inches closer, and suddenly a wave of lust washes over you, making your breath hitch.
You press your thighs together under your dress, hoping he can't feel the heat spreading across your skin, but then his smile turns to a smirk and you know you're done for.
"What do you think?" he whispers, leaning in so close that his lips brush over your earlobe. "Want to celebrate?"
Molten lava pools in your gut and you are only peripherally aware of his hand sliding down your hips to the flowy edge of your dress. His fingers glide over your skin as his hand goes under the loose fabric, before rising up to grab your ass, drawing your hips flush with his.
Your arousal is already starting to soak through your panties, but the feeling of his hard bulge pressed up against you sends you flying back to reality.
You lift your hands to his chest and push him back so that he's a few steps away from you. It's not far enough, but at least you can't feel him from there. "I'm not fucking you, Art."
He shrugs, his smirk only slightly shaken. "Who said anything about fucking? I just wanted to talk."
You huff out a laugh. "You're funny. Besides, I'm too tired for this. I need to rest up before my match."
"What about tomorrow night then?" His lip is still curved up in a smirk, but there's an earnestness in his gaze that surprises you.
"What makes you think you'll still be here tomorrow?"
His mouth spreads into a wide smile. "I always win."
You snort. "Fine. Win your match and we can talk."
You don't miss the grin on his face as you climb into your car and leave.
***
You win your next match in straight sets again, so by the time you're out of the locker room, Art's match is still in play. Driven by a mixture of curiosity and intrigue, you head over to his court and find a seat halfway up the stands.
He has won two of three sets, and he's leading the fourth, so with the prospect of the match ending soon, you use the time to observe him from a different angle.
His form is much better than it was in college, and you've seen him play countless times on TV, but you haven't really let yourself see how good he looks out there. The sinewy muscles rippling in his arms as he lifts them to serve. The rugged sturdiness of his legs as he races back and forth across the court.
You wish you could be down there with him, running your hands over the smooth lines of his abdomen, tasting the drops of sweat as they roll down his body-
The crowd erupts in cheers, and you are thrust back into reality as Art throws his arms into the air with a loud whoop. The scoreboard confirms his victory, and you clap along with the audience as he shakes his opponent's hand and heads over to his chair.
People around you stand up to leave, but you stay in your seat, watching as he grabs his bag and stuffs his rackets inside. When he wipes a towel over his face, his head turns up and his eyes immediately go to you, like he knew you were here the whole time.
Your stomach does an involuntary flip and he flashes his eyebrows at you as you bit the inside of your lip, trying to hold back a smile.
When he ducks back down to grab his things, you stand up quickly to avoid letting him see your blush and follow the rest of the crowd off of the stands.
***
You hear it late that night. Three little raps on your hotel room door, just before midnight.
You're in the finals, and you don't have any friends here to celebrate with, so you were sipping a beer and watching old match recordings when you heard the knock.
There's no one else who would come to see you this late, so you're not surprised when you open the door to find Art, dressed in a tee shirt and comfy-looking pajama pants.
"What are you doing here?" you ask, even though you already know the answer.
Art just looks at you, his pupils already massive. "You said if I win, we could talk." He shrugs. "I won."
"Okay," you concede, opening the door wider to let him in. "Just talking then."
He nods, before following you inside and shutting the door.
"You want anything to drink?" you ask as he trails behind you.
He shakes his head. "I'm good."
You grab your beer bottle from the side table and sit down on the floor, crossing your legs beneath you.
Art sits across from you, his feet in front of him and his elbows on his knees. You were assigned to a modestly sized room, but for someone as tall as him, the space must feel cramped.
"How did the match feel?" you ask, taking a swig of beer.
He thinks for a moment. "It was close at first, but once I shook my legs out, it became a breeze."
"Your legs were never the problem," you say, leveling him with a serious look. "It was always your attitude. Or your confidence."
He frowns, his eyebrows scrunching slightly. "I'm plenty confident."
"You are now," you tell him as you swirl the bottle around in your hand. "You won Wimbledon, you have a reason to be confident."
That makes him smile. "So you're saying my legs are fine."
"Yeah," you say before you can process what you're saying. "You looked good out there."
His smile turns to a smirk so fast it nearly gives you whiplash. "You think I look good?"
You let out an exasperated scoff. "At tennis."
His grin doesn't falter so you roll your eyes at him before lifting the bottle to your lips to take another swig. When you tilt the bottle back down to swallow, his hand reaches forward to take it from you. Your grip on the beer doesn't loosen, so the motion sends you pitching forward.
Your mouth parts with a small yelp as his arm wraps around you, tugging you closer, and before you can process what's happening, his lips are on yours.
If you let yourself think too hard, you would realize that there is way too much shared history and way too much baggage here for this to be a good idea...so that's why you don't.
Instead, you let him pull your body flush against his and when his tongue slides over the seam of your lips, you grant him access immediately. Your shirts come off in quick succession and you gasp as his hands run up and down your body, his strong, calloused fingers grasping at every inch of purchase they can find. Yours reach up to tangle in his messy hair, and when his lips move down your neck, your grip tightens, making him moan quietly against your skin.
Something about being on the floor takes you back to your college days, when you'd both be so worked up after practice that you couldn't even make it to the bed, but that feels too real right now.
"Art," you whisper as he runs his lips and teeth over your neck, before replacing it with his tongue to soothe the quickly blossoming marks. "Art, the bed. Now."
It takes him a second to process your words, but when he does, he loops an arm around your waist and lifts you up and onto the bed in one motion, before pushing you back onto the covers.
By the time your head hits the bed, he's already pulling your shorts and panties down, exposing you to the cool air. His lips follow the path of his hands as they trace up your legs, making you squirm under the hot touch of his rough fingers. He presses wet kisses to the insides of your thighs before spreading them apart and dropping to his knees on the floor in front of you.
"So wet for me," he whispers, almost to himself, before he dives in, his mouth making lewd noises as he licks a thick stripe up your core. "You taste so good."
He lifts your legs over his shoulders to give himself some leverage as he makes a mess between your thighs, licking and sucking your clit into his mouth before fucking you with his tongue.
His grip on your thighs is the only thing keeping you pinned to the bed as you writhe beneath him, trying to not squeeze your legs together from the heat spreading up your core.
His mouth feels amazing and it takes only minutes before you're already nearing the edge. You don't want to come until he is inside of you, though, so you yank his hair, pulling him up and off of you.
He looks up at you through his lashes, and he looks ethereal with his disheveled hair and his chin wet with your slick.
You, on the other hand, look like heaven itself with your eyes half-hooded from pleasure, and he can't help the grin that crosses his face as he licks his lips and climbs over you onto the bed. He lets you taste yourself as he kisses you again, and he lets out a low groan when you bite his lip just hard enough to sting.
"Fuck me," you gasp, your voice too breathy to be actually authoritative. "Fuck me the way I like."
Art grins at your desperate tone and the wild lust in your eyes, committing this image to memory for a later time when you're much further away.
He kicks his pants off as he lifts you both further up the bed, and after covering himself with a condom from his back pocket, he lines himself up and slowly pushes forward.
He gives you a few moments to adjust to his size before slowly pulling out nearly all the way and then thrusting in again.
The slight pain turns to pleasure almost immediately, but he keeps his pace steady so as not to hurt you. You need more right now, so you wrap your legs around him for leverage and flip him over so that you're straddling him.
He groans as his head hits the pillow, and when he tries to sit up, you press your hands to his chest, pushing him down as you ride him. This position gives you a lot more control, and you use it to your advantage as you bounce yourself on his cock, feeling the way he fills you up so fully from this higher angle.
His fingers dig into your hips as he helps lift you up and down, and his eyes are practically feral as he watches the spot where his cock disappears inside of you.
He's the perfect size to fill you up completely, and with each swivel of your hips, you get closer and closer to your climax, which is approaching so fast you can taste it.
You cry out when he hits exactly the right spot deep inside of you, and his eyes fly to yours as your movements start to stutter from your impending release.
Needing to see the look on your face when you come, he pushes your lower back forward so you fall against his chest, before lifting himself up to meet you halfway. With one arm locked around you, he brings his other hand down between the two of you to rub quick circles over your clit. The new angle lets him thrust up into you, and the increased pace of his movements mixed with the speed of his fingers sends you flying over the edge.
Your mouth falls open with a loud cry, and you squeeze him so tightly he's practically seeing stars. You look so beautiful when you come, like a goddess sent down here just for him, and when your eyes meet his, he finds his own climax.
His body jerks forward with the force of his release, and you let him thrust a few more times as he finally finishes inside of you.
After pulling out, he tugs you down to lay next to him, and at first you let him, but the emotions warring inside of you don't stay quiet for long.
You know that whatever this was isn't going to go anywhere. You didn't work in college, and you won't work now, and you don't want anyone to get hurt again, so you have to make a choice. Now.
"I need to get some rest," you say quietly, a tiny part of you hoping he doesn't hear you. "Before the next match."
"Yeah," he sighs after a beat. "Me too."
You let him hold you for a moment longer, before he unwraps himself from your body and sits up, tugging his shirt and pants back on. You tug the sheet back and wrap it around your torso as he stands up and walks to the door.
You're not sure what you're expecting as he goes to leave, but what you get is a silent nod as the door swings shut behind him.
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there is no way to imagine early chaggie's first meeting that isn't at least a little silly
Charlie: "SO! Umm- What's a pretty lady like you doing in a place like this?"
Vaggie: "...." (is in Hell)
Charlie: "....." (princess of Hell)
Charlie: ".....aside from the, damned for all eternity by Heaven for your past actions, thing."
Vaggie: "Nothing much. Meeting pretty demon ladies, I guess?"
Charlie: "Oh who? Is she a friend? Where'd she go??"
Vaggie: "...."
Charlie: "......."
Charlie: "It's me isn't it. I'm the pretty demon lady."
Vaggie: "Sorry."
Charlie: "What? No don't be! I've, I just haven't been called pretty in a while, or talked to anyone who wasn't a living demon plushy, so I'm kinda out of practice with the conversational cues and-"
Vaggie: "Not for that. It's uh.. I've lost lot of blood... I think I'm about to pass out."
Charlie: "-you WHAT!?"
Vaggie: "wha's your name again..?"
Charlie: "I- I didn't say but I'm Charlie WHAT BLEEDING!??!?"
Vaggie: "'s nice meeting you Charlie." (slumps over)
Charlie: (catching her) "Ah! Ahhh!?" (hugging vaggie while frantically shrugging off jacket) "Pretty lady unconscious, the unnamed pretty lady IS unconscious!!!" (wrapping vaggie in jacket like burrito and scooping her up) (RUNS)
Charlie: "EVERYBODY MOVE MOVE MOOOVE! UNCONSCIOUS AND EXANGUINATED PRETTY LADY COMING THROUGH!!!"
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gauloiseblue · 1 day
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And at every table / I'll save you a seat
(Gaz × Reader)
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[+18 | Adult Content MDNI]
Tags: fluff, smut, family issue, friends to lovers, slow burn, [A bit of warning] tradition view on virginity and marriage, piv sex
Words: 9.8k
It all started with a little request
"Will you take my virginity?"
He's taken aback by the ask, but he quickly regains his composure.
"No." He replied.
You look at him for a while, before you mutter out, "I understand."
"Wait," He grabs your hand before you could turn around, "Let's talk about it."
He observes the hesitation rising from your face when you look away, "I don't think you'd understand."
"You haven't tried yet." He smiles gently, "Try me, (Name)."
"... It's a long story."
"I got time for it." He told you, "Tea?"
With that, he invites you into his place.
You're silent when he offers you a seat, and he lets you sit with your thoughts as he works on the drink. It's not your first visit to his apartment, since you've been here quite often. But you never came with a somber mood, and he didn't know what to say to cheer you up.
He hands you the cup, before he pours the tea from the pot. He hears you murmur something, and though he doesn't quite catch it, he can roughly guess it.
"So," He began as he sat down across the table, "Would you mind telling me why you suddenly wanna lose it?"
You had blown the steam away from the cup, before you took a sip. He watches you take your time with the drink, until you're ready to talk.
"I know that I said I'm keeping myself until marriage, but I don’t think it's possible now." You bit your lip, as you fidgeted with the handle of your cup, "Because I'm going to be wed to someone I didn't know."
He raises his brows at your statement, "That practice still exists today?"
"Yes, it still does." You begin to explain the outline of the story. "My family came from a community that still holds an orthodox belief. My parents aren't conservative, but they can't escape the tradition either. When they told me about the engagement, I begged them to call it off, yet they asked me to go with it. But I don't want that. I don't want to be trapped in a loveless marriage." Your eyes shift as you hold back tears, "I know that they love me, if they don't, I won't be here. Away from home."
You quickly wipe your cheek before you continue, "The man who'll be my husband is highly respected in the community, but he's at the same age as my mother. I don't know why he asked for my hand, we barely talked. But for the last few months, he began to send me gifts. It's customary for a suitor to give the girl presents as a way of courting. Anyway, I won't bore you with the details."
He waits for you to gather your thoughts, before you start again.
"To be a bride, it's common for a girl to go through a ceremony, to see if the girl is suitable for marriage. I have to fulfill all of certain criteria to be recognized as a proper fiancée." You snort when you mention it, "Ky, you're a smart person, you must've known what that means."
He crosses his arms when you subtly ask him to make the conclusion. "If you fail the virginity test, then you're ineligible to be a bride."
"There are other factors that can annul the engagement, but yes, purity is the most important aspect for the bride to have." You stated, "If I fail that test, then I can be free from the custom."
"Won't you be shamed for… not being pure?" He carefully asked.
"Yes, but It's better than the other option."
You went quiet after the confession, as if you've retreated back to your shell.
He gazes at you long and closely, while a sense of familiarity comes to rest on him. The way you carry yourself reminds him of the old you—who couldn't look him in the eyes when you both were strangers.
"Say," He begins, as he rubs his face, "If I were to help you, what then?"
"Nothing, we can pretend it never happened."
"You know it's not possible, right?" He frowned, "We can't go back like we used to, at least I can't see it that way."
"I know, but I don’t have a lot of choices." You replied with a sigh, "I can never sleep with a stranger, and I can't do it myself either." You told him, "I have to lose it somehow, but I don’t know how. And the reason I asked you this because you seem to have a lot of experience, so—"
You stop when he presses his hand against his lips. While it's impossible to tell if he blushes or not, you swear you see a red tint on his cheeks.
"You're not…?"
He scratches his neck, as he coyly replies, "My ma raised me well, (Name). Of course I'd save myself before marriage."
"Oh—" You cover your mouth in shock, "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have asked you—"
"It's alright." He smiles, "How much time you have left until the ceremony?"
"About a month." You answered.
"I'll help you then." He said with such ease, that it made you stare at him wide-eyed, "But let me take you to a date first."
"What," You gulped, "What do you—Why? I thought… you said no…?"
"I hate seeing you like this, and I don't want you to resort to one night stand." He told you, "Besides, you didn't force me into this."
"But I did make you sympathize with me." You shook your head, "That's why you changed your mind."
"I said no because I knew you're saving yourself for marriage."
"But you said that you did too."
"That makes us even then." He tilts his head, "I'll take yours, and you'll take mine."
You open your mouth to speak, but nothing comes out of it. Not because you're at loss for words, rather, you have too many questions in your head.
"You can decide how many dates we'll go before you decide if you want to do it." He reaches out to squeeze your hand, "How's that sound?"
Although you're still unsure at that time, you can't help but nod at the offer.
The first time he takes you on a date, it's on Sunday, 07:20 PM, at an independent cinema. He phoned you earlier, telling you that they're going to play an old romantic film.
"I thought you like mystery?"
"Yeah, but you wouldn't pick that on the first date." He grins, "Besides, the movie has Binoche in it."
By the time you arrive at the cinema, you spot him talking to another man by the ticket booth. He turns his head when he hears your call, before the other man leans to the side to see you.
"You're early." You told him.
"I could say the same to you." He said with a smile, "The movie's starting in 10, c'mere."
He extends his hand towards you, and you take it with a little bit of apprehension.
The man whistles when he drapes his arm around your shoulders, "I see ya bringing a date tonight."
"Yeah," He turned to you, "Ain't she pretty?"
His friend chuckles when your face turns red, "Can't argue with that."
"Well, we'll talk later. I'm gonna show her around for a bit." He gives the man a pat on his arm, "You still have that shrine of yours?"
"'Course!" He warmly retorted, "Wouldn't close it for ya."
He mutters something back to him, and the man gives him a thumb up. When the two of you part with him, you ask him about the shrine.
"It's just a room full of merchs." He explains, "He's a movie fanatic, so when he liked a film, he'd find any of the collectibles."
"Like graphic t-shirts?"
"More than that." He grins, "You'll see."
At the end of the hall, there's a door smaller than the theater one. He opens it for you, and guides you inside.
The room is roughly the size of a humble apartment, but it's filled with many posters and other things you have to see up close to know what they are. Your eyes scan the movie posters that are mounted on the wall, before you turn to a doll. It's a porcelain doll, adorned with old-fashioned clothes. You lift the little paper beneath it and begin to read.
"It's from 'Interview With The Vampire'." You hear him say, "It's one of the collections that he's proud of."
"I've seen that movie years ago." You murmured, while tracing the edge of the paper with your finger, "I didn't understand what the story was about, until I read the book."
"You read the novel?"
You nod, "I still read it from time to time. Oh, would you look at that." He turns his gaze towards the spot you point at, "Didn't we watch that movie together?"
"Mulholland Drive?" He rubs his chin, "Didn't you say you hate it?"
"Well, I did. But it's been stuck in my head since then." You turn on your heel and skim through the titles of the posters, "I see a lot of foreign movies but not french." You commented, "Isn't he a movie fanatic?"
"He is. Just not a hypocritical one." He replied, "He told me that many of the French directors are lecherous, and they like to put their fantasies into their movies. Guess what caused them to earn a good rating?"
"I don't know, affinity bias?"
"Precisely." He grins, "He likes a few French films though, like Plein Soleil, Amélie, Playtime,"
"Léon?" You smirk.
"He'd berate you if you ever mentioned that name in front of him."
You laugh at his playful warning, "I think I like him."
"Too bad, he already has a wife." He circles his arm around you, "Why don't I introduce you to someone else?"
You roll your eyes at him, as you're so used to hearing those words.
"Yeah, his name is Kyle Garrick, and he's currently single."
"Come on, you loved it the first time you heard it."
"Well, I did laugh at it, but it's getting old." You jest as you poke in his ribs, "Try something else, and maybe I'll fall for it."
And he gives you a response that gets you burst into a laughing fit. You shove him away as you retort back, ignoring the quiet tension that begins to hang in the air.
When the two of you enter the theater, he places his hand on your back as he guides you to your seat. Though it's just a small gesture, it sends a warm feeling to your stomach.
He settles down beside you, and his arm brushes against yours. The seats are quite broad compared to the commercial cinema, but still, there's not much space left between you and him. You try not to think about it too much, as you rest your hand on the same armrest as his.
The opening of the film with the scenery of a small town, before it shows the greetings between churchgoers and the neatly dressed gentleman. It then cuts to a standing crowd, who begins their worship with singing. You frown when you listen to the narrator, as she portrays the minds of the villagers as singular. As the hymn comes to an end, the parishioners bend down to sit on the pews, before the pastor climbs up to give a sermon. The colors of the scene contrasts with the next bit, as it cuts to two figures in the middle of the snow. The figures are covered with red hoods that they hold tightly as they walk against the wind.
The movie soon changes right after the wind blows the church door open. It focuses on the two figures earlier—a mother, and a daughter, as they begin to settle down at their new house.
Scene after scene, the narratives begin to blur into one, and you let yourself be immersed into the flow of the film. Instinctively, your body leans forward as you watch the chocolate and the store begin to take form. Yet in doing so, you missed the look your friend gave.
When the first conflict happens, you can't help but show your dislike towards the man—the well-dressed man from the beginning. But it soon dissipates when the woman invites her guest inside.
They talk for a little while, and the way she—her guest behaves, the clumsiness that she shows—that makes her look like a cornered cat, it almost looks surreal, as if you're watching yourself from the future scope. You press your hand against your lips, as the crease between your eyes deepens.
Perhaps it's just the right moment, or perhaps your thoughts spill over into his, that he decides to push your head gently onto his shoulder.
You were taken aback by the gesture, but you welcomed it. You murmur something to him, as you wrap your hand around his arm.
"What?" He asked in a low tone.
"Nothing." You told him while hiding your smile.
Kyle Garrick. You wonder if kind has always been his middle name. If it's not kind, then it must be thoughtful. It must be nice, to receive such affection from a man like him. In the midst of thoughts cartage, you begin to ponder, if it's alright for you to keep them from someone who's more deserving.
At the end of the movie, you slip your hand from his arm, as you stand up from your seat. You still remember the way he understands, and doesn't push further. He keeps the rest of the night in a lighthearted mood, though his hand lingers on you a little longer, and his gaze doesn't stray further from you, even just a little bit.
That night, you lay down on your bed with your thoughts as your lullaby. It doesn't help you sleep, but it does keep you company for the night.
The next day, you ask him if he's free on Friday.
It's curious how fast he responded back, considering that he still got jobs to do, particularly reports. When you read the message, you bite your lips as you type a new one.
'Wanna have dinner together?'
A new chat pops up in a second.
'Sure'
And another one after.
'When?'
'Today' You reply, 'Takeouts?'
'Let me cook for ya'
And it's settled.
When you show up on his doorstep, he opens it up the first time you ring the bell.
"Hey," He greets you with a grin, and you notice a red stain on his shirt, "Come in."
"Smells good." You commented as you stepped in, "What are you cooking?"
"Bolognese." He replied, "I haven't decided on the pasta yet. What do you want? Pappardelle or spaghetti?"
"Fusilli?" You said, before a smile betrays your lie, "Anything's fine, really."
"Pick a color then. Yellow or blue?"
"Yellow."
"Pappardelle then."
You thought it's just a random decider, until you saw the color of the packaging.
"Guess you're used to people who say it's up to you." You remarked while you climbed on the bar stool.
"You can say that." He chuckles as he drops the pasta into the pot.
"Were they your dates?"
"Pshh, no. Just my little brothers and sister. You know the story."
"I know." You trailed off and looked away, "But you must've had those moments in your dates."
"Like what you did earlier?" He smirks and you groan at him.
"Come on, you know I'd never complain about your choice."
"I know, that's why I like you."
"You always say that."
The conversation ends with a quiet chuckle, as he goes back to watch over the boiling water. You sense a reply from him that should be laid bare, but he left it at surmise.
"Dinner's ready." He announced, as he lifted up the plates from the counter. You follow him to the dining table, and you pull a seat while he places the dishes on the table.
As the two of you dig in, you quietly bite on the broad pasta. You might not be aware of it, but you always chew on your food longer when you're preoccupied with your mind.
You hear his voice as you snap out of your thoughts, but not clear enough for you to grasp.
"What?"
"It's alright if you wanna back down." He repeated, as he swirled the pasta with his fork, "I agreed to help you because you asked me to, but I know it might make things awkward between us, so."
"Oh, that's not—it's not about that, it's just," You chewed on your lip, "It's just that, when I think about you, I can't help but think that… I'll end up stealing something from you." You shook your head, "You could wait for the right person, you're not obligated to help me—"
"Well, I want to."
"I know, that's why I feel bad because I knew you wouldn't hesitate to help." You frown, "You're too kind for me, Ky. Sometimes I'm scared that I might get the wrong idea."
You almost jump when he holds your hand, and witness the fortitude that reflects in his eyes. "Go ahead then, go on and get the wrong idea. Because it might be true after all."
The way he said it—with a clear, unmistakable voice, drags you into silence. You can't find the words to say, nor the right response for his statement. While you're not entirely sure about the truth, you can see the trace of it on his face.
Your throat begins to tighten, and you try to swallow down whatever's in the way.
You know that he's hopeful that you'd give him some kind of clarity, but you don't. You couldn't.
After the dinner, you don’t extend your visit as you excuse yourself from staying.
"Let me take you home."
You shake your head, "I'll be fine."
"Are you sure?"
You shoot him a smile, "Yes, don't worry about me."
He seems hesitant for a moment, but it disappears the moment you pull him into a hug.
"I'll call you when I'm home."
He picks up the phone at the second ringtone, and asks you if you're home. You give an affirmative answer, before the line turns silent.
The words that had wrapped around your throat came back to the surface. They beg to be let out of your tongue, but you bite them down. Not now. Not yet.
The call ends not long after, as you both say goodnight. As you sit down on the vanity stool, you look at the reflection of you in the mirror. It's the shape that you've known so well, and yet, you don't recognize it at the same time. Has your face already been like this? Is this what he always sees whenever you're around?
Absent-mindedly, you reach up to touch your lips. What would you taste like, if he ever kissed you?
Unfortunately, you can only imagine for now.
Four days would pass, and you soon find yourself waiting for the bell. He had messaged you earlier, telling you that he'll pick you up at your place.
The destination of your date is still unknown, since you only asked him to take you to somewhere quiet. Somewhere you can talk without the presence of curious ears. Of course, the first thought that came to your mind is the privacy of your home, but he got another idea, and kept it as a surprise.
"Bring a jacket with you." He told you on the phone, "You might need it."
But you don't know how cold it'll be, so you stick with a cardigan.
When he gets to your place, he doesn't ring the bell. Instead, you hear your phone rings, before a honk of a car announces his arrival. You walk out of your place and lock the door behind.
"Where are we going?" Is the question you asked him after you got into his car.
"You'll find out." He replied with a grin.
He doesn't give you any clue, other than the paper bag on the back seat. He also told you that it's a one-hour drive, so it's alright if you want to rest your eyes.
"I'm fine." You said, as you turned on the radio.
The ride is predominantly filled with songs, and the occasional chat between you and him.
On the other day, you either wouldn't stop talking, or you'd sit in comfortable silence. But that morning, both options seem unreachable.
"I'm sorry." You uttered quietly.
"What?"
"Sorry that I dragged you into this." You muse, "And I'm sorry that I made such a big deal out of it. I made things worse, didn't I?"
"Why'd you say that?"
"Because things have already changed between us, even when we haven't done anything."
"You think so?"
"Yes," You divulged, "When you said those things, I couldn't help but think that maybe you really meant it. But then again, you never told me anything before. Anything that could… indicate something."
"Are you sure?" You frown at his reply, "Think again, (Name)."
"What—?"
The car comes to a halt, and you snap your head towards the window. The usual view of the city has been replaced with trees. You stare at the board near the entrance, and you notice the words 'National Park' on it.
"We're here." He stated while unbuckling the seat belt.
You soon follow him as you push the door open. The cold air rushes inside, and makes you shiver.
He offers you his hand when you step out of the car. "Let's take a walk."
The trail that he chooses isn't as rough as you thought, and you can easily keep up with his speed. Though you knew that he slowed it down for you.
As you walk by his side, you feel a tug on your hand. It was his hand, and he wrapped it around yours. He smiles when you turn to him, and mutters out the same line he used whenever you're out with him.
"Wouldn't want to lose you here."
And it just clicked. Every piece of the puzzle just falls into the right place, and you begin to see the whole picture. He never changed at all, it was you who's changing.
"You like me."
You feel his hold tightens, before he loosens it up a second after.
"Like is an understatement."
"I'm afraid to use the stronger word."
"I know." He spoke softly, "That's why I never said it."
At the end of the path, a quiet lake waits for the two of you, providing a place for a silent conversation. The water is calm, but the breeze is colder than before. You hug yourself, trying to savor the little warmth that your cardigan provides. It doesn't take seconds before you hear a rustle, and feel yourself wrapped in a parka.
"Told you to bring a jacket." He murmured, as he held the garment for you.
His coat is warm, as if it has absorbed the heat of his skin. Your hands slip into the sleeves, before you roll up the cuffs. You watch his face as he zips up the parka, before he returns your gaze.
Perhaps it's him who leans closer, or it's you who wraps your hands around him first, but in the end, your lips meet with his. The kiss you both share is soft, and filled with longing. It's impossible to tell who's feeling it belongs to, but it envelopes around you like a mist.
When the two of you part, you smile as you murmur against his lips.
"I like you."
He softly chuckles as he cups your face, "I'm glad."
You both recognize the nuance of it, but no one speaks of it louder than a heartbeat.
I like you. What an understatement.
"Why do you like me?"
He lifts his head from the magazine when he hears your question.
"I could tell you all of the reasons, but at the end of the day, I simply like you."
"Really?" You roll your eyes, "Is that your way of saying you don't know?"
He lets out a small laugh, while he closes the mag. "Fine, I'll tell you." He begins, "I can't remember when it was, but we're pretty close at that time. We were just talking that night, and you asked me if I chose to be the giver because I felt uncomfortable receiving. I never thought about it, but it made sense. When I said yes, you told me, if I don't learn to receive, then I'd end up hurting other people. Because I denied their affection."
You lift your brows at the recount, "Did I really say that?"
"Yes, but it's not your words that got me the most. It's the way you broke my logic, and helped me see things from a new perspective." He stated, "It felt… nice, to be understood by you." He rubs the nape of his neck, "Well, what about you? Why do you like me?"
"I'm not sure." You pucker your lips, "I think I've always liked you. Because you're thoughtful, and it's something that's easier to say than done."
"Just that?"
"What? You want more?"
"Yeah," He smirked, "Go on."
You look at him long and hard, before you decide, "No."
"Why?"
"I'd say something embarrassing."
"Like what?"
"... I'm not telling."
He jumps on the sofa as he seizes your body. You squeal when he digs his fingers on your waists, and you shout, "Cut it out!"
He chuckles when you try to slap his hand away and fail, "C'mon, tell me." He grins, while his hands don't stop tickling you.
"Stop—I'm not telling—!"
When he had you pinned down, you kicked around to get him off you. Which, unfortunately, ends up knocking the empty glass on the table. You both watch in horror as the glass falls off the surface, and into the floor.
But it doesn't shatter. Instead, it bounces twice, before it rolls in a half circle. When it stops moving, it takes about five seconds before the two of you burst into laughter.
"That's the second time you almost broke it."
"Sorry." You muttered through your giggle, "But whose fault was it?"
"Me." He grinned, before slowly bent down to kiss you.
Just like the other kisses you've shared, it goes on for more than a minute. He gently guides you as he cups your cheeks. Your arms find their way around his neck, and keep him close to you.
He leans his forehead against yours, as he catches his breath. You observed the way his chest rises and falls while you follow the same rhythm. Maybe you soften at the sight of him, or maybe a kiss'd really loosen up someone's tongue, that's why the words fall out of your mouth so easily.
"I like your kisses."
He raises his head as he turns his gaze on you. "Was that the thing you're embarrassed to admit?"
You give his shoulder a punch.
"Hey." He retorted with a chuckle, "'M just kidding."
He presses his lips on your cheek, before he lays down on your side. You shift your body to give him space, and settle your head on his arm, while the other one is wrapped around you.
"Comfy?"
You nod, "You're warm."
"Glad to be your heater."
You bury your face into his chest as you giggle.
"I just wish you're portable," You jest, "So I could use you whenever I'm cold."
"Who says I'm not portable?"
"Well, you can't be with me 24/7."
"Careful what you wish for." He smirked.
You raise your brow at him, "Is that a warning?"
"Maybe."
"Mmm," You rested your finger on your chin, "Didn't sound like one."
"Really?" He teases, "Then you won't mind if I keep you here for the night."
"I'm busy tomorrow, so no." You hold your chuckle when you see him pout, "But I'm free next weekend, you can keep me until Monday if you want."
A glint of mischief crosses his eyes, as he pulls you into a kiss.
"I can't wait."
But waiting doesn't feel longer than you expect, since you meet him for dinner almost everyday. If one of you couldn't make it, you both would be on the call that night.
Talking has been a part of your relationship, even when the two of you still carried the friends title. You could talk with him for hours, and bring up every topic into it. Doesn't matter how random or strange. But there was a line that you both couldn't cross, something that kept the two of you in circles. And you thought it'd stay that way, until you stepped into the other side.
It's a wonder how a familial issue could push your relationship to this point, since you wouldn't think twice about him for the sake of friendship. Now that you've crossed the line, you have nothing to hide from him.
While it might be a good thing, it also leads you to unknown territories. When you're with him, you can no longer ignore the tension that fills the room. Any time that he kissed you, or held you tight in his arms, you couldn't help but think if this would be it. This would be the right time for it. But you couldn't bring yourself to ask.
Maybe that's the reason why—after the 2:01:31 mark on the call, you bring up the obvious question to light.
"Y'know Ky," You start, "I don't have much experience with sex, and neither do you. So how exactly are we gonna do it?"
The line goes silent for a moment, before you hear him draw a breath in. "Are you afraid it'll hurt?"
"No—I mean, yes. But that's not my point." You sigh, "I just—I don't know, I feel like I need to learn about it before getting to the act."
There's a subtle hint of a rustle that you could only guess coming from the papers, "It'll definitely help if we do some research beforehand."
"But where do we start?" You asked, "Porn?"
"I wouldn't recommend that. It's… unrealistic."
"What then? 'A guide to sex' book? 'Sex for dummies'?"
You catch the sound of his chuckle from the speaker. "Only grandmas would read that."
"I would read that if it helps me prepare."
He hums, and your ear picks up the sound of clink, like a metal is placed against a wood. "Can I ask you something?"
"Sure."
"How far have you gone with your partner in the past?"
You hum as you think back, "I think I stopped at heavy petting. I was in high school back then and I was curious. But it hurted, and I was bleeding after the session." You snort when you recall the moment, "Of course I freaked out, but when I secretly tested myself out, I found that I'm still a virgin. I could only guess that he tore something with his nail. That's why I bled."
"I see."
"What about you?" You asked, "How far have you gotten with it?"
"Same as you." He responded, "Fingering, oral, hand job, all the foreplay stuff."
You bite your lip as you hear his tone becomes heavier with each word, something that you notice whenever you dive into a risky topic.
"Should we give it a try?"
There's a pause from the other side of the call, before you receive a reply. "You sure you want it?"
"Yes." You breathe out, "We gotta start somewhere."
Your fingers toy with the hem of your shirt, as you wait for him to answer.
"Alright." He mused, and you felt the warmth creeping up from your lower belly. "Is the plan still on?"
"What plan?"
"You staying over for the weekend?"
You smile against the phone as you reply, "Of course."
"I'll be waiting then."
Friday evening, you arrive at his door with a bag of clothes and other necessities. When the bell rings, it takes about three seconds before the door swings open.
He greets you in the usual manner, except this time he speaks in a softer tone.
"Hey." He smiles upon seeing you, "Come in."
He steps aside when you walk in, before he takes the bag from your hand. You mutter a small 'thank you', and wait for him in the living room while he puts your things aside.
"You want something to drink?" He offered, but you shook your head.
"I'm fine."
You watch him come near you, before he bends down to his knees. You raise your brows when he tugs your hand towards him, and presses a kiss onto your palm.
"Can we talk?"
"About what?" You asked.
"Your boundaries." He squeezed your hand gently, "What's your preferences, what you're not comfortable with,"
"Oh." You look down to your lap to hide your blush, "I don't have any preference yet, I think." You shrug, "I have to experience it to know what I like or dislike, but I think I'm fine with everything you do. Just… don't treat me rough, because I don't think I can handle it."
"Wouldn't dream of hurting you." He pecks on your cheek. "Come,"
You stand from your seat as he pulls you up, and your body follows him naturally as he drags you with him. As he closes the bedroom door behind, your heart leaps when he lifts you up with his arms to kiss you. Your legs wrap around his waist, while you keep your hands on his chest.
When he lays you down on the bed, you push his body away for a little as you mumble, "My, aren't you eager."
He observes your face before he chuckles, "You don't know how long I've waited for this."
You moan when he presses his kiss on your neck, and you feel his hand slip under your garment. Soon, the elastic band of your underwear is dragged down on your skin, and you instinctively close your thighs together.
"Let me taste you, (Name)."
He tugs your pants down until they reach your ankles, he takes his time to unhook them from your feet, before pushing your legs apart. You call his name as a protest, but any attempt to cover yourself from him is useless.
"Ky—" You stare at him wide-eyed as he lowers his head to your core, to the point that you can feel his breath against your labia. Your body tenses up when he gets the first taste of you, before he buries his tongue into your core.
"Tell me if I hurt you." He told you, and waited until you nodded to continue.
You gasp when he presses his tongue against your clit—not out of pleasure, but foreign feeling as the rough texture of his tongue latches on your nub. Your hand shoots up to grab his hair, while your legs clamp on his head. He grunts when you squirm away, and links his arms around your thighs to keep you still.
At first, you only feel a strange sensation every time his tongue swipes against your bundle of nerves, but soon it builds up into a familiar surge. Warmth begins to spread from your lower region, and you muffle a moan when he flicks his tongue on your sensitive clit.
"Ky—!" You hissed when it hit the right spot, "Keep going—"
Your hips bucks involuntarily as he sucks on the swelling bud, it sends an electricity through your body, before his lips detach from you. You whine at the loss of contact, but it doesn't take a second before his elastic muscle returns to its previous place.
The grip on his hair tightens as he picks up the pace, and soon the pleasure starts to coil inside your stomach. Your brows are knitted as you focus on his tongue, chasing after the high that's been hanging in front of you. It's not until you tilt your hips, that you finally reach it.
You cry out as your back arches, your eyes snap open as the wave of pleasure hits you. It was different, more satisfying than what you did on lonely nights. As you slowly come down, your body relaxes under his touch.
When he reaches up to kiss you, you chuckle as you taste yourself from his lips. "And you told me you're a virgin." You mused.
"I don't need to lose it to be good at oral."
You roll your eyes and hold him off by his chest, "Yeah right."
He seems taken aback when you push him to the side, before straddling him between your legs. Your hands work on his pants, as you loosen up the drawstring. "What are you doing?" He muttered out.
"Returning the favor." You replied with a smirk, while you tugged down his pants.
You've seen the outline of his member when he's still dressed, but now that you strip him off, you finally get the full view of it.
You sense his gaze on you as you stare at his cock. Your hand reaches out to touch the tip, and it twitches under your fingertips.
"Are you just gonna stare?"
"Patience." You shot him a teasing look, "I was just admiring."
He props himself up to watch you bend down, taking his length into your mouth. You look at him through your lashes, as you slowly drag your tongue along the shaft. Your fingers wrap around his base, and begin to give it a pump.
His breath becomes shallower with each stroke of your hand, while you wrap your lips around his cock. The tip feels hot on your tongue, as if it's filled with impatience. He groans as you sink your mouth deeper, "Keep going, baby."
You perk up at the nickname he used, but it needs to wait before you can bring it up to him, since your mouth is occupied at the moment.
He places a hand on your head, and runs his fingers through your hair before they settle on your crown. You grunt when he begins to rock his hips gently, while his hand gives you no room to pull back. He's careful enough not to push too deep, but he still overwhelms you.
"That's it—" He panted, brows knitted together as he focused on you. "Fuck—"
His heavy breath, his gentle grip on your hair send warmth through your body. It's not the first time you've done this, but it's the only time you felt desired. He's eager, but he's careful at the same time. He doesn't rush things, he fixates on the moment instead. When you place your hand on his thigh, he slows down as he loosens up his grip on you.
"You alright?"
You nod before you pull away from him.
"I want to ride you."
His brows are raised as you climb on top of him, slowly lowering yourself onto his lap. He takes a sharp breath when your core touches the base of his member, leaving a wet trail as you grind on him. You hear a quiet groan from his sighs, and it becomes heavier each time you pick up the pace.
You bite your lip as you feel your core throb at the sight beneath you. The way his head digs into the pillow, half-lidded eyes and panting, and the way his muscles tense as he chases after pleasure. His hands settle on your waists, keeping you from moving too far from the right spot. Your breath comes out as a huff when the friction starts to get to you. It almost feels real, as if he's really inside you.
"I'm close." He chokes out a moan, and you feel his fingers dig into your skin. "(Name)—"
Your lips curl into a grin when you hear the urgency in his voice. You lean down to kiss him, and he eagerly returns the favor. You grunt against his mouth, as you struggle to move with his arms wrapped tightly around you. But he doesn't seem to mind the erratic pace, since his hips move on its own.
His body shudders and he throws his head back as he groans, loud enough that you can feel his chest rumble through your palms. His member twitches against your core, spilling the white release onto both of your and his clothes. It takes a moment for him before he registers your lips on his neck, which he tilts his head and leans his cheek against yours.
"That was…"
"Good?" You grinned as you gave him a kiss.
"Great. Amazing. Ten out of ten." He chuckles, "Are you sure you're a virgin?"
You playfully pinch his cheek while you laugh, "Shut up."
He shoots you a coy smile, before he gently rolls you down with him on the bed.
"We should take a bath."
"Later." He muttered, wrapping one arm around you.
"Come on." You protested while tugging his hand off you, "We can cuddle after that."
"Fine," He lets you go, "Let's take a shower."
And he said it in a not-so-innocent voice.
The two of you end up prolonging the bath time, as he's taking you for a second round. If he's eager the first time, the second time must be worse. Since he's got the taste of it. You knew that he's exceptional, that he's a quick-learner, but you didn't expect it'd apply to sex as well.
The thing is, you never came with fingers alone. But when he cornered you in the shower, knuckles-deep in your core, he had you screaming as the sweet shock from the orgasm went through your body. He doesn't give you much of a break, as he bends you down until your ass touches his hip. You gasp in horror when you feel the tip of his dick against your drenched hole, he teasingly rubs himself on your labia, before it slips down to your clit.
He had your thighs pressed together, which made the friction even stiffer. You groan as he begins to thrust, hitting your throbbing bud everytime without mercy. He pins both of your wrists against the wall with one hand, while he keeps your body still with the other. It's almost unfair how strong he is to hold you down like this, and how cruel he is to tease you as he whispers dirty words into your ear. By the time you come, you have no energy left, even for standing.
He catches you right before your legs give up, holding you up while he sneaks a hand under the back of your thighs. You yelp when he props you up in his arms, carrying you out of the bathroom.
You land on the bed with a bounce, and receive no privilege to get up as he holds your legs together, before placing them against his shoulder. The color in your face is drained the moment his length rests on your thigh, fervent and heavy.
"I hope you're not tired yet," He grins, and you swear you see horns growing from his head the moment he says it, "Because I'm nowhere done with you."
Kyle Fucking Garrick.
You take back what you said about his middle name. It's not kind or thoughtful, it's fucking Prick.
It should've been obvious to you, after all the gossip you heard from your friends about him. Something that you thought as a baseless fact, a Lavater-physiognomy type of bullshit, but somehow they got it right. He's not as innocent as you defended him to be. He is freaky, and he's good at keeping it a secret.
After he exhausted you the night before, he decided that the best way to wake you up was with his mouth. Your clit was already swollen from yesterday's activity, and he abused it again in the morning. You stirred in your sleep, before your eyes snapped open at the sharp tug on your sensitive bud.
"G'mornin'." He greeted you the moment you woke up, still disoriented. "How's your sleep?"
You narrowed your eyes, as you tried to turn your vision focused. "Wha—" You slurred.
"Shh." He pushed you down to the bed, while his hand worked its way to your fold. "Let me take care of you, baby."
And thus you started your day with an orgasm.
Of course it's only the beginning, since it's him that you're talking about. He could make you faint in the bathroom if you didn't lock the door behind, and he could certainly numb your mind with his fingers if you didn't cut two apples for breakfast. But once you ran out of excuses, you're pretty much doomed.
While you knew he'd stop right away if you told him so, you couldn't bring yourself to say it. Because once he puts his hand on you, you just melt. The irritation that you carry in mind dissolves the moment he wraps you in his arms, and every curse you hold on your tongue comes out as a whimper, as his mouth latches onto your nape.
It's a game of self-will, and he plays it underhandedly. You both know what you want, but no one speaks of it, no one takes the initiative. You grit your teeth as frustration begins to take over you. It's pretty clear he wants you to say it, with the excuse that it's yours to decide. But he lures you with sweet words, and waves your much-needed release in front of you. Close enough for you to see, but far away from your reach.
And finally, after three neglected orgasms, you swallow your ego and beg. "Please Ky—" You cried out, "Please, just fuck me—"
His hand ceases to move, as he pulls it out of your sopping core. You whine at the loss of contact, before he muffles it with his kiss.
The trip to his bedroom is quite messy, with a lot of thrown clothes and sloppy kisses. When you find yourself on his bed again, you crawl up to give him some space. He follows after you, and presses his lips against yours with impatience. Faintly, you hear the sound of a wrapper being ripped, before he pulls away to roll down the rubber on his length.
He comes back to your side, locking his lips with yours again, while he slots his hips between your legs. Your hands find the purchase on his back as you cling to him, digging your fingers into his skin the moment you feel his tip against your hole.
A gasp escapes your lips when he pushes himself in, stretching your pussy open with his dick.
"Shit, you're too tight." He hissed, as your walls tightened around his glans.
Your face contorts in pain, as he tries to squeeze himself deeper.
"No good." He mused, pulling himself out of you. You whimper as your hole clenches around nothing. "On your side, baby."
He gently rolls you to the side, sliding his arm below your head as he lays behind you. He places a hand under your cheek, and guides your lips back to his. You wince when you feel the nudge against your core, before it slowly sinks deeper into you.
It doesn't hurt much, compared to what you endured earlier. But it still stings, and you smack your palm against his hip when he begins to thrust. "Ky—" You moaned against his lips, gripping onto his skin as you felt yourself stuffed to the brim.
"Just a little more, baby." He places a kiss on your shoulder, while his hands find their way to wrap around your body. "Just a little more."
No words could form in your tongue, as your mouth snaps open at the steady thrust of his cock. It was slow, torturous, and left you wondering if you've underestimated his size.
But it soon comes to a stop, as his lower stomach touches the curve of your bottom. Your heart is beating against your chest, and you try to catch your breath while he showers you with kisses. The push of his hips comes to a halt, and you take it as a chance to rest. You lean your head back to his shoulder, giving him access to your neck, which he soon decorates with love marks.
"You alright?" He murmured, tenderly stroked your arm.
You hum as an answer. "You can move now."
"You sure?"
"Yes." You breathe out, "Please."
You sense a hesitation in his touch, before he presses a kiss on your temple.
"Tell me if it hurts."
You nod, giving his forearm a squeeze as a reassurance.
He shifts your body closer to him, readjusting the position to make it more comfortable. You raise your head a bit while he moves, before he guides you back to his arm. A grunt escapes your lips the moment he drags his member out, before he thrusts it back in. Your core flutters around him, as the numbness slowly fades into pleasure.
Perhaps your body is still sensitive from all the teasing he did, but you can't deny that he's good. Every stroke of his cock just hits right, as it grazes you in the place where his fingers couldn't reach. You grip his arm when you feel his pace quickens, filling the room with the wet slaps of the skins. And when his tip nudges the tender part of you, your body reacts in a way you don't expect.
He seems to notice it, as he lifts his head up to see your face. "Does that feel good?" He whispered in your ear, and you yelped when he snapped his hips against yours.
"Oh God—" You scrabble at his body, trying to find something to grab on. "Do that again."
"Gladly."
A warning comes up to your throat, before it dies down as soon as he moves. You squirm against his strong grip, digging your nails into his thigh like a claw machine. When his cock grazes the right spot within you, you cry out a strangled moan. And the second time he does it, the suspicions you had in mind are all erased. He's no longer teasing you, because now he really intends to make you scream.
When he rolls on top of you, you feel your legs being spread apart with his knees. Stretching your pussy open for him to go deeper. With him on top of you, and your stomach flat on the bed, you have no room to crawl away.
His hand snakes around your shoulder, propping you up into a half-arched position. A whimper comes out of your mouth the moment he slams himself into you, while his lips are busy with your neck. Niping and sucking on your reddening skin. Your hand reaches up to the back of his head, gripping the curls of his hair as you moan.
"I'm close." You hissed, "Kyle—"
"I know, baby." He presses a kiss on your nape, "I know."
He raises your hips slightly, before slipping his hand between your thighs. Your body jerks when he touches your clit, rubbing it in a circle motion. The fact that it's already swollen doesn't help you either.
"Ky!" You claw his hand in panic, "I can't—I can't—"
"You can." He grunted against your ear, "Let it go, baby."
Your grip on his wrist tightens, as every muscle in your body tenses up. You could barely hold it when he fucked you slow, and now with his finger on your clit, you just break.
A loud cry fills the room as you come. Hard. Your eyes roll up, hands gripping tightly on the sheet until your fists turn pale. And for a moment, you forgot how to breathe, until you gasped for air. Which comes in the form of short and trembling puffs. The moment of bliss and numbness only descends for short seconds, before you realize he's still inside you.
The burning sensation in your core comes back to you, although weaker than before. You whimper against the sheet, as he prolongs the high you just reached. His fingers no longer slotted between your folds, as they move to grip your waist. In daze, you begin to wonder when it'll end. Until you feel a shudder from the body on top of you, and a strangled moan falls from his mouth.
He rests his head on you, catching a breath, before he slowly rolls down to the side. You watch him as he wearily pulls off the condom, and throws it aside.
The two of you lay down still, mustering the energy that's left after the laborious session. Although you doubt if it's the same case for him, since he has no trouble getting up to fetch the tissue box.
As he wipes himself off, you mutter out with a low voice, "You've ruined me for other men."
He turns his head to you, before a grin spreads on his face. "Already thought about leaving?"
You know from his tone that he's not serious, but neither of you can carry the usual banter. At least not now.
"You know what I mean." You mused.
His face softens, as he bends down to kiss you. "I know."
You smile against his lips, and carefully shift your body until you lay on your back. He climbs on top of you, planting each arm on your side as he latches his lips on yours. You reach up to cup his face, pulling him closer as you part your lips, giving his tongue the access to dive into your mouth deeper. The two of you relish in each other's taste, before you feel something on your thigh.
"You're hard." You let slip what you saw, and he flushed.
"Sorry." He rubbed his neck, "You just… turn me on."
You observe his face for a moment, noting how he avoids your eyes whenever he's shy. His expression, and his candid confession set something in you, as you feel the warmth in your lower belly.
"I think we can go one more time."
"Aren't you tired?"
"A little." You replied, "But it's nothing I can't handle."
His eyes search into yours for a second, before he gives in.
"Alright." He uttered, "Let me grab the condom."
Now that you've gotten the taste of it, you can understand why sex is often called forbidden apple. Because once you put your teeth to it, you can't go back to what you're used to. No more friendly cuddles, and no more innocent kisses that won't lead to something.
While it's easy to get swept up in the new pastime, you can't help but worry. As a lot of 'what if's fill your thoughts. You never doubt him, no. But you'll never know what the future's like. For you and him.
One day, when the two of you lounge on the couch—with your head on his chest, as it rises and falls in a slowing rhythm, you divulge a question that's been eating you up.
"What if it doesn't work?" You brood, "What if he still wants to marry me despite of everything?"
You watch the subtle change in his face as he meets your gaze. "Do you want me to come along?"
"No," You muse, "It'll make things worse."
He hums, "Have you talked to your parents?"
"... No." You looked away, as you chewed on your lip. "No, I haven't."
"I think you should." He gives your arm a squeeze, "Talk to them, maybe they'll help you."
"They didn't help me at all." You said bitterly.
"You wouldn't know that, (Name)." He let out a quiet sigh, "Parents don't usually tell what they've done for their children. And that could be the case with yours."
"They didn't stop the engagement."
"Maybe they couldn't." He replied, "Hey, look at me." He gently pulls you to face him, "I know it's hard for you, and I can't imagine how you feel about it. But your parents love you, you said it yourself." He reassured you, "Maybe they didn't stop it because they're powerless, but they knew that you'd find a way out. After all, they're the one who told you about the ceremony, right?"
While you're still frowning at him, you begin to soften up in his hold. "... Yeah, they did." You muttered.
"They knew that you're against it and you'd deliberately failed one of the tests, so they just told you what to do and what you shouldn't. It's their way to tell you which one to break, and which one you should keep in mind." He sighs, "And I hate to say it, but I'd do the same if it's the only choice I have."
Though his words have put you at ease, you can't help but sense a new doubt entering your mind. "Will they… will they be okay if I fail the test? Won't it give them a bad name?"
"I think it's the risk they're willing to take." He smiled softly, "Talk to them, (Name). You need it."
You follow his advice two days later.
You've been mulling over the talk for days, going through all of the possibilities over and over again in your mind. You've prepared for a whole speech, but it all disappears once you hear their voices. Just like that, all of your thought falls from your mouth, as they flow out like a stream.
There's a lot of talking, a lot of 'sorry's, and maybe a few of tears. But in the end, you feel better.
As the conversation slips into a mundane, but comfortable chat, you slip his name between your life update. Though you have your doubts about it, it's worth telling in spite of all.
"You should introduce him to us." Your mother chirped, "Bring him with you the next holiday, I want to meet the lucky fellow."
You chuckle as you tell her alright, but no promise.
Four days later, on the evening at the airport, you reach up to kiss him before you say the words. You almost laugh at how easy it was, to say such words with such ease. And he'd laugh with you, if he wasn't struck by it.
"I thought you're afraid to use that word."
"Not anymore." You said with a smile, "Not with you."
He seems confounded for a moment, before he shakes his head, grinning from ear to ear.
"I hope you won't regret it, because I'll say that to you everyday from now on."
"Well, why don't you start now?"
You both chuckle, before he wraps his hands around you and pulls you into another kiss.
"I love you, (Name).
"Come home to me soon."
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definitely-didnt · 6 months
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Been watching "It's a Wonderful Self" and thought it was a great time to practice some Plecks
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stergeon · 3 months
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enbarr, sometime in 1186:
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ok so @frozenartscapes made this addition to my post about byleth and edelgard writing each other letters all the time, right:
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well i kind of lost my mind and now we're here.
i'm sure this meeting is salvageable :0) hubert's sanity, however,
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nocterish · 1 year
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"Your beauty never ever scared me"
Just a quick lil self indulgence from my previous post of trans Copia and my oc Rika
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sysig · 8 months
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I mean, while I’ve got you here- (P1 | P2 | P3) (Patreon)
#Doodles#Law Abiding Citizen#LAC#Doug Peterson#LAC Russ#Roug#If you're not otherwise busy I mean I guess we could-#Lol#Looking like all that kiss-doodling practice has finally started to show results >:3c Quite pleased!#Looks like his gamble paid off! It'd take some doing but Doug could absolutely acquisition some overtime of the seduction variety lol#His -lust is usually more of the wander- variety but who is he to turn down a bit more time with his favourite human? :3#For the first encounter it'd probably have to be limited to their usual amount of time so what like two minutes lol but it's enough to kiss!#Or it could be longer if you'd prefer to imagine that lol it's not like I can stop you ♪#What a bureaucratic nightmare it'd be to either change or add being in a relationship with a client lol HR will hear about this Doug!#He's used to it he's been skirting that edge for way too long already this will just make it recognized pfft#Immediately bringing feelings into it! Aren't you a demon! Well that's why he changes his tune so quickly as well#For the record Russ did mean but he's feeling pretty guilty for that and having an ulterior motive and having human needs and all that lol#He does actually need contact to stay sane (enough) but asking for things is hard! Especially if they're to do with his crush!#All sorts of awkward uncomfortable feelings :) This is not how he envisioned his confession playing out!#I haven't drawn Doug with fully dark eyes in a while ah <3 It was fun :D Him hiding his eyes but literally hehe#Yet more of me ignoring the timeline lol - call him your Everything right now do it make him feel loved I dare you#A little possessive ♪ It's allowed he's being backed up by being the only person with access to him! This all works out!#I really am rather pleased with the last smooches :D Shapes! And Russ holding his horns while Doug initiates hehe ♪#I dunno how clear it is but Doug also has his tail wrapped around Russ' arm to pull him in ♥#Sometimes being obvious about it pays off
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theflyingfeeling · 8 months
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still sick but alive, unfortunately 🤧
#last morning when i got up i wasn't at all sure i'd live to see the release of deadzone lol#since then i've been able to walk and stand up somewhat normally without wanting to cry and/or die#last night i slept more than the two previous nights combined. which still isn't that much but at least i did sleep#i did also wake up so completely drenched in my own sweat (from mild fever going down after i had taken a painkiller for a headache)-#-that i had to get up and dry myself with a towel 😂#and there was a huge wet spot (of sweat) on my bed where i had lied 🙂#i have lost three fourths of my vocal range so i can't e.g. laugh#(not that i've had a whole lot to giggle about these past few days 💀)#i'm bummed out i can't do preparations for my new job#i definitely should've started earlier but i would've had plenty of time this week had i not caught the cold at the stupid festival 🤧#i did not plan this! besides i'm not gonna start working weeks ahead for a job i'm not even getting paid for yet#for the same reason no one can expect me to work while sick for a job i haven't gotten a single penny from#hell even if i WAS paid no one could expecte me to work while sick#so i shouldn't feel guilty for wanting to work on my fic instead of the course plans#which btw i already sort of have because my predecessors gave me practically ALL the material i might need#so all i reallly need to do is change the dates of the course plans and bob's your uncle#but i'd like to also study the material a bit before teaching it so that i'll at least seem like i know what i'm talking about 💀#mom said on the phone that i've managed situations like this before so i will manage this too and she's right i guess but 😭😭😭#but yeah i guess this is some sort of developement from last year when i had the 'rona-#-and felt awful about ordering food/groceries in because ''i don't want to be a bother'' 😂
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It's wimblin' time.
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Why the fuck did I decide Hank would be the best character to test paint markers on I've never used them for full pieces like this I've only ever used gold paint markers for backgrounds and accents hhhhhh-
You should totally reblog this that would be so cool guys
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tj-crochets · 2 years
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🐸 (for the ask game)
🐸 What do you wish people who don't craft understood better? That crafting things is not usually cheaper than buying them, and that it takes a lot of time and effort to make things But also, one specific non-crafter pet peeve. Like, literally I have had this problem with one person: making someone a beanie is not a way of asking for some kind of committed relationship. There was this guy I was good friends with in high school, and we lost touch for a year or two afterwards, and then he reached out to me on facebook. We chatted a bunch, and (crucially) this was after I started crocheting but before I figured out what to actually do with the stuff I crocheted. He talked about it being cold where he was living compared to where we both grew up, so I offered to crochet him a beanie, and we'd been talking about pokemon and our favorite eeveelutions a lot, so I offered to send him an amigurumi espeon To me, this was a combo of "I make a LOT of things all the time*", "I have zero use for beanies it never gets below like 60 degrees here", and "hey eeveelutions sound fun to make but I have no desire or space to keep them", which combined with "hey! a person I can give these to! Give him something he likes, get things I've made out of my house so I'm not overrun, win-win!" To him, this was "I am spending a lot of time and effort to make something especially for you, after giving you a nickname important to my culture**, clearly I expect our relationship to progress after this" He stopped talking to me. For years. Because I'd offered to make him a beanie and an espeon. He told me the offer of the beanie made him uncomfortable? Which, like, fair, if it made him uncomfortable I am glad he let me know and drew a boundary, but I am still baffled. So I guess the thing I wish non-crafters understood better is that, while gifting someone something you made can be a big deal, it can also be not a big deal at all. I have literally given more beanies to strangers than I have to people I know (I donate them to a local shelter) OH MY GOSH I just realized I sweater cursed myself but with a beanie with someone I wasn't dating lol. The unsweater unboyfriend curse *I cannot sit still unless I am doing something, and I found making physical objects is very very good for my mental health so I am pretty much always making something and have been since like...2012ish? 2011? Definitely since 2013, but I'm pretty sure it started earlier than that **It wasn't. He gave me a nickname around the same time I briefly interacted with my bio grandpa, who is Russian. The association with my bio grandpa did not last long (like...one visit) but I learned and really liked the word solnyshko (it means "sunshine" but is used like "sweetheart" and I think that's cute). I also really liked the word "chickadee" as a nickname/term of endearment at the time so like...it was 50/50 which one I was going to use? I'd never really been given a nickname before but figured it was the sort of thing I was supposed to reciprocate
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xcziel · 2 years
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#i am going to a referral to have someone look at my blood work#they sent me a dozen pages of paperwork to fill out and want me to bring my will and power of attorney#neither of which do i actually have written out and i am not going to try to put together in just a few days?#it is a consultation#like ok if i were going into the hospital but literally he's supposed to look at my blood cell count#there's not any point where they need to see my legal paperwork?#like medical history ok i understand and i understand wanting to know my medications#but i'm not disrupting my entire life for a consult that may not even be relevant?#like my referring doctor is just guessing at things now she has no idea what's going on#gonna call them and be like sorry i'm not trying to find a lawyer and draw up paperwork in a week while also working#i don't think it's even legal to ask to see someone's will? like what the fuck?#my parent's were being treated for stuff and we had to dig the wills out of my dad's files#nether one had an official power of attorney filed i don't think or medical power of attorney#like how is that your business when i haven't even met the doctor yet and may not even want to deal with your practice?#this thing where medical practitioners just assume you're going to go along with whatever they say is really irksome#like the ct scan place they're like you might be going straight to the hospital if your doctor says so#when at no time was i ever warned or given intimations that that was a possibility?#like what if i had plans? or a pet or a kid? like you have to let people know about things ahead of time?#especially if it's not an emergency?
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riverthebooknerd · 4 months
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me: THREE YEARS
friend: *trying not to burst into laughter*
me: i spent THREE YEARS trying to learn spanish, and what do i get for it? HOLA, COMO ESTAS BITCH.
friend: well maybe if you-
me: and then GUESS WHAT?? i spend THREE MONTHS ON FRENCH, AND I PICK IT UP REAL FUCKING QUICK
me: WHAT THE FUCK
friend: i mean-
me: I STILL CAN'T PRONOUNCE, LIKE, HALF OF THE SPANISH WORDS
me: BUT FRENCH?? SOMEHOW MAKES MORE SENSE???? FRENCH
friend: i dunno what to tell you, dude
me: F R E N C H
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andiv3r · 3 months
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I've seen a lot of people doing these posts, and since Tumblr decided to blow up one of my last posts, it probably won't happen again so this is low risk...
If this post gets 3k notes, I will:
go in for an autism screening (which i've been meaning to do for 5 months)
put aside time every night to do my homework, no matter how much i don't want to
work on my writing WIPs (specifically wc!omens) at least once a week
I don't think this post will reach 3k, so again... low risk. But if it does, I'll add another list of things for 7k notes. All of these are things that have been personal goals for a while, and I just... haven't been doing them.
Edit: uhhh. Okay. So, you did it. I... guess I have to do all of those things now. Wow. Time to add the things for 7k notes then-
If this post gets 7k notes, I will:
start driving more... i need to get my license but i'm too scared to do the driving necessary to get the practice in (i have my permit)
stand up for myself more in regard to my pronouns
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#just spent the last like four hours pouring over one of my modules that i know there's a test on tomorrow#essentially rewriting most of the module into my notebook to try to get it to stick#still feel like i'm not totally getting it and like i'm dumb as rocks#but then i did a practice test on the course website and got 40 out of 42 correct#so i was like oh ok that's not so bad i guess it did stick#and then i looked at the schedule and realized the test tomorrow is on TWO modules#so I'm freaking out thinking i need to stay up for a few more hours and go through the other module too#but i did a practice test for that module on the website too and got 39 out of 43? somehow?#I felt like i was guessing on so many of them but still selecting ones that might make sense in a way#maybe they were somewhat educated guesses even if i still feel so stupid going through the questions#the whole not being certain of my answers is what's killing me#fingers crossed that this wasn't a fluke this evening#kee speaks#here i was so certain i was going to get a lot of reading done during this term#and i only read one and a half graphic novels over the weekend#while feeling guilty the entire time that i wasn't studying#i haven't even turned on the console i brought with me#last time i was in dorms though each week i was here was fully shop work all day#so there wasn't much else to do; it wasn't necessary to study the modules cause i did that at home when we were doing theory online#so i got through the first three uncharted games during the time i was in dorms and played so much stardew valley too#but this time every day last week made me feel so stupid cause i feel like i'm the only one that doesn't have a 'real' job#so they're like 'ok everyone knows this we'll just fly through it' and I'm like siting there sweating and furiously taking notes on what#i need to review in my own time#it's stressful af#the test is in the afternoon tomorrow so maybe when i get out of that i'll get myself a starbucks and set aside like an hour to play a game#or maybe more#depending on how i feel i did during the test#idk#but i feel like i need to do something for myself without feeling guilty for once#distract myself cause getting myself riled up for the next 7 weeks is just going to wreck me
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itsmebytch001 · 3 months
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PILOT:
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Angel had noticed Alastor had barley moved from his frozen stance awaiting by the door like a statue looking off into the distance clutching his staff with an unusually tight grip.
Angel: "Hey Husk, what's got Al all frozen like that?"
Husk looked up from his rag shining his glass and glanced over to Alastor still frozen and unblinking.
Husk: "Ugh, His kids coming to visit, they don't see each other often but whenever they do see each other, Al makes a whole big thing of it, stressin me out" He grumped out.
Angel: "His daughter? How is that possible? Ain't me like, Asexual or something? How you gonna have a kid if you won't bone?"
Husk: "I dunno, maybe she's adopted, she got his eye's though"
Angel: "Huh, so you've met her?"
Husk: "A couple times"
Angel: "Is she like him...with the radio and the tentacles?"
Niffty: "Nah"
Angel: "Ah! Niff Jesus we gotta but a bell on ya, you can't just run up on a guy like that jeez"
Niffty: "She's more into modern tech, and no tentacles, none that Ive seen" She said caressing her knife slowly.
Angel: "aha, well why she coming in now? it's been like five month's I ain't never heard him talk about her"
Husk: "No idea, last I heard they fell out after she brought a TV"
Niffty: "The guy hates Tech" She said, scratching her knife into the wooden table front of the bar.
*knock Knock*
Alastor's already strained smile expanded to reach his eyes as he strides to the door swiftly opening the door to reveal...
Alastor: "Y/N! So very good to see you my dear, Oh how I've missed you" He said pulling her in to the foyer in a tight, unnatural embrace , Angel leered over to get a proper look at her, from across the room little could be seen her face squashed into her fathers torso as she pushed herself away he squinted to look at her face, and indeed he did have his eyes, but little else, except the yellow teeth.
Y/n: "Good to see you to Dad, I've missed you too i guess" She said under her breath.
Alastor's eye twitched, you had just walked in the door and already you are testing him.
Alastor: "I heard that My love, keep your snide little comments to yourself, m'kay?" He asked, snapping his neck to the left.
Alastor: "Chum's! come greet my dear Y/n won't you?!" He bellowed pushing you towards the bar by the small of your back.
Y/n: "Dad, I already know Niff and Husk I-"
Alastor: "OH! but you haven't met Angel Dust, oh he's such a character" He said practically shoving you onto a stool across from Angel.
Y/n: "Hey Husk"
Husk: "Hey Y/n...you want me to make you something?"
Y/n: "Yeah, Gin and Tonic please" You said slumped over the bar.
Alastor: "She'll take a strawberry lemonade"
Y/n: "Dad I'm too old for thi-"
Alastor: "She'll take a strawberry Lemonade" He said again sternly looking you in the eye.
Alastor: "Now my Dear, where oh where are you belongings'?"
Y/n: "Just outside the door" You answered as Husk poured you a Strawberry Lemonade passing it over to you.
Alastor: "Good good, Husk go take them to Y/n's room won't you?"
Husk: "I'm a bartender not a bags boy Al"
Alastor: " I said go get her bags"
Husk lowly exhaled and dragged his sorry self towards the door.
Alastor: "right well, Angel this is my daughter Y/n"
Angel: "Daughter aye? And how exactly did that happen?"
Alastor: "Why what ever do you mean dear Angel?"
Angel: "Ain't you asexual? Can't exactly have a kid if you ain't boned someone"
Alastor: "Oh! well I made her of course"
Angel: "What?"
Y/n: "He made me, as a precaution"
Alastor: "Oh no dear we've been over this, I made you because I wanted to raise you"
Y/n: "Uh huh"
Angel: "Wait wait, I'm confused did you make her as like, a Frankenstein while you were alive or like..?"
Alastor: "No no, I bared no children when I was alive I made her down here"
Angel: "Okay but HOW?"
Alastor: "with some gold dust, an old voodoo doll and a rib of mine. It doesn't hurt to to supplied with a sum of power and magic of course"
Angel: "...uh huh" he watched as Husk dragged your bags up the stairs.
Alastor: "And my lovley creation will be staying with us for some times"
Y/n: "A month, that's all"
Alastor: "Oh a whole month! we have so much catching up too do, shame you won't ever answer any of my messages"
Y/n: "maybe I would if it weren't in the form of a telegram!"
Alastor: "Oh you young people, with your phones and TV's, whatever happnded to radio"
Y/n: "oh god please don't start" He patted your head as you slumped even further down the bar.
Alastor: "Yes well, while you chat with Angel I'll be sure to arrange the others I'm sure they'll be dying to meet you"
Y/n: "Yeah, okay Dad" you said dismissively sipping on your straw, Alastor of course saw this as his body tensed forcing himself to walk off following Husk up the stairs to corral the other tenants.
Angel: "So, Toot's you don't seem all that happy to see your pop's why is that?"
Y/n: "I didn't want to come here, It's just till extermination day since that dates been moved up"
Angel: "Oh, so your coming here for safety? well this place get's attacked every other week so I'm not sure if that's a great idea"
Y/n: "Oh no, I don't want to be here, It's just my Dad is convinced my place isn't safe enough, and he goes on about how we barley chat (mainly because he refuses to get a phone) and like 'how would I know if you were slain, am I just supposed to go looking for you sliced corpse' and besdies it's not like I have a choice so here I am, until the end of this month and then I'll finally go home again and not talk to the fucker for another seven years"
Angel: "Damm, if you hate the guy so much why not just not come, technically your Hell born so I'm sure you could leave the city, go on down somewhere like Pride, or Lust he can't come dragging you back"
Y/n: "Oh, but he can"
Angel: "How? Guy can't leave the ring"
Y/n: "You've seen that keyring of that little doll on his staff?"
Angel: "Yeah?"
Y/n: "That's me. He shakes that thing a couple times and BOOM and back where he wants me, coming 'voluntarily' just feel's less shit I guess"
Angel:" Oh...Damm" he looked over around the bar awkwardly tapping his foot waiting for Al to come back while you sipped on your god damm strawberry Lemonade.
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Pt 2 anyone?
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I'm so overwhelmed. I'm overwhelmed with the truth that i can't have any chance at healing while i live with my abuser
I'm overwhelmed thinking about if things went poorly in this country would having the government have me on a list of disabled people be something dangerous?
I'm overwhelmed thinking of the hundreds of dollars in care i spend and make, if I'm lucky, a fraction of that back in a week.
I'm overwhelmed that i felt so much better being away with good people for a weekend and then the minute i encountered a person at home my entire peace was shattered.
I'm overwhelmed that in adding back in more appointments to help with my pain my weekly workload is actually increasing my pain
I'm overwhelmed with so much that i can't even put it into words. and im dreading being around anyone. and i've been periodically at the verge of tears since getting home last night.
I'm so overwhelmed. and in so much pain mentally and physically i don't even know how to process it. i just want to cry.
genuinely – this weekend– my pain didn't go away. nothing of the sort. but it wasn't overwhelming. i was with friends. i was playing with a baby. a source of PURE joy. it was so good. so healing. so wonderful. and then i come home and everything is unimaginably worse than before i left.
you're at this level of feeling maxed out CONSTANTLY. i always feel at my limit, that i couldn't take any more. and then...there's more.
I'm overwhelmed seeing a picture of myself makes me want to starve myself again. any joy i felt now destroyed. any progress or positive feelings about myself absolutely destroyed. although even seeing a mirror at the wrong angle can do that. i think – hm maybe it's not so bad maybe I'm doing better! then i see myself and I'm worse than i realized.
i wonder how many other people with eating disorders end up having chronic illness that make exercise extremely difficult. even if i eat well i have no chance at staying in shape. and. that's if i completely restrict myself from enjoying "less healthy" foods. god help me because i want to eat anything other than what i absolutely need for survival. but then you feel guilt. and all i want to do is starve. or die. or both.
every time my mother buys a "treat" I'm convinced it's a form of sick control, that if i eat it I'll stay fat, never lose weight, and thus never have any freedom.
i have self-imposed restrictions that i don't do a large majority of the things i would "normally" do if i was skinny. the amount of effort and grief it takes for me to do the few activities and see the select numbers of friends i do see is completely overwhelming. but i know how much more pain it would be if i tried to live "freely." i already feel it when i see photos after good days. there are no good days for me. i try. but every good is overtaken by the bad. whether it's shame and self-hatred, or my body being overtired or pain flaring. i can't win. i'm constantly having to decide which type of pain can i handle? is the pain of staying at home more or less than the pain of going out? and i'm never really sure. and i know for a fact i'm currently overcommitted. it's too much.
but what do i do? stop my 1-2 day a week job? stop my acupuncture? stop my massages? (i JUST started them again, but the guilt of the cost might be too much for me to handle). stop my mandolin lessons? (that's the bright spot of my week. but the time to practice between lessons is extremely difficult.) stop seeing my friends? stop going for walks? shower less? do fewer chores? (our house has been turning into a pig sty without me cleaning).
and sure someone else usually does the dishes – which is a huge relief especially since it not only causes pain later, it causes excruciating pain while I'm doing it. and dad takes care of the lawn. but i mention to him that the way the garage door has been malfunctioning is frustrating and can we please fix it and he goes full asshole. how dare i ask him to fix another thing?? idk! we're using the garage door every day now since we can't park on the street overnight in the winter. it doesn't work well. but JUST because it still opens and closes he straight out refused to fix it. then said "why don't you fix it!" figuring out mechanical things is his specialty. but maybe he's scared of trying to fix it and making it worse. then needing to hire someone or buy a new unit. i can't wait for the day i need to get somewhere and the garage door won't open. i don't think i'm strong enough to open it manually also i don't actually know how.
idk. i'm so overwhelmed and everything seems insurmountable. i have no idea what to do. how to heal. how to find any peace.
and this doesn't even add the anguish of things happening in the world. that in and of it itself is overwhelming. i have no less than six separate "things" or "categories" of things that alone are overwhelming. yet I'm experiencing them all. how do i get any relief? especially when relief adds to my distress.
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