#but it feels so loud and big

[traumasurvivors]

Okay but how did me trying to explain that if you find asking for consent awkward, that there are less awkward ways to ask turn into me saying it’s valid to think consent is bad.

#this is exhausting #the amount of anxiety I have about posting anything #ir answering anything #is so high lately #and it’s often because I feel like no matter how hard I try #I can’t say the right thing #and I’m going to mess up what I’m saying #I realize the hate asks about it #are such a small minority #but it feels so loud and big #I think I’m done with this topic #and signing off for a bit #vent #tw vent

[1495-gauge]

there's that fucked up three-eyed thing that lives in the woods. whose turn is it to chase it off again??

#submas #submas art #so long story short i cant fucking draw people. i can draw all sorts of beasties but alas the human Face has always eluded me unless im #drawing direct from reference #which simply means. i guess come up with ideas where i get to draw a lot of pokemon and maybe some dude From A Distance #anyway i really like all the like. one of them has to go a little fucking nuts in the woods. aus #submas microwave au #you see a subway boss from far away and his eyes shine like medallions just like his hat pin #in the naked twilight of a snowy night where everything glows and nothing is truly dark #and maybe he's got a mega concussion and amnesia #get adopted by creatures. idiot #submas ingo #i just feel like in an age and era where 'unusual/strange human' = dog thats going to maul my face #that this would. not go well yk #ft his little clown shoes. theyre so funny to me. little as in honkin big #loud booming calls in a language known only to it. even the zoroark seem to shun it #taking a mockery of its shape and trying to chase it down #though some in turn embrace it #seen especially commonly with ghost pokemon #perhaps its a ghost itself? #whatever it is. its not allowed in camp

[suntails]

I’m going to paint you a picture of modern communication, and how it is fundamentally broken.

Let’s look at one friend. You chat pretty much everyday, and mostly talk to this person on twitter and discord, with occasional tumblr DMs. That’s three places you talk. But that’s actually not true, because you also have each other’s priv twitters and talk there as well. That’s four. Now account for, let’s say, one post reply per account per person, in addition to your DMs. That’s eight. But that’s ALSO not true, because not only do you talk in discord DMs with each other, but you’re in a friend group server as well! And you talk in those channels together! That’s nine.

This is one friend.

Now look around you. How many friends, how many mutuals are you in contact with. A few, a handful, a dozen, more? How many accounts per person do you have, how many places can you send each other posts, devolve into separate topics and conversations? How many people text you as well. Friends, family, coworkers? What do you do day to day around catching up, what IRL commitments will rip you away long enough to let the pile build again?

I can’t do it. I cannot live an actual life in the real world and balance this much interaction, it’s crushing. I reply to a friend’s post because I’m interested in the subject, I want to have a discussion! I WANT to talk about it with them, but I immediately kick myself for adding another conversation to the pile. Day by day, I ignore messages for hours on end and watch mountains pile around me, to reply en masse at the end of the night to let the cycle repeat. I wake up to six discord DMs and as I clear the third, the first replies back again.

We weren’t meant to have thirty simultaneous conversations. We weren’t. And you know in your bones that the number isn’t an exaggeration.

#hush catríona #this is essentially copy pasted from my twt last week but made a touch more coherent #iiiii spiral about this pretty regularly. i think this is the 4th or 5th time ive gone on this spiel bc its agonizing #i feel horrific guilt for ignoring messages for so long. and its absolutely voluntary. but i cant FUNCTION like this i cant DO it #i have friends where we talk Every Single Day and i LOVE them so much. so unfathomably much. but it KILLS me #hell take my roomie for example. one of my fav ppl in the world. we text- twit dm- discord dm- ig dm- reply to posts. thats five right? #i guess!!! but we also LIVE TOGETHER. i see them in real life and talk to them out loud with my voice and its still this much to add on!!!! #and i feel like nobody else talks abt this shit and it makes me feel crazy. am i the only person completely debilitated by this??? #i dont want this to come across as like ‘boohoo we get it ur sooo popular’ that is NOT what this post means #i think a lot of ppl big acct or small. fandom or otherwise. talk to a dozen ppl online. and i dont get how anyone copes #this is agony. and every single time i ever make a post? its another opportunity to add to the pile #i only reply to comments on posts on twt and this is why. i cant DO it i cant keep up. i see every tag and im so grateful but i cant ever #reach out. i cant add to the pile. theyre already taller than me

[silverview]

cannot stop watching this...charlie still setting new records for tiniest thing in the world

#iasip #charlie kelly #charlie day #i looked up the other guy's height and it's listed as 6'7 #as discussed that's not necessarily 100% accurate but still jesus christ #they didnt need to do that but they did it on purpose :) for us :) #'yes sir! peace and love! he's a big boy...jesus' #cd #lying manlet ! #he opens this scene on his own just leaning on the dumpster and puking and i involuntarily said BABY out loud #his tummy don't feel so good!!

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

whyyyyy are dog people so obsessed with their pet taking a shit...

#im. Confused. bc seriously why! what is it! #we have had this dog for One Full Day and the amount of times #that my stepdad has felt the need to regale me with her using the bathroom on a walk #is. well frankly its Insufferable and i Want It To Stop #like respectfully! affectionately! I Do Not Care! Hush! Cease! Good For Her! None Of My Business! #i am learning so quickly that im solidly a cat person #i do not enjoy having a Wet Beast! dogs are fine when they're not in my house! #me and my cats are like... living in my room now #i almost said Our room. well. that wouldnt be wrong at this point #absolutely unprompted #i can live with snakes i can live with lizards i can live with birds #but dogs? theyre just so much... too much... #sensory nightmares! big and loud and smelly and slobbery and their fur feels weird and theyre so Pushy- #i could handle it if it was a uh... a Sensible dog! #but this is a golden retriever mixed with a samoyed i believe! #that is not a sensible dog thats a 'i will force myself into your personal space' dog #sorry. sorry. im just not very happy with this development lmao #but its not my house not my decision and my stepdad needed an affectionate furry friend #he's happy! good! i can keep my mouth shut about my deep displeasure! #cats are so neat and clean and just sweet little packages of delight... i need to be in a room full of kittens STAT

[compacflt]

your last post abt icemav vs. interior design has me cry laughing and also makes me want to ask: how does rooster (millennial gay man, fairly good at being open about his sexuality in comparison to the the environment he came from) feel about being one-uped in the gay department constantly by Mr. and Mr. Can’t Talk About It?? like him and jake have to have conversations about it [jake, meeting ice the first time: oh this is the gayest man i’ve ever met. he had everyone fooled for thirty years???? // bradley: “yeah but you didn’t have to grow up with him. i was on the front lines.] like—they were willing to get married at the same time as icemav as a distraction, so they have to be aware of how groundbreaking icemav is to the structural appearance of the Navy. but they’re also fully immersed in Navy culture and customs, so are civilian gay people even surprised??? do they care??? or is everyone collectively reading through twitter like “gay men in navy? okay fork found in kitchen 🙄 who cares.”

this is all just a long way for me to ask if icemav is easier to pick up on/less surprising if you’re gay. bradley clocked them early because he was in close quarters with them constantly, but he’s also gay—in comparison, slider knew ice for years, but only added it up when it was way too obvious to ignore. and to other straight people they seem to be at an Ethan Hunt level of undercover, but are they really??? (this is kind of a dumb question so feel free to do whatever you want with it lol)

see i feel like i haven’t been writing them very obviously clockingly gay at all! i actually feel like it would piss Jake and bradley off how STRAIGHT ice & mav act all the time!

1st excerpt from post-marriage, second excerpt from a scene that got deleted from WWGATTAI chapter 9, wherein compacflt ice approves the promotion of a fictional “first female admiral to be married to another woman” and then runs into her at a DOD Xmas party and chats about gay marriage for a bit out of curiosity… (deleted bc chapter 9 was already 9.5k words) like it is still a secret even if they aren’t actively trying to keep it secret anymore

but you’re right hold on. here’s christmas 2017

#fork found in kitchen killed me btw i screamed out loud #ice isn’t outwardly gay except in all the ways that he is #like i feel like the pacific fleet staff all kind of assume he’s asexual and ‘married to his work’ a la Sherlock #until he becomes secnav & everyone reads up on him again & learns OH SHIT HES MARRIED TO A BLOKE OMG THAT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE #i feel like they’re really still straight-passing unless you get them in the same room where they can be themselves & not navy facsimiles #and then #oh yeah. that boy is gay. and i really believe that. #pete maverick mitchell #tom iceman kazansky #icemav #top gun #asks #top gun maverick #bradley rooster bradshaw #even another gay admiral couldn’t clock him! #no civilian gay people don’t care #that meme of the gay b-52 dropping bombs on another country #warhawks are warhawks whether gay or straight #or so the rationale might be #LOVE the big gay b-52 #as ive written about on this blog elsewhere

[lunar-years]

The incessant need this fandom now feels to make all of Taylor’s most beautiful love songs into grand coverups that disintegrate to reveal something sinister and depressing simmering beneath every sweet lyric is actively driving me crazy.

Taylor giving us the playlists that provide insight into how she views those songs now and thinks differently about their contexts in her own hindsight? A fascinating look into her headspace and writing process and healing process.

Fans now trying to convince us that fucking lover is at its core anything other than a LOVE SONG? Evil and dark discourse! get it away from me!

#‘people who played this at their weddings must be shaking’ #well. I’m sorry you hate joy. #increasingly the way I feel about being a swiftie is that I want to continue being a fan without hearing anyone else talk about her #even and perhaps especially…other fans #it just sucks because even when she gives us something cool like these playlists engaging in discussion about it is. not fun. #because certain fans are how they are. and she’s so big now that those conversations are so visible and loud #ts

[brown-little-robin]

I want a church community 😭

#robin processes emotions on main #I've stumbled and fallen and been lying limp in the mud 😭 #I don't have a church community. I have my parents' church but I'm not really part of that. I have a church for the college year #but I'm not really part of that either #it's just so big and loud and I'm overwhelmed and don't know anyone and can't hardly speak when it's so LOUD #and all churches are like that!!! what am I to do!!! how do you turn Ordeal Every Week (Alone With Strangers) into Faith Family!!! #I CAN'T I don't have TIME to build new significant relationships I don't know how to MAKE time #but I feel like I have to but AAAAAAAAAAAAAA 😭 #I haven't even gone to church for the past two weeks #I have no stable faith community other than my friends and that's IMPORTANT and GOOD but it's not enough #I want stability in physical community #and I don't know if I can DO that this year #hhhhhhg #pray for me please and if you have words of advice or encouragement I would love to hear them

[wis-art]

it's hard to drive a perfect racing line when you're in an RWD 425 BHP car and it is raining, sometimes it's better to take it easy because a crash will costs you seconds and pushing your brake a little so you take the corner slower will only loose you fractions of a second

#I am playing dirt rally and i DIED! #i am playing a daily and i fell into a tree and broke my wheels!!!!! #that porsche in scotland #they were planning to murder me #i think everyone should play dirt rally 2.0 #because oh how fun a car game i will go fast #and then you just end up crashing #and failing #and you realize #oh my god #this is so much harder than i thought #and people are so much better than me #and then you realize how much work someone put in to take every corner you struggle with at baller speeds #WHAT IM SAYING ITS VERY HUMBLING AND ALSO CAR AND ITS COOL CAUSE I LIKE BIG LOUD CARS GOING FAST THROUGH FORESTS AND MOUNTAINS #hehe big engine #but seriously #i love this game #i genuinely feel like i started looking at my art in way healthier way ever since i played this game #just realized that #it's ok to not be the best and to struggle with something #it's kinda the whole fun of it #figuring it all out and putting in the time to get better #that's the secret to having fun

[sapphicsnzs]

trying to sneeze and sniffle quietly in the library to not draw attention to myself

#self obs #snz blog #snz kink #snzblr #i wish i could be at home but the only place i can focus is the library and i have two papers due today #i also always sit in the quiet section because it has the least distractions but i feel so bad if i make any noise #im wearing a big sweatshirt and just wiping my nose on it to avoid sniffling #i also keep going to the bathroom to sneeze because i don’t wanna be loud #anyways hopefully i can finish these quick and then go home cause im so exhausted and i have to be up early tomorrow for an interview

[citrine-elephant]

stressed the fuck out nonverbal dilf leon: what is your opinion?

#thinking about claire and leon friendship #where she recognizes he's in a Mood TM and overwhelmingly doesn't want to talk #so she sorta becomes his voice for a little bit until the mood passes #leon already has communication difficulties lol why wouldn't the trauma worsen that #you know when you *can* talk but it's such a mentally draining task that you gotta find other ways? #working in a loud place when in that mood :(( #if line of sight was clear i just gave thumbs up or head nods lol #ugh... no promises but i have the urge to write or sketch a little claire and leon thing where she's the protective big sis instead #instead of leon being protective big bro #uhhh chreon but claire is just sister-in-law so it works #idk i know they had a bit of chemistry in re2r but i feel them more as besties/found family #see: infinite darkness where leon does the thing to keep claire safe and she asks why he treats her like a kid :( #to keep a tag rant short: had to read someone explaining that part cuz it felt very weird for leon to not give her that thing

[angelboybreakdowns]

im so tired

#its exhausting living here #im the bad guy in every situation #every time i dont accomodate her stupid bullshit whims im evil and creating conflict #dean you arent allowed to get lunch for yourself bc she wants to do a baking project &youre too Disgusting to be in the same room as her fo #*food #dean you arent allowed to listen to music out loud in your room but she can play her music in the living room while you have a migraine #dean you have to ask her what food she wants from town bc she doesnt feel like texting mom herself #dean you have to stop laughing because she thinks your laugh is annoying #dean you arent allowed to eat the bread that was bought for you because she decided she wanted it #dean you arent allowed to wear the one piece of mens clothing youve ever gotten to buy apart from plaid shirts bc she thinks youre too fat #dean you arent allowed to correct her when she says things about you that are objectively untrue #dean she wants to hang out in the living room go back to your room so she doesnt have to be around you #dean she wants a book for english class you have to give her one of yours #dean you arent allowed to be angry at her for ripping the cover off one of your favorite books & nrver apologizing that was years ago #dean you arent allowed to make plans with your friends this weekend bc she might want to hang out w her friends & wants to keep moms schedul #schedule open to drive her #dean you arent allowed to eat until she serves herself #dean if youre making food & she refuses to eat bc you were in the kitchen thats your fault #dean how dare you say her hair looks like sam winchesters #dean you cant be angry when she calls you fat & ugly & disgusting & tells you to kill yourself you shouldnt let it get to you #sui mention #dean you cant get new pants bc she wants to buy this dress that she’ll never wear #dean its not a big deal when she misgenders you she waa just joking #dean shes not ableist bc youre the only autistic person she thinks is faking it for attention #im just so goddamn tired

[etchedstars]

actually why would laufey write letter to my 13 year old self. asking for a friend

#shes just like me but actually #Don't you worry 'bout your curly hair #Clothes that don't quite fit you anywhere #Voices echo in the gym #Another girl's had her first kiss #Please #don't think too much of it #darling #I'm so sorry that they pick you last #Try to say your foreign name and laugh #I know that you feel loud #so different from the crowd #Of big blue eyes #and long blonde hair #and boys that stare #ok laufey whatever you ask. i wont worry abt my curly hair and my foreign name and and and #(spoken like im 13. i am not) #the overdue asteroid strikes again #laufey #i felt so Wrong at 13 you dont understand #i too was picked last. it must be a 13 year old wasian thing

[miss-morland]

dennis in dtamhd is so bpd recovery coded i feel so much about it <333333

#that shrug gif got me thinking that i know exactly what he’s doing there #like. i absolutely understand the headspace where you’re upset but trying to hold it together because goddammit you are tired of losing it #you attempt to cheerfully push through the thing that’s bothering you and get out on the other side without exploding #the processing out loud where you’re almost having a conversation with yourself. having an internal dialogue out loud. #the big exaggerated movements in an attempt to express his emotions in a more acceptable way #tense and release. tense and release. #he’s trying so hard to laugh things off. he’s trying so hard to make it through those interactions without snapping #when you have bpd you have to find victories in inaction a lot #choosing not to engage in something you really want to. harmful or destructive behaviors #so you’ll be in the midst of an episode just white knuckling it trying not to fly off the handle and self destruct #and then you outlast the storm and you’re still standing there like. wait. it’s over? #it’s over and i didn’t do anything? #and it’s hard to feel like you’ve accomplished something when all you did was not do something. but you did! #it’s fucking hard ok. but you have to try #and goddammit he’s trying. he’s trying #this isn’t really about dennis anymore i guess #thanks glenn howerton for creating and portraying a character i find so relatable #iasip #dennis reynolds #cateposting

[thyandrawrites]

I think what breaks me is that the chapter begins with Reo repeating to himself "I am superior I am super elite" and then it ends with him saying "I'm trash" after one loss and I just

Baby there are other settings besides 0 and 100. Who taught you to think this way. Actually, I'm coming for your dad with a shovel, don't mind me

This really drives home how Reo has an all or nothing mentality. He doesn't tolerate performing less than brilliantly in anything he does, and I mean. It's nothing new really. There were hints before. But it still punched me in the face

#I'm coming for anyone who keeps calling him sheltered for being unable to grapple with loss #Like sure he is undeniably privileged #And likely didn't have to confront this feeling very often #But it's also such a toxic mentality to always expect excellence from yourself like this #And I doubt the mikage ever discouraged it #In retrospect him acting awful to zantetsu is another big hint of this #He's not confident at all. His cheekiness is so loud and obnoxious BECAUSE his ego is fragile as hell #Damn #Much to think about #He's such a fascinating character