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#but like. ive mentioned it before. the daydream of being so big nothing u cant hide anymore but also nothing ur scared of can hurt u
iwadori · 3 years
Note
Hiiii can i request prompt 53 with tsukki? My annoying cousin u may know @chibiiichan(i cant tag her its a surprise) recommend ur account and well she never been right more than now I LIKE UR ACC TOO URM JUST TAG HER IN THE POST (bcs its actually her birthday next week monday so....the least i could do this bcs she likes tsukki and shes recently talk abt the iwazumi story of yours....lmao shes cringe but in the same time got mad n i was besides her hearing her whining like bruh 'its 1 am'...i know i should buy something for her but she got spoiled enough 💅...that mf-) thank you ✨
‘ALWAYS AND FOREVER’
TSUKISHIMA X READER
2K WORDS
GENRE: ANGST,FLUFF
TW: SLIGHT AMBIGIOUS MENTION OF SUICIDE/ASSISTED DEATH, AND DEATH, CURSING (IN MY A/N)
THIS IS FOR @chibiiichann Happy birthday, I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS (BECAUSE I HATE IT :D ) SOOOOO YEAH I HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR BIRTHDAY.
NOT PROOFREAD AT ALL. EXPECT SLIGHT MISTAKES
You were dying. You knew it. Your husband, Kei, knew it. Even friends you haven’t spoken too since high school knew it.
So why did you all pretend that everything was okay?
5 year old Y/N:
You were running around your neighbourhood park chasing after butterflies, without a care in the world. As you were frollicing in the grass, you manage to trip over a rock tumbling to the ground scraping your knee making it bleed. Looking down at your slightly injured knee, your lip begins to quiver which eventually leads to wails of tears streaming down your face.
“you don’t have to cry you know?” said a slightly quiet voice towering over you. Above you was a boy, quite tall with a fat pair of glasses, golden eyes and a head full of blonde locks.
“Well when I get hurt, I cry” you say matter oh factly (is that the phrase?) rubbing your nose as you sniffle. He held out a hand to you, which you immediately took shooting upwards and brushing yourself off.  
The boy, after looking at you wildly, turns around and walks back to the actual park. “Oi wait,” you call at the boy swiftly following him “aren’t you going to ask my name?”
“no.” he says simply, proceeding to walk ahead.
“well my names Y/N L/N pleasure to meet you,” you say jumping in front of him so he doesn’t move, waiting for him to tell you his name...which he doesn’t. “you don’t have to be so rude you know”  
“I’m not being rude” he says stiffly “ it’s just my brother says not to speak to strangers” a smirk appears on his face to say ‘you can leave me alone now.’  
As if on cue, his brother approaches the both of you given the boy a slap on the back making him cringe “Hey Kei, who’s the friend you’ve made here?”  
“My name is Y/N L/N and I'm here to be KEI’s best friend!” you said putting the emphasis on the word Kei after just learning that was the blondes name.  
Kei rolled his eyes and sighed saying “nii-chan can we go home now” he folded his arms in annoyance.
“No Kei, you’ve got to get to know your new found friend Y/N-Chan right?” his brother said teasingly, knowing it was the last thing Kei wanted to do.
“Yes ofcourse!” you say with a toothy grin, dragging Kei along with you to his demise.
Until the sun went down, you spent the rest of your time with Kei getting to know eachother (well him getting to know you more, since you did all the speaking.) Regardless of his previous annoyance in getting to know you in the first place, Kei would be lying if he said he didn’t want to know you now.
As the sun was setting, Kei’s older brother (who’s name you learned was Akiteru) called him to tell him he had to go home because dinner was ready. Before he left, you grabbed his hand and wrapped your pinky finger around his saying “As long as we shall live, we will always look out for eachother as we are forever bestfriends, agreed?”
back to present -  
In some odd way, this was Kei’s way of looking out for you. He knew what you had was uncurable and would weaken you even more as the days go by, so pretending like nothing was wrong seemed to be best in his eyes.  
Everything you and Kei did was a game or some nostalgic act that you once did when you were children. It was sweet to say the least, seeing Kei all engrossed and determined to make you happy.  
Your alarm rings snapping you out of you daydream, ‘it was time for medicine’ you thought with your face scowling at the thought. Immediately on time, as always, Kei comes In the room with all your medicine thats needed.
“Aren’t you my perfect little nurse Kei” you say teasingly giving him a wink, laughing as you see his face turn red.
“Do you have to do this every time y/n?” he asks rolling his eyes at your childish behaviour.
“Oh I'm just showing love to my best and favourite nurse” you continue laughing at your own words
“Im your only ‘nurse’” he deadpans giving you your medicine as you talk.
“Well that is more reason to make you the best nurse.” you say smiling.
Silence falls between you, and you stare down at your arm watching as your husband gives you the medicine making you frown. “Do we have to keep doing this?” you ask which is probably the 1000th time you’ve asked.
“Of course we do Y/N as I’ve said yesterday and the day before that and the day before that it-”
“But do we really?” you interrupt “I can’t keep doing this. You can’t keep doing this.”
“Do you doubt me Y/N, I can do this forever” he says “ I can take care of you forever”
“But I don’t wan-”
“I’m finished, I’m going to start on dinner” he gets up and leaves the room yelling “I’ll call you when it’s done.”
Sometimes you and Kei have these conversations. And all the time it ends the same way. You complain, he ignores and then you go and have dinner.
You can understand why he doesn’t want to have this conversation. Who would want to hear about their partners complaints about practically being alive. Kei was torn, ever since he met you all he wanted to was to keep you happy. But could he compromise his own happiness for it.
15 year old Y/N - flashback
“Kei Kei, aren’t you excited!” you yell smiling widley
“Excited for what?” he asks, amused by your enthusiasm “it’s just highschool.”
“Well it’s a new highschool! Karasuno high school, to be exact.”
“And that is still just a school.” he says
“Not just any! That’s the school nii-chan went too, and even tho he lie-”
“Let’s not talk about it Y/N” he murmurs “we should go now, don’t want to be late on our first date.”
Going to Karasuno was fun, at the start everyone was pleasant and nice. But after a week or two when you and Kei were still stuck to eachother like glue, people weren’t so pleasant. Kei was like a pop idol, being gorgeous and over 6ft at just the age of 15, caused alot of attention, especially when he was always around you.
At the start, the hate you got was bearable, it was the petty bitchy notes in your locker or just people blatanly talking badly about you infront of you. People didn’t do it when you weren’t around Kei, so when he had volleyball practice (which you were so excited that he joined the team) you were a big target for the bullies to come around.
Kei didn’t really know of the bullying that happened towards you, especially since he was mainly in practice or not around when it happened. But one day in practice he heard some of his teammates, kageyama and hinata who seemed to talking about a student in one of their classes that was always getting picked on by the other girls in the year.
“Yeah and I heard that Nana-san was planning on getting her and her friends to attack Y/N-san soon.”  said Hinata
“Shrimpy, who are they planning on attacking?” Kei asks to make sure he just heard the ginger correctly.
“Oh this lovely person in our class their name is Y/N-san” he says, looking at Kei’s reaction he also asks “Why? Do you know them?”  
Kei doesn’t respond, and immediately leaves the gym, ignoring Hinata’s and the other members of the teams yells of ‘Where are you going tsukishima.’ He didn’t care, he just had to get to you.  
He searched all the classes, asking every student if he knew where you were. Someone directs him to the toilets, where he burst through the door to see the other girls in your year surrounding you and beating you up.  
“What the fuck are you doing to them?” he yells startling the girls.
“T-T-Tsukishima-san" one girl says “It’s not what it looks like.”
“Oh fuck off” he says, with them still frozen in shock “I said go!”  
“And don’t think I don’t know your names either” he calls after them.
He rushes towards your bruised body on the ground and cradles you gently, confused on what to really do. “Oi Kei,” you say weakly catching his attention “I would’ve won if you didn’t come to stop the fight.” you joke making him scoff.
“Whatever you say Y/N.”
After you heal up, Kei already told on the girls that beat you up getting them suspended, and you explain how they were treating you because of their infatuation of him. And how they only did it when he wasn’t around.
Once he learns this information, he decides to quite the volleyball team, to your surprise. But you demands on making him not quit were ignored, as he excused it by saying “I have to make sure you’re always alright remember, and if that means quitting some volleyball team then so be it.”
That was one out of the many times that Kei put his happiness before yours.
Flashback over.
When you first got diagnosed, Kei was immediately researching on it as it was a very rare condition. But sadly, he only found what the doctor already told you both. It was uncurable and your immune system and your body will weaken as the days go by.
Which it did, you were a shell of your past self. It was always shocking for Kei to see, especially with you only being 25. ‘It wasn’t supposed to be this way,’ but he never let you see his sadness.
Whenever you knew Kei was sad you always reminded him “Kei, I may be dying but please don’t cry over me” every time you said, there was a slight undertone of humour in your voice which always worked in boosting Kei’s spirit.
AN: IVE GOTTEN TO THE POINT WHERE I HATE THIS SOOO IM SORRY IN ADVANCE FOR THE SHITTING RUSHED ENDING IM GOING TO PROVIDE FOR YOU LOL.
The days passed and the years went by, and you and Kei were still alive and kicking it. Doing your daily routine of you making some joke, Kei giving you your medicine and then you eating dinner. You eventually stopped complaining, realizing and remembering your promise you gave to Kei at 5 years old in that park. “As long as we shall live, we will always look out for eachother as we are forever bestfriends, agreed?”
Of course you had your rough days, everybody did and it was even harder being sick with a terminal illness. But having Kei to guide you through the storm made It better for you.
However, Kei isnt a miracle worker. He couldn’t save you, noone could. And you both knew that. That didn’t mean it made it any easier when the medicine stopped working and your pain got too hard to bear. Kei couldn’t watch you do this anymore, “the choice is yours” he said with tears in his eyes.  
So you knew what you had to do, you got in your bed pulling Kei with you, and letting him envelope you in a big hug as you both cried.
“I love you,” you say “You know that right?”
“Of course I know that, idiot” he replies “And I love you.”
“Always and forever?”
“Always and forever.”
AN: how did I END UP CRYING WHILST WRITING THIS WHEN IT MADE NO FUCKING SENSE, I WAS TRYING TO DO THIS COOL NOTEBOOK (I HAVENT EVEN WATCHED THE NOTEBOOK) ENDING WHERE ITS AMBIGIOUS AND SHIT AND I JUST GIVE UP OKAY? I APOLOGISE LOOOOOOL. I HOPE YOU ENJOY ATLEAST A SENTENCE OF THIS AT LEAST.
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diningpageantry · 5 years
Text
Scales, Fins, and other Fishy Daydreams
Archive Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18215168/chapters/43151156
Chapter 3/10 of It’s A Handheld Disaster
Word Count: 1553
Chapter Summary: Baz takes Simon's shitpost text a step further, and the outcome ends up spreading a few rumors.
SIMON
bi-sammy: sammy would still fuck huxley if he looked like the fish from shape of water
I grin smugly at my screen, sitting in a dark room with nothing shining but my mobile. The shutters stay shut, and the light from the bottom of the doorway barely filters into the room. It’s just me, this scratchy blanket, and Baz, somewhere else in England on another screen. I absolutely adore that.
gaystrell: why would you say something so controversial yet so brave.jpg
Sometimes, I catch myself smiling. Other times, I elect to ignore how real it feels. It’s weird, given that it feels like I’m just chatting with someone who I see everyday. The casualness of this reminds me of texting Penny in the afternoon on a Thursday.
Except, given the current time, it could be interpreted as more intimate than that of a friend’s text.
8am on a Saturday is usually a time reserved for comfort. For staying warm with someone you care about. Instead, I’m just messaging Baz.
bi-sammy: because im right
bi-sammy: hear me out here ive got a brilliant idea
gaystrell: whoever taught you the definition of a brilliant idea was clearly misleading you
bi-sammy: dont be an arse until youve heard it
bi-sammy: wanker
gaystrell: you’re truly proving your point
bi-sammy: ANYWAY
bi-sammy: shape of water au
bi-sammy: thats all
gaystrell: i’m appalled.
gaystrell: hold on.
I don’t think much of it. Occasionally, he disappears for an hour to two. I don’t bother asking, assuming it’s none of my business, but I do tend to worry a bit. I hope he’s alright.
After clicking off my phone, my head settles against my pillow as my eyes fall shut.
There’s something about this. There’s something about him. It’s a bit hard to pinpoint what it is, but the overwhelming feeling of comfort I have in the notifications I get from him just answering my bullshit is incredibly welcomed. He’s semisweet. I don’t know why I didn’t see it earlier, but he’s a fantastically bitter person.
My head slowly turns over, eyes opening and straining in the darkness.
I hate my empty room.
I hate the absence of comfort--I hate the plainness of these walls.
I want to say I hate my foster dad, but I also feel like I’m not allowed to say that. Not because the system will take me again and throw me back (even though I could have left a year back, if I was still in it). Instead, I feel like I shouldn’t hate him. Theoretically, I should be thankful for what I have. I’m not in a boy’s home, and I haven’t been since I was 11, but the remnants remain. The fights don’t go away, and neither do the weeks of starvation.
Still, I sort of despise living here under Davy.
That’s what he makes me call him. His name. His nickname. Not dad; of course not dad. He’s had me in his care for roughly six years, but he’s still Davy to me.
Shitty fucking Davy, with his strict curfews and practically using me as a housemaid because he’s too cheap to care for himself.
Shitty fucking Davy, not letting me add anything to my room because the day I turn 18, I’m out of here until his next kid (and cheque, apparently) come in. Told me I’d wreck the walls and ruin his furniture if I did put anything on it, too.
So that’s what I’ve got. Blank walls, blank furniture, blank everything. It’s like a jail cell for a bedroom, and everything I’ve got to show for myself is in a backpack and two dresser drawers/
But, at least, I own my mobile.
Every summer job, mixed with odds and ends shit and whatever I can do for my bill. It’s all mine, and Davy can’t fucking touch it.
Maybe that’s why, when I feel it buzz against my chest, it makes me feel more alive. It’s a reminder of all that work just to be able to talk to someone freely.
Arguably, the best feeling in the goddamn world.
I grab it and flip it over. It’s just an email about uni.
Fuck.
I end up scrolling through tumblr for a little while, doing nothing but liking and reblogging a thing here or there. It takes a little while before a little drop down falls from the top of my screen.
gaystrell: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1r7Wkwj7MSFk0--DgquHGhYVBbqneEYq0J01t0uMRmxA/edit?usp=sharing
gaystrell: feel the need to apologize before you click the link, but then again, you asked for this hell
When I click on it, it pulls up a doc titled just “crackfic”, and I’m floored with the first sentence alone.
“Fuck my fish ass harder, daddy.”
My hand flies up, covering my mouth as I practically wheeze as quietly as possible. A few paragraphs in and I’m nearly crying into my palm, muffling my laughter as I read through pages upon pages of the most ridiculous fic I’ve ever laid my eyes upon.
I check the word count out of pure curiosity, and it somehow makes me laugh harder.
bi-sammy: holy fucking shit
bi-sammy: i swear to god if you don’t post that i will
gaystrell: already in the process of making the archive post
gaystrell: i seriously believe you underestimate my sincere ability to be the biggest dick on the street
bi-sammy: i dont know whether or not u meant that as ur literal dick or the big dick energy in making that a post but id probably agree with you in both
bi-sammy: tag me in the post pls i want to be the first to reblog it
gaystrell: you’re a ridiculous, sad, little man
gaystrell: of course i’ll tag you
Within minutes, it’s uploaded with the absolute worst slew of Archive tags attached to it, and as soon as he tags me in his post, I tap the notification.
Scales, Fins, and other Fishy Daydreams
Word Count: 3,192
Summary: Fish!Huxley and Sam get it on Shape of Water style
@bi-sammy this is your fault (you're welcome)
I immediately slam like and pull up reblog, rapidly typing out my response before posting.
absolute madman. cant believe youve done this. i trust you with my entire life.
As usual, he's quick to reblog back.
anything for the absolute pain in my life x
Smiling shamelessly, I ride on the moment's high as our conversation stays out in the world. I quite enjoy this version of his softness. The public, taunting replies to mine. In all this time of following him, I can't really recall him ever being this friendly with anyone but me.
Makes me feel special. Maybe too much so.
BAZ
The jarring shock of the seemingly endless notifications rattles me momentarily speechless.
It isn't even 15 minutes after I'd replied to Snow and there's already a few people reblogging it with comments about him and I. A quick “i ship y'all’ to “powermove of the century”. Each make me flush deeper as the replies flood in.
If I were to be practical, I'm aware that I shouldn't be so flustered over the concept of us being a couple. It's most likely my overactive, sad, lonely imagination, but the idea of being loved just makes me blush. Especially since it's someone who doesn't seem to absolutely loathe me.
gaystrell: are you reading these?
bi-sammy: the what?
bi-sammy: i have. nothing to read. i cant read.
gaystrell: use your two remaining brain cells look at the notes for the crackfic
bi-sammy: holy shit
bi-sammy: im cackling
A notification pops up, making me snort this time. I pull up the post and send it off to him without a second thought.
gaystrell: sent a post
gaystrell: “sounds like something huxley would do for sam”
bi-sammy: stop im gonna piss myself shits too fucking funny
I pull it back up, scrolling down to reblog and adding a quick reply that, in all honesty, I should have thought out more. Secretly, part of me is glad that I sent it.
huxley wishes he was this smooth ;)
Within seconds, replies flood in from everywhere. From jokes about Snow and I possibly dating to the concept of Huxley writing (purposefully) shitty homoerotica about himself as a fishman. I quite like the conversation about the latter, while the former makes my chest knot in ways inexplicable.
Going through the notes makes me smile, even if it's mildly embarrassing. The amount of times I've seen the eyes emoji used is definitely excessive, but still somewhat welcomed.
Even my archive has a few comments already, although more based around the fic itself. More ironically, though, is the one person who probably took it seriously and just commented, “Nice fic!” I love the abundance of shameless appreciation for obscure fanfiction in the depths of this community.
Snow's messages roll down my mobile screen as I'm checking the comments, continuously replacing the previous message for the top slot.
bi-sammy: mate
bi-sammy: i love you
bi-sammy: also every time you reblog something of mine i get like 5 followers
bi-sammy: if you mention me i get 10
bi-sammy: youre???????????? a god????????
bi-sammy: can i marry you????????????
I slowly close my laptop, eyes on my phone with an absolutely gleeful grin.
gaystrell: when and where?
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