#but she wasnt. she didnt even get the choice to set up boundaries | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

forestryfae · 2 months

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also they have like, when youre good enough at cleaninga nd keeping stuff clean and tidy and you have a good enough routine and you dont really need help with it anymore, you might be able to move into one of the apartments they have here at inpatient. and i rly hope im able to get into one soon ngl

problem is tho, i am not that good at keeping things clean and tidy. wish i was but i have to force myself to do it and that rarely starts to happen until it actually gets really really bad. last minute cleaning zoomies kind of fucked up arrangement in my brain i guess??? and on top of thta i completely fell out of my routine in like early november/december when i started having to plan to go home even tho i fucking hate that place. and then i got back an i got no fucking follow up or anything until i hadnt been to work in a month. like yeah maybe thats. maybe thats because i needed antidepressants and i didnt get to talk to a psychologist or anything when i got here cus they dont have one. and i didnt get any followups beyond "go to work" and i had no coping mechanisms or help to find any

like thats the worst part about this place. they take zero accountability for their own fuckups cus "you have to be responsible" like fuck off? do your fucking job so we dont have to be on your asses to get you to do One Single Thing

and they just dont actually undertsand that sometimes people struggle cus they grew up neglected and fucking terrified all the time. i very much would love to be able to not worry 24/7 about being normal enougha nd existing correctly but i am, again, unmedicated, have no therapy, was taught im not allowed to have emotions or im stupid as shit, i was yelled at for the tiniest fucking thing cus both of my parents are fucking insane, and i straight up did not grow up with any kind of like. they didnt teach me shit. showing your kid how to turn on a dishwasher or washingmachine is not the same as teaching your kid shit

mom took over EVERYTHING. i got my first apartment cus she wanted me out of the house so she got me one. i never had a choice in learning to drive cus she just signed me up for drivers lessons without telling me until after shed spent the money. she arranged to meet with a realtor without me and i didnt actually get much say in what house to buy if im being honest. i got to look at them, yeah, but i still needed her permission to buy them and she wouldnt let me look at any she didnt like or didnt think i should live in. shes been in charge of the renovation the whole time without talking to me, and just. bought stuff whenever with my money without consulting me. didnt bring me along for the stuff i did want to look at myself either, they just bought me stuff and that was that. why should i be involved in my own life after all

and thats what im grown up with. insults and yellinga nd screaming and being talked down to and degraded and mocked and bullied, zero fucking support, everything i do is supposed to be automated and they shouldnt have to act like parents at all, i should just know things. no teaching me shit, no actual good follow ups, not being involved in anything revolving myself. school was fucking horrible and i was not in any way helped or protected from that, they let me think it was my own fault i was being bullied and treated me the same fucking way the teachers and bullies did, there was pretty much no sympathy for that and they never fucking talke dto me about that, any mental illnesses are completely free for all to be mocked and ridiculed if they feel like it, and im lazy for being burnt out and crying literally every day for hours, no support, just. absolutely fucking horrible. i grew up with that. thats shit i didnt know wasnt normal. i didnt know none of that is how normal people treat eachother. i still feel like a fucking idiot whenever i set a basic boundary. there are foods i stay away from or hide from others that i eat because i used to get yelled at and shamed for eating them, im fucking scared to discuss stuff i want or want to do or think would be fun to try cus im worried ill be talked out of it or ridiculed, im constantly worried people fucking hate my guts or im about to be treated like dogshit for existing in a way i didnt know was wrong. like. i have to do my own fucking psychology lessons with myself cus i dont get help anywhere and i dont get help thats meaningful from anywhere. im so focused on Doing Things Right that i need to get a good grade in therapy. literally what the fuck

anyways i wish they had better ways to help people than just. do laundry go for a walk go to work socialize.

what if you hate yourself for doing laundry. or not doing it. or youre worried youll do it wrong. what if going for a walk fucking sucks because youre not supposed to have fun unless you have a good reason to do so, or youre scared youre not allowed to exist in the outside world and youll get yelled at for going for a walk, or you think people will be able to tell you dont know where youre going so theyll think youre a fuckking idiot. what if you cant socialize because you dont actually know how and noone ever taught you or treated you like you were important so you never learned. like. this is the kind of shit i still need help with. going to work is only gonna help so much. i still need help with the rest of. existing as a normal person.

but yeah anyways i think its dumb that they have in total 11 rooms with a bathroom, 1 room with a bathroom and kitchen, 2 small apartments, one cottage, two houses, and another large apartment. but we cant use the houses or the apartment because one house isnt technically liveable somehow?? under renovation ig? the other house had a pipe burst so now when you do laundry tehre your clothes smell like sewage afterwards, and the third apartment is being used by students like twice a year so noone can use it. its fucking dumb. give me the apartment for students. ill live with the students. i dont care. i just wanna make dinner on my own.

#talkies

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ghettoland · 1 year

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Shorty said leaving me was the hardest choice she made.

But very quickly she posted pictures in his plaid.

Changed her pictures on the apps.

Pedestalized and mesmerized

She ate the apple that was disguised

She threw it to the side

And said this is enough

She huffed and puffed and packed my stuff

She stole some things and acted tough

Hardest choice she made? Idont think so. I paid.

I moved out there with 14k

But I chose to waste away

It was a slum. Slumlords took our pay.

I smoked weed and played video games

To pass the days

Putting myself deeply into a haze

To deal with the choices she made

Because she did not trust my way.

I told her I was a switch one day

She said she did not care, to lock that side of me away

I did and it grew mean and strong through the days

Waking up and rattling the cage

I left that area with $200 to my name.

Picked the check up on the way

Left her $1500 i borrowed from my dad

I was very sad

He would not help me move

Although she would threaten to sicc her family on me

My own could not step up to help me properly

My mom invited her sister who i asked her not to.

She parked improperly all across the property.

Her car was mostly off to the side

But a bumper was behind my ride

I was starved

I didnt see

I put it in reverse and plowed into her van.

Later in the day my mom passed out while smoking cigarettes and had to go to the hospital.

Ive been waging war on my family

Hoping my parents would love me

Im broke now

My hustle is busted

I dont have anywhere else to go

She told me not to tell people i have hsv1 when i would smoke before i smoked with them. And one time i didnt tell this girl and kissed her she said i gave her hsv2 and. Now i always tell people even on the first date and i get rejected some times.

Girls can be really cruel

Due to hypergamy

Take a grown man put him on his knees

Put another in his bed

Test his depression

Test his anxiety

Test his head

She psychoanalyzed me

And love withdrawal punished me

And set unfair boundaries

And gave me intermittent reinforcement

Never apologized

Never owned it

Because i was chasing familiar patterns

Root of the word is famili

Because its familiar

And feels so similar

Cant leave the town bound for life

It sucks because i thought she was down to ride

Now shes got family that keeps her there

Nieces she must take good care

Step mom to his kids indeed

I wish she would have got on her knees

I wish she would have cared

To please

The other half of me that got lost in the cage

The other half of me that got blamed

For being untamed

Unhinged

Addict

Who ended up cheating and lying in the end?

Wasnt me

All of my secrets. Have been mended.

I confessed my sins at the foot of my goddess

Like a lost beast trying to find my way

I was treated like i got in the way

But i wasnt a good man

I didnt come to the rescue

I didnt clean the house

But iu cant play captain save a hoe

To those who dont want to be saved

Its a shame what people do for the bread

Its a shame how power gets to peoples heads

#by the way i tried to mail the book #my mom donated the pile to goodwill #the book your aunt u loved gave you and wrote in #im sorry #karmas a bitch tho #n that was my way of god showing me it wasnt all me #also i saw my necklaces on ur tiktok.

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rommahh · 3 years

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I Carry Your Heart

Harry Styles x Reader

Word Count: 4k

{Ahhhh ok so this is my first work like ever. There will definitely be a second part because ive got more to say and it needs a second part. I hope whoever sees and reads this imagine enjoys it. I appreciate comments, likes, reblogs, ideas on what could go into the story, and any form of help and redirection as to how i should write things. Much love, R.}.

Part two

All Y/N wanted tonight was to hang out with her boyfriend, eat a mass amount of junk food, and watch a marvel movie or two. That was all she wanted and that was all she asked of her boyfriend. Instead of any of that happening, she found herself sitting on the nasty kitchen island of her boyfriend's frat at a party that she was trying to avoid going to.

This party was supposedly ‘the party of the year.’ The last rager before finals and then christmas break. Y/N had spent the whole week studying and finishing up end of semester projects hence the want for a chill night. When Harry came to her saying his frat was throwing a party tonight and that he just HAD to be here, Y/N didn't feel like she had a choice but to let him go. She came because she thought this would be the only time she would be able to have some time with Harry after a long week of barely seeing each other. With two vastly different majors, the couple wasnt able to find a lot of time in the middle of school work to make time for just the two of them. Obviously her hopes of quality time with her man were futile because here she was sitting by herself in the kitchen of the frat while Harry drank and got high with his friends in other parts of the house.

Of course she was disappointed. She felt a knot in her throat and a weight on her chest just sitting there in that kitchen. Her white claw was warm now- not that it was any cold when she opened it. She was starting to form a small headache from the too loud music and the ache in her heart was growing.

She stood from the countertop on the search for her boyfriend, hoping he wasn't too far gone from sober. Wiping the back of her jeans from anything that was left on the island, she began walking around the house. She doesn't remember the last time the two of them spent time together by themselves. Of course they occasionally ate dinner together in the dining hall but they were normally surrounded by friends. Y/N wanted to be alone with her boyfriend to talk and bask in his presence.

After pushing through groups of partying humans, she found Harry and at least ten other people sitting around playing some sort of drinking game.

“Y/N! Where have you been?” Luca, one of Harry's frat brothers yelled out to her from the circle. Luca was cool, he was one of the only tolerable boys in this frat aside from Harry. Hearing his girlfriend's name, Harry turned around from where he sat on the ground and reached out for his girlfriend to sit beside him. Much to Y/N’s dismay, Harry was wasted. His eyes were half mass and his words bumped and slurred together. “We are playing truth or dare, wanna play?” Luca asked.

“I don't wanna play but Ill sit and watch.” Sitting next to her boyfriend, she grabbed one of his hands holding it in her lap. She was annoyed at him but it did her no good to show it when he was this drunk.

This game of truth or dare was childish. Dares of licking people's shoes and taking multiple shots had been done and truths about money and relationships were being spilled among the group. It had finally become Harry’s turn to do something, making Y/N tense.

“Ok Harry, I dare you to…” One drunk frat boy started looking around the room trying to come up with something clever. His eyes landed on a pretty girl in the room, Yara, a stuck up girl who for sure got her way no matter what. “I dare you to kiss the hottest girl in the room- obviously not your girlfriend because that defeats the purpose.” The frat boy smirked knowing what his intentions were. Everyone in the group giggles and gasped shocked by the dare but ready to see what was going to go down. Y/N’s brows furrowed as she became angry with the stupid dare.

The ache in her chest seemed to tip over the edge when she felt her boyfriend in the room move to stand up. She grabbed at the bottom of his shirt as a way of stopping him. Harry halted his movements to look down at his girlfriend. He giggled a little.

“You’re not actually going to do this right?” She asked Harry with wide eyes of shock. Harry laughed at her like she made a joke, making her heart hurt even more.”Harry I do not want you to do this just take the shot and lose the dare.” Her tone held warning.

“Don't be silly of course I'm going to. It's just a dare, nothing serious. Don't be so clingy.” He stood walking over to Yara and planted a wet kiss on her mouth. Yara gripped Harry’s shirt and kissed him harder. The kiss went on for a few more seconds, the room absolutely silent out of shock. Harry stepped back from Yara slightly sobering up from his actions. Yara smirked at Y/N, hand gliding down the front of Harry's shirt.

Y/N stood from the seat she was in and scoffed. Scoffed because she should've known Harry would do something like this. Scoffed because it hurt to see her boyfriend do something so careless without any regard for his girl's feelings. She pulled herself together, feeling her throat tighten once again. She was quick to leave the room and down the hall of the frat.

Harry's clumsy steps could be heard from behind her as he mumbled her name. Or at least he tried to. He was still so out of it, his words not making much sense. Y/N was crying now, the strength that she had slowly dissolving as she walked further away from her boyfriend.

“Y/N wait. P-please wait. I cant-” Harry stumbled over his legs behind her falling into the grass of the front yard. The girl couldn't help but turn around looking at her stupid boyfriend. She was choking on sobs now. She wasn't crying over a measly little kiss but over an extreme amount of burnout from school and exhaustion from simply existing. She was crying because her boyfriend ignored her boundaries, crushing and erasing the boundaries she had set in their relationship. Harry tried reaching for her once she had stopped walking. His hand clasped around her wrist, he laid his head down on her shoulder. He hated seeing her cry even if he was too drunk to see why.

“Baby don't leave, Im-Im Sorry.” He hiccuped and burped due to the alcohol. Y/N felt her rage build. Shoving Harry off of her, she crossed her arms across her chest as a way to shield herself from Harry physically. He was hurt by her distance and the wall she put up around her.

“You're an idiot Harry. An idiot!” her sobs grew louder, some stray party goers watching in amusement- some even snapchatting it for shits and giggles. “I didnt want you to kiss her and you did. What provoked you to think that was ok? All I wanted was for us to hang out tonight and just be us and you did this!” She was yelling now. Her hurt is beyond her now. Anger and rage simmered throughout her body making her head dizzy and her fingers curl within themselves. She didnt like being angry. It wasn't an emotion she liked acting on, it felt impersonal.

“Baby I don't under-” Before Harry could finish his sentence he was barfing at his feet. Y/N stepped back disgusted with her boyfriend. She couldn't even feel remorseful because of how angry she was. Luca, the frat brother from earlier, caught up with Harry and his girl only to find Harry doubled over heaving. Luca wrapped his arms around Harry's shoulders.

“I'm sorry Luca but I can't do this tonight. Can you please make sure he gets some water and goes to bed. I-I can't do it tonight, I wish I could but I can't.” Y/N didn't want to leave her boyfriend in this state but she didn't deserve this. She wasn't going to care for her drunk boyfriend when all she wanted to do was care for herself. Selfishly, she enjoyed seeing him this way because of the anger he caused her.

Luca shook his head in understandment. “Of course, I'm really sorry for tonight. He's going to seriously regret this in the morning, especially since it will be circulating all over snapchat in the morning.” Luca waved to Y/N then proceeded to pull Harry into the house. Harry called out for Y/N not wanting to be away from her but Luca pulled him harder.

Harry woke up the next morning feeling like the bottom of a dumpster. He wasn't shocked by that. He knew he got trashed last night, he had planned to. He, just like Y/N, spent all week studying and completing projects while also fulfilling certain responsibilities for his frat. He wanted one night to be a normal teen. So he drank and drank and drank and maybe even smoked some weed. As he tried to recall last night's events he came up with nothing. He didn't understand why Y/N wasn't here with him like she normally would after a party on the weekend. They were normally always together during the weekend. A bad feeling loomed over him. He could tell something wasn't right but decided to put his feelings to the side.

He saw a bottle of water beside his bed making him think she was probably here and left early. Chugging the water he started to go through his socials to see if anyone had posted about the party. He had multiple tagged pics and videos in his notifications from snapchat. Way more than he normally would.

The first video he saw was a video of him and Y/N standing in the front yard of the frat house. Turning the volume all the way up he could hear Y/N yelling, it shocked him. She doesn't normally raise her voice, especially not at him. The angle changed showing her face which was red with anger, eyes filled with unshed tears. He could hear her yelling about him kissing someone else. He felt his heart stop. He had kissed someone else? On the next snap was a picture of him keeled over vomiting on his shoes with the caption saying, ‘are yall seeing this shit?’ Harry was embarrassed but he was more concerned than anything.

His head was hurting but it didn't stop him from rolling out of bed, washing up, and putting on a fresh set of clothes. He checked his phone hoping Y/N had messaged him but nothing was there. He walked into the kitchen only to see luca sitting at the counter eating cereal.

“Hey Harry….” Luca said warily. Luca pushed the cereal around his bowl feeling the tension begin to rise in the room. He felt horrible about his friends.

“Luca...what's up?” Harry was confused by Lucas' wariness.

“So do you remember anything about last night?” Luca asked, setting his cereal down in the sink behind him. Harry started playing with the frayed edges of a bracelet Y/N made for him. It had little beads with her name on it. They made them together at an event on campus.

“I don't, I only saw the videos of Y/N screaming at me. I think I fucked up but I- I don't know what happened.” Harry's cheek flushed with even more embarrassment. Luca awkwardly chuckled scratching the back of his neck.

“You got dared to kiss the hottest girl in the room and um actually did it in front of Y/N...even though she didn't want you to. Which led you guys outside and yeah you know the rest...Im sorry dude, I wish I had stopped you.”

“Who- who did I kiss?” Harrys stomach lurched when he heard Yara’s name come out of Lucas' name. Y/N didn't like Yara and it was understandable. Yara has been pining after Harry since their first year of college. Harry couldn't breathe. He felt disgusted with himself. He could only imagine how Y/N was feeling.

Y/N woke up the same morning, eyes puffy and crusty from tears and head hurting. She probably cried herself into dehydration. She was lucky enough to have no roommate because she wouldn't have wanted someone else to see her breakdown. She still couldn't believe last night went down the way it went down. She couldn't tell if she was just being overdramatic or if her emotions were in the right place. She didn't want to be mad at Harry. He was everything to her, she had an odd connection to him. Meeting him during their freshman welcome week they quickly became best friends with a growing romantic connection in the mix. They started dating before Christmas break. They had grown close so fast that he even came home with her to meet her family for the first few days of break. Even though they were in their junior year of college, Y/N could see them beyond college. She's imagined them getting married, travelling, sharing a home. She saw the whole future with him. She had her doubts though. He was immature just like every other boy in college. He was dumb with his actions and tended to only do things if they benefited him. He had a lot of growing to do as a person, so did she but she wanted to grow with him.

She heard a knock on her door hesitating to answer it because one, it could be Harry, and two, she looked like a wreck. Answering anyways, she was met with a very sorry looking Harry holding a small coffee and bagel from their cafe.

“Hi baby…” He sheepishly said holding out the items. She silently let him through the door not once looking him in the eye. He stepped into her room, setting her treats on her desk. He could see that her bed was messy meaning she recently woke up. Y/N never went about her day without making her bed. He turned back to her and finally their eyes met. He took in all of her facial features, from her puffy eyes, to her downturned lips that looked chapped, to her flushed cheeks that longed to be held for warmth. He hated to see her like this, the last time he saw her so upset was when her parents moved out of her childhood home. It took alot to make Y/N this upset. She was normally really headstrong and vigilant. She knew how to ease her way out of problematic situations and could talk her way through anything.

Harry opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by Y/N holding her hand up in front of his face. “Don't talk. I'm really hurt Harry, so if your plan was to come over here and apologize over bagels- think again.” She snapped, backing up to put space between the two of them. She sat down on her bed while Harry pulled the desk chair out and sat down. He much preferred to be on the bed with her holding her tight but he didn't want to overstep boundaries.

“Love, I don't know where to begin. I'm really sorry for what happened last night. I was really drunk and obviously wasn't in the right headspace.” Harry reached out and touched the tips of her fingers with his. She wanted to move but it felt good to be touched by Harry.

“I told you that a measly little apology won't do Harry. I didn't want you to kiss Yara and you did anyway. You know how Yara feels about you and you just let it happen!” She pulled her hand away remembering the prior night's events. Harry felt himself getting angry too. He felt like he needed to defend himself- even though it would be a very bad idea.

“I think you're being over dramatic.” Wrong move Harry. “It wasn't like I was making out with her!”

“You're joking right?” She scoffed and scooted further up her bed to create more distance. “Harry it's the simple fact that you did something that made me uncomfortable that shouldn't have even happened. I see myself getting married to you and it makes me worry that right now in our relationship you can't respect my boundaries!” She yelled. Harry’s eyes widened as he laughed sarcastically.

“Married? What the fuck are you on about? I'm a junior in college. In what world would it make sense for me to be prepping a relationship for marriage? Once again I think you're being over dramatic.” Her eyes watered hearing Harry's statement.

“I- I guess I'm the only one in this relationship thinking about the future? I thought we were on the same page. I'm not planning our marriage now, obviously. I'm thinking about how elements of our relationship now could play out in the future when we do want to get married. You cheated on me last night. I went to a party you begged ME to go to only to be there for you. I wanted to be here cuddling with you, pigging out on fast food but I was at a party with you and got cheated on!” Her volume rises once again, making Harry shove his chair from underneath him when he stands up.

“You're doing too much right now. I'm not planning a future right now because I don't want this future! I want to be myself without thinking about how to appease my girlfriend. I invited you to the party so you could lighten the fuck up. I love you, I do, but I'm not thinking of marriage and futures. I'm thinking about my life right now and having fun.” Harry snapped right back at her. Her chin wobbled. Obviously her and Harry were on different pages. It hurt so much to hear him say that he didn't want a future with her. Harry didn't mean it though.

“Ok, well I guess that's my fault for assuming we were thinking along the same lines. Um, I don't want to hold you back from being yourself so with that being said, you are a free man Harry.” She pushed herself up from her bed walking to the door ready to escort Harry out.

“Huh? Love, what?” Harry was confused on how they got to this point. Just a few days ago they were in love, meeting in the library to share a lunch and exchanging sweet words determined by their love.

“Listen I have a day full of exams tomorrow so if you could just leave that would be best. You don't really want this so I'm letting you go, Harry.” She had tears rolling down her face, falling from her eyes down to her chin where they fell to the ground in droplets. Harry’s eyes welled up watching his love cry before him.

“I don't-”

“Harry, leave, please.” She opened the door making room for him to go through. He walked through the door turning to look at her. She turned her face away from him whispering a small goodbye before shutting the door. Harry was left in the silent hallway, so silent he could hear his thoughts and the tears hitting the tile floor beneath him. He thinks he stood there for at least thirty more minutes before accepting what had happened and walking away.

Leaving Y/N in her room sobbing like she had never done before. Her tears coated her face and she thought her head could explode right then and there. She didn't want to accept what had happened but she had priorities. She composed herself enough to start studying for her exams.

The week rolled by quickly, Monday meeting Friday in a flash. Exams were done and Christmas break was on the horizon. Students were piling off of campus in a hurry ready to get home to their loved ones. People were outside by cars loading up their winter necessaries and saying their goodbyes to their close friends.

Harry cried everyday this week. He wasn't normally a crier. He hated crying, he hated the feeling of crying and the headache that came from it. He cried because he realized how wrong he was. He missed Y/N. He missed finals week dinner together where they tried to get off campus at least once and be alone for a moment. He missed watching her relax while eating food that wasn't from their school's cafeteria. He would pay for their meal just so she could have one less thing to worry about. They would normally get frozen yogurt right after too, Y/N getting as many toppings as she wanted because Harry would be the one paying. He missed her tight after exam hugs. She would squeeze his shoulders tight, smiling into his neck, telling him how proud she was of him. She would bring him tea in the morning when they met for breakfast. Sometimes they would spend the night in one or the others room so they could have time together to destress and just talk.

Y/N wasn't doing any better. She normally went into exam week feeling confident. She studied too hard not to. But this week she felt like shit. Her heart hurt and she kept thinking about the fight. She feels like she overreacted but hearing Harry talk about their lack of a future hurt nonetheless. She really assumed that they did have a future that included marriage and a life together. She didn't understand where his sudden lack of commitment came from. She regretted dumping him but at the same time she wished he did more to get them back together but he was silent. He hasn't contacted her at all and avoided all of their spots on campus all together.

She stood by her car prepping for her six hours car ride back home. Packing away her clothes and some essentials in the trunk of her car, she heard light footsteps behind her. Closing her trunk she turned to see Harry standing with his hands in his pockets.

“Hi.” He said. She looked at him, putting her own hands in her pockets. It was cold outside, the nippy air hinting at a possibility of snow.

“Hi Harry.” They shared a moment of silence together. Just staring at each other. It felt good to be near each other again. They felt like they could breathe again.

“I had to see you before you left. I know the break is only a month but I didn't want to leave without seeing you.” He replied quietly. She made him feel so shy. Her beauty always made him awestruck. Even in a hoodie with their college's logo and some large sweatpants and some fuzzy crocs, she was the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.

“I don't know what to say harry.”

“It's ok. I don't deserve anything from you after what I said. I just wanted to apologize and wish you a good break before you left. I also wanted to give you this.” He pulled a small box and envelope out of the front pocket of his backpack. “I know we agreed on no presents but I think thats a dumb rule and I love you too much to not get you something.” She smiled at his words, taking the gift from his hands.

“Thank you Harry, it means a lot to me. So what are your plans for a break?” She asked him, the tension that was in the air slowly dissipating.

“I couldn't get a flight home until next wednesday so i'll stay here on campus until then.” He shrugged.

“Oh ok. Well tell Anne I said hi. I have to go Harry but I'll see you after the break, ok?” She didn't want to leave him but she didn't want to drive through the dark.

“Ok, love. Drive safe. I lov- I mean have a good break.” Her chest tightened at his hesitation. She wants to hear him say the words but she knows he won't.

“Have a good break Harry.” She whispered. Before getting in her car she stood on her toes placing a kiss on the corner of his mouth. Rubbing her thumb across his cheek and turning away and into her car.

She drove away knowing that her heart was left in that parking lot in the hands of someone she loves way too much.

Harry stood in the parking lot watching his heart drive away for winter wanting nothing more than to be with her.

Part two

#harry styles x reader #frat!harry #i carry your heart #harry styles fic #harry styles one shot #harry styles imagine #harry styles #harry styles x y/n #college!harry #part 2 coming soon #harry styles smut #fratrry #boyfriend!harry

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anti-catradora-receipts · 3 years

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I really had to see someone say catra didnt abuse adora bc she "didnt have a position of power" over her. And claimed that i "didnt know what abuse was". Well i guess the abuse that ive been through in relationships (platonic and romantic), that has often been like catra/adoras dynamic, wasnt abuse huh. Guess im not an abuse victim after all by that logic

Dear anon,

Firstly, I just wanted to say that I’m really sorry for everything you’ve been through. And I’m really sorry that someone tried to invalidate your experiences with abuse. I really hope you’re doing okay and taking care of yourself.

Secondly, I disagree with the person’s statement of “catra didnt abuse adora bc she "didnt have a position of power" over her.” That’s false.

Catra admits to manipulating Adora during the show. And this article talks about manipulation in a relationship and how manipulation is all about power and control. I extracted some parts of the article and placed it right below (within the quotation marks):

“People who manipulate use mental distortion and emotional exploitation to influence and control others. Their intent is to have power and control over others to get what they want.

A manipulators knows what your weaknesses are and will use them against you. This will keep happening unless you actively and assertively put a stop to it. That said, it is not always easy.”

Next, this article is from the perspective of a victim of abuse after leaving an emotionally abusive relationship. The author of the article wanted to better understand their past abusive relationship and shared the insights that they gained from reading the book, ‘Power Games: Confronting Others’ Hurtful Behaviour and Transforming Our Own by Kay Douglas and Dr Kim McGregor’. I feel that the article illustrates in depth the enormous power imbalance between Catra and Adora and I extracted some parts of the article and put it below (within the double quotations):

“After leaving an emotionally abusive relationship, I found myself needing to understand what had happened. Like most people who leave a volatile situation I was, quite simply, unable to process and articulate what was wrong. Apart from being incredibly vulnerable, I was also just too close to my own situation to see it objectively.

So I decided to read Power Games: Confronting Others’ Hurtful Behaviour and Transforming Our Own by Kay Douglas and Dr Kim McGregor. What I found was a wealth of information confirming what I couldn’t express or even see for myself. Here are some choice insights from the book, as well as some of my own thoughts*:

1. Control is always at the heart of a power game. The need to assert control will usually involve undermining and/or discrediting another to achieve our own ends. For example, we are using power games when we:

bully or intimidate someone into agreeing with our demands;

bait and provoke others through disturbing statements or actions and then claim they’re being over-sensitive/emotional, crazy or irrational (known as gaslighting);

...

engage in name calling, put-downs, harsh criticism or threats.

2. Manipulators are not concerned with taking responsibility for their decisions/behaviours/feelings. Instead, they create a smokescreen by shifting the focus or blame to others. And consequently, the other party must assume the responsibility for making the situation ‘better’. If the other party is a ‘good’ person, they will comply with whatever demands are issued (peace at any price). As soon as they resist, however, the manipulator is likely to go on the attack.

3. For the receiver, cumulative exposure to such tumult may reduce self-esteem and increase anxiety, resentment and fear. Receivers will experience intense emotional reactions and may end up interpreting these as proof they are selfish, unbalanced, over-sensitive and unreasonable. They may lose their sense of self; either over-compensating to ‘get it right’ and ‘be better’ or even adopting manipulative tactics against others.

...

4. For the receiver, regaining personal power starts with a shift in one’s thinking. More specifically, an acknowledgement that the manipulator must take responsibility for their feelings and behaviours and any future change. It is accepting that the dynamic needs to change and learning to distinguish between real and manufactured guilt. It is constructing and defending boundaries and a willingness to listen to what anger is trying to say. It is the ability to cut through the smokescreen tactics and see the situation clearly. It is the ability to speak one’s truth and articulate one’s feelings. It is honouring the self. And, sometimes, this will mean leaving.

What I learned is that while not everyone who feels inadequate is a manipulator, every manipulator feels inadequate. So do we all, I know. But, what sets manipulators apart is the way they consistently and systematically re-distribute this inadequacy onto others.

...

What I also learned is that by disengaging I was not giving up, but that I was actively saying ‘I am worth more than this’.”

On a personal note, I just wanted to point out some additional reasons I see a huge power imbalance between Catra and Adora:

- The fact that Catra was completely okay with controlling Adora and Catra was not willing to give up her control of Adora.

- The fact that Adora seems to be the one who is constantly scared of Catra. At the present moment, I can only remember two scenes when Catra is scared of Adora: when Adora gets corrupted and attacks Catra at the beginning of White Out (S2E5), and when Adora gives Catra “The Look” at the end of The Portal (S3E6) . In addition, take a look at this scene. Adora honestly believes that Catra is going to kill her:

- The fact that Catra is completely okay with taking away Adora’s power. In the following scene, Catra doesn’t even see Adora as a person but as a tool. Catra literally states that they’ll use the corrupted sword in order to control Adora and use Adora as an advantage for the Horde. Catra even states that she’ll control Adora to kill Adora’s own friends. That is unbelievably sick. Moreover, Catra was completely okay with controlling Adora’s choices and actions. In fact, this scene supports the fact that Catra was completely okay with taking away Adora’s freedom.

And honestly, there are some stark similarities between the previous scene with Catra and the following scene with Shadow Weaver. Shadow Weaver was ready to take away Adora’s power and use Adora as a tool against the Rebellion.

I’d also like to point out that what Catra was willing to do to Adora, Horde Prime had actually done to Catra in S5. Catra’s power and freedom was taken away by Horde Prime and Horde Prime controlled Catra to attack Adora. The fact that Horde Prime took away Catra’s power and freedom was cruel and despicable. And the fact that Catra was willing to take away Adora’s power and freedom is cruel and despicable.

Moreover, Adora ended up with Catra, a person who was perfectly okay with taking away Adora’s freedom and power.

That is absolutely vile.

Finally I just want to add that my pinned post titled “Catra abused Adora.” has hyperlinks to resources relating to abuse:

- The Emotional Abuse section is reviewed by professionals.

- The Physical Abuse section is provided by an online mental health service in Australia.

And these resources confirm that Catra emotionally and physically abuses Adora.

In conclusion, you are right to say that Catra abuses Adora. Again, I’m really sorry that someone tried to invalidate your experiences with abuse. And I really hope you know that your feelings about Catradora are completely valid.

I genuinely hope you’re talking care of yourself. Seriously, please make sure you check in with yourself and prioritize some self-care.

Thank you very much for sharing. ✨

#anti catradora #anti c//a #anti-catradora-receipts #spop salt #spop critical #every time i look at this ship #it just gets worse #the fact that catra was willing to take away adora's freedom is disgusting #i have no words #i hate this ship with all my heart

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vivinightingale · 4 years

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Hanahaki disease and Star tears head canons Part 2 of 3

Hanahaki Disease: An illness born from one sided love, where the victim's throat will fill up with flowers. They will then begin to throw up, or cough up the petals. In serious cases the flowers themselves. There are only two ways to get rid of the said disease. If the person the victim loves loves them back (strong friendship isn't adequate enough) or through surgery. If neither work the victim will suffocate on the flowers resulting in death.

Star Tears: The Sparkly star-like tears, accompanied with twlinking sounds. It's a disease that is caused by unrequited love. The only cure for these glimmering tears is for the love to be returned; however, if they are not then the light from the shining stars will blind the victim.

Flowers mentioned:

Tulip: Love and, Confidence

Sunflower: Adoration, Loyalty

Hydrangea: Emotion, Understanding

Rose: love

Lychnis

~Tristan Taylor Star Tears:

If Tristain had the disease:

When Tristan first met Serenity the boy thought he was a goner. Well that was until he met her best friend (y/n).

He loved the way you shined brighter than the sun, when your eyes sparkled with excitement of your favorite subject. (And when you tell off Duke when you felt he was overstepping his boundaries).

The major problem was your eyes were already on someone. Anyone with eyes (Expect the poor boy in question) could see how infatuated you were with him. You were always around him, spoke about him often, and you were always there when Yami Bakura got out of hand.

It hurt Tristain to the point when he got home he cried at how hopeless he was, but that was when his troubles truly occurred. When he cried the sparkly bright tears fell down his face. He was shocked to say the least he didn't understand why such bright tears fell down his face. So he didn't waste time going to the doctors.

When he got there the nurse took notice and ushered him to the back slightly shaken up by his state. When she seated him in a room she rushed to the doctor, and explained the circumstances.

When the doctor came in and he saw the young man trying to wipe away the tears in vain he knew exactly what was going on.

“It's a rare but painful disease Mr. Taylor.” The doctor explained to him the disease and the effects it would have on his health.

Tristan didn't want to ruin your friendship but he also didn't want to go blind, so he decided then to take a risk. He texted you and asked you to meet him at the park closest to his house.

When you got there the sun was nearly set, and the stars glowinging from Tristan's face were glowing brighter than ever. When you asked him what happened he didn't bother to look at you as he explained the disease to you.

“I know this is sudden (y/n) but i like you….as in more than a friend.” you gasped at the sudden confession, but that surprise suddenly turned to sorrow “Im sorry tristan….” The tears fell harder from his eyes but he shook his head and left without another word.

When the brunette lost his eyesight everyone worried for his well being but he played it off as if it didn't bother him, but in reality it pained him that he wasn't able to see your pretty face any longer.

If you had the disease:

You had been serenity’s best friend since you met her in elementary, you did everything with her so when she got her eye surgery you were there with her. That was the day you met her infamous big brother Joey, and his friends. More specifically Tristan.

You weren't sure what it was but something about him drew you to him, But you saw the way he looked serenity, and when Duke came into the picture you were certain that Tristan was in love with her.

So you decided to distance yourself from the man in hopes to drive these feelings away. However fate had something in store for you.

As you were talking with the group of friends at Mr. Muto’s gameshop you noticed how Tristan was obviously flirting with the girl as she giggled away at her pick up lines. It hurt your heart to see such a display that you could feel the tears prick at your eyes. You excused yourself from the group and ran to the bathroom. As you cried you noticed the blinding stars in your tears.

You stayed in the bathroom for what feels like forever till Mai knocked on the door. “(y/n)? Dear, are you okay?” you didn't have time to respond till she came in and saw the mess you were on the ground.

She was at your side instantly wiping away the tears and stars. “Star tears huh?” you look at her questioningly. She sighs and tells you everything she knows of the said disease. “It's not a pretty disease as it seems.”

Hearing her made you cry harder as she held you tightly. She escorted you home without the others seeing you, and told you to keep in mind her words.

In the end you were against telling tristan your feelings so instead you stayed by ai side as you slowly lose your sight. When you fully lost it Mai was there for you every step of the way, and made sure you avoided Tristan and everyone’s questions.

~Tea Gardner/Anzu Mazaki Hanahaki Disease:

If she had the disease:

You were introduced to the group by Duke Devlin (well it was more you were there when he faced Yugi and you were silently on the sidelines watching) Maybe it was the quiet cool stance, or the way your sharp eyes studied the duel between the two. Whatever it was she was extremely interested in you. So when you walked over to the group and introduced yourself to them she was smitten.

You began to hang with the group more and everything you did just made her heart flutter, the dazzling smile, the way you were always there for them, and so much more. Her heart just couldn't take, and neither could her lungs.

Slowly the flowers began to take over her lungs Roses, Tulips, Sunflowers, and Lychins fell from her lips as she coughed.

Due to this her work wouldn't allow her to go back until she got it fixed, so she had no choice but to go to the doctors. Unable to go on her own Mai took her to the doctors and sat with her until the end of the exam.

“Well It seems you have a very rare and deadly disease called hanahaki.” Mai probed the doctor for answers as Tea stared into nothing. Deadly one sided love? Surgery? This was all so much for her to handle.

At the end of the appointment Mai took her home “Look tea…. I know it isn't easy but if there's a chance that you don't have to go through surgery you should take it.” Tea nodded still lost in thought as she walked to her house.

It took her some time to gain her thoughts, but when she did she took Mai’s words to heart. So she texts you text to meet her by the pond garden at the park.

When you met her at the park and saw her coughing up the flowers you rushed to her side and comforted her the best you could.

“I'm sorry....” she coughed as you shook your head and patted her back. “But there is something I have to tell you (y/n).... I like you a lot.” The silence was too long for her to handle. She tried to stand up to leave out of embarrassment. Ut before she could leave you pull her in for a hug.

“I like you too.”

If you got disease:

You were there when Duke challenged Yugi to dungeon dice monsters, you knew it was cruel to challenge him to a game he has never played, but you were there anyways to watch. A girl around your age was on Yugi’s side cheering him on. She reminded you of one of your fairy cards. She is beautiful, yet dangerously determined.

After the match between the two you introduced yourself to the gang (While apologizing on duke’s behalf). When she started talking to you you knew you were a goner. She was an angel in disguise, and you wanted her for your own.

It took you days, maybe even weeks to come up with a plan, and right when you were about to ask her you began coughing. The coughing was so excessive that the teacher had to send you to the nurse. On your way there was when the flowers started to tumble down which made you rush a little quicker to the nurse.

When you got there the teacher saw your condition and ushered you to lay down. She put a bucket to the side of your bed as she examined the rest of you.

“You have what the professionals call hanahaki.” she told you the disease and all the effects of it. “I cant send you back to class now so wait till the end of the day so you can head home immediately.” you nodded and rested the best you could.

As you were getting ready to leave at the end of the day Tea came through the door “I came to check on you since you haven't been in class. Is everything okay?”

Knowing you had no other choice you told her how you felt and that if she didn't feel the same you understood.

Hearing you sudden confession tea let out a soft giggle as she hugged you “I feel the same way (y/n)

~Duke Devlin/Ryuji Otogi Star tears Disease

If he had the disease:

Duke liked to think of himself as a smooth talker, his silver tongue got many people in his fan club. However there was one thing his smooth talking couldn't get him, you.

From the moment he met you he tried everything in his book to get your attention. Compliments, sweet talking, v.i.p access to his gameshop, EVERYTHING. Yet still your eyes always linger on Kiba.

He didn't understand what you saw in a jerk like him,but you saw something and he simply couldn't compare, and it hurt him deeply. It hurt him so much that anytime he saw you and Seto interacting he could stop the tear that would spring to his eyes.

The tears got worse over time to the point where the stars started to appear and it was hard for him to keep his eyes open.

As much as he tried to wipe them away they just came one after the other. It was one of his employees who had told him about the disease, and what caused it.

There wasnt anything he could do, you didnt want him you wanted that stupid Seto! And there wasn't any cure for the tears. He didn't want to go blind, but what other choice did he have?

Instead of staying away from the others he spent the rest of his days seeing with you. If he was going blind he wanted the last thing to be beautiful.

When Dukes about his last moments before he became blind he talks about the angel who stole his heart.

If you had the disease:

Curse this man with his beautiful looks, and silver tongue! He had utterly infatuated since the moment you laid eyes on him.

The more you hung out with him the more of him you wanted to see. So that's exactly what you did or at least tried to do.

You would purposely visit his shop just to be around him. He even welcomed you with open arms talking with you every time you walked through the door.

This of course did not help your yearning heart or the star that fell down your face.

You knew Duke had a fanbase so he didn't have time with relationships, so you were content with watching from the sidelines. However you couldn't do so if you went blind.

You knew of this disease from the start, you witnessed your aunt going through the same thing when you were young so this alone terrified you, but you didn't want to be a burden to the said boy.

So you continued to stay by his side even when you became blind listening as he rose to success, and eventually left you behind.

~Seto Kaiba hanahaki disease:

If he had the disease:

Seto never had time for relationships. With his little brother, running a company, trying to beat Yugi, and not really caring he had no time at all. Or so he originally thought.

You have known the brothers since they were first adopted, your father being an investor in Kaiba corp gained you access to play with the said boys. Most of your days were spent with Mokuba, but there were the rare times you got to play with Seto and those were the days you both cherished deeply.

However, somewhere along the way Seto felt more than friendship towards you, and it was more the family because the way he felt about mokuba was different then what he thought of you.

He never realized what the feeling was until flowers began to appear. It was a small cough at first, but eventually they began to escalate. Worried Mokuba called in the best doctors Kaiba Corp had.

He learned that the feeling he had for you was love, and he also felt like you didn't share the same feelings for him.

So instead of beating around the bush he went straight to you. He surprised you when he just walked into your house a determined glare resting on his features. “(y/n)..i want to take you out somewhere. No mokuba, just me and you.” It didn't take you long to realize what he wanted so you smiled at him and agreed to the said date.

Seto Kaiba maybe a man with little time, but he is willing to make time for you.

~If you got the disease:

You have grown up around the Kaiba brothers, and cherished every moment with them, but you had particular fondness for the eldest.

Though the man can be seen as cold and cruel around you and Mokuba he showed a softer side that not many got to witness. This kindness is what you fall for him.

You knew the young CEO didn't have time for petty things like relationships so instead you were content with seeing all his dreams come to life from the sidelines.

Fate however, had different plans for you. The flowers began to grow in your lungs. Roses, Tulips, and Hydrangeas. The pain that jolted through your body with each cough was almost enough to distract you from heartache...almost.

Feeling yourself grow weaker with everyday you finally went to the doctors hoping there was a way for it to end.

Because of your stubborn ways your body was too weak to do surgery on to remove the flowers. your only hope for survival was to tell Seto how you felt, and he returned your feelings.

You were admitted to the hospital due to the doctors request, and once Seto heard of the news he rushed to the hospital you were staying at

“What is the meaning of this (y/n)?!”

When walked in you gave him a weak smile as you explained the disease, without thinking about it you even told him the cause of it. When it came out of your mouth you knew you messed up.

You tried to back track, but Seto had other plans as he pulled you closer to him, one his hand on you head the other on the small of your back successfully trapping you.

“Then don't worry about those flowers anymore, with me at your side nothing will harm you again.”

~Requests are open~

#Yu-Gi-Oh #yugioh #yu gi oh x reader #tristan taylor #tristan taylor x reader #tea gardner #anzu mazaki #tea gardner x reader #anzu mazaki x reader #Duke Devlin #ryuji otogi #duke devlin x reader #ryuji otogi x reader #seto kaiba #seto kaiba x reader #hanahaki #star tears

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dangerliesbeforeyou · 5 years

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HIStory’s ranked (no one asked, but here i go)

so i was sittin here, talkin to myself about the HIStory series’ and was like ‘hey, i should rank them’ (which i’ve seen a few other people do, but mines a lot more rambling than there’s because i can’t shut up lol)

so here’s my views lol (ordered from worst to best, imo):

6) My Hero (HIStory1) -

probably universally acknowledged as the worst episode, and i’d be inclined to agree with the masses on this lol... not only is the tone and humour of this series so weird and disjointed, but the entire story line literally makes no sense lol?? it’s unclear who the audience should be rooting for (especially as it goes out of it’s way to paint our protagonist as really unlikable lol, not to mention the love interest is the dullest character ever conceived like ???), as well as this the ending feels completely unrelated and bizarre...

i think this concept /could/ have worked if the guy the woman was inhabiting (which sounds weird without context, but like she’s dead lol) was somehow also inside his head? or if she got to see his memories or whatever & tries to adjust her personality to match the guy’s, causing love interest!dude to fall in love with the guy... (like i could go into more detail, i basically hav an entire au written in my head lol, but yh...)... that way, her letting go of him in the end would feel so much more well set up? especially if she was generally more understanding and likeable..

i think overall this series just fails in telling a decent story lol... & the cringe is even beyond what i can handle lol

5) Obsessed (HIStory1) -

people might be surprised to see this one so low down, especially since i know a lot of people really love this series (& if u do, no hate to u btw, ur allowed to like whatever u want idc), but i realllllly don’t like this series... like at all ...

the plot is weird anyway, which isnt inherently a bad thing, but then u add on the really bad couple and it’s just...... bad lol... like everything about their relationship is built on lies and deceit, and even more so than that it’s built on a lack of mutual respect and fundamental trust for each other! tall guy (i don’t know names soz) feigns memory loss in order to get closer to short guy (btw, the scenes with them being domestic were really sweet, & i firmly believe this could have been an alright series for the actors if the story line wasn’t so bad), short guy’s whole existence in that universe was a lie lol (like i know there’s no easy way to tell someone ‘lol well i’m technically from the future’ but still), then there’s the whole resolution at the end & it’s just so ??? frustrating lol!

nothing bugs me more than seeing conflict in relationships (on screen or irl) that could be solved simply by TALKING TO EACH OTHER GODDAMNIT & isnt lol... my other issue with this series is the fact tall guy 100% forced himself upon short guy in the tent & like we’re just supposed to accept it cos ?? he’s saying no and pushing away but actually he wants it because he loves tall guy ?? like fuck no i’m not accepting that lol!

basically, bad & bizarre story & characters, & gross tropes just makes this hard for me to watch and enjoy lol... i think, like in my hero, this could’ve done with being a different story altogether lol... (maybe tall guy actually did lose his memory & he falls for short guy all on his own with no predatory intentions?? idk something like that)

4) Right or Wrong (HIStory2)

this one & my number 3 are very much tied tbh, but this one is just slightly lower just because i’m not as big into the couple as i know a lot of people are... & it’s not necessarily the age gap, cos i dont actually mind age gaps in pairings (just as long as the younger one isnt a minor, obv... and also i think any gap that’s 30+ years is a bit weird lol..).. i think my big problem with this is i dont really see why younger guy (again, i have no idea of any of these characters’ names lol) would fall for the older guy? like the older guy is obvs going thru some issues, and hasnt been taking care of himself or his kid properly because of them, but like we dont rly see a lot of why he’s a great guy? like we get the sense young guy is attracted to him, but like love is more than just thinkin they’re hot lol... idk lol this might just be me tbh i just couldnt see why he’d be interested lol

i did like the whole family side though, and showing how a man who was previously with a woman can still end up with a guy (bisexualityyyyy (or some variation of that thereupon)) is something you dont always see in media, so i thought that was pretty cool! (even if the ex-wife thing was kinda lame lol...)

i think overall i see what this series was going for, and that it actually did an alright job in some parts... the biggest problem is that it’s kinda just forgettable lol... maybe that’s why people like obsessed so much lol? maybe it was a train wreck but ohh boy at least u wont forget it in a hurry lol!

3) Stay Away From Me (HIStory1) -

i’m a bit torn about this one, cos there are parts of it i actually really like (them going from rivals/enemies to being good friends to being more), and other parts i really didnt (the stereotypical squealing yaoi fangirl friend)... & tbh, i kinda wish this had just been a show about the budding friendship between the 2 guys... it almost feels too forced to me that they’re made to ‘fall in love’ when i actually think them both becoming less selfish and learning to respect each other as step brothers & friends is actually already a really great story (& i know that it doesnt fit with the whole ‘HIStory’ thing, but stories of platonic brotherhood/’bromance’ are just as important as gay representation... isnt a /substitute/ for representation, don’t get me wrong, but it’s always so beautiful to see decently portrayed non-toxic friendships between guys... ok this is a rant for another day tho shhh)

i think maybe why i like this one more than the other HIStory1′s is because kinda nothing happens lol... it’s not overly complex with weird unexplained magic things happening, it’s just a simple story lol... is it still tropey as hell? of course lol! but i think the ‘realism’ of the world really helps, and i def think this was incorporated more into HIStory 2, which i’m really glad about...

overall, this is a relatively harmless series & is actually quite sweet at times... the kiss is awkward as fuck tho (there, i said it lol...)... it suffers the same forgetability as right or wrong tho...

2) Crossing the Line (/Boundary Crossing) (HIStory2) -

ok, so here’s a series i 100% love & totally agree with the hype around lol! i hav no interest in volleyball (or any sports tbh), but the way this show handles the friendships and dynamics between the characters is really well done, especially for a series that’s only 8 episodes long! i also really love that none of the characters really fall into any stereotypes (which is a great improvement from HIStory1 i can tell u lol), and are given the space to actually have some growth & nuance at times?!

(nuance? in MY HIStory series?? it’s more likely than you think!)

the main couple have really amazing chemistry, and the way they get together doesnt feel too out of place or that it’s going to fast, it just sorta flows really nicely... even the side couple are pretty well done (though i wasnt that big into them on my first watch, just cos the whole overbearing older brother thing was kinda annoying... i liked them more as the series went on tho...)

i kinda dont have any major complaints? which is bizarre cos i always hav complaints about things lol... maybe my complaint would be that they all look way too old and attractive to be whatever teenage age they’re supposed to be lol... (but tbh that doesnt take anything away from the story so i’ll forgive them lol...)... i think maybe i wouldnt consider it my favourite because the story line didnt grab me like the number 1... but i really cant fault it in terms of what it delivers lol, legit such a well put together series!

1) Trapped (HIStory3) -

lol i think anyone who’s been following me for the past few months aren’t in the slightest bit surprised this is my number one... i just love it too much lol!

from the incredibly well written and well acted characters, to the interesting and engaging (even if a bit ridiculous) plot, to the beautifully told romance , it really has it all doesn’t it!!! & i think even if this wasnt an enemies to lovers thing (aka one of the most godtier of all fanfic tropes), there’s so many things going for this series that make it worth watching! i have a few complains about editing choices and a few bad trope plot points which were just unnecessary (plus the fact we missed out on a lot of background info on some major characters lol...), but like despite everything this series rly struck a chord with me deep down in my soul lol

i could go waaay more into detail (and maybe i will one day lol... tho not rn, i’m v tired), but the gist of the matter is: i really love trapped lol

(conclusion)

Even though i’ve complained quite a bit here, i am so grateful for the HIStory series’ for bringing really interesting, and a little mad, stories with gay characters and story lines, with a big emphasis on happy endings! there are so many lgbt stories/characters in things that end up dying or just have bad endings, which just sends this horrible message that lgbt people aren’t worthy of having happy endings, which is completely untrue!

So i look forward to future HIStory’s, even if some of them are gonna be bad (& maybe none will live up to the trapped!shaped bullet firmly lodged in my heart lol)

fin~

#HIStory series #HIStory1 #HIStory2 #HIStory3 #(not gonna tag them all individually cos we'll be here for years lol)#review #rant #(not really)#gay series #taiwanese series #lgbt series #lgbtq #HIStory #i've not read it through lol... might make no sense... dont read this lol

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thoughtfulpaperback · 5 years

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SPOILERS!!!! CHARMED 1x19

Okay y'all, I've finally seen the latest episode of Charmed.

So... overall I actually like the episode. I like that we are getting into the lore more. I like that connection to and the differences between the OG Charmed.

So in the OG Charmed magic isnt necessarily neutral. There is good and evil magic but (at least in the first few seasons) there was the idea that magic had to be balanced which is why there was a council made up of elders and demons to protect that balance and ensure the secrecy of magic.

Reboot Charmed I like the idea that all magic comes from one source and it is the actions that determine evil or good. Which just reaffirms what Harry has told Macy. By the same hand, there are some plot holes in all that. Macy is having a little bit of trouble with her demonic side since they said demon blood acts as an infection (and apparently Parker didnt always have it) that would mean that although witches are born demons are not or at least special conditions have to be met, maybe? So not sure how they will explain that. Also Macy is obviously having trouble with her demon side now. I dont know if her emotional state after the break up is contributing to that since her confidence is probably shaken as well as the fact breakups suck.

I actually don't mind the opening scene showing the Sarcana deaths. Hold on! Let me explain. The big villains of the show are white, I dont know if that is on purpose. I see they are trying to be diverse by having non-white witches and non-witches. So when you are trying to have diverse casting and people have to die and you only have white villains, your POCs are always gonna be on the chopping block. Which is why i think having diversity on a show is hard because you cant be callous with any of your characters (in general I dont think you should be, but i feel a lot of show writers write for shock or angst) because you have to remember that certain storylines take on a different meaning when the actors are non white. For example, OG charmed wasnt a stranger to mass murder. Season 4 started with the slaughter of the Elders and whether you were pro or anti elder that was still shocking as heck. Which I think the reboot was trying to do with the Sarcana. The issue is that in the OG we had 3 seasons of elders exploring thier faults and the good they do, and both the slaughters(titans) and elders were white (well primarily white, I think we only got to see like 2 non white elders in the entire series if I remember correctly). Here you have a white villian and mostly POCs being slaughtered. I totally see how wrong that looks and I think the writers or the casting directors either missed that or they are being heavy handed with the idea of abusive white villains against POCs. I think the scene was about showing how aweful and abusive Fiona is, also revealing her main motivation, that they dropped the ball on the whole "you are murdering most of you POCs here which arent main characters".

Speaking of abusive. I still want Villian Charity. I want her to take out Alastair and be an active villain not a passive one. I mentioned before that see would probably be a passive one before, but I said I wished she wouldn't be. I like villains. I like well written villains mostly. I think Charity has the perfect set up to be good villian. She began her own fall from grace (although the structure which taught her had a hand in it too), she fell into bigger evil under a tyrannical and abusive character, if she goes Lilith (CAOS reference) and decides to replace Alistair some way as the big bad I will be happy. Because I dont want to watch her be a meek used and abused character to then either be killed or do some sort of self sacrifice thing. She straight up murdered people and is a villain in spite of mostly being passive. Cole was killed in the OG charmed because at some point (we can argue about exactly where) his actions were irredeemable. Yes his story was complex, yes a lot of miscommunication and power dynamics went into all the issues there but the line had to be drawn. Charity, at least in my mind cannot go back to being "a good guy". She is getting in deeper and deeper. She obviously has emotional ties still to her sister and probably Harry, just as Cole did with Phoebe, and I want to see where those ties lead her. But I will be disappointed if after murdering a bunch of people and helping out a demon to try and bring on the apocalypse, they make her an abuse victim who dies. Not cool. Stop hurting abuse victims for emotional reactions on television! I know many abuse victims are killed by their abusers (RIP Dr. Wagner although Hunter did it we know who ordered him to). I dont want to see it overdone on the same show within a few short episodes. Charity shouldnt get off free for her murders either even though she is obviously in an abusive relationship now with Alistair (not talking romantic relationship) she has been set up to become a villian, tragic back story yes ,but her choices were made and she has to live with the unintended consequences.

Macy was being super toxic this episode. Let's at least call her out for it. Yes, imo Galvin hasnt been that great of a boyfriend except for a couple of cute moments (the really didnt get enough screen time to say whether the good outweighed the bad). But Macy needed to leave him alone. Like the whole time watching this episode I was just like "so are they spreading out the Cole and Phoebe arch to everyone?". He obviously is traumatized. He already told her he was out. I know she is hurting, imo they way he broke up with her made it worse and messed up her confidence even more than it could have, but she still seeks him out even though that is a violation of his boundaries. I dont like how he attacked her personality when he said that he couldnt compartmentalize the way she can. Macy does do that, I agree that they probably would have broken up because of that, but again he could have just said "I dont see it that way, please understand that". That also said, Macy trying to convince him other wise also rubbed me that wrong way. When he questioned her thoughts and actions over her demon side it was hella wrong! Equally for her to question him over how he feels about what happened to him. They are his feeling and she needed to respect that. I think that they arent right for each other and are kinda bring out the worst in each other. If Galvin gets killed because of magic I will be upset, because he firmly expressed that he wanted out, and if Macy or his lingering feelings for her get him killed that would be unfair. Just as unfair as charity dying doing something good after being abused and manipulated (abuse should never be a punishment I dont want a theon grey joy on Charmed characters shouldnt have to be abused to convince the audience that they deserve to be redeemed).

Parker and Maggie...I feel for Parker. I do. But your decision to not play a part in bringing about the apocalypse shouldnt be based on whether or not your girlfriend wants to be with you. I get it, he is freaked out and he thinks he killed his mom. Charity killed elders out of panic and I didnt cut her slack. I called her story a tragedy but didnt suggest her actions werent heinous. Parker is the same. I am getting Romeo and Juliet vibes here. Like stupid kids making stupid decision based on misunderstandings and feelings beyond thier Ken (or at least infatuation and adolescent hormones beyond thier knowledge). I never liked Romeo and Juliet so that could just be me.

I dont know. When my brother passed away I felt dead, my whole world and future as i saw just crumbled. I was depressed and had some PTSD (according to my doctor). Even though I had suicidal ideations, I still feel that in Parkers place I wouldnt do something that would involve hurting other people. I wanted to go away or disappear, but the idea of hurting others would be too much for me. And Parker is supposed to be this nice guy who has been fighting his demon side before he met Maggie. Maggie gave him the motivation to break away from his father but he was never into hurting people. So to go from that to, "let's destroy the world, I've got nothing to lose" ....except you might end up killing Maggie and a whole bunch of other people in the process. Considering he was horrified thinking he hurt his mom, it doesnt seem to be in character. Again Romeo is not thinking things through, but like not thinking things through was kind of Romeo's thing whereas for Parker not so much.

So like Mel and Niko should be the new Piper and Leo. Like they should be the one couple that despite there issues (only if it is done better than leo and piper was) makes it til the end from the very beginning. I am a Hacy fan but as the episodes go on I feel that they both need a lot of growth before that happens.

Speaking of Harry. I love him. He has recieved the best character growth within a season I've seen. So like he is an established good guy (not good as in not evil, but like a genuinely not trashy person) but obviously his faults kind of go along with his emotional boundaries. He gets attached really fast and that can cloud his judgment. His whole Charity relationship was so teenager in nature that I wanted to slap him upside the head, but I think he is ment to be compared to Fiona. In spite of being created and used as a tool of the Elders and being tossed aside coldly (although he was an idiot in many ways where Charity was concerned) after years of loyal and good service, he doesnt turn into a trash monster. He doesnt use being abused as an excuse to abuse others. Fiona is so angry (not gonna say she doesnt have a right to be) at being a tool for others that she uses and abuses people and feels justified in it.

I totally get her wanting to extinguish magic. But like ber issue is that magic made people want to use her as a tool and that power and having power ruined her life.... wouldnt it make more sense to just bind your powers and wipe you mind? Like less carnage and you get the same result. A life without magic. See doesnt seem to be doing it to protect others, it seems more like she wants to hurt them by taking thier power.

The episode was ok. Things moving along and I will be watching. I really want to know where they go from here and what the big finale will be.

The lore needs some help, maybe with the new staff coming on board that will be ironed out next season.

I think the last episode was better pacing wise. This one felt a little slow to me. Anyone else feel that way. Lots of problem introduced this episode I am hoping they will lead to satisfying conclusions. Or at least a super good itch for the next season. I will probably still continue to watch either way next season because for its faults I think this show is doing some really great things and i am still excited for them.

How are y'all feeling though?

#charmed remake #charity callahan #charmed 2018 #charmed reboot #charmed cw #cw charmed #harry greenwood #macy vaughn #mel vera #maggie vera #fiona callahan #niko hamada

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insession-io · 5 years

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Having ‘The Talk’ with Your Teen

Is there a parent on the planet who doesn’t have at least a tiny bit of trepidation having “the talk” with their offspring about how they came to be and the importance of responsible engagement in sexual activity? Even the most sophisticated and sexually savvy person might question their ability to impart wise guidance on this essential topic, so sadly, many don’t.

In my therapy practice, the subject arises from time to time and I ask my clients what they were taught, by whom and whether it was an awkward or comfortable exchange. On extremely rare occasions, did they relate that they learned about the metaphorical “birds and bees” at an early age, explained in a way that they could comprehend. This is so across the board with both adult and adolescent clients.

What happens when healthy sex education is left lacking? Shame, misunderstanding, high-risk sexual behaviors, early experimentation, teen pregnancy and STD’s. There are some who would advise that education begin by kindergarten.

As a child of the 60’s, sex education in school took the form of boys in one room and girls in another as a gym teacher read from a book and showed a black and white film about biology and body parts, our periods, how to prevent pregnancy and what was then referred to as VD (Venereal Disease). I can’t vouch for what the boys heard, but that was the extent of our training on the topic.

I recall a commercial on television that sang, “I got it from Sandy, who got it from Paul. Paul got it from Ernestine who could’ve got it anywhere at all. And with my love, I gave it to you. Now that we’ve got it, what’re we gonna do? VD is for everybody.”

Nowhere in the mix was talk about feelings, how to recognize desire and what to do about it. Abstinence education simply didn’t work. Most of my peers experimented with sexual interactions in our teens. Even in my home where my mom (my dad was far too embarrassed to broach the subject with my sister and me), left the door open for conversation about sex, that aspect was not covered.

When I was 10, she handed me a book by the sanitary napkin company Modess, asked me to read it and come to her with any questions. I did and still felt like there was more that I could have asked but didn’t. I’m not sure how I learned, except to follow my own instincts about how to set boundaries with boyfriends throughout adolescence. I remember coming home from a date with a high school boyfriend with a lovely glowing bruise on the side of my neck and my mother’s response was, “I think P. is getting a bit too passionate.” Nothing more was said about it. When she walked in on me when I was in an about to be revealing and compromising position, with the young man I was seeing between high school and college, (fortunately the light was out in the room), she said, “It’s time for S. to go home now.” Again, no further conversation ensued. As I look back on those two incidents, I imagine she either felt she was in over her head, or she trusted that I would figure it out on my own. I wish she had the vocabulary, or ability to have that discussion. My desire for emotional intimacy gave way to physical intimacy that I didn’t understand and couldn’t always control. Clearly, I was not alone in my struggle.

When my son was young, and my husband was still alive, he had ‘the talk’ with Adam. He was around eight at the time and had begun inquiring. Although Michael was reluctant, I reminded him that if our child was asking, he wasn’t too young and if he didn’t talk about it, I would. He died when our son was 11, so I revisited the subject and told Adam that he could ask me anything he wanted to, and I would answer honestly, but that I couldn’t tell him what it was like to be a man. I chose a few trusted male friends as his guides since they shared my values about sex, relationships and women. One became his go-to guy for nearly everything and eventually, Phil was more than a mentor, but became a man that Adam considered a surrogate father.

When Adam was 14, we had what I refer to as, “the three-part sex talk”.

Respect yourself and your partner(s) Safer sex practices I’m too young to be a grandmother

It became a standard conversation over the years as he began new relationships. By the time he was in a relationship with a young woman who had a then 3-year-old little boy, he acknowledged the first two, but laughingly reminded me, “Mom, you’re not too young to be a grandmother anymore.”

I feel gratified that he has been respectful of the women in his life. I recall that when he was a tween, we had the “no means no” conversation. I reminded him that it applied to him as well. If a partner wanted to touch him and he didn’t want it, he had the right to decline, since boys are not often given that permission to maintain body boundaries.

Ideas for making the conversation easier:

Educate yourself first. There are numerous books for tweens and a range from childhood through adolescence.

Practice conversations in the mirror, writing down a script if necessary. Remember what you were taught and determine that you will use what was helpful and discard anything that was detrimental.

Share information at an appropriate comprehension level for your child.

Although many young people are more sophisticated than previous generations, there is still confusion. Clarify any misunderstanding. Sometimes, to save face, a teen will claim to know more than they do. Children are sometimes exposed early on to on line pornography which can be damaging to their development.

Speak to them about the dangers of sexting, or posting anything compromising on social media.

Get past your embarrassment or at least admit to your child that you are experiencing it. That honesty is part of the intimacy of any relationship and models what you want him or her to have.

Speak about the idea that sex is about more than “get it on, get it up, get it in, get it off, get it out”. Nor is it about just what goes on below the belly button. It is about people relating from the heart, head and body.

Encourage open communication between your child and potential partner(s) throughout their lives.

Speak to them about touch by consent. With the proliferation of #metoo stories from both men and women, it is essential. If they want to touch someone, ask first and receive a verbal yes, then touch is welcome. If, instead, the response is no, or uncertainty, then it is unwelcome. A wonderful video explains it well that relates tea with consent. Remind them that no one has the right to touch another without their explicit permission, regardless of level of desire, expectation or nature of the relationship.

Don’t make an assumption about your child’s sexual orientation. Even if it is uncomfortable and perhaps not in keeping with your expectations and/or religious orientation, be open to the idea that they have the inherent right to experience love with the partner of their choice, regardless of gender. PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) is a valuable resource for education and support.

By Edie Weinstein, MSW, LSW

Jennifer Josey LPC LMFT CSAT of Intuitive Pathways Recovery specializes in Sex Addiction Counseling Houston Texas, love addiction, recovery for couples from sex and love addiction, trauma resolution for partners of sex addicts and group therapy. Sexual addiction is a serious problem that affects people of all socioeconomic status, educational status, both males and females and even teenagers and preadolescent children.

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