#the worst part is that if she had just been properly talked to abt it first she probably would have been ok with it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sophswritingthings · 5 months

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SIXTH PART LOL 😸😸😸

So now the reader and Mizu are so well Acquainted that soon they get married to each other but it was literally just a small wedding and when i say small I mean Mizu proposes and says some sappy stuff and Reader says something sappy as well and then they call it a day. (MIZU AND READER DESERVES A BEAUTIFUL WEDDING IMO).

Mizu is out doing whatever and reader is at home making dinner and BAM someone breaks in again (Girly needs better security honestly 🤨🤨) and she goes straight for the kill with her ninja stars and Kunais but the guy is really good at dodging them and goes like "all that training and you still can't throw properly" and shown to be her dad and she starts to fight him and asks why he's here and he says he's here to collect Mizu for her bounty and reader ain't letting that slide.

They start to fight and reader has the upper hand during the first part of the fight, but then her dad pulls a quick one and starts to talk about how her siblings are all dead and it's her fault and she starts to cry and gets pinned against the wall (Via neck btw) and Mizu comes home to seeing reader crying and pinned against the wall.

Readers dad comes for Mizu and an epic showdown happens and Mizu wins ofc but reader is left crying on the ground and cue a fluffy scene where Mizu kisses readers head and comforts her (via pulling her to a hug and into her lap while reader cries abt her siblings).

pairing: mizu x fem!apothecary!reader

warning(s): blood, injury, swearing

a/n: damn reader is just getting SLAMMED. also yes, she very much needs better security 😭

summary: the ask summarizes it I’d say

word count: 977 words / 5,291 characters

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

the two of you were taking a walk, along the mountains, hands clasped together—like you'd never let go. little did you know… that was the plan.

mizu stopped in her tracks.

you paused, turning around to face her.

“uh, mizu? Is something wrong?”

no, nothing was wrong.

she grabbed one of your hands again, rubbing her fingers over your knuckles. you continued to look at her, confused by her behavior.

“we’ve been seeing each other for a while, now, (y/n),” she murmured, glancing up from your hands. “if this were.. traditional, we would be considered married.”

your eyes widened. was she really…

“I wanted to know, if we possibly.. could, be married.” she said rather bluntly, “I love you, (y/n), more than I have ever loved anyone. If you would accept my hand, in marriage, that would make me happier than I have ever been.”

you were close to tears, at this point. hearing her proclamation of love for you, it warmed your heart.

“yes,” you whispered. “yes—I love you, mizu, I really do. I’ve never loved someone so much,” you rest your forehead against hers. “but it isn’t like we can have a ceremony.”

she nods a little, holding your waist. “this is enough for me. we don’t need anything special… just to call you my wife is enough.”

you're humming softly, making you and your wife dinner. she was out, probably trying to collect information again—usually that came up with nothing—and you were waiting for her to return.

knock.

Knock.

KNOCK.

the beating got progressively louder, sitting off a red alert in your head. you grabbed your stars and kunai's, ready to protect yourself.

wasn’t the first time you had to do so..

as the man burst through the door; you couldn’t see his face. his face was concealed, and he was dressed in all black. you had no clue who he was; but he was going down.

you begin to toss your weapons at him, trying to either pin him or kill him, at worst.

he laughs, a big bellowed laugh, dodging each and every one, “all that training and you still can’t throw properly, can you?”

you stop in your tracks as he tossed off his mask. your eyes widen, your eyes wide—they begin to sparkle with tears. a man you feared so very much; he'd shown up at your doorstep.

“what the fuck are you doing here?” you ask, your voice raspy with emotion.

“I am here to collect the onryō that resides here,” he takes a pace toward you. “I know you're hiding him, little flower. I am here to collect him for a bounty. where is he?”

your eyes narrowed to slits, “you mean my husband?” you grumble, “yeah, I don’t think so.”

he scoffs, “husband? i always knew you were a fucking idiot, but this? marrying an onyrō? I thought you were at least better than that, little flower.”

you launch yourself at him, knocking him off his feet. you tussle and tumble for a few moments, knocking over flowers and vases along the way.

“your siblings are gone, and it is all your goddamn fault. and now.. married to a demon?” he scoffed. you stopped. you were holding his collar, a kunai pointed at his throat. “they died. they're all fucking dead, because of you. after you ran away; they had no one to protect them.. their big sister abandoned them, and they died in your wake.”

you shook your head, your entire body shaking as you began to cry.

“I-it isn’t my fault, y-you—“

“trying to pin this on your father? how pathetic,” he pushed you to wall, pushing a kunai through the skin of your throat.

you cried out in pain; pinned to the wall with a kunai through your neck—

“now where is the onryō?” he hissed.

“onryō? I’m right here.”

your eyes snap open as you hear mizu's voice, a small ensemble of relief washing over you.

“ah, there you are,” he released his grip from you, turning to face mizu. “prepare to die.”

“prepare to die?“ she scoffed, tossing off her overcoat, hat and glasses. “I’ve been prepared to die since the day I was born, do you seriously think I am scared of the idea?”

mizu reached for her katana, unsheathing the sword in one fell swoop. she narrowed her eyes, gazing at your father.

“I think it is you who should be prepared,” she hissed. “you were dead the minute you laid a hand on my wife.”

he lunged at mizu, his blade attempting to slice her waist, but she was too quick—she moved with speed and stealth, her moves unable to be accounted for.

he turned on his heels, yet another attempt to slide her in half—but to no avail. he missed once more, and this time, mizu grabbed her sword—sweeping past his waist in one precise, clean cut as she moved past him.

he stopped moving.

his body fell limp.

you watched the scene unfold; your father's body falling into two halves, blood gushing from both sides.

mizu turned to you in an instant, pulling the kunai from your neck. you cried out in pain, falling into her arms, sobbing.

she moves you to the floor, pulling you into her lap in a tight hug.

“It’s okay.. it’s okay,” she whispered, brushing her hand through your hair. “he's not something you have to worry about ever again.”

“I-it’s all my fault,” you whimper. “t-they’re all dead because of me, mizu.”

“no. no, don’t think like that, my love,” she hissed. “it isn’t your fault. It’s that monsters fault. and he’s dead; you can rest now.”

you nodded, burying your head in her neck.

she kissed the top of your head, pulling you into a tighter hug. she never wanted to let you be hurt ever again—

—and she wouldn’t.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a/n: the mizu gifs are killing me bro. SHES SO HOT

#mizu x you #mizu x reader #mizu blue eye samurai #mizu #ask #asked and answered #fic #fanfic #fanfiction #request #fic request #new fic

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sourapplesauces · 7 months

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Hey!!!! You should uhhh infodump about your FNAF AU, that would be really cool. If you want. Especially stuff about Vanessa maybe, she's my girl

Hi! Thanks for the ask! I always wanted to infodump abt this but I never found an outlet!!

Gregory Alavarez

12 years old

Argentinian

Vanessa offered to get him a haircut, but he preferred the messy shaggy hair

Has amnesia about his past life; he doesn’t remember his parents

Vanessa caught him trying to pierce his own ears, later she took him to a proper piercer.

When asked why he got the piercing, he said it was to match Freddy

Has a tough bad-boy exterior, but he's softer when in Cassie, Vanessa and Freddy’s company

Has like really good grades, he's a smart kid.

Has a lot of sleepovers with Cassie where they just chill playing video games and doing each other's makeup and nails

He also likes drawing and programming

He gets night terrors, and a lot of nightmares of memories that aren't his

He also HATES the dark, and he's a little bit claustrophobic

Owns a TON of Freddy merch and he decorates his bedroom with it

He sees Freddy as a parental figure, but he’s too shy to express it.

Is GGY/patient 46

Vanessa Alvarez

24 years old

Inspired off of her first poster where she had wavy hair and freckles (I just added a tooth gap bc I thought it looked cute.)

Lesbian

Has little recollection of her time as Vanny, Afton put her to sleep most of the time- but she's had visions and physical scars.

Pre-help wanted: her personality was bubblier, she had hobbies like baking, gaming and cosmetics.

Post-security breach: she’s more on the quiet side, she can get anxious and depressed at times. But shes keeping her head up for Gregory (and she’ll learn to do so for herself as well).

As for hobbies: She likes to read now, and she still bakes occasionally

Can be unintentionally rude sometimes

Her parents are deceased (backstory later ...*wink wink*)

She lived at the Pizzaplex for a while, but after the savior ending she got a brand-new apartment to start things over.

Vanessa and Valerie (tape girl) were romantically involved at some point, but were torn apart by glitchtrap

Freddy and Gregory live with Vanessa in her new apartment

Vanessa has legally adopted Gregory, but their dynamic is more sibling-like than it is parental.

Glamrock Freddy

His immobility slightly bothers him, not being able to express himself properly is the worst part of being just an animatronic head.

Vanessa and Gregory like taking him on road trips to see more of the world, so much so that Freddy considers traveling as one of his hobbies

Vanessa and Gregory connected him to the internet so he's basically like Alexa now (he's just sentient)

Him and Bonnie are long lost lovers (he hardly talks about it though)

He's become a reliable source of advice for both Gregory and Vanessa

Freddy is the peacemaker/glue/dad in the group

Vanessa has been working for a while to make a body for Freddy, though the lack of parts available for him has slowed things down. They resorted to stealing from warehouses and recycling everyday items to create a makeshift body for him. Though it's only halfway completed in the present.

He's really good at singing. Oftentimes, he finds himself singing lullabies to Gregory or singing along to tunes during road trips.

He misses his friends a lot of the time, and he’s still a little frustrated with Gregory for treating them with cruelty.

Dislikes conflict/ likes seeing the bright side of things

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decayaway2007 · 1 year

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god help meeee

srsly idk why this always happens basically my mum came into my room asking for my school dress and i opened the door and gave it to her, and she asked like why do i always have the lights off i just said i like it when its dark. THENNN she went full on screaming/ranting about how im demonic, and there únclean’’ spirits inside of me and that im letting evil stuff take over me just alot weird crap, this always happens since shes now ‘christian’’ shes says shes chrisitain but she doesnt act like it at all honestly. yeah so since she was screaming rlly loud i just turned on some music so i wouldnt have to hear her and it wsnt that loud.

then she starts saying im listenign to demonic music, it was literally japan by yotclub u can listen to it and see how mental she is for thinking that. THENNN she full on starts trying to smash the door down to get into my room, i just told her to leave me alone please and she full on started screaming that im disrespectful or smt idk why she says but yeah. then she starts screaming for my dad to come she probably told him so weird crap abt what i did so he starts screaming to open the door then he gets this key to unlock it or smt. yeah i get upset rlly easy so i was pretty screaming/crying to leave me alone, so i just had to sit in the corner of my room. i was honestly getting rlly upset and out of control but honestly i didnt say anything offensive to them at all besides ‘’leave me alone please and stop’’ and they went ballistic. my dad kinda cooled down and left but my mum was still screaming again saying i was ungrateful and complain all the time.

LIKE HONESTT HOW!!!??!?! i literally never said anything to her like ever, i bet if i asked her to give an exmaple she wouldnt have anything to say, since i basically stay in my room, study, play videos, draw, make food and repeat.THEN she was saying i act depressed and crap WHEN I LITERALLY DONT!??!?!?!?! like srsly they think just because im more introverted im acting depressed or smt, honestly ive never been good at expressing emotions either to littel or too extreme so when im happy i dont look that happy, they expect me to act like a cartooon character or smt when im happy i dont get it.

then my dad was complaining abt how i didnt sya goodnight to him last night when dude u didnt say it too me either i dont get why he is complaining its not like i have a meltdown when mum never ever says goodnight to me anymore.

ALSOO this is the worst part and genuinely kinda hurts i just feel like my mum likes my brother way more sometimes like during the midst of that argument like she starts jokingly talking to my brother and then continues screaming at me also just in general everytime she talks to me her tone harsheness and not like i can point it out to anyone cause they wil just defend her. i just srsly as pathetic as this seems wish my mum expressed that she loved me more like how she does with my brother. And honestly she always says its because hes more repesctful and loving to her but he always says crap to her way more than me and gets away with it bcs its fricken him, if i said that she wouldnt talk to me for days properly, i just cant stand it sometimes, like once i begged my brother to call my mum to ask for cookies cause i knew she would probs say yes to him, but he made me talk so asked her for them and she said i had like sugar cravings and eat too much, AND WHEN she answered the call she was like my brothers name very happily and when i said hi she was just like ‘’oh yeah OC what do u want’’ its just things like that, which make it obvious how she feels abt me sometimes.

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cabinetkillerz · 2 years

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I think you should go for it! ST fans can be sort of... intense but honestly if they cant handle criticism of their fav series then they should just like. not interact with the post (or get blocked if theyre assholes abt it). Also I'm interested now that you mention it!

ok ok. cracks my knuckles

i would talk about the racism issue solely, but it’s a fundamental problem with the 2nd season as a whole. it is sort of imbedded deep in the season and there’s no good way to properly discuss it without bringing up a lot of other stuff.

overall i do think season 2 is a great season of television. it just happens to be the worst stranger things season, but at the end of the day it’s still rlly good! a lot of iconic parts of stranger things originate from s2, steve’s redemption and his relationship with dustin, el and hopper’s relationship, the introduction of max and billy, etc. however, you can tell this season was written in under a year with all the questionable turns they took and the choices they made (cough cough what they did with billy and whatever 008’s deal was cough cough) but i’ll get to that.

a big issue with it is the pacing. its very long and drags on and the different storylines are not as interconnected as they are in the 1st and 3rd. 9 episodes and they spend a lot of time trudging onward toward the actual plot, the whole existence of episode 8 and that awful fucking cliff hanger, yeah.

unlike in the 1st season and the 3rd, the characters are split up because the duffers are aware that if they had been together from the beginning everything could have been solved immediately. compare that to the other seasons and the characters are split up because they are tackling different chunks of the same big mystery, them meeting up in the end and exchanging information feels more natural.

that also connects into the whole plotline with eleven.. it was set up beautifully but fell flat on its face almost immediately. i feel that the stuff with her mother was extremely well done, the cold opening with 008/kali was top tier and rlly gets you excited for everything. and then they deliver the “spinoff pilot” episode; it has good moments sure but kali as a character (and her gang as well) feel like badly written ocs. their dialogue is also Atrocious, good god. kali also has no real connection to the lab aside from being a number and getting her angsty edgy revenge? she doesn’t rlly teach us anything new about the lab or her and el’s backstory, which is a damn shame :(

there’s also max. i do rlly like her but her “not like other girls” introduction was a little bit gross imo. i think they did a good job rounding her out by the end; the romance plot with lucas was a little unnecessary and weird tho lol. that’s about it with her, otherwise i see why she’s a fan favorite :]

and then of course there is the elephant in the room, billy. it’s kind of a hard thing to talk about because there was so little tact in writing him and this entire thing. i just feel like, billy is a pretty tragic character overall, not just because of what they did to him but his purpose as well? i don’t know if most people are aware, but billy’s whole purpose and the reason behind his introduction was him getting possessed and dying (though, they didn’t have the full plot for s3 down yet). he was a character brought in to uplift steve and make him look better, he was created solely to be a piece of shit. honestly, it feels a little sucky to me.. he was written to be a 2D bully/villain, which rlly sucks because as far as i can tell a lot of the characters are not set up to be so two dimensional.

the characters are a big part of why the show works so well, they feel incredibly real and fleshed out (aside from the russians in s3 but thats a whole different topic, idk if i’m fully equipped to cover it). his actor had to come in and ask them if billy could have a little more to his character than that. he was trying hard to make this character meaningful and have a little more to him than just being a 2D jackass. i feel like his character would have been a total waste if not for the changes they made to him, especially with how talented his actor is. god and the decision to make him vaguely racist? Fucking Awful.

from what i understand the duffers were the one who wanted the subplot in the first place. kind of gross because they are two very white men who wouldn’t even begin to understand what goes into a subject like this, let alone how unnecessary the whole thing was. i like the show but at the end of the day it was still pretty immature at the time and not built for such heavy subject matter.. and the way they executed it really fucking shows that. they drop vague hints but never actually commit, the scenes are incredibly uncomfortable and not in a thought provoking way like they wanted. if they did talk with black writers and try to understand their experiences, or hell just have them write the damn thing, it really doesn’t show.

it also just fucking sucks for lucas as a character. they do so little with him and then they subject him to a very prominent trope in media— they couldn’t just let lucas be a black main character in a cool sci fi horror setting, something that is incredibly rare mind you, they HAD to make being discriminated against a part of his storyline. as a black person it honestly just breaks my heart that he and other black characters are reduced to discrimination and always in such a tasteless way.

for the third season, they somewhat retconned the whole thing. probably due to backlash. on one hand i’m incredibly grateful because the whole thing felt rlly disgusting and i like billy as a character. but on the other i am disappointed that they did. they made a shitty decision and instead of committing and writing it better, they just swept it under the rug.

this is all a matter of opinion though, if any other black users find anything wrong with my statements about the use of racism in the show feel free to let me know.

the whole thing just kinda sucks, this show is pretty great otherwise. but something like this is only inevitable in any popular media.

again these are all just my opinions. i have a lot of opinions about stranger things, it’s one of my favorite medias ever. but at the end of the day i’m still critical of it because u have to be, yknow.. i will never understand people over the age of 12 who blindly obsess over smth lol

#racism tw #stranger things #answered #long post #i should emphasize that i don’t rlly want white ppl’s opinions on billy and the racism thing. this is not about u. sorry

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datastate · 2 years

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Monomon for the character asks!

THE OG... I RARELY TALK ABT HER WHICH IS A SHAME BUT SHE WAS ONE OF MY IMMEDIATE FAVES (AND STILL NARRATIVELY IS ABOVE LURIEN FOR ME..!)

thank you for the ask bro!! i love her a lot

favorite thing about them:

i can't say her entire character ;v; honestly if i had to choose something though i really admire the grace she accepts hallownest's end with. despite being so obviously prideful in not only her own work, but the work of her scholars and hallownest's people, she is able to set it to rest. everything she's done with her work as a dreamer has ended with her just wanting hallownest to find that peace, too. despite lurien's belief, she doesn't enjoy seeing its suffering and doesn't intend to prolong it indefinitely, but she understands that if it is confronted haphazardly that hallownest will never be put to rest properly and that is why she constructed everything in the first place. she cares about hallownest's people (as is evident in her elegy) and, as difficult as it is, she wants to die with the certainty that they won't be continually desecrated just because of the king's denial to confront the old light directly.

least favorite thing about them:

my main qualm with monomon is, despite it creating SUCH an interesting relationship, her treatment of quirrel. regardless of how their dynamic was in private and however willing quirrel was at the moment, she still held the upper hand. the archive was built in her likeness, quirrel was a common pillbug; she held a position above him, regardless of how close in rank they were with what she granted him upon her own grounds. although she was willing to give her life for the dreamer plan, she similarly pressured quirrel into giving up his life for however long the seals stood. it was a great strategic move on her part of course, but i always wonder how... sudden it was for him. was he involved from the beginning? did he know she was asking his life? they both knew they had little choice outside of this. it's all situational and unavoidable because of the trust and love they have for each other, such that they couldn't fathom another taking such an important role. even if monomon was a perpetrator in this case, i can't blame her entirely and i'm sure current quirrel's feelings toward her are mixed.

favorite line:

"better, an end" just really breaks me. she never wanted to see this fate, she was just preparing for the worst outcome and... wants to ensure they're not desecrated beyond recognition.

brotp:

the dreamers together are just :'] mon is the main link between herrah and quirrel and lurien ofc, but she values them a lot... no big thoughts on them en but they make my heart warm

otp:

i don't really pair her off w anyone aghsmsm but i am partial to herrah/mon!

notp:

typical weird shit aside, mon/lurien makes me uncomfortable though i couldn't articulate why

random headcanon:

herrah makes cloaks for monomon with messages of good-will and all that embedded on the designs... it's written in the weavers' language and an older dialect that isn't used as often these days. serves as both proof of their friendship and monomon cherishes them and enjoys learning more of the weavers even if some of it has been requested [or is done out of privacy] to not be archived

unpopular opinion:

i guess my Unpopular Opinion is just mainly wrt the canyon's purpose in aligning with hallownest in the first place. it serves as a barrier for the mosskin, placing additional pressure on hallownest to remain neutral/trading rather than exploitative. it wasn't because the uomas praised the king or anything, even if it was ultimately more beneficial than previously established, it was to protect the one who protected them: unn.

song i associate with them:

i have a whole playlist for that <3 but hm if i had to choose -> 'when i'm gone' by shawn james is really hitting me rn;;;

favorite picture of them:

i can't find or make a gif of it right now, but... specifically where quirrel is returning her mask. ugh ♡ cinnamon tography

#i miss the dreamers bro aghsmsm #ask #solidarity squad #its-captain-sir #hk posting

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sunlightandsuffering · 3 years

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Mikasa getting insecure abt her body (smth abt her boobs being too small or her feeling like she looks like a man) and refuses to have sex cuz she’s scared eren might be disgusted by her but when they finally do he’s absolutely whipped and make sure to give her extra praises too🥺

😭😭 bestie Mikasa's boobs being too small??? oh god 😂😂 okay for once in my life I'm going to do this not in a modern AU, look at me go lol. also I was never really sure if they had bras in AOT 😂😂 so like were going with chest wrapping for the purpose of this fic lol.

Mikasa hates her boobs.

She's always hated her boobs, for varying reasons, but right now she really fucking hates her god damn boobs.

They've always been problematic, but this is just icing on the cake.

When she was younger, they'd been nothing but small buds, which was to be expected during puberty, she'd spent endless amounts of time wondering if they'd ever grow, if that's what boys found attractive? If that's what it would take for Eren to see her as a woman rather than as this irritating older sister figure.

When she'd had the time and hadn't been worrying about Eren causing trouble or helping Carla out with chores, she'd fantasized that maybe one day she'd blossom into a beautiful woman and Eren would fall head over heels in love with her. Some ridiculous fantasy all little girls have, that one day when she's older more mature, a far off dream, she'll be beautiful and Eren will be forced to look at her with a wanting eye rather than his usual disdain.

But now, here she is in her far off dream, finally a grown woman, old enough to fight in the military at least and with the figure she'd always dreamed of. Only now it's nothing more than a hindrance, and contrary to her previous hopes and dreams Eren seems to have no interest. Her skills as a soldier interest him more than her breasts do. She glares at her chest in the mirror, trying to bind it down farther, they stick out so much, they're too big and she wants to cry. Her uniforms never fit properly, they give her back problems, and one day she's afraid some sort of wayward projectile is going to hit them, they stick out so god damn far.

It's a sick cosmic joke, where she used to dream of a full figure, the stuff the older women used to talk about, how they'd gossip when she went into town with Carla, she's achieved exactly what she wants to. Now she wants nothing more than to ask Hange how to cut them off, if it's possible, remove them with a scalpel herself.

Yet, the part of her that's not pragmatic and hungering for Eren's affection likes them, she thinks objectively her gentle curves are pleasing to the eye, and she knows even if Eren doesn't seem at all intrigued, other men definitely are. However, this is also the part of her that hates her muscles, despite their use in keeping her alive, she dislikes how bulky they are, how her abs are just as good as Eren's she feels manly.

Basically, Mikasa both hates and loves her body for a variety of reasons, and she's constantly at war with how she feels about it. She huffs as she sits down, taking off her bindings and letting her chest spill free from her top, letting out a sigh of relief as she's released from her constraints.

This is the best part of her day and for a second Mikasa lays back on her bed, topless and boobs out, hands splayed above her, happy to be free from the irritating fabric. She closes her eyes for a moment, letting her guard down for the briefest of seconds, going over today's events in her head, how Eren will never in his life see her as a woman. She lets out an aggravated sigh, he's so irritating, she loves him, she loves him so much, and he's such a stubborn brat.

She nods off a little bit, her exhaustion taking over, so by the time she tunes back into the world around her it's too late. "Mikasa, are you in there, Mikasa!?" Eren's tell-tale calls of her name should have her up sooner, make for a quicker reaction, but by the time she really processes that he's nearby and looking for her the door is already open and her eyes fly up to find the object of her affections staring at her. Well not her, rather her chest, those brilliant viridians are glued to her chest, roving over her figure and she feels hot, exposed as Eren's eyes take on a different gleam she's never seen before. She's quite sure it's desire she sees in his eyes, and well maybe she's a little slower to bring her hands up to cover herself than she should be, she likes that look in his eyes. "Eren!"

His green eyes snap up to meet hers as her hands move to cover her chest finally, and he looks guilty, face flushed and breathing a little hard.

"Umm sorry, we're just eating soon so I thought I'd come get you." "Yeah, okay."

She chooses not to acknowledge the elephant in the room, it's better they just pretend it didn't happen. But her heart is thumping against her chest and she knows she'll never forget it. She moves to grab her discarded bindings, annoyed she'll have to put them on again and Eren finally startles enough to leave the room, shutting the door behind him with a thump and looking altogether to distracted.

She's venting to Sasha about the state of her figure one day in the dining room, cursing away her stupid chest.

"They get in the way all the time, they don't look nice in anything." "Well at least you have some, mine are practically nonexistent." "You can have them," Mikasa responds, "I hate my boobs."

Their conversation is interrupted by a very obvious choking sound and the two girls look up to notice Eren in the doorway holding a snack and looking scandalized. Mikasa wants to die, turning away from him, she's so embarrassed. The 'incident' as she's come to refer to it wasn't even that long, and now he's heard her talk about how much she hates her breasts, what more could go wrong in her life.

Eren leaves before he even enters the room, "I'm just going to go."

He stumbles out and Mikasa buries her head in her hands, why is she so unlucky?

It happens again a week later, when Eren yet again refuses to knock, waltzing right into her bedroom while she's midway through wrapping her bindings and it's enough to shock her into letting out a little shriek.

"Sorry!" Eren quickly turns around but it's a bit late she has to start binding her chest all over again. "Umm, it's okay, what do you need?"

She unwraps her chest, about to start again when Eren takes her sentence as his cue to turn around, which it is definitely not. "Eren!"

"Sorry, sorry, I thought you were done." "No!"

It's quiet for a moment as Mikasa is about to start yet again, for the third time, and then Eren speaks, "Do you um need any help?" Not exactly, but it is easier to do it with someone helping her, she's just used to doing it by herself.

Mikasa bites her lip, she's having particular difficulty today, maybe it's not the worst thing if he helps her. "If you want to, that would be great but don't worry about it, I can do it myself." "No! I'll help!"

Mikasa can't help but think he was a little too excited by the prospect.

She wraps one part of the fabric to cover herself a little bit, holding it in place as Eren turns around. He's all too eager, "Okay what do you need me to do?" "I'm going to hold this piece here, just wrap it, and make it tight, I don't want it to come undone." So that's exactly what Eren does, in intimate silence he wraps the fabric tightly around her breasts, asking every so often if it's too tight, to which she shakes her head. His fingers brush her sides and her nipples harden under the fabric as his hands skim her boobs while he continues to wrap. When he's done they sit in comfortable silence as he uses the clips she gives him to set the wrap. She thinks he'll just leave but to her surprise he looks her in the eye, hands drifting down her sides to fall back to his lap, and making her shiver. "Don't hate them Mikasa. They're really pretty."

He pats her thigh affectionately and tugs at her scarf before he leaves, making her brain explode completely.

#lys's drabbles

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papers4me · 3 years

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Fruits Basket,Se03, Ep7 (part 2)

Toxic kindness (Kureno):

I’ve touched upon this in se02 finale, but kureno’s toxic kindness mirrors the foolish traveler story. The foolish traveler says “ thank you” as he dies. Kureno ignores the knife in the hands of a person whom he saw with his own eyes abuse a number of children repeatedly. Kisa, Isuzu, hatori & yuki bodies testify of being beaten, cut, & bruised. Kyo’s psychological abuse was announced in front of kureno himself before akito summoned him in the beach arc. Akito has strangled her mom & screamed, cried & went manic in front of him. Yet, kureno walks toward her ignoring the knife, hugs her & tells her to press the button of change. Easy, right?

I highly respect the author that Akito didn’t respond positively. I don’t want kureno to be stabbed or want akito to run away & hurt the others. Also, I hate cheap drama. So, I’ll never support dramatic confrontations just for the sake of it. I want a realistic depiction of trauma & mental illness. The person who lived her entire life entitled to be obeyed, feared & having extreme authority, won’t just change cuz a foolish guy told her to.

-The responsibility of Nurturing children:

Akito’s outburst represent the author’s view on the role of nurturing children properly to teach them to be decent human beings. Akito was raised with extreme views neglect & narcissism. You’re special & must be loved (said her dad), Others MUST obey you (said the old maid), No one truly loves you (said her mom). So, her entire life she craved showcasing her power over these unfortunate zodiacs as it stems from the notion that they live for her sake.

Tohru on the other hand was raised with compassion, love & appreciation of other ppl. Tohru being timid, shy or unable to stand for her self are personal struggles that tohru deals with & not related to nurturing , While her trauma might be caused by a parent, it didn’t prevent tohru from being a kind & compassionate person because she was raised & taught abt these things.

The faults of abusing a child might lead to create faulty mentality & social issues. these kids might even grow to implement similar abuse onto others, while all that is understandable, it will never excuse their behavior. A lot cases of real life abusers were once kids who were abused. It is tragic. It explains why they become the horrible person they are today, but it never excuses the harm of others. The victim is not responsible of your screwed upbringing. Kisa, kyo, yuki, & Isuzu have nothing to do with Akira, Ren or akito’s troubles. They are victims themselves but they didn’t go & inflect harm upon others. Yes, they each developed a faulty coping mechanism & showed tendencies of rage, withdrawal, misplaced pain, but they were never a harm towards the society, & their peers.

Akito’s outburst paves the path for her redemption. How it will happen? I duno. Will someone once again holds her cheeks, talks her into bettering herself? I duno. She will atone. I can guess that based on the ED. but Will she be rightfully punished for her crimes? I duno. I hope so. Forgiveness is different from punishment. Thus, a type of punishment should be implemented. Abusers, whether victims or not, or atoned or not, must receive it. It is only fair.

- What will happen with tohru/ kyo’s confession/ confrontation? What is the exit from kyoko’s harsh last words! How can Furuba’s best mom hates kyo! My mind goes crazy!

Perhaps the following will happen:

(a) Kyo will confess the past, tohru forgive, kyo relieved, they kiss or whatever (happy ending). This could happen but while I would be happy for them, I’d hate that kyo’s entire trauma goes away with a simple “ I forgive you/ I love you”. Trauma doesn’t have a button you magically shut down. Kyo must unload his burden first! open his lid, then deal with it. Also, How will kyoko’s last words fit here? Are they just kyo’s imagination? really? it seems so anti-climatic. Imagine living with kyoko’s words for two seasons only for it to be in kyo’s mind! I really need kyoko to have bigger role than simple imagination. She’s either a haunting ghost or a holy perfect mother, rarely a real human character. Also, I need to include Akito. In this happy version, Akito gets stopped by shigure or even yuki! .. possible but too light for all the buildup drama & endless cliffhangers! lol

(b) Kyo will confess the past, tohru won’t forgive, kyo hurts himself as he sees her pain (dark ending). This ending is too dark for both. kyo hearing tohru’s words of un-forgivness will echo what he himself believe in he should be. Then where is hope for him? T_T Tohru not being able to forgive is logical since her mom is her world, but it also further ties tohru to her mom. She’ll be stuck again remembering her mom’s tragic words & last moment. Also, tohru will loose another person she loves even more than her mom. Here Akito will interfere somehow. Perhaps tries to kill tohru, then kyo sacrifices himself saving her. I duno.. too dark for furuba! lol

Ok. I give up. Anything I think gets stopped by kyoko’s words. I need kyo to push tohru away cuz this is the only logical progression for his trauma! I refuse to believe that kyo’s trauma was pushed into the climax & was written to embody furuba’s most mature themes of guilt, self-forgiveness, repeated mistakes, depression & others only to be quickly solved. But, tohru’s own issues were quickly presented & addressed in one short ep so..... augh! I want to hope for more from tohru, but I duno.. her growth has been so inconsistent, & I’m tired of being disappointed.

Next ep could either become furuba’s best ep or the worst ever!!! & this scares me so much.

Side Notes:

Kyo was repeatedly punished for his mistakes & faulty coping mechanism throughout the series, He is yet to be forgiven by someone or forgive himself. But he has been living the punishment of his own trauma.

Why is momiji still speaking German in the dub? I know his curse break is a secret, but He’s still holding on the facade of identifying with a rabbit in his burger, imitating his mom’s accent as he’s still so attached to her. I thought he let go of the past while bravery acknowledging it & moved on. Starting brighter, happier & with more hope. He isn’t still holding on to pain. He is looking forward now. =/

At first, i didnt recognize the room tohru & kyo are eating in! XD. It’s their living room, right? first time seeing it with all doors closed. weird.XD

Seeing Hiro’s curse break further reinforces that there is no logic on its breaking order. It just breaks. that’s all. If there is any reason behind it, then, momoji should be the first. He had always developed outside relationships with others way before tohru & not exclusive to her. Seeing as he has lots of friends playing with him. Also, he has always dealt with his own issues with level headed perspective, never too absorbed in sadness, never too self-focused, he never withdrew or lashed out. He never looked down on kyo, heck! I’ll argue that he even looked up to him!. hiro could've happened earlier too, as he was always protected from trauma & in a loving home, then yuki as he not only opened his lid but told akito in her face that he will forgive her & decided to never be by her side. His curse should have broken right on se02, ep25. You can place anyone afterwards. So, yeah, the curse just breaks, perhaps akito herself has a role as her insecurities increases. duno.

I dont care for the curse itself at all. As far as I’m concerned it is (a) fun gimmick, (b) analogy for abuse & trauma. The later is the core of furuba.

plz let next ep be well-done, well-written & well-direct. plz! T_T

#Fruits Basket #scared paper #Anime Only

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urluwu · 4 years

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A Character Analysis on Pan

A small character analysis/defense on Pan (spoilers up until EP. 11)

Before I begin talking about Pan, who was also crying buckets after EP. 11 aired?? SERIOUSLY, the actors in this show are ALL phenomenal. Every single character that cried this episode, made me want to fcking CRY A RIVER.

After watching this episode, I honestly loved how well thought-out every single character was written, including Pan. However, when I was scrolling through the comments I was actually quite surprised that there were a handful of people who actually disliked Pan. I think everyone is pretty much entitled to their opinion, but I would like to take a closer look at who Pan is and why she does the thing she does.

To start, let’s focus on Pan’s insecurities.

Pan is someone who feels like she is undeserving of love. Someone who feels like she’s not enough. I think at one point in our lives, we all felt this way. The feeling of never being enough to anyone, lacking the courage to do what we really want to do because we feel as though we are inadequate.

It’s also the key reason why I think Pan escapes to the fantasy world. A world where she can freely ship the person she likes with anyone she wants - her small happy space. The crazy fanfics, the over the top shipping, isn’t it to distract herself from her own pain? When you break it down, isn’t that like most of us? Watching movies, reading fanfics, reading books, it’s like a break from our own mind and immersing ourselves into something else. Yes she’s a crazy fangirl, but she’s, as cliche as it sounds, very human.

It’s also why I love Pan (and in extension Soda). Fangirls in films (AND IN REAL LIFE) are always displayed as crazy lunatics with absolutely no brain cells, and yes, there are people that are extremely intense, however that’s NOT the majority. Yes, Pan and Soda can be over the top with their imagination, but their intentions were never to hurt anybody. So, the moment their fanfic caused a problem, Pan apologized to whom it directly hurt.

I think this scene in particular showcases one of Pan’s strong points but also one of her weak points. She is someone who wants to do the right thing (note on the word: want). However, what she thinks is the right thing to do can very much backfire on her.

This leads to one of the main reason, I think, people don’t like Pan. The way she makes decisions in Kim’s body without his consent.

This is where people’s opinions diverge, while you can state that Pan is a selfish character for doing whatever hell she wants in his body, I would argue otherwise.

Let’s be clear: Pan never asked to be put into Kim’s body.

From the start, she didn’t want it. She actively protested against it and continually said it throughout the series.

You could argue that just because she never asked for it, doesn’t mean she should do the things that could hurt others.

And, I would say you’re right.

In EP. 10, Pan decides to reject Way’s confession as Kim. In retrospect, she shouldn’t do that because the person Way confessed to was Kim, not Pan.

However, Pan thinks this is right way to handle this affair. Dating a guy that dates his teacher while also cheating on various exams, isn’t exactly someone she pictured her crush, Way, to be with.

In all honestly, she’s doing this because the good guy she believed Kim to be, wasn’t all that squeaky clean. From the very start, Pan has stated she wanted Way to be with someone good.

After she finds out Kim isn’t exactly a good guy. She becomes persistent in rejecting him.

until...she’s proven wrong.

This is one of Pan’s greatest trait. The ability to reflect on her mistakes and making attempts to make amends.

The moment she realized that her perception of Kim was wrong, that she doesn’t have the whole picture, is when she corrects herself.

She does what she thinks is right. She gets it wrong. She works to make it right again.

I admire this about Pan.

When I was a teenager, the amount of things that I got wrong, the things I didn’t correct, but should’ve still linger on my mind. If you’re still a teen and think that you haven’t made mistakes or that the morals you hold now will forever be the same, I would say - wait. The more your world broadens, the more you realize that you were being quite small-minded. When I think about my past, I think there were people I should’ve apologized to properly, people I should’ve treasured more dearly and people I should’ve tried to understand better.

And Pan, a teenage girl manages to do just that.

Pan is not a flawless character by any means, but to call her a character that is selfish and stupid undermines her strengths. If she was truly a selfish character, she would’ve rejected Way even when she found Kim wasn’t as bad as she thought he was.

Pan is someone who cares, she cares a whole lot.

EP. 11 hits on this point even further.

Khet, our resident observer, says this about Pan.

“You should stop thinking about other people.” THIS.

If you don’t believe Pan is actually someone who is selfless from ME, at least believe it from our resident softboi-goodboi-deserves a happy end boi, KHET.

When we get to the climax of the story, Pan has to choose whether to be in her own body or pretend to be Kim for the rest of her life.

And she is conflicted, extremely conflicted.

Sure, it’s easy to say, “she should just go back to her own body”...but the reason she decides against it is all the more heartbreaking.

The first reason being Kim’s family.

Kim has a family that needs and loves him. Something Pan notices firsthand. She watches Khet suffer, believing fully that his brother is gone and that he can no longer rectify the relationship he has with his brother.

Pan has stated prior that Khet was always someone that was by her side when she was troubled.

Even in this particular episodes, he tries to hold a calm front in front of her, only to bawl when she’s not looking.

Pan recognizes this and seeing the person who’s been comforting her this entire time is something she doesn’t think light of.

The second reason...is her own family.

This part had me on the verge of tears.

Pan’s only family, is someone that’s not even blood related to her. Her mom and dad aren’t around anymore and the only person she can call family is her step-dad.

However, she never fully acknowledges him as her dad...because of her guilt. The guilt that she’s a burden and someone who shouldn’t exist. Knowing that her existence is causing everyone to suffer, isn’t an easy pill to swallow.

The moment Pan realizes that her step-dad is suffering and that he’s in debt because of her medical fees, the guilt only gets worst.

The only person she can call family, is the person she’s hurting the most. The feeling that if you didn’t exist would make things better for the people you love is one of the most painful realizations.

Even if you know that they care, even if you know they’d want you alive. That doubt, even that 10% chance that they’ll live an easier life if you weren’t around, will always be in the back of your mind.

And that’s exactly what Pan thinks.

She can’t help but think that if there’s a chance she could stop being his burden, maybe he’ll get a second chance a life.

A life where he doesn’t have to hold back for her.

This leads to her conclusion:

She sees that Kim has a reason to be alive.

He has a family to take care of.

He has a brother to make amends with.

He has someone who is waiting for him.

And Pan?

If she returns in her body, the only thing she’ll be is a burden to the one person she calls family.

Through her confliction and confusion, Pan has determined that Kim has more reasons to live than her.

Fortunately, there is one person in her life that argues otherwise.

Khet (I love him so much and whoever doesn’t like him, I don’t get you on a personal level. I can make another post abt him too), calls Pan out on her insecurities.

He asks her if she thinks she’s not important.

This topic has been touched upon throughout the series. Pan’s lack of self-confidence and believing that she isn’t good enough.

Haven’t most of us been there? Feeling insignificant, feeling pathetic and just...plain ol’ useless.

Again, Khet reiterates this...

Pan...is thinking about what’s right for everyone.

She really is.

A selfish act is something you do for yourself, but is giving up on her body to be Kim something a selfish person does?

Khet instantly recognizes this and calls her out on it.

But that’s not what gets Pan to do anything. It’s when he says this:

It’s when he says this, that she thinks about what she should do for Kim.

Her next action was to rectify the situation between Kim, Way and her. To make sure Way understands what is happening (and boy is this boy clueless LOLL).

Let me clearly point out that her next point of action was not for herself, but to figure out what is the right thing to do for Kim.

Again, solidifying her selfless nature.

I would even go as far to say that the two selfless characters in the show are actually Pan and Khet. The way those two try to look out for one another is quite sweet.

To end this rather long character analysis (i swear i was going to make it short LMAO), Pan is a well-written character.

From her wild antics to her insecurities, the writers clearly depicted a life of a fangirl.

A little intense, but sweet nevertheless.

Pan, I believe is a self-less character, doesn’t know her strengths or self-worth but always tries to do what she thinks is right. It’ll go wrong, she’ll fuck up, but her heart is always at the right place.

I love her a lot and I hope more people appreciate the character that is Pan!

#the shipper #theshippertheseries #the shipper khet #the shipper kim #the shipper pan #the shipper way #the shipper soda #khetpan #ohm pawat #prigkhing sureeyaret #first kanaphan #fluke pusit #piploy #thaidrama #gmmtv #mypost

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luellasu · 4 years

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✧.° hello hello !!! i’m diana ( she/her, 20, est ) aka ur resident girl group stan !! so i’m a little late to the party but i’m finally here, introducing my baby angel luella ( she is quite literally an angel hehe ). u can read all abt her under the cut, but if u want 2 plot, we can do so thru im’s or on discord depending on what u prefer !! my discord is everybody say STAN LOONA#5522

𝙵𝙸𝙻𝙴 : #ANG3L // STATS » luella ‘lu’ su, ( appears to be ) twenty, cis female, she/her, ballerina. ATTRIBUTES » devoted, mercurial, captivating, demure. SEEN » strangers whispering in the night, the lingering scent of vanilla in the air, tired eyes stained by glitter and mascara. DO NOT MISTAKE FOR » tzuyu chou.

( 𝑯𝑼𝑴𝑨𝑵. )

so,, since she cant remember her life as a human, i’ll keep it short !!! but i figured it’s worth mentioning

as a human, she had big aspirations. she was raised predominantly by her grandmother because her parents were always working

luella had always wanted to be a dancer, but she came from a lower middle class family and they couldn’t afford to put her in lessons. so, sometimes she would watch classes through the window

she studied hard in school and was at the top of her class, and despite never formally receiving lessons, all her years of observing classes made her a promising dancer

lu took a year off after high school to work and save money, and planned to audition for a prestigious ballet academy in europe because there were recruiters in her town

however, on the way to the audition, she died in a car accident along with her parents. a few months prior to this, her grandmother had died of old age

so, with the deaths of her and her family, it didn’t take long for her to be forgotten all together

( 𝑨𝑵𝑮𝑬𝑳 . )

as an angel, luella avoided living with humans at first. she did not want to get too attached, and she felt that living among them wouldn’t end well for her

however, even from a distance, she became attached to one human. it was a girl, a ballet dancer. it was then she made the decision to live among humans, and she decided to take up ballet to be closer to her

still, even living among humans, she managed to keep some distance. she was more reserved, and extremely observant. eventually though, the two became friends. she felt more protective over this one human above all others

this continued for a while, but the guilt of having a favorite began to linger in her thoughts. she made the decision to leave and continue watching her from afar instead

once lu left the human world, she started to feel a lot better about herself and could say she no longer had favorites. for a few years, this worked perfectly. except the ballet dancer she had once been so close to developed an illness and passed away from it

lu was riddled with regret. she wished she had stayed close to her for the remainder of her life instead of running away. the worst part was, she knew that human felt abandoned by her

it was the first time as an angel that she felt like a failure

for a while after the death of the dancer, luella couldn’t focus properly. she began spacing out a lot, making mistakes more frequently ( when prior to this, she was the perfect example of what an angel should be ). she could not move on and started to feel like she was not fit to be an angel

as this was negatively impacting her ability to carry out her responsibilities, she pressured by the other angels to either overcome her failures or lose her status as an angel

this ultimatum made her realize she wanted to remain an angel and that she would have to get her act together to do so. for a brief moment, she contemplated giving up her status, to be able to forget it all. but when it came down to it, she didn’t want to lose the memories of all those she had crossed paths with, especially the dancer, who at least was alive in her thoughts

it was not easy to return to being the perfect angel, but she worked hard to get back to that level

eventually, she felt ready to live among humans once more. she decided to move to lunehaven for a while, though she really wants to move to paris one day. in the meantime, she has continued pursuing ballet and works as an instructor for kids

she attempts to live a quiet life, not getting too close to anyone, but it does get lonely sometimes

( 𝑷𝑬𝑹𝑺𝑶𝑵𝑨𝑳𝑰𝑻𝒀. )

luella tends to be quite reserved. she rarely initiates conversations or hangouts, but is relieved when someone else does. she enjoys being social, she’s just skeptical about getting too close to others

she is a scorpio sun with a libra moon so take that as u will !!

she is extremely devoted to dance and being an angel ( despite everything that happened ), and also very devoted to the few that she is close to, however, she changes her mind a lot about other things. her mood tends to change a lot, but she does her best to keep this to herself

as you can expect of scorpio and libra placements, she can be quite an intense/obsessive lover BUT can also be flighty if something seems too serious or causes her to feel too much. yes, she is a walking paradox i do not want 2 live in her head !!!

she adores classical music, which can be expected of a ballet dancer. she wants to learn how to play violin one day

her taste is pretty .... refined, so she can be quite the snob sometimes

she enjoys going to the theatre and the opera and stuff like that, and mostly goes alone

she comes alive at nighttime tbh,, the quiet hours once everyone has gone to sleep is her favorite time of day. she lovessss stargazing and if you become her friend, she will force you to have picnics under the stars

she’s bi bi bi babey !!!

take a look at her pinterest board to get a feel for her aesthetic !!!!

( 𝑾𝑨𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑫 𝑪𝑶𝑵𝑵𝑬𝑪𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵𝑺. )

cultured duo - someone who goes to the theatre/cinema/opera with her !!! it could be against their will, maybe she begs them to come. or maybe they also enjoy the these things

ex-fling/gf/bf - there could b more than one of these !! they could have ended on bad terms or good terms, still have lingering feels or tension or maybe they remained friends !!! we can plot this literally however !!

unrequited crush - maybe she has a crush on ur muse and it scares her to admit. OR ur muse could have a crush on her and maybe she’s oblivious to it

current fling/friends w benefits - someone she is currently seeing. could be no strings attached, or there could b some feelings there. maybe they don’t want to make it anything serious, or maybe they’re ready to take it to the next level. maybe one person is ready to go further, and the other isn’t.

enemies w benefits - imagine the tension !!! they started out hating each other but ended up hooking up. maybe it was a one time thing, or maybe they can’t stop going back to each other. maybe they keep it a secret and don’t want anyone else to know. this could develop in soooo many ways

ex-friends - someone she used to consider a best/close friend, but they had a falling out for whatever reason n maybe they strongly dislike each other now. maybe they want to re-kindle their friendship but don’t know how

sibling-like friendship - someone she sees like a sibling. they’re there for each other and look out for one another, always have each other’s backs

dynamic duo - ride or dies. platonic soulmates !! this person is prob one of the closest people to her and knows her very well ! they could b a power duo, always looking out for each other

take care - i think it would be cool if maybe one day she drank a little too much or was having an off day in general and your muse helped her get home and spent the night to make sure she was okay. lu probably feels like she owes them a favor and is really grateful in general that they took the time to care

confidant - someone who confides in her or someone she confides in, or they confide in each other. they don’t necessarily have to be the closest friends ever, but they get along, trust each other, and maybe they talk more in private

rivals - they don’t like each other for whatever reason, which we can plot. maybe it’s jealousy or their personalities just clash, but for whatever reason they do not get along. maybe they bring out a bad side to her that most people dont see

good influence - someone she can be a good influence on, someone she brings out the best in, maybe someone she rly cares about and wants to look after to make sure they’re ok !!

this is all i have for now, but maybe eventually i will make a plots page !!!

#luneintro #✧.° ░ 𝒖𝒎 𝒊 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒊𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒂 𝒃𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒖𝒓 𝒏𝒊𝒄𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆 ╱ ooc.#this is so late helppppppakjhsdjshddkh #it is 6 am i hav 2 go 2 bed now

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figureinthedistance · 5 years

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read more bc even more long + self indulgent than my usual stuff

ive been thinking abt my relationship w/ like.... crying recently like as in w/in the past maybe week. i cry so easily tht i just feel like tears dont carry any consistent meaning it can mean so many different things.

1) last week my dads abusive mother died + i didnt cry i wasnt sad @ all. id sort of figured shed be dying soon + i was so scared id end up crying bc i kno i cry easily + that death makes me cry even if i dont kno the person who died that well. but i didnt cry + i still havent even when i talked to my dad on the phone + cld tell he’d been crying. im so fucking glad. she was so evil i hated her so much but i was still scared id end up crying. especially bc in her later years she was vulnerable + isolated + in a lot of pain.

2) speaking of, my brothers ex girlfriend who im still on friendly terms w. her childhood best friend committed suicide last weekend + i was crying but i was sort of aware that i was crying exclusively for my brothers ex gf, not for the woman who died. who i knew, who i had met + liked! but i wasnt grieving i was jst heartbroken bc i knew the ex was jst going to feel so so guilty abt it-- she’d been like sort of the woman’s only friend + had moved abroad a few months ago. i felt bad + like, like i was insulting the woman who had died that i was so concerned w/ how her death affected others when her death was abt her, it wasnt supposed to be abt its impact. it was abt her!

the next 2 Things are less serious

3) the national album made me cry, especially not in kansas.mp3, but also quiet light + a good few other songs. i genuinely dont understand why the nationals lyrics have gotten under my skin as much as they have. idk anyone who is so affected by them. + so much of them i cant relate to!! there are songs i can relate to e.g. rylan but many i cant + i still jst cry. the crying + my general reaction to their music feels like it comes from being overwhelmed. i guess its like the general desperate repressed claustrophobic atmosphere of his music.

4) i went to see the glass menagerie + it was so fucking good (marty rea was in it + i love him a lot i think hes rlly good). id never seen it before but i was expecting to cry. its my fav tennessee williams play + i love laura so much. this girl i was ‘’’in love’’’’ w/ when i was a teenager made me a tshirt tht says ‘tennessee williams loves me’ on it bc id said that semi-jokingly bc laura is written so tenderly + lovingly + its clear how much love williams had for the sister she was based on + i relate so much to her. i teared up when she was showing jim her glass animals, + started properly crying when she said she was nervous she’d step on his feet + he said sth like ‘dont worry, i wont break’ (after her talking abt how fragile her glass animals were) + then when they were actually dancing i like had to like hold myself back from like sobbing. i mean not that theres any doubt over tennessee williams talent but like on a personal level this rlly showed how important + impactful i found his work bc like even tho i cry easily its usually over pretty Big things things that are obviously very sad or obviously very scary. this scene was so subtle but it still hit me so so hard.

5) in therapy my therapist identified my inability to explain why i cry whenever we talk abt anything from my childhood even seemingly innocuous stuff, + i think its in part bc in some ways ive stopped myself from processing or feeling emotions abt my childhood @ all ever + never talk abt it w/ anyone (one of my worst habits is tht i often will lie abt my childhood even in relation to pretty basic facts jst bc i bristle @ the idea of sharing anything real w/ anyone) so when ive talked abt it openly + in depth in therapy even again if we’re talking abt an aspect of it which isnt that significant i will like instantly almost instinctively start crying.

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daeneryses · 5 years

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here’s what i think abt the episode

it wasnt as BAD as it seemed it would be but that doesnt mean it was good but my expectations were so fucking low that i could sort of enjoy it.

but well lets unpack that shit

it began alright, the funeral was emotional, not much to be done there i suppose. jon’s speech was good. nothing spectacular.

then the feast, which was also okay. but here begins one of my most serious concerns. what the fuck is up with sansa? in past episodes i could see her point, the north has been betrayed too much, it has bled too much, and southern rulers don’t quite get the north. but at the feast she was straight up dropping attitude towards dany, like damn girl aren’t u supposed to be a diplomatic figure in order to be a political mastermind? but well i’ll rant more about that later on. also dany legitimizing gendry was something we all saw coming i believe (even before the leaks i mean lmao) and it was a smart choice on her behalf really bc as tyrion pointed out gendry would never betray her, out of pure gratefulness if anything.

the feast lasted a lot lmao am i the only one who feels that way?

we started to see dany drifting from jon bc for some reason my tiny brain cannot comprehend people seem to want him as a king and she know he could be king if the truth gets out (WHICH DESERVES A WHOLE ASS POST TO RANT). she also sees tyrion laughing with jaime and brienne and i just felt so bad for her? like everyone was ignoring her she was clearly uncomfortable there ;( maybe it just hit too close home ahah. Anyway, I understand her becoming wary, and i understand why she doesn’t want anyone to know abt jon’s parentage. which, ofc, jon doesn’t give a flying fuck so we end up in a very bad place (which, again, i’ll talk more abt later on)

i was pretty nervous abt the gendrya breakup ahah but it really wasnt that bad, i didnt really see it as a breakup as much as a “c ya later” and im allowing myself to be hopeful for them. they’re both clearly very much in love but my boy’s a whole ass clown if he thought she’d say yes THAT quickly.

but im actually nervous about arya’s fate??? did she even say goodbye to sansa? bran? what the fuck was that??? she really plans to kill cersei and i just have a feeling in my HEART that she’s not gonna make it out alive and she won’t succeed either. why would u have her lecture jon abt the importance of family if she’s just going to clock out the next day. ALSO what the fuck was that line of her never returning to WF?????

??????????????????????????????????????????????????

if she dies im gonna become a full blown alcoholic. its even worse if she dies by the mountain or some stupid shit like that.

anyways

lets fast forward shall we

when they were at the war council room (idk the name im sorry) SANSA WAS STILL PROVOKING DANY. WHAT THE HELL? was it ever explained why she distrusts her? or are we just supposed to go with it? i loved that jon for once in his life stood up for her. she lost so much, she lost her khalasar, she lost most of her unsullied, she lost JORAH. and you don’t even want to send men to fight a much less scary enemy? gtfo here. i have always always always loved sansa, and i could see where she came from when she initially didn’t trust dany, but this? dany gave them everything and more, what do they want from her. im also emo bc i always thought dany and arya would get along :( and now im wearing a clown costume.

then the jon’s dumbass who’s a targaryen but inherited ned stark’s ability to disclose very sensible information at the WORST possible timing goes “hey, u know what will make them be at peace with dany ruling? knowing that i’m a secret targ and i can be king instead of her ahah :)x” and tells them. which, ofc, has many many consequences.

god they really are setting everything up for dany going nuts i hate this i hate this so much

everyone is plotting behind her back. that sneaky little treacherous rat varys is going to get dracarysed very soon and i will REJOICE.

and i truly fail to see why, all of a sudden, varys doesn’t want her on the throne. i cannot see what she has done wrong, and i mean this. if it’s all bc she burned down the tarlys i s2g.... if this was all done properly, if this was well written, if dany had truly started to show signs of madness, i would not be complaining. but the second she suggests using heavy force on KL to end the war once and for all, she is MAD!!!1111! aerys reborn!11!!! get the fuck outta here w that im fuming

but well im just rambling now. we all know that rhaegal survived a fight with his undead brother but died bc apparently NO ONE saw the massive fleet that was somehow hiding behind a rock. god i wish i was joking this sounds like bad fanfiction. also they killed missandei just for the lulz apparently and to give us what they believe will be a justified reason for dany going mad. thanks i hate it.

the way she said dracarys though ;___; she wants dany to obliterate the whole lot of them.

also the show really sad fuck jaime lannister huh.

like, it’s the same shit guys. amazing episode if you look at the technical aspects, the music was great as usual, the photography is impressive, it feels like you’re watching a blockbuster movie not a TV show and that definitely counts for something, but the story is simply not good anymore. they are crushing everything they’ve built up to this point character-wise. everyone’s acting so so so ooc it’s unbelievable, and sadly i can only see one way for the “story” they have begun to tell us. they are going to destroy the single most important character of the show, the most ICONIC character in the story of TV, one of the most beloved characters of our times, and turn her into a monster just so jon can save the day. if that ain’t trash writing, idk what is.

i also want to point out how great the cast is. it amazes me each episode. this time in particular emilia was amazing.

i guess that’s the sad part, that this show has it all to be the best of the best, but they decided to butcher the story, which cannot be saved, no matter how amazing your crew, cast, and production is.

#got rant

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killapunk · 5 years

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the weirdest, NO, evilest, person i have every worked for

no real names are used in this piece. i refer to other weirdos and freaks throughout, sorry its a long read (i didnt intend for this) but its one of those things ya gotta settle into and believe me its a wild ride. this saga covers over three years of drama btw.

tw: mental health mentioned (inc panic attacks), chronic illness mentioned and mild sex references

i am going to single out jess. shes more evil than a weirdo but weirdo nonetheless. pete is a secondary weirdo in this saga.

i work in retail for a long time. a fashion store to be precise. i started out in one store but transferred when i started studying at uni and remained there for the majority of the retail career. during my time there i had three managers, the longest one, who is also a fucking weirdo was pete. now before i worked with pete, before he transferred to our store. i didnt like pete when i started working with him, he annoyed the fuck outta me. but my life circumstances changed and my mental health issues got very bad AND i was diagnosed with cfs so i had to disclose it w him. turns out… he was fucking mental too, very understanding, super chill. we liked the same shit. great boss. 11/10 every time.

he would be my reference for every job ever…

…but. he started gettin involved w jess. now to jess. the main character in this piece.

jess had started at the company around the same time as me and we were always on the same level until the last year or so. jess was a bit older than the average age of staff at the store (17-20) and was 23 when this drama started. she had a college diploma, went onto do something semi-successful but related to her HND. but blew all her money, moved back into her parents and started working at the store part time and then onto full time. she was like…the perfect retail girl? small, cute, slim, bubbly… always looked cool in her uniform. customers loved the fuck out of her.

jess had a bf when i first started and pete had a longstanding gf. jess and her bf ended things abt 4 or 5 months before pete and his gf. but i remember they started gettin cushy around about this time. im not sure if its cos im v sympathetic towards pete (a true kind soul who i hold v dearly in my heart) but even tho youd be thinking ‘boss abuses his power’ …jess was and still is fuckin manipulative and he has longstanding mental health issues and i just think she sorta got the ball rollin’. pete and his gf didn’t seem on good terms, i dunno the full story but it seemed like they should have broken a long time before the did.

i think the fortnight before pete and his gf broke up they were spotted hanging out together near where she lived. it was this hush hush thing that everyone giggled abt cos there was at the time talk they were fuckin. when it got out, after his breakup jess said she was ‘just being a friend’ cos he was ‘going through a tough time’.

jess got promoted to keyholder even though she didnt really (at the time) have the skills or confidence to be a keyholder. and then she started to try and fuckin control the work. back during this time, everyone who worked at the store, minus literally 3 people, had worked for the company for at least a year. the store ran very well, we were always in profit. nothing went wrong. but. she started changing processes because it 'made things easier when she was opening’. like. she made everyone tally the amount of people they served in the fitting room in one box and tally the amount of things people left behind so she could make a sales chart. idk if that’s normal in other stores but like? it was just nuts and impossible to do.we always put deliveries away out the package but not folded in a particular way. she made everyone tag and (where relevant) hang items bc she had to pick everything in the morning.

she became friends w most of the girls, including one of the supervisors. they ruled the workplace. it was a total gossip mill. she gaslit the fuck outta people. one already less-popular girl at work ended up quitting cos she kept blaming her for fuck ups, she kept getting write ups and it was impating her mental health. she spun people against her. less popular girl spoke up and called her a bully and jess acted all defensive and said she wasn’t a bully bc shed been bullied before? jess continued to fuck up the workplace. next she turned on two people in her own clique. one tbh, i think she was jealous of bc jess had always wanted to be a teacher and this gal was training to be one. the other girl was v like jess, just not a bitch… strongwilled, liked control. anyway, drama got to the point where they had to quit. waay too much drama for this textpost. at this point others started to notice n work became hostile. jess moved her girlgang clique to one of the original clique girls, a different supervisor and the other two full time staff members.

pete obv didn’t listen to people coming to him, as store manager being like… hey… there’s this major clique problem and he’d be like ‘nah everyone is just friends, jess is a bit insecure but yno things are good, people quit, its just retail. fuck it.’ jess accused everyone who didn’t get on w her as being a terrible person. those legit words. like. if someone said it was a shame x, y or z left shed rebut, nah they were shit at their job, they were a shit person. honestly. EVERYONE. was a bad person. even the nicest people in the world were the worst person, the worst at the job. she was a good person, she liked the good people. she HAD BEEN BULLIED AND WOULD NEVER BULLY. she threw the anxiety word around a lot.

once we had a staff night out and i got left alone with jess and pete at the end of the night in this terrible lil bar as i waited for someone to pick me up. this is a good point to mention jess was always weirdly jealous cos i was close to pete. fucking ridic considering he was 14 years older than me and you know my fucking boss??? this night, i was sitting right next to pete, we were both drinking, jess wasn’t (cos she likes to be in control, she even said it), he had his arm around me and was whispering something into my ear that was such a non-thing i don’t even remember. she got her phone out, started texting. he excused himself and when he returned he sat beside her. it was fucking nuts. i couldn’t believe my eyes. we had to basically carry pete out of the bar. jess said to me she was gonna drive him home cos it was on the way to hers (spoiler! it was not!). myself and pete did the open the next day. he came in wearing the same clothes. i mean, he could have just passed out and had to rush to work when he woke up. but. this guy went out a lot. he never repeated an outfit. i think jess took advantage of a very drunk him. similarly, on another night out, jess promised to drive someone home. said person got too drunk and thew up. jess refused to take them home and called them embarrassing, she gave the space in her car to pete.

i had a major bad evening shift at work concerning another staff member, kaylee. a gal who just rubbed me up the wrong way, and who didn’t like me. ill never know why but it was just one of those things where anytime i was on shift w her she would nitpick and bitch about me and just… make me feel not v good. she was possibly the laziest and rudest person i had ever worked with but someone got away with it?

i used her as a way to talk to pete about the general problems in the store (jess). and…it was fuckin surreal. i told him abt kaylee. i told him i thought jess was controlling but kinda laid off a bit like ‘i get she thinks shes doing it for good’ etc. i padded it out w a few other rly petty issues abt the store. i was actually really upset, kinda numb from life to properly let out my emotions. and then. he started cry on me. like this full-on grown man having a panic attack in front of me when i was 19, fucked on diazepam i should have never been prescribed. to this day i visualise it. me and pete were v close at this point, and like, he didn’t mention jess too much – asked me about the other girl and other issues when i came to him. we spoke about personal shit, all but jess. i kinda wonder if he didn’t have the panic attack if i would have told him his under the radar relationship w her was not on?

and then. pete sold me out in the name of jess. idk the full ins and outta everything but he had to confront the drama once and for all cos our figures were so low so he decided to blame it all on kaylee. from my understanding of the situ from a lot of ‘he said she said’ bs, pete had this big meeting w kaylee. was like. 1. do ur job right and 2. stop being rude and unapproachable. the thing is, although kaylee is rude shes one of these ppl who most ppl really liked, not in a jess/regina george theyre scared of you way but…like they thought she was a tv character and she was funny and honest. so i think she confronted some obvious allies, and jess told her, according to another staff member, that i complained about her. after hearing this i obvious went to pete and tbh, acted pretty dramatic (cos if you haven’t fucking learned already THIS STORE WAS FULL OF DRAMA QUEENS). as soon as i heard, i started texting him angrily on his day off. i remember folding something in the fitting rooms and he came up to give me a hug and i was like ‘HOW FUCKING DARE YOU TELL OTHER PEOPLE MY BUSINESS’. i confronted jess, in a lighter tone, cos i obv told pete (half) what i felt about her. jess played the fucking innocent role. like, she said something along the lines of ‘we’re both close to pete n he was so worried that when me, you and kaylee did those shifts together that something would go wrong. so he told me to keep an eye on things and that’s all i told kaylee cos she wasn’t sure why she was being targeted when so many people in this store are treating people badly. i didn’t say you reported her or anything, honestly!!!!’ queue more bs.

after this, jess didn’t bother with me but was never explicit about hating me. if there was a convo going on and i tried to join in she scolded at me for being nosey. if i was unwell (i have cfs) shed moan ‘jokingly’ that i always had to be ill. i think she ripped on me once cos i said i was late for a hand-in at uni.

her next real victim, however, was jack, my best friend in store and our supervisor. jack was getting fucked over in his supervisor role bc pete would schedule jess for anything managerial. jess started a rumour that pete didn’t trust jack bc jack fucked it at a meeting w the other stores (semi true but fucking up a meeting isn’t the end of the world). like. anything jack would be, jess would be on him. by this point 50% of the staff that were around at the start of the story HAD LEFT. jess had driven people out and had the new ones all up her arse.

pete quit. it was sudden.

not long later, facebook popped up with a fuckin ‘pete is in a relationship with jess’ status and pete has never spoken to me again. i left shortly after that, although our new manager was lovely i felt like i was working for jess.

jack ended up GETTING DEMOTED, by petes replacement who had no idea what a shitstorm she was getting herself into. the new manager PROMOTED jess and demoted jack bc she was doing all the supervisor jobs whilst jack was only doing midshifts. he didnt get shafted to the lowest pay and was instead given the title ‘trainer and authorised opener/closer’ whilst still doing the same fucking job. he transferred out, cos that shit is fucking degrading and within, like two months he was put back up his rightful position. yay for my forever work bestie. I

feel like this has been going on for too long now. i think this doesn’t do her justice. like…i cant believe someone who is NOW 26 and who got what she wanted after manipulating a mentally ill man caused so much drama and pain and tension in a fucking clothes store.

fucking horrid. im reading this completely exhausted and so i cant say much but i just feel like these people are always the ones who come out on top, and its so fucked up. im really sorry you had to deal with so many unpleasant people, and your friend as well.

i swear mediocrity and asskissing is what gets you anywhere in this world, and manipulative cunts like this jess woman take full advantage of that. it’s pretty scary, honestly. amazing how far drama can go, huh. this is why i have trust issues.

i still hope she gets her ass kicked by life, though. there has to be some sort of karmic justice somewhere

i also feel like i should say that there’s always going to be people who won’t like you for some reason. even if you don’t do anything wrong and even though everyone else thinks they’re great. no idea why this happens, but all i can say is there’s really nothing you can do. so FUCK EM (in the most metaphorical sense as they don’t deserve you giving them the time of day)

#manipulation #story sharing #submission

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nekojitachan · 6 years

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hey! in armies how do you think stuart and the hatfords found out that mary was abusive and how they felt abt that?

Hmmm. Not to steal too much from the prequels that’ll be coming around soon (so there may be some overlap here):

Obviously Stuart and Will and Miriam know that Abram/Neil was abused by Nathan (aka the f*cking bastard)

They knew about it from the little they managed to get out of the ‘spies’ they planted (or tried to plant) in the house in Baltimore, from what Mary said (or didn’t say), from what the f*cking bastard taunted them with the few times Will or Stuart dealt with him

From that week when Mary and Abram/Neil stayed in London with Will and Miriam, still bearing bruises that they mostly hid with long sleeves and ducked heads (and makeup on Mary’s part), the way that Abram/Neil would never be more than a couple of feet from his mother’s presence and watched Will and Stuart with huge, fear-filled blue eyes

So Stuart expected to have a wary as f*ck teenager on his hands when Abram called him without warning and told him that Mary was dead, when this battered, too-thin kid showed up on his doorstep

He expected to have to take things slow, to keep his voice pitched low and not move too fast because of what that f*cking bastard did to Abram when he was young, because of all those years on the run

What he (and Will and Miriam) didn’t expect? How quiet Abram was, even once in a safe place, how he didn’t talk out of turn to an adult, how he stood there and watched and listened and was quick to do things (always just out of reach, always attentive)

That… wasn’t like Henry or Jamie or Ally (oh hell no was it like Ally)

They expected him to be leery of Will and Stuart because of… well, because, but he didn’t relax around Miriam despite her smiles and kind words and attempts to put him at ease

And she was good at putting people at ease

If anything, he watched her with too-intent care and was quick to do whatever he thought she wanted (other than to get rid of his ‘old rags’ - his over-sized, worn clothes)

What made them realize that the f*cking bastard wasn’t the only one to lay a hand on Abram was when Miriam was chiding Abram about his clothes one day before he was supposed to go off to the boarding school she’d picked out for him - she was worried that he wouldn’t fit in if he didn’t dress properly

Abram, obviously stressed about leaving Stuart’s home to go live in a strange dorm, snapped at his aunt that his clothes were ‘fine’, that he was ‘fine’… and then went still as he realized what he’d just done before he hung his head and appeared to brace himself for something while mumbling ‘sorry’ beneath his breath

Miriam shared a surprised look with Will and Stuart before she assured her nephew that it was all right, her expression twisted with sorrow when she reached out to touch Abram on the shoulder only for him to flinch

Stuart began to ask questions (pry) a bit more after that, to ask Abram here and there about Mary (he couldn’t push too hard, not with such a skittish creature as his nephew)

He… didn’t like the answers; he knew his sister wasn’t perfect, not after the last fifteen years or so, especially not when she’d taken a young Abram and went running helter-skelter all around Europe rather than allowing the family to help her and the child

But to know she’d laid hands on a poor kid already scarred enough by the f*cking bastard?

He adored his sister, he did, she was his flesh and blood, but part of him didn’t like her very much right then

The worst part of it all was that Abram didn’t even see anything wrong with what she’d done - a hit here or there to keep him in line, to remind him to be quiet, to be careful… it had been for his own good, in his mind

All Stuart (and Will and Miriam) could hope for was that he’d spend some time around normal kids his own age and see that it wasn’t right, that he shouldn’t go through life with someone who was supposed to look out for him roughing him up all the time to keep him ‘safe’. He’d have a chance for a normal life at last

And then the Moriyamas found out where they’d hidden Abram and sent the Popescu cousins after him, and Stuart (and Will and Miriam) had to figure out how to put Abram back together (when he hadn’t even been ‘whole’ in the first place) once they ‘rescued’ him

#armiesfic #grr it won't let me do a break thing now #tw: child abuse #hatfords #neil as abram

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your-fave-is-bi · 5 years

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Im thinking a lot abt the differences between my guardians and their ghosts and usually they're all fun and games until real shit happens and then i make myself sad

Like for Seyla and Luka its when Seyla just Will Not Stop. Stop fighting stop chasing the rush of a good kill stop getting too close for her own good. He revives her every time and sees the look in her eyes, how she can't stand being bested by anyone or anything, and he begs her to just take a moment and rest. Its the worst when its pre-freed traveler time, when Luka frankly doesnt know how often he can revive her, how long their Light will stay. He's scared. He's terrified. He doesn't know how to make Seyla get it, until he floats in front of her face and projects images of previous times Seyla died before he could revive her.

It clicks with her all at once how horrifying its been for Luka to watch this happen again and again and again. Watch her scream and yell and try to reload a gun faster than her foe, watch her fail to dodge a shot every single time. Luka's shivering bc he's never been this bold in disagreeing with Seyla, she knows he's scared and sad and she feels awful knowing she's at fault here. Transmats back to her ship in orbit and just strokes Luka's shell, playing with a little solar light bc that used to always cheer him up. Sings him lullabies till she herself eventually calms down enough and falls asleep.

Helios-33 didn't talk for a long time, and still doesn't talk as much as he used to before the attack on the Tower. It's easier to let Sparky do the talking, always has been and always will be. The worst days are when even Sparky's being quiet, when they're coming face to face witb hard decisions and even harder truths. Times are rough, and life isnt easy for a while. When the morale between the two is low, Helios will often try to lift their spirits again by holding Sparky up to eye level, and bending his head forward. It's almost instinctual that Sparky reacts by putting itself right against Helios' foreheadplate. Like a forehead fistbump. Things are rough, but as long as they got each other, they'll make it through anything.

The worst ones of these forehead ghost bumps was one where Helios was beat tf up after a rough fight. Im talking lost arm, barely attached leg, a very sizeable hole in Helios' torso and no forehead plate to bump against. He crawled his way up to a piece of wall, sat himself up straight and laid his head back to rest. He knew this was it, knew his ghost would revive him soon, but the waiting was always the hardest part. Sparky was rattling on and on about how he could go out and find help, attach his leg properly again, fix up the hole and and....stopped as Helios raised his hand, moving to beckon Sparky closer. With what little strenght he had left, he moved his head forward and waited. And Sparky bumped his head. He sighed and laid his head back again, Sparky practically attached to his face, and closed his eyes.

#personal tag #karli plays destiny 2 #helios33 #seyla #dont mind me getting sad abt my guardians and their ghosts and how harrowing it must be to watch someone you care for die constantly

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