#canadian dilfs | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

Visit Blog

Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.

Fun Fact

After the announcement of the deal with Yahoo!, there were 170K signatures of unhappy Tumblr users petitioning to prevent the sale in 2013.

scottinaussie · 1 year

Text

Seth Rogen by Michael Schmelling for The New York Times (July 2020)

#seth rogen #canadian dilfs #stoner daddy #hes so hot #i just found this #so might as well share #jewish dilfs

38 notes · View notes

norrisleclercf1 · 4 months

Note

Continuing off of my earlier request about Mark and Fernando becoming dads, what about Mark and you being at the Spanish grand prix to support your other love, Nando, and it’s your baby’s first time being there and Fernando wanting to show them off to anyone who will let him 😭

A/N: Ugh ahhhhhh, you know how much I love this request already

Covering your mouth you try hard and fail not to snort out laughter. Mark pays you no mind as he straps little baby Diego to his chest. It was the only way your little boy wouldn't be screaming his head off crying the entire time.

Carrying for 9 months and he pops out being the world's biggest Daddy and Papa boy ever. "You look really hot right now," Mark jumps as Fernando walks past, slapping his ass, as he's dressed for Quali. Mark chuckles and fixes his hair as he slightly blushes and looks up at you.

"Does this finally make me a DILF?" He jokes, knowing about the fans running gag, calling the older drivers the DILFs of F1. "Absolutely panty dropping." You tease, fixing Diego's little hat to protect him from the Spanish sun.

"Come on, we have to be early." Fernando smiles, fixing his Aston Martin hat. You move, now fixing his hat and putting those curls behind his ears. "Never cut your hair." Fernando chuckles and kisses the end of your nose.

"I promise." Mark snorts, gathering the rest of the baby stuff and packing the diaper bag. "Let's go,"

----------------------------

Walking into the Paddock, Diego was long gone from the carrier and now lied peacefully on Fernando's chest. At a year old, Diego was rather calm and loved watching the world. Rarely was he crying, unless he wasn't being held by one of his fathers.

You and Mark kept back as Fernando walked around, showing off the boy and explaining everything to him. Diego eyes wandered over everything, and Mark couldn't help but take pictures of the two of them.

Lance walks past you with a soft nod as he wanders past Fernando. "Oi," You gasp seeing Lance being yanked back but you soon laugh as you see Fernando's hand on the back of his collar. "Not, going to say hello." Fernando grumbles patting little Diego's back.

Lance blinks as he takes in the sight before him and tries to cover up his smile. Fernando keeps nagging Lance, but the Canadian just takes in the little boy that clearly has his Papa's hair and Daddy's eyes.

"Nando, I'm not able to take you seriously with you holding the baby." Lance cracks, sticking his finger out as Deigo gently grabs it before letting it go. Lance makes some funny faces as little Diego giggles and then snuggles closer to his Papa.

"Eh, get lost." Fernando jokes, gently kicking the back of his teammates knee. Lance laughs and runs back over kissing your cheek and waves off Mark as he heads off to his garage.

Fernando walks around, showing Diego off to anyone who'd pay attention. Talking to Toto, Diego's head raises and he soon let's out a piercing scream that has everyone on high alert. Lewis walks into view and you settle down, seeing why your son was so excited.

"Hi, baby." Lewis giggles and runs over happily taking Diego from Fernando who just glares at the Mercedes driver. "He gets so damn happy when he sees Lewis." Mark laughs, as Toto shakes his head and Mark checks his watch. "Shit, I've got to go. Love you," He kisses both you and Fernando before moving to kiss Diego's cheeks.

Normally he'd start to get fussy noticing that Mark was leaving but your son was so in love with Lewis you and Fernando both could leave, and he wouldn't notice it. Fernando moves away and pulls you into his arms.

"I'm glad you are here." Fernando whispers, kissing your cheek as you watch Lewis gently place Diego in his seat and laugh while Fernando makes an unpleasant noise. "Oi, get my boy out of there!" Fernando runs off and you giggle, glad to have been here today.

406 notes · View notes

forcemeanakin · 6 months

Note

Adding onto ur hockey head cannons with starlet reader, imagine them going ice skating together <3 I love ice skating sm

Link to original post <3

Hiii, sorry for the late reply! I've been meaning to come back to Victoria's Secret angel!reader so bad 😭 But I've been busy with my dilf!Anakin series! If you enjoy age gap, I highly recommend my new fic (I am my own marketing team, so please forgive my shameless recommendation lmao).

But yes!!! Skating together is a must! I love it as well, so I'm very bias, but I think those two would have so much fun together. I like to think that reader is already a good skater, so it's not so much a dynamic where he teaches her. On the contrary, I like to think that she would help him out more, dragging him up after he fell on his ass because he was chasing you. But the man is Canadian, so I mean, he was built for the ice.

If you are into his real-dad persona, I think it would be something reader and his daughter bond over. Throwing snow at him, racing, making snow angels. The whole deal. He would be in total bliss at seeing his girls connect so well.

But if it's just the two of them:

Snow on their beanies, thick jacket protecting you from the chilly air, nose pink. He finds that especially adorable.

"Love your nose like this. You look so cute." He gently bites it, ripping a laugh from you.

"Did you just bite my nose, mister?" You tease him, gripping the lapels from his jacket and skating backwards.

"I could bite something else." He mocks, taking control of you by your hips. You get closer, as if you were to kiss him, and just when he closes his eyes, you sprint away from him towards the snow. "Hey!"

"Come get me!"

He gets you. He gets you good.

Totally different deal if he tries to teach you how to play hockey. Gloves are out.

106 notes · View notes

running-with-the-feels · 4 months

Note

headcanons for you my friend 🤝

- the kombat kids call the adults The Olds

-cassie and jacqui aren’t allowed to do mission debriefs anymore bc they can’t look at each other without cackling, very much “me and bestie trying to hold it together in a serious situation.” they were delirious and wheezing on the floor a couple of times after some especially long assignments

-kuai liang discovered he has a thing for men in western wear. hanzo teased him about it after an encounter with erron black

-frost has become fiercely protective of takeda in her own way, tho would never admit it. takeda thinks it’s endearing and says she’s like a guard chihuahua

-kung jin and frost had beef for a while purely based on vibes but now have a “i can throw hands with you but no one else can or they die” type of relationship

-kung jin calls jacqui’s dad a dilf often among other things and she wants to tear her head open every time

-jade was kitana’s first kiss

-kung lao and liu kang were indeed also each other’s first kiss

-cassie is a skilled driver but she drives like she’s in the fast and the furious and it makes all of her passengers fear for their lives

I love these so much

The only adult who knows about The Olds being their nickname is Kung Lao, who all the kombat kids agree is basically one of them

Cassie and Frost aren't allowed to debrief either, nor are Jacqui and Takeda, because it always devolves into flirting. As a result, Kung Jin is the one usually responsible for handling debrief and he Hates it

Hanzo's next Halloween costume was a cowboy and it was meant as a way of subtly poking fun at Kuai Liang but it ended up with the cryomancer (NSFW ALERT) riding him into the mattress until they literally fucked themselves into exhaustion

Frost rolls her eyes at the chihuahua nickname and calls Takeda a golden retriever bc he's pretty and, as far as she's concerned, dumb (he isn't she's just being mean)

Kung Jin and Frost never use each other's names to the point where ppl wonder if they even know each other's names, they only call each other insults ("Bitchboy" "Canadian Goose")

Kung Jin calls Jax a dilf whenever he wants to annoy her or get her to leave him alone, he does the same with Cassie

Jade and Kitana had a whole romance for a while that ended a couple years before the tournament when they realized they were better off as friends. Living in Shao Kahn's court was not conducive to a healthy relationship even though they tried (they weren't toxic or anything, just not in a place to be committed to and vulnerable with another person and it caused a lot of conflict.)

Kung Lao and Liu Kang, however, were childhood sweethearts and Liu Kang was very anguished over developing feelings for kitana as well bc he didn't want to have to choose between the people he loved. They all talked it through and came to an arrangement that suited them and now Kitana and Kung Lao share a boyfriend.

Cassie drives like Parker from leverage (if you haven't seen that show I do Highly recommend it, it's modern day Robin Hood but with nutjobs and an ot3 that is not canon but also not contradicted by canon) so she's not allowed to drive unless the apocalypse is nigh and they need to get from point A to point B faster than god himself. Frost is the only person who enjoys it when Cassie drives while Johnny once nearly shit himself.

#kombat kids #cassi cage #jacqui briggs #takeda takahashi #kung jin #frost mk #kuai liang #hanzo hasashi #subscorp #mortal kombat #mortal kombat 11 #mortal kombat x

36 notes · View notes

youcouldmakealife · 4 months

Text

LBTE: Jared (149-150)

In which Jared is the last to find out about his sister's new boyfriend, and he takes it just as calmly as you'd expect.

If you would like to follow along the series page is here.

“Um,” Jared says, when he opens the front door of their apartment to find Bryce beaming right at him.

Like, right at him. Like if Jared had swung open the door without paying attention he might have smacked Bryce right in his beautiful face.

Literally ran to the door like a puppy hearing its human come home.

“I’m allowed to train again!” Bryce says.

“Like,” Jared says. “Very carefully?”

“Very carefully,” Bryce confirms, and then, as if he’s trying to completely undermine Jared’s confidence that he’ll take that advice seriously, bolts into the living room at high speed.

A puppy with the zoomies.

Jared catches “—sorry, had to tell Jared—“, which he thinks means Bryce literally dropped everything to tell him, everything presumably being a call with Elaine. Though it could be someone else, Jared supposes. Theoretically.

“—love you too, mom,” Bryce says, then reappears so quickly Jared thinks he bolted right back.

Zoom zoom. (To no one’s surprise, he did — albeit with ‘one sec I think Jared’s home’ first. Elaine didn’t mind)

“Come on!” Bryce says, and that’s how Jared caps off an entire day at the gym by going to another, closer gym, and trying not to helicopter husband, partly because they’re in public, and partly because Bryce might bite his head off if he gets between him and the equipment after a long absence.

Relationship with Jared over, now gym equipment is Bryce’s best friend.

Jared says nothing, even when a piece of penne lands on the carpet. Bryce is too happy about all the complaining he’s doing to deflate him. And it’s not like Jared’s worried Bryce is going to go hungry.

He does, however, make Bryce clean the pasta up, because if he didn’t he’s pretty sure Bryce would literally not even notice it was there. He has to do it again himself after Bryce does a half-assed job and then puts his nose right in his phone. Thank fuck it wasn’t a tomato based sauce or their carpet would be toast. Why do they even have a carpet? They’re clearly not responsible enough for one.

Seriously, carpet should have disqualified the place.

“Uh, J?” Bryce says. “You might want to check twitter?”

“Signing?” Jared asks on his way back from the kitchen. It’s getting around that time where some of the stragglers realise a contract-less season is imminent and take whatever offers are still available. That or teams realise they’re missing a key piece of the picture and start looking into what’s available and affordable. “Trade?”

“Um,” Bryce says, his whole body a wince, which is — concerning. “Just look?”

No fucking way Bryce is telling him, you can’t make him.

“Did they trade Gabe?” Jared asks.

They can’t trade Gabe. Gabe’s franchise, one of only two players from that Cup season still on the Canucks. He’s a fan favourite, and a sizeable contingent of their younger fans don’t remember a team without him. It’s pretty much an open secret he wants to spend his entire career in Vancouver, and that’s mutual. Also Stephen would fight management. Possibly literally.

Also Jared would be sad, so clearly it’s not allowed.

It has to be someone on the team who means more to Jared than they do to Bryce, considering it’s something Bryce thinks Jared needs to see for himself, which leaves Gabe and —

Literally it’s just Gabe.

Also Stephen, but Jared’s pretty sure Brian can’t trade him.

“Nobody’s traded!” Bryce says. “Just. You need to see it? Instead of me telling you about it?”

Not for a million dollars will Bryce tell him.

If people on the internet are talking about how hot they think Jared’s dad is again, he swears to god —

One of my favourite subplots that doesn’t make the main narrative — Don the DILF.

“Erin’s trending again,” Bryce says.

Jared’s sister trending on twitter is really not something that Jared expected to happen twice. Like, even in a big Canadian market, that’s getting slightly absurd for a the sister of a middle-six forward.

Imagine how she feels. (She again thinks it’s funny)

Bryce gently kicks him in the shin. “You might want to look it up.”

“No thanks,” Jared says.

Bryce kicks him again. “Seriously, though.”

“If I do will you stop kicking me?” Jared asks.

“Yeah,” Bryce says.

Please look this up out of your own volition so you won’t shoot Bryce Marcus, Messenger.

“J,” Bryce says. “He’s clearly not going to pick up.”

Jared hits ‘end’ and then ‘call’ for the fourth time.

Surely he will pick up the fourth time you call to yell at him.

“Maybe just leave a message?” Bryce suggests weakly.

“Are you fucking my sister?” Jared asks when the operator’s finished telling him the number he has dialled is currently unavailable, because Julius couldn’t even be bothered to set his voicemail message after literal years in Canada. “And pick up your fucking phone, Halla, I swear to god.”

Bryce regrets his suggestion.

“What,” he says.

“He’s probably not going to want to call you back?” Bryce says. “If you sound like that?”

“Nobody cares what Julius wants!” Jared says.

“Um,” Bryce says. “Are you — okay?”

Bryce increasingly realising Jared was completely blindsided by this and mentally rewinding to every time he thought Jared was just ignoring the relationship out of pettiness.

“You knew about this,” Jared says with dawning realisation.

Bryce looks shifty.

“You knew,” Jared says. “And you let me find out from twitter.”

“I didn’t know know,” Bryce says.

They have not been formally told, but nobody has been hiding this from them. See: several parts ago, when Erin was visiting a friend in Edmonton (nobody told Jared it was a university friend, as he stated, Jared just assumed it must be because he knows Erin didn’t keep in touch with anyone from high school or earlier. Neither Matheson sibling is a big friend maker)

“Jared,” Bryce says, then, from the other side of a slammed door, “Hey, that’s my room!”

Jared is sulking, so by all rights the sulking room now belongs to him.

He’d ask if the picture was misinterpreted, like it was with Bryce, but there really aren’t that many interpretations for a kiss. Sure, some cultures greet one another with kisses, but as far as Jared is aware, the Finns are not one of them, and neither are the Mathesons.

Ah yes, the famed Matheson culture. Signs of affection are ribbing, mockery, and snide.

And even if a kiss on the mouth was a Finnish greeting, it’d be one Julius would pointedly not do. Julius doesn’t like participating in things.

This is so accurate but hilarious from Jared because it’s one of the reasons they get along so well.

He’s not your liney anymore. Erin replies. P sure both your current lineys are already taken.

Also he’s literally on a rival team now? That’s like the anti-liney.

Ene-liney.

So you’re not denying it. Jared texts. He originally ended the text an exclamation mark, but that looked too dramatic. He’s fine. He’s chill.

So you’re not denying it!

Is this a thing? Jared writes, after deleting the two extra question marks that somehow popped up.

Is this a thing???

How long has this been a thing? Jared asks.

Officially? Like two weeks.

Before this there was some hanging out. But the euphemism-y kind of hanging out. And some texting while Julius was away. But Julius came back from Finland early, even before it was ‘officially’, which makes it a full-on Thing.

Unofficially? Jared asks.

Idk. You know how it is, Erin replies.

Jared does not know how it is. He can’t even begin to guess what she’s referring to, he has so little awareness of how it is. He met Bryce and that was it for him. Well. Give or take a few weeks and a minor grudge.

Oh we’re calling it a minor grudge now?

Wait no you don’t you were engaged at my age hahaha

Erin obviously knows Jared was engaged at nineteen, and gave him shit for it at the time (her ‘I can’t believe you’re going to be a child bride’ is one of my favourite lines in the entire series) but now that she’s nineteen herself?

His phone lights up with another text, which is just hahahahahaha and crying laughing emojis.

She’s dying what were they THINKING.

“Can I come in?” Bryce asks meekly.

“Fine,” Jared says, since it’s not like he’s talking to Erin anymore. Though he doesn’t know why Bryce would want to. This is the sulking room, and Bryce doesn’t seem sulky about this at all.

Only Big Sulky Babies allowed.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you?” Bryce says, perching on the bed beside Jared as Jared tries to forcibly wipe his brain clean. “I just — kind of thought it was something we both knew but we were like, pretending we didn’t know so you could ignore it forever.”

Look at Bryce supportively pretend something doesn’t exist because he fears for Jared’s sanity.

“Don and I are cool now,” Bryce says. “Sort of. Mostly. He hasn’t insulted me to my face in like – a while. Huh. That’s a good sign.”

Don did mean it about Bryce being a member of the family after he married Jared. You don’t insult family. Mock? Sure. Tease? Absolutely. But insult? Absolutely not.

“Why didn’t someone actually say ‘hey Jared, you do know this is a thing, right?’” Jared asks. His immediate family and Julius all know that Jared can be, well —

Someone should have made sure he was aware, is the point.

“I honestly think Erin just wanted to see how long it’d take you to figure it out if no one actually said ‘hey Jared, Erin and Julius are dating’,” Bryce says. “And apparently the answer was a picture on twitter?”

Everyone assumed Jared already knew and was pointedly ignoring it. Except Erin. She knew that Jared would yell at her or Julius when he knew, and therefore he was still in the dark.

Bryce looks shifty again. “Ash told me that Erin said that?”

Which means Ash knows, obviously. And that Ash and Bryce have discussed this. So Chaz must know. And Maia. Not that babies know things, just —

Don’t worry, Jared, I promise Maia didn’t know before you.

Fucking Oilers fans found out about this before Jared did. Flames fans did.

He doesn’t know why, but the fact Flames fans knew this before Jared did makes this so much worse than if it was just Oilers fans.

This is simultaneously a weird thing to get stuck on, yet also totally understandable. Oilers fans are Julius fans. Flames fans are Julius haters. But also may remember Erin from Bryce drama. Also fuck Flames fans, all Jared’s homies hate Flames fans.

Jared’s phone buzzes from where he tossed it after the last emoji round. He bets it’s more hahahahas. Possibly some skulls. Erin likes to die laughing.

She can’t hahaha any longer, she’s already dead from laughing.

150. Affront

Jared thinks people are supposed to be afraid of death. He’s pretty sure that’s common, reasonable. When threatened with death, people should feel fear. But what is Julius Halla doing right now? He’s laughing. At Jared.

He basically lived with you, Jared, he knows just how little true bite there is in you.

“Stop laughing,” Jared hisses. “You traitor.”

“Who am I a traitor to,” Julius says. He sounds vaguely curious, like someone who’s been accused of something ludicrous, and is interested to see how you came to that conclusion. Which is rich, for a traitor.

But who is he a traitor TO, Jared?

“Me!” Jared says. “And friendship! And lineys! And — there’s a code!”

I do enjoy Jared continually using Julius being his liney as a reason when they have now been divisional rivals longer than they were ever linemates.

“You think it’s the definition of toxic masculinity,” Julius says. “And that it frequently treats women as objects and prizes to be won, and also acts like showing affection towards your friends is gay. And you’re gay, and you think showing affection is disgusting, so obviously there is no connection.”

He listens <3

“She’s like, ten!” Jared says. “She’s way too young for you.”

Julius is very quiet. “How much older than you is—“

There’s about a two and a half year age difference between Erin and Julius. Bryce and Jared’s is just shy of four years. As Julius well knows, the bastard.

“Eating my food and dating my sister,” Jared says. “Who is a child.”

“How old were you when you got engaged?” Julius asks.

Jared can only an inarticulate sound of rage in answer, because Julius knows exactly how old he was when he got engaged.

The answer is ‘exactly as old as Erin is now’. As Julius is well aware, the BASTARD. Also, a missing word, my bad.

“Wait,” Jared says, suddenly horrified. More horrified. “You’re not engaged, are you?”

“No!” Julius says, sounding equally horrified.

This question isn’t the reason Julius doesn’t want to get married, but it certainly did not help.

“How did this even happen,” Jared moans. “Wait. Don’t tell me. I don’t want to know anything. Why didn’t you tell me.”

This feels like a trick question.

“I wanted to wait to tell you in person,” Julius says. “Because I was concerned you’d be, well. You know.”

People keep telling Jared he knows things that he does not know.

“I don’t know,” he says.

“Hysterical,” Julius says.

“I am not hysterical!” Jared says.

This might be more believable if Jared hadn’t shrieked that last bit.

The fact Bryce bursts out laughing in the living room contradicts that statement, but Julius can’t hear him. And maybe it’s coincidental laughter. Maybe Bryce is watching something funny. Because Jared is not hysterical.

“Wait, Erin didn’t think I’d be hysterical?” Jared says.

Look, Jared may deny he’s hysterical, but also — why didn’t Erin think he’d be hysterical? Even if he isn’t. Because he is not. But also — really?

For all of Erin’s many…many…many faults, an inability to predict Jared’s behaviour is unfortunately not one of them. She used her predictive ability for blackmail purposes way too much when they were younger, always caught him in the act when he was breaking the few house rules he ever broke then threatened to snitch if Jared didn’t do shit for her. He made her so many grilled cheese sandwiches. To this day he associates grilled cheese with smug smiles and extortion.

Admission of hysteria. Also Jared makes an excellent grilled cheese sandwich. Worth surveillance for blackmail purposes for sure.

“But I was in Finland at the beginning of summer,” Julius says. “And then Bryce injured his shoulder, and you went to Vancouver, and there was no good time. And then twitter.”

Julius, if asked, would say they were a thing months earlier than Erin would. But they had not yet defined the relationship.

“She’s fine,” Julius says. “She thinks it’s funny.”

He sounds faintly scandalised. Which is understandable, because it’s not funny.

“Did you tell her it’s not funny,” Jared says.

“I did,” Julius says. “She says she gets to decide if it’s funny or not.”

“But it’s not funny,” Jared says.

“I know,” Julius says.

Counterpoint from Erin: it’s fucking hilarious, you’re both just boring.

“Don’t like —“ Jared says, then pauses, because there are a lot of different demands warring in him right now. “That’s my sister, Halla.”

“I know,” Julius says. “Would it help if I told you I have…strong…feelings—“

“Gross,” Jared says. “Stop talking.”

“Okay,” Julius says, sounding greatly relieved.

I love their friendship. Every time feelings are involved they both react like cats getting sprayed with water.

“No,” Jared says. “Obviously it is. Did you know that they were together?”

There’s a silence.

“Mom?” Jared says.

“…did you not?” his mom asks. “Jared!”

NOBODY was hiding this from Jared. Nobody.

“Erin’s spent more time in Edmonton than Calgary since her semester ended,” mom says.

“She has a friend there,” Jared says, then, “Oh.”

Yes.

There's only one direct reference to Erin and Julius’ relationship before Jared finds out in the series, because I had to ride a careful line there, as Jared hadn’t noticed anything, so his POV wouldn’t really reflect the information he wasn’t paying attention to.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jared demands. ‘Friend’ is not telling him. ‘Friend’ is a euphemism you use when the other person already knows.

“I thought you knew!” his mom says. “And were just immaturely pretending that as long as you didn’t acknowledge it then it wasn’t actually happening!”

Jared thinks it might be a concerning sign that the two people who know him best both assume he thinks that if he pretends something hard enough, it won’t happen.

Yes that might indicate something about you, Jared.

“Yes!” Jared says. “Why aren’t you mad about this? Your daughter’s dating a hockey player. A hockey player. And you’re letting her?”

“You’re a hockey player, Jared,” his mom says. “As is your husband. And literally all of your friends.”

This isn’t exactly Grace’s mom upon finding out she was dating Raf.

“That’s just people in general, sweetie,” his mom says. “And we know Julius is a nice young man.”

“He is not,” Jared says. Julius is many things, but he is not nice.

“You know what I mean by nice, Jared,” his mom says.

He’s not a nice boy, but he is a good one. Also he speaks Matheson quite fluently.

“You can’t just assume that I like him.”

“Jared,” his mom says. “You love that boy. You brought him home for Christmas.”

“Out of the kindness of my heart,” Jared says.

“You brought home someone you don’t like for Christmas out of the kindness of your heart,” his mom says. “And then you invited him to your wedding. As one of the handful of guests who wasn’t immediately related to you or Bryce. Out of the kindness of your heart.”

Jared, we all know there is not even close to that much kindness in your heart.

“Obviously you like him, or he wouldn’t be one of your best friends,” his mom says. “And since you’re choosy about who you’re friends with, that means a lot. You have extremely good taste in friends, when you actually bother to make them.”

Jared picks at the hem of his shorts.

Jared thinks it’s quite rude for his mom to use facts and reason against him when he is intent on being unreasonable.

“Gross, love,” Jared says.

“I won’t tell Erin you love her, I promise,” his mom says.

“Good,” Jared says. “Ew.”

How dare anyone say he loves his (demon) sister.

“Jared,” his mom says. “Are you making this all about you?”

“No,” Jared says.

“Jared,” his mom says.

“Well it’s a little bit about me, isn’t it!” Jared says. “He’s my friend. And liney.”

“Former liney,” his mom says. Everyone’s so fixated on that part. Liney status can last past being teammates. Look at Jared and Chaz: linemates for life. Even though Bryce subsequently stole Chaz a little, despite the fact they played on completely different lines on the Flames. Not that it’s stealing. Couples share.

Jared can share. Look at how good Jared is at sharing. He only holds Bryce befriending Chaz against him a little, years down the line. That’s sharing.

Eventually Julius is going to get exposed to Erin’s sparkling personality.

He’s had some exposure therapy, rooming with Jared.

Jared would mention that long-distance relationships are highly prone to failure, but he’s pretty sure mom would bring up how much of his relationship with Bryce involved long-distance, and Jared is frankly sick of people reminding him of his own extremely successful relationship, and not letting him be hypocritical.

What bullshit.

He hates arguing with his mom. It’s like arguing with himself, except worse, because at least when he argues with himself, he always technically wins.

The best kind of argument.

“You remind me so much of your dad right now,” mom says.

“Mom!” Jared says.

“A little Don in the making,” his mom says. “He’d be so proud.”

Jared tries to tell her to take it back, but all he can manage is an inarticulate sound of rage. Again.

The cruelest thing you could say to him.

“I got Thai from that place on Burrard you really like,” Bryce says, then, all in a rush, “Sorry for assuming you knew about Julius and Erin and were just pretending you didn’t instead of like, actually not knowing. If I knew you actually didn’t know I would have told you. Or made Erin tell you because it wouldn’t be my place to tell you or. Are you mad at me?”

Sala Thai, for anyone curious. Also, poor Bryce. He really did think Jared knew.

“Did you get me soup to shut me up?” Jared asks.

“I got you it because it’s your favourite?” Bryce says, looking both hurt and confused.

Poor, poor Bryce.

“—and doesn’t he realise what Erin’s like?” Jared says. “Because he is going to be unpleasantly surprised when he gets to know her a little better.”

“Uh,” Bryce says. “I think he’s had a pretty good preview of what Erin’s like?”

BRYCE, NO. I mean, you are 100% correct, but NO.

“We are nothing alike,” Jared says.

“Erin made the exact same face when I said that,” Bryce says. “Like. That’s almost creepy.”

“You’ve said this to her?” Jared says.

“Yeah, because you’re both—“ Bryce says, then, “Ow! She did that too!”

Why do Mathesons keep smacking Bryce’s arm when he tells them the truth?

“We’re nothing alike,” Jared mutters.

Bryce says nothing, but he’s got this look on his face like ‘I’m humouring you right now by not arguing, but you know and I know that you’re full of shit’.

“Stop — looking at me with that face,” Jared says.

Bryce huffs out a laugh. “Erin said—“

Jared can’t hear him.

“Jared,” Bryce says, muffled. “Jared, I know you can hear me.”

Jared cannot.

Erin wasn’t immature enough to put her hands over her ears though, that one’s all Jared.

“Take it back,” Jared says.

“No,” Bryce says. “I’m not pretending something isn’t true just because you don’t like it, that’s ridiculous.”

Jared picks up his noodles.

“I got you soup,” Bryce says sadly as Jared stomps right back to the sulking room, this time with dinner.

Poor, poor Bryce.

#liveblogging the end

46 notes · View notes

hotvintagepoll · 3 months

Note

my mom (canadian) says that she's surprised that paul newman isn't winning because, in her opinion, he's WAY hotter than christopher plummer. i told her that i think he's winning due to the fact that everyone on this website loves the sound of music and she was like "hm. paul newman is still hotter."

i was actually a little surprised, since she likes dilfs (i hate that i know that about my mom) and paul newman wasn't anywhere near as dilfy looking as christopher plummer was in the sound of music, but whatever. My Mom Has Spoken.

i also voted for paul newman i've betrayed my country christopher plummer forgive me orz

Canadian vs Mom's Favorite Dilf

#propganda #paul newman #christopher plummer

40 notes · View notes

dirtybiowareconfessions · 2 years

Photo

Confession: Honestly Kaidan has set the bar too high imo. He's a 34 year old man with grey hair on the sides, a raspy voice, introverted, went to therapy, has kind teacher AND dilf vibes, he's bisexual and secure in his masculinity, he cooks, he comes from a rich family, he's Canadian (basically the less annoying version of americans) AND he's got that bioticussy so you know he fucks good. His major flaw as a partner is being a terrible dancer but even that I found adorable.

#Kaidan Alenko #Mass Effect #mass effect 2 #mass effect 3 #BioWare #dirty confession #dirty confessions

352 notes · View notes

finndoesntwantthis · 24 days

Text

No offense to Mr Copeland but this is NOT the Canadian DILF I’m tryna see on my Wednesday night 😔

Long live Mr Cage 😞😞

#GIVE HIM BACK #aew #adam copeland #christian cage

15 notes · View notes

thesassypadawan · 16 days

Text

🖤💛Me...have a type? I mean, as long as he's tall, Canadian, and a dilf. Oh, and loves to wear them caps back and front. And...all about that hockey.🤍💙

#hayden christensen #marc andre fleury #sexy mooses #i don't have a problem #sassy drabbles

14 notes · View notes

blouisparadise · 1 year

Photo

Upon request, today we have a rec list of bottom Louis fics that feature DILF Harry. If you enjoy our rec lists, please be sure to like and reblog this post to help spread the word. Happy reading!

1) You Make My Heart Beat Like The Rain | Explicit | 6611 words | Sequel 1 | Sequel 2

"You're stunning, eh?" Harry whispers, his Canadian accent thick with lust. It usually slips out when he gets horny because he knows it turns Louis on. Harry presses his lips into the curve of his neck. His hot breath makes Louis shiver. He opens his eyes and sees Harry's bigger, tattooed arms wrapped around him, completely engulfing his smaller frame—and, fuck, maybe he is up for it.

Why does his boyfriend have to be such a fucking DILF? He blames it on a twitter thread he read a few weeks ago.

2) Coldest With The Kiss, Nice With The Cream | Mature | 11136 words

Louis has a thing for older guys, no one knows why but he just does.

Harry is a lonely dad.

And oh, Damien loves yellow a little too much.

3) Give So Much (Not Enough) | Mature | 24610 words

“For my little lion,” Louis slid the smoothie bowl in front of Oscar, letting him dig in with his little hands. “And for daddy.”

He didn’t process the bowl in front of him, the push across the table causing a raspberry to roll off and fall on his lap, because Louis calling himself mummy may make him feel all sorts of mushy emotions, but Louis addressing Harry as daddy was suddenly having a very different effect on him. Since when did Louis saying daddy out loud render him speechless?

“Daddy’s still sleepy, but we’re up bright and early right Ossie?” Louis’ cooing shook him out of his daze. The man coughed, picking the raspberry off his lap and swallowing it with unintentional, and very unnecessary, eye contact with Louis. “Well, is it better than your protein smoothies and why?”

Harry chuckled, spooning another heap of the strawberry banana goodness into his mouth, “Way better sweetheart.”

4) My End And My Beginning | Explicit | 24749 words

When Louis starts as an intern at a new company, he becomes particularly fond of the boss’ five children. And maybe the boss himself as well.

5) I’ll Find A Home Inside Your Heart | Explicit | 25808 words

In awe Louis stared up at him, his eyes wide and his lips parted. “I don’t usually make it a habit to go on dates with my clients,” he breathed.

Harry grinned, his touch light as he carefully swept a strand of hair out of Louis’ eyes. “Make an exception for me?” He asked cheekily, chuckling when Louis rolled his eyes.

“Well, since you asked so nicely,” Louis snorted and let Harry link their fingers together where they rested on the countertop. Finally, a shy smile crept onto those pretty pink lips of his and with his hands on his hips, Louis jut his chin out. “Are you gonna kiss me or what?”

Of course, Harry didn’t need to be asked twice.

6) Sedative Duty. | Explicit | 46588 words

Pop-star of the moment Louis Tomlinson is on his third-world tour. He decides to hire renowned professional dominant Harry Styles to unwind while on the road. In an effort not to raise suspicion by the crew, fans, and press, Harry pretends to be his bodyguard. He ends up being far more than that.

7) Somebody To Love | Explicit | 51471 words

A hesitant fist hovers, ready to knock on the hard surface, when suddenly the door swings open revealing a small child with a huge smile plastered on her face.

“You’re here, finally!” She beams up at him, haphazardly brushing her orange hair away from her eyes.

He can’t help but let a grin fill his face at her anticipation. Bunching his pants at his ankles, he crouches down to her level. “You must be Margret.”

“Actually, only my daddy calls me that when I’m in trouble,” she explains with an assertive tone. “So you can call me Margo.”

“Well, Margo, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Louis.”

8) This Is How You Fall In Love | Explicit | 53538 words

When Harry Styles' 16 year old daughter dragged him along to see her favourite artist, Louis Tomlinson, in concert, the last thing he had expected was to be invited backstage. Unaware his life was about to change forever.

9) The Bachelor | Explicit | 53953 words

“Don’t tell me, you’re Lola,” Louis pointed at the little girl and she crowded her father’s leg shyly, sticking her thumb in her mouth.

Harry chuckled lightly and cupped the back of her head with a large palm, his calloused hands catching the fine strands of her hair.

“She’s shy,” Harry told him. “Plus you swore mighty loud…M'Harry by the way,” he stuck his free hand forward, his diction belying his way of life- slow and casual.

The somewhat dainty-looking loud-mouth flicked a look to his hand, then back to his face. Harry waited patiently for him to take it.

“Louis,” he finally shared, clasping Harry’s hand with his smaller one and giving it a gentle squeeze, placing his other over the top of both of theirs. “Tomlinson,” he added. “I’m your personal assistant,” he added.

10) Ever I Saw | Explicit | 58342 words

Daisy Road Ranch. A place for those in need to receive the help they deserve, even when they may not believe it. A place where they don’t have to fear what, or whom they left behind. A place where they can find themselves, or find a different way of coping with their issues. Daisy Road Ranch. A therapy ranch for those who’ve been abused.

Louis needs to find himself again. Harry wants to help. Can they find their way?

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

#bottom louis #top harry #larry #fic recs #blp fic recs #dilf harry

137 notes · View notes

Last Seen Blogs