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somethingmissingthiswaycomes · 1 year

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Would it be weird to ask how you plan out your embroidery designs? If not weird and you have the time/spoons do you have any tips?

Oh no worries, I am the OP! @handmadehazefromtheheart is my craft account. ^w^ You were referring to this post, right?

Asking isn't weird at all btw. I like questions. :3 Though I dunno if my answer will be the most helpful, since I'm still pretty experimental with my embroidery.

For the brain, I literally just doodled onto the fabric with a water soluble pen.

For the latest piece before that, I traced the outline + important features of a picture I had of my girlfriend by holding fabric pinned in a hoop up to my laptop screen. Then I flipped the fabric around in the hoop so it was right ways up. I did the same with her music logo, which I made for her birthday this year.

Mostly, though, I've been actually drawing out patterns on paper.

I trace them onto the fabric using a white screen behind it. (I literally just Google "white" and open an image full screen.)

Getting the colors right is hard, but I'm getting the hang of it I think.

For the brain, I decided as I went which sections would be which shade of teal on the fly.

For the portrait, I gathered various shades of coral (the color of the InfiniTints prompt it was for) and then separated them into groups based on where I thought each shade would work best. I had a hair pile and a skin pile, and in each pile I determined which would be used for lighter areas and darker areas based on the picture I was using.

For the In Decay logo, I did pretty much the same thing but with whites and greys, though I haven't shown off the full thing yet. (I'm going to do that in a special way. :3c Stay tuned.) The mouse had the same process. The mouse was actually the first one I did it like that for, and I love how it turned out—and the fact that a duplicate made as a commission came out so nice after.

You can kind of see on the clover pic above that I actually labeled it for where I wanted which shades of green. I should probably do that more.

I've mostly been working with long and short stitch, but working on this pre-made kit has helped me get a sense of how to use different kinds of stitches together.

So far, the brain is the most deliberate in terms of different stitches.

[ID: A two second video showing off the embroidered result of the brain sketch near the top of the post. It's mostly satin stitch, but the outlines are all stem stitches, and there are French knots in some places next to backstitches and split stitches that swirl. /end ID]

I'd say I've improved a lot from my first attempt last year:

Oh... I got away from myself writing that out, didn't I? I hope you got what you were asking for out of it! 😅

#crafts #asks #embroidery #hand embroidery #fjskjfjd I rambled so hard there I dissociated after writing it I'm fine tho thanks for the ask #This was fun to go over

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comicteaparty · 4 years

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April 4th-April 10th, 2020 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from April 4th, 2020 to April 10th, 2020. The chat focused on the following question:

What is something you’ve improved with in regards to writing or comic creation thanks to working on your story?

carcarchu

Oh this one i can answer definitively. it's 100% lineart. forcing myself to have to do lineart for hours everyday is definitely a way to force yourself to get better at it while i still don't like it it's something that i can do now without being scared about it

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Colouring. I had to get really creative in expressing emotion and hinting plot devices with colour. Also got much better with drawing gesture drawings due to looking at a lot of references!

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Either writing dialogue or drawing/painting backgrounds... I used to be particularly awful at writing dialogue. It was too stiff and formal, and sounded a lot like old prose. Now, because of writing a comic and going through several scripts, the dialogue is a lot more natural, and the pacing is more realistic to actual conversations. And the other: backgrounds. I really used to not even draw them at all, and doing a comic forced me to have to think about environments in scenes. So I went from drawing floating characters to having to consider where they are and how it affects the story/mood.(edited)

Feather J. Fern

Paneling! That was my main focus to figure out how to do good paneling to have clearer pages

Deo101 [Millennium]

Honestly? Everything. It's all gotten better and I've learned so much. I would say my biggest improvement is probably in my time management, and art wise is probably composition and layouts. But it's hard to pick because I've grown so much in every aspect!

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

Biggest thing I learned was to keep the story small and focused - and that the smaller, more human struggles are much better in creating tension than the whole default "the world's gonna end!" thing. Mind you, I still love a good "world's ending" story, but you gotta make people CARE about the people in that world first!

Holmeaa - working on WAYFINDERS

ohohohoooo I have done more drawing in photoshop in this short time I have worked on Wayfinders, than the rest of my life! That has given me some skills for sure! Coloring is another one, and generally just efficiency and flow in a comic

Nutty (Court of Roses)

For me it's been my use of color, and getting more confident in experimenting with it to really drive home a scene's mood!

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

The clearest improvement I always notice is my layouts - I’ve gotten more adventurous with panel shapes and placement as time has gone on, experimenting with more interesting designs for the whole page. Some of those experiments haven’t been totally successful but it always feels like a worthwhile try. I’ve gotten some really, REALLY cool layouts out of these experiments, and I love seeing how dynamic the panels have become compared to my first chapter. Also speed. I’m so much faster now. Thank gooooooodness (edited)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

@LadyLazuli (Phantomarine) I've definitely noticed the experimental panel layouts! They're really cool.

AntiBunny

Planning. Book 2 is when I started using sketchbook thumbnails to plan ahead. The luxury of that first draft meant I could rethink panel layouts and how to best express the events happening if I first had an idea of what was happening laid out.

Also digital art by necessity since I switched to digital during the current arc. I was decent at lineart already, but other aspects have really challenged me to grow as an artist. I had to totally rethink the way I create backgrounds for instance. During this time the background quality actually declined a little while I got used to a new method, but experience has improved my skills greatly as I force myself into new methods.

DanitheCarutor

Hmmm maybe paneling, speechbubbles and backgrounds? My current project is my second real attempt at doing a comic, but I have learned a lot of stuff from the community and general art and story tutorials. Backgrounds and bubbles were the worst for me when first starting out, I only read manga before starting so the speechbubble shapes did not fit with how English is written. Plus I've only drawn wooded fantasy settings before making my comic, so using a ruler, figuring out perspective points and drawing buildings was very new to me. I still hate drawing cities and such, but I've gotten a lot better at it and it is easier to do now. Since I mostly stuck with B&W before my current project, coloring also kind of improved? Depending on who's looking at it. Lmao If I were to think about story/characters/dialogue, I have no idea if I've improved. Honestly, I don't pay much attention to the quality. Also my brain kinda says it's all bad regardless of what I make.(edited)

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

For my Improvements: I'm getting better at my comic panels, as I adjust to the vertical style. Before I've always drawn the standard format. It's more than just boxes, I try to keep a variety of sizes. I'm picking up roughly how much 'gutter space' I need per 2-3 panels.etc I'm also improving on choosing colors that fits my love of detailed linework.(edited)

OH! I'm also learning about Clip studio shortcuts, how to use the assets they provide which makes the process, abit easier on me. Things I need to change, is I want to get a good speedy coloring style, without referring to my usual coloring.(edited)

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

the more I worked on the comic, the more I feel ambitious in making different angles and perspective. So it's really hitting me out of my comfort zone which is good! lol Though I'm trying to keep in mind of my speed, what I feel like I've improved a bit is trying to keep in mind of paneling and dialogue.

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

Process! Space and i have definitely figured out the most productive way to produce content at the rate and quality that also provides us with time for our own projects. Comics are a useful tool that helps you discover ways to better organize your creative workflow for sure!

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I think probably scenery. I used to dread drawing inanimate objects but now I feel more confident in filling in a scene & even look forward to it sometimes. Maybe also page composition and paneling but I still have a lot to learn there

eli [a winged tale]

One of the reasons I embarked on the webcomic journey is to push myself to improve not only storytelling but also utilizing art to create a reader experience that would be difficult to replicate with just words. I’d like to think that 9 months into making A Winged Tale, I’ve improved on deciding when is a good opportunity to invest more into backgrounds vs character dynamics and when should be focused more on sequences of panels and composition. While the comic is written in a four panel format, more and more I’m finding areas where the story could be told by breaking those rules (attached pic). It’s a balance and I hope going forward I will improve more in pushing the limits of panels and find ways to express the story in fun and interesting ways.(edited)

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

Wow that's a very good description @eli [a winged tale] I look forward to reading more of your story journey

eli [a winged tale]

Thanks so much Joichi! I’m eager to keep learning~

Capitania do Azar

I'm gonna go with planning and actually getting it done. I'm so much faster because now the process is much more streamlined to me

kayotics

My whole comic was started s an exercise to just get better at comics generally so I’d probably say every part I’ve improved at? The biggest things are probably colors and the upfront planning process

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

Ooof hard question. I think my main improvement lies with page and speechballoon layouts and writing natural feeling dialouge. I'd say maybe also character acting?

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I'm slowly learning how to create more engaging comic narrative. I read and research in the polished prem webcomics to see what makes them engaging? Like I'm going to challenge myself by creating a series of short stories with a reoccurring set of characters. Every new comic series I create is an experience, trial and error. Sometimes I skip the writeup and just go in blind, trust my own instincts. I'm glad to reach out and talk about it than in my own head. I hope by this year, I'll have at least 2 chapters of Hybrid Dolls out.(edited)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I've definitely gotten better at planning/ outlining multiple chapters ahead of time. I did not even do this when I was doing the first 10 something chapters. (I did attempt an outline before I began the comic, but the story changed significantly from the outline by the time I started the comic, and I did not try to do it again for a long while.) I can't remember when I started, but I do recall having a lot of trouble the first time I tried to do it. It's gotten a little easier each time, though. In fact, I just spent the past few days outlining the next few very important chapters, de-tangling some big tangles. I'm really glad my outlining (and overall writing) skills had leveled up, because HOO boy, I don't think my 2014-2015 self could have done this!

I also became friends with enviros. I had already become somewhat comfortable drawing perspective when HoK started, but I had a sort of mechanical approach to it, like "oh I need some enviro for these establishing shots, guess I'll draw them." But now I LOVE drawing enviros! (some types anyway...) It's my comfort activity, something I treat myself to after a long day! In the thumbnails for my next few pages, there's a few enviro-heavy panels that I have to remove, because I drew too many of them (and the pacing got too slow as a result). I have to stop myself from drawing too many of these.

My biggest improvement is probably I've come to understand my characters and my themes much better, but that's more of a "I got better at making HoK" than a "I got better at making comics." There's definitely a difference between the two.

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

@keii’ii (Heart of Keol) ah I totally understand I tried the outline method before I start but my story changed alot after I drew it. So it start to feel like a waste of time for me, but I'll still write an outline to make sure to plan where my story heads(edited)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah! I needed to draw those first few chapters to understand the direction of my own story.

The drawing part is an essential part of self-reflection, to try to understand what it is that I want out of the story. The answer has always been there in my heart, but I'm not able to see it clearly from the get-go.

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I end up breaking scenes and put them in for future episodes, since I want to get a certain flow in the story.

It could be tricky to see what it is you want out of the story until you are in at least 3 chapters in?

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I needed way more than 3 chapters -- though granted, my chapters are short, so that could be a part of it

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I see the early first script as testing the water. like a test to figure out the characters personalities. Unless you are bringing in old characters which you knew before?(edited)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Even if the characters have been with you for a while, unless I have made a comic with them, there is a big chance that the characters will completely change, too.

DanitheCarutor

You know, I was thinking about about this, mostly about how I wouldn't have been happy if I was able to finish my comic the day I started. Then I realized I'm happy that I didn't. The first chapter wasn't the best, I was just learning how to coloring a comic, still fleshing out my characters and was still brainstorming small kinks in the story. I also still didn't have as much of an understanding of perspective, or panel and bubble layout. Even though I still have a lot I need to work on, I've gotten a lot better in all those aspects. Even though my use of color is weird, I've definitely gotten much more confident in it, enough so that I experiment and take a lot more risks with style. Even though my panelling can be boring, I have a much better understanding of how I want a page to look. I've improved a lot with my planning as well, like even though my thumbnailing/storyboarding only takes maybe 30, I've learned to step away for a bit if I don't like a layout, or analyzing why I don't like it and brainstorming ways to make it better. If I had magically finished the comic all at once, it would look really bad and may have been less readable.

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

That is inspiring to hear about your improvement @DanitheCarutor

Natsu-no-Hikari

Chiming in! Just this week, Miko (my co-creator) and I were discussing how far we've come from when we started our first comic (https://liarsgotoparadise.com/) vs. where we are now. I think there have been a lot of learn experiences, such as art, dialogue, general editing - but especially with pacing and character interaction. We regret that we didn't stop to focus more on that interaction, as we wanted to move ahead in the story...and now we can't change that, except to start now and not allow ourselves to grow impatient. Take our time and enjoy the journey - that's our new motto. There's a time to rush ahead in perilous moments, but there's also definitely a time to catch our breaths and let the characters mingle and speak. It's an improvement that will become more noticeable going forward in Liars and our second comic as well.

#ctarchive #comic #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #creator interview #comic creator interview #creator babble #comic tea party #ctp

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fibula-rasa · 6 years

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Quick Thoughts on The Tunnel (1935)

27 October 1935 | 94min. | B&W

Director: Maurice Elvey

Writer: Curt Siodmak (screenplay) and Bernhard Kellerman (novel)

Note before I begin: I wrote the first draft of this a day after watching The Tunnel for the first time months ago. Only getting about to editing it now!

I can say with some certainty that I’ve never seen a movie quite like this one. The Tunnel follows the progress of one man’s mission to build another Chunnel, but this time between the US and the UK. (In The Tunnel’s narrative, the Channel Tunnel is already complete.) The film starts with Richard McAllan (Richard Dix) pitching his idea for a tunnel to investors and ends with the opening of the tunnel. The film spans years and covers the trials of building the tunnel. There’s funding issues, crooked investment schemes, workers falling ill, and volcanic activity at the Mid-Atlantic Ridge. Meanwhile, the tunnel is estranging McAllan from his beloved wife.

The Tunnel doesn’t quite balance the technical and melodramatic, but I appreciate the effort. Maybe because the melodrama is so stiff-upper-lip British. It’s a little dry but it’s a fascinating document of an inter-war view of the future. There’s plenty of gorgeous art deco and futurist design to drink in. The effects range from cool to goofy-but-fun. For example: the video phones feature Richard Dix sitting in a box and using a simple lighting trick to start and end the call. Classic.

It’s touching to see the future that was envisioned before the horrors of the second World War and think about what could have been. In many ways the film reads like a bio-pic of McAllan, as if this is a fictionalized retelling of actual events. The Tunnel has the weight of films inspired by actual events–when the filmmakers feel obligated to cover everything.

The tech in the film is imaginative and, oddly enough, are things that many people use daily in 2018. Video phones, while not handheld, are available everywhere–on planes, tunnels, etc. Mr. Lloyd (C. Aubrey Smith), the primary investor, uses a motorized wheelchair (the suggestion being that he was injured in WWI, I believe?) that looks startlingly like a jazzy. News reporting is primarily done on television. (Remember again that this is 1935!) The one thing we don’t have, unfortunately, is no cars in city spaces. In the film, there are small-occupancy tram cars that look straight out of an Italian futurist painting. I guess gyrocopters aren’t much of a thing today either.

One of the weirdest bits of foresight is the volcanic activity midway through the Atlantic. In 1934/5, as far as I know, we didn’t know about magma pockets at the continental shelf, but that is practically what they are describing. I’d love to dig a little deeper and find out how that idea was born.

Maybe I should point out that the Chunnel hadn’t even begun construction when they made this film (it started in 1940). And, as you may know, the Chunnel wasn’t finished until 1994. So, they were very optimistic.

As someone who has taken in a lot of 5-minutes-into-the-future storytelling in past few years, (Hi, Black Mirror) it’s almost startling to encounter such ambition. The film isn’t set in a specific year, but it can be surmised that it’s the 1940s. So, the filmmakers were envisioning all this progress in under 15 years. That’s astounding. I hate being a grump about tech, but I do wish we were a little more adventurous than making our magic pocket computers different sizes and making transparent computer monitors… Both in our fiction and in real life. What I mean to say is that it feels like we’re in a bit of a self-imposed (read late-Capitalist) slump of technological imagination and I hope we can break through it soon.

Other notes:

The special effects were done by prominent miniaturist Filippo Guidobaldi and camera-trick experimenter first class, Jack Whitehead, who did work on the dazzling A Matter of Life and Death (1946).

The TatraWorld blog has collected interesting ancillary materials to the film.

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lucaspassmore · 5 years

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Hi Lucas! I recently did a test (w/ Paulina) for an agency and although they want me to do more i'm not quite happy with it. I had a problem with communicating with a model and she was not so good at posing. The photos turned out pale (emotion wise) and maybe even kitschy (?) Overall it wasn't an easy test. Sometimes i know how i would like my photos to turn out but have no idea how to get there. Maybe you could take a look at them and give me some feedback? It would mean a world. Thank you!

First off, the agency is happy with them and wants you to do more. That’s a good thing. Secondly, you are not happy with them...this is also a good thing. That means you are eager and hungry to do better. Always remember, you will fail much more than you will succeed -- but those failures are the foundations to build success...and when you do succeed, it will be cumulatively much bigger than the sum of your failures. A comparison would be, you miss a lot of free-throws in basketball practice...but because you practice so much, you make them when they count in the game.

Photoshoots, and especially model-tests work exactly like this. But this is good practice, because working with difficult, aloof, or clueless models when it doesn’t count (test shoots), builds your adaptation and direction skills for jobs-- because you are not guaranteed to always get a good model for a paid job, and you need to be prepared for that.

Go ahead and email me your pics and I’ll take a look. But don’t be too hard on yourself...test-shoots are just that: tests. They need to be viewed as learning experiences and experimentations first, and it’s just a bonus if they turn out good. What will always count more is how you perform on actual jobs.

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pajamaplants · 5 years

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where my fob asks

right here babeyyyyyyy

honorable mention - what would you title a movie of your life?: either yellow or self-made man

our lawyer made us change the name of this song so we wouldn’t get sued - worst fob rumor you’ve heard?: uhhhhhh i mean i know the whole dick pic debacle and patrick has been arrested once (w the greatest mug shot of all time) but the llama shit going down now is hilarious and i couldn’t believe it was true when i first heard lmao

dance, dance - which member of fall out boy has the best style?: i’m gonna say patrick on this one based on soul punk era alone, but i think all of them have their moments

snitchers and talkers get stitches and walkers - long song titles or short?: short is compact and easier to say obviously but i’m a sucker for the long classic titles for sure

bang the doldrums - what do you think about irl shippers?: i think as long as people aren’t going up to the irl people and being creepy or harrassing them as if they should be with so-and-so and not with their actual life partner/whoever they choose, then it’s fine to think whatever you want. your own brain, your thoughts, their own lives, their privacy

disloyal order of water buffaloes - which is your favorite fall out boy lyric?: this isn’t even all of them but here’s a good chunk lmaooo; “i’m coming apart at the seams/ pitching myself for leads in other people’s dreams/ now buzz, buzz, buzz/ doc, there’s a hole where something was/ doc, there’s a hole where something was/ fell out of bed, butterfly bandage, but don’t worry/ you’ll never remember, your head is far too blurry/ put him in the back of a squad car, restrain that man/ he needs his head put through a cat scan/ hey editor, I’m undeniable/ hey doctor, I’m certifiable” , “oh, little girl, you got me staring odd/ or was that just a telescopic camera nod/ painted dolls in the highway, truck stop stalls/ lot lizards scales cool your nightlife moods/ all the rookies leave your badge and your gun on the desk when you leave the room” , “when all the others were just stirring awake/ i’m trying to trick myself to fall asleep again” , “it’s just the sweet weather and the peacock feathers/ in the morning it will all be better/ it’s not what it seems in the land of dreams/ don’t worry your head, just go to sleep” , “oh, i got the skyline in my veins/ forget your nighttime/ summer love on a gurney with a squeaky wheel/ and joke us, joke us/ ‘til lakeshore drive comes back into focus/ i just wanna come back to life/ spark my crazy head to keep your woman alive” , “i love you in the same way, there’s a chapel in a hospital“ , “and i’m so sorry but not really/ tell the boys where to find my body/ new york eyes, chicago thighs/ pushed up the window to kiss you off“ , “he glances at his peers sitting seven to twelve stacked/ on one to six, the gallery is hushed/ boys in three pieces dream of grandstanding and bravado/ the city sleeps in a cell, not withstanding what we all know“ , “drink down that gin and kerosene/ come spit on bridges with me/ just to keep us warm/ light a match to leave me be“ , “the sounds of this small town make my ears hurt/ oh yeah, you caught me but I caught you on worse/ they say, “you want a war? you’ve got a war” but who are you fighting for?/ the tide’s out, the ship’s run aground/ we drown traitors in shallow water” , “don’t laugh at me, don’t laugh at me/ no seriously don’t laugh at me/ it’s not funny/ i’m not joking/ it’s not funny/ i’m not laughing” , “and in the end, if I don’t make it on the list/ would you sneak me a wristband?”

she’s my winona - which celebrity do you look up to most?: alive wise, avey tare, daniel rossen, sean bonnette for a top 3, but passed wise probably john steinbeck, gustav klimt, and satoshi kon

what a catch, donnie - favourite artist that features in a fob song?: idk probably jay-z’s opening line in thriller bc it’s a classic or lil wayne’s bit in tiffany blews

where did the party go - bass lines or guitar solos?: guitar solos yaaass

centuries - which century would you most like to live in?: i like the current one i’m growing up in rn honestly, most up to date and as advanced as we can be for now, sorry if that’s a lame answer

the kids aren’t alright - if you could send a message to yourself five years ago, what would it say?: you’re loved, and soon you’re going to find the one you’ll love forever. it’s okay to not know. be kind and patient. never let anyone make you feel bad about yourself. change isn’t always bad. you’ll figure out more of who you’re supposed to be as you go along. in time you’ll become the person you’ve always wanted to be, but you have to treat yourself nicer

hold me tight or don’t - how do you think their next album will sound?: probably a continuation of their newer sound, but based off some of the new style in mania i think there’s plenty of room for experimentation and improvement. i’d be shocked if they went back to an older style, don’t think that’s happening. i think whatever they make it’ll be progressing off their past, but i just wanna be able to listen to it and truly be able to enjoy it.

sunshine riptide - if you could say one thing to the band, what would it be?: thank you for the sounds of my childhood and for shaping my love of and taste in music

love you anna darlin!

#fob

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3inghao · 6 years

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HI CRUSH ANON HERE AND I WANT TO START OFF BY SAYING TO ALL THE PEOPLE THAT FEEL EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN MY LOVE LIFE I LOVE YALL HAHHAHHA I DIDNT EXPECT FOR ANY OF THIS TO HAPPEN :'))))) at the same time tho i feel like things might have to be put on hold for a while i dont know !!!! ok sorry sorry ill explain so ,, ive figured out that im like really really into this boy. in a way thats probably not the best for me right now, esp bc ive got a lot of things to juggle right now (1/17)

but also bc ive been thinking and like ,, ok so this story might put things more into perspective. so its like monday and i get a text from him thats just like ‘hey what are the rest of your classes for today/do you have like 15 min or something to be in a shoot of mine before it gets dark’ and im like PANICKIN bc ofc hes asked some of us to be models for his photography hw before and its always super casual BUT this is the first time that IVE ever been asked specifically (2/17)

and so obviously i jump at this offer and im like ‘umm i dont have any more classes today so sure just lmk when and what to do :) also whats the shoot about?’ and hes like ‘ok cool we can meet at your room at like 5:15 and ill tell you about the shoot when we meet up :)’ and he wanted us to go to this reaaaaally pretty park at sunset and do the shoot around that time and i was like ‘ok do u want me to wear anything specific’ and he was like ‘nothing in particular :)’ (3/17)

and so i start getting ready and im nervous af bc it meant spending more time alone with him and i felt so unprepared for that LMAO but yeah so he comes up to our room and i open the door and my heart skips a fucking BEAT and i almost slam the door in his face but i force myself not to aha and so we go and hes like ‘ugh im so tired i want coffee lets get coffee’ and so we went into the starbucks around the corner but then i was like yo will we make it to the park in time (4/17)

and hes like ‘o shit yeah’ so we leave without getting coffee rip but yeah we go to the city park and oh my gskldgskd it is so fucking pretty its right before sunset so everything is golden and the sky is rainbow but you can already see the moon and holy one of the prettiest views i think i have EVER seen !!!!! and then he explains to me what the project is finally and hes like so its an experimental photo set thats supposed to represent all the things we left behind in modern society (5/17)

and so for me he said he wanted me to pose in the city park at sunset sitting on a bench with my hands cupped like i was holding a heart (hes going to photoshop the heart in later when hes editing the pics) and then like leave it behind on the bench and look at the sunset behind me which is supposed to represent and i quote “leaving love behind in the pursuit of beauty” and i literally was like 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 the whole time LMAOOOOOOO (6/17)

but yeah so we did that in like 15 min but after we were done i legit didnt want to leave bc (i wanted to spend more time with him but also) IT WAS SO FUCKING PRETTY SKDHJDFH and ahhhh i like looked over at him and he looked sooo at peace just like looking out over the water and the sunset and the scenery was so beautiful i almost blurted out hi i think ur beautiful but i stopped myself in the nick of time thank god LOOOOOL (7/17)

but he like made eye contact with me and i like held myself together but there was a moment where i felt like djdhskjdkd idk how to describe it i was kfskshdhdjdh idk it could be just my imagination but I FELT LIKE THERE WAS SOMETHING THERE AHHHHHHHH and i was so tempted to ask him about the hand holding on saturday but i didnt i held myself back again thank god lol and then all of a sudden he goes ‘hey do u want pics’ and im like wot (8/17)

and hes like ‘do u want some pics of urself? like we r already here so !! plus i want some photos to put on my photography insta’ and i was like sljkddjkd ok why the hell not so he directs me into different poses and stuff like that and after the sun sets we finish and then we r walking back bored af so we start wandering around the little shops nearby and then we finally get home and then our friend texts the group chat like ‘hey anyone want dinner now’ (9/17)

and we were already really close to a dining hall so the two of us went and got dinner and our friend just joined us later and then during dinner when it was just the two of us we started talking about me losing the bet of when our friends were gonna hook up and so i have to treat him to japanese bbq and we were talking about when and hes like ‘well theres nothing im gonna celebrate for a while except my best friend from home is coming bc her sisters getting married here” (10/17)

and i was like ‘omg thats great ??? congrats to her !!!! omg’ but idk this is where it gets kind of confusing bc idk we were talking about maybe going this weekend but his best friend was coming and he was planning on spending all his time with her but i think he said that we could go get japanese bbq with her too ?? and i think i said ok but i dont think we locked down any like specific date and time at all ??? this part is a lil confusing to me (11/17)

so anyways that happened and i havent really interacted with him after that whole thing like we still have a streak on snapchat lol but he will do this thing where he wont open or respond to my snapchats for like literal hours ,,, even though i know hes ON snapchat bc he will like watch my stories ??? like w o t ???? i dont think hes doing it on purpose if that makes sense ?? but its still annoying and borderline infuriating and sldkghsldkgh (12/17)

and also like ok ,, his best friend came like yesterday and i saw her on his snapchat story and h o l y g o d she is the most beautiful girl on all of fucking planet earth i shit u not like i actually !!!! screamed when i saw her shes so fucking gorgeous and on his story theres a bunch of snaps of the wedding etc and a pic of him and her in a photobooth and sldkgsldkghs holy ???? i dont know how to put this into words but they are p e r f e c t for each other (13/17)

like in every way possible they are literally best friends and shes an actual goddess and together they look sooooo aesthetically pleasing it is legitimately intimidating and ahhh sldkgldgkh so the thing is !!!!! i already have practically no self esteem left ,, and a dinner with like HER and THEM will probably d e s t r o y m e from the inside out i will literally just feel inferior in every single way possible and i have NO IDEA HOW TO EXPLAIN THIS UGH !!!!!! (14/17)

but yeah that kinda just made me realize that i might need to take a couple steps back ??? from this entire thing and him in general ,, and also that before anything happens i really want to work on me first like obv x has got his shit together and theres that whole thing with his best friend and idk !!! i like have pledged to go to the gym way more and get my fucked up sleep schedule back to some resemblance of normal and f o c u s on my academics and skincare and eating more healthy !! (15/17)

like i wanna be a person that everyone can look at and be like yes !! u go girl shes got her shit together and yeah !!!! aha :’) and also i need to COOL IT with my feelings about x like as amazing as he is and as fun as it is to spend time with him and as much as i want to pursue everything about this relationship i dont think im in a place mentally and emotionally where i can handle that so !!!!!! for now im gonna (try to) just distance myself a lil (16/17)

and yeah !! if he asks to go out for japanese bbq tonight/tomorrow i think im just gonna be like ‘ahh i wish i could but im super swamped with work rn sorry :(((‘ (which is 100000% true) and just leave it at that *deep sigh* anyways thats where i am at this point thanks for tuning in yall aha :’) i just need to not be hurt in this relationship and distancing myself for now is the only way i know how to prevent that ,, and i probably wont be that successful but !!! heres to trying :) (17/17)

awwwwwwwww crush anon BUT THE SUNSET DATE (yes im calling it a date) does his best friend go to the same college as you guys?? bc if he’s single and she doesn’t live anywhere near him there probably really isn’t anything between them that you need to worry about. I def support the focusing on yourself bc the more confidence you have in yourself the less insecure you will be once you actually get into a relationship so go you!! my gf and i are actually starting to facetime each other and work out together too so all of us can struggle in that tryin to be healthier lyfe! i think in one of the other asks you mention more happened? but i also think that maybe a bbq date with him wouldn’t be bad? and i think you should try to have it with just him and no one else! idk fill me in on any new developments :0

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