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transsexualhamlet · 3 years

Text

alright it’s time for as requested part two of rowan reads the original sherlock holmes and compares it to yuumori

i finished a study in scarlet and holy shit was yuumori accurate to it

obviously they changed the case so that... well, moriarty was involved, and they didn’t go into detail on why drebber was an a-grade piece of shit (lol i wasn’t expecting the mormons but it was a great perspective actually doyle went big brain time on that one lmao)

Hmmm i mean the other main difference is that Watson Is Gayer In The Original but yeah obviously that’s for a reason and the reason is william james moriarty

I have some highlights of “oh my god I need to see yuumori sherlock do this right now because he Absolutely Would” and they’re WILD

So yuh here are your Sherlock Moments

-when watson asks stamford why he might not want to board with sherlock bestie went “he’s a little queer” and watson was basically like “i like that in a man :)” like i am Fully Aware that’s not what queer meant back then but it’s FUNNY alright

-stamford is also like “yeah i mean he’s the kind of guy who would probably perform human experiments on his friends without telling them”

-watson walks into sherlock’s lab like hello new roommate :) and the dude immediately starts SCREAMING

-he’s all I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT IT LOOK and fucking stabs himself and drips the blood in a container, yeah yeah it makes a reaction and he’s like I AM GOING TO SOLVE ALL CRIMES EVER ACTUALLY wait who are you

-SHERLOCK THEN PROCEEDS TO SEAL UP THE CUT WITH P L A S T E R AND THEN HANDLE POISONOUS CHEMICALS WITH HIS BARE, INJURED HANDS

-watson moves in with this dude and is like “oh wow im really interested in this guy but im Polite so i cannot ask him anything” so he starts snooping around trying to figure out what sherlock does for a living?????? like he couldn’t just fucking ask???? and he’s like wow he has these clients and he kicks me out of the house every time they come over i Really Don’t Want To Think He’s Fucking Them

-obviously, and to watson’s embarassment, he wasn’t. sherlock is a virgin and it is very clear

-watson describes sherlock in the most homoerotic way possible i don’t even know how to describe it bestie goes on about his hands for a full paragraph it’s really gay man

-WATSON IS SO POLITE ABOUT IT ITS ACTUALLY HILARIOUS ISTG HES LIKE I AM KIND OF SERIOUSLY OBSESSED WITH THIS DUDE BUT I COULDN’T POSSIBLY JUST ASK HIM ANYTHING OR LIKE TRY TO GET CLOSER TO HIM I WILL SIMPLY WRITE LISTS ABOUT HIM AND DIAGNOSE HIM WITH AUTISM

-he’s also like “i don’t know i really think hes on drugs i would say he’s on drugs but also he’s like this all the time and he might just be mentally ill” lo and behold it was both

-SHERLOCK GOES TO BED AT TEN PM AND GETS UP AT 4 AM EVERY DAY WITHOUT FAIL

-m o t h e r f u c k e r d o e s n o t k n o w w h a t t h e s o l a r s y s t e m i s

-and when asked why he doesn’t know! he’s like my dear watson! i simply cannot be bothered! my brain is filled up with more important things!

-watson compares him to some fictional detective that edgar allan poe made up and sherlock is like HIM OH MY GOD DO NOT COMPARE ME TO THAT MOTHERFUCKER I AM BETTER THAN THAT

-it’s honestly really cute watson apparently will sit and listen to him play the violin and like request pieces and stuff and yeah sherlock can play those fine

-but most of the time if he picks it up on his own sherlock will just start plucking it with his fucking hands while slouching in a chair and sitting like L Death Note and playing random notes that Vibe

-watson HATES it

-watson once picks up this paper sherlock has lying around about yknow. deduction and all that and how you find things out and watson is like “this is Bullshit who wrote this what the fuck this is the most unrealistic thing i’ve ever read” and then sherlock is like I Wrote It Shawty and watson is like. um. oh haha i take back everything

-MAN I JUST GOTTA POINT OUT I AM A TEENAGE BOY AND I COULD NOT STAY SERIOUS WHEN DOYLE THOUGHT “EJACULATED” WAS A GOOD WORD TO PUT IN PLACE OF SAID

-lol he was like “ahahahhaa my deductions” and watson was like “but How Did You Do It” and he’s like “I WANT TO LOOK COOL WATSON DONT MAKE ME RUIN IT BY EXPLAINING”

-GHHHHHHHHHH BESTIES when sherlock was Infodumping to watson About Crimes watson was like “oh my god that’s so cool bestie!” like Once and watson described it like “i was complimenting him like he was a girl and i called him beautiful and he blushed” LIKE DUDE THATS GAY

-that one time sherlock yelled “THE PLOT THICKENS” and lestrade was like “i t w a s t h i c k e n o u g h a l r e a d y”

-dude thinks he’s wrong ONCE and has a mental breakdown in front of the entirety of scotland yard before like five seconds later realizing that he was not, in fact, wrong

I’d say that the main difference between him and yuumori sherlock is that og sherlock has a massive fucking ego and yuumori sherlock is very loud but has no ego at all. Og sherlock will brag about how smart he is to anyone who will fucking listen. Yuumori sherlock will only boast abt his intelligence around Moriarty because he knows they’re both mindfucking

Other than that... I honestly cannot come up with significant differences between them. You can really tell how similar they are especially with the sign of mary episode- dude was just like >:((((( the entire day because watson has a fiance and then he walks in on a dead body and goes now hERES SOME FUN

He’s very accurately and enthusiastically portrayed, as far as I can tell, and I think that’s really epic. I love him. I might kin og sherlock too guys ngl

#rowan screams into the void #rowan views moriarty #moriarty the patriot #sherlock holmes ?????#yeah #sherlock holmes #yuukoku no moriarty

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love-killed-the-superstar · 3 years

Text

Pinch Hitter

Written for @codesecretsanta 2020!!

Hey, @nemesisadraste!! It’s me, your secret santa!! I heard you wanted a slice of samodd so I was ofc 100000% down to clown. Hope you enjoy!!!! It’s a little group chat heavy and I apologise, but there’s some actual prose around the halfway point haha

Can also be read here on AO3!: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28323549

ngl I would actually recommend reading it on ao3 because of formatting hahaha but anyway enjoy!!

Pinch Hitter

DIRECT MESSAGE: Odd Della Robbia

(11:43PM) Odd Della Robbia: SAMMMMMM

(11:45PM) Sam Suarez: yyyyea?

(11:45PM) Odd Della Robbia: XANA ATTACK. NUCLEAR SHIT. COVER FOR US PLSSSS SHOULDNT BE TOO LONG 🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀

(11:46PM) Sam Suarez: sure thing sure thing go save the world n shit 👍👍

(11:46PM) Sam Suarez: was only going to stay up late rewatching good omens anyway

(11:47PM) Odd Della Robbia: hero. incredible woman. love of my life

(11:47PM) Odd Della Robbia: and say hi to you know who for meeeee 😻

(11:48PM) Sam Suarez: crowley is a fictional character odd, he cant hear you

(11:48PM) Odd Della Robbia: but he's so sexy and strong 😻😻😻

(11:48PM) Odd Della Robbia: not as sexy and strong as you, ofc ofc

(11:49PM) Sam Suarez: jesus odd go save the world already and leave me alone

(11:49PM) Odd Della Robbia: SO COLDDDD 🙀🙀🙀

(11:49PM) Odd Della Robbia: still love you tho

(11:49PM) Sam Suarez: still love you too ok NOW GO

…

DIRECT MESSAGE: Jeremie Belpois

(1:24AM) Jeremie Belpois: Samantha?

(1:27AM) Sam Suarez: sup belpois

(1:27AM) Jeremie Belpois: Motion sensor went off. Pretty sure Jim is out and about. Try to buy us some time?

(1:28AM) Sam Suarez: shit alright. i'll see what i can do. b-team already know???

(1:29AM) Jeremie Belpois: They do. The four of you work something out, please? Thanks.

(1:30AM) Sam Suarez: ofc. hey btw hows odd doing??? ok???

(1:30AM) Jeremie Belpois: 80 life points and going strong, Sam.

(1:30AM) Sam Suarez: sweet 👍👍

…

GROUP CHAT: Lyoko B-Team REPRESENT

(1:31AM) Sam Suarez: what's our plan then home slices!!!!!!! 💪😤

(1:32AM) William Dunbar: Still don't know why I'm considered a b teamer but okay 😒

(1:32AM) Sam Suarez: don’t fucking complain william at least you get to be in the main group chat, 🙄🙄

(1:32AM) Elisabeth “Sissi” Delmas: ^^^^^^

(1:33AM) Laura Gauthier: Try getting added, then removed, and still being on the waitlist to rejoin

(1:33AM) Sam Suarez: ouch lol

(1:33AM) Laura Gauthier: ANYWAY, we need a plan of action. Jim’s doing the rounds. Any thoughts?

(1:33AM) William Dunbar: I’ll go stuff Jeremie’s duvet 🙋♂️ Laura you go to Aelita’s, Sam come up with some sort of distraction 👉

(1:33AM) Sam Suarez: hold on WHY DO I GET STUCK WITH THE HARD JOB?? 😠😠

(1:34AM) William Dunbar: to prove yourself, young one. how else do you plan on getting into the lyoko warriors group chat?? 🤷♂️

(1:34AM) Sam Suarez: SHIT U RIGHT… 👀

(1:34AM) Sam Suarez: its my chance… to shine

(1:34AM) Elisabeth “Sissi” Delmas: Why does everyone forget im fucking here?? Give me something to do????? 🙋😤🤦♀️

(1:35AM) William Dunbar: nobody forgot you sissi, shit 🙄 take odd and ulrichs room, if u think u can wrangle kiwi 🥝

(1:35AM) Sam Suarez: i would like it on the record that i did in fact forget about sissi 🙋🙋

(1:35AM) Elisabeth “Sissi” Delmas: FUCK NO. THAT DOG DOES NOT RESPECT ME 😤😤😤😤😤

(1:35AM) Elisabeth “Sissi” Delmas: Also RUDE..

(1:35AM) Sam Suarez: priorities babe or the fucking world ends. your call tho!!!!!! ✌️🤪

(1:36AM) Elisabeth “Sissi” Delmas: ………………. F I N E 🤦♀️

…

GROUP CHAT: Lyoko B-Team REPRESENT

(1:59AM) William Dunbar: @Sam Suarez What did you tell Jim?????? He’s 100% doing head counts now you dumb fuck 🤦♂️

(1:59AM) Sam Suarez: don’t take that tone with me dickbar, he’s looking for a sick GIRL. if you stuffed the fucking duvets properly we won’t have a problem, he’ll only be peeking into rooms anyway 😠😠

(2:00AM) Laura Gauthier: And what do you suppose happens when he finds NOBODY and comes to the conclusion that you lied to him? You have to think these things through, Sam, Jeremie’s not planning on doing any return trips if he can help it.

(2:00AM) Sam Suarez: yall are jerks, YOU put me up to the task of cooking up an excuse, don’t complain that it was shit!!!! geez!!!!

(2:00AM) Elisabeth “Sissi” Delmas: God you’re all useless. I can fake-cry, I took a drama workshop over summer. I’ll take the hit but you OWE ME. 😤

(2:01AM) Sam Suarez: there are no favours in this sissi, we took an oath. we are heroes of justice now and you don’t get compensation for saving the world, its superhero 101

(2:01AM) Elisabeth “Sissi” Delmas: Shut up Sam, you’re buying me dinner tomorrow. Take me somewhere nice 💅🙆😘

(2:01AM) Sam Suarez: but i don’t date girls who only save the world to reap the benefits, this simply won’t work out 😔😔

(2:01AM) William Dunbar: Take your flirting to private message, I don't want to be implicated in this sordid affair if Odd finds out

(2:01AM) Sam Suarez: ahahahahahahaahahahaha we got a funny man over here

(2:02AM) William Dunbar: Lololol

(2:02AM) Laura Gauthier: SHUT UP ALL OF YOU.

(2:02AM) Laura Gauthier: I can hear Jim coming, play it cool

(2:02AM) William Dunbar: Hahahaaha good luck 😂😂

(2:07AM) William Dunbar: You all alive……………..? 👀

(2:07AM) Sam Suarez: we sure are, listen to this

(2:07AM) Sam Suarez: sissi fake cried, told Jim she was having the worst cramps of her life and started listing off the side effects of the birth control she’s on. It was the greatest thing ive ever heard and im absolutely buying her dinner tomorrow, and yes it will be candle-lit 🍽️🍷💍

(2:07AM) William Dunbar: Holy shit. 👀 My deepest respect. 🙏 I will put in a good word with Master Belpois Himself, she deserves a seat at the grown ups table for this 🤷♂️

(2:07AM) Sam Suarez: no doubt no doubt

(2:08AM) Laura Gauthier: That was a close one. Sissi’s methods are unorthodox but hey, it worked. Next time find an excuse that doesn’t create more work for us, all right, Sam?

(2:08AM) Sam Suarez: shit you’re ungrateful as fuck. Damn . 🙄🙄

(2:08AM) Laura Gauthier: I’M JUST SAYING

(2:08AM) William Dunbar: Come on, lets not fight, I’m too tired for this shit 😴

(2:09AM) Sam Suarez: so go to bed, dumbass

…

DIRECT MESSAGE: Odd Della Robbia

(2:59AM) Odd Della Robbia: guess who just got DEVIRTUALISED!!!! 😹😹🔫🔫

(3:02AM) Sam Suarez: oh no, poor baby, you were doing so well

(3:03AM) Odd Della Robbia: right????? fucking megatanks, im telling you, they suck so much 😿

(3:03AM) Sam Suarez: well, if you’re out of points now, come by my room and we can play animal crossing together

(3:04AM) Odd Della Robbia: would that i could, sam, would that i could

(3:04AM) Odd Della Robbia: but theres a fucking building contractor lurking somewhere in the factory, xana-possessed, trying to take me the fuck OUT 🙀🙀🙀

(3:04AM) Sam Suarez: just tell him you’re not interested????? Its what i told sissi earlier

(3:05AM) Odd Della Robbia: ahahahahahahahaha

(3:05AM) Odd Della Robbia: first of all, WOW WE GOT A FUNNYMAN OVER HERE

(3:05AM) Sam Suarez: lololol

(3:05AM) Odd Della Robbia: second of all, i demand to hear that story as soon as i get back. Nobody turns sissi down and gets away with it 👀

(3:06AM) Sam Suarez: well, i cant help it

(3:06AM) Sam Suarez: my heart… belongs to another… a mr odd della robbia… im in the throes… of love… 💓💓

(3:06AM) Odd Della Robbia: OH!!! SAM!!!!!!! 😻😻😻💓💓💓

(3:06AM) Odd Della Robbia: luv u. So much

(3:06AM) Sam Suarez: same same lololol

(3:07AM) Odd Della Robbia: when i get back we ca

(3:07AM) Sam Suarez: ????

(3:07AM) Sam Suarez: odd????

(3:07AM) Sam Suarez: come in, funny man????

message failed

(3:08AM) Sam Suarez: odd if you die i will be so mad

message failed

…

DIRECT MESSAGE: Ulrich Stern

(3:10AM) Ulrich Stern: Hey Sam, it’s Ulrich

(3:10AM) Ulrich Stern: Einstein has another favour to ask

(3:11AM) Sam Suarez: first of all you dont have to tell me its you, the app TELLS me whos messaging me, this isnt a text

(3:11AM) Sam Suarez: second, tell me my boyfriend isn’t getting fucking murdered by a building contractor 😠😠

(3:11AM) Ulrich Stern: Huh???

(3:11AM) Ulrich Stern: Oh yeah. He’s holding his own but there’s not much time. You need to go keep watch outside Jeremie’s door while Laura transfers some files. If we get busted and she can’t complete the file transfer… well. The world does actually depend on it, so. Yeah

(3:11AM) Sam Suarez: isnt william the better option anyway?? Isnt he only like 3 doors down from you 🙄

(3:12AM) Ulrich Stern: He’s not answering. Probably asleep already, he’s a dumbass. Please, you’re our only option, Sissi isn’t answering either

(3:12AM) Sam Suarez: oh theres a GREAT story behind that but i’ll let her tell it tomorrow

(3:13AM) Sam Suarez: and fine, but seriously is odd okay?? If this dude is more than 5’5 he’ll have a problem taking him down, you know how scrawny he is

(3:13AM) Ulrich Stern: He’s tougher than you think, Sam. Trust me on that one.

(3:14AM) Ulrich Stern: (Also I am about to go save him from getting his ass beat)

(3:14AM) Sam Suarez: all right all right

(3:15AM) Sam Suarez: but hey stern, when this has all blown over, we’re having a serious talk about promoting me to the big leagues

(3:16AM) Ulrich Stern: ...Big leagues?

(3:16AM) Sam Suarez: im talking main group chat, my guy. MAIN. GROUP CHAT. 👏👏

…

DIRECT MESSAGE: Odd Della Robbia

(3:30AM) Odd Della Robbia: im coming mi amore… i beat up a fully grown man with my bare fists… pushed him down some stairs… it was amazing 😼💯

(3:31AM) Sam Suarez: please say you didnt break any bones, belpois isnt planning on reversing time right???

(3:31AM) Sam Suarez: like even if was going to kill u he was only possessed by xana

(3:32AM) Odd Della Robbia: heh i broke nothing!! Im a hero of justice after all 💪😼

(3:32AM) Odd Della Robbia: ulrich may have given him some bruises tho 😹

(3:32AM) Sam Suarez: ehh i’ll take that over this guy waking up with fucked up limbs and shit

(3:32AM) Odd Della Robbia: no doubt no doubt

(3:33AM) Odd Della Robbia: …

(3:33AM) Odd Della Robbia: anyway, night sam 💞

(3:33AM) Sam Suarez: oh, ok 🙄

(3:33AM) Sam Suarez: night, stupid. love you ❤️

…

Despite his parting message, Odd shows up anyway.

He slinks into her dorm room as it draws to 4:00AM, half-heartedly kicking off his shoes at the door and closing it with a softness that’s surprising given how exhausted he looks; almost as though it is second nature at this point to keep quiet, avoid drawing more attention. Her boyfriend is a professional, after all, when it comes to saving the world on the down-low.

Samantha watches Odd from her desk, where she is sat up browsing Twitter and waiting for the inevitable ‘we need you to do something else before the night is through’ messages from Jeremie. She’s been listening to the same Jay Som song on loop for over an hour now, and it leaks quietly from her laptop speakers, a strange extra layer of ambiance to the puzzle that is the hour before birdsong begins. A Baymax-patterned blanket is thrown around her shoulders for warmth, and there’s an empty can of energy drink within arms reach.

“Wrong room,” she says in a low voice, expecting him to jump anyway; he doesn’t. Instead he squints at her in the dim light, leaning back against the door with a weary sigh. “Didn’t think you were coming.”

“Wasn’t, but… here I am.”

He doesn’t really elaborate further than that.

“Ulrich know you came this way?”

“He stayed behind to talk things over with Jeremie. The overbike got fucked up in Lyoko and they’re gonna upgrade it or something. Jer-bear needed to know the specifics about his experience driving it so they can do some fine-tuning, I think. Y’know, so he doesn’t drift too far and plunge into the digital sea. Shit can get real bad, real fast.”

“I’ll bet. So, you triumphed over evil tonight?” she guesses, shutting her laptop lid and rising to her feet. Her blanket trails behind her as she does. “XANA can’t attempt to destroy the world for another 24 hours?”

“You know it,” he says, yawning. “And now, it’s bedtime.”

Thank fuck they don’t have classes tomorrow. She’ll happily lie in til noon with Odd, catching up on these lost hours.

Sam steps over her skateboard and some laundry she kicked aside earlier, a little embarrassed that her floor is so messy, but she knows Odd is too tired to even comprehend the state of her room right now. As it is, he’s swaying a little while standing, stifling a yawn against his hand - it’s only a matter of time til he crashes.

“All right, guess you’re here to stay. Hop in.”

“Did you know? You’re a goddess. An angel. A truly spectacular woman among women,” he mumbles.

“Flattery won’t give me back the hours of sleep I lost sending Jim on that wild goose chase earlier,” Sam muses, wiggling under her covers, still bundled up in the blanket like a crepe. She doesn’t know the full story, nor does she imagine she’ll get it until tomorrow when the group meet up for lunch - something about XANA threatening to blow up a reactor on some nearby building site, creating some devastating damage to the local area - but at this point she’s too tired to listen and Odd is too tired to explain.

Odd flops down on the bed beside her.

“Thank you for helping us out,” he sighs, too tired to even look at her. His limbs are all floppy. If she nudged him off the edge of the bed now, he’d probably just fold up like a pair of pants and stay there til morning. “What did you do, exactly?”

“Told him I heard someone crying in the bathroom and thought maybe someone was unwell,” she says with a shrug. “Jim checked the girls bathroom and did room checks, which gave me, William and Laura some time to sneak into your respective rooms and act as extra head counts. Just being under the covers was enough, I don’t think he was doing anything more than cursory peeking into rooms with a tiny flashlight. Wasn’t the most innovative red herring to give him, but it did the trick.”

“If it keeps them off our backs, the creativity isn’t worth factoring in,” Odd murmurs, tugging off his jeans and chucking them at the wall opposite. The impact scuffs the wall slightly, but Sam doesn’t care. Delmas doesn’t give them shit about damages to the room unless it makes the room completely uninhabitable anyway, which is why there’s a literal hole in her wall through to the room next door that she’s had to artfully cover with a Front Bottoms poster.

“Anyway, Sissi distracted him. I’ll let her tell the story herself, it was fucking hilarious. Then Ulrich messaged to say he needed me to keep watch while Laura sent over some files from the computer in Jeremie’s room to the supercomputer, which - I mean, in this day and age, why the fuck doesn’t he keep everything on the cloud anyway? So I was stuck doing that, because apparently, William had already fallen asleep again, the fucking lug. Can you believe that? You’d think, being your Lyoko pinch hitter and all, he’d be better at staying awake.”

“Oh, I can believe it,” Odd drawls, tugging off his shirt and balling it up, sending it to land atop his crumpled jeans with a flourish. He rubs his eyes and peers around. “Got that old shirt for me to sleep in?”

Rolling her eyes fondly, Sam reluctantly peels back the bedsheets once more and pads over to her wardrobe, pulling it open and sifting through until she finds what she’s looking for; an old Hootie & The Blowfish T-shirt, handed down to her by one of her older brothers. It always hangs right off of her, so on Odd’s scrawny frame, it’s basically an Ebenezer Scrooge nightgown.

“Here.” She tosses it over to him and he wriggles into it happily. “You might as well keep it, these days you wear it more than me.”

“If I walked around in a band shirt that hangs off me like a smock I’d never hear the end of it from Ulrich,” he says with a laugh, flopping back against the covers and sighing deeply. “He makes fun of my little chicken legs enough as it is.”

“Well, I love your little chicken legs, so he can keep his opinions to himself.”

She slides into bed beside him and he’s cold to touch; the freezing factory, coupled with walking back in the chilly night air, must have really done a number on him. He snuggles against her happily, mumbling, “Can I warm my feet on you?”

“Will you respect my wishes if I say no?” she retorts. He grins as she sends him a knowing look, before placing his feet, two tiny, stinky blocks of ice, against her shins. They both pull the covers up over their noses, staring at the ceiling in dazed silence for a few moments, before she adds, “He won’t miss you when you get back?”

“Not likely, I don’t fucking spoon him to sleep, Sam,” he snorts. “He’ll be too tired to care where the fuck I’ve snuck off to, and he can handle anything Kiwi throws his way, so it’s fine. I’m sure he’s capable of connecting the dots.”

“Fine, shithead, I’ll drop it.”

She continues to stare up at the ceiling, but she can feel his keen gaze on her, and rolls over to face him. He watches her carefully.

“Are you mad at me?”

“What? No.”

“Even though it’s nearly four in the morning and you spent the whole night covering for us?”

“It’s what happens when you agree to saving the world, isn’t it?” she points out. Sam’s eyes adjust to the darkness, and she notices for the first time that there’s the beginnings of bruises around his neck. She reaches up to trace them with her fingers, and he instinctively wriggles away. Her breath catches in her throat. “…XANA did this to you?”

“Actually, it was a building contractor,” he corrects. “He started to choke me, but then Ulrich got him in a headlock and next thing you know… we pushed him down some stairs.”

“It must have been scary,” she mutters. At that, his face melts into a smile, and he prods at her face.

“You’re so serious! Sam, trust me, this happens all the time. I’m indestructible, so it’s fine.”

“How else am I supposed to react, huh? My boyfriend comes home with strangulation marks on his neck and you want me to be all cavalier about it…”

“Because I’m used to it.” Odd pauses. “Well, not strangulation in particular, but getting hurt on the job is kinda everyday stuff.”

Sam scowls. “You're not supposed to pretend like this is normal, Odd.”

“What, you want me to cry and be vulnerable on you?”

“No.”

“You do.”

“Okay, fine, I do! What about it?!” She fixes him with a stern look. “You have to be careful! What’s the point in me staying awake and making distractions and shit if you’re just going to fucking die at the end of it, huh?”

“I’m not going to die.” He cups her face in his hands and fixes her with his own stern look. “Look. I know you haven’t been doing this long, but this happens, okay? Not always, but it does. I mean, you remember the kind of fights you used to pick with me when I would come over with these bruises without telling you why.”

She thinks back to the months leading up to him finally telling her the truth. How scared and hurt she felt, seeing him with these cuts and scrapes, bruises, occasionally even a sprain. She’d gone through all the possibilities in her head - bullying, hate crimes, mugging even. Still, he refused to budge, until one day he just… stopped pretending it was all some big coincidence.

“It was scarier not knowing,” she decides. “At least this way I know what you’re up against, but… I don’t know.”

He leans forward and kisses her on the nose. “I promise you I’m fine. But look, part of being a Lyoko pinch hitter is knowing things get hairy sometimes. I’m gonna get hurt from time to time but if I don’t, the whole world explodes. Or, okay, maybe not literally , most of the time, but I’m like, a drop in the bucket.”

“Well, you’re a drop in the bucket who matters to me,” she reinforces. Staring into his eyes, she can feel her body relax slightly. “Look, I’ll drop it. I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“Good. Now, can we please sleep? I am so tired, I’m starting to forget who I am. You’re about to encounter Grinch Odd, and he’s no fun whatsoever.”

“Oh, is he the one who said my face looked like a beet that one time?” she wonders, raising her eyebrows at him. He groans and pushes her away, covering his face with his hands.

“How many times do I have to tell you XANA fucked with my speech?” he grumbles. “Completely scrambled my words. I was going for beautiful.”

“Sure, sure. When in doubt, blame it on XANA?”

“I mean it! I would never call you a beet! A potato, maybe…”

She shoves him and he both winces and laughs. “Oof, that guy did a number on me.”

“Yeah, well, I’ll beat him up for you then.”

“You’re going to beat up XANA?”

“Sure, how hard could it be? I’ll just like, reach into the supercomputer with my full fist-”

They both burst out laughing and fall back against the pillows.

Once it trickles out, she blinks sleepily at the ceiling.

“I never really thought about how long you guys have been going without us, though.”

Odd quirks an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“Us. The B-Team, the Pinch Hitters. The Lyoko Warriors’ freaking PR Team! Without someone pulling the strings you must have run into all sorts of trouble, right?”

“Oh, yeah,” Odd laughs. “We used to have the authorities trying to invade the factory. Almost got expelled by Delmas. I almost got sent to a psych ward before, that was fun.”

“Jesus, Odd. Why did it take you so long to introduce other people to the fray?”

He shrugs. “No clue, really. One day we just kinda realised… sometimes it’s better to have people around. No man is an island. That can apply to groups too, I guess.”

“And why would you trust me?” Sam presses on, arms folded over her chest. “Sure, I’m your girlfriend, but I’ve hurt you before. I mean really fucked you over. That whole thing with William…”

“You had no way of knowing,” he says firmly. “It was stupid and immature, sure, but how could you have known?”

She shrugs. “I’ve just been thinking about it, I guess.”

They both lapse into silence, but beneath the covers, Odd reaches for her hand.

“I trust you because I trust you,” he says eventually. “And because if we need some big Lyoko Warriors PR Team, I’d want you at the helm. Who else is going to keep William from swaggering off the side of the planet? He can be kinda self-absorbed.”

“Sissi,” Sam deadpans.

“And who else is going to keep Sissi from turning every XANA distraction into a fucking performative art piece?”

“...Okay, fair.”

“By the way, you still taking her out to dinner tomorrow?”

“Apparently. You should tag along as my date.”

He laughs. “No way, I’m no third wheel.”

Sam leans forward and kisses him gently, before muttering, “By the way, I told Ulrich to get me in the main group chat. Think he’ll do it?”

“Absolutely not,” Odd says cheerfully, kissing her back. “But nice try. Here’s to next time.”

…

GROUP CHAT: Into The Lyokoverse

(9:48AM) Jeremie Belpois added Sam Suarez to Into The Lyokoverse.

(9:48AM) Jeremie Belpois: @Everyone Look who decided to show up!

(9:52AM) Yumi Ishiyama: Oh Hi Sam

(9:59AM) Aelita Schaeffer: hey, look who made it to the big leagues!!

(10:10AM) Odd Della Robbia: SAMMMMMMMMM !!!!!!!!!!

(10:12AM) Sam Suarez: !!!!!!!!

#codesecretsanta #code secret santa #code secret santa 2020 #code lyoko #code lyoko evolution #samodd #writing

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urdearestmom · 6 years

Text

Airport Ballrooms | A Delayed Flight

so I don’t think I ever posted this there, and it reminded me that I need to post the rest of the chapters of LSS. but for those of you who haven’t come here from my ao3, here’s a little something I wrote back in January.

Summary: What happens when you hear a piano at 3 am?

ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13332432

She hears it before she sees anything. Right as she exits the washroom, a song’s beginning is heard from a piano. As it proceeds, she finds that it’s vaguely familiar.

Coming into the open area where she’s been sitting and trying to nap for the past three hours, she sees that the formerly vacant piano is now occupied by a man whose fingers are gliding across the keys, his dark hair slipping over his brow. He looks like he might be about her age, although she’s not sure.

He’s very concentrated on his playing, so he doesn’t notice when she stands off to his left, watching. He ends the piece softly and when he looks up, he sees her and jumps, putting a hand to his chest.

“Jesus Christ! …almost gave me a heart attack there,” he laughs.

She smiles. “Sorry. That was really nice,” she says, gesturing to the keys. “What was it?”

He shrugs. “Just some good old Chopin.”

She nods. “Sounds familiar.”

“Did you recognize it?” He asks. “It’s one of his most famous pieces.”

“Yeah, kinda sounded like a lullaby or something.” She scrunches her nose. “Never mind.”

He hums. “No, I get what you mean, it has that quality to it,” he says, getting up and pushing the bench in. “What’s your name?”

For some reason, it’s at that moment that she notices he has freckles, although not many. “Jane Hopper, but I go by El. I like your freckles,” she unashamedly comments, then cringes. Fuck.

They start moving toward the seats where she left her luggage, and she sees that there are a few more bags nearby that must be his.

“Really?” He answers. “I used to have a lot more when I was younger, it’s kind of a side effect of aging that you lose freckles.”

“They’re cute.” She looks at her feet. Again? Seriously?

“Alright,” he chuckles. “If you say so, El.”

It’s then she remembers she hasn’t asked his name.

“Michael Wheeler, but no one except my parents call me Michael. Mike’s easier,” he says, tilting his head. “Were you on that flight to Indianapolis? I think it’s the only one that got delayed this late.”

She sits back where she’s been this entire time, and he sits next to her. They’ve just met, but it’s nice not to have to sit in an empty airport terminal at three in the morning by herself, chasing sleep she knows she’s not going to find. “Yeah, I’m going home. I was in Vegas at a speech pathology conference."

Mike grins. “Vegas, huh? What’s it like, hit up any casinos?”

El lays her head back. “I was there for work, so no. I guess I could have, some of my coworkers did, but casinos aren’t really my scene. Too loud,” she responds. “My friend Dustin definitely did, he’s still there,” she adds with a smile.

“He sounds like fun.”

“Definitely is, though sometimes he can be a bit of a handful,” she laughs. “How about you? Going home too?”

Mike nods. ��Yup. I was in LA visiting my cousin, but also working. I’m a piano teacher,” he says, wiggling his fingers. “And there’s been a new initiative here in the States, to get some sort of standardized way of teaching, like the Royal Conservatory in Canada. So there’s been collaboration happening, stuff might be in the works.”

She turns to look at him, taking in the excited way he says this. “You seem really happy about that,” she remarks.

He nods again excitedly, his mop of hair flopping over his eyes. “Absolutely! It would make things easier if every teacher across the country had a certain level of things to teach students. Be easier for students too, especially if they ever have to switch teachers.” Suddenly he blows air upwards. “I need to cut this shit,” Mike says, gesturing to the dark locks surrounding his face.

El contemplates him for a second, taking in how he looks. “Nah, it looks good with your face.” GOD, EL! Stop being so forward, you just met him! “I think so, at least, if my opinion counts for anything,” she says, suddenly shy.

It’s weird, she thinks, that she just met this guy less than ten minutes ago and they’re already talking so easily.

He smiles. “It does,” he says, taking out his phone. He shows her what’s clearly a selfie, but it looks like there’s two of him. “That’s my cousin.” Mike points at the one who’s wearing a Guns N’ Roses shirt. “And this is me.” He’s wearing a simple striped t-shirt.

She looks more closely at the picture, trying to find some difference between them. “You guys look like twins!” She exclaims.

“We could be, if he wasn’t five years younger. We get that a lot though,” he answers. “I think you’re going to agree with me on this.” He continues. “He says he’s more attractive, but I say we look the same and therefore have the same appeal. What do you think? As an outside party.”

El looks at it again, and finds that she disagrees with Mike. “I think you’re cuter. Something about you,” she replies.

She looks up to find that a lovely pink blush is spreading across his cheeks. “Something I said?” She winks. Oh my god you fucking idiot. She suddenly feels crushed by the weight of her mortification.

He makes a strangled noise, and the hour and her tired brain must be getting to her, because somehow she finds it the funniest sound she’s ever heard. It’s also a little comforting that he doesn’t seem completely put off.

“Damn, that was smooth!” He says, starting to laugh too. “I gotta tell him you said that.”

“Isn’t he sleeping by now?”

He shakes his head. “No, he says sleep is for the weak. And it’s only two in Cali, and it’s the weekend.”

She reads over his shoulder as he types.

Cute girl said I’m cuter than you LOL

Suck on THAT tozier

“You think I’m cute?”

Mike blushes again. “Yeah, pretty. Really pretty,” he says softly. He gets a text almost instantly.

I dont believe u wheelie

U probably paid her or smth

Also, suck on what ;)

Actually nvm thats incest its just my reflex response

Mike looks at her. “Is it okay if we make a video and send it to him so he believes me?”

She shrugs. “We’ve still got at least four hours to kill, so why not?”

He pulls up the camera and starts recording. “Fine, you don’t believe me, here she is herself,” he says, turning the camera on her.

She waves awkwardly. “Hey… um, what’s his name?” Cringe.

“Richie.”

“Hey, Richie, just a little video to say that in my opinion your cousin’s cuter than you. And no, he didn’t pay me to say that,” she states, glancing off camera with a small smile.

Mike turns the camera back to him. “There you go, asshole. Video proof.”

He sends it, and they wait a minute in anticipatory silence before Mike’s phone vibrates with another text.

Lmao that doesnt convince me

She is cute tho ill give u that

Mike heaves an over-exaggerated sigh, shaking his head. You’re a dick, he types, go to sleep I’ll text when I get home.

SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK, MICHAEL.

GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP, RICHARD. YOU HAVE WORK TOMORROW.

FUCK WORK

Mike stares at his phone for a second before turning it off. “If I keep talking to him then he’ll never actually go to sleep.”

El smiles at him. “He seems like a fun person.”

“Oh, he’s an absolute dick. But I love him,” Mike says, shaking his head again. “We weren’t really close as kids but then he moved nearby and we talked more, except then I went to college. He’s closer with my little sister.”

She nods. “Do you have any siblings?” He asks.

“Nope. Just me and my dad.”

“That’s nice. Sometimes I wish there had been less people in my house, would’ve meant less embarrassment in certain situations,” he says. “I have two sisters, one older, one younger.”

“I wish I’d had a sister growing up, would’ve made things easier sometimes,” she answers. “Can you even imagine how awkward my dad was the first time I got my period?”

He doesn’t say anything for a second, and she thinks maybe she shouldn’t have said that. OH MY FUCK.

“Sorry, that was awkward,” she laughs. WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK.

“No, it’s fine, just unexpected is all,” he says. “I mean, we’ve only known each other for like fifteen minutes.”

They look at each other, the same thought going through their minds. “This is weird,” they say together, and then they start giggling.

“I just-” He takes a breath. “Do you feel like you know me from somewhere? Because I feel like I know you but I don’t think I’ve ever met you before.”

It’s what she’s been thinking. She feels a sort of familiarity with him, something she’s never felt so quickly with anyone else. It’s like she’s known him for a long time, or maybe in another life or universe.

She grins. “Isn’t there a multiverse theory?”

After spending an hour discussing parallel universes and the physics involved in understanding any of it (which they both have enough of a basic grasp on because of watching too much History Channel), Mike is sitting at the piano again, El having asked him to play something else. She doesn’t recognize the beginning, but as it progresses she realizes she does know it. It gets her moving, and she doesn’t really know what she’s doing, but she’s circling the piano and the man playing it in a way that somehow fits with the music. She even sings along with the main melody and the trills.

She feels like he’s transforming the place into a gigantic ballroom with his music, and she’s the princess dancing with her prince (except there’s no prince to dance with, because he’s too busy making the music). It’s a stupid thing to think, but she never had dolls or was allowed to watch princess movies or read fairytales when she was a kid, and she feels like she missed out. Hopper let her watch movies and read, but it wasn’t the same as a teen as it would’ve been as a kid. And maybe it’s just a dumb fantasy, a creation of her mind because she’s tired and suddenly thinking about her horrifying childhood, but she thinks the imaginary ballroom that only has her and Mike in it is a wonderful place to be.

He ends the piece with a theatrical flourish, throwing his hands up off the keys as soon as the last notes are played. “How was that? You were dancing!”

A laugh escapes her lips as she claps. “It was amazing! I knew that one, it’s from the Nutcracker, right?”

Mike nods vigorously. “Gotta love me some Tchaikovsky.”

“Is that why it’s so dancey? Because it’s for a ballet?” She asks, curious.

“No, it’s because it’s a waltz,” he answers, stretching his arms up above his head. His sweater rides up to reveal a sliver of pale skin, and she finds herself staring without being able to tear her eyes away. “Waltzes are inherently dancey, I think. At least that’s what I always tell my students who play them, it helps them really hear the tempo and accents if they try to see the dancers.”

She averts her gaze, and he’s still talking. “You know, ‘cause waltzes have the accent on count one, so it goes one-two-three, and sometimes when you’re caught up in playing you forget about it so it’s good to try and envision the dancing. The music was written for dancing after all,” he finishes. “El? Sorry, was I rambling, because I have a tendency to-”

“No,” she breathes. “You’re just really attractive. The piano suits you.” She almost face palms. WHY am I like this????

That shuts him up, a redness spreading across his face once again (but this time along with a wide grin). He might just combust if he looks at her, so he looks at his hands instead.

“Sorry,” she says, worried she’s crossed a line she wasn’t supposed to yet.

Mike’s head whips up. “Sorry? What are you sorry for?”

“I’m too forward. It almost always ruins things with guys.” She deflates almost imperceptibly, and she wonders if he noticed.

Apparently he did, because El feels herself pulled into a sideways hug, tugged down to sit on the bench next to him. “Hey,” he says softly. “You’re just saying what you think is true, which is a great quality to have. You saved me from my own rambling, so thanks.” He gives her a squeeze and adds, “It hasn’t ruined things with me.”

Suddenly the air is charged and she thinks that if they weren’t in an airport she might have kissed him then. Sadly, they are in an airport. Instead, she requests that he play something more contemporary than Chopin or Tchaikovsky, and he starts up with a rendition of Halo by Beyoncé.

They spend another hour around the piano, him playing more and she observing. El thinks he plays with a lot of grace, his fingers moving deftly across the keys almost as though he’s stroking the instrument. He looks like he belongs in front of a piano, making beautiful music for all the world to hear. In this case the world is a strange woman in an airport at the asscrack of dawn.

It’s five in the morning when the pair crashes back onto the seats next to their bags, and they lean their heads on each other and fall asleep. However, it seems things are only in increments of one hour on this night, because it’s six when El awakes with a start, knocking Mike’s head off of hers.

“Attention passengers: flight 337 to Indianapolis International is now scheduled for take-off at eight thirty. Boarding will begin at gate twenty-three one hour in advance.”

“Hey,” she says, seeing Mike next to her looking disoriented. “Flight’s at eight thirty but we gotta be there at seven thirty, do you wanna get some breakfast?”

Looking around, she sees that the open area that was so empty during the night now has other people milling through it, and it shatters the warm space she’d felt she and Mike were in. It’s time to go back to the real world, away from the fantasies of ballrooms and princes and dancing. The magic of the night has been erased by the movement of the morning and she hopes what she thinks she felt between them hasn’t been erased too.

He yawns. “I’ll take that as a yes,” she says, getting up to stretch and grabbing her bags.

They walk around the slowly filling terminal, looking for a place to eat, and light upon a cute coffee place in the food court. They order and eat in silence, avoiding looking at each other, until he speaks.

“Does last night… feel like it was a dream, to you?” Mike asks.

I thought that was just me. She takes a sip of her black coffee. “It kind of does, yeah. This entire encounter has been weird.”

He looks down at his croissant, crinkling his nose, then peeks back at her through his lashes. “I’m sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry for.”

He says nothing else, and neither does she, so they head off to gate twenty three, and she thinks something’s wrong because he wasn’t this quiet or awkward last night. The tension is palpable, but she’s never been very good at social interactions and she doesn’t know what to say. He probably realized how dumb I am. She thinks she may have come across as very brazen (which she is, but she hates it for how it ruins everything all the time). Mike hadn’t seemed bothered by her earlier, and she had hoped that something good might have come out of their chance meeting.

It seems it was not to be, however, because the only thing he does as they board the plane is wave and give a little half smile when he finds his seat. El sighs and settles in for the hour and a half flight. She’s decided she’s going to try to catch up on the sleep she missed instead of sitting in abject misery, and it works because she’s blinking confusedly when a flight attendant wakes her to say that they will be landing in approximately forty minutes.

She’s excited to be back home, to work, her patients, her dad and Max. But she’s also the teeniest bit sad because she wants to explore that special connection she feels with Mike, to see what it means and what it’s about and she believes she’s ruined her chances (okay, so maybe she’s more than a teeny bit sad). She’s convinced herself that nothing was ever going to happen, she had imagined the unexplainable thing she felt between them.

She makes it through baggage claim and isn’t sent to customs, so El’s on her way out of the terminal to catch a taxi because both Max and Hopper are working today when something does happen. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees a person running out of the passenger exit, and she thinks that they must have seen a loved one they missed.

That is, until she hears the shout. “El!”

It’s Mike of course, and he comes to a skidding halt in front of her, breathless. “I just- ran- all the way here- because- I’m a dumbass-”

“Whoa, hey, breathe,” she says, “I don’t need you dying on me in the middle of the airport.”

He nods and waits until his breathing levels out before straightening up. “I wanted to apologize for being so stupid and awkward this morning, I don’t know what got into me.” He swallows before looking at her directly. “I really want to see you again, so… do you wanna go out sometime?”

WHAT! She doesn’t respond for a few moments, shocked. But then she grins and says, “Are you asking me on a date?”

He sucks in a breath, about to shake his head, she can tell, but then he stops. “You know what, fuck it. Yes, I am.”

“Well, I’d certainly like that.”

El leaves the airport with Mike’s number in her phone, and she’s only been in the taxi for a few minutes when it pings with a text.

Can you do tonight at 7?

He’s eager, and she likes that she’s not the only one. It assures her she’s not being some creepy, obsessive, stalker.

Someone’s eager lol

But yes

Where?

I was supposed to go to a “friend’s” party tonight but I never actually said yes and I really don’t want to haha

Kinda cheesy but I was thinking a roller rink if you want to go

There’s one near my place and it has an arcade too!!

Growing up in the 90s, El remembers being fond of arcades. She and Max used to hang out in them all the time. Another thing in common!

Aaaaaa the arcade I miss those

Sounds good, pick me up or meet you there?

I can pick you up lol I don’t mind

She sends him her address, and he sends back a GIF of a penguin dancing.

See you later :D

(part 2)

#it's the shakira penguin gif #airport ballrooms #mileven #mileven fanfiction #stranger things #stranger things fanfiction #mike wheeler #eleven #au #alternate universe #urdearestmom

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gaymafia · 6 years

Note

I’m legitimately curious why people didn’t like the last Jedi? I saw it and thought it was okay? Is there something I missed or? Like it wasn’t great but it was passable?

ok so i wasnt gonna do this here bc nobody fucking asked but u asked so thank u but also strap in ur ready for a while ride

TLJ spoilers, obviously. also my issues are going to be numbered in no particular order bc my thoughts on this movie are so fucking scrambled but here we go

1. Kyle Ron. First of all fuck Ryeanne for making me see so many goddamn closeups of Adam Driver’s ugly ass face. I did not need to see all that he is so goddamn ugly especially that fucking shirtless scene where he looks like a block of pasty ass pale wood.

But for real, Kylo Ren. I don’t actually take issue with his existence, because Kyle really does excellently represent rich ass white boys who have everything handed to them but throw a hissy fit when they face the slightest adversity an throw tantrums all the time. It’s nice to see a villain that represents most people real-life nightmares instead of like, a Sexy Temptress or Old Evil Man or whatever. That being said, kyle is not given the villain’s treatment in this movie. if you cut out all the scenes where ryan is not actively sucking adam driver’s dick and jizzing all over himself over kyle’s angsty white boy angst, the movie has virtually no real plot (”oh no we are in space with no fuel, nobody is going to do anything except get mad at each other, miscommunicate, and deliberately make all the characters of color worthless while separating Finn and Poe bc fuck the gays”). So much of the movie is spent not just establishing how kyle became kyle (which is good! backstory for villains is good!), but trying to get us to like, sympathize with him? which is the shitty part. I dont care that Luke “”””tried to kill”’’’ (he didn’t) kyle. kyle had turned to the dark side before luke’s mistake. kyle had a million and one chances to change his mind from the start of TFA to the end of TLJ, and he never did. Kyle is an evil guy. We need one of those. He’s a great evil guy bc he’s got so many shitty qualities. But ryin doesnt want us to hate kyle, even tho hes the villain. why the fuck doesnt reean want us to hate kyle? bc rayan is also a shitty little man who thinks giving ur white boy a sob story makes him a sympathetic villain and sidelining ur characters of color will help.

also again the fucking shirtless scene what the shit man that was so gross

2. Will be broken down into A, B, C, etc. bc TLJ treats its characters of color like SHIT.

2A. Finn. Finn gets put in a coma bc why would anyone want to write anything interesting for john boyega its not like hes the MOST BEAUTIFUL MAN and the MOST TALENTED ACTOR who is being sidelined bc ryun hates black people. Yeah Finn is totally into Rey and he wants to save her and is willing to desert the rebellion for her. that happened in the first movie but why give your characters real arcs when you can recycle old ones to jerk off to kyle ron. the rose thing happens, shes like “we can disable the tracking” and like TWO SECONDS after he was dead set on desertion he’s totally down to risk his life for the rebellion at rey’s expense? that sure is a quick 180 with no real reason why and no writing to explain it! then there was the whole “separate finn and poe” thing ryain pulled for the shits and giggles.

2B. Rose. I was pretty chill with Rose, she had a dope backstory, her sister was badass, and I liked that they made that connection off the bat. I’m not mad about anything rayn did with her character but i genuinely believe thats only because i havent thought about it enough yet. give me a week and i’ll figure out how rain fucked it up. open to suggestions.

2C. Poe. Full offense but was I supposed to be mad at Poe for coming up with a plan when that bitch Holdo was like “I’m not gonna tell you my plan sit tight and be convinced we are all going to die :)” i legitimately did not understand how I was supposed to be mad at poe for doing what he thought was best for the rebellion after he asked holdo what the plan was and she was deliberately obstinate and refused to even be like “dont worry i have a plan” she was just like. so dumb. Also poe got thrown around a lot and i am A Little Suspicious of how much physical violence he experienced compared to many other characters.

2D. You guessed what was next! The slaps! Super awesome how the two men of color were slapped by white people!!!! So deep!!!!!!! For real tho uh the second time i saw this movie someone in the audience laughed when poe got slapped by space hitler hux and uh??? not funny. not funny or cute or clever to use the guy you built your entire nazi imagery on to slap the one black man on your cast. i dont care if it was supposed to make us “hate hux” or whatever more. i already hated hux reyn. you could have used that screentime in your 3 fucking hour long movie for something valuable, like giving finn a character arc, or literally anything else besides that goddamn slap. i was livid watching that.

and then with leia and poe? i get that part of the conflict was internal in the resistance and one of the major themes was how failure is the best teacher and all that but like? maybe stop physically assaulting all your characters of color? maybe uhhhh at least think about that first??

2E. like i mentioned before one of the obvious themes was how failure is the best teacher so naturally all the major characters had to fail at something, and then learn from their mistake to be better next time. with luke it was fucking up with kyle, with rey it was being naive enough to think kyle could turn, with poe it was the dreadnaught thing, finn was left out of this because raan dooesn give a shit abt finn bc hes a racist bastard, etc. but it was incredibly transparent how all of the white characters’ mistakes meant either personal losses or something small scale with one person, while the mistakes of the characters of color (poe/finn/rose) were all ones that cost the rebellion the vast majority of their forces. rey got out of her fight with kyle and snoke unscathed. luke got a lot of guilt and character development. What did finn poe and rose get? the deaths of like 99% of the resistance on their shoulders. A little too coincidental that even though rey LITERALLY GAVE HERSELF OVER TO SNOKE she was totally fine a-ok no real scars, finn and poe and rose doing their best to save the rebellion while admiral holdo refuses to tell them anything costs the resistance so fucking much. rey does the DUMBEST FUCKING THING with no real consequences and finn and poe and rose try their best and are punished severely for it.

2F. Really convenient how everything finn, poe, and rose did ended up being useless and just cost the rebellion lives, whereas at least rey’s mishap got snoke killed and taught her a lesson. reeeeaaaalllllyyyyyy convenient how finn, poe, and rose’s plan was a huge waste of time. it would have been much better for us to see an actual plot line with them that contributed to the story and their characterizations instead of “send them on a goose chase, make it pointless in the end, physically brutalize them along the way.

3. R*yl* bullSHIT: ryyn had a really fun time with a lot of very rape-y scenes in this movie. the whole force-connection thing with kyle and rey was soooooo uncalled for, it reeked of non-con fantasies, catered to the r*yl*s like nothing ever before, and was so goddamn gross. the obvious invasion of privacy and lack of consent was nasty, using it as a shitty device to make rey “come around” on kyle was NASTY and that whole thing was nasty. i know im not articulating this well but there was so much about that whole thing that bothered me. i just know reyhan was so fucking into it, inserting kyle into rey’s life, forcing her to completely drop all of her characterization in the first movie to suddenly thing kyle can be good, acting as if rey hasnt seen all the shit and known what hes done. the whole thing was gross and a really obvious example of why men shouldn’t be allowed to direct movies.

4. killing snoke was a dumbass fucking mistake. kyle is a tantrum-throwing temper-losing toddler. snoke was evil and mysterious and shit idk. we knew he was powerful as fuck, he looked like a testicle which is a great villain imo, he was the darth sidious and they killed him off while kyle is still in like. ep2!Anakin levels of angst. i get that kyle is already powerful or whatever but like. hes not cold and calculated the way snoke was. kyle is a good villain, but a weak main baddie bc hes dumb as fuck. he let the rebellion get away bc he was pissed at luke. that was dumb as fuck. kyle is ruined by his emotions, and snoke was a scarier main baddie bc he wasnt so fucking dumb lol

5. it was so fucking long. there were so many scenes that could have been cut or shortened. why did we need to see luke milking the tiddy of that weird alien cow thing. why did we need to see kyle ron shirtless. why did we need so many goddamn shots of the fucking porgs.

6. ya the porgs are cute or whatever but like. that whole “look at how sad the cute big-eyes porg is when chewie is eating his friend” thing was so dumb. i dunno why but i hated that the most. that was the worst thing the porgs did. they were cute but like chill disney u know they like ran algorithm after algorithm to make that porg the cutest it could be with science or some bullshit and like? thats dumb.

7. i get that the humor in star wars movies is shifting but i felt like there was too much of it and it was dumb. a lot of the riffs werent funny and there were too many of them for a star wars film. star wars usually doesnt take itself too seriously, but this one was a little too much for me.

8. there were too many plot twists for shock value. the story went on too long. it should have ended earlier but it didnt. i dont know why ryenn decided to have like 6 different climaxes but it was too much. should have let there be one climax buddy. thats it.

9. holdo. besides holdo being the white feminist icon why didnt she just fucking tell poe the plan. why. why was so deliberately obstinate when it was doing no good. like yeah of course poe sent out a crew to try to save the rebellion all u told him to shut up and let you handle it! obvously what she did in the end was badass or whatever but like uh hun next time dont be a piece of shit and then get mad when people react to you being a piece of shit. i would have been okay with all that happening if holdo wasnt treated like some hero who never made any mistakes. she did make a mistake, and that was refusing to tell poe what her plan was when she knew he was absolutely the type to do whatever he could to save the rebellion whether he had her permission or not. also apparently holdo is a lesbian or bi or not straight or something in like the comics or whatever and like 1. classic bury ur gays but also 2. no more word of god gay characters if a character is not gay in the movies i will not give you the gay cred for it sorry homophobes

10. i didnt buy the story w luke and kyle at lukes jedi training facility or whatever. surprisingly, i was ok with lukes story line and character development, and actually agreed with it for the most part, but i just like. i dunno i didnt feel like that was something luke would do. not because luke is infallible (even tho he is my gay dad who has never done anything wrong ever) but because the entire original trilogy is luke believing darth vader could be saved. and while im not opposed to luke changing his mind about whether or not everyone could be turned away from the dark side (luke was young and optimistic in the original trilogy, and as he grew older he would learn more about the jedi and their history like the whole speech he gave rey about how the jedi have to end bc theyre lowkey shitty). i actually kind of liked luke’s hot take on the jedi, because it was lowkey my hot take on the jedi (esp the prequels jedi who were shitty as Fuuuuuck but we are ignoring the prequels for now lbr) but also because i could believe it was a view luke would come to as he aged. but impulsively drawing his lightsaber to kill kyle before he had actually done anything bad, after suspecting that kyle had darkness in him for a while, even though he felt like he had failed? it just didnt feel like luke to me. i felt more like raeyn had chosen that particular backstory to try to make kyle a more sympathetic villain rather than give a believable and in-character back story for the characters. i understand that luke’s failure ultimately has to lead to the creation of kyle ron in this story line, but that didnt feel like the right failure to me. maybe this is just me being nitpicky but that felt off to me too and i dont know if i can quite pinpoint why.

11. rey was a dumbass fucking bitch in this movie. rey could not be a dumbass fucking bitch to survive as a scavenger who was orphaned at birth on jakku. rey would have had to be smart and not as fucking DUMB as she was in this movie. now im getting heated so i cant articulate this well but she just did so many dumb things that anybody who had to raise themselves would have never done. she would never have delivered herself over to kyle ron like what a dumb fucking idea. who wrote this goddamn movie. fuck u ryeen.

12. why did yoda come back as a force ghost. where is anakins force ghost. he would be so fucking pissed at kyle right now. he would be mad as hell. he would have ended this thing. he would have called kyle out like the shitdickbitch he is and put him in his place. i get that yoda is more like ancient and orginal star wars jedi knowledge shit or whatever and like more of an authority on the jedi but like anakin is off in like force ghost hawaii drinking force ghost martinis while his shitty fucking grandson is being a piece of shit?? nah man anakin would have shut that shit down they better bring him back for ep IX and i expect hayden christensen himself to show up to bitch at kyle about what a fucking dumbass he is.

tbh theres probably more like i know there’s a ton of little things i hated but as scathing as this review is there were things i liked. visually speaking it was a very beautiful movie when we werent getting atrocious close ups of adam drivers ugly ass face. i originally hated but have come to appreciate the darker tone, since it mirrors the mood of TESB in that the rebellion seems dead but obviously isnt bc this is star wars. i liked luke. i dunno. i had a lot of issues with the movie obviously. to be quite honest i cant actually think of anything else i liked atm which is telling.

anyway if anybody actually reads this long ass fucking post feel free to respond with what you hated abt TLJ

#star wars #the last jedi #star wars ep viii #im probs gonna get hate for this but whtvr #anonymous #ask

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pninaharchive · 7 years

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Just one number? What if you answered them all? It will take a while, but time is just an illusion.

LMAO luv a challenge thank u 💐 read more bc it got long obviously

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now?

ahh okay well i think about who i am as a person and whether im good or bad and recently in my reflections i realized that i have control issues?? and how to work with that is confusing to me but

2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone?

no lol

3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care?

no unless it was interfering with our relationship somehow?

4: Do you find it easy to trust others?

yes and no?? i dont really trust a lot of people but im very optimistic and idealistic and so i never assume the worst of people. like if someone lied to me i prob wouldnt assume so unless it was glaringly obvious

5: What were you doing at 11PM last night?

sleeping lmao

6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you?

this would never happen in my life oh my god i plan too much to not have a dd and a charged phone w access to a gps

7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?

break up w the person and prob not talk to them again

8: Are you close with your dad?

no i dont talk to him

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right?

i havent kissed anyone since 8th grade

10: What are you listening to?

currently im watching ink master in the background but in terms of music ive been playing big thief’s masterpiece and diiv’s is the is are

11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it?

water lmao

12: Do you like hickeys?

ive never had one so idk for sure but the idea of it isnt super appealing to me

13: What time do you go to bed?

anywhere between like 11 pm to????? 3 am but usually closer to 11 bc i cant sleep in

14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down?

every man in my life

15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both?

no not at all im so bad at 1 handed texting

16: Do you always answer your texts?

no LMAO unless its my mom or abby

17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for?

i dont know that ive ever fallen before

18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?

an hour ago

19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them?

abby and angel and my bunny

20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

i dont remember i think i was thinking about tattoos

21: Is anyone else in the room with you?

my brother

22: Do you believe what goes around comes around?

no there are plenty of shitty people who are doing just fine

23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now?

noooooo way

24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with?

no im kinda fine with the people i choose not to speak to

25: In the past week, have you cried?

26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing?

black

27: Do people ever call you by your last name?

my last name is 9 letters long absolutely not

28: Is anyone ignoring you right now?

29: Do you have a best friend?

ya abby lmao love that bitch

30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?

no. see #9

31: Who was your last call/text message from?

angel

32: Are you mad at anyone?

always

33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

see #30

34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday?

see #33. probably 19 or 20 idk

35: How many more days until your birthday?

345

36: Do you have any summer plans yet?

yes!!! im going to maine with my mom and her gf and abby soon and me and abby are gonna tear it up the rest of the summer.

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex?

i have no male friends currently

38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now?

never

39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone?

i dont think so

40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?

yes lmao see #34

41: Do you think age matters in relationships?

absolutely especially when either of the people is below 20 or so

42: Are you available?

emotionally, romantically, and sexually yes

43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended?

i feel like i feel strongly for most people i meet im not really a casual person

44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get?

i kind of want to get my other nostril pierced??? other than that i think medusa piercings are really pretty

45: Do you believe exes can be friends?

if both of the people are emotionally mature enough definitely

46: Do you regret anything?

most things

47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now?

um ive been thinking abt my chronic illness lol bc i dont think im actively bleeding internally anymore but wondering how much blood ive lost bc ive been really exhausted and i think it might be anemia

48: Did you ever lose a best friend?

every one except the ones i currently have

49: Was your last kiss a mistake?

yes like see #40

50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like?

i dont like anyone currently i wish i did

51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?

52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed?

no oh my god see #49

53: What was the last thing you ate?

i just had some pasta

54: Did you get any compliments today?

i think someone said they liked my shoes

55: Where are you going on your next vacation?

maine!!!

56: Do you own anything from other countries?

probably but i couldnt tell u for sure my dude

57: Are most of your friend guys or girls?

girls

58: Where have you lived most of your life?

rhode island

59: When was the last time you took a long drive?

sunday

60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?

no has anybody

61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house?

no has anybody

62: Who do you text the most?

abby i guess?? i dont really text that much

63: What was the last movie you saw?

i watched young frankenstein but ive seen that before

64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?

dont have a gf

65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011?

none lmao i was in like 7th grade

66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you?

idfk see #52

67: Do you curse around your parents?

yeah

68: Are you happy with where you live?

not really i wish i was on my own in like europe or some shit

69: Picture of yourself?

check out my insta boiii

70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?

i think it depends on the other person?? i could be open to either i think

71: Have you ever been dumped?

72: What do you most like about making out?

passion

73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with?

lets play a game called how many ways can i say im a virgin

74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?

i feel like this set of questions has something against me

75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive?

i like!! tummies and legs

76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?

my mom probably

77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?

gOD

78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name?

aoidsfkfkl

79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face?

ummmmmmmm honest compliments and affection

80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already?

probably not right now bc im not ready or interested in kids but maybe someday

81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?

a couple people

82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?

not usually but i havent had a crush in a long time

83: Do you miss your last sweetie?

what the fuck

84: Last time you slow danced with someone?

prom last year

85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?

olive is my boo

86: How can I win your heart?

ugghgh idk openness and honesty, passion, similar interests, buying me flowers

87: What is your astrological sign?

gemini!!

88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

sleeping

89: Do you cook?

yes i love cooking!!

90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication?

91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?

yes im such a fucking romantic

92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?

i think im a monogamous person but im?? also really flexible depending on the other person

93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?

idk im not picky ugh just

cute

94: Name four things that you wish you had!

a new laptop and purse, money, cute gf

95: Are you a player?

no im a pussy and also i love women

96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day?

no god

97: Are you a tease?

98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr?

yes

99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone?

100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?

yes omg definitely

101: Hugs or Kisses?

kisses!!!!

102: Are you too shy to ask someone out?

absolutely

103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?

gross

104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe?

only if im interested in them tbh

105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it?

no this hypothetical person sounds like a dick

106: Do you flirt a lot?

107: Your last kiss?

see #66

108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012?

no its like every question is about kissing

109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month?

asdfghj

110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be?

barbie ferreira :((((((((((

111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next?

no that would be too convenient

112: Does someone like you currently?

not that i know of

113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone?

nope

114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?

serious relationships

115: Ever made out with just a friend?

116: Are you happier single or in a relationship?

who could say!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#answered #this took so long im so sleepy #Anonymous

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