#dunno if I want to bring this up to my therapist or not tbh | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bloodylyres · 2 years

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I think I might have anxiety or something like that, but I have no idea what to do, and honestly I just want someone to talk to.

But the only people I’m close with already have their own problems, or will just say that everyone feels that way sometimes and I don’t need a therapist because they’re a waste of time and money (my mother basically) so idk how to get one even though I want one.

She’s very traditional, and where she’s from mental health was not focused on whatsoever and it’s kind of seen as taboo. Maybe not anymore, but in her day most definitely. I can never reason with her, open up to her, or just talk to her about my issues.

And I don’t think I should bother my friends and boyfriend about these things, they have their own shit to deal with and having me talk to them might worry them or put something on their plate that they don’t need. Not to mention I feel like my closest friend is upset at me. I’ve been away from school for like 2 weeks because I was sick (I swear I’m cursed this happened last year) and I dunno maybe I should’ve reached out more? But I didn’t want to bother her too much. I dunno, I just want her to talk to me about it, and I wanna know if there’s anything I can do. Anyways, I texted her but I’m not expecting a response tbh,,,

I just kind of need an outlet for all of this, someone to talk to that I don’t have to worry about, a professional perhaps. Maybe if I go to a therapist, my boyfriend will get one too. He prolly needs it more than I do, but he doesn’t want to go to one, even though I keep saying he should. He should make his own decision, but like it’s really really bad and I’m worried for him. I won’t do anything without his knowledge or consent, I’ll just keep bringing it up if the situation allows it, I guess. What else can I do?? It’s not like I want him to feel this way, I love him. I miss him so much, I hate long distance. It’s not even that long but the fact that neither of us have a car makes it worse ($100 per round trip for a bus/train alone) and we both don’t have jobs. That’ll change for him, but not me. I don’t have time for a job. If I get a job, I’ll have money, but I’ll sacrifice time to myself and time with my friends. I already feel burnt out, granted I have a lot of stuff on my plate, just yk, adding more is way too much.

My life just kinda sucks right now, which also sucks because it’s one of my favourite months of the year, and i spent half of it at home, sick, and away from my friends. I wish this happened in November, actually never mind I wish it didn’t happen at all.

My boyfriend came over while I was sick, and I feel like my friends think I missed school because of him. I didn’t, my plan was to go to school and maybe miss a class or two to spend time with him. Not every day? I missed multiple tests; who wants to go through that?? Maybe I should clear that up with my friends,,, I also think that’s what they think because one of my friends made a joke about it earlier today. And before during the summer I wasn’t a great friend to my bff because of him. Im afraid she thinks I missed school for him and him only. Im gonna take a break from this and write her a paragraph talking about it. Okay I’m back. I have no idea if she’ll even reply. Idk if I should give her space or try to talk to her, I’m not great in complicated situations.

Well anyways, I dunno if there’s anything I want to say. Thanks for reading I guess,,,

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luckysliceofbread · 3 years

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What me and my friends would do if we got isekai-ed into Genshin

Just note that this isn’t going to be 100% serious and that I made this for fun and to make fun of my friends because I love them. If any of them are reading this. Suffer. Alright start reading

Tw: Death, Normal Genshin Violence, Car accident, swearing

I guess it’s a crack fic? I dunno.

I’m gonna use @’s and Nicknames for the sake of both privacy and shouting out my friend’s tumblrs :D

Prologe (spelling? Who’s that?): The whole group was hanging out again after the lockdown ended, they were all going to their local mall to get some boba and cause chaos.

However on their way, a truck had lost control and went off the road, hitting everyone and sucssesfully killing all of them. So they were given a second chnace at life in the world of Teyvat, which was coincidentally the world that a few of them were obsessed with.

They were gifted with “protagonist powers” as they called it.

@bring-me-a-wisteria-tea

Element: Electro

Weapon: Catalyst

Teyvat name: Amai

The one who named called our powers “protaganist powers”

I can assure you they didn’t actually expect to be able to literally have the classic isekai mc powers

Also the one who called this a litteral isekai

Doesn’t sleep

Almost ever

Stays up with Snail at night to “keep watch”

Cmon we all know you just don’t sleep smh

Designated therapist of the therapist

Kind of knows how to cook?

Not really

Tried asking Snail to make mochi

Wanted to try the alchahol that Cloud brought back to their camp one night

Was stopped by Snail

Was trying to beat my ass when they learnt I signed everyone up for the adventurers guild

Probably should’ve asked first :’)

The scariest fighter

If they didn’t have a catalyst they’d be slaughtering everything in litteral seconds

The secret weapon :)

“Oh shit a metachurl”

“Move, bitch, I’ll handle this”

@red-dangan-mods-forever

Element: Pyro

Weapon: Sword

Teyvat name: Tokio

The happiest

Gets away from their world?

Drama just went bye bye

S W O R D

Sets the fire for the food

Surprisingly good with a sword??

You’d think they’d kinda suck at it

Or at least be mediocre at best

But they’re actually pretty good with a sword

Probably why they were given it tbh

Despises artifacts

“What do you mean we need to go into some creepy forest for Pyro Artifacts??”

“Oh god there’s three abyss mages, we’re totally dying here.”

“Ayo, can you help us cook smth.”

“Oh god not again, I’m going to burn this forest to the ground.”

@yourlocaldeoderantstick

Element: Geo

Weapon: Claymore

Teyvat name: Ghostie (We’re calling them Child and Childe can’t stop us)

Practically dies after a battle

You can tell they’re not very athletic

I mean none of us are

But shshshshshsh

Absolutely throws rocks at Timmy’s birds

Has the “keep everyone entertained so they don’t run into battle like lunatics” job

Doesn’t cause that much touble at all

The favourite child

Stays up at night and tries to train

Almost doesn’t fail

Once accidentally ran into the four ruin guard boss fight

Ended pretty well for a giant team of... eight I think??

Became best friends with Barbara

Element: Dendro

Weapon: Polearm

Teyvat name: Snail

Would’ve been discount Xiao if they had anemo (jkjkjkjkjk)

Doesn’t sleep at night 2.0

No seriously

This time it’s actually to defend everyone

Designated chef

Caries all the ingrediants

The only sane person

Doesn’t understand anything about the world

“Woah, we got that much mora from clearing this camp! We need to do this more often.”

No don’t

We’re gonna die by the time we get enough mora to eat

Suggested everyone to split up and go clear camps for more mora

“Don’t just go throwing yourself into hilichurl camps unprepared!”

“Listen I love you but I have no idea how to make mochi.”

“GOD NO DON’T DO THAT-”

sorry not sorry for making you the group parent

Element: Cryo

Weapon: Sword

Teyvat name: Cloud

The second designated chef

Immediately goes into the tavern to see if they can drink

Looks and sounds old enough to be considered an adult >:CCC

Screw you and your old looks

We’re gonna call you boomer from now on

Came back to our camp with multiple bottles of alchahol

Nobody even drank it

Not even Cloud

Now it’s just kinda...

there...

“Well what now.”

“I dunno.”

“Do we drink it?”

“I’m not drinking whatever’s in there.”

“And I’m not letting you drink! Definately not now.”

Element: Anemo

Weapon: Sword

Teyvat name: Dun

Hey it’s me :D

time to bully

Local dumbass of the group

Designated therapist

Can’t cook for SHIT

But I know the map pretty well :D

The only one who’s played the whole game so far

As in spend too much time wandering around aimlessly to give a shit

Will not step one foot into Dragonspine

Fuck that place I swear

Got everyone to learn a song and now everyone sings it

Doesn’t fight very well but good at dodging and running tf away

Ignores camps of any kind like the plague

Helped build the teams

Also signed everyone up for the adventurers guild so they could make more money

“Yes I know this requires us to beat a Ruin guard. We can take it, all of us just need to jump it and stab it in the eye.”

We saw Barbara after that

“KIMI O ISSO ISSO INAKUNARE”

“KAWARENAI KONO MAMA NARA TABUN-”

“OH GOD, SOMEONE MAKE IT STOP!”

#genshin impact #genshin #Genshin isekai #genshin fic

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shiishki · 3 years

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okay wait, i changed my mind. you should answer all of these questions as well, if that's what you want from me >:)

oof there's a lot of it, that's what i get for wanting to be ✨aesthetic✨

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

vowels (and the importance of being me) - hunny

honeypie - jawny

pretty young thing - michael jackson

mirrors - justin timberlake

sunflower - red orange county

paradise - rude-a

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

a therapist.

ok someone else.. uhh,, my grand grandma because i only have scratches of memories but i dunno if that counts since she passed away...

*rummages through ancient scripts* uhh ok someone who isn't dead.. uhm,, tommie? yeah I'd like to meet them if i could meet anyone on earth

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

ok, the closest german, english or polish book? nvm i have english

"suddenly was. So I just said thank you a few times too, and Mum" ironically this is one of the normal lines in this book

4: What do you think about most?

the fact that I'll have to do something after school. and I don't know if i want to go to college or get a job bc i have no legitimate idea on what to do with my life. it gets overwhelming, just the lack of knowledge about the actual experience.

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

with, tho i sleep with just shorts in summer

7: What’s your strangest talent?

not sure if it's a talent, but i can fall asleep anywhere

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

girls are pretty. boys are pretty

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

by me, yes. no one else has written a poem about me specifically. nvm, tommie wrote one and it shall rest on my wall, or desk, i need to find a place for it

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

uhh i think last month?

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

i don't think so, but i am hella afraid of the possibly gigantic, terrifying things in the ocean depths that humans haven't discovered yet

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

yep, beloved legos as a lil child

13: What’s your religion?

i can't ever remember the name, but i believe gods (from all religions) exist in some way or form. so i believe in different pantheons and etc.

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

walking my doggo, skateboarding, thinking about how to make the lives of my characters worse

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind it.

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

uhmm the arctic monkeys? or the strokes

17: What was the last lie you told?

i know what i want

18: Do you believe in karma?

yes, the rule of three specifically

19: What does your URL mean?

i don't know. it's something me and my sis came up with and that's just my whole identity now.

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

uhh greatest weakness.. i can't finish things. strength is that I'm very stubborn so maybe I'll finish that thing out of spite

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

i grew up thinking crushes were like unicorns. my ex was odd enough to argue with that i didn't love her if i didn't have a crush on her. but I think if i had to guess.. selena gomez, especially in the role of alex russo in wizard of weverly street

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

nope

23: How do you vent your anger?

i write angry letters. sometimes they're sad letters. i write a lot of letters. except i never send them out and no one made a movie about them :}

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

jars and witchy bottles, books? scented candles

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

phone calls are stressful enough as is, i don't need you to see my reading off what i frantically wrote to not stumble over my words

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

i think so, yes, but that won't stop me from becoming better

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

hate flies buzzing right by my ear, love cat purring

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

what if I'd been born in a place where it was illegal for me (nonbinary) to live, in a time when others thought of me as a curse?

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

they be chilling.

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

right arm, doggo, left arm, pillow

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

fresh air and doggo, because doggo is with me and I can't live without open windows

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

i dunno tbh

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

which one is less homophobic?

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

every gender is my opposite gender. selena gomez and justin timberlake

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

to make it easier for people down the line

36: Define Art.

make thing, thing goes woo

37: Do you believe in luck?

yis

38: What’s the weather like right now?

it's nice actually, very sunny, slight breeze

39: What time is it?

12.59 am

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

i don't, but i once crashed into a fire department vehicle with my bike. bike ded.

41: What was the last book you read?

Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

i legit ass don't know what gasoline smells like.

43: Do you have any nicknames?

many variations of my name, aka. Luce

44: What was the last film you saw?

i think it was Robin Hood: King of Thieves, but it might have been that half of spider-man homecoming i managed to watch with my poor internet

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

oh man i dunno... it's not an injury, but i was very sickly as a lil kid and almost died :)

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

once, years ago

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

hmmm horizon zero dawn i think

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

proud pansexual ^^

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

not really, i don't think they're big enough to be actual rumors,, meh

50: Do you believe in magic?

yis

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

meh. they suck, i know they suck, that's it.

52: What is your astrological sign?

cancer ♋

53: Do you save money or spend it?

i attempt saving. attempt

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

for my own money, sweets. i bought lizards for my cats so they can brush their teeth from my dad's amazon acc

55: Love or lust?

luv

56: In a relationship?

nope, i buy my own cookies

57: How many relationships have you had?

1, kinda toxic toward the end, very stressful, don't recommend

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

nu ><

59: Where were you yesterday?

on the fields walking my doggo

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

yep, a pastel pink hoodie in my closet uwu

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

yis, thicc warm socks

62: What’s your favourite animal?

cats

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

cuddles and food.

64: Where is your best friend?

bold of you to assume i have a best friend.

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

tommie-hildebrandt, kageyuji, nekomas-kuroo, joyful-soul-collector

66: What is your heritage?

I'm a demon boi from Poland tho that's not a thing to be proud of, i mean, look at the economy. awful.

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

sleeping, trying to sleep.

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

Pinkton. or Satan.

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

this is such an odd combination of words i had to look it up. yea.

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

a friend who won't laugh at me when i ask them to order smth for me because I'm too anxious to.

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

excuse me? i am saving the doggo wtf. f u boss, I'm gonna sell my tragic story to the news.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) i tell my parents. b) live the hell out of them uwu c) nope uwu.

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

trust.

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

history maker - dean fujioka :]

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

3332

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

communication, trust, some more communication.

77: How can I win your heart?

let's not pretend to be something else to please each other, and bring some bitter chocolate.

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

maybe. it could. i don't have a say in it since my sanity is held by tape.

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

eat the pizza. stop caring about others not liking me/parts of me. just living for myself uwu.

80: What size shoes do you wear?

uh i dunno how the american sizes work and i don't wanna look it up so, 39, 40 fits too.

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

demon boi

82: What is your favourite word?

socks.

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

the bloody organ that sits in your chest and pumps blood into your body so you don't die.

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

uhm im not sure if that counts as a saying, but fake it till you make it

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

blinding lights - the weeknd

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

oh a normal question people use for ice breaking, sea blue and pastel variations of it.

87: What is your current desktop picture?

like my wallpaper? or the actual picture that sits on my desk? or how my desk looks like atm? it's ugly, a lot of papers and pens and schoolbooks.

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

donald trump. or the next asshole who'll try to take the rights of the lgbt and poc away

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

this. this is the question.

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

yo there's a pizza somewhere in the refrigerator, want me to heat it up? we can have a sleep over and talk about our feelings :3

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

telekinesis! or shapeshifting! i could do such fun things with telekinesis ^^ yeah I'd totally eat some radioactive veggies

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

that time my "friends" got me into shoplifting, half-hour is more than enough to punch some sense into my brain and develop good music taste

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

can i save this one? i don't think i have an experience horrible enough to be erased haha

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

sleep as in.. uh no thank u. but I'm down for a sleep over with sam smith ^^

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

just me? what about my pets? my fam? it's lowkey illegal for me to go just anywhere without them owO

uhhmm, greece. imma become part of the greek pantheon out of pure spite. and maybe toronto canada.

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

not any that i know of o.o

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

i think i may have but i honestly don't remember

98: Ever been on a plane?

nope, i dunno if i like planes, but I'd probably sleep if i were on one.

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

yeet.

#that was long #probably because my stubborn ass wanted to make pretty formatting #shiishki.rambles #shiishki.interacts with tommie

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wickedlittleoz · 6 years

Text

85 Q’s

tagged by @rarsablack <3

Rules: Answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people.

Last

1. Drink – sip of beer tbqh

2. Phone call - I answered a friend’s phone for her cause she was driving and it was another friend of ours

3. Text message - had to check to make sure but obviously it was Raven

4. Song you listened to - Flor de Tangerina, as performed by Alceu Valença and Elba Ramalho

5. Time you cried – last tuesday

Ever

6. Dated someone twice - yes

7. Kissed someone and regretted it – lol yeah

8. Been cheated on – I hope the FUCK not

9. Lost someone special – it depends on what’s the definition of lost. my grandma died when I was three and I barely remember her, but feel like she was a part of me that’s been missing ever since I remember. but I’ve also grow apart from friends that were once very important for various reasons, so.

10. Been depressed – don’t think so, but. haven’t seen a therapist in a while, so idk

11. Gotten drunk and threw up - new years eves are my doom

Fave colours

12. black

13. dark red

14.

In the last year have you…

15. Made new friends - uhhhhh I think so?

16. Fallen out of love – nah

17. Laughed until you cried - I suppose so

18. Found out someone was talking about you - yeah, fuck them tbh

19. Met someone who changed you – I’m trying to remember but don’t think I have

20. Found out who your friends are – I already knew

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook friends list – yes

General

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know irl – the majority

23. Do you have any pets – cat named Krystal

24. Do you want to change your name - bitch I could go on forever. I never wanted to change it, but I don’t like my name. so most people in my life right now call me Liss, which isn’t my name, it’s just how I’ve introduced myself for the past 7 years, and it sucks because... I don’t relate to ‘Liss’ much anymore. but I guess there’s no changing it at this point XD

25. What did you do for your last birthday - went to a rock bar 2 nights in a row

26. What time did you wake up today – 6:30 am

27. What were you doing midnight last night – getting ready for bed

28. What is something you can’t wait for – the weekend. this bitch is EXHAUSTED

30. What are you listening to right now – my mom’s watching TV in the living room

31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom – yes

32. Something that gets on my nerves – oh there are so many, but recently I’ve been losing my shit at people who work on the same place as you, share the space and certain objects, but refuse to help keep it tidy and clean, like it’s your fucking job to clean up after them

33. Most visited website - twitter

34. Hair color – chocolate brown BUT I dye it red

35. Hair long or short – atm it’s short which I regret

36. Do you have a crush on someone – well yeah I guess

37. What do you like about yourself – my voice though I hate listening to recordings of myself (I like that I’m a decent singer and a decent radio host)

38. Want any piercings – yes, many

39. Blood type – A+

40. Nicknames - Liss

41. Relationship status – happily committed to the woman of my dreams, the love of my life

42. Zodiac - sun sign taurus

43. Pronouns - she/her

44. Fave TV shows – this is hard, I never know for sure

45. Tattoos - I have two and want to get countless more

46. Right or left handed - right

47. Ever had surgery - never had to (which translates to I need to get my wisdom teeth removed but have been putting it off for a decade, probably)

48. piercings – 3 on each ear

49. Sports – I’ve tried a few but suck at all of them

50. Vacations – Rio once, many many times to Salvador (the city, not the country), some other cities in my state, the U.S. (NY, Miami, Orlando)

51. Trainers – don’t wear ‘em

More general

52. Eating – fries

53. Drinking – passionfruit juice

54. I’m about to – stop procrastinating and do my fucking homework

55. Waiting – again, for the weekend

56. Want – to be done with college, for one thing

57. Get married – dunno, maybe in the future

Which is better

59. Hugs or kisses – kisses

60. Lips or eyes - lips

61. Shorter or taller - shorter. I’m tiny, tall people make me uncomfortable AND always make fun of me

62. Older or younger – don’t really have a preference

63. Nice stomach or stomach - what

64. Hookup or relationship - lol, ace posts. relationship.

65. Troublemaker or hesitant – I’m mostly hesitant, though I tend to make the wrong choices under pressure and sometimes cause trouble

Have you ever

66. Kissed a stranger - yes

67. Drank hard liquor - I don’t think I know what ‘hard liquor’ is

68. Lost glasses - nah, I’m way too careful with them

69. Led someone down - lol it’s what I do best

70. Sex on first date – lol ace posts 2.0

71. Broken someone’s heart – don’t think so? hope not?

72. Had your heart broken – yah

73. Been arrested - nah

74. Cried when someone died - I’ll cry to deaths of people I don’t know. yes.

75. Fallen for a friend - yes

Do you believe in

76. Yourself – yeah, a little

77. Miracles - not really

78. Love at first sight – hmmmm no

79. Santa Claus - no

80. Kiss on first date – yes???

81. Angels - no

Other

82. Best friend’s name – Carol

83. Eye colour - brown

84. Fave movie – good ol’ gay brokeback mountain

85. Favourite actor – don’t really have one

okAY I’m not tagging cause like I don’t even talk to 20 people in real life let alone on tumblr but if you wanna do it consider yourself tagged okay? be happy

hope this bunch of useless info brings us closer together lol XDDD

#tag games #this was kinda fun #ace posts #wicked little talks

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cezulian · 6 years

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ok ok so on that topic about the boys becoming functioning members i have (bit tmi sorry) i know my dad used to be unsettingly similar to patrick in pretty much every way as a kid including the solipsism and thinking he was god and the only real thing (minus the straight up murder and groping/molesting cuz that was against The Rules according to him) when i was super duper little and then after i was born he got decent therapy and also medication and is now one of the sweetest and kindest (1/2)

“(2/2) people i know and treats everyone mostly well (now hes kinda just a sarcastic asshole sometimes, tho he can get a bit scary when really provoked) and if the boys also recieved decent help they would for sure have been pretty much full functioning people and even possibly good people with families and tbh, id like to see some people write that because those boys deserve it as people with psychosis very frequently if given help do get better my dad and myself included!!”

That’s great, I’m so happy for you and your dad! I’ll always firmly support destigmatizing therapy and taking medication as treatment options, so thank you for being willing to share your personal experiences!

One of the reasons I didn’t answer that previous question with a firm “yeah, totally, it’ll be fine!” Though, is because I didn’t want it to seem like I was implying that Psychopathy or antisocial traits are a thing that need to be “cured”, just like something like Autism doesn’t need to be “cured”, it just needs to have some aspects of it managed in a manner seen fit by healthcare professionals and the individual dealing with it. You can’t cure a person of who they are, like trust me, if I could I’d have done it for myself by now lmao.

But I also don’t want to discount Henry or Patrick’s past experiences, because I know I mentioned that if they’d had the opportunity to be raised in entirely different situations but otherwise remained the same, everything could have played out well for them but the initial question was if they would be able to receive treatment as teenagers in the movie universe. I don’t know what your dad might have been through or how he might have grown up, and you certainty aren’t obligated to tell me, but one huge part of what makes therapy help is actually wanting to be helped, and I think that where they were in the canon would make getting to that point a real piece of work. You have Patrick, who’s convinced that he’s fine and then you have Henry, who is far too insecure about even thinking about the idea that he has feelings to consider talking about them with some stranger that thinks they know everything or thinks they’re better than him (which is probably what he’d say) and you put on top of that that they’re both teenage boys, a species known for communicating chiefly in grunts and “I dunno”s and the occasional “yeah sure”. Patrick, I know, would probably either say whatever he felt he was supposed to to be able to leave, would refuse to say anything and perceive that as a power move, or on the complete flipside of the situation, would find out that he could talk about anything (except his refrigerator and Avery of course because a therapist would be obligated to report that) and at least gain some kind of catharsis from being able to overshare like he wants to, though I do think he’d have some serious trouble with removing his filter of “I’m gonna deconstruct your bullshit every time you open your mouth to try and figure out how I can take back the power in this situation and then I’m gonna act like your favorite boy and you wont even know, you idiot” because it’d just sort of be going through the motions for him at that point but yeah. It’d depend a lot on them and how fuckin excellent this therapist was. The real problem-solver for Patrick, at least, I think would be to get his parents in there. Not with him, that’d be a shit show, but just after learning enough about Patrick to feel the need to explore what aided in bringing him to this point. Butch needs his own fuckin therapist. I won’t even get into that.

I do, though, I totally believe that they could be, as you said, functioning or even beneficial members of society if they were given help, attention, and love. I also think that their symbiosis that functions on a darker level presently could be developed into a level of closeness and understanding that a neurotypical probably couldn’t understand, in whatever form of a relationship you believe that would take, and would overall become something healthy that they would be thankful for. But since you mentioned them getting jobs and all, I’m curious what you or anyone reading this thinks Henry would go into if he could in this scenario? Would it be a career or just a job doing something he likes? Would it be a hobby turned into a job? What makes him happy about it? We don’t know much about Henry’s interests from the book besides cool jackets and rock and roll (but who doesn’t like those things) and in the movie all we know is that he’s into monster trucks but the only reason we know that is from a deleted scene in two scripts where it talks about the posters on his wall. I’ll look into his character a little more too and see if I can’t find something I think he’d like, but I’m curious to know what yall think.

I personally have always believed (and can believe it for the movie universe too, since that’s what we’re talking about) that Patrick would be some kind of artist, if he could. I have all kinds of artist Patrick headcanons that I’ve talked about with @nicholashamilton that I won’t go into on this post but I think that’d be great for him and already comes pretty naturally, but I feel like book Patrick and movie Patrick would have very different attitudes towards getting paid for it.

Anyway, thank you for sharing, again. Not a lot of people take these kinda of things seriously because “they’re just characters” or whatever, which is true, but I think its important to know that the things these characters are dealing with (particularly characters who are violent and play antagonistic roles) are not only very real but don’t make anyone in real life dealing with them bad people because of them. So much is environmental, but its all real shit, yo.

#henry bowers #patrick hockstetter #it 2017

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winky-the-alcoholic-elf · 6 years

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@perenelleflamelle tagged me in a thing! Thanks, lovely human :)

Name: Cindy

Nicknames: Cizzo, Cindy-pants, Cindy-cent

Gender: cis woman

Star sign: Libra (but like i’m early in that and i kinda feel like i’m 50-50 libra and virgo, tbh)

Hogwarts House: Hufflepuff

Height: 5′ nothin”

Time: Like almost midnight

Birthday: oct 3

Favorite Bands: Fall Out Boy, Imagine Dragons, Creedence Clearwater Revival, The Doobie Brothers, Eagles

Favorite Solo Artists: Nicki Minaj, James Taylor, Kesha

Song Stuck In My Head: i have an odd mix of songs stuck in my head and they’re all playing in my head at once and it’s giving me anxiety

Last Movie I Watched: uuumm i watched some early 2000s Denzel Washington movie with my parents a couple weeks ago? it was good he like was a cop suspected of killing his girlfriend and he’s trying to solve who really did it while staying one step ahead of his estranged wife who works in the FBI and is starting to get suspicious of him

When Did I Create My Blog: like junior year of high school at some point, so around 2011 or 2012. jesus i’m old.

Last Thing I Googled: selita ebanks

Do I Have Any Other Blogs: nope. i used to have a blog with some HP fanfic, but i only posted like one chapter and then i stopped bc like 0.0 people actually cared to read a fluffy fic about McGonagall and Trelawney...so yeah..hit me up if you would actually read that. maybe i’ll bring it back by popular demand, or something

Do I Get Asks: not really. every once in a blue moon, i’ll get one. but i get so excited that someone asked me a thing that i think i must scare them off

Why I Chose My Url: Winky is an underrated character, first of all. But also, I started thinking a lot more about Winky like a year or so ago because I have a history of drinking too much, and I wanted to try and quit. Plus I got a car, and I knew I’d have to be careful not to drink and drive, and I was really nervous that I would break that resolve and drive under the influence, so I named my car Winky first because like duh HP references are great, but also because I wanted to be reminded every time I saw my car that to drive, I had to be sober. So from there, I thought well maybe I should make Winky my URL, because I spend so much time on this shit website, it might be a good general reminder not to drink too heavily. And yeah it’s worked out pretty well. I’ll have a glass of wine here and there, but I have not gotten drunk/exceeded my therapist-imposed 2 drink limit since I believe June? So like 6ish months. Sorry that was a SUPER long answer but yeah. That’s the story on that.

Following: 606 (60 more and the devil laughs :p )

Followers: 445 (but let’s be real, half of them are porn bots or deserted blogs that haven’t been active in like years)

Average Hours of Sleep: ugh i’m shit about sleeping regular hours so i don’t even know. but if left to it, no alarm, no other factors, my body usually just goes for 9 hours

Lucky Number: 20? I dunno, i wouldn’t say it’s “lucky” but like when i’m exaggerating or estimating I go for 20 or 20 million or something like that

Instruments: I took piano lessons from age 7 to 15, and I played trumpet from 10-14. I’m not very musically gifted, hence nothing in the last 8 years...

What I’m Wearing: fleece leggings, a fall out boy sweatshirt, and big fluffy socks (it’s literally zero degrees here and my heater is blowing cold air. honestly about to put a coat on inside...)

Dream Job: High school social worker

Dream Trip: listen. i know i’m weird but. i don’t like to travel. show me pics from your vacation, i love that, but i’m a homebody. maybe i’d stay in a log cabin, alone, in the middle of a forest, but honestly that’s more like my dream lifestyle rather than like where i’d want to go on vacation

Favorite Foods: all the dessert stuff, and the breakfast foods that are really just dessert for the morning like chocolate chip pancakes and cinnamon rolls and waffles, but then also anything involving bread + cheese, so like grilled cheese, mac n cheese, broccoli cheddar soup with bread, pizza, all that good stuff

Nationality: American

Favorite Song: ohhh god. Um, a lot but my go-to answers for this question are usually Secrets by Mary Lambert, Fire and Rain by James Taylor, and People by AJJ

I’m tagging: @doitforgranger @rainbowsaw @cyanide-smoothie @heart @libertysir @looneybeth and anyone else who wants to! also please don’t feel you have to do this, i know not everyone enjoys these as much as me

#about me

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leaveharmony · 6 years

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** this got mad towards the end and it wasn't a targeted sort of mad at anyone in particular so much as a tired & probably-stemming-from-always-having-thing-I-enjoy-and-the-way-I-engage-with-it belittled sort of mad. And as my father has always taught me, having or expressing emotions is shameful and wrong, so sorry.

Idk I think it's like....harder for me to cast judgement RE: ~cheating scandals~ or w/e because it goes back to it all being completely theoretical to me. No one's ever, face to face, at any time in any way expressed any kind of romantic interest in me whatsoever, I've never been in a relationship of any kind. It hasn't come up, and that's fine. Whether this is a case of you cannot miss what you've never had or whether I'm just like....a broken empty vessel for whom the yearning for human contact has gone beyond recall or desire, I dunno, and it doesn't concern me. This isn't a pity me statement or an uwu secret crush notice me statement, I literally don't care at this point and tbh can't remember ever having done so.

Probably my oldest friend at this point, she....like as long as I've known her she's dated married men almost exclusively (and this started when we were both in highschool, when she was screwing around w/ her married english teacher - something I now understand was shocking predatory behaviour and probably statutory rape besides, but she does not acknowledge it as such so bring it up isn't my place). She's been seeing the current one for at least three years now, I think, and he's married. It's certainly an uncomfortable thing, and god knows I don't believe he could possibly think much of her or his wife if he's been doing this for so long and never once manned up and been honest or seriously considered ending his marriage. But it's her life and we don't talk much anymore anyway, so I've never felt like it was my job or my place to be her therapist RE: holy shit what the fuck is wrong with you why do you do this to yourself and how could you do this to someone else?

Like full disclosure she started ‘seeing’ that english teacher when we were sort of puppy love internet-together (another long story but she wanted to or at least said she did and I sorta went along with it cos I didn't want to hurt her feelings...which of course, then it certainly seemed v. much like she didn't have many of, considering within a week she was having it off w/ someone else...again, this was a detached ‘Oh’ kind of moment, not really connected to any real hurt as she had instigated this and I hadn't really felt anything myself...it was upsetting in a sort of, ‘so this is what people do when they tell you they love you, that is disappointing but I guess life is not fiction’ kind of way but not in a ‘how could you, I love you’ kind of way. As a first/only experience it could have gone better tbh, but it certainly gave me the right level of expectation afa being used & discarded when someone more convenient came along).

It's possible that most of the people I have ever known have just been fundamentally really bad at relationships and so I just sort of assume this is a normal thing; my father is an abusive shitbag and we're inescapably trapped with him, grandpa was a sort of...disinterested stick in the mud with a frightening temper for whom my grandmother gave up all her interests in sports and the outdoors because he did not share them. Wabs never married, Tosh told me like she was expecting a pat on the back and a medal that she'd been faithful to her husband as he died of cancer 'even though she ‘didn't have to be.’ And my instinctive reaction wasn't GOOD FOR YOU so much as it was “....what?!” but again...I didn't speak, because what the fuck do I know? Maybe ppl run off and start seeing other ppl as soon as their partners get so much as a headcold all the time.

Ppl just sorta get abused and trampled and left and cheated on and discarded, or they do the same to others, and it just looks like a hell of a mess I'm well out of, tbh. Which I guess is another reason...unless somebody's getting beat or otherwise abused, I feel like it's none of my business. So honestly, “Tana slept around when he was single and one day some chick he canoodled with for like two months stabbed him for it” is filed under “Yeah that'll happen, thank god he didn't die” rather than “Hahahahaha karma amiright he totes deserved it, domestic abuse and attempted murder are hilarious when they’re directed at men who’re full of themselves!”

Nobody needs to tell me to have low fuckin' expectations for men, ok, I live under the boot of one of their idiot kings. Tell me Tana fatshames his family for eating, tell me he gaslights them or acts like when they’re hurt or injured they’re making it up to personally inconvenience him, tell me they have to rigidly control their emotions around him to avoid setting off his violent temper, and ok. Tell me he's a bigot, tell me he hits his family, tell me he hates women, tell me he's a rapist, ok. But like...’he had a lot of sex and probably hurt people's feelings’ is not really high on my list of cardinal offenses b/c as far as I can tell, that's fucking everyone. It isn't like he still does, it isn't like he's not tried to put it behind him and grow from it and be better. It's practically his motto. Why is ‘I acted in a shitty way but I'm trying to atone and I still look back and feel guilty about it’ only an admirable, affirming thing to aspire to when it's a tumblr post & not when a guy is straight up saying it? Which he has, on multiple occasions. Can't change the past, can only try to learn from it.

At. Least. He. Fucking. Tries.

When has redneck george ever walked back his comments about gay ppl or his Islamophobia, when has Lesnar? Beyond a token apology and chasing it w/ a dozen I'M NOT A RACIST THO interviews when has Hogan really acknowledged the depths of how he fucked up? When did Warrior apologize for his vile bigotry, where's Elgin sincerely regretting being a fucking piece of shit dragging a rape victim's name through the mud? Jericho's response to ‘hey maybe you shouldn't be advertising your cruise by saying there will be loads of bikini-clad women there available for you to ogle’ was essentially ‘are you triggered, bro, y so srys?’ and at no point did he objections seriously. Orton never so much as thinks for two seconds before condemning BLM protesters or footballers who take the knee, AND he voted for Trump, but other than hollowly chanting that he's not a racist while blatantly doing things that are racist, silence. Honma beat his girlfriend, Snuka murdered his partner, Austin smacked Debra around, Angle got stoned out of his mind and broke into his ex's apartment, X-Pac hit Chyna, exactly how often do they refer back to what happened, when did they apologize or express regret or even acknowledge any of it? I mean I guess Benoit can't, what with the fucking suicide after he bashed in Nancy's skull and murdered his son.

Ppl have different things they can tolerate and forgive, is I guess my point, or at least one of them. Which is fine! I mean...I'd sure fucking side-eye anybody who writes any of the above a pass, but, I guess everybody's stories and reasons are different.

I like Tana. I'm a fan of his. Ok? Like it probably sounds like I think he's a flawless angel crowned with light b/c compared to my fucking father, he IS. It doesn't mean I'm being willfully blind to mistakes he's made or that I'm absolving him of every sin he's ever committed. I think he's a good person and it's heartening and encouraging that he's in the world and if saying so without adding 18 asterisks about past behaviour and an disclaimer acknowledging all men as shit and all people as inherently flawed makes me a gullible childish ~fangirl~ than ok, I guess I am. Everybody knows my tags for wrestling/wrestlers, which are there as much as a courtesy to anybody who needs to blacklist as they are a filing system for me (that’s why there’s a catch-all! For ppl I haven’t thought up tags for yet or don’t intend to!), and tumblr savior is right there if me being silly about my favs in my own space bothers everybody so fucking much, god knows it wouldn't be the first time I set somebody cringing and they had to tune me out before they quietly dropped my ass like a particularly stupid puppy on a country road. That I am a sloppy fawning emotional mess of untreated neurosis who hyperfixates on things & people who make me feel halfway hopeful for entire minutes at a time & gets stupidly overexcited about stuff isn't new information to me, so if you can't deal with that then... Well...sorry, honestly. Like sincerely. I know how I am and I try not to be but I can't help it sometimes when I like something. Don't feel bad about leaving if you don't want to deal with it, cos I get it, honestly. Have exactly zero (0) guilt feelings about it. I’m a fundamentally repulsive creature, ppl have hard limits on how long they can put up with me, and so it has always been, and so it goes.

#Tanariffic #COMPUTER: ERASE THAT ENTIRE PERSONAL LOG

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mandabear72 · 7 years

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Okay, so, I finally managed to go back and re-watch all of Who killed Markiplier. And honestly…..I’m still just as confused, but not angry about it any more. This is just my personal stance on it. You can take it or leave for what it is.

I feel like I picked up on a few things that I didn’t the 1st time around (even a couple of things that they might’ve intended to edit out in post or didn’t catch), but overall, still very confused. It leaves you with more questions than it answers and while no, it doesn’t need to answer all of them, it could’ve answered all of the main ones. Perhaps I’m a bit biased in wanting answers. I just really don’t do theories and having actual facts or concrete evidence mean more to me. Some might consider it boring or a buzzkill, but I’d rather know something’s legit than to grasp aimlessly for straws on a topic and then wind up being completely wrong about it.

Tbh, if I look at everything before the final chapter, it’s actually pretty good. I liked the filming and transitions, the effects and music placement were good, and I can even take some of the offbeat humor for what it is (i.e. The Jims, The Detective at times, etc). Even the bits where Mark dives head first into self-deprecating meta through The Colonel took me aback, as cringey as those moments were to watch. It’s just the ending itself that’s just so…..I dunno. I think Mark and his crew had something with the concept, but there’s something about it that left me feeling like it wasn’t all together.

Maybe one of the reasons why the ending was so bluh and angering for me is because I feel like I got cheated through false advertisement. I was actually expecting a Who-dunit when the 1st video came out and was excited about that since those are fun. A couple of friends I talked to even likened it to Clue at first. But then when I find out that the “mystery” was a red herring, the murder never even mattered, and was supposedly a guise for an origin story to Wilford and who I personally dub Darkiplier 2.0 (because this Dark we’re seeing is of Mark’s creation, not ours), it just feels a little ungratifying. I can accept that it’s not a Who-dunit now, but at the moment, it was a huge let down. I still question whether this was canon or not, but if it was, I’m rejecting it.

Like, shit’s already hit the fan with the murder of Mark goin’ down, but then there’s additional shit joining alongside the still drying shit that’s previously hit with the introduction of the Seer. I’d comment on the romantic connection with Mark, The Colonel, and Mayor Damien (theorized by others in the fandom); but honestly if that’s also true, the whole affair is soap opera levels of ridiculous and it’d be too easy to take pot-shots at it. If anything, she didn’t help at all and her character’s shady as fuck. Affiliations aside, this thing has a lot of questions it never answers and that can’t really be answered properly through theorizing:

What the fuck happened to Mark’s body and Selene’s (dunno if that’s how her name’s spelled)?

We don’t know what she did that landed Damien in the Spirit world in the first place when the others went to talk to the Groundskeeper.

What the fuck was up with the crib in Mark’s room and do we really have time to throw a kid into the mix of this already complicated backstory?

If everyone was supposedly at Mark’s place dubbed “Markiplier Manor”, then why did The Colonel make the comment “I will NOT be called a murderer in my own home!” toward the end of the 2nd video?

How the hell did Selene know when to show up? If she sensed or “foresaw” that something was wrong, wouldn’t she have also sensed that Mark died?

That shit with the newspaper saying “Safari gone wrong”….I’m gonna put aside theories I’ve heard some people say about a potential kid killed during that and focus on the headline above it. It says “City Mayor is secretly a demon in disguise?”. Is that supposed to be foreshadowing or something to lead us on another theorizing goose-chase for answers?

The series suggests between The Colonel, Mark, and Damien, one of them “stole” their wife. If it was Mark, I can buy that as a motive for revenge for the Colonel. However, it still fails to mention exactly what else Mark did to fuck over everyone else.

At the end, Damien suggests while in the spirit world that Mark is somehow in Damien’s body. Damien and Selene seem to be in the character’s body. But who the hell is the character? Because they have the same jacket and shirt as Damien, sans the white flower, tie, handkerchief, and mayoral pin.

When the image changes in the mirror, is it like a portal of sorts? Does the other person get trapped inside and it’s just Damien and Selene walking around in the character’s body?

But also, if we’re humoring this and saying Mayor Damien is Darkiplier 2.0 and The Colonel is Wilford Warfstache, how’d Wilford get the warbly accent of his? Because that’s not present in this at all as The Colonel.

And lastly if say it IS canon…..what the fuck’s up with “Markiplier TV” then? If Darkiplier 2.0 truly is the manifestation of Damien’s rage and Selene’s powers (which are also NEVER explained), why the fuck would he be working with Wilford in any manner other than to lull him into a false sense of security and exact revenge on him? He wouldn’t even still have any respect for him after everything that happened despite being friends once and yet in that same video you hear him saying “Look, Wil. I respect you. I always have….” soooo…what’s real here? What’s fake?

Regardless, it definitely brings the focus back to Wilford and Dark 2.0. Putting this under consideration…..where exactly do they stand with each other? Because it’s kind of a cop-out to say that Dark 2.0 pities Wilford and keeps him alive out of said pity. Once again, if this really is canon, it feels like it takes a lot of the bite out of them as to what was previously established about these two; leaving you in a position to feel sorry for them. But I believe the main reason why the ending felt crappy was that this origin story was completely unnecessary. I felt like it robbed both Wilford Warfstache and Darkiplier 2.0 of an opportunity to be bad guys just for the sake of being bad guys. While villains should have something that makes them relatable to some degree, not EVERY villain or bad guy needs this. People have done evil or shady shit all the time and they don’t always have a sound reason let alone a reason as to why other than they wanted to.

To me, we didn’t need to know how or why Wilford became who he was. I was perfectly fine with him just existing and willing to take him at face value since he’s such an interesting character to watch…….I know he’s a psychotic, trigger-happy, morally-ambiguous bastard who honestly should come with a warning and leave with a referral to his nearest therapist/psychiatrist ASAP. I also know he’s fucked up despite meaning well MOST of the time, but….that’s what I love about him. I love the pepped-up, cotton candy psycho and his zany charm.

I can also take Dark 2.0 at face value as being evil and manipulative, too. Somehow, I wish I could say the last part about him, but even with this new info of an origin story, it still makes it hard to like him or have full sympathy for him (though I already have issues with his existence to begin with that I mentioned in my initial reaction about the series). Does it make it understandable? Sure, I can understand his background and why he is the way he is, but it doesn’t justify his actions (or Wilford’s). I suppose I could sum it up as….I see Wilford as more of a redeemable character than Darkiplier 2.0 should there ever BE a chance for redemption later on. But as weird as that is….a part of me kinda thinks that’s the point???

Darkiplier 2.0’s never MEANT to be a redeemable person, let alone a LIKEABLE one. If I’m ripping a quote from Mark from a past livestream, he said of Dark: “He’s a social manipulator. He is literally, 100% manipulative. He leads you into this false sense of security, and he wants you to trust him because he wants to take advantage of you.” And while this shit with Who killed Markiplier left me confused as fuck and made me wonder if Mark intended for us to gain further understanding of these characters or garner our sympathy for them through a “tragic backstory”, maybe he just wanted to tell a story….granted, it was one that could’ve been executed better in plot and that I wish wasn’t so convoluted or such a headache to make sense of, but a story nonetheless.

I WILL say this though: Despite my criticisms about Who Killed Markiplier?, I am surprised about some of the approaches taken to make it when they’re done right and I can genuinely appreciate the effort to do something different. Maybe this might lead to something else in the future, or maybe it won’t. But if it means we’ll see something LESS heartbreaking for one of the characters, then, we’ll see what happens.

#i don't recall ever being so fixated on something like this on mark's channel #and i've been watching it for almost 4 years now #like this shit's been buggin' me for days and i still don't get it #second glance #wkm #who killed markiplier #darkiplier #wilford warfstache #markiplier #the seer #mayor damien #colonel william

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jollynightduck · 7 years

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Random Questions on Sunday Tuesday

@andrewstuntpilot tagged me to answer these questions he wrote :)

Where do you currently live? I live in North London

Where would you prefer to live if given the option, and why? I would prefer to live in a bigger flat, but location wise I’m okay where I am for now.

Shoe size? 7

Can you fall asleep on your back? If so do you wake up like that? I don’t think I ever fall asleep on my back unless it’s an unintentional nap, I usually fall asleep on my side.

Is there a movie/book/show/game you’re looking forward to? What about it has you most excited? Movie? I’m kinda excited to see It, dunno if I’ll actually see it in the cinema though. TV show? The new series of Crazy Ex Girlfriend starts soon so very excited for that! Also the next episode of The Good Place which I started recently. Also the Apprentice is starting next week again which I love (judge me, idc). Book? I bought the audio book of Catch 22 ages ago and keep meaning to listen to it, so kinda excited for that. Game? Skyrim on Switch, also toying with the idea of buying a PS4 and getting Overwatch.

Wine, or hard liquor? What is one of your preferred drinks? I like Gin and Vodka (not mixed together), I typically go for clear drinks (spirit & mixer) or fruity cocktails. I do like a nice dry white wine but I only every drink that with food or family, if I’m getting crunk it’ll be spirits.

Physical touch, do you enjoy it? What’s your favorite spot, what spot do you not want to be touched? I do not enjoy sudden unexpected physical contact, I tend to flinch a lot. But I do like physical contact in general. Touch me on the back, I find that reassuring. Do not touch me on the sides or basically anywhere randomly tbh, I’m really ticklish.

Go into your Youtube history and provide the link to the 7th video in the list. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g6ugkDYp-tQ The glee version of Telephone.

What was the last song you listened to? Chandelier by Sia.

Do you have any thoughts on Nick Jonas? He is very very sexy and I would appreciate some time with him.

Water or Silicone based? Water based because I’m a broke ass bitch, but silicone is better.

The most illicit controlled substance you’ve partaken in? Ketamine

If you could get your friends/family to watch one specific gay movie, which one would it be? Probably something stupid like GBF because its really funny and has kind of a nice message.

Do you listen to Podcasts? If so do you listen to them while you’re doing something else? I do/did, I used to listen to loads but I need to find a decent app for them on my phone. But I used to really like Hello Internet and My Dad Wrote a Porno, and yeah I’d listen to them when I was doing literally anything.

What do you do on a Sunday? Usually absolutely nothing but getting a nice lunch and doing something chill like walking though a park would be ideal.

Birth sign, and zodiac? What do you like most about both, what do you like least. If you could pick which would you prefer? Cancer. This is basically meaningless so I don’t really like or dislike it. If I could pick another I’d probably pick Scorpio cause it sounds coolest.

In front of my salad? If you’re willingly eating a salad you have brought this on yourself.

Last book or comic you enjoyed? I’m currently reading Theft By Finding by David Sedaris which is brilliant!

A kink or fetish you have, can you explain how it became one for you? Pay for a therapist for me if you wanna know why any of my kinks exist.

Supply the link to either an image or video you think will bring a chuckle to those following you. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3UNT3x6r1M This is something I just listened to which is fucking hilarious. Basically a women goes on a date with a guy who then ghosts her, she calls this radio hotline to get a second date with him, hilarity ensues. Truly worth a listen.

Thank for the tag @andrewstuntpilot this was really fun 😊😊

#not tagging people because i'm an awful human being #me

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b00bstone · 7 years

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All the even numbers!

thats a lot. and 72 was repeated twice but i had to renumber them since i copied and pasted adn forgot it was repeated. but anyway.

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

mostly shy i think but i can be outgoing if im comfortable.

4 Are you easy to get along with?

not really. i can be quite moody. and i unfortunately have a short temper (which im trying to work on) and im depressed adn suicidal so i think the answer is no.

6 What kind of people are you attracted to?

smart funny ones.

8Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

my friend the nerd because i was talking to them and my friend rabbit earlier.

10Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

probs my therapist since we talked just earlier today.

12What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

1.awkward by hailey knox

2 beautiful girl by sara barielles

3. plot twist by sigrid

4 waving through a window from dear evan hansen

and 5. dissapear also from dear evan hansen.

14Do you believe in luck and miracles?

yeah but my luck is shitty and miracles happen to other people. so basically yes but not for me lmao

16Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

yeah. if she were down. but like shes really straight. so i doubt she would be.

18Do you still talk to your first crush?

occasionally. hes a dick now tho. fraternity guy. and voted for trump.

20Do you like your neighbors?

well the ones i know are pretty cool.

22Where would you like to travel?

narnia. one of those planets they discovered that are super far away but similar to earth. but like on this planet? probs travel around europe.

24Favorite part of your daily routine?

going to bed.

26What do you do when you wake up?

lie there and try to go back to sleep.

28Who are you most comfortable around?

probs my friend rabbit.

30Do you ever want to get married?

one day yeah. but only if i find the right person u know.

32Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

oohhhh ummm hmmm. chris pratt. aubrey plaza and john boyega. i feel like aubrey would bring a sarcastic element which would help with the pressure and nervousness and john and chris. well u can just see in their eyes that theyre really gentle people that will treat u right.

34do you play sports? What sports?

hahaha no. ive always wanted to dance and/or be on a swimteam. but my lungs hate me

36Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

i think ive only told like 1 or 2 people that ive liked that i liked them. and ive liked a lot of people so yes. i have hidden that i liked someone before. many many times.

38Describe your dream girl/guy?

theyre taller than me. i dunno why but ive always liked wavy/curly hair. not blonde. or brunette. so that leaves unnatural hair color or black or red. good bone structure. theyre really smart. like they know lots of stuff academically but theyre also just generally smart u know. and they know lots of lil random facts about random things. really nice. but not in like a sugar nice way but more like sun beams when it feels like theyre warming u from the inside kinda nice. kind eyes. color doesnt really matter since i keep changing my mind. strong. but not necessarily muscular. i want them to be able to pick me up and twirl me around but not like theyve got a sixpack or anything. sixpacks are kinda weird looking tbh. wed have to have most of the same values. not too talkative but not like ALWAYS quiet. theyd prefer staying in most weekend and watchng shows but dont mind the occassional night out. theyd like the beach. because what kind of crazy person doesnt like the beach (people that dont beach right thats who). theyd also like biking and hiking and swimming. very much an animal person. not lazy. good listener. intuitive. would understand that some days i just cant fucking stand physical touch. and others i crave it in a way ive never craved anything before. and other days its kinda meh whatever. people that take interest in what im interested in because im interested in it. and whose interests are cool. because i love to take interest in things my friends are interested in but sometimes its so boring. nothing particular comes to mind. but im sure its happened. someone who doesnt check up on me when im crying. because tbh i hate it when people do that. unless its through texting or a phone call. but like people in person asking “are u ok?” while im sobbing my eyes out? fuck no go away. someone who understands that im really fucking bad with words. and sometimes me trying to say something will take a while and it may not make sense. theyd be patient. they wouldnt mock me. or be manipulative. and i think this list is long enough.

40What do you want to do after high school?

travel the world and end up famous, but not like papparazzi following me famous. famous like i appear on snl every once in a while and drop bangers or rad filsm or whatever i do and thats all. what will i probs end up doing? crying a lot and going to community college. and applying to as many colleges as i have the energy to.

42If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

it might mean im busy. or just listening. or really pissed off. or upset. or just have nothing to say.

44Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

space.

46What are you paranoid about?

everything

48Have you ever been drunk?

not yet. but sometimes i want to be

50What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

blue i think?

52 One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

everything. but like one specific thing? id like to get rid of my depression, fears, and this brain fog that haunts me

.54 Favourite store?

trader joes or target

56Favourite color?

yellow

58 Last thing you ate?

well rn im eating plain potato chips and mayo (please dont judge me. i know its disgusting)

60Ever won a competition? For what?

i used to do mma i won like one or two of those. i also run a riding competition once.

62Been arrested? For what?

not yet. but im sure one day i will be.

64tell us the story of your first kiss?

we were in her parents bathroom and were 7. thats all i remember. havent kissed anyone since. which isnt for lack of wanting to.

68Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

i dont really have any tumblr friends that arent my real friends yet? so like i cant answer that.

70 Twitter or Tumblr?

well i spend all my time here and not on twitter so lets go with tumblr. altho i do have a twitter im never on

72Names of your best friends?

adi, heather, rabecca, joaquin, celestine.

74What colour are your towels?

blue, red and white. and theres some hawaiin print ones and a yellow one.

76How many pillows do you sleep with?

3...

78How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

like 40? dont judge. i kept asking as a kid and my parents kept giving them to me for christmas and my birthday. they should have stopped.

80What colour is your underwear?

rn its grey. but its not the only color i have

82Favourite ice cream flavor?

fuck. ummmmm coffee?

84What colour pants?

rn theyre black. but on the front of the thighs they have zebra striping.

86Favourite movie?

thats not an easy question to answer. im gonna say bringing up baby just because.

90Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

both? i mean i prefer mean girls a lil more bu 21 jumpstreet isnt bad either

92 Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

dory. we are both scatterbrained.

94Last person you talked to today?

adi. but like in person? rabbit and the nerd.

96Name a person you love?

celestine. (not romantically)

98In a fight with someone?

not as far as i know. but i always kinda feel like im in a fight with monkey.

100How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

like 4? i know i know i dont have very many.

102Favourite actress?

aubrey plaza.

104Do you tan a lot?

nope. i try at least once every summer. but my skin either stays as pale as snow or i burn really bad then my skin shift to a slightly more offwhite shade of snow.

106. How are you feeling?

blergh. potato chips and mayo are really gross. and im tired and sick of people telling me shit.

108Do you regret anything from your past?

i regret everything ive ever done.

110Do you miss anyone from your past?

well there is this one guy i used to talk to but i miss the attention and not him so that doesnt count. i kinda miss a friend of mine named shannon from elementary school sunday school

112Ever broken someone’s heart?

i dont think so.

114What should you be doing?

school. but ive given up on that. so.

.116 Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

oh yeah. ive liked 2 peoplethat much. altho i barely knew the first person and it was more me projecting my ideals of the prefect person onto them.

118Who was the last person you cried in front of?

probs my therapist.

120Have you ever been out of your province/state?

yeah. i was just in virginia last week. i live in california so id say thats definitely out of state.

122Are you listening to music right now?

nope.

124Do you like Chinese food?

americanized or traditional? americanized: yessss that shit i shte bomb. traditional? i dont know ive never had it.

126Are you afraid of the dark?

yes. very. i need a light source or i start to panic.

.128 Is cheating ever okay?

like on a partner or on a test or something? on a partner? no way. u should never do that. like thatll really fuck them up and make them mistrustful for the rest of their life. on a test? if its necessary sure go for it. i dont care. im not ur teacher.

130Do you believe in love at first sight?

yeah. but its not something thatll ever happen to me lmao.

132. Are you currently bored?

im always bored.

134 Would you change your name?

last name? yes 100% absolutely. first name? maybe.

136Do you like subway?

like the sandwich shop? fuck no! the first time i ate it i threw up. the second time was ok. and thei third time i got serious stomach cramps afterwards. it was these awful sharp shooting pains all through my stomach.

138Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

probs my therapist.

140Can you count to one million?

theoretically? yes. but will i? no

142Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

closed! my closet freaks me out but the office across from my bedroom freaks me out more. and also like i dont want cats walking on my face. or to wake up at 7 am and find that my dog has taken up the very middle of the bed.

144Curly or Straight hair?

rn? mostly straight. but when it gets longer it kinda curls a lil.

146Summer or Winter?

yes. i like both. dont make me choose.

148 Favourite month?

july. thats when im born so it has to be my fav.

150Dark, milk or white chocolate?

milk

152Was today a good day?

no.

154What’s your favourite quote?

in the beginning the universe was created a lot of people regard t as a bad move. and i messed that quote up. but yeah.

156Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

the terms braided and woven refer to the structure of the elastic.

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half-man-half-lime · 7 years

Text

Self-Loathing, etc.

Sorry for the crazy long and personal post, but I’m immeasurably frustrated with myself and need an outlet. So I’mma vent and ramble a bunch, and just sort of hope that somebody who reads this has something helpful to say.

Fuck

So I’ve been wanting to make comics for, like, a long time, and somehow I never seem to be able to just sit down and fucking make them.

Like, I don’t know why I’m surprised the kid who got overwhelmed, shut down and went to bed at the very thought of doing a large project or even some basic homework ALL THROUGHOUT GRADE SCHOOL WITHOUT FAIL grew up to be someone who has trouble with any large and complicated project, let alone a comic that could potentially go on for ten years.

And look, I didn’t even KNOW I was on the Autism spectrum until like 2 or 3 years ago. I’ve gone to therapists and the like, but most of the time I don’t get any seriously helpful advice. (And let’s be real, any moderately helpful advice I get I probably either dismiss because I don’t expect it to help, don’t hear because of my ADD, get overwhelmed by when I try it, or promptly forget upon leaving the office) Mostly it’s the same ‘break tasks down’, etc. etc. stuff I’ve heard a million times anyway.

On top of that, I haven’t been able to take stimulants like Vyvanse, Focalin, Adderall, etc. ever since a couple years ago when I randomly started getting the shakes and other side effects that are uncomfortable and completely get in the way of working.

So I thought, okay, there’s gotta be workarounds, right?

For one thing, I was employed in a full-time job for a little over a year, and I can’t think of a single instance when I slept in on purpose so I didn’t have to go to work. I know how monumentally sad it is to say, but that’s big for me. I still had that problem in the part-time job I had before, that’s how sad it all is.

When I’d saved up enough money at this job, I bought a new computer that I could make comics on, but, surprise surprise, I was too burnt-out by the end of each work day to work on comics, and despite all attempts I couldn’t get myself into the habit of working on my comic either every day, or even just on weekends.

So I thought, hey, maybe the routine, the strict schedule and the designated location are part of what helped.

And that’s why I made it a goal to rent an art studio and start working part-time again, while working on my comic the other half of my time. That didn’t pan out, but in a connected circumstance a friend offered to rent an apartment with me, meaning I could finally move out of my parents’ house.

Still not sure if it was the right decision or not- I admit it’s a little freeing to not have to be religious, but that’s probably not enough of a benefit TBH. Plus it’s not like living on my own magically granted me social skills and I now go out with some big group of friends I somehow made or managed to get a girlfriend or anything. (you know who you are- don’t fucking get on my case about this, seriously I don’t want to hear a word about admitting I like girls or whatever. I don’t want to hear that shit on a good day.)

But the new environment at least meant I could sort of ‘bundle’ other changes in with the big one. I bought an even better computer and set it up in a literal closet of all things so that it could solely be designated as a Work Computer in a Working Space.

On top of that, due to circumstances that deserve an entire rant of their own, I recently lost that full-time job I was talking about. And even though that sucks, (and even though I have to find a new job AND dispute some bullshit false claims my employer made so I can get unemployment and don’t get turned down for every job I apply for,) it does mean I now have a whole mess of free time, and that means I can do COMICS! That’s right, this story idea I’ve been working on for like 3 years or something now can finally be put to paper and everyone can see how great it is and how cool I am or whatever!

Except not, of course.

I set an alarm, I’m getting up at the same time every day, I go to work, and it’s just. Nothing. I look at the work I have to do onscreen and just think ‘I can’t do this, I can’t do this, I can’t do this.’ I need to draw a crowd scene or a complicated contraption or whatever, and I just draw a blank. Like, a combination of just not wanting to do it, and not knowing how.

I’ll admit, I DID make a few improvements since I started working- listening to audiobooks and podcasts less, music more, and keeping my phone in the other room so I don’t end up playing MINDLESSLY ADDICTING MOBILE GAMES I’M STARTING TO HATE

But it’s not going anywhere. For the past few days it’s been like, 10 minutes of actual, literal drawing to, I dunno, 7 hours a day of playing Skyrim because I can’t even fucking bring myself to play a new video game anymore? (Seriously though, everyone’s saying the new Pokemon game is supposed to be amazing, and I’m still like an eighth of the way through, I shouldn’t be this bored by it! I KNOW it’s good!)

It’s hard to find a good way to describe the problem. Heck, it’s hard enough to get my thoughts in order enough to write all this. Do you know I skipped a Drink & Draw at a bar nearby to write this??? Before I decided that, it was just going to be a nap, because sleeping sounds better than going to a place full of people I know I mostly won’t be able to talk to while I stare at a blank sketchbook page or the notebook I’ve been thumbnailing and scripting my comic on and just not knowing what to draw.

*ahem*, Anyway

I’ve read stuff about Autistic Inertia and the like. It’s my favorite go-to name for the problem, but I’m not sure how close it actually is. I’ve googled the term recently, and I saw some relatable stuff, but there was other stuff people said about not being able to talk except fuck, I just realized around like 4th grade, along with my parents being unable to get me up, there were times I just didn’t want to talk, like it would ruin my resting experience to use my vocal cords. Maybe that’s an inertia thing because I had spent so many hours asleep not talking? Anyway, I’m not sure.

Frankly, I don’t know how much I even care about what the label is except to the end that it helps me figure out a solution. I don’t even give a fuck if this is all technically my fault and I’m just lazy, or have learned helplessness, and that’s it. Does anyone know how to magically make yourself not lazy? It’s a paradox, where can you get the motivation to change and make yourself motivated?

Like I’ve said before, this has been a problem for as long as I've had anything resembling a responsibility in life. I have a large task, and it’s just... I see it and my thoughts fizzle out. Like, some kind of mental block.

The best way I’ve figured out how to describe it is like trying to live in a cluttered basement full of useless junk. From the start, it’s this huge enormous mess, and you have to wonder ‘where do I begin?’ But it’s not like there’s an instruction manual for sorting garbage. It’s easier to just sit down and do nothing some of the time. Try and walk around, and you’ll only find yourself tripping and falling over, or being unable to wade through it all because it’s too deep and shit is too cluttered and heavy to move around. It’s like an antlion pit, where trying to climb out just results in everything crumbling and you falling back in.

And say you want to do something more complicated. You’ve got to build something better to work with, right? But imagine how difficult it is to build a couch or a shelf or whatever out of random scraps of garbage, while ALSO trying not to trip and fall over yourself. It’s mentally tiring to figure it out, it’s physically tiring to put it all together. And the worst part of that is the same antlion thing, where if you fuck up then the paths you’ve worn will get flooded with garbage, or the things you’ve built will fall apart.

I don’t know if that metaphor makes sense, I hope it does.

This is all hard to describe. It’s made things difficult, too.

Like, the ENTIRE reason I haven’t gone to college is because of this shit. Whenever I want to feel sorry for myself I’ll think ‘I got into SCAD for God’s sake, how did I end up like this?!’

The fact is, I couldn’t get all my work done in the community college art classes I took JUST TO TEST THE FUCKING WATERS. I avoided any homework I had to do like the plague, and I burned out of a 4-hour drawing class after maybe a single hour.

I still remember when my art teacher told me I was doing something wrong, and asked me to start over, and that was it. I was just done, I couldn’t even imagine devoting the mental energy to doing all that work again, but somehow doing it right, whatever that meant. So I just stood there by the easel for a couple hours until the teacher called me into his office to lecture me/try and figure out what was wrong, and I was too choked up to even speak.

So I don’t know what good can come from posting this rant. Maybe somebody can give me answers? If not then at least I’m venting, I guess.

Excuse me. *ahem*

FUCK

FUCK FUCK FUCK

I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MYSELF I HATE EVERYTHING AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

#personal #Long post #Autism #Depression #ADHD #Delete later maybe?

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deadpool-scar-bro · 6 years

Text

so i don’t know how much i’ve told you guys about this but uh

huh

i started seeing a therapyst a while back. i was seriously skeptical about how much it would help because i knew that eventually i would need to be medicated again. she’s... good help, honestly. a bit intense at times. sometimes she tells me to do or say things that i’m not 100% behind but she doesn’t really force me to do it.

kind of a crackpot but i really don’t mind. she doesn’t think that me seeing/hearing things is a bad thing. she says that maybe i got superpowers(?) and that i can see through dimensions(?). not sure about that. maybe she just wants me to rethink about it more positive like so it doesn’t scare me as much. it actually has worked, i must admit.

she supports me a lot on my art. she told me to draw what i saw and to write down the things i hear. slowly i’ve started to use more and more color on my drawings; after i showed her the lastest batch of drawings i made, she told me to keep using color and she gave me a bunch of supplies for my art. i was very embarrassed and i didn’t know what to do because no one had done that for me without expecting something in return and she noticed that. she told me i didn’t owe her anything and to take the supplies (it was just paper but it was too much for me). she even offered to give me some watercolors and paintbrushes but i didn’t accept those because honestly it was too much and i would have felt bad.

i started painting. im not very good at it but i like how some of them have come out. im trying to get better in any case.

but just therapy wasn’t helping that much so i decided to go to a psychiatrist too. the psychiatrist is very strange too. she thinks that i shouldn’t be seeing/hearing things but she also says that its because of them that my art is so peculiar. she said they gave me a different perspective on color and shapes. but she’s the kind of person that thinks that creativity and mental illness are codependent of each other. she gave me meds and told me that if at any time i don’t like how they feel then i can call her and she’ll give me an appointment right away so we could talk and maybe switch medication.

i don’t know for sure how good the meds are for me tbh. i’ve been taking them for a week but i keep seeing/hearing things. the only difference seems to be that i sleep longer and i kinda feel things muted(?) its a bit hazy sometimes. sis said that my meds are anti-psychotics or smth like that. she said they act like minor sedatives. dunno how to feel about that other than a huge MEH.

a lot of things have become very MEH for me lately. some days are just MEH days. like from the moment i wake up to me going to sleep, i just go through the motions feeling absolutely nothing but a sort of exhaustion about it. sometimes i dont wanna eat at all but i force myself to because i know i have to.

it’s been rough to deal with all this on top of having to also deal with my shitty body just being shitty. i don’t know how to talk to others. i don’t know how to reach out to my friends and tell them all of this shit. i’m so used to dealing things on my own that i just can’t talk about it. sometimes i do it and then i feel like i’ve said too much and that i should stop bringing people down with my stupid shit. but i never really say it all. i never really give my friends too many details about what troubles me. I CAN’T. i literally can’t. mom kinda ruined it for me. she just said to me too many times that i can’t cry infront of others, that i can’t tell anyone about how i feel because it’d make me weak and i have to appear strong. but i think its only made me feel more vulnerable and isolated.

that’s something i share with tony stark yeah. “stark men are made of iron” sounds a lot like what my mom used to tell me when she found me crying on my bed. hooray for fucked up childhoods.

both my therapist and psychiatrist want me to reach out to my family and friends about this but i can’t. specially my family. i cannot talk about this with my parents. i’ve only kinda talked with my sis about it but i can tell she doesn’t want to hear about it so...

i’m trying. i’m really trying to get better.

#personal stuff #huge vent lmao #i need whiskey but i cant drink

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