#dunno which one I liked better so you guys can have both versions instead lmao

[birdmenmanga]

spent some time reading manga today, using the random button on mangadex as per the usual.

[Will These Words Reach You] first off was this cute yuri story about a woman who had quit her job and taken a vacation where she met another woman studying abroad and they get close despite the fact both of them can only use broken english to communicate (their first languages are japanese and spanish). very cute and sweet but is labeled as "doujin" for some reason even though it works very well as a stand-alone story and I can't find what it's a doujin of. It's a good light-hearted read (below left)

[Suuji de Sukuu! Jyakushou Kokka] then we had an isekai story about an aspiring mathematician becoming the princess's war consultant, which you would THINK is a strong premise; however the main girl's boobs are so fucking annoying and distracting that it was actively making my reading experience worse despite a reasonably strong plot. It's so clear that the author doesn't believe in the power of his subject matter or his writing or whatever that the panel compositions keep focusing on boobs. boobs. boobs. annoying as hell man why can't you just stay in your lane and talk about game theory. fuck off. I haven't watched no game no life in ages but I think the plot of this is more solid and the mathematics more coherent but the boobs just piss me off so bad. and I LIKE boobs too. that's how you know you've really flubbed it. still on the fence as to whether I'd recommend it. (above right)

[Zettai Unmei Houteishiki] we also had some old-looking yaoi (off the top of my head the artstyle looked maybe... late 90s or early 2000s? [note: checked it and it came out 2004. nailed the artstyle dating]) that was about 1 volume long; unmemorable, melodramatic, and overall not great. god what eve was the plot... okay son of a yakuza family who is high-school aged fell in love with this photographer guy years ago but the rest of his family (2 older siblings, also both guys) chased the photographer guy off behind his back and he's feeling wet and pathetic about this. not great. don't recommend.

[Café Kichijoji de] there was also a slice-of-life comedy about 5 guys working at a cafe. to me it just felt like a deeply underbaked version of hana-kimi's humor, and some of it was pretty mean-spirited too, like one of the guys being sad that only the "ugly" (masc and butch) girls wanted to text him. also do not recommend. (above right)

[Yaoguai Mingdan] and lastly there's a fantasy story about some college student who is suddenly surrounded by a lot of dangerous demons fighting over him. Seems like classic harem fare but it doesn't really bother me that much. Obviously also using sex as a bait to get people to read it, like suuji de sukuu up there but this at least is very forthcoming about "I need your semen and I am going to fuck you right now" instead of continually taking boob shots that are not remotely relevant to the plot at all. god, I'm just so mad at what they did to suuji de sukuu. as a person I'm just straight up more interested in statistics than I am about daoist demon mythology but maybe it's because of that I can appreciate yaoguai mingdan in a way I can't with suuji de sukuu like I'm not gonna be upset at the depictions in yaoguai mingdan because I don't know shit you know. also I grabbed the cover picture on mangadex but holy shit the artist's art gets way better lmao

I dunno. suuji de sukuu just felt more misogynistic as a story (which could have been fixed entirely if the main character had been a girl by the way), and while the author claims they love math it just comes off as insincere. like if you REALLY believe math is genuinely cool and is worth studying you wouldn't resort to low concepts like boob fanservice. read suugaku golden instead. yaoguai mingdan committed to the bit about sex hard and that's what I like about it. yeah!! the dryad is harvesting energy to get revenge on humans!! sure sure I can buy that. the bit about the love hotel the main character keeps getting dragged into against his will getting blown up time after time with the bill for repairs getting shoved on him because all the other supernatural parties are too busy duking it out in a secondary location? that's funny! that's really funny!! like it knows it's "low art" and accepts it and embraces it and there's something true and beautiful about that in the same way chainsaw man is. also the scanlation groups who have been working on yaoguai mingdan have been going THROUGH it I think I'm not even 70 chapters in and the scans have changed hands multiple times LMAO

#just thinking thoughts... #will these words reach you #suuji de sukuu! jyakushou kokka #zettai unmei houteishiki #cafe kichijoji de #yaoguai mingdan #suugaku golden

[ink--theory]

fool’s gold

#dunno which one I liked better so you guys can have both versions instead lmao #using this new crayon like brush for this whole drawing was really fun #even if it did take me like forever to finish U-U #Splatoon #splatoon 2 #octo expansion #agent 8 #ik the background looks kinda gross I just slapped something together and called it a day lol #oc: shion #my art shit

[batarangsoundsdumb]

guess fucking what? my inbox is so fucking full right now i'm unloading all of this shit in one post.

For the 11th gotham memes: gothamites react to bruce being jacked in a tiktok he made with kids, like super yoked, ripped as hell

fucking hilarious thanks. i think i did it in one meme post, but i genuinely don't remember which one

i dunno which of the batfam would do this but one time i was sleeping over at a friends house and ended up on the floor bc the bed was so very small and i just stayed there because the rug was soft

that's a drunk jason move i don't know what to tell you

tim and jason are "i listen to pop punk" solidarity. whenever jason highjacks the batmobile theyll go on long ass car rides blaring mcr and paramore and then never talk about it again

as they should!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tim: no jason it's my turn using the aux cord i gotta put on my jams jason: don't you dare put on weird shit tim: don't worry, you're gonna love this *plays fearless (taylor's version)

hear me out hear me out, red hood stans 🤝 nightwing stans t h i g h s

holy shit yes.

SNL au: Bruce breaks character when pretending to superman and says something like "I'm not superman! You've seen his gps!! It's from 2001!!!" @sabeanybabe

superman flies past the snl building the next day just to say 'actually it's from 2005, i'm not a heathen'

does your back hurt from carrying the batfam fandom

it hurts more from the exotic rock collection i keep in my backpack, but thanks for the concern.

I love your posts by why would you always leave the best parts in the tags?

as a treat for the people that check the tags ;) (and also because i'm committed to the short post aesthetic)

somehow your playlist was everything i never knew i needed. i mean it. this is my new favorite playlist.

and don't you dare get a new favourite playlist!

babe ur stoner tim playlist is exactly too perfect, earth is literally blessed by ur existence

babe thanks so much! i love my stoner tim playlist because it's just my usual playlist but people think it's an artistic choice that i put taylor swift and britney spears in there, when it's just what i unironically like listening to

JANDKSKDK BILLY RAY CYRUS ON THE STONER TIM PLAYLIST I LOVE IT IT

again it's not even an ironic choice, i know every single word and i genuinely like the song

The last chapter of Fundamentals of Casework has me crying at work. Thanks I love it @dudelookitsalesbian

oh babe, i'm sorry, but also, not sorry i love chapter 4 so much it's my lovechild with the 'mental illness' tag

soooo....stumbled on your tumblr by some stroke of fate??? read your DC fanfic first. which is PHENOMENAL btw. then found all the batmemes; the funniest thing EVER bc everyone forgets about regular old gothamites. kept scrolling and your blog pops up as recommended. clicked on the ao3 for shits and giggles and waddaya know?!?!? it's YOU!!! you're LEGEND!!!! ever seen that meme? it's a video of a cat that got into a baseball field and the two announcers get really invested in his escape attempt and start giving a play by play of the cat instead of the game. memeable moment: "GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!"

i seriously think about this ask every single day and it's so fucking funny to me that i've never seen the meme you're referencing, but i still find myself going 'GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!' whenever i see something funny. but wow i'm glad you liked this steaming pile of garbage

Fav dc character overall? And fav batfamily character?

don't ask me to pick between the loves of my life, but i can tell you i've cried about every single batfamily member and also wally west (my beloved)

What's your opinion on fans having a problem with batfam being "too big"? And some even claim that batfam is just "Bruce Alfred Dick Damian" and the rest of them are just "friends and allies" (source: reddit) Personally, I like batfam because of this reason but idk

stupid. a family can never be too big. i'm not that big a fan of like huge batfam stuff with everybody from every single universe, because as much as it's funny for bruce to have like 30 kids, it just feels a little too OOC for me.

This is the best tag I've seen involving the batfam, thanks for thinking of it

This is canon now @nctxrejects

lmao yeah i think at that point alfred has had to sit through like at least a dozen coming out talks and just has a pride flag collection in the attic that he pulls out whenever a kid comes out

idk why batfam hits different as compared to any other superhero family

bc it's found family and usually the other superhero families are almost all genetically related in one way or another

I don't know if you watch the umbrella academy but I saw your last post about batcest and saw the similarities. But the thing is (although I think it's weird) in TUA, they addressed it by saying "they were raised as weapons, not siblings" or something along those lines, which is simply not the case with batfam.

yeah i watched tua but i also thought it was ridiculous and they still treated each other as siblings so i didn't like the luthor/allison thing, and am glad they stopped doing that shit bc it fucking sucked.

Hot take: Batcest shippers are the same people who believe adopted siblings are not actual siblings

smoking hot take: batcest shippers are the people who watch 'my sister got stuck in the washing machine' porn

Duke was adopted by Bruce?

not technically no, but do i, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb, look like i care?

True story but I had to change my freaking name because it used to be "Damien" and most people would go "OH LIKE DAMIAN WAYNE" like please I'm just tryna live

true story, but i don't actually think of damian when i hear the name damian, literally the first thing that pops up is damian darkh like bruh what?

apparently dc comics company supported comic stores by giving out new titles and stuff during the beginning of the pandemic to help them run and I just think that's wholesome

ah yeah that's so fucking cool, still don't like dc, the company, because this world is a capitalist hellhole and we're all owned by warner brothers or disney with no in between.

ayo looking at tumblr head canons and finding out bruce is actually a terrible father is a punch in the gut

lmao yes, in like 50% of comics bruce is a terrible father and it gives me whiplash

oooh I just saw the jason todd vs winter soldier post and the real question is: batman vs iron man

while iron man has like hundreds of cases of armor, batman could throw out an emp and have the guy dropping out of the sky in 2 seconds.

dickfast = fastdick = quickdick = quickie

magnum hot take

hey bata(?) just thought I'd let you know I have copied the obnoxious emoji and Billy Ray post for use on simping men going forth

thank you 😘🌷 (@spacebarsidecar)

why would you do that to your followers???? i get why i did it, but why would you???

what is scarecrow made the nightwing funko pop himself, like those diy-ers that paint over other ones

oh god no, horrible take, horrible take, that's a disgusting thought oh no

I see your HC that Bruce and Oliver fucked and raise you this: Dick and Roy ALSO fucked

yes they did and it was a horrible moment for jason to find out dick has fucked both of his best friends

"at this rate bruce adds like 1 child to his family every decade or so" Duke is introduced in 2013, Damian as Damian, not as an unnamed child, in 2006. And he is already 14 years old, Robins rarely remain Robins after 16 😬 It looks like a new Robin and Batkid will appear in a couple of years

i mean i can't wait? but somebody will probably die first tho, we're due for another major character death. my money's on either cass or duke this time.

BRO you're so right all of your Bruce's ex headcanons are amazing but they aren't ships, that's kinda wild. Like I don't want any peeks into how their relationship was I just want to see everyone make fun of them

lmao YES it's just i love bruce being a slut, like good for him.

I am in love with your posts your honour thank you

omg thanks are we like,, gonna kiss now?

The justice league needs to have a meeting to discuss how many of their members/partners have slept with bruce. Because through a combination of cannon & fannon (if DC wasn’t homophobic) we have AT LEAST: 1) clark 2) lois 3) oliver 4) dinah 5) john

Thats not counting villains or random civilians @dudelookitsalesbian

yes yes yes, they'll have a yearly meeting about how many of their collective exes could be out for revenge and batman's list just keeps getting longer.

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

and what about it?

when steph's fighting livewire and she zaps her with lighting and nothing happens and then they both just. stand there awkwardly for a second and talk. yeah i couldn't stop laughing at that batgirl steph is the BEST

oh yeah that was fucking hilarious and i think it would be so cool and sexy of dc to give steph a little comic series,,, as a treat

Hi I absolutely adore all of yours "Bruce and Oliver very badly pretending they didn't fuck each other" memes

lmao i do too

I need you to know that “Bruce Wayne had frosted tips” is one of my favorite Bruce takes of all time it’s so galaxy brained. you’re right and you should say it

he also painted his hair blonde once when he was travelling and in conclusion, this is why he's being blackmailed by the gotham gazette.

you know my thing about gordon being branded as the only good cop in gotham is its a load of shit like arguably he's a good person and not working to screw people over or anything but the fact that he also works w. batman makes him a shit cop. like yea batman is better than the mob but its still illegal its still an abuse of power he just not making bank

babe, all cops are bad cops. (but yeah youre absolutely right, working with vigilantes makes you a shit cop, but also working against vigilantes just makes you an asshole cop yanno?)

ruh roh i think i’m about to add “so not yeehaw” every time i don’t like something

that's a very good vocabulary upgrade

somehow i feel like steph already knew. like babs obviously knew but i feel like bruce got high/drunk in front of steph and started telling his boarding school stories and steph was just like “oh you fucked up i’m never gonna forget this”

steph and bruce have weird uncle/rebellious niece dynamic and they just hang out sometimes and bruce will be like 'i once broke my arm when i tripped over a hedge when i was drunk so oliver drove me to the hospital on an electric scooter' and steph will just have to sit there with that knowledge in her head.

Hello I just wanted to tell you you are So right in all your steph opinions bc she is, in fact amazing and I think that's very sexy of you. Ps. Your Bruce/Oliver fic is hilarious

babe, thank you so much and yes steph is amazing and i love her and she deserves the world and she's the best member of the batfam hands down. also thanks

In Supersons we see a couple of kids that are implied to be Damian and Jon's children and the boy has laser eyes and can fly, so I asume he's not adopted. The girl, who calls Bruce grandpa, can also fly, btw. So it's canon (probably by accident) that Jon can have kids and he must have married one of Bruce's kids. (I'm hoping for Damian, mostly because any other of his children would be waaaaaaaaaaaaay too old.) @artemisa97

lmao that was probably an accident seeing as jon is a 17 year old superhero in the year 3000 (by the jonas brothers)

You know, I'm a die hard fan of your memes, but I gotta say one thing: if Gothamites actually took gas mask everywhere with them, then the Scarecrow would just be a weird dude in a weird costume, and not a villain oh so scary. DC really should just takes notes from you.

bold of you to assume there's no gothamite anti-maskers

How does it feel being the funniest person on this app?

horrible, next question.

I can't listen to Green Day or Billy Joel without thinking of your post about how Bruce got arrested at a Billy Joel concert @nightwings-kid

yeah that's your mistake, i on the other hand can't enjoy billy joel without thinking about the glee rendition of 'uptown girl'

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

superman: so what do you do in your free time? batman, thinking about the superman fanfiction he's writing on the batcomputer: i have no free time

bruce and oliver be like boyfriends to co-workers 401k (do the justice leagues get 401ks??? not that bruce and ollie would need them, but-)

lmao yes just 400 thousand words of bruce realising 'oh dip oliver is such a fucking dumbass' (also i don't know what a 401 k is but i assume they don't?)

Gothamites would totally boo superman as he saves Gotham while batman is out. @meenje

he's like 'okay think about that next time you want to be saved from an alien octopus'

I just took long break from dc comics and I come back to see ric grayson ??

i think it's very cool and sexy of dc to see dick and just think 'you know what? let's just give him a traumatic brain injury' and then didn't develop his character in any real way

SPEAKING OF RIC GRAYSON, gothamites making confused memes out of ric grayson is much needed

'dick grayson is my taxi driver? can anyone explain what the fuck happened he looks like an italian plumber?'

i hate to say it but batfam are def "marvel characters" in that sense they are characters who are human but become superheroes unlike most dc characters who are gods trying to be human maybe this is why I like batfam

fair enough

#this is only like half of it #but at least you can get like a few answers #yanno fuck it #bataranswers #ask #asks #anon

[has-gilgamesh-doneanythingwrong]

Let There Be Cake!!

In which an assortment of Mastersonas visit Seihai’s Chaldea for some tea.

Disclaimer: Err well this may be a very random representation of all the masters, but I hope you enjoy it. (lmao) This may be a bit ooc ;; don’t destroy me pls

Decorating the tables with napkins and cutlery; Mash, Gudako and Seihai helped prepare for today’s meeting.

“I can’t believe so many masters are coming to visit,” Gudako grinned, as she nudged Seihai in the ribs- her eyes gleaming with mischief. “You’re lucky that I managed to get people like Emiya to lend a hand with the cooking!”

Rubbing their side indignantly, Seihai grimaced. “Hey, don’t nudge me like that! And yeah, I’m grateful...I almost had a panic attack once I caught sight of the guest list.”

Seihai was struck with awe once they realized how many different Chaldeas existed concurrently amongst one another. All they had sent out was a measly little pager, yet it had managed to make a huge impact.

“...To think that parallel worlds really exist...I dunno what to say, really.”

“Haha, try seeing it this way instead- if we can even summon servants from mythological epics, then who’s to say that only one version of this world exists? For all you know, we may live in an entire realm of endless interdimensional universes!” Spreading her arms wide, Gudako reared back her head with laughter, as Seihai accidentally tripped over the table. “For all you know, there may be 100 Gudakos! And they probably all have a nice harem tucked under their sleeves, as well!”

Before Gudako could lapse into yet another one of her much-loved rambles, Da Vinci rushed towards the door of the canteen. “Yahoo! The guests are all here, Gudako, Mash, Seihai. I sure hope you’re prepared!” And with a wink, they were back out the door again.

“Senpai, I think that’s our cue to go now.” Mash cuts off Gudako’s resistance by wrapping her arms around them. “No, senpai. Let’s leave Seihai to deal with teatime today. Good luck, Seihai.”

“Thanks....” Seihai muffled a laugh when they caught sight of the flailing Gudako, who was passionately yelling “NO, I DON’T WANNA WAIT ‘TIL LATER! I WANT TEA NOW!”

‘Gudako sure is an interesting master...’ Taking a deep breath, they went to greet the guests gathering within the hallway.

As soon as Seihai turned the corner, a ginormous loaf of bread was thrust in their direction.

“GWAH!” Leaping back in surprise, Seihai almost tumbled to the ground, until another master with cool, black-lace boots helped them up.

It was Candace and Quin!

“S-sorry about that. You know...I saw your face, and the bread. Yes, well here’s some bread.” Candace smiled softly, as they passed their loaves to Seihai. “I wanted to pass a gift for today.”

“Thanks, that’s nice of you. This bread smells amazing...I feel like I’m in bread heaven...” Turning back to face Quin, Seihai grinned. “Thanks for the save there as well, Quin. You have great reflexes.”

“Ah, that’s nothing much! I just wanted to help, that’s all.” Quin smiles sweetly, as they peer at the bread. “Ooh, that does look tasty...”

“It’s bread courtesy of my own Olive Garden,” Candance’s eyes gleamed with pride; as Quin giggled softly.

“I’ve heard the tales of your Olive Garden as well. BB says that she’d like to make dragon steaks there someday.” As Quin cheerfully shared this, Seihai paled in terror.

‘BB? DRAGON STEAKS? SHE’S NOT GOING TO COOK LIZ AGAIN, IS SHE?’ Only Seihai worried about this, as Quin and Candace enjoyed a good conversation about all of the madcap shenanigans that occurred in the Olive Garden; as well as BB’s cooking skills.

Once Seihai lead them to their seats, they greeted the next group of visitors. There, was none other than Kiryu- with a shy Bunyan lurking by their side, as they held hands- and Julius, holding a rather interesting contraption.

“Nice to see you both,” Seihai waved. As they peered down at the trembling Bunyan, concern flickered across their features. “Is Bunyan okay?”

“She’s just a bit shy,” As Kiryu patted her head, Bunyan smiled brightly. “Hope you’ve got some good drinks and snacks for today.”

“Err...Well we have some tea and stuff....Hahahaha...” In fact, Seihai had no idea at all what was going to be served for tea. They had more or less left everything up to Emiya. “Yeah...”

“I’m looking forward to it too,” Julius unleashed a rather huge machine. “In order to celebrate, I enlisted the help of a few allies to make a ‘magical tea’ device.”

“Cool, what does it do?” Kiryu gave it a light tap.

“It can create tea; in any flavor you want.” Julius explained excitedly. “And by any flavor, I mean any.”

“Nice. That’s more my kinda style.” As Kiryu hi-fived Julius for his genius idea, Seihai clapped with wonder. Julius’ inventions were awesome.

“Thanks, Julius. Well, the canteen is just by there. I’ll see you in a bit!” As Seihai went to look for the other guests, they were caught off guard by an array of floating cards.

Yes, floating cards.

‘B-bruh..what?!!!’ “Y-yo...” Seihai smiled awkwardly as they backed away from the dancing cards. ‘Shit...Where’s my runes? SHIT!’ Worried that they were magical spirits or something, Seihai was about to unleash the algiz rune to make a protective ward- until the cards transformed into people!

It was an amazing magical trick. Arising from a sparkling array of stars was none other than Faye and Vann; two mages that were very adept at magical skills. As Seihai breathed a sigh of relief, Vann posed.

“Yo, it’s me! I’m excited for some tea today.” Vann gave both Faye and Seihai a fist-bump.

“Me too, it’s my first time visiting here! Glad to make your acquaintance.” Faye shook Seihai’s hand.

“Nice to meet you both as well." As Seihai greeted them, the two began to discuss their various skills.

"I'm amazed you also know some card skills and tricks, Faye. Think we could work together?" Vann summoned a card from thin air.

"Hehe, I was taught them by some good allies of mine. Sure, why not?" Pirouetting, Faye invokes a supreme burst of magic, as a bunch of photos land in her hands. "I've been putting my magic to great use lately."

"Ehh! Lemme see!" Vann and Seihai clamored around Faye, as they peered at her photos. "WHOA!!!"

In her hands was none other than a gleaming collection of rare Ereshkigal and Serenity photos....photos that were worth their weight in gold.

'Hot damn, that's so adorable...' Seihai's eyes watered slightly when she caught sight of the cute shots of Serenity laughing and Eresh blushing. 'Faye has some mad skills.'

"Whoa, you gotta teach me that sometime...Wait. Seihai, where are we going again?" Vann looked up suddenly. "Aren't we going for tea?"

"Ah, yeah...I forgot. The canteen’s just by your left.” As they went off on their way, Seihai freaked out in horror as yet another card leapt into their face-Vann grinning mischievously at them as he and Faye walked along.

“H-holy crap...card magic is so good, yet so scary at the same time...” Seihai hoped that they could be as good as them at magic someday. Finally turning to look for the other masters, they bumped into some familiar faces.

“Oh, there you are! We got lost on our way to the canteen,” The final group of masters stood nearby, waiting in the wings. Maya, Val and the mage trio of Kat, Cris and Jeanne greeted Seihai, as they lead them to the location of the tea party.

“Ah, sorry about that. Actually, I also got lost trying to locate you all,” Seihai grimaced. They had lived in Chaldea for god knows how long; yet still struggled to find their way around!!! “How are you all doing?”

“Never been better.” Maya spun to the side, tapping their feet. “It’s a nice break from my regular duties.”

“Ooh, you mean your duties as the CEO of Chaldea?” Kat shot them a wide grin. “How’s that going?”

“Perfectly well! I’m having a lot of fun. What about you? How’s the trio doing?”

“We’re doing great! Although Spartacus ran into a bit of a frenzy during the movie shooting recently,” Jeanne spoke reflexively, stroking her chin.

“Haha, sounds just like him!”

As they burst into rancorous laughter, Seihai tapped Val lightly on the shoulder. “How about you, Val? Are you doing alright?”

“Huh...? Oh, yeah?” A light blush sprinkled across her cheeks. It seemed as if Val was hiding something. And Seihai definitely wasn’t the only one to notice. Leaning towards Val, Maya cheered.

“You hiding a little something?” As Maya winked, Val’s blush deepened.

“Er...Well, you see...” Sucking in an enormous breath of air, Val swung a ginormous box out of thin air. “The girls and I picked out a bunch of tabletop RPGS for us to play! But I was a bit worried that you guys maybe wouldn’t want to play...So, yeah. Well, you know.”

“Val...” Seihai’s eyes glimmered with unshed tears. The fact that Val had gone out of her way to bring games that she carefully selected with the people she loved...It was adorable. So sweet that Seihai clutched their heart. “I really appreciate the sentiment. Thank you.”

“Yeah, we do too. Games are good fun,” Cris patted Val on the back, as Maya helped Val carry the enormous boxes. “No need to worry.”

“Trying out new hobbies is good! Besides, I read Jeanne Alter’s doujinshi on a daily basis. There’s no way I’d judge you for that.” Maya was right. Hobbies were great to share!

“...Thank you...”

Once everybody had gathered for tea, utter chaos ensued. As Seihai panicked, Emiya was competing against Julius’ tea machine. That’s right; Julius’ tea machine was a challenger in Emiya’s eyes. However, Emiya won the competition once he showed off his brilliant bartending skills- by elegantly pouring Kiryu a nice cup of beer.

“Heh. Not even a tea machine can match up against my bartending skills.” His expression was smug.

“He’s got you beat on that one,” Kiryu conceded, as he took a nice sip of beer. “Wow, this beer’s amazing!”

On the other hand, the other masters were cheerfully wolfing down Candace’s baked loaves, and a wide assortment of cakes that had been ever-so-kindly prepared for them. Even Bunyan was treated to a special pile of pancakes.

However, problems began to occur as masters started to arm wrestle over who’d get the biggest slice of cake. Despite this, Quin defeated every single challenger as swiftly as possible.

“I love cake,” She exclaimed, as she took a glorious slice. Nobody could defeat her!!

‘I’m so damn jealous...’ Seihai sighed, as they settled into a small slice. After that, things went even more nuts when playing some of Val’s tabletop RPGS. Even though magic was meant to be banned when playing games, that certainly didn’t stop anybody!

By the ends of things, the canteen was bustling with fun; laughter; and a massive pile of cards.

Once Seihai saw all of the masters off, they chortled. ‘That was a lot of fun...’

They hoped that they’d all come back again soon.

Lol it’s finished. Sadly, I couldn’t go into detail about the tea time events as there were so many visitors! well hope u enjoyed. XD

List Of Mastersonas Included (tags):

@hasabbydoneanythingwrong @hasishtardoneanythingwrong @hasereshdoneanythingwrong @hasnightingaledoneanythingwrong @haspaulbunyandoneanythingwrong @hasspartacusdoneanythingwrong @havetheavengersdoneanythingwrong @hasbbdoneanythingwrong@hasnobbudoneanythingwrong

#fate series #mastersona #my writing #WAH SO MANY MASTERSONAS XDDD

[joecial-distancing]

2019 in review in review:

A few years ago I started tracking yearly goals, books read, movies watched etc in a year, along with overview blurbs, in private posts. End of 2019/beginning of 2020 I was really frazzled/burned out about a lot of stuff and just never finished up making the thing. 8 months later, got the urge to read back what I’d got done, then figured I’d maybe go ahead and see about finishing. 

Media tracking below the break. thoughts/blurbs written in 2020 italicized, 2019 not.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_____________________________~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Didn’t do so hot on explicit personal goals, but had a lot of stuff go ok around them this year.

School’s been fine/better than fine.

Job’s probably the biggest failing. Still with same job, haven’t made the firm moves to jump off, dragging my feet too much on exploring stuff w/ Columbia/NASA GISS.

Did not get better with covid, lol

Dating life still non-existent, but I’ve registered on apps, gotten more comfortable with selfies, improved general social life dramatically, been flirted with, updated my wardrobe, and generally started to get comfortable accepting that I’m a hot person.

Somehow got extremely better during covid.

Books

Grant (finished)

We stan a taurus legend

Guy was good at exactly one job, and was fortunate enough to have been in the right place/right time to get to do it.

Mort (discworld)

Definitely best discworld I’ve gotten to so far.

Don Quixote p. II

Really entertaining in a way that part 1 wasn’t; I was shocked how much the meta element landed for me.

Consider the Lobster (DFW collection)

had zero context on who DFW is/was when I read, and still don’t exactly tbh. Wanted to wait for a pause in The Discourse before diving into more of him, but dunno if I’m ever going to get that.

Crime and Punishment (revisited)

Weirdly didn’t get much more out of this than I did the first time I’d read it

Better Than Sex (HST Gonzo papers)

Xerox/widespread fax accessibility opening citizen access to mass media in a manner really reminiscent of what social media would go on to do at a much larger scale. Has a much more deliberate narrative arc than the other gonzo papers collections, also has that excellent HST richard nixon eulogy

The Brothers Karamazov

SPQR

Slouching Towards Bethlehem (Didion collection)

Pet Sematary

Not my favorite King, but not bad

Sourcery (discworld)

still funny/charming, but Mort really made clear/reminded me how much the hapless sadsack Rincewind mold of protagonist wears on me after a while.

The Devil's Teeth

My Year of Rest and Relaxation

Liked it a lot more once I realized it was doing a Fear and Loathing thing.

Homage to Catalonia

This should be the Orwell that gets taught in schools. Make it a followup to All Quiet on the Western Front or something, jeez.

Lyndon Johnson I

Having now finished all of them, this one’s probably the least-interesting but sets up a bunch of important context that the others still then feel the need to retread.

The Razor's Edge

Recommended to me as a “white guy discovers eastern mysticism” book, but also is more interesting in its treatment of that than I’d expected (helps it was written in the 40s). 

Cat's Cradle

There’s a part in this where Vonnegut’s making fun of people who try to bond with strangers over being Hoosiers, and my dumbass immediate thought was “ooh, Vonnegut’s a hoosier? Me too!”

Lyndon Johnson II

Robert Caro felt compelled to apologize for spending so much words lionizing Coke Stevens, segregationist opponent to Johnson’s senate run. His goal was pretty clearly to show lbj’s lack of campaign charisma by contrast, definitely definitely overcommitted in his own narrativising.

Libra

I want to go back to this after reading some more De Lillo.

Gravity's Rainbow

This book absolutely kicked my ass

Overstuffed and referential in a specific way that really keeps me hooked in instead of put off. When I learn about some piece of cultural context that I retroactively recognize as being referenced in this, I want to go back and reread the entire thing.

From Caligari to Hitler

Kind of fails both as film criticism and cultural analysis, but absolutely made me want to run for the hills when considering current relationship between mainstream movies and demands of pop culture.

I took a class on Weimar cinema in undergrad that I now realize was probably biting pretty heavily from this and never once referenced it.

Movies

Venom

Movie itself is not as fun as the Tom Hardy hype coverage. PG13 was the absolute worst space to aim for, PG- or R- versions of this could have been a blast.

Harryhauser Argonauts

Was tripping when I put this on, and it was all kinds of fun.

2001: a Space Oddyssey

First time seeing this, all-time classic for a reason!

A Good American (the NSA doc)

Dr. Strangelove

Mel Brooks History of the World p. I

Not my favorite Brooks, best joke was at the beginning.

In Bruges

Had been a while since I saw a proper dark comedy.

Spiderverse

Fukkin awesome!

Visually great, and extremely better than usual superhero stuff for being aimed at PG instead of PG-13.

You Only Live Twice

Highlander (Revisited)

I watched The Old Guard on netflix recently and it mostly just made me wish I was watching Highlander instead, because at least Highlander knows exactly how goofy it is

Moonraker

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Much like The Shining, I though this would have been 100% spoiled for me by cultural osmosis, but turns out it wasn’t, and even the scenes I had seen *totally landed* in-context still.

Kung Fu Hustle

Ichi the Killer

Really gross, really fun

Matrix Reloaded (watched thru highway scene) (Revisited)

The highway scene was not nearly as cool as I remembered it being.

John Wick 3*

Probably dumbest plot of all of them, best choreography. I like how every single fight had its own distinct flavor. “Knife museum fight” “horse fight” “halle berry dogs fight” 

Akira

A classic

Pet Sematary * (ugh, bad)

Why can’t john lithgow be in good movies anymore

The Revenant

MCU Spiderman

Fuck this was awful.

MCU Spiderman 2*

Really weird, complete Rorschach Test of a movie: it’d be totally valid to read into this that global warming is Fake News, for instance.

Lmao this was completely awful

Rites

Dredd (non-stallone)

oh hey Lena Headey’s in this

For All Mankind!

Watched in honor of moon landing anniversary

Lion King *

Watched it way too stoned, was like dark side of the moon + wizard of oz except instead it’s a lion king script reading + nature footage edited for lip syncing.

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood *

Many scenes of very long setups for really stupid shaggy dog jokes, which sometimes worked and sometimes didn’t. I do kinda want to rewatch now knowing more about manson, which I knew pretty much nothing about beforehand

Blowout

A good john lithgow movie

also I think I like travolta in things.

Lord of War

A Good cage movie

I like when Eamon Walker shows up in stuff.

Taxi Driver

A classic

Snowpiercer

Watched in a bar with only one speaker working, which is the correct way to watch. Weirder and funnier than I thought it was going to be, which still doesn’t make it good, but,

dbz big green dub

Exorcist III

Brad Dourif just tearing it apart

Deep Red (argento)

Suspiria (1977)

Watched the remake in 2020, which was ok, but nothing tops the Goblin score.

Elf Bowling

Thanks, Gnome

Parasite *

Interesting to me that this one seems poised to hang around people’s good esteem for a while

TV

FMA: B

Rick & Morty

Saw some episodes, generally pretty funny, some misanthropy that’s probably appealing to a certain type of teen al a something like House, but ultimately I don’t totally Get the intensity of discourse about it.

Leterkenny

Mob Psycho 100

One Punch Man

Deadwood

Watchmen

Only watched like half of it. Was playing around with a lot of hefty imagery/thematics, but didn’t really seem ready to rise above playing (tho also I feel like it’s weird on some level to *expect* them to rise above that in the first place)

Music

New Avantasia

HEALTH/ show

lol remember concerts

King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard/ show

Just learned about King Gizz in 2019 and got completely obsessed with them. I don’t tend to expand my music selection very readily, and a lot of what I currently *do* know is old/inactive stuff, so it was/is incredibly exciting to have an active group with good momentum just immediately win me over like that.

Mistimed the edibles and ended up with a really good finale and a really long subway ride home.

New Yeasayer

Sad they split up

Steve Wilson Tull remixes

Aqualung’s a good album and the sound mixing’s kinda bad, so I liked this project.

Stonefield

Opened for Gizzard. Really good as studying music

Video Games

Civ VI: Gathering Storm

Hades

Turns out Supergiant’s design proclivities all work *extremely well* on a roguelike

Baba is You

Untitled Goose Game

Cute, if maybe a bit overhyped

finally fucking finished Pillars of Eternity

Had fun with it, but too long, and really dour for how long it is.

Pillars II

Kinda drifted off it eventually, but I do genuinely like that the flavor of the fantasy is colonial era rather than medieval.

There’s a Balancing Bastard Factions element where it’s like the writers are just being smartasses after a while. Having to go extremely out of their way to make siding with colonizers seem like a competitive option.

Pokemon shield

Cuphead

pisses me off, which was a nice outlet when I was stranded by flight cancellations during thanksgiving

Celeste

Also very difficult, but really easy to stay patient with, which is nice.

Disco Elysium

None of the discourse made me want to play this, but people talking about the mechanical stuff it did got me extremely interested. Mostly Delivered IMO.

Breath of the Wild

You can approach the nodes of the main quest in the order you choose, and the second one I chose made ninjas start fucking spawning everywhere when I’m just trying to explore, and there’s no way to make it stop. May go back to it one day.

Podcasts

Relentless Picnic Patreon feed

The treats really helped me start distinguishing individual personalities, compared to the regular eps.

Picnic Discord!

<3

FatT Counterweight

Fun, but also I think Mechs are not my shit.

FatT Spring in Hieron/ end of that particular world

8 months since I’ve last tuned into FatT. ah well.

Law School

He’s in everythiiiing!

You Must Remember This: Manson family

*There’s* the context

Misc.

Kindle train guy

Times Square sleeping guy + kids taking selfies w/ him

toddler singing along after Psycho killer (a, ya, ya ya, ya)

drunk and dragged to a drag show

Central park football family

Soft Steel Drum Subway Busker

Weird old lady going to grand central for oysters

2018 in review (cards):

MySelf (CC)

Self: Tower

Blocked: 10 Cups

Ethereal/subconscious: 8 Swords

Material: 3 Swords

Past: Justice

Future: Page Wands

Attitude: Sun

External: King Swords

Hopes/Fears: 5 Coins

Trajectory: High Priestess

Also Self:

Hierophant

7 Cups

7 Coins

Blind Spot:

(self & others): 5 cups    ||    (others not self): High Priestess

(self not others): Moon   ||    (nobody): 3 Cups

[purplesurveys]

763

Why did you last feel like crying? My thesis was making me anxious and the songs off of Petals for Armor are still very fresh and are resonating with me very strongly for now, so those things happening at the same time nearly made me cry over breakfast.

How long ago and why did you last feel infuriated? Infuriated is a strong word. I suppose I last felt it when I heard the news of the police shooting a former soldier with PTSD for going out without his face mask on to get groceries. You don’t fucking KILL anyone for not having a mask, you educate them and you fucking give them one.

Do emotions control you or do you control your emotions? Uhhh it really depends. Most of the time I always want to address stuff maturely and make sure my emotions are in check before I respond to anything; but there are also times I’ll give myself a treat and allow myself to be petty, letting my emotions control me.

Do you keep your friends secrets/private information to yourself? Some secrets will make it to Gabie, but I mainly tell her only because she’s so forgetful and will forget most details in the next hour. I don’t tell her much more personal secrets, like if someone came out to me.

What negative quality do your friends bring up the most? We don’t really have talks where we talk about our negative qualities; my friends and I do have similar talks, but instead what we do is we’ll raise events in the past where one of us may have annoyed another and be like, “I actually didn’t like when you did/said this or that before.” I’m lucky to have good friends who can be honest and mature about this kind of stuff.

What quality do you think you have that others don't think you do? You’d have to ask them first. I don’t always keep track of how people think of me.

Do you often "jump" to conclusions? Only when I’m expecting a worst-case scenario to happen. I like to always expect the worst so that the actual outcome doesn’t disappoint me as much.

Do you find being alone with strangers scary, interesting or indifferent? It ranges from wary to completely uncomfortable. I never find the prospect of being surrounded by strangers ‘interesting.’

Do you think you know a lot about the world? Definitely not. I’m incredibly young and I know very little outside of my home and school, so I’m currently holding a weird excitement for graduating and getting a job and finally getting to know the rest of the world bit by bit.

What about the world do you wish you never found out? I don’t think like that. I embrace reality lol give me all the bad, worse, and worst news.

Do you know first aid? We had a) health classes throughout high school that taught us first aid and b) a couple of first aid seminars for NSTP in college. Our final exam in freshman year was for each of us to demonstrate CPR to a mannequin. But for some reason, I still haven’t gotten basic first aid down to a T. I think because I’ve never had to use my learnings in an emergency situation, I always end up forgetting them over time.

Does the sight of blood make you feel sick? Oh my god fuck yes, especially my own. Gabie’s nose also bleeds all the time and I always have to excuse myself because I can’t handle the blood, but it also makes me feel like shit that I can’t even help my own girlfriend lmao. I find it so weird because I’ll have no problem watching pro wrestling which has so much more legit blood in it.

Does your first name have an L in it? It does not, but my second and middle names do.

Middle name have a C in it? No. My last name does. You’re always one name off hahaha.

Last name have a R in it? No, but my first does. Catch up bruh.

Do your initials spell a legitimate word? If so, what? No.

The word above, does it have any connection to you at all?

Do you prefer classic rock or nope alternative? I have no idea what nope alternative is but that’s a hilarious typo if it’s one. I do listen to alternative music, but nothing classic rock.

Do you like Kings of Leon? Just their songs that went on to become popular. 

How about The Script? Ah no, was never a fan. I don’t get the appeal of their songs, but they’re so wildly popular here I can’t even begin to tell you just how much. They’ve been to Manila 4 or 5 times, which is already essentially equivalent to a million times when it comes to international acts coming to the Philippines. A lot of artists come here, but very very few come back.

Does crying make you feel better? It doesn’t make me feel better, but it does serve as a nice release.

Do you know a girl called Becca? Yup, one of Rita’s older sisters.

How about a guy called Gregory? Not that name exactly but the Spanish/Italian version, Gregorio. We called him Greg. He was a super brief member of our org but he ghosted us not long after he passed the application. 

Does someones background effect whether you'll be friends with them or not? Background effect made me imagine different auras that people would come with if that we’re possible, like stars or hearts hahahaha. ANYWAY it would definitely depend on what aspect of ‘background’ we’re talking about. Someone’s ethnic or racial background wouldn’t bother me at all, but if they just came out of prison for raping someone I wouldn’t want to be around them, especially if their behavior is still a bit off.

How about their religious background? I preferably wouldn’t want to hang out with anyone who’s a devout, by-the-book Christian because our beliefs would wildly clash and they’ll just ruin any conversation. I wouldn’t even be able to talk about my girlfriend, for instance.

If someone admitted cheating in a past relationship of theirs, would you trust them? No.

Do you drink tea and/or coffee every day? I used to drink coffee everyday this quarantine, but I had to stop because I was starting to get headaches often. I drink it probably 2-3 times a week now.

Did you ever want to be a cook as a kid? Not really. I don’t think I ever said “I want to be a chef like my dad,” or something along those lines as a kid.

How about a fashion designer? No.

Do you wish that magic was real? Not really. I’m fine with the fact that they’re all tricks, it actually makes it more entertaining that way.

What food would you love to wipe off the face of the earth? Eh, at least one person likes each kind of food and I wouldn’t wanna rob them of their joy.

Can you use a bottle opener? I haven’t even tried using one.

Do you own a cheese grater? Yup.

What time will it be in 38 minutes time? 7:18 PM.

What day/date will it be in 11 days time? It’ll be May 21st, a Thursday.

Have you ever owned a pet fish? Yup, just several goldfish as a kid.

Do you prefer fire or ice? Ice.

Do you rap along with rap songs? If I memorize the verses then yeah I can’t help but rap along.

When happy, do you become more talkative? I think so. I get very chatty when with Gabie so that’s probably why.

Bowling or sailing? Why? Bowling, only because I’ve never been sailing. I bet if I were to sail, I’d prefer that, though. < Yup, exactly this. Bowling is fun though!

What colour is your kettle? The one we have is silver. I don’t have my own.

How about your microwave? It is black.

Do you prefer sitting in the front or back of a car? Most of the time I’m the one driving, so that makes me pick front by default haha. When I’m not driving though I really prefer sitting at the back as I rarely get to feel like a passenger anymore.

How about in a train? On the bus? I’ve only ridden a train once but wasn’t able to form an opinion about it. When it comes to the bus, it’s always fun being at the back haha especially when I’m riding with friends.

Do you care about politics? Yes, but my concern is mostly for our own. I’m not up to speed with other countries’ governments; I only know enough to form a general opinion about their highest leader, like how Trump is a piece of shit.

Obama or Bush? Obama.

Blair or Brown? I don’t pay much attention to UK politics. < This. But the royal family, that’s a different story HAHAHA

When did you last cook something from scratch? I *helped* my dad bread chicken several few weeks ago, if that counts.

What things make you jealous? I don’t feel jealous a lot, but when I do it’s usually just FOMO.

Are you offended easily by non politically correct language? Sure, especially if the people using them aren’t willing to be educated.

Do you think the censors/fcc go a bit too far or are just right? Can’t relate.

Do you feel hungry, thirsty, sleepy or none of the above? I’m hungry since it’s time for dinner. I’m just waiting for my dad to finsh up cooking.

What's your I.Q?   I dunno, I’ve never had it checked.

What's your Mum's Mum called? How about your Dad's Dad? I call both sets of grandparents the traditional Filipino way, Lola for my grandmas and Lolo for my grandpas.

Do you prefer crepes, pancakes or waffles? Waffles > pancakes > crepes. I’ve never even had crepes before.

Do you have ice-cream in your fridge right now? Yeah I think so. We always have enough supply of it in the freezer because both of my parents love their ice cream.

How about chicken nuggets? I think we do but it hasn’t been touched in a while since my dad has preferred preparing real food throughout the quarantine haha.

Do you eat fish often? Yes, both cooked and as sushi. Fish is a huge part of Filipino cuisine because duh, we’re surrounded by water. My family will typically have tuyo, danggit, or dilis (kinds of sun-dried fish) for breakast and you can always find a fish dish or two at birthday parties, whether on its own or relleno (stuffed).

Have you ever taken a martial art? Which one{s}? I haven’t. There was a time I wanted to, but I didn’t pursue it because I thought I was too thin and unfit to try it out.

Do you know anyone who is scared of you? Probably.

What person who has died would you bring back and why? Nacho. It wasn’t his time yet.

Do you like watermelon? I like some watermelon-flavored stuff like popsicles, but I don’t eat the fruit.

Can you remember the month of your first kiss? January 24, 2015. Couple steps ahead of ya.

Do you make friends easily? I make acquaintances easily, but I choose who to let into my inner circle. I’d make more friends if I wanted to, but I just choose not to.

What makes you different from everyone else? I honestly don’t know. My interests are pretty common and I haven’t had anything super unique happen to me.

I give you a piece of paper. What do you draw/write on it? Practice my alma mater’s penmanship, which is always my go-to when I’m asked to write anything haha.

What pictures or photos are up in your lounge? Is this a Myspace thing? Lol I don’t really have my photos ‘up’ anywhere on my social media; my accounts just show the latest ones I uploaded.

Do you like purple and white patterned things? It wouldn’t be the first one I’d choose, no.

Do you know anyone called Pipa? No, but my sister went to school with a Pipay. I think her full name was Piper.

I say purple, you think... My great-grandmother. She loved purple and had it everywhere in her home.

What do you think is the most interesting thing about you? I don’t know. I’d rather people who know me answer this as they might be able to come up with different answers, and it’d be interesting to see how they see me.

Do you like being complimented or does it make you uncomfortable? It’s nice to be recognized but overall I’m shit at accepting them. 

Does the description of your starsign correspond with your personality? My astrology-believing friends tell me that they match, but I don’t believe in astrology so I don’t think about it all that much and mostly think of it as coincidence.

Do you have a photo album? Yeah my mom was big on albums from when my siblings and I were infants to when we reached pre-teen years. Each of us have two photo albums.

What artists’ paintings do you find the most beautiful? Monet’s.

What about the most disturbing? I find it more sad than disturbing, but I’ve always been affected by artists who made self-portraits as their health was deteriorating over the years.

Have you ever gone to a camp or summer school? I attended a summer sports clinic for swimming when I was 9.

What was your favourite cartoon as a child? Spongebob. Fairly OddParents was a very very very close second because it was just as funny as Spongebob.

What was your biggest fear as a child? Introducing myself. I always got bullied for my name and got called a tomboy/boy for it more than once, so I was conditioned to be nervous whenever I had to introduce myself and say my own name.

Would you rather be able to fly or breathe underwater? Fly, so I can travel anywhere hah.

What about invisibility or mindreading? Probably invisibility. There are stuff I’d discover in reading minds that I think I’m better off not knowing and I find it a tad bit invasive than being invisible.

Do you like what you see in the mirror? Sure. Just not so much these days since I never get to dress up or fix myself up anymore.

Which stereotype do you dislike the most? Offensive ones.

Can you remember all your past teachers names? There’ll be some grade-subject combos I’ve forgetten about by now, like I no longer remember my 3rd grade English teacher for one. But my memory in general is still quite impressive and I remember most of my past teachers.

Do you like talent shows? Which ones? I wouldn’t tune in to them religiously but I do love Golden Buzzer compilations from America’s/Britain’s Got Talent.

Have you ever failed an important exam? In what? Only in high school, and it was the more advanced math/science subjects that I really could not start to care for, like chemistry and calculus.

Do you find people taller than you intimidating? Kinda? Filipinos are very tiny people so whenever I meet a foreigner I always have to crane my neck all the way up and it does scare me a little bit hahaha.

Do you think you are better than people of a different country/background? Not at all.

What's your favourite thing about your country? I suppose the tourism side of it is wonderful. We’ve always been known for our hospitality, our tour guides are always so friendly and funny, we have beautiful beaches and islands, and Filipinos are generally a nice people and very easy to get along with.

What's your least favourite thing about your country? The colonization, the government, and people who continue to glorify the government as if they can’t do anything wrong.

Who is your favourite bzoinker? I have several favorite survey-makers but I’m too shy to mention them on here lol.

What websites do you have bookmarked? I have soooooooooooo many bookmarks.

Do you use bows and ribbons to decorate your gifts? I’ll stick a bow on a Christmas gift if I have one, but otherwise no. < Same, I only get real decorative for Christmas.

Do you listen to the same type of music as your parents? What type is that? Not at all. My mom is really into cheesy 80s and 90s love songs and I just can’t imagine myself listening to those on my own time lmao. My dad doesn’t have much of a music taste.

What TV show scared you as a kid? Mr. Meaty. What the fuck was that. < HAHAHAHAHAHA this fucking show. That was such a mess; I never understood it but I found it so hilarious. Anyway, I don’t think I was scared of any show as a kid.

Family Guy, The Simpsons or South Park? Why? The Simpsons. Family Guy’s jokes can sometimes go too far, and isn’t South Park just blatantly offensive? The humor in The Simpsons is just right for me.

#survey #surveys

[bladekindeyewear]

Boots Reads Homestuck Epilogue(s) Part 12 - Candy Page 18

==>

Time to see what all the fuss was about Page 18.  We’re with Jane... that might not be good.  Especially given Lollipop proximity.

Jane scoffing at troll genocide again.  :(

Gamzee seems more woke than Jane here.

GAMZEE: sO yOu SaYiN yOu NeEd DiFfErEnT sHoEs FoR yOuR hUmAn DiCkS aNd WhAt NoT?

Pfffff

Jane narrows her eyes at the disingenuous buffoon.

I dunno, he sounds like he’s being pretty goddamn ingenuous right now.

It’s not the first time they’ve had this conversation?  Are they black with each other or something??

What’s more likely is he’s attempting to get a rise from her. To get her a little hotter under the collar. To put her in a certain mood.

Oh my gosh she’s genuinely black for him, hahahahah

GAMZEE: AnD AlL I EvEr bEeN TrYiN To dO Is gEt yOu rIgHt tOo, WiTh mOrAlS AnD GoOdNeSs, AlL fIlLeD uP iNsIdE yOu As TiGhT aS yOuR tAsTy HoE bAlLoOnS aRe WiTh HuMaN mOo JuIcE.

Jesus christ that’s not the kind of metaphor i want to be hearing from canon

or anyone for that matter

JANE: No! I’d rather die than touch your disgusting clown baton ever again.

....yyyeah, context is showing she’s PROBABLY super Black into this.  Still, pretty jarring to see a clear consensual “NO” right in the middle of things.

Quit calling her a dairy queen!!! D: D: D:

Oh god they named the baby Tavros.

Alright, there’s some grade A discomfort in this scene, which I’m enjoying, really.  I can see why they singled out page 18.  I could traumatize some people with some of these paragraphs out of context.

HOO HOO HOO, THIS LITTLE PIGGY WENT TO THE DARK CARNIVAL!!!

Eeeeuugh

JAKE: Anyway whats up with you? Hows life with davekat going? JADE: oh its great! im really glad i just went for it JADE: all of us together... it really is the best of every world

God damnit Jade why are you obliviously torturing them????????

You could’ve been REALLY GOOD for them both if you just FUCKING LISTENED TO THEM AND RESPECTED THEM INSTEAD OF SITTING ON THEM.

JADE: theres no way me and dave could have a regular baby together because im... JAKE: Whats wrong? JADE: well lets just say that after all the sburb stuff its done some things to my body JADE: like merging with bec mostly

Oh my FUCKING GOD please don’t canonize this.  This didn’t need to be spelled out so-- D:

jesus

D: D: D:

This... is actually making my stomach roil again????

like

not because id object to-- i mean, it’s one thing to deal with

FAN SCENARIOS

ISOLATED divergences from canon where she has to deal with that and its kind of hilarious, but can be safely ignored when it comes to her character arc as a whole

but once its CANON????????   D: D: D:

suddenly you can’t IGNORE the full import when you’re done with, like, an RP or something, of the psychological struggle she would be forced to deal with given an abnormal biological situation.  Instead of thinking “Oh, that could be pretty painful to deal with! Let’s explore it temporarily for fun” it becomes “Oh, that would be painful to deal with and you have to think about her having to deal with all the complications of that whenever you hear about her LITERALLY FOREVER.”  D:

andrew i know you couldnt resist because of how funny and practically-xenoprogressive it was but whyyyyyyyyy did you have to canonize that WHYYYY

Now instead of a fun joke thought it also has to be SAD FOREVER

AAAAAAAA  D’:

i dont know why this would be the line thats crossed to upset me

Rose surrogate?

JADE: no jake, dave wouldnt be the father in this scenario!

Pffffff.  Andrew’s just diving RIGHT into the, er, doggy fanfics here.  I should... TRY to lighten up about this.  Try.  D:

(...wait, shit.  Knowing my friend, THIS whole bit is why they alluded to this page.  God damnit.)

[[ EDIT:  askshenhibiki said:

Now that you read Candy 18, flash back to Meat when Roxy is talking about gender... and look at Jade's reaction looking at "where her hands rest on her lap". Yes, Meat hinted at that "mix" too.

Ah, let’s see...

ROXY: and so i got to thinking ROXY: what even is gender ROXY: amirite lol? JADE: oh yeah JADE: that makes sense i guess........

Jade looks at where her hands are folded in her lap. Bites her lip. She has her own concerns about this, her own thoughts. Reasonable thoughts, I’d say. But I’ll refrain from any further comment. I’m staying away from this subject, from now on.

...yeah, guess Dirk at least had the decency not to spring all that on us before Jade got the opportunity to do it honestly. ]]

Guh, back to Jake suffering in his sad, trapped scenario.  I hope THAT gets at least resolved by the end of this.  Someone save Jake from this, because it looks like he’s not really that capable of saving himself?

==>

Dammit, Jade, I’m cringing at these descriptions of your intrusion.

Oh wow, John went for the mustache.  Guess we knew that from, like, his stuffed statue oldself?

Jade doesn’t pick up on the obvious subtext in the conversation, however, because she’s been willfully undermining the subtext in her own personal life for nearly a year now.

D:  D:  D:

Seriously, Jade, how is what YOU’RE doing any better than what you were frustrated at seeing THEM doing, avoiding the real feelings and truth of anything even if it was conspicuously on body-language display?

KARKAT: THE NEW ADMINISTRATION IS CRACKING DOWN ON CERTAIN KINDS OF INTERSPECIES ADOPTION LAWS.

It’s like Andrew wants us deprived of even a happy imagined future for Earth C on top of everything else!!!  What the hell! >:(

Is this about politics?  Is Andrew just venting his anger that the Orange Guy is going to get away with ruining everything forever??  Because as understandable as that is, he could at least give us some imaginary happyfutures to look forward to.

Reading on... Hm, yet another intentionally-misused fridging reference.

KARKAT: HIS RELATIONSHIP IS A FLAMING WRECK OF AN INTERSTELLAR WARSHIP HURTLING TOWARDS THE PLANET AT TERMINAL VELOCITY WITH THE ENTIRE CREW BRUTALLY SLAUGHTERED UPON REENTRY, SHOVED STRAIGHT DOWN THE CHAGRIN TUNNEL AND THEN IMMEDIATELY SHAT OUT THE OTHER SIDE, THUS FLOODING THE ENTIRE FUCKING NEIGHBORHOOD WHEN IT CLOGS UP THE LOAD GAPER.

Yep, that triangle’s fucked.  Wonder if the conversation’s going to transition to the CURRENT triangle’s problems...

...yeah, John using the R word there isn’t far from the fucking truth from the looks of things.

JADE: maybe that would work for a few days, but one thing i learned from dating around a lot in my youth is that no ones going to leave a bad relationship until its THEIR idea to leave

She takes in a shaky breath and shuts her eyes. Her hair spills around her face when she leans forward to put her chin on her knees. Dave and Karkat exchange a look that is equal parts confused, miserable, and desperate.

Oh SHIT.  Is JADE going to be the one to finally vocalize about the problems here???

Something else comes hurtling out of the hole in the sky, too fast for Jade to catch. It hits the ground with a clap of green lightning. The collision sends a geyser of dirt, rock, and vapor into the air. Dave flash-steps to shield Karkat. Jade doesn’t move, taking the brunt of the explosion face on, using her abilities to warp the energy around her so that she’s a mote at the center of the storm. When the dust clears, she’s the first to jump in the crater, trailing smoke behind her.

There’s a body at the center of it. The torso is bloody, tangled, and curled into a fetal position. Its shoes are missing, but otherwise the outfit is quite familiar to her: it’s a dead ringer for her old Witch of Space uniform. Jade touches the body with the toe of her shoe, and then gasps when it rolls over to reveal its face.

JADE: its... JADE: ME???

Okay what the FUCK.  It sounds like there’s going to be some context for that postscript after all.  Something to bridge the gap between when that 16-yo Jade falls into the singularity and when Aradia goes off with her through a wormhole

I’m going to guess up front that this happens BEFORE the postscript... this younger version of Jade fell into the black hole and came out in THIS alternate timeline, possibly rather changed by the experience.  But then again, the way the sky opened up... actually, couldn’t that be just a “natural” manifestation of the black hole abilities encouraged by Calliope or done by the singularity alone, followed by later in the Postscript this Jade actually getting control of it??

And... reading on, from the sound of it, her eyes aren’t black yet, either.  Sounds like that’s to come, before the postscript.  Question being, is it alt!Callie black eyes, or some black-hole-powers visual manifestation?  Wait, never mind, I misread; this teenage Jade-corpse has NOT opened their eyes yet, so they couldn’t possibly tell, and the stuff about them “shaking” was about the adult Jade standing over her.  Never mind.  Let’s see which timeframe this Jade came from.

Also STOP TRAUMATIZING ADULT JADE ON SCREEN ITS NOT OKAY IM SICK OF IT ANDREW

==>

Page 20...

Stop letting babby not!Vriska bully babby not!Tavros.

Hm... same stupid tooth poison?  No, Jade didn’t get hit with a tooth... so it’s more getting hit with shards of spacetime and spiraling down a black hole.  Also whatever alt!Callie did to just barely keep her alive.

Hm, so the Heart stuff falls apart if you’re too separated from the mass-whole at Light’s center?  That’s certainly a hypothesis at least.

ROXY: sounds like its time for another funeral lmao

ROXY WAKE THE FUCK UP AND STOP BEING A VAGUELY ROXY-LOOKING LMAO-ZOMBIE.  WHERE THE FUCK DID REAL ROXY GO.

And where the fuck is Calliope anyway, she’s just being left in the dust and nobody’s even talked to her from the looks of it.

Hm, cut apart by political differences, this group...?

ROXY: woah ok karkat i get ur all fired up about politics and stuff but lay off gamz ok

ROXY WHO REPLACED YOUR FUCKING BRAIN WITH A BLOCK OF CHEESE

ROXY YOU’RE MY FAVORITE CHARACTER PLEASE GIVE US AN EXPLANATION FOR WHY YOU’RE ACTING NOTHING LIKE THE COOL SMART PERSON WE READ ABOUT.

JADE: dave what the FUCK did you say to him downstairs?

Oh my god you asshole don’t blame DAVE for this >:(

ROXY: this time next week well corpse party like its the end of the world!

I don’t want to think this has anything to do with Aradia, but we DID see her in that postscript bit...  And, I mean, what the hell could she even do??  It’s not like this Roxy is just Aradia in really convincing cosplay or something.

==>

She leads John and Jake into the building and down the center of the nave, humming happily to herself the entire time. An equally effusive Calliope trails behind her, carrying a bouquet of purple flowers.

Well there’s Callie. What is WITH these hypnotized motherfuckers.  I need a revelation on these shenanigans STAT.

What is with people being bathed in light here?

each time we witness death, we fall in love in with the important people in oUr lives all over again.

Calliope is gazing at Roxy with glassy eyes. She sniffs as she plucks the last petal from her rose. A breeze washes through the cathedral from the crack in the door at the end of the room, brushing the petal off-course and causing it to get stuck in Roxy’s over-sprayed hair. Calliope reaches out with a visibly shaking hand to remove the plant offal, but she does not draw back. Instead, she lets her hand graze down the side of Roxy’s face and cup her cheek. Roxy puts her own hand over Callie’s and holds it.

Uhhh.... huh.

So.

If Roxy was just lying to herself, then............ WHY??????

John tilts his head and squints at the image in front of him. Hmm.

Is John realizing he’s in some sort of fanfic drawn by another character, hence all the people in serene lightbeams at tender but unjustified moments?

Everyone whips their heads around to see, of all people, Aradia hovering in the foyer

Pff

(...I hope Aradia didn’t come here, like, from the postscript.  Where the “action” she talked about might have just been this corpse party.  Because that would be pretty fucking lame.)

KARKAT: MAYBE FUCKING NEPETA IS ABOUT TO POUNCE FROM BEHIND THAT GROTESQUE STATUE OF THE HUMAN SUFFERER T-POSING OVER THERE.

Pfffffffffff

The description of Human Jesus we all had in our hearts, but were too afraid to voice.

Alright, now we see the body we took our eyes off of.  Is it going to get back up, or did it escape earlier?

since nobody was willing to dislodge the huge, otherworldly shard from her chest

My damn god, people.

...alright finally, everyone’s talking.

JANE: Agreed. I’ve always felt that Kanaya has done an exemplary job of providing a model for compassionate, empathetic behavior, which others of her kind would do well to follow.

JANE STOP BEING A XENOPHOBIC BASTARD

CALLIOPE: please. roxy gathered yoU all here for a reason. CALLIOPE: at least listen Until the end. CALLIOPE: after that yoU can argUe all you want.

...Huh.  Huuuuhh.  What the fuck is all this for.  Are you saying ROXY caused this? Or...?

Okay I like this reinforcement she’s making in her speech about how different changes can influence how all of this unfolds, gives me hope that maybe these two cliffhangers aren’t all we’re going to be left with and we’ll be able to at least think of an IMPLIED future different from them if we wanted to like we thought about the seemingly-infinite-possibility original ending of Homestuck that I’d rather have been stuck with than this oh god breathe boots

okay there’s the labor going into good distraction

alright corpse get back up

JADE: i am not jade.

Right, so like the black eyes in the postscript suggested this is more just a... vessel for alt!Calliope now?  To give HER a future beyond the one she sacrificed for that black hole business?  And between alt!Callie’s became-the-black-hole nature and Jade’s Spacey Green Sun connection that’s been singularified, she has access to cool Black Hole powers?  And is gonna do cool shit with them in implied future adventures we won’t see while Aradia gleefully watches the carnage?  Huh.

The congregation watches her go, but no one moves to help her, or even looks in her direction. In her wake, she leaves a primal, echoing wail.

Oh my god why wouldn’t they have just a brief discussion or something IT’S NOT THAT BAD  D:

JADE: and while i cannot say the same thing for the rest of you, JADE: i, at least, am exactly where i am meant to be.

Well fuck.  So she just disconfirmed this timeline as... something.  Relevant, possible, I dunno.

JADE: and i have entered this body to protect your world.

Okay that’s good.  So thanks to alt!Calliope these side timelines where things unfolded differently MAY be preserved.  Pretty fitting given alt!Callie’s origins.

.......unless there’s some other stupid interspecies civil war threat that she’s going to be fighting too, here, when the political situation falls apart.  Dammit.

==>

Terezi talk Terezi talk

-- JOHN EGBERT sent TEREZI PYROPE the photo “ghostrain.jpg” --

TEREZI: WH4T TH3 4CTU4L FUCK JOHN: it started a few days ago. the sky above the capital of the troll kingdom just cracked open and ghosts began raining down everywhere.

Oh my GOD.  So alt!Callie kind of “saved” all the doomed ghosts that got swallowed up in the black hole by redirecting them all to THIS UNIVERSE and timeline???????

That’s pretty interesting!  Heck my stomach’s even calming down!

they can’t even be judges! TEREZI: G4SP

Yeah that’s pretty terrible!

...yep, the resistance WOULD put him in charge.  I had a feeling it may have ended up in that direction in Candy since it wasn’t in Meat.

--oh FUCK YOU Jade for splitting up what he had with Karkat before they could sort it out!!! You did the OPPOSITE OF HELP and neither of them are going to end up happy thanks to you! D:<

PFFF wow, John’s so concerned about babby not!Tavros’s living situation that he’s considering legit kidnapping.  That means things must be pretty fucking bad.

--okay Calliope’s still out and about with Roxy instead of being cooped up in her room like in the other timeline, that’s good.

Pff, trying to redeem Ghost Eridan in front of Ghost Feferi.  Yep, that’s Gamzee.

GAMZEE: fIrSt, A LiTtLe RiGhTeOuS sPlAsH oF tHe NaNnA nEcTaR tO cLeAnSe ThAt DaNkNeSs FrOm YoUr SoUlS...

Gamzee takes out a baby bottle and flicks it, covering them both with little drops of milk, as clergy does with holy water. He then takes a swig from the bottle himself before returning it to his codpiece.

Jesus.  Fucking.  Christ.

I don’t want to believe that what’s in that bottle is what he’s making it sound like it is, but OF COURSE it is.  Why would it be anything else.  I bet there’s not even any Lifey hypnosis going on, it’s just the literal stuff.

The crowd falls silent as they raise their heads to watch a drone ship pass by overhead.

Jegus fuck stop going whole hog condesce janey

ROXY: lmao you worry too much ROXY: janeys got her head on straight shell show you yet

ROXY.  WHERE DID YOUR BRAIN GO.  I MISS IT.  YOUR BRAIN WAS THE BEST FUCKING PART OF YOU.

Touching photo.

Alright lemme post split.  I haven’t gotten as far as the last post plowed through since I’ve been typing so much... ah well.

#Homestuck #Homestuck Epilogue #Upd8 #Homestuck Liveblog #bladekindeyewear #BlastYoBoots

[janiedean]

the gwendoline christie meet-up of doom recap

... wow it’s been a week and I still hadn’t managed to do it hahahaha ops. okay I hope I haven’t forgotten any details klfjlak anyway HERE HAVE THE FULL-ON RECAP OF THE GWEN CHRISTIE EXPERIENCE OF DOOM.

so: of course the con had to be in dortmund which meant that getting there directly was Not Doable and I had to go to @incblackbird​‘s in belgium first and then take a bus with her to germany and back and guys let me tell you dortmund is a piece of work but it has a very nice subway at least. NOW, as everyone knows if they’ve been around here for more than one month I really have Personal Reasons To Be Into Brienne As A Character and since I was like ‘okay she does a lot less cons than most other got actors so idk if I’ll have a second chance to meet her I’m going all out on this’, instead of going empty-handed as I usually do because I have no imagination for gifts to the actors and I can’t exactly bring them fanfic I figured I’d polish some old meta, maybe write a bit about Brienne’s Importance As Rep For Not Standard Attractive People and give it to her. which was all good but since I also wrote some stuff on jaime and brienne for merel’s cersei book (which then obv. got edited to hell and back to fit that topic XD) I figured ‘heeey I can just put the unedited version in there as well’ aaaand.... then I was like ‘oh well if I went through all of asos then I should also do the jb-related parts in affc’ which added to the brienne-only related introduction ended up.... being..... long around 50k (with quotes of course but still) because of course WHO knows how to be a synthetic person around here? certainly not me. anyway, this was the thing:

(yes the cover is what it is but you don’t even wanna know the levels of GOING TO SLEEP AT THREE AM FOR TWO WEEKS PLUS PRINTING IT THE DAY BEFORE LEAVING that preparing it reached flgdsk)

soooo I’m skipping on organization-related details/trip details because no one needs to know and on saturday I get into the con place with my trusted and updated catelyn cosplay like THIS IS POTENTIALLY THE MOST EMBARRASSING CELEBRITY MEETING MOMENT IN MY EXISTENCE, I go to the panel where someone asked her about how she feels playing someone described as *ugly* in the book and she gave a honestly touching long answer about how she felt like it was a privilege because you don’t get many not-standard-attractive characters, that she wanted the role and she thought actually it wouldn’t be popular because *ugly* female characters aren’t usually popular and that she felt it was important to have more of that variety on tv and I was about like ‘oKAY NOW I KNOW I’LL NEVER SURVIVE THE AUTOGRAPH’. hahaha. soooo I tried to go and get it so we could do the photo op later but obv. the queue was long as hell and I got there just when she left for lunch so I had to do the picture before the autograph, now sadly since there was a long queue you couldn’t exactly do anything too complicated with the pictures but she 100% was lovely to everyone, said hi and goodbye to everyone who came up to her and she totes recognized the cosplay my heart. (also in the panel she said she wanted to resurrect cat BLESS YOU GWEN BLESS YOU.)

aaaand. you can probably see that I was about to go like OMG HOW DO YOU EVEN EXIST YOU’RE TOO MUCH FOR ALL OF US MERE MORTALS but anyway:

sjdgldsjk if I think about it I’m still like HOW DID IT HAPPEN HOW DID I SURVIVE IT. anyway.

after that I go immediately to autograph queue again and like I would like to specify that the queue was insane like there were a lot of people and while I was EXTREMELY happy to see it because your favorite getting long lines is always an extremely good thing I also was kinda worried they’d cut things short same as they did with the photo op and I wouldn’t have complained if they had because I totally get it was a lot of people but ANYWAY. I queue again (while @incblackbird was also there and probably being extremely amused at my distress), I get there, I miraculously don’t faint the moment we make eye contact (could have happened tbh) aaaand I go like ‘okay about that thing you said at the panel before when it came to representation, HMMMM I’ve got to tell you something’ and thank fuck no one stopped me, I managed to more or less tell her that I read the books before season two and I really had a not so mild case of relating to brienne because of shared life experience and I was really hoping that the show would find an actress who’d make justice to the character and she one hundred per cent delivered on that and then I probably went into a string of embarrassing compliments while still trying to sound like a reasonable human being (count that I hadn’t had time for lunch or anything so I was running on adrenaline lmao) aaaaand...... she answered going more in-depth about the stuff she said before in the morning for... a good five minutes actually? I mean we definitely talked about it and she said the same things except more one on one obv. and she also said that she had read the book and realized What She Was Representing but she wasn’t sure people would grasp it and I was like NOOOOO DON’T WORRY SOME OF US DEFINITELY DID and honest she really took the time to talk to me when there was a really long queue behind us and it wasn’t basic niceties - like I’ve done enough signings at cons to grasp the difference and it definitely wasn’t, I left her a copy of that meta in the middle of all of this and she was like ‘for one I wasn’t expecting for people to be as much into brienne to actually do this kinda thing’ or something like that and she also signed my copy... with the goddamned golden pen like after I show it to two people they go like ‘aw how cute she used the lannister pen’ and I was like ‘..................... LMAO I WAS SO STARSTRUCK I DIDN’T NOTICE’ ops /embarrassment anyway at some point saint merel goes like (because I had totally forgotten) ‘btw she came all the way from italy just to see you’ and she was like ‘WAIT REALLY OH WOW THANK YOU’ and I was like ‘NO THANK YOU IT WAS ABSOLUTELY WORTH IT’ aaand we shook hands and I left after some good five minutes I think which is... kinda more than I ever talked with anyone in an autograph line in my entire life lol honestly I was just glad I didn’t end up doing something terribly embarrassing like dunno getting too emotional but thankfully I didn’t and it was honestly... really the best autograph experience I’ve had I think? or better time #1 with alfie allen also was great but I wasn’t exactly you know discussing stuff that was personally affecting me so yeah haha that was it and she was absolutely worth getting there and back and this woman is too good for this world and yeah. best idea I ever had tbh or top ten ideas I ever had a+ would re-do it in ten seconds.

(if anyone’s interested in the lannister pen autograph:

... aaand okay that was it when it came to gwen because she had no panels the next day and I used up both picture and autograph on day one but again, 100% worth it would re-do it immediately and she’s the best and yeah I’m still like DID IT HAPPEN and it’s been a week. she’s the best okay? k.

(also, someone’s already asked, so if anyone wants to know if I’m planning to share that meta: the ending was polished stuff that’s already on tumblr, I’m planning on posting the first part on here because it’s a question of principle and the rest I need to re-elaborate because at this point I might just throw in catelyn as well and do a full-on brienne text analysis idk but anyway at some point I’ll make it surface somewhere uu)

#gwendoline christie #brienne of tarth #jaime x brienne #tagging the ship because i figured it was relevant sorry for the tag spam guys #i'm still like WOW THAT HAPPENED WOW #ngl i'm really glad i did it #my face #dortmund comicon

[sam-lives-story]

#SamLives - Chapter 4

“Paranoia”

[Previous|Next]

Also find the latest chapters of this story on [Archive Of Our Own]

It was on Day 11 that Jack got a message from Robin that sent a chill down his spine. He’d been sitting on the couch at the time, watching some Rick and Morty with Sam curled up asleep in his lap. The little eyeball was as comfortable as could be with Jack gently petting his “head”...and that’s when his phone went off.

Robin: Hey Jack...did you have plans for the Egos that I didn’t know about? Lmao

Jack blinked, staring at the screen. He frowned and typed a message back.

Jack: No...? Only what we’ve talked about, but I thought that wasn’t until next month. Why? Robin: Nice job on the editing practice then. Looks like your Anti skills are improving.

And now Jack was very, very confused.

Jack: What are you talking about? Robin: That last recording you sent me, for Subnautica. It looked great!

Jack sat up straighter, making Sam stir from his sleep, but he barely noticed.

Jack: Robin, I didn’t edit that recording at all. I haven’t recorded anything for Anti in ages. Robin: What are you talking about it? I’m watching it right now. Jack: Send it to me?

A few minutes later, Jack was at his computer with Sam on his shoulder, watching the short clip that Robin had sent him, playing it on a loop. That...wasn’t possible. No. What the hell...?

“...heeeey Reefies!” On-screen Jack was saying. “Aww, I love you guys. Be back soon! Alright, heading to the Deep Down Dark Deep Down. Gotta visit my base, visit my lockers, ‘cause I’m a stupid who forgot all the valuable stuff and left it in a place that takes FUCKIN’ FOREVER TO GET TO! Fuuuuck it so muuuuuch! Heheh...” Video-Jack chuckled at his own reference to Simulacra, and it was at that moment that a shadow appeared, glitching, behind him on screen. Just over his shoulder, against the wall. A familiar face grinned from the shadows, and a high-pitched, distorted laugh played in the recording. The video itself glitched, Jack included. Then Video-Jack shivered, glancing over his shoulder, and the figure - Anti - was gone. It was so quick that he wouldn’t have caught it in his brief skim-through of the recorded footage before he sent it to Robin. And it looked just like all those hints he had dropped in his videos during October before Anti had first shown up in “Say Goodbye”.

Except...except Jack hadn’t recorded that. Jack hadn’t done that. Jack hadn’t...made that face, laughed that laugh. He hadn’t done that...and suddenly he felt very, very scared. Then rationality kicked in and he giggled hysterically, running a hand through his hair.

He was being stupid. He was being dramatic. Obviously Robin had edited this, and was making a joke of it. That bit with Anti...it had to be part of the unused footage from a previous project. It had to be. He shook his phone free from his hoodie pocket and tapped out a shaky text.

Jack: Haha, very funny. You got me! I was actually scared there for a second! Jack: You’re such a troll lol

But Robin’s next message didn’t make him feel any better.

Robin: Man I’m not trolling you. I thought you edited that?

Jack could barely keep his hands from shaking as he tried to respond. He swallowed thickly, a dull fear washing over him.

Jack: No, I didn’t. That...I never did that. Unless I’ve learned to edit in my sleep I have no idea how that got into the video

Unless...

“Belief. I’m talking about belief....and how it can do amazing, impossible things...”

The words Mark had spoken to him a few days prior were bouncing around in his head again, echoing and repeating and playing on loop. Mark had been about to tell him something, before the call had ended. Something about belief. Something about Sam, but kind of not. Something that he didn’t get to finish saying because...he swallowed, both hands clutching at his hair as he sank in his desk chair.

Because the call had started to flood with static, and then his phone had shocked him. Which he wasn’t even aware a smartphone could do, not when it was mostly unharmed like Jack’s was.

Another buzz from his phone alerted him to another message from Robin.

Robin: Wait, so you didn’t put that bit with Anti in the other video either?

Jack scrambled to pick up his phone, fumbling with it for a moment.

Jack: What video? Robin: The upload from this morning, the first one. The “Reading Your Comments” video. Robin: You were answering some question about the egos...? I thought you were just messing with the community so I left it in. Robin: But when I saw the second one in the Subnautica recording you sent me I thought I should ask.

Jack rapidly pulled up the video on his computer, scrubbing through it until he found the question Robin was talking about, because he already knew which one it was. He’d responded with something totally off-topic, something unrelated, just to be funny...and sure enough, as Video-Jack was reading the question aloud, there was a little visual distortion. Not much, but if you were looking for it, you’d see it. And way in the background, in the shadows in the corner...a silhouette. Brief. Barely there. A fraction of a second. A few frames, maybe. And it knocked all of Jack’s breath from him.

“Jack? Are you okay?”

Sam had bounced onto the desk, into Jack’s line of sight, and the little eyeball was eyeing him with a look of innocent concern. Jack took a breath. Then another. He forced a smile.

“Y-Yeah. Yeah, o’ course. Fine.”

“You’re scared.”

“...a little,” Jack admitted sheepishly. Sam could always read him, better than anyone. Having a mental link probably had something to do with it. “Sorry bud. I didn’t mean ta scare you.”

“Why are you scared?”

Jack had no answer for him, not really. He couldn’t think of a way to say it. So instead he thought it. He pictured Anti, pictured the videos he’d made with him. And he let his fear seep through...just a little. Enough for Sam to get the idea. And Sam...his pupil widened a little and he squeaked.

“He’s real too?”

“I dunno,” Jack shrugged, sinking further in his seat. He leaned forward, propping his elbow on the desk and burying his face in his hands, reverting to thinking from here on out. ‘I dunno. It sounds stupid, sounds impossible. But...I dunno how else he’s showing up in videos, unless Robin’s lying. And I don’t think he would. Not this far.’

Sam made a worried little noise and nudged Jack’s arm, nuzzling up against his hoodie sleeve. Trying to help. And it did, a little...because Jack managed to smile.

“C’mon, c’mon...” Jack was muttering at his phone and pacing, as though urging it on would somehow will the person on the other end to pick up the phone any faster. It was taking far too long. It was only as he finally heard someone on the line that it occurred to him what time it was in California.

“...h’lo?”

Jack winced, hearing the sleepiness in Mark’s voice, knowing he must have woken him up.

“Mark. Hi. God, sorry, I totally forgot what time it was over there...”

“Yeah, it’s...” There was a rustle of fabric, a muffled grumble. “...three in the fuckin’ morning.”

“Sorry. Shite. I didn’t think, I just called...I can...I can call back later...”

“Woah, wait, no, ‘s cool,” Mark mumbled. There was more movement on the other end, a light clicking on, a door opening and closing. A yawn. “Wassup?”

“...”

And now that he was actually talking to Mark, Jack began to realize how stupid he would sound the minute he opened his mouth.

“...Seán?”

“It’s...nothin’. Nevermind. I shouldn’t’ve called.” The words spilled out of him faster than he could think them, a hand dragging through his already-unkempt hair. Sam made a little noise of question from where he was sitting on the arm of the couch.

“Dude you sound like you saw a ghost.” Jack could hear the worried frown in his words. “Hold up, once sec...”

The call ended abruptly, but as soon as it had gone Jack’s phone was ringing again, this time for a Skype call. Jack sighed and answered it. His screen lit up with the rather sleepy-looking face of Mark, his hair a chaotic mess of bedhead and his mouth pulled down in a worried frown. Jack could only imagine how he looked himself. He’d been running his hands through his hair nonstop since he’d woken up, he’d had four cups of coffee, and he’d been jumping at shadows all morning. Mark blinked.

“Holy shit. You look like hell.”

Jack rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, thanks, I kinda figured that,” he grumbled, looking away for a moment.

“Are you okay? You seem...stressed. I’ve seen it in your videos too...”

Jack let a small, hysterical laugh bubble past his lips.

"I'm fine! Toootally great!” He said sarcastically. “I'm being held together by coffee and redbull and cookies and prayers! What could possibly be wrong?!"

“Jesus.” Mark stared at him like he was nuts. “The hell happened to you?”

And Jack just let out a slow breath, deflating.

“...just...a lot. Recently.”

“Is it Sam still?”

Jack didn’t even feel annoyed this time when Mark mentioned it, just sighing resignedly.

“...sort of. I mean that’s part of it, sure, but...” He trailed off, chewing his lip. Wondering if this was even a good idea in the first place.

“But what?” Mark asked. Jack looked at his screen again to see Mark sitting on a couch now, a soft light illuminating his tired features. Would Mark think he was fretting over nothing? Mark had his own dark persona on the internet, Darkiplier, and Jack was certain he was aware of Antisepticeye. But thinking that Anti was a real, living thing...or whatever Anti’s version of “living” would be...

“Jack?” Mark’s brow furrowed in concern.

“...I...eh...” Jack stared at his screen for another long moment. Then he sighed. “...I’m bein’ paranoid. That’s all.”

“Paranoid about what...?”

“Anti.”

A pause.

“...you mean, like, Evil-You? That Anti?”

“Yeah. That Anti. He...” Another pause, another sigh, a huff of frustration. Jack, running his hands through his hair for the umpteenth time. “...he’s shown up in a few o’ my videos, an’ I didn’t put ‘im there. I didn’t record stuff for it. I didn’t tell Robin to do it, an’ Robin claims he thought I was editing it like that. And I keep...I keep thinking he’s right behind me, right over my shoulder. And I started thinkin’ about what you were saying about “belief” before and I started to think it might be possible and I wanted to call you and ask and – you...probably think I’m absolutely off my rocker.” Jack flopped back onto the couch, his head thunking back against the wall behind it. He closed his eyes, expression strained. God, he sounded insane. Sam slipped off the armrest to snuggle up in Jack’s lap, out of sight of the camera. Trying to make him feel better.

“...would you call me crazy if I said I believed you?”

And just like that, Jack’s eyes were glued to the screen again, where he could see Mark avoiding looking at the camera, rubbing a hand over his mouth. Looking concerned.

“You’re joking.”

“Not...not this time, no.”

There was a seriousness to his tone that Jack wasn’t used to, that made him think maybe Mark really did mean what he was saying.

“Why?”

“Why do I believe you?” Mark asked, finally looking up to the camera. “Because I think–”

There was an odd, glitched distortion on the screen, the lighting around Mark changing and shifting for a brief, almost unnoticeable moment....and judging by the slight widening of Mark’s eyes and the way Jack gasped softly, they both knew that the other had just seen the same thing.

“...I think...I can’t talk about it. Not now. Not...” Mark glanced over his shoulder, his eyes landing on something off-screen, something near the ground. “You alright? It’s okay, I promise. I’m right here.” The camera’s angle changed, going lopsided as Mark leaned over to reach toward whatever was on the floor. Jack assumed it was probably his dog, Chica. Poor pup. He smiled softly in sympathy. Then Mark was back in the frame, and he looked a little strained.

“Look. I can’t...talk about it over the phone. Obviously he doesn’t want you knowing. But I’ll be in Europe for a tour soon. A few weeks from now. Just...hold out ‘till then, and we can talk then. I’ll stop by, or we can meet up–”

“Wait, who?” Jack interrupted, frowning. A minute fear seemed to build in his chest, a tension there that hadn’t been there before, and he found himself glancing over his shoulder despite the fact that it was broad daylight and he was sitting against a wall. Sam made a quiet noise of distress and cuddled closer to him, looking up at him. Jack’s free, shaking hand fell to his lap to pet the little eyeball. “Who doesn’t want me to know what?”

“Later,” Mark insisted. “Not now. It’s not safe.”

“Why?!”

“Later!”

And Mark hung up. Jack tried, twice, to call him again - but both times Mark ignored him. He gritted his teeth and held Sam a little closer, suddenly scared to be alone.

[A/N] I swear, when I began this story, this was not the direction I was planning on taking it. It was going to be a cute little fluff-friendship piece with Sam thrown into the mix, then...the story took on a mind of its own. So even I don’t know where it’d headed...but I promise there will be cutes ahead as well. That, at the very least, is still a part of the plan. <3

Also find the latest chapters of this story on [Archive Of Our Own]

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[Chapter List]

#SamLives #Sam Lives #Markiplier #Jacksepticeye #JSE #Jacksepticeye FanFic #JSE FanFic #Sam Septiceye #Sam #Jack #Mark #Robin #Chapters #4 #Paranoia

[franeridart]

Did you know @boku-no-headcanons made cannons for your bakushimanari art?

Nope, this is the first I heard of it! But as long as they’re not reposting my stuff they can do whatever, I’m happy my stuff can inspire them! 

Anon said: saw u in youtube rewind congrats

.................. are you sure this ask was meant for me?

Anon said:I tried to message you, I found some accounts using your art if you're interested in knowing who they are :/ 

Anon said:@sweetheart_kirishima on instagram posted your art without credit.

Unless it’s tumblr, which has a form I can fill specifically for reposts to have the thing taken down, I can’t actually do anything even if you guys tell me. It’s... frustrating, cause you’d think by this point such popular social media sites/apps would have some way for preventing art thefts, but they got no report option that can be used for art unless I’m the copyright owner - does that apply to fanarts when the characters aren’t mine and I wasn’t authorized by the original author to make them? Probably not. So I can’t do anything for it, not even ask the reposter to be kind and take my art down, cause as I’ve already said I’m not on any of those platforms

So I thank you both a lot for having thought about letting me know, but it’s... sort of useless. If you could ask the reposter on my behalf though I’d be incredibly grateful!

Anon said: your kiribaku childhood friends au give me life tHANK YOU

YOU’RE WELCOME THANK YOU FOR LIKING IT!!!

Anon said: Kiri kind of reminds me of Dave with his hair like that! (They would look great together now i think about it haha) I love you and your art, I hope you enjoy creating it as much as i like to look at it :) xx

Thank you!!!!! And yeah, the mohawk is still a mohawk after all isn’t it haha Dav’s is less tidy tho, cause he’s a s l o b (not really)

Anon said:yknow how people have hunkspirations to get fit? your art is my hunkspiration to draw

That’s so nice!!! holy smokes!!!!! I hope your arting is going great, anon!!!

Anon said:the new chapter has me crying over bakukami omfg these lo s e RS I'm so glad they're friends

WHAT A MOOD THO

Anon said:HELLO, YES, I'D LIKE MY HEART BACK PLEASE BECAUSE YOU JUST WRECKED IT WITH YOUR CHILDHOOD FRIENDS AU. Kiri is so pretty in it, like oh wow, and Bakugou's brilliant and I LOVE IT. (Also 'manly shit' and 'Katsu,' just slay me now so this happiness never fades).

Ahhhhhh I’m happy you liked it!!!!!!!! And yah Kiri calling Bakugou Katsu is a weakness of mine, did you know that? Maybe you noticed since I always have him do that haha it’s cause it’s written with the kanji for victory! Isn’t that a manly nickname? I like to think Kiri would like it for that haha

Anon said: I love how often (from reading the tags on your art) it's like "oops my hand slipped and now you get some krbk instead of something else" lol

It does happen incredibly often! By now they’re so comfortable to draw for me that I end up drawing them without even realizing haha that’s what happens when you spend a year and a half drawing always the same two kids lol

Anon said:Ah Fran I love your glasses Bakugou so much! Ever since Kami added those shades to his hero costume it has me convinced he'd be so ridiculously cute in glasses too! I hope you enjoy that adorable mental image :)

You mean Kami? He sure would! Kiri would too! Sero also!!! MINA TOO!!!!! Actually we have canon Mina with glasses I think

yup, what a beauty haha

Anon said:Your kiribaku childhood AU killed me! I just wanted to ask: in your opinion if Kiri&Baku met in middle school do you think they’d be friends? Baku has a habit of rejecting anyone who’s “weaker” than him &seeing how kiri was do you think they’d be friends? Or Baku not noticing kiri until he’s his equal?Or maybe having a crush on the cute black haired kid but never doing anything about it? Baku Rejecting kiri if he tried to confess to him?Sorry this is long but I just love your perception of them!

Whether they’d like each other/get along would depends on at which point and in which way they’d meet, I guess! Middle school was a complicated period for both of them, so it really depends - a few examples of how it could go are

they meet cause they frequent the same middle school - that implies they meet during the first year, when Bakugou was still full on bully/cocky asshole. Kirishima probably wouldn’t like him much because of it, would try to fight him. Bakugou might find him annoying/get pissed at how he thinks himself good enough to fight him. Definitely wouldn’t get along at first, might change their minds as they get to know each other or just keep on having a shitty relationship forever. I find more beliavable the first, since they do have really compatible personalities, but Bakugou was really convinced of his position as above everyone else back then and Kirishima would have never let him act like he was better than him without putting up a fight, so maybe not. Might actually fuck up their relationship in highschool too, really

they frequent different middle school, but happen to see each other outside of school before the sludge incident - if they were to meet cause Kirishima got in the middle of Bakugou bullying Deku, not much would change from option one. But if they were to meet for unrelated reasons, they could get along - Kirishima might think Bakugou manly, Bakugou might appreciate Kirishima’s guts (as long as Kiri doesn’t try to fight him). At first the relationship would definitely be unbalanced, because Kirishima would have no way of proving to Bakugou he’s at his same level since he wouldn’t be, but with time this might change. I can see Kirishima throwing himself at random bullies and Bakugou sighing and sometimes waiting for Kirishima to get his ass beat so maybe he’ll learn while other times lazily strolling up till he’s standing next to Kirishima to scare the bullies away. Bakugou’s... Bakugouness might do something to Kirishima’s self-esteem and could have him have his breakdown sooner, but by that point Bakugou might like him enough to do something about it. Or not. He’s still a cocky and self-centered ass at this point, after all. Kirishima’s presence might help with his bullying habit. Or not. Again, still an egoistical and egocentrical fucker at that point. Worse comes to worst, their relationship starts becoming more equal after the sludge incident/kiri seeing gigantomachia

they frequent different middle schools, but meet outside of school after the sludge incident but before kiri sees gigantomachia - this is probably my favorite one as far as them meeting in middle school goes. Bakugou at this point is questioning if he’s actually as strong as he always assumed he was, starting to feel like he needs to prove his worth to the world and himself, while Kirishima is still convinced he’s plain and weak, too scared to actually voice his dreams, but still tries to do his best and help those in need in front of him. If they were to meet at this point, Bakugou might actually find something to admire in Kirishima, find strength in him even - with the down-to-earth optimism and practical positivity, aware of reality but working to fix what he can, not letting circumstances and defeats bring him down. It might help Bakugou put into perspective the sludge incident, instead of just dwelling on it till it became a bomb ready to explode. Kiri would find Bakugou manly and cool, just like in canon, and they’d be able to build a relationship on equal grounds - Kirishima might even open up to him about how he wishes to try for UA, but he’s nearly sure he’s gonna fail. Bakugou might tell him that as he is right now he’s gonna fail for sure. He might also tell him that a quirk is like a muscle, and muscles get stronger if you train them, so just fucking stop wasting time and train yourself till your quirk is worth something, for fuck sake. By the time the event of Kiri’s backstory roll around, Bakugou might actually be there to hold Kirishima up and not let him go through it by himself. I dunno about crushes, but I do love this scenario and the relationship they’d end up having because of it

they frequent different schools, meet after Kirishima’s meeting with gigantomachia - there wouldn’t be many differences compared to the canon version of their meeting, I think. Bakugou might be a little more subdued, maybe, but generally it’d be the same.

these are just real general cathegories, depending on how the meeting unfolds anything might happen so really, who knows - there’s too many possibilities to be sure of anything, really haha

Anon said:fran ur art its so cute ty for posting it!!! also i just wanna say i think your art has improved so much since i started to follow you!! the first drawings of yours i saw were your old aokaga and i think really youve improved a lot!! (not that you were bad at first but your style has evolved?? idk a good word for it but its not meant as a Bad thing)

Lmao no anon, don’t worry, I was really, really bad back then. It was like, super terrible. I’m glad you think I’ve improved though!!!! This sort of asks mean a whole damn lot to me, make it worth keeping on drawing haha thank you!!

Anon said:i gotta admit, after checking out sero's quirk i can only think: pranks. esp with the double-sided tape trick

Have you ever seen this comic holy fuck hahaha

Anon said:i read that fic by newamsterdam a while back and can't stop thinking about it!!!!

Best fic I’m following at the moment honestly!!!

Anon said:Hi I love your art! It's absolutely amazing and your comics are SO cute!! I hope you have a wonderful day!~

THANK YOU!!!! I hope you’ll have a super wonderful day too!!!!

Anon said:your kirbaku/bakushima is just so nice and lovely??? and your art style is great adorable??? gdfljwblk thenks for mi life

You’re SO SWEET!!!! Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *holds*

Anon said:The line work in your drawings lately is looking even smoother and more refined than before! :)

.....................I actually feel like I’m getting super effin sloppy so??? I guess hearing this feels good???? Like oh I’m not actually as much of a mess as I thought haha thank you for the compliment!!!! :D

Anon said:Do you think Bakugou would ever say babe or other sweet nicknames?

Yah I think so. Like, not all nicknames, like “honey” probably never or “sweetheart” highly umprobable, but babe or gorgeous/handsome/beautiful or love, I can see him using those! Mostly cause Mitsuki’s personality was obviously based on Bakugou and she calls Masaru “dear”, so I think Bakugou does have the... predisposition for it, let’s say it like that haha he might more whisper them/keep them private, but I do think he’d use them~

Anon said:You're so good at emitting moods/vibes through your art?? Like, every single time you just... Idk what kind of magic you... I love you??? You turn me to putty Fran.

sob this is such a nice ask oh my god, thank you so much!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:Everytime I see your art on my dash it makes me smile, there's something inherently cheerful about your art style. Love it

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! That’s the best think I could have ever been told about my style, I’m super glad you see it like this!!!! 

Anon said:omg you don't understand how much i love your art !!! i mean i check you blog everyday to see if you posted something and when you do i'm always so happy, it put me in a good mood everytime i don't know how you do it but i love it !!!! also the way you draw smiles is so cute :D

THANK YOU LOTS OH MY GOD!!!!!! AHHH!!!! making people smile is the best thing ever!!! I’m!!!!!!!!!! happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D now I’m smiling hahaha

Anon said:how does... is... clothing folds?!?!

B o y anon I’m terribly sorry but........... the horrible secret is that I don’t know what the hell I’m doing when I draw clothes’ folds. Like, at all. All I keep in mind while going at it is that gravity is a thing and clothes are affected by it too, and that’s about it ;;; I’m incredibly sorry, but I’m pretty sure someone that actually knows what they’re doing would look at my stuff and see a lot of mistakes, so maybe it’s best if I don’t give tips about this to anyone, least I spread more misinformation than anything else orz I’m sure there’s good tutorials for it around, tho!!

Anon said:Will we ever see more comics of the poly au with bokuto, kuroo and terushima? I binged those comics and LOVED it

Probably not, sorry orz posting for hq lately is... making me sad, in the long run, so hq comics might not come around for a long time, from me. Too much time I should spend on them. Dunno about simple art tho, it’s a maybe for that! And thank you for liking the series!!!!

Anon said:As soon as I saw u added the kekkai sensen art sticker to redbubble I bought it omg bless 💕

THANK YOU SO MUCH HOLY HECK!!!!

Anon said:any chance we could expect more of kirishima's shy senpai? absolutely no pressure! i'm honestly just curious since you seemed fond of him a while back. :)

And I still am! I’ll for sure draw more of him soon enough, don’t worry!

Anon said:I'm sooo sad :'( I wanted to buy a mobile case from you but it's just for iPhone.... I love you art so much *-*

There’s for both iPhones and Samsung, actually! But if you have another brand then it’s no good ;;; sorry ;;;;;;;;;;;;

#fran answers #this is #what i get for procrastinating #anyway there's headcanons in here so it's actually less asks then the time it took me to answer them might suggest haha #if i haven't answered your ask I'M SORRY I MIGHT HAVE MISTAKENLY DELETED IT #it happend on my main so might have here too #i definitely read it when it came around #but if it was important for me to answer it then please do send it again! <3 #im sorry for the trouble #as i said #this is what i get for procrastinating orz #anonymous

[cupofsorrows]

HOWARD LOVECRAFT 4: CRAFT HARD WITH A VENGEANCE

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Time to continue this cursed journey, blighted not by eldritch forces but by sub-quality filmmaking. As you’ll recall (or not), LL Cool Craft and those other two dudes were on their way to beat themselves up a necromancer. Let’s see how well they’re doing:

PRETTY GOOD, IT DOESN’T SEEM.

Except wait, they actually do pretty well, because as we’ve already established knocking a shoggoth out through blunt force is both possible and fairly easy to do, and also because Dr. Armitage has the athleticism of a young Super Mario.

seen here bestowing an orb of discord on the enemy. yes i went back to the zenyatta joke.

Of course, they eventually get captured, and now it’s time for King Abby to reveal his evil plan...

“nah dude I already saw that movie, I know Thanos loses in the end.”

Suffice it to say that basically Abdul wants to “open the Gate of Dreams” because daily life has become soul-crushingly dull.

Like, I get it dude, I’ve worked retail too, but you don’t see me trying to destroy the universe. Anyways, the final journal is hidden behind a magic gateway that apparently only Howard can pass through:

All I can say is it’s a good thing this is an alternate re-imagining of Lovecraft’s life, and not the real version where he was heinously racist basically all the time.

Yes, Howard’s Dad, the animation’s terrible, but it’s looked like that all movie - I don’t understand why you’re just now reacting.

By now it’s time for the tables to turn yet again, through a series of actions I didn’t care enough to cap, and it looks like everyone’s about to escape...

BUT WAIT!

Nooooo Dr. Armitage! You were.......a character in this movie!

All four of them (they got Spot’s astral form in the crystal ball) escape through the portal, but Armitage is wounded in that special animation way where there’s no blood or even clothing damage but you have to hold your side and wince and you can’t walk for some reason. Is he going to make it?

Sorry, kid, but it looks like it’s his time to...return to the university? Um, OK. Oh, but first he can restore Spot to his bargain-bin aladdin-genie form.

Farewell, Doctor. This whole scene was very nearly pointless.

It’s all good, though, because the Three Amigos have a new destination!

This gives Paw Lovecraft plenty of time to ramble about how he came to write the journals (notice throughout how they can’t be arsed to give half of the things in this movie proper shadows but they do make sure to take the extra effort with the beads of sweat on his forehead):

Cool story bro, but I’m still a little unclear about NO NO WAIT I DIDN’T SAY FLASHBACK Aaah dammit, there he goes.

...

You could have given a thousand Lovecraft scholars an entire year to try to guess what might be in this movie and I don’t think a single one would have come up with “awkward Death Note homage”. My hat is off to you, movie. Bra-vo.

(i guess there’s a possibility it’s coincidental, but that’s even funnier because then that means two different people independently had the idea to animate somebody writing in a notebook but make it look as intense as possible, and they both came up with the exact same solution)

Now we’re finally introduced to Doctor West (voiced by Christopher Plummer), the mysterious colleague of Lovecraft Senior whom we’ve AAUUGH

my man I am so, so sorry.

...er, anyway, seems the two of them were working together when they made their big breakthrough. Here we see them as Lovecraft the Elder prepares to journey to either an alien planet or a particularly wild orgy.

...Adding “Stargate” to the list of things I wasn’t expecting this movie to rip off...

And now, at last, we learn why “Undersea Kingdom” was in this movie’s title.

I dunno, dude, it’s a kingdom and it’s undersea. Seems pretty straightforward to me.

Just then, however, Flashback Howard’s Dad is treated to a terrifying sight!

bigchungus.png

“Nice notebook, nerd! Yyyyyyoink!”

...And that’s the state of things now. That’s why DadCraft went nuts and that’s where the last journal is. He timed his flashback well, for they’ve just arrived at their destination:

Yeah, they probably shunned it because some crazy, Edgar Allan Poe-looking fucker was always up there running around and babbling in a nonsense language! I’d shun that place, too!

Underneath the hill is a secret base where Dad suits up to return to the Undersea Kingdom™ - Howard doesn’t need one, on account of the ‘turning into a fish’ thing.

see?

OK credit where credit is due, the actor playing this guy is really making an effort, and I actually sort of chuckled at this bit. His delivery is usually pretty goofy, but I think that’s the way to go here, and even if most of his lines are clunkers because, well, most of the script is clunky, there’s still an undeniable sort of heart behind it. Imdb says the actor’s name is Tyler Nicol, who doesn’t seem to have been in much, and probably can’t stand on the level of the big-name talents in this movie (though I def wouldn’t say they’re all at their best here), but I think he deserves some recognition for trying.

Tangent over, here comes the big fish dude again.

I think we can all guess what his name is...

...Munkus Q. Charliebears! ...Oh, yeah, or Dagon. That would’ve been my second guess.

But it’s OK, he’s on our side! In his minute or so of screen time Dagon manages to deliver probably the most useful exposition in the whole damn film, explaining that he took the journal to keep it safe and that he put up the magic gate that only plucky boy heroes can pass through, as well as laying out some background for Nyarlathotep and his motivation for being involved in this. It turns out that Nyarrblbarbagarbl wants to activate Cthulhu in accordance to the wishes of their mutual father, Azathoth. Now everybody’s hanging out in Dagon’s crib to get at the journal, so our pal Hovercraft had better get moving to get it before the bad guys do. This falls on him, because it was his dad who fucked everything up in the first place and now he’s too cuckoo to fix it himself.

You sure it’s that and not...you know. The racism?

Alright, so everybody up to speed? Everyone understand everything? No? Well too damn bad.

Disappointingly, “Y’ha” is not pronounced “Yeeha”.

(PRONUNCIATION GUIDE THUS FAR:

Tekeli-li - Tekah-leelee

Cthulhu - Kuh-too-loo (probably the way you’ve heard it elsewhere)

Shoggoth - Shuh-GOTH

Nyarlahotep - Nee-ar-LA-ho-tep

Innsmouth - The ‘mouth’ is pronounced that way (i.e. the orifice you eat with) instead of ‘muth’ which I had always assumed

R’lyeh - Ruh-LAY (this is the one I’m most calling bullshit on)

Howard - JEFF-ree

As the goodguys approach, the badguys sense their arrival:

“ ‘WhAt sHaLl i dO, blehhhhh I’m a Dumbass’ That’s what you sound like.”

LMAO YASSS DRAG HIS ASS

Then Howard et al show up on the scene, and it’s time for the Big Bad to make his debut.

OK I like this, I think it’s actually sort of eerie, but it’s too little too late at this point. Also, isn’t Azathoth supposed to be sort of mindless? Or have I gotten him confused with some other ineffable outer being?

I feel like I should say something about the sudden art shift, but I’m approaching the end of my patience and I just want this all to be over already.

Surprise, Mom is still a hostage! Her skin has definitely looked better, too.

LOOK OUT, WALLACE N. GROMIT IS OFF THE SHITS

You know what else he looks like to me? A cartoon mailman. Remove the mask and the hood, add the little mailman hat...do you see it?

Did I mention the trials? No? OK: there are trials.

The fate of the world before him, his family behind him, his meat enormous, Hocus Pocus Lovecraft can do nothing but move forward.

2 B CONTINUED

RIGHT NOW

#hp lovecraft #HLatUK