#eric was so fucking in love with shelly and not a lot of people know how deeply as it barely came across on screen as it did the book
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— ♡
hometown
poly kenny mccormick & kyle broflovski
— ♡
being stan’s twin had its perks, very occasionally. as his younger sibling, you got the protection of him. as shelly’s, you were bullied relentlessly. it didn’t help that your father, randy, was a loose cannon. not to mention the neglectful nature of your mother, sharon, who cared more about your siblings than about you.
as the (minutes younger) baby of the family, you were spoiled with material items, but never love. a new laptop every year, every gaming console as soon as it came out, every new game preordered. it just wasn’t the same as the bond your mother shared with your siblings, her true babies.
stan was your closest family member, which was a bit sad considering you had three others. many a night you spent in his room, the two of you venting about your shared distaste for your father. it truly felt like having a true friend for the first time in your life. you’d always struggled with making those in south park, a town full of angry kids, and having a built in best friend made things a lot easier.
you’d grown up playing with and hanging out with stan’s friends, especially kyle and kenny. the four of you shared a disdain for the other member of your friend group, eric. he was a pompous prick with little to no regard for anyone else’s feelings. his self-centered asshole mentality had carried into his teenage years, and into adulthood. he’d been disowned by your brother’s friends once they’d hit junior year of high school, which was a major relief for you.
you mulled over all of these things within the confines of your room, eyes on the ceiling, repeated sighs leaving your lips. your thoughts lingered on kenny and kyle, your only two friends in this world and, sadly, your crushes.
it was hard being friends with them in a way. they were dating, a long brewing relationship that developed over the course of sixteen years before they’d finally decided to get together. you were incredibly saddened by it, but it wasn’t like you couldn’t see them ever again.
they frequently joined in on yours and stan’s outings, but it was absolute torture for you. kenny was consistent in his pda with his boyfriend, and despite how much kyle protested it, he always wore a smile and gave in. you longed every day to be on the receiving end of kenny’s incessant kissing and hand holding, and kyle’s charming smiles and poetic flirting.
you’d been in this loop of self destruction for months. it was taking a toll on your mental health. you were tired constantly from nights spent staring at your ceiling, overthinking the entire situation about your two best friends.
you sighed, dragging yourself from your bed, and padded off to stan’s room. he was also still awake, phone screen lighting his face as he laid on his side. he looked up at you, scooted to the side, and tapped the empty space next to him. you crawled into bed with your brother, pulling the blankets to your chin as you shivered.
“you always keep your room so fucking cold,” you grumbled, holding your hand over your nose to trap the heat in. he sighed and rolled his eyes, sitting up to grab an extra blanket from the end of his bed and tossing it to you.
“and you complain too much. shut the fuck up,” he sighed, then laid back down and faced you. you adjusted the blanket over your body, then finally looked back at him with a huff.
“i don’t know what to do about kenny and kyle,” you admitted, a blush on your cheeks and a frown on your lips. stan raised his eyebrow, a sign for you to continue speaking. “i want to be with them, both of them, which i know is sort of shitty of me. i just love them, y’know? and it’s hard because they’re both so focused on each other that they don’t pay me any mind at all. am i shitty for this?”
“not at all,” stan responded, readjusting your head to lay on his arm instead of his mattress. “you don’t choose who you love. you just so happened to get fucked with having feelings for two people instead of one. that’s not your fault.”
you sighed, using one of your hands to adjust the stray hairs defying the part of his hair. he smiled at you, patting your cheek.
“i’m just not sure what exactly i’m supposed to do. i can’t just go for people in a relationship, y’know? i’d be so shitty for that. i just don’t know what to do.”
stan was silent for a moment, his eyes untrained and staring at the space behind your head. you worried your lip between your teeth as you waited to a response, pulling the blankets further up your body.
“i say you start flirting back,” he spoke finally. “they were flirting with you for ages before they got into a relationship with each other. maybe you could try flirting with them for a change?”
you froze, eyes growing big. they’d been flirting with you? you hadn’t noticed. now you felt like a huge idiot. stan wouldn’t lie about something like that. you really were so oblivious that you hadn’t noticed they were flirting with you.
“we’re all hanging out tomorrow. you should join us, maybe throw some hints their way. if it doesn’t work out, that’s completely fine, too. just know you don’t need them to be happy, okay? you’ve always got me, for life.”
—
you took stan’s advice, and boy did you regret it. it was mid winter in the colorado mountains, and you were freezing your ass off. you were clad in a thick jacket and one of stan’s fleece hats, and even that wasn’t enough to block out the frigid winds as the two of you waited for the couple to show.
“i hate you for this,” you grumbled, both your hands in the pockets of your brother’s jacket. he rolled his eyes and flicked your forehead, then adjusted the hat on your head to better cover your ears.
“it’s not my fault you get cold easily. stop complaining,” he muttered. you could hear kenny and kyle’s voices approaching, your eyes darting around to spot them. they approached behind your brother, hand in hand, smiles on their faces as they bickered playfully. you looked at your brother with wide eyes, panicking internally.
“i don’t think i can do this,” you whispered, stan offering a half smile as he rubbed your arms for friction heat.
“you’ve got this, y/n,” he whispered in response. you nodded hesitantly, shooting the approaching couple a glance over stan’s shoulder.
“i’ve got this,” you murmured to yourself as reassurance. you took a deep breath, opened your mouth, and shouted, “nice face, broflovski!”
the couple halted in their steps, and your heart dropped into your feet. you could visualize it laying between your feet, along with the bricks you’d just shat on the pavement.
then kenny’s face pulled into a crooked grin, and kyle smirked a tad as he tugged kenny towards you, kenny dragging his feet as they crossed the distance between the two groups.
“nice ass, marsh," kenny spoke as the couple finally approached. your face turned red, only amplified as kyle grabbed a handful of your brother's ass. stan's face matched yours as he swatted kyle's hand away, a scowl on his face.
"i fully agree, ken. stan's got some cake on him," kyle chuckled out, shooting a wink towards you. kenny scoffed and tossed an arm over his boyfriend's shoulder, smirking at you.
"i was talking about y/n here, but now that i'm looking at it, i think you might be right, ky," kenny drawled, landing a smack on your brother's ass.
"i wish the two of you would stop grabbing my ass," stan grumbled. you chuckled as you linked arms with your brother, gesturing to the coffee shop the three of you were stood before.
"can we please go in?" you begged, bending your knees and forcing a shiver for emphasis. "i really need a hot mocha before my entire body turns into a lump of frostbite."
"y/n, i love you, but you are literally the single most dramatic bitch i know," stan grumbled, but complied with your request. you shot a grin over your shoulder to the couple behind you as the four of you entered tweak bros. coffee, the duo offering equally large smiles of their own.
the coffee date was relatively uneventful otherwise. kyle would occasionally wink at you, and kenny had grabbed your hand over the table a handful of times, but it was otherwise sort of boring. stan had, unfortunately, spilled an iced americano in his lap, and the hangout had been wrapped up two hours after it had started.
"alright, guys. i've gotta get butterfingers here home before i start bullying him for shitting his pants through his dick. i'll see you guys later," you sighed as the four of you once again stood outside the coffee shop. kyle cast a glance to kenny, who pulled you into a tight hug for a few moments.
"kenny and i aren't doing anything later. how about the two of you come over for movie night tonight?" kyle asked, a hopeful gleam in his eyes. you glanced at your brother, who was already shaking his head while he struggled to cover the brown stan on his crotch with his jacket. your heart sunk along with the corners of your lips, your hands finding their way into your jacket pockets.
"probably not tonight. stan's got a pretty big conference call later," you uttered in response, shifting your weight between your legs. stan look at you with confusion written all over his face, nudging you towards the couple in front of you with his elbow.
"so you go without me, dumbass. i have a call, not you. go have fun with tweedle bitch and tweedle cunt," he responded. you flushed, a frown on your face as you pulled your brother to the side. you could hear kyle and kenny grumbling about their nicknames from a few feet away.
"i'm not going to their apartment by myself, dumbfuck," you hissed in a whisper, eyes narrowed. "what if i have to, like, shit or something? that would be embarrassing as fuck."
"how is that embarrassing?" stan deadpanned, his face blank as he stared at your nervous, fidgeting form.
"i could clog their toilet and then have to fish out my own shit with my hands. or i could not make it to the toilet and accidentally spray shit on their walls. anything could fucking happen, stan" you whisper yelled. stan rolled his eyes and bent down, hoisting you up into his arms and turning around, your disgruntled form held bridal style in his arms. he passed you off to a surprised kenny, who struggled to hold you for a second before gaining his footing and his purchase on you.
"take this stupid bitch home with you or i'm going to beat her ass the second she steps foot in our apartment," your brother deadpanned, then turned on his heel and walked towards your shared home.
"you're just going to leave me, stanley!" you shouted, stan flipping you the bird over his shoulder.
"sure am, bitch! don't care where you go, just don't come home until my call is over!" he called back to you. you huffed, rolling your eyes. then you made eye contact with kenny, then kyle, and your face turned red as you sulked.
"you can set me down, kenny," you muttered, a squeak passing through your lips as he turned and began walking towards kyle's car. "seriously, kenny, you can set me down."
"i don't think he's going to," kyle mused as he unlocked his car with his key fob. you glanced at him with a shy smile, and then up at kenny with the same smile. the blonde grinned at you as he placed you in a sitting position on the hood of the suv, patting your thighs with both hands as you settled.
"thanks, ken. i can't believe stan just left me like that. what if you guys decided to traffic me or something? he wouldn't have his twin there to keep him awake at night. instead he'd get to sleep at a decent time and i just can't let that happen," you rambled as kyle and kenny worked together to tidy up the clutter in their back seat.
"y/n, honey, you've known us since diapers. i highly doubt we'd traffic you," kyle hummed as he came to stand between your legs. you flushed, crossing your arms over your chest as you avoided his gaze. you were shivering so violently your teeth were chattering, your jacket once again doing almost nothing to shield you from the cold winter air.
"i'm just saying the chances are never zero. my dad could and would traffic me if he could get free crack as payment and i came directly from his ballsack. if you wanted to, you would," you protested, rubbing your arms with your bare hands in an attempt to bring some warmth back to your body. kyle took notice, his calculating green eyes missing nothing, and slowly removed his gloves as you spoke. they dropped into your lap, his hands capturing yours and sliding them over your shaking fingers.
"sweetheart, i'm sure we could score the best crack for you, but it just won't happen," kenny mused, approaching on your side and leaning against the door of the suv as he looked at you with a humored smile. "i think kyle would be absolutely devastated if i traded you for crack instead of stephen king's full collection."
you guffawed, looking between kyle and kenny, mouth dropped open and eyes wide. kenny was obviously holding back laughter while kyle glared at him, annoyance clearly displayed on his sharp features.
"kenny, if you don't shut the fuck up, i will cut your mullet off in your sleep," kyle spat. you scoffed and held up your hands, feigning offence. you were holding back laughter as well, a small chuckle escaping your lips.
"i can't believe this. i'm calling the fucking tooth fairy. next time you lose a tooth in a bar fight, you can count on the tooth fairy leaving a pile of shit under your pillow instead of a dollar," you threatened kenny, sliding your way off the hood of the suv. kyle burst out into laughter alongside kenny, the blonde following behind you to open the car door for you. you relished in the remnants of the heat in the vehicle, clasping your hands in your lap to keep them warm. kenny stood between your legs, taking kyle's spot, and you rolled your eyes with a humored grin.
"i'm sorry, sugar," he chuckled, pressing a kiss to your forehead. you were left a blushing, stuttering mess as he crept away and shut your door behind him. kyle shot you a smug look from the driver seat, taking in the flustered expression on your face.
"i think you broke her," the ginger uttered to the blonde as he slid into the passenger seat. kenny shrugged, winking a blue eye at you from the front seats.
you were incapacitated.
—
long story short, kyle was a great driver, and kenny was a horrible passenger princess. kyle was very calm for the entire forty-five-minute drive back to their house, his driving smooth and road rage minimal. meanwhile, kenny was going absolutely feral in the passenger seat. he played the absolute most random songs, some lame techno beats with little to no words, and hung his head out the window almost the entire drive.
you were incredibly thankful to see the couple's apartment building appear in the distance, entirely overwhelmed by kenny's chaotic passenger activities. by the time the three of you had made it to their home, kenny's hair was tousled and frizzy from the cool wind whipping through it. kyle simple smiled at his lover and pulled him into a soft kiss. your heart clenched at the sight, jealousy burning in your stomach.
"oh, sorry, y/n. you want one too?" kenny inquired with a cocky grin. your face burned as you pulled the best disgusted expression you could, eyes jumping between his and the back of his seat.
"fix your face first. you look like you got hit by the ugly train," you grumbled, watching his smile grow through your repetitive glances towards his face.
"you know you love my face, marsh," he cooed. kyle exited the vehicle amidst your banter with kenny and you were quick to follow, jogging to catch up. kenny caught you by the wrist, scooping you up in his grasp, and carried you the rest of the way to the door. you yelped, eyes big and face red, body jumping with each bound to the house's entrance.
"kenny, i do wish you'd stop frightening our guest," kyle called, amusement clear in his voice. over kenny's shoulder, you could see him bending to pick up the hat kenny had knocked off your head in his hasty actions.
"nice ass, broflovski!" you called over his shoulder, a mischievous smile on your face. he jumped and turned to look at you, face red and grinning.
"nice rack sweetheart," kenny whispered in your ear, once again reminding you of the position you were stuck in, pressing a kiss to the side of your head. you were rendered speechless for the second time that day, brain short-circuiting as kenny carried you into their home. kyle closed the door behind the three of you, tossing your hat on the back of the couch. you were quick to follow, kenny hovering you over the back and dropping you haphazardly on top of the cushions. his body fell over the side, his body toppling on top of yours, head burying itself in the cushions next to your head.
"kenny! you give me such a fucking migraine. please get off y/n! she's fucking fragile!" kyle scolded, swatting at the back of kenny's head with a scowl. you giggled, albeit a bit nervously, gazing up at kyle around kenny's mop of blonde hair. kyle was red in the face, averting his eyes from yours, circling the sofa to take his seat next to your feet. with both hands, he lifted both yours and kenny's legs, scooting over and laying them in his lap.
"hey pretty thing," kenny cooed as he finally lifted his head from the suffocation of the couch. his grin was dopey as he gazed at you, eyes droopy and hair messily covering half of his face. "come here often?"
"please stop seducing our guest," kyle deadpanned, swatting at kenny's foot. kenny hissed and threw his legs off the side of the couch, letting half his body slide onto the floor, his head buried in your torso. you sat up, gingerly pushing kenny's head off you, pulling your legs from kyle's lap in favor of pulling them to your chest. he looked away from the television long enough to pointedly glance at you, then turned his attention back to it and used the hand that wasn't controlling the remote to pull them back onto his lap. you blushed, only increased by kenny scooting his way between you and kyle, your legs now crossing both their laps. kyle used his free hand to pry your shoes from your feet, eyes still glued to the screen.
"y/n, what kind of movie do you wanna watch?" kyle inquired, turning his head to look at you over his lover. you shrugged, arms around your torso, blush on your face.
"i don't really know. i’m not really one for movies lately. i’m too busy watching shameless,” you admitted sheepishly. kenny’s head perked up and turned to you, a grin on his face.
“what season?” he asked eagerly. you made quick work of finding your phone, hands shaking as you opened netflix and checked your progress.
“season six, episode three,” you responded. kenny turned to kyle, who opened netflix and selected the correct season and episode of shameless. he paused it as soon as it loaded, making eye contact with kenny. you were squirming. they seemed to be making conversation telepathically, eyes locked on each other, silence piercing your ears.
"which one of us are you in love with?" kyle finally asked, voice soft as he leaned forward to stare into your soul. your squirming intensified, kenny rubbing your calve reassuringly as he gazed at you. you felt like a deer caught in headlights, heart pumping in your ears, hands shaking in your lap, face pale, eyes wide.
"we're not asking out of a place of spite, love," kenny reassured. you could hardly hear him over the sound of your own pulse, your mouth going dry as tears flooded your eyes. you'd never felt so anxious before in your life. this was everything you wanted, laid out in front of you, and you were terrified.
"i-" was all you managed to get out, unable to speak around the lump in your throat and the cotton in your mouth.
"sweetheart," kyle sighed, leaning far forward to reach his arm over kenny and grasp on of your hands. kenny did the rest of the work, tugging you into a side hug as you panicked. you weren't sure exactly what your issue was. you wanted them to be interested in you. you wanted their attention. you wanted this. why the hell were you having a panic attack over something you'd been praying for since puberty?
eventually, after a handful of minutes, you were able to calm down enough to hear the murmured reassurane of the couple holding you. you could pull your head back and you could look at them, an embarrassed smile on your face as you whispered your apology.
"why should you be sorry, love? we caught you off guard," kenny hushed. kyle nodded along in agreement, a soft smile on his face as his fingertips caressed your cheek.
"you don't have to apologize for anything, sweetheart. we genuinely didn't think you'd react like that. that's completely our fault," he whispered, ginger curls falling into his face. you ran your fingertips over his forehead to adjust them, then let them trail down the side of his face. he flushed under your touch, cheeks turning a rosy pink under a small smattering of sun exposure freckles.
"if we're being honest, we've had feelings for you for quite some time, probably a decade. we were trying to figure out if you were interested in one of both of us," kenny admitted. you blushed, eyes jumping between kenny's red face and kyle's. for a second, you wondered if you were in a dream. you discreetly pinched your leg, wincing as your heart raced. it definitely wasn't a dream.
"both," you whispered. you were still incredibly nervous to admit your feelings, but with the confession on kenny's part, you felt a bit more confident in your feelings. kenny was the first to embrace you, your face buried in his boney chest, kyle's lanky arms wrapping around the both of you.
"we don't have to immediately figure shit out," kyle murmured after a few moments of your silent embrace. you nodded slowly, unraveling your fingers from the back of kenny's shirt.
"i'd rather watch shameless right now, if i'm being honest," you murmured, a sheepish smile on your face. "my mind has been fucked way too much for one day." kyle chuckled along, pressing play on the tv. kenny started unzipping your outdoor coat with a small grin.
"i mean, we could always fuck you in other ways," he joked with a suggestive wiggle of his eyebrows. you guffawed, face turning red as kyle whacked his chest.
"kenny, please, shut the actual fuck up!" he exclaimed, face equally as red as yours. kenny burst into laughter as he continued helping you out of your coat, draping it on the back of the sofa.
"sorry, sorry," he chortled. you settled into the couch, a small smile on your face as you focused your attention on the dysfunctional screen family.
—
taglist @hand-writxen @quackyfae @n0tangeliccc @triphovia @vanillawh0re @scrawny-simp @oldcabinets @mags138 @zeroquiverx
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These Crow Reboot haters are rearing their racist head as well. First they blab on about the disrespect to Brandon Lee, now they're throwing in the "oh my god the disrespect to the goth scene which is a distinctly WHITE subculture" for casting a FKA twigs as Shelly... Hey do they know Brandon Lee is fucking mixed lol
I have not come across a comment so explicit in their racism but I'm not surprised if you did because I did read some other "subtle" words about this new Shelly. Ahhh the way they have idolized and white washed their own sub culture is almost unbelievable.
And by white washed I mean not only the racist part but also the classism... Now suddenly all goths look one way : no tattoos like " rappers" they have "cool long hair" , "cool wardrobe" and they have the clear appearance of nice quiet guys.
Delusional.
You just need one ONE night at a goth club and you'll see people with normal clothes, the one with a lot of face piercings , some dressed like vampires , other with full face black & white make up , girls in tight leather attires and guys that seem out of a trailer park with tattoos like Bill in the new pic.
The "goths" want to be seen as "cool" by outside people, that's all , they are desperate for compliments ... they think they will stand out from the " current trends" if they have another Brandon Lee cosplayer in this movie. Someone "clean and decent ... "
I even got to read the stupid rant of the actress who played sarah in the '94 movie , she says that "the modern Eric Draven looks like the bad guys he is supposed to fight "
I'm sorry ? Why does he look like a criminal for these people ? Because of a bunch of tattoos ? Are they trapped in the 1950's ? it's fucking 2024 !
Also the way they talk about the new Shelly, saying " this one had a relationship with a drug mob and dies because of a deal gone wrong that's not my Shelley, she will never do that she was sweet and wanted a better world" 🙄
People think that you can only be a victim if you check all the boxes to be one. And no. Women , and people in general, can be tangled in very shady situations and even like that be absolute victims of people who are way more dangerous.
That is how this new movie will play , this is not the 1994 story done again. It's partially based in the comics with a modern touch, cause it's been 30 fcking years.
This is the tragic love story of 2 lost souls ( moderns Eric and Shelly ) who tried to get better overcoming addiction, fall in love in the process but didn't get to enjoy that new opportunity in life because of death... So Eric will return looking for revenge.
Why are people hating this new storyline, it sounds pretty similar to the one they love soooo much ('94) , oh yeah because they don't consider flawed people humans deserving of redemption.
Again. They are sooo out of the norm so accurate goth , that they are now on the conservative - purist end.
Uhh and don't get me started with the stupid posts the director of the 94 movie made ... That guy is an asshole.
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South Park Song Tournament!
[also check out @votemattrey’s South Park 25th anniversary concert tournament on their blog!! <3]
I am aware the creators made an official song tournament, but i didn’t hear about it until after it was already over so I have decided to make one of my own!
This is very self-indulgent and there are a lot of south park songs to think of, especially if you include covers (which i have decided to do) so I am likely very biased in which songs i have chosen.
I have narrowed it down to 128 songs to start to give an easy number for a tournament, but if I haven’t included your favourite song feel free let me know in the notes, reblogs or tags and I will make sure to add it to the list.
Please don’t worry about whether requesting songs will interfere with the tournament numbers! I have plans to give second chances to the closest losers to ensure that there is never an odd number of songs going into the next round :)
The songs I have decided to put in the tournament are as follows:
South Park Theme Song
I'm Gonna Make Love to You, Woman - Cartman Gets an Anal Probe
Hot Lava - Volcano
Love Gravy - An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig
Make Love, Even When I'm Dead - Pinkeye
The Lonely Jew on Christmas - Mr Hankey the Christmas Poo
Waitin' On a Woman - Cartman's Mom is a Dirty Slut
Simultaneous - Summer Sucks
Chocolate Salty Balls - Chef's Chocolate Salty Balls
Cheesy Poofs Theme Song - Roger Ebert Should Lay Off the Fatty Foods
Underpants Gnomes Work Song - Gnomes
Getting Gay With Kids - Rainforest Schmainforest
I Hate You Guys - Jakovasaurs
Sexual Harassment Panda - Sexual Harassment Panda
Shelly, Shelly - Cat Orgy
Turds! - Cat Orgy
Mr Hankey the Christmas Poo - Mr Hankey's Christmas Classics
Carol of the Bells - Mr Hankey's Christmas Classics
Christmas Medley - Mr Hankey's Christmas Classics
O Tannenbaum - Mr Hankey's Christmas Classics
Christmas Time in Hell - Mr Hankey's Christmas Classics
Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel - Mr Hankey's Christmas Classics
I Saw Three Ships - Mr Hankey's Christmas Classics
Merry Fucking Christmas - Mr Hankey's Christmas Classics
O Holy Night - Mr Hankey's Christmas Classics
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas - Mr Hankey's Christmas Classics
Timmy and the Lords of the Underworld - Timmy 2000
Fingerbang - Something You Can Do With Your Finger
Wendy's Audition Song - Something You Can Do With Your Finger
Third Grade Memories - Fourth Grade
The Prostitute Song - Fat Camp
Circle of Poo - A Very Crappy Christmas
Why Can't I Be Like All the Other Kids - Here Comes the Neighbourhood
It's Butters! - Butters' Very Own Episode
Montage - Asspen
Sea People and Me - The Simpsons Already Did It
The Ballad of Lemmiwinks - The Death Camp of Tolerance
My Future Self n Me - My Future Self n Me
Poo-Choo Train - Red Sleigh Down
Bleeding Heart Rock Protest Song vs. Pro War Country Song - I'm a Little Bit Country
Make a Run for the Border - Fat Butt and Pancake Head
Taco Flavoured Kisses - Fat Butt and Pancake Head
Jesus Baby - Christian Rock Hard
Faith + 1 Album - Christian Rock Hard
Casa Bonita - Casa Bonita
Joseph Smith Was Called a Prophet - All About Mormon
Cigarettes All Hidey Lidey Day - Butt Out
Follow the Only Road - It's Christmas in Canada
French Canada - It's Christmas in Canada
Let's Fighting Love - Good Times with Weapons
My Robot Friend - AWESOM-O
My Wishing Tree - The Jeffersons
The Future Begins With You and Me - Goobacks
Vote or Die! - Douche and Turd
I've Got Some Apples - Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset
Christmas Time is Once a Year - Woodland Critter Christmas
Make It Right - The Death of Eric Cartman
Love Lost Long Ago - Follow That Egg!
We Can Live Together - Ginger Kids
Trapped in the Closet - Trapped in the Closet
Hey People, You Gotta Drive Hybrids Already - Smug Alert!
Who's Got the Greatest Mom In The World? - Tsst
Dawg's Crew Theme Song - Miss Teacher Bangs a Boy
Hippitus Hoppitus - Fantastic Easter Special
California Loves the Homeless - Night of the Living Homeless
I've Got a Golden Ticket - Le Petit Tourette
Imagination Song - Imaginationland
Canada on Strike - Canada on Strike
My Internet Done Up and Went Away - Over Logging
Super Fun Time - Super Fun Time
You Gotta Do What You Wanna Do - Elementary School Musical
Burn Down Hot Topic - The Ungroundable
I've Got a Ring on My Finger - The Ring
Queef Free - Eat, Pray, Queef
Gay Fish - Fishsticks
Somalian Pirates We - Fatbeard
Poker Face - Whale Whores
Minorities at my Water Park - Pee
Lake Tardicaca Hula Gal - Crippled Summer
You and Cthulhu - Mysterion Rises
Cafeteria Fraiche - Crème Fraiche
Vunter Slaush Kapushkuh - Crack Baby Athletic Association
Work Mexican Work - The Last of the Meheecans
Lemmiwinks vs Wikileaks - Bass to Mouth
Put That Heart to Work - Broadway Bro Down
Out of My Shell - Broadway Bro Down
I'm Not the Poorest Kid in School - The Poor Kid
The Jewelry Polka - Cash For Gold
Make Bullying Kill Itself - Butterballs
Jackin' it in San Diego - Butterballs
I Swear - Cartman Finds Love
The Ballad of James Cameron - Raising the Bar
It's a Beautiful Day - World War Zimmerman
A Chorus of Wieners - A Song of Ass and Fire
Princess Kenny Theme - A Song of Ass and Fire
My Bitch Ain't No Hobbit - The Hobbit
Push (Feeling Good on a Wednesday) - The Cissy
The Tale of Craig's Mom's Bush - The Magic Bush
PC Chant - Stunning and Brave
Where Has My Country Gone - Where My Country Gone
The Yelper Special (Boogers and Cum) - You're Not Yelping
In My Safe Space - Safe Space
The Ballad of Tweek and Craig - Tweek x Craig
Let's Come Together As a School - Douche and a Danish
Give Life A Try - Put It Down
Put It Down - Put It Down
They Got Me Locked Up In Here - Hummels & Heroin
Barbershop Quartet - Hummels & Heroin
A Witch Pursuit Thing - Sons A Witches
Faith In Christ - A Boy And A Priest
Unfulfilled - Unfulfilled
Colorado Town - Bike Parade
Go Strong Woman, Go - Board Girls
I Love You Social Distancing - The Pandemic Special
Mountain Town - South Park: Biggger, Longer & Uncut
Uncle Fucka - South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut
It's Easy Mmkay - South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut
Blame Canada - South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut
Kyle's Mom's a Bitch - South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut
What Would Brian Boitano Do - South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut
Up There - South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut
La Resistance - South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut
I Can Change - South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut
I'm Super - South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut
Mountain Town (Reprise) - South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut
We Are Living in the Future - South Park: Post Covid: The Return of Covid
We Missed You Randy - South Park: The Streaming Wars
I Got Cred, Bitches - South Park (Not Suitable For Children)
Hope you all enjoy the tournament and may the best south park song win!
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So I recently finished watching The Crow: Stairway to Heaven (1998), the 22-episode TV series based on the film The Crow (1994) and the comic of the same name. I’ve seen a few posts here and there about it being weird, but since even a lot of those have come from people who haven’t actually seen it who're going off hearsay, I haven’t seen any definitive list of the weird things that are in it. There are many weird things in it and here they are. Suffice to say there are spoilers in here so don’t read it if you live in a world where people could really actually care about spoilers for The Crow: Stairway to Heaven.
I’m going to assume that anyone who doesn’t follow me who’s interacting with this post has seen the film, but just in case (because I know 90% of my followers are here for Naruto), uh, musician Eric Draven is resurrected by a magical crow to exact bloody vengeance upon the people who murdered him and his fiancé Shelly Webster. Daryl Albrecht is the cop assigned to their murder case. Sarah Mohr is a young teenage girl who is also there, and her mother Darla is a drug addict who is romantically involved with one of the murderers. Murderers aside, I think that’s the reasonable dramatis personae.
The first episode is just a retelling of the 1994 film but with all the swear words and most of the gore taken out. Also Eric sings a song and it sucks. Those who watch this show will be hearing that song so very much.
The most important thing to know about this show right off the bat is that it is a police procedural and killing is wrong.
Eric roundhouses a guy for smoking a cigarette.
Good people get resurrected by crows; evil people get resurrected by cute albino pythons.
Eric cannot enter a room without dropping from the ceiling or jumping in the window. I love him but because he’s a cool martial arts guy he cannot use a door.
He also has a lot of casual conversations while exercising shirtless.
At one point he is lying on the floor and gets up to greet someone by doing a handstand.
At another point I’m pretty sure he snaps a man's fucking neck with his thighs? Not to death but like, to pain, certainly.
Dragula plays in episode 4. Episode 1 contains the song Powertrip by Monster Magnet, which isn’t particularly significant, but they’re my favourite band so I noticed.
Episode 5 is the circus episode. Pretty much every episode is a themed episode that most shows only get round to over the course of like 8 seasons? Episode 10 concerns daredevil car racing.
There's a part where the police are searching for Eric and a witness has described a man who's "Asian or Hispanic" and Albrecht's face lights up so quick like "Woah! I know an Asian or Hispanic man!" and that’s how he knows it’s Eric.
Sarah is a lead in this show and she and Eric kinda form the fun tag team for banter. She waves her hand in front of his face and looks at him funny when he’s having a traumatic flashback. Their dialogue is my favourite. Here are some examples:
SARAH: How many [pull-ups] did you do?
ERIC: I stopped counting at 200.
SARAH: That’s not normal.
SARAH: You need to get out more.
ERIC: But I don’t wanna get out more!
SARAH [ABOUT ERIC]: The man doesn’t eat. The man doesn’t sleep. He only sits around thinking about his dead girlfriend.
ERIC: I’m getting these weird feelings…
SARAH: I hate to break it to you, but all your feelings are weird.
Reincarnation is also a thing separately from the resurrection. Eric and Shelly have met each other in every single one of their previous lives, during which they have always been played by the same actors.
Several random characters are also shown to be able to commune with the dead, including a child who lives in a cage.
Eric talks someone down from a suicide.
Eric talks someone down from doing a revenge killing.
There’s a recurring character who’s a hacker called Nytmare.
Shelly becomes corporeal twice, once by possessing someone and once by angelic powers or something I’m not sure I didn’t listen. Oh yeah Shelly's also a lead in this show, waiting in the afterlife and sometimes being homoerotic with deceased women Eric chastely assists.
One episode features the Russian mob.
There’s a character called the Skull Cowboy. Now, the Skull Cowboy is in the original comic, but unlike the original comic he is regrettably not a skull nor demonstrably a cowboy, save for his cool jacket. He’s great though, shoutout to my man the Skull Cowboy.
Eric beats up a fire-eater with a fire extinguisher.
In one episode Eric's convinced he's gonna die so he puts on a white t-shirt and blue jeans. That’s mildly amusing because he’s a goth but I mostly bring it up because this was the episode I truly became aware of how sculpted his pecs are.
In episode 9, Eric is hypnotised by a man (recurring character) who believes John Lennon's consciousness is alive on the internet and he mentally regresses to one of his past lives, when he was an Indigenous American man. I have no further comment on this episode other than the fact that They Do A Mysterious Ritual and there are slurs.
Episode 20 establishes Eric as a Vietnamese orphan adopted during the war. That’s the secret brother episode (Eric's secret brother is played by Corey Feldman).
One further comment on episode 9, actually - Eric makes a gay joke in it which I can add to my Eric/Albrecht ship manifesto.
Eric opens a portal to hell.
From hell emerges a man with electricity superpowers who kidnaps a bunch of people.
Eric jumps off a high balcony and spins round and round to defeat the electricity guy.
He also does a front flip off some stairs while casually maintaining a conversation, as touched upon earlier.
There's a multi-episode courtroom drama storyline wherein Eric is on trial for Shelly's murder.
Oh yeah people just straight-up know he’s alive. He works as a bouncer in the bar his band used to play at. Darla works at the police station and attends Alcoholics Anonymous but then struggles with relapse as a whole storyline.
Albrecht gets a new partner whose struggles with PTSD are a whole storyline. Albrecht's also in the most complicated on-again off-again relationship with a District Attorney of all time. This one bullet point is him covered - he otherwise doesn’t have a lot going on aside from that one time he gets kidnapped and taken to an island and Eric has to save him in a comedically tiny boat.
Eric's murder trial is very funny to me: firstly, it’s a clip show, 12 episodes into the season. Secondly, a lot of the defence is resting on how the prosecution is discriminating against Eric for being a goth. A quotation from Eric's attorney: "He’s not on trial for being different, he’s on trial for murder!"
Eric's described as "different" a lot. He also describes himself as such when prompted, such as in this exchange:
WHOEVER SAID THIS LINE: Why do you look like that?
ERIC: Because I’m different.
Anyway the trial gets really boring but Eric has a cute ponytail and just looks soooo dapper in his little suit; I want to make him a nice sandwich for his packed lunch and pat him on the head as I send him on his way.
He’s pronounced guilty and then in the next episode immediately pronounced innocent. Spoilers.
There is a time loop episode during which Eric is forced to say the words "pretty please with sugar on top."
There is a plot to resurrect Rasputin. Rasputin's corpse is burned in a fire and his ghost appears superimposed upon the air.
Eric does a backflip towards the Rasputin corpse fire.
This is in hell. The guy resurrecting Rasputin needs to open specifically Eric's hell portal from the electricity superpowers episode.
In a completely different fire, Eric burns a valuable Russian manuscript which is entrusted to him.
Eric makes Albrecht hold some seaweed. I dunno, it made me laugh.
There is a secret organisation who have members in very significant positions in society and they have figured out how to separate a person's soul from their body and transplant it into a different body. One of them inspects Eric's abs for what felt to me like an extremely long time.
There’s a woman resurrected by a different crow and she cries black goo so I really hope Eric can cry black goo as well and that’s just a canonical thing about the undead.
In episode 18, the background music is diegetic but only for Eric, and it turns him evil.
Episode 18 prominently features Canadian rock band Econoline Crush, who perform two songs from their 1997 album The Devil You Know, including All That You Are, the song they sued Nickelback for ripping off to make the 2003 single Figured You Out. Eric is determined to win against them in the battle of the bands.
The rest of the series cameos a veritable smorgasbord of Canadian rock bands, but I didn’t recognise any of their songs by name and nobody says the names of the other bands out loud as many times as they said Econoline Crush so I guess they weren’t paid as much.
Female Crow - her name is Talon - has cool eye makeup that I like a lot. I don’t know what else to say about her that doesn’t sound misogynistic on my part, because the writers writing her are misogynistic.
There’s an episode where pretty much all Eric does is walk through the forest and hallucinate a dance sequence from one of his past lives.
The Crow in this series' continuity is Eric's alter, kind of. It has a separate soul, as evidenced by the fact that it remains in his body when his soul is put into the computer by the secret organisation's evil scientists who are pretending to be Shelly.
I guess I’ve been a bit rude referring to what it does as what Eric's doing this whole time but there’s no clear delineation between the two personality-wise and I could not tell you which moments are supposed to be the alter because I did not know it was a thing until episode 21 of 22, sorry.
Also the Crow makeup just manifests on Eric's face supernaturally. Sometimes it just turns round and has done a transformation sequence.
So the secret organisation kidnap the crow (the magical bird) and use its blood to do a ritual on Eric's grave and resurrect the Crow (the alter) in a separate body from Eric's so that it can fight him.
Eric is offered "steaming hot wieners." He nibbles one with care.
The Crow draws on a wall in blood, just like my favourite moment in the original comic (sadly not the Cat in the Hat though. That would have truly made this whole thing worth it).
A guy has transferred his consciousness into the body of his personal trainer, played by Michael Weatherly, who after 13 seasons of NCIS I didn’t enjoy looking at.
When the two bodies indirectly touch through Shelly's corporeal form, they merge into one in a golden fizzle of regeneration energy.
There's more after that but it ends on a cliffhanger.
#goth stuff#the crow#the crow: stairway to heaven#ending the post on a cliffhanger just like how suddenly the series ends…#also I’m so sorry#i know at least 3 people explicitly want to read this and I’d just send it to them but a link is simpler so I guess that’s what we're doing#upon this fine morn#long post#also while this post is long I must state that this list is not exhaustive; neither is it indicative#it’s a pretty ordinary tv show that is just very into its 90s 'issues episodes'
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What are your opinions on the other Crow films?
I’ve made reviews for them and little posts as I watched- a lot of rambling but I’ll try to summarize here.
All of them have some sort of value to them. A interesting concept or a bit of added lore that I find beyond interesting and would LOVE to see expanded. (Like in city of angels it heavily implies that crows (the birds) are Crows that failed? That shits tragic and amazing) however … for the large part they’re kinda? Bad. Which I think a large part of it is not the concept itself but the studio meddling and the fact it was the early 2000s and the suffer from everything that made most early 2000s movies pretty bad.
City of angels was decent, again it had a bunch of concepts that? I wanted to be expanded but oh no “but sex cult look at the sex cult let’s spend more time with them than the main charecter” there was a LOT they could’ve done and it’s really interesting because it was his son instead of a lover? And his kid was 5 which is a whole other layer on top of it. As much as I want him to be with his son. I like the original ending where he fails and is a wandering spirt a whole lot better. It makes sense, wonderful tragedy and they really shoehorn fixed the ending literal last minute so it suffers because of it. (Also his face paint being his sons paints is everything)
Salvation is hands down the worst of them, it had a LOT going for it? Like a man’s wrongly killed by the state instead of a gang it’s a whole other layer, but it suffers the same weakness of to much focus on the villains and how fucking bonkers they are? It’s like they just wanted to make them more insane(the orignal goes out of irs way to show they are bad people but still?? Human at the end of the day, Funboy in the comics  specifically. Salutation also had the weakest love interest? I cannot for the life of me care about Lauren. She’s- there’s nothing there besides the mystery  surrounding her and it sucks? Espically seeing how much it tears Alex apart and how much pain he feels but- it’s weakened by remembering how - plain she was, you know?
It is the weakest movie but a strong concept some of the stuff I like is that he has no makeup it’s literally just the scars on his face and how - a way of getting the power is making them willingly give it up. Tricking them into thinking they’re done. I also love this moment where Alex talks with the bird over the police files “I guess there’s nothing under crow” you can see the annoyance in a literal birds eyes and it’s hysterical. I love how Alex is the youngest of all the crows and he acts like it! I keep calling him “bird boy” he genuinely acts like one- and has the eyes of a bird it’s not even funny.
I may sound insane by saying this but wicked prayer is my favorite of the sequels. Now it suffers the WORST by being in the 2000s and by focusing on the villains WAY to much (seriously they get more time then Jimmy, the main fucking charecter, because they got David Boreanaz). However Edward Furlong goes WAY harder then he had to. His performance is so raw, honest and just wonderful the whole movie and it sucks that it gets overshadowed by the wack ass writing of everyone else. The movie turns to comedy half way through and he’s the only one still playing it straight… it’s kinda sad because his performance and Emmanuelle’s are so good but the writing went to shit. Its love story is the strongest since Eric and Shelly. I genuinely feel for Jimmy and Lilly. Espically considering the layer of their murder and the fact he may loose her forever- without her eyes she’d be damned to the spirit world and it’s the fact he’d rather be damned to then anywhere without her and it’s - ah - it’s great. While the comedy part and cartoonish villains do suck and really don’t fit the film or the point they did get a genuine laugh or two out of me, I religiously quote “is it really you?! The original Ganster?” Because it ducking- it’s great. It’s so bad it’s a great line.
Jimmy is also just great. Emotionally and his sarcasm carry half the movie
None of them are really….good. Or carry half the punch of the original movie or comic. Because the reasons above but also because they don’t come from the same pain? They don’t come from the genuine pain and loss James wrote the graphic novel from- they aren’t personal or  vulnerable in the same right. You can tell it comes from Hollywood, from a team of writers trying to strike gold again but failing to see the point isn’t action or violence but the fact at its core it’s a love story. It’s sad because I genuinely think they all could’ve been great if it wasn’t for everything. I don’t know.
#the crow#the crow graphic novel#the crow 1994#the crow 1989#james o’barr#the crow comics#the crow movies#eric draven#brandon lee#Ashe corven#Alex corvis#Jimmy Cuervo#gothic movie#goth#edward furlong#Hollywood meddling#cult classic#movie sequels
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SPOILER WARNING: SP POST COVIDE: RETURN OF COVID!!!!!!!
Okay soooo there’s a lot to unpack here.
- First of all, the four boys chanting “Let’s go Nuggets” at the beginning made my heart so happy omg.
- OMFG STAN BURN FARM AND SHELLY FUNERAL WE SAW IT ALL YOU GUYS HHHHHHHH (SHARON’S VA ATE THAT FUNERAL SCENE UP THE REALISM HAD ME CRYINGGGG)
- the fight scene with token was so random and unexpected but i stg it may have been the second greatest thing in this special lmao
- tweek standing up and saying that he’ll do whatever he can to help stop covid just…it’s great. like, yes nervous blond man, you go find that tin foil with ur husband
- the whole anne frank reference they did with menorah was okay ig
- the scene where craig n those guys realize they need tin foil and connecting the dots as to who victor chaos really is was fucking brilliant. we as an audience already figured out that vic is actually butters wayy before this special even aired, the beauty of it all is that the audience knows, but the characters dont. so seeing them put the pieces together and letting the mystery reveal itself was not only satisfying to watch but also really clever. like, wendy and token and all those guys didn’t say what they were thinking, but we KNEW what they were thinking. (i suck at analyzing things dont come for me pls i just think its neat :( )
- BUTERS!’dnsjskxkw
- wait no VIC
- butters being an NFT salesman is the LAST thing i predicted for this special but ykw? i’m nOT mad at it
- BUTTERS CALLED KENNY “KEN” DID YOU GUYS HEAR HIM.
- why did we have to see his penis tho
- and we saw kenny’s dead penis in the last special like omg stop i can’t keep defending u guys, matt n trey
- CRAIG N TWEEK GOT KNOCKED TF OUT PLEASEEEEEEE
- Tweek pointing and screaming when Craig got his shit rocked is so him
- kyle having an alexa and being scared shitless from said alexa going bonkers was a good laugh
- clyde’s villian origin story was definitely something
- the scene where stan is comforting wendy with the wet rag after the whole NFT attack thingy butters did was so wholesome i was smiling through the whole thing
- THE PART WHERE KYLE STARTED WIPING TOKEN’S PHONE WITH THE RAG TOOK ME OUT
- speaking of that cartman taking butters to the lab KNOWING that butters’ NFT shtick can cause major chaos (see what i did there) was pretty smart
- IKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- let’s talk about the fight between eric and kyle cause y’all already know that kyman shippers will use the clip of eric rocking kyle’s shit to prove that kyle is indeed a submissive uwu boy and cartman is a big dom. maybe im over exaggerating, but there are people out there who think like this still and its dumb
- we’ll save that convo for another day. anyways, the two alexas kicking butters’ ass in the pews made me snort
- eric’s baby is a little shit
- clyde’s dramatic walk he does when he’s about to k-word kyle in the past is freaking hilarious to me.
- WHY DID CLYDE HAVE TO D!3 WTH IS WRONG WITH YALL LET HIM LIVE
- stan, kyle, ken, and eric on the jumbotron at the nuggets game is probably the exact moment in which the south park fandom’s hope for the broship/future episodes was restored
- the letter stan wrote to randy made me SOBBB. HE SAID I LOVE U HNNNNNN
- okay so about the ending
- IKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- STAN IS AN ASTRONAUT OR SOMETHING IM NOT RLLY SURE WHAT HE IS BUT HE ISNT AN ALSCHOHOLIC YES
- uhh….so uh……we all agree that kyle and stan have adopted kids together and that they call him uncle stan just cause they’re confused, yes?? stan and kyle are together and they have children?? do they not?????
- no?? k
- STENDY. WHAT ARE THEY GONNA DO ON NEW YEARS?????? MAKE OUT PERHAPS???????????
- if they accidentally reproduce that night and sam marsh becoms canon im gonna drag my teeth against hot concrete
- kenny didn’t get any speaking lines what the fuck matt & trey u had one job
- yall was tweek drinking wine?? material gworl????
- TIMMY OH MY GOD
- TIMMY MY BOY THERE HE GO ON THE SCREEN
- rating: 9.5/10
- bring on the NFT butters/Mad Scientist kenny fanart cowards idc if you suck at rendering or whatever
- AND fanfics don’t forget the fanfics
#sp spoilers#south park#south park post covid#kenny mccormick#butters leopold stotch#kyle brovlofski#stan marsh#randy marsh#shelly marsh#sharon marsh#token black#craig tucker#tweek tucker#jk#tweek tweak#timmy burch#ike broflovski#all the other characters i don’t feel like tagging rn#OH YEAH eric cartman#im gonna make a post about some of my opinions and rant a little more but for now enjoy my initial reactions#btw i cried three times while watching#if i spoiled this for u i tried to warn u so dont blame meeee
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Mr. Cartman himself
fav thing: looks @ you.... what drew me in at first and im talking two years ago was his rude n feminine traits cuz you know how it is but when a character crosses the line and is no longer just rude but downright. racist it stops being an endearing characteristic. i think i love his complexity... thats why its frustrating to see people interpreting him just one way or the other. i like a lot of things about him... his talents and attachment to plush toys and kittens and interest in pop culture and funny lisp and HES KINDA FUNNY????as a character?? dare i say he can be. cu*te
least fav thing: guess
brotp: main foe ............ he loves them a whole fucking lot! he doesnt worry abt pissing his frienda off again and again just cuz he knows theyll eventually all be together again. theyre his closest people by Choice. thinking abt eric and kenny being besties :) theyd snick out after skewl eat fuit gummy blow up shopping carts then get back home late at 8:07 pm ,.. also i imagine him and shelly being barely being in touch until they start hanging out in middle school!! stan would see him knocking on their door being like "dude i didnt invite you over?? and eric would laugh in his face run upstairs then spend hours in shellys room rating boys and stylizing their hair 💅 how could i forget kitties! cat kittens felines meowsers he considers them his friends his emotional support animals... AND clyde but specifically in the stepbros au
otp: big fan of cartman x therapy i think they have some potential :)
notp: where do i begin... mutual kyman heiman buttman is the cursed trinity but really anyone thats been in his presence ages 9-12. unfortunately his future partners not knowing of his past doesnt work out in the long run as things start to unravel and trust is broken and the relationship is too so idk... safety hazard eric cartman
random hc: this is something veryvery very veryvery very very veryvery dear to my heart... liane bought him a froggy plush for 10 cents at the local market and thought itd be a good distraction for a then two years old eric. she coudlnt afford a sitter for when she didnt work from home so she hoped the toy would serve as one and would prevent him from going berserk while shes away. she was right about it distracting a literal infant, it helped him fall asleep and as he started to learn how to talk he mostly only communicated with the unnamed frog toy. eric took it everywhere with him he wouldnt let it leave his grip for one second :з he was a few months older when he was crawling rapidly and barely walking so u can imagine how awful it would be to leave him alone and forget to lock the door for several hours !!! his infant brain picked up on that, took mr frog and rushed out the door with no supervision whatsoever haha he was eventually spotted by jimbo roaming around the suburbs and returned to liane after a few hours have successfully passed but with no? plushie?? he noticed somethings missing right away and tried screaming at his mom in an attempt to tell her his best friends missing but she only noticed its gone when she was tucking him in - so him and liane searched the streets past bedtime until the plush was found and was given the name clyde frog cuz it was easy for eric to pronounce :)
unpopular opinion: hes redeemable
song: the cry forum by mother mother
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maria watches friday night lights (#4)
season 2, pt 2!! (2x08-2x15)
ugh Matt is really having his Being A Stupid Teenage Boy season huh?
-lol love a good naked dude being chased scene — in this case, Smash on his recruiting trip being chased around by a potential future teammate. Classic.
(it’s kinda cute that Matt came to pick him up tho)
- the latest in season 2 being off the fucking rails: really? Riggins’ new digs include a meth lab on wheels??
-Landry confessing to murdering someone and then having his sheriff dad drag him out of the station to go home is the whitest shit EVER. Like, Landry is literally *trying* to be punished and they just won’t punish his white, cop-kid ass. ‘Murica. (I mean don’t get me wrong: it WAS self defense against someone literally stalking and trying to rape Tyra, but the point still stands that if Landry was a black kid he’d have been tried as an adult and convicted no doubt)
-YESSSSS a MySpace shoutout! we love to see it
“I hate you” - Santiago (and also me) @ Buddy Garrity
-omg Coach Taylor noticing that things aren’t good at home for Riggins and taking him in, my heart!
-Wow in just one scene Riggins charmed baby Grace, warned Tami’s sister not to shame women for eating a lot (“it can lead to anorexia, especially in girls”) and then offered to go out to the store to get baby formula in the pouring rain. What a man.
-and yes, Shelly, you fully grown woman, it IS a bad idea to lust after a TEENAGE BOY
-wow Riggins protecting Julie from the SUPER DRAMATIC TORNADO that made me laugh. Do we get to have a Riggins-Julie friendship??? bc I’d be down. We need more friendships.
-Thank you, Tami, saying “EW” to her sister watching Riggins work out! Someone has sense to know a fully grown woman shouldn’t be lusting after a teenager! Julie can lust if she wants tho, that’s age appropriate.
-DYING at Landry being aghast that Tyra’s never heard of West Side Story.
-oh god, Lyla — it is totally fair to assume your mom would tell your dad she’s getting remarried, especially if she knew you’d be seeing him — so I’m sorry you’re the one who accidentally set off whatever nonsense Buddy is gonna pull now that he knows his ex wife is “marrying that treehugger.”
“Who’s that?” “Some douchebag named Chip. who names their kid Chip anyway?” Same, Tyra, same.
-Landry, one of my biggest pet peeves is asking someone out while they’re on the clock. Like, come on! let Tyra work, boy.
-Jesus Christ it’s like everywhere Julie looks, she has to see Matt making out with someone. That’s rough.
-and oop Matt you busted bc Julie actually knows who Carlotta is!
-once a cheater, always a cheater, Buddy. And yes to Pam for being like “nah bye I’m happy now, it is over.” You treated her like garbage so here we are, sir!
-hilarious that Landry is the one who ends up throwing the first punch that gets the post-tornado, school-crossover tensions to finally boil over
-I like that they show both the fall formal and the party where everyone who didn’t go to the formal is. Nice.
-Aw poor Julie got drunk af to deal with all her feelings. This really is the season where they have Julie and Matt being sixteen year olds in the most painful ways. So maybe it’s good they’re not together during this tho I’m still looking forward to when the tide turns their way again.
-anyway, Tim is a good friend for getting the creep who thought he was “one beer away from getting laid” off of Julie.
-And....in true Texas dad fashion, Eric Taylor misinterprets everything! Noooo. We can’t have nice things.
-This Noelle-Smash partnership is definitely an interesting pairing. Two very ambitious football people courting all these recruiters while Smash’s mom side eyes them in the corner? Hilarious.
-omg not this Oklahoma tech recruiter harassing smash’s mom in the grocery store! GTFO here! Give her some fucking personal space. They really do such a good job of showing as much of the toxic shit about football culture as the inspiring, big moments.
-Aw and I love that Tami tried to help Mama Smash get the guy to go away. It’s such a familiar scene, women helping each other get a dude harassing them away. And then they have a heart to heart in the parking lot? Love that.
-omg what a throwback that Shelly TAPED OVER Eric’s football game to tape a NEW EPISODE of The Office! Love it. “Y’all should get a TiVo.”
-omg watching Tami and Eric work out arguments is so beautiful, they communicate very well! We stan a good marriage.
-wow seeing the other coach from tornado school lose his shit publicly after he knocked down Riggins was uh....wild???? This is the second time he put his hands on Riggins!
-awww Eric actually coming to apologize to riggins for overreacting about Julie when he hears the real story??? Love it.
-Weevil from Veronica Mars shows up as a friend of Santiago’s? Of course.
-WOW and Logan from Gilmore girls as a Christian radio host...tracks.
“Is that your way of telling her you like her?” Jason making a surprisingly astute observation about Tim. (And Lyla.)
-yo why would you invite your daughter’s boyfriend’s family over for dinner just to say they shouldn’t date? (And bc it’s an interracial relationship.) Southern culture is wild to me lol
-wow the racist coach from last season is now off spouting his mouth about how “no wife of mine would be working with a kid at home.” I love that Eric calls him out as sounding stupid and ignorant — you better!
-hearing that Lyla burned her cheerleading uniform is one of the most badass things she’s done so far tbh along with that dealership destruction
-off the rails update: 2x12 was toooo much!! Like, Jesus between Smash’s sister getting harassed at the movie theater by the racists who hate on smash and Noelle...and this plotline with Santiago and his old friends trashing Buddy’s place...it’s like, can we breathe.
-I could not be more excited for Carlotta to leave and another teenage boy with adult woman relationship to end.
-wow can’t believe the plotline where Riggins stole $3000 from a drug dealer isn’t ending well for him. And now Smash is getting arrested bc of those racist guys from the movie theater episode? One recap I read said that too many of this season’s plots feel contrived and I think that sums it up.
-is there any character who HASN’T worked at Buddy Garrity’s dealership at this point?!
-and yikes at all the other salespeople being mad that a salesperson in a wheelchair was hired...y’all mad ugly and ableist for that
-Tyra and Landry are....confusing
-Wait Logan from GG is an actual preacher and not just a Christian radio host? CREEPY. And he kissed Lyla? A lot to unpack there.
-lol Tim trying to woo Lyla is kinda funny to watch simply bc Tim is clearly so confounded by rejection
-I love how much space they give for Smash’s sister’s pain in the Noelle-Smash theater incident. A lesser show wouldn’t have centered her as much.
-is it mean of me to say Jason is boring AF most of the time
-yeah this dreads girl is seemingly way more compatible with Landry than Tyra yikes! Like she made him a power metal mix cd???
-wow this Smash storyline where mouthing off to the press is what gets him suspended....really checks out bc teenage boys are dumb
-I love Tami as a volleyball coach and getting to see another sport! Also as someone who’s been on a losing team I know that feeling of finally winning a game!!! Go Dillon volleyball!!! (Am I maybe currently writing a Bughead fic based on my underdog field hockey experiences? ;) yes yes I am)
-Oh shit now Saracen’s at the nihilistic Nothing Matters phase of teenage angst. Right on schedule!
-lol these two short haired blondes (white dreads Jean and Tyra) being in a love triangle with Landry is wild
-Omg jean just said, “are you a friend or are you competition?” She is not playing!
-I love Riggins dragging Saracen to practice
“I don’t want you to become at an at-risk youth” -Landry teasing Saracen while also sincerely caring about him is some of the best friendship banter on this show. The accuracy 😂
-It seems like Julie gets a lot of hate? But I think I have such a soft spot for Julie bc I was a bitchy teenager with undiagnosed mental health disorders and I just wish so much #growth for her! Also I really do miss her and Saracen’s relationship, I’m so excited I’m almost at S3 where it seems like it’s happening again?
-LOL this guy at the dmv is the first person in Dillon to be like, “no I hate football.” That tracks.
-wow Saracen is getting driven to the hospital to make sure his grandma is okay by the sex worker who was just giving him a lap dance. Amazing.
-also I hope grandma is okay!
-okay Tyra throwing her hat in the ring for Landry at the last minute? Idk I think Jean deserves the win but there’s no way it’ll happen bc she’s a guest actor?!
-awww Saracen’s abandonment issues coming out whiles he in the tub after being sobered up by Eric Taylor. “There’s nothing wrong with you.” 😭 and “your daughter left me for a better guy” - will take that crumb — first mention of Julie out of Saracen’s mouth in a minute
-hey, Landry, my friend: flirting with a girl (Jean) to get her outside then dumping her immediately is kind of a wild bait and switch. But I get it, he’s been in love with Tyra for a long time and Tyra IS right — they had a very fucked up start to their relationship so it makes sense she needed a minute to process her ~feelings~. however I definitely identified closer to a jean in my high school experience L O L (minus the unacceptable white dreads)
-these Julie and Tami driving scenes are painfully accurate, btw. Love them.
-wow the scene of Smash hyping everyone up, the adrenaline/energy of the team cheering with helmets and a classic “clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose” - then the whole team running out onto the field and leaving an empty locker room with just Smash breaking down into tears....#art
-alright y’all I’m gearing up for the last episode of S2! Thanks to @lockitin for reminding me this is the writers’ strike season — I was in eighth grade then and remember being pissedddd about the shortened fourth season of “the office” — so I’m fully prepared for the abruptness to come.
-I love when they parallel showing the white church and the black church
-and Tim going to church just to see Lyla makes me laugh
-ooooof Jason you cannot put on this waitress you had a one night stand with the fact that this could be your only chance to have a baby!!! Omg this poor woman who just pointed out she, too, is NINETEEN.
-wait so is Riggins doing a sports show on a Christian radio station? What?
“I think you’re really hot. Your long hair reminds me of Jesus” -Christian girls being horny for Riggins LOL
-awww Saracen being like “okay Landry you’re gonna impress Tyra right now” before that football play was a cute friendship moment for those two
-aww I love how this Smash storyline is turning out with Coach Deeks whose had his eye on him for six years my heart 😭
-also unclear to me whether Logan Huntzberger the Preacher is a fully grown adult dating a high school senior?? Biggest teen drama pet peeve once again! Stop this!
-Tami is my heroine for just leaving Eric at the restaurant fighting with her ex. “see you at home, honey!”
-I’m sorry, is Jason gonna like actually convince this girl to have a baby with her one night stand at 19??? Oh lol wait THAT ended up being the cliffhanger of the whole season? Fucking hilarious.
well I made it through season 2!!! Super psyched for Season 3, Jay has been hyping me up for it. See y’all next time! (I’ll try to post more for season 3 bc this accidentally got long af.)
#maria watches friday night lights#mine#friday night lights#friday night lights 2x08#friday night lights 2x09#friday night lights 2x10#friday night lights 2x11#friday night lights 2x12#friday night lights 2x13#friday night lights 2x14#friday night lights 2x15
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Why is Liane Cartman a bad mother? (long post)
Lots of people think that she is a bad mother because she just let her son to get away with everything and never discipline him or even teach him about what is right or wrong and wants to treat him like a friend isntead of an actual child but the truth is, she is way worse than that.
Lets see some examples:
1.) She constantly lies which in some cases seem to be about protecting her son from the harsh reality but if we consider how she behaves it seems more about getting away her fucked up lifestyle in front of her son or to avoid actual parenting.
Fe:
In the fat camp episode it was her who lied Cartman about being big bonned and that it was genetical in their family to be fat instead of telling her son the truth and help him out to lose weight aka giving him healthy food and play sports with him (considering his father he should have been good at sports) and she even laugh at him when the other kids made fun of him like the whole thing wasnt even her fault.
Or when she constantly lies about her job as I said above this could be about protecting him from the harsh reality but she still brings her job home so it seems more about not making her son mad at her for endangering him.
Or when she lied about his father. Liane knew how badly Cartman wanted to know about him but she still decided to lie and even deny his existence because of others. And this is also where the second point comes in.
2.) Pleasing people is more important than Eric. It seems Cartman got his whole wanting to be popular and be like others from his mother because Liane also does everything others tell her to do. She interestingly only cares about her son behaviour problems when others contact her about otherwise Cartman can do whatever he wants and she is ready to lie or endanger him if that is others want her to do.
Fe:
She tricked Cartman to give away his kidney because of the other parents and she also lied about his father because of the same reason. (it is possible she was threatened to do this tho but we didnt really see that happen). And while I like Kyle and I am happy that he survived but from a parents viewpoint your child is suppose to be the no1 and that means you dont force them to go through a surgery they dont want to (if it isnt about their health) or endanger them because of others. I mean Eric’s kidney had problems so he and Kyle got pretty lucky that it still functioned pretty well. Just imagine if they took out Cartman’s good kidney and left him with a bad one, he could have died.
Or when she gave Cartman’s hideout to the other kids so they can play meanwhile she punished Cartman. I mean I understand that the confinement was necessary but giving away his play room just seemed unnecessary and even cruel. Even a normal kid would feel angry about this.
3.) Abandons him when she can because of her job and addictions or because she just cant deal with him, this was more obvious in the older seasons.
There is a reason guys why Cartman can cook eventhough it seems her mother does everything for him. I guess many times he was left alone at home or his mother was too high/tired to care about his food.
Or when she left Shelly to babysit him so she could go to a meteor shower party which has a double meaning (dont search after it :I).
And also when Cartman wasnt at home she didnt waste time to get together with an other person in the death of Eric Cartman episode. But we know from the tsst episode that she cant go out anymore because her son doesnt let her and while in the episode this seemed like a bad thing because her son was controlling but if we really look into her past the whole situation seems more about a kid who is trying to stop his mother’s destructive behaviour (aka laying around). Kids who have addicted parents usually have to grow up (in some ways) much faster than others which also means they try cover up their parents mistakes (as we saw Cartman used to do this a lot with the whole: She needed the money excuse) or try to excuse their behaviour and they also try to save or guide them. Basically they switch out their roles which is very unhealthy.
4.) Endangers him.
First of all Liane is a drug addict and we know that drugs the majority of times affect people’s behaviour and can alter their personality. Although Liane seems calm and nice all the time it is possible that deep inside she has the same personality as Cartman and we havent seen how she behaves when she isnt under the influence of drugs. But we have already seen her manipulating her son and even teaching him to be hateful especially to jews and gingers (already mentioned this in an other post). Also there are probably times when she is so out of it that Cartman needs to take care of her or protect her from men.
And her addiction can also ensure that Cartman become an addict too. We have already seen this happen because he still uses the cough medicine as a drug to calm himself down and Liane is ready to „help him out” with this instead of stopping him.
And while Cartman used her mother’s addiction to get what he wants aka a new rich family in the poor kid episode he still got punished because he was lying although he didnt really lie because his mom used to take drugs. It is a little bit annoying that he and the other kids fe Stan gets punished in some way while the adults can walk away withouth consequences.
Second because of her job she brings her clients or boyfriends home who also hurt and sexually abused Cartman. We know from an older episode that Cartman used to report her boyfriends for this and the police used to take them away to prison. Some people might say that he only did this because he didnt want to share his mother’s attention with others or just hated these unknown men but we also saw from this episode that her current boyfriend answered pretty strangely when they tried to re-educate him and the other parents so it seems that Cartman was right about these dangerous men.
And in a very early episode it also seemed that Liane used him when she performed some of her well… sexual activities as a prop so no wonder he considered parents having sex as a tragical backstory in the new game.
There is also a possibility that he was raped by his uncle because he still has nightmares about it. But maybe Liane didnt know about this because she seemed pretty mad when Cartman accused her of molesting him in front of others but is possible that she only felt mad because other people were around.
Btw it seems that Cartman is more bothered with her laying around than her drug addiction and probably that is also a reason why he is mad all the time although he didnt realize the true reason of his anger. He isnt the only kid who behaves this way lots of real children deal with their family problems in this way and we can even find some examples in animes too fe: Ripple from Magical Girl Raising Project who also became agressive because of her mother’s similar behaviour and because she had to protect herself from others.
5.) Was physically abusive and used to slap her son for very little things. Maybe she behaved this way because the creators still searched for her and Cartman’s personality but it is possible that she was really like this until Cartman became stronger and stopped her because in later seasons the abuse stopped and he used to beat up people especially adults.
Many physically abusive parents stop their abuse the moment the child can stop their hands or beat them up and using his new found strenght he went overboard and that is why he beat up others. It seems he calmed down in this aspect because he usually loses fights nowadays eventhough his opponents are much weaker than the adults.
6.) As I said before he doesnt get any parental guidence.
Liane doesnt really teach him about real life instead she is giving him a very dishonest picture and even when he tries to do better or ask for advice she panicks and leaves him alone or try to divert his attention with food.
Fe:
When Cartman asked her how to make things right she freaked out and didnt give him a proper answer.
Or in the game she tried to use cookies to divert his attention from the pimps and the whores.
I think deep inside Liane knows she is ruining her son and she feels guilty about it and that is why she tried to give him everything he wanted or overfed him because food is the substitute for love and that is why food can calm Cartman down. In a way he was already an addict even before the cough medicine but he was addicted to food.
I also think that Liane tries her best because she seems calmer than her older self and she tries to put Cartman on a pedestal but she also comes from an abusive home with addicts so she also doesnt really have and idea of what she is doing and she doesnt really get any help.
I also find it interesting that many people think that Butters and Cartman should switch parents (like in those old tv shows)becuse Butters would finally have a good mother who takes care of him while Cartman would get punished for his wrong doings but he would be able to stand up to Butters’ parents and teach them to appreciate their child and be nicer to him. I personally think that Butters wouldnt be able to handle Liane and her destructive and neglectful behaviour and he would end up more scared than before while Cartman would be able to grow accustomed to a stricter household especially if he wants to prove others wrong.
In a way Cartman’s situation is really sad because he doesnt have anybody he could count on and even his friends tease him about his mother (and in the past about his father) and ignore him when he needs help while they expect that he will help them out when they have problems.
#south park#eric cartman#Liane Cartman#bad parenting and abuse#doesnt excuse cartman but it shows why he acts the way he does#he needs help#not all pictures are mine
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*slams hands on desk* MORE STANMAN HCS PLEASE???????????
rubs my gay little hands togethercomin right up
heres the first btw!!
- yes, they are football boyfriends!! and they play on the school team together for a while!! until eric would get kicked for cheating dskljf stan would be the captain/quarterback and eric would be a fullback (a big part of a fullbacks job is protecting the quarterback :3c dont quote me on that lmao) Catch Eric fucking TACKLING hos to the ground and their team often winning because of it. Hes a big guy, definitely uses his size and weight to his advantage to protecc the bae
- they sort of extremely lowkey battle over who gets to do all the “””””man™””””” stuff when cuddling and smooching and stuff when they’re both still teenagers. it might be due to the internalized homophobia they both deal with )); theyd grow up and learn better though; not caring and just wanting to love each other when theyre smarter
- shelly lowkey had a crush on eric lmfao, she gets hella jealous once stan and eric get together and probably takes it out on stan oof oof oof ;;; hes older though, able to stand up to her, Stan gets her to back off before eric can hear about the abusive bullshit he sits through
- eric is actually a lot more nervous about telling people about the relationship at first, mostly because he wouldnt want anyone to ‘think hes not coOoOoOol’ Stans only fear is his dad and kyles reaction once they’re public
- eric and stan are both AMAZING at cooking. stan learned everything from his dad shoving his cooking obsession down his throat, eric has always been a good cook. most of erics food is super unhealthy though so stan usually trys to handle the cooking for them. eric does breakfast, snacks and dessert. stan does lunch and dinner
- eric goes intensely out for his and stans dates. this man is so fucking extra i stfg; he wouldnt take him to seaworld or the zoo to see a whale, he’d somehow sneak them on a deep sea exploration ship or submarine to see whales. stan is always reluctant at first until eric convinces him they’re not getting in trouble and ‘he knows what hes doing’ lmao??
- stans dates are usually more simple but SUPER romantic. take him up to denver, a nice place to eat, cute lil couple walks in the park;
> winter walks, they’d cuddle together as they walk, fall the look at all the pretty leaves and take pictures, spring the same but with flowers and summer they’d stop by a pond and maybe just sit and relax. eat some snacks n hangout and enjoy each others company
- SPEAKING of pictures, eric has a passion for photography. many, many of his personal photos are candid shots of stan
- stan finds the pictures someday, eric gets super embarrassed and insists they arent his “oh my god??? what the fuck, some creep is taking pictures of my bo yf reiends, and its s o NOT me ,, ;;” dfsf. stan would just cut him off, kiss him and say he loves them sdkljaf im WEAK ugh i love these two
#my hcs#stanman#sp#south park#stan marsh#eric cartman#asks#anon#dfslkajfldsf isnt stanman so mcfuckin good i wish it were more popular#its really sweet when done right
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film watch day 11: The Crow
id somehow never seen The Crow before, which i think is probably for the best, because if 13 year old me had seen this movie he would have been so overcome with desperate goth longing hed have been even more fucking insufferable than he already was, which is saying a lot.
anyway, The Crow is about guitarist Eric Draven, who comes back from the dead to avenge his own murder, as well as the murder of his fiancée Shelly. Over the course of one night, Eric murders every criminal involved with the attack he can find, hunting down their boss, crime lord Top Dollar.
i wasnt really sure if i was going to actually like The Crow that much. its an incredibly iconic movie, but with movies like this its hard to dissect how much of that is quality and how much is 90s nostalgia. i gotta hand it to The Crow though, its a pretty fucking good movie.
the thing i wanna praise above all else is the strength of the aesthetic in this film. holy shit. whoever was in charge of set design and location shooting deserves to be fucking given a medal. every scene of this film looks like its being shot in the nastiest, grimiest place on earth and it works so fucking well. the dramatic architecture of the sets is great too. this film looks like shit and i fucking love that about it. its beautiful.
it has to be said. holy fuck this film is goth. jesus christ. like i knew it would be but fuck me.
i dont enjoy a lot of the editing choices in this film -- choosing to put all the flashbacks under a heavy red filter was really bogus -- but they feel so quintessentially 90s that who really gives a fuck. you cant change anything about this movie; its aged ways is such a part of its charm.
the plot is simple but i felt there was real effort put into it to try and characterise the world a little more. it left me asking more questions than it did clarify things though; what the fuck is Top Dollar’s deal exactly? hes a landlord who wants to destroy the tenants’ union Shelly was organising and some kind of crime lord but he also really cares about the fact posers are ruining Halloween for the real Halloween fans like him. is he magic? was his weird sister magic? they give so little fucking explanation for what her deal is.
Eric himself is a wild character. i think how much you like him depends on how much you enjoy the concept of ‘clown who murders people’, which personally is a great fucking idea. i didnt enjoy the overought angst scenes so much, but every scene were Eric lets loose and just starts murdering people? i was having a blast. Brandon Lee himself, and Michael Wincott who plays Top Dollar both really seem like theyre having a great time and its hard to not enjoy their performances. i think my favourite character is probably Sarah though, a little girl that Eric and Shelly looked after, who spends the entire film skateboarding around and talking shit to everyone’s face, which is fantastic.
The Crow is a trashy movie, but its fucking good fun. for some reason it hit the same mental buttons for me that Sin City does, where a film’s aesthetic and action are powerful enough to sell me on it. except Sin City always makes me feel like shit so maybe The Crow is good fast food, like from Leon or something, and Sin City is like a three-day old burger you eat cold at 5am. this simile has gotten away from me.
what The Crow does well is just having its tone right. it knows what kind of fucking movie it wants to be, and thats built into every part of it. its a dark, gothic, incredibly edgy movie that has just enough honestly heartwarming moments to balance out the dark shit and make you feel like the movie was worth it.
i cant talk shit about The Crow, not really. it just made me immensely fucking happy when i was watching it. i think its fair to call it a classic, because it really is. The Crow is a good movie, even if theres a scene where Eric somehow cures someone of morphine addiction by touching them, which made me for real laugh out loud. i guess what makes it a good movie is that after that scene i was genuinely touched by the mother-daughter bonding moment it led onto.
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Thats So Us - South Park fic (beta)
Since I don’t have a AO3 account yet, I thought why not post this here. Leave a comment and your thoughts. English is not my first language and this has not been beta read yet. Thank you !
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"Are you sure , you just don't wanna stay at home and help your mom out , son? " Randy said in a pleating voice. Stan stood at the door , suitcase in hand , awaiting his taxi to the Colorado collage campus. It was a bleak Saturday morning, just a full weekend before the start of the semester. He know some of his 'old gang' had already arrived there by now.
"Randy, don't be so dramatic. You weren't dramatic when Shelly left either. " Sharon sneered at her husband, who was nearly crying. Okay, scratch that he was bawling his eyes out. Stan simply sighed and rolled his eyes before pinching the bridge of his nose.
" Dad, please. It's not like I am going off the world map. Come on dude..." He sighed deeply. He surely had cried the nights before, not only because Wendy decided to break up the night before he would leave, but also because he had so many memories here in South Park. He hugged his parents one last time and waved his 110 year old grandfather good-bye. The taxicardriver had already opened up the trunk and the door ,signing him to get in. Stan got his suitcase in and get in the taxi, who quickly and mercilessly drive off to his destination.
For a Saturday before the start of the new semester it was fairly quiete. At least so Stan thought. He had always assumed that it would just like high school. But with more groups and culture. The lad with dark hair and a beanie left the taxi, payed the man and unloaded his suitcase from the trunk. As the taxi drove off again, he came to realise how alone he was right now. Of course he knew he would meet up with some of friends again who were studying here as well. He and Butters would follow the same courses for most of the time . Kyle would probably be with him during calculus classes, seeing he was following some lawyer course or accountant. He wasn't sure what Kenny would be doing , he did enter college as well. But he was always a tad vague on what he'd wanted to major in. Miraculously Eric had also joined the campus grounds. Stan wasn't too thrilled about it, but it was nice knowing a lot of familiar faces were here. It made him feel less anxious. He stepped onto his dorms porch and walked inside. Some fellow students were chilling and gaming in the living area , others were talking by dorm rooms. It seemed fairly okay and normal.
" FREE THE TIDDIES ,WOOOOHHH!!" A dude steaker ran past Stan.
' Wait was that... Kenny?' He thought, but shook his head, pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. Yes, just a normal and well-behaved dorm. He continued to follow the room numbers until he arrived at his assigned door. He knew he would get a roommate, but was happy he was ,so far, the only one there for the time being . He set up his stuff, unloaded his suitcase but kept his ukulele in it's bag and placed it near his desk. He decided to hang up some posters and place a photo album near his bed. When he wanted to grab some of his clothes out of his bag, a collar fell out. It was of his dog Sparky who had passed away a few years back. He held it close and wrapped it around his wrist. One of the reasons he wanted to major as a vetrenarian , was so he could perhaps help out animals , which he always had a deep interested for.
Once he had everything set up he layed down on his bed, resting his eyes.
---
Stan was always one of the popular people in school. No matter where he’d go, either his usual gang or some people he had never met talked so easily to him. It be about small talk, it be deep conversations about aliens or how cows digest their food. It was never boring to talk to the raven haired boy with the red poofball hat. He remembered getting it for his birthday from his grandparents. Back when they both were healthy and had joy in life. It wasn’t until after his grandmother had to move to a nursing home and his grandfather got worse, things slowly started to get more depressing.
Funny how some small events, have such big impacts. His folks would fight more often, or perhaps he just noticed it more. His sister never really cared much for him, at least once he had his friends. Not that it really mattered, he had Kyle, Kenny and Cartman and Wendy Testaburger.
Beautiful Wendy, they had on and off relationships more frequent that a light switch. He didn’t really get it, but they somehow managed to be together. Though in the later years it was more a facade than anything else. Still it really broke his heart this time. She wanted to have nothing to do anymore with him. Where it go wrong? Well, Stan knew where it went wrong.
It was the weekend after the graduation party. And it was going to be a beautiful night, perfect for a date. He wanted to have a special night with Wendy, before he ran off to college. They had been having a great time again, after a mini pause in their relationship. The usual.
They would go for dinner, a movie and remorse about memories they had of their little town in Colorado. Of the South Park elementary years and high school years.
Stan got Wendy to his place, his room. He had planned it all out, his parents were out of town. His sister already out of the house and on her own.
The two ravens would be together and spend the night together. Like they should have. They would have been drenched in each others sweet and waking up in the morning together, that was how it should have gone.
“Stan, what the fuck is this. Are you… Are you – “ Wendy couldn’t get the words out, holding a journal in her hands. A journal, belonging to Stan.
“Jesus, Wendy don’t through my stuf-“ Before Stan could even finish Wendy pushed the journal in his hands.
“You know what Stan, fuck you, this is over. Forget about anything. Have a great time experimenting at college. Or - right, never mind, you already did. “ Crying, Wendy Testaburger ran out of the boy his room. Normaly Wendy was very understanding of stuff like this, but this was Stan. The boy she had been going out with since 3rd grade. The boy who changed for her, tried so many times to patch things up and still somehow made her feel special. The boy who had been through some pretty stupid shit, but would tell his girlfriend everything. The were no lies or big secrets in this ‘light switch’ relationship. Stan had promised her so many times , she was the only one he would ever love. And now that she had seen a differnt side of him, it almost seemed like he had cheated on her and made a fool of her. At least , that is how she felt. Continueing to cry, she ran away from the boys room, his house, his street.
The boy, falling into a slum , he grabbed the bottle of jack and Daniels from his drawer and began drinking it away like no tomorrow. He sat up on his bed, crying and ripping each page from his journal. He looked at his phone. He could have called her, but he knew it wouldn’t solve anything. She now knew, a secret he had carried with him since 6th grade. He looked through his phone numbers, Kyle being on top of the list. His super best friend. Sure they had a major fall out somewhere in 2016, but somehow they managed to patch things up. He pressed ‘call’ and hoped for the best. Kyle had been on holiday in New Jersey for the summer until he’d go to college. The same college Stan would enter in about a small 2 nights.
It remained silent.
“Hey, it’s Kyle –“
“Kyle, I-“
“-I’m not hear right now, so leave a mesg. “ Stan sighed and dropped his phone from his hand onto his bed. Tears rolling down his pale face. “Guess it’s just you and me now…. Heh…” insanely laughing and raising his -already half emptied - second bottle to the photo of him and Sparky.
---
“ Guess it’s you and me now.” A familiar voice said. Stan heard a door open and close, opening his eyes in front of him stood a man with ginger hair, styled but still a mess. He sat up straight on his bed when he recognised who the figure was. “ Kyle?!” Overly happy to see his friend he sprinted out of bed and glomped him. Stan noticed the boy who he had spent nearly his whole life with, had grown a bit taller since last time they’ve seen each other.
Kyle had arrived about a week earlier, not by own choice but more because Gerald and Sheyla had pushed him to do so. “So you can prepare. “Those words echoed through the ginger-haired boy.
His dad had drove him to campus and although he didn’t exactly like that idea, he had a few nice short convos with him. Though, he slept through most of the ride anyway.
Once there he had said good bye again to his dad before going off onto the campus ground with a way too heavy suitcase his parents packed for him. He would’ve much rather done it himself, but he guessed starting an argument before he left wasn’t a smart idea. His parents did sign him up for this college and funded the majority. Even though it wasn’t anything in his dream job field, he didn’t hate it. And the paycheck wouldn’t be too bad.
Kyle quickly found his room and got settled in. He unpacked most of his stuff from his gigaton weighing suitcases. It was mostly just clothes and a few trinkets. He hanged all the clothes in his closet and put some books and a laptop on his desk. Even though it seemed like his folks had packed an entire house for him, the room was pretty much still empty.
He didn’t have a roommate yet, but frankly he didn’t want one either. He just wanted to spend some relaxing alone time in his room not to be joined by some assdouche that smoked weed or played loud music. He didn’t mind any parties though, which were bound to happen at some point in dorms like this. He just wasn’t too fond of having chaos in a small confined room, that was meant for studying and sleeping. Plus, he had to share his space with a younger brother, parents and friends that would visit whenever they pleased. So, for once having a place to himself, was such a freedom.
He did imagine that, yes. He however did not imagine a few days later he would step into the room seeing his super best friend Stan again. It was pleasure to share that small piece of freedom with him.
“Hey, dude. “
#SP#South Park#South Park fanfiction#fanfic#fanfiction#SP Style#South Park Style#Style#Stendy#Sp Stendy#Thats So Us sp ff
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“Put It Down” Review (Spoilers and this is a little long!)
So, I saw S21 E02.
For the past week, my stomach has been churning over what the outcome of this episode would be.
…and I was NOT disappointed.
Holy fucking shit. Let’s just…break this down.
-The introduction
Tweek going up and just BANGING his hands on the piano and screeching may be the biggest laugh I’ve gotten since Wendy described what Yaoi was back in season 19. Not only is it incredibly relatable to anyone suffering from major anxiety problems or stress, but it’s so Tweek.
Stan got a couple lines. I don’t know about y’all, but I am proud of him. In all seriousness, have we just…forgotten about Stan while making room for Randy. He’s one of those jokes that…I don’t know, he’s kinda depressing anymore. In “White People Renovating Houses”, Sharon’s blank expressions and his attitude towards Daryl…I didn’t really get why the joke was funny. I mean, I got the melodrama, but it didn’t get much of a laugh out of me. Why wasn’t Stan or Shelly included? It would have been way funnier to see their reactions to their father. We need to focus on the kids reacting to the madness around them. Not focusing on just the adults doing the madness.
In short—bring back Stan’s reactions and opinions! Oh, and Kyle and Kenny. Especially Kenny. I can’t remember the last time he got attention, either.
Craig calling Tweek “honey” and “babe” while no one was around. This is no longer fake dating. We don’t know if it started off as such, but this relationship has gone way past “for the town” shit. In fact, the only person who really talks about homosexuality is Tweek’s father, which is pretty much just a running joke (because Mr. Tweak is a terrible dad).
-Cartman’s suicide campaign.
Okay, so this is basically the B plot of the episode and…it shows. Normally, the Cartman’s storylines are the ones I prefer in South Park episodes, but not only did it feel kind of forced, but it wasn’t very funny. Honestly, watching a smart girl like Heidi being manipulated by this psycho is hard to sit through. As someone who has known people in these relationships and had a friend who threatened suicide if I was going to abandon them, this hits hard.
I’m not saying it is a bad idea to delve into this issue as it is becoming more public, especially online, but Matt and Trey could really piss off a lot of the fans if they take this too far. South Park has always been about pushing the limit, but they also know how much their show has helped countless individuals who struggle with depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. The honesty of the show gives many people hope that the world isn’t just filled with passive morons or people who believe you need to be a certain type of person. If they attempt to harshly mock this spectrum, the show’s rating could potentially plummet to the point of them only being able to make the next two seasons that they signed on for after this one.
I do think if they show both sides, the people that are seriously suicidal and people like Cartman who desire attention as well as manipulating people, it could be successful. If they can phrase the moral correctly, I think this season could come out as one of the absolute best. If they only wanted it for this episode, I can see why they would choose to go onto a different storyline for the season since there is plenty of other issues to delve into. Still, if it’s a storyline they are going to tackle, I hope they know what they are getting into.
-Tweek’s cupcakes.
I finally lived to see Tweek covered in frosting and baking ingredients. Life—is good.
-Trump.
Now, as Matt and Trey explained, while they are still going to joke about Trump, they didn’t want it to be the focus of the season of even every episode. Here, the joke worked perfectly. It was less about Trump and more about Tweek being in a situation that he has no control over, no matter how hard he tries to fix it. (The joke about no one caring about Hillary made me snort so loud my nose hurt. Equal playing field. Thank God.)
-Fidget spinners.
Considering all the previews and screenshots were showing fidget spinners, most fans thought the small devices would be the focus of the episode. And, call me crazy, I’m kinda glad it was just a funny joke about how they don’t necessarily help people.
The devices are used for kids with ADHD (or if they have some sort of issues paying attention), who need to keep their hands moving if they’re in class or trying to focus on something. Using it as a calming device is a myth and the show accurately showed just how people rely on them a little too much.
-Children getting hit by cars.
I have to admit, the shot of that first kid getting hit was oddly chilling. Mostly because of how accurate it parodies commercials. What’s even better is that his death wasn’t a joke. It was something the whole school (not counting Cartman) banded together to pay their respects too. Later, the other deaths became more of a joke, but what’s incredible is how they manage to tie this B plot with the A plot. But more on that later.
(GODDAMN THEY KILLED A LOT OF KIDS THIS EPISODE WTF)
-Tweek in Craig’s room.
OKAY. This was FUCKING hilarious. Watching Tweek without any problem or pretense heading into Craig’s room only to scream out his fear was another huge laugh I got from this episode. The fact that besides being a little disgruntled (the poor kid just woke up), Craig is hardly surprised by the appearance and action, meaning this happens A LOT.
And Craig’s space stuff EVERYWHERE. Matt and Trey knew EXACTLY what they were doing.
-The creek date
The argument between Craig and Tweek was some of the best writing I’ve ever scene. Not only are they fighting like an actual couple would in this situation, but while watching it the first time, I understood Craig’s frustration and couldn’t see what Tweek wanted. However, once the true solution of what Tweek’s needs is explained, I finally understood.
When it comes to emotion vs. logic, the friction is unstoppable. Personally, I am usually a logical person. I take into account as many options and facts as I can find and then make my conclusions. However, when I have no information or things are out of my control, my emotional side takes over and I begin to panic. Once I understood this opposition was the problem, I realized what the episode was saying.
Tweek’s not being unreasonable and Craig isn’t being uncaring. They are both frustrated because Tweek doesn’t know how to make himself feel better and Craig doesn’t know how to help him. Which leads to my next point.
-The message.
When Heidi makes her statement about emotions, the writing is very good and allowing her to speak about the issue, but also having it relate to creek’s storyline without even addressing said storyline before the following scene. It works on both accounts. It’s once again sad to see Heidi following after Eric because, as most of us would agree, she deserves better (or at least revenge).
Moving on, Craig’s understanding of the situation doesn’t paint him as the bad guy who needs to apologize. Instead, he realizes what the best course of action is to take to help his boyfriend. And without hesitation, he does. It shows that Craig learned a lesson about compromise. That sometimes other people need to work through things in a different way than Craig might be used to working through them. That can be a hard concept for even some adults.
And may I just say, the fact that Tweek was using the (FOUR?!) fidget spinner idea to attempt to calm himself was so very sweet. Even though he probably knew it wouldn’t work, he still tried for Craig. Even after that huge fight. It expresses the stability of their relationship, even when things are painfully tense.
Craig helping to guide Tweek to his own epiphany was brilliant. He wasn’t treating Tweek like an idiot. That’s what Tweek needed. Someone can go up and tell you what you need. But that’s not the same as figuring it out for yourself. Once Tweek had a moment to let out his fear and talk it out (rather than people distracting him or just telling him to be quiet), his mind cleared up and the solution for what would make him feel better was his own idea. Craig didn’t need to be a fixer, he needed to be a supporter. And although he didn’t realize it before then, his heart was still in the right place.
Many people have said that Tweek and Craig may be the most accurate, stable homosexual couple ever (or at least for 2017) and I highly agree. Since they’re kids, it takes the physical aspect out. I never felt the need to see them kiss (maybe a hug would’ve been nice) because it was about their feelings, not their attraction to one another. They have a mutual respect of love for each other that was tested in this episode. Their fight wasn’t “petty” or “forced”. It was natural, like a disagreement any couple could face.
If this is the kind of amazing messages, character moments, and wonderful humor we are really in for, I am definitely looking forward to going down to South Park this season. Well done, Matt and Trey.
#south park spoilers#sp spoilers#creek#south park#sp#thanks for pushing on through this#I had a lot of thoughts pft
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Thoughts Roundup - Twin Peaks: The Return, Part 13
“What Story is That, Charlie?”
Last week, when we were given an episode that was slow, withholding with its information, and for many, very frustrating, I wasn’t worried. I wasn’t worried, because I knew it was just a strange, brief detour and that we should focus on the journey rather than the destination. I also didn’t worry because I thought the next episode would be better, and thankfully I was right. I’m no Angelo Badalamenti, so I won’t toot my own horn too much but I think now, hours after watching it, I’m realising that I was very right, because this isn’t just a better episode, but is one of the all time best Twin Peaks episodes. It keeps that steady pace, but there’s an alchemy of all the ingredients that’ve made this season so great, which tonight forms a cohesive, exciting and deeply involving hour of television.
. It’s party time for the Mitchum brothers, and party time for the soundtrack producers who give us one of the wildest and weirdest cuts yet. I don’t know how to describe it other than it being a demented casino style nonsense song, and I might be wrong, but the percussion pattern sounds a lot like a sped up version of the drumming in The Bookhouse Boys, a track from the Season 1 soundtrack. It’s nice seeing Coop enjoying himself, and it’s funny how happy he has made the Mitchum brothers, Janey-E, and his boss. The fact that he can still manage this despite being a silent, largely unresponsive man who walks into glass doors, speaks to the innate happiness that Cooper has always brought people, only this time it’s accidental. People want him around, and I think it’d be quite a bittersweet ending if he does wake up and leave for Twin Peaks. Yes, it’d be satisfying for us, but Janey-E wouldn’t have her husband anymore, Sonny Jim wouldn’t have a dad, and The Mitchum Brothers wouldn’t have anyone to buy pie for. Before it becomes the Everybody Loves Dougie show, Anthony steps in to put an end to him, but even he can’t bring himself to poison Dougie to death! So Dougie-Coop has his sharp black suit, a black coffee and a piece of cherry pie. Whereas we once would’ve said “THIS will be what wakes him up!”, we’ve stopped expecting it and instead learned to enjoy the pleasure he takes in scoffing the stuff down. While it can feel melancholy when signifiers from his past edge him towards who he used to be, some of these episodes hint at the idea that maybe he’s happy where he is. We want him to get back to his old self, but do we want that for him or for us? He’s had the food and drink that he loves, he’s walking around amazed by everything, and even uncovered a considerable crime. Everything about him is there, really. And I’m beginning to feel like that’s enough for me. Then the Fusco Brothers attain a crucial piece of the puzzle that’d help get Cooper back home, decide to throw it out, and I laugh “FOR FUCK’S SAKE”. Dougie’s prints reveal that he was an FBI Agent and broke out of a maximum security prison, and away this is tossed because of its unlikeliness. It’s funny, really. Because it is unlikely, it is absurd, and that such an important fact has been discovered and thrown out immediately by the police is hilariously frustrating. I loved this moment, Eric Edelstein’s weird and distinctive laugh commenting on how ridiculous this all is.
. I love how adoringly Janey E looks at Cooper when she opens the car door for him. They’ve come a long way since she was angrily cramming him into the car, and it’s nice to see her not suffering the financial burden that the original Dougie left her in. Naomi Watts is really effective when painting Janey E as someone rediscovering feelings for her husband, and it’s actually kind of touching. And Sonny Jim’s Gym is so fucking bizarre. Why does it play music-box versions of Tchaikovsky? Why does it have a prison-style search light? Why anything? I love it.
Continuing in the lovey-dovey, not-so-bad-after-all vein of things, this season has had a lot of characters turn out to be not quite as awful as you expect them to be. The Mitchum Brothers showed a kind of generosity, Ben Horne is an altruist, and Anthony has a breakdown in front of his boss and Dougie, claiming he wants to be a better man. I mean, you can’t call him a good person just because he didn’t MURDER COOPER, but it’s nice to get a variety of technically bad people who, when it boils down to it, don’t really want to be that bad. It’s not such a bad world after all, hey?
. Actually yes it because fucking Doppelcoop is on the warpath again, and this time he’s getting what he wants via arm wrestling, just like Sylvester Stallone in Over the Top. And just like Sly claims himself to be in Over The Top, Doppelcoop is a machine, and the amount of control he displays in this scene is really quite frightening. “It hurts when you had my arm like this. Let’s go back to starting position. It’s really much more comfortable”, he says, arm-wrestling a boss of a bunch of bastards so that he can get to bad old Ray. He demonstrates that he has the entire arm-wrestle under his control, and can position his arm wherever he wants without exerting force. He can win, and kill, without trying. This is who Doppelcooper is, and why he is such a formidable force. He rarely exerts power, but when he does it is effortless and unstoppable. He will get what he wants, and every piece of his journey has been carefully manipulated and decided by him, and that’s what this scene shows. The gang watching on heavily resemble the spirits above the convenience store in FWWM, and I think this is a purposeful visual metaphor, a way to tie them visually to the evil that lurks upstairs. When Doppelcoop wins, he gets Ray and the scene that follows is an immensely satisfying one.
The ring that we’ve seen numerous times gets a visual explanation, sort of. Ray wears it when he is killed by Doppelcoop. It then disappears to the black lodge, where his soul shows up shortly after. It seems to say quite clearly that wear the ring when you die, and you end up on that famous zig zag floor, with fucking Mike. What a bummer he’d be to spend eternity with. Before Ray snuffs it, he talks about Phillip Jeffries, who sent Ray to kill Doppelcoop because he has something he wants, which is Bob, who is in hot demand this season. I’m glad to hear Jeffries mentioned again, and part of me still holds out hope that David Bowie filmed a super duper secret cameo before he passed away, but i’m not counting on it. Maybe the closest we’ll get to seeing him is that mysterious blinking box all those episodes ago. But, Ray claims that he was last seen at a place called The Dutchman’s, and this is all Doppelcoop needs to hear. Ray’s death feels big, not necessarily because he was an important character, but because they discuss Jeffries, the ring and Major Briggs, which all ties into the mythology of the show, a mythology which was also discussed last week with Albert. Now listen, i’m easily pleased when it comes to the Twin Peaks lore - say the words ‘lodge’, ‘blue book’ or even ‘Owl’ to me and i’ll begin jittering in excitement. I may even sick up. But this is more important and integral to the storyline that simply chucking out bits of lore, and that makes it so much fucking cooler. Doppelcoop is working towards it, the Bookhouse Boys are heading towards it and the FBI are heading towards it. The idea of them converging is too fucking exciting to process. So. Ray is dead (Nobody Loved Raymond), and Doppelcoop is on his way to either Twin Peaks via the coordinates that Ray gave him, or The Dutchman’s, wherever the hell that is.
. Tim Roth and Jennifer Jason Leigh are still driving around and i’m guessing, will hook back up with Doppelcoop soon. Their scenes are usually very short, but they’re both such great actors that i’m fine to just hear them shoot the shit for a couple of minutes.
. Back in Twin Peaks, Becky is still having domestic issues, and Shelly is still being a warm and kind Mum, telling Becky to get to the Double R and have some pie. It’s strange seeing her serving there all these years on, and strange seeing Bobby at the counter, especially because all the camera angles that used to capture the diner are absent, and we’re seeing the place in a completely different visual manner. It feels much more like a legitimate restaurant now, and this is developed with Norma discussing business options with who seems to be her boyfriend. So, no. She didn’t end up with Big Ed, and like Bobby watching Shelly and wondering what might’ve been, Ed watches Norma from a booth further down. He can see her clearly, but she’s a world away. There’s a deep melancholy in seeing Big Ed alone, things clearly not having worked out with either Norma or Nadine. The past, when things looked hopeful, feel like a million years ago, and everything has changed since then. Except for him. Bobby has grown up and become someone his father would’ve been proud of, Norma is franchising, Nadine has perfected the silent drapes. But Big Ed is still pining across the shiny tables for Norma like it’s 1990.
And Norma is trying to keep things as they are, too. She’s encouraged to change the name of the restaurant, but she wants to keep it as it is, the way people know it. It’s an argument that summarises the attitude of The Return: do you give in and listen to what you’re being told people want, or do you follow your gut and make choices you are passionate about, in the way that you decide? Thank god Lynch and Frost didn’t listen to anyone. Norma knows what the Double R means to the people of the town, and she knows how much people need it, as a source of comfort and of solace. And she can franchise, and have restaurants popping up that try to be the real deal, but there’s really only one Double R, and there’s only one Twin Peaks. And in these scenes, that feeling of solace and comfort feels close yet a million miles away: unmistakably warm, but shot through with that heartrending, small town melancholy. There’s nothing quite like it.
(A little thing I noticed about Bobby - he says he found his dad’s old stuff “today” - but they found his stuff several episode ago, and since then Bobby has been seen at night. So is this Double R scene not chronological, and is actually set a few days back?)
. The reason that the comfort of the Double R feels somehow distant, unattainable and kind of false is because of scenes like Audrey’s in this episode. We can’t sit in the diner and pretend everything is okay in the town, when we know a storm is brewing outside. The argument has moved on between her and Charlie, from being about what has happened to how Audrey feels. And how she feels is heartbreaking. Like she’s not herself and that she doesn’t know who she is, and Charlie’s reaction? Scorn. Condescension. Treating her like the teenager she was when we last saw her. The scene has moved away from feeling frustrating and into nightmarish territory, the wood panelling of the walls making the room feel like a cabin in purgatory, or a real life black lodge. And Charlie’s words become more vague, and more frightening. He speaks of ‘ending her story’, and the discomfort of this scene really brings into the question the dynamics between the two, who he really is, and where they really are. The scene develops an emotional core to the storyline, and we begin to desperately want Audrey to get out from between these two worlds that she’s stuck in, and to leave that horrible room. Like Big Ed, like Cooper and like so many others, she is trying to return, but is stuck.
. How they’ve managed to make the Palmer living room look more frightening than it did before is beyond me. Sarah drinks and smokes in the sickly darkness, watching a 15 second loop of an ancient boxing match which repeats ad nauseum, like the electric bear that spoke the words “Hello Johnny, how are you today?” endlessly a few episodes back. It feels nightmarish, and you want it to end. But it is stuck. Are we sensing the theme in play here again? The room feels angry and oppressive, and it’s reasonable to expect something evil and awful to materialise in it at any moment. But the horror is not Bob, or the ceiling fan, but the situation of Sarah: a woman who has lost everything, and whose life is full of dread and solitude.
. Nadine and Dr Jacoby’s interaction is lovely, and feels like a genuine moment between two old friends who haven’t seen each other for many years. Except one has an eyepatch and a silent drape running shop and the other sells golden shit shovels via his angry livestreams. The point is, it feels real, and Wendy Robie still beautifully imbues Nadine with that almost schoolgirlish nervousness and innocence. She is pure in her exuberance towards Jacoby and her drapes, and she seems star struck by her former doctor. I’m so fond of Nadine, and there is a moment that hints at a sadness or darkness in her past, when Jacoby remembers seeing her on her hands and knees in a supermarket trying to pick up a potato. “There was a storm that night”, he says, and she looks afraid, and sad. What happened to her? What happened to all these people in this town? What has time done to them, and why do they all have to live with such pain?
. And before we know it, we’re back at the Roadhouse, and this week we have probably the most divisive (read: unpopular) performer yet. Yes, it’s James Forehead Hurley, singing Just You and I. I can’t pretend to feel how i’m supposed to feel as a Twin Peaks fan and hate on this, because truly, I loved this moment. I loved it more than any roadhouse scene yet, and I have a big soft spot for James. The poor bastard had a rough time of it, and yes, he was a moody mope, but I feel for him. I was moved by seeing him received so well by the audience, and seeing him perform that song (which I will now have in my head for the next fortnight) made him look young and happy again, and I found it massively touching. It was a bittersweet moment of nostalgic melancholy, elevated by the image of Big Ed back at the Gas Farm, eating his Double R soup all alone.
There Ed sits, thinking about how things were, and how they are now. Or maybe it’s us that’s thinking about it. Because we can listen to old songs, and sit in the Double R eating cherry pie, but we know evil forces are on their way to town, and already exist there. There is a goodness too, in the log lady, the bookhouse boys, in Ed, Norma, and Nadine. But they’ve been through too much to have that innocence, and the questions that The Return brings us is how can we ever go back to the way things were? And how much power do we have to prevent the bad things from happening again? I’ve been thinking of the song Ohm by Yo La Tengo, where they sing:
“Sometimes the bad days maintain their grip
Sometimes the good days fade...
But nothing ever stays the same
Nothing's explained”
That feeling, that we might never get back the good days, and that it doesn’t always happen for a clear reason, is prevalent in tonight’s episode, which explores how the characters that populate the show feel. It might not be explained exactly what has happened, but as well as starting to piece together the mystery, Part 13 interrogates the deepest emotional wells of the show, and it results in a moving and beautiful episode that deftly blends darkly satisfying plot progression and emotional complexity (I know it’s weird to call an episode where someone is punched in the face to death “beautiful”, but i’m sticking with it).
“I’m not sure who I am, but I’m not me”
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