#especially bc we only just became mutuals

[ossifer-bones]

the paul poll compelled me to just quickly write up my little opinion piece on paul and necromancy in the tlt verse bcs tags are a pain in the ass to elaborate on my opinion in: paul horrifies me. i think that a lot of people read palamedes' interpretation of lyctorhood as being some sort of objective truth and that there is a right way to do lyctorhood and paul is it, but i just don't agree with that; i think in a series rife with unreliable narrators, palamedes' views on lyctorhood should be considered as subjective as any other person's.

“Can one person even be two people? I feel like I’ve only got enough room inside for me, and sometimes like that room’s not even enough.” “Lyctors can,” said Palamedes, “or at least—they thought they could; in fact all they became were half-dead cannibals. I think a true Lyctorhood is a mutual death … a gravitational singularity creating something new. A true Grand Lysis, rather than the Petty Lysis of the megatheorem [...]

what he says here about lysis is in response to nona asking if one person can be two people, and thus it is a very loaded statement when coming from someone heralding from a society where the extreme co-dependence of the fundamentally unequal necro/cav bond is encouraged, especially considering camilla and palamedes are called out by others from that same society as being an exemplary case of co-dependence in that department!

camilla and palamedes are arguably more equal than any other cav/necro pair in series, in part due to that co-dependence, but we even see in NtN that cam does stuff that undercuts that equality (telling pyrrha to lie to palamedes, 'don't tell him i was weak'). and that equality, that love, is shown to be thought of as coming at the cost of freedom: when palamedes says, “I cannot bear the thought of using you.”—camilla responds, “Love and freedom don’t coexist, Warden.”

in the end, every permutation of the necro and cav pairing is irrevocably descended from john + alecto's example and while i think beauty can be found in some of them, they all suffer from the same fundamental imbalance that bond hinges on; nonconformity abates it, but abolishment is required for real freedom from it. the so-called indelible sin of lyctorhood is just an echo of the original sin john committed.

If there was one thing Gideon knew about necromancers, it was that they needed power. Thanergy—death juice—was abundant wherever things had died or were dying. Deep space was a necro’s nightmare, because nothing had ever been alive out there, so there were no big puddles of death lying around for Harrow and her ilk to suck up with a straw.

necromancy necessitates consumption, taking by its very nature: death, especially violent death, is what fuels it—infants producing more thanergy on death is literally a noted phenomena! paul's birth, while it could be seen as triumphant in the sense of it being an act of creation, is literally identified by palamedes himself as a mutual death, death being required to fuel it the same as any other necromantic working. i don't want to say 'necromancy is fundamentally evil' but uh... it is irrevocably tied into john's conception of human nature: "This is the problem, the incorporation, this is the hardest part … It’s the human instinct, to take."

something i always point out about camilla and palamedes' grand lysis is theparallel with gideon and harrow's incomplete petty lysis: both come about as a result of a fully-realised lyctor (ianthe, cytherea) having cornered the pair, resulting in both being threatened with imminent death (camilla critically injured and palamedes facing expulsion from naberius when ianthe re-emerges; harrow necromantically spent and gideon having suffered multiple injuries, both going to die when cytherea breaks through the bone dome). paul's birth only happened as a direct result of the continuation of the lyctoral cycle of violence, with ianthe in cytherea's position; per palamedes, “I am not saying this was our inevitable end … I am saying we have found the best and truest and kindest thing we can do in this moment.”

paul may be the best and truest and kindest thing cam and pal could've done in that moment, but that moment should've never came to pass: the codependency instilled into them through their society, the violence that put them in that position, and the consumptive necromancy that made paul possible. paul is horrifying because they are the most hopeful and kind thing, and they are the product of two people, one sans his own body, undergoing mutual death to fuel their birth.

they're the truest response to one flesh, one end: an oath purportedly coined by cristabel and alfred, who compelled their necromancers to ascend via a suicide pact.

valancy says one flesh one end sounds like instructions for a sex toy. can’t stop thinking about that so can someone stop cris and alfred before the sex toy phrase catches on, thanks.

did the sex toy phrase really need a response?

#the locked tomb #nona the ninth spoilers

[illumismaid]

any kind of guy

gojo is so any kind of guy - BTR coded

wc: 1.3k hurt/comfort you guys are teenagers

synopsis: gojo lies to you bc he's dumb :(

It was a typical late afternoon after school, and I found myself hanging out with the one and only Gojo Satoru. We had become friends over the years, and I couldn't deny that there was something more between us – something that had me blushing every time he smiled that charming smile of his. 

Gojo had been acting a little differently lately. He was normally confident and charismatic, but I'd noticed that he'd become a bit more reserved and, well, lovesick. Though he'd never admitted it, it was obvious to me that he had a crush, and I was dying to know who it was. Little did I know, he had something he needed to get off his chest. 

"Hey," Gojo said as he bumped his shoulder into mine playfully, snapping me out of my thoughts. "You've been pretty quiet lately. What's going on in that head of yours?" 

I smiled and replied, "Just lost in thought, Gojo. So, is there someone special in your life these days?" 

Gojo's face flushed slightly, and he tried to play it cool. "Special? Nah, not really. I mean, not that it's any of your business." 

My heart skipped a beat, but I couldn't help but push a little further. "Come on, Gojo, you can tell me. I won't tell a soul." 

He sighed and finally admitted, "Okay, fine. There's this one person who's been on my mind, but I don't know if they feel the same way." 

I leaned in, eager to hear more, and asked, "And who might this lucky person be?" 

Gojo scratched the back of his neck, looking adorable in his moment of vulnerability. "Well, you see, it's… it's someone I've known for a long time. Someone who's always been there for me, and I can't imagine my life without them." 

My heart raced as I realized what he was saying. Could it be me? Was he talking about me? 

Gojo's voice became even softer as he continued, "I want to tell them how I feel, but I'm afraid it might ruin our friendship. What should I do?" 

I took a deep breath, trying to calm the butterflies in my stomach. "Gojo, you should go for it. Life's too short to hold back your feelings. If this person means that much to you, they deserve to know how you feel." 

He looked into my eyes, and there was a mixture of relief and hope in his gaze. "You think so?" 

I nodded and smiled warmly. "Absolutely. You never know, they might feel the same way." 

With newfound determination, Gojo stood up, his face lighting up with a renewed sense of confidence. "You're right, cutie. Thanks for the advice. I think I'm going to tell Shoko how I feel tomorrow." 

I was shocked. “The person you like is Shoko?” I say disheartened. “Well yeah, who did you think it was silly!” Gojo says casually while beginning standing up. 

As he walked away, I couldn't help but wonder if I was somebody, he could ever have feelings for. 

So, after four long days, Gojo and I hadn't exchanged a word. It felt like an eternity. The air was thick with tension, and I couldn't help but wonder what had gone wrong. We used to spend every moment together, but now we were like strangers. 

I had been so sure he was talking about me, but to hear him talk about another girl, especially one of our mutual friends, had left me devastated. I couldn't bear the thought of being around him, knowing he had feelings for someone else. 

I had retreated into my own world, trying to keep my distance, hoping that the pain in my heart would subside. I couldn't handle the thought of seeing him with Shoko, so I chose silence instead. But it had been a painful, lonely silence. 

On the fourth day, I found myself sitting alone in our usual spot by the river, skipping stones across the water, and replaying those heartbreaking words he had spoken. 

Then, out of nowhere, I heard his voice. "Hey. Can we talk?" 

I looked up to see Gojo standing there, looking unsure and regretful. My heart ached at the sight of him. I didn't want to keep ignoring him, but the pain was still too fresh. 

Reluctantly, I nodded, and he sat down beside me, his gaze fixed on the water. "I've missed you," he admitted, his voice tinged with sadness. 

I couldn't bring myself to look at him. "Gojo, you said you had a crush on Shoko. What's there to talk about?" 

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "That... that was a lie." 

My head snapped in his direction, my heart racing. "A lie? But why?"

Gojo finally turned to face me, his eyes filled with sincerity. "Because I was afraid, (y/n). I was scared that if I told you how I really felt, it would ruin our friendship. But these past four days have been torture, and I can't take it anymore. I want to be any kind of guy you want me to be. I mean, I've noticed that I can be a bit... over the top sometimes. I know I can be arrogant and a show-off, and I want you to know that I'm willing to change. If there's something you don't like about me or if there's a certain kind of person you'd rather be with, I'm willing to become that person for you.” 

Tears welled up in my eyes, and I struggled to keep my emotions in check. "Gojo, what are you trying to say?" 

He took a deep breath and finally confessed, "I don't have a crush on Shoko. It's you, (y/n). I've been in love with you for as long as I can remember. I was too scared to admit it, but I can't keep lying to myself or to you. I love you." 

My heart swelled with a mix of emotions – relief, joy, and love. The pain of the past few days seemed to melt away, replaced by a warmth that I had longed for. 

"You don't have to change for me, Gojo," I said softly. "I care about you just the way you are.” 

With tears streaming down my face, I turned to Gojo and said, "You really had me fooled, didn't you?" 

He smiled, a mixture of relief and happiness in his eyes. "I'm sorry. I should have been honest from the beginning." 

I leaned in and gently kissed him, my heart finally at ease. "It's okay, Satoru. I love you too." 

thank you for reading ♡

#gojo drabbles #gojo satoru #gojo x reader #jjk imagines #jjk x reader #jjk x you #jujutsu kaisen x reader #gojo satoru x reader #hurt/comfort #imagines #gojo satoru x you

[walrus150915]

Goldenheart headcanons for when they have only started dating and were awkward as hell

(because I am a trans bi teenager who wants to experience mlm love yet can't because I'm afraid to date boys due to my dysphoria)

I noticed you people like when I make long posts like these and I love them too so I think I can share some hcs of mine about this stage of their relationship bc I have a lot honestly :]

- they started dating when they were around 16yo

- none of them actually had feelings for each other before puberty hit and they were like "damn my bestie is kinda fine- WHAT"

- Bal fell first. Ambrosius fell and broke the floor under him bc boyyyy did he fall HARD

- Bal navigated his feelings like "Ugh okay I guess that's what happens when you're friends with a handsome guy everyone has a crush on. That'll pass. That's part of puberty. Stay calm" meanwhile Ambrosius screamed in his pillow and freaked out and cried only to pretend nothing bothered him. It was hard to pretend when you literally study at the same academia/school/whatever and see each other every day bc you're best friends

- during the mutual pining era the PE lessons were DIFFICULT. Especially when they were put up against each other

- they look like friends who had no problem hugging/brushing each other's hair/being close physically in general yet when the feelings appeared, the things which used to be very easy turned torturous

- Ballister was the one to ask if Ambrosius saw that their friendship changed. Ambrosius couldn't hold it in anymore and mumbled through his confession so fast and awkward Ballister has only understood phrases like "I really like you" and "romantically I mean" and "you're very cool and that'd be sick if we became boyfriends"

- Bal turned his face to the side and muttered something like "yeah I think it would"

- and so they became boyfriends!!

- has something changed in the way they behaved around each other? Yeah but also not really. They were still besties and the physical contact became A LITTLE easier now that the sorta relationship they had was clear between them, but they just couldn't help but blush while touching each other

- their first kiss was a mess dude😭😭

- Ambrosius wanted it to go as smoothly as possible so he watched romantic movies and practiced kissing with his hand (embarrassing? Yeah I now) but when it was time to finally show off his skills he panicked and pressed his lips to Ballister's for a few seconds then his nose almost bled out bc of the nerves (not me projecting on Ambrosius but that's literally what happened to me when I had my first kiss)

- Ballister seemed calm about this whole thing but it doesn't mean he was. When they had their first ever date he brushed his teeth extra clear just to make sure he'd smell good during their first kiss. Bro was THRILLED

- basically Ambrosius was overthinking this and Ballister was... Also overthinking I'M SORRY THESE TWO ARE HORRIBLE

Now the headcanons are for the time when they've been dating for like more than a few months and have kinda got used to each other in this new ~romantic~ way

- Bal's way of flirting wasn't really obvious since he doesn't look like a guy who can come up with romantic compliments on the spot, however I think he touched Ambrosius if he wanted to express his feelings for him. Stroke his bleach-damaged hair, make their pinkies intertwine, put his head on his shoulder and nuzzle into him - this or he'd infodump new history/physics/chemistry facts he learnt

Bal: Okay, did you know that [some really complicated science stuff I cannot describe in words because I'm a literature major]

Ambrosius, heart-eyed, no clue what he's talking about: Wow that's really interesting anyways do you want me to change my surname to Boldheart-

- Ambrosius looks like a total theatre kid so I think he often flirted with Bal by quoting some love poems they had in their curriculum. Of course he quoted their analogue of Romeo's monologue under Juliet's balcony why do you think he wouldn't

- Having said that, whenever he quoted something which referred to a woman, he changed pronouns and general words bc he's attentive like that. Sometimes it got absurd tho. "Manservant of the moon" instead of "maid" like dude😭😭😭😭

- Ballister tried his best not to laugh but also not to pass out bcuz of the amount of praise his boyfriend gave him which was actually a lot. My man is as much of a mess as Ambrosius is let's not forget that

- one day Ambrosius quoted something which was not from the curriculum but instead from Bal's favorite book. I think Bal liked adventure books about knights which sometimes included romance and I imagine the dialogue going:

Ambrosius: "And even if I had to turn against the whole world to follow you-

Them together: "-I would do it with no hesitation-"

Ambrosius: "Because you are my world, Sir Redsword"

Them: *staring at each other*

Bal, all blushing: ...that's not from the books our teacher told us to read

Ambrosius, also blushing madly: Yeah but I figured I like some variety

- That's when Bal knew this guy was his forever soulmate

- Bal used to be taller than Ambrosius for a long time of their early years but then Ambrosius got late height boost or idk how it's called. Basically dude went from 5'5 to 6'1 overnight and I know Ballister was PISSED

- these two totally kissed in the janitor's closet when they needed some privacy I'm telling you (not even in a "steamy" way although I think some sort of tension existed - cmon they were late teens bro do you really think puberty is nice to teenagers???).

- why would you get a private space where you can explore this side of your relationship safely when you can have a literal closet with racks and mops and buckets, am I right

- Ambrosius tried writing poems for Ballister they SUCKED

- Ballister still saved each and one of them. One day, he'll sort through his things to move to his own place after the wall comes down and find these yellow checkered sheets of paper, full of bad rhymes and silly words. He'd bring all of them to his (and Ambrosius's) new apartment

Okay now the last hcs which I honestly have no idea how to call but umm ✨what people around them thought about their blooming romance✨

- Queen Valerin understood something was up on the spot. Like, for a straight woman, her gaydar worked flawlessly😭 it was enough for her to see them hide the fact that they held hands to go "I know what you are". She was pretty supportive although she did ask Bal on their one-to-one meeting to "use protection" like all moms do🖐

- The Director also knew something was up but her reaction was more like "Sir Ambrosius will grow out of it". As you know, he never did LMAOO

- Todd was hilariously oblivious despite teasing Ambrosius like "HAHA LOLLLL GOLDENLOIN WHY R U ALWAYS WITH THIS COMMONER GUY ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH HIM OR SOMETHING". He did it in a cishetero "haha gotta mock my homie for being gay" yet DID NOT REALIZE his homie was, indeed, gay

- some cadets could pick up on it, some didn't

- anyway I think the general public knew nothing about it bc if they did that'd be a scandal worse than Henry the 8th's when he created a new religion bc his loins were on fire thanks to Anne Boleyn

ALSO GET THIS LITTLE PIECE (which I don't really like bc of the coloring choices) OF THEM :D

I swear Ambrosius isn't yellow irl😭😭 I'm myself asian I now better than that

That's about it I guess! Lemme know what you think (if you wanna use/adopt these hcs, feel free to do whatever you want with them! Just tag me so I could see it wjsjjajaj!!!!) ;3

#nimona #ballister boldheart #ambrosius goldenloin #ballister x ambrosius #goldenheart #nimona fanart #headcanons #nimona headcanons #man why's this so long #sorry guys #i hope my words make sense sorry if they dont #theyre tiny😭

[skitskatdacat63]

catie let’s discuss vettonso headcanons what are ur favs

*sends you to my vettonso tag* shsjkdkf kidding kidding, but wah this is so weirdly hard to answer despite the fact that I think about them literally every day of my life, ig they're just kinda intrinsic to me 😭 but I'll try my best!

I think Fernando really resented Seb for a while, especially during the championship fight years, and originally was very unhappy when Seb then went on to take his Ferrari seat away from him too. But then while he was gone from f1, he kept track of f1 still and realized Seb was going through the same ferrari bs and pain and failure to realize your childhood dream that he himself went through, and he then softened on Seb.

I find them literally to be the same person(but their narratives are offset.) And I think that's a big reason why they never really became friends, they're *too* similar to the point where it annoys each other too much fhfkkff Especially bcs theyre always ahead of one another in the narrative(fernando won his wdc before, fernando is in ferrari before Seb, seb is in Aston before Fernando, etc.) It's just weird to kinda witness someone that's so similar to you, but at a past stage in your life.

They would be the best and most annoying teammates ever. I think they'd both just constantly try to out-compete each other, and maybe it would be toxic back in the day and make the team fall apart like 2007 mclaren or martian rbr, but if it happened at Aston, I think it would actually make the team stronger and the car better. Like fighting for "who can give the best feedback" "who can do the most sim time" etc etc, I think it'd be really sweet 🥹🥹 I just imagine them making post-race debriefs last like 5 hours, except everyone else snuck out of the room at the hour mark, and they've just been debating abt the telemetry at each other, cause they only have eyes for each other <3

^ but yeah seriously think they have the type of competition that could bring each other together, not drive each other apart. Especially at their softened old man age. I guess I think, being forced into such close quarters with each other, they'd be able to realize how similar they are. Bcs otherwise it's just too easy for them to avoid each other. I mean I think a lot about the japan 2023 pics, them talking over the car that was practically the product of their joint effort, and that makes me so emotional 🤧

They absolutely love irritating each other, irs like a sport. I like to think though that Seb kept doing it soooo much pre-Fernando first retirement, and Fernando was always like 😐 just sooooo done with it, and often unwilling to fully play along. I love how seemingly Seb is one of the only ones who can kinda make his mask break, and have him show full annoyance. Like think about the "you must leave the space" clip, Fernando is sooooo annoyed, its just so funny. But yeah I love how Seb kinda forces Fernando in a way most others don't, if that makes sense? And then he comes back, rejuvenated, different mindset, and is suddenly willing to play along??? And now Seb is the tired one :( but Fernando has realized all he was blocking out before, and is willing to engage :,) BUT YEAH! see again, think about the fact that Seb literally paid a fee to not listen to Fernando talk. Mutually they are the only ones that annoy the other so much that they crack to that point, and I love it seemingly swapped over time. They're just such equals in that way.

Here's the interesting thing, I find them to be mirrors, right? I think like if they met each other when each were at the same place in their career(i.e. ferrari Fernando with ferrari seb, renault wdc fernando with rbr wdc seb), I think they'd have a better chance of getting along. Cause they understand where the other is at deeply, but the way it is in real life makes it so they're at different points and suddenly are at odds with each other. Ig that's why I wish we got them as teammates at Aston! It was pretty cute with alpine fernando x aston seb, but ah man if only we got the actual "conclusion", I would have loved to see what they'd be like when genuinely in the same parts of their career together. I think a lot about timeswap AUs I guess. Like both of them at ferrari being able to commiserate together, their wdc selves bragging about how many races they won(until they find out who the other had to beat to become wdc, and then they choke each other out.)

Me: ill try!!!

Also me: six paragraphs

Though I think if you asked me abt one of my AUs, I could come up with more than just daydreaming about their dynamic sjfkkg. Hope this was what you were asking for???? Also lmk, what are your favs!!!

#catie.asks. #vettonso

[isa-ghost]

Isa my darling! Happy Birthday, albeit a couple of days early.

Seeing you screech in Philza's streams because Apollo hit you with that dodgeball yet again makes me giggle a lot.

How about since headcanon's for qPhilza's past/pre island relationship with qFit. How they got to know each other, and how quickly they became friends?

Idr if I said this on Tumblr yet but deadass I asked Apollo on my pendulum if qPhil is his blorbo and he said yes. He's been as invested in shit as me and it's been hilarious. I literally have crows yelling at me irl to keep writing rn but I'm answering headcanons first.

The entire time I've been distracted between writing these, crows have been yelling at me about it. Which. Is how Apollo communicates with me when I'm not actively talking to him through readings LMFAO.

Also thank you for the birthday wish :D [desperately hoping nothing else horrible happens this weekend please god]

Anyway qPhil headcanons masterlist let's go

Disclaimer that I didn't know of Fit before QSMP (I've only been in mcyt for 4 years monkaS) so these are gonna be largely pulled out of my ass and a lil repetitive.

These two both have experiences in anarchy and war, they've definitely brushed shoulders a couple times bc of it

They admired each other's work ofc. Phil is a macro scale kinda guy, total annihilation and victory that makes a statement. Fit's more of a micro scale kinda guy, zeroing in on one person or group individually and making their lives hell until the end in the name of surviving a little longer

On that note, I think we all sleep a little bit on the fact that Fit is Also a survivalist like Phil, just in a very different set of high stakes conditions. These two are equally skilled in it and equally sharp strategists

On that note, anyone who knew them from the past would fear the idea of them coming together to create a plan of any kind, especially of the anarchist-fueled variety. If the Federation has done their research right, they should know full well how terrifying this duo could be in an effort to dismantle their authority

Btw by brushing shoulders I don't just mean brief passings by, I mean they've like. Camped out for a night together, temporarily truced for the sake of safety in numbers, etc. More than a few conversations have been had even if the time they've spent together totals to less than a week.

However, even when they weren't actively paired together, they'd still occasionally trade or gift each other surplus resources. It was a genuine kind act, even if it simultaneously served as a reason for each of them to not come after the other. I scratch your back, you scratch mine.

Like why do you think Fit was one of the first threats on Phil's mind in Purgatory. He Knew(tm). And he knew Fit has an affinity for picking off the weak first, like a lion after a herd of antelope. To him, Purgatory was the awakening of a monster who'd been dormant for a long time.

See, present day they're QPR as fuck, they'd never do this now without 10x the pressure Purgatory put on them, but back in the day they took close notes on each other's strengths and weaknesses. Just In Case, yknow? They could very much kill each other. Back in the day they would've if it came to it, no matter how good an ally they were.

Something about how these two used to be so cold and hard to the world. Be it to self-preserve or some other reason. Something about how now they've both softened and warmed after becoming parents. They never could've imagined the other would "weaken" like this, especially back then.

Phil 🤝🏻 Fit - Phil being a historian of the deities/builds of his Hardcore World, Fit being a historian of 2B2T

A lot of this boils down to mutual respect, common interests, and secret admiration tbh. And what's more homoerotic than that?

#qsmp #qsmp philza #qsmp fitmc #qsmp fit #qsmp fitza #qsmp veterans #qphil headcanons #AMFMN things #<- bc these apply to the fic

[softievante]

lowkey got hooked when you did that seoksoon prompt so maybe it'd be nice to see the oblivious weight gain hit seokmin like a truck and he only realizes it after breaking open his pants after a meal and soonyoung is definitely going to like enjoy teasing him as revenge even if he's only gotten heavier since

hello thank you for my first request since my hiatus it’s an honor to fulfil brainworms 🤓 especially with these two as the pairing hehe

i Loved getting this bc !! mutual gaining !! yay! hope you enjoy it <3

(to anyone reading this a stand-alone, it’s actually a sequence to this prompt/ficlet)

having a chubby boyfriend wasn’t on any of seokmin’s particular list of wants when he pictured a partner by his side. don’t get this wrong, though, since he actually never thought about any specific figure, much less a specific person before he met soonyoung. the adjective in question, however, is having a bigger impact than he’s ever dreamed on his relationship—in a good, crazy-driving-way, of course, with a focus on the big aspects of the whole scenario.

soonyoung has only gained more weight since the night he realised his pants were giving up on his stupid ass, seokmin has only used more and more of his dick these days as he couldn’t seem to stop getting enough of a well filled-out soonyoung.

(it’s like he was trying to knock the poor boy up, seriously. it didn’t help that one time soonyoung mentioned this and seokmin went completely nuts, having too much material on his hands with soonyoung’s round belly...)

so, having a chubby s/o wasn’t on his list of requirements, but now he thinks he wouldn’t have any other way. specially as he got to witness every little change on his boyfriend’s body, that now took much more space everywhere, the fluffiness impossible to hide.

the thighs, for fuck’s sake… seokmin thinks he could die crushed by them.

that morning, an image that became periodic in that apartment caught his eyes when he was about to enter their shared bathroom. soonyoung is planted on the scale, brows furrowed as he tried to find a way to check which numbers were on the screen—he could no longer suck his gut out of his vision, apparently.

ignoring the twitch of his cock in favour of being annoying, seokmin walks silently and puts half of his foot in the space between soonyoung’s feet, pressing it down in order to make the numbers go up.

“uh? how is this…” as soonyoung leaves the position and seokmin’s quick to step off, careful to stay behind him, his crescent-moon eyes go wide in surprise.

“what? did it break already?” seokmin’s voice comes next to soonyoung’s shoulders, provoking as always. the latter almost jumped on spot.

“oh my god, fuck off! i almost fainted!” he slaps him in retaliation, although the jolting movement of all of his “extras” only make seokmin smile more.

he’s having the time of his life kissing soonyoung’s pout away while he gropes his sides, the soft flesh flexible like dough under his hands.

“sorry, it’s just so cute when you don’t know what’s happening while deep down you really want that weight on you…” seokmin explains his actions, giving soonyoung’s belly a few gentle taps.

soonyoung gasps.

“w-what, who said i want that?”

“you don’t need to verbally communicate, your panic says it all.”

“i hate you,” he complains, lightly pushing seokmin away. with the touch, soonyoung notices how his fingers sinked more than usual, seokmin’s chest definitely more cushioned than he remembers. interesting.

“no you don’t,” seokmin retorts meanwhile soonyoung’s busy checking out his frame, gaze attentive to how the pyjama shorts hugged his thighs in a way that it certainly didn’t before. “wanna reserve this friday for a stuffing? it’s been a while since we did that, right?”

the option runned through soonyoung’s head while he rest his hand on seokmin’s hip. it was… softer than before? a gentle squeeze was gave on the spot as a thought formed in his mind, bright and alluring.

“actually…” he says, letting digits press on seokmin’s waist. it’s delightful how they knead the supple flesh. “i think i’m ok for now. we can have a watch party, though. we really need to catch up on that mexican drama we said we’d wait for the episodes to pile up, remember?”

“oh, right! that sounds good.” soonyoung nods just to reassure it, even though his focus is long lost in the new revelation under his palms. seokmin offers, “but do you want anything special to eat? to compensate for my awful behaviour of scaring you…” he singsongs in a mock.

soonyoung grins, unbothered by the teasing and knowing exactly what to choose in order to confirm his suppositions.

“no. pizza’s fine.”

***

friday comes after a very stressful week, so seokmin doesn’t mind keeping his work clothes on as he proceeds to open a beer and text soonyoung that he’s already at home. they usually get 10 minutes before or after one another, so it’ll probably be a short wait.

seokmin frees three buttons of his shirt as he heads to open the windows to make the breeze circulate. it’s hot today, and thank god he still got a few more beers left in the fridge in case soonyoung takes longer than expected to arrive.

he continues to get comfortable in spite of the formal dressing, tie being discarded on a chair and shirt untucked from his pants. the belt is unbuckled along a sigh of relief, the pressure of a whole day in and out of meetings seeming to dissipate with the action. seokmin adjusts the tight fabric of the bottom clothes, still, tugging it in an attempt to feel less trapped. if he was in one of his moods, it’d already be gone, but since the night was settled on a watch party, he didn’t wanna appear too horny.

he sits down on the sofa, not seeming to notice how his body sinks further in the cushion, takes a generous gulp of the beer can, and waits.

***

seokmin is on his second can and finishing a bag of chips when soonyoung arrives, three large pizza boxes stacked on his hands.

“hellooo,” he greets, getting rid of his shoes before stepping into the apartment. “me and the pizzas are home!”

“wow, what a perfect timing,” seokmin comments as he gets up, a small grunt leaving his lips due to the effort after having sat back so comfortably.

“isn’t it?” soonyoung grins, knowing the two of them would get grumpy if they had to wait for the order still. it seemed a good idea to get their dinner on the way.

seokmin gives him a gentle peck, helping with the pizza boxes as soonyoung analyzed the small table—not as empty as he generally found.

“were you already snacking without me?” he narrowed his eyes, grabbing the empty chip bag as if presenting evidence.

“hm, yeah? you know i can’t drink on an empty stomach, it makes me dizzy,” seokmin mumbles, apparently not mindful of the curious stare he was receiving.

soonyoung’s brain is instantly alarmed by the observation, fighting back a smile as he looks at his boyfriend’s bloated middle, more than obvious when he bents to organize the pizzas.

“right.” soonyoung licks his lips, not strong enough to stop himself from slapping seokmin’s ass just to feel it jiggling. damn.

“hey!” seokmin yelps, meeting soonyoung’s mischievous expression when he straightens up. “what’s this now, didn’t we agree on a drama night?”

“am i not allowed to have fun anymore?” soonyoung feigns a shocked face, palm at his chest.

seokmin shoves him playfully, holding out his hand next to invite him to sit down.

“yeah, of course…” he says before reaching out to grab a slice, wasting no time in biting it almost in half.

and to think soonyoung is the one being teased for his eating habits all the time…

maybe it was time someone got conscious of their acquired manners as well.

***

soonyoung thinks this is the most self-control he’s had for months, but it doesn’t hurt as he thought it would. the holding back doesn’t seem too bad, although he spent the day taking it easy on his meals. after all, it is for a good cause. he’s now more than sure seokmin didn’t enjoy his gain as a merely passive watcher. he, too, spilled as they sat, both from the sides and from the front, stomach a protruding roundness that only drew more attention as he finished the second beer in small sips.

seokmin didn't have soonyoung's somewhat desperate way of eating, but he had a surprising ability to stuff food in his mouth. it was an entertainment, a private show, watching him devour his favourite dish in big bites that left his cheeks full for almost a whole minute.

soonyoung took advantage of his distraction with the series running on the tv (as well as with the absurd amount of cheese he swallowed each time) to revisit the places that caught his attention throughout the week—the thick thighs that doubled in size when he sat down, the arms that gained a layer of fat on top of the muscle he built at the gym he went to three days a week. maybe that could have slowed down the gain at first, but it wasn’t able to do a miracle in the face of mindlessly snacking during the day with the excuse of filling up soonyoung.

thighs, arms, belly, cute cheeks to match soonyoung’s. his ass was on another level, certainly giving him more comfort to stay seated for hours if he wanted to.

and the fucking pants. soonyoung revels in the thought that this might come full circle in a short time, because soon that poor fabric isn’t gonna stretch more to accommodate his boyfriend’s indulgences.

“hey, is there still pepperoni left?” he asks, partly to mask his embarrassing enthusiasm, and a little to see seokmin’s roundness showing again as he leans for a slice.

“hm, i think we ate it all, but let me see.”

soon came, well, sooner than soonyoung had expected. as seokmin surges forward, he lets out an audible groan, which is accompanied by an also audible rip.

if soonyoung had cat-like ears, they’d be up and moving at the moment.

“what was that?”

“what,” seokmin parrots, slowly dropping the slice in its box while he moves back to sit properly and inspect the presumed damage.

“oh my god,” soonyoung spits out as he watches seokmin’s hands travel to his own middle, lifting his shirt just enough to understand what happened. in case seokmin himself didn’t get it, soonyoung exclaims like a kid who won a brand new toy, “you tore open your work pants!”

“no i– i didn’t, i–” it’s useless. he did. and there’s no time to comprehend the extent of his humiliation.

in a blink, soonyoung is all over him, pinning him to the sofa in a trap with no escape (he had the weight advantage, in the end). his thighs settle on seokmin’s lap without mercy, eliciting a grunt out of him.

“s-soonyoung, wait,” seokmin pleads, the fullness of his belly much more heavy in that position. it’s mortifying.

and soonyoung isn’t kind.

“wait for what? you don’t want me to see how fat you’ve gotten?”

it’s like the air is sucked out of seokmin’s lungs, his insides burning in a mix of shame and awkward arousal.

“shut up, you’re the one to talk,” he tries to quip, feeling ridiculous to be downgraded by someone who’s up his size by a considerable amount of pounds.

“yeah, i’m the one to talk, because at least i’m aware of it,” soonyoung bites back, lifting seokmin’s shirt to finally reveal the chubbiness that had taken over a defined abdomen. he bites his lower lip, entranced. “look at this, how did you manage to hide it from me, huh?”

“i didn’t hide anything!” seokmin squirms, hating that he’s somehow enjoying the attention. “there’s nothing to hide.”

“of course there’s nothing to hide,” soonyoung responds like he’s sputtering facts. “you have a lot to show now, actually.”

seokmin mutters a shut up, breathless both due to the shame of being so blatantly teased by his boyfriend and to the rich meal stuffing him.

it doesn’t help that soonyoung has landed his salient tummy exactly where his dick is starting to tent, and neither does the satisfying sensation of small, cute fingers feeling him up as they please.

the question that leaves soonyoung’s mouth is shoot without further thought, “can i feed you?”

seokmin chuckles, unsure if out of disbelief or nervousness.

“you’re really into this roles reversed thing, aren’t you?”

“it’s just that now i see why you got so eager to fatten me up…” he pouts, almost convincing with the innocent facade he puts on. seokmin swallows a moan when a squeeze pinches his flanks. “so much more to grab, ah,” soonyoung is caught by surprise when two palms land on his ass, making him screech. he smirks as seokmin encourages him to move, pressing him against his hard-on. two can play that game, right? “more seokminnie for me,” he whines, smushing his belly against seokmin’s.

“don’t get too excited, i’m not gonna let myself go like you,” seokmin warns in between a grunt, grasping soonyoung’s butt with fierce to let him know he can yet take control.

“right. keep telling yourself that.” soonyoung rolls his eyes, wiggling his hips just to be a tease before getting up to bring the small table closer, one hand resting at seokmin’s tummy to keep him in place. a slice in his hold, he plops on seokmin’s lap again. “we’ll soon be sharing clothes.”

seokmin snickers in disdain.

“you wish. enjoy this feeding session, ‘cause it’s gonna be the last.”

soonyoung bites his lower lip, knowing at his core that no, it wouldn’t. his boyfriend was just a stubborn asshole when he wanted to, but soonyoung could be much more stubborn.

“if you say so… now open up, baby. let’s see what more can this belly fit now that it’s free from evil buttons, hm?”

after a long sigh, seokmin obeys. somehow, he knows he’s wrong—this isn’t gonna be the last; not when being fed by your boyfriend feels so fucking good.

#cher rqs #cher fics #seoksoon #i enjoyed this smmmm #hope you enjoy it too :) #svt #chubby hoshi #chubby seokmin

[super-who-locked-me-in-here]

Dot why do you have irls on here 😭

Fun fact I have irl mutuals on Tumblr because I was friends or became friends with each of them irl before we became Tumblr mutuals. I've never met someone who I was friends with on Tumblr first.

One of my best friends had a tumblr when we met as teens but they soon left Tumblr behind, only to rejoin when they started watching Hannibal about a year ago. They're not very active though and when they are they mostly post about Baldur's Gate 3 and Critical Role stuff which both have fandoms I'm not part of.

The second irl mutual I'm worried about every time I post because I never know what they'll say about my stuff for the bit. You may sometimes, if you ever look through the notes on posts of mine that are more personal than blorbo-posting, see posts from a particular blog that say things along the lines of "father why are you being horny on main". That is one of my best friends/discord children and their main source of entertainment is ruining my life (affectionate). The only reason they even have Tumblr is because I made them make an account so I could publicly call them out for saying Lancelot from BBC Merlin looked like Lord Farquaad.

My third and fourth irl mutuals are both besties from college, both of whom were on Tumblr before I met them, but once we all became friends at college and realized we were all on here we just decided to follow each other, especially since we're all fannibals.

My last irl mutual is not even actually a friend of mine lol. She's my sister's childhood best friend/my godmother's daughter. But she actually is a big reason I write fanfic bc she has written over a million words of popular fanfiction for a particular show and actually has a dedicated fanbase for her universe using the show characters and I was like "oh that's cool I could do that!" and so we follow each other with our mains but she does not follow this account.

Uh yeah so I have quite a few IRL friends who I just happen to also connect with on Tumblr. There are some people who I'd never follow on Tumblr in a million years, like I know my brother is on here somewhere and I have no desire to find his profile, but this is the only social media that me and my friends are all on outside of discord so we follow each other.

#asks #anon ask #dot says #irl mutuals

[akatsukitrash]

1, 2, 3, 6, 7, [SWERVES TO AVOID 8 I'M SURE WE AGREE] 9, 12, and 20 for tobirama i'm a greedy hog

HIIII

Character Ask Game

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

Honestly, I don't even remember the first time I saw him. I watched Naruto during my entire childhood, so at most I must've been 5 or 6 when I saw his fight against Hiruzen, and I don't believe he stuck out to baby me. But during the War arc, while I was entirely focused on Madara, he appeared. And for some reason, that one panel with the four Hokages back from the dead are what did it to me. He was the one my eyes kept going back to. It might not be the only reason I like him, but his unique character design is definitely what drew me to him at first. He became one of my favourite characters soon after thanks to his dynamic with Hashirama and Orochimaru. I like that there is so much to explore in his character, so much hidden under the surface. He's very compelling to me.

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

His being so hard working. It's just so interesting to me, and makes him feel more human rather than another effortless genius. Fun fact, he's ranked 3rd most hardworking character in the entire verse, after Gai and Lee.

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

He never gets really confronted to how terrible Konoha is (being told without any details that the Uchiha "are no more" isn't really much of a confrontation to the dark side of the system he helped create) and so he never questions his ideals and aside from a half-hearted admission that Madara's plan isn't so bad, he doesn't ever think of a better way for peace to happen. Hell, he just blames that war solely on Madara like he's the source of all evil. It's very annoying bc it makes his character feel static - he never learns about his mistakes nor is forced to confront other point of views (Madara briefly talks to him but a) Madara dislikes Tobirama for obvious reasons so he's not trying to recruit him and b) Kishimoto decided Madara is an irredeemable villain for doing less crimes than the average Konoha shinobi and so he would not write Tobirama questioning his beliefs). Basically he's a state dog and dies that way.

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

Oh this is gonna be sad. Well not to reveal too much of my own Tragic Backstory on my blog (unlockable at Level 5 of Friendship for mutuals though!), I relate a lot to the loneliness and jealousy he must've felt as a child. It's another thing that drew me to him, because the flashback isn't even from his point of view nor does Hashirama dwell on how things must be for his brother. He lost Itama and Kawarama, and Hashirama was more interested in his friend than in Tobirama's feelings (mind you it's not Hashirama's responsibility to deal with that, he was a child soldier himself wrestling with insane amounts of grief and guilt, but I get why baby Tobirama would be upset). And having to deal with an abusive parent on top of it all, while expected to not bother anyone with his feelings...yeah. Another less sad thing we have in common is that we're both mad scientists. I'm not elaborating.

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

Explore the complexity of his character and feelings! He's such a tertiary character, I genuinely didn't expect so many people to take such a liking to him, and especially to still discuss him, his past, his actions nearly 10 years after the ending. He's taken seriously by a good chunk of the Founders' fandom and I really like that. It's rare for a character I like to not get treated like absolute dog shit (anti tobirama fans who? let's pretend they don't exist shall we).

9. Could you be roommates with this character?

Probably, yes. Honestly it's likely he'd be the one yelling after me to do chores than the other way around.

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

Cooking is like therapy for him. Originally, he wasn't allowed in the kitchen due to his blindness, but Butsuma tends to have a hard time saying no to him + is generally not an ableist parent, so he eventually let him and he learnt on his own. He's very good at it, and it helps him feel grounded when he's anxious. He hates it when someone messes with his kitchen though. Don't change the spices placements or he'll kill you.

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

Touka! She's described in the databook as Hashirama's close associate, but I like to think she was the boys' best friend (it's the entire basis of But in this twilight, our choices seal our fate, really). He and Touka develop a very beautiful friendship throughout the years. I also like to think he would've gotten along with Deidara very well. I know! I'm making connections with characters who could never interact but hear me out. Deidara INVENTED a DOJUTSU just to counter Sharingan genjutsu. I feel that's smth that'd get Tobirama's nerdy ass squealing in delight. I can see them spend hours discussing jutsus. Plus I feel Deidara is calm enough to not anger Tobirama nor awaken his Mother Instincts (like Naruto does). There is the little issue of Deidara being an anti government terrorist and Tobirama being, well, the government, but if that wrinkle is smoothed out, I think they'd have a blast together. Pun unintended

Thanks for the ask!!!

#tobirama senju

[artemiseamoon]

If This Is Our Destiny 1

Angel Reyes x f reader* (past?) | Manny x f reader *

**woc & black readers to the front. I also imagine her as shorter bc Angel is tall as fuck, but she does not have to be. Anyone can read. I’ll give her a nickname eventually, so she can be read as an OC too 😁 options!

Words: 1,058

Warnings: shootout mentioned, fear of almost dying, mentions of sex life

Is this an official fic? A series of one shots? I don’t know yet just going on the ride.

An: Manny has the Good Girls tattoo not the weird one. Let’s imagine the sexy one 😁 If you are one of the 3-8 people who read my late night version, it has been revised with new details added today! 

Fic info | next

Angel Reyes was a drug. One you tried to quit too many times. Working at the Mayans clubhouse didn’t make it easier, but it was decent pay and it felt like home; you didn’t want to lose that yet, even if it meant seeing Angel. The job fit your schedule perfectly, and that was hard to find. Plus, Santo Padre wasn’t what it used to be, you didn’t really have a bunch of options at this point.

Your on again off again ride with the eldest Reyes brother started innocently enough, you were friends, good friends. In hindsight the moment sex got involved, no matter how damn good it was, that was the end. He was addictive, his kiss, his touch, the way his body and yours became one. It was some real next level shit. The kind that feels too good to be true.

But Angel was complicated, stubborn, explosive and selfish. Things that were easier to accept and digest as his friend, but became harder to swallow as his lover, especially when you became his girl. Angel was complex, he was all the above and one of the most sensitive people you’ve ever known, his heart was guarded, yet fragile.

All his unresolved shit, his lack of communication skills and reactive nature led to both of your breakups, including the most recent one. You knew there were only two realistic outcomes for you and Angel at this point, to somehow go back to being friends, or cut off all ties.

Right now, you were in some weird space you couldn’t define. He didn’t take anything well, especially not this last break up and for the last couple of months he’s been giving you the cold shoulder, the famous Angel Reyes silent treatment.

During this time you maintained a close relationship with the youngest Reyes, Ez and their father, Felipe. Felipe wasn’t an easy man to impress but he adored you, the feeling was mutual.

Angel was always a rolling stone, you knew that. And he had terrible coping mechanisms so when he started sleeping with the most recent club hire, you knew it was to piss you off. It worked. But you wouldn’t let him see it, you wouldn’t give him the win.

All of this made things harder at the club house, then the attack happened. It was around this time you seriously contemplated leaving it all behind. Not that you shared this with anyone, but you still had nightmares and what you were sure was mild ptsd after the event. It was the longest night of your life. You were thankful you made it out unharmed, but mentally, it did take a toll.

- Flashback -

Trying to hide your shaking hands, you continue to light more candles, bringing some light to the darkened room. Being club adjacent, you’ve seen and heard some shit but you were never this close to the full scale violence of it all. It was terrifying.

You don’t realize you’re holding your breath until you feel a hand on your shoulder, looking down you recognize those fingers, those rings instantly. It’s him.

“Hey, how you holdin up?” He asked, his voice heavy with concern.

You don’t look at him, you can’t. So you fix your gaze on his fingers and the way he feels behind you. “I’m okay.”

So this is it. This is how the silent treatment ends. A night where we may all die and now he talks to me?

Angel gave your shoulder a slight squeeze. When he speaks your name, you lose your reserve and turn to look up at him. His face is tense with worry, his brown eyes heavy with a mix of sadness and something else you can’t put a finger on.

Before you could find an excuse to move away from him, Angel pulls you into his arms, hugging you close. You tried to stay stiff, to ignore the way he feels and smells. You can't fall back into this. You have to stay strong.

- Flashback over -

That was two months ago now. And you did stay strong that day, and the days after, but it was close to going the other way. He was asked to stay over, you declined. Since then, you’ve been distracted trying to survive and adjust to all the recent changes.

Part of you wanted to leave. You weren’t sure what would come of all this, or how long Santo Padre had left. Everything was uncertain, everyone on edge. You started to slowly detach yourself, if the end was coming, you wanted to be prepared. Maybe you’d move out of state, pick a new place and start over. A place with no MC wars, a place with no Angel Reyes. The other part of you wanted to stay, though you had no idea why.

Maybe having so many distractions was good, you didn’t have much time to dwell on the fate of you and Angel Reyes. You had more hours now, and more work due to the overcrowded clubhouse.

Bishop was demoted, Alvarez was back as President, Canche’s men and what remained of the Yuma chapter were here. Everything was so different and still changing in this rapid, chaotic pace.

Amidst all the changes was one surprise: Manny. You weren’t looking to fall for anyone, you weren’t even interested in a light fling right now. But the moment he walked into the clubhouse, and those soulful brown eyes landed on yours, you knew you were a goner.

You feared no could make your heart race the way Angel did, Manny showed you otherwise. And the first time he smiled at you, you nearly forgot to breathe. He had you. You were done for.

There’s a lot of things you like about Manny. Physical attraction aside, he was smart, thoughtful, and observant. He always greeted you and asked how your day was. Manny made you feel seen in the most beautiful way, even though your contact was so limited. And when he talked about his little girl, Bella, he made you consider something you swore was completely off the table, children.

Not that it would happen, you were pretty sure you weren’t going to have anyone’s babies, but hearing this man talk about Bella, it was easy to imagine having a family with him.  Even if it was just in some far away fantasy hidden in the back of your mind. 

Next ⬅️ (read the next chapter)

…..

To be tagged in updates, ask below or via ask

#Angel Reyes #manny Mayans #f reader #late night thoughts #manny Montana #manny x f reader #Angel Reyes x f reader #Yuma chapter #woc reader #single father Manny

[yuelun]

launches myself in here bc there's no way i'm not slamming some love down on your head too-

i have 100% been admiring your portrayals from afar for a while, beginning with your yelan (who, by the way, is absolutely *chefs kiss*). as soon as i saw that follow notification from this blog i was right on that bc i am so interested in your take on guizhong and, from what you've already put out in terms of lore and hcs, i am just. holding her up like simba to be admired. menogias is absolutely yours to bother, and any other muse that feels right, too. just- /gestures wildly at my muse list

& i'm serious about menogias designing outfits for her. he demands it. demands it.

— @daybreakrising // Prompt: Feedback!

I've been trying to hide under a fuzzy blanket with my mug of hot chocolate ever since you sent this (yes, like for 3/4 days now, I'm dedicated), almost spilling everything, because I also don't know how to accept and deal with praise, even if I technically asked for it this time. Alright, but on a real serious and sentimental note: this means a ton and then some. Especially after the chats throughout the last few days, I'm so infinitely overjoyed that we became mutuals (though I'll condemn the both of us for taking as long as we did), because not only do we get to explore an absolutely priceless Guili Assembly dynamic that I've been dying to write. But you've also given me another dynamic that became incredibly near and dear months ago, but I've never been able to talk about until now (god, but I've gotten the very best of talks about now). I've been thriving, and I've only become more feral since you came along with your wondrous takes. /chef's kiss in every single capacity, truly. I'm now clung to your leg like the most stubborn koala bear, you're not getting rid of me in any capacity, not on Guizhong and especially not on Kafka.

Holding her up like Simba? AaaaaAAAaa, my heart! I don't know how I can convey how much I appreciate that you think like that, but it really does. She's such a massive character in my opinion, she's so very present across the board in Liyue, a nation that I love and that she's so utterly ingrained in, that I really crave to do right by her, analyzing every little detail I can find, every little speck of dust I can find, and amass it to... something deserving of her. So I think this one hits a little harder, always, just because I see her as my largest 'project' of sorts. So please know that this warmed my heart so very much, I wish I could reach through the screen and cover your face with Nutella shaped hearts in gratitude, because just, thank you, thank you. You're nothing short of amazing, you know that? And trust me, the outfits will happen, and I can't wait, because it'll be one little force of nature against a... well, not so literal 'little' (listen, he's a little... lot taller than her, I think) force of nature.

#[ answered: ooc. ] that her accomplishments were judged superior was - one suspects - in large part due to her sheer eloquence. #daybreakrising #[ saved. ] but if you made people choose: how many would really pick a list of commandments over material wealth? #[ 😭😭 i'm still a little emo. ] #[ /throws a lasso around you. ] #[ /superglues you to your keyboard. ]

[transboysokka]

Please explain this crush situation, it sounds like good drama!

lmao I don’t think?? I’ve posted about it before but it’s not THAT interesting I promise

also SO sorry but Due To The Autusm I don’t know how NOT to make this a Long Story

let’s see…

so the thing about communities of expats/immigrants/foreigners is that there are ALWAYS people coming and going but for a while here I had a really tight group of friends I met through work and we did EVERYTHING together. We’ll call them J, N, and B. All around my age. J was a guy from Canada, N an American guy, and B a South African girl.

N, bless his soul, has always been the most OBVIOUSLY gay guy but has wayyyyy too much internalized homophobia to deal with it so compensated by being wayyyy too into women, you know? But also he had a collection of 300 perfumes and reviewed them on YouTube lol so

ANYway he was in one really weird relationship with some girl we never even got to meet for a while and then he met Z, who started hanging out with all of us. She was always so great and they were so cute together.

So eventually J (the coolest guy, we always watched hockey together) moved back to Canada and N and Z left to go work for the summer on a ranch in the US. The tentative plan was for N to stay there because he’d always been very vocal about hating Taiwan but Z was gonna kind of play it by ear. I figured they were gonna get married, they’d already been together a couple years and had a very strong relationship

Anyway idk what happened but the minute N stepped back on American soil, his inner asshole started to show. He just became this horrible annoying person I didn’t really want anything to do with, so I haven’t talked to him much since.

I kept in touch with Z who was having a terrible time with him. He all of a sudden broke up with her in a REALLY shitty way and she moved back here. Then he moved to like Bolivia or something idk.

So then Z, B, and I were still here. B is always busy or super depressed (no judgment) so I hardly ever see her, so Z and I started hanging out alone.

It was a LITTLE awkward at first bc I only ever hung out with her through N?? But actually we got along so great and hang out as much as we can now

That’s cool, that’s fine, but I started feeling this attraction to her and this chemistry between us that suggested it… could? be mutual?? Like there were definitely signals, especially the time we went through the haunted house together wow

We had a couple discussions that were like “okay so I guess we’re both technically pretty pansexual” so it would hypothetically work ((I DO strongly id as gay but my attitude is anything’s possible u know?))

A while after that I invited her to an open mic I was performing at and sang girl crush about her asfjljdzhk

Then we had a discussion where she was basically like “I don’t date friends” which is super fair but also we still weren’t talking about us specifically

Anyway that was several months ago and my feelings have def toned down since then (also her work schedule sucks so we don’t see each other that often) and like. idk I’ve done this once before about having a crush on someone I got in super well with and then missing my chance (that person ended up dating our other friend and they’ve been together like 5 years now rip) but this also isn’t something I’m super active or serious about right now????

#quesTian #tian talks

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

MACCC!! for the fanfic ask game thing. ummm i don't know a specific word 2 send but i am intrigued. eyes emoji. (<<on computer and do not want 2 look up emojis just to copy/paste one) what r u writing!!! what's ur fav passage in it so far!!!! i wanna hear abt ur writing!!!!

omg whiskey i forgot we were not mutuals while i was in my fanfic writing arc. omg. i have not written a fic since we became mutuals holy shit !!!!!! absolutelyly insane . ANYWAY i write about my ocs all the time and also silly little self indulgent stories that i dont share bc theyre just for me. BUT. CURRENLTY. i missed writing fics so i am in a months long hiatus of a fic for mission to zyxx which is a silly improv comedy podcast that i was super into right before i got into trigun !!!!!!!! its my beloved ever. however the trigun brain worms overtook me before i finished my fic and i have not gone back to work on it much :( i WANT to finish it tho bc the fandom is very small annnd i literally read every single fic in the ao3 tag in the span of like a week. i need 2 add to it.

ANYWAY basics of the fic (spoilers for mission to zyxx incoming !!) :

the main character has a bug egg laid in his eye and throughout all of season 2 it just grows in his eye and makes it look all fucked up until the s2 finale where the egg hatches and another character pulls his eye out before the bug makes his head explode. << its not as fucked up as it sounds bc this is a full comedy podcast so everything is played for goofs and this moment only lasts a total of like 6 seconds but i am a sucker for body horror especially when it involves gross bugs so !!! i am judt rewriting that scene with my own headcanons ans making it scary and emotional 😌 hi my names mac ghostiezone and i love horror and gay people.

I HAVE TO REREAD MY ENTIRE WIP TO FIND A PART TO POST i cant believe ur making me do this (<< THANK U I HAVE NOT LOOKED AT IT IN WEEKS) apologies in advance for my setup i like 2 write on my phone in the middle of the night so my google docs is in perma-darkmode:

<< we love an alien mind contrrol parasite that makes a usually cowardly docile character behave like a monster 😌😌😌😌

#oh no im feeling the shame of posting a fic involving characters with stupid silly names. #anyway this is sooooo non-canon compliant i just wanted an excuse to be self indulgent and write about fucked up bugs #have u ever heard of leucochloridium. #its a type of parasite that lives in snails eyes and makes them all banded and pulsing to attract birds to eat the snail <3 #its what i based the bug eye off of so it behaves in a similar way. hehehehehe. #linked a video to the snail parasite in the descriptiion for the fic i cant wait for people to be so disgusted bc of me >:] #something about me is i love 2 put weird gross biology in fics literally all the time forever #THANK U WHISKEY. GOD I NEED 2 FINISH THIS #i haaaate posting my writing eith no context bc it makes me self aware of how silly it sounds. but also i like 2 talk about my writing #whiskey u missed my fanfic phase i wrote about cwilbur so fucking much my favorite guy ever #SOMETHI G ABOUT ME IS THAT I LOVE 2 TALK ABOUT SEA CREATURES IN MY WRITING #NOTICE I FUCKING MENTION A CUTTLEFISH IN A UNIVERSE WHERE CUTTLEFISH DO NOT EXIST AND ARE NEVER BROUGHT UP EVER #im incurable. fish are too interesting #i use used to use dead fish eye metaphors in descriptions of ghostbur sooo much . #<< unsettling ghostbur is/was my biggest agenda when i was making dsmp content #ANYWAY. THANK U #I LOVE U #friends!!! #asks #anachronistic-falsehood

[erikatsu]

✮ NEW YEARS APPRECIATION ✮

i just wanted to take some time and thank those who have been with my through the year. first off, i want to thank my followers, especially those that have been with me since my first blog (rip spookydraken u r so missed).

*cue the golden girls theme song* i would like to give special thanks to:

✮ @twdottore — cat, u have been through 1838384 shit shows with me and we are still rockin' n rollin' together. you are my rod, my platonic soulmate. i want to thank you for always encouraging my wild ideas and listening to me rant ab theories and world building. thank you for all the fanart you send me, and all the tiktoks. thank you for always indulging me in selfship ideas and comms. you're my best friend and ilym (i win). i am so so glad u rang in the new year w me last year, and that you're still with me this year. here's to more.

✮ @dxlucs — ur the bubblegum to my marceline. thank u for dealing with me 15 dms + 3 texts in a row, for being there for my biweekly existential crises, and for allowing my to info dump even if it takes you a minute to understand what im getting at. i'd be so stir crazy without u. im so happy we became friends and that we're as close as we are now. i rmr when i fangirled over u following back LMAO. ily and thank u for tolerating me /lh

✮ @myalbedo — bestie. u always know what to say to make someone laugh. ur one of the funniest people i know and you don't even try. thank you for all the cute stuff you send me, for letting me scream when the 'tism gets to be too much, and for threatening to beat people with ur cane for me /lh. im glad that we've gotten close too. stay hot bitch /lh.

✮ @hanmas — ur so unapologetically urself and you inspire me to do the same. i love all of our meta-talk, our 4 am chats, and u giving me excuses to sneak away from work to run a domain w u. i'm so happy we're ikea gfs. i'm gonna buy u the most expensive candy and the giant ikea bear. ily, pretteeist girl in the whole world.

✮ @mxnjiros — ik ur not active here as much, but i love when u come back and my notifications are flooded by you. ur so supportive of ur friends and it shows what a big heart you have. i'm very thankful that i can call u a friend.

✮ @sennsational — i adore u, y'know? ur so talented and creative and every time you drop a new event i'm mind blown. u r one of the sweetest people i have ever met, and here lately u've been that refreshing sip of water i didn't realize i needed. thank you for that, and thank you for being so genuine.

✮ @dilu3 — i never know what you're gonna say and i think that's exciting. you could have me sobbing over my faves or almost peeing in laughter. you're so funny and sweet and i'm glad that we've gotten closer. thank u for letting me scream ab stuff to u and giving me good laughs

✮ @suyacho — you're also another person who is so genuinely sweet. you match my energy and also encourage me to keep going even if it's hard sometimes. thank you snow, for our little talk and crying over itto with me

✮ @alhaithms — i had to include u even though we've only talked outside of asks like three times. but each time i was able to tell how kind you are and it was so easy for me to hold conversation with you, which im not the best at honestly :,) thank u for being so warmhearted and immediately making me feel safe coming to your blog. i hope that we become better friends in the future <3

✮ mutuals — for my more recent moots who i don't know all too well yet, thank you for giving me the opportunity to make your acquaintance and for future friendships. you are all so unbelievably talented and i admire you all so much. if we haven't talked, it's probably bc im too shy/nervous to approach but i will with some time. if we have talked, im super glad we're starting friendships.

i hope the new year is full of good things for all of you. please be kinder to yourselves, you're doing great.

#eris stfu ᝰ

[termitesisagrandslam]

so yeah i went to visit my lovely best friend and she rooms with my former best friend (we were a trio of best friends in hs) who cut me out suddenly 9(!!!) years ago. and im trying to figure out how to deal with it still bc it happened while i was having a traumatic freshman year in college. and i became too much of a burden to her due to my depression and increased need for her friendship. since in high school she had been the one who needed me. and i have regrets, like i was wrapped up in myself and would get too easily hurt and frustrated when i felt like she wasnt giving me reassurance i needed. and so she just stopped talking to me. i blamed myself for years for driving her away.

our mutual best friend kept telling me it wasnt on me, that my ex-friend had been cruel. apparently she thought cutting me out without warning or anything would make me so angry that i wouldnt be sad or miss her. which isnt in line with my personality at all and ig my best friend told her that, that it was more likely id be sad and blame myself. which is what i did

and it's only in the past couple years i allowed myself to be angry. not that i didnt do anything wrong. but to finally understand that my behavior didnt warrant hers and that what she did was mean and unfair. and now i am really angry. i dont hate her (even if sometimes it feels like that when i get emotional) but i am angry.

there was an opportunity for all 3 of us to have lunch and i couldnt do it bc i knew she would act like nothing happened and like we were acquaintances and try to make small talk. a few years ago i wouldve 100% done that and id have taken all the blame just for the chance to reconcile. but i cant do that anymore.

so i declined. and then i saw her briefly for the first time in almost a decade as she walked to the bathroom and god im just so angry still. i cant describe how close we were and then boom i was dropped like i was nothing. as if i never mattered to her. and im worried i didnt?

and it's been so long i feel ridiculous being still so upset, especially since she probably barely thinks about me. but it's so tied into the trauma i went thru at the time in college and it altered the way im able to socialize and the way i trust. and it hurts so much that she and my other best friend have been in each others lives this whole time. and it was always the three of us. but i was disposable to her when i became inconvenient. when i needed her to be a support. and even now it's hard to not think "well i shouldnt have cried in front of her. i shouldnt have told her when she hurt my feelings. i shouldnt have i shouldnt have"

idk what im saying even. it's just hard to move on and process it when her presence is everywhere still. her stuff is everywhere when i visit my best friend. she's there and ive been barred. and the amount of times ive been Too Much and been barred from spaces is a lot. and trying not to internalize that as what it means for my worth as a person is really hard.

#tbd

[bysaber]

HIYAAA, this is me, IM SO HAPPY YOU WANT TO BE MOOTS WITH ME AS WELL, so far ive finsihed most of my assignments I just a few that take a little more longer and so much more effort but after that im so taking a big break.

so true though, ive been a ghost user since I joined and that was like 2020 I totally saw the rise and the fandom of the superwholock era but I never really joined in on it as I haven't watched those shows so Tumblr was like an app that was there but I wasn't using it every hour of the day as I am now, it has now become my favourite escape from reality other than sleeping (and even that could use some improvement like lucid dreaming or maybe even shifting) >_< so ive just been a consumer on here until I see like blogs that drop posts within a minute and the next day it has more than like 10,000 notes (WHICH they soo deserve bc damn they write so majestically) and I was like man I would die if even one person liked my posts and liked what I wrote, I cant even imagine how I would react to 100 let alone 10,000. like I think I would sob. and the way blogs write their posts, you can tell they put their whole mind and soul and everything into it, its so beautiful. so this community really ignited my previously dead passion for writing and I love it for that.

I have no experience in working but I think I might have to start soon since my situation sort of demands it so I have no idea what its like but I can only imagine changing 100% of a campaign is more than stressful, I hope it goes well for you and you get more free time to yourself.

also I noticed you said mother language, i'm actually curious, what's your mother language?

also side note: I was rereading your sukuna body and soul fic (for like the nth time bc I cant get enough of it) and I was so shocked bc like I LOATHE sukuna after like everything he did ARGH I cant express how much I hate him but omg that fic, mmmh, it hit different because my hatred for him, boom, somehow became nonexistent and im daydreaming about being the reincarnated lover of this epitome of evil man. im literally catching feelings that's how good it was.

i really enjoyed your reply and I appreciate you taking the time to talk to me, its honestly the first time im having interactions other than likes on here. and im so glad that I get to be mutuals with you.

hope you're doing well, >>>>3333

euorian.

I'm so happy to finally meet you, boo! <3

I hope you can finish your assignments asap and enjoy the New Year's and also a good break!!

I actually watched 2/3 of superwholock so it was... an experience!! I also get so happy when I see authors with that many notes because I know how they put their hearts into their writing and they totally deserve it. and they're doing it FOR FREE, it's kinda insane especially when we read some shakespearian level kinda thing.

and I can tell you even one interaction makes a big difference, people like you -- taking a bit of your time to write a little something -- supporting us mean the world. so, thank you again. and I assure you I'll be there to support you as well with your writing ^_^

and AHHHHHHHHH I'm so glad you liked my sukuna!!! I'm gonna tell ya I'm NOT a sukuna girlie lol. gojo is my fav jjk character (toji and megumi fight for 2nd place). BUT I think sukuna is a great villain, he's hot af and I mean-- I WOULD. and the idea of that big bad monster, the king of curses, being obsessed with a woman? A SIMP? IM DOWN.

definitely gonna write more about him.

my mother language is portuguese !!!

you can always talk to me, send me DMs, whatever u want! again, its nice to meet you, euorian. <3

#askaway #euorian 🖤 #body and soul

[brytongore]

And I think it was at that point

I entered not the dark night of the soul, but the darkest night of my soul that was also it's brightest.

I've been fighting my whole life, and for the last 3years I became passive from the loss of my own autonomy: a part of me still believed I was crazy.

It was this moment I knew that even if I felt like a piece of roadkill constantly being battered by semi truck tyres in the hot sun, I would always find a way to fight for me and especially my children. 

It ate my brain getting up again, when all I wanted to do was give in; but being around people so intent on calling me sick for themselves was not good enough for my children and for me anymore.

And I realised I am the worst breed of Human, nihilistic, numb & still holding onto a small tiny spark of Hope that something extraordinary might happen if I just fought a little longer.

A cockroach woke me up by landing on my face in the infested hoarder house I had desperately tried to clean for 4months to make habitable for my kids & trying to figure my life out;

A precursor to what I would also wake up to realise that my whole life I had been called crazy. And even though I knew this was wrong no one I had met or talked to in a professional setting ever related.

A pay phone flashback from cptsd. No violence this time, just a teary eye phone call to a friend pleading for help as my sister and my mother called me crazy again for calling out their delusions & violence. My sister my mothers little golden child hid her blame under me after physically attacking me and moms anger at me calling out her addiction to alcohol had a tendency to believe my sisters lies to favor her.

Being a hermit and loner this has been a problem. I have purposefully only known the pain others put onto me, and not the happiness of emotion we can get with mutual connection. I was reading about neurological development of emotions and it seems to be a two way street in development, we are born with a survival base set of emotion and develop the rest through reciprocity. a child and parents we have a set of instinctual base emotions for survival (the ones we are taught to ignore now) and more complicated ones where we get fucked up in types of trauma and abuse and get turned upside down. We learn Love & safety through our first Authority figures but what happens when those authority figures don’t know what Love is either.

And with learning and feeling some emotions I never developed properly or fully, and had put on my ego that my numbness was controlled I hadn't been around enough people who loved me or I them; to feel fully the extent of the pain I was in.

I had been speaking to a wall of a friend,

who's motive wasto purposefully misunderstand me.

And that's what drove me to insanity, someone who I desperately wanted to believe understood again.

The fear I felt when I noticed everything unravel around me, like cling wrap was wrapped around my face or being water boarded, bc Melissa who so desperately wanted me to be sick so she could be a Hero and Noah her son who she loved the idea I was saving once telling me “she never had to worry when he was with me because he was safe” (cough the jobs he never had and the houses I always rented he lived for free) who so desperately wanted to take credit for the life I had lived and he had mirrored; and the built in Stockholm syndrome that was blamed for my kindness was actually the selfish idea that I was ignorant and not setting boundaries.. how wrong this idea was, because I love everyone in my life equally and managed their darker sides with the very boundaries they claimed I didn't have.

However this time they felt empowered to bulldoze me. Just like the first week in America where I set rules with my parenting and was told I was insane, Just for setting boundaries. Had I known the story that had been told was I was disabled so my sister could cash in, it wouldnt have been so confusingly infantilising. But bulldozing a parent is wrong by any means. It just makes more sense to me now.

And the only clearest and happiest hope I had left was selling my iPad (the only thing that helped me get my big thoughts out quickly) and my Nintendo switch which I had hoped one day to conquer my exhaustion after a few months of rest and settling to play again. My only joy in that month was knowing I could sell them to get the fuck away from all that noise and grossness.

Looking back on it I think it's sad, how a persons only escape for peace after all that I had fought through in America was to sell my only escape, to escape. I had been too exhausted for 3 years anyway to play any video games.

I was happier leaving it all behind because they were luxurious comforts over the survival and peace I would get running away from people so set on calling me crazy for themselves. I do not regret the decisions I made to sell the only things I had left for value of my own peace.

I knew that given the opportunity, to have all fronts attack me that my words could soften a very lie tainted truth that had been strung in covert abuse.