something I’ve been thinking abt is how many people think Makoto is immune to despair. I don’t think he is. I think becoming the ultimate Hope was BECAUSE he felt despair. He wouldn’t have fully reached that point without Junko. Makoto becoming such a beacon was his last attempt to avoid completely falling and it wasn’t because he didn’t feel despair, it was because he was too damn stubborn to allow everything to go to waste and he refused to sacrifice his beliefs for someone else’s. His inner monologue tells me he DID experience the same new low the other suvivors did in the final trial, but at the point where he had the choice to give up and die, he looked at the others and he looked at Junko and he couldn’t allow it to happen, not out of self preservation, but because the idea that Junko would have control over their lives made him FURIOUS. and that utter refusal to die kicked in, wether luck or otherwise, and he made the concious effort for one last push while something in him was breaking. He had to be broken in order for the Ultimate Hope to come through so aggressively, bc it could only exist in the face of the Ultimate Despair. He snapped the same way she did, but in the other direction. In what could have been his final moments he chose to embody everything Junko wasn’t, and every single optimistic and luck fueled ideal in him suddenly charged forward and pushed him. It was a combination of the final straw and a choice. Makoto isn’t immune to feeling despair, he’s just too stubborn to fall into it of his own volition. I think that’s why I like that scene in DR3 so much. People were SO SHOCKED Makoto actually fell for the tape, that he actually became despair for a moment. I saw people getting mad or disappointed, saying it was pathetic and Makoto seemed to fall from some sort of pedestal for them. Honestly part of me wonders if that sort of mentality, which clearly people had in universe, affected Makoto a bit. Like he started to see himself as less of a person, subconsciously. Prompting him to take more risks, less self preservation, act way more bold. It seems he has to be reminded a lot not to put himself in danger by his friends, to not do something too reckless. All over the place I would see in regards to that scene either this frivolous ‘oh this was just angst drama with no meaning behind it’ or ‘he can do better than that. he’s so weak’ or ‘come on, there’s no way he’d fall into despair, he’s the Ultimate Hope!’ This kind of mentality, which was kind of ironic considering Ryota was there the entire time saying the same thing and treating Makoto the same way. Like Makoto was superhuman. Like Makoto didn’t feel despair the same way ‘normal people’ did. In a way that was also how Munakata saw Makoto. Makoto stopped being a PERSON to the world when he became Ultimate Hope, he became a concept, a belief system, much the same way Junko ascended beyond herself. But the difference is that treating Makoto that way is the opposite of the reason Makoto became such a representative for hope. He wasn’t doing something no one else could. He was doing something everyone had the chance to, he just… was a little more optimistic, a little more stubborn, a little more ‘gung-ho’ about things. He just took the lead where no one else did, where no one else knew they even COULD in the face of Junko’s unstoppable force. She had overcome the biggest threats and obstacles in the world, what could one person do? And the answer Makoto found was, anything. Everything. It doesn’t all rest on Makoto, he’s just the one that was inspired to try to do what seemed like the impossible. But as evidenced by the change in his friends after that trial, it’s clearly not something only Makoto is capable of. The others pulled out of despair thanks to Makoto, but it was their choice to do so.
“But… this world is so huge, and we’re so small. What can we do…? No, we can probably do anything. Yeah! We can do anything!”
47 notes
·
View notes
that final scene in this ep of utsukushii kare. it feels like someone just ripped out my gut, slashed it open and trampled over the bloody remains. i want to sob. I want to out loud, fat tears, shaking my body sob. but all im stuck on is hira’s brokenly confused face, kiyoi on top of him grabbing onto his clothes and crying, an absolute tornado of emotion the likes of which he’s never shown, all to hira, all because of hira, and yet hira sits there and it’s like the storm covers him but he’s inside this impenetrable building and not a single drop of rain hits him. he knows it’s raining, he can hear it battering down on the roof, but it’s just rain. he doesn’t understand the full extent, doesn’t know the wind is ripping down trees and lightening is cracking the sky in two. and because he’s inside, he doesn’t need to know, doesn’t care to know, doesn’t want to know. hira will happily stay inside, in his bubble, in his constructed world, and he will be alone, and he will suffer, but that’s alright bc he’s not out there.
it’s like he’s gotten used to the internalized problems he faces, and they stick with him, almost a comfort to him now, in that he’ll see them when they’re not there. the external things that make him worried and anxious now, they’re less so, but hira still is that high school kid, getting picked on for his stutter, that faded into the background. he’s stuck there, and he’s never grown past it, and there’s almost a security in not growing, not changing, even if the thing you’re stuck as is worry and anxiety and invisibility and self doubt and constant internal doubt and criticism and lack of confidence. at least he’s used to it. at least there isn’t anything new to challenge him. and it shows, bc whenever he is challenged, in the sense that something that doesn’t fit he’s established world and role happens, he puts himself down and apologizes, like it’s a practiced, default reaction. that’s how he got through before, it’s how he learned to get through. but now, in the place he finds himself, in the situation and relationship he’s in, this is not a place for that reaction. the people he’s around, kiyoi, he doesn’t need hira to put himself down. he doesn’t need apologies. he wants understanding. and hira just resolutely refused that, said that he not only doesn’t understand hira, but that he doesn’t want to, and he’s not going to attempt to. and I don’t think he could have said anything more heartbreaking to kiyoi. all he has ever wanted was for someone to see him and understand him and love him for it. hira gives him love, unendingly and uncritically. he’s love is irrespective of anything kiyoi does or says or feels. it’s love of an idea, of a theory, of a concept in a pretty shell. it’s not love of the human inside, it can’t be, bc he just said he doesn’t want to understand that person, and without that there can’t be love. you can’t love something you can’t see or comprehend, that there’s a person kiyoi that isn’t the god kiyoi there is in his universe.
and the thing is, I think hira could’ve understood kiyoi, back when he saw a side of kiyoi that no one else did and still showed him love. I think down the line he could’ve gotten to know that person more and liked him, but the thing is, it’s different bc of kiyoi’s feelings. bc kiyoi’s feelings contradict so much what hira believes about himself that he can’t understand him. it’s easier to not know kiyoi that way and stick to his established universe, rather than understand kiyoi fully, bc in that he has to reevaluate everything, about himself and his place in the world and kiyoi’s place too. that is not an easy task. and it’s not that hira wouldn’t, I don’t think. I think there is a feasible future where hira recognizes that choice he can make and chooses kiyoi, chooses to challenge himself out of love for kiyoi and a want to understand him, and maybe even a want to understand and love himself. but bc he doesn’t recognize that as a choice he can make, he can’t do it. and I think that’s what hira needs to face, which I think is more than kiyoi and his feelings and care for hira can manage to accomplish. hira’s mental dissonance is gonna be a work in progress, it’s just a matter or him realizing it and getting to a point of actually working on it. the only thing is, in the meantime, can kiyoi be patient with hira, and the hurt he makes him feel? should he? bc when hira outright refuses to understand, when it feels that rigid and definite, when there’s no feasible future where he will understand, what’s the point? that’s the heartbreak. that hira is constantly worrying about forever, but he just denied a forever with kiyoi. and the problem is him, just not for the reasons he thinks he is. he needs to realize there is no forever with kiyoi the god, bc gods don’t last forever, they’re ephemeral, they’re fleeting. there can be a forever with kiyoi though, the man, the person, the human being, he just needs to step outside, into the storm, and let it soak him. bc when he gets to stand with kiyoi in the rain, he’ll see it’s worth it.
213 notes
·
View notes
when yuuji and megumi finally got together, what were everyone’s reactions? like inumaki and panda obviously threatened yuuji in the most nonsensical way possible but what about gojo and nanami and the others? like finally seeing their little boy grow up to be old enough to date and immediately going for the worst possible candidate in a lot of people’s minds *cough—the zenin—cough*.
if gojo was on the verge of a mental breakdown from just giving Megumi The Talk, i can’t imagine just how hard it hit him that his little sea urchin was growing up so fast.
What must be understood is that the second years have been following their relationship from its inception like it’s their favorite soap opera. Maki clocked it when Megumi tried to kill Kamo Noritoshi with an elephant over him and all of them have been overly invested in it since. Those are their beloved kohais. They’re both so stupid and vulnerable. Like idiot babies. They want them to be happy idiot babies who hold hands.
Yuuta would fight special grade curses with one hand and text Maki with the other to find out if they were dating yet and maki would text back “no but they each killed a special grade and megumi has a domain expansion now” and Yuuta would text back “what am I MISSING”. Inumaki thought if they gave them nine years or so megumi would work himself up to a hand graze and Yuuta would freak out because they don’t have that kind of TIME. Panda texted Yuuta in a panic weeks after everyone else figured it out to tell him that he thinks megumi and the kid who’s sukunas vessel like each other and Yuuta had to pretend to be surprised as if the entire matter was not giving him stress sweats from Africa.
The unofficial reaction was that maki sent a gif of a ship coming into port into the group chat and everyone celebrated like it was new years and the ball had just dropped because thank fuck it finally happened.
As a side note, the second years all consider themselves parents of three and are only half joking about that fact. It’s so hard raising teens. The little shits keep fighting things. None of them have any social skills. All three of them are completely feral. They’re pretty sure nobara bit a purse snatcher the last time they went out into the city.
But that was the unofficial reaction. They can’t tell Megumi or Yuuji about that.
Yuuta actually gets a call from Megumi to tell him that he has a boyfriend, and he had to pretend like all this was news to him as if he had not spent the past three months more invested in this than anything in his own life. Yuuta told him that he was happy for him, and that he couldn't wait to meet Yuuji, and lived in blissful ignorance about the fact that Yuuji screamed into his own pillow for twenty minutes that night because Megumi came and told him that Okkotsu-senpai was important to him and he'd like it if they got to know each other.
Maki started a campaign of teasing Megumi about his new boyfriend, because she sort of loves giving her little nephew shit. Megumi wonders why life has to be this hard.
Inumaki and Panda had already given Yuuji the shovel talk (it was part of what made Yuuji realize he was completely in love with Megumi) and had a stunningly moving congratulations and dating advice speech for Yuuji that featured a power point presentation.
Its moving nature was slightly impacted by the fact that Inumaki gave it.
Inumaki patted him manfully on the back, and Panda gave him a brotherly hair ruffle, and Yuuji continued to be confused as to what the hell was up with the second years.
The issue with Gojo is that they can never tell when he's taking the piss or if he's being genuine. Like, Gojo loves giving him a hard time. It's a classic "Fushiguro is getting hit on" conundrum. Is he actually devastated that his little boy is growing up or is he just doing it to fuck with them?
Megumi insists that he's doing it to be an idiot and refuses to speak to him for days, which does not help with all the weeping.
Whatever the case, it's enough to annoy Nanami, because he keeps agonizing over how his baby was swept up by some jock who was going to steal his sweetness and Nanami would take offense on Yuuji's behalf because Itadori Yuuji is a gentleman and a delightful young man and Gojo should be glad that Megumi is dating someone like him.
Megumi wonders why life has to be this hard sometimes.
Nanami is just happy for them both and gives them both private congratulations wherein he tells them that he's glad they have each other and that they are good together. He is the most normal of them all.
21 notes
·
View notes