#except i think yg is dead now . or old | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

baekhvuns · 2 years

Note

HAPPY ATEEZ 4TH WIN AND ON PRINCESS WOLFGI BIRTHDAY! AND HAPPY 5TH WIN OMG

*Felix's voice: I'm soooooo ssssick* not in a good way though. It's not c-word, but I have bronchitis 😭😭😭😭 feeling very old rn because I go to sleep at 9-10pm...

I saw the BP tour dates and it's actually a WORLD tour?! Wow YG you did something right. Is there a Canada date I think Hamilton, right?

Also new Kibum album, ahhhhh looks creepy and Married to the music inspired <3 yeah, love when my hags interact! Jessica, girl sometimes I just can't defend you, ahhaahah. True Krystal <3

Btw hags, I'll not forgive some stans (Atinys especially) talking shit about miss Nicole Jung and Sunye while waiting for Ateez to perform on music shows, the chats are always straight from hell 💀 they're like "who even is this girl" and???? Omg also Seohyun got COVID so no SNSD on music shows 😭 talk about luck

I'm not watching anything rn, because death is approaching, but I started BM and it seems promising. Don't do Yoona like that.....😭

I'm glad I could be the one breaking it to you (but also I'm sorry ajdhkadjssvgs), maybe a Mandela effect happened and it convinced you Noddy was a girl 😅

I was saying their Ulsan fits looked like edgy security officers, though Yeosang was kinda giving Ciel Phantomhive. But BODYGUARD HWA OMG THAT'S MY BOYFRIEND 😳 (I have a fever, ok)

Chelsea... thin line, but sort of acceptable, but BARCA?! Do not get me started 🔪 how some of my fave players betrayed me and played there, they're dead to me. Fabregas, Griezmann... not to mention I used to be a big fan of Spanish National Team - I still kinda am, with some exceptions 🤡

I'm gonna send you RM merch bestie, I will fix you

Sunmi noona was so happy jshdusbwjsuduehshs. He mentioned Showterview and I flexed that I'm seeing Sunmi soon and he was jealous, I told him he literally met her though lmao. Then he was like "you need to see Ateez too" booooooy I tried 🙃

Well I might need his driving service soon, so be ready Tae the driver!

Barricading all my pcs in my room as we speak. Also first batch from my GO is coming tomorrow...

Nooooo this is so accurate. Also the original. I bias lego obsessed boomers

We talked about the drinking show and apparently SanHwa are at the bottom of alcohol tolerance, I need them drunk now. I will carry them home afterwards (or call my uber driver)

Seonghwa saw all the "STEP ON ME KING" comments and decided to really STEP with his stompers

Someone tell my guy Soohyuk this airport runways aren't for modelling because...

Omg hoping for your Y/N moment soon! Maybe find your Mr Park or something

The sad thing is, I don't really remember my dreams recently. The good thing is, being sick makes me sleep like a log, I don't even wake up throughout the night :o

HE. Also the way Hwa spammed with kaomojis two days in a row ヽ(♡‿♡)ノ he's the cutest AND THE ADORABLE SELFIES I'M GONNA SWALLOW HIM WHEN MY THROAT FEELS BETTER - DV 💖

hi hello!!

HAPPY ATEEZ 4TH WIN AND ON PRINCESS WOLFGI BIRTHDAY! AND HAPPY 5TH WIN OMG

HAPPY 4TH WIN !!! ITS ATZ'S TIME NOW 😭😭😭😭 THE SHOCK ON THEIR FACE AND SEONGHWA???? 😭😭😭😭 DESERVED JHFDF WOLFGIS BIRTH, YES HE LOOKS SO FINE IN THIS CB ESP W THAT HAIR I FELT THIS REACTION

*Felix's voice: I'm soooooo ssssick* not in a good way though. It's not c-word, but I have bronchitis 😭😭😭😭 feeling very old rn because I go to sleep at 9-10pm...

NAURRRR 😭😭😭😭 BUT THANK GOD ITS NOT THE C WORD AT LEAST I HOPE U FEEL BETTER SOON 😭😭😭😭

I saw the BP tour dates and it's actually a WORLD tour?! Wow YG you did something right. Is there a Canada date I think Hamilton, right?

yes. in ontario, an hour away from toronto. not where i am at all. on the eve of my birth. life feels so good right now. ha. ha. (NO BC NOW THAT'S A WORLD TOUR)

Also new Kibum album, ahhhhh looks creepy and Married to the music inspired <3 yeah, love when my hags interact! Jessica, girl sometimes I just can't defend you, ahhaahah. True Krystal <3

YES I SAW AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT,, HE ALWAYS HAS SOME GREAT TRACKS ESP IM GONNA BE AND CHEMICALS 😩 😩 😩 😩 SO EXCITED FOR HIS CB hope he gets jinki on a track NO YEAH DHHHFDHFH i liked her debut a lot! and followed her after her leaving but w that tyler kwon guy 🔫 🔫 krystal forever so superior, she made that ice queen title so the new idols today could be inspired

BRUH??????? those are def the 4th gen fans bc ain't no way u don't know miss girlie pops right there, sunye looked sp pretty i almost mistook her for boa in the better era,,, YEAHHH I SAW I WAS SO EXCITED TO SEE THEM PERFORM I HOPE SM STILL LETS THEM PERFORM WHEN ALL TOGETHER EVEN IF PROMOS OVER

I'm not watching anything rn, because death is approaching, but I started BM and it seems promising. Don't do Yoona like that.....😭

LMFAOOOOOOOOOBVJBDS I WATCHED ALL THE DRAMAS W YOONA IN IT K2 AND BIG MOUTH ARE DEF SUPERIOR omg do u rmr when the prime minister and i drama dfjhgajfghgf i wanted to right a fic on it with mingi during thanxx era bc he wore those hot ass glasses hbjhgghf

I'm glad I could be the one breaking it to you (but also I'm sorry ajdhkadjssvgs), maybe a Mandela effect happened and it convinced you Noddy was a girl 😅

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 IM STILL SO VERY SURPRISED MAYBE IT WAS THE MANDELA AFFECT OR THE WAY IT WAS DUBBED BY A GIRLIE OR SOMETHING

I was saying their Ulsan fits looked like edgy security officers, though Yeosang was kinda giving Ciel Phantomhive. But BODYGUARD HWA OMG THAT'S MY BOYFRIEND 😳 (I have a fever, ok)

SEXIEST BODYGUARDS ON DUTY IM CONVINCED THEIR STYLIST IS A MOOT and yunho??????????? he's been on my mind everywhere i go,,, im currently on. a vacation in my own city fhgfh and everywhere i go i be imagining a fic moment and writing that in his fic on spot,, bestie this will destroy me cjhgg b FGBADFH IS THAT??? WB THAT CEO GUY ???? WHERE HE GO

LMFAOOOOOO BARCA IS NICE OKAY HJFGHGHSFH no bc isnt pique leaving barca now 🔫 🔫 🔫 🔫 tho the biggest shock was when messi left and i just stared at the screen so emptily fgagbrgb LMFAOOO RM MERCH BESTIE BRING IT ON

OOOOOOO U ARE????? HE MET HER AND SHOOK HANDS W HER AND THEN DANCED WITH HER???? MF NEVER HAPPPY HUH LET US LIVE OUR FANTASIES yeah bff u need to see ateez too 🔫 🔫

Well I might need his driving service soon, so be ready Tae the driver! //// Barricading all my pcs in my room as we speak. Also first batch from my GO is coming tomorrow...

HES AT UR SERVICE ALWAYS,,, FIRST BATCH???? HOPING FOR THE POLA SO BAD 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Nooooo this is so accurate. Also the original. I bias lego obsessed boomers //// We talked about the drinking show and apparently SanHwa are at the bottom of alcohol tolerance, I need them drunk now. I will carry them home afterwards (or call my uber driver)

LMFAOOOOOO they BOTH LIKE ONE OF THOSE WHATSAPP MOMS PLS 😭😭😭😭 omg omg YES THEY NEED TO BE ON THAT SHOW HOPEFULLY THE SHOW REACHES OUT oh oh call ur uber maybe more the merrier <33

Seonghwa saw all the "STEP ON ME KING" comments and decided to really STEP with his stompers //// Someone tell my guy Soohyuk this airport runways aren't for modelling because...

LMFAOOO LITERALLY I BET HE'S GONNA BUY SOME MORE JUST NOT THOSE PRADA ONES PLS DBBVSD nO BC WHAT IS UP WITH THIS GUY HIS VOICE?????? BFFF IM MELTING ON THE GROUND OVER THAT 'M A N N E R'

Omg hoping for your Y/N moment soon! Maybe find your Mr Park or something /// The sad thing is, I don't really remember my dreams recently. The good thing is, being sick makes me sleep like a log, I don't even wake up throughout the night :o

i do be hoping too bff ,,,, with svt in the town might go walk by the downtown bC THEY ARE STRIPPING 😭😭😭😭 nAUUR i hope u get better soon bc that sounds so painful to endure 😭😭😭😭 but good sleep!!!

HE. Also the way Hwa spammed with kaomojis two days in a row ヽ(♡‿♡)ノ he's the cutest AND THE ADORABLE SELFIES I'M GONNA SWALLOW HIM WHEN MY THROAT FEELS BETTER - DV 💖

NO LITERALLY gonna eat him and no ones gonna stop us,, PLS THOSE ARE SO CUTE HIS CHEEKIES 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 NEVER EXPERIENCED MORE GDNER ENVY

suffer w me

#✉️ : ask #dv 💖 anon

0 notes

namjoonchronicles · 5 years

Text

million dollar houses | nj, yg

↳ pairing namjoon, you, yoongi

↳ genre drama, fluff, angst, romance, crime

↳ words 6.5k

↳ warnings strong language, description of murder, mentions of prostitution, findom, eloping

↳ notes this was in the wips for about two years before i muster up all courage to have it finished. to me it was the sexiest story i’ve written of namjoon because he has tattoos and whatnot, but the reason why it took as long as it did, was i lacked faith in my writings. when i find a wimp of confidence, i went on and finished it, so here it is, pls enjoy them

↳ summary weeks before the wedding, lawyer min yoongi, your fiance had met up with a client who was charged with a homicide case. seems bleak and unimportant, until you saw this handsome client whom you recognize as your ex-boyfriend with a non-violent history, namjoon. armed with a messy break-up and lingering feelings, will you choose your past with namjoon or will you go forward with yoongi?

One look in my eyes and you should know the truth.

Fumbling with his keys, Yoongi was holding the car keys in between his lips, struggling to shove the key into the keyhole of your apartment. It was not even 7AM and he is already suffering. He had at least three paper bags in one arm and coffee in another and it forced out of him a small strange groan as he managed to twist the keys to open.

"Done," he exasperated. As if it were quite the hassle.

Upon the sounds of the door opening, you winced in bed, but not quite wanting to open your eyes though you hear him affectionately call you, "...babe, I'm home!"

A few things dropped while he walked in and the door slammed shut behind him.

"Fuck, crap," he cursed and set the things on the table except one paper bag that he brought to you in your bedroom.

He simply pushed the door and placed the bag on the empty space of your bed and crawled on all fours with a cheeky over-energized grin plastered on his baby face. The bed dips as his weight begins to settle on it, his body heat radiates to you and it makes you frown.

"You didn't sleep well after I told you the confirmation date, did you?"

He lowers himself to kiss your shoulder and trail them along your neck and jawline until finally your lips, where he lingered longer than the others. He giggles low and brush his lips to the helix of your ear, whispering hotly, "Brought you coffee."

Sliding your hand up his shoulder with your eyes closed still, you circled your arm around his neck and pulled him for a peck with a small suggestive moan, "Tell me all the things I want to hear...you know the way to my heart, mister..." you scrunch your face, and let out a question in a feigned manner, "...who are you again?"

Yoongi bit his lips, and hummed, "Oh dearie, you shouldn't be in my bed if you don't remember my name. And I'm pretty sure it was the only name you chanted a few days ago. This is unfair," he pouted.

"What's unfair?" You peeked at him through one eye. "...I know what your name is, but you don't remember mine..." he murmured, "I'm disappointed, Mrs. Min."

You pinched his chin and shaked it lightly, "Soon. Eager are we."

Yoongi handed you your coffee while you're still seated in bed. He took the paper bag earlier and folded one leg underneath him, "Look what I got from Innisfree."

You took a mouthful gulp of coffee and shook your head out to feigned disapproval.

"...a 100 more days set for a bride-to-be!" Yoongi rejoiced.

"I know, I'm the best fiance there is," Yoongi boasted and had to gulp down the drink in a hurry.

"I didn't know they have these..." You gasped, eyes crinkling at the corners in graceful excitement and collected the box in your hand, gingerly, carefully and so appreciatively. Someone would get you something as expensive and as thoughtful as these. Coming from a male perspective, Yoongi is highly unusual. Be it his love towards Holly, the house dog, and children.

"And, the invitation cards are ready. So we are going to the print shop to fetch it. And then we have food tasting next week," Yoongi listed, "I've emptied my schedule for the whole week. So you don't have to worry about that."

You leaned your head on his shoulder, sitting face to face, "Oh thank goodness for your existence. I have Hoseok's birthday to worry about and I'm about to go insane, and then there's yours too...holy fuck."

Piling yourself with a humanly impossible task is never the plan. The wedding had to be around May this year, and you have been planning it for at least a year. The invitation cards are ready and it feels so real now that Yoongi brought you the things you needed to organize the wedding.

Sometimes things get too difficult too handle that you almost give up. Thankfully, Yoongi understood the pressure of a wedding and so he catches everything that falls out of your hand, metaphorically speaking. Yoongi too is as busy as you are, he had just started his own firm and under the guidance of your father, he was able to organize a few things on his own.

Sometimes, you worry that you're taking up his time by being an emotional wreck especially at the eve of wedding planning, but Yoongi proved to you that it was nothing more than just a mood swing--something he had been effortlessly finding his way about. He was needless to say, impressive in his way of dealing with ordeals that you find meticulous. A God-sent lovable creature who fills your hole in the most enchanting way he could. Although sometimes he struggles with fitting his own time. Like right now, when you sit next to him in the car and he is fumbling on his phone with an unsettling frown on his face. You knew instantly that he was trapped in between something.

"What's wrong honey?" You asked. He hisses before answering, "I forgot that I promised a client to meet today."

"Can't it be postponed until tomorrow?" "The client specifically said today so I don't think he's going to be here tomorrow, what do we do? This case is big, and if I win it, I can give the firm a new recognition and it will be a good start for the firm."

Yoongi chewed his lips. You fished out your phone to call the printing company and tell them that you can't take the printed invitation cards today. The smile on Yoongi's face was indescribable. Although it was brief, you could feel the sincerity.

"What's the case about?" You watched him as he drives. His cream coloured turtle neck covers up until underneath his jaw and his black long coat made his eyes look striking brown. He's breathtakingly beautiful, this lawyer who stole your heart.

"...It's a homicide." He flipped the cars' blinkers to the right and turned the wheel with the heels of his palm, while grumbling low, trying to remember the details of the case.

"My client pleads not guilty to a murder of a man in cement tank...remember that body that came in the news? When you stayed over at my place?"

You blinked a few times, trying to remember.

That night? You had spicy rice cakes and Yoongi's kimchi fried rice. It was extra delicious and he allowed you to stay overnight when he was preparing an argument draft in his legal pad, watching Law & Order Season 8. When he took a phone call and walked to his study room, he left a file open on the dining table. Your fingers were curious about it and so you took time to read what's written on the reports. There were several pictures of gang tattoos and one very disturbing picture of a dead body, found in a hardened cement. And just then, the midnight news covered the story. Your eyes darted to the large screen and you stepped away from the table to watch. Yoongi joined you after a bit.

"A body of a man found in the hardened cement tank a few days ago had been confirmed to be a twenty-two year old young men name, Park Jihoon, who was a Seoul University's dropout. Park was an Advanced Chemistry student who obtained a scholarship from the nation's education bank due to his impressive scores in the last exam held by the International Chemistry Olympiad, it brought pride to the nation."

Your hand dropped to Yoongi's knees as he sat next to you on the couch. "Park's death had been ruled as homicide and investigations are still ongoing. In other news..."

The value of a human is ridiculed nowadays. The strong feeds on the poor down to their dying days. You remembered, feeling repulsive on the thought. Who would want to kill such an aspiring child? He was going to be someone important.

"Yes I remembered that." Yoongi tutted his tongue at your response.

"My client is the one who was accused of killing the boy. He's a gangster." Your eyes bored into Yoongi's unaffected side profile.

Although there was a tinge of guilt in the way his eyes flickered, you knew he wasn't telling you a hundred percent. Yoongi isn't the kind to hide things from you.

"So you're defending this client." Your voice died.

Yoongi puckered his lower lips over the top one and stuck his eyes on the view ahead, "Innocent until proven guilty, remember? If I win this case, my firm will soar."

Blinking away, you stared at the trees on the side of the streets. Things always look different from a moving car. Perceptions. What people choose to see and what is the real truth, Yoongi's job often put him in between good and evil. They say, lawyers have one feet in hell, the other in heaven. And it seemed that he understood your silence.

"I know what you're thinking. But beggars can't be choosers. My clients pay me. And it isn't always about the money, I know. There's always two sides of the story. This case is important to me as how important it is to my firm..." Yoongi persuaded you with his soft tone.

"Ilsan Brotherhood," you shot and Yoongi intercepted, "How did you know?"

You stared at the pavements where people were walking on.

"I read about it, in one of my father's files. They are not to be toyed around with, Yoongi. They are out for blood and most of the time, they will come home with one."

You warned him. "Whatever you have against them, it will not change my mind about taking this case, I'm sure my client is innocent. You haven't heard his side of the story." Yoongi is stubborn. He lets the idea of how winning this case will bring him pride and joy when you feared for his life.

Ilsan Brotherhood was not a stranger to you. They are the most active syndicate since the 2000s up until now. Even your little brother have heard of it.

"Can I come with you?" You unfastened your seatbelt. "Stay in the car." Yoongi shot.

He shut the car door that is parked by the large road, opposed to a bathhouse. You know this bathhouse, it has a Japanese restaurant link to it. Maybe you can't go in the bathhouse, but you can see that the restaurant’s bathroom is connected.. You exited the car and followed after Yoongi's footsteps but instead of entering the bathhouse where he is, you walked into the Japanese restaurant.

"A table for one, in a private room please?" You smiled. And she directed you to the room. They only have a wall made out of bamboo sticks and after the waitress left, you sneaked out of that room and sneak your way through the bathhouse. Until you heard Yoongi's voice coming from the end of the hallway.

"Fuck, he's in the restaurant..." You cursed in your head and scrambled to enter another private room that was thankfully empty but strangely had the lights on.

"...Meticulous, but we can find another loophole in the matter if we look close enough to the witness account," Yoongi commented and is walking in the room where you were.

"So this is the private room of the restaurant that conveniently is connected to the bathhouse?" Yoongi asked and you panic because you hear his footsteps coming nearer and nearer to the sliding door. That's when you crawled into an empty cupboard that was there, fit yourself in the lowest compartment and folded your legs in as small as you can be, leaving a tiny gap open, just large enough for your eyes to see and listen.

"Yoongi is going to kill me..." you thought to yourself but you were honestly not scared.

You only feared getting caught.

Yoongi folded his legs underneath and that's when the Japanese sliding door opened to reveal a tattooed young man with the clear words in big blocks of Old English font: Sinner; on his back. You held your breath and widened your eyes. This man, gangster, who was putting on his Japanese robe, had striking blonde hair and undercut on the sides. His brows strong and purposeful in one glimpse, charismatic in another. You knew that this man was a leader with many loyal followers.

Yoongi was incredibly relaxed and you could tell that it was not his first time meeting this man. He was also cautious enough not to let you know.

"I'm sorry I almost forgot about today," Yoongi started to explain himself and next to Yoongi was another men with long earrings, chirpy and far too smiley to be in a gang, but he oozes an aura of loyalty. It's really difficult to see who else was there but you held on to listen more.

"The boss had been enduring several sleepless nights because he had been getting some unwanted calls from the authorities and wondering if there's anyway you could, pardon the harshness of my words, shut them up..." The young man had a high-pitched voice.

"I know, I've been pulling some strings as well, but it will take time. I want to talk to Namjoon...Jimin, alone." Yoongi dropped his gaze on the table and Namjoon eyed Jimin to leave.

"...I will have to know what happened that night Namjoon," Yoongi explained, "I can't help you if you don't tell me a hundred percent."

Namjoon was visibly obedient by the request. He nodded twice and inhale then exhale, "I will give you all the information needed. I'm not exactly a clean slate to begin with," His voice was an octave lower than Yoongi's. More stories about to be unfold, once Namjoon fixed an appointment to meet Yoongi again, at a later and a more convenient time.

Yoongi excused himself and left Namjoon alone. You watched him sat there, hanging his head low before straightening up in his seat to nip another roll of sushi in his mouth. You were absolutely unafraid.

Yoongi returns to an empty car. He spun around to search for you. "Where the hell did she go?"

Pushing the sliding door open slowly, Namjoon froze in his seat, reaching for a blade underneath his cushion. He softens when he saw a drape of long hair falling on each side of your shoulder. Crawling on all four, you grunted out of your hiding place. And Namjoon began to chew slowly as if it didn't bother him.

"Didn't think I'd meet you this way," he grumbled.

"How much do I need to pay you to not bother Yoongi?" You spat.

And Namjoon answered that with a low chuckle. "...you think you can afford me?" He smiled to his food.

"I'm not playing Namjoon. He's not one of you." You warned, standing up.

"Because he graduates from law school and is from a good family? Congratulations," he was bemused by it.

You rolled your eyes to the side. Namjoon shoved another sheet of dried laver into his mouth. Unaffected by your childish play, he stares back at you like an audience to a performer. He was rather enjoying this.

"You didn't see me here today," you warned him, feet halfway out of the room when you heard Namjoon say, "No reunion kiss?"

Growling inwardly, you left the room undetected at came out of the Japanese Restaurant.

"Where were you?" Yoongi asked from a distance.

"I went to the bathroom, I was about to pee in my pants!" You jogged to him, crossing the empty street. "Hurry, we can still catch up if we go right now. The printing shop is still open."

You sat in the car while Yoongi settled the bills in the printing shop. Your phone dings a message from an unknown number. It said only one thing,

"Pandora, @ 1am."

Of course he'll have your number. Namjoon is capable of anything, including murder.

The faceless and nameless man is Kim Namjoon. Watching Yoongi walked back into the car with two bags full of printed invitations card, you felt your heart tug.

You were certain that this meeting needed to be done so he knows where you stand. You have a life now, and you're determined to keep it. That's why you're here in Pandora at 1 AM as instructed.

Namjoon stood by the handrails, overlooking the night sky, in a grey tuxedo and black dress shirt that compliments his blonde hairdo. His long arm stretch along one side while the other is holding a glass. Musky scent filled the open air on the verandah, in contrast of the hyped clubbing floor just underneath. The smell of cigarettes was still lingering around your nose making you appreciate Namjoon's cologne. Hearing the sound of your sneakers on the wooden surface of the veranda, Namjoon tipped his head up to the night sky, downing a glass of bourbon in his hand.

"Cancer sky's out here tonight to mock me, despicable stars," he rolled his head around, still giving you his back, "Funny how I almost thought you wouldn't come," he added a dry chuckle.

"I came to tell you that it's finally over," you sounded determined. Namjoon hung his head low then throw his head back, in a manner that a broken man should behave.

"He's treating you well?" he paused, smiling at the sky and biting his lips, "...With his expensive Rolex and Gucci ties, his Rolls Royce and wit? You like how he treats you?" He tries to edge you, he turns around to face you, leaning his back to the rails and watch the drink in his swirl with a tut of his tongue, his lips parted a little.

His elbow is on the handrail, as he took another sip, "You've always liked men in high places. Always falling for a fool with great brains," he said in a mocking tone. You marched straight at him and gritting your teeth while he fixes his stance, you growled, "...At least I was not starving."

His personal space was invaded and it was nothing foreign to him, "...I'll give him credit for that." He cocked his eyebrow, gliding his eyes away from you, challenging.

"It's always been about the money isn't it?" You heard him say, pulling his gaze back to you and you stepped back when he took a step forward, downing another painful gulp of strong alcohol into his throat. But the burns he felt in his systems is not as horrific as the wounds you left on him.

You spun around, throwing your hands in your hair before you turn to him and shove him back once, twice.

"I fucking loved you Namjoon. Very much," you growled in his face and stepped away, facing away from him.

"Yeah, but not enough to stay..." Namjoon taunted you while he tailed you.

You faced him one more time. Tears brimming, glassy eyes and pained.

"I would have died for you..." you choked, and, "...I would have fucking died for you."

You pushed banged his chest with your fist and gradually, you weakened as the tears spills.

"You know what we had, it was real..." your lips quivered, your eyes pleading at him to understand.

But his gaze remains hard and unaffected. Those eyes used to be so soft on you. Those hands only held yours and those arms were your home. Those lips belong to you and they say all the things you want to hear. Those intense gaze was yours to take.

Namjoon was yours, all yours.

In a small apartment in the outskirts of town, not more than five years ago, with broken windows and one bedroom, you were so in love. It was your little paradise where Namjoon is a troubled boy everyone stayed away from. Who gave you a peek of his sentimental side and made you fall for his dimpled smile, Namjoon was stained soul with untainted heart. But his appearance made people stay away from him. He couldn't find a job because people don't want to employ a young adult with a mistake he made in his teens. You were his only support system. With no job that pays enough, you were the one sacrificing your time to work in two places. You tutored in the day and worked in a convenience store at night. He walked you to work and back. And even when he smiles, you know he was upset.

"What's wrong baby?" You asked, curling your arm around his waist as you walked. Some people passes you by.

He dropped his gaze to the floor, "...I know what impressions I gave out. I see them giving me 'the eye'. I know I'm a piece of trash, they don't need to be loud about it. The car wash center fired me today, and no pay..." He chuckled dryly and you stopped in your tracks.

Namjoon continued walking but halted after a bit, turning his side at you.

"Come on, I want to be home," he waved his hand, coaxing you to come to him, "The rent is due this week and I have no idea how to pay that," he mumbled.

You put money into an envelope and slid them in the drawer when Namjoon showered. You were prepared. You always put money aside in case shit happened. He slid into the single bed with you, smelling like soap. The bed is so small, your legs overlapped his just to give him more space. Laying on top of him will provide both of you enough space to wriggle about, so it has been a common practice. You lay your head next to his chest where you could hear his heartbeat while his hand will find their way on the small of your back, rubbing them in meaningless circle, thumbing your flesh to soothe you. His touches are always entrancing, gentle and tender. Unlike anything his tattoos represent. He called your name when you're half awake, in whispers, and,

"Do you ever feel like leaving me?" He asked in a small gritty voice, "...you can have a better life without me, you know..." He blinked at the ceiling and inhaled.

That's when you gaze up to him in a newfound consciousness and gave him a peck on the lips, "...Don't say things like that, you know I would never survive a day without you."

He switches on his side and make you lay on your side as well. You lay face to face, while his arm draped lazily over your thin waist. Nose clashing with each other as he sighed,

"I only want what's best for you. I cannot promise you things I want to give you. I want to give you so much...I don't deserve you," his eyes were frightened so they glided away from you.

You look at him with certainty and affections, "...Hey, look at me."

They trail up to you, slowly, almost hesitantly, "...You will find another job. And they'll pay better. And don't worry about the rent, I got you," You patted his chest gently, twice, and an assured smile. He thumbed your chin and then let his thumb ran along the length of your lower lip. His eyes were fixated on it and slowly, he placed them in between his very own, and began to suckle them softly.

"What are we doing baby?" You sighed when he dove his face in your neck, and you feel his lips on that small patch of skin that's known to drive you over the edge without him doing much.

"...The only way I know now that will make you instantly happy," he grazed his teeth on that same spot, pulling you closer than you already are, his voice already throwing your conscience out the window. You don't have to tell him where to caress. Namjoon knows every little spot that would make you weak, like it was in the back of his hand. Guaranteed to make you a writhing mess underneath him.

Making love in small tight places. The fact that you can't make noises makes it even better and rewarding.

When it's good, it’s going great.

But desperation could drive any sane man to become what he's not. Namjoon was going to make money, and he didn't care how.

He didn't like to see you working two jobs and the household is doing things the other way around. You were earning money and raising him. It scarred his pride. So he resorted to the one place you told him not to go, the club. He was quickly and most frequently booked by many wealthy females.

Most of them were lonely widows and secret mistresses of powerful men, who paid Namjoon a remarkable amount of money for his time and a little fun. All the while he was beginning to create his rapport, he had money stacked in one bank account. No longer were you starving to pay the rent and even though he sometimes disappeared into thin air when you search for him, being able to afford things was becoming more important than the reason behind his frequent absence. He was extremely generous in bed and he got better with his words and brought himself with more confidence than before, it was a very good change.

He brought you out of that shitty apartment to a better one.

You have more space but you felt him drifting away. And you don’t know why.

Walking home from work, alone is your everyday now. Namjoon traded his casuals to tuxedos and sandals to leather shoes. He began to bring home many colognes and tell you that it was a gift from the marketing team. One night you found a pink vibrant G-string in his black pants, while doing the laundry. Unable to wait for him to leave the tub, you stormed into the bathroom and threw them in his face. Disappointment. Betrayal.

Namjoon grabbed his robe and went after you, chanting, "Baby, I can explain! Its yours. I got it for you..." A stinging slap went across his face.

"You think I didn't know..." you tipped your head to one side, quizzically, grumbling back at him with glassy eyes, "I know you're fucking around with the widows in this city Namjoon. And wealthy women, you like money that much that you sold your dignity?" You cocked your head to one side, your voice clipped. You grabbed his wallet and took out all the cards he had.

"Thank you for tonight. I had a lot of fun after a long time." "Namjoon, I look forward to our next meeting." "I'm all yours Mr. Kim."

You scoffed. "You create quite a stir now ha... tattooed good-looking man with incredible proportions, you loved the attention? How dare you come home and kiss me with those filthy lips of yours."

"You wanted money. We wanted money." "Gained the right way!" You raised your voice at him. "Well the right way is taking too long!" And he roared just as loud.

You turned away from him, "...Unbelievable."

Namjoon shook his head, pinching his temples between two hands, "...Let's talk about it in the morning," he reaches for your arm and you yanked them away at once.

"Get your hands off of me," You grumbled. He clenched his jaws.

You grabbed your jacket and put on your jeans while he sat on the edge of the bed, covering his face and exhaling.

"Where are you going...it's 3AM," He sighed, "You're giving me a hard time right now. I did what I needed to do," he watched you shove some clothes in a backpack.

You added a chuckle, "My ass. If I was selling myself, we would make more than you ever did."

Zipping them up angrily, "Have fun fucking girls while I'm gone. I'm never coming back. You can give them my clothes," You yanked the door open and stormed out.

“I gave you everything you wanted… a better house, pretty clothes, good food, how dare you do this to me…” he growled, holding the door shut as you struggle to leave.

“That was what you wanted!” you roared in his face, and he visibly froze. You softened,

“I only wanted you,” your voice cracked, brittle and hushed.

It was obvious that he didn’t want the same thing. He was blinded by wealth. And he got comfortable standing on the middle ground at the cost of his soul.

Namjoon's performance dwindled down. He began losing clients, one by one. And although he had more than enough to maintain his lifestyle, he can never fill the hole you left. You cut too deep and he didn't intend to have your replacement anytime soon. His heart was a fool for you and only you.

You were gone for weeks. Jumping to one bathhouse to another with some money you saved from having two jobs. Namjoon knew where you worked so you decided to leave that job and find another. You took wages in doing small sewing jobs just to keep up with yourself. And one night, your free-lance job brought you back to Namjoon's place. You wondered from outside his windows why it's still on. Sitting at the curb to watch some more, you had clothes barely enough to keep you warm, gazing up at the level of his apartment. His extravagant penthouse.

"...Are you sleeping well without me?" You whispered to him as if he was there next to you. You fold your arms and rested them on your knees before laying your head on top of it. I’m not sleeping at all, you whispered in your heart.

Namjoon on your side of the bed. His eyes were unforgiving and he didn't allow himself to sleep since you left. He was going insane on his own that he began to speak to you as if you're in the same room.

"I left the door unlocked, and there's keys under the mat," he said. He sets two plates on the table when he eats while even without you. Bought your favourite chocolate bars that you two used to share. He sat in the walk-in wardrobe and took one of your clothes before sniffing them, inhaling your scent because he misses you so much he could barely think.

"Please come back... please." He prayed. It's just not the same without you.

You remember it all. How he stood by the lamp post with his flyers promoting jobs in his worn out shoes and foolish smile to every stranger that passes him by. Those flyers get stepped on, thrown away and torn. You remember how you gave up half of your instant noodles, so he could have more. Money pinching life, but the happiest you had ever been in your entire existence. It didn’t matter if it was raining and he’s drenched, giving out flyers, it didn’t matter if your back is sore from washing dishes in a nearby diner and finger calloused from days on end using detergents, it didn’t matter that it was a hard life to live because Namjoon was there to help you go on. You had Namjoon,

and that was enough.

Just weeks to spare until the wedding. Invitation cards stack on the corner of your shared room. You shouldn’t be thinking about another man in the bed you shared with your fiance. You shouldn’t be thinking about his smile, or his laugh, or the way he looked at you. You shouldn’t be able to word every touch and every moment you spent with him. You shouldn’t be able to make of the shape of his face, the sound of his voice when he is angry, when he is happy or when he is sad, or remember with utmost precision where all his birthmarks are and you shouldn’t have remembered where your favorite one is, the one that’s on his upper right thigh. You shouldn’t be able to point the scars on his right knee and how long it was. You remembered him details. You remembered Namjoon in details. And it’s a wretched thing to do for a bride-to-be.

Tears streamed across your nose bridge, as you lay on the side, boring into the view of an opaque translucent curtain, moving softly. You wipe the tears harshly, with the back of your hand, along with the thoughts of Namjoon and that’s when you hear Yoongi coming in.

“Why are you’re up so late?” he crawled into bed, holding the blankets up, simultaneously, pressing his lips on your shoulder, draping his arm around your waist, inhaling your scent. Thunder crackling in the black sky, flickering lightning behind thick puffs of clouds, and then,

The rain pours. Just like that night.

Dusk until dawn, you promised me.

Not even the rain could stop you two from wanting to dance in the streets. Your skin is wet from sweat and it washed down from the heavy rain. Big smiles on both of your faces, he twirls you around and you go on your tippy toes feeling absolutely safe even when the lightning strikes. Sharing one cup of noodles in the convenient store because that was all you could afford to not go starving for the night. You sewing up his only dress shirt’s button on while he stares down fondly at you, holding up the flashing lights because the room you both rented had the electricity cut off from outstanding bills. You both had nothing, and yet, everything.

You promised that I won’t be alone, and when things go wrong, you’d still be here. You promised. You lied.

You were a fool in love. You gave up your family for that boy. And where else could you have gone, if not back to your family? They built you up from scrap, had you meet the man you’re with today. The wind strikes your face the same way it did with Namjoon, but with feigned calamity. A false security and deceitful smile. Are you convincing yourself that you’re okay with the man you’ve promised to marry? Or are you deceiving yourself into believing that he was right to marry? Especially when you saw his greed to defend someone in the wrong? Just for the sake of his firm?

An unfinished business. A lingering string of thoughts. It buzzes through Namjoon’s mind as he sat in his leather chair, swirling his glass of wine. Scents of Mahogany strikes up his nostril, drilling through his thoughts at the possibility of jail time should he be proven guilty. The boy. Right, the college Chemistry boy.

He threatens the market. It was the only market that feeds Namjoon of his lavish expenses,his uncontrollable urge to possess everything he only dreamt of.

“It was the words that came out of that boy that made me feel he shouldn’t be alive,” Namjoon arched an eyebrow and Yoongi visibly stiffened. Tactless, and merciless--was the way he said it. Namjoon really did sell his soul to the devil. And he proceed to gorily describe how he killed the boy.

“He regurgitates, sputtering blood all over the cord I wrapped around his Adam’s apple, and I dragged his pulsating body through the dirt and put his face into the liquid cement that hasn’t dried. Then I put his entire body inside…” Namjoon’s dark gaze lifts up to meet Yoongi’s and he did the unthinkable,

He smiled.

Without remorse.

“D’you know what he said?” Namjoon rests his elbows on the edge of the table, “Called me a beggar. The nerve of that boy.” He chuckled. But Yoongi didn’t join.

Namjoon downed a mouthful of wine and left his chair. Army of loyal followers waiting for him outside. The police are at the door, with handcuffs. They have him remanded until trials began. Will he remains his stance as not guilty? It is hardly so, now that Yoongi had known the truth. The prosecution's will soon find out what other crimes he did. And he will be in jail for good. While he got remanded, he received a visitor.

“Does your fiance know, you’re here?” he asked, with that boyish grin you were familiar with.

“He won’t, if you don’t tell,” you snapped.

You took one long look to his figure, his face, the features that stood out, the tattoos that boldly peek through his neck hole and syncopate on his skin, his forearms and knuckles.

“Do they make you stronger? Those drawings on your skin?” you asked, through your lashes and your eyes tips up to meet his.

“The pain that comes while I’m getting them, does. It made me feel something after you were gone,” he shrugs his shoulders, sitting slouched in his chair.

“I’m getting married, Namjoon,” not wishing to beat around the bush anymore, you shot, “I’m really getting married…”

Namjoon jutted his chin out, hollowed his cheeks and somberly nodded. His gaze cast down to his lap, “I know…I’ll be in jail.”

You don’t love him, you pitied him. At least, that’s what you told yourself, forcing your eyes stay open and it stings, till tears fall to your cheek.

“Don’t cry,” he whispered, even though he wasn’t even looking at you, he knew, and, “You should be happy, Yoongi’s a great person. You’ll be very happy. Even within this thick walls, I still make you cry…”

“Don’t tell me what to do…” you grumbled. Wiping your tears with the back of your hand, you grab your purse and took out a bank account book he had shipped to your home address, “I can’t accept this.”

Along with the handwritten letters that came with it.

The chair scratched against the concrete floor, and Namjoon stared at the bank account book while you exited the room. His lips hung open and he blew hot air to his forehead as the door slammed shut behind you.

The crowds begin to cheer as you walk into the aisle, hand-in-hand with your father. He had a vibrant smile on, to match your subtle ones. And at the end of the aisle was Min Yoongi, your soon-to-be husband. And with every step approaching him, you leave Namjoon and his words behind.

This bank account I started when we rented a room in that run-down apartment.

Veils covered your face. Forward.

I made a vow that I’ll give them to you once the money inside is enough for a decent wedding.

Heart thumps. You tighten your grip around your father’s arm. Forward.

Of many promises that went unfulfilled,

Your knees feel loose but you held on. Forward. Forward.

At least I could fulfill these.

One last row and Yoongi is within reach. Forward.

I wish you happiness, even without me.

Namjoon basks in the sun in his prison attire, by the monkey bars, pondering about the love he had once received, and now lost.

The cost of a million dollar house is his soul, his future and his past.

End.

242 notes · View notes

shownuslaugh · 5 years

Text

Hide and Seek

Series: Sechskies 7th Member au

Pairing: Rose/KJK

2015

“What’s this?” Rose picks up the letter her manager sits down in front of her with the tiniest bit of trepidation. She hadn’t even fully agreed to come back to Sechskies or the idol scene and YG sent a manager out to her home in the US. Now offers for variety shows or collaborations keep flooding her inbox and her mail box.

“I think you’ll be interested in this one,” Hoseok says.

She fixes him with an intimidating stare. “Reading my mail before me?”

He scratches the back of his neck, chuckling nervously. “I’m sorry. I saw who it was from and got curious.”

“Then by all means,” Rose pushes the letter back across the desk. “Just tell me so we don’t waste any more time.

“Turbo!” Hoseok blurts out the name, unable to contain his excitement at the prospect of getting to work with the trio. “It’s their twentieth anniversary and they’re asking you to be a backup dancer for their showcase. Like the old days, noona.”

The old days. Rose can’t help but laugh bitterly. What does this kid know about the old days and everything she went through at the hands of Turbo’s precious Kim Jongkook? Absolutely nothing. Not even her own members understand the depth of the situation.

“Except it’s not the old days anymore, Hoseok. It’s best we move forward and focus on the future rather than drown ourselves in the past.”

Hoseok nods. “I understand…”

“But?”

“But I think this might be good for you? Not in terms of your career, but for your personal life. Wouldn’t closure be nice?”

Rose rises from her seat, grabbing her purse and slinging it over her shoulder. Thunder rumbles outside as lightning colors the evening sky. “Kim Jongkook is about twenty years too late for closure. You’ve already heard more about my past than you need to and I won’t talk about it anymore.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“I think we’re done for the evening, Hoseok. Go out. Have fun. Take a break.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

The moment Rose steps outside the office building it’s as if the sky- sensing her sadness and loneliness- opens up and pours down all the stinging rain it’s been holding in for months now. Just as well. Maybe that way no one will notice the tears streaking down her face.

Who does Kim Jongkook think he is? Sending that letter… making that request… does he think she’s still some lovestruck little girl desperately pining for her Prince Charming to come save her? Doesn’t he know that won’t work? Kangta tried for years and failed miserably for years.

“Just like old days,” Rose scoffs. “Fuck off, Jongkook.”

1995

“Jungnam,” Jongkook taps the other boy on the shoulder incessantly until Jungnam has no choice but to turn around and pay Jongkook the attention he wants. “Who’s the girl?”

“What girl? There are tons of girls.”

And there are. Dancer after dancer fills the space with empty chatter. If they aren’t talking they’re warming up to film, working out all the nervous energy so they can focus on their performance with little fear.

“That girl.” Jongkook points out a girl that’s clearly younger than them and a full head shorter than everyone else in the room. She’s tiny and slight, but her smile has a warmth Jongkook has never experienced before.

“Oh, her.” Jungnam shrugs. “Some kid Daesung Entertainment sent over for us.”

“I feel like I’ve seen her before.”

“Maybe. Word going around is they’re trying to debut her as a soloist.”

“How old is she?”

“Fifteen? Sixteen? Something like that. She- hey! Hey, Jongkook! Where are you going?”

Jongkook waves him off before approaching the girl. She sits on the floor with her legs folded, eyes darting nervously around the room. The closer he gets to her the more he’s completely in awe of just how fucking gorgeous she is. Her lips curve upward in a graceful smile that turns her eyes to beautiful crescent moons when she sees him approaching her and her movements are smooth like running water. Everything about her screams other. She’s different. Fairy like almost. Jongkook knows immediately he wants nothing more than to protect her.

“Hello.” She bows deeply, respectfully, but Jongkook is more focused on the melody of her voice.

“Hello.” Fuck, just keep talking, he wants to add but doesn’t.

“I’m Kang Rae-Ah.”

“Kim Jongkook.”

She blushes cutely. “I know. I… I’m a big Turbo fan.”

“Ah, that must be why you’re here.” Jongkook feels a rush of male pride when she giggles and tilts her head to the side, fluttering her eyelashes. “Would you like to meet Jungnam?”

Rae-Ah clasps her hands together in front of her. “Actually, oppa, I wanted to meet you. I guess since I got what I wanted I can leave now.”

“Don’t,” he says a little too quickly. A little too forcefully. “I mean… aren’t you supposed to dance as well?”

There’s a dangerous glint in her eyes that shoots straight to Jongkook’s core. “Do you want me to dance for you, oppa?”

You brave little thing, he thinks. Out loud he says, “How would your boyfriend feel about that?”

Rae-Ah shakes her head. “I don’t have one.”

Jongkook tucks that information away to explore at a later time.

2015

Rose doesn’t know what she’s doing here if she’s being completely honest. She’s been avoiding Seoul for so long now that the city feels foreign with its neon lights and constant noise. Unfortunately, the one thing she wished felt the most foreign is the most familiar. Her feet take her down a path they know all too well, walking forward with a sureness Rose is uncomfortable with. It’s as if her mind only continues to detach from her physical body the closer she gets to Ihwa.

Memories just fucking suck, she thinks to herself as she stands in front of the steps that used to be her favorite spot in the world. The very spot she and Jongkook would meet at after especially grueling schedules. The very spot-

No.

She won’t go there.

“R-RaeAh?”

She freezes in place at the sound of the uncertain, almost scared voice, blood turning to ice in her veins that only starts freely flowing once more when a warm hand falls on her shoulder. He spins her around roughly and grabs her upper arms in an almost painful grip. Almost painful. What hurts her more is the haunted look in Jongkook’s eyes as he stares down at her, not quite believing she’s actually standing in front of him here of all places.

“Hello, Jongkook.”

“You’re here? Really here? I’m not- this isn’t- you’re not another hallucination?”

Another? No, Rose is very much real, but his phrasing makes her wonder what exactly he’s talking about. Another hallucination? Has he imagined this before? The two of them standing together in this spot, their breath turning to fog in the cold winter air, the sun setting slowly over the horizon? How many times has he imagined that? How many times has he come here?

Jongkook, for all his shortcomings, can see the questions in Rose’s eyes. He can see the hope slowly building, spilling over and replacing the initial fear of seeing him in front of her for the first time in over fifteen years.

“How have you been?” Rose is the one to break the strained silence.

“Did you marry him?” Jongkook can’t hold back the question another second. He needs to know. The desperation claws at his insides, threatening to tear him apart from the inside out if he doesn’t get the truth now while he has the chance.

“I… wouldn’t you know if I had? It’s not like we could exactly keep it a secret, could we?”

“You never know. This life makes us secretive.”

Rose swallows back the tears. “That’s one word for it.”

“What word would you use?”

“Cruel.” She looks him dead in the eyes, pouring out all her feelings into that one little word. The way he looks back at her, shocked like a kicked puppy, fuels her anger but she swallows it. She pushes it down until she’s comfortably numb and can’t feel anything at all when she looks at him.

“I thought you had,” Jongkook admits, not missing the way her eyes slowly start to dim.

“Did you now?”

For years he imagined what her life was like married to a man that wasn’t him. Did she have the life they planned out together all those years ago? The house on the hill with three children? What did her children look like? With Rae-Ah as a mother they couldn’t be anything less than adorable, but what exactly would they inherit from a father that wasn’t him? Jongkook always imagined two boys with his hair and one precious girl with the same crescent eye smile as her mother. Of course they’d all be fiercely stubborn like him but he prayed every night they’d end up with their mother’s golden heart. Is that what she really ended up with? Did Kangta give her everything Jongkook could only dream of?

Rose clears her throat. “I didn’t marry him. He deserved better than what I was giving him.”

“What were you giving him?”

“Sex.” She says it so bluntly. “I was fucking him and he was wasting all him money on me. But isn’t that what you always expected out of me anyway?”

Jongkook visibly flinches at the old memory. That fight. Their last fight. He said so many stupid fucking things he didn’t even mean and for what? To hurt her? To push her away because he got scared of how deeply he was falling for her? She was becoming the only reason he was breathing and it terrified him. Instead of being a man and embracing what could’ve been the most beautiful love he ever experienced he hurled insult after indult at her, pushing her so far away she wouldn’t even be in the same country as him.

“I never meant any of that.” The excuse sounds pathetic to his own ears. “I know that makes nothing better, but Rae-Ah, I’ve changed.”

“Oh, how wonderful for you. You’ve changed. Shall I give you a round of applause?”

“Stop hiding from me.”

Rose shakes her head. “I’m not. Not anymore at least. I just don’t want anything to do with you, can’t you understand that?”

“No.” Because every woman I look at can’t match up with you, can’t be you, can’t come close to the place you’ve permanently taken up in my heart. He doesn’t say any of that though. He doesn’t think he has the right to say any of that.

“Then you never will. Let me go, Jongkook.”

“No.”

Their eyes meet once again. This time Jongkook refuses to let go of her gaze and meets what he finds there in her eyes head on. He sees through the burning hate, the exhausting frustration, the delicate hope trying to blossom once more, straight to what he wants the most. What he’s always wanted. Her love. Beneath everything else she still loves him. Eyes don’t lie.

“I’ll earn your love again,” he says like it’s certain. “We won’t part anymore.”

“Don’t be an idiot.” Rose’s eyes fall to his mouth, taking in the shape of his lips for the first time in close to two decades. He used to kiss her so passionately her brain would go absolutely fuzzy with pleasure.

“On the contrary, I think that might be the smartest thing I’ve ever said.”

Jongkook tilts his head down, brushing his lips across hers teasingly. It would be so easy to taste her, but he holds out despite his grip on reality slipping away with each tremor that passes through Rose’s body. She shakes like a leaf in his arms, terrified of how easily she’s giving in to him.

“Get away from me,” she whispers. “And leave me alone.”

“Do you mean that?”

“Let me go.”

He lets go and she takes a wobbly step back. “Stop contacting my friends, Jongkook. Stop contacting me. I don’t… I don’t want you.”

“You’ve said that to me before. Remember?”

1995

“I don’t want you!” Rose blurts out the sentence like if she says it loud enough they’ll just end up believing it.

Jongkook smiles crookedly, cupping her tiny face in his large hands. “You’re a terrible liar Kang Rae-Ah.”

“Mmm… whatever.” The steely resolve she came to Ihwa with is slowly melting the longer he clings to her. “The point is we can’t be together.”

“Why?”

“Because…” Well, damn. She can’t think of one single good reason why she shouldn’t go after this with her whole heart. Except for maybe Jiyong. His face flashes in her mind and her chest constricts at the disappointment she imagines him looking at her with.

He’s your senior, Rae-Ah.

“Jiyong doesn’t want me to.”

“Does Jiyong control your life?”

She rises to the bait just like he knew she would. “No!”

“Then from today on you’re mine, Kang Rae-Ah.”

Her eyes light up with a joy so pure Jongkook can’t help but lean in and kiss her right there. It’s quick, chaste, over in a breath, but when he pulls back she’s looking at him in complete awe. Her first kiss, he realizes belatedly. Well, fuck, he could’ve made it at least a little more romantic for her.

Before he can apologize properly she pounces on him, wrapping herself around him with ease. “Say it again!”

Jongkook laughs, the sound deep and rich in her ears. “You’re mine.”

#sechskies 7th member au #sechskies au #rose au

21 notes · View notes

makeyourownmyth · 5 years

Text

Favorite Heard in 2018.

Same caveats, but even fewer.

There really weren’t any songs that everyone loved that I thought badly enough of to list as antis here. I will say that the Drake-ification of rap has had even worse effects that we thought it would, with mumblerap dominating everything. And there’s some notable absences on the lists, but those are definitely purposeful.

Honorable Mentions:

Troye Sivan - Blue Neighbourhood. Bloom was OK, but it took me to Blue Neighbourhood, which I had somehow missed. He’s amazing, I’m in love.

Black Panther Soundtrack. The Kendrick influence and brand is strong, but it’s really the more outlier-y style songs (like “Redemption”) that make this album as good as it is.

Alex Lahey - I Love You Like A Brother. This album actually came out last year, and it should have been on my list then and it wasn’t and I’ve spent a year embarrassed by that fact.

Billie Eilish - She didn’t actually release a new album this year, but all the singles were great and she’s a phenomenal talent.

Travis Scott - Astroworld. If this list would have been completed the month Astroworld came out, it might have been #1. But it lacks the sticking power to make something part of the truly good list. But he definitely made me a believer after spending time being at least partway a hater.

The Internet - Hive Mind. This album is good with a side of weirdness. Earl’s album is weird with (maybe?) a slice of goodness. And yet his album is ending up on a bunch of best of lists and Syd’s band isn’t. That’s wack. This one’s the winner if we’re comparing the two. But we don’t even need to do that. This one stands up all on its own.

Meek Mill - Championships. From the banging intro to the collab with Drake to “What’s Free” with Jay and Ross, this one goes hard. It’s a great Meek Mill album. You know exactly what you’re getting.

Pusha T - Daytona. Better than all the other rap albums on this list, almost made the real list. He’s so good at what he does, and “If You Know You Know” is one of the best openers of all time.

Tierra Whack - Whack World. If you haven’t heard this album, you should be ashamed. It’s only 15 minutes. Go listen! Then appreciate it and listen to it again. It’s great. She’s gonna do amazing things.

Jeff Tweedy - Warm. I’ve been thinking about Jeff Tweedy and Wilco a lot this year, maybe because I read the book Learning How to Die. And I know this isn’t a Wilco album, so I know it’s apples to oranges. But I can’t shake this thought, regardless. I’m not sure there’s another band we have whose “universally acclaimed ‘best’ album” is almost certainly NOT their “best” album? I mean, post-YHF Wilco is super different. They stopped trying to be that band, but between Sky Blue Sky and A Ghost is Born and now this solo record, I’m pretty sure those albums (and this one, which I know isn’t a Wilco album) are actually better? It’s just really, really, really good.

boygenius - boygenius. The best thing about this EP is that all the songs are solid and some are lifetime best material. The worst thing is that we’ll probably never get this collaboration again.

Beach House - 7. Shockingly good after their odd turns on the last couple. I’m not ready to have complete faith in them just yet, but I’m glad they’re coming back around.

Snail Mail - Lush. Solidly good, almost to great territory. Soccer Mommy got all the love, but I think this album is actually better?

Charli XCX - Pop 2. It’s good. She deserves more credit than she gets, and she already gets a lot.

Soccer Mommy - Clean. Not as good as the near-universal critical acclaim, but still a very strong album.

Cat Power - Wanderer. That cover of “Stay” is incredible all on its own, but the album really holds up on its own merits too. I can’t believe she’s still making music this good.

Chvrches - Love is Dead. It took me a couple listens to actually think it was good, but it is. It’s a side step from their last 2, which I don’t love, but I’m happy they’re doing what they want to do.

Buddy - Harlon & Alondra. Remember when he was next up and had an awesome voice? It seemed like his potential was gonna go untapped, but this album shows it’s not dead yet. It’s not quite Best material, but it was unfairly slept on.

Best Songs:

"Backpack” - Alex Lahey. Same comment as her album. I know this came out last year. But I’ve spent a year being embarrassed by forgetting it, and she deserves a spot.

"Thank U, Next” - Ariana Grande. Sweetener wasn’t bad, but this was way better. It took Mac dying, her concert tragedy, and breaking up with Pete to get the best Ariana we’ve ever had.

“DJs Gotta Dance More” - A Trak. This is the type of song that I could listen to non-stop for the rest of my life and be perfectly content.

“Missing U” - Robyn. She’s a queen. What do we expect? It’s solid gold.

Dirty Computer Quartet - From the start of “Screwed” until the end of “Make Me Feel” Janelle Monae has my heart for all time. It doesn’t get much better.

9. “Nice For What” - Drake. He’s fine. The best thing about this song is the Lauryn Hill. But it’s catchy as hell.

8. “Apeshit” - The Carters. It’s been a long time since my jaw dropped on a consistent basis listening to Jay. I’m happy it’s happening more, and even more with his wife outrapping him.

7. “Havana” - Camila Cabello. Earworm.

6. “Lemonade” - NERD. The Vampire King returns, recruits Rihanna to rap, and it sounds so good.

5. “Shallow” - Lady Gaga. I honestly haven’t even seen the movie yet, but this song is almost perfectly crafted. It sounds like it could have come out of any classic era. It does exactly what it aims to do.

4. “Look Alive” - Blocboy JB. I don’t really even want to talk about how good this song is. It bugs me how good it is.

3. “I Like It” - Cardi B. The album wasn’t bad, but she literally could have released just this song, and it probably would have sold just as many copies as the album did. The perfect song for driving during summer with your windows down.

2. “The Story of Adidon” - Pusha T. My favorite song of the year. It taught the kids about real rap beef. From the cover art to the line about 40, it was shocking. Did he go too far? Yes. Do I think he shouldn’t have? No. Too bad the kids all ignored it and still rock with the Canadian.

1. “Girls Like You” - Maroon 5. The most perfect pop song of the year. It sounds like it was cooked up in a magical song laboratory, and I don’t mind that at all.

Best Albums:

7. Kacey Musgraves - Golden Hour. This album goooooeeeesssss in. She sings about all the typical things you’d expect from a country album, and then changes directions, too.

6. Mac Miller - Swimming. We can’t ignore the fact that his death almost certainly affected the placement of this album. But even if he was still with us, Mac was progressing and growing, just like he has with every single album, and this would have been a serious contender. I still can’t listen to it without crying.

5. The Carters - Love is Everything. Continuing the trend of old people being able to rap and do it well is an important reason this album gets to be this high. Also, it puts on fitting cap on the Lemonade/4:44/Love Trilogy.

4. YG - Still Dangerous. It’s crazy how shit falls off when you don’t have a press-baiting single like “FDT” but YG is still making crazy good music. This album is not as good as the last 2, but it’s still super important to have an older perspective out there, representing for Cali G Funk in 2018.

3. Vince Staples - FM! I will never forget where I was when I heard this album for the first time, and that’s an increasingly rare thing. In a time when there’s plenty of weirdo kids who are really good rappers, with the amount of praise that Vince gets, it’s still a possibility that he’s UNDERrated. He’s a voice we need, and this album is a perfect little piece that he created to share that voice. Everything he’s done has been great, and this is no exception.

2. Janelle Monae - Dirty Computer. Give me all Janelle everything. This album could easily have been #1. Every part of it feels purposefully thought out and well executed. The video version was great, the singles are all bangers, the lyrics are necessary, and the themes are pushing all the right buttons.

1. Camp Cope - How to Socialise & Make Friends. I knew from the moment that I listened to this album that it was going to be my #1 in December. The fact that I’m still writing that in December, when the album dropped in March, is a testament to its staying power. From “The Opener” to the very last track, there’s not a moment of let up. These kids are super promising, and they have already done something phenomenal. I cannot wait to see what comes next for them.

#best of #lists #2018 #music #camp cope #janelle monae #vince stapes #yg #the carters #mac miller #kacey musgraves

3 notes · View notes

hongaph · 6 years

Text

BEST FRIEND

Having a best friend forever is fun indeed. Imagine having someone who’s willing to do everything with you. From the moment you open your eyes every single day, till you close your eyes again at the end of the day. Going to school, having your lunch together, talking about that brunet that had just gotten into your class yesterday. Every single thing is being done together. Maybe, having no partner is better than not having a best friend. Rose, could relate to that. She had been experiencing a lonely life ever since she was born (maybe that is a tad too much) until now. Her father was a successful businessman and her mother was a renowned lawyer. Because of the fact that her parents were always busy, she was always being left alone on her own. She managed herself better than any 7-year-olds do. Her family was one of the richest families in the neighborhood. You might say that being rich is wonderful. Well, not for her though. Every time she went to school, looking at all those kids being escorted by their parents, a kiss on their foreheads before they head towards the school gate, really made her missed her parents even more. If she could, then she would exchange money for free time with her parents. She also rarely talked to the other kids unless there was something important, which was usually related to homework. When she got back from school, she would stay in her room, reading and reading books and that’s what she did every single day. The situation did not change even when she got into a university. Every other girl started to try to look pretty in front of their crushes, wearing short skirts, dying their hairs and did a lot other things she would not do. While she was still with her natural dark brown hair being held tightly in a bun on top of her head, knee-length skirts and glasses. The other girls would not bother to talk to her since they thought she looked too old to be with them. Well, at first glance, you would think she was a librarian. Rose was also a very clever student, having straight A’s was just a piece of cake for her. She was every lecturer’s favorite student. Because of that, some of the students called her “nerd” and “slut” because they thought she seduced the male lecturers to get good marks. She did think of dropping out, but the teachers told her to stay. “You have a bright future,” the teachers told her. So she stayed. Not long after that, a new student, a beautiful girl with almond-shaped eyes and also straight blonde hair, became her classmate. Rose became very attracted to that girl. Before this, she would not even bother looking to her new classmates for the second time. Such a waste of time, she thought. Now, she wished she could become the new girl’s best friend. After gaining some courage, she took the first step to get to know the girl. “Hey.” The new girl, known as Lalisa Manoban, did not even turn to look at her. Maybe my voice was too slow, Rose whispered to herself. “Hello….Lalisa.” This time, Lalisa, or she preferred to be called Lisa, looked up from her book placed on her lap, titled Me Before You. That book would never be touched by Rose, even if it were given by someone she likes, a crush, maybe. She was never interested in romantic things, to the extent she was sometimes afraid that she might be an alien or something. She never had a crush on someone, for the whole 19 years of her life. “Hello….” “Chaeyoung. I’m Park Chaeyoung. But you can call me just Rose. Uh…can I sit?” Rose pointed to the empty spot beside Lisa. “Oh, yes, sure, Rose.” She scooted over to give Rose some more space. After Rose had settled down on the bench, both remained silent because they actually had no idea what to talk about. “Hey-“ they said at the same time. “I’m so-“ again. They laughed. That was the most sincere laugh in Rose’s life. She had never laughed that heartily before. Even when she was with her parents, because, yeah, they never managed to spend time with her more than one hour. Usually when they were home, she was already asleep and when she woke up, they already went to work. “We really have like, some kind of chemistry, you know?” said Lisa, catching her breath after such a long laugh. “Yes, I noticed that too. My tummy hurts from laughing.” Rose said, barely audible since she was still laughing. “I did not think that you are this cheerful before. I mean, you never lift your head up from your Mathematics book, uh, I cannot do that. I cannot even look at the book more than 5 minutes. I feel like it is going to give me a seizure.” Again, Rose burst into laugh. “Lisa, you are funny.” “What? I am saying the truth though. I’m not a clever student. I never get a GPA more than 2.5 here. I’m so stupid.” “Hey,” Rose stopped laughing, “don’t say that. You are clever. You are bubbly and pretty and God, I think you are the epitome of perfection. You know what, I never talked to anyone, let alone to chat about unimportant things. You are the first one that I approach. See, you are so attractive! Plus, everyone has their own uniqueness. And regarding your study, I can help you if you need any.” Lily shrugged, tucking her imaginative hair behind her ear. “Rose, do you read novels?” “Um…no. Why?” Rose frowned. “Because the way you talk…wow, you can write, you know, some motivational books sort of-ouch!” Lisa whined when Rose smacked her on her shoulder. “You’re silly, Lisa!” “No, I’m not!” They started their own little fight before bursting into laughs. “Should we become best friend then?” Rose batting her puppy eyes, eagerly waiting for an answer while wiggling her little finger. “Sure thing, best friend.” Lisa linked her own little finger with Rose’s, smiling widely, happy that she had made a new friend on her first day. Starting from that one sunny day, Rose finally got a friend, a best friend, to do girly things together. Everything had started to become colorful, instead of being dull. Rose was completely happy with her life. She even started to read novels, let her hair down and dress up the way teenagers usually do and better, she started talking to her classmates and now, they had become more comfortable with her. No more being called as “slut” or “nerd”. Lisa on the other hand, had become a very clever student. With Rose’s help, she managed to score 3.5 and above for her final exam. They were also very competitive in class while remaining as best friends outside of the class. They eventually managed to graduate with First Class Degree. It was a long-awaited day for everyone, except Rose. For her, graduating from university means leaving her friends, and leaving was not something that she like. Her parents had left her day and night for years, and she did not want to feel lonely anymore. “Hey, Lisa.” “Hey, Rose-why are you looking so sad?” Lisa quickly changed her tone, aware of the gloomy aura surrounding both of them. “I don’t want to leave.” Rose whispered, still looking down at her graduation robe and her feet which were cladded in shiny black heels. “Why though?” Lisa asked, while pulling Rose’s arm towards an empty bench. Everyone was busy taking photos with their family members that they did not realize what was going on with these two girls. “I’m afraid that I won’t be able to find a new friend. A good friend like you.” Tears started to stream down her cheeks. “I will always be here for you. Don’t be afraid!” Lisa pulling Rose into her arms, consoling her by patting her back. “Are you sure?” “Yes, I’m sure!” “Okay. Oh, where’s your family, Lisa?” Rose smiled, replacing her tear-smeared face with a happy smile. But Lisa’s face started to change after the word ‘family’ was mentioned. “Uh…Lisa, are you alright? It’s okay, if you did not want to answer.” Rose started to feel guilty. Why did you ask such a question dummy, Rose cursed herself silently. “Nah, I’m fine. They are not here.” “W-where are they?” Again, Rose? “They are…dead. Involved in an airplane crash on their way back to Thailand.” “I’m so sorry for your loss…” Rose was suddenly reminded with her own life. At least she was lucky to still have parents, she thought. “Well, let’s go and have fun! Go to a karaoke centre or something! Everything was so overwhelming today I cannot take it anymore. Everything is on me.” Rose offered, trying to chase the gloominess away. “Really?!” Lisa’s eyes widen. It’s been a long time since she had fun, considering her poor financial status. “Yeah! My parents won’t be home anyway and they left me money. We can go and eat chicken and-“ “Let’s go!” Lisa quickly stood up and pulled Rose’s arm, taking her away from the chaos while both of them are laughing heartily. Days after days. Months after months passed. Since they graduated with First Class degree, they were immediately hired by a big and renowned company named YG Entertainment. They were lucky to be employed by the same employer while their other friends are being employed by different companies, not only in different states, but also in different country. Rose was grateful that her prayers were finally being answered. She was not going to be separated from Lisa. But one thing she realized, she had become more possessive of Lisa. She hates, no, that’s a strong word. She disliked, seeing Lisa becoming close to the other colleagues, especially Jennie and Jisoo. She did not know why but she just felt like they were trying to take Lisa away from her. Usually, when she saw they chatting, she would come and pull Lisa away, saying that she had something important to do and she needed Lisa to come with her. But, till when does she had to lie? She did not realize that the loneliness she felt has started to take its toll on her after such a long time, causing her to become more and more possessive. “Rose, are you okay?” Lisa asked, the look on Rose’s face was alarming. “I’m fine.” “Hey, what’s wrong? You can tell me if you have any problem, you know?” “I’m perfectly fine!” Rose yelled, shocking Lisa who was kneeling down in front of her. “Park Chaeyoung. What are you doing? You asked me to come with you. I thought you need something and now you are yelling at me. What the hell?” Lisa’s face turned red from the anger she had, sighing loudly while crossing her arms across her slender body. “I-I’m just…” Rose could not continue to speak as she burst into tears. Her body jerked from crying too hard. Lisa, who was angry a few seconds ago, quickly became worried at the sight of her best friend crying. “Rose, don’t cry. Just tell me what’s going on. I don’t mind. I’m all ears right now. Remember, I’m always here for you.” Lisa hugged her tightly. She knew that her friend might be too tired from all the trainings and what not. Furthermore, a big K-Pop concert was going to be held, so they had to train two times harder than usual. “I just feel like you are leaving me.” “No, I’m not. Why would you say that?” Lisa was taken aback. As long as she remembered, she never leave Rose alone. If she did, it was only when she had to do something really personal. “I don’t know. Maybe, it’s because of our members.” Rose looked away, unable to look into Lisa’s eyes anymore as she started to feel guilty. She shouldn’t feel angry with her group member, should she? Lisa sighed. “You know, they are our members, right? We are assigned into one group. Of course we should befriend each other. If not, how do we work as a team? About me talking to them, we were just giving ideas on what should we do for the upcoming concert. You understand me, do you?” After a few moments of silence, Rose nodded. Maybe she should not be angry after all. “I do.” “So, come on. Let’s go back to the training room. Time does not wait for us. We have to give the best performance for our Blinks!” Lisa jumped like a child, earning a chuckle from Rose. “Sure.” “Rose! Rose! Park Chaeyoung!” Lisa’s hysterical shouting nearly gave Rose a heart attack. Luckily, the plate she was holding in her hand did not fall onto the floor. Or else, she would smack Lisa on her head. “What? You are lucky I’m completely healty! If not, you would see my dead body here!” Rose asked, her face was red. “I’m sorry, Rojeuuuuu.” Lisa apologized playfully. “It’s just that I have something to show you! And I’m so excited!” Rose took a deep breath before taking a seat on the couch, the plate was still in her hand. She was planning to eat but since Lisa was so excited about telling her the thing she wanted to tell, she surrendered. “Okay, tell me. I’m starving right now and I want to eat but because I love you, I will listen to you. This better be important.” Lisa who could not stop smiling, quickly sat beside Rose and shoving her right hand in front of Rose. “Tell me what’s different!” Rose who was dumbfounded, stared at Lisa’s hand. Noticing there was nothing different, she frowned. “Nothing.” “Look again!” “You are getting thinner? Or fatter? Or both, if possible?” “No! Here!” Lisa pulled Rose’s hand and put it on her ring finger. “This!” “Uh…this ring?” “Yes!” Lisa nodded enthusiastically. “Guess who is it from?” “Our YG sajangnim?” “Nope. If he was the one who gave me this ring, then you would have one too.” “Then who is it? Come on, I’m hungry now.” Rose threw a little tantrum since she was already tired of guessing. “It’s from Baekhyun.” “Who is that?” Rose asked lazily. She swore to God she would have eaten the plate if she could. “My boyfriend. He asked me to marry him and I said I do!” Lisa looked at her ring lovingly. The moment Lisa said the word ‘boyfriend’, Rose’s eyes widen. “W-What did you say?” “I said…I’m going to get married! With my boyfriend Baekhyun!” “How come I did not know about this? Do the other members know?” “Nope. You are the first one to know about this. We decided to keep it as a secret. You are the first person to be invited to our wedding!” But Rose did not look eager nor happy with the news. Instead, she became more angry. “Does this mean that you are going to leave me? You are not going to live here anymore, are you?” “I won’t…but I will still be in the group. I would come here every day to train. So we will still be together!” Rose looked at her in disbelief. “You broke our promise!” Lisa who was smiling, frowned. “What do you mean?” “You said you are not going to leave me! Now you are getting married! YOU BROKE OUR PROMISE!” “But I-“ Lisa’s words were cut off in the middle of the sentence when Rose struck her hard with the plate in her hand. She touched her forehead. There was blood on her shaking hands. “W-why are you doing this to me, Rose? W-why-“ Lisa was being struck for the second time. The sight was grotesque. The moment the plate struck her head, a sickly crack sound came from her skull. “You were lying to me. I don’t like someone who’s lying. Now, you are going to stay with me forever and no one can have you.” Rose hit her head again, and again, until the plate was broken and Lisa had stopped breathing. “I love you, Lisa. I just don’t want you to go.” Rose hugged her best friend’s lifeless body, ignoring the metallic smell of the blood drenching her white shirt. “Hey Rose. Do you know where is Lisa? We have been looking for her for hours now and we still can’t find her? We called her but she did not answer. We thought she might be with you.” Jisoo asked, scratching her head. “No, I did not see her. Did you try to call her boyfriend?” Rose said, looking worried, “Huh? Who is her boyfriend?” “Baekhyun. From EXO.” Jisoo was shocked, apparently. “When-no, let’s just push that aside. Let me try to call him.” After being engaged in the phone call for merely 3 minutes, Jisoo came with a worried look on her face. “He said he is also unable to call her. Would you mind coming with us to look for her? She never left without saying anything before.” “Sure, let me go and grab my cardigan in my room.” “Quick, we will wait for you outside.” Jisoo and Jennie walked out from the house, still trying to call Lisa. Rose walked into her room silently and glanced at the open cupboard in her room. There, under those hanging clothes, the flexible body of Lalisa Manoban was folded to fit the cupboard. Luckily, Rose thought, she still had some spaces left there. But she knew, she could not stay there for long. She had to move out from her house. Maybe, I should start looking for a new house tomorrow, she thought. At least she would have her best friend with her forever and no one would come and take her best friend from her. She would not be alone anymore. It’s true though what other people said. Having a best friend forever is fun indeed.

#blackpink #blackpink lisa #lisa manoban #blackpink rose #parkchaeyoung #blackpink jisoo #blackpink jennie

1 note · View note

bobbystompy · 5 years

Text

My Top 127 Songs Of 2018

Previously: 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011

Not the most ever... just the second most ever. The record of 132 stands. I hope it is never broken.

As always, criteria and info:

This is a list of what I personally like, not ones I’m saying are the “best” from the year; more subjective than objective

No artist is featured more than once

If it comes down to choosing between two songs, I try to give more weight to a single or featured track

Each song on the list is linked in the title if you wanna check any or every out for yourself; there is also a Spotify playlist at the bottom that includes 122 of the 127 songs

Well?

youtube

/grins

127) B.o.B - “Food Fight”

Some triplet rap, pretty boring, and I have no idea what this song is supposed to be. But the “Food of the WiFi” part makes me laugh, and I always picture my buddy Matto singing it to his eye rolling wife (even though I’m pretty sure he’s never heard the song before).

126) French Montana f/ Drake - “No Stylist”

This song sucks -- even Drake can’t save it. French Montana is cancer except you don’t get to die.

125) 21 Savage - “Monster”

Not a huge Savage guy, but the Gambino verse helps.

124) The Kooks - “All The Time”

Kind of a lazy chorus, but it’s aight.

123) Sean Paul f/ Jhené Aiko - “Naked Truth”

Love Aiko, have never cared for Paul... but the collab weirdly works.

122) REASON - “Summer Up”

My buddy Josh sent this one, and it’s got the warm vibes. Money stretch:

P asked me is REASON still workin', shit N***a, is Amber Rose still twerkin', gold diggers still flirtin' horny teens still jerkin', all my exes still lurkin' black lives still hurtin', black lives still hurtin'?

121) Nipsey Hussle f/ YG - “Last Time That I Checc’d”

B’s vs. C’s. And a beat that sounds like DJ Mustard combined with ‘90s G-funk. Also, YG’s bandanna scarf is just very cute.

120) Thrice - “Only Us”

Weirdly, another reds and blues music video. But this time, it’s kids at a summer camp. This could absolutely be used by networks as a pump up song for sporting events.

119) Anderson .Paak f/ Kendrick Lamar - “TINTS”

Anderson .Paak -- ohhhh, that dot will always annoy me -- really does not make bad songs. Kung Fu Kenny fits right in, and it’s a very easy hit-the-spot driving song.

118) Mr Hudson f/ Vic Mensa - “Coldplay”

A serious song that uses an emotional reliance on Coldplay to take objective shots at Coldplay, which is pretty hilarious. Vic’s verse is good (”I lost my Queen poppin’ Ace of Spades at King of Diamonds ... I hate Coldplay”).

117) Logic f/ Wu-Tang Clan - “Wu Tang Forever”

Long cypher song. If you care about hip-hop, you probably know Drake also released a song called “Wu-Tang Forever” five years ago (which featured no members of Wu-Tang). There was talk of a remix -- RZA even recently said he wished they did -- but Inspectah Deck articulated why it didn’t happen back then:

“When I finally got to hear the song, I was more or less like, ‘Wow, I thought it was a tribute song like, it would be in respect of all eight members,'” Deck said. “And when I heard it, it was about a girl.”

You can just sense the colossal and spiritual disappointment.

Well, this one is more about fire than females; you’ll shout “Wu-Tang” proudly at least once. My MVP verse is Ghostface.

116) Jhené Aiko f/ Rae Sremmurd - “Sativa”

Rae Sremmurd* still sound like little kids to me. Conversely, Jhené Aiko is all that is woman.

(* - never knew they were brothers until just now)

115) Sam Coffey & The Iron Lungs - “First Time”

Sam Coffey first got on my radar with The Clash-sounding song “Talk 2 Her”. This is less of that and more, like, ‘80s hair metal. It’s almost hard to tell if this is sincere or parody. The video absolutely does not take itself seriously.

114) Saves The Day - “Kerouac & Cassady”

Always been impressed with the very unthreatening Chris Conley’s ability to create such sinister, dark, and menacing imagery. This maybe has the most bleak closing line of any of these songs.

113) 5 Seconds Of Summer - “Youngblood”

This is what Fall Out Boy tries to sound like with their new stuff... but they just suck so bad now.

112) She Killed In Ecstasy - “Dissension (Gold)”

I remembered this being a dope instrumental before totally forgetting about the just-as-awesome vocals; great band name, too. Recommended by my friends Jim and Bill over brunch after taking in their show at Subterranean in Chicago the previous night. This could be the closing theme for a critically acclaimed TV show.

111) Night Birds - “My Dad Is The BTK”

Straightforward, bratty punk rock that promotes snitching (if you’re sure it’s for the right reasons).

110) The Decemberists - “Once In My Life”

Why does such an outwardly melancholy song still feel so damn uplifting? Probably the video. They have a long statement attached on YouTube, so for sure peep if this catches your interest.

109) Mad Caddies - “She’s Gone”

Here we have a straight up reggae cover of NOFX. Sometimes I don’t think I like this song at all, but it might just be hard to separate it from the original; almost wish it was possible to go in with a clean slate. Maybe you can on my behalf?

108) Rivers Cuomo - “Two Broken Hearts”

Would you rather not know the video uses Bitmojis or the pre-chorus promotes two different ice cream brands before the song ends?

107) XXXTENTACION - “Train food”

This song is intense; gave me memories of listening to Kendrick’s “The Art of Peer Pressure”. X not surviving 2018 makes it that much more haunting.

106) Kanye West & Lil Pump f/ Adele Givens - “I Love It”

Not sure why, in his most embattled year yet, Kanye decided to be a part of such a derogatory song towards women. Listening to it makes me feel bad. And sure, the MAGA imagery will be what we think of when we think of 2018 Yeezy, but this picture shouldn’t be too far off either.

Shark: jumped.

105) New Lenox - “Do You Think We Made The Most Of Those New Years Eves”

That is a very long song title. But not as long as the time since passed on this reflection of the final night of the year, over a decade now gone. But even though he’s looking back, you know Chris Trott gets to hit reset at the end of the night, whether it’s December 31st or January 1st. And when NYE hits again, whether you return to the same party in the same place or a different experience in a totally different hemisphere, celebrating something is what makes this all matter.

(Full disclosure: yours truly has a minor backup vocal part in the outro)

104) Jeff Tweedy - “Having Been Is No Way To Be”

This for sure made it on the list because of the “And if I was dead, what difference would it ever make to them?” line, but upon closer scrutiny, the “And I’m sorry when you wake up to me” line is even more crushing.

103) Panic! At The Disco - “Dying In LA”

Brendon Urie’s voice is so polished and full. This song is him in complete control, and he knows it too (the “Dyin’ in LA” falsetto part at the end of the chorus is... probably not necessary).

102) Sugarland f/ Taylor Swift - “Babe”

Though Taylor’s impact in the music video is significantly stronger than her impact in the actual song, it’s still rock solid country. Or... country solid country?

/curtsies

101) ZHU & Tame Impala - “My Life”

This song has such a dancy cool on the power of its instrumentation; really doesn’t need vocals at all.

100) Kidd Russell & Southside Jake - “Slow Motion”

The poppiest SSJ has ever sounded. This is his best song to date. I’m not so sure if “Shots kill the butterflies” is an actual expression, but it should be.

99) Hop Along - “What The Writer Meant”

Hot damn, what a voice. This song is beauty in our not-often-beautiful world.

98) Retirement Party - “That’s How People Die”

This reminds me of a female fronted version of the departed Modern Baseball. Eager to see how they develop and definitely plan on checking their Audiotree session soon.

97) Lil Peep - “Sex With My Ex”

It’s... really good, you guys. The grimy nihilism of the “Fuck me like we’re lying on our deathbed” is palpable. It’s impossible not to think of the heights Peep would have almost definitely hit had he not passed. Also, super interesting tidbit on how the album got posthumously made:

Lil Peep died of an accidental drug overdose last November [2017] at 21. Afterward, attention turned to his computer. First, it went to London, where the files were backed up by First Access Entertainment, the company that helped guide his career.

Then it went to his mother, Liza Womack. In an interview in her cozy Long Island home, sitting on a nondescript couch that belonged to Peep and was shipped cross-country after his death, she calmly recalled walking into an Apple store, handing the laptop to a clerk, and saying: “My son died. This is him. Take this and put it on a new one.”

96) Kurt Vile - “Bassackwards”

I was on the beach, but I was thinkin’ about the bay

This has Kurt Vile’s signature laid back-ness (good) but also has a 9:46 track length (VERY VERY BAD). I’m not saying it has to be even four minutes long... but, like, could you have given us seven, KV? All of that aside, it really doesn’t slog at all despite mostly staying the same the whole time. Though I still can’t stop thinking about how much shorter it should be.

95) Christine And The Queens - “Doesn’t matter”

Kinda ‘80s pop sounding. Also, there’s a foreign accent there. British maybe?

/googles

French! Even better.

94) Brendan Kelly And The Wandering Birds - “Shitty Margarita”

Wish the drums were louder, BK.

93) Courtney Barnett - “Nameless, Faceless”

Barnett does not fuck around with her chorus/old adage:

I wanna walk through the park in the dark Men are scared that women will laugh at them I wanna walk through the park in the dark Women are scared that men will kill them

This type of perspective, down to the description of how she has to hold her keys in a way your average dude might not think about, remains so crucial as we all hope to continue to better understand each other.

92) Jeff Rosenstock - “Powerlessness”

Meet me at the Polish bar I'll be the one looking at my phone Shaking like a nervous kid Absolutely terrified of being alone

...it doesn’t sound how it reads. All of his skittish energy fuels this fist pumping jam. And don’t miss the guitar solo.

91) Charli XCX - “5 In The Morning”

Pretty standard fare pop song, but Charli makes it cooler and better than if the average person jumped on.

90) Pinegrove - “Darkness”

Gonna be honest: it was nearly impossible to listen to Pinegrove in 2018 without thinking of the sexual coercion accusations from the previous year. Jenn Pelly’s long ass piece really did nothing to help matters. So because of all this, I listened to their new album “Skylight” wayyyyy less than originally anticipated. The few times -- really maybe ‘time’ in all actuality -- I was able to separate the story from the songs, it definitely became enjoyable. This has head clearing guitar leads and a lyric straight outta Sublime’s “Garden Grove”.

89) Pete Yorn & Scarlett Johansson - “Bad Dreams”

Brooding, nighttime, driving; good ingredients for a successful duet.

88) Meek Mill f/ Rick Ross & JAY Z - “What’s Free”

Now, if I’m Rick Ross, I spend my entire career avoiding any situation where people can compare me to Biggie. But since Rick Ross is Rick Ross, he went with the opposite plan. This is his (to my knowledge) second reimagined Biggie song*, and... it’s... it’s rough. I mean, how far can you take it with the line “Mona Lisa, to me, ain't nothin' but a b***h” and end with a gay slur. Pass.

But we also have the GOAT. In classic Jay fashion, he spits a lot of good words, you know it’s complex, and there’s no way to process it without more listens. And yes, the immediate brand checks are super annoying, but he pushes through and delivers some bars:

They gave us pork and pig intestines Shit you discarded that we ingested, we made the project a wave You came back, reinvested and gentrified it Took n****s' sense of pride, now how that's free?

When he finishes, the song itself ends, and we have one of the more long and uneven Jay cameos ever put on wax. It’s, like, a 5-star B-.

(* - the first being 2014′s “Nobody”, a take off “You’re Nobody [Til Somebody Kills You]”, featuring French Montana, which spawned an all-time Rap Radar comment, “If someone killed French, he’d still be a nobody”; I will bring it up with the most minor of segues for the rest of my life)

87) Red City Radio - “In The Shadows”

I tend to prefer Red City Radio playing more uptempo, but they drag us down to a slower speed for this one. This centers around the cryptic “I show no fear when I know that the devil’s here” line, and the guitar solo is definitely overqualified for the genre.

86) Kanye West - “Yikes”

/cracks knuckles

The song: banging chorus, solid beat, lyrics meh. Of course it was the song he got Drake for, because it’s the only one on his solo release that vaguely resembled a hit.

The album: Calling “ye” bad is a little unfair, but the best and realest description is sadder: it’s Kanye’s most inessential record. It was forgettable at best and cringeworthy/offensive at worst. The one about his daughter was particularly appalling:

Don't do no yoga, don't do pilates Just play piano and stick to karate I pray your body's draped more like mine And not like your mommy's

This doesn’t even get into the entirely warped mental health takes that I’m not nearly qualified enough to address.

Kanye himself: Every Kanye fan has defended Kanye, some Kanye fans have abandoned Kanye, but 2018 was legitimately the tipping point where it felt like we all finally had enough, in unification. Shock, betrayal, and disappointment are probably the best adjectives. When you are willing to forgive someone for 90% of their behavior, and they up their bullshit to 110%, an understandable separation must occur. At this point, the man we once called Yeezus is now the hip-hop Louis C.K.: no type of constructive or negative feedback can penetrate his brain, and any new attempts at creative output only make everything worse.

85) Royce da 5′9′’ f/ Eminem & King Green - “Caterpillar”

As lyrical as it gets on this list, but what else do you expect from Em and Royce? Not a huge fan of the chorus (at least that loud part in the first half). Eminem legit goes off for, like, ten lines with a pooping metaphor to close the song.

84) Nicki Minaj - “Barbie Dreams”

Staying in the redone Biggie songs lane, we have Nicki with a passive evisceration of your favorite male rapper. You can call it crass, but I’d argue her playfulness makes the whole thing work, combined with the fact that it’s flipping the male gaze on its head. And though she’s having fun, some of these movie punches catch real faces. My favorites:

3) “Drake worth a hundred mill, he always buyin' me shit / But I don't know if the pussy wet or if he cryin' and shit”

2) “I remember when I used to have a crush on Special Ed / Shoutout Desiigner 'cause he made it out of special ed”

1) “Had to cancel DJ Khaled, boy, we ain't speakin' / Ain't no fat n**** tellin' me what he ain't eatin'”

Goodbye forever, DJ Khaled.

83) Bad Bunny f/ Drake - “MIA”

I do social media for my high school alma mater’s football team, and this song first got on my radar when of the players tweeted something like “I can’t understand a word, but this is really good”. I was piqued, and it delivered. Nobody cultural appropriates quite like Drizzy Drake. Also, am I the only one who would have maybe been happier if the song was called “Bad Bunny” and the featured artist was M.I.A.?

82) Phoebe Bridgers - “Christmas Song”

Christmas songs are hard to write because they’re either taken or terrible, but Bridgers definitely carved out her own lane. This could work as a single person under a spotlight or sung by a group of lonely strangers finding camaraderie at a bar; within the song, you actually get both scenarios.

81) Remo Drive - “Blue Ribbon”

Got into this band for the first time in 2018, and though some of their older songs got more spins, this was my favorite from the new album.

80) The Sidekicks - “Twin’s Twist”

Mostly just impressed they were able to seamlessly integrate the “Chronic 2001″ into lyrics of a lighter rock song.

79) Real Friends - “From The Outside”

My favorite chorus they’ve ever written. While remaining thoroughly pop punk, the catchiness puts it more on the pop side of that spectrum.

78) Mike Posner - “Song About You”

Posner sounds like he’s barely trying, and it’s still so, so good. Favorite moment is this non-rhyme: “Since you’ve been gone, I got nothing to do / I sleep until noon, I wake up and feel bad”. It’s like a pop freestyle or something.

Also, extra shout out for how well he took his social media roasting after the Thanksgiving performance in Detroit. Love this dude.

77) Bad Religion - “The Kids Are Alt-Right”

What if I told you Bad Religion made a song with an intro that sounded like Andrew W.K.’s “Party Till You Puke” but were somehow still able to stay afloat? Hell, I’m confused too. The satirical lyrics mark 2018 for what it was. The pre-chorus, I remain torn on.

76) Blood Orange - “Saint”

You said it before

Looped keyboard beat over some smooth lyrics and melodies.

75) Juice WRLD - “Lucid Dreams”

I cannot change you so I must replace you

Still unclear how this *isn’t* a Post Malone song.

74) Tancred - “Queen Of New York”

Own the city.

73) We Were Sharks - “Drop The Act”

Ohhhhh, I love this production.

72) Cloud Nothings - “Leave Him Now”

This band continues to possess all of the melodic fury (and the Russell Westbrook of drummers).

71) Childish Gambino - “Summertime Magic”

Wasn’t big on “This Is America”*, so Glover releasing an ode to the best season as an alternative selection helped.

(* - at least not the song; vid was interesting)

70) The 1975 - “Love It If We Made It”

The 1975 are one of those bands where liking them makes you feel like an alien because everyone else either loves or dogs them. I’m keepin’ this casual, aight?

Also, since all writers are contractually obligated, we must mention the “Fucking in a car, shooting heroin” line which opens the song.

69) Kississippi - “Cut Yr Teeth”

Saw this band play in a classroom at a high school (google “BLED FEST”) in Michigan in May of 2018. They were fun, diverse, and covered Jimmy Eat World’s “The Middle”. This tune is a little more serious and locked in.

68) Muncie Girls - “Picture Of Health”

Every part of this song is well-written, but it all builds to a massive chorus.

67) Justin Timberlake f/ Chris Stapleton - “Say Something”

There was a time, in January 2018, when not a ton of music had dropped yet, and this song was everywhere. It was like the dead-of-winter equivalent to the Song of the Summer. This one definitely gets docked some points for what I’d call weak lyricism. You can tell both dudes were way into it though, which does help make up for it some.

66) Interpol - “The Rover”

As speedy as I’ve ever heard Interpol; pretty unskippable.

65) Dashboard Confessional - “Catch You”

Imagine if this were the only Dashboard song you’d ever heard. You’d think they were, like, happy. Our protagonist has a trustworthy assurance that should put you at ease.

64) Gulfer - “Secret Stuff”

No singing on this list will alienate you faster than the first eight seconds of this one.

63) Rolling Blackouts Coastal Fever - “Talking Straight”

Though this feels like two band names in one, RBCF know exactly what they’re doing as it pertains to the actual songwriting. This would fit right in during the mid-2000s garage/indie rock boom; could listen to the chorus on a loop.

62) Rita Ora f/ Cardi B, Bebe Rexha & Charli XCX - “Girls”

This song has the unique distinction of being think pieced and outraged cycled before I even got a chance to hear a second of it. The case:

Now, it goes without saying that the best people to explain why this song feels damaging and hurtful to queer women are queer women themselves – girls who kiss girls whether they’ve been gulping back Malbec or not. “A song like this just fuels the male gaze while marginalizing the idea of women loving women,” wrote Hayley Kiyoko on Twitter. Kehlani said it has “many awkward slurs, quotes, and moments”. MUNA’s Katie Gavin noted that in ‘Girls’ she hears “the familiar chorus that women’s sexuality is something to be looked at instead of authentically felt”.

To her credit, Ora apologized the very same day that piece came out (PUN INTENDED). What’s weird is the idea of this song being problematic made me like it more. It gives the sexual flippancy of the chorus authenticity. I don’t know, man -- this stuff is complicated.

Not complicated? Cardi B’s awful green screen cameo featuring cheap looking special effects.

/shakes head in disappointment

61) Eminem f/ Ed Sheeran - “River”

Though not apples to apples -- since he’s not spitting -- we shall remember this as the time Ed Sheeran > Eminem in a song.

Marshall remains our unquestioned king of the ‘relationship dysfunction’ genre.

60) Culture Abuse - “Calm E”

Everyone’s getting back together

The writers of the perfect and generational “Dream On” continue to stay in the mellow lane with their subsequent releases. When you can pull off both, why not?

59) Brian Fallon - “Silence”

Fallon covers -- /checks notes -- Marshmello f/ Khalid, but it really could be an original. Dude really knows how to pick ‘em. I remember hearing this randomly at Shinto (a sushi/hibachi place) in Naperville; don’t remember if it was this or the original. Such a moving chorus.

58) Okkervil River - “Don’t Move Back To LA”

Gotta appreciate the persistent sentiment -- even though it’d be the opposite of my advice. Also took about 99.9% of the year for me to stop calling this band “Overkill” River in my head.

57) Natalie Prass - “Short Court Style”

Uber catchy and with a real groove.

56) The Interrupters - “She’s Kerosene”

2018 Rancid, down to the raspy-ish singing from Aimee Allen.

55) boygenius - “Me & My Dog”

When I heard Julien Baker, Phoebe Bridgers, and someone named Lucy Dacus were forming a super group, I was stoked. This tune was the one that jived the most with my vision of the project. Amazingly sick harmonies, dropping elbows on your heart like a professional wrestler, and introspection on introspection.

I wanna be emaciated I wanna hear one song without thinking of you I wish I was on a spaceship Just me and my dog and an impossible view

So, so, so, so good.

54) Shack Wes - “Mo Bamba”

How do you explain “Mo Bamba” to someone who doesn’t like rap? How do you explain “Mo Bamba” to someone who does like rap? I don’t know, but I am Teddy Bridgewater now.

53) Lil Dicky f/ Chris Brown, Ed Sheeran, DJ Khaled & Kendall Jenner - “Freaky Friday”

If you thought Rita Ora’s “Girls” was messy, allow me to introduce you to our last bad rap song on the list. Actually, maybe the Virginia Tech women’s lacrosse team would be a better candid--OHHHHH LADIES NO!!!!!!!!11111111

So yeah, whether it’s the most lightning rod word in American history, cultural appropriation, reverse cultural appropriation, or even just a good ol’ “I Blame Chris Brown” take, this attempt at comedy hip-hop got put under a microscope for all the right and wrong reasons. No one came out unscathed. But, like Ora’s song, if you can ignore some components (read: nearly everything), it’s so god damn fun, man. I mean, Dicky and Chris Brown swapped bodies -- pretty nuts. And it’s rare for an MVP line to be “How his dick staying perched up on his balls like that?”

52) Jay Rock f/ Kendrick Lamar, Future & James Blake - “King’s Dead”

I gotta go get it- I gotta go get it- I gotta go get it- I gotta go get it

The back half of the Future verse is the worst part about this song... yet the most fun to talk about. He raps auto-tuned, in falsetto... and these are the lyrics:

La di da di da, slob on me knob Pass me some syrup, fuck me in the car La di da di da, mothafuck the law Chitty chitty bang, murder everything

What a disgrace. Yet, almost like a whimsy 2 Chainz verse, it’s really fucking memorable.

51) Soccer Mommy - “Your Dog”

Noticeably good bassline? Check. Skin crawlingly bad band name? Check. Cool swearing? Yup.

50) Vince Staples - “FUN!”

Vince could rap his way out a bottomless pit; floating elevation flow.

49) Dan + Shay - “Tequila”

Tried so hard to get this one next to “Shitty Margarita”. Genuinely love this song. Maybe it’s the mountains in the music video, but that chorus just soars.

youtube

48) Meg Myers - “Numb”

Look up in the air and see this tidal wave chorus crashing through the world in slow motion.

47) The Penske File - “Fairgrounds”

My new working theory -- which really feels more like fact -- is how cool lyrics with the phrase “Meet me...” are. It creates this aura of unknown, mystery, and maybe even danger; like anything could happen if you just agree. Here are some from songs just off the top of my head:

Meet me by the lake

Meet me at the reservoir

Meet me in Montauk

Meet me in the middle (more on that one later)

Meet me in the back

Meet me at midnight

The list goes on. So please say “yes” to The Penske File at the fairgrounds, won’t you?

46) Lil Wayne f/ Swizz Beatz - “Uproar”

Weezy goes this entire song only using “oh” rhymes; not sure how he does it. Sometimes, I listen to this and pretend I’m a buffalo.

45) Cardi B - “Be Careful”

Cardi sampled Lauryn (wayyyyyyyy more on this later) and made it work. The chorus always sticks with me, and though the verses have a few bumps along the way, they might even be better.

44) Elway - “Crowded Conscience”

Elway pulls up their roots in this All Colorado Everything lyric video, and you’ll be ready to tap the Rockies when the singalong chorus finishes.

43) Pkew Pkew Pkew - “Passed Out”

A punk rock drinking song with a real bummer of a chorus for how happy the theme itself comes across.

42) Joyce Manor - “I Think I’m Still In Love With You”

I have no scientific proof, but Barry’s lyrics seem to be getting worse and worse. The drug references are still there, sure, but there’s an almost elementary simplicity to the proceedings. Still, like “Heart Tattoo”, this song doesn’t get in its own way and takes advantage of the basic words to create a big, big hook. You sing along even though it feels too easy at times.

41) Alkaline Trio - “Throw Me To The Lions”

So much desperation in the chorus; this could work as their last ever song.

40) The Bombpops - “Dear Beer”

My favorite opening line on this whole list -- the sweet and simple “I’m about to hit send / I’m waiting for the weekend”. Before you know it, a full blown self-loathing chorus. It’s got it all.

39) Foxing - “Lambert”

In quiet awe listening to this masterpiece of a song. Saw this band way up close in 2018 -- here is a picture:

Hello, Foxing

38) Lucero - “To My Dearest Wife”

Civil War soldier or rigorous rock and roll touring schedule? Either way, the Lucero singer misses his wife and family, and he’s gonna let you know they’re on his mind. I saw them open for Frank Turner in 2018, and he played their new album front to back -- before it had been released -- as their entire set because “I promised to do this when drunk on Instagram”. Gotta respect a man with principles.

37) BlocBoy JB f/ Drake - “Look Alive”

Favorite Drake hook of the year. BlocBoy JB... less necessary. Also kinda crazy to think we didn’t know who producer Tay Keith was at the beginning of 2018; definitely made his impression felt by the end.

36) The Front Bottoms - “Tie Die Dragon”

As psychedelic as I’ll ever get. Unless it’s, like, The Beatles. But that’s different.

35) The Lawrence Arms - “Laugh Out Loud”

Released on their Best Of record (legitimately titled “We Are The Champions Of The World) and an “Oh! Calcutta!” b-side from 2006, TLA prove even their leftovers can be a main course.

34) Tinashe f/ Future - “Faded Love”

I know he’s a rapper and she’s a singer, but nothing is more illustrative of how much harder women have to work compared to men than the 1:36 mark when Tinashe sensually sings “Let’s just feel this feeling”, doubled with Feature’s auto-tuned ass doing the exact same thing, only 10x worse. Not enough to taint the song, even a little. His verse, however...

33) Chance The Rapper - “65th & Ingleside”

Chance -- who almost always makes the correct choices -- did this super annoying thing where he released a bunch of songs in single batches in 2018.

“But Bobby, he gave you tons of free music! Why are you complaining?!”

Because we couldn’t easily sequence it, bruh. Look at this shit!:

Not even Drake would pull this stunt. EP next time, Chano.

Anyway.

Fun lines, really contagious beat, and a few types of flows; he spazzes at the end.

32) Complainer - “Drunk (Again)”

Gotta love when a song can’t start until multiple beer cans crack. These guys are a tiny band inspired-by-but-better-than Jeff Rosenstock, and I hope they get so much more traction.

31) ScHoolboy Q f/ Kendrick Lamar, Saudi & 2 Chainz - “X”

I LIVE ON TEN

Always read this title as the letter X even though the word “ten” is used 40 times in the song.

30) KIDS SEE GHOSTS (Kanye West & Kid Cudi) - “Reborn”

From Kanye’s only useful project in 2018 comes “Reborn”. Luckily, it’s mainly Cudi on this track (chorus/bridge/a verse). It feels like Ohio’s son is breaking through... or breaking out; verging on real triumph over his demons. Kanye, meanwhile, is surprisingly understated (read: good) and fits into all of his parts like a non-OJ glove. The sparing use of Yeezy reminds me of how the master himself used to feature people like Chief Keef just enough to harness the talent but not enough to ruin the song or do too much. Those alpha days appear to be way in the rearview now.

29) Travis Scott f/ Drake, Swae Lee & Big Hawk - “SICKO MODE”

Stacey Dash, most of these girls ain’t got a clue

This joins “Mo Bamba” in the Top 2 of Rap Songs That Need To Be Played At All Parties In The Year 2018. While “Bamba” is more consistent -- seriously, “SICKO MODE” is four songs in one -- almost nothing tops hearing the start of this and immediately anticipating the rest (like the opening of “Tuesday” when that was hot). The third part is probably my favorite. #likealight

28) SOB X RBE f/ Zacari & Kendrick Lamar - “Paramedic!”

Our third selection from the “Black Panther” soundtrack. Second favorite beat of 2018; I can’t not move the second it drops.

27) Drug Church - “Unlicensed Hall Monitor”

Favorite guitar leads of 2018. It’s as sleek as the vocals are gruff.

26) Matt And Kim - “FOREVER”

Was a dead tie between this and the equally emotional “Youngest I Will Be”. But this one has a vid -- and they make the best vids. This song also references the 1992 Dream Team. Our world will never be shit if they stay a part of it; first time I’ve came close to tearing up so far. These two inspire.

25) The Ramblin’ Boys Of Pleasure - “Joyce Jawbreaker”

Speaking of turrs, my band of 14 years released our maybe last song ever in 2018. Written in Maine, titled for Joyce Manor and Jawbreaker, and about lost love, Chicago, futures, playing music with your brothers, tiny hands, and found love. We also did a video:

youtube

24) Ariana Grande f/ Nicki Minaj - “the light is coming”

I really, truly am not excluding “thank u, next” to be contrarian. While I agree that is her defining song of 2018 -- and biggest hit to date? -- “the light is coming” is so much more unique. It goes in so many directions while the hook ties the rope around you a hundred times. Yep, I’m right.

23) Laura Jane Grace & The Devouring Mothers - “Apocalypse Now (& Later)”

Wish I could forever keep this song’s opening line as my mantra: You make me walk away from the hate I carry.

22) Restorations - “Nonbeliever”

Another band that should be bigger, so they can always be free to do anything they want. This song will always boil down to this part, which captures the push and pull of 2018 America:

I love your protest lines Oh, but who has the time? We all saw the same thing at the same time, okay? Got a partner for starters And a kid on the way Can’t be doing all this dumb shit no more

For how crass, clumsy, and non-rhyming that concludes, the song itself ends dire.

21) The Get Up Kids - “I’m Sorry”

One of my favorite videos of 2018. Similar to “Apocalypse Now (& Later)”, I’m not sure if it’s about a love interest or a kid. Does it matter? No. But it does to me.

20) Antarctigo Vespucci - “Freakin’ U Out”

A band name for the ages. With Chris Farren (of Fake Problems) on vox and Jeff Rosenstock on instruments, this song could power a car -- or at least one person who didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.

19) Bayside - “It Don’t Exist”

Anthony Raneri has a new grill, but this song feels 50 years old. A classic in real time.

18) The Carters - “APESHIT”

Is this artsy, all-time vid somewhat undermined by the Migos ad libs?

Yes.

/makes note to maybe dress up like this for Halloween next year

17) Post Malone f/ 21 Savage - “rockstar”

This song is so good -- albeit misogynist and also bad -- it makes me genuinely eager for a 21 Savage verse. And though I love any bars relating to his 12-car garage...

my favorite 21 savage quirk is his yearly 12 car garage updates:

2016: “why you got a 12 car garage?”

2017: “they like ‘savage why you got a 12 car garage / and you only got 6 cars?’”

2018: “why you got a 12 car garage? / cause i bought 6 new cars”

(via @ottergawd)

...his intro line is just so, so terrible: “I've been in the Hills fuckin' superstars / Feelin' like a popstar”. You know that’s... not really a rhyme, right?

16) Andrew McMahon In The Wilderness - “Ohio”

/will always, always death stare that dumb name to start any Andy section

Ah, but if we did start with a lyric?

Katie’s counting crows

This song is about leaving the worst state for one of the best. But if we’re doing that, why do we feel so melancholy?

15) Kendrick Lamar & SZA - “All The Stars”

You've gotta be mesmerizing to make Kung Fu Kenny look pedestrian, but SZA's galactic hook does just that.

14) Frank Turner - “1933″

Frank isn’t from here, but he’s setting out to remind us of where this all began.

13) The Wonder Years - “Sister Cities”

As far as pop punk legacies are concerned, The Wonder Years’ is secure. There is no longer necessity to churn out bangers; they’re already on the Mount Rushmore. Still, they go. Every part of this song is essential: the build up verses, blown out chorus, Panic! At The Disco 2005-era hi-hat off-time drum transitions, end-of-the-rope bridge. The true standout is the closing of V2:

I'm guarded like I'm wounded, my first instinct's always “run” I wanna turn to steam I wanna call it off I wanna lighten the dark I wanna swallow the sun

Good guitar leads add even extra.

12) YG f/ 2 Chainz, Big Sean & Nicki Minaj - “BIG BANK”

“Alexa, what does big bank do to little bank?”

The highlight line from each:

YG: “Ayy, I set the bar, I'm the fuckin' bar / Look in the sky, I'm a fuckin' star / I don't fall in love 'cause I be lovin' hard / Do everything like my shirt, extra large”

2 Chainz: “Big shit like a dinosaur did it”

Big Sean: “I'm rare as affordable health care”

Nicki: “Told em' I met Slim Shady, bagged a Em / Once he go black, he'll be back again”

Let this also be remembered as the song that created a Madden controversy.

11) Dean Summerwind - “Parked By The Lake”

What is there to say about the legend that is Dean Summerwind? With only one song on Spotify, he’s batting a clean 1.000. Calling this genius feels like an understatement. It’s real, it’s parody, it’s persistent, it’s ours.

10) The Dirty Nil - “Bathed In Light”

The Canadian Local H. Reaaaaaaaally wanna see them live in 2019.

9) oso oso - “gb/ol h/nf”

I stylized oso oso as “Oso Oso” last year to stick it to their frontman Jade, but a year later, I’ve lost the energy. Blame Ariana Grande. This song -- which stands for “goodbye old love, hello new friend”* -- has my favorite chorus of the year. It’s so simple, it’s obvious: “But I still come through, when you want / And if I serve no use, where do I get my purpose from?”

Also, this is indie/pop/punk/rock’s version of “SICKO MODE”: got more parts than “The Wire”.

(* - had to look that up multiple times in 2018 and never retained, despite it being the bridge of the song... I didn’t notice)

8) Kacey Musgraves - “Space Cowboy”

If any song *survives* the existence of this list, I hope it’s this one. Kacey has this predictable-yet-surprising way of taking existing tropes and co-opting them with her own twist. Homegirl is like the Jim Nantz of pop/country in that way.

7) Direct Hit! - “Welcome To Heaven”

This song makes me want to die to, you know, check. Blustering chorus, fascinating premise, and charged up while simultaneously patient/in control.

6) FIDLAR f/ The 90s - “Are You High?”

This not being on Spotify was one of the worst non-Michigan football things to happen to me in 2018. Man, I hate Michigan football.

5) Drake - “Nice For What”

- My favorite beat of 2018 (New Orleans bounce, ftw)

- My favorite release of 2018 - Drizzy said it would drop on a Friday - We were thinking morning or midday (not late evening, in the last remaining hours of the day, when were were faded and had waited so long it was almost forgotten -- it hit perfect) - On top of that, he also sampled Lauryn Hill’s “Ex-Factor” -- the same week Cardi B did the same -- with even more pulsating results - I will always interpret that as a real or sneak diss, yet no one I know has ever said anything

- My buddy Josh sent a selfie vid of him and his girl and some friends bopping to it; I’ll remember that forever; the moment felt like such an event, as if the world simultaneously celebrated at such an atypical time

- Drake deserves 30% less credit for this female empowerment anthem because of the “these hoes” sample

- Maybe a Top 5 Drake song, all-time

- There is no planet, solar system, or multiverse where 2018 Drake finishes ahead of 2018 Pusha T

4) Pusha T - “The Story Of Adidon”

You are hiding a child.

Let’s not mince words: this is the No. 2 greatest diss track of all time. Pac is No. 1 -- this will not be debated. From there, Nas is DQ’d for “Ether” homophobia, annnnnnd no one else is in the realm. King Push...

- Unearthed a photo of Drake in blackface and uses it as the art for the song - Goes at Drake’s mom (”Marriage is something that Sandi never had...”) - Goes at Drake’s dad (”Dennis Graham stay off the 'gram, bitch, I'm on one”) - Outs Drake for having a child (and hiding said child!*) - Goes at Drake’s baby momma - And -- /gulp -- goes at Drake’s longtime producer 40 for having multiple sclerosis, suggesting he will not be alive soon**

He does this over “The Story Of O.J.” beat... a rather chill backdrop, all things considered.

(* - Drake responded later with the line “I wasn’t hiding my kid from the world, I was hiding the world from my kid” which just isn’t cool at all but is competent enough to win some people back over; /barf)

(** - HOLY FUCK***)

(*** - much debate occurred in the aftermath regarding if Push “went too far”; I was 50-50 at the time but now am 100-0 that it was the right choice; this song is cyanide venom, so why pull back even an ounce?)

Though Drake survived -- turns out the mainstream pop boost is bigger than hip-hop beef -- he took the fattest of L’s on this one.

Really can’t decide on a lyrical ending, so I’m gonna go with two:

Surgical summer.

If we all go to hell, it’ll be worth it.

3) Spanish Love Songs - “Buffalo Buffalo”

In my head, this was gonna end up ahead of The Menzingers, but that would be like putting Greta Van Fleet ahead of Zeppelin. Spanish Love Songs were my breakout band of 2018. They released my favorite album, I saw them as an opener at Sub-T in Chicago, and I promised their bassist I’d see them in Florida at the Fest (this did not materialize). While their vocals and guitar leads sound identical to Scranton’s finest, if you listen to them as much as I did, you’ll realize they offer a sound and perspective* of their own as well.

(* - no one hates themselves more than this singer)

2) The Menzingers - “Toy Soldier”

There’s so much to be sad about these days

/that guitar intro

Followed by the best musical moment of this year: from 0:06 to 0:07 -- the ever-so-slight delay before the band blows it out. Spent a lot of time in 2018 debating if I should change my Twitter bio to “I lost my accent in the plague”. Listened to this song on the floor of the living room on my 32nd birthday; then I read “The Great Gatsby”. From there (at this point, it was past midnight), I realized this sounded like The Lawrence Arms’ “Requiem Revisited”, which was inspired by Naked Raygun’s “Soldiers Requiem”. It’s all a triangle of that perfectly fitting punk chord progression. That’s right: I am Pepe Silvia.

1) Horror Squad - “I Smoke The Blood”

Best song title of 2018. Best song of 2018.

This has 729 views on YouTube -- be the 730th.

youtube

Spotify playlist.

Thank you for reading.

0 notes