#fan fic director's commentary

[purlturtle]

⭐! (I always want to listen to you talk about all your fics!!)

Hi! So this one is gonna be about Only For Tonight, a story in three parts. It centers around the idea that H.G. is bigender, and that an artifact helped them by way of changing their body so they can express their inner gender identity in their body/anatomy. So when they have a male "day", so to speak, they can shift their body to reflect that, and the same when they feel female.

More on how I thought of that and then went about turning that into a story, under the cut! Be aware that Only For Tonight is straight up smut with some plot, so it's gonna be absolutely NSFW under the cut!

Oh! Also, I am very much not the first person to think of bigender H.G. - there is a wonderful sweet fic by @nerdsbianhokie called "At Twilight He Would Go Out", please check it out!

This story (I'm gonna treat it as one, even though it's a series - to me, it is one story told in three parts) came about early into the pandemic. I was going stir-crazy at home, and part of that manifested as my brain going towards smut.

My first thought was, how about an artifact that lets the wearer know what the other person involved in the sexytimes needs or wants to feel? Writing a first time can be super fun, because the characters know precisely that not really all that well yet, and figure it out together. I've written that before (and to a degree, this story has it too, just later on, funnily enough!), but for this one, I wanted Myka to be able to just lie down and relax into the capable hands of one H.G. Wells (I mean honestly WHO WOULDN'T *ahem*). And capable though H.G. is, they can't read minds all on her own. So artifact it was.

(I'm also gonna go with "they" for H.G. for this bit, because that is also what they ask for within the story.)

Then I tried to think of what the downside of that artifact would be. Knowing someone's immediate sexual needs is quite personal and intimate beyond just the sheer physical sense, so I wanted to give the artifact a downside that was equal in weight. And since my mind will ALWAYS go to "How do I prevent H.G. from turning on them", that's where it went here too. Not by way of H.G. revealing their plans to Myka, but by way of them revealing, both to Myka and to themselves, how important Myka had become to them. And they couldn't continue with their plans in the face of that truth, and so they didn't. That is basically the shift in them at the end of part 1; I hope that came across clearly, but if not, here it is, all spelled out.

The big tattoo was something I've been thinking about for a while now. It was always going to be a way for HG to ground themselves in their body after the unbronzing, and within this story, which in a way centers so much around their body and their choices regarding their body, I thought it fitted perfectly.

I don't quite remember when the thought of bigender HG hit me, or if it was inspired by nerdsbianhokie's fic - I think probably yes, at least subconsciously. Once it was there, though, and I realized at which point of the canon I was setting this story, the idea to have the Regents use H.G.'s male body came immediately after. Crank up the confusion for Myka! Having her (and also H.G.) address the fuckery of the Janus Coin and the Regents thinking that this was even remotely okay, was also something that has been long on my agenda. And then, because I still had in mind that I wanted this story to be smut, sexytimes with Emmet happened.

Let's stick with those sexytimes for a bit - I said above that I wanted Myka to be presented with a good time, with something that was just for her, no thought as to reciprocation necessary. There was a moment in there, or maybe a bit more of a moment, in which Myka finds she expressly enjoys being at H.G.'s "mercy", and if I ever get around to writing a part 4 (not ruling it out, but also pointing at my very full WIP folder), that is definitely something I want to explore. More on that later, though.

With regards to H.G., I found the thought quite intriguing that they had been in a female body for so long partly because they didn't want to confuse Christina, but also partly because they were scared, after the unbronzing, if they even still could shift. Sometimes you don't even want to try a thing for fear that you'll fail, right? And this, then, also translated into not being at ease enough in their body, especially around Myka, to let go in terms of sexual pleasure. They were just too much in their head to simply enjoy it, and that is where Myka domming came in, as a solution that worked quite nicely.

Okay, so part 4 - I have a document with ideas for it, that I'll just break down into bullet points real quick:

more sexytimes in the cabin!

Myka ruminates on the potential for children, since she's ovulating; all by herself, though, not (yet) with H.G. (this is only a potential; I might leave the question of procreation entirely out of this)

H.G. returns to the Warehouse; the team finds out they're bigender

H.G. refuses to "just change your body!" (Artie or Pete) in order to mimic the appropriate gender in the course of a retrieval; that's not an appropriate thing to ask of her, since her gender isn't a disguise to put on.

the team does accept them being bigender; Claudia adds a pin to her coat and is, together with Myka, the biggest driver of everyone remembering to use the right pronouns for H.G.

(potentially!) a threesome with Claudia, by way of her being nervous about sexytimes but also willing to explore sexytimes, and she wants to do so with someone she trusts fully and completely, and who also has experience in that area. There are a few fics out there that explore that scenario, that do so extremely well, and I'd hope to add to that number if I can. With this particular H.G. having their own hangups about letting go and having sex with someone they trust, I figure they would be very understanding of Claudia. The biggest obstacle would be, IMO, Myka worrying about the dynamics between her and Claudia, and H.G. and Claudia, and how those would change if and when they go through with that. So if I can find a way to appease her, that might happen.

Also, mawwage! Thoughts about it, anyway. And H.G. wondering how that could ever work, since they'd have to have two wedding bands, two wedding certificates, and how would they feel the day of, in which gender would they walk down the aisle; how would they even shop for that? Two outfits, one for Helena, one for George? But then what would happen to the one that didn't get worn? And Myka would point out (silly Hugin) that it's not about the symbols, it's about the vow. Everything else is just details. Also, yes. The answer is yes.

Here it is! I hope this was fun to read - it sure was fun to think back (and a little bit forward!) to these stories! Thanks for the ask, and feel free to keep them coming!

#ask meme #Only For Tonight #fan fic director's commentary

[svtskneecaps]

literally it's 3am where i live and i'm on mobile but FUCK IT i haven't posted any actual writing in like a YEAR on this blog whose description include the words "I WRITE" and i can't tell if i'm even going anywhere with this so fuck it under the cut is the prospective absolute mess of the first chapter of the flipo family time loop fic. (for clarity, flipo family as in slime, mariana, and juanaflippa) this covers loop 0, aka the relevant parts of canon. words: 1630

parts of it i popped off with and other parts i hate; up to you to identify them. also the italics and other formatting got erased when i copy pasted and i'm re-adding all of it by hand so if i missed a spot, no i didn't. if i missed an accent on a letter in spanish that was a typo, if i missed a ¡ or ¿ that may have been on purpose.

oh and for obvious reasons, content warning for mentions and mild descriptions of child death and child murder. no blood, and most of it is a three word mention; i'd say the brief paragraph beginning "Tilín didn't scream" is most of the reason this warning exists.

Charlie Slimecicle stepped off the train.

He’d been hoping for a bright, sunny day to start their vacation, but was sorely disappointed. The portal had apparently taken them pretty far, since they’d gone from noon to night time. Talk about jetlag. They hadn’t even been on a plane.

“What happened to the other guys?” he wondered aloud as he stepped onto the platform.

“Yeah no clue,” Phil said, scanning the empty station. “Thought they’d meet us here.”

“Guys!” one of the Spanish speakers--Vegetta, he’d said, when they’d all met up at the first station--called, from a lectern at the wall. “There is a book!”

They crowded around as he read the instructions aloud--something about pressure plates, Slime wasn’t paying that close of attention. He was a little more preoccupied with making sure it only felt like his brain was dripping out of his ears. That would be kind of embarrassing.

Which was not to say that he wasn’t enjoying the constant onslaught of people talking over each other using words he may or may not understand. In fact, it was the opposite; he was frankly thriving in the absolute chaos that kicked back up around him as a timer appeared in the wrist communicators they’d been provided along with their tickets.

“Como se dice ‘we are going to die now’?” He giggled, chasing Phil and Fit to one end of the station.

“¡Vamos a morir!” shouted Spiderman, echoed seconds later by the black bear in the collared shirt.

Giddy over the high of attempting to use his high school foreign language for the first time maybe ever, Slime absolutely didn’t contribute much to solving the puzzle, and before long the sound of the timer ticking down was accompanied by a loud buzzing alarm.

“It’s been an honor!” he shrieked at the top of his lungs. “It’s been an honor!”

The bear ran past them again, shouting, “I’m going to die!” in English this time.

“Adiós amigos!” Slime yelled.

The countdown ended.

And then his communicator buzzed, and there was a video playing on the screen, showing a cartoonish yellow duck in front of a blurry beach stock photo. He skimmed it absently--some generic welcoming message and another side quest for them--distracted by Maximus audibly losing his shit laughing across the station.

“Come on, I’m trying to take a vacation, I gotta work now?” Fit complained. “This is ridiculous.”

Slime wanted to jump on that bit, but the message cut off with coordinates marred by static and the noise of the emergency weather alert system and he lost his train of thought completely.

“I got the English book!” Spreen called, holding it with two fingers like it had personally offended him.

“English leader,” Vegetta said, seeming to find that amusing.

“English leader.” Spreen laughed and flicked the book away. Slime stepped back but somehow it still nailed him in the chest.

“Guess I’m reading then,” he said cheerfully.

“In Spanish?” Maximus said.

“Um.”

Vegetta called something, backing across the plaza with the book open in his hands. Phil backed up to the wall.

“Here,” Phil instructed, “we’ll read it here.”

“Okay okay.” He flicked it open. “So we have to get water wheel planks--”

Their peace lasted a grand total of thirty seconds as voices suddenly began shouting, overlapping in chaotic chorus.

“What is that?” Fit demanded.

“Is that coming from the other side?” Phil stared up at the top of the wall.

“This is the thinnest thick wall I’ve ever seen,” Slime said, giddy laughter bubbling out of him again. “Is this thing made out of pencil shavings? If I sneeze on it, is there gonna be a hole?”

“Nevermind, we’ll read it over here.” Phil dragged them away again, but the Spanish speakers were dispersing into the trees.

“Forget the book,” Fit said, “follow them!”

(In the end it was explosives that took the wall down, which in hindsight was a precursor to how a not insignificant portion of time on the island was spent. The first day, however, it was just funny, much like everything else.)

(That was to say, the first first day.)

The communicator had indicated that today there was something special planned, so he made an extra effort to wake up.

“Morning Jaiden!” he called to his upstairs neighbor.

“Hi Charlie!” He could hear her farming through the wall. “Glad you woke up on time!”

“Well you know, you know, El Backflipo couldn’t miss it,” he joked, sifting through his backpack. “Got any spare food? I’ll trade you uno backflipo.”

“I have so much toast, come here and get some, free of charge.”

With a quick backflip and some toast to start the day, he popped open the map.

“There’s a lot of people down the wall,” he noted, their green dots so clustered they formed one. “Wanna check it out?”

“Yeah sure.” Jaiden tossed some seeds into a chest. “Do you know what this event’s gonna be?”

“I have no idea,” he admitted cheerfully.

She laughed. “Yeah, me neither. I guess there’s an egg involved, but that’s all I know.”

He dug around in his backpack for a paraglider, nodding along. “Yeah, yeah, un huevo, I get you.” Shuffling the landmine from Vegetta to one side, he yanked out his glider and threw himself out her window. “Let’s go!”

(nothing like getting struck by lightning to wake a guy up in the morning)

Slime fiddled with the communicator as he waited for the line of people to get through the ticket machine; he already had his own, a nice B for Backflipo. The new live translations still boggled his mind. He had to fight the urge to chant weird shit under his breath, just to see what the bubbles would say.

He paid a little extra attention when Mariana walked up to the machine. That guy seemed cool. They’d done that pequeño dormir together on day one, and he had a good sense of humor. Egg parenting would probably be funny.

He was thrilled to see the B for Backflipo on the ticket Mariana stepped away with, even if Mariana was decidedly less so. This was gonna be good.

(it was, and it wasn’t)

So, Mariana wasn’t exactly the coparent of dreams. Then again, Slime was pretty sure Mariana could say the same about him. In fact he was pretty sure Mariana had said the same, but in Spanish, when he wasn’t checking the translation.

It was great. They thought they’d killed a child immediately and then decided to fake their own child’s death to get away with it, and then confessed their sins to a bilingual angel and built a farm and then he buried himself beneath an improvised cross and went into a coma until his sins were forgiven, or something, except his sins weren’t forgiven in time to save his own child’s life.

And then Juanaflippa was dead. Dead at Mariana’s hand.

His bitch wife killed their daughter.

(Everything went faster, after that.)

Slime wanted to kill him.

Slime wanted to kill him for killing their fucking daughter, but of course, Mariana couldn’t even be bothered to be around to take care of her alive, never mind to pay for his crimes when she died by his hand!

(in a better world, his rage started and ended there. in a better world, the anger fizzled out with the lack of a target.

this was not that world)

There couldn’t be an Egg Event with no eggs.

If he killed them all, it would bring her back.

(in a worse world, he succeeded. in a worse world, the Egg Event ended there.

this was not that world)

They held a trial.

If he won, it would bring her back.

(in another world, he didn’t convince them. in another world, they left his daughter in Hell.

this was not that world)

Tilín was still before she hit the ground.

Tilín didn’t scream. Maybe they didn’t have time. It happened so fast. He was sure it happened fast. Almost too fast. But everything went so fast, now, even though Flippa was back. Yet, time slowed down for this, like a rubberneck driving past a highway accident, watching him desperately trying to shock their heart back into motion.

“YOU KILL MY BEST FRIENDS,” Flippa wrote. He begged her to understand. She wrote, “i can’t believe it.”

She wrote, “I HATE YOU.”

(in a better world, the error would have been caught in April instead of July.

this was not that world)

His daughter fell to his bitch wife’s sword. The same way. The next day.

They’d only just gotten her back. And Mariana killed her again.

He only left eggxile for the funeral. She wouldn’t stay dead, but he had to be there.

Time went even faster after that. He was Gegg, or maybe Gegg was him, or maybe Gegg was Gegg, or maybe. . . ?

He went back to eggxile.

He wasn’t leaving without them. Tilín. Juanaflippa. He would do whatever was necessary. He would pray to any higher power. Lil J still owed him a goddamn favor, but the guy wouldn’t pick up his calls. Maybe if he put more shit in the shrine; angels liked shiny shit, didn’t they? He went back to the mine, where the gasses swirled in his head. He built the shrine. He mined. He built the shrine.

He went back to the mine.

He went back to the mine.

He went back to the mine.

“This is where I sit, this is where my bitch wife sits, and this is where my daughter sits, if I had one!”

He’d said that before. No he hadn’t. Yes he had.

No, he just needed to clear his head.

Charlie Slimecicle went back to the mine.

Charlie Slimecicle stepped off the train.

#qsmp #qsmp fanfiction #qsmp slimecicle #qsmp juanaflippa #won't tag his partner since he didn't get to star much in this part #this idea is at its core a flipo FAMILY fic though it starts out with slime #just. the problem is getting to that point. bc beyond these words i have like 500 more lmao #for anyone curious for directors commentary in the tags: #pequeño dormir' is on purpose; i figured that would be a mistake slime would make at day 14 on the island #i also omitted the ¿ and ¡ from slime's spanish dialogue for the same reason; it's as close to an actual accent as i can get in text #(accent as in accented speech not accented letter; speaking spanish with an american accent) #slime's quote at the end about where people sit is taken verbatim from one of his streams #at time of posting it is available on his vods channel titled 'we won the war. (qsmp)' #a lot of the day 1 dialogue and flippa's dialogue from tilín's death is also verbatim #oh and the sequence from the 'we won the war' vod carries a lot of weight in the idea (wasn't the spark but it filled some gaps) #for me the cave gases are what drives every loop; time rolls back whenever slime inhales too much gas and 'forgets' #i don't have exact mechanics about it but suffice it to say if ANYONE were to spend too much time in this random ass cave #they would also loop back in time; slime's just the one who in this timeline Happened to discover it #shut up vic #block game brainrot #yea idk i just liked some of the dialogue tbh i think this gets super messy after they get flippa and then brings it back around at the mine #it's got some messy pacing in that middle bit but the foundation of a time loop story is its loop 0 #that's what every loop after it has to call back to; that's the beauty of a time loop story #how is this different from loop 0; how is it the same #we've come so far only to get nowhere at all yknow #i'm a fan of stories rhyming but ESPECIALLY time loops so this is the setup for a lot of that #dude i gotta send this i've been sitting on parts of this draft for a year #may someone besides me read these words 🙏 thank you and goodnight #if people say nice things maybe i'll finally wring more words out of my brain. idk. #long tags

[go-go-devil]

16, 26, 36!

16.) Ever had someone make fanart, edits, podfic to your fic?

I have had some people make fanart for my fics! Since I consider direct feedback/recognition to be the most rewarding part of writing, there is truly nothing in the world better than receiving artwork of scenes that you yourself crafted! Most of these were only posted on discord servers, although you can find a piece of art my friend Amphibizzy drew of a scene from The Moon is Down on here.

Also @slugs-at-midnight have you tried uploading that animation you made of the first entry in Dedusmuln Uncharted on here? The world needs to see your masterpiece!

26.) Last sentence you've written

At their wit’s end, the Lodger bared their teeth and hissed at the twisted specter, only to jump back towards the ladder and barely escape as it lunged at them.

...As you can see here, the Lodger is going to be so fucking done with everyone's shit in Ch. 5 XD

36.) Standard author's note?

Paragraphs

#asks #fanfic #what can I say except that I always have a lot to say about my work lol #I've always been a fan of director's commentaries #so I often try to do that in my author's notes #usually either explaining facts or worldbuilding bits I use in the stories #or talking about deeplore that I either had to cut or reduce to streamline the story #and of course my writing process itself #though I tend to reserve those for fic I upload chapter-by-chapter

[blainesebastian]

set opportunities (ccg universe)

words: 4,063  ship: austin butler x reader summary: ( @stylesmendeshearted requested) “Austin and CCG’s little girl on a movie set”  notes: obviously this follows some of the fics in the ccg universe, probably best to at least read ‘little family’ if you haven’t!  warnings: none  tag list: @killerqueenfan, @karamelcoveredolicity, @elizabethrosecresswell, @gigisworldsstuff, @stylesmendeshearted, @rairaielv, @purejasmine 

Ironically, this is something you weren’t prepared for—landing a movie of your own to star in after you’d had a family. You’d written two films, sure, and they were relatively successful but the last thing you considered is that your agent would be telling you about a film to be in. You never thought about being an actress and honestly you’re still waiting for the other shoe to drop that tells you this is going to be a complete waste of your time. But you also know that you’ll regret if you don’t try.

You remember making jokes to Jillian in the makeup trailer about how every actor out there is suddenly a singer, a producer, a director—a candle stick-maker. And now here you are, a writer, a coffee cart set girl and now an actress. Oh the turn tables.

You’re attempting not to take yourself too seriously, you expect to wake up from a dream or have the rug yanked out from underneath you, and when your agent even presents you with the offer, you sit on it for about two weeks.

Then Austin finds out.

“So you weren’t gonna tell me?” He asks, raising his eyebrows as he stands in the kitchen. There’s no ire in his voice, more like soft amusement, and you roll your eyes because this has Jillian printed all over it.

You can literally picture your best friend texting your husband to move you along in terms of making a decision.

Running a hand through your hair, you shake your head as Luci settles herself in a booster seat at the kitchen table, grabbing pancakes you’ve made and sopping them in syrup. The girl definitely knows how to enjoy breakfast and make a mess.

“I was…totally…eventually…probably gonna tell you.” You smile brightly in his direction to disarm him and he hums, moving to press a kiss to your lips.

“Daddy patates.” Luci announces, like it might be the most important thing in the world and honestly you’d rather talk about that than this actress thing.

Austin smiles as he grabs a mug to pour some coffee, wandering over to look at her breakfast plate mess, “I can see that. You’re gettin’ syrup everywhere.” There’s a definite fondness in his voice that makes your heart flutter in your chest. He attempts to push some of her hair back, “Gonna need a bath after this or you’ll stick to everythin’.”

A soft laugh leaves your lips and you cut up some of your own pancakes to take a bite of. The kitchen is a comfortable quiet for a few moments, Luci enjoying her breakfast as Austin eventually joins you at the table. He grabs some pancakes for himself and spreads butter and you watch him because you enjoy the look of him just waking up. His hair is slightly wild, especially near his forehead, a small amount of scruff growing along his jawline. Luci is very skeptical about that—she reaches her hands out and touches his face sometimes, her nose crinkling in this adorable way when she feels it.

Personally, you’re a fan, but then again Austin is basically handsome no matter what he does. You’re definitely bias.

Despite that everyone is eating breakfast, you know why Austin isn’t currently pressing about this acting thing—he’s giving you time to mull over commentary in your head, allowing you the space to flip it back and forth before you’re actually ready to talk about it.

“I was going to tell you,” You begin, turning a little in your seat so you can face him better. “It’s just…you know, with both of us between projects, I’ve been enjoying this time together. Here.” And realistically you know that won’t last forever of course, both of you have passions that aren’t being stashed away just because you have a daughter.

And—lingers in the air. Austin waits for you to continue but when you hesitate, he stands from his chair to help Luci down when she declares she’s very much done with her pancakes.

“Go wash your hands,” He tells her and she dutifully runs off towards the bathroom to find her stepping stool to do just that. Austin’s right though, she’ll probably need a bath.

You rub the back of your neck, swallowing down a thick emotion. Austin can tell you’re conflicted, reaching for your wrist to wrap his fingers around so you’ll stop fidgeting. A soft smile tugs the corners of your mouth as you shake your head.

“You’re scared everythin’ will change.”

A relieved breath slips from your lips because of course he understands without having to explain it. You nod, leaning back in your chair, hearing the water run in the bathroom. This is only the first handful of times that Luci has been following two-step instructions so, bound to be water on the floor, or she leaves the faucet running.

“I know change doesn’t automatically mean something is bad,” You reply, pushing your plate back once you’ve finished. “It’s just a lot to think about, a lot for Luci.” Not only will schedules change, but obviously that will impact how Luci is taken care of.

You and Austin have talked about co-parenting, about flip-flopping what it might look like if one of you were filming and you know that Austin has no trouble or concerns stepping fully into that role if you would want to act in this movie. There’s nothing decided for him right now, even though his agent is always discussing plans of the future.

“It’ll be different for her, but she can adapt,” And then he presses right on a nerve, what you’re really concerned about. He knows you far too well—“Wanting to do this doesn’t make you a bad mom, you know that, right?”

You swallow over what feels like gravel in your throat and turn to look at him, your eyes shining with unspoken fears and insecurities. Austin’s eyebrows pinch together in empathy and he shakes his head, moving to stand so he can wrap his arms around you. You let out a soft sigh as you remain seated, your face pressed into his torso, his hands working along your shoulders and through your hair.

“You can’t think like that, alright?” Austin soothes, tipping your chin back so that his fingers can wipe tear tracks from your cheeks, “I know how much you love Luci and you know how much I love you.” A soft smile pulls at your lips, “Wantin’ this does not make you a bad mother, you understand me?”

You sniffle and grab a napkin from the table to blow your nose, nodding as Austin takes a step back. You can hear the pitter-patter of Luci’s bare feet on the wood floor, making a run back into the living room and then kitchen as she comes back from her hand-washing adventure.

“How’d we do?” Austin asks, picking her up and settling her on his hip.

She preens at him, like she’s hung the moon, her one hand holding onto one of her favorite stuffed animals which is a black dinosaur Austin got her when she turned two. She’s definitely got syrup still on at least one hand, her cheeks and…her hair? You crinkle your nose and laugh, Austin shaking his head fondly.

“Alright, bath time. We’ll give your dino a good run in the washing machine too.”

“Here, let me—” You begin, standing from the table to help or take over. Something. Austin shakes his head, leaning over to press a kiss to your lips. It definitely stops you in your tracks, something lingering and warm against your lips and fluttering in your belly.

“I got it,” He says, pecking the corner of your mouth as he pulls back. “You finish up here,” He raises his eyebrows pointedly, “And call your agent.”

You hold his gaze for a long moment and nod because…he’s right, you do want to give this a chance. Wherever it may lead.

“Give mommy a kiss.” Austin tells Luci and before you can even turn your head, Luci plants a big wet, syrupy kiss on your cheek, kinda getting it on your nose.

You laugh as Austin begins to leave the kitchen, amusement on his face. “Thanks for that.”

He says a few things to Luci as he walks down the hall, her laughter echoing. Pulling your phone out of your joggers, you take in a soft breath before drawing up your agent’s number and tapping it.

Well, here it goes.

--

So you really decide to do this thing and after about a month in, you’re somehow completely overwhelmed and grateful all at the same time. It’s definitely nothing like you’ve experienced before, which you figure makes sense. Delivering coffee to trailers and being on set as a writer is completely different than being the, for the lack of a better word, star. It feels like a warped sense of déjà vu, for someone to bring you a coffee order, a girl named Dez who’s young and bright and has a crush in on your husband (in the most wholesome of ways). She’s sweet, but everyone on set is, and on some days you try your hardest not to struggle with imposter syndrome because a lot of people are depending on you.

Set is about three hours away from home so you drive back as often as you can but a lot of the time with the late hours and early starts, you sleep in your trailer. You desperately miss Austin, Luci, the comfort your home and little family bring. It feels like there’s two parts to you, something that was whole and complete before starting to sever, being yanked apart by distance and time.

Austin is understanding, supportive and comforting and sometimes being reminded of how proud he is of you really makes everything worth it. It reminds you that you deserve to be proud of yourself.

Letting out a soft sigh, you let yourself into your trailer after a long night…even though it’s only nine o’clock. Feels a lot later. There’s talk about there being an eleven PM shoot but nothing is set into stone yet. You figure it’s best to go back and lay down to get as much sleep as possible. But as you eventually crawl into bed, you’ve got one thing on your mind, and you tap Austin’s name and open up FaceTime.

He answers after the second ring, his face coming into view. Your stomach does a full swoop, a smile instantly pulling at your face. From what you can tell, he’s on the couch in the living room, a blue and white hued glow playing with shadows along his cheekbones and jawline, indicating that he’s muted the TV.

“Hey stranger,” He greets, that familiar drawl making your cheeks kiss pink.

“Hi,” You reply, voice relieved. “You are a sight for sore eyes.”

“Know the feelin’,” He smiles at you, tilting his head, “You in bed?”

You nod, propping up a few pillows so it’s more comfortable to talk to him. “Yeah, just finished shooting.”

“You rememberin’ to eat?” He asks and you can’t help but let out a soft laugh, touched that he’s worried but—

“This is very reminiscent of when you were on Elvis, you know, me always wondering if you found time to make sure you’re eating.”

Austin hums a little, running a hand through his blonde curls, “Glad I could figure out a way to give it right back to you.”

There’s a comfortable silence for a few moments in which you’re just kinda breathing with one another. And when you close your eyes, turning in bed to lie on your side and adjusting your phone to lean horizontally, it almost feels like he’s there with you.

“How’s Luc?” You ask, opening your eyes to look at him.

You can tell he was looking at you in a similar manner, this sort of intimate gaze reserved only for you.

“She’s good,” Austin nods, “I wouldn’t say that she’s one hundred percent sure on you not bein’ home every night but I think she’s startin’ to get that you’re at work.” He pauses, a soft breath leaving his lips, “Though she was lookin’ for you in your closet today, so.”

Your hand settles over your heart as your mouth opens slightly because ouch, “Aw, poor thing.” You shake your head, trying to blink away very sudden tears because you hate that Luci’s at home, wondering where you are, looking for you in places she’s seen you in before.

“Hey don’t,” Austin says gently, “Can’t stand seein’ you cry.”

A soft laugh flutters out of your lips and you quickly wipe underneath your eyes because you’re definitely not doing it on purpose. You blame it on long nights, not enough sleep, and missing them.

“Kinda your fault,” You tease, letting your hand rest over your face for a moment as you take in a long breath to center yourself.

You’re about to come up with this elaborate plan in which you decide to come home tomorrow night, regardless of what time you finish filming, regardless of what time you have to be up the next day. Even if it’s just for an hour of seeing Austin, of being in bed with him, of having your little girl wake up to you being home—it’ll be worth it.

Before you get the words out, there’s a knock at your trailer door, “Ms. Y/L/N?” One of the hair and makeup girls calls out, “I dunno if you saw but we’re gonna do one more scene in an hour.”

Closing your eyes, you turn a little to call over your shoulder, “Thanks, be out soon.”

The trailer door closes and you run a hand over your face, sitting up a bit and looking back your husband. He gives you a small, warm smile, something that reaches directly into your chest and squeezes pleasantly. There are no words to really describe how much you love him, how much you appreciate him being there for you.

“I gotta go but I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”

Austin nods, “Yeah, call me whenever you need.”

You’ll definitely be holding him to that. The trailer feels extra quiet when you hang up the call.

--

You know that this is the first film you’ve starred in, so maybe you’re a bit bias, but you’re definitely enjoying the process so far and everything that comes with it. Not only does the movie feel like a fresh take on a psychological thriller, but you’re just kinda soaking up absolutely everything that comes from the experience. You might learn something from this for next time, or this film might be a one-off and you never place yourself in movies again. Either way? You’re not taking this for granted…even if you’re a little distracted today from missing your family.

You keep that to yourself even though in hair and makeup this morning you show the girls working on you pictures of Austin and Luci. They know who your husband is already, of course, but they’re definitely enjoying some of the behind-the-scenes at him being a father. It’s not that you’re embarrassed or anything about your emotions, it’s just…you want to make sure you’re putting your best foot forward when it comes to concentration and dedication of craft. You’ve got plenty to learn.

Taking a small sip of water, you hum as a fifteen minute break is called. Perfect amount of time for you to walk back to your trailer and call Austin, see if Luci wants to take a break from playing for FaceTime. You pull the skirt up a little to the long, flowing ruby red dress you’re wearing—matching high-heeled shoes and lipstick. They’ve been filming the ‘charity ball’ scene since this morning so, while you’re definitely loving the dress, your feet are starting to hurt.

Toeing them off, you leave them on set to put them back on when break is called, walking in the direction of your trailer. Not two steps before you hear,

“Mommeee!”

And you’d know that voice anywhere—you turn sharply and gasp a little, grinning as you see Luci running towards you at breakneck speed, arms wide open. You laugh lightly, leaning down to scoop her into your arms when she gets close enough.

“Oh my gosh!” You grin down at her, pressing kisses all over her face and definitely getting lipstick on her. She doesn’t seem to care as she giggles, moving to hug you tightly around your neck.

You glance in the direction she’s come from and not far behind is Austin, walking to you with a wide smile and a visitor’s badge on. You know you’re technically not that far from home, but it feels so good to see him. You let out a warm sigh as he reaches you, Austin leaning down to press a kiss on your lips and smirking at how smudged your makeup has gotten.

“Surprise.”

You smile, nuzzling your nose against his for a moment, “Best surprise.”

Austin hums and runs his fingers through Luci’s wild curls, “Will have to remember that with your birthday comin’ up.”

A soft laugh mixed with an eyeroll, your free hand gently smacking his chest. “Hush.”

This is probably the perfect time to visit the makeup trailer really quick to fix your lipstick, bringing Austin and Luci along for the walk. Luci is talkative in so many ways, telling you about all the things you’ve been missing at home. Austin’s made blanket forts, taken her to the park, made pancakes and ice cream sandwiches, watched Moana three times—

“Wow, blanket forts and ice cream sandwiches,” You shake your head at Austin. “That doesn’t seem fair that I’m not gettin’ any of that.”

He smirks and presses a kiss to your temple before you walk up the steps to the makeup trailer, “I saved you a sandwich in the freezer, I know where my husband points come from.”

You grin over your shoulder before greeting the lovely makeup women and make your introductions. Both of them have wonderful things to say to Austin and Luci and your cheeks definitely turn pink when they throw compliments your way too about how hard you’ve been working on set.

Austin looks proud but unsurprised.

Ally takes Luci and places her in her chair, asking her if she wants her hair braided and some pink lipstick. You grin as you sit down in Rachel’s chair so she can fix you up for the scene, watching Luci every so often get treated like a princess. She’s definitely having a great time.

There’s a knock on the trailer door and Dez opens up, getting her notepad out to take coffee orders. She takes one look at the chairs before the corner of the large mirrors near the door and her eyes grow as big as saucers upon seeing Austin.

A soft chuckle leaves your lips, “Dez, I’m sure Austin needs no introduction but,” You motion towards your husband, “Austin, this is Dez, she keeps me caffeinated and sane on set and she’s a big fan of yours.”

Austin nods in understanding before smiling, his eyes glancing towards you as he has a similar thought that you’re definitely sharing about coffee cart girls and coming full circle. He leans up off the counter and offers his hand for Dez to shake,

“Really nice meeting you.”

Her cheeks turn pink as she squeezes his hand, “Are you kidding? It’s so nice to meet you, I—” She’s definitely trying to figure out how to complete full sentences. You smirk lightly as your lipstick is finished, “I will—I will get you anything you’d like, coffee wise, what—what can I get you?”

Austin chuckles warmly, “Just black, sugar. Thank you.”

You know that he’s made this girl’s day, especially when she comes back with everyone’s coffee orders and he poses for a selfie with her. With break time winding down and your makeup touched up, you scoop Luci up into your arms and wander out of the trailer, putting her on the ground. She’s got braid pigtails and light pink lipstick on.

“Look how pretty you are.”

She gives you a big, cheesy smile and begins fluffing out the bottom of your dress just because she can and she must enjoy the fluffiness of the red mesh. Glancing at the time, you know you’re gonna have to get back to set but before you go, you turn your attention towards Austin. Both of your hands automatically find his as he steps closer to you, your fingers lacing.

“I’m so happy you’re here.”

He hums in agreement, “We’ll set up in your trailer—see you later.”

“Okay, make sure you grab dinner at the food tent.”

“I know how this works,” He teases with a grin, leaning down to kiss you.

Unfortunately, you have to side step a little with a soft huff, “Don’t mess up my makeup or Rachel will have some words for you.”

Austin chews on his lower lip, smiling as he leans in and manages a few kisses in haphazard places, causing laughs to leave your lips—one to the temple, the cheek, jawline.

You pull back as Austin scoops up your daughter, heading to set feeling automatically rejuvenated.

--

Wrapping the night off strong, you finally make it back to your trailer to see Austin and Luci. You’ve changed back into a pair of leggings and one of Austin’s sweatshirts in wardrobe, leaving the flowing red dress behind. As you walk up the steps and gently push open the door with your elbow, you finish using a makeup wipe to take the remnants of lipstick and mascara off.

Smiling softly, you toss the wipe into a nearby trashcan as you see Austin lounging on your couch, waiting for you. He sets his phone down, sitting up a bit,

“How’d it go?”

You hum lightly, glancing into your bedroom to see that Luci is passed out on your bed, laying face down in a few coloring books. A small smirk tugs the corners of your mouth that Austin’s just left her there like that but…seems like all the markers have caps on, so, it’s a good trade off.

“Good, I think.” You sigh, tired, but in a good fulfilled way. You perch yourself on the solid coffee table to sit across from him. “It’s one of those things where I won’t…quite know how I’m doing until it’s all over with.” You crinkle your nose, your hands settling on his knees, “Your wife might end up being a terrible actress.”

He smirks, leaning forward to plant a soft kiss on your lips, “I doubt that.”

A soft pink blush blooms on your cheeks, “And good here?”

Austin nods, glancing into the other room at Luci on the bed, “Passed out colorin’ you a picture for your fridge in here,” He smiles, “M’sure you’ll have plenty to pick from.”

“I’d expect nothing less.”

He gently tugs on your hand, encouraging you up and off the coffee table. Austin spreads himself out on the couch, his long body barely contained on the cushions. You wait until he’s comfortable, a few pillows pressed against the arm of the couch before you lay down on him. Ridiculous how perfect you fit against his body. You’re aware both of you could go to bed but that’d mean disrupting Luci and…knowing her, it’d take forever to get her asleep again. So this will do, not like you haven’t tackled a trailer couch before and made it work.

You fit directly underneath his chin, pressing your nose and lips into his shoulder, breathing him in as your eyes close. Austin threads his fingers through your hair, creating a pattern of his hands massaging circles into your spine.

“M’proud of you.” He says, mostly against your temple.

You smile, tilting your head up to look at him. You press a kiss to his jawline and Austin tips his chin down further to steal a kiss, “I love you.” You whisper against his lips.

Even though you know it’s late, all that matters is that you get to unwind from a long work day with you feeling like you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be: with your family.

#austin butler #austin butler x reader #austin butler imagine #austin butler fic #elvis 2022 #mccall writes things #ccg

[angelinthefire]

Solitudes: director's commentary

So this is a thing I do now, post commentary on my fics. I've been sitting on this fic for a long time and I'm excited to finally talk about it!

Read the fic here

Chapter 1

The title of this fic is a reference to “Two Solitudes”, a novel which I’ve never read, but which is a point of reference for Canadian political science, about the fundamental division between Quebec and English Canada, and the two never being able to connect or understand the experience of the other.  And that’s one of the inspirations for this fic, exploring the degree to which Dean and Cas understand each other and misunderstand each other, and their attempts to communicate what they want from their relationship.  I do believe that Dean and Cas understand each other and connect and relate to each other to a large extent, and far better than some fans give them credit for. Sometimes I see the “Don’t go/Ask me to stay” dynamic exaggerated to an extent that I believe no longer makes sense, given their friendship.  At the same time, there is an underlying tension and disconnect between them. They don’t have a perfect understanding of each other. And that still matters quite a lot. 

The other source of inspiration for this is that I haven’t written anything where Dean is the one with a handle on his feelings and wants to initiate something, since like 2013. And that I’ve never written anything set in season 12, despite that season having the perfect setup for Dean and Cas getting together.  And I was thinking, how do I push things further than what happened on the show? I usually like my fic to feel very situated in canon, and since Dean and Cas didn’t actually get together in s12, something else would have to happen, something to push Dean over the edge. Something that would also push Cas to make a realization.  So that’s how I ended up with the idea to lock Dean and Cas in a room together, with Dean thinking that Cas is dead, and Cas unable to do anything but watch. In my head, the alternate title for this story is “The Pear Jiggler fic”. Just stick them in a box and fuck with them. We also often talk about how Cas never gets to see how Dean reacts when he dies, so that was a fun thing to do as well.  And I just love a good bottle episode. Something that’s just all character-driven. 

In terms of characterization, one thing that’s very important to me is that Cas knows that Dean cares about him. He’s not some poor soul who thinks he’s on thin ice all the time, or thinks that he has to be useful to be loved. He understands that Dean cares, but the misunderstanding is the degree to which Dean needs him in his life.  Cas does have a drive to be useful, to solve problems, but it’s internally motivated. He has to prove that he’s useful for himself, not for Dean. Even when Dean gets pissed at him, Cas doesn’t take it too, too personally, because he does still know that he’s important to Dean.

For Dean, the emphasis is really on the way he retreats when threatened, emotionally. When he behaves badly, it’s partially because he’s worried, but also as a defence mechanism. He only puts words to his feelings when he has nothing left to lose. 

It’s been a while since I’ve written a version of Cas that wasn’t fully tuned in to his feelings for Dean. One of the more fun things about this angsty fic was having Cas thinking about Dean wistfully, and not imagining that Dean might be in love with him, or that his feelings are anything other than friendship.  I guess the other option was to write mutual pining, Dean and Cas both being aware of their feelings but neither realizing the other feels the same way. But for me, the realization that what they feel is love is a really fun part of the story, so I wanted that moment for at least one of them.  Of course, Dean isn’t fully there yet either. Like he knows, but he’s not 100% there. But it’s just caution that’s holding him back. A lot of the time in fic, when it’s Dean’s POV and he knows he’s in love with Cas, there’s a whole big self esteem thing that holds him back. And I never really buy that. Plus it’s unnecessary.

I’ve noticed that in a lot of my fics, I get Dean out of the driver’s seat of the Impala, or out of the Impala entirely. It is about getting him into a new situation, making him feel off-kilter in some way. Switching up the status-quo. 

I’ve been playing the Sims quite a bit, mostly building homes, and therefore looking at a lot of fancy real estate postings for inspiration. I find brutalist architecture quite compelling in its own right. I wanted a setting that feels foreboding, but still like a place where someone might actually have lived. A room with very little in it that could provide distraction. And a space where light plays an important role, which it does in brutalist buildings, I think. I do find it unlikely that a desk and chair would have survived, but Dean needed something to smash up, so. And the fountain wall is there to create a sense that the building is being taken over by something, it has something growing in it. 

The monster itself isn’t consciously based on anything. It’s what it needs to be for the story. Whatever lore I made up only exists to support its function in the story. Even the way Sam kills it, just serves to underline that it’s unique and powerful, and therefore able to keep Cas contained.

Chapter 2

I didn’t have the idea to do the split-screen until I was well into planning the fic. To emphasize the division between Dean and Cas, their mismatched perspectives. For a second I considered just having two unbroken columns, so that the reader would have to decide when/if to go back and forth, but that would have been kind of confusing. And ultimately, Cas is reacting to Dean, so you need to keep going back to Dean to understand Cas.  I wrote Dean’s side first, as the independent variable. Deciding where to break, and switch to Cas was a bit of a back-and-forth process, because it had to work both in terms of story and in terms of rhythm.  One thing I liked about this is that I didn’t have to decide whose POV to write in. Unless a story is strictly one character’s POV I usually plan out scenes from both of their perspectives and then decide which one is better to take for the story, and sometimes that can be kind of tough. 

Of course, the entire conceit of this scenario is that it’s a metaphor for their relationship. Or it takes the tension in their relationship and brings it to the next level. They’re together, but there’s something preventing them from fully connecting. They understand each other, but they misunderstand each other at the same time. And it’s by making that disconnect physical that they start to kind of be able to deal with it. Because it gives Cas a perspective on Dean that he didn’t have before. They don’t fully resolve their problems by the end, and to be honest I wouldn’t want them to. But they make some progress. 

I had fun with the imagery for this. Dean and Cas sharing the same space, being separated by light, and by illusion.

Dean’s alcoholism figures very heavily in this. But it is not addressed as a problem for him to overcome. I neither feel equipped to write a story about alcoholism per se, nor do I want to. A running theme throughout a few of my fics is that Dean and Cas do not fix each other. They keep being the same fucked up guys. And I think getting Dean to a place where he wants to deal with his substance abuse problems would require a lot more story behind it. 

The withdrawal is there to make things that much more horrible for Dean, not to actually deal with alcoholism as an issue.. And it adds an extra sense of threat. I didn’t do a ton of research on what happens when someone goes through withdrawal, I just looked up a timeline for symptoms (it can start after just six hours! I didn’t know that before). And I confirmed that someone could die from withdrawal. 

For Dean, chapter 2 is about making him sit with his misery. Unlike every other time he’s lost Cas on the show, there’s nothing to distract him here. And that’s one of the things that pushes him to vocalize his thoughts and feelings..  As well, anger, guilt, fear and love are all very much intertwined for Dean. And that’s accentuated by the situation. So he says “I hate you” before he says “I love you.” But then, as his motivation to survive kind of drains away, his defensive instincts do as well. 

For Cas, it was about forcing him to accept that things are outside of his control. There’s no more desperate moves, he can’t throw himself on his sword. Like Dean, there’s nothing to distract him, he’s forced to stop and reflect on what’s happening. He has to face what he means to Dean.  When Cas says “I’m not worth it” - that’s something that came up when I was freewriting dialogue and it just felt right. But I spend zero time unpacking it. Again, it’s one of those things - Dean and Cas are both fucked up, they both have their problems, and this experience doesn’t change that. In fact, it probably makes him worse. Another aspect of Cas’ powerlessness is how he relates to his human body. Not having it, or not being able to use it, makes him more possessive over it. 

Still on the topic of Dean and Cas not being able to fix each other, you see that when Dean says he’s in love with Cas, and it finally clicks for Cas. It doesn’t solve anything.  I did really want to make the point that the two of them being in love doesn’t change anything in terms of their plans or obligations. And it doesn’t really change much about how they relate to each other either. I’ve said before that their friendship and their romance are indistinguishable imo. And the other side of that is that Dean and Cas are both more than their relationship, and the pressures and stresses they face mostly come from outside their relationship (which is a fact that fans lose sight of sometimes). Whether they’re officially In Love or not, they want to be together, but there’s other forces, both internal and external, keeping them apart. 

I hope Dean lying down with Cas’ dead body works. It’s super melodramatic, but it’s also kind of gruesome and I like that. I also love the idea of Cas being jealous of the illusion of his dead body. 

Chapter 3

A dynamic that I really like in storytelling is when The Big Event in the story is not the thing that pushes the characters towards the resolution, but it primes them for the next little thing tipping them over. I do that here, and I kind of do that in Life Skills too. It feels more real to me, and it creates more space to explore the ending imo. So Dean tries to go back to normal!

The fight in the parking lot was probably the scene that was the most fun to write. Like it’s still frustrating and angsty, but it’s kind of funny too. 

And yeah, Cas still feels trapped. The repetition of the gray and green imagery reflects that. He still feels powerless, and it just takes one more shove to get him to open up about it.

Dean has a bit of an impulse to be controlling here. First of all, because I do think it’s in character, but also because I think it’s fun. Like I don’t like to go super-toxic with Dean and Cas, but there’s a measure of toxicity. Again, they keep being fucked up. For Dean, I just touch on it briefly, but I think one aspect of his upbringing is that love has to be proven. Like, he loved his father, so he did what was asked of him. If Cas loved Dean, then he would do what Dean asked of him - this is the main concept that underlies my read of Dean’s reaction to Cas collaborating with Crowley in s7.  For Cas’ part, he doesn’t really register that there’s anything wrong with Dean’s behaviour, or he reads in the best intentions. Which is a fun idea to me. 

I really grappled with whether or not to have a sex scene as part of the resolution. It felt formulaic to do so. There wasn’t a story that I wanted to tell with their sex. But on the other hand, I know there would have been a time when I would have been disappointed to read something like this and not get a sex scene out of it. They go through such intense emotions, it only seems fair to the reader. Ultimately it came down to the fact that there wasn’t anything else that I wanted to say about Dean and Cas. 

I kind of grappled with the end in general. Usually, I write fic with a particular ending in mind. For this one, the journey was the focus more than the ending. But I think the ambiguity works. Nothing is fixed, but they’re trying.

And that’s what listening to the tape at the end is about. The tape is Dean’s way of trying to communicate with Cas. But Cas didn’t really get it before. Now Dean is trying to help him to understand. I considered including lyrics at the end. But the scene isn’t about the lyrics, the lyrics could be anything, it’s about the fact of them listening together.

#spn #supernatural #destiel #deancas #by mi #solitudes

[robins-egg-bindery]

Renegade Publishing & The Realities of Anti-Censorship

DISCLAIMER: I can only speak for myself and my own thoughts and opinions; I do not speak for Renegade, ASH, or anyone else. I am attempting to come at this from an objective viewpoint, insofar as any human is able to manage. No part of this is meant as an attack, but rather an open dialogue about community values.

We are a not-for-profit guild of fanbinders — publishing in extremely limited edition fannish works, including fanfiction, meta, original fic, zines, and other works. We are a transformative community connected by shared values, shared goals, shared work, and shared stories. We value fanfiction and fanwork in all its forms, and our fannish culture’s infinite diversity in infinite combinations.

-Excerpt from “Renegade Publishing Manifesto”

Renegade was founded by ArmoredSuperHeavy in 2020, following a viral post titled “I am a Guerrilla Publisher.” This post, along with his document “How To Make A Book”, found its way to like minded folks, spawned a community, and incited the modern fanbinding movement as it is seen today.

This community has since grown exponentially. It can be difficult to see Renegade as a whole, and by extension how vast it is, but here are some statistics to put it into perspective:

SNAPSHOT OF A YEAR (2022)

Typesetting/Binding Exchange: 33 typesetting participants, 41 bound fic participants, more than doubled from the previous year.

FFWAD (Fan Fiction Writer Appreciation Day): 34 books sent to 9 countries

Binderary: 156 books created in 2022. This year, 2023, we had 729 books created from 117 different fandoms.

Additionally, we have Renegade members on every continent (barring Antarctica). The Discord has risen to over 2,000 people, with the Renegade Publishing membership nearing 200. We are a guild of artists shaped by shared community values surrounding the ethos of fanbinding as a craft. Renegade as an organization is run by a volunteer group 40+ strong, with a code of conduct and rules written collectively; no one member or person holds any superior power over the group as a whole. Generalizations on a community this wide and this deep are misplaced and misrepresented.

I myself have been heavily involved in many of these volunteer efforts and events, in a mission to make Renegade’s resources visible and accessible to all, because I believe fanbinding on the whole will be richer and more fulfilling, the more people who are empowered to bind for themselves.

We bind for the following reasons:

To stand against censorship in any of its forms. Most of the books contain subject matter some people may find objectionable on various grounds. Some binders deliberately seek out works that authors and artists were persecuted online for creating.

-Excerpt from “Renegade Publishing Manifesto”

Renegade was founded on an anti-censorship tenet; it has been in our manifesto, our code of conduct, and the server rules since the community’s inception. What content any member chooses to bind is separate from Renegade, and solely their personal choice. Renegade does not content police, or pass any kind of official judgment on the content that anyone chooses to bind. If this sounds familiar, (and it should):

You understand that using the Archive may expose you to material that is offensive, triggering, erroneous, sexually explicit, indecent, blasphemous, objectionable, grammatically incorrect, or badly spelled.

You recognize that the OTW does not endorse Content on the Archive in any way, except when material appears as an official statement of the OTW. No committee members, officers, or directors of the OTW are acting in an official capacity when they post fanworks, commentary, or other Content of the type generally provided by site users.

This is a direct quote from the Terms of Service page for AO3. The Archive does not screen content; there is no content policing on AO3 and there never has been, never will be. The Archive was created specifically so there wouldn’t be any content policing, and was founded on the principle of protecting all fan works - and yes, this does include the content you may think shouldn’t exist, why would somebody write that, etc. If you find any content on AO3 unacceptable, for any reason (you find it offensive, triggering, disgusting, morally reprehensible, etc)...I’m sorry to tell you that it is indeed permitted on the Archive. Renegade is exactly, 100% the same in regards to this issue.

AO3 and Renegade take fandom as a whole - the good, the bad, and yes, even the ugly. At the end of the day, it’s important to recognize that the Archive and Renegade both deliberately chose to keep their content open to all, even while knowing that doing so would essentially be opening Pandora’s Box.

If you disagree with this ethos, that is absolutely fine, as everyone should cultivate and curate their own experiences and spaces. The reality for me is that, whether or not I personally do/do not engage with or condemn/endorse certain content, I believe in the tenet of anti-censorship. I do not feel like it is my place to tell anyone what they can and cannot write, read, or bind, and the Renegade community, like AO3, upholds that belief impartially and unequivocally.

Regardless, just like AO3, it is up to you to curate your own experience. I, personally, do not look into binds of content that I do not wish to engage with; your feed is your own to curate. I have intentionally withheld any kind of personal judgment in this discussion, as it has no bearing on analyzing Renegade’s position and tenet of anti-censorship.

To quote Evelyn Hall:

“I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.”

-The Friends of Voltaire, Evelyn Hall

I want to reiterate that I can only speak for myself and my personal analysis and understanding of Renegade’s rules; any official response from Renegade will need to come from an official Renegade page, and any response from ASH will come from his personal pages. We are an organization, just like AO3, and I encourage everyone to explore our informational pages for full context on the above excerpts, if you feel compelled.

#renegadepublishing #these are my personal thoughts and I hope this helps clear up any confusion on Renegade's ruleset #as I understand it #fanbinding

[nothingelsematterswrites]

⭐️ anything regency au!!

For reference:

Reblog this if you want readers to come into your ask box and ask for the “director’s commentary” on a particular story, section of a story, or set of lines. 

Or, send in a ⭐star⭐  to have the author select a section they’ve been dying to talk about!

Oh, let's talk about the scene in the bookshop! (Chapter Three, if you can't quite remember.)

So, the original plan for the bookshop scene was that Logan was going to stumble around a bit before admitting to Niki that he wanted to buy Oscar a book of American love poetry. The whole idea was that Logan wanted to show Oscar that he was paying enough attention to understand what he likes, but also wanted to give Oscar something of himself. The idea was that he would pick out a book of poems, Oscar would read it, and be flustered by Logan's choice of poems.

Obviously this didn't happen. Why?

American poets of the era were so bloody depressing.

I'm not much of a poet, so I didn't want to try and write one for the fic, and since I'd already named Byron, wanted to find an American poet to use. Well. Let me tell you. It went like this: war. sadness. religion. war. colonisation. war. sadness. religion. sometimes all at once.

So that plan had to change. The problem was that I had already written the rest of the scene and indeed most of the rest of the chapter, so I had to think of something else to buy.

I am a massive Pride and Prejudice fan (in case that wasn't obvious at all), and so I looked up when it was published. Even though the fic doesn't have a very specific timeline, I decided that it was close enough to approximately when it's set. And then the fact that it turned out to be a love story between a proud and reserved man and a sprightly and clever lady kind of worked. The fact that Austen is an omega author in this universe also helps - Logan has, unintentionally, also shown Oscar he doesn't look down on omegas who achieve things.

#writing #answering asks #a/b/o dynamics #fic: the regency au #logan sargeant #oscar piastri

[chilka]

Regarding Andgy’s Twitter Deletion

I’ve been meaning to make this post for a long long while now. I’ve been away from the Fairy Ranmaru fandom since completing my last fic and I don’t keep up with either Yamamoto or Andgy (and their new work together last I know, since last I heard was they had left the company).

I’m sure it’s known that late last year Andgy deleted their twitter account, along with all the art that had been on it. This isn’t anything definitive or satisfying, but a Japanese fan ran into Yamamoto last year and had the chance to chat about Fairy Ranmaru (and other things, I assume) with her. This fan locked their account while sharing information and then deleted the tweets, so I can’t really give any sources on it other than what my partner translated of it. Understandably this is very he-said/she-said but I think it’s still the most info we have from the Japanese side of this about Andgy deleting their Twitter.

This is what the Japanese fan had to say (translated obviously):

Looking back, I'm not sure if it was a good idea to ask this, but when I mentioned that I was surprised when Andgy's account suddenly disappeared, (Yamamoto) replied, "Well... a lot of things happened...". So, I thought maybe the management got angry with them. Maybe the director's audio commentary too.

She also had a chance to interact with Andgy’s work at an exhibit, and after speaking with Yamamoto, it would seem that both Yamamoto and Andgy would prefer not to acknowledge Fairy Ranmaru’s existence anymore.

Keep in mind that after Fairy Ranmaru ended, Andgy was still posting art, but specifically there were a few explicitly Ranmaru/Chilka pieces that imply more than what the show ended on.

The primary speculation here is that there was some bad blood in the end between the creatives of Fairy Ranmaru and the executives of Pony Canyon.

Again, nothing very satisfying, but it’s personally what I also think happened.

Now, one more thing: I do also have a zip file archive of nearly every art that had been on Andgy’s account (it is missing a few pieces), but none of the photography. I don’t know how much of it has been saved out there but given the way things ended in this situation, I feel it’s disrespectful to Andgy to release the zip file publicly? But I also want fans to still have access to the archive. I am thinking of giving it till the end of the year before posting it publicly but I am open to suggestions.

#Fairy Ranmaru #andgy #well there it goes......

[zeldaelmo]

Director’s commentary on Somebody That I Used to Know!! If you need/ want a specific chapter - rituals.

Ah, B, thank you! This story experienced a revival in the last few weeks because a friend was inspired by it and now toys with writing a sequel to it which makes me very happy.

A common trope in OoT fics is Link leaving for searching Navi and coming back in the middle of a ball several years later to sweep the ever waiting Zelda of her feet. It makes for a cute little scene, but after reading a couple of interpretations of it, my mind went down the 'and what if he doesn't?' road.

So I started thinking about Zelda waiting for him to fulfill his promise of coming back and he just... doesn't. What would she do after five years, after ten years, after thirty years? A why wouldn't he keep a promise? What would make him break it?

When I had the idea, I didn't plan doing anything with it anytime soon. I have quite some fic ideas like this: some hastily notes thrown together and saved on my discord server, waiting for the right moment to come. And then, @zelinkcommunity published the prompts for zelink week 2022 and the story fit so perfectly, that I dropped everything and started writing.

I usually write lighthearted stories. They have some angst to keep the plot going, yes, but overall they don't cut too deep. That's mostly because fandom is escapism for me and I want to have fun. This one is different and it was interesting to explore what I'm capable of in the right setting.

I wanted to show how having lived through half of their lives already affected Link and Zelda after all the trauma they went through. We see a lot of exploring the immediate effects of the games in fan fiction, but stories about how they affect the big and smaller life decisions are rare. And that's where the fun for me began: To work out how complicated life is. To show there's no easy answer to why Link didn't come back. To highlight that Zelda was a terrible queen because she projected her anxiety on her reign.

The story only gets Kudos every few weeks, because it's probably nothing most people in fandom search out nowadays, but if I have a super long comment in my inbox, it's usually for this one. Maybe it's the mature approach to OoT's tragedy or the respect for complicated characters and feelings, but something about the story resonates strongly with the people who read it. And I'm very happy and thankful about that.

My favorite scene from 'Rituals' is this here:

He fell silent, digging the tip of his boot into the hard soil around the fire. It took an eternity for him to look up again and when he did, his gaze was cold. It was the first time that she thought the missing eye made his face a tad harsh. 

"So instead of a hard-earned happy ending for us, you managed to create a version where I'm gone, one where I end up here, and one where I'm killed. Eh, good work, I'd say." 

Zelda drew a shaky breath. "Would you even have wanted a happy ending for us?" The words toppled from her mouth before she could quell the bitterness in them.

His gaze snapped away. 

"I didn't know that I would create different realities, Link," she continued, her voice now purposely soft. "We thought it was safe. I just… it wasn't your fault that you got dragged into all this and I wanted to give you the chance to live a normal life."

"I'm an orphan raised by a tree, Zelda. I never had the chance for a normal life." When she shifted on her seat, he buried his hands in his hair. "Sorry. I know you meant well. It's not that you choose to be part of all this either. It's just… this one moment was maybe the only one where we had a choice. And you made it for me."

Zelda couldn't tear her gaze from the way his hands dropped listlessly back into his lap. How had she never considered this? All he had wanted was to choose his own future.

"I'm sorry," she pressed out, and it didn't matter if she stole this choice from him or the other Zelda. 

His hand darted to hers, squeezed, and was gone again. "It is what it is."

#zelink #ocarina of time #ask game #somebody that i used to know

[syrupsyche]

⭐ i'd love to hear your director's commentary on how marius won the hand :D

THANK U for the ask!! You probably already read my dir. commentary on Ch. 5 and Ch. 6 of How Marius Won the Hand [...], so I'll jump back and do a commentary on Ch. 4 of the fic!

I confess: I had no idea what to name Courferre so I picked the two names I feel I've heard the most often when it came to fan-assigned names. And not to give any spoilers, but Courfeyrac's name will come into play again in the future!

Also not to pull a Hugo but I wanted to emphasize how pretty Cosette was lol. Needed to give her and Enjolras some physical similarities first (beauty, etc.) before some spiritual similarities later on in the story!

Cosette canonically loves to tease Marius! See:

Ten years later, with the love of Marius in her heart, she would have answered: “A pedant, and insufferable to the sight! You are right!” (4.3.7)

“Monsieur, you are handsome, you are good-looking, you are witty, you are not at all stupid, you are much more learned than I am, but I bid you defiance with this word: I love you!” (4.8.1)

“Don’t cough, sir; I will not have people cough on my domain without my permission. It’s very naughty to cough and to disturb me.” (4.8.1)

And so I needed Cosette to have her spunk here as well!

Ninny mention!! *cue cheers and applause* Wanted the Valjean reveal to be Hugo-esque ("omg who could this mysterious old man be 🤭") and I'm glad ppl noticed it! Also, Valjean hates Marius so much that I NEEDED to include it, though I suppose Ch. 6 is a lot more obvious with it.

Pilf wrote an excellent post about what Valjean's dynamics with the Amis would be like. Though the context in this fic is quite different (Courferre + Marius having to gain Valjean's favour) but I still think it fits! Courfeyrac would be far too Courfeyrac-ish to gain Valjean's immediate liking, in contrast to Cosette who would love Courf immediately (which only just worsens Courfeyrac's standing). Combeferre, however, is able to stick to safer topics! They're just Two Polite Men. This fic has also only just hinted at Enjolras' and Valjean's father/son dynamic so far but it's very close to Pilf's post on it too. They do not talk to each other at ALL; they will sit in silence together for hours and enjoy it. That's their father/son bonding time babey!

A call back to an earlier part of the chapter when Marius tried to make sure that "his palms were not slick with sweat". Mission failed!

I like to write Courferre stumbling over each other trying to impress Cosette. Idk I just feel like they have that sort of energy à la Tulio and Miguel from The Road to El Dorado.

I'm really glad ppl liked this scene ehe. How did Marius drink soup with a fork? Just part of his Pontmercying shenanigans I suppose.

Cosette being shocked at Enjolras taking her hand is the same energy as someone getting shocked when a particularly introverted cat suddenly comes up and sits on their lap. I hc that Enjolras isn't a very tactile person (which could be canonically derived from his only-two-kisses moment), so Cosette appreciates any physical displays of affection she can get!

I argue that the main thing Marius lacked in canon that could have given him a proper 'character development' was the belief that he could have a solid support system outside of bourgeois circles. He was so close to connecting with Les Amis de l'ABC but he ultimately fell back into a self-deprecating hole once his world views were challenged. In this fic I hope to get Marius to reconnect with Les Amis on a personal level first (via Cosette and Enjolras) before attempting to push him towards connecting with them politically (and he's already beginning to, in Ch. 5!).

And it's no surprise that the first person he reaches for when he realises that he DOES have actual friends is Courfeyrac! Writing this fic and rereading les mis letters has got me in my Courfius feels; Courf was such a good friend to Marius and (fic spoilers?) is definitely deserving of being his chief groomsman!

—

And that's it for my Ch. 4 analysis! Sorry for the late answer lol; immediately after reblogging the post I got thrown 5 different assignment deadlines.

If anyone wants any other fic analysis (or even an AU analysis as a whole!) feel free to ask! I'm only one message away from blabbering like an idiot <3.

#les mis #les mis fanfic #syrup writing #OFEA #enjolras #cosette #marius pontmercy #only tagging the main players so that i dont flood tags #enjolsette

[purlturtle]

⭐

Thank you for the ask, Anon! I appreciate the chance to rhapsodize about one of my fics!

I'm gonna go ahead and pick my magnum opus (so far!) And Now You, aka the high school AU. (If this isn't one you wanted to hear about, no worries, just send me another star and I'll do a different one! :D Or, send me another star if you LIKE me going on about this one and would like to hear more about a different fic!)

So, let's do a kind of director's interview/stream of consciousness thing, shall we?

What inspired the fic?

The movie The Half Of It, tbh! I loved it; I liked the Cyrano storyline, and I thought it would work really well for Myka - but! Record scratch, freeze frame: The Half Of It is very much more than "just" a high school/coming of age movie; it's also about the experience of second generation immigrants, and that isn't really in the books for our Warehouse team. There's a tiny little bit left over from the original premise, in this sentence: "[Myka] can almost always tell if a couple will work out or not." - I'd originally thought that Myka would have this ability, and be able to tell Pete that he would stand no chance with Helena - but as it turned out, that wasn't necessary, because no Cyrano storyline in the end!

Did I plan it to be a teenage pregnancy story from the beginning?

Not quite, but the question came up pretty quickly. I wanted Helena to be a foreign (British) student, and there aren't a great many storylines that would have given me this. Helena moves here with her parents, Helena is sent here by her parents (for a benign reason, such as this school being particularly amazing, or for reasons of punishment or at the very least neglect), Helena is sent here by someone else than her parents (for example after losing them, so she's being sent to live with relatives), random fluctuations of the space-time continuum. I went with the punishment reason, and from there to "she's being punished for having had sex and being caught", and then from there to the daughter that Helena had in canon, after all, wasn't all that far. And then I remembered that there already was a high school AU that had a pregnancy storyline in it, and a really great one at that: Auxiliary Room 13, by @nerdsbianhokie! Which I loved! So I reached out to them; I didn't want to impinge or step on their toes or anything. They encouraged me to go on, and I did! Still grateful for that, TBH!

Did I think/anticipate that it would become so successful?

I'd be lying if I didn't hope for it, in terms of a lot of people liking it and being made happy by it! But, mostly, I write for myself - and this particular fic absolutely and unequivocally kept me sane during the first part of the pandemic. The Half Of It came out in April 2020, so very shortly into the pandemic; my first ideas file is from May of the same year. I was done (yes, done, as in, the entire fic written and edited) by the end of August. Of that year. Twenty-twenty. 264K words. When I tell you I DIVED into that fic to the exclusion of almost anything else, I am not lying. Escapism, no, all-caps ESCAPISM, was absolutely my motivation here. Big time. And hey, I've never gone to a high school in the US. I've never been a teenager in the US or in the UK, much less in current times, nor do I know any. And hey number two, I know high school AUs, and teenage pregnancy even more so, are not everyone's cuppa tea - but also, by that time I did know that my all-time most popular fic was a kidfic. Did I worry about any of that? Not much; the first part more so than the latter. I always want my stories to be realistic enough not to break my readers' immersion. And then I started publishing it, and oh boy did it take off! And the comments were so, so wonderful.

Speaking of publishing it...

That's right - I realized as I was finishing it up that it was the end of August (almost exactly two years now!), and that since I had a very clear timeline for this entire fic (I wanted to get both the pregnancy parts and the parts about the academic year as right as possible), which started in early September, I could basically publish "in real time" - so the chapter with events that happen on September 4th would be posted on September 4th, and so on. I thought that that would be a fun style to read it (hey Dracula Daily!), so I went ahead and did that. Which meant that the story wouldn't go up all at once, but over the course of an entire school year, finishing up with [spoilers] at the end of May. The most chapters at one time was around Thanksgiving, with four chapters going up at once; the longest waiting time was early in the next year, between Jan 7 and Feb 14 (because hey, of course there was a Valentine's Day chapter, what do you take me for?). You know, what with September coming up again in two weeks, and Dracula Daily being so successful, I could do that again, come to think of it. Anyone interested, give me a shout!

And those rest spot notes, what's with that?

Hey, 264,777 words is A LOT. And for anyone catching up all at once, or these days marathoning it, I wanted to tell them hey, this chapter break? is a good moment to take a breather. Get hydrated, or go the fuck to sleep, relax your jaw, whatever. I saw those notes on another long fic somewhere, and I really liked the idea (yes, I'm the Mom friend, can you tell?), and so I put that in my fic too.

What do I think of this fic, and what do other people think of it?

I am SO hecking proud of it. Someone commented that they thought a lot of younger queer people, teenagers, could benefit from reading this as a help for exploring their lives/identities, and hey, that is the most amazing comment I think I've ever gotten. To think that not only did this reader enjoy my fic; they thought it would help youngsters deal better with life? Was so, so amazing to hear. But also, hearing from people who weren't really sure if they should read the fic because they weren't into the topic of it all that much, and then trusting me as an author, reading it, and enjoying it? Also amazing. I still don't really know if it was all that realistic, both in terms of pregnancy (because I've never been that either!) and in terms of American high school life, but hey, people like it, so that's good, right? I do think I got the characterizations pretty right, with Myka being as driven as she is, Helena being as reticent as she is, Pete being his usual self only more so, because they're all just on the cusp of adulthood, not in their thirties. And I am proud as all get-out about Warren Bering's arc here. And: there are several moments in there that I can so vividly envision in my head that I would love to see art of that - the prom dance under the glitter ball, Helena and Myka in the snow, the attic - if anyone feels called to creating some art for that, please I would be so, so utterly stunned and happy.

I think that's it! Thank you once again, Anon, for asking me, and I hope this was all you ever hoped for and more (I can't shut up about my stuff, I'm sorry!)

If you (Anon, or anyone else) wanna know even more, about this fic or others, here's the ask post; feel free to send me another ask!

#ask meme #fan fic director's commentary #And Now You #bering and wells #warehouse 13 #fan fic behind the scenes

[hello-eeveev]

finishing up the how to rest director’s commentary and it really is such a funny experience. One section I’ll be describing my thought process and inspirations in detail or discussing how the narrative I’ve crafted interacts with Exandria canon or what a character really means when they say this one bit of dialogue

and then the next I’m doing a keyboard smash, making a stupid joke, and acting like I’m reacting to what’s happening in the fic for the first time.

I understand the cringe reaction to reading your own writing; I get it sometimes too, but I really cannot recommend reading your work like you're your own biggest fan enough.

your writing is a gift to yourself. you should scream about it. it's fun.

#this is not including the mild crisis I had because I was like #‘wait is this what they wanted me to do for those lit analysis papers in middle school and high school???’ #called my sibling and they said yes #you must know I am good at a lot of academic things. literary analysis has never been one of them #and the whole reason was the same block that gave me the crisis! that is: it’s right there. in the text. you see it. it’s right there. #I’m too literal for high school english papers. I don’t believe in symbols I believe in similes and motifs #but what do you mean if I had just pretended like I was the author and explained the writing process I would have done better #eve talks

[orangepanic]

(Asking politely) directors commentary on The Uniform Bet?

In response to this ask (I'm slowly working through my asks y'all, thanks for your patience!)

Thank you for asking! This is a fic I rarely get questions about so I'm delighted.

I wrote The Uniform Bet as a gift for my friend @chiefbeifongcanrailme. She's maybe the #1 Lin Beifong fan ever, so right away I knew Lin was going to be the center of the fic. I also knew I wanted it to be fairly NSFW because, well, Lin deserves it. But I couldn't really settle on a ship. Lin and Commander Bumi? Lin and Mako? Lin and General Iroh? All worthy relationships that don't get much attention. Then I remembered my audience, and her brilliant fic, Chaos, in which Lin is hot and everyone wants to bang her. And I thought, why re-invent the wheel?

After that, the pieces fell into place mostly on their own. While I don't have quite as much of the "the Gaang were all one big happy family and they all married each other" headcanons as some folks, I do like the idea that Lin and Bumi have known one another a long time. I love them as a 40-year friends-to-lovers arc that starts with them each thinking it's a joke until it's somehow not a joke anymore, and pretty much always write them that way. They're dynamic ships itself.

Of all the characters in this fic, I obviously know General Iroh the best. Because I've largely made him up. And while I love him to death, his style is the exact opposite of Bumi and Lin's sarcastic teasing. Even in a good mood he's too serious. So right off the bat in the first chapter I had Lin and Bumi yukking it up and Iroh having none of it. The rest of the plot sort of fell in around this dynamic. So, what situation would Bumi and Lin let roll off their shoulders that Iroh would take too seriously and pout about?

Going alone to a wedding.

I headcanon Iroh as the romantic. He wants to date someone. Badly. He wants to throw flowers at their face and shower them with kisses and love them forever and ever and ever like the dork that he is. A wedding he's alone at is like a knife in his heart. Lin and Bumi, however, would I think care a lot less about the context. Neither married. A wedding wouldn't mean as much as not having a specific person in a specific relationship. This quickly became Lin and Bumi thinking thoughts about a relationship with each other while Iroh makes lonely sad faces at the world. Which brings us to Mako. Guess who else would be alone at a S4 wedding? This is too easy.

And that was largely it. Combining the principles of a) Lin is hot and everyone knows that, b) Lin and Bumi are thinking thots but won't say them, c) Iroh is sad and annoyed, d) Mako is single and oblivious led me to both the idea of the bet between Lin and Bumi about which pathetic single firebender they could get a date for first as well as Iroh's counter-plan to get the two of them off his back. Mako, who had zero to do with the set up, is mostly along for the ride here. Lin wants to walk with him? Hot. Lin wants to get fucked against the wall of her hotel room? He's not complaining. Share Lin with Bumi? Weird, but he could get used to it. He's a nice guy, and it's better than not getting laid at all.

But because it's me my hand slipped and Iroh wound up with a love match of his own at the end. Completely unintended side plot.

Ask me for a Director's Cut commentary of any fic.

#linumi #linko #fanfic #director's cut

[sometimesanalice]

Alexa!! I am begging to hear your director’s commentary on literally any part of Like I Can, I’ll take even the tiniest crumbs bc I am so in love with that fic 🥰

Let me throw crumbs around like confetti! I’ve got at least a handful or two! 😂

Here’s a good one, before Bradley has his dramatic no way speech in Part 1, Natasha was TOTALLY PLANNING on setting up Sweet Girl up with none other than everyone’s favorite Meek Engineer! And I did even think about having her go on a few dates with him! But once I thought of Bradley showing up and having the terms of the bet change, I knew it was the right direction to take their journey.

In Part 2, I loved how Bradley was absolutely stewing over her clothes. Like he was personally offended that she’d bother to dress up for those dates. The moment where he interrupted her date with Jake’s guy with the poor choice in beer (sorry to any MichUltra fans) where he touches the ties of her top, may or may not have been inspired by the moment in the Hunger Games when Peeta touches her braid at the end of the tournament. I think it’s such a lovely moment of just wanting to be close to someone, and I loved letting Bradley indulge in something similar. He still didn’t know why he was jealous at the time, he just knew he liked how that top looked and needed to touch it before someone else did.

And the ending line in ‘Days Like This’ was actually a call back to the story of when Bradley took her out to the amusement park when she was mourning her parent’s divorce in Part 1. I felt it was a lovely little echo, and showed how much history they have and how he’s always been the one she’s trusted the most.

I hope those were some satisfactory crumbs, Nova! 🤍

🌟Director’s Cut Ask Game🌟

#I feel like I’m Crumb Bae #slinging on some sunglasses to sprinkle my crumbs about #I had to reread the fic since it has been awhile and I needed to refresh my memory a bit #so hopefully those were some ones you’ll enjoy #the girl with the green dress and the boy with the payment plan #fic ask game #answers from alexa

[autisticandroids]

For director's commentary challenge: Cold storage :3c

[the goal here is to provide a director's commentary, a la the one i did for i fold in half so easily, though obviously less comprehensive. this commentary is for cold storage.]

okay so i don't actually have a TON. to say about cold storage. a lot of it is right there on the page. but i do have thoughts. like, primarily this fic was motivated by the desire to just have more crowstiel out there that isn't crowley negative? like i am constantly saying this, but crowley is like never the bad guy except in season eight and that was bullshit, and he gets done so dirty by the show and fans who buy into the fact that he's a demon without realizing he's just a guy.

When Crowley entered the lab, Castiel was lean-sitting on the edge of a table, playing with some little fiddly thing between his hands.

“How’s this week’s Waterloo?” He greeted. 

“Disastrous,” Cas said, not even bothering to look up.

season six wartime fics are so importance to me..... i care about the angel civil war a lot. have you guys heard about walking on a string? anyway i wanted to at least mention it you know? and reference like. a classic battle. to make it seem more serious <3.

Crowley sighed. It was always a joy to ruffle the angel’s feathers, but it looked like no dice today. Castiel was too calm. Still, it wouldn’t hurt to give it another go.

one thing about crowley that's really important to me is that like. imo all or at least most demons have a sadistic streak that comes from like. how they're made. and a lot of them just like enjoy causing pain because it's what they learned on the rack. but crowley channels it into the fine, sharply honed art of being a dick and generally tormenting people verbally. he loves doing this to cas because cas is 1) a hothead and 2) misses a lot of the jabs.

“I heard they- hey, is that my chess set?” Crowley found himself distracted. He’d finally recognized the red queen Cas was playing with.

“Yes.” Cas still didn’t seem particularly interested in Crowley. He was too busy screwing around with Crowley’s chess set.

“That’s hellhound ivory! Do you know how long I had to wait for Olivia to shed enough teeth for a full set?” Crowley had set up a whole system to collect Olivia’s old teeth, with a special muzzle and everything. She'd hated wearing that thing. Enchanting a chess set the way he’d done this one required the whole set to be spelled together, and if the klutz of an angel dropped that queen he might have to start from scratch. Then he remembered something else. “You need demonic essence to open that box. Did you kill one of my guards just to snoop through my things?”

i had a HUGE amount of fun here making crowley into a big softie. obviously he could just kill the dogs for their teeth like a normal demon but crowley would NEVER. he's a fucking dogmom. he even feels guilty about keeping olivia in the muzzle. sidenote on olivia: i couldn't remember whether having a hellhound named juliet was a canon thing or a fanfiction thing so i avoided the name juliet even though i wanted this hellhound to be juliet. i picked another shakespearean name to compromise. then later i found evidence that juliet does exist in canon and is named juliet anyway, oh well. i'm attached to olivia now.

“No, I have access to plenty of demonic essence.” Cas didn’t seem interested in elaborating. Crowley was loath to admit it, but the angel’s disinterest was rather getting to him. At least look up when you speak, that’s basic politeness. Crowley scowled.

“Care to share with the class?”

“Share with the- ah.” Confusion and realization flashed over Cas’ face as he finally deigned to look at Crowley. It only took him a moment to return to his usual stoicism, though. “You have ejaculated into my vessel thirty eight times in the past three months.”

Crowley felt his eyebrows lift .

“You've-” He was about to say you've kept count ? but stopped himself. He knew angels perceived things rather differently. It probably wasn't strange at all for Castiel. It wasn't some meaningful act. Crowley was saved from having to finish his sentence by Cas’ interruption.

“I have access to enough stored demonic essence to open dozens of similar wards.”

i think he spits it up. like a bird feeding its babies.

There was a beat. Crowley closed his eye, then opened them again.

“... Stored ?” 

Castiel was back to looking at the chess piece.

“I'm an angel. My vessel is kept static. I have no use for its digestive organs, so I use them for storage. I keep your semen in my vessel’s stomach.”

Crowley felt his lips part. The damn angel knew how to be a tease. Crowley never knew whether Castiel was doing it on purpose, but regardless, he felt his dick sit up and take notice. 

Crowley had always heard that angels were hedonists. God made them without something, something they needed. So when they got out of Heaven, they were all hunger. When he struck up his little arrangement with Cas, Crowley couldn’t help but test the rumors. 

It had turned out angels weren’t just hungry, they were insatiable. Exhaustingly, sometimes scarily so. But Crowley wasn’t complaining.

Perhaps he should be more concerned about Castiel’s new habit, there were all sorts of spells that could be done if one had access to a man’s bodily fluids. But the thought that Cas liked being his so much that he… Crowley stepped over to Castiel and poked him in the stomach, just above the bellybutton.

“So you just fly around up there, full of my come. You like it when I fill you up, hmm?”

the thing about crowley is he's only human. he's not above having some extremely normie possessive dude kinks. also maybe he has a crush but we don't talk about that.

Castiel looked up and stared at him, looking confused.

“The stomach is here.” Castiel tapped a spot higher and to his own left. “That's the small intestine. I use that to store the semen of the six human males I have allowed to ejaculate into my vessel since the averted apocalypse.”

Crowley drew in a sharp breath to speak but could not think of anything to say to that. There's no reason it should bother him, Castiel was a business partner he fucked sometimes. But he had rather liked the idea of his very own angel, happy to be all his.

“So you just… store the come of anyone you fuck? Just keep it?”

Castiel looked down at his stomach contemplatively, then back up at Crowley.

“Yeah.”

“What happens when you're full up?”

Castiel’s brow wrinkled. He stared up over Crowley's head.

“I hadn't thought that far. Perhaps I could begin storing the excess in my grace.” Castiel’s voice was contemplative.

“I suppose my question is… why? Why bother storing it? What's the point?”

“I…” Castiel stopped. His eyes squinted, then widened. His lips parted. He took a shallow breath. The angel looked completely and utterly lost. 

Crowley felt himself breaking out into a grin.

“Oh, you're a kinky little angel. Never occurred to you to ask, did it? You just wanted it.” Castiel was staring at him now, looking progressively more nervous. “It makes you feel good, doesn't it? Up in Heaven, surrounded by angels and they don't even know. They don't even know you're a little whore.” Crowley laid his hand on Cas’ belly, fingers splayed. 

castiel tummy fetish >:3. anyway it's important that crowley be kind of a misogynist because so far he's like squeaky clean and i don't want him to come out of this fic looking like a saint.

Castiel looked down at him with abject terror.

“I…” He seemed frozen. Crowley's words hung in the air.

the thing about cas is he just doesn't know why he does things, or why he wants things. babygirl behavior. further reading.

Crowley stared back at Cas. He stroked a thumb over one of the buttons of Cas’ shirt. They were nearly flush together, the only thing between them Crowley's hand on Cas’ stomach. 

Crowley began to stand up on his toes to kiss Castiel but.

A flutter of wings. Crowley fell forward onto the metal table Cas had been leaning against.

“Damn all angels,” Crowley swore. Repressed bastards, the lot of them. Fucked like sluts but couldn't talk about a moment of it.

i needed crowley to degrade cas in his mind here to like. the thing about crowley is he's lost this one bc he's kind of been robbed of what he wants re: cas' body, and also he's got a crush and he MUST hide it. like crowley has egg on his face here and he has to denigrate cas to feel better about it, because to crowley every interaction is an insane dominance game because he's spent 300 years playing demon politics, and also he has masculinity issues.

He gave Cas ten minutes to collect himself before dialing his number. 

“You know, darling, it's not polite to leave a man with blue balls. Now come back here and sit on my cock.”

again he's kind of doing a whole gender thing because he has dude neuroses, and also possibly pressuring cas into sex here, though cas is prickly enough that his naivete won't induce himm to accept, only genuine desire, just my onion.

#spn #asks #explainslowly

[rage-against-the-dying-of-light]

⭐ for your edgeworth maya besties headcanon go go go :grabbyhands:

Astri, I love you, thank you for letting me lore dump about my most recent FranMaya!

This is for the ‘director’s commentary ask game’, if you wanted to know lore or headcanons or whatever about a specific fanfic, just let me know which one in the ask box or send ⭐ and I’ll pick a fic to talk about!

Anyways, this is for my latest FranMaya fic ‘my blood is red and unafraid of living’ and I have a whole fucking iceberg’s worth of lore for the fic. For those that may want to read it, after reading this lore drop, the link will be in the replies!

What you need to know about the fic: Maya is a Fandom Old and has been writing Steel Samurai and Pink Princess fanfics for a decade and is best friends with SteelEdge92, her biggest fan and beta reader (who is of course, just Miles Edgeworth, but neither of them have realized who the other is bc they’re dumb and it’s really funny to me).

Now, without further ado, the Lore:

Interestingly enough, Maya and Miles online friendship started off rocky and adversarial. Maya got into writing fanfiction after the Will Powers case, writing about the Pink Princess as a way to work through all the big feeling she was having after that case. Maya managed to grab the username ‘TheRealPinkPrincess’ since she learned about Pink so early. 

Essentially Maya wrote the Pink Princess as a self insert and very Mary Sue like, added a bunch of OCs (including a big sister of the Pink Princess, that Pink was able to save at the very last minute from a murder plot) and wrote Steel as Pink Princess’s gay best friend, writing something that was rather stereotypical, but not purposefully cruel, about gay men.

Maya was 17, had never written before, and was struggling with her sudden realization that she might be into women too (Penny Nichols made her start questioning herself), and that felt terrifying to consider the implications of, so writing Steel x Magistrate felt like a safer way to explore same sex attraction, than by writing Pink liking a woman.

Miles fell back into the Steel Samurai fandom around the same time (which he had been secretly apart of for a long time, but super deep in the repression) and stumbled upon Maya’s fanfics, since she was writing about the new character. Of course, he was very snobbish about fanfiction at the time, and normally he would’ve ignored something like Maya’s fanfic, considering it childish and beneath him, but at that time in the fandom, there weren’t a lot of people writing Magisteel (there was a lot of homophobes claiming they could only be ‘just friends’) and so he tended to read anything with Magisteel content.

He sent her a scathing unasked for critique absolutely picking apart the fic and completely going off on her about her accuracy at writing gay men and the gay experience.

Which caused Maya to almost give up writing. (She continued out of spite.)

It wasn’t until after RFTA, while Miles was re-evaluating himself and his belief system that he realized that ‘TheRealPinkPrincess’ was barely an adult, struggling with her sexuality and he had been so cruel as to tear apart something that she worked on so earnestly, (realizing that he had treated her the way he was treated at that age, and it felt awful.)

He found Maya online and she hadn’t actually blocked him and he gave a sincere and heartfelt apology. And offered to help Maya write more accurate depictions of gay men if that was something she wanted, without expecting any forgiveness for hurting her. Maya forgave Steel and they started a very tentative friendship that only grew and deepened as the years went on, to the point that Miles eventually sent Maya a very heartful message about how much being her beta reader and friend helped him through difficult times.

As Maya got better at writing, she continued the same story (it’s been an overarching series of one-shots and multichapters since she started) fleshing out the world and becoming a beloved writer in the community (at least for some people.) Miles is her #1 dedicated fan at this point, especially bc she wrote a huge arc that was almost better than the show that explored in depth the Evil Magistrates trauma and struggles and ended with him healing and starting a relationship with the Steel Samurai. Miles sends her essays in the AO3 comments gushing about her work, and they frequently exceed the character limit.

And that is the entire Miles and Maya friendship iceberg from the fic!

Also, I know you didn’t ask about the Cody lore, but you are getting the Cody lore too astri, bc I love him (Cody Hackins plz return in AA7 all grown up).

So, Cody 1000% lied about his age and got a Tumblr when he was 11, I feel this in my bones, so that he could follow Maya and Maya realized right away it was him and adopted him as her fandom little brother. He would mail her his fanart and she would mail him her fanfics (edited for 11 year old sensibilities). And once Cody was older he started posting his fanart to Tumblr and amassing a large following of his own.

At 18, in the present time of the fic he is one of those ppl that logs on once a month, also leaves essay like comments on Maya’s stuff, drops a single piece of insanely detailed art and then disappears for another month.

And that’s the Cody lore.

And one last lore drop, this one is spoilers for after the fic:

After Maya explains to Fran what is going on, Fran does take a look at Tumblr to see if she can do anything about the rude comments Maya is getting and sees SteelEdge92 defending Maya and decides to take a look at his account and see the user Maya is always talking about as her best friend.

And then in 0.3 seconds she realizes with dawning horror that this is Miles Edgeworth’s Tumblr page, bc he hasn’t changed it since he was 13 and she accidentally caught a glimpse of it.

And that neither her wife or brother have at all realized that they’ve been best friends online for almost a decade.

And then she has to lie down.

#ace attorney #may fey #franziska von karma #franmaya #they are wives #maya is a fanfic writer and prolific in the fandom #also a fandom old #cody hackins #miles edgeworth #maya and miles friendship #maya and cody friendship